#I have so many more thoughts about Sage and Abe but I really tried to keep the post short this time

[fiepige]

Have some more Sage facts cause I've been thinking about him a lot lately:

His universe's version of the Prowler is his older brother Abe.

Abe became the Prowler after he was separated from his family, in an attempt to find them and protect/care for them. (they were separated before Sage was caught and brought to an Oscorp lab so Abe doesn't know what's happened to him)

He and Sage reunites when Abe's on a mission as the Prowler to get intel from an Oscorp facility.

Abe was wounded and about to get caught by the guards when Sage showed up for dinner- killing all the guards and almost killing Abe too.

Cause they don't recognise each other as Abe's in his Prowler gear and Sage is in his symbiote form.

Abe barely manages to convince Sage that they're on the same side, as they both wish for the downfall of Oscorp (Abe suspects Oscorp has something to do with the disappearance of his brother. He also blames Oscorp for the separation of his family after their dad died.)

They form an uneasy alliance and do missions together from time to time, but none of them know the other one is their brother as they're always their alter egos when they meet up.

I haven't decided when or how I want them to find out that they've been working with their long lost sibling the entire time.

I just know that when it's eventually revealed they both have mixed feelings about it.

Cause they've both witnessed the other one do horrible stuff to other people. Sage isn't sure he's even the same person as he was back when they were separated, he's been through so mush since then.

And Abe's been viewing Sage (the symbiote version he's been working with) only as a means to an end in an attempt to look for his family, but now he suddenly has to reevaluate the time they spent together and the way he treated him. Cause he didn't see him as nothing more than a monster he could use to get rid of Oscorp goons. But now he realises he's been dragging his little brother along for dangerous missions and put him in horrible situations in order to reach his own goals. + Sage has witnessed him to awful stuff to people in order to get what he wants, things he never wanted his little brother to see.

They're not sure they can ever go back to the way things were. Abe wants to try, but Sage is more reluctant. Mostly because so much has changed since then. He's changed since then. He's not sure he can be who Abe expects him to be anymore. So he runs away. Cause he doesn't want Abe to get hurt. And he'll be hurt if he stays near Sage.

Will they reconcile? Who knows? Guess time will tell, cause I haven't figured it out yet lol.

I have so much more Sage lore but I wanna keep this post relatively short.

(Also if you've read all of this just know that I love you <3)

#been trying to work on my fic but Sage has me in a chokehold #so now I'll try writing about him in an attempt to get some room for working on my fic lol #cause I keep thinking about this #you know I gotta keep things angsty #I have so many more thoughts about Sage and Abe but I really tried to keep the post short this time #since it seems I always end up writing entire essays when I write about Sage #if you have any questions or just wanna talk about Sage in general please hmu! #I wanna talk about my boy!!1 #but I never know where to start or where to end lol #Also I haven't written about him for a while so I'm not sure everyone even knows who he is lol #but yeah if you've seen me tag posts with Sage- this is who I'm talking about <3 #oh would you look at that it's 3 am now #better go to bed lol #Sage #symbiote!hobie #the prowler #abe brown #my oc #my post #spiderverse #across the spider verse #atsv #kinda wanna tag this as hobie since sage is a hobie variant #but since I don't mention him in the post I probably shouldn't #once again if you've read all of this- thank you so so much! I love you <3

[fruitcoops]

I think it would be really interesting for leo and sirius to talk ab how they both didn’t go to college and how they both joined the nhl at 18 but had v different upbringings

Ooo, I like this one! I’m always down for some Cap and Knutty bonding. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for mentioned bad parenting

“Kinda weird, isn’t it?” Leo said, breaking the nighttime silence after many long minutes of just their breathing. Sirius hummed in question. “Starting all this so young.”

Sirius made a noncommittal noise and Leo shifted, never taking his eyes off the sky. There was too much light pollution to see the stars properly in Gryffindor, but the roof of the rink didn’t have a bad view; the planes flying overhead brought pinpricks of brightness to the indigo blur.

“Was it hard for you?”

He heard Sirius’ coat move. “Was what hard?”

“Starting the NHL at eighteen.”

There was a long beat of silence. “Sometimes.”

“I didn’t know if I would make it,” Leo confessed, still barely above a murmur. Nobody else was around, but it didn’t feel right to talk in normal voices. The whole world was muted, save for the noise of the city below them. “There was just so much to do.”

Sirius laughed softly. “I hate to break it to you, rookie, but that doesn’t change.”

“How do you deal with it?”

“Before, or now?”

Leo thought for a moment. “Both.”

“Before, I would go home and shoot pucks until I was too tired to stand up. Sometimes I would read.” It wasn’t a secret, but it still made Leo’s heart hurt to remember. Nobody as kind and hardworking as Sirius deserved that. “Now, I make myself some food, take a shower, and steal Re’s softest hoodie.”

Leo could hear his smile in the dark—it echoed his own. “Nothing better, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Finn’s fit me best,” he mused. “But Lo’s smell better.”

“Ah, he finally discovered deodorant?”

“Shut up,” Leo teased, elbowing his ribs. Sirius laughed a little louder; in the light of the streetlamps and the absence of his granite-hard focus, it was easy to remember that he was only 26. Leo had worshipped him as a kid, but now he just saw Sirius for what he was. His captain, who guided him through the playoffs even when his personal life was crumbling apart. His older brother, though Sirius certainly wouldn’t think of him that way. His friend.

“Really, though, it’s important to have those connections,” Sirius said when they both calmed down. “Being alone is good, but only if you know you have people to talk to when you need them.”

“Was it easier when you weren’t living with someone?”

“No.” The answer was immediate.

“Sometimes I want the apartment to myself.” Leo lowered his voice unconsciously, then sighed. “It’s not because I don’t want them there. I just need to be alone. Wash the dishes. Clean my room. Call my mom.”

“You should tell them.”

He turned his head slightly; Sirius was still scanning the sky. “Is that what you did?”

“It took a couple hiccups, but yeah. If one of us needs some alone time, the other will go to the grocery store or take a walk, maybe hang out with friends. You just have to make sure your boys know that it’s not personal.”

“You’re freakishly good at sage advice.”

Sirius snorted. ��Merci, rookie.”

“I’m not a rookie anymore.”

“Yeah, you are.” He raised his hands, as if outlining a marquee. “The Eternal Rookie, starring Leo Knut.”

Leo stuck his tongue out, feeling rather petulant about the whole thing. “Watch it, Cap, I’m gonna sic Dumo on you.”

“My own father?” Sirius gasped dramatically. “How could you?”

“Did you ever get homesick?”

The question was out of the blue—he didn’t blame Sirius for faltering. Honestly, Leo was kicking himself for asking in the first place, though he had been keeping it in for ages. Unspoken rule of the Lions #1: Don’t ask Cap about his childhood.

“I…” Sirius fell silent once more.

“I’m sorry,” Leo apologized, and he meant it. “That came out of nowhere.”

“I missed Regulus,” Sirius continued carefully without acknowledging him. “But no, I didn’t get homesick. I didn’t have time, or a real reason.”

Alone in a new city, finally out of a horrible living situation, but desperately missing the little brother he left behind… Leo couldn’t even begin to imagine going through it when the NHL by itself was already overwhelming to his teenage brain. He scooted an inch closer until their shoulders touched. “I get homesick every couple of months.”

“You have a kind family.”

“Have you even met them?”

“At the party.” Sirius’ smile was practically audible. “Your mother was very excited to see me.”

“Oh, god,” Leo groaned. “What happened?”

“She—“ He broke off with a laugh. “She was very nice, I promise, but I think I surprised her because she squeaked when I said ‘hello’.”

Leo shook his head. “Did you sneak up on her?”

“I’m six two, I can’t sneak up on anyone!”

“You walk like a fucking ghost, dude! It’s creepy!”

“Okay, rude.”

“I swear, you and Loops need to be belled like cats,” Leo huffed.

They lapsed back into comfortable quiet for a few more minutes as a train rattled past on one side and the metro busses rolled down Main Street on the other. It had taken Leo a long time to figure out Gryff’s layout, and even longer to get used to the sounds of the city.

“What does it feel like?”

Leo blinked, unsure if he had heard correctly. “What?”

“Being homesick.” Sirius shifted again and folded his hands over his stomach. “I didn’t notice much of a difference in practices when I started the NHL, and going back to my parents’ house wasn’t my exactly a highlight of my year.”

Curiosity overrode his tact and reasoning skills. “You never asked Logan?”

“Non. It was different, with him. He had already left to go to college before I knew him, and spent four years away from his family.”

“Right.” Leo forgot about that on occasion. That Finn and Logan might be five years older than him, but they had only been rookies a year or two prior. Not everyone went straight from their city select team to an official draft. “It’s hard to describe.”

Sirius made an understanding noise, but he couldn’t entirely mask his disappointment. Leo licked his lips and tried again.

“It’s like a piece of you isn’t where it’s supposed to be. And it keeps tugging on your chest, but you never know when it’s going to start and stop so you just… deal with it. You ignore it some days and you think about it other days.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “The hard days are when you remember you can’t go back to the way things were before. I don’t even call my mom sometimes, ‘cause I know it’ll make me sadder.”

“The way things were before?”

“Yeah, like—like all my classmates are in college, and I’m laying on a roof with one of the most famous hockey players in the history of forever.” That drew a light laugh from them both. “I’m gonna go back to my reunion in a couple years and have literally nothing in common with the people I used to be friends with.”

“Sometimes I wish I went to college,” Sirius said. “But I would have missed so much if I did. I don’t think I would have been happy there.”

“Finn and Logan get weird about college.” Maybe he shouldn’t be talking about it, but Leo had the feeling none of their conversation would leave the rooftop. “It was hard for them, with all their shit.”

“Re does, too.” He recognized the sad edge in Sirius’ voice; it was the same as his own. “For a different reason. It started good, and ended bad.”

“I’m glad I missed out on that,” Leo said, biting down the urge to scream at the universe for putting their significant others through so much hardship at an already-difficult time. None of them deserved the pain they went through. “Besides, it’s not like we need degrees to play hockey, and we’ll have plenty of money afterward.”

“I never thought about my life after hockey until my ankle.”

“My parents always pushed me to make sure I wanted to do the NHL instead of more school.”

“You’re lucky to have them.”

“I wish you did.”

The words hung suspended between them before Leo could swallow them back down, somehow dangerous and calming at the same time. It wasn’t like he had never thought about it before; he just hadn’t said it out loud. The first time he had seen Sirius’ parents across the rink had given him a case of the heebie-jeebies so strong he had to shower twice. All the times after that just made him angry.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Sirius’ voice was quiet, but not upset. “You’re not the first person to say it. I’m glad you feel like you can be honest with me.”

Leo frowned. “Well, yeah. Obviously.”

“I try really hard to not be an asshole captain, so it actually does mean a lot.”

“I don’t think you could be an asshole if you tried.”

The barking laugh that split the night startled Leo so bad he nearly jumped out of his skin; Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth, though he was still snickering. “Sorry, sorry, I just—holy shit, I forgot you didn’t know me before. Mon dieu.”

“You weren’t that bad,” Leo protested. “Pots said you used to be grumpier, but that’s it.”

Sirius shook his head, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. “I was such a dick. There’s not a single picture of the whole team where I’m smiling for about two years and I was such a stickler for the rules.”

Leo gaped at him. “You followed rules?”

“To the fucking letter. It was awful.”

“What happened?”

Sirius shrugged. “I got friends. Idiot friends who did things like showing me the easiest way onto the roof. Pots used to drag me up here every Friday.”

“Really?”

“Ouais.” Mischief flitted over his face. “He skipped date night with Lily once on accident, and she tracked us up here like a bloodhound. It was terrifying.”

“What did you do?” Lily was one of the nicest people Leo knew, but he knew better than to get on her bad side.

“Lied to her face while James hid behind that strobe light.”

“Did it work?”

“Are you kidding?” he snorted. “She called me a liar and suggested getting a better best friend. That was after she told James he’s better have something nice planned for their next date if he ever wanted to get in her pants again.”

“And yet you didn’t listen to her.” Leo tsked. “Of all the people on the team, you chose the hot mess.”

“Trust me, rookie, James had his whole life figured out compared to me.”

“Did you…” Leo trailed off and but his lip. He had pushed his luck a lot already; who knew if one more question would be the tipping point? “Did you ever think about coming out? Even just to Pots.”

Sirius didn’t hesitate. “After every single game.”

“For seven years?”

“Up until the day those pictures were leaked. Even more after Re and I were together.”

“How old were you when you knew?”

“13. You?”

Leo exhaled slowly. “I’m not sure. I think I had an idea of it as a kid, but didn’t really get it until I was in high school. My parents were even more worried about the NHL after I told them.”

“They worry a lot about you.”

“Only child, and I was going for a wildly unstable career path with no guarantee that I would ever see the ice.”

“They’re proud of you. More than you know.” Sirius’ watch beeped. “It’s ten o’clock. Are you supposed to be home?”

“I should probably make sure my boys haven’t burned down the apartment.” Neither of them made an attempt to move. “Can we do this again sometime?”

“Of course.”

You’re like a brother to me, he wanted to say. I don’t know who else I can talk to like this. “Thank you.”

“Any time. We don’t have to do extra practice beforehand, either.”

Leo nudged him gently. “You’re the best captain ever.”

“You’re the best rookie, rookie.”

“I’m not a rookie.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Yeah, I am, he thought as they laid side-by-side in silence once more with the past behind them and the future ahead. And if I end up like you, it means I did something right.

#leo knut #sirius black #coops #oknutzy #finn ohara #logan tremblay #sweater weather #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #friendship #cap and rookie

[angrylizardjacket]

wishful drinking // Charlotte&Lola

Summary: After Charlotte, Peach, and Eileen go missing, everyone else believes they're dead. Everyone but Lola and Tommy. It's difficult to cope and hope at the same time, and sometimes it even reopens old wounds.

A/N: Wow a song fic, christ. Loosely based on Wishful Drinking by Tessa Violet which just gives me so many emotions about Lola. Ido believe this is the single angstiest thing I've ever written on this blog. @misscharlottelee @peachonscreen I'm so very sorry this is so sad and dark jfc. WARNINGS: Focuses on alcohol addiction as a coping mechanism, there is a funeral, acute references to Lola's childhood trauma, a panic attack, and heroin use right at the end there, and there is some very mild implied suicidal ideation

----

separate me from the rest of the herd so I can run away from all of my hurt oh

drink what I want, be what I want, say what you want me to say like I can pretend that I don't wanna end I'm afraid

I'm dangerous

Everyone keeps saying they're dead, but there's no proof so how can they sound so certain?

Lola's already halfway through a bottle of rum, as Charlotte's parents scowl their way through a list of rules that sound more like demands, of what the band is and isn't allowed to do at Charlotte's funeral. For which their is no body. Lola rolls her eyes and takes another drink.

This is the second speech like this that they've had to sit through this week, since Peach and Eileen's parents seemed equally sceptical of the band's ability to behave appropriately at their daughters' funeral. Which was a farce with no bodies. Lola takes another drink and squeezes her eyes shut.

Nikki's got a hand on her thigh, and Tommy's got an arm around her, the three of them squeezed onto a sofa probably built for two.

Nikki was fucked up out of his mind on more drugs than Lola had ever known him to take. Losing Charlotte had broken something inside of him, and when Lola had told him that she and the other girls had gone missing, he'd sworn until his voice was hoarse, crying more genuinely than she'd ever seen him do before. He was terrified of being lucid, of remembering his reality and reacting like that again.

"I wasn't... I was never in love with Charlie, but I really did love her, you know, like I love Tommy; he's like my brother, but she... she was good for us. Better than any of us ever deserved."

Lola takes another drink.

Tommy's lucid and full of rage, two cans of beer and a line of coke before lunch is all he takes now since she's gone, high off anger, demanding people find her, reading maps, triangulating where she could possibly have gotten lost, trying to put together search parties. He, like Lola, won't believe she's gone until he knows for certain, but unlike Lola, he won't take 'her plane disappeared in the mountains of another country, there's nothing we can really do, I'm so sorry' as an answer.

He holds Lola tighter when Charlotte's parents level a teary-eyed glare at him and spit that he's not allowed to start spouting his conspiracy bullshit about her still being alive, at the funeral. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns, pressing his face into Lola's hair and heaving an irritated sigh.

