#I want to know that everything will have been worth it in the end

[ambrosiagourmet]

In chapter 28, Marcille lays out why the journey she's been on has been worth the pain: because they were able to bring Falin back. The injuries, the indignity, and the mess of it all - they are tolerable primarily in context of destination she believes she's reached at this point.

In truth, of course, the story is far from finished. In fact, I would argue that this is actually where hers really starts. This scene holds the seed of the very thing the Winged Lion will exploit to lead Marcille to become the Lord of the Dungeon. After all, with a desire as far reaching and deeply held as Marcille's, if the only acceptable outcome is success, what other choice does she have but to bargain with the infinite?

So let's talk about this idea - where it leads her, how Laios' path intersects with it, and how they both help each other move forward in the face of failure.

First though, I want to step back and talk about something else: the shapeshifter chapters.

With these chapters recently covered by the anime, there has, of course, come plenty of fun discussions about which version of each character belongs which other character's perceptions, and what that means.

One thing I've seen pointed out a few times is the fact that both Laios and Marcille's impressions of each other are based around Falin. Marcille's version of Laios is larger and more masculine, because those are the traits that stuck out to her in contrast to Falin. Laios' version of Marcille was directly inspired by her appearance and demeanor when resurrecting Falin.

So why is this important to a discussion about Marcille being focused on success? Well, it shows us where Laios and Marcille's relationship starts: built primarily around their shared love for Falin. It's from that shared beginning that they begin to learn about each other on their own terms.

And this is true for the whole group, to be clear. They are united by circumstance - love for a lost companion, a sense of responsibility, a desire for freedom - but they all grow and help each other beyond that circumstance. They help Senshi bury the ghosts of his past and eat some Hippogriff stew. They help Izutsumi open up to mutual love and friendship. And they learn so much about each other: about Chilchuck's family and Laios' love of monsters and Marcille's desires to live life alongside others.

In the particular case of Marcille and Laios, understanding each other is what lets them save each other. It is not through Falin that Laios talks Marcille down from the edge the Lion has brought her to, nor is it through her that Marcille comforts Laios after the demon is defeated, when it is still unclear how everything will work out.

In fact, it is very specifically the unknown fate of Falin that Marcille comforts him about.

She is willing to accept the outcome - willing, now, to embrace the journey itself, rather than only accepting it as a means to an end.

This is a lesson she learns from Laios, and it's a lesson we watch Laios learn, too.

Just before making her deal with the Lion, Marcille recalls everything that led her to that moment. She lingers on the pain, recalling the worst of their journey:

She only pushes through by remembering her goals: saving Falin, and equalizing the lifespans of her friends to match her own.

And yet, 10 chapters later, when reflecting on why she actually wants to see her goals through, it is the good parts of that very same journey that shine through.

There's an inherent contradiction here, one which Marcille doesn't know how to face. How can the suffering that she tolerates also be the love that drives her forward? How can the loss that she's worked so hard to reverse also be the very circumstance that created a world she, now, cannot stand to give up?

And Laios confronts her with the truth. Because it just is.

Losing Falin forced him to open up to others in a way he never had. It forced him to choose what he cares about, and in making that choice, it gave him the opportunity to be seen. To connect with others.

He has already had to come to terms with the fact that Falin's death has given him something - he would not have been able to kill her again if he hadn't.

There is something here that is fundamental to Dungeon Meshi's understanding of what life even is. Like, I don't think it's a coincidence that part of Laios' speech to Marcille in chapter 85 is actually first seen in the chapter where they fight off ghosts.

In 'Sorbet,' while possessed , Laios thinks that it would have been better if the dragon had eaten him, instead of Falin. The ghosts make people lose their will to live - they are dragged away from life.

When he's pulled back from that brink, Laios realizes that he can't move forward without accepting that she is gone. He even compares the way he was holding on to her to being possessed: it pulled him away from life, from the present moment.

To carry on, he must accept what has been lost, and focus on protecting the life that they still have.

Like Marcille, he has to accept the contradictions of their journey. That life means eating, and eating requires death. That sometimes one must be selfish in order to be kind, and that selflessness can easily be twisted into to cruelty.

That loss will, inevitably, lead you to find happiness that you may not have found otherwise.

This is how he gets through to Marcille. And I think part of the reason he reaches her with these specific ideas is because those contradictions are baked so thoroughly into their relationship.

Marcille only met Falin after she had been left behind by Laios. Laios was able to reconnect with Falin because she left Marcille. They both met each other through Falin, and yet they only really got to know and care for one another after she died.

And of course, that's why Marcille uses the same ideas to comfort Laios, in the final chapter. It is because of Laios that she is able to accept the journey for itself, and not need the happy ending to justify its meaning to her.

Together, they help each other move forward, and accept that they may not be able to bring Falin back.

Which, if I'm being honest... I think this is the reason Falin can come back, narratively speaking, without the resurrection feeling like it takes away from the themes of the story.

After all, she doesn't do it for Marcille or Laios - she does it for her own sake. Her own hunger and her own desire to eat are the things that lead her back to life.

All three of them, together, end the story like this: not clinging to the things they are afraid to lose, but knowing they can choose to move forward together.

And, importantly, this happy ending is no longer the thing that gives the journey meaning. Rather, it is the privilege of the journey itself that is her happy ending: the chance to walk alongside others in the time they have, to get to know each other, and to eat well.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #marcille donato #laios touden #falin touden #dungeon meshi spoilers #dunmeshi analysis #for anyone keeping track I'm on pdt so it IS still the same day that I said I'd post it on #PUT DOWN THE TOMATOES

[c-nstantine]

Hi! I know at the moment you aren't accepting requests, but I thought of something super cute and wanted to share! It came to me after I remembered something my dad told me when i was roughly 7 or 8 (I'm nearly 23 now)... My had asked my dad why he would do things with me (like let me put makeup on him and do his nails) that a lot of other dads don't do with their daughters. He picked me up and told me, "Because I want you to ALWAYS know your worth as a person, not just as a girl. You are worth more than any treasure in the world, and I NEVER want you to forget that. You can do anything, be anything you desire, and I will always be right there proudly cheering you on." Anyway... Imagine Bruce dancing with a child black batsis during a gala! Like she's standing on his shoes in a pretty dress and they are just having a cute father daughter dance and when the dance ends Bruce just takes a knee and kisses her hand like you see in movies and then gives her a thornless rose. And she just falls asleep in his arms on the car ride back to the manor. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Wait, because that so cute. Bruce is definitely the reason Y/N doesn't settle. Ever since she was a little girl, he has been making sure that she knew her value and worth. I would also like to say Bruce didn't realize the amount of shit he would get for adopting a little black girl. People were always talking shit and he did what he could to end it expeditiously. Let someone try to talk about her in the magazines, Wayne Enterprises would buy them and shut them down. A little kid was mean to her, he's talking to the headmaster. Some blog talking shit, a cease and desist was sent.

A core memory for Black!batsis is her first daddy-daughter date. She remembers how Bruce let her pick out what ever dress she wanted to wear, had someone style her hair so she could feel like a princess. It was just her and Bruce for the whole day. The two of them did everything from shopping, going to the movies, to getting ice cream in the park. But what she remembers most about that day is how Bruce carried her into bed and tucked her in and told her how he would always love her.

#x black!reader #black!reader #x black reader #black reader #bruce wayne #bruce wayne x black!reader #bruce wayne x reader #black!batsis

[httpswritings]

watching from afar

laia codina x reader; misa rodriguez x laia codina; 422 words

One evening, as they lounged in the hotel room after a grueling training session, Misa broached the subject with gentle determination.

“Laia, there's something I need to talk to you about,” Misa began, her voice soft yet resolute.

Laia looked up from her phone, curiosity flickering in her eyes. “What is it, Misa? Is everything okay?”

Taking a deep breath, Misa forged ahead, her words laced with unwavering support. “I've noticed how you look at her.” Misa didn't pronounce your name, but Laia knew exactly who Misa was referring to. “Laia. It's obvious that you look at her differently than you do at me, or at Jenni, for example. And I think it's time you tell her.”

Laia's heart skipped a beat at Misa's words, her cheeks flushing with a mixture of embarrassment and longing. “But what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I make her uncomfortable? I don't want that. She's been my friend since we were kids. I don't know what I'd do if—”

Misa reached out and took Laia's hand in hers, her gaze steady and reassuring. "Laia, love is worth the risk. And if she truly cares about you, she'll understand and appreciate your honesty. You owe it to yourself to speak from the heart and finally be your truest self when you're with her. I've noticed how you remain less physical with her to prevent making her uncomfortable, or how you look at our other teammates when they hug her. Or how you get tense when she gives you a playful tap on the back of your head. Either way, I'm going to be by your side, whether you end up crying from sadness or from happiness."

Moved by Misa's unwavering support, Laia nodded, a newfound sense of determination coursing through her veins. With Misa by her side, she knew she could face whatever lay ahead.

The following day, Laia finally worked up the courage to confess her love to you. With shaking hands and a heart full of hope, she finally poured out her feelings in a moment of vulnerability and truth.

To Laia's delight, your response was nothing but reassuring and accepting. You confessed that you had feelings for Laia as well, but had been too afraid to speak up for fear of ruining their friendship.

At that moment, as you stood together beneath the sun, Misa watched from afar, her heart filled with joy at having played a small part in bringing her two friends together.

#laia codina x reader #laia codina #misa rodriguez imagine #misa rodriguez x reader #misa rodriguez #laia codina imagine #woso #woso imagine #woso x reader

[schemmentis]

Somethin' Stupid - Pt. 3

Part 1 / Part 2

Summary: The end of senior year, graduation, and the beginning of your last summer before college.

WC: 3.9k

Italian-American Translations: Basta - Enough, Madonn' - My god, boombotz - idiots

“I think I’m gonna break up with Joey.” You look up from your notebook where you’ve been writing your valedictorian speech. Melissa had been right; you’d secured that spot in your class. You take a moment to gaze at your best friend sitting across from you at your kitchen table. 

It’s a Friday evening, with only a week of your senior year left. Graduation less than two weeks away. You stare at Melissa, trying to figure out where this is coming from. She hasn’t looked you in the eye since you’ve looked up. She’s biting her lower lip and looking for all the world like she’s looking at one of the last pieces of homework you’ll have to do. At least for high school.

