#I just feel rlly overwhelmed

[blaithnne]

so I’m realising my intense anxiety for Hilda’s third season to come out is PROBABLY an autism thing

#like. it’s been 2 years of it being the same #the fandoms been in the same place and the show has too #and now it’s gonna change and it is giving me so much anxiety #when the special interest is so intense that you feel physically ill at the thought of new content because it’s just so overwhelming #<- that’s not my usual exaggerated ‘I’m so unwell’ thing either like I have layed awake at night feeling #sick LMAO #bc of s3 #which is so frustrating because I’m excited! I love this show! I want more! #but because it’s so important to me. new content is going to have a big effect on me #and I don’t want it too cries #does that make sense? no? sick #it’s either an autism thing or there’s just something wrong with me either way I’d like this feeling to go away please it isn’t fun #hilda #textpost #it’s like I just want it to come out already so I can watch it and know what’s happening cause I hate not knowing what’s going on #i need to have. my information organised #and rn I don’t #and that makes me rlly anxious lolz #like I’m anxious for season 3 in a good excited way #but also in a geniunley bad way #I wish my brain was. normal lo #l #this got more venty than I meant it to sorryblads #might delete later #I’m sad hilda is ending bc it’s over and I don’t want it to be but #also it’s weirdly comforting to know that I don’t have to go through this intense anxiety again #cause I don’t get like this with other fandoms! dr who for example I’m living new content #but for Hilda I geniunkey feel unwell #it’s the same with the idea of there ever being new ducktales content #I care so much that it’s. bad for me lol??

[obihoe]

god, the ichibi truly is the most terrible bijuu of them all huh. like he's not even that strong, among the bijuus at least he is the weakest but he seems to be so much more terrible to live with than the others. and gaara ... he is not even That strong either? at least not at first, he breaks down all the time. and his jutsu repertoire is not all that various either, his main strength is his defence but after lee breaks it, all the other opponents he faces afterwards manage to break it as well. gaara i think is the epitome of a failed bijuu-host relationship .. his bijuu might be willing to help him by sharing his power with him but that power is too much for him and moreover, the ichibi doesnt help him exactly either, he moreso just uses him as his marionette to sate his own bloodlust .. as opposed to the other, non-jinchuuriki ninjas, gaara has an INSANE level of power and chakra but he cant channel it properly and its too much to handle for him. the image of his sand shield around his body cracking is fitting i think cuz his power quite literally breaks him apart

#posts #gaara #just remembered this draft .. was watching his fight against naruto (or team 7) recently and god .. #its just so insane i think the way gaara is CONSTANTLY in pain and his powers seem to overwhelm him #like he partly transforms into the ichibi or he gets an arm like the ichibi has #half his face transforms into him. and sometimes he's screaming while it happens #but yknow what also just occured to me? might be a bit of a reach #but when i re-read the 'his power is tearing him apart' .. it reminded me a bit abt mdr .. bc mdr #he also in the end ends up torn apart by his own power. and his power ALSO belongs to a different consciousness #or being or whatever (kaguya) and she has an agency with him. she has a goal that she pursues and she uses mdr for it .. #mdr is in control of the power. he's not breaking down or transforming into something when he doesnt want to #except at the end!! in the end mdr ALSO transforms into someone else without wanting to and he cant stop it from happening #and the power is also too much ... ive talked abt this before but for me the kaguya transformation/manifestation is heavily laden #with symbolism. as in mdr's quite literally ripped apart by the power he has. kaguya pulls in more chakra as she is manifesting #and the amount of it becomes so great that it rips her host (mdr) apart .. the same way that gaara's sandshield cracks #even tho the cracks in the shield do not mean that the ichibi breaks him #but it looks a bit like it does. and when he becomes half ichibi half him. the ichibi is taking control over him #.. in a way. like gaara does want to use him but its more so the other way round. temari is scared the whole time #that he'll lose his control #anyways i feel like im rambling a bit. maybe this isnt rlly going anywhere after all SGDGDS but its interesting to #compare the first blorbo w the current one. maybe the message or commonality or whatever is #that both of these 'bijuu'- host relationships fail. the ichibi doesnt want to be trapped in a human. and kaguya (or all the bijuus) #do not want to be servants to mdr either. in gaara's case its involuntary for both parties. gaara doesnt want to be a jinchuuriki #and the bijuu doesnt want to be trapped in him either. the one who suffers from this here is mainly gaara #bc shukaku dominates their relationship. in mdr's case it is mdr who dominates the bijuu #and its mdr's hubris (his thinking that he will be able to control all of them. can just use them however he wants) #that turns out to be his demise. in both cases i guess its humanity's hubris to think they can take over and use supernatural powers #that do not belong to them and use them for their own purposes. and it both ends with the bijuus who that power belongs to #forcibly taking it back from their hands and destroying their hosts in the process ... something like that #hmm. im just rambling and forcing interpretations into this at this point i think. but yeah

[reamed]

I want to cry I wish I didn’t have to be awake this early

#txt #I rlly don’t like my job anymore #it’s so physical and I have to drive so far #but I don’t have any better options hiring wise #I should rlly go back to school but idk it’s just all so overwhelming I feel stuck #and I’m so sleepy I just wanna go back to bed

