#I felt fine by lunch

[tiredwiredanduninspired]

It may be oakworthover but Dan and Phil games is back so it’s a win for the gays

#*ramblings #dndads #oakworthy #dan and phil #I am in a weird mood today #bc I was really ill this morning when I woke up #and my parents were like no way in hell are you going to school pool #and I was like please and they were like no #so I stayed home #and I’ve been trying to get my work done bc my project deadline tmrw #but my laptop is so shitty that it can barely run Adobe programs #so I’m going through hell #and to make things worse #I felt fine by lunch #so idk wtf was wrong with me #but I’m very fussed about it #I’m up on a shelf #and that shelf is so fucking high

[plushiehamuko]

girls will be like “maybe this semester will be my semester” and then they’re ordering pizza at 4 am on the first day

#squishy talks too much #I HAVE NOT. eaten anything since lunch yesterday #except a muffin #bc i felt so sick #and now i am perfectly fine #but i am starving and have no food here

[clanoffelidae]

Having non-binary dysphoria is fucking weird bc it’s like

Brain: don’t like this body

Me: okay do you want a male one?

Brain: that’s even worse

Me: okay so what do you want???

Brain: not this one

#non binary #gender dysphoria #its really not that surprising that some of my friend groups have running jokes that im an otherworldly entity in a human body lol #if i had a nickel for every friend group that decided i was some sort of ancient deity in human form id have two nickels #which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice #‘well did you start the joke???’ I Did Not #they came to these conclusions on their own #both of them are equally shitposty which is a mood tho #first one was bc i was obsessed with oranges in high school #and a group of friend watched me maul like 7-8 of them at lunch #and i became the god of oranges #then i had an orange on me one day when a friend had a test in history she was nervous about #id taken it earlier that day and felt fine so i gave her the orange and told her to set it on her desk #to create an altar to me and i would give her the answers (made her laugh <3) #she came back later saying she did that and then suddenly remembered everything #make of that what you will #my second god assignment is biblically accurate furby and also possibly a god of peace #it’s complicated #the lore keeps developing #nonbinary

[playingplayer2]

When you're just trying to sit on the couch and now you. can. just. feel your pulse in your spine in time with the throbbing your lowest fucking right rib as the muscle over it or smth throbs because you had the audacity to lie down and sleep the night before and you didn't make perfectly sure that you weren't at a funny angle at any point whatsoever while you were asleep for barely 5 hours and you took a long shower today, so you've been exhausted because of that too on top of being exhausted for last two decades or so

#vent post #chronic... fucking everything or smth #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #i felt my fuckinng rib shift or something while i was making my lunch #and istf #it felt fucking awful my fucking hand was on it too but the muscle spasmed in a shitty way and i was like #“is this a butterfly?” meme but “is this appendicitis?” as i leanded over the fucking counter and then i was like #oh no #i'm fine just my freaking ribcage doing the thing™ again #too high for my appendix #and uggghhh it still feels funny

[bejeweledmp3]

computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please

#talking tag; #ok so. story time sure why not #today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine #and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words #and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time #to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just #i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will #care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it #and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just. #there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool #cretive people and that my prose is any good at all #just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good #but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out #i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago #but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be #i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well #i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess #and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess

[sassmill]

Feeling kind of hollow today

#it was my birthday #which as an adult has generally not gone well so I’ve become very neutral about it #and everyone at work was so lovely #which put how my family was in contrast #so I had a lovely lunch at work with a card from all my coworkers and a cake and crumbl cookies #but in the afternoon at my desk it sunk in AGAIN that I feel more cared for at work than I do at home #not that I care about an actual celebration just being kind and acknowledging it #but when I heard ‘happy birthday’ from each colleague today it felt so genuine #everyone asked how my day was going how old I was turning #and I didn’t expect or ask for anything #didn’t expect or ask for anything at home #but it’s the fact that my mom only decided last minute to get a cake because my brother asked her if we were having cake #I would’ve been fine if she hadn’t gotten a cake I don’t even like cake that much #it’s the fact that it was an afterthought #if she had like actually asked me ‘do you want a birthday cake’ it would’ve been one thing #but she called me and said ‘your brother asked me if we were having cake so I guess I’ll see what they have at the grocery store’ #when she does something nice for me on purpose she uses it for a guilt trip #and when she does something nice spontaneously it’s always in a way that makes me feel like an inconvenience #and I need to move out of this fucking house

