#I'm quite fine by myself

[cosmiclion]

I'm so full of spite I'm willing to devote any free time I have to doing extensive research on every possible YOI related topic, no matter how tedious or how much my ADHD kicks my ass, just to write my own prequel and sequel and expand the universe like the most perfectionist novel writer.

#not eli's art #eli rambles #yuri!!! on ice #yuri on ice #yoi #ice adolescence #ice ado #i'm serious y'all we gotta pull the “fine i'll do it myself” card #yuuri and viktor are out there like “quit telling everyone we're dead!” #not kuro

[sapphire-strikes]

Doing promo on here again because it's the only social media I use!

I recently did a set of LMK enamel pins for my shop after looking for pins of these guys and not being able to find any!

If you're interested, feel free to check em out over at:

My Etsy

#lego monkie kid #lmk #sun wukong #macaque #six eared macaque #enamel pins #The only thing that fuels me to make pins is when I can't find a design I like for the thing I'm currently hyperfixating on #quite literally: #'Fine. I'll do it myself'

[storfulsten]

colorful funky space friends

hm kinda sus tbh

#shading is overrated #and proportions and accurate size differences are also overrated lol #anyways #sussy space friends au #if there was an au this is probably the colors I'd go for #the letsplay inspo vibes may not quite match up with most colors but it's all mostly just guidelines rather than acual rules really tbh #it's all just vibes so who cares really ha #there's a couple more dudes I'd probably want to include but they wouldn't get the most fitting colors lol ah well they'd manage I'm sure #rn I'm too lazy to add more either way ha #so ye anyways #just doodled this bc I felt like it and wanted to help myself visualize all the dang colors on the correct people so ye #messy and lazy but fulfills its purpose well enough atm at least #so ye #maybe you wouldn't agree with the color choices but with my own au and ideas these combos work just fine ha #so agree to disagree and all that #either way I'm just vibin #lazy doodle is lazy and not very serious so ye feel free to ignore and all that #enjoy or don't #whatever floats your boat #fnf au #fnf amongus au #boyfriend #girlfriend #pico #whitty #hex #carol #ruv #sarv #I draw what I want

[zerodaryls]

it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.

#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private #calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao. #but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me #who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad) #who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother) #who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public) #like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it. #but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say #'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill' #(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖) #so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity. #the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even. #the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY. #i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate. #i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me. #i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way. #in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more. #but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME #/end rant #any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3

[trensu]

an excerpt of the newest chapter of the halfway house fic based on this past post. Enjoy :)

“Steve, come get your furry little menace! He’s chewing up my laces again,” Robin grumbled.

“Maybe if your laces are ruined, you’ll finally buy a new pair of shoes,” Steve snarked. Steve walked to the living room to find Robin attempting to tie her old Converse only to snatch back her hands every time the kitten took a swipe at the laces in question. “He’s just a baby. He wants to play.”

“He can get his own laces to play with, then. And there’s nothing wrong with my shoes. I’m not going to go buy new shoes when these are perfectly functional. And my favorite color.”

Steve scooped the kitten up even as he kept reaching for the laces and cuddled him to his chest. Steve rubbed gently behind the kitten’s ears until the kitten relaxed into tiny purrs.

“What do you think, Dustin? Should Robin get new shoes? Raise your paw if you agree with me,” Steve said. He lifted the kitten’s right paw and waved it a bit, making the kitten squirm. “See, he agrees with me.”

Robin snorted and rolled her eyes at his teasing smile. “I still can’t believe you named him Dustin.”

The kitten chose that moment to start climbing up Steve’s shirt to reach his shoulder. His tiny claws pricked at Steve’s skin through the thin fabric but they were so small, they barely hurt at all. Steve laughed as the kitten settled on his shoulder and began to mew at the top of his lungs.

“It’s not my fault he looks like a Dustin,” Steve insisted. When he brought the kitten home two days ago, Robin tried to name him something else but Steve put his foot down about it. He found the kitten, and he thought the kitten was a Dustin, so no other name was allowed. 

