#I only lived here a little while

[inkylizard]

You want to physically feel your emotions-chemicals firing off in every direction at once? You want peak surreal time travel vibes? If you're coming back to visit a place you lived a long time ago, and you would like to set yourself up for the weirdest version of that experience; may I recommend being sleep deprived, coming into town after dark after spending six hours in a car, and going straight to the grocery store you used to shop at? That'll Do Things to you.

#Temporal mechanics #& this was just Stirling #I only lived here a little while #Glasgow is going to shatter my brain #I'm looking forward to it

[shrimpchipsss]

read Living With a Tiger by x_los !

#ty jacks pyrzqxyl for betaing my comicmaking #sorry to drop you guys in the middle of the scene but i just really love the dialogue here #i beg you to go read this fic #watched a lot of melts' bingqiu wedding extra storyboard and jo and laurie's proposal scene from the 2019 little women while working on thi #also--it occurred to me while rereading living with a tiger #that bingge and shen qingqiu are the only two characters who have seen the entirety of the other's story (discounting airplane) #shen qingqiu read all of PIDW and bingge watched all of sqq's memories #so even though their actual interactions are limited to that day #sqq has been insane about binghe/bingge this whole time #and bingge has a lifetime to be insane about sqq #it really makes you think #it makes you want to turn into a void of nothingness #cheers to xlos' writing the gift that keeps giving #living with a tiger #svsss #scum villain #bingqiu #binggeqiu #shen qingqiu #sqq #luo binghe #lbh #luo bingge #long post

[stuckinapril]

.

#I’m only very rarely inclined to get this intimate w my thoughts so I might as well say it NOW butttt I will never not see the dead children #In everything I do #Like legit #I’ve read up on Hind so extensively and seen so many photos of her #And I have a very healthy relationship w the popular Palestinian journalists so she’s not my blorbo or anything #But hearing that memo destroyed me bc bisan is only 23 and she seemed so vivacious #Idk like I do normal people things I can’t just pause on my life #But idk how it feels like to sit at a boba place and enjoy my pearl milk tea w my friends #While the horrors over there don’t just lurk the back of my mind. I do normal things and I’m guilty for having the luxury #And as an Iraqi girl I’m living in the literal ideal timeline #Where my mom decided to immigrate to the us and that’s why I’m here living a normal life like everyone else #It’s like in a different world if I were born in a different time it could’ve so easily been me. I’m one of the Lucky Ones idk #It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything #But like. If some things had fallen just a little differently #And I keep thinking about how I’d feel if it were happening to Iraq and people behaved the way they’re doing to Palestinians #I’d be so mad #And some people on here are dealing w assholes while bursting at the seams w grief #For losing their loved ones #This is why I’m so fucking angry at anyone who’s complicit #This was a major tangent but basically I feel weird about doing normal things now while simultaneously knowing I can’t just sit and wallow #And watch life pass by as if it’ll do anything #Misery is not a home but I’m struggling to be 100% normal #And I think that this tonal dissonance is reflecting on my blog too bc I can’t go back to just #Posting about all the other normal things I used to. Like I want to but sometimes I feel off. #Is this anything. I haven’t slept all night #I can’t just allow myself to lose interest in everything I used to like and be and just fade away but maybe it’s about accepting that this #Will also always be a part of me now. It’s that awareness that shadows everything I do #or maybe I need a therapist it’s a toss up #I’ll probably feel better once I get my day started but this was cathartic to voice I think #p

[perelka-l]

A whole page of nothing but Overseer James Talloran delusion for brainrot reasons. Please send help.

(Lyrics are from Вогні by Go_A: "And again the lights appear, and again I follow them". Had that one on repeat for almost entire 4 hours of coloring)

#researcher james talloran #researcher talloran #(though there is only one researcher then) #scp-3999 #actually for that one i used colors from my old art of them for fun #does he use 'we' as first person pronoun here? yes. #i am just living my delusions while slowly trying to parse through new articles and seeing what will awake the sparks but #for now we are back to basics #scp #watch me and my fail art #also ngl it was a while since i had so much fun ;w; #20 points for anyone that can parse the angst on one with draven's hand lol #LIKE THE LOGIC IS: #the more i think about it the less i am convinced foundation would just apply amnestics to james and let him go on #what is a little faked death for foundation #*slinks away* #not pictured: knife #Overseer talloran #Scp foundation

[remyfire]

