#I'm sorry to hear you had such rough time back then I wish my art could've been more helpful to you

[canisalbus]

i just wanted to let you know that Machete being queer means so much to me. I‘m following your art for many many years now and you and your characters have been a big inspiration baaack in my teens. I was struggling with the possibility of a queer identity alot back then and I remember looking for a trace of queerness in every character I adored. I‘ve always loved Machete and today, as I‘m seeing your art again regulary on my timeline, it brings me so much joy that you’re telling this bittersweet queer story through your characters. Thank you!

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a heartfelt message! You've made my day ;w;

#I'm sorry to hear you had such rough time back then I wish my art could've been more helpful to you #he's a very old character and as silly as it is I've been processing a lot of similar feelings through him since I was a teenager myself #but I got increasingly hesitant to open up about my ocs over the years so I kept most of their lore and context strictly private #it's taken a lot of climbing over mental roadblocks to get back to a point where it feels alright and acceptable to talk about them again #and be more transparent about their lives and inner workings and in this case queer identity #so hearing that they resonate so strongly with people means a lot to me #it makes me feel a lot less shy and embarrassed about sharing them #answered #anonymous

[acetone4veins]

Quotes + Mean Girls

associating angsty quotes (and some fluffy ones) to mean girls characters and dynamics, this is definitely longer than it should be and will probably be part 1 of many but anyways. lmk which were your favorites and which ones ruined you :) also shoutout to the cautionary tale discord who saw some of these already and ramble about these characters with me <3

posting under the cut so i don't clog anyone's feeds

Regina

"what a terrible thing to wound someone you really care for - and to do it so unconsciously."

Haruki Murakami

"and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"

Charles Bukowski

"i am changing. i am trying to be better. it is slow; it is rough; it is repetitive, but i swear i am."

Abdulsamad S. M.

"i did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. i did not like to be touched because i craved it too much. i wanted to be held very tight so i would not break."

Marya Hornbacher

"i was not a loveable child, and i'd grown into a deeply unlovable adult. draw a picture of my soul, and it'd be a scribble with fangs."

Gillian Flynn

"if only my heart were as cold as i pretend it is, maybe i could get over this."

Jessica Katoff

"i wasn't beautiful anymore. now i looked like what i was, a raw wound."

Janet Fitch

"i'm restless and harsh and despairing. although i do have love inside me. i just don't know how to use love. sometimes it tears at my flesh, like barbs."

Clarice Lispector

"i did not mean to be cruel. i swear i am good, i am good, i am kind. i have love inside me. some place far far away."

unknown

Cady

"how much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before its some kind of murder?"

Richard Siken

"your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing."

Dyodor Dosteovsky

"what and how much had i lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what i myself wished to do?"

Ralph Ellison

"my god, my god, whose performance am i watching? how many people am i? who am i? what is this space between myself and myself?"

Fernando Pessoa

"it was good for a while, being empty. i didn't hurt anymore. but as time went on, it was like i could hear myself from far away, begging for permission to come back."

Myra McEntire

"is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?"

Friedrich Nietzsche

"who's the real you? the person who did something awful, or the one who's horrified by the awful thing you did? is one part of you allowed to forgive the other?"

Rebecca Stead

"you're a mess of good intentions gone wrong. you strike a match on yourself to keep others warm, and now the whole goddamn world's on fire. you try to put it out, and you try so hard. the dam breaks, and the waters of your sorrow pour free. you are sorry; so very, very sorrow - and you will drown everyone to prove it."

unknown

Janis

"there are times when i am convinced i am unfit for any human relationship."

Franz Kafka

"i am eternally, devastatingly romantic, and i thought people would see it because 'romantic' doesn't mean 'sugary'. it's dark and tormented - the furor of passion, the despair of an idealism that you cannot attain."

Catherine Breillat

"but whatever came, she had resolved never again to belong to another than herself."

Kate Chopin

"there were two reasons i was scared to let people in; the damage they could do, and the damage they could find."

Chris McGeown

"perhaps its good for one to suffer. can an artist do anything if he's happy? would he ever want to do anything? what is art, after all, but a protest against the horrible inclemency of life?"

Aldous Huxley

Gretchen

"i want so obviously, so desperately to be loved, and to be capable of love."

Sylvia Plath

"she wanted to say 'don't leave me', but she couldn't do it, not again. she was so tired of begging people to love her."

Kristin Hannah

"he is charmingly telling me how much he does not love me...and i, - listening to him carefully, - am approving it."

Marina Tsvetaeva

"she's gonna forever say 'i got this' even with tears in her eyes."

unknown

"still there is this terrible desire to be loved. still, there is this horror at being left behind."

Michael Cunningham

"can you understand me? someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little?"

Sylvia Plath

"i am trying to make myself digestible. i am trying to make myself easy to love."

I.B. Vyache

"do you think it is possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?"

Tyler Knott Gregson

Karen

"the sensitive suffer more; but they love more, and dream more."

Augusto Cury

"a lot of people tell me i'm a bit dreamy. but i like the idea of that. of being somewhere else."

Alam

"you cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. this is your tragedy, because you understand them but they do not understand you."

Daniel Saint

Regina and Janis

"the bear loved the deer, it was obvious. it ripped the deer's throat out, and then licked the dying deer with the most passionate affection. i thought of you and me."

David Cronenberg

"can you hate someone for what they have done, but still love them for whom they had been?"

Jodi Picoult

"love isn't soft, like those poets say. love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close."

Stephen King

"i love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."

Pablo Neruda

"they will hook me up to a polygraph and ask me if i love you and i will say no but the needle will jump and sputter exactly how you laugh."

unknown

"there's a sickening feeling of familiarity, when the wrong person knows you too well and you know them too well. and they weren't always the wrong person."

unknown

"we don't mean to hurt each other, but we do. and perhaps no matter how right we are for each other, we'll always be a little wrong."

Beau Taplin

Regina and Cady

"i am intense darkness and you are a golden sunrise."

Arijit Singh and Pritam

"even before you touched me, i belonged to you; all you had to do was look at me."

unknown

"whether you come as a lover or an executioner, i am ready to receive you."

Agustin Gomez-Arcos

"for the longest time, i saw myself as a bad person. you don't know how much it meant to me when you looked at me and could see the good."

unknown

"but i have seen the best of you and the worst of you, and i choose both."

Sarah Kay

"i promised myself i would never fall in love with you. but it was 4 am, and we were laughing way too hard, and i felt happy for the first time in a long time, and i knew i was screwed."

unknown

Gretchen and Karen

"i would rather be with you - even the you that you seem to think is diminished - than with anyone else in the world."

Jojo Moyes

"it hurts, he realizes, to love someone who can't love themselves. like watching a work of art set itself on fire."

unknown

"how amazing it is to find someone who wants to hear about all the things that go on in your head."

Nina LaCour

"come love, make me better than i was. come teach me a kinder way to say my own name."

Andrea Gibson

"i wanted you to see a mess and still find me worthy of love, to tell me that you could still love me anyway."

Georges Bataille

"sometimes, love is as simple as watching the moon and sometimes its as difficult as counting the stars. but i love doing both for you."

unknown

Janis and Damian

"you may be born into a family, but you walk into friendships. some you'll discover you should put behind you. others are worth every risk."

Adam Silvera

Regina and Gretchen

"but i am very homesick for arms that have never held me."

unknown

"i burned so long so quiet you must have wondered if i loved you back. i did, i did, i do."

Annelyse Gelman

"so i wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me. till then my windows ache."

Pablo Neruda

"how do you tell someone that the reason you're sad is because you love them?"

unknown

#this is so much longer than i thought it would be im sorry #it really did get away from me #respond with more! or your favorites from this! interact however you want and ill love you <3 #anyways im definitely normal about mg #mean girls #mean girls 2024 #mean girls musical #mean girls 2004 #regina george #gretchen weiners #karen shetty #karen smith #janis ian #janis imi'ike #janis sarkisian #cady heron #rejanis #cadina #fetchen #katchen #renee rapp

[alicenpai]

🌟

anime north 2023 con report

finally posting this - thank you to everyone for a wonderful anime north!! \o/ this con prep season was the longest ive ever prepped for a con, and i think it was the busiest con for me ever. it makes me so happy to see people taking my art home!! 😭

so thank you for coming by anime north and chatting and supporting me! and thank you esp to the people who came by gifting their own merch?!??? - either fanart or ocs?! and im honored to see your beautiful ocs?!?? what the hell you guys are the GOAT thank you all 🥹🥹

it was so busy that i wish i had time to walk around & talk to other artists! i really wanted to get dango and onigiri at the delta too.. didnt really get time to eat so im sorry if you saw me shove 10 timbits in my mouth at the end of the con. yes i really did that .

throughout the con i kept saying "he just like me.. HE JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!!!!" every 5 seconds like an NPC. im sorry if you had to hear that more than once.

---

i wasn't able to post my con catalogue for AN on tumblr and instagram... i was so busy.. dying... maybe if i do other cons this summer ill post something similar. i had a lot of new stuff this year so formatting it was rough haha. here it is! more thoughts under the cut (bc this report really is more for me, but maybe someone can find something useful)

---

this is more for me honestly, so it will be really long. but i'm sharing it in case it may be helpful for others. i find that i'm always looking back at my old con reports, so typing out all of my thoughts are really useful to me. overall a great con, fellow artists and customers alike really inspire me to do better in my art.

comparisons to last year: (since i didn't end up making a con report last year!!!!!)

location: the artist alley layout was huge, and im really happy there are a lot more newcomers to the con scene. i know how much my first con experience meant to me, so i want others to join in on the fun! i don't know how the artist alley staff managed to fit so many artists in the building now! we got placed in a corner where there was a lot of breathing room, and a lot of traffic. i got lost a few times (didn't actually have time to walk around, but you know, it was to get in and out of the con centre and to the washroom/water station) because the amount of tables was overwhelming however, and the layout was super confusing. however i didn't feel as if there were any significant bottlenecks in traffic when i was taking some walk breaks.

commissions: last year it was still busy, but i still had some time to draw a handful of commissions. this year was a non stop barrage of customers! i think i may retire on the spot commissions at cons, just because ive always found it too stressful to draw right at the con, even if the traffic is slow. (and im lazy)

fandoms: last year i felt that it was... never so difficult to sell niche and old fandoms...? most people bought primarily 3 things from me at AN 2022, and not much else was touched. it was a struggle, and i even wondered if my art plateaued, if it wasn't good, if i should stop doing conventions altogether, at least for a little while. this year was so surprising with how much love there was for old and niche fandoms. two people from quebec came by and noticed the old fandoms and mentioned that if i was able to come to otakuthon, i should, people in mtl love nostalgia.. i'm gonna be honest otakuthon was pretty bad expenses-wise for me, but i heard it picked up since cons came back in 2022. it is a really beautiful city so mayhaps.. i will come for miss montreal.................

