#honestly I just wish the fucking internet would go away

[wonitten]

DETECTIVE TROUBLEMAKER (YJ)

Part 1. Part 2 ; Part 3

synopsis: In a desperate attempt to salvage her career, a klutzy detective plans to kidnap a corrupt minister as part of her final assignment. However, her plans go hilariously awry when she mistakenly kidnaps a charming mafia boss instead. But perhaps there was more to it.

pairings: Mafia boss! Jungwon x reader ft. Boss! Heeseung

genre: Comedy, romance(slightly), crime, Dramedy

warnings: Mild sexual references, your mom joke but brutal, violence, kidnapping, knife

WC: 1.5K

Sometimes, you feel like you're doing something wrong with your life, and it all started with the part where you chose to be a detective instead of a doctor, going absolutely against your parent's wishes

Which for starters is not working out well. Haha.

No, we are like in deepest shit for real man.

Why we? It's you? No it's me, but you are me, and I am you. We are we, we= together one connect. See that's why, you are the reason why it's not working out.

"Another inner monologue?", Heeseung says with a smile which you absolutely adore but you know better than to place kisses on his cheeks. That's your boss. "But I guess it's fine. It's sad to bid you bye and absolutely miss you ruining my time with your incompetence."

"Yeah I guess it's sad— Hold on, I am what now?", You cut off yourself, as his words sink inside your mind. "That was a joke, right?."

"Obviously", He chuckles, before dropping his smile. "Unless you fail again. Then it's going to be true."

"Si..r.....", You shakily whisper, before patting your head in your mind. That's why we do not think of kissing your boss because when we do, shits always are one step behind to rain over you.

"This is your last chance, Ms. Y/n. You are going to capture him, and bring out these details written in the file off his dirty little mouth. He is an important person, so you can't really just kill him. No mistakes", He raises his brow, while tapping on the file. "And he shouldn't know about your identity."

You nod, gulping. "Alright, I understand."

"Okay, Y/n go now", Heeseung says, his eyes are smiling again as he hands the file over to you. "Fail, and I will personally write the letter of firing you, alright?."

How about you slam me against the wall and kiss— No.

"Yes sir!", You salute towards him, before scurrying away from his office.

Heeseung exasperatedly sighs, looking down at his file where he was writing down notes on the recent case he was working on. And then he tilts his head, as he notices the missing image of the person on file. "Why is there no image of this guy?"

He grabs his phone, making a call.

"Sunghoon, where the fuck is mafia boss's picture?".

"What do you mean? It's right there. And honestly, you know his face, so why do you sound angry? I will take this call when you are calm", Sunghoon says, and slams the call shut, making Heeseung groan.

"Why am I always surrounded by these kind of people!?"

On the other hand, you were reading the file Heeseung gave you, and reading down the notes he had written beside it.

"Has had a lot of intimate relationships, the names could show more connections?", You frown and think to yourself, before turning over to the first page, where his picture lies. "This soft looking guy is a minister and already ruined. Damn, our world is fucked up."

You shook your head. "No judgement. But I first need a coffee."

You walk down to the cafe, taking more notes on your mind and practically reverse as to how you are going to have to kidnap him, and torture him to bring details from his mouth. "I can scare him with a knife if he says no. Oh and he should be blind so a cloth."

"If nothing scares him, then his threat about his sex videos going to internet. What would a minister care more than his reputation anyway?."

As you mutter to yourself, you enter the cafe and go towards the counter to order yourself a cup of coffee.

"What would you like?", the girl says, as you point over to the menu before turning away only to face the nonchalant guy who was standing behind you. His face scared the crap out of you.

This minister choi in bright daylight!?

"Are you okay?", the boy said, as he notices your freezed expression. "Excuse me, but like...".

"Oh! Haha, yes", You nervously laugh, before sliding from the line. "Go ahead, and order. I was just you know suddenly remembered about something."

The boy nods with a scrunch on his nose, as you noticed his faint dimples. Maybe you understand why he has multiple sec partners now. He is just so charming, what the fuck.

And that's just how you followed him having coffee, to a discreet street and kidnapped him with limited resources, a handkerchief and a bottle of chloroform that you had brought this morning for this very reason. You never know when opportunity comes up.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

______

Jungwon was having a hard time, trying to understand how he was here in the first place. If anyone ever learned, he was kidnapped like this, he is going to snap. But, right now he needs saving.

A mafia boss needs saving? Haha, how stupid does that sound. So well, he is going to save himself.

Jungwon rubs his thumb on the rope over his skin, before sighing. "Why?", he asks to the person who has kidnapped him, who he obviously couldn't see because he was blinded by a black cloth over his eyes.

"Because your luck is terrible and mine is great. Do what I say, and I'll delay the pleasure of hurting you", You mutter, while pressing the knife against his neck.

He snorts," Atleast hold the knife correctly when you are threatening me. Or I am guessing you are not actually going to stab me."

"Stop talking", You hiss, pressing the knife harder on his skin. "Remember, you are tied onto a chair. If you want to, we can do this forever."

Jungwon sighs," Atleast tell me who you are."

"That would be stupid?"

"Well I know your face"

"What", You frown, tilting your head. "How would you?."

"That cute lady in front of me, freezing over seeing me. It makes sense now. You know who I am. It's brave of you to even hold me here, you know? I commend your stupidity and the bravery", He sneers, as you watch the smug expression on his face.

You groan internally, before bringing down the knife. "Okay, just answer me these questions and then you can go back home and I can go back my home."

"Why should I?", He makes a face.

"Or else I am going to release your secrets on the internet"

Jungwon tilts his head, and parts his lips," What."

You thought you finally got to him so you asked your first question. "Okay, tell me the names of the people you have had intimate relationships with". You tap a button on your phone to record his answers.

He purses his lips," My mom...?".

You nod, before disbelief crosses over your eyes," Hold on. You fucked your mom!? That's messed up."

"Wait, you meant in that sense!? How was I supposed to know!? You didn't specify! Honestly, why are we here to talking about my sex details!? This is stupid", Jungwon feels crimson over his cheeks.

"Acting like a virgin, this guy....", You scoff.

"What do you mean by acting? I am actually a virgin!"

"Yeah whatever you say liar"

"Excuse me? But I am perfectly a virgin. I haven't even jerked off yet."

"Ok definitely a liar."

"I swear to god, when I get out of this, I will find you and kill you", He yells onto her face.

"Yeah like you can kill someone. But brief me me anyway about how you are going to kill me", You say and yawn, before looking at his file, reading over more details you can ask minister choi.

Jungwon lapse into silence for a while, before chuckling loudly. "Wait, who do you think I am?."

"Minister choi?"

"Oh god. Your stupidity and bravery makes sense now"

"Yeah yeah", You say, before a disappointed sigh leaves his lips, making you look back at him.

"You are a detective, aren't you? Looking for minister choi while he gets tortured in Mafia Yang's basement? You should open my hands and just go home."

"What do you mean? Tell me clearly", You demand.

"Call your boss and ask him what minister choi looks like, because I look nothing like that old bastard", Jungwon firmly says. "I am literally...a maf— you know what nevermind. But I am not your guy."

You were about to drag the knife back to his skin, before seeing a text message on your phone from Heeseung.

"I believe some photos have been misplaced by Sunghoon. To make sure, this is how mister choi looks like", you read, before you eyes follow over the next message, continuing to speak. "Also you probably see Yang Jungwon, the mafia leader's picture. Do not get confused, actually you probably won't, right?Good luck. Smiling face emoji."

You look up at the person, him being victim of your stupidity. You gulped, nervously laughing,"Um...so well I will treat you to a nice coffee, Mr. Yang. Would you like that?."

"Add the strawberry and chocolate cake with it then we have a deal, detective troublemaker."

#jungwon enhypen #enhypen x reader #enha x reader #enha imagines #enhypen #jungwon #jungwon x reader #enhypen jungwon #enhypen heeseung #heeseung #lee heeseung #enha heeseung #engene #heeseung enhypen #Spotify

[adtenthusiast]

Word count: 2033

The Car Alex x Fem!Reader

Summary: You get bored at The Grammys and decide to tease Alex, it goes a bit too far and he puts you in your place...

Warnings: Swearing, slight exhibitionism, pet names (doll, darling, baby, princess), Dom!Alex, Sub!reader, Hard to soft dom, degrading, a bit of bdsm, multiple orgasms, Hickeys/bruising, Oral F!receiving, a bit of aftercare not much tho. porn with a plot.

A/N: FIRST POST!!! who's clapping rn?? anyway this is literally so dirty and filthy and unholy. I really pushed my limits here. enjoy!

He was pissed. You had given him a hard-on right before he had to make a speech that will be on the internet forever. But it's not your fault The Grammys are a fucking bore, you had to entertain yourself somehow.

You started off with the classic dropping something and slowly bending over to pick it up. Alex eyed you, taking in how great your ass looked in a short, skin-tight red dress. This wasn't enough though. You needed to do more. So, when you went to sit, you pulled your dress down so far that your tits were spilling out over the top of it. Alex immediately kept his eyes locked on them. After a couple of minutes of him staring you asked "Are you okay baby?" acting all innocent, as if you didn't know exactly what was running through his mind. "Yeah, perfect" he elongated the 'er' and didn't even look up to your eyes. It was clear he wasn't talking about himself.

You decided to go back to watching the awards like normal, but every once in a while you did something very subtle like biting or licking your lips, or fluttering your lashes when talking to Alex. You knew this did something to him because he placed his hand on your thigh and started tracing circles on it. Then you decided to go all in. You leaned in close to Alex's ear, letting him feel your hot breath on his skin as you whispered "Can I sit on your lap?" You tried to sound as innocent as possible so he didn't think you were up to something. "Alright darling" He sat back in his chair as you placed yourself on him.