"I know," Lola mumbles back, words spilling into each other. Tommy's breathing is deep and level in a way that's completely controlled, like he's working on subduing his feelings. Nikki gives Lola's thigh a squeeze, but she's not quite sure if he meant to, it could have been a hand twitch. Lola leans against Tommy just a little more, "I know."

She takes another drink.

None of them are allowed to make a speech; Charlotte's mother and Tommy's sister will both be reading eulogies, but if any of the band speaks up, they will be removed from the ceremony.

"What about Razzle?" Vince is the one to speak up, and Lola's breath catches in her throat.

"Nicholas..." Charlotte's mother finally softens her tone, and casts a look to her father, a silent question.

"Nicholas will do his best to prepare an address, but has also told us that he will decide on the day if he will be able to present it," its the fairest thing they've said all day. Their sensitivity to Razzle and his situation keeps Lola from hurling her bottle at them; if they'd shit-talked Charlotte's grieving fiance, she'd have no qualms beating up her missing friend's parents there and then. Instead, all Lola can picture is Razzle, overwhelmingly upset to the point that he can't even bring himself to read a eulogy at his fiance's sham of a funeral.

As much as Lola believes its a sham, she won't push that on Razzle, either way, Charlotte's not here; it hurts like a fresh wound, she can't even begin to imagine how he must be feeling if he really believes she's gone for good.

Lola's bottle is emptying quickly.

"Is Penny okay?" Vince asks, voice soft and concerned for the missing woman's two-year-old daughter.

"She's with Nicholas," Charlotte's mother says, but tears well in her eyes and the words catch in her throat. Charlotte's father puts his arm around her, drawing her in close.

"She keeps asking for Charlotte," his voice cracks, "and... and none of us know what to tell her."

weave a story so I don't have to talk, no, it's not a problem if I never get caught oh

drink what I want, be what I want, say what you want me to say like I can pretend that I don't wanna end I'm afraid

I'm dangerous

Charlotte would either be right furious, or annoyingly understanding, about the fact that Lola is wine drunk and trying to act sober at her funeral. But if Charlotte has a problem with Lola's behaviour at her sham funeral, she should come home and tell Lola herself.

The only people who Lola isn't glowering at are Razzle and Penny. Razzle's in the quietest outfit she's ever seen him in, all black, not a hint of flair or personality, and Penny's been put in a little, frilly black dress, with a black headband which she has thrown on the ground, since she's in the middle of a screaming fit.

Razzle is desperately trying to hold himself together while Penny demands to see her mother at the top of her lungs. Tommy, for all he loathes the pageantry of this funeral, feeling as though it's being put on to make Charlotte's extended friends and family feel less guilty about giving up the search for her, has nothing but kindness and gentle understanding for the man he considered to practically be his brother-in-law.

Kneeling in front of where Razzle's bouncing Penny on his knee, Tommy lays a gentle hand on his other knee, and when Razzle looks to him, as if startled out of focusing entirely on his daughter, there's tears in his eyes. He can't even form words, mouth opening and closing like a fish, but he quickly stills moving Penny, who tries to throw herself on him, her little fists beating his hands insistently, somehow getting louder with her demands.

"I miss mommy! I want mommy!"

Tommy quickly scoops Penny from her father's hands, and Razzle doesn't stop him, just looks on with a painfully helpless expression, like he's not sure what to do with himself now. Tommy chatters away to Penny, hugging her as he takes her to walk around in the sunshine, away from the other guests, and Razzle's lip trembles as his eyes refuse to focus on anything but the beautiful picture of Charlotte her parents chose to display for the event.

Right as he bursts into tears, Lola slides into the seat beside him. No words pass between them, but she wraps him up in a hug, and he holds her tight in response, nails digging into her, apologies babbles almost incoherently, and Lola feels a wave of guilt sweep through her.

The night she'd found out Charlotte had gone missing, she'd gone to Razzle's hotel in tears, full of fury, looking for answers, for anything, knowing only that he and Charlotte had fought right before Charlotte, Peach, and Eileen had taken the spontaneous flight on which they had gone missing. She'd blamed him, at the time, for Charlotte leaving. She'd blamed him, at the time, for Charlotte going missing.

Lola whispers apologies back as best she can in her quietly drunken state, rubbing his back, wishing she'd thought to being her flask; maybe it would have helped ease some of his pain, she knew it definitely would have eased some of hers.

She can't find the words to tell him that she knows its not his fault, not before Tommy comes back right before the ceremony starts, and sits himself on Razzle's other side, Penny quiet in his arms.

When Razzle turns to see his daughter, he sees her reach out with both her arms, asking for a hug. Razzle holds her close, holds her tight, and looks to Tommy with question in his eyes.

"Told her that it was like when you went back to Finland to make music, but a bit longer."

"Momma was sad," Penny's little voice was muffled against Razzle as she refused to let go of her father. Tommy nodded sagely, and Razzle's lip trembled.

"Charlie needed a lot of hugs from Pennylope while you were away; told Penny that you'd need a lot of hugs too, now." Tommy's voice was quiet, his tone gentle like he was still explaining to Penny, and Razzle pulled his daughter back a little, giving her as much of a smile as he could muster.

"You're too good to me, Pennylope; I do need a lot of hugs," and he holds her close again, taking a deep, shake breath, "I'm never gonna let you go."

oh, wishful drinking

tell myself that I'm not thinking bout how I could drown

drown drown drown

wishful drinking

Perhaps part of the reason why Lola can't believe Charlotte's really dead is the fact that Lola had kind of always assumed Charlotte would outlive her. Its morbid, but its not ab inherently false assumption to make, considering Lola drinks probably more spirits than water and gets into fights for fun. Statistically, she should already be dead. So why was she at a funeral for Charlotte.

She finishes her glass of wine and reminds herself firmly that the funeral's a sham.

She can't actually remember how she got to the bar of the hotel that she and Nikki we're staying at in Charlotte and Tommy's home town, but a majority of the people from the funeral were there, to drink and pay their final respects, so Lola assumes one of them had brought her.

She sits at the bar and orders drinks in rapid succession, while Tommy mulls over the same glass of JD for half an hour beside her while chain-smoking and people watching. It feels like they're the only two on the same page, knowing intrinsically that Charlotte's still out there any everyone who refuses to believe that is betraying her.

"Why her?" Lola mumbles into her drink.

"She's not dead, don't you start talking like she is, too," Tommy frowns into his glass. Lola finishes her drink and pushes it out of the way as she rests her arms on the bar, and her head on her arms, looking at Tommy with a strangely blank expression.

"I know, but she's still not here; why any of them? None of them deserve it, deserve to be missing, deserve to have people stop caring about looking for them," Lola's brow creased into the barest frown, "but if people knew that they weren't gone and were just missing, just needed to be found, they'd know they still need the girls," and she gives a forlorn sigh, "they don't deserve this, people still need them."

Behind her, Tommy sees where all of Hanoi Rocks has crowded into a booth with Razzle to keep him company, doing their best to cheer him, to comfort him, each of them taking it in turn to entertain Penny, who was overjoyed at seeing her band-uncles again. The picture looked incomplete without Charlotte.

"Why them?" Lola said softly, sitting back up and ordering another drink, and Tommy hears what she really means this time, the way she implies 'it should have been me'.

go ahead and stop your thinking now

and throw it down

down down down

wishful drinking now

Lola develops a new game over the following weeks, where every time someone mentions Charlotte, she takes a shot. Or four.

Nikki's getting back to normal faster than Lola is, just says that Charlie wouldn't want to see them moping around.

Vince and Mick, still shaken by the loss of Peach and Eileen respectively, agree.

Tommy's still looking for ways to try and find them in his spare time, but focuses on the band so Charlotte will be able to come back and be proud; something about his reasoning makes bile rise in the back of Lola's throat for reasons she can't quite put her finger on.

Lola drinks, because she's come to realise she's useless. She doesn't have the actual band resources to put into helping find the girls, and Doc only keeps her on the payroll because the band won't let him fire her, he doesn't need an assistant.

The only person she would felt safe talking about all of this to was missing.

So Lola drinks.

What else is there to do?

hide your demons where no one can see em, outta sight but in your mind you believe em

drink what you want, be what they want, say what they want you to say like I can pretend that I don't wanna end I'm afraid

I'm dangerous

Lola knows now why Tommy's desperate playing to make sure Charlotte's happy upon her return makes Lola feel sick.

He kept mentioning it, kept asking whether the others thought their new album would be as good as their old stuff, the stuff Charlotte liked, and Nikki had snapped, fed up.

Lola had been in the kitchen when he'd started yelling that she wasn't coming back, and when Tommy hollered that he was an asshole at the top of his lungs.

"If she was alive, she'd be here! But she's fucking not!" Nikki's words rung through the air and were met with stunned silence, "you know why she's not here?" He hissed venomously, and Lola drops the glass she'd been holding, recognising that tone from almost a decade ago.

Nikki, in the present, snaps that its because Charlotte's gone for good, but Lola doesn't hear that. Lola hears her mother.

Lola hears that her father's never coming back because she's a disappointment, because shes not good enough, or kind enough, or talented enough.

The wrong wires connect in Lola's brain in a way that's all too familiar, in a way that makes her scars ache and tears well in her eyes.

And in another moment its gone, and Lola sees the shards on the ground and knows that Charlotte would hate a dirty kitchen. She sweeps them up.

Later, Tommy will find her, and before he can even open his mouth, she's holding his face in her hands, reassuring him that Charlotte would love their new music. His expression brightens, and he kisses her in thanks; something eases in Lola's chest.

No matter where Charlotte is, Lola will never let Tommy believe what was beaten into her for years, she'll never let him believe that he is the reason Charlotte's not here. Nobody deserves to believe that... And yet a voice in the back of Lola's mind tells her she has to do better, for Charlotte.

The voice sounds like her mother's.

do you think do you think that they notice

I keep a bottle by my bed it's the focus

drink what I want, be what I want, say what you want me to say like I can pretend that I don't wanna end I'm afraid

I'm dangerous

After a while, Doc stops praising Lola for showing up to the studio on time and sober - she's absolutely not sober, but she's also not had enough to drink for it to effect her composure. When he stops praising her, she worries that he knows she's always a little buzzed, and then she gets annoyed, thinking that he's just an asshole. It takes her a full week to realise that it's neither, in fact, its just that she's been doing it consistently enough that he's come to expect it of her.

People note her improved work ethic, compliment her even, and its nice, and she knows that if Charlotte were here that she'd be saying nice things right along side everyone else.

Nikki had been right, Charlotte wouldn't want to mope around, so Lola had to actually do well so when Charlotte came back, she could prove that she hadn't been moping.

Sometimes that voice in the back of her mind gets harsh, tells her she's not doing enough, but Lola reminds that voice that Charlotte would roll her eyes at Lola's antics, but she'd somehow always be understanding in the end. Lola didn't need to be perfect, she just needed to be better.

And she was!

She takes a shot to quiet the voice down in those moments anyways, just for good measure.

No-one seems to notice if she's four shots in before noon, one more won't hurt.

this is not a problem if I don't want it to stop

can't call it a problem if I never let a plate drop

this is not a problem if convincing that it's not

don't call it a problem it's the only thing that I still got

Nikki is spiralling into his heroin addiction of his own accord, but Lola knows Charlotte would think they're both better than that; Lola won't be able to convince Nikki, but she can keep herself away from it.

Her job's going well, and she and Tommy are still close, and she is allowed to babysit Penny on nights when Vince takes Razzle out partying. Its trust earned, that she never would have been able to earn if she hadn't been trying to do good for when Charlotte gets back.

But the world goes to hell in a single night.

What the fuck are they meant to tell Penny?

Her dad is dead.

Another thing Charlotte can't come back to.

Turns out they don't have to be the ones to tell Penny; Razzle's parents come to pick up her and their son's body, and though Tommy begs for them not to take her, they're terrified of her ending up just like her parents -

"Charlotte's not dead -"

"Wake up, Thomas, you're putting false hope into this girl's head, it'll ruin her mind if you don't let her live in reality!" Razzle's mother spits, while his father has already taken Penny out to the car to take her to the airport.

Tommy's in tears when he calls Lola.

The pair of them are devastated.

Why would Charlotte come back here if Penny and Razzle weren't here? The only person she'd loved more than Razzle was Penny, and now they were both -

"Lo, what's the point?"

"The point?"

"Of being all good and shit, for Charlie?"

"What do you mean?"

"She's not gonna come back to us," Tommy sighed, sniffling, "she's out there, but she'd go to Penny before any of us, and now..."

"Please don't say that," Lola's voice trembled, her heart beating in an erratic staccato in her chest.

"There's nothing worth coming back here for -"

Lola drops the receiver, curling in on herself, shaking all over as his words play over and over and over in her mind while all she can think about is the fact that yet again, she's not enough for someone she loved and felt safe with.

She's gasping for air, chest tight and tears stinging her eyes, heart beating in her ears while she's shaking like a leaf, in the full throes of a panic attack.

It takes her a long while to calm down, to ground herself in the feel of the carpet beneath her and the sound of the ocean outside, and the cars and the wind and the smell of the sea.

The first thing she does after she stands, is to get a drink, and then another, and then another, then to take the bottle into the bedroom, in to Nikki.

"Babe -?" He sees her red rimmed eyes first as she jostles him awake, and he wants to ask questions.

"I need something to get me out of my fucking mind, please, anything," she begs, lip trembling as she tries to focus on Nikki and not Tommy's words on loop in her mind.

"You sure?"

"Anything, the world is a fucking nightmare, and nothing fucking matters," and Nikki leans over to his nightstand, opening the drawer and pulling out a kit Lola knew was his heroin kit. Now it didn't seem like a bad choice.

"Is this about Razz?" Nikki asks, making quick work of preparing the drug for her. Lola swallows hard, and sits on the bed.

"Neither of them fucking deserved it," and Nikki knows immediately that she's referring to both Charlotte and Razzle, and he pauses, "the world needs people like them."

The room is very quiet for the few moments where Nikki cooks the powder to a liquid, pulling it up into his syringe. He instructs Lola on how to tie off her arm, and carefully injects her after double checking that its what she wanted.

As the tie around her arm is loosened, and the drug hits, Lola laughs, but there's no humour in it, her head tipping back, bottle still clutched firmly in her other hand.

"Its a fucking joke that the world is stuck with people like me."

#nikki sixx #tommy lee #nikki sixx x oc #tommy lee x oc #tommy lee imagine #nikki sixx imagine #motley crue #the dirt #the dirt imagine #motley crue imagine #charlotte & lola #lola&charlotte #the angry lizard writes #drug use tw #drugs tw #alcoholism tw #alcohol tw #suicidal ideation tw

[rimmers-swimming-certificate]

Red Dwarf fanfic - Comatose (8/?)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7

Their old quarters looked at once both familiar and strange. After their move up to the officer’s deck, their old room felt small by comparison. Cramped, and old. It made sense; of course the officer’s quarters would get refurbished more often than those of the lowest two technicians on the ship. Still, Rimmer had almost managed to forget how how much luxury they had been living in since the move. It was strange, though, to see their old room so bare and empty, stripped of all the old posters, photographs and mementos that had made it home.

He sat down on his old bunk. Instinctively, his hand went to his own shoulder, touching himself in the same place that Lister had touched him, remembering the feeling, so unfamiliar now, of another person’s touch. It had been so long that he had almost forgotten what it was like.

And now… Now he remembered again, and it was too late to do anything about it.

He took a deep breath, then rubbed hard at his shoulder as though he could erase the touch. It wasn’t that he hadn’t liked it; it had been wonderful to be touched again, even if it was Lister, he just couldn’t do it. He had spent so long trying to come to terms with the fact that he would never experience physical contact again, and then Lister blunders in, and...

“Hey,” Lister’s voice cut through his thoughts. Rimmer looked up to see the other man standing in the doorway. “It’s been years since I’ve been in here. I’d almost forgotten what these quarters were like.” Rimmer looked up at him. He hadn’t expected Lister to find him here.

“Holly told me where you were,” Lister explained, reading his expression.

Of course. Holly had betrayed him. Although, was it really a betrayal if he hadn’t actually asked Holly to keep his whereabouts a secret?

Yes, he decided. Definitely a betrayal.

“So, what was that about?”

Rimmer shook his head. He didn’t want to do this, that was why he had left.