---

and a separate section on the new merch i made:

the new sticker sheets i printed (one piece, baccano, breaking bad/better call saul) did so well! nts to add luffys scar bc apparently i forgot... ive seen this dumbass's face for hundreds of eps and yet i still forgot .

these are a far cry to the sticker sheets i designed in previous years. many sticker places restrict you on how many stickers you can place on a sheet due to spacing requirements... the more stickers you have + the closer they are, the higher the margin of error, which i understand is why many professional sticker printers have these restrictions in place.

the artists i worked with for my AN stickers are so genuinely nice and accommodating with my requests. I just went wild haha. the sheets with the most stickers are brba/bcs at 27 stickers and one piece at 32 stickers.

2021 (top) vs 2023 (bottom), the chara stickers on the new sheet are larger & 2x as many item stickers! the new design makes greater use of the space. my octopath 1 stickers are meant for planners but you could use it for anything!

in 2017 i could only realistically fit 6 ish stickers on a sheet (for vinyl, not cricut home printing) due to printing restrictions. these costed about $3.30 CAD per sheet from s/ticker/mule (not worth it for the price point AT ALL... but i wanted to try sheets for the first time)... and yes it's a tiny 4x7 as well. it was a hard sell for $7 in 2017. but im glad artists have been pricing them a bit higher + sheets have become much more customizable.

now on to charms:

i am so obsessed with this borderless charm look on the new charms... they look like candy... thank you guys for loving my new charms!! i tried out a new technique with designing charms. and im so happy with how they turned out. the charm manu was super accommodating and they are so much better than vograce who fucked up my order so bad in 2022 🤡👍

the soul eater charms from last year were kind of a precursor to this. last year i tried something a bit different than my usual with the transparent bgs, which require full bleed in the file setup, and that was already pretty new for me. i find that charm sales are usually pretty mid for me, so during the pandemic i took a soft break from making them, and i wanted to do research based on others' designs and really tried to improve my design sense. to me i want to design charms that aren't just a flat piece of artwork that gets printed, but something that utilizes the capabilities of the acrylic material it gets printed on 🤔

---

fandoms/merch types i want to try next time i table:

more soul eater? it's one of my favourite animes and im very happy for the soul eater love this year. my partner kept selling out of her soul eater prints even though it was her first time tabling!

fma! ive been rereading AND rewatching it lately. it's one of my top 5 anime of all time so me drawing anything for it is a struggle, the bar is set so high. i never end up having the time or ideas to draw anything for it (and the aesthetics are very different from my usual taste)

shadows house has been one of my favorites recently!

dungeon meshi, the print i made was back in 2018 and i think it's time to retire it! it sold out at AN, thank you! with the way the story has developed in the last 5 years, i really want to draw something new for it if i can.

blue period needs more love!

golden kamuy.....

and many more.....

i also want to try mini prints maybe...

---

administrative stuff:

next time before the con, i definitely need an organized chart i print out before the con so im not.. literally writing down each transaction... 🧍‍♀️

clamps...?

possibly new display? grids even with plastic panels are heavy... and they can be a pain to put up. this AN we had our neighbors and good friends @nappotuna & @stripeyworm helping us put the grids up, they did an absolute speedy banger job! but it might have taken way longer without 4 hands on the grid work.

if we had used tape to hold our prints up as well who knows how long it would have taken. we used magnets, apparently a lot of people were using them at TCAF. they were so easy to put up and adjustable. *jesse pinkman voice* MAGNETS, BITCH!!!!!!!

---

merch i may shelve/do less of:

i really appreciate when artists talk about these kind of things behind the scenes... when products do well, when others dont, products w surprising responses, the factors that we think affect sales... the hard truth is that not everything sells, just bc the art is good =/= good sales, etc etc.

lately ive found it so fun to design sticker sheets over individual die cut stickers!! i understand now why some people only specialize in stickers!! it's also such a pain to stock individual characters and have greatly varying levels, bc of customer interest, and bc of how printing stickers works, you often get extras of random characters due to overflow 😭.. like at some point I had 7 jeannes and like only 1 of the other vnc charas bc the printer had so many extras and she's arguably less popular HDHFJSJHDJS anyways, i think i'll probably do less die cut individual stickers for my next con...

anything old that i only have 1 or a few copies left (meaning i won't reprint) i may not have for display anymore bc of space concerns... before my next con ill just post them on social media to have people claim them!

i may want to do less 3" charms in the future...? theyre a hard sell online prob bc i cant really do deals (i could but id have to be checking the stock every few hours which is not ideal), but they do a lot better in person due to deals.

it's been fun to try specialty products (I've tried scrunchies, stamps, pouches, microfiber cloths, coasters, enamel pins), but i... find they dont sell well for me... maybe my art doesnt have that wide mainstream nostalgic merch type appeal idk... maybe im just not good at designing or advertising them wahahaha. (specialty charms are still charms and i wouldn't necessary consider them a part of this)

my jojo buttons were really popular at anime north 2019 and fan expo 2019, but when the part 5 anime concluded, i noticed that interest for the interest completely moved on 😭 (or it's possible that everyone who was interested bought the buttons already?). part 6 anime didn't rejuvenate the same level of interest. it was a struggle to sell even more than a handful of these at each AN 2022 and 2023. right now they're taking up a lot of space in my con luggage that i'd prefer for newer, better art. i still love the art i did, but unfortunately, i think ill give them a go if i get into otakuthon (and maybe fanexpo too), then it'll be time to retire the jojo buttons. sometimes fandoms come and go so fast, and it's difficult to keep old merch around when they don't have any more interest and when they're occupying a lot of space.

my banana fish lollipop charms do not sell well, and i only sold 5 of them in a 3 year period, across cons and my shop. i created a bargain bin at AN, and it really helped me get rid of old things! unfortunately even in the bargain bin i could not sell a single one of the banana fish charms. maybe it's the art that's not appealing, the characters aren't recognizable, the price point for a lollipop charm was too high, i wasn't hitting the right audience, the market was slow around the time, even when it was included in my promo post... etc. these lollipops were my first time making specialty charms. unfortunately i think that's the last time making lollipop charms, and about time to recycle these charms, so that i have space for fresher and better art!

other thoughts moving on:

maybe go back to simplifying my art a lot more... if i keep making drawings like my great ace attorney tarot + zine, witch hat atelier print, and pandora hearts print, then id not only take 1 month per illustration, id also be destroying my arm 😭 i stopped stylizing my art in 2021 bc i found that my art was getting sloppy in 2020 + i was really struggling in life drawing in school. i needed to buckle down and be more conscientious when drawing poses, learning anatomy and structure... and bc getting back into anime in 2021 really helped me cope with the isolation of the lockdown, so that had a huge influence on my style. but bc of that i think it just took longer and longer to make illustrations and that's something i no longer really wish for.

i really like the period of my art in 2017 with a lot of my persona 4/5 art bc it still has structure even though it's simplified... and the style in my zelda icon... mayhaps experiment a bit more this summer if i can...

#anime north 2023 #anime north

[amethystina]

Oh gosh, sorry to hear you’ve been getting lots of critiques recently. Even when it’s valid and solicited criticism can be rough, and the out of the blue stuff is always worse :/ And I say that as someone who works in the arts for a living.

I wish I had something better to say than that every artist you admire has likely felt the same way at one point or another, as even the best of the best of the best get complaints, but I don’t, so know at least that you’re in good company. (In theatre we actually have a saying that the day you can truly call yourself a professional is the day you get your first really bad review, so I always take comfort in the universality of the experience, even if it super fucking sucks lol)

I know I could also tell you that your writing is phenomenal and for every person who has a complaint there’s a bunch more who are having the BEST time (myself included xD), but I also know that doesn’t fix it when someone’s made you doubt yourself. For the record though, I will say it. Your writing IS phenomenal, and it DOES bring both me and others quite a lot of joy. I get very excited every time I see you’ve updated (either fic that I’m reading xD), and I find it genuinely a bonus that this particular story is so long. Because it means that the experience of reading it for the first time doesn’t have to be over yet.

I’m VERY much rambling now, but try and be kind to yourself is I guess at the heart of what I’m saying. Take care of yourself, take your time, and come back to things when you’re ready. You’re allowed to feel hurt, or doubtful, or whatever, and if time is what you need to take care of yourself, then you should take it <3.

To be honest, I would be genuinely surprised if I was somehow able to avoid getting criticism. It's just a natural part of posting online, it would seem, no matter one's skill level or the fandom.

And, usually, I can handle it pretty well. It just so happens that everything piled up on the same day and that got a little overwhelming. It honestly felt a bit like the universe was ganging up on me for no apparent reason xD

Thank you so much for your kind words, though 💜 It's true that there are no immediate fixes to the kind of doubts that arise from unsolicited criticism, but it certainly helps to know that there are people who enjoy what I do. Because, in the long run, it's not about writing the most perfect, flawless fic, but rather sharing the joy and excitement I feel over the stories that I write. So thank you so much for taking the time to tell me 💜

And yeah, I'm doing my best to rest right now, partly because I did end up getting sick. So I've mostly been drawing highly questionable Strangers From Hell fanart and, earlier today, I hyper-fixated for hours and randomly did a playlist for Who Holds the Devil. Which is VERY unexpected since I don't really connect music to my writing?

