#I will have to deal with being poor

[lotus-lamps]

ONESHOT ANNIVERSARY!!

im not late what do you mean im late

(PLEASE ITS LIKE 12 AM IN MY TIMEZONE I ONLY REALIZED IT WAS THE ANNIVERSARY LIKE ONE HOUR AGO)

anyways image on left is a really old drawing, one on the right is the one i spedran for the anniversary but i was still late

I eep now

#oneshot #niko oneshot #art #digital art #I gave up my daily sky cr for this was it worth it #Idk the lack of a background is really bugging me #Oh well i made this in like an hour anyway so #I used to be more into oneshot lol #But my obsessions change quickly #I still like it a lot though #Super underrated #MARKIPLIER PLEASE DO SOLSTICE. AVG PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR RUN #JACKSEPTICEYE PLEASE START PLAYING #am BEGGING #Guess my favorite (its proto) #I had like two sketchbook pages of proto doodles. Just proto no one else #But yeah anyway rip my candles in sky #Lamplighter came home #No time to cr dude i need to sleep now my eyes hurt #I will have to deal with being poor #Bye bye #PSST IF YOUR USERNAME STARTS WITH H AND YOU’RE MY FIRST REAL FOLLOWER #THANK YOU ILY AAAAAAAAA #HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT!! <3 #lotus drawdles #artists on tumblr #artblr #oneshot fanart

[kingkatsuki]

Do your blorbos ever look at each other inside your blorbo mansion and wonder “what the fuck is that guy doing here?”

#I know those with hazbin lads are getting MAD side eye haha #I can imagine Bakugou being like wtf you LIKE this guy to Shindou?? #and getting pissed off when he has to deal with Rody and Pino chirping in his ear😭 #and Kunigami facepalming when he realises that Oliver is sitting at the foot of the bed #Nanami literally traumatised that I like Naoya #and Sanemi there like why would she even need anyone else??? #Dot trying to pick fights with everyone because he wants to be the favourite #And Enjin just sat there knowing he doesn’t have to try because he’s got a big dick #(Bakugou 100% shouts at him for smoking indoors😂😭) #and poor Shikamaru there with a sigh like she hasn’t played with me in months😭😂

[royalarchivist]

Green Gay Ninja's "team full of strong opinionated leaders" ran into a lot of communication issues on Day 1, but nobody has more experience wrangling loud rowdy people than FitMC.

#FitMC #QSMP #Etoiles #ForeverPlayerG #Forever Player #Purgatory #Forever #Green Team #As someone who's worked as an educator and someone who Cannot Stand People Talking Over Each Other and/or Not Listening To Each Other #This was so hard for me to listen to I started skipping through the VOD because it was frustrating me to a ridiculous degree #but Fit doing this made me laugh out loud #I've definitely been in his shoes before #Q #Poor Etoiles they picked him as team leader but nobody listens to him #Today (or I guess yesterday. I'm queueing this on Sunday and it'll post on Monday) Etoiles was talking about it #and he said he was a bit shy / quiet when they elected him as leader #and he kinda laughed at how he constantly got talked over #meanwhile I'm just like [SEETHES] #It's not actually THAT big of a deal I just have hangups about being spoken over which makes me sensitive seeing it happen to others #regardless of the circumstance #But it is literally Not That Big of a deal here. They're all friends just hanging out going on a roadtrip in Purgatory together lmao #Anyways #When I occasionally catch myself being frustrated over non-issues like this I just give myself a vibe check like: #[Etoiles voice] ''Relaaaaaaaax bro; it's not that deep'' #A bit of a tangent but #I think a lot (not all but a lot) of fandom discourse stems from people projecting their personal feelings onto situations #''Well if *I* was in this character's place I'd feel [insert emotion]'' #''Therefore my perspective on this matter is objectively correct because I have experience with [whatever] so I know how they'd feel'' #I think we all need to remember to vibe check ourselves and take a step back occasionally. Not all experiences are universal #Fit

[edorazzi]

Spotted this news article which would explain a LOT about the finale. The Snapchats Felix’s friends wake up to... 🦊✈️🗼

#miraculous ladybug #felix graham de vanily #flairmidable #josie's art #i dropped everything i was doing just to redraw this lmao #also no i haven't watched S5 yet. i really should but Strike Back just wore me OUT #my energy will have replenished by the new year hopefully. i'll get around to it. until then imagine the poor Quantics dealing with THIS #i just adore the idea of felix being a horrible mess and his friends having to address this kind of nonsense every now and then

[sugarpasteltmnt]

a wild cmh leo, uh… doesn't appear! he leaves a sticky note on your contestant's forehead reading 'good luck in the competition!'