Dustin let out another mew so loud he nearly toppled over. Steve pulled him off his shoulder with an amused huff. Dustin wriggled incessantly in his hands. Steve lost his grip on him but thankfully he had gotten him close enough to the ground by then that the fall was negligible to a cat.

“Okay, okay, we’ll play for a little while, you needy baby.”

He and Robin were waiting for payday to run to the pet store for more supplies. They were lucky that their neighbor across the hall had an old litter box that her cat had outgrown, and a couple of spare food bowls. She had even given them a few cans of wet food, cooing over the kitten all the while. Dustin, apparently, was a charming little guy. He obviously took after Steve. Robin had punched him on the arm when he said as much.

In the meantime, they were using old bits of string and a little orange ball Robin had stolen back when they worked at a mini-golf place. The kitten seemed to enjoy them well enough but Steve planned on getting him fancier playthings and some catnip. He rolled the ball across the floor and the kitten chased after it. He pounced on it, wobbly, which sent the ball rolling again for another chase. Steve laughed. Robin giggled along with him.

“He’s lucky he’s adorable. Otherwise we’d be having problems, him and I,” Robin said with a grin. Her mischievous demeanor softened slightly. “I’m glad you found him, you big old softie. Now you can stop moping so much.”

Steve ducked away when she reached to ruffle his hair. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve said, lightheartedly. “Maybe if I do a good job with him, someone will finally let me have a kid.” 

The kitten had apparently gotten bored of the ball and was attempting to climb up the back of the couch. Steve quickly grabbed him so he would damage the upholstery. He booped the kitten’s nose.

“What do you think, baby? Will I be a good dad? Be honest.”

Dustin grabbed his finger and gnawed at it while making the most precious sounds. A purring mew.  Steve’s heart melted; though from what he had read, he really shouldn’t let Dustin get accustomed to using his hands as playthings.

Steve resigned himself to losing half his paycheck to cat toys.

Continue on Ao3

ps: i do not do reader tag lists or whatever those things are called. i tag all my writing with 'trensu tells stories' so please just follow that tag if you wanna keep up with my stuff, thank you

#trensu tells stories #hawkins halfway house for homeless horrors #stranger things #steddie #buckingham #(at least the full chapter on ao3 has that ship; it didn't quite make it in this excerpt) #not my favorite chapter tbh #like it's fine #but i feel like some parts got kinda clunky maybe #i'm already mostly done with the fifth chapter i think #though depending on how i tie that one up i might split it into two chapters #i haven't decided yet #i'll be glad when i'm done with it #i have so many unposted wips i could be working on #you know i haven't touched my st/tma fusion fic in MONTHS?? #and that's the one i really really wanna finish!! #it's been kind of a daunting project though #so as you can tell #i've been distracting myself with other wips

[sysig]

Looking his very best, as much as he can anyhow (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #The Captain #The theme of this set is ZEX's hair! So I guess Max's hair really lol #But double really it's ZEX's hair because Max would never let this happen to his hair lol poor abused hair haha #Cute floofy ZEX is cute and floofy <3 #He can't control the hair - no hair bones here unfortunately lol - but at least there's something around his head eh? #Max with a buzz cut! Ah!!! The problem is I love him no matter what so I think he looks cute literally anyhow haha #S'cold! As if ZEX wasn't already sensitive haha - he gets a buzz cut and is just ''?????'' the whole time #And then someone pets his hair and it upgrades to ''?!?!?!?!?!'' haha #Weird to not have anything in his peripherals too :0 Always /some/thing to the sides of his head! #I think he looks quite silly in the third one lol - I would say I drew his hair too short but it's actually more accurate isn't it #Max's hair is like chin/shoulder-length! I just can't help myself haha long flowing hair is so fun and pretty <3 #No he's beautiful however I stand by it #ZEX with slightly damp but not actually clean hair haha of course it feels strange! Not just water in there! #Actually drawing his green ends for a change haha ♪ And the grey in his hair! ;; ZEEEX weh #You can just barely see I tried to use one of my skin-tone pencils from the Crayola set but it doesn't scan the best :P #Or apply the best honestly lol they're quite hard pencils - I'm used to a softer formula like the yellow and green there! Very soft and nice #Yaaay Captain hehe <3 This is what you get for trusting someone untrustworthy ZEX lol #Okay but the way I reacted to reading there was Yarn tied in his hair I had a Normal reaction and I'm Fine about it lol #I made it red for Funsies and no other reason lol - really it's just the pen I (still) always have on hand haha #There's some in my blue as well! Just not as obviously lol - no wait that's one of his colours too just ignore that <3 #ZEX is adorable ♪ The alien not understanding human traditions and culture trope is so lovely on him #And honestly the Captain is a very good sport hehe <3 He takes a lot in stride! Good for him

