#I'm literally never going to own a home of my own

[zanarkandskylines]

listening to fortnight got me thinking about bakugo and reader having a very brief fling, something that happened in the past during their 20s, but stuck with both of them for years.

i touched you for only a fortnight i touched you, but i touched you

fast forward to living in the same city, the two of you now in your 30s and end up becoming neighbors by happenstance. you're both married to other people since you only talked in shared friend group settings after said fling.

all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february

you watch his wife water her flowers in the garden out back while making coffee in the kitchen every goddamn morning. you have no clue why it irks you so much, that the sight of her stupid smile makes you wanna punch her lights out.

occasionally, you run into bakugo at your mailboxes after a long day at work. small talk is the only thing you two can muster - a comment about the weather or harmless compliments about each other's appearance.

"sure rained like hell yesterday."

"nice sweater, your wife buy it for you?"

"god, it's too fucking hot today."

"that dress looks nice on ya."

one night, both of your spouses are away when a storm comes raging through the city. your power goes out, leaving you in the dark because your stupid husband forgot to replace the generator. from your windows, you see bakugo's household has power and decide to hightail it over for some company.

he answers the door with a confused look on his face. "the fuck you doin' in the rain? get in here!"

bakugo makes you a coffee to share with him in the kitchen, bullshitting through the night like you used to do as twenty somethings. it felt natural, your heart soaring as you watched him laugh and retell jokes from the past. when the conversation died down, you blurted out something you didn't plan to vocalize to anyone.

"i think my husband's cheating. sometimes i just wanna kill the bastard."

caught off guard by your admittance, bakugo quirks an eyebrow at you in response. "little extreme, but i'm sure that could be arranged."

"would be cheaper than a damn divorce. that asshole would take everything from me."

he snickers, taking another sip of his coffee. "think my wife's doin' the same. comes home late and shit, never can tell me why."

"how'd we get stuck with this shit luck?" you retort, forcing a laugh from your tightened chest.

"could be worse. we're neighbors, that's fuckin' lucky for me."

i love you...it's ruining my life.

"oh? i'm starting to think that's not a coincidence anymore."

bakugo sets his mug on the countertop, turning to face you while crossing his arms over the broadness of his chest.

"might'a convinced my wife to move here. thought maybe we could be friends again."

"so you bought a fucking house next to me instead of just calling to go to dinner?" you ask mockingly, a smirk on your face as you awaited his bullshit answer.

he shakes his head with a grin of his own. "sure did."

i love you...it's ruining my life.

"how come you never ask or invite me over then? we're literal neighbors, kats."

"pretty sure my wife's scared of ya. plus, i want time with you, not us."

that makes your heart skip a beat.

"hell of a way to say you miss me." you pause before setting your own cup down on the counter. "i'm glad you're here."

"me too."

right as he's approaching you, the front door swings open.

"babe, i'm home!" his wife calls, handful of shopping bags. she sees you standing in the kitchen aside bakugo - you give her a soft wave.

"oh, hi. i didn't expect company tonight."

"her dumbass husband forgot to replace their generator. just helpin' her out."

she gives him a glare, tilting her chin up at him, almost condescendingly, as she assesses his answer.

"how unfortunate. stay as long as you need, i'm gonna go put this away."

and with that, she leaves for their bedroom to unload her shopping haul. once she's out of earshot, you turn to bakugo and chuckle under your breath.

"oh yeah, she hates me."

bakugo rolls his eyes. "let her be miserable, it's her strong suit. come on, let's go take'a look at that generator."

the generator works just fine, you unplugged it before coming over.

you were curious if there was a spark leftover between you two, only to find the fire was not only stoked, but never fully extinguished.

blasty tags; @slayfics @maddietries @queenpiranhadon @starieq ✨

#bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugou #mha bakugou #bakugo x y/n #bakugo drabble #bakugo imagine #bakugou headcanons #bakugou drabble #bakugou x y/n #katsuki bakugou #☆.rei writes

[f-oighear]

The Big Black Clover Fanfic Recommendation Post

I've been talking about making that post since forever and I think I've finally finished compiling them!

So. Grab a notepad. Take out your TBR list. Get ready to bookmark or mark for later. And let's go.

I guess I should start with a few disclaimers 🫡

I haven't read every fic out there and there are notably a few fics I know I'm going to love but haven't started yet. I think I'll update the post regularly.

The fics on this post are fics I enjoyed and remember having read. considering how many things I forget on a daily basis, it means a lot.

I have my favorite characters, tropes, and themes and this will definitely show.

I'm attempting to organize the fics in categories but ofc some shippy fics also have feels or are angsty or are fluffy, same for the AUs... An attempt is made to organize them based on the vibes I remember (I’ve read some of those literal years ago).

If you're in this post and you think I've put your fic in the wrong category: don't hesitate to reach out!

For the shippy fics, I have my favorite ships but I'm a multishipper sooooo there's that.