You think maybe it’s nerves. Mel certainly looks nervous. Maybe with college coming up she isn’t sure she and Joey will make it through the life changes of it. Except you know how she feels about Joey. She gets annoyed with him and loves to act like an over exasperated partner that’s been married to him for years. You know she almost never is though, not really. When she is, she tells you. This is the first time she’s mentioned anything about breaking up with him.

“Why?” You finally ask, keeping your eyes on your redhead as she finally meets your eye.

She shrugs, leaning against the table. “He’s still hanging out with Mikey and everything… I don’t think it’s right.”

You sigh, setting down your pen. “Mel,” You start as you reach across the table to grip her hands. “Do you love Joey?”

“Yeah but if he’s going to keep hangin’ out with that asshole—”

You squeeze her hands to get her to stop. “Look at me.” You say softly as she had looked away as she started on the tangent you interrupted. You wait until her green eyes are looking at you once more. “Forget all the shit with Mikey.” You say. “I’m not askin’ about that. I’m askin’ how you feel about Joey. You love him, right?”

“Right.” Melissa answers after a moment keeping herself from going on the tangent again at your request. You know she does. You’ve seen it go from her crush on him early junior year to actual affection once they started dating. To now, it's obvious to anyone with eyes around them how much Mel loves him. She’s sarcastic and pretends to be annoyed but she can’t hide the way she looks at him or doesn’t hesitate to do anything he needs. 

“And you wanna be with him? Probably marry him, whenever he gets the nerve to propose, right?” You ask, despite a small ache in your ribs. You blame it on leaning over the table and the wood pressing into them. It isn’t a secret. It hasn’t been since Melissa and Joey’s relationship got serious after they’d been together a year. You imagine it won’t be right away that Joey will propose. Maybe a couple years into college but you know it’s coming. Just like you know Mel’s answer. 

Another long drawn out moment before Mel is nodding across from you. “Yeah. I do.”

“Then you don’t wanna break up with him and you’re just gonna make yourself miserable.” You say, squeezing her hands one more time before you draw them away with a shrug. “The Mikey stuff?” You sigh as you reclaim your pen. “It sucks, yeah. But whatever. Joey was never really my friend, y’know? We got to know each other because you spend time with both of us. It’s not worth breaking up with Joey over the fact that he still wants to hang out with Mikey.”

You both have plans for the next few years. You’ve talked about them plenty in the build up to this year, senior year, and over the course of it. You know Mel is going to go into education, being a teacher is what she’s wanted to do since eighth grade. It hasn’t changed since. She’s planning on her own house in Philly as soon as she can. She’s told you about the little garden she can’t wait to have out back. Fresh produce grown right in her backyard. She’s planning on marrying Joey. She hasn’t said anything about kids but that wouldn’t surprise you. Her family is traditionally big and you know as much as Mel complains about them; they’re the most important to her.

That’s Melissa’s five year plan. College to get her teaching degree, teacher’s assistant until she can get her own position. Save for the house and the garden. Marry Joey. Start their life together, whatever it looks like. You know she doesn’t really care if Joey wants kids or doesn’t. What’s important to her is life with Joey. 

Your five year plan? You don’t have one past your career in social work. That much of a plan has always been more than enough for you. College for your bachelor’s. Start working at the entry level for experience while you go for your master’s. You still haven’t decided if afterwards you’ll go for your doctorate or a phd since they do have different applications for them and the jobs available. You figure though that part of it can wait until you get there. 

The relationship part of it? Well, you’ve just never worried about it too much. You always figured it would find you when it was meant to. If it was meant to. And if it didn’t? Well, you kind of figured you’d be alright either way.

“Maybe you’re right.” Melissa says with a huff across from you. The usual sound that accompanies her admitting she isn’t right. “Maybe I don’t wanna break up with Joey but I’m pissed he’s still hanging around with Mikey after what happened.”

You shrug, glancing back up to her. “Like I said, Mel, it’s okay. Joey and I weren’t really friends anyhow.”

“Maybe not but you’re my best friend and his best friend hurt you. If he cares so much about me shouldn’t that extend to you? Hell, even forget all that, it's just basic human decency!”

“Don’t get me wrong, I agree. You know I do, Mel. But…it doesn’t change how you feel about him and you can’t make Joey do somethin’ he doesn’t wanna do. It isn’t…it’s not worth ending everything with him over when you still care about him so much. It ain’t worth making yourself miserable over.”

Suddenly Melissa is out of her chair and rounding the table. Before you can even ask she’s throwing herself into your space with enough force it jostles you as her arms wrap around you tightly. “Just know that nobody messes with my girl and gets away with it. Nobody. I won’t let nobody get away with hurtin’ ya, not while I’m breathin’, kid.”

You blink the tears away from your eyes that are welling. You and Melissa haven’t really talked about what happened since prom. You don’t really want to. It happened and you want to move on from it. With her arms gripping you tightly and her words though, you can’t help the swelling of emotions for your best friend. You shift to wrap your arms around her to match her embrace. “Thank you,” is all you can manage to breathe out.

Melissa doesn’t drop her grip around you for a long, drawn out moment. Her arms squeeze around you to reaffirm her presence. It’s only when she hears the front door open and Kristen Marie’s loud entrance that she slowly pulls away. She kisses the top of your head, a hand squeezing your shoulder before she retreats to the other side of the table.

“‘Sup losers.” Kristen Marie says as she strides into the kitchen just as Melissa sits back down. “Mel, where’s Ma?”

“Do I look like I know?” Melissa says, shooting a glare to her sister. 

“Geez, I was just askin’.” Kristen Marie mutters. She glances at you, smiling. “Hey, Y/N, congrats on being valedictorian.”

Melissa’s glare at her sister only hardens at her brightening once she notices you. This is how it’s played out with the Schemmenti sisters since second grade. They gripe at each other and annoy each other. Kristen Marie purposefully cheery at you whenever she sees you strictly because it gets her sister to glare at her like she currently is.

“Thanks.” You answer with a small shake of your head at the Schemmenti Staredown happening across from you. 

“Okay,” Melissa says a little loudly. “You can go now, Kristen Marie.”

“Hello? I’m having a conversation with Y/N, not you, Melissa Ann. Please have some manners. Ma taught us better, you know.” 

“Oh my god,” Melissa grumbles, getting up again to start shoving her sister out of the kitchen. “Go away, we’re busy. No time for conversations with little sisters, get out.”

In the usual perfect timing of any Schemmenti, their mother arrives just then. Stepping through the side door of the house into the kitchen. She raises an eyebrow, seeing her two daughters that are now in the doorway between kitchen and living room. By now, they’ve slipped into their usual insult trading tirade. It’s rapid fire and littered with Italian you only know from practically living in this house as your second home.

“Hey! Basta, you two!” Somehow, Mrs. Schemmenti manages to be louder than her two daughters. As soon as her voice is filling the kitchen, the two sisters freeze entirely. "Madonn’ you’d think I was raising boombotz ‘round here.”

You amusedly watch the two sisters pull away from each other. Each murmuring something along the lines of ‘sorry, Ma.’ Melissa drops back into her seat across from you as Kristen Marie makes for the stairs to retreat to her room. When she looks at you, she frowns. She glances to ensure her mother won’t see before flipping you off in return for you clearly being amused at her getting in trouble. It only makes you laugh, and for as much as Melissa tries to hold her glare at you; she starts smiling.

The next time you see Melissa is at school, with Joey. They have their arms linked as they pass you at your locker between periods. She yanks on his arm to get him to stop so you can talk about the new underclassmen gossip she’s heard. She makes you promise to sit with them at lunch. You do. Joey doesn’t seem uncomfortable but he does seem…awkward. You pay him little mind, focused instead on enjoying a meal with your best friend between classes. Before Joey leaves for his next period Melissa grasps his wrist, firmly reminding him that it’ll be three of you ditching your last day next week and for your senior week trip after graduation. 

“You don’t need to do that.” You say once you look away from the back of Joey’s football jersey as he leaves the cafeteria.

“Yes, I do.”

You sigh. At least Melissa isn’t playing the game of pretending not to know what you’re talking about. “I told you, it’s okay if you just wanna go with Joey for ditch day and senior week. It’s practically spring break with way more freedom; it’s fine, Mel.”

“I don’t want to go just me and Joey for senior week.” She says with a glare. Her tone has you sitting up a bit more, blinking at the redhead sitting across the table from you.

“He wants it to be just the two of us.” Melissa continues after a moment, her fingers picking at what’s left of her sandwich. Unusual enough that she wouldn’t finish lunch it’s more unusual for her to be nervously picking at the remnants. After a moment her green eyes glance back up at you. Melissa clears her throat, shifting in her seat. “He wants to have our first time at the hotel in Myrtle Beach.”

You blink again, doing your best to fight the rising heat you feel in your cheeks. You can’t tell if it’s embarrassment at the topic or the awkwardness. Or the way Melissa’s clear feeling of discomfort reminds you of Mikey and prom. “You don’t want to.” You practically whisper. It isn’t a question. You can tell.

Melissa nods. “I mean, eventually, of course I do. I just…” She sighs, suddenly seeming frustrated with herself as she brushes her hair away from her face. “I just don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” She finally admits quietly, looking back down at the food she’s picking at. “I mean, imagine if my Ma found out I slept with Joey outta wedlock? She’d have a heart-attack and then if I got pregnant… I love him, Y/N, I do, and I want to be with him like that I just…it doesn’t feel right.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, Mel. That you don’t feel right with.”

“If you don’t come with us to South Carolina, I will.” She answers.

You bristle. You reach across the table and grip Melissa’s hands firmly between your own. You meet her gaze with your own readily when she looks back up. “If Joey ever, ever, puts his hands on you when you tell him you don’t want him to; you call me.” You say with every ounce of sincerity.

Melissa blinks at you, her eyes wide in surprise that you would imply defending her. Despite her doing exactly the same with Mikey at prom. “He wouldn’t.” She finally manages to say.

You agree, but you also see the tinge of fear in your best friend's expression. She trusts Joey, but there’s always that little bit of doubt. You both trusted Mikey too. Maybe not as much as Joey but still. You had. Yet he took advantage anyway. “If he ever does, Melissa. You call me.” You repeat as you squeeze her hands lightly.