I blame @sofapup17 who made a wonderful playlist for my Strangers From Hell fanfic, which I've been looping while drawing the aforementioned fanart xD (and I also stole three songs from it to my own playlist ;D ) And that of course made me wonder if I could do one, too. Turns out that I can! It's hella long but, uh, that's both on-brand and appropriate considering the fanfic, I guess? I honestly didn't expect to find as much music as I did.

So yeah. While I'm not writing on Who Holds the Devil right now, I'm keeping busy with other creative projects. There never seems to be a shortage of those, somehow x'D

Thank you again for your kind words. The fact that so many people are willing to take time out of their day to cheer me up is so incredibly humbling. Thank you 💜

#Amethystina Replies #wolfandrain #I'm honestly a bit all over the place #I should be editing the next chapter of my Strangers From Hell fic #But it contains a sex scene #And they are the bane of my existence #Editing is a chore in itself #But editing sex scenes is the literal worst x'D #So I'm procrastinating #By drawing and making pointless playlists instead #So yeah #That's where I'm at right now

[jammie3132]

Fandom: Glee Pairing: Blaine Anderson & Sebastian Smythe Chapter Title: Back to November Chapter Summary: Blaine has no idea what’s going on and everyone keeps telling him it would be better if his memories returned organically. What happens if he never remembers? What happens if he does remember, but not what people want to hear? Chapter Note: I'm not making any more notes about chapters. This is taking a big turn. Think of the previous 6 chapters as set-up. And since this is like a separate fic, I eliminated my "only MCU canon before Endgame" rule. I will not tag which show/movie but still...spoilers. Warnings: Deaths (not by Snap) of canon Glee characters are hinted at but not confirmed 

REPOST 2/20/24: I accidently posted the rough draft 🤬

Hello, Blaine. My name is Sebastian. It’s nice to meet you.

He stared at the beautiful man…Sebastian. Something about him felt so familiar. It made him feel safe. “The little girl called me Daddy.”

“Yeah, I wish that didn’t happen.”

“Why?”

Sebastian chuckled and leaned into the door frame. He seemed to drop his guard (slightly) so he did the same. “I’m going to go make sure the kids’ lessons are ready.”

“I thought you said they were going to Kindergarten?”

“That’s what we call it…no, sorry. We were told, at least in the beginning, to let you try to regain your memories slowly, naturally.”

“Regain my memories?” Yes, he'd realized he had almost no memories from before he awoke, but how did Sebastian and whoever gave him that bullshit advice know he didn't?

“Tea or coffee?”

“Tea or coffee?” Was this a test? What if he said the wrong thing? Would it mean he’d have to wait even longer for someone to tell him what the fuck was going on? “Uh…I feel like I should say coffee, but I’d really like a cup of tea, Earl Grey with a little sugar and, this might sound strange, a splash of cinnamon.”

Something he said brought the beautiful smile back to Sebastian’s beautiful face. He must have answered correctly. “It doesn’t sound strange. One Earl Grey with a little sugar and a splash of cinnamon coming right up.”

Once he was alone, he got out of bed to survey his surroundings. The first thing he saw was a pair of glasses on the nightstand. He put them on and yes, these were definitely his.

The room was nice but plain. It felt more like an unoccupied dorm room than a bedroom in a home. White walls, hardwood floors and beige area rugs. No wall art, tchotchkes, or framed photos. The bedding didn’t have patterns, just grey sheets and a dark blue comforter with red trim. There was a full-length mirror in the corner, so he went to take a look. He was older than he anticipated. His hair was ridiculously curly and he was in need of a shave. The dark blue pajama pants he was wearing were unremarkable, but his t-shirt had Dalton printed across the front.

The shirt was the only thing that brought out any sort of recognition. Whatever Dalton turned out to be was irrelevant. To him, Dalton meant home.

Next to tackle was the dresser, but when he opened the top drawer, everything else came to a stop. There was only one item there. The only item since he woke up this morning that he recognized without an ounce of doubt.

The lightsaber Tony Stark made for him.

He climbed back into bed but sat up against the headboard, clutching his find. It was an anchor within the chaos of his situation. This Tony Stark guy was obviously important to him. So, why could he remember the lightsaber but not the man who made it for him?

He closed his eyes and tried to settle his mind.

“I’ve told you a thousand times, you can’t overthink everything.”

The voice embraced him with love, bringing out his first genuine smile of the day. “But I can sure try.”

Two gasps, one his own, had him opening his eyes. The sight of the person in the doorway confused him even more than why he gasped at what was said. “I know you…but I don’t know how.”

The woman plastered on a smile and set up the breakfast tray she’d been carrying. “It’s ok, Sweetie. Sebastian told me you wanted tea. I thought you might want some toast as well. There’s some…”

“Honey butter.” The woman's smile changed to resemble Sebastian’s when he answered the tea question.

Another test passed?

She sat beside him and gently brushed back his hair. It was if she’d been doing it for years. “Are you my mother?”

“Not biologically but over the past 6 years you and I have adopted each other as family. About 4 years ago you started calling me Mom. Maybe that’s what you’re remembering.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think I can do that, call you Mom, right now.”

The woman smiled again, easing their tension even further. “I understand, Sweetie. My name is Carole.”

(A younger) Carole stood next to a man in a baseball cap. The man reached out for a handshake. “Call me Burt, Kid. Kurt talks about you so much…”

“Dad! You said you wouldn’t embarrass me!”

Kurt? His first impression was one of fondness but then he was hit with feelings of animosity. No, animosity wasn’t enough. He might not remember this Kurt guy, but he really, really hated him. The memory troubled him so much he backed away to the other side of the bed, bringing his lightsaber, his only anchor to reality, with him. “How have we accepted each other as family when I hate your son?”

Carole chalked his statement up to his memories coming back in bits and pieces. At least they seemed to be coming back. That was progress. “You remembered Finn?”

“Kurt”

“Oh, that makes a lot more sense. Kurt isn’t my son. He was my stepson.”

He scooted back to his original spot, willing to once again try trusting the woman with the kind smile. “Was?”

“I was married to Kurt’s father until he died 6 years ago in a plane crash. Kurt disappeared at the same time, and we all thought he'd died as well. About a year and a half ago Kurt showed up out of nowhere. When he found out how my life moved forward, he said he would never forgive me. I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Was it because of me? Does he hate me, because I really, really hate him…although I don’t know why.”

“My relationship with you wasn’t the problem. He hated, probably still hates, the man I married and his son.”

“His son?”

“That would be me” Sebastian said from the end of the bed. Next to him was a distinguished-looking gentleman. Both men's eyes were darting back and forth between Carole and the lightsaber. She subtly shook her head as a signal to let it go for the time being.

He pretended he didn’t notice.

The distinguished-looking gentleman ended the awkwardness with his introduction. “And I’m the new husband, Sebastian’s dad, Xavier Smythe.”

Did he say… “Smythe? Your name is Xavier Smythe?”

“Yes. Do you remember me?”

His focus moved from father to son. What he found had him trying to catch his breath. The man from earlier was gone. The person at the end of the bed was a beautiful 16-year-old boy, dressed in a perfectly pressed school uniform.

And when she knows what She wants from her time And when she wakes up And makes up her mind

”Sebastian Smythe.” ”Are you a Freshman?”

Once a Warbler, always a Warbler. Right? He remembered November 8th, 2011 and November 8th, 2012…as well as every moment they shared in between. He remembered November 9th, 2012…waking up, realizing he’d been in love with Sebastian the entire time and minutes later Kurt telling him he was dead. He remembered every second of pain between that moment and November 8th, 2024…the day he traveled back in time. Everything hadn't returned, only his memories of Sebastian and the aftermath of the accident. It didn't matter. His beautiful boy, now beautiful man, was less than 10 feet in front of him.

“Bas”

Sebastian ran from the room. He was devastated but didn't want the others to know. "Guess I failed that test."

Xavier looked to Carole who told him Go, I’ve got this one. Once he was gone, Carole grabbed hold of his hand not grasping his lightsaber. “I’m so sorry, Sweetie. This must be so confusing. But when I came in and told you to stop overthinking…”

“I said But I can sure try. I don’t know why I said that.”

“Because that’s how my Blaine would always answer. That’s how Sebastian’s Blaine would always answer.”

Her Blaine? Sebastian’s Blaine?

He didn’t know what Carole was trying to say but he didn’t care. Something didn’t feel right. He pushed her away and went as far as he could while remaining in the same room “Get out.”

“Sweetie…”

“I’m not your Sweetie. I want to talk to Bas.”

Carole stood and sighed, a signal of surrender. All the goodwill she'd attempted to build was gone. “I’ll tell Seb, but don’t get your hopes up. There’s a change of clothes in the bathroom if you want a shower.” After she pointed out the proper door, she picked up the long-forgotten breakfast tray. “Please stay here for the time being.”

“You can’t keep me prisoner.”

“I…we’re not trying to. However, there are two small children in the house and all they know is something is going on with someone they love. They’re scared enough.”

With everything that happened between the time the children left his room, he’d forgotten them (couldn’t blame the memory loss for that one). “I’ll stay here…for now.”

“That’s all I ask.”

The shower helped. He didn’t want to say it made him feel like himself again because he didn’t know who the hell he was. More specifically, who these people expected him to be. Carole must have returned while he was in the shower because a new breakfast tray of tea and toast was neatly set up on the table next to the window. Although, this time she'd included some eggs and bacon. He appreciated the gesture. As he sat down to eat, he looked outside (why hadn’t he thought of that sooner?). He didn’t need a rush of memories to know he was at Dalton. But this Dalton wasn’t either of his Daltons.