You sat there peacefully for a little while as you loved the feeling of his arm wrapped around you and the sweet-nothings he would whisper in your ear. You then started shifting in his lap and you felt his grip on you tighten and he spoke firmly "Stop." You turned your head to look at him and said with a smile "What? I'm just getting comfortable." You turned away, shifting a small bit more, feeling him harden him under you, until suddenly you felt his grip tighten so hard it could leave bruises and you heard his voice dangerously close to your ear "You know what you're doing baby. Stop it before i bend you over this table and fuck you in front of all these p-" He was cutoff by the announcement of the bands category. "Shit. If we win and I have to fuckin' go up there like this, I swear to god you're gonna be in so much trouble"

You gulped, not sure if you were wishing for them to win or not. "And the Best Alternative Music Album is..." Your heart was pounding as the announcer opened up the envelope, it felt like she was purposely taking forever. You subconsciously held your breath as she began to read out the name "The Car, Arctic Monkeys!" All the lads gasped and you gave Alex a kiss as you stood up off him. As he walked onto the stage he shot you a dark look.

Honestly you didn't listen to Alex's speech because you were too preoccupied thinking about what he was going to do to you when you got home, and soon you were gonna find out because the second he got back to your table he grabbed your wrist and dragged you out to the car. "Alex what the fuck? I'm pretty sure you're supposed to stay??" You were panicking a bit 'cause you knew people were going to talk about how you guys abruptly left. Alex didn't care though, at least you don't think he cared.

He didn't speak the throughout the entire car ride home despite you questioning why he did that and if he was really THAT mad. When you finally got home and you stepped inside, Alex immediately spun you around and leaned down to whisper in your ear "Go upstairs, get naked and kneel on the bed, I'll be up in a few minutes." You took a deep breath and began walking up the stairs. All you could think about is how quite literally fucked you're gonna be.

You got to your room, threw all your clothes on the floor and knelt on the bed. You heard Alex rummaging downstairs and then the sound of metal clanging against each other followed by his footsteps coming up the stairs. You got nervous when you saw his figure step into the doorway, leaning against it for a moment before taking off his blazer and neatly folding it on the dresser. Then you saw them. All ball gag and some handcuffs. Your eyes widened as Alex began approaching you. "What did you think you were doing?" There was venom in his voice that made you feel helpless. "Al, I'm sor-" "Don't fucking speak. You wanna act like a slut you're gonna get fucked like one" He grabbed your head, put on the gag and lifted up your chin between his pointer and thumb. "Now I'll be able to hear pretty noises, but won't have to listen to your stupid excuses" His words went straight to your core. As much as you hate to admit it, this turned you on so much.

He rolled up his sleeves and sat down on the bed next to you. You couldn't help but admire him, his veiny arms and how the veins plunges out when he grips onto things, his chest peaking out from under his dress-shirt and how he always has it shaved besides a single square and his hair, how it was somehow both messy and well groomed at the same time.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Alex spoke "Over my knee doll" You gush at the pet name and oblige. "If anything is too much just tap me twice." His voice was soft but you knew it wouldn't last long as you felt a smack against your ass, your entire body jerked and you let out a loud yelp. After another couple of slaps you feel tears welling in your eyes and you were drooling all over the sheets. "Look at you, you're fuckin' pathetic"

He gave your ass three more strikes before leaning down and speaking "Does it hurt darling?" You nod. "Aww, well thats what you get for being a little slut, you know you deserve this. Now stop crying, get up and lay, face down-ass up, hands behind your back." You whine but do as he says. You heart raced when you felt Alex's hands roughly grabbing yours and cuffing them. "What a fuckin' sight" he stepped back and folded his arms, taking in the view. You felt so exposed and at his mercy.

You heard the rattle of his belt and felt a dip in the bed. Your cunt was glistening from how wet you are "Jesus, You love getting punished, eh?" Alex swiped his finger through your wetness and placed the finger in his mouth and sucked, tasting your juices "Fuckin' heavenly."

You back up your ass and whined trying to get his attention. "Don't be greedy darling, remember you place" He unbuttoned his trousers and pulled out his cock and began pumping it to the sight of you. "It's such a pity i don't see this everyday, You look so fucking good like this, my beautiful little whore" he groaned.

You felt his tip stroking your soaked folds. He stopped at your dripping hole, just holding it there until you whined. "Aw baby you want more? hm?" You whined again "Okay, I'll give you more" and with that he slammed into you, giving you no time to adjust to his size he began thrusting into you hard. All you could do is moan and sob. "Too much too fast, princess? Well you asked for it" He growled "You know you like it. Listen to you, you sound like a little cumslut" He somehow sped up his thrusts and you screamed.

He slid his arm around up your chest and pulled you up so your back was against his chest. He watched your tits as they bounced with each thrust. He groaned and dipped his head down to your neck and began nipping and sucking on your neck. "Fuckin' mine. 'm gonna make sure everyone knows how much of a slut you are."

You were making the most hoarse noises and you were drooling all over yourself. "You close already, princess?" You nodded and squeezed your eyes shut. With that he pulled out. You whined at the loss of contact. Alex picked you up and laid you on your back. "Bad girls don't get to cum on cock. Now open your legs doll."

You spread your legs as far as you could and Alex dipped his head between them. He wrapped his mouth around your clit and sucked on it, sending electricity throughout your entire body. He held down your hips as he sucked and licked your sensitive nub. You were sure you were gonna have hand-shaped bruises on your hips for days. He removed his mouth from you and inserted two long, calloused fingers into you. He curled and scissored them making you let out a load moan. He continued to finger you fast.

You couldn't take it much longer. Your hips bucked and your hole tightened around his fingers. You looked at Alex for permission to cum. "Go on darling, cum all over my fingers" and with that you let out a loud, high-pitched moan as you released. Alex didn't stop though, he kept going. You screamed and cried from the stimulation and suddenly you felt that knot in your stomach tighten again. You cried trying to get away from his fingers. "Come on baby, cum for me again" and again your orgasm washed over you, ten times more intense than before. Alex slowed down his movements then removed his fingers from you.

He smiled as he brought his fingers up this his mouth and sucked off all your juices from his fingers. He then leant down and removed the gag from your mouth. "Can you do one more for me princess? You're doing so well." You sniffled and nodded "Okay.. Just one more." "Good girl, doing so well for me" He lined his cock up with your used hole and slowly thrusted into you. He gave you a second to adjust and the slowly pulled out and pushed back in again.

Unlike last time his thrusts were slow and soft but they were passionate and deep. He places his hands either side of your head, his hair was draped off his forehead and his face was inches away from yours. He caught your lips in a long, passionate kiss as his thrusts sped up slightly. " 'm close baby" He whispered. After a couple of more thrusts you felt that knot in your stomach again, you squeezed around him to let him know you were close too. His thrusts became faster and sloppier as he chased his orgasm, you squeezed around him as you came all over him, this sent him over the edge and you felt his release deep inside you.

He rode out your orgasms, then collapsed next to you, removing himself from you. You felt empty and tired. Alex got up and unlocked the handcuffs and kissed you "I'm gonna clean you up. Do you want anything baby?" You smiled "Water please" he walked into the bathroom and grabbed a towel then got you a glass of water. He came back into the room, placed the glass of water on the bed-side table, then kneeled on the bed in front of you, he cleaned you and the sheets up then laid next to you and hugged you. "I love you baby, but please never embarrass me like that again" You giggled when you remembered what got you here "I love you too and I'm sorry for that"

And with that you laid in silence until you both fell asleep.

#alex turner #alex turner x reader #arctic monkeys #alex turner smut #arctic monkeys fanfic #alex turner fanfic #alex turner x you #arctic monkeys x reader #the car era #the car tour

[simpingcowboy]

Pedro boys and why I'm swiping left on their tinders

This is all to be silly!! I love them all very much <3

Frankie Morales

His name there says Frankie (Catfish)....with his main profile picture being him holding you guessed it...a catfish. He doesn't have many other photos on there, with the exception of a few older military photos that are so blurry you can hardly tell which one he's meant to be.

The rest of his page is pretty empty aside from the music section, where you actually get the first real glimpse at what this man is about. While his music selection is very respectable, it does not overshadow the glaring issues with his profile.

In short, Frankie's profile makes you think "Am I dating the man? The fish? Or a catfish?" Swiping left fs.

Marcus Moreno

This one isn't his fault! His profile is perfect. No really. All the women at The Heroics made sure to help him with it! His photos are cute and show off all his best assets. The bio is a little cheesy in an endearing "yeah he's definitely a dad" way. The problem then? It's Marcus fucking Moreno!!! Leader of the Heroics!!!!!! On Tinder???? There's no way anyone is going to believe it's really him. I believe there's a verification option on Tinder now, but really...even then Idk. Unless he fully comes out on an interview or something to super casually mention he's on Tinder, it just ain't working. No one likes a catfish! (Sorry Frankie!)

Jack Daniels

Mr. "Tinder What?" himself!!!! Let's say he manages to figure out how to set up a profile and all that. It's gonna be inTERESTING to say the least. His photos are actually pretty solid. An intriguing mix of photos of him on the ranch and photos of him in the Statesmen HQ looking very well put together. Opening line is definitely "Save a Horse! Ride a Cowboy! 🤠♥️" Very on brand for him. Followed by something very pro-american about the flag or serving his country and honestly... that's where I'm gone 😅. We get to see a bit of Jack's political mind in Kingsman and let's just say i don't wanna know the rest of it.