I'm recommending oneshots, multichaptered fics, entire AUs, series and fics that are unfinished and probably never will be. Do keep that in mind if you don't like reading abandoned works (you'll be missing out but I can understand).

Let's start! It'll be a long one.

General/Feels/Character studies

💜 Threads, Solarwitchwrites

Vanessa is a stitch witch. She is the best stitch witch of her generation, possibly in an age. But she has one power she doesn’t brag about: she can see the threads of fate that bind destined souls together. It’s rarely been useful, often it’s painful; but sometimes she gets to watch something amazing unfold.

💜 A World Without You, Acacia_May

Vanessa grows concerned for Finral when he begins to act tense and distant after they return from the Forest of Witches. In her attempts to comfort him, however, she may find some comfort of her own.

💜 Teammates, Cour104

Still adjusting to her newfound freedom after escaping from her cage and the Witch Queen, Vanessa has a nightmare. Finral is there to help her through it and remind her that she's no longer alone.

💜 You're Not Alone, IAmStoryteller

For Noelle, there has always been one person in her corner. For Mimosa, there has always been one person that made her want to be better. Noelle Silva and Mimosa Vermillion are cousins, but they are also each other’s greatest support.

💜 It Used To Be So Simple (Once Upon A Time), WildFlowerWoods

A collection of short stories about the childhoods of various Black Bulls, among other things, containing my own headcanons.

💜 fated, orphaned

Some Magic Knights are bonded by something stronger than just kinship. (Charlotte x Yami, Asta x Noelle, Nozel x Vanessa)

💜 Think about it (series), thoughtfullyrainynightmare

This is a collection of short drabbles that exist to give insight to the canon characters presented in Black Clover from my personal perspective. This is about how I see them

AUs

🩷 Black Bulls Pirate AU, Firefutte

An infamous pirate crew sails across the sea's waves. Many rumours and stories exists of this crew. Always one thing they all have in common and that's the tale describing them as chaotic, lawless and crazy hooligans in dire need of mercy from the gods. In reality they're simply living as them, chaotic, lawless and crazy hooligans they may be, but this ship's crew have found a family amongst each other in a world that denied them such comfort for years. And they would have it no other way if you asked them, such is the reality of The Black Bull.

🩷 Mimosa & Noelle Ideale AU, IAmStoryteller

Seven-year-old Noelle and Mimosa run away from home while traveling with their grandparents. Meanwhile, 16-year-old Zora is trying his very best to be a Super-Wizard and takedown corrupt Magic Knights. But one day he runs into two little girls who clearly are nobility, but also who need help. This changes everything.

🩷 Black Bulls Steampunk AU, IAmStoryteller

The Black Bulls Crew is about to officially retire from being sky pirates. After years of working together and becoming a family, they agree that it’s time for one last hurrah to prove that they are the best of the best, especially after they heard about a map for the infamous treasure of Elf King.

🩷 New World, Bulls99

Following a second devastating defeat to Vanica, Noelle expects to die peacefully - painfully, but peacefully. Instead she wakes up in a world where everything seems upside down. But how much is really different?

Romance

❤️ Ubi Amor, Ibi Dolor, Supernaturalgrant

“He’s dumb as fuck.” She asserts bluntly. It surprises an honest laugh out of Nozel, which seems to amuse her slightly. “You know that, right?” “I can’t force him to be with me, Mereoleona. Even I am not that high-reaching.” He tells her honestly. Or- Fuegoleon and Nozel break up when Nozel is promoted to the Silver Eagles captain, neither of them really knows why. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)

❤️ Running Out of Time, IAmStoryteller

On the day that elves reincarnated and Zagred the Word-Devil nearly gained a physical body, something went wrong—Zora Ideale and Kirsch Vermillion wind up in a time loop. They have to relive the horrible, long day over and over again, while reluctantly working together to figure out why. (Zora x Kirsch)

❤️ The Clover Kingdom in Chaos: A Dire Tale, Mamavino

Over a month after defeating Lucius Zogratis, new troubles lie ahead. When Sol comes knocking on Yami's door in a panic because Charlotte is missing, he acts indifferent at first. But what happened after their tea-drinking date? And is it true that she has been trapped by a curse again? Yami puts every effort into finding out what happened and sets out to find Charlotte. Noelle Silva falls into a strange sleep. Rouge, Vanessa's cat, is now attached to young Silva's life. Nozel insists on having his sister in the palace. But that also means opening the doors to the Black Bulls. This will certainly provide some challenges. In addition, all the spirits are falling ill, and everyone seems to be in a total panic. Mereoleona, Asta and a small team sets out to seek out the cause and solution to all this. Is it all connected? In the library they will find help, or is it an enemy After all? (Charlotte x Yami, Nozel x Vanessa, Mereoleona x OC, Fuegoleon x OC)

❤️ Night of Vows, Vilandel

She kissed him again, more deeply this time, smiling as she felt him giving in to the kiss. As they parted, she poked his cheek and said with a smirk, “Consider this a vow I just made.” (Nozel x Vanessa)