There was more than one Dalton? Why would he believe that? The only Dalton he remembered was the one where he met Sebastian. He was too hungry to obsess about it now, so he turned his attention back to his breakfast. The food was so good, and he was so mentally fried, he didn’t hear someone enter the room.

”You don’t have face hair anymore. You always have face hair.”

”I shaved.”

“Oh, ok. I got this for you, Uncle Blaine.” Sammy, the little boy…not the dog he still had no answers about, was holding a quart of Stark Raving Mad ice cream. “It always makes you feel better.”

He cocked his eyebrow and tried not to smile. “Makes me feel better, huh? Is there a reason I need two spoons to eat it?” The little boy’s face fell, and his heart shattered into a thousand pieces. “Come here.” Sammy ran into his open arms and quickly settled on his lap. “Thank you, I ate my breakfast but I’m still hungry.”

“Grammy Carole says you’re always hungry” Sammy told him between shoveling spoons full of ice cream into his face. “Uncle Seb said you don’t remember us because you bumped your head. Is he right? You promised you’d never lie to me, but I guess you don’t member that.”

WTF? Blaine shifted the boy in his lap. First, the kid was heavier than he looked. His leg was falling asleep. And second, why had Sebastian told Sammy about his memory loss when Carole basically begged him to stay away from the kid and his sister? “Your Uncle Seb told you I bumped my head and lost my memories?”

“No” the boy admitted “I heard him tell Grampy X. He also said you were the other Blaine now, not his B. I don't know what that means.” That bit of information took him from frustrated to completely horrified. How could Sebastian be so reckless to say this where one of the kids could overhear him? His Bas was an impulsive brat (hello, eye surgery) but the things he did stemmed from being a child (teenagers, no matter what they believe, are children). This Sebastian was a late 20-something year old parent. He should know better!

The ice cream was gone (he might've gotten in 3 bites) and Sammy was beginning to doze off. It gave him an idea. “You heard right, I don’t have my memory and my head still kind of hurts. I was going to take a nap. Do you want to join me?"

Sammy wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck, making it easier to be carried. Once they were settled, the boy began to wiggle and brought something up from underneath the sheet. “Where did you get this cool lightsaber…or you don’t remember?”

How could he have forgotten his lightsaber? Was he losing new memories every time he remembered something from the past? It wasn’t the time for panic…yet. “I found it in a drawer. Someone named Tony made it for me. I don’t remember him, but I know he loved me and always made me feel safe.”

“Like you love me and said you would do anything to keep me safe...when you remembered me.”

“Hey” He lifted the little boy’s chin, so he had to look at him. “I don’t care if I never remember anything else. I will always remember to make sure you and Susie are safe.”

Any tension in Sammy’s body melted as he snuggled even closer. “Uncle Blaine, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For getting scared and thinking the bad space monster would take me away again because you forgot to keep me safe.”

“Take you away?”

“Pepper brought you to Dalton to recover in peace. No one’s looking for Iron Man in bum-fuck Ohio.”

It wasn’t the time for questions. Tony had been through hell. And even though it had been a month, his brain was still dealing with the reality of Infinity Stones and how an alien got ahold of them, snapped his fingers and turned half of all living beings in the universe to dust.

Oh no, no, no. Sammy had been Snapped by Thanos. Blaine rolled to his side and hugged him as tightly as possible. “Never be sorry for being scared. Let’s talk about that…” He didn’t have to finish. The little boy was already sound asleep, clutching the lightsaber. 

“What the hell were you thinking?”

*Blaine continued to love and be loved by Sammy...the hyperactive puppy* Me? You gave me the lightsaber and the rest of the technology I needed to do it!”

Tony walked around the basement of the Dalton he built, inspecting the time portal Blaine, Brittany and Bruce (technically Brittany and Bruce) built out of the material he sent. “I trusted Banner. He should've called off the whole thing knowing those substitute PYM Particles were compromised! And Barton?! I thought you were the little brother he never wanted. He and his whole fake SHIELD family loved you!”

“They do…did, whatever. And Bruce told me…ok, he tried. I still don’t get all the timey-whimey shit.”

“Which you should've before you TIME TRAVELED with defective particles! I understand not going back to Hank Pym for help. The guy has a Stark hate-boner so big I’m amazed he fathered a child.”

“Like yours for Steve Rogers?”

“Hold on…fine, point for the Bow-tied Wonder. But seriously, Banner let you use the damaged particles without seeing what Britt or that Princess in Wakanda could come up with? What about Strange? He was keeper of the Time Stone for fuck sake!”

“Then why didn’t the Avengers include them in the Time Heist?”

“Dr. Weirdo, Princess Kitty-Kat and our lovable but ditzy genius were dust at the time.”

“Don’t say it like that. It took forever for Britt to realize constantly singing Dust in the Wind wasn’t appropriate, especially in front of others who were Blipped.”

“Yet another reason I love that girl. And before you say Wong, we also thought he was dust…Snapped. We were wrong but not our fault. He’d snuck back to the Mystical Monastery of the Mountains and gone off-grid. Oh, and …THANOS DESTROYED THE STONES. Since we didn’t have any extra laying in a drawer somewhere, I, the most brilliant man who ever lived, had to solve time travel.”

“Yeah, I’d forgotten most of that. Not because of the memory loss, I think, but because it made my head hurt to listen to you and Bruce, or Bruce and Britt, talk about it.”

“Again…you didn’t understand and yet decided it was a good idea to TIME TRAVEL! I should tell MIT to take back your degree.”

“You’re dead.”

“Heroically departed, yet here I am…Iron Man.”

“Seriously?”

“How about*overdramatic superhero voice* I am...Dream Master and Gate Keeper to all your memories, so don’t piss me off?”

“I hate you.”

“You love me. And hey! What about Wanda? She’s a witch with super-sized magic courtesy of the mind stone. Did any of you supposedly brilliant idiots think of seeing what she could do to help?”

“Uh…after you left…”

“Heroically departed.”

“After you left, Wanda tried to get Vision’s body from the government to give him a funeral.”

“I don’t know if I’m more offended by the fact the government had Vision’s body and I didn’t know, or Elphaba wanted to put billions of dollars worth of Vibranium…”

“No, Wanda wanted to say goodbye with a funeral for the man?...person?...cybernetic being she loved. When she couldn’t get him back, she went a little Coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs.”

“How little?”

“Mind fucked an entire town, a small town, in New Jersey into believing they were characters in old sitcoms. Manifested a new Vision and a couple of kids. After the government caught on and all hell broke loose, she freed everyone, essentially killing her imaginary family. Last anyone saw of her, she flew off, no airplane necessary, to parts unknown with something called The Book of the Damned.”

For the first time ever, Tony Stark was speechless.

*Lengthy amount of (Dream) Time later* “And you questioned why I wanted Britt kept away from all that shit!?!”

“I didn’t question, per se…”

“Liar…and why didn’t Legolas do anything about the Wicked Witch of New Jersey?”

“Wanda told Clint, and Laura, she was going back to Sokovia to help with rebuilding what the Avengers and Ultron…”

“No need to elaborate. I was there…no comments.”

“So...that’s why they didn’t question her going no contact. It’s not their fault the government was stupid and for some reason didn’t bringing in the man who convinced Wanda to turn her back on Ultron, gave his son her dead brother’s name and freed her from your house arrest.”

"I said no comments!”

“I didn’t say a word about how you were responsible for Ultron, but if the title Avengers Dictator fits…”

“My bad. And while I want answers, you dream-summoned me to help you understand what the hell is happening in your pudding brain. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop yelling about the fact you never should have TIME TRAVELED with faulty particles in the first place! I’m gone for one itty-bitty year…”

*Blaine rose from where he’d been sitting the entire time and Sammy (the dog) ran off* “Tony…” “Ok, ok, I’ll drop it for now but be prepared to be chastised in future dreams.”

“I would expect nothing less from you.”

*Seconds later (because…Dream Time). Tony is now surrounded by all the computers he’d sent to Dalton over the years* “I figured out how badly you all fucked this up without me.”

“Can we postpone the I Told You Sos as well as the yelling?“

“You take the fun out of everything.”*Blaine answered by giving him a middle finger* “See? Was that so difficult?”

*Blaine answered with double middle fingers* “What did you find?”

“The faulty particles sent you to 2011 instead of 2012. Like with Rogers and his trip to finally get laid…”

“Oh, he’d already been laid.”

“...by Peggy Carter. And I’m still angry with you for not sharing your Stucky theories while I was around to use them to my advantage…in a fun way, at least a fun for me way. I would never use information like that against someone, especially after what happened to your platonic apocalypse partner.”

“My what?”

“That Dave guy?”

“Who?”

“Ok, your memory has improved to Swiss Cheese, but one thing at a time. Like I was saying, you went back to 2011 instead of 2012 and physically became that Blaine Anderson. During the Time Heist, we just had to avoid the Battle of New York Avengers.”

“That’s what I expected, hoped, would happen to me. Did you figure out why I physically became 2011 me?”

“No clue.”

“So, you can’t fix it?”

“To send you back to your original timeline? Not a chance. You wanted to be here, so…ta-da!”

“Not helpful.”

“If you want helpful, I can tell you when you are. It’s November 8th, 2024.”

“The day I left?”

“Makes sense. From what I understand, the Centurian lived decades with no memories of his 70 year side trip. Those memories took over when his two timelines intersected. He did eventually wind up with both sets of memories. My highly educated guess is you’ll eventually do the same.”

“I don’t have eventually. Right now, I have a scared little boy to take care of.”

“Yeah, Sammy. Do you realize you haven’t mentioned Sebastian once since you sought my wisdom? When I was alive you wouldn’t shut up about the guy.”

“Fuck you”

“You didn’t get the big Rom-Com reunion you wanted?”

“Not even close.”

“Did you ever consider the fact that for Sebastian, his Blaine essentially died when you woke up this morning? And you? While you saved Sebastian, Bas died November 8th, 2012. Is that something you’re prepared to accept? And what about Sam?”

“Sammy…”

“Not Sammy…Sam.”