She nods. “You know you’d be the first one to know.” She finally agrees.

“I’ll come with you on the trip if you would really feel more comfortable.” You say as you finally release her hands.

“You will? Even if Joey will be a little snot about it?”

You scoff. “I can handle Joey being an asshole.” You assure swiftly. “If you want me there, I’m there. Joey will deal with it.”

Melissa smiles, launching into filling you in on all the itinerary she’s been planning out for the trip. By the time you’re both leaving the cafeteria you’re reluctantly agreeing to her plans to take surfing lessons that Joey had vetoed before. 

Before Myrtle Beach and the senior week trip; you have to get through graduation. Which for the most part is easy. The last week of school doesn’t present anything really challenging wise from your classes. Your teachers know there’s little point in testing or quizzing your senior class by now. Though some do still attempt to get you to learn at least slightly in your last week. Others are perfectly content to wheel the television cart into the classroom and put a VHS on for your class to talk over. 

When the actual ceremony comes; you’re more nervous. You have both your mother and Melissa check your stole over your graduation gown as well as the fit of your cap multiple times. As if it wasn’t a process to ensure the correct sizes weeks ago anyhow. Still, you’ll be standing in front of your whole school for your valedictorian speech. Popularity and looks may not have been something you were ever particularly concerned with through the last four years but you’d like to avoid looking like an idiot on that scale still.

When it comes time for your speech; you feel the nerves fall away and settle into your ability to focus on what you feel is important to say. You’d worked hard on your speech; your last farewell to both your school and classmates. It also serves to say the same on behalf of your graduating class. You wanted it to resonate. Falling comfortably into the words you’d written; you aren’t certain if it does or not. You feel like you blink and you’re at the end of the speech.

Once you finish, Melissa is the only one of your graduating class that doesn’t toss her cap in the air. She’s too busy cupping her hands around her mouth and shouting her support for you. She’s still wearing the cap a few minutes later when she all but barrels into you to hug you tight. You return her grip, your smile hurting your face when she tells you how wonderful you’d done up there.

Instead of staying out like plenty of your other new graduate friends do; you go out to dinner with Melissa, both your families, and Joey, too. You stay the night at Melissa’s like a thousand other nights before, your packed suitcase repacked by the redhead who had said no to about half of what you packed. You at least convinced her to leave the sunscreen in your suitcase before the two of you went to bed.

The next morning, you’re throwing both yours and Melissa’s bags in the back of Joey’s truck where his own are already at. You hug Melissa’s mom, telling her to pass half of it along to your own and remind her you’re only gone for a week. She hugs you back just as tightly and whispers a thank you for taking care of Mel. You don’t answer the sentiment other than a small nod. A silent ‘of course, why wouldn’t I?’

You’re hardly surprised halfway through the near nine hour drive that Mel is asleep, leaning against you from her spot in the middle of the cab of the truck. You’d told her it would happen when she was nudging you awake in the middle of the night because she was too excited about getting to the beach and having a week of no responsibilities with the newfound, if temporary, freedom of graduation.

What you’re slightly surprised by is Joey, suddenly piping up from his spot in the driver’s seat. He had been content to worry about driving while you and Melissa controlled the radio, singing along a bit obnoxiously to the songs you really liked and talking over the ones that weren’t favorites. Now that Melissa is asleep, his voice fills the cab. Not loud, or trying to wake up his girlfriend but loud enough to get your attention.

“You didn’t have nothin’ better to do for senior week?”

Joey doesn’t ask it meanly, or snidely. He sounds as casual as if he was asking if you heard what the weather will be in Myrtle Beach while you’re there. Except you know his meaning. You know it’s his way of saying you should have stayed home, or that he would have preferred you had.

“Mel practically insisted I come.” You answer in a matching tone. You don’t say it any differently than if you were saying it was supposed to be sunny nearly every day you were there, and not too hot. You hope he catches the meaning you hide beneath the casual tone. 

“She can handle being said no to, y’know.” Joey answers.

“Can you?” You throw out, looking over a head of red hair to glare at Joey.

He glances away from the highway to look at you for a brief moment before he turns back to watching where he’s driving. “I’m not an asshole.” He finally answers.

You don’t answer, though you drop your glare from the side of his head. Focusing instead on the view from your passenger window.

“I love her, Y/N.” Joey says after a long bout of silence filling the truck cab.

You bite your tongue, sensing he has more he feels he needs to say.

“I know I ain’t as smart as you.” Joey continues after a moment, as you thought he might. “I didn’t get straight A’s, hell, I graduated by the skin of my teeth and we both know I cheated on a test or midterm or finals more than once.” He admits.

“What’s your point, Joey?” You sigh, looking back to him.

“I see how you look at her, y’know?”

Your brow furrows. You had thought he was trying to plead his case about not taking advantage of Melissa. “What are you talkin’ about?”

“I ain’t a genius, but I ain’t stupid, Y/N.” He answers, glancing back to you for a few seconds again. “I wouldn’t do anythin’ Mel didn’t wanna do. Even if I’m…ready for more in our relationship. I love her. I don’t wanna mess nothin’ up.”

“Okay…?” You drag out, more confused the more Joey talks.

He meets your eyes briefly before he looks back to the road again. “I won’t give you a chance.” He finally says. Not in a mean way but just…factual. “I won’t mess up what me and Mel got. Even if it ain’t like what you have with her. It’s good, really good, and I love her.”

You sober, the furrow of your brow eases as you lean back in your seat. You suddenly understand. Joey knows what you realized at prom. Maybe he knew it before you realized it yourself. Your love for Melissa is more than friends, and maybe has always been. You sigh.

“Joey.” You start. “I’m not your competition.” You shrug. “I’m not sabotaging your relationship with Mel by being here. I’ve never tried to, and I won’t now. As long as you keep her happy, and take care of her? I’m not your competition. All I want is for Melissa to be happy and treated right. And she is. You think I don’t get my ear talked off about you all the time?”

Joey laughs. “You think she don’t do the same to me ‘bout you? Christ, I think I knew your valedictorian speech myself before you even gave it.”

In spite of yourself, you smile. Sure, there’s the smallest of stabs in your heart if you think about it for too long. What you feel and what it means. What you really want, what you’re missing out on. Except, the larger part of you feels warm. Warm with Melissa leaning against your shoulder sleeping soundly. Warm with the knowledge that even if it isn’t in the same way she does care about you deeply. Warm with the knowledge that you and Joey are just two people that love the same person. How upset can you really be when he wants exactly what you want for Melissa? Whatever she wants and needs to be happy. You can’t blame Joey for being protective of his relationship with her. You would be too if you were him. You are in your way about your friendship with her.

“You should talk to her about it yourself,” You say after a moment, “but she told me she isn’t ready for what you were wanting this trip to be.”

Joey is quiet for a long time before he nods. “Yeah. I kinda figured that one out.” He shrugs. “Just wish she woulda said that. ‘Stead of beating around the bush about it all, y’know?”

“Like I said…you should talk to Mel about it yourself. I’ll get lost on the beach for a while if you need me to.” You offer.

Joey grins and shakes his head. “Nah. Let’s just have a good week, huh? When we get back we’re gonna have to worry about being adults and all that other shit.”

“One last stupid teenage hurrah, huh?”

“Damn right.”

#melissa schemmenti fanfiction #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti x you #abbott elementary fanfiction #somethin stupid

[lorkai]

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/N: Hello Genshin fandom 🥺👉👈, how y'all doing? This is actually my first real time writing for this fandom but I've been reading so much sagau fics and they are all so cool that I wanted to write something too. Not really sure if I'm going to start writing for genshin but we'll see. Hopefully this is good.

"So... This is how it ends?" A last whisper leaves you as a coppery taste invades your mouth, a strangled half laugh escaping from your blood wet lips.

It was tragic. Still, a little comic how golden blood escaped from the giant wound in your stomach caused by Zhognli's spear. The whole world thought you were an impostor, someone worth killing and now time seemed to stop. The clocks hands stoping moving, the sand stopping falling inside the hourglass.

For a moment everything was static, unmoving, not even breathing.

The whole world was shaking, the winds started howling. You looked at them, eyes moving from face to face. And they had the audacity to look shocked, pale, nervous and anxious as you were dying.

The adrenaline had reached its peak, making any and all pain bearable, painless, but with an injury like that you knew what the result would be. You laughed again. After running away for so many months, being cold and hungry, and only knowing fear, you let everything you felt come out of your chest before your death.

You laughed till your eyes were blurry with tears. Tears filled with pain and hatred. You laughed till your throat was hoarse, the sound stretching till it was all but a hiss.

"Your Grace!" You heard Venti's panicked voice, smug smile wiped from his face as he had the audacity to come closer. Though he was far too coward to touch you, he fumbled anxiously. "No... How could this happen?"

Yeah, how could this happen? You thought bitterly. You were isekai'ed to this world but you were ok with it. And then the characters you used to love and cherish started hunting you.

All because of some kind of creator. You didn't even knew there was a creator in the game? There was one? You can't remember. Skipped dialogues, playing it through drowsiness, not reading the books. There was plenty of lore you could have missed.

It was too late now.

"Use your futile head once, bard." Was your reply, dry tone making him wince. "Write me a song while you're it."

"We thought..." Ei started. But a glare from you had her silent in seconds, imponent Shogun Ei trembling under your eyes.

"You thought but you didn't ask me for clarifications, you didn't let mm..." You coughed blood, a pool of golden coating your clothes and feet.

"You Grace!" Zhongli screamed, alarmed.

Your body became weak and you fell forward, your knees weakening and small tears running down your star like eyes, Zhongli held you, so delicate and with so much love. Once, you used wished for him to hold you like this, for him to cuddle you and share all this knowledge with you over tea but now it just left a sour taste on your mouth while you looked at those ambar eyes as the minutes go by.

"Please, don't leave..." A cry from Ei's wounded soul. Followed by Venti's regretful tears.

A god of freedom took the Creator's freedom, deprived them of it without using his mind like he used to do. And the goddess of eternity was sentenced a spend eternity alone, without her sister, her son, her creator...

Zhongli lips were moving, you could feel the vibration of his voice reverberating through his chest where your head rested. But the words became blurred and their meaning was lost.