❤️ wildest dreams (because falling's not the problem), IAmStoryteller

Yuno/Langris/Mimosa series (Yuno x Langris x Mimosa)

❤️ This Was A Mistake, JaylinnW

“You really think this will be a restful break,” the larger man grinned. “You are in for a surprise. You will not be getting much time to relax,” William opened his mouth but Yami stopped him. “I’m not talking about that, Goldie Guts.” He paused, smirking. “Well not only that. I’m talking about the fact that we brought all our idiots with us. I know my bulls- shit’s gonna hit the roof.” “It won’t be that bad I’m sure,” William moved away from his boyfriend to get up from the bed. (William x Yami, minor Nozel x Vanessa)

❤️ Masquerade, IAmStoryteller

The Masquerade Ball hadn't happened in many years in Clover, but that changes when Julius Novachrono decides that it's high time to bring back some old traditions. (Asta x Yuno, Nozel x Vanessa, Finral x Leopold, Magna x Nebra, Fragil x Luck, Zora x Kirsch, Letoile x Gordon, Gauche x Grey, Rill x Charmy)

❤️ Green, Pink, and Grayscale, juviin

Soulmates are a thing of the past, or at least, they should be. So why does the youngest child of the royal Silva family see no colors? (Asta x Noelle)

❤️ Now All My Dreams are Melting on the Asphalt in the Heat, IAmStoryteller

Vanessa Enoteca, the lead singer and guitarist of the Punk band Arresting Dark Weave, is asked by her mentor/friend/first love Yami Sukehiro, the lead guitarist of The Black Bulls, to compose songs for his and Charlotte Roselei’s wedding. Except, she has got to work with Charlotte’s friend Nozel Silva, the First Seat Cello Player of the Clover Kingdom Baroque Orchestra, who just so happens to a composer. Can Vanessa and Nozel create some amazing songs for the Yami/Charlotte wedding in time? Or will it go up in smoke? (Nozel x Vanessa)

❤️ MUSIC CONNECTS ALL, UNLESS IT'S OFF BEAT, orphaned

In Noelle's defense, it was all Kahono's fault. Noelle so happens to be listening to Kahono's rant before she gets into this entire complicated situation that had just happened, (fuck fate, by the way), and now she had dug a hole too deep to get out of. Who the hell was Tchaikovsky, what the hell was a quarter note, and why are there eighty–eight keys on a piano? To think it just started with a simple walk on the beach. (Kahono x Noelle)

❤️ Children of the Future, LightNova

When Yami and Charlotte had been summoned to see the Wizard king they had not been expecting to find out they had a 19 year old daughter from the future! Nor had they been expecting even more children from the future to appear in their world shortly after her. Just what was going on, and who was sending them here and why? (Charlotte x Yami, Finral x Vanessa, Zora x Nebra, Gauche x Grey, Fuegoleon x OC, William x OC, Julius x OC, Yuno x OC, Asta x Noelle)

❤️ I'll Be Home for Christmas, HotaruGFC (JaclynGFC)

Charlotte gets an invitation to a wedding, and she can't go alone. (Charlotte x Yami)

❤️ Oh What Am I Supposed to Do Without You?, Supernaturalgrant

“Mercury poisoning.” The silence that follows Owen's statement is deafening. The occupants of the room share looks of utter confusion. “That’s like saying Fuegoleon has third-degree burns from that cool ass fire arm situation he has going on.” Yami’s the first to break it. Or: Nozel is diagnosed with mercury poisoning and forced to give his magic up until the can find a cure. Chaos ensues. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)

❤️ Paper Hearts, KaLolasFantasyWorld

Helena Drazel is a twenty five year old Royal from Diamond Kingdom. She's a charming and cheerful woman, ready to leave the sheltered embrace of her family's estate. Her mother previously a Clover citizen and an old friend of late Acier Silva, gets her daughter an invitation to study healing magic in the Capital. Because of that friendship Helena is placed under the care of Royal House of Silva. However the siblings, especially the eldest Nozel, are not so fond of her at the beginning. (Nozel x OC)

❤️ Boys will be Embarrassing, loafingdragon, subtleassiduities

A series of stories documenting Fuegoleon and Nozel's totally-not-gay-completely-serious very-manly escapades over the years. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)

❤️ Damn Eyes, musicalinny

The first time their eyes met he doesn't notice that he actually gave a damn. (Zora x Nebra)

❤️ (Not) At first sight, BBRosenfeld

Finesse is bethrothed to the son of the Vaude family, and she doesn't really mind. However, she was not expecting how much he'd grow on her. (Finral x Finesse)

Fluffy, Funny, Fix-it

💚 Flower Crowns, Angeliccharizard

During an off day, Asta decides it's a great idea to bring a devil to a church

💚 Owen vs The Black Bulls, WildflowerWoods

Owen has seen a lot in his time as a doctor in the magic knights infirmary, even more since his promotion to head of the royal infirmary, overseeing both the magic knights and ordinary patients. he has dealt with his fair share of stubborn visitors, people hiding injuries and patients trying to escape out the window—Lord Julius himself was a common offender for the last of those—but even treating Mereoleona Vermillion's self-inflicted burns was better than the Black Bulls. There was nothing that could have prepared Owen for the Black Bulls.