Lister marched uninvited into their former sleeping quarters and reached for the back of a chair to turn it around. His hand passed through it. For a moment, he glared at the chair as though it were somehow at fault, then sat down. Unfortunately for Lister, the chair’s previous occupant — probably also Lister — had left it facing completely the wrong direction for a comfortable conversation with somebody sitting on the bunk. Lister turned his head to look at Rimmer, almost behind him, then gave up and instead turned his body around to sit with his legs through the back of the chair.

Rimmer stared at him in horror. It just looked so unnatural. A hologram just didn’t do things like that. Or at least, Rimmer didn’t do things like that. He didn’t do anything, if he could help it, that broke the illusion that he had a body. Lister didn’t appear to care. Or if he did, he was better at hiding it than Rimmer.

“So,” Lister asked again, “What was that about?”

“What was what about?” Rimmer asked, feigning ignorance.

Lister rolled his eyes. “Just then, when you ran off,” he clarified. “What was that about? Jealous of my little freak-out? Wanted one of your own?”

Rimmer shook his head. There was still a chance he could get out of this. If he really tried, he could be able to confuse and deflect his way out of the uncomfortable situation. Maybe. Maybe. It all depended on how alert Lister was feeling this afternoon. He shook his head. “I didn’t run off,” he said.

Lister stared at him in disbelief. “Rimmer, you literally took off at a sprint. By the time I got to the door you were nowhere to be seen, and it’s not exactly a short corridor. If that’s not running away, I don’t know what is.”

Rimmer shook his head. “Granted, I was running,” he said. “I’ll give you that much. It’s the ‘running off’ part of your statement that I take issue with. It implies that I was running away from something when in actual fact, I was running to something.”

“Oh yeah?”

Rimmer nodded.

“Right. I get it.” Lister sank into silence for a moment. He flicked one of his dreads from behind his neck, put the end of it into his mouth and chewed. “So,” he said around a mouthful of hair. “What was it?”

Rimmer frowned. “What was what?”

“The thing you were running to.”

“Oh.” Keeping his head still in the vain hope that Lister wouldn’t notice him looking, Rimmer moved his eyes from left to right, scanning the room, looking for something to say. Their former quarters were completely empty of almost anything that wasn’t fixed to the floor, and even if there had been anything he had needed, he wouldn’t have been able to get it for himself anway. That left him with only one option. Bullshitting. “Ah… just something of vital importance,” he said. “Something that you couldn’t possibly understand.”

Lister nodded sagely. “Right, yeah. Makes sense.”

“It does?” Rimmer asked, surprised. He hadn’t really expected that to work. “I mean, yes. Of course it does.”

“So,” Lister continued. “The fact that we touched each other about a half second before you ran to your vitally important thing, that had absolutely nothing to do with it, then?”

Rimmer shook his head. “No,” he said. “Not at all. Touched? Are you sure? I didn’t even notice, to be honest.” He realised that his hand had moved, instinctively back to his shoulder, where Lister’s hand had touched him.

Lister was staring at him in disbelief. Clearly, he wasn’t buying it. He shook his head. “You know the ridiculous thing, Rimmer?” he said. “Nothing happened. It was just a casual touch. It’s the kind of thing that happens every day. Several times a day, maybe even several times an hour to normal people. It’s not like we kissed or something, is it? It’s not like we woke up in bed together the next morning. I touched you on the shoulder, and that was it.”

Rimmer folded his arms and didn’t say anything.

“Do you know how many of my mates I’ve snogged after a couple of pints?” Lister continued. “Never had a reaction even close to that.”

“Er…” Rimmer wasn’t sure exactly what to say to that. He decided to ignore it. “What exactly do you mean by ‘normal people’?” he asked. “Are you implying there’s something abnormal about being a hologram?”

“No, smeghead, I’m implying there’s something abnormal about you.”

Rimmer glared at him, and Lister grinned triumphantly. “Very funny,” Rimmer told him. He didn’t think it had been a joke, but then he didn’t really think it had been funny either.

Lister grinned harder. “Seriously though, what was that about, Rimmer? I thought you’d like being touched. I mean, I didn’t do it on purpose, but that’s not the reaction I expected.”

Rimmer sighed. There was going to be no avoiding this conversation. He supposed the only way out was through it. He ran his fingers nervously through his hair, and deliberately didn’t look at Lister as he spoke. “Honestly,” he said, “It was a little overwhelming. I haven’t touched another person in three million years. Well, not unless you count the time we played Better Than Life, or when I met my female counterpart in the parallel universe, and one of those wasn’t real. The other, I’m still actively trying to forget.”

“It was good though, wasn’t it?” Lister said.

Rimmer looked at him, and found a strange look on Lister’s face. One that he didn’t recognise.

“Touching, I mean. Reaching out for something and not having your hand pass through it.”

It really had been. It had been so long. Years without any kind of touch.

“So, what do you think?” Lister got to his feet and stepped forward out of the chair. He pulled the glove from one hand and shoved it into a pocket, then held out the hand to him, reaching across the space between them as though offering a handshake.

Rimmer ached to reach out too; to clasp his hand into Listers, to feel the warmth of his skin, and that calming feeling that real human contact would give him. He hesitated. He didn’t trust him not to pull his hand away. To bring Rimmer to his weakest moment, expose as much of his trauma as he could, and then just walk away. It was what Rimmer might have done.

“Come on, Rimmer,” Lister said. “I need this, so I know you do too.”

Rimmer frowned. “You do?”

“Well, yeah. I can’t touch anything either.”

That was ridiculous. How could Lister even begin to compare… “Lister, you’ve been a hologram for all of five weeks. Try five years, then talk to be about being touch starved.”

Lister’s hand dropped to his side. “Being what?”

“It’s a thing where… Well, work it out for yourself,” Rimmer told him. “I’m sure your single remaining brain cell can probably manage that.”

“Yeah, well I might have to do five years,” Lister said. He sighed. “Come on, Rimmer. You said yourself, when I first woke up and you told me what was going on, you said it’s going to be harder than I thought. Well, congratulations, you were right. So if you want to gloat about it, go right ahead. And yeah, you ‘re right, it’s only been a few weeks for me. I can’t even imagine what it’s been like for…” he tailed off, and took a deep breath. “Look, I know if it means this much to me, you have to need it too. Don’t you want some real human contact?”

“I think you’re being overly generous with the word ‘human’ there, Listy.”

Lister gave him a look. For a moment, Rimmer thought he was going to back off, then Lister held out his hand again, invitingly.

Rimmer considered the offer, then shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

Lister’s hand dropped to his side again. “Smeg! Why not?”

“Because…” Rimmer began, then stopped. “Why are you only wanting to do this now, anyway? You’ve had five weeks, what’s made you suddenly so desperate to touch me now?”

Lister shrugged. “I guess I didn’t think of it before,” he said. “I mean, I had other things on my mind.”

“So you forgot,” Rimmer said. “Over a month as a hologram and you never once thought ‘wait a minute, holograms can touch one another’.”

“You never said anything either.”

Rimmer sighed. “What should I have said? ‘Scuse me, Lister. I know we loathe one another, but how about a bit of casual hand-holding?’ Yes, I imagine that would have been well received.”

Lister shook his head. “I don’t ‘loathe’ you, Rimmer. And yeah, it might have been a bit weird, but I’d have done it.”

“Well, no thank you.” Rimmer said.

“I just don’t get it. I’d have thought you’d have jumped at this chance, even if it is me.”

He just couldn’t do it, and he didn’t know how to make Lister understand. “Okay, so, hear me out,” he tried. “You remember what happened when we swapped bodies?”

Lister visibly shuddered at the memory. He folded his arms in a defensive way and took a half-step backward, embedding the back of his leg into the chair again. Rimmer wondered whether he even noticed how he had reacted. “I could hardly forget,” he said. “I still have nightmares about that crash. And the arm thing. What’s your point?”

Rimmer stood slowly. With slow, measured steps, he walked across the room toward the door, stopped, turned, and walked back again. “The point, Lister, is I wasn’t myself.”

“No,” Lister agreed, “You were me.”

“No, I don’t mean that. I mean the way I behaved. When we made that agreement I had every intention of sticking to it. I fully intended to eat healthily, get you into shape, and return your body fighting fit, and what happened?”

What had happened was that he’d spent a week gorging himself on the most unhealthy foods in Red Dwarf’s storage, things that, in some cases, he didn’t even like. It had been a mad rush to cram as much food, as many flavours and textures and temperatures as he could, into his mouth. He’d made Lister put on so much weight that he’d ended up on a diet for six whole months just to get back down to the weight he’d been before they had swapped.

And then, when Lister had insisted on taking his body back a week early, Rimmer had had Kryten chloroform him, stolen it again, then gone on a joyride in Starbug with a chest full of cream buns.

It hadn’t exactly been his proudest moment.

“It overwhelmed me,” he said. “Being able to touch again. To taste. I thought that years as a hologram would have taught me a little self-restraint. I thought I could just be grateful for the ability to eat a nutritious, healthy meal. I thought I would have had the willpower to resist easing fifty cream buns in a single sitting, but I didn’t.”

“Yeah,” Lister said. “And now we have no cream buns left. You lost the rest of them in the crash.”

Rimmer shrugged. “It turns out impulse control isn’t my strong suit.”

Lister shook his head. “No kidding. But so what? I mean, yeah, you were a complete smeghead, and I’ve still not completely forgiven you, but I get it now. Some of it, anyway. This isn’t the same thing.”

But it was. Or at least, it was similar. He was going to have to spell it out for him. “I stole your body because I didn’t want to give up the ability to touch. If I let myself give in to the urge for physical contact now, it might be the same. I won’t want to lose it again. And when you’re healed, I will lose it. I won’t have any choice.”

“Rimmer, that’s smegging stupid, and you know it.” Lister told him. “It’s like... Okay, think about it this way; do you know how many samosas we’ve got in storage in Red Dwarf?”

Rimmer frowned in confusion at the sudden change of topic. “No, of course not. Why on Io would I know that?”

“None,” Lister told him. “And do you know why we’ve got none left?”

“Probably because you ate them all, you greedy goit.”

Lister grinned, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “I did. And when we got down to the last two, I thought about saving them, you know? I thought, maybe I’ll just leave them for a bit. I don’t want to run out. I mean, they’re the last samosas in the universe, aren’t they? But I didn’t. I had a really good curry, and I had them on the side, and I enjoyed every bite. Even knowing that I was never going to taste samosas ever again. In fact, that might even have made them taste better.”

Rimmer felt his frown deepen. “So what?”

“So, you should enjoy things, Rimmer. Don’t focus on how long it’ll last or what it’ll be like when it’s gone. Just enjoy it while it’s there.”

That was easy for Lister to say. He had nothing to lose. When his body healed, he could go back to it and carry on as he always had. It would be Rimmer who was left behind.

Lister held out his hand a third time, and Rimmer could tell that if he turned him down again, Lister wouldn’t ask again. He wanted to accept. He felt his fingers twitch of their own accord, as though begging for permission to reach out and grab hold of something solid.

Rimmer sighed. He had a feeling he was going to regret this. He raised his arm and slowly, carefully, he allowed their hands to touch.

Lister didn’t move. He stood passively, letting Rimmer take the lead. Rimmer allowed his fingertips to trace the shape of Lister’s knuckles, before taking the hand in both of his, and turning it over to do the same on the palm.

“That tickles,” Lister told him.

“Sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s fine. It’s good.”

He pressed a little harder then, squeezing Lister’s fingers slightly, feeling the bone beneath the skin, marvelling at how solid an illusion could feel. He brushed a finger over the ends of his fingers, feeling the calluses from years of terrible but persistent guitar playing.

He explored further, feeling the texture of the sleeve of Lister’s leather jacket, and the cotton of the shirt he was wearing beneath it. He realised that he had closed his eyes, lost in the sheer joy of being able to touch. He didn’t even mind that it was Lister of all people than he was touching. The only thing that mattered was that it was contact. Real contact.

A thought occurred. “Lister,” he asked. “Just how many of your friends have you kissed when you were drunk?”

Lister frowned thoughtfully. “Not really sure,” he admitted. “A few. And I wasn’t always drunk, actually. Don’t worry though, Rimmer. I’m not interested in you that way.”

Rimmer felt himself flinch, but didn’t pull his hand away. He wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to be relieved or disappointed at that. As it was, he found himself somewhere in between.

“Good,” he said. “Likewise.”

“Okay then,” Lister said. “I guess we both know where we stand.”

Rimmer nodded, not entirely sure where that was.

“So don’t get the wrong idea,” Lister said, “But honestly, I think you need this.”

His fingers closed around Rimmer’s, gripping his hand tightly, and he tugged, pulling him closer so unexpectedly that Rimmer almost tripped. Before he could protest the rough treatment, Lister wrapped his arms around him and squeezed tightly.

Rimmer felt himself stiffen in surprise. It felt… strange. Awkward. Unnatural. It didn’t feel right to have another person so close to him, so close that he could feel the beating of the other man’s heart, and the warmth of him through his clothing.

Because it felt like the correct response, he placed his own hands around Lister, and held on, trying to match Lister as closely as he could, not too tight, not too loose, hands in approximately the same place. He didn’t want to do it wrong.

He barely remembered the last time he had been hugged; really hugged. He supposed his mother might have, but he had no memory of it. He did have a vague, murky memory of a quick embrace from the school nurse after she had applied a plaster to his grazed knee and dried his tears for him. Even Yvonne McGruder, after their brief tryst, had barely stuck around afterwards for a quick cuddle under the covers.

He inhaled through his nose, but Lister smelled of nothing. The holographic simulation wasn’t that sophisticated. He supposed that was probably for the best.

As the hug went on, it slowly began to feel less strange and uncomfortable. He felt himself begin to relax into it and enjoy the gentle pressure of Lister’s arms around his. Eventually it began to feel not just ‘not bad’ but actively good, as though finally, after a lifetime of accumulation, the tension he carried within him was finally draining away. When, after some indeterminate amount of time, Lister released his grip and stepped backward, it felt like a loss.

“You okay?” Lister asked him.

Rimmer nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

“Sure?”

He nodded again.

“Good. Come on then, let's get out of here.” Without warning, Lister slung an arm around Rimmer, and half-guided him out of their old quarters and out into the corridor.

Rimmer, still too surprised and emotional from the shock of the past few minutes, simply allowed himself to be led home.

(next)

(Thank you to @norwegianpornfaerie for beta reading this chapter for me)

#red dwarf #arnold rimmer #dave lister #red dwarf fanfic #watch out here come the hugs #rimmer really needed one though #and so did lister for that matter #my fic

[aion-rsa]

Ted Lasso and Other TV Bosses We’d Walk Over Hot Coals For

https://ift.tt/3ryGOvx

In the heady moments of celebration after England’s victory over Denmark in this year’s Euros semi-final, the sight of team manager Gareth Southgate prompted ITV pundit Gary Neville to comment: “The standard of leaders in this country the past couple of years has been poor. Looking at that man, he’s everything a leader should be: respectful, humble, he tells the truth.” 

The former Man U right-back’s words, directed at the political rulers of a country riven by Brexit, tap into a modern craving for decency. Fed a diet of self-serving narcissism from our public figures, we hunger for more wholesome fare: moral character, humility, honesty, kindness. In the year of horrors that was 2020, that appetite was temporarily sated on TV by fictional football manager Ted Lasso. 

Played in the Apple TV series by Jason Sudeikis (who, in true Ted style, wore a shirt to the Ted Lasso season two launch in support of the three young Black England footballers who received racist abuse after their team’s eventual loss to Italy in the final), Ted’s thoroughgoing decency won everyone over to The Lasso Way. He’s the gold standard of TV bosses – selfless, caring, wise, inspirational, and patiently dedicated to bringing out the best in his players and the team as a whole. He may not always win on the pitch, but he always wins in our hearts. And if those words make you want to heave, then you, friend, may just need a little more Lasso in your life. #Believe.

To celebrate his return, we present Ted’s TV peers, the bosses for whom you’d go any number of extra miles.