The wind was swaying your hair so gently, caressing your face with its smooth invisible fingers.

In his arms, you died.

#genshin impact #genshin sagau #genshin impact sagau #impostor au #zhongli x reader #zhongli x y/n #zhongli x you #genshin impostor au #venti x reader #venti x you #venti x y/n #ei x reader #ei x y/n #ei x you

[madi-writes-things]

Nobody Pt. 6

(C.Sturniolo X Reader)

Summary:

Chris and Y/N never seemed to get along, but sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places

Word Count: 1,318

TW:MASSIVE WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER!!! (TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, MY WRITING IS NOT WORTH YOUR HEALTH), Cursing, SH (not in detail, but it is talked about), Blood, Panic Attacks, Hurt Comfort, SUI ATTEMPT, Crying, Really Depressing, lots of POV swaps, Not Edited

A/N: Thank you for all of the support that I’ve been getting for this story, this chapter is really heavy… PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Please do not read if it will negatively impact your health, this story on tumblr is not worth it. I’ll put a brief summary at the beginning of the next chapter, for those who need to skip. This is probably the worst that it will get. Love you guys so much 🥰

-Madi <3

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

I woke up to Chris wrapped around my waist, just like I had for the last seven months. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this facade, but I also don’t know if I can let it go. The worst part is that I can’t even vent to my best friend, seeing as he is the cause of this whole situation. I stare down at Chris, his hair is so soft. I feel the burn of tears in my eyes, trying best to stop them from falling. Failing miserably.

My sniffles cause Chris’s to lift his head up to look at me. “What’s wrong?” I tell him it’s nothing, not a big deal. I can tell he doesn’t believe me, he sits up looking deep into my eyes. “You can tell me anything Y/N, you don’t need to feel embarrassed or anything.” I just cry harder. He pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around me as I burrow my face into his shoulders.

we stay like that for an indeterminate amount of time. I cry until I physically can’t anymore, Chris doesn’t make me explain myself.

“”“”“”“”“”

Chris’s POV

I barely sleep anymore.

Y/N has been drifting away for months now, and it scares the shit out of me. I’m scared that if I fall asleep she’ll sneak past me and relapse. I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost her, I don’t know who I would be.

I’m scared to leave her alone, to the point that I don’t even want to leave her to go film with my brothers. The fans have commented on how many videos we’ve made at our house, rather than our usual car videos. I just tell Matt and Nick that I feel bad leaving her alone without us.

I knew it was a mistake to leave her alone tonight, but the fans were getting suspicious. We made the decision not to tell the fans, since we didn’t plan for this charade to go on for so long. I don’t know if I can end it, I’m too in love with her to imagine laying in an empty bed again.

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV (start of the really bad stuff)

The guys left to film a car video, it’s been months since they did that. I haven’t been alone long enough to think about relapsing, but sitting alone in Chris’s room, the feeling of loneliness is crushing me.

I need to distract myself. Chris would be so disappointed in me if I didn’t, and I can’t call him while he’s recording. I’ll cook myself something for dinner, the guys will be happy to eat when they get home.

“”“”“”“”“”

Dinner came and went, and I still didn’t feel better. I was scared to call Chris, I didn’t want to bother him and his brothers. It was a mistake.

I stare down, my legs tore to shreds and the wounds on my wrists, I need help. I don’t think I really want to die, I was just overwhelmed. I can’t let them find me dead. I can’t make them hurt the same way that I have. I need to call someone.

I each for my phone, trying desperately to open it. The blood on my hands makes everything harder, but I can’t get up to get a towel. If I stand up I’ll surely pass out. I’m already lightheaded, just hoping that Chris answers my call.

“”“”“”“”“”

Chris’s POV

I’m laughing with my brothers and I don’t notice it at first. A small buzz in my pocket. There it is again. As soon as I pull it out I panic.

LOML 🥰 CALLING… ✅ ❎

“Guys! Stop talking real quick.” I immediately press the answer button. “Baby… is everything okay?”

No response. Fuck.

“Matt we need to go home.” He gives me a worried look, but before he can say anything I’m talking into the phone again. “Baby, I need you to talk to me… tell me everything is okay.”

there’s a second before she responds, I can tell that she’s been crying based on the sniffles from her end. “I fucked up Chris.”

My heart drops.

“go faster Matt!” Fuck. “What happened, I need you to tell me what you did!” I don’t mean to yell, but I’ve never been more scared in my life.

“I don’t want to die…” No. This isn’t real. It cant be.

“You aren’t going anywhere, I promise.” I quickly turn to nick and tell him to get 911 on speed dial. “Please just keep talking to me, I need to hear your voice.”

Matt breaks multiple laws in an attempt to get home, but I don’t notice. My whole focus is on keeping Y/N talking. When we get home we all rush upstairs.

“Nick, go sit in the loft.” He looks offended when I say it. “She wouldn’t want you to see her like this, I don’t think she’d ever forgive me if I let you.” He stays where he is. “Please Nick!” My voice cracks as I say his name. He leaves with tears In his eyes.

“Matt I need you to get the first aid kit from under her bed, it should have everything I need.” With that I open the door to the bathroom.

the scene in front of me is like something straight out of a horror film. I can’t even tell where the blood is coming from. I immediately rush to her side.

“I’m so sorry… I tried to distract myself, I promise.” She’s rambling, but I don’t mind. I’m trying so hard not to cry, but she looks so pale.

“don’t apologize, I’m not mad, nobody is mad” it doesn’t stop the tears, she’s still a sobbing mess beneath me.

Matt returns with the kit, clearly distraught. “It’s okay Matt, it doesn’t look like she needs stitches.” He looks frozen in place, and his breathing is erratic. Shit. “Go sit with nick… she’s going to be okay.” After a few moments he finally pulled himself out of the doorway.

by the time I’m done cleaning her up, Y/N’s tears have dried up. “You don’t need stitches…” I stare at the deep lines that run across each wrist. “But it would make the scars smaller, so you want to go to the hospital?”

“NO!” She’s shaking her head violently. “Please don’t make me go, they’ll take me away again!” I can see the tears forming again.

“ok, we don’t have to go.” I grabs the butterfly bandages, and start pulling the skin together, before tightly wrapping it with gauze. She’s more covered in gauze wrapping than actual clothes at this point. I carry her to my room and get her changed, before taking her to the loft.

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

Chris changed me, being very gentle around my gauze, and then he set me down on the loft couch next to Nick and Chris. I hear him mumble something about them staying with me while he cleans up.

I can see the relief in Nicks eyes when he sees that I’m alive, Matt just locks eyes with me and leaves. I never meant to upset him, but I can’t seem to find the tears for it right now. I fall into nicks chest and he just holds me.

I tell Nick everything. The relapse. The fake dating ruse. The fact that I really do love Chris.

He just tells me that it’s okay. He promises me that he’s not mad.

Once Chris is done cleaning the bathroom floor, he takes me to lay down in his bed. He’s so gentle when he snakes his arms around me, careful not to hit my arms or legs.

“I told Nick…” he just stares into my eyes. “You don’t have to pretend to love me anymore, there’s no point in lying anymore.”

“who said I was pretending?”

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable @bernardsbendystraws @sturniolo-fann

#madi writes things #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo imagine #chris x reader #sh!reader #tw: sh #self h@rm #tw: suidice

[homeofthelonelywriter]

Drawn to you | Pt. 7

(A/N) Okay, writing alive!Alastor is a lot of fun. Also, I'll already put out a warning for the next part. It will be a though one.

Pairing: Alastor x bunny demon!Reader (no Y/N)

Warnings: some more murder, foreshadowing, kisses

Synopsis: He remembers you. Finally.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Alastor couldn’t deny that he was somewhat nervous. After all, he had just killed his boss. No matter how much he tried to concentrate on his work and script for tonight, he kept seeing the bloodied body of the man in front of him. And it made him smile. The rush he had felt…was addicting and in his mind, he was already choosing his next victim.

But before he could do that, he had a show to deliver. And knowing that you were among the listeners gave him the boost he needed to finish his script and slowly get ready. While he was in is office, doing vocal warm-up exercises, he thought of you, how you were probably on the bus at the moment, on your way to the tiny apartment that you called home.

If only you’d let him, he could offer you so much more. A house, with a nice backyard where you could plant your favorite flowers. He would build a swing for the two of you and maybe you could get a dog. Something to protect you while he was gone. You could finally quit your job here and escape this thankless, misogynistic place.

He would put the prettiest, little ring on your finger and wear his own with pride. He would take you to his mama and introduce you, sure she’d love you just as much as he did. He would brag to anyone who’d listen that you're his. His best friend. His lover. His wife. The mother of his children. Children…he would put as many in you as you’d allow. And he’d be a better father than his own ever was.

He could see it clear as day, his life with you.

“Al? You have two minutes until you’re on air?”

The voice of the radio host’s assistant brought him back to reality and he jumped slightly in surprise.

“Oh, of course, my apologies.”

With quick steps, Alastor rushed to the booth he was hosting from and quickly got settled, just in time for the red light above the door to turn on and the music to end.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to today’s late show. I’m your host, as usual, Alastor! What a lovely evening folks, gotta say, I’m kind of jealous that I’m in here, while ya’ll can enjoy the outside.”

He took a practiced pause before continuing his spiel, talking about some nonsense before he started the first song. As soon as his microphone was muted, he took a deep, relaxing breath and glanced out the large window into the room, where the assistant was supervising the show and taking phone calls from listeners. He gave him a thumbs-up to signal that everything was going smoothly and he nodded in return.

After the song was over, Alastor took the time to talk about the 19th amendment, knowing that you’d have to go to bed soon and he wanted you to hear him talk about it.

“All in all, it’s an important step in America’s history folks, and all I can do is hope that everyone in Congress sees reason and votes in favor. If not…well that’s just proof that this country is ruled by old, fat, ignorant men. And if you don’t agree with me, there is this handy little dial on your radio, you can use to switch to a different channel.”

He knew that he’d get in trouble for that little stab at his listeners, but the image of you giggling about the comment made it worth it. His own smile grew into a smirk that stayed on for the rest of the night until another host took his spot and Alastor could finally go home. On his way out of the building, he noticed the police presence. The body had finally been found.