💚 Why Asta (and Liebe) are Banned From the Kitchen, Bluemeanies

After Yami's katana becomes Demon Slicer and joins Asta's grimoire, Asta and Liebe start looking for other things that could be good anti-magic weapons. Liebe might be taking the concept a little too far.

💚 Early Black Bulls (series), Acacia_May

Early Black Bulls Days

💚 An Impossible Decision, MysticalShizz

Mereoleona’s head pops into view, first taking in you, then turning to observe the small girl perched on your hip. Her look of confusion slowly morphs into disbelief, then into incredulity. “Did … Darling. Did you steal the Silva’s youngest child?”  Fix-It fic where Mereoleona and spouse reader adopt Noelle.

💚 Ghosts, IAmStoryteller

Julius has a bit of a secret. He can see ghosts of his dear departed friends.

💚 Doggy Days, Undefeated_Lionmess

Yami sends Vanessa, Finral, and Charmy to explore a dungeon. Only two of them come back still human. Finral supposes he’s had worse days.

💚 That One Time When Julius Was Late, wintermelon_soldier

"We're late... again," Marx said with a worried expression. "Don't worry, Marx. I'm sure everything is just f-" The Magic Emperor pushed both doors open hoping to greet the Captains only to be welcomed by a vast wasteland. The conference room where it once stood is replaced by a large, empty landmass with no trees or building in sight. "W-what in the world is happening?" Marx cried at his mentor.

💚 The Vice-Captains of the Magic Knights (series), IAmStoryteller

The Vice-Captains of the Magic Knights series

💚 Teenagers, Kaitouahiru

Yami was going to talk to Julius about the recruitable age of Magic Knights. Make no mistake, Yami did not care that fifteen year olds were being put in dangerous or life threatening situations. He didn’t care that they could be drafted to go to war if the situation called for it. He cared that almost none of these brats knew how to do basic home skills.

💚 faith bleeds through the cracks, TellNearaToWrite

Yami knew three things. First, that being a squad captain was shaping up to be a lot like fatherhood, and second, he was definitely not cut out for that shit. Third. Well. Julius had a lot to answer for, that was for sure. The least he could do was help a bit.

Angst!

🧡 Geranium, Azuvist

The flowers in Yami's lungs never really stopped growing. (Yami x William)

🧡 Black Clover: The Blood of Fate, ChanceQueen

In a dark alternate universe of the clover kingdom, there is one question that no one ever wanted to ask, let alone know the answer to. A question that wraps its claws around you, ripping scars that cannot be seen and will never heal. What if Vanessa had never manifested the red thread of fate?

🧡 Megicula's Curse by MaryJoeycoco

After everything, the Black Bulls thought they were safe. They thought Noelle took care of the devil Megicula. They soon realize how wrong they were. Now it's up to Asta to save her but he soon realizes how his feelings change about Noelle through the nightmare land. (Asta x Noelle)

The Silva Fics™

Yes, they get their own category. It's the birb siblings. They deserve it.

💙 Artifice, subtleassiduities

When a retrieval mission traps Nozel with a dangerous and powerful artifact, Nebra and Solid struggle to find help before time runs out for him. But their attempts are thwarted by a widespread, rapidly progressing phenomenon: Everybody in the Clover Kingdom is forgetting about Nozel Silva. Their only choice is to depend on one another-- and Noelle, the only other person who can hold onto a memory of their dear brother. Their rescue mission forces them to face their own memories, twisted against them in ways they may not be able to overcome.

💙 Casa Silva, Mouxe (SPANISH)

Conjunto de historias que comenzo para mostrar la relacion de Acier Silva con sus hijos durante la infancia pero termino convirtiendose en relatos de la relacion de los hermanos silva.

💙 Lay Beside Me, Under Wicked Sky, Avacelt

Noelle leaves, and the chips fall where they do. [Silva family!fic, post-canon]

💙 The Boy Who Played with Water, BeamMeUpCas

Nozel only becomes aware of the extreme lengths his siblings were going to torment their youngest when Nebra, of all people, appears sweaty and disheveled in his office, stuttering and stammering about how Solid has Noelle trapped in a water bubble in the rose garden and she isn't moving Or: Solid nearly drowns Noelle. Nozel flips his shit and becomes the halfway decent big brother he was meant to be.

💙 My Father Told Me (series), succulentsunrise

My Father Told Me is a series, which attempts to understand the effects that the Silva parents must have had on their children, and how the age gaps and personalities between the children themselves affected their relationships.

💙 Make an Effort, IAmStoryteller

Solid isn’t very nice or kind or gentle. He knows this, but when he is hit with the realization that Nozel and Nebra might not know that he loves them, he sets out to show his love and appreciation for his two older siblings. And maybe, extend an olive brand or two…

💙 What Yami Saw by BeamMeUpCas

Nozel needs a favor. Yami will maybe not hold it over his head for all eternity but he'll take great delight in letting Nozel think he will.