Leslie Knope – Parks & Recreation

There is no finer example set in the TV workplace than Leslie Barbara Knope. The Pawnee public servant leads from the front, the sides and the back. She’s the waffle-powered sheepdog of City Hall, yapping co-workers and townsfolk into shape with her relentless work ethic and bottomless optimism. Leslie’s a boss who cares so much that she’s already bought your Christmas gift. And your birthday gift. And made you a special hand-crafted gift to mark the half-year anniversary of the day you first met. She sleeps three hours a night, runs entirely on sugar (or should that be salgar?), has a binder for every eventuality, and always, always has your back. Her rubber-soled energy is so infectious that over seven seasons she even manages to motivate the lazy (Tom), disaffected (April), dumb (Andy), aloof (Donna), hapless (Jerry) and the downright obstructive (Ron). For a gal named ‘nope’, she’s a whole lot of yes. LM

Bertram Cooper – Mad Men

Technically, advertising firm Sterling Cooper on Mad Men has two bosses – Roger Sterling and Bertram Cooper. Coop, however, is the let’s say…more experienced of the two and takes on the role of boss. And what a boss he is! The eccentric office sage played by Robert Morse takes a decidedly hands off approach to managing the workplace. Do whatever you want in this Madison Avenue ad agency, as long as you take your shoes off when you enter Bert’s office. And if you’re nice enough he might show you his collection of erotic octopus art. AB

Jacqueline Carlyle – The Bold Type

The Editor-In-Chief of Scarlet magazine, the women’s title at the heart of ridiculous millennial wish fulfillment vehicle The Bold Type is part mentor, part mother figure, part fairy godmother to the three young women at the centre of the show. Jane is an intern when she first meets Jacqueline, who greets her with “Are you a writer? You look like a writer.” Because, yep, it really is that easy to get a job at a top magazine. The Bold Type is nonsense but it’s very good hearted nonsense which tries in earnest to tackle big issues while maintaining a sunny outlook. Be yourself, be passionate, be bold, the show says, and the world is at your feet. Sent a couple of tweets? Congratulations, have a promotion! Threatened with a lawsuit because of something you wrote? No bother, have a promotion! Fraudulently passed yourself off as a stylist when you’re not, thereby ruining a key relationship? Meh. Promotion for you! Promotions all round! Jacqueline is glamorous and wise, endlessly patient with her proteges and seemingly in possession of a bottomless budget. We all wish we worked for Jacqueline and she’s a wonderful (imaginary) role model. We’re just slightly nervous for any young fans of the show who ever get to work for an actual, real life Editor-In-Chief… RF

Mr. Krabs – SpongeBob SquarePants

Mr. Krabs is a good boss because he’s refreshingly upfront about what matters to him. Simply put: the crab likes money. As long as you’re putting in the hours and keeping the profit margins fat, Mr. Krabs will be your best friend. Sure, he takes advantage of SpongeBob’s naivete from time to time. But deep down, you know the guy has a heart as big as his enormous whale daughter, Pearl. AB

Supt. Ted Hastings – Line of Duty

Think of Ted Hastings, head of Central Police’s Anti-Corruption Unit 12, as Ulysses – a man sailing on dangerous waters but so determined not to be seduced by the sirens’ song that he’s tied himself to the ship’s mast and stopped his ears with wax. Except replace ‘siren’s song’ with ‘bungs from criminal gangs’, and ‘ship’s mast’ and ‘wax’ with ‘sheer force of will, son’. Ted’s a colossus of integrity in a world of backhanders and turning-a-blind-eye. He does the right thing even when it’s the hard thing, and if you’re one of his officers, then you’re his for life. (Unless you’re a corrupt gangster plant, in which case, by Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey, he’ll never live down the shame.) Ted may have more decency in his side-parting than most officers have in their whole bodies, but he still has his flaws. The stock he puts in loyalty makes him inflexible, and his temper’s a thing to be seen, but the key thing about Ted as a leader is that when he makes a mistake, he owns up to it. We should all be so lucky to have a gaffer like him. LM

Ron Donald – Party Down

Starz’s brilliant comedy Party Down premiered around the same time as classic NBC sitcom Parks and Recreation. As such, Ken Marino’s perpetually stressed boss character Ron Donald didn’t get nearly as much attention as another boss named Ron: Ron Swanson. Let’s be clear, however, nobody would want Ron Swanson as a boss because that means you’d have to regularly interact with a libertarian. Instead, it’s far better to be in the good graces of Ron Donald. This Ron will support your dreams all the while telling you about his own to own a Souper Crackers franchise. AB

Read more

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By Louisa Mellor

Lynda Day – Press Gang

Bit of of a niche one – you probably have to be British and in your 40s to even know who this is – but Lynda Day, played by Julia Sawalha deserves a mention as the youngest boss on the list. Editor of the Junior Gazette, the after school newspaper run by pupils at the heart of Steven Moffat’s very first show she’s an erudite journalist, a ruthless news hound and a self possessed young woman who cares more about being right than about being liked. Lynda isn’t particularly soft or warm but she is a boss who would make you a better writer. You’d strive to please Lynda, want to live up to her incredibly high standards and know that the work you were doing on the paper could actually make a difference. Lynda is all about work ethic and integrity. Small of frame, sharp of tongue, you wouldn’t wanna mess with her, but you know she’ll get shit done. RF  

Captain Holt – Brooklyn 99

It says something about a boss when you wouldn’t just walk over hot coals for them, you would also do it for their pet dog. Cheddar the corgi is just one of many reasons to snap your sharpest salute to Captain Raymond “Do Not Call Me Ray Or Use Contractions In My Presence” Holt. Precinct captain of the 99, Holt is a walking yardstick of fine taste, good manners, linguistic clarity and grammatical coherence. Holt values simplicity and despises vulgarity. Do your job and do it right, and you will earn his hard-won respect, perhaps indicated by a very slight incline of the head if he is feeling frivolous. Holt has already earned your respect, for leading an exemplary career as an openly gay NYC cop since 1987, facing down racists, homophobes and the lowest of the low: people who use “What’s up?” as a greeting. Captain Holt’s impossibly high standards are a bar few reach, but to which we can all aspire. LM

Ian Grimm and Poppy Li – Mythic Quest

Mythic Quest creative directors Ian Grimm (Rob McElhenney) and Poppy Li (Charlotte Nicdao) are messes on their own. But when their personalities combine, they create one great boss unit who keeps things moving and keeps things lively. Granted, I wouldn’t want to work for Ian and Poppy as a programmer or dev on the Mythic Quest team because crunch is real (and I also have no such skills). They would make for a great boss team in just about any other industry though. AB

DCI Cassie Stuart – Unforgotten

Some bosses try to impress their status on employees by turning up the volume, but not DCI Cassie Stuart. Everything she does in ITV police drama Unforgotten, from case meetings to suspect interrogations, she does in the same controlled, low voice. It gives her words an intensity that shouting wouldn’t achieve and makes her cold-case murder team lean in to absorb the significance of what she’s saying. Usually, that’s on the theme of how they owe victims answers and are going to find them. Diligent and dedicated, she trusts her team, especially partner Sunny, and is the kind of boss whose praise really means something. A ‘good work’ from her and you’d be walking on air. LM

Conan O’Brien – Conan

This is technically violating the spirit of this thought exercise because Conan O’Brien is not fictional. What he is, however, is a boss…in both the metaphorical and literal sense of the word. No late night talk show host has ever reveled in being the boss of a staff as much as Conan O’Brien has on his shows like Late Night, The Tonight Show, and Conan. He views his role as boss as an opportunity to troll his employees like a corny father torturing his children with dad jokes. Many of Conan’s behind the scenes workers have become stars in their own right, like producer Jordan Schlansky or assistant Sona Movessian. And it’s all because Conan can’t help but want everyone to be involved and having a good time. Just like any great boss would want. AB

Captain Janeway – Star Trek Voyager

Anyone can be a good boss in a thriving workplace, but it takes a person of strong character to stay empathetic, decisive, and focused when everything goes to hell. In the very first episode of Star Trek: Voyager, Captain Janeway is stranded with her crew on the wrong side of the galaxy, 70,000 light years from home. She is tasked with getting not only her Starfleet crew home, but also the remaining members of the Maquis vessel Voyager was trying to capture when they were both pulled into the unexplored Delta quadrant. She does this all without the institutional support of the Federation, and without the certainty that they will ever make it back. It’s not always pretty, and Janeway makes some questionable decisions along the way, but it’s hard to imagine Voyager making it home without Janeway as their tough-as-nails boss. KB

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[parniarazi]

what the universe has taught me about living my best life

I haven’t written on this blog in months, as I’ve been caught up with school, work, and travels. I have been meditating and writing in my journal instead though, a habit I’m proud of and definitely want to continue. I also want to share some things here, especially as I’ll have a bit more free time to write and channel my creativity throughout the summer. I can honestly say, the past year has been the happiest and most amazing year of my life. I turned 20 last October, fearful but excited to end my teen years and embrace adulthood. Moving out of my small hometown, expanding way past my comfort zone, traveling, and falling in love have all changed my life for the better. There’s some points in particular I wanted to draw on, about ways I have cultivated more love and mindfulness everyday, and in return significantly improved the quality of my life. I apologize in advance if some of this is cheesy, just hear it out and give it a chance though! 

☽ Appreciate each phase and live in the moment. If there is one thing the moon has taught me, it’s that things change everyday, the phases will continue and she will go through her cycles. She has taught me to be present, rooted in the moment, in where I am and who I am right now. I’ve always been a dreamer, always thinking about what’s next, where I’d rather be, who I’d rather be. I remember in high school, I was honestly pretty miserable most of the time because all I thought about was being somewhere and someone else. In reality though, when I look back on my life in high school, it was actually really great. I have many good memories and stories, I just didn’t appreciate it enough at the time. Instead, I wallowed in my own misery for literally no reason. Each phase will end, whether you want it to or not. Soon, I’ll be done with college and enter a new phase in my life, and I’m glad I’ve grown up to be more appreciative, more present, and more in love with myself and my life now. Appreciate and be present in whatever phase you’re in now, because it will be gone and different tomorrow. 

☽ Play. Growing up doesn’t mean losing that childhood innocence, your sense of adventure, or your playfulness. If anything, you’ll need your child-like energy more and more the older you get. For a while, I took adulthood way too seriously. I have the blessing of working with kids, and they remind me everyday to laugh and not take things too seriously. Many of my friends, as well as myself, have experienced crippling anxiety throughout our teenage years, because life is fucking hard and scary. Sometimes you need to walk barefoot in the grass, roll down a hill, blow bubbles, watch cartoons, eat candy, and imagine you’re a mermaid. Getting into the rave scene and culture are one of the main things that have also reminded me of this. It’s amazing to see all kinds of people, grown ups from the real world, gather wearing shiny, silly clothes, and glitter to dance and vibe together. We need things like this to remind us life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time, and to allow us to judge less and love more. Remembering this and embracing that innocent, playful energy will unlock so much creativity, compassion, and imagination you have within you. 

☽ Life is full of paradoxes. My favorite one is that life is short, but it’s also so long. You’re here now, and you don’t know if you will be tomorrow, so live a life you’re proud of and leave a mark on the world and the people around you. Be exactly who you want to be remembered as. At the same time, it’s important to remember that there is no rush. You have your whole life ahead of you. You will get to places better than what you even imagined. Take it slow. There’s this cultural attitude of needing to finish school and get a job as soon as possible to be happy and successful. As real as this is, it’s also bullshit because there’s so much more to us than that. Why rush into getting a 9-5 job when you’ll have until you retire to work and make money? You’re told to get AP credits, take more classes, and you’re praised if you graduate early. But for what? Take a gap year if you need it, take less classes if you’re overwhelmed. Take your time because there’s no reason to chase material things and undermine the quality of your learning and the quality of your life. I’ll probably be 25-30 before I finish my degrees, but it’s okay because there are endless opportunities for learning, making money, and growing in a real and authentic way until then. 

☽ Move your body everyday. Something as simple as going on a walk in the morning or doing 20 mins of yoga can improve your life and make you feel better. From insomnia, to depression and anxiety, to physical pain/chronic illness, I’ve seen movement and exercise change lives for the better. We all know exercise releases endorphins, which can boost your mood, help reduce physical pain, even boost your memory and focus. Our culture is obsessed with aesthetics, and working out can suck if you don’t feel great about your body. It’s easy to compare yourself to insta fitness models or experienced yogis, but everything is a process, you have to start somewhere and you have to start with a goal of just feeling healthier and happier. For the longest time I just did ab workouts and squats because I wanted a certain body, but I realized eating food I liked, and doing a simple and easy yoga routine some days felt better than forcing myself to workout and eat healthy. Throw away the scale, don’t count calories or protein, don’t look for physical changes. Move your body in a way that feels good, eat whatever you’re craving, take care of yourself from a place of love and authenticity, and you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel on a regular basis. Plus, the gains and strength will come along, too. I’m still working on this as well, but swimming, doing yoga, and going to the gym have helped me feel stronger, sleep better, and have less back pain from my scoliosis.

☽ Go outside. You came from the earth, and to the earth you will return. Feel the sun on your skin, the cool water on your feet, the rocks and sand through your fingers. Connecting with nature, not only by physically being outside more, but also eating more naturally, has beautiful effects that are hard to even describe. The earth has everything we could need as humans, she gives abundantly and has the power to heal us. As humans, we need to spend time with nature, the man-made society and structures we live within can sustain us, but we will never be able to connect, be as conscious, or be whole without returning to our roots. I like to have plants, sage, palo santo, and crystals in my room so I can have more connectivity to earth even when I’m indoors. The relaxing, euphoric effects from spending time outside and in nature cannot be felt or imitated with anything else. It is so grounding and uplifting at the same time, and connecting to the earth is definitely on of the main things that has improved my life. Also travel. See as much of the earth as possible. It will teach you things that nothing else can. 

☽ Meditate. Write. Listen to music. Read books. Expand yourself through multiple avenues by trying new things. I never thought I’d be into crystals or meditating or any of this spiritual shit, but instead of judging myself or others, I just decided to give it a few tries. Meditating is amazing because in a world where our brains and eyes are constantly being given information, fed images, and told what to think, it can be so hard to even hear your own thoughts and feelings over all the noise. We also live in a ‘productivity’ culture, so taking a few minutes out of your day to simply sit with yourself and breathe can be so necessary and useful. Meditating reduces my anxiety, makes me a better person to be around, and helps me deal with situations and make decisions from a place of clarity. It also helps me feel closer to myself, so I trust myself and my decisions more and overthink less. Journaling and writing has the same affect. I like to make gratitude lists in my journal, and manifest goals by writing them out after I meditate. This can seem really out there, but meditating and journaling can make some serious shit happen in your life. You’ll be amazed at the calm it brings you and when things you manifest become reality...whoa. Music and reading are also extremely elevating. I could write a whole other post on those two things alone and the incredible benefits they’ve brought into my life. Listen to an artist or genre different from what you usually listen to. Read a book you normally wouldn’t, just for fun. It’s incredible how much these simple acts of stepping outside your norms will allow you to expand and grow.

☽ Cannabis and psychedelics. If you’ve read this far, that’s amazing and why I’ve saved this fun point for last! I started smoking weed in high school, like many people, and I fell in love right away because I felt how it helped me relax, reduce anxiety, and sleep better. But it wasn’t until the past several months that I really began embracing cannabis as my medicine. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve had chronic back pain and anxiety, and nothing has helped me more than cannabis. It has also helped me gain weight (I was underweight for many years), so I am much healthier and happier now. Weed makes me a better person to be around and it has improved the quality of my life so much. Thankfully, it is becoming more and more acceptable in our country/culture, I even had the exciting experience of buying from a dispensary recently. It really bothers me when people think of weed as a ‘dangerous drug,’ because it is the most amazing, healing plant medicine. I’ve also had a few acid trips and tried Molly in the past year, and psychedelics did and still do intimidate me, but they are so powerful. Tripping isn’t going to make you ‘find yourself,’ but it can be a really useful tool in your journey for expanding your consciousness, your creativity, and allowing you to feel more love and openness. Cannabis and psychedelics help me shed my outer layer, one of anxiety, judgement, shyness, and normativities. Instead, allowing my mind to elevate and be open to love, new perspectives, and a deeper connection to the world around me. I truly believe if used properly, these things can have immense benefits and improve lives. 

I’m no expert in wellness or healing, I just wanted to throw out some mindsets and activities in particular that have helped improve my life immensely. I’m on my journey, just like everyone else, learning and growing everyday. I am so grateful for the woman I am blossoming into, and I never even imagined being able to feel as much love and joy as I do. I hope you were able to take something away from these points, and if anyone would like more specific suggestions, from books to yoga to music, please let me know! 

#personal #wellbeing #wellness #meditation #life hacks #words

[firenationskydominion]

Chapter 19: A Phoenix Rises again

A few days later Azula and Mya camped outside Capital City and prepared to enter at dawn. But how without risking being thrown into the dungeons? Azula got off the horse.