TEEHEE SO CUTE 🩵 TYSM!!! 💕‼️

I suspect Leo senses a familiar presence nearby... (while also looking at the floating notepad and pen) but patiently (and excitedly) waits to see what will happen.

and you KNOW he'll stick it back on his forehead before going back to running around lmao

#Leo will really enjoy gathering treasures from other alternate brothers and Leos #more proof for him to look back at later on to help remind himself of the Good Times #i read your synopsis and it is SO SAD 😭 #'Void' might be a tad jealous #being a ghost might have made things easier than what he's dealing with now :< #but regardless he's glad Ghost Leo is having fun #teehee thank you for the ask!! 🩵 #everyone is being so fun and sweet about the comp #TNV asks #pastel prattling #tmnt au competition #poor ghost Leo ;w;

[arabian-batboy]

Wanting to only give back the West Bank and Gaza to Palestinians while continuing to occupy the rest of historic Palestine and not allowing the Palestinian refugees who were ethnically-cleansed from there to return doesn't make a person any less of a Zionist from those who want to continue occupying all of Palestine from the river to the sea, no matter how much they swear they are not a Zionist.

#At least we reached a point where SOME of these colonizers are ashamed from being called Zionists #not because they don't support Zionism or the genocide of Palestinians #but because they don't want to deal with the negative connotation that comes with that word #so they will hit you with the I'm not a Zionist I just believe innocent Jews have the right to live in stolen homes :'( #but only in 75% of Palestine! The poor Palestinians deserve to keep at least 25% of their homes #because they're equally as much of a victims as us <3 #except the ones who want to return to their homes form -pre-1948 Palestine #those are evil Jew-killing monsters who should be grateful that peace-loving Israelis even want to return an inch of their land back #anyways wanna talk about Hamas? #palestine #palestinians #anti israel #anti israeli #anti zionist #anti zionism

[heliianth]

media where a truck load of insane fuckshit happens for what feels like the longest time ever and then u get an in-universe timeline and its been like. a few months. is always so funny to me

#talking abt unordinary again ITS SO FUNNY TO ME #worst 4 months of these fuckers lives. i could not imagine being a junior and having to deal with that shit no thanks #how arlo doesnt just fucking dip i dont understand. dudes senioritis must be CHRONIC #tbf he kind of deserved it tho. he kind of did do all that #heliichats #poor sera tho . LMFAO

[icanbeyourgenie]

[ A very scared Zelda hiding under Aeron's desk, in the Captain's cabin, after a violent attack ]

“Ah, there you are.”

Aeron was still covered in blood when he found Zelda. He didn't think the girl would hide in his own quarters, since he was, after all, the reason she was so terrified. At least partly. He had searched in other hiding places in vain, and ended up figuring out that the girl would come out when she felt like it. He went back in his cabin to clean the blood. Aeron had no problem getting blood all over him. But when said blood started to dry and become crusty, that was a truly unpleasant sensation.

When he saw Zelda flinch and stay under the desk, he decided to wait a bit and resume what he originally came for. He got over the bassin and started cleaning off the blood. He took off his shirt and started searching his closet for a clean one. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Zelda starting to relax. Her breath getting more even. What a perfect opportunity for a joke.

“Usually seeing me shirtless takes people's breath away, but it gave yours back. I'm not sure how to take it.”

He was quite amuzed, and he figured Zelda would be too if she was still not recovering from the shock. When he finally put on a clean shirt, he came closer and sat on the floor, at the foot of his bed, just in front of the girl's hiding place. Their eyes locked for a moment and he could see she was still terrified.

Aeron didn't expect her to react this way. He sometimes forgot that most people weren't used to the same degree of violence he became desensitized to. They were in the middle of a perfectly fine conversation about a mad hatter who was particularly fond of tea when a few of his crew came to interrupt rather vigorously. Protesting about how a girl on a ship was a bad omen, how Aeron was distracted ever since she got here. He was distracted, but a mutiny wasn't something he would allow. (And clearly these mortal boys didn't meet his mother if they think girls were weak). So it got bloody really fast. Two died at the hand of the fae. One by being sent overboard in a particularly sharky area, the other with a sword through his chest. It lasted only a few seconds and had the rather efficient effect to remind the others that they shouldn't go against their captain. But Zelda had been mute ever since. And then she went away.