[colorisbyshe]

remember how i was constantly posting about having stomach aches and feeling really gross? well the chewy granola bars i love to snack on just got recalled for salmonella...

the chocolate chip bars BETRAYED ME

#i think the box i'm currently gnoshing is fine because i've felt fine #but the last box??? IT LINES UP #like it could be a coincidence #but i have one daily between lunch and dinner to hold me overrrr

[blondiest]

going to make my own version of those "that girl" videos that used to go around on tiktok (which were basically aesthetically-styled disordered eating so far as i could tell tbh) but mine will be me eating stuff like hard-boiled eggs slathered with mustard & enjoying it with a degree of enthusiasm that viewers find off-putting. my "that girl" trait will not be yoga or drinking five gallons of water a day or even having nice hair or clear skin, it will simply be my joie de vivre or however it's spelled

#i used to eat hard boiled eggs w mustard on them all the time in college bc they had them in the vending machines #and they also had packets of mustard #and i forgot my lunch like every day lol #so that became my lunch #it's a humbling experience to eat a wholeass hard boiled egg in public with like. no knife to cut it in half btw. like you just have to #take bites and it's fine but you feel silly and inelegant #it does not help if you are very gender nonconforming at the time but like. aren't trying to be. jfhfhfjgh #<- was really bad at fitting in during college bc i had super short hair and wore men's jeans and sweaters from goodwill #all of which are actually swag things to do btw but like it doesn't feel swag at all if you like. are actually trying to fit in #and are just very bad at it #and genuinely cannot connect the dots on Why Girls Don't Want To Be Your Friend (it CAN'T just be that you're getting read as queer. right?) #(because that would be so messed up if it was because of that.) #[narrator voice: it was because of that] #anyways this is off the rails bc it was supposed to be about eggs and my love of them but #a lot of people say that college is better than high school. and for me it WAS by a lot but it still was really hard in a lot of ways #i felt deeply isolated. i went to an ag school in the middle of a midwest state and studied STEM #in high school i associated with basically only queer art kids (not a huge high school and a lot of us weren't out yet but. y'know.) #and then in college i felt very out of place #and towards the end of college i decided to try and take a stab at looking more traditionally feminine. grew out my hair #got rid of my bangs #it was fine #i definitely noticed that people treated me much nicer once i had long hair and women's clothes that actually fit me #and i was like okay yeah so i guess i just should try to pass as straight then. that seems like it'll be easier #during the pandemic i gave myself bangs again. just a lil bi girl swag yk. and then last august i got my hair cut into a real short bob #and i immediately felt so much more like myself. idk how to explain it. but i was just like not meant to be feminine in that exact way #i'm honestly still pretty feminine presenting overall but #i love the fact that if i wear my hair messy now it looks kinda boyish. and if i style it nicely it looks girly. #i feel like i have options yk. and i still don't think i get read as queer now tbh? though i'm bad at knowing these things #but i don't feel like i'm HIDING anymore #WOW THAT WAS LONG SORRY LMAO

[astro-inthestars]

Hi guess who feels like he just experienced 8 consecutive days in a matter of 2?