Az:       My whole tush is sore.

 M:       You’ll get used to it. Try this Yoga pose, it shall relax your strained muscles.

 Az:      My father has secret tunnels which lead everywhere in the palace. It might well be that he is in there...

 M:       I know an entry point... but we need a disguise...

  Mya was unknown to the FireNation people. Nobody had seen her from near. But that was different for Azula. Mya went to the city and bought two large hats.

  Ozai woke and was upset. He felt empty. He had no plan. Nothing to do. Nobody to talk to. He was a ghost. He left his chamber and for a brief moment considered facing Zuko in an Agni Kai to demand back the throne. Who had tried to kill him? Zuko? Some General? His enemies were plenty, but did he have friends? He had visited his followers incognito and many really wished for him to return. He thought about Azula, Amon and Elua. He once had been such a sweet boy like Zuko, but Azulon had beaten him into shape. Ozai mourned himself, his sad childhood and his loneliness. He missed Mya, Amon and Azula. But seeing Amon and Azula would remind him constantly of Myas death. Yet the thought hovered over him all the time and no amount of evading it would soften the pain.

  After exiting his bedroom he took the secret passages to a tunnel on the side of the throne room. He peeped through a hole and saw Zuko sitting on the elevated throne. The fire was off. He decided to prank Zuko and flicked his finger. The flames shot up and Ozai smiled.

  Zuko was talking to his Generals when suddenly the flames around him ignited. He was startled and jumped up. The Kiyoshi warriors came in and checked the whole room. No intruders. Zuko had heard the silly stories of Ozais ghost haunting the palace. If he was a ghost, he was dead for good and Zuko had one worry less to fret about. A short while later a congregation of Generals entered the throne room.

  After the attack on Ozai and Mya the Generals had feared that the deal was off, but Amon kept his word and the trade between the worlds had been coordinated by him and Azula. He never mentioned Ozai or Mya though, even upon request.

  In the meantime Earth King Kuei was increasingly dissatisfied with the peace accord. He finally realized that he had been sidelined by the Fire Nation and started assembling ground troops. The Dai Li had always managed trade and Kuei on his own without their counsel was inept to make responsible decisions. Furthermore some secret Dai Li agents were sabotaging his efforts. His people were dissatisfied and he needed a war to keep their minds engaged. There was also turmoil and rumours about Ozais return. The common people iconified and exploited Ozai as a marketing gag for all sorts of products. He was far more popular now than during his reign. People were simpleminded and craved a strong leader. Zuko was seen as weak and doubtful.

   Zuko noticed that the generals were dissatisfied. They asked him to take a stand and to send troops to face the Earth Kingdom offensive. Zuko was torn. He was pondering over what to do when the fires ignited again. Ozai stepped out of the flames like an apparition.

  O:        It’s time to decide son, or the generals will decide for you.

  Zuko jumped up from the throne aghast.

  Z:         Father! You’re alive!

O:        You all seem surprised to see me. Let me assure you, I am not a ghost. I see at least a few happy faces among you. Let me see who is the most shocked of all is most likely the person hiring archers to kill me... Zuko was it you? General Zheng? General Sako? I will find out eventually.

  Zuko was nervous. What did his father want?

  Z:         A strange way to visit me to barge in like this on a counsel meeting...? Tell me, what do you want?

O:       Oh, I was watching you, always wondering if you sent the arrows... patricide runs in our family... You had the wardens torture me before, so why not go a step further. I will not hold this against you. I know how difficult it is to decide wisely as a Firelord and that you lack the confidence that I always had.

 Z:        Do you want to fight me?

 O:       Not unless I must. I would like to spend a few days here. I have some private matters to attend to. Generals, who ever tried to kill me will most probably try again.

   One of the Generals, a young handsome man, with black hair and golden eyes mustered up all his courage:

  G:       Firelord Ozai, please take back the throne! You have many loyal followers who are willing to sacrifice their lives for your victory!

  Ozai smiled. He closed his eyes and paused, before addressing the generals. His voice was menacing and cool:

  O:        And I, what am I to do then? Kill my son and my brother in order to take the throne back? Are you suggesting treason against the acting Firelord Zuko, General Wuhan?

  The Generals face went pale.

  Ozai looked at Zuko measuring him up.

  O: How does Firelord Zuko treat insubordination and attempts at treason? Will he lash out like I used to? Will he fight him in an Agni Kai to gain superiority? Or will he be lenient and in return suffer a hit from a poisoned arrow? Will he toss Wuhan in a cold jail cell to have him tortured like his own father or banish him to the colonies? I don’t fear to fight my son, if need be I’ll die in flames as our greatest heroes have. Whatever you choose, son, it will create bad blood, uprisals and sectarianism... But please, for the sake of our nation, make a choice!

  Z:         Why did you really return?

O:        Mya is dead. This is still my house and I needed a place to stay. As simple as that.

Z:         Mya dead? Was it the poisoned arrow?

   Ozai bitterly said:

  O:        No, a bomb in a city far away in another world. It all seems so distant, now that I am back. Iroh was so adamant that I wanted the throne back, he attacked me.

  Zuko stared at Ozai, shocked.

  O:        Don‘t worry, son. He should be alright. Nothing a cup of tea could not fix. Now please have the servants ready my chamber. I am tired and I want to rest.

  The Generals and Zuko were confused. Ozai looked at their blank faces.

  O:        What are you waiting for?

  Zuko ordered the servants to comply with Ozais wishes. Ozai was vigilant. He was baiting himself out, attempting to draw the culprit out of the shadows.

  Zuko then dismissed all Generals, also Wuhan who was surprised and relieved to get away without any repercussions.

  ****

  Elua was cooking her chicken broth when somebody knocked at her door. She opened only to find two ladies with enormous hats standing in front of her door.

 E: I don’t buy anything and I do not want to hear about your saviour, thanks.

 She prepared to shut the door but Mya told her about their identities and that they needed her help.

   An hour later the broth was eaten and all three women wore Elua's old clothes. Three old ladies. They packed baskets with cookies and wine and left for the gate of Caldera city. At that moment, a few hundred messenger birds left the palace and flew into the sky. Upon arrival at the gate, they pretended to be old alumnae of Master Shinsendos Firebending school who were on their way to their school reunion. The guards were overjoyed and let them in without a hassle. With this story they proceeded further to the stables. Mya checked the loose floor board. Ozais uniform was hidden, his royal clothes were missing, he had been here.

   Ozai was sitting in his room at his desk reading letters from his supporters. They even sent fanmail with pictures of him painted by their kids. He cringed, but his inflated ego forbid him to destroy depictions of himself, so he filed them meticulously. There was a knock on the door. General Wuhan was outside and bid to enter.

  W:        I have come to ask your forgiveness, Mylord. I had in no means intended to offend your feelings. I heard today that the news from the front are bad. Earth Nation smashed our battalion and many died. You, Mylord are popular, and the idea of your formal return to power gains traction with the commonfolk. You are supported by the Fire priests and the council of sages. I know I am risking my life talking to you, please forgive my insubordination. Do with me what you want, but please, I am begging you, do something about our weak defense.

O:       Wuhan, I despise traitors, you should know me better. You are young though and yet a general. How come?

 W:       I fought bravely, but I was also lucky.

 O:       Very modest of you to downplay your role in the siege of BaSingSe. So you are saying they all want me back. You were a boy during my first reign. You never experienced my rule... You show courage, coming to my doorstep unannounced. You remind me of myself in younger years. You are dismissed.

  Wuhan left light heartedly. He had left a lasting impression on Ozai. A courageous young man, with golden eyes and a very delicious looking tush.

  Ozai left hurriedly to the throne room. Zuko was sitting on the throne. Ozai did not want to use the front door like a commoner with requests, nor the side door like a servant. He decided to enter through another side entrance from the entry hall which the Generals usually took.

  O:        Son, can we talk in private?

 Z:        I don’t know what you want to talk about...

 O:       The war... Kuei is gaining traction. I am a bit... worried.

 Z:        A battle lost is not a war lost!

 O:       Let me command the army. I‘ll crush Earth Nation.

 Z:        Kuei has no clue, it‘s the Dai Li who are mourning their loss of importance. I will never allow you to command my troops, you will overthrow me.

 O:       I have no plans to fight you. But Wuhan’s tactic was just a taste of what is about to come.

 Z:        I cannot please everyone.

 O:       You need to please the right people.

 Maybe the people should decide what path they want to take. If they back you, the generals can‘t do much.

Z:        Those bloodthirsty ingrates who whine about cabbage price hikes and who put up that ugly statue of yours.

O:       Very unflattering, I agree with you. They totally missed my perfect cheekbones and abs! But listen, if they vote for you, you’ll be democratically legitimated! The Generals will have no choice. Let’s create a two party system. They can choose your way or my way. They will choose and nobody will be left to blame but themselves if we fail.

 Z:        You would win the election... and I would again be in defeat.

 O:       I always thought you were the leader who cared about the people. Win their hearts. I can give them fancy parades, but you can give them meaning and a future. Let‘s compete and see who wins. The colonies will vote for you, so will all those who lost kin in the war. Some old folks will vote for me out of loyalty. It will confirm your regency.

   Zuko thought about it and finally caved in. They would first let the Generals assemble and appoint them as small parliamentary chamber. The ongoing offensive demanded swift action. They should freely choose whom they vowed to follow and the losers would respect the decision. After that they would prepare for elections in Fire Nation and the colonies to create a parliamentary monarchy with the Fire Lord as Head of State.

  Ozai summoned the generals. They seemed to fear Ozai who was standing next to Zuko, who was seated on the throne and looked small in comparison. Ozai feigned to be absentmindedly and casually flicking fire with his fingers, but everyone who knew him well saw that he was alert. Every inch of his body was ready to strike. Zuko was already sidelined. Suddenly there was a commotion and the guards notified them of turmoil outside the gates of Caldera city. The families of the fallen soldiers of the most recent clash demanded Zuko to step down. They had been notified by birds from the palace about Ozais return. Ozai couldn’t resist a smile. Zuko had to watch helplessly as Ozai summoned the generals and asked them to vote for either his or Zukos leadership. Only a few dared vote for Zuko. Within less than an hour Ozai had taken over the reign again.

#Ozai #Firelord Ozai #Fire Nation #Zuko #Fire Lord Zuko #ATLA #avatar the last airbender #Fanfic #azula #uncle iroh

[nikmack129]

Chapter 1

“DEZ!”

Destiny wakes up to her best friend’s shrill voice screaming for her. She’s fallen asleep reading in the meadow again. She looks at her watch and jumps up cursing herself for letting so much time slip away from her.

“Raven I’m fine. I’m over here.” She yells. She looks up to see Raven and Riddick looking frantically for her. Raven who is just a year older than Dez at 26 and has a mane of thick long black hair that reaches past her butt. She’s skinny, but not too skinny. She has piercing blue eyes that make you think she can see into your soul. She stands 5 feet even with seventy percent of her body covered in tattoos. She may be short, but she makes up for it in attitude.

Riddick is a 6-foot version of Raven, but with shorter hair that’s only about 2 inches off his skull and not as many tattoos. He’s well built with slight muscles on his arms and legs. He also has a very nice set of abs. Raven and Riddick could be twins, although there is a 5-year difference between them with Riddick being older. She sighs knowing that she’s about to get doubled teamed for not letting them know where she went. Raven runs up to her flushed and breathing hard.

“Why didn’t you tell me where you were going? We have gotta get town before the shops close. You know we have a meeting tonight, and if we don’t have the herbs, we’ll never hear the end of it. How can you just waste time out here, and not worry about the meeting…” Raven starts in on her. Dez knows that she’ll go on like this for a while and looks at Riddick. He just gives her an apologetic smile, showing off his perfect teeth, knowing his sister is just revving up for a nasty speech. “Raven stop! I’m sorry. I just lost track of time. We can go now and be back with plenty of time. If you don’t take a breath you won’t be able to drive.” Dez tells her best friend hoping that will stop the speech in its tracks.

Raven eyes Dez suspiciously but says nothing since she loves to drive into Great Falls, Montana. It’s the closes town to theirs. Normally Dez insists on driving because Raven drives so crazy that you could play tag with the other drivers. Dez smiles sweetly and gives her, her best “you can’t stay mad at this face” look and sees that she’s won for now. She follows Raven and Riddick to where her car is parked. “SHOTGUN!” she cries and runs for the car before Riddick can even think about what just happened. She’s halfway to the car and sees that he’s finally come to his senses and has taken after her. She laughs and puts more speed into her legs to beat him to the car. She can hear Raven laughing behind her and cheering her on. She feels Riddick behind her, so she glances at him and sees that he’s using his power to catch up to her. She curses to herself and goes full throttle. By the time she gets to the car Riddick is in the front seat with a smug look on his face. “Sorry Dez, you’ll have to use your powers if you want to beat me. Until you do, I have perma-shoty.” 

She stops by the car to catch her breath and can feel her power just under the surface. She knows she could have beaten him if she had used it, but she isn’t ready to use it so freely. She just glares at Riddick and climbs in the back seat. Raven gets in and starts the car. “OK Rid, you know that’s not cool. In a fair race, she would have had you, plus she called it first. She gets it on the way back.”

Raven pulls onto the highway headed for town. Dez sits in the back seat thinking about her power. She knows she has it, but she also knows that she doesn’t have the control to use it wisely. She hates that she can’t use her birthright like her mother and father wanted her to. She feels likes she’s let them down and wishes for the millionth time that they hadn’t died so many years ago. She looks out the window and watches the trees pass by. “Destiny you know you can’t learn control; it’s born to you. Control is something that I am afraid you will never have my dear. Your father, my dear brother, didn’t have the control either honey. God rest his soul, but he passed that gene onto you.” Connie told her when she was young and has told her very often. I know Aunt Connie is just looking out for me. She doesn’t want me to hurt myself or worse kill myself. She’s told no one of what her Aunt told her for fear that people would look at her with pity. She’s gotten enough of the coven’s pity since she was rescued from the awful foster home in New York City. She still, 17 years later, has nightmares of the two years she was in the foster care system. When she talks about it to others, she calls it ‘The Dark Years’. She just can’t put into words what happened to her. She was 6 when her parents took her to New York for Solstice one year. Dez loved Christmas trees and had begged her parents to take her to see the big tree in New York. Her father surprised her with the trip a week before Solstice. He spent the week telling Dez that she couldn’t talk about her powers or the coven to anyone they met. It would be very confusing to the humans if they talked about it. She did as she was told and didn’t tell anyone.

When Dez and her parents were in New York looking at the tree in Rockefeller Center she couldn’t believe that anything this pretty could really be real. She walked up to get a better look, and when she turned back to her parents to tell them how pretty it was, they were on the ground. All Dez could do was stare. Then a policeman came up to her, and asked her what happened? All she could say is, “I think Mommy and Daddy are tired.” The cop looked at her with a sad smile and put a blanket around her. Then she spent the next 2 years wondering where her family was, and what she had done to be put in a place like that.

“Earth to Dez, come in Dez?” Raven’s voice invades her thoughts of the past.

“I’m sorry Raven what were you saying?” she says.

“Are you ok Destiny? You don’t look too well.”

“I’m fine Raven. I’m just a little out of it still from my nap”

Raven narrows her eyes in the rear-view mirror but says nothing. Riddick turns around “Do you want to tell us what we need to get before we get to town. You know the town folk think we’re weird anyway. Let’s not give them anything else to worry about!” Riddick smiles at her knowing that he’s changing the subject for her and is grateful. Dez pulls the list out of her purse so she can see what they need.

“We need sage and lavender for the cleansing. We also need all the stuff for the protection spell for Mary’s baby. She should be giving birth to her in the next couple of days.”   

They pull up to the square where they can find all the stuff they need and more. As Dez gets out she looks at herself in the window. She’s 5’6” tall long black hair with crystal clear blue eyes. She loves her eyes. It’s the one thing she thinks is pretty about her. They are her mother’s eyes. She has long legs and a decent figure. On her round face, there are three flowers tattooed next to her right eyes, and a purple lotus flower on the side of her neck that matches Raven’s. The flowers are a sign of her rank in the coven. Everyone tells her that it makes her look elegant. But all Dez can see is a ratty pair of jeans that got dirt on them from falling asleep in the meadow and windblown hair from Riddick’s window being down the whole time. She sighs and tries to brush the dirt off.