Acting confused, he joined a small group of coworkers who were whispering to each other in the lobby. They nodded in greeting but continued with their hushed conversation until Alastor spoke.

“Do any of you know what’s going on?”

“Al…it’s your boss. He was found behind the building, dead.”

As if in shock, Alastor took a step back as his eyes widened. He even dropped his jacket which he had been carrying. He whispered his boss’s name, for once, no smile on his face.

“Are you sure? I just saw him a few hours ago. He…he can’t…”

The entire group nodded in confirmation that it was indeed his boss and Alastor blinked a few times while looking at the ground. He soon excused himself, keeping the act up until he was a few blocks away from the building. Even as he was walking away, he felt their concerned gazes on his back. If radio host doesn’t work out, he should consider becoming an actor. Or so he told himself.

On his way home, he felt his fingers itch, his eyes scanning every creature he came across, debating if he could kill them. But no, he had to be patient. After all, he already knew who his next victim would be. Maybe it was a bad idea to kill two people so closely connected, but he had wished death upon your boss from the moment he met you. The only thing he had to figure out was how to do it. But that could wait…for now.

Hell - now

“-stor? Alastor?”

You had woken up a few moments ago, confused for a second as to where you were, but as soon as you noticed Alastor next to you, you relaxed. At least until you noticed that he wasn’t moving. Or even blinking. He just stared ahead, eyes blown wide, his smile as low as you’d ever seen it. He looked…haunted.

You carefully sat up and reached for him. For once you didn’t wait for his permission before you touched him, instead just placing your hand on his shoulder and shaking him slightly. You began to whisper his name, getting louder when you noticed that he didn’t react to any of it. Close to panicking, you placed your other hand on his shoulder and started to shake him with more vigor. At least until his eyes snapped up to you.

With movements so quick it took you a second to realize what had even happened, he pulled you into a tight hug, pressing you against himself and whispering your name. No…it wasn’t your name. It was a nickname he used when you were both still alive. Tears gathered in your eyes at the realization.

“You remember.”

Alastor pulled you impossibly closer, just continuing to whisper your name. Your body started to shake as quiet sobs escaped your lips. You buried your face in his neck, wetting his fur with your tears, but at that moment, neither of you cared.

The demon continued to hold you, slowly shifting you so you were sitting on his lap while he still worked through everything he just relived. How could he ever forget you? The love of his life? His best friend? His girl?

Earth - 1920s

“Well, what can I say ladies and gentlemen, the killing spree continues as another victim was found earlier today. My source in the police department reports that there are still no leads to the identity of the killer, so I urge you: to stay in after dark and stay in groups. No one is safe when it comes to that one.”

Alastor took a breath and glanced towards the window, where the radio host’s assistant once sat. But now, there was you. It’s only been a few months since he had gotten you the promotion, but the excitement of seeing you there never subsided. After all, he’d never tire of seeing you. Especially not after you finally allowed him to court you.

You had said yes shortly after Alastor had killed your boss, not that you knew about any of that back then. But the stress relief it brought you, finally allowed you to even think about dating. And after Alastor asked you out, all you could do was say yes. It started with Alastor insisting on accompanying you home after he was switched to host the afternoon show, meaning that both of you got off at the same time. After all, how could he let you walk home alone when a dangerous serial killer was roaming the streets? Especially because back then everyone was still thinking that he was specifically after people who worked at the radio station.

Him bringing you home turned into you inviting him into your apartment for a cup of coffee, into the two of you getting dinner before going home, into the two of you going to a jazz club. And one night, after you had both gotten at the very least tipsy and you complained about your old boss and the misogyny at work, Alastor was so close to confessing. Instead, he admitted that he envied whoever did it, how he would’ve loved nothing more than to do it himself. And in that moment you kissed him.

You pulled him down and pressed your lips against his in a gentle kiss. The fact that he would kill for you made warmth spread through you. You truly loved this man. But you would never know that truth. At least not in this life.

The shy smile on your lips pulled Alastor from his thoughts. He had been staring at you through the whole song and it was almost over. Usually, he would pause to talk some more, but instead, he decided to just let another one play. You raised an eyebrow as you noticed the switch in behavior, but Alastor just waved for you to join him. So you did.

You entered the room and he extended a hand towards you, pulling you onto his lap once you were close enough. You giggled as you fell against him, feeling his chest vibrate as he chuckled.

“How are you doing, my love?”

You hummed, a coy smile on your lips as you gazed up at him.

“A little tired, the usual lately.”

That made Alastor frown. He had noticed that you seemed to have less energy recently, but he chalked it up to stress. With a worried look on his face, he pulled back and properly looked at you, and he quickly realized that you had lost weight. A lot of it.

How could he miss that?

“Love, I think you need to go to the doctor.”

You shook your head and started to talk about how that was too expensive, but he quickly cut you off, assuring you that he would take care of that. After a bit of bickering, you agreed to make an appointment as soon as you were back at your desk.

After one more kiss, Alastor let you go and returned to host the show, while you walked back to your desk and picked up the phone, scheduling an appointment for the next day.

Neither of you had been prepared for what you were going to find out.

@impulsivethoughtsat2am @dasimp777 @fanficwriter5 @wonderlandangelsposts @mo-0-o @xalygatorx @fairyv-ice @nixie189

Please consider reblogging and following me! It helps a lot!

Hazbin Hotel - Masterlist

Master-Masterlist

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel fanfic #alastor #alastor the radio demon #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #alastor fanfiction #alastor fanfic #alastor love

[lily-fics-11]

The Girl Next Door: Chapter 6 (Hazel Callahan, Bottoms)

Fic master post here

Tag list: @avocifera, @academiareid, @fictionalgap @dynsdiary @sndixz @athenalive @lamoobsessions @eloud12

(feel free to comment to be added to taglist)

The Girl Next Door

You hadn't been close with your neighbor Hazel for years. But you find her beat up in the locker room after fight club and all of that changes

Chapter 6

Isabel and Brittany question you about Hazel. Your best friends can’t help but try and push you and Hazel together, and it seems to be getting to your head. It almost seems like Hazel is treating you like more than a friend?

Word count: 4.2k

CW: Profanities, not beta read

It’s Saturday night, at Brittany’s house, with her and Isabel. Brittany is painting your nails your favorite color when she notices the beaded bracelet on your wrist.

“H?” she questions. “Why the letter H?”

“Oh. The H. It’s for Hazel, actually,” you explain, avoiding eye contact and praying your face isn’t flushed.

“Are you guys like-” Isabel starts with clear excitement but you cut her off. “No, it's not like that. Like at all. Not even a little. We were always best friends, and now we are again.”

“Ok, fine, I guess. But we had no idea you two even knew each other until like a week ago. What happened between you guys because I’ve literally never seen you two interact with each other before now? Did you do something? Did she do something? Was it the both of you? Whatever happened had to have been bad, so why are things ok all of the sudden?” Isabel looks both confused and concerned. It makes sense why your best friend would be unsure of what to make of this confusing situation. You don’t even fully understand it yourself.

You take a deep breath before coming clean. “I’ve been in love with Hazel since middle school. But right when I realized I had feelings for her, she pushed me away, and I never knew why. I was in so much pain so I forced myself to move on. Make new friends, and eventually get into a relationship. But even though I had convinced myself otherwise, I’ve been in love with her the whole time. I found her bloody in the locker room after fight club one day and I couldn’t just leave her there like that. We ended up talking and reconnecting. I eventually confronted her, so she explained everything to me. I don’t want to share stories that aren’t mine to tell, but I will say that she just thought she was doing what was best for me. She apologized and I couldn’t help but forgive her. I know that Hazel never meant to hurt me, and I love her too much to pass up the opportunity to have her back in my life. All those years it felt like a piece of me was missing, and I finally had a chance to put things back together. I don’t have her the way that I want her, but it’s so much better than not having her at all.”

“Oh, wow.” Brittany takes a deep breath. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea you had been through all of that. But are you sure that this is worth it? Hazel is a sweetheart, and she would never do anything to hurt you on purpose, but are you going to be hurting yourself?” 

You run a hand through your hair and take a moment to think about it. This is kind of insane. You could potentially do some major damage to yourself. But there is nothing you want more than Hazel. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Well if that’s the case I’m really happy for you. You guys would be so cute together.” Isabel claps enthusiastically.

You shake your head no at her. “Isabel, please, don’t get my hopes up like that. I have no reason to believe that she feels the same way about me. If anything I’ve got far more evidence for her not seeing me like that. I think she’s just happy to be friends again.”

“Hazel mentions you in the notes like all the time. Like way more than anyone else.” Brittany grins mischievously. You raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” 

“The notes she takes every meeting and emails to everyone. Do you not get them?” 

You wrinkle your nose and furrow your eyebrows. “I get them. I never noticed it. I'm sure you guys are exaggerating and didn’t even think about it until now.”

Brittany laughs. “We have been suspicious since the first time we saw you guys together. Do you not know what you look like when you look at her? Haven’t you seen the way that she looks at you?”

Isabel is quick to add “you guys started driving to school together even though you love your alone time, and remember that night you hung out at her house? You didn’t answer your phone for hours and that is so unlike you.”

Before you even get a chance to defend yourself Brittany throws at you what she believes to be some hard hitting evidence. “I have seen you guys fight each other. The sexual tension is so obvious. I have never seen two people pin each other to the ground so much. Especially not with that hungry look in their eyes.”

You are at a loss for words, so you close your eyes and flop backwards to lay down. Isabel pokes your leg. You don’t open your eyes but that doesn’t stop her from asking “were you there the day we were talking about celebrity crushes?”

“Nope.” You hear her giggle. “Well I didn’t make the connection until now, but you know that actress that everyone says you look like? That’s Hazel’s celebrity crush.”

You open your eyes and sit up, feeling defeated. “I’m sure it is just a coincidence.”

“You can believe what you want, but I’m still going to be shipping you guys so hard!” Isabel squeals.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Isabel and Brittany were not kidding when they said they would be rooting for you and Hazel. You appreciate their enthusiasm, but you would be mortified if Hazel noticed them giggling and watching you stand next to each other at the next fight club meeting. Isabel and Brittany’s eyes light up when you and Hazel are paired up for a fight. Your friend's stares were burning holes into the back of your head when you were on the ground straddling Hazel’s waist. This is only going to feed into their delusions. It seems useless at this point to hope they keep their eagerness in check.