I'm grateful this is Tinder and not Bumble. Because if Jack used the audio prompt and I heard that smooth Kentucky accent...forget EVERYTHING I just said. I would be taking a chance on him. Sorry 😔 I can't fix him, but I will have fun trying!!

Joel Miller

For namesake, we're gonna set this pre-outbreak. There's no time for swiping in the apocalypse. Profile isn't bad just very empty. He's not really trying and it's kinda obvious. His bio reads something along the lines of "Single dad of a spoiled teen" with mostly photos of himself and Sarah on his profile. A few photos of him and Tommy out camping or on a work site.

And as handsome as he is, the profile feels like something his kid forced him to make as a way of getting him off her back. I wanna sympathize and help her out, but I don't know I have the heart to attempt to win over this very clearly emotionally unavailable DILF. So for that reason, I'm swiping left.

Pero Tovar

If for some ungodly reason Pero was given Internet access and had a dating profile... it'd be a disaster. His bio reads something along the lines of "I don't open this app. If you wish to see me meet me at this pub" with approximate days and times he's there.

The first picture on his profile is a way too far away blurry shot of him training. If I was feeling brave enough to continue scrolling through his photos...the rest would certainly be borderline explicit highly suggestive photos of his torso and groin. And whilst I might think about it for approximately .25 seconds any remaining sense of dignity would kick in before I actually did anything about it. It'll sting momentarily, but I will be swiping left.

Ezra

Another man on this list who should absolutely NOT be given internet access. His photos are beautiful but uninformative...the only shots of him are blurred and artistically obscure. He pads the rest of his profile with photos of books he's reading and grainy shoots of the forest.

The bio...if there's a word limit best believe that Ezra has hit it. He used every given character at his disposal and managed to say very little with all of it. Something about a wandering spirit longing for companionship and a couple sexual innuendos for good measure.

While visually and verbally not the worst profile on this list, his pretension is so utterly palpable through the screen I actually don't think I'd be able to make it through the end of his bio without cringing...also his music selection is all just banjo instrumental???

#am writes #pedro pascal #pedro boys #ezra prospect #pero tovar #joel miller #jack Daniels #marcus moreno #frankie morales #pedro pascal characters

[meowzilla93]

this is a rant, vent, jumble of words im feeling and need to get it out of my system because im a little done

please scroll along if you dont wanna read, or dont, i dont control you

it never ceases to amaze me just how cruel people in fandoms can be. cruel, mean, hyprocritical, straight up dumb.

dont get me wrong, these people are a minority. i have found myself amongst the best sort of people in fandoms i am a part of and couldnt be happier for the friendships i have made from them.

but this incredibly loud minority piss me off to no end. i stay away from any sort of discourse, silently watching from the background and watch thing blow up over trivial matters, and then learn who to avoid in those circles and move on with my life

but when i see, what i consider to be blatant bullying, to someone i hold dear, i dont want to be quiet anymore. im not a loud figure, im a tiny blog that loves to simp over 2d characters, a tiny stream channel that i interact with like minded people. and i mean i am TINY, im barely a blip on this wide web. so anything i say, it doesnt go anywhere, so still, i stay silent until i cant anymore.

so lets get to the crux of the matter.

if you dont like a character, you dont get to make others feel bad about liking them. i dont care if you think they are problematic, if you dont like their story, their look, or simply the fact that they exist

you dont get to make someone feel bad for finding a connection with them and loving them

you dont get to attack them about liking the character, passively or aggressively, you dont get to make fun of them and any of the work they do around them. you have no right to take it upon yourself and make someone feel like they dont belong just because they like a character that you dont

if you dont like the character, dont fucking interact, its that bloody simple. scroll away. mute the tag, mute the channel, whatever. just walk away

interacting with someones content for the pure purpose to make fun of it is cruel. you are making it public that you want to demean the person for what they enjoy. and the worst thing is, if you catch the attention of the younger audience, they learn that they get to act that way, and this kind of online activity only gets worse

it already has gotten worse. man, im a millenial and i thought keyboard warriors when i was in highschool and older where bad. these days the younger generation feel justified to think that they can say whatever they want and suffer no consequences of those actions. i see it in so many fandom discourses. its horrible

but they learn from the worst of us on the internet. the more they see the cruel interactions, the more they think its okay to act that way. and without a doubt, fandoms will end up being incredibly toxic environments that people wont feel comfortable to exist in anymore.

every fandom has a toxic space, its unfortunate but it is true. i wish it wasnt

and the smaller the fandom, the louder this toxic group is

it just fucking sucks. and watching people i care about be treated so badly hurts because all i can do is be their support. an ear, a shoulder, just someone they can vent to. but it doesnt stop the fact that they got hurt and i cant do anything about it

god i dont even know what this even turned into. im tired, im upset, im just so frustrated.

why cant people just be nice?

if you managed to read all the way down here, man i applaud you. that was a great mess of thoughts, i still have many more but at this point i feel like i would be repeating myself

please, just. be kind guys. its not that hard, i swear it

to all my moots, honestly, i love you guys. seeing all your work and love you put into your creations gives me life and brightens my day. dont ever stop loving your craft and your fav characters just because someone decided to be a prick.

#meow rants! #honestly if you read this you are a champion lol #do good #be nice #this really is just a jumble of thoughts i needed to get out and what better place than a tiny blog #i wish i could do more but alas this is all im good for #to all my moots i love you all

[choices-binglebonkus]

The Thornes Ranked By Suspicion Level #2

I need an excuse to not do my homework yet, and some major shit is going down in Crimes of Passion. So here I am, once again ranking every Thorne + Duchess Eveline by how suspicious I am of them being the murderer, or at least directly involved somehow.

BIIIIG Disclaimer: This ranking list WILL have spoilers for chapter 13’s summary. If you have not seen chapter 13’s summary and don’t wish to have anything spoiled, LOOK AWAY NOW.

Suspicion Level: ☠️

12. Sebastyan. As revealed in the chapter 13 summary, Sebastyan, who was our prime suspect, is murdered. And given that chapter 12 takes place at Marguerite's fashion show, Sebastyan is likely murdered at her show. Now, I DO still believe there are two murderers, or at the very least, a murderer and a right-hand, but I honestly don't think Sebastyan was one of them.

Suspicion Level: None

11. Trystan. Once again, Trystan is not the type to murder.

10. King Maksim. I still feel like Maksim is going to end up murdered, maybe much later in the book, and saving his life is determinant (sort of like when Marguerite was kidnapped and she could potentially lose a finger if we performed poorly). Generally, Maksim seems very lost in the sauce as chaos runs rampant around him.

Suspicion Level: Low

9. Emika. Emika and their brother honestly don't strike me as murderers, just a couple of edgy twentysomethings who never mentally outgrew their teenage years.

8. Kaspar. Same as Emika, but more unhinged, and more of an idiot.

7. Marguerite. Marguerite, at this point, will have had two murders take place on the night of her fashion shows in Drakovia. This is a little suspicious, but given that she and Sebastyan still loved each other deeply despite the barrier between them, I really don't think she's the culprit. Still, Olivia did tell us to be wary of anyone who was nice to us, and Marguerite is the only Thorne who is actively nice to our crew rather than antagonistic or simply polite but indifferent. My suspicions of her aren't completely gone, but they've dissipated quite a bit. She is, however, guilty of a terrible fashion sense, and though Sebastyan might have been murdered, the true victim is the MC.

Suspicion Level: Medium

6. Lydea. I will admit my suspicions of Lydea, while initially low, skyrocketed when we found out that she's allegedly unexpressive and supposedly neutral regarding the Heir Act. I became even more wary when it was revealed that she was close to Vasili and Sebastyan.

5. Vasili. As of the latest few chapters, Vasili seems to appear out of nowhere, and I'm not gonna lie, under normal circumstances, my alarms would be going the fuck off. However, some part of me still just doesn't think it's him. He's not nice to our crew, nor is he openly antagonistic: he's as polite as decorum requires. That, and he and Sebastyan were apparently close enough that he accompanied the latter at his debate. It just seems too easy to suspect him, kind of like it was easy to suspect Sebastyan.

Suspicion Level: High

4. Patryk. What does this motherfucker even do? He's shady as hell and he tried to poison the main character just for internet clout so we know he's unhinged. I'm still going with my theory that he's either completely clean or he's the killer's right hand man. I also believe he's Queen Viktoria's suspected love child.

3. Duchess Eveline. I honestly don't even know what to make of her at this point. I strongly, strongly doubt she killed Sebastyan (she was actually worried his position on the Heir Act would make him a target at court), but as I said, I still think there are two murderers here. I feel as though she has something to gain from the deaths of those invested in the Heir Act, something that directly foils whatever the Queen may gain, but what?

Suspicion Level: WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO 🚨

2. Queen Viktoria. Between the suspected love child, the swift and deliberate shutdown of Juliana's death investigation, and her growing impatience with the main character's own investigation, I have no doubt in my mind that Queen Viktoria is either directly or indirectly involved in one or more murders. I do believe, however, that her motives and the hypothetical second murderer's motives don't align at all.

1. Astrid. While it's been heavily implied (not outright confirmed) that Sebastyan and Juliana were romantically involved, I have an inkling that she may have been romantically involved with Astrid, too. Her immediate attempt to shift the attention of the main character and Trystan to Sebastyan basically right before he's murdered is a HUGE red flag, especially since she cited evidence she consciously chose not to share the night of Nadja's murder. It's also worth noting that, while Juliana and Sebastyan's relationship is still NOT confirmed, there was a locket inside his work desk inscribed 'To my love'. It never says WHO this 'love' is, and given Astrid's sudden haste to draw attention to Sebastyan, I could totally see her having had it planted in his desk. Additionally, in a flashback the night of the murder, her boyfriend calls her his beautiful songbird. What did Juliana have in her possession? A bird whistle. And what got Juliana's attention on the yacht that lured her to her death? A bird call.