#rennikorambles #holy fuHUCK I AM SO EXHAUSTED. I AM LITERALLY EXHAUSTED #I WOULDNT BE SURPRISED IF I SAY THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST EXHAUSTING TWO DAYS OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE... #yesterday in class our very first subject was our advisory one and since the cheer dance has been crucial we just went down to practice #great straining start to the day! (i do like our cheer dance though i think we'll beat the other sections but MAN IS IT TIRING.) #and then i had to go over to the avr to get prized and shit for winning 1st place on the spelling bee(it was nothing dont even care abt it) #and then after that immediately had to go down (since this was the end of class) and practice AGAIN for 2 more hours #good god and thats friday for you #and im pretty sure this was when i discovered that my brother (who usually goes home at 4 and my practice ended then) #had left me behind and gone home already. and like usually whenever i have practice and end at 4 we just go home w #*together #but. yeah. that didnt have me feeling good but it was okay #and when i was ready to pass out hoHOH NOO NONO #my aunt decided hey! we should celebrate your wonderful high grades by going out together (me my brother and my cousin) and h #have a sleepover! and we were just. sure ok. so we had to pack IMMEDIATELY and get on going #more stuff and more waiting in traffic happened and shit and more shit #and then we got to the street mall and hogh boy MORE WALKING. but i love the place so i didnt mind (still walking though. haugh) #and then ate at a place ive never eaten at. i liked the food really! but then my stomach decided death for me #(apparently eating dinner 9 hours after lunch isnt good..?) so the rest of the time my stomach was squeezing and i felt like throwing up #but it was fine i didnt throw up! AND THEN ALSO I FAILED TO MENTION. My class paid to reserve 4 hours at a court to practice #which was at 10 am the next day. so i had to sleep early which i did! woke up at 7 <3 watched enola holmes.... #bUT I STILL GOT SO FUCKING LATE I ARRIVED AT 11. didnt even get to savor the sleepover haugh..... and then practice OH practice. sufferings #after a whole problem with a bunch of idiots at the court that barged in we decided to cut the practice at 12:30 #i got picked up by my parents then we went home! .BUT ITS NOT OVER YET. WE HAD TO BRING OUR HOUSEHELP TO HER HOUSE #and they said it'd be quick. just a quick drop off to help her. #bUT NOOOOO WE WENT TO THE FILIPINO EQUIVALENT OF COSTCO AND THEN AN AMUSEMENT PARK #WHICH WAS SO COOL OH MY FUCK BUT ALSO HOLY SHIT. #first of all i got to finally try the Vikings ride and a roller coaster! good news i can handle roller coasters! #bad news i cannot handle vikings. theyre.... overwhelming- i couldnt even SCREAM from how scared i was #anyways i roamed phil costco it was so fun. but my poor feet. i have sustained 5 different kinds of body pain.

[rainbluealoekitten]

ok mb for worrying everyone but i actually had a BEAUTIFUL afternoon and am feeling pretty happy rn :D rambling about it in the tags ofc <3

#had mac and cheese for lunch so very yum #then slight boy update where he fucking BLUSHED at me today and i've been working very hard to get over him #but was like!!! wtf!!!! what do i do with this!!! and texted one of my best friends #and she told me to fucking ASK HIM why he's been acting shitty as of late #so we formulated a text then he was very very apologetic and explained how he's been feeling as of late #and we chatted for a while which was super nice :))) idk if it's going to last but now we just WAIT and OBSERVE #to see if it's worth it #and then i did a toooooon of work out in my garden really just vibing #like way more research than was needed (did not work smarter over harder) but atm idm bc #it made me feel like i was doing well and honestly i was really just vibing #also put my bird and fish to decompose. still don't know what is up with that lmao #so got to put my hands in the dirt!!!!! fucking love that #now gonna watch outlander i think #or i should check the bio video's transcript quickly before maybe #either way will be fine :))) #i'm glad #and i'm also super proud of myself bc i've made sooo much progress mentally #like yeah everything felt like shit this morning and i was indulging myself there but i have also been owrking so so hard #with walking around angrily repeating that i am grateful to be alive #and pointing out all the shit in the world that i love #and really speaking to myself with love in my heart the way i needed to be spoken to as a child #so yeah :) even if i start to feel shitty again #nobody can take away the moments of happiness from me #there will always be more rays of sun #or more rainstorms bc i prefer those a million times more and guess what!!! rainy season rn :) #peace and love on the planet earth #blue screams into the void