[mirrortouchedsea]

HiMERU was fuming when he walked into the church. His brother was just sitting here this whole time, not even bothering to look for him or do anything useful? HiMERU needed to stay calm. His fists were clenched at his side. He walked up to Tatsumi Kazehaya and asked him if he had been keeping Kaname against his will, which was met with a negative response. Kaname had stayed of his own free will. I would never force someone to stay, Tatsumi said.

HiMERU stormed over to his brother seated in one of the pews next to Amagi’s younger brother and the other child he couldn’t be bothered to learn the name of and grabbed him by the wrist. Let’s go, there’s no reason for you to stay here. Kaname resisted, though HiMERU was stronger and continued walking out to where Rinne, Niki and Kohaku were sitting outside. 

Onii-chan I can’t leave. That priest said he wasn’t forcing you to stay so we’re going. He isn’t but--onii-chan please just listen-- 

HiMERU took one step outside the chapel, Kaname’s hand breaching the doorway, still in his grasp. It suddenly felt… 

He looked down and saw it begin to rot away. 

I can’t leave, Onii-chan. 

#shay writes #enstars #ensemble stars #kaname tojou #himeru #post apocalypse au #made myself work on one of my other fics before posting this one #kaokana fic is sitting at 12k words rn. worked on chapter 3 finally and i'm getting somewhere with it #did a little bit of editing on it too but i'm waiting to do any major edits til i feel the chapter is done #chapter 3 is sitting just shy of 1k words rn but i'm hoping to get another 2-3k in there before posting i'm just #going to have to outline it a bit more to figure out what i want to reveal when though i'm #quite happy with what i have right now for it #anyway more post apocalypse au!!!!!! #forgot to post this when i wrote it but it ended up with some minor changes so #its fine its fine its FINE #i seriously need to make a doc with everything for this au at some point

[running-in-the-dark]

there's no rage like the rage I feel when I'm working on a painting and it looks like shit.

#like ughhjhjjh it makes me so mad!!! it's so ugly! #I hate painting I hate colours I hate everything about this!!! *keeps doing it for 5 more hours anyway* #I'm not good at this and it makes me so mad but also I need to do it and it's the only thing that makes sense #ugh #and like it's just. so much worse when it's a portrait! it feels gross! what am I doing?! no he doesn't look like that! he's pretty and this #just looks like some kind of demon 😩 it's so ugly oh my god #maybe I need to keep painting just other things. like those damn hands. they also look horrible but it doesn't make me want to punch myself #quite as much. #maybe I should like. read a book. about how to. paint. #since I don't know shit. #maybe that's the problem #no no I'm the problem it's fine #personal

[khaotunq]

"i don't know this fandom but i read this because i like your writing"

i am ON tHE FloOR.