#crimes of passion #choices crimes of passion #choices cop #choices crimes #crimes of passion 2 #choices crimes of passion 2 #choices stories you play #playchoices #choices stories we play #pixelberry #pixelberry studios #playchoices fandom #choices stories you play fandom #choices stories we play fandom

[causesciencethatswhy]

I think it's because in BTS even if it was mostly rapline writing the lyrics it didn't feel like such big disconnect because they're bts members. Maybe a specific bts member didn't write the song but a bts member still wrote the song and people have different approaches to/expectations of different musicians based off of the type of artist they show themselves to be. No one ever fucking cares if Rih ain't credited on a song because that's not her thing. If the blonde girl released an entire album of non self written songs people it would be shocking because being a writer is tied into her identity as an artist. I mean some people were writing think pieces about the English trilogy and I think they was way more dramatic considering they're not completely uncredited the songs were released over several years and there was an entire album they created in the midst. Part of its lowkey cus armys were fighting for bts pen game for years and it's making us look bad now which isn't jk's (or tae's) problem but also you can't go around calling people talentless frauds who can't pick up a pen for years and not feel the slightest disappointment at your faves not participating in something they said they working on for years without extreme disconnect. People used it to talk shit but it was also a point of pride outside of other people.

I think you yourself have explained that this is simply a them problem and not a bangtan problem. And at the end of the day, jungkook can write and produce music, (some of the best music on the bangtan roster have come from him) so any anti saying he's incapable of writing music is just looking for a lazy drag.

At the end of the day, self produced albums may have been closely linked to bts as a group but all the members that make up bts, never committed to this sentiment. Jungkook especially puts his singing as the most inherent part of his artistry, so if he chooses to focus on that and his choreography and let's go of the writing/producing so he could release golden, then honestly what's so wrong about it? I would have understood the "immense disappointment "if it was Namjoon who was releasing an album in this format since his lyrics have always been central to the music he's released. But for someone like Jungkook whose time and time again talked about how conveying the right emotions in his singing and putting a powerful performance as being his greatest priorities as an artist, this format tracks for him completely. Interpretation of lyrics into music is also an art form in itself and shouldnt be looked down upon. Maybe in the future he will endeavor to more self production too, but I don't think his current desicions right now are taking away from his, or bangtans legacy for that matter. It's only breaking him and bangtan further into the industry and I'm not going to wish against it just because antis on the internet have something new to "drag them" about.

#jungkook #anon ask

[srorgana1]

Into The Reverb (Kylo Ren/Reader)

Chapter Forty

“Kylo?” Kylo grunts and shakes Trudgen’s hand off. “C’mon, we have sound check soon. Are you ready?” He shrugs as he heads back to the bunks to get cleaned up a bit. He throws on a random t-shirt as he brushes his teeth. Spitting into the sink, he sighs. He feels so hollowed out. The tour continues and even though he gives a stellar performance each time, he feels nothing.

He runs a hand through his wild hair and exits the bus, following the trail of stage hands and techs. He can hear Kurak and Ushar warming up over the hum of activity. He follows the sound, nodding in response to hellos and other questions thrown his way regarding tonight. He walks onto the stage to see Vic walking the stage testing the microphones and Hux on the side talking.

He sighs, thankful he can hide behind his rock star persona because he feels like a broken man. He has been plagued with nightmares since the night he spoke to you. It’s always the same. It starts at the party and Bazine and then switches to you walking away from him. He begs and screams in the dreams, falling to his knees but you don’t respond and just fade into the darkness. Each time he wakes up in tears, his chest tight with anguish. Once he composes himself enough, he goes and sits in the lounge behind Poe, watching the world go by until the day starts again.

He flinches as he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. The media backlash was cruel, digging up every misdeed and issue he has ever had. Hux made a statement stating Kylo’s side of the incident as well as addressing the fan situation. D’Kar also made a statement stating their continued support for him and the band. While he was appreciative, people were vicious, calling for his removal for violence against women and his fans. Vic addressed those people online, calling their statements and requests “stupid and based on inaccurate information”.

Even with his name all over the internet, their numbers continued to grow. The next four shows were sold out, and they just received word the Miracle and the album both just hit Gold status. He is happy at least that even with his bullshit, they continued to be successful. He runs his hand down his face as he turns, taking the guitar from the tech with a small thanks. Checking the tuning, he zones out, his fingers working on autopilot.

“Hey Kylo, how ya feeling?” Vic says walking over. He shrugs and keeps playing. “You didn’t sleep did you? Ky that’s why we gave you the bus this afternoon, you need to sleep or you will get sick” Vic says running his hand through his hair. “Vic is right Kylo” Hux says, joining them. He growls, annoyed at their intrusion. “You know I tried. I just can’t” he mumbles, handing off the guitar for another one.

Vic looks at Hux and then back at Kylo. “Have you talked to her since then?” he asks crossing his arms. “She doesn’t want to talk to me and honestly why should she” Kylo grumbles, hoping his surliness will deter them. “I wouldn’t be so sure Kylo. You were the victim in this situation and we have addressed it. I feel she would be more understanding then you think” Hux says, placing a hand on his shoulder. Huffing, he shakes him off, tired of people touching him. “I fucked it up and now I gotta live with it. She asked for time to decide what she wants and I’m respecting her wishes” he growls, officially annoyed now.

“C’mon, this is Y/N we are talking about” Vic says, eyes full of determination “she loves you man. She was just shocked by everything, if you just called her…” “Vic just stop!” Kylo yells, making everyone look in their direction. He tries to a breath trying to get a hold of himself. It hits him that this must be how you feel when you have an anxiety attack. His heart breaks even more knowing this is what you live with. “I…I just can’t” he says tightly, handing off the guitar and walking off the stage.

Hux shakes his head as Vic watches Kylo leave. “I’ll give you an A for effort” he says, patting Vic’s back. Vic takes a deep breath and looks out the empty stadium. “I wish I could tell him. It hurts to watch him like this” he mumbles. “We have to trust in their plan Vic. It’s already in process and it’s our job to keep him in one piece until the fourteenth” Hux says, pulling out his phone.

Vic knows if the plan works, it will not only reconnect Kylo and the love of his life, but it will also expose Snoke and Bazine’s past abuses and illegal activities. It will benefit them all. But he just has to make sure that surly idiot of a guitarist doesn’t do something foolish in his self-loathing.

He shakes his head in agreement. “I think I’m good for tonight. Let the others know I’ll be in the dressing room if they need me” he says. “Sounds good, say hi to Damien for me” Hux says with a smirk. Vic smiles back and nods, turning and hitting a contact on his phone.

---

“Here we are boo” Rae squeals, opening the door for you. Why you let yourself get roped into this you have no idea. All you did was text Rae simply asking her where to find lacy body suits, and after a very enthusiastic phone call, you were here. You look around, eyes widening at the risqué outfits adorning the mannequins. You look at her, quirking a eyebrow. She smiles wickedly and walks away.

You take a breath, telling yourself this is worth it. Kylo is worth it. Cassian had texted you this morning letting you know the first media drop was happening today. You were nervous to see the response. You knew the information was valid, having seen and read the evidence yourself, but it still scared you. It was massive bomb you were dropping even though it’s being done through safe anonymous pathways.

You phone buzzes as Rae walks back up to you with an arm full of clothes. “Okay here’s the first couple ones” she says handing them off the you. You nod, excited yet nervous. Walking into the posh fitting room you slip off your shorts and blouse and get to work. As you struggle with a leather skirt, you hear Rae gasp. You stick your head out see her staring slack jawed at her phone.

“You okay?” you say walking out to her. She looks up and then does a double take. “First off, wow but holy fucking shit look at this?!” she says, showing you her phone. There in front of you is a TMZ article with the head line Trouble at the Top? Accusations of employee abuse and labor law violations made against First Order.

You school your face as you read the first two paragraphs. Cassian did good from what you could quickly read. He focused on the big hitters: minor labor laws, wage theft, and illegal contracts. All things that with the documentation he has will stand up in court.

You hand her phone back. “Wow, those are some big accusations” you say as you fix your sleeve. “I’ll say” she mumbles, her eyes quickly taking in the rest of the article. If this is how someone in the business responds, you can only imagine how people on social media will. You won’t admit it but you did follow Kylo’s media storm, your heart hurting to see people’s hateful comments and their calls for his cancellation. It’s not fair for him to be crucified and forced out of something he’s put his heart and soul into for lies and gossip.

“From what Kurak said, these accusations sounds pretty legit” she says into her phone. Your eyes snap to her, interested to hear what Kurak had told her. “What did he say?” you say sitting down next to her. “Not much” she says shrugging “but it defiantly makes sense the comments they made when making the album.” You nod, remembering the same thing. “They were taken advantage of there” you say “I hope they get some retribution and closure from this.”

She nods as she puts her phone back in to her purse. “Okay back to you, now why the fuck have you been hiding all this sexiness? Girl you are banging” she says as she appraises you. She hums as she fixes the low neck. “You look beautiful but it’s not you” she mutters, getting up to walk to her pile.

You shift, grimacing as the tight leather pinches at your hips. “I’m not a big fan of skirts” you say, slightly embarrassed on giving your opinion. You can feel your anxiety spike a little as you hope she doesn’t take it as you being difficult.

She looks over at you and smiles softly. “Girl, this is for you. I want you to feel sexy. The secret of all of it is you can only be a sexy confident bitch if you are in an outfit your comfortable in” she says giving you a giggle and wink. You let out the breath you were holding, feeling better already. “Okay how about this one?” she says, holding a couple hangers.