I, I will be king And you, you will be queen Though nothing will drive them away We can be Heroes, just for one day We can be us, just for one day

I, I can remember (I remember) Standing, by the wall (by the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed, As though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall)

And the shame was on the other side Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever Then we could be Heroes, Just for one day

“Last night there was a major accident on the highway. A big-rig blew a tire causing the truck to flip over. It smashed into several cars before landing on two. Blaine, Sam was in one of those cars…and, and Sebastian was in the other. They didn’t make it. I’m so sorry.”

"Sammy, the little boy…obviously not the dog, is Sam’s son, isn’t he?"

"Yes"

"But Sam…if I saved him, where is he? Why isn’t he with his son?”

“I can’t tell you what happened. That’s Blaine 2.0 territory. However, when you wake up, you can have some more of Bow’s memories. I can do that much."

“Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me. This is your dream.”

*Next thing Blaine knew he was hugging the man he considered his father. In this Dream State he could actually feel Tony’s arms around him* “I miss you so much.”

“Of course, you do. I’m awesome.” *Tony tightened his hold* “I love you, Blaine Anderson.”

“I love you too, Tony Stark.”

“Good, because I want you to do something for me.”

“Of course, you do. What?”

“Go back to your music.”

“But…”

“What was the first thing you thought of when you remembered Sam? *Blaine tries to move away but Tony won’t let him* “You remembered the two of you singing Heroes. It was good…really good. Not hard rock enough to be my theme song, but I would’ve put it on the list.”

“How do you know that?”

“I’m Dream Master and Gate Keeper to all your memories, Dumb Ass. Now, about you going back to music…”

“Tony…”

“If I didn’t burden you with hiding Brittany…”

“She wasn’t a burden.”

“Then hiding all my extra toys in the basement at Dalton…”

“That was a burden, a little one. But only when you came to Ohio and (air quotes) played science with my home. It would take days to get Saturday back to working correctly after you left.”

“I always thought if I didn’t uproot your life, you would’ve eventually found your way back to music. You were too good not to.”

“Tony…”

“Bow, just this one time, don’t overthink this and promise me you’ll try.”

*Sigh* “For you? I promise to try.”

Blaine felt movement next to him. It was enough to end his dream but not enough for him to move out of the comfort cocoon he was wrapped in. That was until he heard…

Come on, Big Guy. Time to go.

“Says who?” Blaine asked a startled Sebastian.

“Sammy shouldn’t be here.”

“And you shouldn’t have talked to your father about me without making sure you were alone.” He didn’t regret what he said, but maybe he didn’t have to say it like that.

“He overheard Dad and I…?” Sebastian didn’t need a verbal response. He’d seen that expression thousands of times. “Do you know how much he heard?”

“Enough to come to the conclusion my forgetting him meant the bad space monster was going to take him away again.” He motioned for not-his-Bas to go around to the other side of the bed and join them. Sebastian took the hint and laid down next to the sleeping boy, brushing his hair aside much like Carole had done with him earlier.

It finally dawned on him how much the other man loved this boy and had just been trying to protect him. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Sebastian asked, surprised by the apology.

“That I failed your test. That I’m not who you wanted me to be.”

If Sebastian was surprised before, he was now in full-on shock. “How do you know?”

“You didn’t hide it very well. That, and while I was sleeping, I came to a couple of realizations, like how you lost your husband.” He held up his left hand to show him rubbing the underside of his ring finger with his thumb. “I can’t stop doing this. It’s a muscle memory I have no control over. Susie said something about having a Daddy and a Papa, but this…” he held up his hand again “this is a habit developed over a long period of time.”

“B’s ring belonged to my grandfather. It was always a little big but with everything going on the past few years, getting it resized wasn’t happening. When we finally found someone to do it, B said no, the ring’s perfect the way it is. And you didn’t fail. We knew this would happen. I just hoped…”

Huh? We knew? “How? How the fuck…” Sebastian glared at him until he realized “Oh sh…cra…darn? Guess I need to learn to watch my language.”

“We have a curse jar. You don’t put money in because money doesn’t have any real value right now. The jar has pieces of paper with monthly jobs no one wants to do on them. B usually takes out 10 at the beginning of the month so he can space things out.”

He chuckled quietly, not wanting to wake up Sammy. Obviously, he and the other Blaine would have similarities since they were technically the same person. He never considered his swearing habit would be one of them. “He, your B, has or had…”

“A potty mouth? Yes, but it did get better after Susie’s first word was fuck.”

That was all it took for him to lose it. Whatever came out was somewhere between a laugh and a sob, the problem was it was loud. Sammy smiled waking to see the men he called Uncle on either side of him, until seconds later when sheer panic overtook the boy.

On the other side of the room, sparks had appeared out of nowhere. Fortunately, he remembered what this meant, but how to explain it to a traumatized child was a different story. “Sebastian, how did everyone Tha…the bad space monster took away come back?” he asked, hoping it was at least close to the version he knew. “The Sammy version.”

“Um…Avengers broke the space monster’s curse and everyone just reappeared. No one knows how.”

“What did the Avengers do next?”

“Uh…a big battle with the space monster. They think they’re going to lose when a bunch of people joined them…”

“Awesome! Sammy, I know people who were there when the Avengers fought the space monster. Everyone who joined them? They got there through a magic portal just like that one. Only heroes can go through them.” He tousled the less-scared little boy’s hair before getting out of bed and putting himself between Sebastian and Sammy, and whoever (or whatever) stepped out of the portal.

Not that he was going to stop a magical being or anything, but it felt like the right thing to do.

Any doubt was quashed when their visitor arrived. “Wong? What are you doing here? Wait, how did you get here? The Sorcerer Supreme is a master of time. Yes, I time traveled here but Sebastian and Sammy didn’t. Oh my God! Are we in an alternate universe?” He’s so excited his voice kept getting higher and faster. “I think I finally understand some that timey-whimey shit…stuff Tony, Bruce and Brittany yapped on and on about.”

“Brittany? You said you didn’t know my Mommy.”

He turned so fast he almost knocked himself over. “Brittany is your mommy?” For some reason what Sammy said both made perfect sense and blew his mind. Sadly, this had to wait. “Wong?”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not even close. I thought you were some sort of genius like Stark since he sent you to MIT and then kept all his Iron Man stuff in your basement.”

“You went to MIT?”

He motioned to Sebastian he’d answer the question later. Maybe he should get the others to leave. No, a little late for that. “Wong, just tell me.”

“When I first met you, your Temporal Aura was off, more like wrong, but I was a little busy. Do you know why?”

“Testing me?"

"Yes"

Considering the man could turn him into a frog, he determined it wasn't time for snark. Sammy didn't need to see that. "The first time I met you, you and Pepper brought Morgan to me before the battle at the Avengers Compound.”

“Ok, just checking, you never know with time travel. At Stark’s funeral I pointed your Aura out to Strange and he agreed with me. You were on the wrong timeline.”

“The what now?”

“The wrong timeline. People don’t stay on the wrong timeline. Those things get taken care of.”

“Taken care of?” Well, that didn’t sound good.

“Let’s just say there are more beings affecting time than those possessing an Infinity Time Stone. Lasting almost 30 years in the wrong timeline only to return to the correct one without assistance from any form of timekeeper doesn’t happen…until you. It’s fascinating.”

“Fantastic isn’t the word I would use.” This conversation was getting more confusing (and terrifying) by the minute. “So, what does all of this mean? And please no timey/whimey or magicity/smagickity explanations?”

“It means I need to have a discussion with Strange but I can’t find him. He’s off universe. It’s so frustrating.” Wong waved his arms and another portal began to open. “Maybe you can help. What’s the name of Stark’s other lost boy?”

“Huh? Oh, you mean Spider-Man?”

“I know that. What’s his real name? His identity?”

“I don’t know. He wanted it to remain secret, unlike his mentor.”

“Someone must know.”

“Pepper?”

“None of Team Iron Man. Maybe this has something to do with why I can’t find Strange. Do me a favor…no more time jumping until I get this figured out.”

“I won’t know how.” 

Once he was sure Wong was gone, he turned back around. Sammy was bouncing with excitement. Sebastian…have you ever heard the expression If looks could kill? Neither was a good thing. Like his other self, he should probably get a head start on the curse jar because…FUCK!!!!!

#seblaine fic #blaine anderson #sebastian smythe #mcu inspired

[melanieph321]

Brace yourself people for another Antony x reader!!

Tattoo Part 1 - Antony x Reader

Summary - A two part series where Antony is a friend of a friend who owns a tattoo shop. It's where you go to get your first tattoo and the two of you really hit it off. You later meet at a party where the two of you hook up.

Enjoy!

You stood outside of the tattoo shop. It was late. The street lights had just turned on. Your friends number lit up the display as your phone buzzes in your hand.

"Hello?...Where are you?..What do you mean you're not coming?...I can't go in there on my own. What if I pass out?

You sighed once you hung up. Your friend was stuck at work, the same work you just fought to get out of.

After some anxious thought you decide to enter the shop, a bell ringing above your head as you do.

"Hello?"

The shop looked closed since it was empty of people, although low music was heard playing in the distance.

"Anybody here?" The sound of your heels echoed as you crossed the room in search of a person.

"In hear." A voice shouted, a male voice.

"Where?" You frowned, having a hard time locating the voice.

"Around back."

You walked around back, to what appeared to be the shops darkroom. The walls were covered in inked art and a tattoo bed was set up in the middle of the room. The music was louder in here but not loud enough to enjoy you. There was movement in the corner of your eye. You turned your head and was met by a man dressed in black.

"Hi."

His hair was bleached blonde and several tattoos covered his rolled up sleeves.

"Hi,  I'm Antony, you must be Luna's friend..."

"Y/N" you said shaking the hand he offered you. He had a firm grip, but soft as he wore rubber gloves.

"Nice to meet you Y/N. I just finished laying out the sketches you sent me. I'm ready to go if you are?" He eyed the tattoo bed for you to take a seat. You did so reluctantly.