#honestly. i'm going to swear eternal fealty to you. #+ i got comments telling me i'm funny so i'm also swearing myself to them forever #i am occasionally utterly baffled that people still find my tw fics #which is fine and i'm glad people enjoy them but i do not recommend them #(that sounds flippant. i'm genuinely very happy people still find joy in them) #but this in particular. someone coming over from my tw fic to the moonlight chicken one #absolutely floored me. i am unable to quite express the depths of my floored-ness #yes it's taken me like 14 hours to peel myself off me3 to go reply to fic comments #because i've opened ao3 properly for the first time in forever i'm considering posting gaipas pov of that same fic #but i also don't know if anyone will read it #but i also also don't know that i post things for any other reason than. i wanna. #i've had it written for ages i've just been swithering for 84 years #anyway. #so it is decreed

[flameswallower]

I was just about to type something about how occasionally I manage to find a "cool zone" of ego where nothing can make me feel really bad about myself, but I also have a realistic sense of my own importance/relevance/competence and an ability to laugh at my mistakes. I was going to frame this as a happy medium.

Then I realized that actually, being insecure and prone to feeling bad about myself also tends to make me a lot more prone to bouts of arrogance or grandiosity or not being able to laugh at (or own up to) my mistakes because they feel like a super big deal, humiliating and potentially life or relationship or "career" ruining. Just as outsize feelings of "I'm the worst person in the world" and "everything's always my fault" are self-obsession and grandiosity in disguise, I think a lot of problems we often attribute to people thinking too highly of themselves or being too confident/secure in their abilities and ideas are actually, or at least can be, insecurity and self-hatred in disguise.

I dunno, man. Liking yourself and valuing yourself and seeing yourself as a lovable person is good. I don't think there's actually much, if any, danger that you'll accidentally like yourself too much and thereby cause problems. I think the more you like yourself, the easier it is to be considerate towards other people and act in accordance with what you value and not freak out every time you make a mistake or discover you were wrong about something or get told to change some of your behavior.

#a lot of my life is spent sort of swinging between the poles of 'i'm so great and everyone loves me' and 'i'm literally the worst person' #more and more i feel like i've cracked it #and the secret is that the first state isn't actually feeling good about MYSELF #it's feeling good about ways others respond to me and/or things i've achieved #and telling myself 'this makes up for my inherent inferiority as a human being this Proves I'm Good' #what i'm talking about here is rather a sense of 'i'm basically fine i'm a decent person with some flaws who is ultimately well-meaning #and quite likable. and i can just chill and laugh about the stupid shit i sometimes do'

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

I am involved in THE stupidest situation

#i am endeavoring to uninvolve myself trust me #so today my fucking boss came to all but call me a homewrecker TO MY PARENTS #because she is concerned. that i need more support. #my mother immediately clocked her as trying to punish her husband for spending too much time on the project he was working on with me #and i say husband but like. he left six months ago. he has a girlfriend. #i was fastidiously not taking sides right up until she decided i should be her confidante a few weeks ago and started to TALK. #i am beginning to take a side. it's not hers. #anyway here's to drinking to quitting that job #.....*platonic homewrecker #lol she knew they wouldn't believe her for a second if she tried to make it out as me being a flirt #they know me and my lack of heterosexuality #instead i am ultra naive. the naivest. ambiguously mentally vulnerable. why aren't you around more? my &lt;husband&gt; thought she was a fra #fragile flower in need of a new father because you weren't there and then he neglected his duties to his wife. i don't fucking know #anyway it was a bit humiliating but my parents took my side and i'm working on extricating myself. so i guess it's fine.

[cowardlycowboys]

saw a post about dads and now I'm SAD

#omg kiera no one cares #i can't remember my dad do anything nice for me because i was a tiny child #my first real memories of him are him screaming and threatening to kill himself because obviously no one loved him and we all hated him #i mean I'm sure he DID nice things i just of course was tiny and don't remember and i never will #and it's like when my mom is like oh he loved you soo much kiera he quit smoking when you were born like ok what happened #trying to cry and trying to remind myself my dad is a complicated person and that is fine it's okay #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #pinning this on vernon if he was a better dad my dad wouldn't have been like that Vernon i hope hell is HOT #i have good memories i have good memories i am gonna bash my head into a wall and then I'll be fine!!