You assess it quickly and see it contains a pair of leather pants. You have a pair yourself so you are already feeling better with this option. “Yeah lets try it” you say, standing up and taking them from her. “Once your set, come on out” she says as she fixes her shirt, smoothing her hand over her growing belly. You nod and enter the room again.

You slide into the next body suit. This one is better. The details and lace aren’t as itchy. You look in the mirror and fix the button behind the back of our neck. It’s more demure then the previous one but still sexy, the bandeau style built in bra giving you the support you needed. You turn to assess the back, it’s open back cuts showing a bit more skin than the front. You fix the cups one more time and then smooth it out before reaching for the pants.

As soon as your hands touch the smooth material you know these are an expensive high quality piece. Your heart quickens. You make yourself not look at the price tag as you put them on. They are perfect. They feel like butter on your skin and they fit your curves perfectly. “Wow” you whisper as you turn, trying to take in all angles.

“You good?” you hear Rae say, pulling you out of your reverie “Yeah, I’m coming out” you say opening the door. “Holy shit girlfriend” she yells, pulling you up onto the platform in front of the mirrors. “I knew the pants would work, damn girl” she says circling you “how does the body suit feel with the pants?”

“Good” you say fixing the band again. She stills your hand. “Okay I have an idea. I am really liking this body suit pant combo but now seeing you in it I saw something out there that I think will be perfect” she says. You nod, putting your trust in her. She smiles widely and quickly exits the dressing room.

You look in the mirror again. You really do look beautiful. It fits your professional role and soon your new station as Kylo’s public significant other. You thoughts float to him. You wonder how he is doing today.

Vic had told you he hasn’t been sleeping well and had been sullen. Your heart hurts knowing it was because of you. You want to reach out, to alleviate his pain but if you do it will ruin the surprise. You promised Cassian you would be strong and wait.

It'll be worth it, you say to yourself as Rae enters again. She is holding a lingerie style bodysuit. Your eyes widen at the thin straps and intricate details. She smirks as she hands it to you. You don’t know why but you are excited to try it on. You enter your dressing room again and disrobe, quickly sliding on the new one.

Holy fucking shit. It’s perfect. The sexy mix of silk and lace dances on your skin. Your breasts fit perfectly in the soft holders and the straps are supportive while looking dainty and feminine. You pull up your pants and button them. You feel like a dark queen, ready to conquer her kingdom. You open the door and strut out, standing back on the platform.

You smile as you hear a quiet “Fuck” leave her lips. “Girl you may actually make me interested in women for once. Holy shit” she says. You turn as you fix the straps. “I love it” you say, pushing your hair back. “Kylo will die when he sees you like this” Rae says, laughing lightly. “I need to show him I’m all in Rae, and doing this show will hopefully do that” you say hoping down. “Y/N, even if you don’t go on that stage, you being there waiting for him will do that” she says, eyes soft.

You fight back a sniffle. “I miss him so much, I just want this to work so we can be together again” you say softly. You jump slightly as you feel her hug you. “Y/N, I know you miss him and you doing all of this will make your reunion that much sweeter” she says as she rubs your back. You are so thankful for Rae. You smile and squeeze her tighter.

“Okay okay, no crushing the nugget” she says letting you go. “Is he behaving himself today?” you ask as you go change back into your clothes. “Somewhat. He’s so active in the mornings after breakfast. Guess he is gonna be a foodie like me” she says.

You smile at the memory of when Rae found out she was having a boy. She asked you to come to her ultrasound with her because she was nervous and didn’t want to be alone. You both cried seeing her healthy baby boy thrash around on the screen. You remember giggling when the doctor mentioned that he was an active one and Rae grumbling just like his father under her breath.

You lay your new clothes over your arm and meet Rae out in the show room. She beams at you as she juggled multiple accessories and a black front tie crop kimono style top in her hands. You smile back as the both of you walk up to check out. The woman behind the counter was quick and courteous, wrapping your items delicately in black tissue paper. Thanking her, you follow Rae out into the dying sunlight.

“I would kill for a frap right now” she says as you place your and her items into the back of her Prius. “Sure as long as decaf” you say shutting the door. You hear her groan as you look at your phone. You see texts from Vic and Cassian.

Part one is a go mi amor. You smile and respond I saw, looks like already there is a big response. Are you still good for coming over Thursday night for part two? He responds quickly with a thumbs up as you move on to Vic’s text. Song set for LA show is done. Hux just got the okay. BTW damn fine work, I bet Snoke is shitting his pants right now. Cant wait to see you <3

“Who are you texting?” Rae says as you pull into Starbucks. “Vic and Cass” you say as you respond to Vic. “Sweet” she says grabbing her bag. “He said they just confirmed the set list for the show with our little surprise included” you say holding the door for her. “Oooh I’m so excited” she squeals, clapping her hands.

“Are you still okay with coming with me? I know you and Kurak have okay right now, but I don’t what to make you uncomfortable” you say, putting in you and her order into the app. “Girl chill, there’s nothing that will keep me away from seeing this” she says as she side hugs you.

Hearing your name, you go grab the drinks as Rae takes a seat and sets up her laptop. “You ready?” she says, clicking into her documents and the browser. You smile and nod, so thankful for all the support you have in this crazy endeavor.

#adam driver #knights of ren #kylo ren au #star wars au #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #rockstar! kylo ren #kylo fanfic #kylo x y/n #music au #adam douglas driver #adamdriver #kylo x reader #Spotify

[mbbsgf]

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD !!

mentions of murder, child abuse, p€dophilia, r@pe, cannibalism, drugs and sexual assault, necrophilia. (let me know if there's more)

————————————————————————————

i warned you at the top of this post, don't read if any of the mentioned topics trigger you.

————————————————————————————

i've been studying true crime for as long as i can remember but i've never been that shocked until now. until i heard about the daisy's destruction case. peter scully is a 61 old man (he currently is in jail) who have done the most gut wrenching, horrifying things i've read. he didn't act alone but he was the "brain" of these crimes. he and his two "girlfriends" kidnapped children promising their parents health and a great situation or whatever but that's clearly not what happened. now the story behind daisy's destruction is fucking insane and horrifying so it's not too late to quit, i don't wanna be in charge of any tears or anything take care of yourselves. one of the girls kidnapped three children. liza, cindy and daisy (i believe this is their names, i apologize if not). i haven't seen the video daisy's destruction since we can't find it on this side of the internet, only on the dark web and for obvious reasons i will not go on the dark web. especially not to see this horror. peter basically r@ped those little girls. to clarify, liza was 11, cindy was 10 and daisy was 18 months old. peter had cindy digging her own grave before strangling her to death. liza and daisy are still alive but they obviously are traumatized and it was confirmed that daisy is unable to have children due to severe injuries around her vagina. i wish them the best and i hope cindy is resting in peace after the hell she went through.

jeffrey dahmer. dear lord, where do i even start? jeffrey would hang in gay bars around the 80s due to his sexuality if i'm correct (correct me if not). i've been studying jeffrey's case for longer so i mostly know what i'm talking about unlike peter's case but i'm not perfect so i might make mistakes so don't hesitate to correct me. jeffrey has always been "fascinated" by death and everything that revolves around it. he would dissect dead animals with his father as a hobby. growing up, jeffrey will realize it's more than just a "scientific" fascination. it sexually attracted him. he would start off by drugging his victim's drink so it'd be "easier" to get them home (please stay safe you guys, psychos are everywhere, always hold your drinks wherever you go). his victims were all males in their 20s or so except for one who was 14. jeffrey was grown when he killed that 14 year old boy. i've personally seen pictures of jeffrey's appartement after he got arrested and those picture made me so uncomfortable. i've also seen jeffrey's polaroids and i don't even wanna comment on it. what kills me is that those photos are so easy to find like that just disgusts me and it made me so uncomfortable.

now, why did i tell y'all all that, hm? there's obviously a reason and you're right. there is. it might sound dumb or like i'm overreacting but i promise i'm not. i've seen MULTIPLE facebook pages, tiktok edits and instagram accounts glorifying and idolizing those monsters. mostly jeffrey because peter's case isn't really known but i have seen "fan" accounts of them both. it's sickening. y'all realize they took the life of innocent, beautiful people. OF KIDS. like. even if peter didn't kill liza and daisy, he still took their life away from them. jeffrey murdered, ate and drugged people. peter raped, murdered and tortured little girls and you have nothing better to do than to create a fucking fan account to support them? you're sick. honestly, fucking disgusting. you think peter or jeffrey would show mercy to you if you were in front of them? you think they'd be like "oh you're my fan, all good!" NO, THEY WOULDN'T. they are murderers and you are glorifying their actions. honestly, you're as sick as peter and jeffrey if you think their actions are okay. i'm sick to my stomach just thinking about the edits i saw of jeffrey with a cute ass stupid caption saying "i could fix him" or "he wouldn't hurt anyone" well shame on you. he did and he admitted to it. the families of the victims maybe have facebook, tiktok or instagram. how do you think they'd feel if they saw their son's/daughter's, cousin's, little brother's/sister's, nephew's/niece's murderer being loved, supported and idolized? you guys are sick. you need to get off your phone and go touch some grass seriously.

that's all i wanted to say, goodnight.

#true crime #marie's thoughts

[exposedtruth]

Very funny for a certain Gwynriel to act all innocent that her little friends are being “doxxed” and yet she feels no remorse for the shit she pulled with Elriel artists. Her little friends can joke about doxxing and even say karma will come to get us because only “gwynriels” are survivors.

Not saying all Elriels are innocent with their words but they don’t fight unless they’re provoked. Elriel artists are fucking amazing if these trolls continue to bash them and they leave the fandom, what does that say? It’s not fucking okay.