Living in a quiet little state of denial lest the horrors creep in and make me have to curl up in a ball for 12 hours a day

#ai is officially killing my industry and my disabled ass can do very little else #i keep thinking about all the beautiful fics i want to write while also acknowledging that if the only other thing i'm great at is writing #then i need to go back to monetizing it in a way that is incredibly difficult for me to do right now #i don't want to lose my opportunity to write the worlds that exist in my head but here we are #i am trying to stick my fingers in about 8 different pies right now in hopes that i can have enough to live on one day soon #but boy i am half frantic #my ramblings

[stellar-planetary-system]

thinking abt jackie and wilson by hozier as a verge (young leif series) song. thinking abt them meeting leif and thinking abt

INTRO VERSE: so tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes / no better version of me I could pretend to be tonight

^verge living every day jumping and surviving to get to tomorrow, slowly ground down to feel tired of life, with the red in their eyes from the dryness of the desert they meet leif in.

soul deep in the swill w the most familiar of swine/for reasons wretched and divine

^verge being born into a life of crime for the most cruel of crimes and that rejection and hate from other ppl permeating their soul

^^“for reasons wretched” vapus being destroyed by the hubris of their plans “and divine” the incredible power that could have been achieved

she blows outta nowhere roman candle of the wild / laughing her way through my feeble disguise

^leif literally showing up on a broken ship like a firecracker in their life to spark something new / he sees through verge as a terrifying person and breaks their guard down so easily

no other version I would rather be tonight / and lord! she found me just in time

^feeling more and more relaxed with leif, beginning to feel happy in the moment they found leif when they did

cause with my mid youth crisis all said and done / I need to be youthfully felt, cause god I’ve never felt young.

^verge makes the choice to kiss leif in realizing they need to feel something they’d never been able to before

CHORUS

she’s gonna save me call me baby run her hands through my hair.

^leif being one of the only ppl verge could ever let close to run his hands in their hair (and not pull it).

she’ll know me crazy soothe me daily / better yet she wouldn’t care.

^leif being the one person who knows them so intimately, calms them in all their crises, and most importantly doesn’t care what kinds of sins other ppl put on their shoulders. he just loves them.

we’ll steal a lexus be detectives ride round picking up clues

^being on the nancy sinatra and living their fantasy life of being criminals with a purpose in their small family together

we’ll name our children jackie and wilson / raise em on rhythm and blues

^the ultimate fantasy of being able to settle down for verge. even if they don’t want kids it’s the yearning for a life they wish they could have. something about being Able to settle down that’s so appealing yet so far. / ^^another piece of that fantasy, that they’re gonna raise their kids on a steady rhythm, something calm and soulful and significantly Normal in their own way.

VERSE

lord! it’d be great to find a place we could escape sometime / me and my isis growing black irises in the sunshine

^verge starting to consciously wonder about some kind of normalcy to their life. / "me and my isis" is usually referred to as the goddess of healing and love, so the healing and love of verge through leif and “black irises” could be funeral flowers and maybe them knowing the fantasy’s doomed from the start.

every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside / we’d sit back and watch the world go by / happy to lie back, watch it burn and rust / we tried the world good god it wasn’t for us

^for a moment this was their life. to say fuck the world that hurt them badly and let it burn as long as they had an escape with leif.

CHORUS

she’s gonna save me call me baby run her hands through my hair / she’ll know me crazy soothe me daily / better yet she wouldn’t care / we’ll steal her lexus be detectives / ride round picking up clues / we’ll name our children jackie and wilson / raise em on rhythm and blue

^repeated again like they're reliving their life with leif and then.

VERSE

cut clean from the dream last night let my mind reset / looking up from a cigarette and she’s already left

^waking up the next day after their escape from minsky and lafftrax without leif (who left them voluntarily).

I start digging up the yard for what’s left of me in our little vignette / for whatever poor soul is coming next

^falling back into their old life knowing they can’t stay the same person they were with leif in order to survive.

END CHORUS

she’s gonna save me call me baby run her hands through my hair / she’ll know me crazy soothe me daily / better yet she wouldn’t care / we’ll steal her lexus be detectives / ride round picking up clues / we’ll name our children jackie and wilson / raise em on rhythm and blues

^the lingering memories of a life they could have had but could never have actually had it.