It didn't take long for them to try and set you and Hazel up with each other, they took the first chance they got. You were unaware of their scheming until they approached you and Hazel at the end of fight club to see if you guys would want to get ice cream all together. “A little sweet treat before we all have to study for that math test tomorrow,” Isabel offers with a smile.

Brittany makes an excuse to take you with her in her car. “You forgot your shirt at my house, I need to give it back to you.” There was no shirt. Brittany just wanted to prepare you for what definitely isn’t a date, even though she seems to think it is. 

Brittany glances over at you while she is driving. “Do you want to fix your hair?” She asks.

You squint your eyes at her. “Uhh.. why?”

She playfully rolls her eyes. “Don’t you want to look nice for your date with Hazel?”

That makes you laugh. “Brittany, it’s not a date if she doesn’t know that it’s a date.”

“You know what I mean. I have a hair brush in the glove box. There’s also some lipstick in there if you want to use it.”

“I’m not going to try and impress a girl who doesn’t want to be impressed”

“But isn’t it worth trying?” Without answering you pull the brush and lipstick out of the glove box and flip down the mirror. 

Upon arrival, you and Brittany meet up with Hazel and Isabel before going inside. You enter first and approach the counter to order. After scanning your options you tell your friends “I can’t decide between cookies and cream and chocolate chip cookie dough.”

“Hey same!” Hazel smiles at you. 

“If neither of you can decide between them, why don’t you just get both and share?” Isabel teases. God Isabel, right in front of Hazel?

“Oh… I, uh…” you begin but Hazel cuts you off. “Sounds like a good idea, right?” she asks expectantly. You just nod and force a smile. As much as you have protested it, you would love for this to be a date. But it's not, and you need to keep your expectations in check. Once the ice cream Hazel had ordered for the two of you is ready, you pull out your wallet only for her to step in front of you and pay for the whole thing without even asking. You blush and look away, accidentally making eye contact with Brittany who mouths “date” to you. Your palm meets your forehead. You really are grateful that your friends are trying to help you out, but you are going to have to explain to them that getting your hopes up will only make things worse in the end. 

You intentionally sit next to Hazel, it will feel less romantic than being across from her. Not being able to stare longingly into her eyes is for the best. However, that didn’t keep you from questioning Hazel’s every move. Yes you were sharing food, but why did she sit so close to you? Seats nearly touching, practically shoulder to shoulder, knees brushing up against each other if moving more than an inch. Even worse, why did she put her arm around the back of your chair everytime she sat back to talk? Hazel talks a lot. If you weren't paying attention she would do it without you realizing and her arm would end up slung around your shoulders. You would sit there, absolutely mortified, while Isabel and Brittany failed to contain their excitement, though Hazel was none the wiser. You did your best to avoid looking over at her, that award winning smile and warm gaze far too easy to get lost in. 

About halfway through the bowls of ice cream Hazel excuses herself to the bathroom. 

Once Hazel is out of earshot Isabel slams her hands on the table and leans forwards. “Sooooooo…”

“So what?” You sigh. 

“Come on, you know what she means,” Brittany crosses her arms and grins.

You put your hands up in the air like you have been cornered by the police. “I can’t say that I know what you guys are talking about.”

“This date!” The two yell in unison. 

“Oh my god guys, could you please keep it down? I hate to break it to you, but if Hazel and I are on a date, then you two are on a date with each other. Just two best friends, eating some ice cream, that's all.”

“You are sharing ice cream!” Isabel exclaims, gesturing to the bowl in front of you. 

You run your hands through your hair. “Because you suggested it.”

Brittany points to Hazel’s chair. “You guys are sitting so close together.”

“Well we're sharing the ice cream.”

“She keeps putting her arm around you!” Brittany sounds exasperated. 

“You can’t ignore the way she looks at you!” Isabel pleads.

You put your hands down on the table in an attempt to further assert yourself. “If you keep getting my hopes up it's going to hurt even worse when she finally gets a girlfriend or in some other way makes it clear that she doesn't feel the same way.”

Brittany looks so disappointed. “We wouldn’t be trying to set you guys up if we didn't think there was something there.”

“I want this so bad,” slips out of your mouth as wild fantasies dance through your head. 

“Maybe it's time that you give this a chance,” Isabel timidly suggests. 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it, but only if she took the lead,” you admit, nervously twisting your bracelet and averting your eyes. 

Isabel and Brittany’s eyes wander behind you, so with panicked eyes you sharply run your hand past your throat, signaling that this conversation is officially being cut off. 

Even though there is no way she could have known what had been discussed while she was gone, you are paranoid that Hazel somehow heard everything. You worry that the feelings left behind are written all over your face. Fortunately,  nothing goes wrong as you all finish eating.

After cleaning up you are the only one to sit back down at the table. The other girls look at you, confused. You tilt your head back and groan. “I do not want to go home and study for this test. It's going to be miserable.”

“Well how much have you studied so far?” Hazel questions.

“Not enough,” you sigh. Hazel steps towards you and takes your hand. You can’t even imagine how unfortunate the look on your face is right now. She pulls you up to your feet. “Just think,” she tries to encourage you,”by this time tomorrow it will be over, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you are right.” You concede, expecting her to let go of your hand at that point, but she doesn't. Hazel holds your hand all the way to the car, and doesn’t let go until she has opened up the passenger side door and you have made yourself comfortable.

You can hardly believe it, but maybe Isabel and Brittany are onto something? Like this is absolutely mind boggling and insane. Is this even possible, or a mere delusion? Furthermore, are you actually starting to get your hopes up? You are playing a dangerous game, but you reap what you sow.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night you studied like your life depended on it, and it was exhausting. In the morning you hit the snooze button as many times as you can without the risk of being late, sacrificing a part of your morning routine each time you slammed on the button to make the blaring noise stop. In the end you walked out the door without a stitch of makeup in the sweatpants and sweatshirt you wore to bed.

You meet Hazel in your driveway. When you unlock the car’s doors she gets in right away. You open the door but stop to groan and pout. “I really don’t want to do this,” you whine to Hazel and she smiles and shakes her head. “Oh neither do I.”

“Then why don’t we just skip? We could stay home and binge watch something,” you suggest, half serious and half not. 

Hazel sighs. “I literally couldn’t want anything more.” Your breath hitches. “But, we both studied so much that it would be a waste to miss the test. Not to mention that your mom would kill the both of us if she found out that we skipped school.” Hazel leans over the center console and reaches her hand towards you. You take it and let her pull you into the car. You are very aware of how you keep finding your hand in hers. Are you unhappy about this test? Obviously. Are you slightly exaggerating because it means Hazel might hold your hand? That’s not even a question. 

You hesitate to start the car, so Hazel gently places her hand on your thigh. She tilts her head to the side, carefully observing you with a dreamy look in her eyes. Her hand placement was more than enough to snap you out of your mood. But the way she was looking at you? That just might make you risk it all. You fight off the urge to lean over and steal a kiss from the girl you love. 

When you turn the key in the ignition you are expecting Hazel to pull away, so you are pleasantly surprised when she doesn’t. Previously, you would have shied away from moments like these, but Isabel and Brittany have really gotten inside of your head. 

“If you want you can come hang out at my place after school. We can watch an old movie.” Hazel proposes. 

You look over and meet her gaze and a smile spreads across your face. “I would love that.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Hazel catches up with you on the way out of class after your test, putting her arm around your shoulders, causing a shock to your system. Though it’s a pleasant surprise, it isn’t easy to play it cool.

“So, how do you think you did?” Hazel smiles at you, looking at your… lips? You look down at your feet because you fear internal combustion, though still able to feel Hazel’s lingering gaze. 

You are so nervous that you stutter when you answer her question. “I-I um think I actually d-did well. How about you?”

“I’m going to be honest, I was a little distracted. I was thinking about, well, things. But I still think I managed to pull it off.” Despite her claims of having been distracted, she sounds rather excited and you can’t miss the opportunity to see that look on her face, so your eyes wander back up to meet hers. That cute goofy smile is more than enough to put all the stress from this test behind you. In all honesty, Hazel could erase just about anything from your mind. You know that your own expression must be mirroring hers. “Well I’m glad that you made it through okay.”

Hazel nods at you. “I’ve got to go but I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah of course.” 

Hazel pulls away from you, running her hand down your arm. The light graze of her fingertips momentarily lingers on your hand before finally drifting away and waving as she walks off. Hazel continues to look back at you until she stumbles into someone and has to turn her attention ahead of her.

------------------------------------------------------------------

When you get to Hazel’s house Mrs. Callahan is delighted to see you, and invites you to sit down with her. Hazel rolls her eyes and leans against the doorway with her arms crossed. You smirk as an image of what Hazel would look like doing THE lean crosses your mind. When you sit down next to Mrs. Callahan she slides a magazine over to you. 

“I want you to have this. You don’t have to look at it now, but there is a spread that starts on page 17, it’s from one of my favorite designers and every outfit would look absolutely amazing on you! Check it out when you get the chance and definitely keep this in mind the next time you want to do some shopping.” Mrs. Callahan is beaming at you. Hazel has always been a tomboy so she loved talking about fashion with you and would join you and your mom on shopping trips.

You thank her and then Hazel clears her throat, so you start to get up.

“Can I ask you a quick question?” Mrs. Callahan asks.

“Of course.”

She leans and whispers, just low enough for Hazel not to be able to hear, “you’ve put that ex girlfriend of yours behind you, correct?”

Your eyes widen, taken off guard by the personal question. “Oh yeah, she's no longer a part of my life,” you explain, doing your best to keep your voice down because it’s clear she wants this conversation to be private.

Mrs. Callahan looks satisfied and you can only assume that your mother had divulged the details of your tumultuous relationship. She continues with her hushed tone “you deserve much better than the way that girl treated you, honey. I don’t think you will have to look too far to find the right girl for you.” 

“We should head upstairs,” Hazel calls over impatiently. 

“I’m actually heading out now. I won’t be back until pretty late.” Mrs. Callahan informs you. Hazel grumbles a goodbye and you wave before she walks out the door.

“I’m going to put my stuff in my room, I’ll be right back,” she tells you before disappearing up the stairs.