"So where do you want it?" He said, getting straight to business by pulling a chair up to where you sat.

"Well I don't want any one at work to see. So somewhere that's not visible, perhaps just above my rib cage but along side, just underneath my arm.

Antony raised a brow.

"I just really don't want anyone to see it." You chuckled.

"As you wish, but you're gonna have to get undressed for that."

"Excuse me?" You frowned, watching him load his ink pen.

"Well, how else am I gonna be able to get to the spot?" He said, ink pen ready in his hand.

"Oh, right." You blushed.

"Just lift up your shirt and unhook your bra, that should be enough. "

You were a bit taken back by how bluntly he spoke to you, as if you were another patient at the dentist or something. Slowly you lifted up your shirt to the point where your breast began. Antony showed no reaction to the fact that you wore no bra. Your shirt didn't require one since the rough fabric helped cover your nipples anyhow.

"Just move your arm a bit." He said,  directing how you should sit, almost like a photographer, making you pose in front of the camera.

"You can rest your arm behind your head.  Bring it down whenever you get tired."

"You must do this alot huh?" You said, in attempt to lighten the mood. However Antony was none-responsive, shrugging your words away. This didn't help, especially since you could feel yourself freaking out a bit as the sound of the ink pen got closer to your ear.

"Why are you shaking?"

Everything paused for a second. No music and no sound of the ink pen.

You realize that you had been squinting your eyes shut and open them to find Antony starring down at you where you lay on the tattoo bed.

"I'm sorry I..." you were quick to sit, your shirt sliding down your belly. "I think this was a bad idea, I should probably..." You attempted to jump off the tattoo bed, but carefully, since you didn't want to break your heels. But that's when you felt a hand around your wrist, Antony's arm.

"It's your first tattoo, isn't it?"

It was intense, the way his eyes held your gaze. They made you crumble.

"Is it that obvious." You said, your gaze shifting to the floor.

"You should have told me."

Antony let's go of your wrist and you look up to see him flash a shy smile at you.

"I probably should have. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Just lay back down and I'll take it slow."

You did as he said, for some reason seduced by the way he ordered you around. There was no resuming of the music, it was replaced by the sound of Antony's hand on your skin and his rubber gloves rolled up the hem of your shirt, stopping at your breast, revealing a hint of underboob.

"I'm turning on the pen now." He said, preparing you for what's to come.

"Okay." You whispered. The sound made you jump a little. However Antony didn't move a muscle until he felt you relax again.

"I'm going to put it to your skin now."

You nodded your answer, too busy squinting your eyes, bracing for impact.

"Ahh." You weezed, as there was a burning sensation.

"Just tell me to stop and I'll stop. " He said. And for some reason you really believed him. You were sure enough that a man like him would never lie to you. Ever.

The session went on without interruption. Despite the horrific first impression, Antony had made you feel really comfortable and the result showed that he was a really talented tattoo artist.

"Can you stand in those?" He said, referring to your heels. He help you up from the tattoo bed as you felt a little lightheaded getting up by yourself.

"Probably not." You chuckled. To your surprise Antony bent down to remove your heels, one foot at the time. You were so moved by the action that you were stunned for words. However Antony just smiled and asked if he could get you some water.

"Yes please." You said and made sure to text your friend to come pick you up.

Once you downed the glass of water you were good to go. Your friend was waiting for you in her car parked down the street. All that was left to do was for you to pay for the tattoo.

"No charge." Antony said, refusing to take the money you offered to him at the door.

"What? Why?" You frowned. Had you been that bad of a costumer, you thought.

"The first one is always free of charge. That's how I get my costumers to come back." He winked.

"Okay." You said confused, but waved him goodbye as you made your way towards your friends car.

"So how was it?" She asked, firing up the engine, driving away.

"Horrible." You sighed. If it wasn't for Antony you would have passed out forsure.

#fanfiction #antony #antony santos #manchester united #manchester utd #antony x reader

[quickspinner]

hey, i was that anon ages ago about how you inspired me to be less judgy. i've been involving myself more into supporting art/gifs/fics/etc (at any level or stage of creation) as much as i can, and doing my best to be leaving comments on everything i read, or reblog and say smth nice in the tags.

i wanted to say thank YOU, bc i see strength in your kindness and it's helped me practice that kind strength.

i've also been binging the way you write luka. i'm super in love with how you write luka. my favorite parts of how you write him is his internal dialogue, and it helped me get through a long flight to college.

thank you again and i am very sorry if i offended or made you upset like my last ask did (i am not very sure. if it did, my genuine apologies, as i didn't mean it in such a way. i also promise i'm not putting you on a pedestal, as you are human)

Oh my friend I am so sorry if you thought I was offended! That wasn't my intention at all and my inability to take a compliment is not your fault. 😂 I'm so grateful for your good opinion and your grace for my less than stellar moments.

It makes me so happy to hear you're putting positivity and support out there! I know it means so much to the people receiving it (including me!). It can really be a challenge especially when your emotional batteries are low, so gold star for stepping out there! ⭐️ I hope it comes back around to you when you need it most.

I'm so glad you like the internal dialogue, I really love getting inside Luka's head and working out how he would react to things, and what we know from canon and what we can conjecture based on that, and exploring all the possibilities. Reasoning out how a person with this list qualities would respond in various situations is one of the really fun parts of fanfic I think.

Good luck with college, friend, I don't know whether you're just starting or if you're in the middle of the whole mess, but when it gets rough remember that it's only one stage of your life! I had a really hard time in college so I always like to put that reminder out there. 😁 It's important but it's NOT all there is to life and you will have many, many more accomplishments, successes, and failures in your life than what those four (or five, or six, or however many it takes) years can hold.

Wishing you strength and endurance for your endeavors, and thank you so much for your kind words. 💜

#quickanswers #personal

[missmonsters2]

Hi, it's sharky. Sooo, this month's been wild. I found a pregnant cat, brought her to my house, she had the kittens, and all of them died, too. Apparently she did have an owner who happens to be my neighbour, and I tell him, politely, to go fuck off because if her kitty was starved, with parasites and so roughed up then he's not a good owner.

She appeared dead the next day outside my apartment, with foam in the mouth. So I buried them all, made stones for their graves and cried. I saw him the other day and he fucking SMILED. We started arguing and I told him that he was a fucking coward and all kinds of stuff as you can imagine (he did his part too, bro just freestyled me all the insults he knew) and he fucking hit me Van. And this bitch is american but my mom was latin so it's entra cuchillo sale tripa. So I hit him back, called the cops on him and sat down and cried again because I cant seem to keep my stuff inside. I'm definitely pressing charges if he ever as much as looks my way but I'm tired asf and honestly my month is just going horribly.

My dad died. He killed himself. He left a letter where he said he was sorry he couldn't be a better father. I should'nt feel like this, not when he did the things he did, I know it, but I still cried.

(Can we go back to me fighting my neighbour I never thought I'd pvp my neighbour honestly it's just sO WILD😭)

The date went well. Super well, actually. She took me in a picnic. She knows I like to paint, so she bought my art stuff and we went to some kind of place in the middle of nowhere I don't even know, and the drive was soo long but so worth it. I loved it. We ate and I painted all the little things I found beautiful.

I had max 7 hours of sleep.. through the whole week- I haven't felt with all the energy to do stuff with Charlie so I just kind of texted her that I didn't feel my best to do stuff together but it wasn't anything she did, I just had to sort out all my shit and well. I feel like if I do as much as look at her I'll break down and we're just starting to get to know eachother, I don't want to fuck this up. I miss my bestie so much too. I just know she'd help me sort out all of this together and I miss her. Ever since she died (a year ago already?) I feel like I can't normally deal with my stuff, you know? Anyways. Tell your bestie you love them and give them a tight tight hug. Love you Van, I hope you have a great day and btw I loved mirror mirror's epilogue!

-🦈

sharkyyyy ):

I'm so sorry such awful things have happened to you lately!

It saddens me to hear about all the difficulties you've been going through this month.

It's okay to feel a mix of emotions, even when it comes to your father, who wasn't a good dad. Grief is a complex, and it's completely normal to have conflicting feelings like crying!

As for your neighbor, I wish them ill! It's so crazy and unexpected, I hope you're not too shaken up. It's important to prioritize your safety and well-being, so i'm glad you called the cops!

The picnic sounds so lovely along with painting! Definitely some of my fave activities too.

I hope you've been sleeping more. I hope charlie has been understanding about the tough time you're going through. If it seems like she is, I would try to lean on her a bit during this rough time since she seems to want to be there for you! I'm sorry to hear about yoru bestie, but I hope you still have people you can turn to in person during this time. I hope charlie, your mom, and your friends give you a tight, tight hug and forehead kisses 🥺🥺🥺

Wishing you well & happiness bestie <3

#mm: answered #🦈 anon

[ceadgearst]

I'm trying to help myself (long verse, long poem)

Ceadgearst

TW: mentions of self harm, mental health issues

Idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk

Idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk

Idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk

I

decay

Where I stay

Watch me rot away in your face

I'm a waste I'm the waste

I stand on top of the world

With my favorite girl

And I twirl her around

There is music I can't hear a sound

Except for our heartbeats or maybe if she happens to speak

She gets me weak I feel so meek I rumble underneath

With my tongue inside her cheek

I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish

For what I had

I am glad but now I am sad

I am mad at myself for that gross negligence of wealth

Not in gold

but in good

I had everything I should

And I could've done more

So? Poor me

I weep in jealousy

I feel in envy of all I see

All the homies that don't talk to me

Sometimes I wonder what I could be if I never had to bleed

I wonder what it's like I think about it like a greed

I wish I was freed

But I'm always bound by something

But at the same time my wrists will remind me of the binds

Just like the pain in the back of my spine

Or my experiences uniquely mine

I wish I was fine

but I'm looking for a status quo that I don't actually know

I wish I could sit in the snow

And just lay there surrounded by a sea

That blends into me like light on a shadow

I'm glad though

that I've seen what I've seen sometimes because I can't mistake life for a dream

I see the cognation and the machine

The violence and the beauty seen

It makes me wanna scream because everything is a contradiction at it's seam

Do you dream?