#black clover #fic rec #massive post

[thediktatortot]

.

#I'm literally never going to own a home of my own #I'm going to live and die in the same house as my parents and I'm never going to have my own space to call my own #to make my own or to spread out and have my own space #People wonder why I don't feel like a fucking adult #and I can tell them plain as day that it's because I live at home with no job and all I do all day is draw read and look at fucking #fictional shit all day #sure I work on the property but so fucking what #I'm still just wasting away at home with no life no friends nothing to do #I dont want to volunteer anywhere because it's only hard labor shit and I cant physically do those things #and the only other volunteer shit around me is church stuff and I will NOT be helping any churches anywhere fucking ever for anyone #idk #I try to meet people and I have nothing to talk about #everyone else seems to be having their own lives with shit going on and multiple social circles and here I am unable to even string togethe #more than two sentences because it usually only takes that long to get to “so what do you do?” and I have to figure out a way to explain #that I'm living at home with no job no friends and no life in a way that doesn't look fucking pathetic as fuck #I'm not well educated so I just fall behind in most conversation #I can't contribute so whats the fucking point #The only people I have to talk to are my parents because what else am I gonna do? I can't keep complaining to you guys all the time #not like it's going to change anything #if anything it will just make people avoid me more for always being a fucking downer all the time #my parents vaguely get my frustration but they can't do anything #not like we have money or connections of any kind so there's no 'setting me up' with other people my age #honestly I just wish the fucking internet would go away #maybe then more people would get out of their houses and go outside and meet people #idk i'm just fucking done with everything #I'm so numb and so tired and so lonely and I don't know what it is I want because every time I meet someone knew it's like I can't get clos #I don't feel ready for a relationship but I also feel like I'm fucking wasting away alone by myself and I really crave closeness #but I'm also not a dating person #I'm not here to waste another 5 years to someone just fucking around #i want a life time relationship

[philippagordon]

hello everyone, I hope you're all doing great! just passing by to say i'm officially going to be a librarian :) follow your dreams kids

#took me a while but i got there! all on my own #quit my masters bc i had health issues and had an existential crisis moved out of my parents' to live with my sister #i didn't know what to do so i applied to volunteer in a retirement home i was paid a little and it literally saved my life #i found meaning and purpose again met incredible people and i still go there every sunday :) #but most importantly i met the director of the town's museum who recommended me to the library for a summer job #i got it and i loved it just like i imagined one of the librarian was retiring and she told me i should apply to replace her #so i did and after months of not knowing for sure if they would hire me i finally got the email! i'm starting in February #in the meantime i worked at a bookshop in paris which was also a cool experience #but i can't wait to start for real at the library #also did i mention the town i moved in (and where the library is ) is the town of my dreams? #it's calm there's a river and small shops and i also got an apartment with a balcony #2 years ago i thought my life was over i didn't think i would ever make it out #so if i can give a little hope to someone things do get better #i'd love to post again on this blog btw but i keep saying that and never do it 😭

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth #she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her #directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her #and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because #you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple #days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and #she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends. #and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only #give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i #didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she #says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do. #i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was #really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think #for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe #since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why. #i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a #fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if #i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person #to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a #conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a #hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend #group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.

[drewsaturday]

a big block i have in creating fanworks these days really is not having the time, but honestly. i know that it's kind of just an escapist distraction taking my energy away from things that will actually improve my life in the long-run? and i try to justify it because it makes me happy and we all need hobbies :)

but like... i do not think it actually does make me happy at this point lol. most of the things i get ideas to make aren't things i really want to these days, just things i know will give me a tiny hit when 2 people maybe reblog it. and i think i can get more joy out of just playing a real life instrument or sketching an original character for myself instead of as a performative thing for strangers in my phone who have lost the knowledge that you're supposed to interact with things you like because fandom creators r not content factories.

#txt #i do have a legit drive to make Some fanworks but... never enough of a drive to make my home there i guess? #i don't get enough ideas to really justify investing myself TOO hardcore bc i know it won't be long term or it won't have a personal pay-of #of me getting to have my own little fanon universe of creations (unless i've already done this in the past and i can continue that easily) #especially since... fandom culture has changed so much i feel like most things i get into don't have an engaged interactive fandom #because shows dropping their entire season immediately etc #i'm not really going to get much out of making things and developing enough of an understanding of a show to make those things well #and if i do then literally no one is going to interact with them anyway #so it feels pointless when i see fanworks primarily as a community thing and there are no communities lol #so that's... kind of another reason the escapism part is looming over me SO hard #because at this point i'm not even getting community out of it i'm literally only getting the escapism #and that just feels dull #anyway like i said some solutions to this are to just... continue with shows ive already put time into #because then making things is a bit easier than for something new #or get into things i hear about from friends so i'm able to connect with people about it on that level #i'm just peacing out from the content creation grind tm #esp bc it just makes for devastating comparison of my stuff to other people's #when those people can keep up with it and post fics and edits as soon as a season drops or for more popular things