“Do you want me to drop you at the next port we'll land in?” Aeron asked, which had the effect to snap back the blonde to reality. She looked at him again.

“What?”

“I could do that if you wanted to.”

“...... Do you want to get rid of me?” She asked in a little voice.

“No. That's not what I want. But Zelda, staying here means you can't freeze when I get violent. We were lucky the past weeks, but if you stay you'll witness more deaths. More violent that these ones.”

“I didn't mean to freeze. But I got scared.”

“Which brings me back to my original question. Do you want to leave?”

“No. I... I don't want to be alone.” She almost stopped shaking now. She confessed that to him one night where she came into his bed and he changed her nightmare into a dream. “Why choose to be a pirate? If it's so... violent.”

He smirked. “I don't mind the violence. Most times I actually enjoy it. But I don't think violence is in your nature.”

“Didn't you say that most faes had a talent for violence? Maybe it's why I'm a changeling and my parents got rid of me.”

“I don't think you're a changeling, because I don't think you're a fae.”

She locked eyes with him again, confused. “But you said-”

“You lied earlier.” He had not realized this sooner, because she had been mostly honest with him, but today she did lie. “When John came closer to us with his knife and you said you weren't scared. You were. That was a lie. A great one, it's what you should say. But still a lie.”

“It was just a small lie... Something I said on instinct.”

“Faes can't lie at all. Not even a little. We bend the truth but we can't lie. Which means that you're an elf.” She raised an eyebrow and he laughed. “I don't know how I didn't notice this sooner. Usually you guys live in the trees now.”

“What's an elf? You didn't talk about elves.”

The was a lot to unpack there. Talking about elves would mean talking about the war, and he had a feeling she was not stable enough for this conversation. She had come out of under the desk to sit next to him, the curiosity calming her. Even with dried tears and blood, she was beautiful. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to do more than just kiss her. But he just sighed and answered instead.

“I didn't think it was necessary. I'll tell you about elves tonight. But then you'll need to decide what you want to do. Tomorrow we'll arrive in Egypt. We'll stay there for a few days, there's a few repairs I have to do on the ship.” He was actually excited at that prospect. He always loved mechanics. “You'll have until we leave to decide if you're ready for that life or if you want to try to find peace elsewhere.”

“.... Your crew don't like me, Aeron.”

“I don't give a fuck what they think.” He slowly touched her cheek. He didn't know why, he just did it, and then pretended to wipe a tear away. “They'll warm up to you eventually and if they don't, I don't care. As long as you stay with me, they won't touch you. But I can't protect you from everything. So if you decide to stay, we'll have to teach you some basic self defense skills. And maybe get you a sword. I have a feeling you'll do great with a sword.”

She was smiling now, and it was truly unfair because Aeron wanted to kiss her again. They almost kissed a few days ago, when he called her intriguing, but they were interrupted. And she responded quite well to his flirting. But he understood enough to know that he shouldn't do the first move. Even if they got closer now, and she took his hand, and she said in a happy voice:

“You think I could use a sword? You don't think I'm weak because I ran away?”

“I called you intriguing didn't I? I'm only intrigued by strong people, know that. I'm not a generous or good person. If I thought you were weak I would've asked you to leave already.”

“But it's not what you want.” She said, repeating his words from before.

“No, it's not what I want.”

“So what do you want?”

She had whispered those words. It was a sign of how close they were now. Their sides were almost pressed together and she didn't let go of his hand. She was looking at him with those deep green eyes that made him feel light-headed and her lips looked so soft. They were in dangerous territory, but he always loved danger, so his smirk grew wider.

“You don't want to know what I want.”

“Tell me anyhow. Please.”

It looked like a challenge, and he never backed down from a challenge. “Fine. I want you to stay with me. I want you to want to stay with me. I want us to get you actual proper pirate clothes when we land so you can stay, and lead us to some more treasures and adventures. And I want to kiss you.” He paused a second, just to examine her reaction. “But I won't. You have my word. Not until you do it first.”