Did you have a good dream?

I had a good one

We were basking in the sun

and we went to the lake and had a lot of fun

I can still taste your lips, the gloss, the caprisun

Did you think that I was done?

I'm only getting started

The way God drew you is the best art he ever did

I love you from head to shin

Beyond and in

When I look at you my future begins

I feel like you're my lucky girl at cards, when you're there I'm in

You came from the stars

I guess we all did but it's more apparent with you

it's true

there's something inside you stronger than glue

I feel the spirit in you and I just feel blessed by you

Ooo

I just love you

Delirious

I'm curious if I'm all that serious

Near to this thought is maybe that I'm not

if there was a shot

I would take it yeah not

My dad was named dot

and I hope he gets shot

He's everything I'm not and I'm actually pretty grateful cause he's a pretty hateful

guy I seen the devil in his eyes

Maybe I hope he dies

But part of me hopes he'll pull up to me with a burger and some fries

And say "sorry for all those years of lies"

But I would be too surprised so I'd probably expire and then my dad's engine would catch on fire

Me going somewhere and him going down

I don't know the fate of me the clown

There's others I can dam cause I know they're evil fucks

But when I weigh myself either way I don't feel enough

So maybe I'll just be a ghost or some stuff

That would be rough but it would be enough for me to read the newspaper

And ask all the questions about the tomorrow of later

I don't know, I'm rambling unstable

It's 3:48 it's pretty late but I gotta be up for some stuff around 7

I wish there was heaven but all I see is earth

The sky and it's girth

The sun in it's worth

The dirt the roots the earth's tooth

The rocks I tossed

like the stars when crossed

I lost my why somewhere down the line

so I confine myself to what I think is fine

This is mine

Cause there's nothing here

But empty fears and anxieties

Clothing stuck in the nineties

I smile kindly and then the memories remind me

Why I have no parents and I do my own arrends

Everyone talks to me how far it is to drive

When I walk everywhere just to keep alive

To get food to eat

A job to scorn

I get torn in half

And then I laugh like everyday

These emotions never stay

Just like the seasons I always change

But lately it feels like global warming isn't it strange

A flow of conscious I'm honest in what I think when I write with no ink simply sitting somewhere where I can think and breathe and talk to myself with ease

I've been alone for too long

I can't keep singing the song that's just wrong that hurts the ones I love but I just don't get it just because I think I do enough but I struggle to understand love

There is pain in something that'll you'll never read

There is life in every seed

That the crows pick up when they need to feed

October is my favorite month maybe just because I found my love then and that's enough

In my past years Octobers were so rough

But now with her I just feel so much love

I never want it to stop

But I don't want to scare her

Away

I want to keep her to stay

I want to lay with her all day

Pray to who you believe

The honest god, not the one that thieves

I feel the rain in my knees in my nose

The smell white people act like they don't know

The older I get the more I see my mom in my face

It makes me cry when I waste

huh

#poetry #original poem #poem

[kenkaodoll]

Kamiya Dojo Monogatari Tales 33 (JUMP SQ)

About Kamiya Dojo Monogatari:

Tales of Kamiya dojo is written by Kaoru Kurosaki and published along with the “Rurouni Kenshin Hokkaido” arc in JUMPSQ. The tale involves the Rurouni Kenshin character in daily life that takes time between Kenshin and Kaoru marriage until the epilogue chapter in the original manga before the Hokkaido Arc. Until this month (May 2022) there are a total 54 chapters in Tales of Kamiya dojo. This is an unofficial translation.

Previous Story: https://kenkaodoll.tumblr.com/post/683679430411943936/kamiya-dojo-monogatari-tales-32-jump-sq

“I'm sorry about this,”

Kenshin responded. Yahiko gasped again in surprise.

The man with the purse!

When he couldn't follow him at the police station, he thought it was over, but then, by some strange coincidence, he was holding out to them a copy of Jules Verne's "Around the World in Eighty Days".

Kenshin received the book.

“I guess you’re accomplished in both the literary and military arts.”

The man in the kimono looks at the reverse-blade sword strapped to Kenshin's waist.

“I have a request from my wife, that I have.”

Kenshin smiled and replied, but Yahiko's feelings were disturbed to the core.

“It is indeed a civilized world that your wife enjoys reading such French and Western translations.”

“Well, my wife is also being accomplished in the literary and military arts.”

“The author is famous for his outlandish stories, including one about a trip to the moon world.”

“Like Kaguya Hime?”

“I don't know what kind of story it is because it hasn't been translated into Japanese yet and I haven't read it myself because I don't speak French. I hear that it is quite popular.”

The man in the kimono and Kenshin were friendly chatting . Only Yahiko's heart was uneasy.

This man had a deadly poison in his purse. We should catch him right now. No, that's not going to happen.

Yahiko's thoughts whirled around in his head.

The words he had heard when he found the deadly poison wrapped in oiled paper inside the purse came back to him vividly.

Megumi had said at that time.

“There are only two ways to use poison. Either you kill someone or you die.”

If this man who was chatting with Kenshin in front of him was trying to kill someone and had poison, he should grab him and force him to let go of the poison package even if he had to be a little rough with him. But if he was about to die.... There was no point in being rough with him. There were plenty of ways to commit suicide.

Yahiko's head was on the verge of boiling over. He did not know what to do.

Even if he wanted to talk to Kenshin about it, he would not be able to tell him in front of this man. However, it would be strange to drag him into the shadows and ask him for advice.

“You are very lucky to have a good wife. Moreover, I can’t believe you’re going to have a child soon. I wish I could share in your happiness,” he praised Kenshin.

Hearing this, Yahiko involuntarily thought to himself.

Why are you boasting about your love life when I’m so distressed!

The man must be a good listener. A normal Kenshin would not talk about his family so easily.

“Oh yeah, I've been doing this sort of thing for a while now.”

“Oro?”

Kenshin received a leaflet from the man.

"The Small bird association Speech Meeting" includes the location, date, and time of the popular speech meetings of the day.

“Please come. We must make this world a better place for the children who will be born in the future. I hope to change the world for a better place for them than a world that is convenient for only a few powerful people.”

Here it is! Yahiko snatched the leaflet.

“I'm interested. Kenshin, take me to the speech meeting!”

Is this man trying to kill someone else or is he trying to die himself? We don't know that. But it is one or the other. Either way, I can't leave him alone.

Yahiko felt that even if he didn't know what to do, he should at least get involved with this man as much as he could.

“Oro? Yahiko, since when have you been interested in freedom and civil rights, that you have?”

Kenshin looked at Yahiko doubtfully.

“Ah, no… uhh ..”

Yahiko was flustered. He had no idea what the speech meeting was about.

“It says small birds association on it. I thought the name "swallow" would be nice.”

“Oh, you've got a good eye!”

The man broke into a smile.

“There is a folklore in "ancient Chinese" that said, "How can a small bird understand the aspirations of great bird"**. It means, "the commoners like a swallow or a sparrow  cannot understand the aspiration of a big bird like the hero". The Meiji Restoration was accomplished by the aspirations of the big birds. But politics is not only for big birds, it is also for us small birds living on the streets. That's why I named our organization "Small birds association". We want suffrage for all the people of the country. We aim to establish a constitution to protect the rights of the people and not allow the government to be tyrannical.”

Apparently, the man was an activist in the civil liberties movement.

“Does uncle speak at these meetings?”

The leaflet says the speakers "Rokkakubashi Wataru" and "Kishine Michinaga.

“Yes, that's right. My name is Rokkakubashi Wataru over here.”

“My name is Myojin Yahiko.”

He told his name, so Yahiko quickly returned his.

“Yahiko-kun, please come to the next speech. You must be accompanied by a parent or guardian.”

“Oh, okay. Will you go with me, Kenshin?”

“I don't mind, that I do.”

“Then it's decided! I'll buy the book and go home.”

Yahiko walked swiftly to the back of the store and called for the clerk who was serving the customers.

・

“Can you tell me the reason?”

Kenshin asked Yahiko in a quiet tone as they left the bookstore.

“Yes, I wanted to talk to you about it, but I couldn't tell you in that place.”

Yahiko told him that the man called Rokkakubashi was the owner of the purse.

“Megumi said that there are only two ways to use poison: to kill someone or to die yourself. He doesn't look like he’s going to kill himself, so I think he’s trying to kill someone else.”

“It is not good to assume so easily, that it is.”

“Besides, Rokkakubashi Wataru sounds like an alias.”

“As for the family name, there are a surprisingly large number of people who change their names after the Meiji Restoration, that I know of. For example, Saito Hajime is now called Fujita Goro, isn't he?”

“That means there is a possibility that he might have been a manslayer at the Bakumatsu.”

“I told you that it is not easy to judge. In my eyes, he was not such a bad person, that he was not.”

“Anyway, he's got a deadly poison in his purse right now, and I'm going to have to see how he uses it.”

“Then, there is even a possibility that he will use it right now, that he will.”

At Kenshi’s point, Yahiko shouted, 

“Ah! You’re right!”

I screwed up. Yahiko was in a hurry.

He should have rubbed his wallet while Kenshin and Rokkakubashi were chatting in the bookstore. Well, it was too late to do anything about it now.

“What if he kills someone?”

“Hmm. Then, shall we go after him, that we should?”

He was still in the bookstore.

If he waited, Rokkakubashi would appear in not much time.

That's what he thought.

No matter how long he waited, Rokkakubashi did not come out of the store.

Yahiko, getting impatient, went back into the bookstore and asked the clerk about the man's whereabouts.

“I've seen that customer looking at groceries,” he replied.

The bookstore and the general store were in the same building, but had separate entrances and exits. It seems that Yahiko, who was watching the entrance of the bookstore, didn't see him leave the store through another door.

“Once again, I’ve missed him!”