“We need to get the herbs last. That way they won’t get crushed from all the other stuff.” Raven calls over the car. They walk to the stores they need, and to begin to get everything they need.

“Dez, you and Raven go to the herb shop. I’ve got to get something I forgot” Riddick tells the girls and takes off in the opposite direction. Raven looks at Dez and they start laughing knowing that Riddick is off to see Natasha “Call me Tash” Smith. She works in the shoe store. Dez hooks her arm in Raven’s, and they take off for the herb place.

“Welcome to Kane’s Herbs.” The guy behind the counter calls. Dez looks up and blushes. She sees Victor behind the counter, and her blood heats up. She thinks Victor is a fine piece of man meat as Raven would call him. She looks down quickly hoping Victor didn’t notice the blush. Raven and Dez start looking through the herbs they need, and Dez can feel someone watching her. She glances up and sees Victor has come out from behind the counter. He’s stalking towards them. She uses this time to drink him in. He’s tall, a good foot taller than she is, well built, has dirty blonde hair, and has startling green eyes. He’s wearing jeans and a white T-shirt that has some dirt on it. As he comes closer, Dez looks away and starts to concentrate on the lavender that’s in her hands. Suddenly it’s very important to get the best bunch out of them all.

“Hi Destiny and Raven, how are you all today?” Victor says as he stands behind them.

“We are good Victor, just picking up a few things then headed home. How are you?” Raven’s reply is void of all emotion as she looks into his eyes daring him to make the wrong move.

“I’m good Raven. I was wondering if you needed help finding anything, or if there was something, we could order for you?” he says.

“No, I think we know where everything is by now, and you always have what we want in stock so no need in ordering. Thanks for asking though.” Raven says dismissively.

Victor takes a deep breath and then says, “Hey um Destiny I was… uh… I was wondering if… maybe you would…um like to have dinner with me one night?”

Dez can’t believe her ears. She looks up at Victor finally, and all she can do is stare. Did he really just ask her to dinner? Surely not, surely, he meant to say Raven. As she’s thinking this, he’s staring back at her with a look of unease. He’s thinking something, but she can’t see what it is without using her powers. Something she rarely does in front of other witches and never in front of humans even if they would never know.

“If not that’s ok, I was just wondering. I’m sure you have someone in your life. I’m sorry to interrupt your shopping. I should let you get back to it. If you need anything let me know.” Victor mumbles out as he turns to leave, going back behind the counter.

“Dez, why didn’t you just tell him no? Now he’s picking his ego up off the floor. I can’t believe that you just stared at him. HA HA, that’s something I would do not you.” Raven laughs and pulls on Dez’s arm.

“I…I didn’t know he was talking to me. I thought he was asking you. I…I froze.”

“Destiny Blake! Why on earth would he be asking me, when he said your name to start with? This better not be a ‘how could anyone ask me out’ kind of thing. I mean, my Goddess, he stares at you every time we come in. He’s always trying to talk to you, and hold the door open for you not me. Girl he’s got it bad for you, and you don’t even see it.”

“Raven, he doesn’t date he has flings with random women. I’m not going to be another notch on his belt. Besides he’s human, and I want a nice warlock to date. Someone I don’t have to hide who I am.” Dez says.

They continue to shop and argue about Mr. Victor Kane but Dez won’t budge a bit. She would be all thumbs on a date with someone like that and doesn’t look forward to having to hide her true self. Victor Kane has a reputation as a playboy. No girlfriend ever, just pretty blondes on his arm for a night then they’re thrown out like yesterday’s news paper.

“Well that’s the last thing we need, let go check out.” Raven announces.

They walk to the counter and put their items down so that Victor can total them up. “So, Victor, Dez is sorry that she didn’t say anything she was caught off guard. She would love to go out with you. But if you hurt her, I will come after you and you have no idea what I am capable of! Got it?”

Dez just stares at her best friend like she has grown a second head. She can’t believe she would really out her like that. I am going to kill her. WHY??? Why is she doing this to me?

“Is that so Raven, well if that’s true, why does Dez look like she just swallowed ipecac?” Victor growls at Raven.

“Oh, just because she likes you and thinks she can tell me, then do nothing about it. Then expect me to do nothing about it as well!” Raven smiles at Dez giving her the ‘you are blowing your shot’ look. “Come on Dez tell the man you’ll go out with him. You need to get out and have a night off from … work.”

Dez takes a deep breath to steady her then looks at Victor who is staring at her hopeful. She loses all her reason and says “Ye…Yes I’d like to have dinner with you.”

“Really? Oh, I mean um I can pick you up tomorrow night. Just tell me where. Is about 6 ok with you?” Victor stammers.

Dez just nods and starts to walk away. She can’t believe she has a date with Victor. She starts to think about what she should wear and how to do her hair before she realizes that she hasn’t told him where she lives or even given him her number. She turns around and grabs a pen, writes down her number, then writes ‘if your serious call me and I’ll tell you where I live. If I don’t hear from you tonight, I’ll assume you’ve changed your mind.’ Then she hands him the paper in a rare moment of confidence and walks away dragging Raven with her.

They get to the car and see that Riddick’s waiting for them. The look on his face tells them that something isn’t right. Everything else is forgotten and Dez curses Raven for not letting them pick Daryl up like she asked. “We’re three bad ass witches if we can’t handle it what makes you think he could be of any help?” She hears Raven say again in her head.

“Get in the car now we have to go. I saw Kegan and his coven coming out of the grocery store. I don’t think they saw me, but we need to leave before this turns real!” Riddick says as they get into the car. Dez’s blood turns cold at the thought that Kegan’s out here somewhere. Kegan scares her more than anything or anyone else could. They hurry into the car and for once Dez is thankful that Raven’s driving and that she’s in the back seat. She tries to keep her breathing under control as they pull onto the street. Everywhere she looks she sees the red headed warlock, the leader of their rival coven. Why is he here? Coven leaders don’t shop for themselves they send others to. They’re too important to the coven to let anything happen to them. Dez’s mind starts going through all reasons why a leader would leave the safe haven of the coven.

The ride back is fast and crazy. Dez believes she’ll die in the car tonight. Maybe she should have stayed in the city and taken her chances with Kegan, at least that way she could’ve run away if needed. In the car, this death trap, there’s nowhere to go. Raven narrowly misses a car and is looking like an avenging angel as she drives.

“RAVEN! Slow down. We are safe and away from the city. Hell, we’re almost home. Would you just take a breath?” Riddick’s saying to Raven as Dez holds on for dear life.

“He can’t have her, and I’m not going to let it happen. You know that. I was stupid not bringing Daryl with us.” Raven says in a quiet but chilling voice.

Dez is confused and doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She starts to ask when Raven seems to pull herself together and starts talking about the meeting tonight. She just sits in the back seat and tries to catch her breath. She thinks about her fear of Kegan and tries to remember why she’s so terrified.

When they pull up in front of Dez’s apartment, Dez looks at Raven and tries to look into her mind. Normally when she tries this Raven won’t fight her. Knowing that Dez using active magic is rare, and she tries to encourage it as much as possible. Since Raven is a trainer for the coven her job is to make witches use their power. But all she sees today is a black wall of nothing. Raven’s blocking her, and she’s doing it hard.

“Dez you start the prep for the protection spell Rid and I have to go tell Daryl what happened. Plus, I need to check on Mary, and see how she’s doing.” Raven says looking everywhere but at her. Raven grabs Riddick’s arm and pulls him away. Dez stares after them wondering what the heck that was all about. Daryl’s the head of security and longtime boyfriend of Raven. It makes since that Raven would want to keep him informed.

She shrugs to herself and goes into her house. It’s a two-bedroom, one bath apartment. The living room is big, it has a couch, love seat, and recliner in it along with Dez’s flat screen TV, plus game systems. From the living room, there’s an entrance to the kitchen then one to a hallway where the bedrooms and bathrooms are. The master bathroom is good sized with a double sink and a huge tub and shower combo the other one is a half bath with just a sink and toilet. The whole apartment is painted in different shades of purple.

She gathers all the stuff she needs then gets to work. She turns on her radio and starts the spells. She loves doing spells; they don’t involve her powers just her knowledge. Spells are what she mastered when she was just 10 years old. Everyone in the coven knows that a spell done by Dez is a spell that’s perfect.

To stir a spell, is to use your mind. One thing that has always been natural to her has been mind work. She can remember every book she’s ever read as if she’s reading it at that very moment. She made straight A’s in school and didn’t even have to try. All of it came natural to her; it’s when she has to use her powers that she can’t seem to get it. She knows that it’s something to do with her control but as she’s been told since she was 8, she won’t ever have the control she needs to use her powers like she wants. She hopes to become the Spell Leader of the coven. She dreams of the day that everyone comes to her to learn how to stir new spells, or for her to make up new spells. She believes she can invent new stuff for the coven, but she dare not try till she’s elected Spell Leader.

Dez’s dancing to the music and loses herself in her task. She sets a pot of water to boil. When it boils, she adds the sage and lavender. Her phone rings to interrupt her fun. She leans over to turn her radio down and looks at her phone. It’s a number she doesn’t know.

“Hello?” She answers.

“Hi, I’m looking for Destiny Blake?” says a man on the other end.

“This is she.”

“Hi Destiny. My name is Kegan Drake.” Dez sits down hard on the kitchen chair. Why is he calling me? How did he get my number? Oh, my Goddess what does he want? “I was wondering if I could have a minute of your time. I know that you know who I am, and I would like you to give me just a minute before you hang up on me. My mother is very sick and needs a strong and very hard spell. I have heard that you are the person to ask. I know it’s weird for someone from another coven to ask the help of a rival coven member, but I would do anything to save my Mom.”

  “Uh, what’s wrong with your Mother Mr. Drake?”

“I’m not sure. She has been increasingly tired, and as of yesterday won’t eat. Our healers have looked at her. They tell me that she needs rest, and to not be bothered. She told me today that she needs a spell. She says she knows she will die without it. She says it’s the same thing her Mother died from. I just don’t know what else to do.” He says sounding hopeless and lost. Dez thinks about her mother, if there was something, anything she could have done to save her Mom she would have done it even if it meant getting help from an enemy.

“What spell does she need Mr. Drake?”

“You’ll help? Oh, thank you please call me Kegan, and I’m not sure. She said I need to find someone who could do amazing spells. I need to find them and bring them to her. I wish I could tell you more. I can see that this is a very unusual request. I can meet you in the city and take you to her. I know I couldn’t come get you. If you would meet me tonight after your annual meeting that would be perfect.”

“Well Mr. Drake… I mean Kegan I don’t know if I can come to you. Can you not have your Mother call me?”

“Well, Destiny, she refuses to speak of the spell she needs in any other form than in person.”

“Let me talk to my coven and see what I need to do first. Can I call you back?”

“Yes, you are welcome to call me anytime. Please call me as soon as you know so I can prepare for you.”

Kegan gives his number to Dez and hangs up. Dez just sits there for what seems like hours looking at the number in her hand. Should I even be considering this? This doesn’t feel right to me!

Dez calls her Aunt Connie first knowing that she has to contact the Coven leader and if she were to call Raven, she wouldn’t even get to think about it. Connie is the current Coven leader and raised Dez when she came back to Meadows Keep, MT 17 years ago. She looks a lot like Dez, with short blonde hair and is about 3 inches shorter. She has a very small frame and almost no weight to her at all. Connie does have Dez’s Dad’s eyes with a charcoal grey color.

“Hi Darling.” Connie answers the phone

“Hey, Aunt Connie, how are you today?”

“Oh, I’m good dear, just getting ready for tonight’s meeting. Did you get everything you needed from the store?”

“Yes ma’am, we got back a little while ago. I was just working on the spells...”

“Good, that’s great, but if all of that is taken care of why are you calling? I mean, yes, I love to hear from you, but some of us are busy!”

“Well, while I was getting a spell together, I got a strange call, and I need advice.” She pleads with her Aunt.

“Alright tell me what happened.”

“Well Kegan Drake just called me to ask if I would stir a spell for his sick mother. He says that if I can’t then she’ll die. He doesn’t know the spell, and his mother will only talk in person about the spell. He wants me to meet him in the city so he can take me to her and find out if I can do the spell.”

Dez finishes in a hurry. As she was telling her Aunt, she realized how bad it all sounds. She knows in her gut that she shouldn’t do this and is about to tell her Aunt never mind when she realizes her Aunt has not said a word.

“Aunt Connie?”

“Oh, I’m hear dear, sorry, that’s just a lot to take in at once. Have you told anyone else about this?”

“No, I called you first.”

“Well, I think it would be a wise idea if you asked someone to go with you, but I don’t see the harm in it. It happens sometimes when there is a stronger witch in a different coven. If they can help a loved one better than anyone else, then they will go to the person even if they are enemies. I would have done that to save my dear brother had I known he needed saving!”

Dez lets out a breath. That’s the same thing she was thinking when Kegan was talking to her about it. She decides that she’s going to do it with or without Raven. She’s a grown adult, and capable of taking care of herself. Also, if Kegan has contacted her for help Coven law states that no harm can come to anyone who chooses to help another coven member. The law, and Daryl, would protect her if nothing else.

“Yea that’s kind of what I was thinking I just needed another person to tell me I was thinking clearly, and not letting my feeling for my parent’s effect my decision. Thank you, Aunt Connie!”

“You’re welcome dear. Always go with your gut honey. You have good instincts you should use them, and not rely on someone else to confirm what you already know!”

“Sorry ma’am. Sorry to have bothered you. I’ll let you go back to your preparations.”

“See you at the meeting.”

Dez feels better about the whole thing, but still gets a sick feeling in her stomach when she thinks about having to tell Raven. She goes back to her spell and turns the music back up. Raven will be here soon so there’s no need for me to call her.

As she dances around her kitchen adding rosemary, bay leaves, and fennel seed to the spell, she has a feeling she’s forgetting something but brushes it off as nothing. She sets the brew on a cool eye of the stove and grabs the amethyst stones. After she has dumped 10 stones in, she lets it cool. She feels Riddick behind her before he has a chance to scare her. She spins around and stops him in his track. She makes him stumble a little with a flick of her wrist. Riddick’s stunned and looks at her amazed.

“Did you really just use magic against me?”

“I…I… How did I do that? I didn’t even want to do that. How did I do that? Oh, Goddess are you ok Rid? Did I hurt you?”

“Dez… DESTINY… Stop! I’m ok that was amazing! You got some power. I don’t understand why you don’t use it more. You’re a natural. I mean, damn girl that was a good block. I don’t think Raven could have done that well!”

“Rid you know I don’t like my active powers. I don’t have control, and I don’t want to hurt someone. Just STOP! I know what you’re going to say and don’t. I don’t want to hear it!”

She walks away from Riddick to get space, and to catch her breath. The power felt amazing, and she wants to use it so badly. She’s just really afraid. After she catches her breath, and the tingle from left overpower had dispersed she returns to the kitchen. Raven and Riddick are talking in hushed tones. She knows it’s about her, and her show of power. She ignores them and goes back to her spell. One by one she pulls the stones out and places them on a drying rack. Once they’re dry, she will place each in a velvet bag for safe keeping.

“Raven I got a call while you were gone, and I want you to keep an open mind and not flip out on me!”

“Ok, you know starting out a statement that way sets it up for me to freak. You know that, so I’m gonna say NO now to get it over with.”

“Raven I am an adult and can make decisions for myself. You can both come with me, and make sure I don’t get hurt WITH Daryl’s help or Daryl and I will go alone. It’s your choice, but I’m gonna do this whether you like it or not!”

Raven just stares at her speechless. The first time in their lives Raven Cooper’s speechless! “When did you get that kind of ‘tude, and why haven’t you used it before? Look she can’t even blink.” Riddick says as he laughs at his sister.

“I’m sorry Raven. This is important to me. I need to do this for reasons you can’t understand!”

“Just tell me what you’re going to do so I can prepare Daryl, and anything else we may need.” Raven says coolly.

She tells her friends what happened, and what she plans to do about it. Raven looks like she may pass out, and Riddick’s lost all his humor. Raven attempts several times to talk but nothing comes out. Riddick looks like he’s struggling to not blow up. His face is getting redder every minute that passes. Finally, Raven shakes herself and stands up. She pulls out her cell phone and dials Daryl’s number. She walks into the other room to talk to him.

“Riddick?”

He looks at her finally, and she can see pure fear in his eyes. Fear for what she doesn’t know, all she knows is she has never seen that look in the strong warlock’s face. It makes her take a step back and put her hand up to her throat.