This certain artist thinks she can just get away with it.. GUESS WHAT BESTIE. You brought this upon yourself.

au revoir homie! 🫰🏻

Oh I saw that post from freyjas-musings Instagram (or was it tumblr?) I wish I had screenshots of it, but I’m sure I can find them. That post was a crazy one.

I feel like all sides of the fandom are toxic. I have seen a lot of things Elriel’s have been speaking up on lately, which is what I’ve posted about. But I’m also now seeing some things that Gwynriel’s have dealt with, and I made a post of it yesterday (after someone kindly sent me the screenshots on here). Sometimes I don’t see provocation from either side, it’s only because of hate of the other ship.

I made this account for proof that all sides of the fandom are toxic. It’s not just one or the other. And I’m tired of ships blaming other ships or making other ships look bad.

It is HORRIBLE that artists have left the fandom due to bullying or negative and derogatory comments from shippers. And the worst part is that I feel like it’s going to be a million times worse when the next book is released. This fandom is just that crazy. I’m honestly surprised no one has committed a homicide yet.

The one thing I don’t understand about their friend being “doxxed” is that no names or profile pictures were given out. I just didn’t cross usernames out. And someone said the artist claimed I “doxxed” their friend. If I doxxed anyone by doing that, than so did that artist when they posted someone’s personal instagram profile yesterday in response to a message.. I did see Elriel’s state that this artist bullied other artists off the internet, and I would love to see that.

#acotar #elucien #gwynriel #bookblr #elriel #sarah j maas #toxic fandom

[infinitydivine]

honestly whilst many folk obsessing about idols fs and so on that shit doesnt fucking matter like when we pass away we will see the idols in heaven at some point lol. ppl should just enjoy the groups music whilst they are alive but its so much less about simply enjoying music that these groups even self produce (not all but a few of them) its like every time an idol breathes even if theyre near the opposite gender the internet goes into meltdown about it so again for anyone who want the idols for themselves is doing more harm to the idols themselves. same for chasing them at airports and shit those arent even meet and great sessions.

just so much abt kpop has become so toxic its quite sad really. even it doesnt take much for an idol to receive backlash it like people just react without much thought of the person they are reacting about. its kind if like how people still obsess with celebs who have passed on like just let them be bruh cause there is only one version of these celebs and ppl just ruining it for others nowadays :( ppl were so cruel to hyunjin sending protest trucks on his bday that actually disgusted me bc it says they didnt respect him as a person who was just trying to enjoy his day. so as sweet as some idols might be dating then would come with so much difficulty and maybe more cons than pros.

Now I really really feel bad for all the Future Spouses of K-pop idols. I wish them nothing but good luck and best wishes. It will be like chaos everywhere when and if they announce are getting married/already married. God protect them.

We are on the verge of the third world war with everything going on in the world and some girlies can only talk and think about being someone's Future Spouse. Future is in good hands guys 🫠😥

[yanderelovlies]

How did Bo react when he realized Emily tricked him and that most the pups he's caring for now isn't MC's but Emily's and his? How did his other older pups react when Emily let go of her disguise? Didn't they grow up thinking she looked like the MC? Since the MC is a celebrity/public figure does Bo stay away from the internet and the news of MC and their new life, seeing them happy and full of love for Alan? How would Bo react when the news that MC gave birth their first born? If Bo and MC bumped into each other in public what would Bo do?

Bo was fucking furious! He could feel every hair on his body stand on its end when he found out. However, due to his nature of "must protect mate at all cost." He never did anything outside his words and gave her the cold should. Which never worked on her she always just gave him a wicked grin.

As for the older pups, unfortunately, they were young enough where they don't remember the real you. So when Bo tells them Emily only takes your form because you're a celebrity, they believe at face value. He also had to tell the two eldest pups that the reason why they didn't get any demon features or powers like their younger siblings because they mostly took after him. He hates lying to his pups, but he doesn't want to make things complicated between his pups.

Also, fun fact in this particular fic I wasn't hinting to MC being with Alan, but instead Joseph. They are both celebrities, so it only natural at one point they meet and hit things off. I also was trying to make their partner diffrent to show a diffrent time line thing you know??

Anywho, Bo can't help but keep up with everything you do. He misses you so dearly that even just reading it, he can imagine himself there with you. It never looks at it. I'm in front of the pups he almost treats it like a porn stash at this point. That being said, he saw MC was pregnant before he read the article due to seeing them at the park with Joseph. He was torn up, honestly. He will forever cherish the two pups you gave him, be there is a part of him that wishes the rest of his pups were from you because all he ever wanted was a big family with you, and now you were going to achieve that dream with another man. His resentment for Emily only grows.

As for what he would be like if the two would run into each other... it's best they don't, honestly. If Mc is with Joseph the the air feels more threatening than it should. Bo can't help but resent the man at your side no matter how well he treats you. He has everything Bo ever wanted, so he can't help it. If it's just MC, nothing will stop him from crying and begging. He is desperate to get them back he doesn't care about the details he just wants you.

#vivi talks #demon au

[bbiemochi]

Omg hi sooooo BSJDJEJE nazuna brainrot. so UMMM can i request anthing hurt/comfort nazuna related :3

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚞𝚕 | nazuna nito x reader

[an]: hi, lovely! <3 tysm for requesting! ^^ i relate because ikr nazuna is so goddamn precious (*´꒳`*) quite understandable why he is mostly in everyone’s brainrot session lmfao must be protected

summary: it’s often hard to communicate about your feelings to anyone, including if they already had their own problems to take care of. yet you never could imagine a ball of sunshine to brighten your day and your smile to this world.

pairing: nazuna nito x gn!reader!

genre: small angst, fluff at the end! hurt/comfort

ah, this sucks..

not only were you feeling terrible today, stuck with a workload of homework and projects, even with a position as the producer for ra*bits piled up over your sleeve, but have to hear some of your friends rant over to you even if you weren’t in the mood to hear anyone out.

you were tired, you wished everyone would know that.

ranting out was…hard. you haven’t told anyone honestly about your feelings of what you think. it was difficult. so difficult. you thought, ‘oh nonsense i would be able to spit it out one day, i just need time.’ that one day became full years of loneliness. you hated yourself more for it. although, it is was it is. living with it was your choice now, not anyone else’s.

pushing the last book back on its shelf, you looked down, face drowned in an emotionless expression as you tried your best to clear your thoughts about the past and what you’ve been through. the library was a good spot for clearing mindsets. that’s why here you are, putting back the books you finished reading. these senses were normal, it’s not like they happen once a month (mostly every day or week you would say). still, you considered try calling help or rant on the internet to let a reliever, but even that was a difficult task. you sighed.

‘what am i even doing? i need to hurry up for today’s practice for ra*bits. tomoya is probably worrying about me…we don’t want that to happen now..’ at least your thoughts were still clinging on. just as you were about to leave, you heard a couple more students standing up from their desks from behind you—leaving the books they left opened on the table, not even bothering to put them back. an irk mark popped through your head. honestly…you were too tired for this.

another deep sigh escaped your lips as you made your way towards the desks and picked up the books that were left. and here you though university students had the small bit of decency in themselves when it comes to public matters. that thought added to your head just pissed you off even more. ahh, you were close to breaking down. with this emotion running you through it might be obvious for the others around you to know that you’re in a bad mood.

as you pushed the books back in place on the shelf, you failed to realize that your hand pushed them off back too far away, making the books from behind fall off their own place, leaving a ‘thud!’ only loud enough for you or the others around your area to hear. the shelf left a small hole from behind, allowing to peek through the eye of what was going on over the back. you cursed silently under your breath. ‘goddamn it!’ fuck this.

before you could even go to pick those books up, you spot a certain familiar face staring right at you from the hole. you froze in place, then…

“ah! found you!”

“n-nii-chan..!?”

nazuna was quick to approach your figure after he picked the books right back up. as the male skipped his way over to you, an adorable smile stretched over his face, as if he was excited to see that you’re here. “found you, y/n! aha! tomoya has been looking for you, you know? turns out you were just here.”

“uhh…yeah, sorry. i just had to clear my mind with some books. but don’t worry about me…! i was actually going to make my way there for the practice, you can head over there first i’ll follow after,” you told him, and he seemed to only had a curious gaze over your face, not saying anything at all. you nervously smiled at him, “ahaha..! i’ll be alright i promise. i’ll just fix these books, grab my stuff, then i’ll head over there as soon as i can.”

another thin line of silence erupts.

you felt even more sheepish with the awkwardness growing between the atmosphere. is it just you or did the room grow colder? nazuna continued to focus his stares towards your figure, saying nothing with a finger attached to his chin as if he was thinking. a cold sweat ran down your forehead, “nii-chan, what’s wrong?”

“are you alright?”

“eh?” that question seemed to appear out of nowhere. nazuna places both of his arms down his hips, his face still not changing away. “are you doing alright, y/n?” he asks again, and it took you a while to progress the answer. of course, you laughed it off after a moment of a 30 second silence. “aha..! of course i’m alright, what are you talking about?” you chuckled, and nazuna chuckles back, brushing the hem of his neck. “oh, i see. i thought something might have happened to you and i was worried..” he says, and you smiled softly, gripping the books on your hands, “i’m fine, nii-chan. now you go on now, sorry i had to make you look for me here.”

“oh, it’s fine actually. i was also here to just take a small stroll but, at least i found you!” he chirps, before turning around to head back out. “you sure you don’t want me to wait for you so we can go there together?”