It's when he let go of her hand. He was used to flirting, probably harder than that, but he was not used to want to kiss someone that much. It was unsettling. Which is why he got up before she could answer.

“I'll let you change now. I'll go assess the damages I'll need to repair. Take some time to make up your mind.”

#endings are the worst but I still had this scene in my mind so idc #it was a truly needed conversation in my mind #cause yeah piracy is violent #and you have to be able to get your hands bloody #also I love Aeron discovering the concept of feelings but being like #nope #“lust I can deal with buy I've never had a feeling in my life” #poor baby is about to get hit so hard #he thinks it's just mindless flirting he's so not prepared #I love them okay #young and reckless lovers #it's just adorable #aeron le fey #aeron x zelda #aeron writing prompt #writing prompt #likeafairytale

[acesammy]

There's something interesting about how sam and dean's hell experiences are portrayed. Dean has just enough agency in hell to become the aggressor, while sam is only the victim and can only be the victim

#idk something about the way dean becomes a master torturer while sam becomes a master of being tortured #and this isnt to say dean deserved it or had it easy but there's just.. a Difference #idk i have thoughts about how this contributes to why i cant get my head around people viewing dean as the poor poor victim #and sam as the Horrible younger brother #and it's not the hell experiences themselves but how they're portrayed #there's a bit of a sense of 'sam deserved it sam asked for it' #while dean didnt #despite the fact that dean frankly did not need to make the deal #but sam /did/ need to be the one to beat the devil #and the way that dean post hell /becomes/ the aggressor #whereas sam post hell. doesnt do that #once again i just think its something interesting #and these are just half formed thoughts #and i dont like the interpretation that dean is weak for breaking in hell bc he's not #like this isnt to drag /dean/ but rather to highlight something in the difference of the writing #for each experience #lea speaks

[fvckw4d]

"other countries have poor people but worse, don't speak usamerican" fuck you actually. Shiver in my freezing ass cockroach infested poisoned water mold ladened lead paint flaking ass apartment with me. "At least you're not the REAL poor or getting bombed or whatever" repeat what you said back slowly and then jump into the poisioned river down my street. Starve with me. Bitch.

#Big difference between us centricism and BEING A POOR PERSON AND TALKING ABOUT IT Jesus christ #You are a tar pit. #☠️ #'Solidarity but for only if you're suffering in the right country in the correct way' go to hell. #'homeless and poor people in the US benefit from imperialism' in the abstract yes but also do you FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF #Are you fucking insane #If your big ideologal stance is really 'not being bombed is a privilege and it's even MORE of one if you're in a Bad Country' #we are past the point of no return. #Also I'm gonna say it but just because the us found a way to profit off of queer people and claims they won't hate crime them #Doesn't mean it's not more or less illegal to be queer here I can't. Stress enough. If you can't rent an apartment #or hold a job because you're queer. That's just a slow winter or summer death here. You know but you refuse to actually understand. #I don't need your compassion it doesn't matter to me that much. I have real problems to deal with. #But again. You're a fucking tar pit. Hope your soul never finds rest.

[relicsongmel]

Was doing some thinking today and realized that one of the reasons I'm really drawn to Kieran is because he's a rare example of a character that's shy (and usually good-hearted) but still has some rougher edges to him.

I feel like all too often shy characters are shoved into being portrayed as either "smol bean who would never hurt anyone and just wants friends uwu" or "brooding loner who snaps at people to cover up the fact they don't actually know how to socialize" with not a lot of wiggle room in between. While I can and do enjoy characters that (arguably) fall into those respective categories, they're a bit reductive in the sense that things are very rarely that black and white in reality. Even the kindest people have a limit to what they can tolerate. They have bad days or respond poorly to events around them that cause them stress. And the same can be said in reverse as well—point being, people are multifaceted and don't always behave as predictably as we'd like to think.

And I think Kieran reflects that dichotomy perfectly. When we first meet him, he's meek, timid, and relies heavily on his more brash and forceful older sister to help him navigate social situations where he would otherwise lose out on something valuable because he's too afraid to come forward and ask for what he wants (like how she has to ask the player to battle him on his behalf). He's often quick to cower whenever she starts to get heated, but he's also not afraid to point out when he thinks she's wrong and sometimes even gets sassy with her himself. He's undeniably sweet and gentle and shows eagerness to make friends with the player, but he becomes much more curt when he notices we're lying to him about Ogerpon. The rest of the Teal Mask storyline shows him fluctuating even further—yelling at Carmine and the player for keeping secrets from him, punching things in fits of anger...then backpedaling and apologizing for the trouble he caused a few scenes later. Spreading the truth about Ogerpon to everyone in the village to help make her happy...then selfishly demanding a battle to see who's worthy of being her Trainer when she has already clearly chosen the player.