[nyarthru]

the fact that so many child abuse laws are like "its not child abuse unless it leaves a lasting mark" is so fucking crazy to me. You can hit a kid as long as your fists weren't closed and you hit them light enough

#It's actually so hard for someone to be convicted of child abuse. especially if what happened is under the guise of ''discipline'' #yeah the kid was fighting me so its not MY fault that he hit his head and arm on a counter and was also on edge of having a panic attack. #this is the proper reaction to a kid being guilty of talking back and being bossy - my uncle #also my uncle: I've never been found guilty under the law for child abuse. you are wrong. also you are the one needing to grow up bc somehow #I'm circling this conversation about you assaulting me over thinking something bad was happening to your brother back around to the fact you #are still living with me #its so funny to me bc even if I did try to leave my mom would try to stop me lmao. ''you're mom is enabling your lifestyle for some reason'' #my dude. my mom is ENFORCING this lifestyle. not to mention when you were shaming me for how old I was and still living here...you got my #age wrong??? do your research before talking to me. #literally told me I had no goals or plans for the future. lmao even. he only ever talks to me to tell me that he wants me out #quickly! name 8 interests I have that I did not have while in elementary school!!! #like I'm so mad. at least I can revel in the fact that my uncle was such a pussy you didn't commit to calling the police on me when he said #he would lmao. I can also revel in the fact that he fucking hates it here and tries to avoid being home. and that hes failing at parenting #his own children. I'm sorry brenna. I mean no slander. but you sneaking around and being found out about it and that all the adults knew #about it before he did thus making him look bad is so satisfying. its like watching him judging his gf and my mom for being bad parents #while his kids do much worse things (in his eyes) so fucking poetic #I'm sorry for going batshit crazy in the tags. I am. venting #tw child abuse

[d1anna]

seeing ur parent like actively working on their problems and their parenting is so hard bc u remember what they did to you and and now you're being confronted by their love in full and it's so so weird to accept

#i was calling with my parents earlier and my mom was smiling at me so fondly and it scared me lol #it's like i can see you love me so clearly and i never saw you love me like this before and i can't accept it so much i'm suspicious #i'm suspicious of your love :( #like the other day my sister was telling me how my mom was being rude and judgmental to her while they were in the car together and my #sister got mad at her and afterwards my mom texted her to say she was sorry #usually my dad has to tell her to apologize but she did it on her own #it's so weird #i want to be happy for you that you're working on yourself but i wish it hadn't been when 2/3 of have left home #like i remember the things she used to say to us and how she used to treat us on her worst days #it always makes me suspicious when she's at her best because i can never trust that it'll last and i know it won't #my mom switches up like the moon !!!! (she's literally a cancer moon and a scorpio sun lol) #anyway i made myself cry i'm going back to studying now #dianna.moon

[vulpinesaint]

actually going to throw the hugest fit over my parents making me do dishes. i am HAPPY to do dishes on assigned nights. it's FINE. i hate it so much but i'll get it done and if i'm having constant breakdowns over it then like. idk. maybe that's another issue that you should be looking into but it doesn't mean that i'm not up for doing the dishes. but now my mom wants to have the five of us just. do the dishes on a rotation? which is FUCKED cause i have SHIT to do! the fuck happens when i have dnd? or want to go out with a friend? or have class until late? literally worst fucking idea on earth i can do the fucking dishes but i have to be PREPARED for it. for instance don't make it so every other week i'll be fucking Doing something when it's my night to do the dishes

#so tired and lowkey pissed off about this i'm going to cry #my mom got rlly upset cause the dishes weren't getting done. fair. #my nights got Done most of the time and i volunteered to take on an extra night so idk. i think that should count for something. #but she got upset and said that she would just do dishes from now on #and then realized it was a lot of work and said she couldn't do it on her own and needed people to help #and then said 'we should do it this way!' and never actually implemented that way #like. just said it out loud. but then like. expected it to magically happen? #babe you can't just throw out a hypothetical and go 'alright! now that i have spoken it into existence it's going to happen' #fucking WHATEVER though. cause now it's going to be my fun little dishes night on friday when i have dnd. #first fuckin round of it. #and it's not even that i don't want to i CAN'T do the fucking dishes on friday cause i'm barely in the house! #i'll be home on friday after work for fifteen minutes tops! #so. going to complain. literally some of us have schedules that take up the nighttime. #sorry that neither of my little siblings hang out with people or have regular social engagements or work late or have class late. #but unfortunately i'm literally doing shit. and i need to incorporate things into my schedule or it's gonna fuck all my shit up #and then people will be angry with me for not getting the dishes done. so. again. fuck me i guess #it'll be fine i'll talk to her i just. ugh. the world if mothers just fucking talked about what they wanted and needed to happen #she proposed that Multiple weeks ago and just now i heard her in the kitchen going 'i thought we were doing this...' #bitch since WHEN??? SINCE WHEN??? YOU HAVEN'T BROUGHT IT UP IN A FULL WEEK AT LEAST #throwing my fucking laptop against the wall i'm so fucking tired i just want to sleep #valentine notes