“i would just be taking up time, it’s fine, honest! i’ll meet up with you guys later like i said. don’t worry about me..!” you reassured the male. he smiles at you one last time before heading off out of the library. after his presence was absent from your view, you slowly slid down on the floor, making sure no one was around and…cried.

you cried as silently as you could, trying your best not to catch the attention of the others around the public area. you just couldn’t hold it in anymore. it has been a pretty long time since someone asked you that question. ‘are you alright?’

no, you weren’t. everything is just shit, crashing apart to you—and it blows. you hated yourself, and you hated everything. you quickly wiped the fat tears off of your eyes with your sleeves, sniffing off as quiet as you could. if only…if only ranting was easy.

as you placed your head down to your knees, trying to calm yourself down, you heard a bunch of books falling to your side of the shelf, causing you to flinch and turn around to see what it was. around 3 to 5 books were fallen off of the bookshelf, and it wasn’t just that.

“i knew it.” a familiar voice spoke out of the hole from the shelf. you jumped, turning over to see who it was and you were correct. it was nazuna.

“n-nii-chan!? w-why are you…?”

“still here? you really thought i would leave you like that, y/n? your face was literally screaming ‘no, i’m not doing ok,” he explains, and your eyes followed him as he stood up and walked over to your side. as the male sat beside you, the books he pushed off now in his arms and sat on his lap, he pulls you close to his side, shoulders now touching. “i’m not a kid, y/n. i know when a person is ok or not. and you’re, one of them that i read,” he says, and you felt embarrassed at the moment he just looks at your sobbing state.

“hey, don’t cover your face. it’s ok to cry.”

“it’s embarrassing.”

“no, it’s not. trust me, we all need to go through that. and honestly? it’s all good.” you looked at his beautiful ruby eyes, his smile turning into a comfort zone, he slowly brushed a strand of your hair off of your face as your tears steadily poured down his shoulder. and when he stared at you like that you just…spat everything out.

you told him everything that was bothering you, and surprisingly he listened. he listened so attentively. all his attention was driven to you. he really was like an older brother. but you didn’t just view him like that. he was…he was…

“who cares what they think at all? if they can’t respect you why would you respect them? what you did was brilliant, y/n. i am not proud of how they treated you at all,” he says to you, and you chuckled. for real this time. nazuna wiped the small tear that fell off your cheek, and sighed. “you know, it is a rough patch when you go through things like that in life. it’s a difficult obstacle to go at. tomoya and the others also faced through things like that, don’t worry. you’re not alone. i’m here with you. we’re here with you,” nazuna takes a grab of your hand…and you squeezed it.

“if you think about it, it’s not that world that’s scary. it was us that made the view of others so terrifying…” he continued. “the world is beautiful. you just need to keep going no matter how hard the course is. besides, without you, ra*bits would’ve been confused without such a reliable producer in our group, don’t you think?” he cheers, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“i’m glad you finally let your voice out. are you doing alright now? just tell me if i’m missing something out, i would like to hear the entire entireee story!” he questions, and you shook your head, laughing at his expression. “no, i promise this time i’m alright. thank you, thank you so much, ni-chan…” you say, and he shot you a beam. his smile really was more beautiful than this world. “the next time i hear you look down on yourself, i’m going to spank you!”

you laughed. after a while, you felt your throat was free from a cord that was cut off. and everything about your body felt so…relieved. this was the first time you felt like this. and it was amazing. slowly, you laid your head down on nazuna’s shoulder, and you could feel him wince.

“the world is beautiful…because you’re in it.”

a/n: I HATE THIS I’M SO SORRY RUSJFJSNS I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS A BIT RUSHED 😭😭😭

requests: opened!

#lucy works 🍕💗 #lucy’s works 📚✨ #ensemble stars #enstars #enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #nazuna nito #nazuna x reader #fluff #hurt/comfort

[xxdespairfactionashtonxx]

I guess Im gonna be a little more active on here since Elon Musk is turning Twitter into a total shitshow and taking away any sort of safe space for queer people like me...

Anyways, a small update. This past year I've still been working at a hospital (fun), I turned 26, I am still with my girlfriend (yes gf, she came out as trans), and we saw many concerts this year. That includes seeing Alesana twice, Black Veil Brides twice, and believe it or not, me and my gf actually pulled off the trip to Las Vegas to go to When We Were Young Fest. Funny thing is, somehow we had the same flight as Story of the Year and the band literally sat right across the isle from us. We didnt talk to them on the flight (I really wanted to though), but the experience was insane). We had tickets for both Saturday and Sunday but this horrendous windstorm came in that Saturday and the festival was forced to cancel the first day. It was a total bummer, but honestly was the best choice of action cause the winds really were that bad. So me and my gf had to condense our "want to see" list for just that Sunday, and here are the bands we ended up seeing while we were there:

Saosin, Hawthorne Heights, Story of the Year, Boys Like Girls, Dashboard Confessional, Senses Fail, The Used, AFI, (very little) Jimmy Eat World, Black Veil Brides, The All-American Rejects, (caught the end of) Avril Lavigne, Bright Eyes, Alkaline Trio, Thursday, and My Chemical Romance.

I wish I was able to see Bayside, Taking Back Sunday, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Silverstein, Paramore, A Day to Remember and Amor For Sleep but sacrifices sadly had to be made. And we would have seen them if we had two days! At least I saw Taking Back Sunday for their 20 year anniversary. I heard they really suck live these days anyways.

But at least the night before the canceled day we got to see Alesana do a mini festival at a bar just on the outside of the city. The Higher, Social Order (members of Metro Station), Rookie of the Year, and Vampires Everywhere were all there and it was a fun night. Michael Vampire recognized us and he even DJed one of the best emo nite playlists I ever heard after Alesana finished their show. The only footage I got the entire trip was of the My Chemical Romance show sadly. I'm not one for taking pics and videos at shows or on vacations in general cause it feels like it removes me from the experience.

Anyways I guess it's nice to be back. I'm not expecting a ton of attention from my posts. I just want to make and maintain friendships. At least tumblr is kinda like LiveJournal. I just wish the internet would fucking decentralize like the old days already... -_-

#emo #scene #scemo #rawring20s #emocore #y2kcore #emo boy #emo fashion #emo blog #myspace emo #when we were young #emo bands #scenecore #elder emo

[eddiemsbitch]

…drop the angst. Do it. Don’t be shy. Give us the Eddie content

You're gonna wish you never said that :))) bring out the tissues.

Vecna's curse - Eddie Munson x reader

Summary: Whenever Eddie said '86 was his year, he never knew it'd be the year that traumatized him the most.

warning: THIS SHIT IS HEARTBREAKING, angst, reader is hiding something from Eddie, get the tissues. on a serious note though this story contains mentions of a dark reader past involving thoughts/hallucinations of suicide, talks of sexual assault but no details, please read with caution my loves.

a/n: So..I finished this with 4k words last night and my internet crashed for the second time right as I pressed post, so this is the third re-writing of this story, it's definitely not as sad as I thought but totally sadder than my other works lately

Eddie was distant with you the past few weeks, blowing off dates for hellfire emergency meetings, ignoring your calls for days, and whenever you would talk to him he seemed annoyed with your voice, so whenever you started getting headaches and started hearing things you didn't say anything to him, afraid he might just shrug you off for good. Eddie's timing couldn't be worse, after you got back from vacation he started acting cold towards you, leaving you to deal with something horrible on your own.

Walking through the school hallways you kept your head down, walking quickly to the main doors, ready to crawl into the mountains of blankets and disappear until tomorrow morning, but Eddie had other plans "What the hell?" He asked, towering over you, your relationship wasn't new, Eddie and you were extremely close throughout school, you were held back in middle school so he was ahead of you in school until he had gotten held back leaving him a 21 year old senior and you a 18 year old senior. "Don't what the hell me. you've been acting like a prick the past month!" You yelled shoving him back a bit "You've been avoiding me the past month!" He argued, he was about to say something before the rest of the hellfire club walked over leading Eddie away "We're not finished with this" He said looking at you, your hands shook, you didn't want it to be like this, you wanted to be Eddie's best friend again, not feel like you were just a bother to him.

Walking home you decided to make a shortcut walking through the woods, quietly humming to yourself as you attempted to clear your mind, while you were focusing on your breath you hadn't noticed the tree root sticking out of the ground sending you tumbling to the ground. When you stood up you felt like something was off, it was silent except for a loud ticking sound, you rapidly glanced around trying to find your path back to any type of road but the spinning just made you disoriented and lose track of where you were. Nervously walking through the trees you stopped seeing a clock somehow made into a tree, ticking loudly as you walked closer "y/n.." You heard a deep voice calling, your breathing picked up hearing footsteps come closer, there was Eddie, but there was something off about him, there wasn't any emotion behind his eyes "You fucking whore" he spat, you fell back in a mix of fear and shock "E-eddie" You whimpered looking at him "Honestly. fucking somebody else whenever I was waiting for you at home" his voice started to contort into a deeper much more guttural and demonic sounding, you quickly kicked the thing pretending to be your boyfriend and ran quickly "No! no! no! go away!" You screamed running as quick as you could, the same time you broke out of the forest, a branch smacking you in the face on the way out of the trees the lighting changed, you could tell whatever that thing chasing you was gone, at least for now.