After being lied to and suffering repeated losses at our hands (including the Pokemon he's idolized all his life choosing us over him), he leans even more heavily into his bitter side during the Indigo Disk—being cold and ruthless to pretty much everyone around him, but at the end of the day it's primarily overcompensation for what he perceives as his own personal weakness (because he's still just a kid trying to be taken seriously). He's shown to drop the act on multiple occasions—most notably when he's caught off guard by our appearance at Blueberry Academy and at a few points during the Area Zero expedition. He antagonizes the player up until the moment of his defeat and tries to catch and use Terapagos in a last-ditch moment of desperation that ends up going horribly wrong, but after everything resolves he's quick to admit his mistakes and asks the player for forgiveness and if they can still be friends. After the epilogue he's mostly back to his old self, but still seems to get worked up when provoked (e.g. when he yells at Drayton for refusing to stop calling him "ex-Champ" in one of their League Club Room interactions).

And I think this varied and sometimes contradictory behavior is precisely why Kieran is such a cohesive and believable character—because it shows how even kind, well-meaning people may have a hidden darker side that can show itself under the right circumstances. How they might let their insecurities get the better of them. How a shy, timid kid might not have the experience to know how to deal with sudden feelings of frustration and/or jealousy that are far too strong to keep to himself, so he lashes out as a result. How despite all this he remains kind, sensitive and loving at his core and shows willingness to learn from his mistakes. And that is what makes him so compelling to me.

#mel's musings #kieran #pokemon #all this to say i now have brainrot and you all are going to suffer for it #me: *sees any pokemon boy with attitude problems* son? son boy? he my son boy? ;_; #kieran is also. oddly relatable to me in a way #in the sense that i was a neurodivergent kid whose overstimulation issues among other things weren't taken seriously #and it made me really bitter and angry at both the people who caused them & the people that didn't know how to deal with me #i lashed out a lot back then. i yelled and hit and said things i didn't mean and lied so i could stay in control #and while i still think i deserved better than the shit the adults who were responsible for me put me through #i do regret a lot of what i did. and i try to make up for it by being as patient as i can with others #ALSO. oc tangent time. kieran and denise are very similar in this regard #dena felt a lack of control w/ her dad leaving but couldn't blame him bc then she'd have nowhere to vent her anger #but she's also too young and too hurt to blame herself. so she lashes out at her mom instead (granted. jen made some poor choices too) #but after her treasure hunt and her first trip into area zero she sees things in a different light and is able to reconcile with her #and that's the exact reason she's able to forgive kieran so quickly. bc she had been through a similar thing with jen #i am filled with a whole WHIRLWIND of ideas for my au denise and this cast are a match made in HEAVEN #forest for the tree #mel plays scarvi

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

this rewatch of sdmi has so far been a combination of skipping around and watching straight through from the beginning, and my feelings are increasingly that shaggy, daphne, and marcie are precious and oh my god someone please get these poor kids away from everyone else in this cast

#sdmi #scooby doo mystery incorporated #marcie fleach #shaggy rogers #daphne blake #they're not perfect by any means; but they're also not *abusive controlling assholes* and they all really go through the wringer #daphne and shaggy's arcs especially are really rough to watch #scooby fred and velma all have their issues but they need to deal with them *miles* away from these three #including keeping velma away from marcie; because sure they're cute high school wlw holding hands now #but once the honeymoon phase is over the abuse *will* come out; that is how it goes; kind of infamously so #velma deals with her issues through being abusive and that does not go away because she's on a new relationship high #with someone who hasn't stepped out of line in specific ways she feels entitled to punish and control yet #this poor kid has been through enough even in the new timeline man give her a break :((( #and that's not even going into the horror story that is daphne ending up with fred; or shaggy's closest connection continuing to be scooby #anyway i will protect these three with my life someone help them #abuse cw #domestic violence implied cw #SDMItag