[autistic-shaiapouf]

You can tell how things are going considering I have been chimera antposting for like 3 or 4 solid days now

#it's better and it's worse and it will be until I'm fully moved out; half my walls are empty and there's boxes and stuff all over #I'll feel better when my space feels like my own again U_U literally the slow moving process is driving 90% of the malaise :/ #less than a week to go on that though 😤 i need to see when my coworker might be available to help move my bookshelf.. #AUGH when this is over i can stop fucking up my bad elbow more.. it's never hurt like this and it's annoying #hurt as in like. 3/10 maybe a 4 on a worse day; of course my pain is chronic so i could be lowballing it but it's my pain so #my perception is the important part 😤 anyways it hurt so bad one day recently where i couldn't lift and bend it enough #to take out my earrings; only one day of pain like that but I'm sure lifting all my shit isn't helping :/ #cannot wait for this to be over cannot wait to have a home that feels like home again 💖 #shai speaks

[deadlydelicious]

You know how at a certain point interacting with people becomes exhausting

have you ever noticed how some people are just...MORE people than others.

Like at the ed of a long day, interacting with my Dad is fine, he usually just wants to chill out. My Mum is like medium interaction, sometimes too much, but ok if I use the mental energy boost of walking i the door

but my aunt and uncle are staying with us right now and their presence is fucking EXHAUSTING. like no, don't pepper me with questions about my commute at 8:00 in the morning as i'm trying to walk out the door with all my stuff, don't make snide comments about me 'sleeping downstairs' because me making my lunch at 1am woke you up. this is my house?! my home?! why should i be the one having to bend and twist for you? you're the ones who decided to stay here so you won't have to pay for s hotel, any discomfort is your own fucking fault. jesus you're the guest here not me

but god forbid i put up a boundary, then its being rude. totally fine if they trample all over mine though

#I know i'm ND so i'm more hypersensitive about this but having them here is like a low grade anxiety attack #its not that i don't want to talk to them specifically #its just i want to come home and relax and its hard to do that when you're expected to answer all their mindless small talk questions #its like in stead of turing off work mode i have to switch to my second job of host even though i never agreed to be a host #and if i don't i'm rude #and if i remove myself from the situation then i'm literally being made to feel like a lodger in my own home #AND i'm called anti-social #i just want a fucking cup of tea and to watch smallville but they're both in the kitchen/familyroom #so if i go get that it'll be half a fucking out of questions and ilttle jabs about my sleeping pattern #like it frustrates me to tears #you fuckers #i'm 29 years old don't you dare talk to down to me like that in my own home

[nexus-nebulae]

i hate when you're like. so aware that a delusion is a delusion. you know its a delusion. you know its not really what's going on. but you still can't convince your brain otherwise

#and i guess if you're sensitive to like. absorbing other people's delusions/paranoias avoid the tags #but like i have this really specific one #about like. the whole being watched constantly thing. but not by cameras or people or actual living things or ghosts or anything #by like. my phone #but not in the 'oh fbi agents are in my phone' way i mean like. i get a really weird thing with photos #where if a person in a photo is staring at the camera i feel like they can actually see me through the photo #not like the person the photo is of can see me through it but like the photo itself is its own sentient thing #i think that's something like POSIC????? i think???? i know nothing about that community thats my surface level understanding #but the thing is with photos on my phone even though they're not currently looking at me i still know they're In There #and because the phone has a microphone too i feel like they can hear me #and i'm. scared of the photos on my phone judging me. #and i've never told anyone this because i know it sounds like a fear a toddler would have and people would think its stupid #and i *know* its irrational as hell but i just. cannot. shake it. i've had this my entire life and it WILL NOT go away #and it like. actually causes problems! it causes distress! it fucks up my life! #because i'm literally just *constantly* paralyzed by the anxiety of having to Look Normal even when im alone at home #like good god masking is traumatic and like. i can't even force myself to unmask at home because i'm scared of my own photos

[aberooski]

Trying to branch out and find new music to listen to is so hard because I'm embarrassed to be heard listening to literally anything, like if anyone in my house knew I listened to anything other than Taylor Swift I'd drop dead.