#yeah ik I've already talked abt it. what abt it. I have a message to spread and it's that verge is gay yearning to ME #only anja and eleri are the real ones here who responded LMAO #ne ways <3 jackie and wilson ultimate yearning song #also leif he/him lesbian #I think abt them being lesbians often. I think they deserve to both have tramsgmednerism #verge young leif #young leif #midnight burger #yes ik it's a goofy little podcast. let me have this !!! #leif midnight burger #I also think leif deserves to have engineering hotness. most importantly leif as a woman I think she deserves a tank top #the mechanic suit covered in grease and the worst showering ever. she's space trailer hobo engineer dyke energy she deserves it sm #verge takes one look and decides that Yeah that's it. that's the one. #I have NOT listened in a while nobody @ me about specifics idc im bored at work let me live

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[familyofpaladins]

You've heard of [person/character/show/story/media/art] living rent free in your head right?

Now get ready for: that, but each is a little bird in the nest of you mind, some birds are there for a long time and some just a little while, as they come and go and theres some you feed more than others And it's not until you realize that suddenly "theres less birds here" "where'd the other babies go?" That the bird you started to feed a couple days ago is Cuckoo bird

#(Metaphor for when you have a new special interest that suddenly takes over your brain- #that you cant even focus on other things that used to live rent free in you brain because it's all [CUCKOO] now) #Sometimes theres multiple birds that get along okay (I can focus on each without distracting from the others) #with maybe a favorite of the bunch #but I switch between them fine #And often there will be a new bird that visits for a bit before flying away #And other times a new bird just comes in all of a sudden and takes over #But most of the time. I think it's just a new bird to visit for a little while #and then suddenly it's the only one in the nest #Where my other babies go? Whyd you push them out?? Yet I dont stop feeding the cuckoo. I cant. I have to feed the baby #Anyway. Tmnt is a cuckoo but there is now another cuckoo in the nest and they're fighting #We'll see if the new one manages to push tmnt out or if tmnt will regain the upper hand #The 'new' cuckoo has actually been here before. But it had been well over 4 years since it was the leader of the nest #And almost a year and half since it visited . (So it's been building strength since and came back with a vengeance lol) #I'm taking the metaphor too far #I'll shut up now #Midnight rambling #It is 2:30 am #living rent free in my head

[kazieka]

chronic pain thots in the tags

#so I went for a walk earlier this week!!! at the park!!! #and nothing hurt #and my last podiatrist visit went really well and the bone is healing well #and yet im like. a little hesitant to talk about it on here #bc i spent a lot of time in my 20s absolutely convinced that this was a chronic pain that was never going away #and was only ever going to get worse and worse #and now it’s just. gone #and while im ecstatic about that i feel kind of?? guilty?? #cause like. there are SO many people who live with chronic pain worse than mine was #and they aren’t going to get the cutting edge surgery that I got #who have pain there is NO magic bullet for #but it’s in my nature to want to share good news after being in so much pain for so long #and I WANT to talk about how there are calluses on my feet I thought everyone had that are suddenly softening and going away #i WANT to ask what I should do with my collection of canes now that I don’t need them to go grocery shopping #but it’s just. like. maybe this is disrespectful to everyone who won’t ever get that relief #man idk. it’s a weird space to be in #to think you were gonna just be in pain and limited mobility forever and then have it fixed over the course of less than 1 calendar year #and now suddenly i don’t ‘qualify’ to be in chronic pain discord servers anymore #man I just. i dunno. post over

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#there's something really beautiful about experiencing the weather patterns of a new place #where i live now. its not like where i grew up. not like the foothills of Appalachia but its more familiar than the Chihuahuan desert was #when i go home to ohio everythings so green. so green. unimaginably green and the towns are in the woods. the hills roll #and trees billow deciduous and packed so tightly the treeline is like a wall of plant matter. here there are trees but they are tall and #evergreen. patchy in places like shrubs in the desert. the grass grows green but also pale tan and dead. houses are routed in valleys #between mountains. they're made of wood and not stucco but they still look strange and the landscape is crumpled together tall. and there's #water. it rains. days can be dreary and gray with drizzle. i forgot what thats like. when a single low stratus cloud blocks out thewhole sk #and fog clings to the trees. my school bus used to drive by a lake where thr fog was so thick i didnt kno how the driver could see the road #but somehow i forgot how much joy suspended water vapor gives me living in a place where when it rains it pours so hard the streets flood #and the greedy ground drinks the landscape dry. but there are new things as well. here smoke rolls up over thr mountains and gets stuck in #the valleys so that the weather forcast reads: Smoke for days on end. im used to tornado warnings and heat warnings and dust storm warnings #but ive never expected Smoke as a type of weather. and im sure there's more to experience. ive only been here like 3 weeks. its not as gree #as home. the storms dont seem to get quite so violent. the woods are so full of bears that its an active threat. but its not the desert #and while ill miss the shapes of desert plants and little lizards. when i look up at the pine and spruce trees i feel like i can breathe a #little easier. well see how i feel once the long cold winter sets in haha #but i dunno. part of me still longs for a violent thunderstorm. one where u can feel the temperature drop and u csn feel it building all da #one that bends the trees and smells like ozone. it was never like that in thr southwest and im not sure that happens here #but maybe thats just a desire for chaos and violence as a product of my pathological internal control. i cant be spontaneous so let nature #bring the fear to me. some of my favorite memories are watching lightning strikes #so it goes i suppose #unrelated #listen. is it fucked up to have ohio nostalgia? maybe so. but in my defense i grew up in the pretty part of ohio lol