[boomerang109]

what if capitalism is making the one job i thought was possible for me feel unattainable not because i haven’t literally been doing it since age 13 but because it’s not well paid enough so until you get into a higher position you have to work multiple jobs and i knew that i always knew that but. fuck. why is adulting going to be so exhausting. what if this really is the best time of my life? being a depressed college student? what if it’s downhill from here?

#I love my quiet getting high nights cause they let me unlock my thoughts #i HATE my quiet getting high nights cause they let me unlock my thoughts #like bestie I was just watching critical role why did I pause it to write this down #anyway in other news I have a ten hour tech day and I’m ✨scared✨ #technically it’s nine and a half though because they moved the call by a whole half hour #and honestly I’m going to get breakfast for meal swipes so I might end up being late cause breakfast doesn’t open until 10 #but like fuck if I’m gonna try to make food here #I want to pack my bag tonight but also I just laid down after doing dishes and I’m exhausted #I’ve had such a long day too I had two normal classes (one of which I basically led the class. I interviewed two professionals in front of #the whole class. FUCK I probably need to send them a thank you email. that’s gonna be a tmrw issue or I might draft hifh but like not sendin #but anyway after that I had one hour for lunch and then three hour lab which was fun!! because we went ride pooling but like we walked a #shit ton and in the sun #oh and my roommates must’ve forgotten I come with today cause they left me behind (which is totally fine cause I didn’t get up but it did #mean I had to catch the on campus transport and that takes forever and so I was late to meet my friend for breakfast and dining hall was #closed so I had to get food elsewhere which literally cost the same as the dining hall in the morning which is dumb but it took waaay longer #anyway hifh boom takes tumblr diary entries too seriously idk why I channeled my whole life into this post lmao #i think it’s cause I’m self-isolating HARD (despite being fairly social at the moment? it’s a surprisingly cool balancing act im pulling off #quite well as a busy bee) so I felt the need to pretend to have human connection without actually breaking my self-imposed isolation lmao #boom blogs high

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

I have found a personal litmus test for determining whether my exhaustion is mood-based or actually a physical symptom:

If an ice cold can of Arizona Arnold Palmer half and half doesn't perk me up, it's physical.

#today its physical #personal #arnold palmer is easily my fave thing to drink #stupid covid #i hate being fatigued #its the worst #havent felt like this since my heat strokes #maybe ill go home at lunch time #idk #coworker of mine seems fine #she also had covid around the same time as me #but it was her 2nd bout so i dunno if that makes a difference #all i know is that this first round for me is kicking my butt

[highwaydiamonds]

starting a new job tomorrow (monday) morning and am feeling about 72 (million) different things all at once because of it

#scared - so scared i will mess this up too #scared no one will like me #scared i will not be good at this #afraid i will hate the job #what if something happens to make me late - like witht he car tomorrow #just - it's new and there are so many unknowns and i don't like unknowns - they're just SCARY #and i don't want to eat lunch alone and i feel like i'm going to be and rn it's not a comfortable alone - it will be in time i know #but rught now it doesn't feel like alone by choice - it feels like alone by dint of ew no one wants to eat lunch with you - which sucks #and my aunts - or one of them anyway sent congratulations to me via one of the people i live with - who are speaking to them more than i am #the last time the aunts corresponded with me - it was via text abd they basically did tough love intervention style texting #which - they had every right to say how they felt - and i think they were right about some things #but it also felt like they were kicking a puppy when it was down - and well - i was the puppy being kicked #so when i got the job and one of the friends i live with asked if i would call my aunt(s0 to tell them i said no #i know they love me but i'm not interested in putting myself in a position to feel lambasted again #you saying you're proud now doesn't mean much any more - i needed you to say that you loved me then #that you knew i was messing uo but that you loved me regardless and you knew i could do better - not the yelling at via text that i got #you don't get both - i can't handle both. so yes fine i know you love me but it's going to be from a distance #and i love you too in some kind of way - one that right now is hurt and sad because i don't think you care how i feel at all #but i am trying to do right and do better - and i don't want to do things from spite but #i admit there is a part of me that when i get to better place - i want to be able to say - no i'm not contacting them bc idgaf #but i also know that's not likely to be true and isn't kind and not how i realy want to live and be #and wow that really turned into one hell of an emo tangent #anyway - i'm stopping myself now - i got some catharsis there and i need to get ready for bed so i won't be a total mess in the AM #if anyone has actually read this all please wish me luck - i could use it #and i know i will have to make the luck on my own anyway #i just keep thiking of- what if i fall? but oh my darling what if you fly?