#which is so stupid because they all know #yellowcard is literally the household favorite they all know I listen to them because we all do #my dad's favorite female artist of all time is alison krauss and he literally got me into her he knows I love her #my entire family knows and ACTIVELY supports the fact that I adore dolly parton I was literally in the 0.001% of her listeners in 2020 #I've loved rascal flatts since grade school. I'm super into phoebe bridgers now. I'm obsessed with atl and mayday parade. #MASSIVE 5SOS fan. still love BTR. evanescence. breaking benjamin. skillet. #and yet I'm too embarassed to listen to anything other than taylor in my OWN HOME for literally NO REASON #I'm also the disney lover in the house and love all that music and old classic movie musicals and final fantasy music and literally so much #it all started when I got to college I stg I was never like this until college. college fucked me up real bad. #and now I can't even go find new music to listen to because I'm too embarrassed to be seen or heard listening to anything 😭 #dammittttttt #abby's just rambling don't mind her

[visdiefje]

This may be the easy way out for you. But you just made me go all the way through it

#I know you get to escape all this. what about me. #I'm stuck where everything happened and I just have to relive that and make sense of it and do the work on my own #I have to confront these things alone. why did you make me come here. #do you think it was an act of kindness to tell me to go back to where everything happened but you won't be there #you won't even have a conversation about it because god forbid anyone makes you confront emotions #like I have to confront mine. the entire time I'm here. but that doesn't matter to you #you're not even going to see this. you never looked here anyway but I'm conveniently placed out of sight out of mind now #and what I do or feel is my business alone. so genuinely who cares. you won't #I don't even know if you HAVE emotions about all this whatsoever. for all I know this literally makes no difference to you #wish I could just Not Care instead of being wide awake and far from home. safe distance away from all this #whatever. only way out is through now. #bien rambles

[austerulous]

Sorry for going quiet.  It has been a Week™.

#( rant warning here there is no obligation to read these tags ahjgwf ) #highlights include: #✨ my daughter biting / lacerating her tongue ✨ #( it wasn't even an accident - she was literally thrown by my friend's son ) #( the incident shook me up there was so much blood pouring out of her mouth all over her beloved plushie bunny and all over my clothes ) #( the situation was handled so poorly by my friend and her son that it's got me questioning the whole friendship ) #( her nonchalant unapologetic reaction reeked of ' boys will be boys ' and that makes me go feral ) #( i'm happy to report my daughter is fine now and her tongue is healing beautifully though we were worried she would need stitches ) #✨ me thinking i was going to lose my job ✨ #( i had a meeting on tuesday where i had to defend my role within the company ) #( which was easy because i do everything around here ) #( sales! customer service! office admin! import documentation! hr! all this in two days a week ) #( my job appears secure but i've kind of fallen out of love with it now ) #✨ my dad unhinging at my son for no good reason ✨ #( which not only frightened the little chap but also brought my own childhood trauma bubbling to the surface ) #( my dad apologised to me yesterday and showed genuine remorse for his behaviour ) #( hi my name is puffin i'm 33 years old and my father has never apologised to me for anything so this took some processing ) #✨ marital discord ✨ #( not going to elaborate on this much but i carry the team at work and i carry the team at home and i'm just so tired ) #anyway!! #friday is my work-free child-free day so i hope to be around #i have a few more smooch asks to send #i want to answer those kink asks and reply to dms #i'm not ignoring anyone i'm just 🥴 trying to survive #on the bright side our swallows have returned and are rebuilding their nest in the garage #and i have done some work in the garden and it's looking lovely #there's a long way to go but baby steps still count #ilu all and i hope you're having a good week so far ♡ #take no shit do no harm be kind to yourselves #◈ — ooc; puffin speaks

[aw-bean-s]

.

#When you cry because you're ugly but you've literally always been ugly #✌️✌️✌️ #Listen I KNOW this is a lame as post but I need to express this SOMEWHERE because anyone irl will get mad or weird abt it #And I got kicked out of fucking therapy so #Here #Here is what I have #But yah I'm ugly and proms today and I spent an hour and a fucking half past midnight trying to get my hair brushed and dry #Only to find out my dye job is patchy and spotty and ugly as all hell #But I can't tell anyone that because mum helped me! #So she'll get upset and angry and cry and be all 'i did my best' when I KNOW she did and I'm grateful #Not her fault my hair sucks and I'm too ugly to pull off patchy hair #God I just. I'm gonna be in a room with a bunch of ppl I either don't know that well or don't like #And I have it on good authority at least some of em think I'm a bitch #I just. I don't wanna go. But it was eight five stupid fucking dollars that couldve gone to something USEFUL like shoes that don't break #But my friends organised the prom so I gotta fuckin go to the stupid bland expensive party #And they wanna all go get ready at this (really nice honestly) girls house that I've never been to and everybody knew the plan before me #But also all of my friends have been so busy and all hanging out with each other without me that I don't even wanna go! #Like I don't even have the appeal of 'hang out with friends and laugh about how bad it is' OR ' #'get ready in the comfort of my own home because I'm insecure as all hell and the thought of putting makeup on in front of evryone makes me #Want to vomit my guys out' #Specially since there's this one friend we have that. He's fine. Kinda. Idk he makes me uncomfy sometimes because he's so fucking judgy #Didn't even fully realise till this year what a judgy bitch he is but hey always fun to learn new things about the people you care about! #He always gives me weird side eyes when I wear makeup #I already feel insecure enough mate I'm just trying to look presentable enough that at the 'party but full of stupid cameras' #I won't be getting made fun of the week afterwards because they post allllll the photos online #Kill me #Kill me kill me kill me #God I wanna throw up #But instead I will go to bed