After entering the living room a feeling of nostalgia washes over you. There are so many memories here of blanket forts, movie nights, and playing games. After leaving your things in the corner you sit down all the way to the side of the couch, right up against the arm rest. It’s not long before Hazel appears in front of you, “Do you know what you want to watch?” You suggest a movie and Hazel thinks it’s a great idea. 

She takes a seat in the center of the couch, as if to give you some space, while also testing the waters of trying to get close to you. You aren’t quite sure how you feel about this yet, but decide to live in the moment. While looking at the tv, out of the corner of your eye, you see that Hazel is watching you. She looks a little dazed, eyes soft, biting her lip. When you look over to her she quickly snaps her head towards the tv.

The movie is lighthearted but anytime you and Hazel look at each other the eye contact is intense. Whether you are laughing at a joke or reciting a quote in unison you kept getting caught up in the moment. The part of the movie you were reacting to would pass, but you would still be gazing into her beautiful eyes, and she would be staring right back. Then, the two of you would realize what you were doing and regain your composure. 

You start to feel cold so you get up to get the sweatshirt you have in your backpack. 

“Where are you going?” Hazel questions, and you peer over your shoulder at her. There is disappointment in her eyes, seeing you walk away.

“Just grabbing my sweatshirt,” you reassure her.

“Are you cold?” She asks, looking concerned, and you nod your head. 

“I’ve got a blanket right here, if you want to use that instead,” Hazel offers, gesturing to a blanket hanging over the back of the couch. 

“Uh, sure. Thanks.” You take your spot back on the couch and Hazel passes you the blanket. 

“I think I’m actually cold too, would you mind sharing?” She inquires, fixing her hair even though it looks fine. 

You blink rapidly, a little taken back. “No, not at all.”

“Is it ok if I, uh, sit a little closer? It would be easier to share,” Hazel asks, looking down and fidgeting with one of her rings. 

You nod your head at her once again, feeling nervously excited. Hazel slides over and when she said close she meant close, she left no space between the two of you. Shaky hands drape the blanket across your laps. You feel your heart pounding in every part of your body. Isabel and Brittany’s idealistic thinking has infected your brain. Should you make a move to see how she reacts or wait and see if she does? You decide to wait and see if she takes any initiative. You meant it when you said you wanted 

Hazel doesn’t leave you waiting for long. She rests her arm behind you, on the back of the couch, like she is inviting you into her. You obviously take the bait. There was no space to close between you but you lean your weight into her and rest your head on her shoulder. Hazel then wraps her arm around your waist, holding you against her. It all feels like a dream, breathing in her scent, feeling the warmth of her body next to yours. You are buzzing from the way her hand is firmly planted on your waist. Her voice is like a melody and her laugh is like a warm hug. You savor every moment with her.

After the movie is over, and you are getting ready to go, Hazel puts her hand on your arm. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but what did my mom whisper to you earlier?”

“Oh, she just asked about my ex.”

“She asked you about what?”

“My ex.”

“Sorry, I heard you the first time, I just can’t believe she would bring that up, I told her not to.” Hazel sighs.

“What do you mean that you told her not to? Have you been discussing my love life Hazel Callahan?” You laugh at her. You aren’t mad, just intrigued.

“Your mom had told my mom about your break up, so she came to me to try and get more information. She was really worried about whether or not you were ok. I told her that I wasn’t totally sure, because we hadn’t talked much about it. But she knows that I wanted us to be, uh, friends again, so she was very hopeful that you were in the right place for us to start a- I mean start over. My mom would bring you up from time to time over the years, hoping we would be friends again. When I explained to her that it was hard to tell whether or not you were also in, uh, the right place for that, she told me that we are meant to be, I guess friends, so the opportunity would present itself.”

You smile, feeling a flush across your face, knowing that Hazel has always intended to get you back in her life. 

“Well, I am doing ok. I know a lot has happened between us, but I have a feeling that things are going to work out the way they are supposed to.”

#hazel callahan #hazelcallahan #bottoms hazel #hazel bottoms #hazel callahan blurb #hazel callahan bottoms #hazel callahan brainrot #hazel callahan x you #hazel callahan fanfiction #hazel callahan imagine #hazel callahan x reader #hazel x reader #hazelfanfic #hazel callahan fic #hazel callahan fluff #hazel callahan x fem reader #hazel callahan x fem!reader #hazel from bottoms #hazel callahan headcanons

[cerise-on-top]

Hi, how are you?? I hope very well <3

I would like to ask Kate, Farah and Valeria again.

A reader who grew up in bad conditions and lost his parents early, grew up on the path of crime, a very intelligent reader, who was trained since he was a child, learned to live in the world of crime and became a mercenary, but as soon as he met them he dropped everything to live for them, or even work for them. Someone who would kill and die for them, and who is very affectionate and very restless, always excited, and loves to smell chaos, and who obeys no one but them.

Sorry for any mistakes, I'm using the translator again.

Hey there! I've been doing a bit better again as of late! Came to a few realizations! Hope you're doing well too!

Valeria, Farah and Laswell with an Ex-Mercenary!S/O

Valeria: Oh, she’d be very fond of you. Her intuition is good, so she could tell that you’re someone worth having around. I don’t think she’d keep you around for the sake of truly liking you at first, but once you show just how dedicated and loyal you are to her, willing to help her when the rest of the world wants her dead, she might change her mind a bit. Once she develops feelings for you, she, too, would become fiercely protective over you. You’d get to enjoy a high rank in her cartel, you’d get to kill as you please, as long as you listen to her. She may not be the most affectionate person herself, but she can appreciate your affections. Valeria will reciprocate by letting you do as you please, which is usually a hard no go for her since she needs absolute control. But you’re a smart, and especially dangerous, person, who only listens to her, who would only consider her wellbeing. The two of you would make for an extremely perilous couple to just about anyone who might get too close to you. Although she may appreciate you being willing to die for her, she’d much rather have your lackeys die in your stead. You have a small empire to rule together, she’ll make sure you’ll live to see it. As long as you keep being her good little thing, you get to enjoy her affections as much as you could ever desire. The world will burn underneath your feet together, and from the ashes you will build your own Eden together.

Farah: I actually think her situation would be somewhat similar to Valeria’s at first. You wanna fight with her for her cause? Here’s some equipment to get you started. Although it’s very sweet of you, it would be a bit much of you to want to die for her just like that. Wouldn’t you rather fight for your freedom? However, once she sees how dedicated you are to her, how you’re, above all else, willing to live for her, she changes her mind on you a bit. It’s nice to see that sort of willpower during her mission. She’d come to like you quite a bit. At first as a comrade, later on as something more. And when she does develop feelings for you, she feels a bit conflicted. On the one hand she wants to fight alongside you and make that victory over the Russians all the more meaningful, but on the other hand she doesn’t wanna lose you in this seemingly never ending war. But you’re intelligent enough to take care of yourself, right? She trusts you. A lot of people fight for her cause, but you fight for Farah instead. It’s as flattering as it is insulting, but it attracts her to you all the more. I don’t think she’d want to give you any special treatment based on your past alone, but she sympathizes with you, a lot. She, too, was seen as something lesser by her captors and had to make peace with the fact she was going to be seen as the worst kind of criminal by many people. However, she’s willing to fight for you as much as you fight for her, it’s how she shows her love above all else.

Laswell: Considering your past as a criminal, there’s a good chance she was after you. Laswell knows about your past, but she didn’t feel any sympathy at first. But that was only until she met you, when you’ve shown yourself willing to throw away your past and continue to live in the present. She’d be impressed, in all honesty, not expecting you to turn on who you used to be this quickly. If anything, it shows her that you’re serious about it all. At first she’ll still be a bit hesitant to trust you, she hunted you for a long time, after all, but she’ll come to like you back eventually. Especially once you’ve actually fought for her and saved her life. She may be a highly competent woman, but not even Laswell is infallible. Although I don’t think she’d accept your help at first. Sure, you, too, know what you’re doing. You lived a dishonest life until you met her, but you know how to get by on your own. It’s only when she’s got no other choice that Laswell will turn to you and ask you for help. Once you provide her with some invaluable intel she’ll consider your aid more often. And that’s how you’d slowly grow closer with each other. Like Farah, Laswell will want you to live above all else since she’s come to like you. She’s also a loyal person, so she will do what she can to make sure you get to live a good life with her. She can’t erase your past and what happened to you, but she can help you create a future you both can look forward to.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #been thinking about changing my rules a little bit #I kinda wanna go through with it #It's not like much would change anyway since I don't get a lot of gendered readers anyway #am I demanding too much with my rules? It doesn't feel like it but maybe I am? #not like there are too many rules to begin with but I can't help but wonder anyway

[cyanidedrinkers]

Graves with religious guilt fic??? Maybe??? Should i write this??? Concept: Graves being raised in the south takes pride in his religion. Not to the point of forcing it on others but he prays at meals and makes sure to take off during lent and other important Christian events. He's always been comfortable and confident in his body and sexuality too intel he meets "insert male character" then everything he's ever known gets turned upside down and he starts to question himself. More then once he finds himself on his knees praying to god for answers and even tries to take it to his parents who do nothing but repeat the same stuff every time and tell him to consult the bible. He's scared but he wont let the others know about it. Not intel he settles these feelings and finds out where he stands. Maybe: After a particular altercation where he gets felt up by a very attractive man Graves gets mixed feelings and goes to consult his god. He gets caught on his knees, cross clutched in his hands, as he mumbles out a prayer and asks for forgiveness, at the side of his bed or Infront of a cross by someone he knows and they tell people, It spreads like wildfire that Graves is some psycho Christian person who cant handle being touched by a LGBTQ person and with his demeanor? People believe it. He then has to not only battle his own feelings but try to shake off these allegations because they're **very** untrue. The truth is only found out when Graves gets very drunk and ends up hooking up with some random man in a bar. When he comes to his senses he's on edge all day, Everyone is clapping him on the back and being friendly once again but he's scared. Then he snaps, He snaps and yells that he's unclean, Dirty, Unholy, and not worthy of gods love as he's done the deed before marriage and has therefore tainted gods love for him and that he doesn't even know who he is anymore as he's in love with a man, Not that he thinks there's anything wrong with it, Just that he didn't know he could feel that way and now after being tainted and feeling unworthy of Gods love he has to unlearn some of what he was taught growing up and that it's okay to feel like this and he is still worth of Gods love as he's an adult. If he truly wanted to wait till marriage that was okay but if he didn't that's okay too because he doesn't always have to follow the bible to the letter and he's allowed to have his own feelings.