[camgoloud]

i simply feel that if you burn shit in your roommate’s skillet you should then feel the obligation to be the one who scrapes it out and cleans up

#sometimes i think about the fact that i’m literally the only person who’s cleaned the kitchen in this place for the entire year and a half #i’ve lived here and i get. a little pissed off #i’ve tried being polite and bringing up the problem without explicitly pointing fingers by leaving cleaning products (which i bought) #out on the counters and sending a text in the group chat like ‘hey! 😊 i got these wipes for us! i think that all of us could #use these a little more often so that the kitchen doesn’t get so gross!’ but it seems that everyone either has no sense of shame or just #genuinely doesn’t mind living in filth for the periods between the marathon cleaning sessions i do every few weekends when i have the time #one of the guys who lives downstairs will just walk right by me cleaning up on his way to the fridge and pretend he can’t see me #which is still better than the other one (the one who just burned shit in my skillet) who once saw me cleaning and asked if he could help #and when i got all pleased and asked if he could maybe take the trash out for me while i was cleaning counters (a small and simple task! #when he’d literally asked me if there was anything he could do!) he visibly deflated. said ‘well i’m not really around here much [so it’s #not my trash in there etc.]’ and wandered off. without doing anything #like. HELLO???? you could have just been like the other guy and pretended you didn’t see me doing all the work if this was how you were #going to be about it #but i guess he wanted to feel good about himself having offered/expected me to just say ‘oh no thanks i love being your housekeeper 😊’ #tbh i really need to be more assertive and be like ‘hey guys i’m sick of this’ and maybe. bring up the Sexism of it all. because. #you know. the whole situation feels pretty gendered #was complaining about all this to an irl friend the other day and she said i should start a chore chart but i don’t want to be responsible #for maintaining the chore chart either! take on the mental load of managing the housework and also turning into Resident Bitch for asking #men to do things for me. you know. there is simply no way out here #there is another woman who lives here as well but unfortunately i don’t think she’ll be much help in forcing the issue because. she doesn’t #clean shit either! #actually in the days since she moved in the shower drain in our bathroom has become horrendously clogged which. well. i mean not to point #fingers but one of us has got about two inches of hair and the other has got a foot and a half. so #i also simply feel that if you clog a drain you should be the one to unclog it but i’ll probably do that as well #sorry for the massive tag rant by the way i really shouldn’t make myself out to be some kind of martyr because i’m not particularly neat #myself but…. ooooh god if the bar isn’t all the way down in hell #anyway i just did a whole bunch of dishes but i left that one skillet to soak passive-aggressively overnight #i don’t think the aggression will come across though because i think he genuinely won’t even pay attention to the fact that it’s still #dirty and i’ll end up being the one to clean it tomorrow #caseyposting

[chirpsythismorning]