[toxiccaves]

<3

#sry i just wanted to draw something for them. even though its not very good #was a bit hard to draw through tears. its been hard. #i need to vent in the tags so please pardon if its not smthn u want to read #ive been so struck with guilt for what i didnt do and what more i shouldve done. the pain of how alone i feel now #but they did so much for me. they were the only family i rlly had here. they helped me grow to be more responsible caring and loving #and i just am overwhelmed with how much they both meant to me and just how much love was shared. im so thankful to them for everything #theyve been with me for nearly half my lifetime!! it really felt like we were going to be together for an eternity. #i hope theyre doing well wherever they are now. i hope theyre getting to do everything they couldve ever wanted #its still really hard to process all of this and how everythings so different now. i miss them both so much. #i love you kitt. i love you stinky. always and forever <3

[cheerioskid]

i just read "the crickets have arthritis" and, I think this poem is something i'm going to hold with me for a long time to come. It felt like a stone was dropped into a unmoving lake, and caused tidal waves. Thankyou so dearly for sharing this poem with me.

absolutely! everything from shane koyczan is so beautifully written and delivered and is SO heart wrenching but it gives me an appreciation for life in a way nothing else has

if you have the time please please please listen to this because it's genuinely one of my favorite pieces of art ever

#found him around 7th grade from a map using his 'to this day' poem #and every now and again i'll come back to his works when i feel like my world is getting a bit to overwhelming #or when i just need to feel something rlly deeply yk #i think another one of my favorites is his 'for instance' poem #please check it out i can't recommend enough!! #inbox #ALSO!! tw for terminal illness and death

[silenthillbunni]

sometimes i get so sex repulsed i kinda throw up just by the mention of sex like EWWWWWWW wtf is that that's just vileeeeee thqt's just smth that exists to hurt ppl

#will i ever be normal 😄 #i wish my brain was normal #sighhhh #like sex is just so ew bc it only exists as a power play where one person hurts the other 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 ewwwww ultimate abuse form eewwwww #🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️ #i rlly dont know ok im srry i just suddenly got such strong overwhelming feelings of sex repulsion nd aversion nd it makes me wanna die tbh #cant my brain be normal plssss plssss pretty pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺

[beautifel]

seems like my heart does nothing but break lately

#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level #for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her #still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions #Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later #jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this #not fair not fair at all this is evil #and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences #i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it #i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity #is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike #Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂 #AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪 #at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even #LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it #what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol #hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather #kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter #how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there #n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng #or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak #n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own #well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her

[gazeboarcade]

this week is such a mf bummer

#my littlest sister is in a bad situation and had to be hospitalized #my college friend from undergrad I just found out died abt 2 months ago #I’m so goddamn tired and it’s only Wednesday :(( #I feel very lonely bc I’m struggling to communicate about everything #and I feel like an idiot for wanting attention #I feel like a bummer and a drag #I’m just so worried abt my sister and there’s legit nothing I can do!! so that blows #school is rlly stressing me out so THAT blows #lots of big things to worry abt doing #and I can’t bring myself to do them today bc I feel so sick abt my sister #and my friend #and like work is incredibly rewarding IF it goes well but mostly stresses me out lately #but I guess at least it’s a break from school work???? idfk #I’m just overwhelmed and feel rlly shitty abt myself :( #delete later

[cookiescr]

I’m ngl to you all contemplating not going to heart doctor and just like putting my sister in therapy too but I’m still trying to find one. Also i am just scared of spending more if i go to the doctors 😭

#girl the sessions are gonna be at least 1000php #… #i die 😵 #jk #i think i am making myself too overwhelmed because i also wanna go to japan next year and i need to grind for so much #i will explode soon #japan is just wishful thinking im poor and also immigration will tell me to go fuck myself if i try to leave da country #vent #rants n rambles #does anyone else kinda have a fluctuatinf uhh wellness like I’d feeling like shit for months #but 1-3 days of being ok makes me feel like im faking and dont rlly need therapy #anyone else?

[boyfriendyke]

maybe the imposter was the friends we made along the way

#college rlly isnt that bad im having fun i like my classes but today is not good #i feel like im not as well read as the other eng majors in my class. to rectify this i just need to keep reading #unfortunately i do not do this very quickly #i also try to read six books at once and then get overwhelmed and not read any of them. and then i keep doing this. ouroboros #also i spilled like all of my tea in world lit this morning which set the tone for the rest of the day for me i think #i DO like my classes tho. i do. im learning and its fun !! who knew the balinese irrigation system was so interesting it genuinely is #anyways. #jc.txt

[seventh-district]

it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!

#Seven.txt #my face #i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post #i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this #hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom #anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨ #the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good #so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh #and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans #we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good #okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more- #-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee #now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :) #man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually #uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life #its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete #even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it! #if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it #fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good #in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that #i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies #like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out… #anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!! #after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again #but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is #so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go- #Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo! #i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!) #anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part #for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)

[stxrmnight]

"Tell me Hero, do you really want to help me? Don't you want more from me? I hate pity."