#cod mw2 #call of duty #cod mwii #phillip graves #phillip graves mention #religious trauma #religious guilt #finding yourself #story??? #Phillip Graves #call of duty modern warfare

[bookishwithathought]

ACOSF Bonus Chapter Breakdown Part III - Azriel and Rhys

Part I - Azriel and Elain: https://www.tumblr.com/bookishwithathought/749493410186117120/acosf-bonus-chapter-breakdown-part-i-azriel-and?source=share

Part II - Azriel and Elain: https://www.tumblr.com/bookishwithathought/749514748072263680/acosf-bonus-chapter-breakdown-azriel-and-elain?source=share

**This is just me, analyzing the life out of the bonus chapter and all the possibilities. My thoughts and no one else's. If you agree, great. If you disagree, love it. If you want to share why you disagree, love it even more. If you are disrespectful while disagreeing, I kindly request that you move along, and if you insist you will be left to argue with yourself**

I just have one word for Rhys: hypocrisy

He sighed as I finished one foot and started on the other. “Am I allowed to request that you not play matchmaker? Let them sort it out.” I rose, bracing my hands on my hips. “I would never meddle in someone else’s affairs!” He only raised a brow in silent challenge.

I just wanted to point this out.

Azriel has been caught and is aware of what's coming from a conversation with Rhys and is not looking forward to it.

"This was a mistake"

Possibilties

He forced himself to say it because his conscience and reasoning are again in control

Because Rhys interrupting has helped him really grasp the wrongness of the moment

Because he simply got caught

"Hurt and confusion...I'm sorry":

Possibilties

Elain is questioning all the signals she thought were there from Azriel

She feels rejected and it stings because she's been rejected before by Graysen

Elain allowed herself to finally be vulnerable and open herself up after grieving Graysen and all she lost from that severed relationship

She apologizes because she feels as though she is to blame for the moment, as though she led Az into this moment

"It's I who should":

Possibilties

Azriel realizes how his words impacted her and doesn't want her to feel guilty or ashamed

Azriel truly believes he's to blame here and Elain shouldn't share the guilt

"His shadows whispered":

Possibilities

Azriel asked the shadows to give him an update of Elain's location after he left

The shadows wanted Azriel to know Elain was not waiting for him, ending any possibility of continuing what had been interrupted

The shadows simply volunteered the information to make Az aware

It seems the author used this as a closing of sorts for the moment. They have parted ways with Az saying it was a mistake and Elain apologizing. There's a sense of finality here.

Yes Rhys, indeed Azriel was out of his mind. He was acting on emotions, reason and conscience and consequences be damned.

Frozen mask: the sadness of this statement is worth noting. Azriel was a child in his father's dungeon. A child who had to learn to bury his emotions beneath layers of disconnect, detachment and avoidance because of the brutality around him and directed at him. To survive. To lessen the brutality. To keep himself together as much as possible.

"If you don't feel you don't hurt."

"If you don't feel you don't suffer."

"If you don't feel they can't break you."

Or know how close to breaking you got.

Interesting that Rhys is only focusing on Az here. Instead saying "I'm talking about you and Elain, about to kiss" he emphasizes "I'm talking about you"

Azriel's visceral reaction to Rhys's mention of Elain's mate:

My analysis: Azriel has wanted and waited for the bond for 500 years and can't understand why he seems to be the exception. He's not necessarily upset that Elain is mated, nor does he have anything against Lucien. It has everything to do with his own want for his own mate.

Note on exposing his rage to Rhys: Rhys seems to be the friend he knows he can go to who will hold him accountable. Who will love Azriel by being honest, by holding up a mirror to him when he can't face himself. A true friend who can see his worst and not balk or cower, instead encourage and challenge.

"What if Elain is meant to be my mate?"

"Why are you thinking this when you thought Mor was your mate for 500 years?"

Questioning the Cauldron:

Possibilities

Azriel is questioning his belief system

Azriel is trying to justfiy or excuse his actions

He's trying to appease his conscience by pushing back and pointing the blame somewhere else

Azriel feels entitled to a mate and can't understand why he hasn't gotten what's his.

See above on questioning the Cauldron.

We see throughout the series that the IC always lets Azriel to himself, his feelings and thoughts. Azriel is never pushed to work things through out loud, which leads to ruminating and internalizing. When it comes to negative or strong emotions and thoughts, it's never good.

A possible interpretation of Az's comment:

"I thought Mor was my mate. I'd waited 5 centuries and was willing to wait for longer, then 3 human sisters were chosen to become Fae, and 2 of them happened to be bonded to my brothers. The only reasonable explaination as to why the bond never snapped with Mor is because Elain was meant for me. But the bond snapped between her and Lucien. The Cauldron must've made a mistake."

Based on what we know of the mating bond and pairs that are wrong for each other, it is always a matter of personalities being incompatible. I am not sure this applies to Lucien and Elain, as they are compatible in many ways.

This points to Azriel clinging to whatever reasoning he can to justify or excuse his feelings and actions.

There's a sense of entitlement here.

Rhys's face blanching: could be because there are many male Fae who believe their mate is their property, and Rhys is concerned with the line of thinking Azriel is following here.

Deserve: sense of entitlement here.

Azriel proceeds to give other reasonings that are not aligned with his previous questioning. He went from questioning the Cauldron to saying Elain's mate isn't good enough (yet Azriel himself doesn't deem himself worthy of her) to then saying Elain doesn't want him "anyway".

"So what does it matter?"

Points to Azriel clinging to whatever reasoning he can to justify or excuse his feelings and actions. Almost tantrum-like

This might be applicable here

Az in a nutshell

To be continued...

#azriel bonus chapter #azriel shadowsinger #elain archeron #acosf #lucien vanserra #wandering mind #sjm give us peace #elain acotar #lucien acotar

[osmov5]

"A rose, for you."

Lyney x reader

word count: around 600 an: wrote this for my friend, it turned out so bad but enjoy >3<

warnings: none, just some fluff

“Come on! I promise you won’t regret it!”

“I know you’re busy but it will only last an hour, i swear!”

Were one of many sentences Lyney used to try and convince you to make up some time and see his show. It’s not like you didn’t want to go, just your schedule always collided with his performances, making you unable to go no matter how much you wanted to. But this week you could make it. You would have to make some changes in your routine but the smile Lyney gifted you with after hearing your positive answer was totally worth it.

Lyney hands were sweating.

Watching you take a seat in the audience was making him even happier then he thought it would. But he was also awfully nervous.

Standing on the stage in front of many strangers has always been a little stressful, of course. But Lyney was already used to many, many eyes on himself, so why was your presence making him so anxious?

After spending so much time on begging you to come and see one of his and his sister’s shows, he never considered the possibility that your gaze on him would make such a big difference. But it did, he was more afraid to mess up then he would be normally. His breathing felt a little shallow and his heart was beating just a bit faster. Outside, he was as charismatic as always, keeping the audience entertained the best to his abilities. On the other hand, in the inside he was a nervous wreck, almost too afraid to even look in your direction. What if he would get distracted by your full of admiration eyes and totally wreck the show? No, it didn’t contain anything him and his sister haven’t done before, he should be alright.

The words for the audience were easily spilling from his lips, welcoming people and beginning the show.

Everything went by smoothly, every trick him and Lynette presented earning a wave of applause from the public. Most importantly, earning applause from you.

Finally, the performance has come to an end, people slowly getting up from their seats, the curtains closing with final bows from the magicians. Before you could turn to leave, you caught a sign of Lyney's head peeking from behind the curtain, gesturing for you to come to him with his hand. So of course, you did as soon as other people disappeared from your sight.

Lyney meet you halfway, leaving you two standing in the middle of the stage.

“I have one more trick i wanted to show you,” he says, having one of the charming smiles on his face.

“Yes?” with a slight tilt of your head, you encouraged him to go on, despite feeling a little confused. If he had one more trick up his sleeve wouldn’t he use it during the show? But the words never left your lips.

With a deeper breath to calm himself down, Lyney reached up to take off his hat, next taking a pretty rainbow rose out of it, putting his hat back on and making the rose disappear once again with a snap of his fingers. Only when he smiled at you and nodded for you to look a little up, you realized the rose was now tucked behind your ear.

An impressed sparkle appeared in your eyes, heat spreading across your cheeks as you took it in.

“I know this might not be the best way to go about it, but I, uh,”

“I wanted to ask if you would maybe like to go out with me sometime?” he asked just when a second rainbow rose appeared in his hand after another snap of his fingers. This time, the rose ended up being handed to you, with hope that you would accept it in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah i would love to!” you replied just mere seconds before your arms wrapped around his neck.

#lyney #genshin #genshin impact #lyney x reader #x reader

[hecksupremechips]

Come back home when you have some sense

You can throw your life away just not at my expense

You’re not the son I raised

#jhariah #this one just rawrrfrrr #and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’ #nice #im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it #god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like #hnnnghhh #hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot #the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM #sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’ #like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke #but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me #and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards #the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome #the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear #its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe #but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill #and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill #you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit #and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it #and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was #very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me #which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me #yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet' #and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient- #kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an- #instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.' #like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues- #our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard- #of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things. #in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive' #but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity' #...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people! #who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish! #thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories! #and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly! #ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

[vargaslovinghours]

Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there

The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual

I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!

Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)

I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute

Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!

The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest

Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪

Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!

Wanna play? :D

Menacing :(

Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!

Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark

Look at him being a good dad!

Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby

Best timeline, thank you

While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss

“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3

Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪

Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D

Get a load of this guy lol

He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh

Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!

He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0

And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft

Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3

#The Sims 2 #My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol #These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family #The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls #Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member ♪ #It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3 #Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything #Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there #I love SimPE haha ♪ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program! #It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know #Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3 #I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank #I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child! #It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd #I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move #So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting #If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol #Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough #If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol #I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D #There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass #Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm #It's an idea :)

[parallaxabomination]

my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now. #i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care