“Riddick what are you so afraid of? Please tell me what this is about!”

“Destiny… I… you’re… like a little sister to me you know that don’t you?” He says quickly like he wanted to say something else but changed his mind.

She nods. Riddick and Raven are her true family and would do nothing to hurt either of them. “Dez there are things you don’t know and wont until you come fully into your powers. You can’t do that if you refuse to use them. It’s time for you to grow up and learn what you need to. I won’t be around forever, and Raven won’t always be there. You need to learn to protect yourself. It’s time to take the training wheels off, and for you to step into your power!” he tells her with a burning look. The look is so unlike Riddick that she has to blink, and make sure it really is him there.

“No! I can’t use my powers, and you know it. I… I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Why would you hurt someone Dez? All you need to do is embrace your birth right and let the elders or hell Raven teach you what you need.”

“I CAN’T! I’ll never be able to use it right, and I know where my weakness is!”

She walks away from him and runs into the bathroom. She can hear him coming after her and locks the door. She knows that it won’t stop him if he uses his powers. She hopes he’ll take the hint and leave her alone. Raven comes to the door and knocks lightly. “Let me in.” She says softly.

She opens the door and just looks at the people closest to her. How can I admit the one fault I can’t fix? They would never believe me. She steps further in the bathroom as if space between them will make it all go away.

Raven steps into the bathroom with her and shuts the door behind them. She locks Riddick on the other side with a look of bewilderment on his face. She walks up to Dez and grabs a hold of her. She hugs her tightly and says, “Dez I know you’re scared, and I know that you’ve had a rough time with a lot, but I don’t understand this attitude towards your powers. You’re powerful, more powerful than I or Rid will ever be. What is it that makes you run from such power? If you truly tried you could be the strongest witch there is, and you would have nothing to worry about, ever!”

“Raven you may be able to see the power inside, but you don’t see it all. I…” She takes a deep breath to prepare herself to tell the most important person in her life the truth. “I have all this power that I can’t use because I don’t have control. My Father didn’t have control either, and he passed it onto me. I’ll never be able to control my powers, and that’s why I won’t use them.” She says as she almost breaks down in tears.

Raven just looks at her, and her face changes to one of understanding. She looks like she is trying to work something out in her mind and doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, when she finally speaks it soft and compassionate.

“Honey why do you think you have no control or will never have control?”

The question throws her off so bad she doesn’t know what to say. She’s thought about telling them this for so long, and in all the time she spent thinking about it she never imagined that they would act like this.

“Well Aunt Connie told me…”

“Ah I see now! Listen to me and listen to me good because your world is about to be rocked! You CAN learn control. Control is not something any witch has until they practice. It’s time that you show your Aunt that you’re powerful, and that she can’t lie to you anymore.”

“Why would she lie to me? All she’s ever done is take care of me after my parents died. She’s the one who showed me the spells, and books that I love so much. Why would she keep me from using my powers?”

Dez can’t speak anymore all she can do is stand there in her bathroom with her best friend. Suddenly she sees her Aunt in a whole new light. How, since the moment she got back from New York, she’s told her to not use her powers. To not show anyone that she has this kind of power because they would get hurt since she lacked the control needed to safely use them. If all I needed to do was learn control, why wouldn’t she have taught me? I don’t understand, my Aunt loves me and has done so much for me. She feels lightheaded, and realized she is breathing heavy. She knows if she can’t get it under control she will hyperventilate. She reaches for the bathroom door and goes out into the living room needing more space than she had in her bathroom. She can feel Raven and Riddick behind her, but she can’t seem to care that they’re there. She can’t seem to catch her breath as vision starts to black out, and the last things she hears is Raven screaming her name.

To read more go to https://www.amazon.com/Witchs-Destiny-Book-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B079V7L629/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Nicole+mackert&qid=1580595525&sr=8-1

[guardianofjunmyeon]

I’ve Got You (part 15)

Pairing: Jongdae x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Canon AU, Smut

Description: You work for SM as it’s public relations specialist, and Jongdae is one client that you have to deal with far too often. Sometimes though, he isn’t all that bad.

A/N: I lied, the smut is going to happen next chapter, i got distracted with Jongin lmao

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21.

The sight of the sheer number of messages takes you off guard and you find yourself quickly hiding your phone in your lap. You look across the table to see if the other boys caught wind of your utterly obvious and plain weird behavior. Minhyuk is busy looking at his own phone (thank the heavens), but Jongin gives you a look that makes you uncomfortable. Strange. He’s acting…strange.

What the fuck is Jongin hiding?

“What’s wrong?” he asks with a lift to his voice, unfitting of the question, that immediately puts you on edge. He knows something. He knows something and you don’t even know how to pull it from him without being too obvious.

“Emergency,” you say smoothly. You hold up your locked phone with its black screen. “I’ll be back. I need to make a few calls.”

He rests his cheek on his palm and smiles knowingly as you scurry out of the door. The breath you take in is shaky. Fear fills you. At what the messages contain. At what oblivious-ass Jongin has knowledge of. Maybe it isn’t about Jongdae. Maybe he thinks you have a different secret boyfriend.

God you wish.

You sit at one of the tables outside and open the string of messages you received with a pounding heart. As soon as the messages appear you sage in relief.

Most of them are pictures. Selfies and scenery from throughout the day. Between every few pictures there’s words describing what he was doing.

He sent you updates while he was with Minseok.

Something inside of you tugs miserably as you read his words.

Jongdae:

>I got you a really pretty jacket! I told Min it was for me:3

>Update: he didn’t like the jacket I bought:(

>We’re waiting in line waiting for food and im bored, why aren’t you answeringgggg????

>helloooooooo

>wah! I see you and jongin! Stop annoying the mascots you nerds

>youre having more fun with jongin than you ever do with me, im jealous

>meanie

>And youre ignoring me. Youre the worst girlfriend in the world

>I’m kidding, you’re amazing. I<3u don’t hate me

After that it’s just cute pictures of him and Minseok and a few creepy grainy pictures of you Jongin and Minhyuk laughing behind one of the 400 people in Batman costumes. The heart in his last word message admittedly makes you feel…some kind of way. He wasn’t serious when he sent that why are you acting like he just proposed to you?!

You hold a hand to your racing heart and take in a breath before calling up the man who’s spent all day sending you messages even though you haven’t responded to a single one. Maybe you are a terrible girlfriend.

It rings for a long time and you assume he won’t answer (as he probably shouldn’t because you’ve been a shitty girlfriend and wow you can’t believe you actually missed all of his messages) but right before it goes to voicemail he picks up.

He huffs into the phone but says nothing.

You sigh. You deserve this. “Hi…” you murmur softly.

“Oh you managed to find time to talk to me now?”

Excuses roll off your tongue as soon as you hear his voice. “I can explain ok! So I put my phone in my bag as soon as we were leaving the hotel because I didn’t want it to get stolen or anything, right? And I didn’t think that I needed to check it. You didn’t even look in my direction this morning so I didn’t think that you’d even send me anything so-”

“Wait, I thought you wanted me to ignore you. Wasn’t our whole plan to not be caught around each other? Limiting interactions was your idea you know.”

“Yeah okay but-”

“Is that a whine I hear in your voice? Aw my baby wanted me to talk to her. My heart is fluttering.”

“Stop teasing me you-”

“Don’t worry baby. I always want to talk to you. I had to try so hard to pretend you weren’t there.”

You bite down on your lip to keep from smiling. Why is he so good at making you feel like mush? “Don’t call me baby. I’m older than you,” you mutter childishly. His laugh rings in your ears bright as ever and suddenly everything in the world feels right. The heart from that one message he sent you surfaces in your mind once more. You wonder if he was using it lightly, or maybe it was a casual way of...saying those three words without actually saying them.

You’re afraid to ask him.

“Are you still with Jongin? I want to see you…”

You shake away your thoughts and look inside the pizza place to see both Jongin and Minhyuk eating away at the food you forgot you even ordered. “Oh shit, yes. We’re eating pizza, but we’ll be back at the hotel in 30 minutes or so. I’ll see you then?”

“Alright. Hurry back!”

You glance at the two boys eating as you distractedly finish your conversation. “Yeah, okay. Love you, bye.” You hang up your phone and stuff it in your bag once again.

One step towards the door and you realize what you said.

You’re literally…a dumbass.

When you walk to your table Jongin gives you weird looks. Funny looks. Eyebrow raises and secret smiles that seem to hold too much knowledge. Your face feels hot from embarrassment. At the words you accidently said to Jongdae and now because of Jongin’s looks.

This has been the worst 10 minutes of your life. “Uh I need to head back to the hotel. Can we wrap this up and go?”

Minhyuk nods and takes a long sip from his drink as he tries to finish it off. You keep your eyes trained on him as you try to pretend you don’t feel Jongin staring you down from your periphery. Never in your life have you wanted to escape a situation so bad.

It fucking sucks that you’re leaving one embarrassing situation just to go to another. What the fuck were you thinking when you were saying bye to Jongdae? Did you forget you were talking to him? Did your mind switch to its response mode when you talk to you parents?

Dumbass. Dumbass. Dumbass.

Maybe you can feign illness and stay locked in your room for the rest of the night listening to Jennie rattle off any and everything on her mind.

Jongin pays for the food and you all travel back as a group stopping occasionally to take more pictures. You don’t mind, seeing as it gives you time to sort out your thoughts.

As soon as you are within the hotel’s lobby you make a run for the elevator (alright more like a brisk walk) so that you can go back to you room and wallow in worry. Unfortunately, Jongin catches your sleeve again and you’re forced to stay with him and Minhyuk in an awkward and silent ride up the elevator. What the shit does Jongin want from you!?

You and Minhyuk’s floor arrives, but Jongin keeps his hold on your shirt. Giving up any ideas you have of escaping, you stay at his side as Minhyuk walks out. He makes it two steps before noticing that you aren’t following.

You wave sheepishly as he looks at you in confusion through the closing elevator doors.

“Jongin what the hell?” your words are genuinely confused as he forces you to sit at the edge of his bed.

His arms cross over his chest. “Minhyuk likes you,” he says uncharacteristically monotone.

You scoff and cross your own arms over your chest. “How would you know? And besides, even if he did why are you even telling me?”

“He’s my friend and I’ve known him for a long time now. I just know; I can see it.”

A huff escapes you as you take in the information. Minhyuk is cute, and maybe you would have found interest in him if you’d known this like…last year.

But now it doesn’t matter. You could care less. It’s not like you’re stringing him along or anything. “I don’t like him like that. You don’t have to worry about either or us dating or anything if that’s what you wanted to talk to me about.”

His arms fall to his sides as he narrows his eyes. The look he’s giving you is one filled with what feels like frustration. As if he’s waiting for you to say more than what you have. When you blink innocently he groans. “I know you aren’t going to date him. Minhyuk likes you, but Jongdae hyung likes you way more,” he finally spills.

That catches your attention. Your eyes widen at his words and you feel like a deer caught in headlights. He knows.

Taking note of your frightened expression, the young idol flaps his hands around happily. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. You and him are really cute together,” he goes on to sit down beside you and pushes your shoulders while giggling like a toddler. “How long have you dating? I thought you hated him! We all thought you hated him! Is he-”  

You shove him away from you in horror. “What do you know?” you ask in a whisper. How the hell does he know!?

“I know that you like him, and he likes you and you’re dating and you’re in love and you’re both the cutest couple in the company.”

Stuck between wanting to deny it all, or, pulling out more information from the boy beside you who is too happy about your relationship for it to be considered healthy, you run a hand down your face. Should you deny it or just accept that he knows?

“How long have you known?” you voice comes out shaky and tired, but if he notices he ignores it.

The bed bounces and as he wiggles excitedly in his spot. “How long have I know that he likes you or how long I’ve know you were dating?”

“Both…”

He sits up straighter and smirks. “Well…I’ve known that he liked you since like 2 years ago because after Luhan left he started doing dumb stuff on purpose so that he’d have to go to your office-” you fucking knew he was doing that shit on purpose! You’re really going to castrate him for putting you through so much shit. “-and I had an idea that you were actually dating for a few weeks now. He looks at you differently now, and you act different around him.” When did he get so perceptive? How many others know about you both? “I only know for certain because I saw his texts on your phone when I was getting my wallet out of your bag at the pharmacy.” He finishes with a bright smile and you feel your stomach sinking. “So…” he says expectantly.

Waiting for you to tell him all about it as if he’s your closest girl friend, he blinks patiently. You shake your head. “I’m…not telling you anything. It’s already too risky with you knowing and…please can you just forget you even know about this? We’re trying so hard to keep this from accidentally getting out. I don’t want his career to suffer because of me. I don’t want any of your careers to suffer because of another dating scandal.”

His soft smile makes you feel terrible. Having to desperately hide your relationship feels shitty, but preserving their reputation means more to you than anything else. “You really like him don’t you?”

You stand from you spot and nod sadly. “Yeah…I do. I need to go now,” you murmur shyly. Admitting to some else makes it feel too real. You rush out of the room and debate whether you want to go to your own…or to Jongdae’s.

Unconsciously you’re pulled in his direction as your feet take you to his door. When the door pulls open and his face appears in front of your own, you feel less worried about Jongin knowing of the two of you. You don’t care that he knows you like his group member.

You like him so much that it hurts. So much that the risk of it all is putting enough pressure on you that you could die. But you keep going forward for him.

Because you like him.

No.

Because you love him.

#exo #kim jongdae #chen #exo fanfiction #exo imagine #exo fluff #chen fluff #chen imagine #jongdae imagine #jongdae fluff #jongdae ima

[bangsmusicandentertainment]

THE CULT TO PERFORM SELECT DATES IN NORTH AMERICA AND THE UK IN RECOGNITION OF THE FORTHCOMING REISSUE OF THE BAND'S PIVOTAL ALBUM 'SONIC TEMPLE'

In recognition of the forthcoming re-issue of THE CULT's multi-platinum-selling Sonic Temple album on Beggars Banquet Records, the British group that's led by Ian Astbury and guitarist Billy Duffy will embark on select dates in North America and the UK starting May 2 in Houston, TX (itinerary below). Tickets are on sale now for the "A Sonic Temple" tour and available here. 

Meanwhile, the band expects to announce another block of dates very soon for2019/2020. The set list will draw from THE CULT's 10 studio albums with the centerpiece being a superset that's focused on the core songs from Sonic Temple; some of these songs have not been performed since the album (their fourth) was originally released in 1989. Sonic Temple--a pivotal, game-changing album that brought together the alternative and hard rock audiences--will be reissued in a 30th-anniversary edition by Beggars Banquet Records (exact release date TBA). Sonic Temple features the singles "Fire Woman," "Edie (Ciao Baby)," "Sweet Soul Sister" and "Sun King." Read a new Q&A with Astbury and Duffy below. Each show will be a gathering and celebration for Cult fans--an opportunity to come together for one night--an event that will be memorable for all who attend. In Los Angeles only, where Astbury and Duffy live, the band has created something extra special. The Greek Theatre will become "A Sonic Temple" on June 15 with a diverse multi-act bill that has roots in THE CULTlead singer Ian Astbury's pioneering pre-Lollapalooza festival "A Gathering of the Tribes" (1990).Prayers, Zola Jesus and Vowws will join headliners THE CULT. Read the press release here. Q&A WITH IAN ASTBURY AND BILLY DUFFY(April 2019)

Q&A  WITH IAN ASTBURY AND BILLY DUFFY: IAN ASTBURY: What was your mindset as a musician and as a person when you began to write the songs for the album? IA: We decamped from London to Los Angeles for a break in early '88, 87 had been particularly intense with The Electric album being released and touring. London had become difficult to live in for various reasons even walking the streets was challenging at times, I was receiving unwelcome attention from the way I looked I received a lot of unwanted attention. L.A. was a mystical paradise. I was drawn by myths that surrounded the canyons and hills of the city and the vibrant music film and art scene. Eventually, we began to feel more comfortable during this extended stay and soon fell into writing songs. We then went to Vancouver to spend time with Bob Rock in pre-production. He was the anchor and had a vision of what the band should sound like. I was traveling further inward. My instinct was to create a cinematic album that contained visceral landscapes, nuanced and textured. We certainly felt it was time for the next evolutionary step. 'Sonic Temple' is one of the few albums that brought together the divergent hard rock and alternative audiences. Can you reflect on this and how the band navigated this terrain? IA: We certainly didn't want to repeat ourselves. We wanted to retain our core DNA as we went deeper into psych and hard rock influences. It was a complete immersion for me into art, film, music, poetry, and literature, weaving those influences into what was to become Sonic Temple. The band was becoming more popular. We were in uncharted waters. Most of the bands we had come up with had split up or fallen off. We were accelerating. There was no real time to breathe. We were forming new allegiances and breaking the glass ceiling of "the indie outsider." How did 'Sonic Temple' change the band as you found success all over the world and toured relentlessly? IA: The lifestyle pressures were intense before 'Sonic Temple.' In 1987 we had already completed a sold-out tour of the UK, immediately jumping into a tour opening for Billy Idol that was total chaos. We then opened for Iggy Pop (who later appeared as a guest vocalist on the song NYC) and David Bowie in Europe and then went on a headline tour of the US and Canada with GNR opening. That was also chaotic as one could imagine. Expectations were high and we had a lot riding on ST being an artistic and commercial success. We blazed the trail in some way. Later that year we had to cancel a tour of Japan due to nervous exhaustion but were given the go ahead to play Wembley Arena and Brixton Academy needless to mention an infamous Australian tour. It's impossible to quantify the experience unless you've lived through it. Several critics made judgments during that time without any real experience or insight into what it was like to be that young inside of a whirlwind. The subsequent touring for 'Sonic Temple' picked up where we left off in '87. Our lives where irreversibly changed as we began to soar the platinum skies. In some ways the success of the biggest songs and videos from the album dwarfed other songs from the album that were illuminating so many subjects and the chaos of the times. What are your thoughts about this? IA: Certainly, MTV amplified the commercial success of, say, Fire Woman but for me the heart of the album was really in songs like Edie, NYC and American Horse and Soul Asylum. We pushed to create tension drama and vibrant layers I was trying to create a soundtrack for an imagined film. As you tour this year with 'Sonic Temple' as the centerpiece of your set, what do you want audiences to take away from it? IA: I hope people coming to the concerts take away a sense of love and optimism, connection and communion. 