"I only want justice against what made you this way."

#yotsuyu goe brutus #yotsuwol #ff14 #psg #ffxiv #yotsunemi #nemiarts #stb #not feeling great after finishing this because what i rlly wanted to do has been overwhelming but welp #full context is the girls have allied up to get back to the likes of Jifuya and get them condemned but Yotsuyu doesn't think Nemi #has sincere intentions so she tries to take the pretense off by propositioning her but #Nemi can tell she doesn't really wanna do this and rejects her and stipulates this won't be part of their deal at all #though Nemi is left wondering if talking more and having a consensual experience would've done something good... #but no Yotsuyu was out of it so no way really #that's just wishing she could've deterred her from summoning Tskukuyomi #i still gotta rethink if Yotsuyu survives in her canon because then how would the rest of their relationship be lol #anyways cna you tell i wish they didnt fucking infantilize her and let her have agency while traumatized aghvshfbsdfds

[taegularities]

hope you're all liking the epilogue and that you enjoyed the whole series in general. thank you for giving it so much love and support. can't wait to share more 🤍

#i'll be completely honest #you guys n the love you give are the reason why i'm still here #bc there are days and weeks when i.... don'tenjoytumblranymore #it's not bc of interaction or anything bc my god you guys talk to me so much ily :( #but tumblr has changed... the bts fandom has changed. the dash is literally EMPTY #it feels so different from when i joined back early 2021... everyone was so happy and loud back then #and so enthusiastic about writing too... like i still fkn love writing all i write #but the level of excitement about writing has changed.. it's why i try to take it slower these days #my god i used to have a schedule lmao could never today 💀 #but yeah idk... sometimes im like... this isn't fun anymore and maybe it's time to give up #but that's exactly when y'all come thru and say something SUPER SWEET and i'm like.. wait ykw #i love this space.. it's still comfort and warmth #so yeah thank you for giving me hope and keeping me here you mean so much to me #the platform changes and sucks sometimes but you guys remain here and are as fucking kind as ever and #make this little community irreplaceable #i love you #and yeah. i just needed to get this off my chest bc it has been on my mind for rlly long #especially since those community labels butchered and changed interaction :/ like i just know the c&f family could've been #a lot bigger if not for the label on pt1.. could've really been one of the biggest stories around here but lol it is what it is !! the love #is overwhelming as it is so thank you <3 #okay that's way too long pls ignore me bye #tdl???

[boyghcst]

-

#it’s so weird how u can just feel two extremes and both r just so real #like often ill feel so suicidal and angry and upset etc but then other times I just feel so hopeful for the future and happy w my group #of friends #n both can b true but I just kinda get scared of when I feel rlly depressed n stuff bc it just feels so unbearable #n I just feel so out of control #idk last week was a p good week while socially exhausted #it was acc good to socialise and have fun etc #but idk I get my ups and downs so frequent idk if it’s normal to feel this way #but while im ill I’ve got an interview for college on Friday #trying again idk if ill even get in tbh #and im probably gonna drop out lollllll lit dropped out 4 times already #n every year I try but I’ve been out of work/education since late last year n I just feel I need to do something #even tho I struggle w my mental health a lot n just functioning like going outside and socialising and loads of ppl and noises it’s just #v overwhelming so idk if im just making another mistake but I picked a different course this time and it’s lower than my last so I’m hoping #they’ll give me a shot ig im worried they’re gonna judge me for dropping out so much but tht was care #and I just don’t wanna work w children / care anymore #and ive done social sciences before just the foundation level so I wanna progress #journal

[bixiaoshi]

anytime i wanna complain abt cleaning my room i feel like such a kid lol

#like you're 24 years old wdym u get overwhelmed by the thought of cleaning ur room #i have a lot to complain abt it n its mostly bcs i dont have a space to leave my shit bcs my wardrobe is full of my stepfather's clothes n #stuff my mom has put that isnt mine like 😐 #that and the drawer in my room thats full of my grandma's stuff like 😭 i could use it for my own stuff n yet :-/ #it has like 5 things to use n i only get ONE #and idk it frustrates me so much bcs yeah im a messy person!!!!!! i know!!!!!!!!!!!!! #but i also have no space for my shit!!!!!!! and of course in 10 years i'd get more stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #plus i also have a disorder that makes it harder for me to be organized!!!!!!!!!!! #and when i was a kid no one ever treated me like that!!!!!!!!!!!! no one ever took the time to teach me on how to be organized with that #disorder and now im suffering the consequences!!!!!!!!!! but i can't rlly blame the adults bcs none of yall knew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it just #frustrates me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i ended complaining either way lol anyways. #i feel like a lot of my frustration with cleaning up is that growing up everyone treated it as a failure #i've always been a messy person and everyone treated me as if that were a failure n not smth that was enhanced by a fucking disorder!!!!! #'ohhh you're so messy!!! your room is so messy' n u couldn't have helped a kid to be more organized #if i were diagnosed younger i feel like lots of my frustrations wouldn't exist #jo.txt