[arthurtaylorlester]

WOE.BEGONE DOESN'T HAVE A PROPER FANDOM I'M DEVASTED

#FINE. #I'LL DO IT MYSELF #it has like 15 fics on ao3 #basically nothing on tiktok #twt has SOME people but quite few #a cool bot that sadly will die :(( #didnt check instagram but i'm not too hopeful #woe.begone #i need a tag for it atp #uhhh #there you go #unethical timetravel

[overlookedfile]

33k words into this fic and I'm so tired of scrolling back to make sure everything is consistent from one chapter to the next.

Have I used the word "gently" too many times? Did I put the wrong character name down? Did I accidentally change tenses part way through a sentence or paragraph?

Fuck if I know. I've gone cross-eyed.

What even is the plot anymore?

#writing #editing woes #i did this to myself #viggo has already been dicked down #and learned about his dead parents #i can call it quits there right? #i don't have to resolve the looming death #or introduce *another* maternal figure into his life #I'm sure it'll be fine #😅

[apatheticlexicographer]

MOTHERFUCK i did not realize how much those antidepressants made me feel physically psychologically and dare i say spiritually like a peat mummy

literally 2 days off them and i've experienced more joy, lucidity, motivation and general good vibes than i did in the whole 2 months i was on them 😭😭

#now granted i did only sleep for 3 hours #but i felt more refreshed and energized today than i ever did when the pills forced me into 8 hours of pseudo-death a night #MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE IS BACK TO NEVER SHUTTING TF UP #it was practically bones for so long oml #i'm usually annoyingly verbose but i was only able to say like 5 words at a time before i forgot how to end my sentence #yeah i'm prolly gonna lose the rose tinted glasses in a few days when the novelty wears off but for now #it's so nice to feel like myself and not like a lobotomized skinwalker trying to wear my own mannerisms convincingly #(obvsly they help some ppl or they wouldn't be an option to prescribe but GOD they fit my brain chemistry as well as a fork fits an outlet) #<<<<<<I CAN DO THAT AGAIN!!! I MISSED MY STUPID METAPHORS AND MY BAD PUNS AND MY SLIGHTLY OUT OF POCKET JOKES #i was fucking trying but it fundamentally doesn't work if u Try #yoda moment but whatever #yippeee #god did they fucking '''cure''' my ADHD instead of my depression #ok if this is what some ppl's experience of ADHD meds is like then the 'they made me feel like a robot' thing makes a LOT more sense #personally they just make me feel like. yk that one comic abt ADHD with the dog metaphor #yeah amphetamines my beloved let me hold the leash rather than becoming a human dogsled to the whims of my psyche #actually i think i was rather uncharitable to my current dream mask normal pills #i just happened to get mega bitch burnout for 3 months and then spend 2 in the aforementioned peat bog where souls go to die #when not impeded by outside circumstances i think they actually are completely fine #maybe not QUITE as agressively effective as my previous prescription but the ritalin was str8 up harsh #i tried it again for a week and it made my heart beat like it was being powered by a caffienated hamster #but when i used to take it i was already experiencing Real paranoid gerbil anxiety so it just kinda blended in #i only noticed the Severe Health Issue i got bundled as a side effect #and i keep having to remind myself not to go rose-tinted abt how bad it rlly was in retrospect #do i just need to leave a sticky note on my mirror like 'hey dumbass that was NOT a net positive period of ur life' #lexi stfu challenge

[spaghett-onaplate]

tomorrow is my first day back at school since early last year!! and if i actually attend for at least the next 3 weeks then it will be the longest continuous attendace i've had since halfway through 2021

#i'm very excited to go back but also nervous as hell #which i would be regardless of how long it's been since it's a new school #spooky stuff but i should be fine i'm sure it will be great and help a lot :D #i'm a litle worried it'll be too much with work on top of school tho i don't want to quit my job (i mean i do but i want to save up money) #but ah we'll see i might just take myself off saturdays #which i also don't want to do. but if it gets too stressful then that's less drastic then quitting altogether #and sunday is paid much higher than sat #eh anyway we'll just see. one day at a time etc etc