[theokusgallery]

The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first

#siiiiiiigh... #im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT #poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay #writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying #there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and #(starts crying) #he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless #(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course) #god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him #he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires #he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem #don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw. #but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything. #even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy #he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay. #that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does #it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish #my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before... #which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much. #(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course) #arsenic #rant #sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)

[navarice]

bridgerton fans on tumblr save me bc the ppl over on twitter are choosing to be obtuse on purpose…

I’ve never been opposed to being a little shit over content/media we all consume but my god ppl just wake up and decide to be assholes on the internet for no reason. cant say how many people I’ve blocked bc of it 😧

long story short, if you don’t like what the season will offer for any reason at all, please do us a favor and don’t watch it. Please we are begging. Some of us want to get lost in the fake regency and pretty dresses and plenty of fucking. not everything has to be another reason why you think teenagers who write burn books are the literal worst ppl to walk the planet or how you don’t find fat people hot. Both are valid and fine but don’t come into a working kitchen and be surprised people are using the utensils.

#bridgerton #I cannot believe how many of these I’ve come across #poor Nicola thought she would be getting dragged over being leading lady #and luke put into the spotlight has to deal w sm shit #charithra and literally all the cast members #all the expectations are there. no one has to be here if it’s not their thing #it’s like when you clearly have a tag that says dead dove do not eat and ppl still choose to open it and be surprised about whts inside #then again I’m the dumb one for expecting something more considering how much shit simone got for being Indian #I’ll say it rn the books were good but in a rare case the shows are better #so. to the ppl. go cry abt it ig

[handsomegentlebutch]

My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.

#butch speaks #it was hard not to shake as i held J over the basin to have the water poured on his head #when he was cleansed of sin. as if a little kid could ever knowly or intentionally offend a so-called loving god #the words came naturally to me #but they meant nothing #i remember when they used to mean something. when i begged gods forgiveness for my sin (being a lesbian) and tried to pray the gay away #i remember how much i wanted to die bc i could never truly embrace the sacred #i STILL deal with the complex of catholic guilt. its a very real thing. its hard to shake #i cant help but wonder if the catholicism ingrained in my brain is why i have a hard time with casual dating n sex #fun fact: there was a point when i was a teen that i got REALLY catholic #i prayed everyday. i talked to my patrin saint (st agnes) every day. i wantsd to become a nun #the thought of marrying a man mad me more sad than feeling like an alien did. so id marry the church as a nun. #not the way to hide being a dyke when ur fam is catholic btw LMAO #the first priest i knew was father joe. i loved that guy. he was so kind. friendly. briming with love. #he was one of my biggest references for what a good person was like #he talked about gods love a lot. how its for everyone. no one is exluded. ever. #he used to look right at me when he said stuff like that. a few other kids too. all of whom grew up to be queer #then father joe passed away. our church merged with another church. father jeff was the priest there. #he was kind but not as kind. he talked about hell and sin more. he looked at the same kids father joe did. #but the kindness in his eyes wasnt there. #that wasnt for us. #my family wasnt even THAT catholic #i went to church every sunday i did vacation bible school and catechism classes and youth group #i was an altar servant and in the choir #i even used to speak/understand a little latin #imagine how much worse id have been if my mom could have afforded catholic school lmao #grateful to have grown up poor in that regard #hm. actually... reading my own tags. mayne we were pretty catholic actually. #fucking hell. #i need to have lesbian sex in a church before god and everyone. mayeb that would fix me.

[disengaged]

toronto ….. :-)

#went to a baseball game for the first time in my life yesterday and it was actually really fun #saw cool plants at the conservatory #ate some very good vegan food #energy and overall wellbeing was in the absolute shitter today which was upsetting. bc i want to enjoy trip + spend time w family. but. ok #i guess it’s highlighting that i just have a lot to figure out in terms of … pacing? nutrition? discussing my ability levels w others? #i told my parents abt my health being increasingly poor etc (omitting the su*c*dality part) #but i don’t think they understand it at all #and it’s difficult to explain that i cannot do all the things i used to do #and that i’ve spent the past month basically bed-bound other than going to the gym and grocery store #pegasus speaks #idk i’m just sad about it #and achey and sick and i’m so bloated i look 6 months pregnant lol #i don’t want to be dealing with this and it sucks that i have to. that’s all #my face