📝 💐 🛼 💔⏪️💭🧊🌄❤️‍🩹

I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

previous ⏪︎ now playing ⏩ next back to playlist

#stranger things #bizarre love triangle playlist #el hopper #el's pov #i was so happy when i re-listened to this alongside the lyrics when looking for songs from el's pov #'at first i was afraid. i was petrified. kept thinking i could never live without you by my side' #all season long we saw el experiencing heartache over mike and how it led to her feeling insecure as if it was all her fault #she was convinced that if mike didn't love her then she couldn't be happy #'but then i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong and i grew strong and i learned how to get along' #el spending time away from mike at nina along with all the months of doubt prior to their fallout now having validation... #it wasn't just her loving and falling out of love with mike over the course 3 days #it was her realization that their relationship has been deteriorating for a while now and coming to terms with that in 3 days #'and so you're back from outer-space. i just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face' #this is the main line that reminds me of her brushing past mike and will in the cabin #probably a little more harsh as this song is pretty harsh in terms of the singer not being capable of seeing her ex as even a friend now #but el's earned some harshness after what just went down #that doesn't mean they'll never overcome this #it just means there is still a serious need to confront it which wont be super pretty #and then the forgiveness and acceptance can only come after that #'and you see me. somebody new. i'm not the chained up little person still in love with you' #oooooo get him! #'you think i'd crumble? you think i'd lay down and die?' #sort of reminds me of the assumptions not just mike has but also most of the audience #they think it would be impossible for mike to end things with el bc she would be so broken hearted and she doesn't deserve that #which of course she doesn't #but maybe el knows what she deserves... and it's more than what mike is able to give #'i've got all my life to live and i've got all my love to give and i'll survive. i will survive.' #she's not going to go on forever being hung up on something that wasn't what she deserved in the first place #she will survive ya'll #4x09

[musashi]

now that the dust has settled and i am fully confident i was not in the wrong i can say for certain the funniest thing anyone has ever spitefully said about me post-friendship-breakup is "you made the conversation feel like a cross-examination"

#wordy wendy #DONT CROSS VON KARMA. PERFECTION INCARNATE #ok well maybe if you dont want your LAWYER KINNIE FRIEND to ACT LIKE A LAWYER #you shouldnt COME INTO THEIR DMS GUNS ABLAZING #with a LITERAL ACCUSATION backed up by SHODDY EVIDENCE #i have severe and repetitive trauma RE: being falsley accused on on the internet #do you really think i'm not going to keep receipts #do you really think im not going to know exactly where to find the evidence to refute that #prosecutor miles fucking edgeworth? #it wasn't even a FUN cross examination. #literally just 'you did that' 'no i didn't. heres proof.' #cool life protip its a lot easier to collab with people and have conversations with them #if you dont make up a fanon version of them in your head and then write fic about them first #like perhaps next time just act normal. instead of like a freak #no greater joy than reading the comments on that thread and seeing so many people use the word 'deranged' #like oh thank fuck i wasn't alone in thinking it. that WAS deranged. you are deranged. #and your sweet little softboi schtick will only last so long. enjoy it while it does #once more people see what's beneath it they won't stick around <3 fix your heart or live with that

[shoechoe]

man i am glad i didn't get the tumblr layout update

#not jojo related #i do not want tumblr to become like twitter... i was here instead for a reason tumblr #you know this reminds me of the whole coke vs. pepsi thing that happened a while ago in the 80s #pepsi did an experiment where they blindfolded people and gave them coke and pepsi to see which drink they preferred #and it turns out that people actually preferred pepsi by a large margin #so coke freaked out and decided that they would alter their recipe to taste more like pepsi #but it turned out that only resulted in a loss of sales #coke drinkers didn't like the recipe change and pepsi drinkers would just drink pepsi #that's what comes to mind every time these big social media websites further assimilate into one big sludge of the same thing #(personally i think coke and pepsi are both equally whatever-tasting but that's not the point) #like... the appeal of having more than 1 website is that they're different. there's a variety #yeah twitter is crashing and burning but that doesn't mean you should copy their layout... #the tumblr userbase chose tumblr because it was its own unique thing. trying to accomodate twitter users by making tumblr identical- #-to twitter is just going to alienate most of the userbase and probably won't do much for the twitter people either #and obviously every website adding a little shorts/tiktok copycat feature is just infuriating. nobody wants tumblr live #i have xkit though so if they do decide to make this layout permanent xkit will probably make a fix for it and i'll be fine lol #idk. just my thoughts

[borrelia]

tikal sends knuckles into the future based on when she grabbed sonic, bc since they know each other in the future, that must be where knuckles goes. and knuckles assumes that this time must be significant bc it will be just before the rest of the echidnas return to the island. but it is not. he finds the space sanctuary of other echidnas and basically gets told "probably not in your lifetime"

#some come down to mobius a little later after he finds them #but most stay on the other planet bc they dont feel safe anywhere else while the drakkons are still around #which is fair i think! #the protection of the kaamdaarns has been the only reason theyve been able to live this way so far #it's too big of a risk for all of them to abandon that #thinking. i like what i have decided on here #myaa