The next few days would be hell for you, between trying to figure out where your boyfriend disappeared to and the harassment of town-folk following the tragic news of Chrissy Cunningham's death in your boyfriend's trailer. You were jerked awake from your nightmare, thrown into a world with crumbled buildings, and red fog covering every inch of wherever you were "Hello!?" You called walking down the staircase that was almost destroyed, whenever you heard the loud ticks of the clock again your feet slowly started to carry you farther away from the building "Y/n.." You heard the deep voice call for you, after his call you started to run faster, anywhere away from the thing trying to get you. Unknown to you, your friend's were attempting to save you, after Eddie demanded the younger teens go to find you and fill you in they left and found you in Eddie's living room, your eyes were rolled in the back of your head. You were lucky that his uncle or it'd make Dustin's job even harder before, you were his older sister, and now he was about to see what Eddie was talking about happened to Chrissy "We have to save her!" Dustin screamed shaking your body harshly "Y/n! y/n! come to me please!" He begged even slapping your face a couple of times "Code red! code red! Eddie y/n's trapped!" Max yelled into the walkie talkie repeatedly hoping they would be able to get your favorite song back to her before it was too late.

"Co...Red...ed..y/..trapped!" Max's voice broke through the walkie talkie, Nancy, Robin, Eddie and Steve were already standing in Eddie's trailer of the upside down, ready to get the hell out of the upside down. Eddie stopped in his tracks looking around, almost like you'd appear out of nowhere and go through the gate with them, but he didn't see you. As everybody rushed inside they heard Dustin's panicked screams "Y/n!! Y/n please!" He screamed loudly shaking your body rapidly, he screamed in fear watching your body slowly start to ascend up "Music! Music Dustin remember?" Max said quickly starting to go through the tapes Eddie had sitting in his house.

You screamed loudly, staring the giant creepy monster in the eyes "It is your time Y/n..just give in" Vecna called to you watching as you struggled against his hold, screaming for your boyfriend or brother to come save you.

"I knew this was going to happen! How could I of left her!?" Dustin yelled in frustration putting tape after tape in Eddie's cassette player hoping at least one of them to help save his big sister's life. "You knew it was going to happen!? We'll talk after I save your sister. You just start singing" Eddie screamed from his trailer in the upside down, grabbing his amp and guitar, ready to do whatever it took to save you. Quickly he climbed to the top of the trailer looking aorund, Dustin and the others still trying to save you, he could hear the muffled kiss song play through the gate in his trailer and started to match the cords with his electric guitar.

You had closed your eyes, ready to give in to whatever the hell this thing was trying to kill you, you screamed in pain whenever you felt your arm start to snap, first your wrist, then your upper arm, Your brother screamed watching your actual body start to break, only encouraging the others to sing louder and Eddie to turn his amp up as high as it could possibly go, In the split second you weren't screaming you heard your brother's voice, along with his friends's singing along with him. tears welled in your eyes as you started to think about your friend's and family. If you didn't make it out of here you'd never get to argue your brother about dungeons and dragons or watch scary movies with your boyfriend, you'd never get to sit with your best friend, Robin and talk to her about her newest girl crush.

You didn't know you were fighting against Vecna's hold until your feet hit the ground, with your adrenaline running high your feet moved quickly towards the large window showing you your brother and friend's.

Eddie looked around, his fingers starting to blister and bleed from how aggressively he was plucking the strings to save you. His heart was caught in his throat as he watched the window leading into his bedroom at the trailer, not seeing you anywhere, Dustin started to cheer, watching the breaking of your arms stop and your body hold still, he watched anxiously, the others still trying to sing as loud as they could.

Looking across Eddie could see your body, or more of you tripping on one of the black sludge arm things that Vecna used to drag Steve underwater hours before "Y/N! RUN!" Eddie screamed, his voice echoing loudly, smirking whenever the thing chasing you directed it's attention to him "COME AND GET ME YOU NASTY FUCKERS!" his voice pulled you out of your thoughts, pushing yourself off the ground you sprinted, glancing towards wherever you thought the voice was coming from, there was Eddie standing on his trailer using his prized possession to knock bat like creature out of the sky. Dustin jumped back whenever you body clashed with the ground, your breathing rapid and out of control, Dustin quick to your side hugging you tightly, you clung to your little brother trying to calm down whenever the thought of Eddie fighting on his own crossed your mind, and as soon as your thought popped into your head you heard a padded thump and Eddie yelling for you. "She's okay!" Dustin yelled holding you tighter whenever Eddie walked in glaring at him "Now what the hell did you mean by 'I knew it' Henderson?" Eddie asked your brother kneeling in front of you checking for any injuries, quickly ripping his shirt making it into a sling for your arm until they got you to the hospital, only now did you notice the multiple deep wounds on his arms and side, you had to force him to get it checked out when you went for your arm. "I told him..about seeing the clock Max saw..my headaches..you were just too busy to notice" You said after finally catching your breath looking towards your boyfriend "I-I wasn't busy..You were brushing Me off..you always seemed uninterested whenever I was around" Eddie defended himself not wanting your brother to kill him "I was..something happened..in California when I went to visit Will.." You whispered "I didn't want you to find out because I knew you'd be upset and try to kill the kid" You explained nervously looking at him "Pin in that for when we have privacy, so...you don't wanna..end things?.." Eddie whispered, his voice cracking with every word he spoke, you just stared at him for a moment "No..I don't want to end things Eddie but we have to talk more...we can't play back and forth with the silent treatment, nobody in Hawkins has time for a silent treatment" You explained quiet, your throat sore from screaming and your adrenaline was wearing off, making you even more aware of the pain in your left arm "Agreed" Eddie whispered holding your good hand tightly as he hoisted you off the floor and into a hug, not letting go or loosening his grip on you, it was obvious to you something was up with Eddie, you just didn't wanna bring it up in front of everybody.

As the group helped you into Nancy's car that was still parked outside of Max's house you glanced at Eddie, he was messing with his rings staring at his shoes in the seat next to you "Penny for your thoughts, Munson?" You whispered scooting closer to him "I almost lost you, y/n/n..and the last memory I would've had of you was me being an ass" He whispered looking at you, you cooed slightly leaning your head on his shoulder "Well..you didn't lose me..and that's why you just gotta learn from our mistakes..We both know to focus on communication now" You whispered resting your hand on his leg "I could've lost you, y/n" He whispered looking at you "and I almost died Eddie..neither of us are gonna process it just yet..it takes time" You whispered leaning against his body for comfort "I love you.." He whispered holding you tighter almost like if he loosened his grip you'd be gone again, maybe 86 was his year, the year he realized he was deeply in love with Y/f/n Henderson.

#eddie x reader stranger things #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson angst

[climaxbattles]

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

#sorry if u know me and think this might be about you #not trying to like vaguepost abt them though i just dont even know if its worth bringing up. and i cant even rly communicate #i forget if my irl friend has a tumblr #its not your fault i feel like this though if anyone does read this #i just feel like i keep saying the same things in vents to friends and i want to stop bothering tgem

[fandomsoda]

..

It’s honestly hard to feel safe here.

I can always feel a million judgmental eyes watching me.

because I know there’s at least one or two, probably more people crawling around my blog for the soul purpose of surveilling and berating me.

every little action I take, every word I speak is put under a microscope and twisted into something it isn’t.

showing humanity towards two people is twisted as treason towards one of them.

I don’t feel safe. Because I can always sense them, I always fear them, like rats scuttling in the walls, passing along bitter messages from those who have yet to speak to me proper.

and I know they see this, I know they will see this. And if you’re one of them, I see you.

You, who take this home I have made for myself and fill it with mouse holes for you to traverse and invade with.

I dread every message I receive because of you. I hold no ill will or anger for the people you speak for, but I do hold contempt for you.

Because you are more than a misunderstanding, you are more than a feud with someone I care about, you are more than hurt feelings, you are more than vacuous baiting and threats.

You are a constant, lingering presence, a shadow over my shoulder, a presence that I can’t shake, there are probably only 2 or 3 of you but you feel like a swarm.

This was home. You’ve made it a stage. And I don’t want to be watched by you.

And I know the people you speak for don’t condone the way you haunt me. They wouldn’t, I know they are good, kind people.

And you act like you know me, but you don’t. You dare not even show your own face, much less speak to me in a way that would allow you to know me.

But how often you speak, the way you act like you know what you’re talking about, it begins to drill into my head. It’s to the point where now genuine words of mine are read back in my head by a voice so sickeningly saccharine and laced with venom that it belongs to someone I have never known.

Even when I know what you say isn’t true, it can’t help but internalize it all. Can’t help but create a me that isn’t me, the person you think I am. Whose actions are deceitful and whose kind words are like molten candy that burns all around it… a dark reflection that I will never be but looks the exact same as me at a glance.

and this depersonalization has been fucking with me really badly… second-guessing my own intentions when I know what I mean. It’s been making it really hard to function both here, and in everyday life.

so please. Leave me alone. Go away. I would never do something like this to you, so don’t do it to me. If you want to supply me with information, then go ahead. But if you only wish to intimidate me, leave. Stop obsessing over me. If you’d like to actually get to know me, you’re welcome to, just know that I will be apprehensive.

I know why you do what you do. I know you believe you’re doing the right thing. I know you see something noble in this. I know you are human. My analogies to pests in this post have not been to dehumanize you, they are merely to explain how this sensation of being watched feels. You’re not evil, you’re not bad people, you’re just hurting me right now… I just wish that everyone could know my heart, know my feelings, see my thought process, know how honest every word I speak is. I wish you could read my mind… so you didn’t misunderstand me.

I’m just. Exhausted. And afraid of you. But I don’t hate you. I don’t think I’m capable of that. It’s not like I can’t hate anybody, it’s just that my true hatred only belongs to heinous people in power who cause the world to hurt. Not for other teens on the internet who are angry at me.

If one of you apologized then I don’t believe I would necessarily accept it, but I wouldn’t reject it either. I’d believe you, at the very least… and I wouldn’t hold it against you. But I wouldn’t forgive you.

I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore… I’m just pouring my thoughts out… I’m gonna go take a nap.

#vent #tw paranoia #tw depersonalization