[zinzinina]

.

#let my hairdresser cut bangs and felt instant brutal Regret #then went for lunch with a friend and spent the whole time convincing myself i was a detestable insufferable freak every time i spoke #could barely eat because new medication makes me feel nauseous as fuck #THEN felt so nauseous on the drive home i had to pull over and gag into the gutter for a few mins #(not even puking because nothing came up just gagging) #the totally normal mentally healthy urge to message your friends and ask them if they hate you (they don’t) (get over it sam) #anyway how’s everyone else’s day going #delete soon just having a Moment #it’s fine thank you tumblr for being the anonymous cringe website where i can exorcise this shit lmao #zin personal

[mrpsychokiller]

oh hey, im in a good mood today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#whoa! this feels great...... #today is just a warm summer day and i had lunch and im chilling on my bed and talking to my friends and listening to music #and everythings...... fine #how fucked up is that. haha!!!!! #idk what to say i just felt a weird realization upon noticing i actually feel pretty nice

[absentlyabbie]

on the cat post: barn cat thoughts?

i understand the rationale and practical applications, and i grind my teeth about it less if they're at least spayed/neutered and given proper, regular vet care, but if that cat is just allowed/able to wander freely it's gonna have a shitty and likely very short life, on top of the negative impact it will have on the local environment beyond the barn's pest control issue.

i'm in no way an expert, but it's hard to imagine there's not some alternative that, while it may not seem cheaper, doesn't cost a life.

#call and response #Anonymous #when the situation in my post occurred that was very much 'barn cat' country #and if you think only the non 'working' cats on our property are the ones those horrors happened to think again #on top of the actual wild dog packs and coyotes #lots of rural folks like to let their dogs wander freely and they pack up and end up functioning as halfwild dog packs as well #cars on rural roads are still gonna hit those cats #barn cat is no match for a bigass bird of prey that looks down and sees lunch #barn cat even with vet care is at far greater risk of exposure to disease and infection than any indoor cat #let me tell you about how i'm haunted by the kitten who died on my lap in a towel in the bed of the truck outside #as i felt her last rattling wheeze of breath felt her go still #so tiny and utterly overrun by respiratory illness #how about the kitten who got snake bit and his neck swelled up horrifically and he had an awful slow death #or the adult boy cat tux who lasted longer than almost any other of the boys #but came home one day with a big old spider bite on his face and seemed fine really #but suddenly began declining sharply til he was weaving in staggering circles #unable to control his bladder #the cloying smell of rot and infection as i held him towel wrapped in my arms when we took him to the vet to be eased to his end #how about the kitten i mentioned where the visual haunts me horribly still #simon my little boy who made it half grown from kittenhood almost to an age to be fixed #who i planned to take with me once i'd saved up enough to move out and make him an indoor baby #i found his siblings and cousins all over the yard and drive shaken to death by dogs #but him i found the next day but only half #half #i'm sparing you further details but i fucking broke #you think barn cats are safe from any of that? they are not #tw animal death #animal death #pet death