BILLY DUFFY: 'Sonic Temple' is one of the few albums that brought together the divergent hard rock and alternative audiences. Can you reflect on this and how the band navigated this terrain? BD: I believe in retrospect the album was basically the culmination of all the work the band had put in since our inception in 1983 as the Death Cult. It was an evolution of the partnership as writers and performers of Ian and me. At the time in that decade, we basically put one foot after the other as you do when starting out and followed our gut instincts as how best to develop as a team and always look to move forward. In simpler terms maybe we tried specifically on ST to take elements of our sound from the Love album and from Electric--both sonically quite different--and make a cohesive third album having the best of both all the while still moving forward and being of our time. I'd agree that perhaps it was one of the few albums that did indeed marry hard and indie rock and that was simply how things evolved with the Cult--not really part of any master plan. However, we have always tried to avoid being pigeonholed since the very early days so it's just how we operated. I think the greater shock to the Cult's early fan base was from Love to Electric, so by ST we felt we had established ourselves as more a rock n roll band than an indie one, even though of course that was our background. What was your mindset when writing the music for the album? BD: I think as always we were reflecting as honestly as we could our lives and environment at that time. I do feel we did manage to put together some great songs, which can be a challenge when your life is mostly spent on the road. Personally I was proud to have gotten the band so far and wanted to enjoy and experience making a truly full-sounding rock album like the ones that had so inspired me back in Manchester in the early 70s. How did Sonic Temple change the band as you found success all over the world and toured relentlessly? BD: I think we had gotten used to touring with Electric a fair bit by then but did embark on a serious year-long tour for ST. I'm not exactly sure we felt successful, but it was reassuring for me to see the band get to another level of recognition. The momentum was always forward and upward. We never looked back too much and never second guessed ourselves. We did have to grow into a 'arena' band and present a somewhat larger than life stage show but that was what was required of us at the time and we did it as best we could. And in the end, I had a lot of fun doing it. As you tour this year with Sonic Temple as the centerpiece of your set, what do you want audiences to take away from it? BD: I think as time has passed our music has endured fairly well. I'd like fans to not only allow themselves a little indulgence into maybe simpler happier times of the late 80s for a few hours at a ST 19 show but also be happy that the music is now really their possession, not ours, and to do with it what they will. For the most part, once an album is done, Ian and I never look back too much and let it go out there with few regrets. Let them celebrate those good times back then but not dwell in them and even more so look forward to new and different experiences in the future.  

THE CULT 2019 Initial Tour Dates 

DATE LOCATION VENUE THU5/2Houston, TXHouse of Blues FRI5/3New Orleans, LAThe Fillmore SAT5/4Jacksonville, FLWelcome To Rockville Festival THU5/9Dallas, TXHouse of Blues FRI5/10Atlanta, GATabernacle SAT5/11Marston, NC (Charlotte)Epicenter Festival SUN5/17Grand Rapids, MI20 Monroe Live MON5/18Columbus, OHSonic Temple Festival TUE5/19Chicago, ILChicago Open Air Festival WED5/25Catton, United KingdomBearded Theory Festival THU5/26Gateshead, United KingdomThe Sage FRI5/28St. John's, NL CanadaMile One Center SAT5/30Moncton, NB CanadaCasino New Brunswick SUN6/1Montreal, QC CanadaMTELUS MON6/2Rama, ON CanadaCasino Rama TUE6/5Winnipeg, MB CanadaClub Regent Casino - Event Centre WED6/7Enoch, AB CanadaRiver Cree Resort & Casino THU6/9Vancouver, BCCanada Vogue Theatre FRI6/10Seattle, WAMoore Theatre SAT6/12San Francisco, CAThe Regency Ballroom SUN6/14Reno, NVGrand Sierra Resort Casino - Grand Theatre MON6/15Los Angeles, CAGreek Theatre SAT6/22Vitoria, SpainAzkena Rock Festival FRI9/13San Diego, CAKaaboo Festival

  The Cult by Tim Cadiente Visit THE CULT's social platforms for all tour dates, news and updates: WebsiteFacebookTwitterInstagram

#TheCult Tour

[firenationskydominion]

Ch 10: The Psychoanalysis of Ozai

The smell of licorice was in the air. Ozai knew the tea, Emperor’s Dream. How fitting. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He was lying face down on a wooden Balinesian massage table and the hands of two pretty Spanish girls were trying to loosen his back. He hated New Age music, but he tried to ignore it as well as he could. When he opened his eyes he saw a bowl with Firelilies. He was content. He almost felt like a Firelord again. It was so warm and damp he almost fell asleep. He thought about the moment when they had arrived on the island. In the middle of the night their pod had descended into the bay and had landed on water.

A athletic young man with blond hair and a broad smile had picked them up with a boat. His name was Jorge and he and his lover Javi were Myas go-to-guys for everything. Driving, housekeeping, tickets to the clubs and more exotic wishes. They had taken the superfast speedboat to the tiny private beach and walked up a narrow path through a ravine. Finally, they saw the house on top of the hill. Music was coming from the pool deck. Mya had asked Javi about the music and he told her that Klaus the Hippie Hermit was having a nude midnight swim. Mya burst out in laughter.

M:        A great welcome for you, my love! A naked hermit in the pool to welcome us! Hermits bring good luck, I only hope he showered before skinny dipping...

O:        Who is this hermit? 

M:        Oh, he lives in our pirate cave. He’s a mindbender.

Ozai was deeply confused. They entered the house. He saw the terrace, the pool deck with the infinity pool and his room! The room was exactly like in the simulation and yet there were subtle differences. There was no robotic sphere. They went out and were greeted by an old naked man with long grey dreadlocks in which he had knotted pink, yellow and blue beads. He was tanned and his skin looked like meat jerky. He had pale blue eyes.

M:        Hallo Klaus! Was geht ab? How are you?

Mya hugged the old man and Ozai could not help but stare at his dangling private parts.

K:         Getting old, but a midnight swim gets my juices flowing again. And who is this handsome man you bring here. He’s a bit tense, ey? I used to be as handsome as him in younger years. Don’t look at me like that, son! We in Germany call this FKK, free body culture. Doing everything naked, even work and gardening.

Ozai was surprised, taken aback and amused at the same time.

O:        I like your attitude. You are a real hermit?

K:         Not quite, in summer I am here, I live in Myas cave. In Winter I am in Düsseldorf and work as a psychoanalyst. I am specialized in treating narcissistic personality disorders, people with inflated egos and a tendency to use violence.

O:        ... oh, ok.

K:         Mya calls me a mindbender. I hope to see you at one of the Vedic chants or for a tantric healing therapy. Ozai, yes? You are a great looking man! You should get naked! The gay boys will freak out and the girls will chase you.

O:        Tantric... that’s sex, isn’t it?

K:         Sensual, not just sexual. Feeling yourself is the first step to feeling others. So, now I have to get the mats, we’ll start the chant soon. Tschüssi und bis gleich!

Klaus ran off and Ozai watched his tanned wrinkly body disappear in the house.

Ozai was in the shower when he looked out of the window and saw a group of beautiful girls in Bikinis walk towards the pool deck. They had feathers in their hair and flower wreaths on their head. Mya greeted them. She wore the same attire. Mya came to fetch him and they went up to the roof. The Milky Way stretched out over them. Klaus was sitting on the floor in the lotus position.  

K:         Before we start with our vedic chant I want to thank Mya for her hospitality today and I’d like to introduce Ozai. Ozai, please tell us something about yourself!

 O:        Ehm... I am Ozai... I... bend fire, I used to be the ... Firelord, and I am Myas husband...

Everyone was shocked and silent. Then they all jumped up, ran to Ozai and hugged him and Mya like crazy, they also took off all clothes including ours. The smell of incense and body oil was in the air.

Klaus bid us all to sit and started his chant. We girls all joined in. Ozai looked amused. Then we girls joined each other to in pairs to make love. Ozai seemed a bit overwhelmed. Seeing six girls and Mya pleasure herself blew his mind and he watched in amazement. Everything became brighter. Ozai saw a halo around Klauses head. It was the sun rising directly behind Klauses back. We had honoured our goddess Tanit, and she had received us well on the island.

Eventually, when the sun was up, all the girls ran to their cars, they’d have to catch up on sleep before their shifts started in the clubs mid-afternoon.

Ozais massage was over and the memories of the orgy on top of the roof had lifted his spirits. He got dressed in white linen, came out of the massage pagoda, and stepped out into the orange orchard. A long swimming pool ran through the orchard lined by ponds full of water lilies, Lotuses and singing frogs. It was paradise. He picked a ripe orange and started to peel it. Mya had driven him here, somewhere inland. The place was beautiful. He got comfy on a daybed and wondered why Mya had brought him here.

 The day after arrival Mya had informed him that he still in therapy and that he would do a week long test with Klaus. He had argued with her, but she convinced him in the end. So a few hours after breakfast Ozai grudgingly descended the stone steps to the ravine and joined Klaus in his cave. The cave was filled with carpets, cushions and a bed. Mya had told him that the test would take seven days in which he‘d be living with Klaus. Surprisingly Klaus was wearing floating white cotton clothes that day and looked like an old sage. He offered Ozai a Maté tea from a pumpkin bowl with a metal straw. He felt a bit silly sipping the tea in a cave, but he was awake and present instantly.

 O:        So this is where you live...

K:         Yes, it was used by smugglers and pirates as a hiding spot. We found old muscets and daggers stashed in here, but no treasure. And then came the hippies.

O:        Mya told me about them. And the herb they smoked.

K:         I have some. If you‘re nice, I‘ll share it with you.

 Klaus had told him to make himself comfortable on the carpets and cushions and to close his eyes.

 O:        So what is this test about?

K:         Ozai. The test is about Ozai and Ozai alone.

O:        Then I hope to pass with flying colors!

K:         We will see. Let‘s start. I will ask a question, you will answer. Ok?

O:        Sounds good.

K:         Be honest with me, I’ll feel your lies like punches.

O:        ... very well then.

K:         Fine. Tell me about yourself. Who are you?

O:        I am Ozai, Firelord of the Fire Kingdom, driven into exile by my son Zuko and my brother Iroh. I lost the battle against the Avatar. I reconciled with my brother, but my son hates me.

K:         How many children do you have?

O:        A daughter and a son.

K:         Which one was first born?

O:        My son.

K:         And yet you named your daughter first.

 O:        She is like me, energetic, goal driven, she sees the big picture and is mature enough to make hard decisions.

K:         You love her?

O:        .... yes, I do. I failed her, but I love her.

K:         How did you fail her?

O:        She and her mother, my former wife, did not get along well. I should have intervened earlier.

K:         Tell me about your former wife...

O:        What is there to tell. Marriage arranged to honor tradition, families and she seemed nice. I loved her, or so I thought. But she left me for another man.

K:         Painful to lose someone like that.

O:        ....

K:         Tell me about your mother.

O:        ...

K:         Too painful? Let‘s do a break.

   Ozai and Klaus drank more tea. Then Klaus handed him a bong shaped like a dragon.

 K:         Smoke this, it will liberate your heart.

O:        If so, tread carefully on what you see.

 He inhaled. Ozai was used to Fire Nation smoke rituals, but not used to smoking weed. He coughed hard.

 O:        I am feeling as light as a feather!

K:         Lie down again, let me hold your hand and then we try again.

O:        Very well.

K:         Your mother...?

O:        She was from a noble family and totally immersed in her job as first lady. She never really took care of me. I was actually raised by a maid and nurse called Elua. Elua stayed by my side all my life. I was not allowed to acknowledge her, but I think she loved me like a spoilt son.

 One day they told me my mother had died. I hadn‘t seen her for weeks before that. Elua took care of me. When Ursa left, she cooked me her home made broth. Poor people‘s food, but I was touched by it.

 K:         Where is Elua now?

O:        She is spying for me in the palace. I took good care of her, she has nice quarters and is looked after for life.

K:         Do you miss her?

O:        She is a servant, I am not supposed to fraternise with her.

K:         If she was here, would you treat her like a mother?

O:        She is a traditionalist, a true royalist, she‘d be terrified. But I would love to just give her a hug.

K:         So Ursa was the only person you could embrace?

O:        She and my children when they were small.

K:         And then they all deserted you.

O:        Not my daughter.

K:         Did you hug her?

O:        No...

K:         Why not?

O:        We are not such emotional people...

K:         Your Ex-wife?

O:        Don‘t get me started. All theatrical outbursts...

K:         Classic mismatch. And Mya?

O:        She is cold blooded and yet very physical. She touched my hand when we first talked, she‘ll come and hug me for no reason, when she thinks I might need one. She is loving, but she is commander and quite a war horse in battle. I love her, but sometimes... I fear her. It‘s a new experience for me to be with such a strong woman. And I trust her, even if I were a fool to do so.

K:         Do you like it?

 O:        I love it. I feel truly loved and cared for. For the first time in my life. I see that she loves me in many little gestures. Sometimes she watches my sleep, or she checks in on me.

 They had talked about the nature of love, about different perspectives and Ozai became aware for the first time how different perceptions of the same situation could be to different people. They ate stale bread and fruit, he slept on the floor. He missed Mya badly, knowing that she was so close and yet chose to ignore him, saddened him even more. He had expected her to drop by to check in on him, but she didn’t come. Yet every day a small bird came and brought him a tiny note of love from her.

 The next day Klaus gave him a neoprene suit and told him they‘d shift through the bay for plastic trash. The bay was shallow, but the water was cool in early May. They found fish, an octopus and even a stingray. At the end they had several bags full of trash. Ozai was shocked. Was this the price of development? After a week with Klaus doing odd jobs all over Ibiza and extensive psychoanalysis sessions in the cave Ozai was very introspective. He walked up to the house alone. Mya was waiting for him.

 We kissed and hugged.

 O:        You didn‘t check up on me...

 M:        No, you‘re a big boy and some battles you must fight alone. I met up with Klaus before the sessions and I watched you from afar without interfering. And I sent my tweetybird. Are you disappointed that I put my trust in you to pass Klauses test?

 O:        If you put it like this... and I loved your kinky little notes.

We retreated to our bedroom where we caught up on all the missed pleasures of that lonely celibatory week.

I saw in his eyes that something had changed. He had progressed yet he was vulnerable in this state. And I had bad news for him. To easen the arrival of the message I took him to a special place inland to relax.

#Ozai #Firelord Ozai #ATLA #fire lord zuko #Ursa