Yahiko couldn't help but raise his voice.

“I can only hope that nothing will happen, that it is.”

Then.

“Oh, Ken-san.”

They turned around and Megumi was there.

“Why are you here?”

Yahiko had been frustrated because things were not going his way and spoke harshly to her.

“Oh, a fine thing to say. I came all the way to the Nihonbashi area for you.”

Megumi laughed meaningfully.

“For me?”

“I went to Takiya to ask about the deadly poison.”

Takiya is a drug wholesaler who is believed to be the source of the deadly poison.

“I didn't think it would be easy to divulge customer information, but we have an old friendship, and I thought it was a bad idea. Besides, I asked you not to mention the poison to the police for my own convenience. But then I thought about it. Someone is trying to kill someone else or die by themselves, and that fact will never change. So, if I could stop him using the poison. It would be some kind of atonement for my sins. I thought of something out of character, even for me.”

“So, did you find out who bought it?”

“Yes, I did. It seems he was not Takiya's regular customer, so they told me briefly. But I only knew his name. If he is a regular, they would know who he is, but they don't tell you. If he is not a regular, they can tell you the name, but no more. I'm not a good detective.”

Megumi smiled bitterly.

“That guy's name! Isn't he called Rokkakubashi?”

“What? No, it's not. The name on the account book was Kishine Michinaga ”

“I see. Wasn't it Rokkakubashi?”

Yahiko was disappointed.

But Kenshin.

“!”

He took out the leaflet that Rokkakubashi had given him earlier and looked at it intently.

“This... This is him, isn't it?”

On the leaflet, it says the speakers are Rokkakubashi Wataru and Kishine Michinaga.

“It's true! Hmm? But Rokkakubashi had the deadly poison and Kishine bought it. Does that mean these two are conspiring to kill someone?”

Yahiko explained to Megumi, who did not know what was going on, what had happened so far.

“I'll expose them at the speech meeting!”

Yahiko clenched his fists.

Notes: *)Jules Verne : French author, his work ‘Around the World in Eighty Days’ was first translated into Japanese in 1878.

*)Kaguya Hime: The Legend of Princess Kaguya

*)How can a small bird understand the aspirations of great bird: Only hero understand hero

*)Bakumatsu: the end of the Edo period.

*)Nihonbashi: shopping district in Tokyo

.…..continue in chapter 34…… https://kenkaodoll.tumblr.com/post/684041390726987776/kamiya-dojo-monogatari-tales-34-jump-sq

TLnote(1): translating Japanese is so hard because the sentence structure is very different compared with the English also the style of writing is different, plus there’s a lot of figurative, poetic language and things that sounds not making sense if it’s directly translated into english. So forgive me if this is very weird to read, and please tell me if you want give corrections. TLnote(2) I will provide the original Japanese text for correction if any of you who read have better knowledge of Japanese language. Just dm and I’ll send the file. TLnote(3) Dtninja had translated some earlier chapters in his website. You can go and check on there.

#Kamiya Dojo Monogatari #Tales of Kamiya Dojo #rurouni kenshin #ruroken #Himura Kenshin #Myoujin Yahiko #Takani Megumi #himura family #kenkao #Kenshin keep praising his wife #unofficial translation #kaoru kurosaki #kurosaki kaoru

[memorydragon]

re "what kind of writer am i" very agree with pain and help me. Love your fics so much!!! Also your characterisation is on point! Taking this as an excuse to shower you with praise and love for your art, your work is so amazing and every day I'm happy it exists and want to thank you for sharing it.

It has been so long since you sent this, and it's my fault entirely. I've been keeping the message to look at, since allos have been policing my fics again (I've mislabled a fic as slash when it should be gen despite there being a literal scene of post-coitus pillow talk, but what do I know, I'm aro/ace). So thank you, really, this message got me through a rough patch.

You still probably don't go here, but you hoped they'd understand each other, so have a bit of Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue... having more issues. XD

"I've been thinking about what you said," Nie Mingjue said, his arm dropping to wrap around Lan Xichen's waist. "About not wanting sex."

"I..." Nie Mingjue hadn't believed him. Had Nie Huaisang said something? With his back to Nie Mingjue's chest, Lan Xichen could feel his heart beat, solid and steady. The ends of his ribbon was trapped between them, and the realization made his ears burn.

"You accepted who I am," Nie Mingjue said. "And I admit it will be... challenging. But I would like to try."

Lan Xichen froze, barely able to breathe.

"Not sex," Nie Mingjue corrected with a curse. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I want to try a relationship again, without sex."

"But you..."

Nie Mingjue sighed, then shrugged, pulling Lan Xichen closer. "It's not like I can't get myself off when I want to. But compared to not having you... Xichen, Let's try this again, okay?"

He had missed this. The soft kisses, being held, being loved. Having someone who could take off his forehead ribbon and handle him without restraint. He couldn't give anyone a proper relationship, but he still felt so greedy wanting the intimacy. If he'd heard those words in the past, would things have been different? Would he have been able to keep this?

But this wasn't the past.

"Xichen?"

He pulled away from Nie Mingjue's embrace and faced him. "Thank you, Mingjue-xiong."

Nie Mingjue frowned. "What's with the thanks? there's no need."

Shaking his head, Lan Xichen smiled. "No, those words... They made me so happy." Cangse Sanren had gotten a happy relationship, despite being like him. Maybe for others, there could be the intimacy and love, but Lan Xichen didn't deserve it.

"I wish... I wish I'd been able to hear those words before," he said softly, still smiling. "Maybe things would be different."

"Xichen, what... Has someone hurt you?" Nie Mingjue's hand went to Baxia's hilt, ready to hunt down anyone who dared.

"You won't believe me," Lan Xichen said ruefully. "But I don't deserve this. You were right. I do trust too easily. I was the reason you were killed."

It was almost a relief to finally admit it.

The troubles of time travel are that scars that haven't happened yet still can't be erased. XD Also, remember kids, Lan Xichen is going through a rough timeline and his thoughts are not currently healthy. It's not greedy to want a relationship and intimacy. Sex is not a requirement for a relationship.

I've been debating doing another pause to type, but honestly, I'm getting into proper Gusu Trauma parties as the war starts and that's fun. XD

#Thank you again for the really kind message #It did help a lot #thegoldenavenger #mo dao zu shi #Mem's fic #mdzs #Time Traveled and Traumatized #And he's definitely traumatized #3Zun dynamics are too much for him to sort out at this time #and how they end up... also concerns Jiggy #And the scene towards the end of this bitch of a fic that is the reason I'm writing this #I'm actually almost to writing his first meeting with Meng Yao in this timeline #which is gonna be fun #Lan Xichen is stabbed and feverish and thinks he's talking to his Jin Guangyao #and why did you toss me to the side rather than taking me to mutual suicide with Resentful Energy Corpse Nie Mingjue? #while poor Meng Yao is gets all of his sins from the previous time line thrown in his face before he's even done them

[tolbachik]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well :D

Yeah, sun sets really early here as well. When I drive into school it’s still dark, and once I get out the sun’s already setting. I wish there was a way to have the temperature of winter, but the daylight hours of fall or spring lol

Latin is a whole lot of fun! I’ve been studying for 3 years now. I still have a little ways to go, but I should be ready for the seal of biliteracy exam by this spring :] I think I only have to learn future tense and a couple more tenses of participles

I hope you feel better soon! I’m so glad you got to use your telescope again, that sounds so cool! Astronomy is such a fascinating topic. I never got much into it because I was so intimidated by how large of a topic it was, so I always held a great respect for people who are into it. How’d you get into astronomy, if you don’t mind my asking?

Thanks for checking out Talking Heads and King Crimson for me :D Both of them were kinda intimidating for me at first because of how large their discographies were. If you like Fripp’s guitar work on Giles, Giles, and Fripp then you’ll definitely like 80’s King Crimson, the genres are very different but Fripp’s guitar work still has the very distinctive and, for the lack of a better word, Frippy (Frippish? Frippesque?) sound to it. Fripp actually played lead guitar on the Talking Heads song I Zimba, and you can really hear it throughout the track. Once again showing how seemingly every musician is connected lol

Unfortunately I couldn’t find that Neurovision extended release, but I’ll continue my search tomorrow! This morning I listened to Wonderful World and I especially liked the tracks Second Hand, Vertigo, and Radio-Radio, but the whole album was amazing! I can definitely hear how it had a different sound from Neurovision, but I still really liked it. Some of the tracks reminded me of something one of my friends would listen to, so I almost wonder if they played Telex in the past and I just didn’t realize it. I’ll have to ask them about it the next time I see them!

I checked out your art blog and it’s all super cool! I didn’t reblog anything so I wouldn’t reveal my identity, but once December is over I’ll definitely go back and give those well deserved likes and reblogs :D All of your paintings are really nice, I especially liked the Titan and Saturn one. The global worming piece had me giggling, I’m a sucker for a good pun!

Also, I wasn’t sure where to put this, but I’d love to hear about your novel, if you wouldn’t mind sharing. I hope you have a good day/night! :]

- 🎲

Hello again! Same to you, I hope you've had a good day!

Aw man, that sounds real rough; I'm sorry you have to go through that! I hope that you can find some nice ways to get through the lack of sun, no matter how small it is. You've got this!

That's great to hear, I'm proud of you! Congrats on coming so far with all that, I can only imagine how much effort you put into all of that. What's your favorite thing about Latin, and what made you decide to get into it? And, lastly, did you read the Cambridge Latin Course at all? That's what I had read for my Latin studies, and I still remember all the characters very vividly lol

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words! That's totally fair, and honestly? The scale of things unnerves me still sometimes! Like, when I first captured the Andromeda galaxy through my telescope, I had to go in just because of how creepy it was. Also, I've had a love for space and space exploration for as long as I can remember! According to my mom, I was interested when I was 3, and it's just kinda grown since then!

Of course, I'm looking forward to it once I have the time! I've kinda kept away from bigger and more popular bands for no real reason, so I'm excited! Thank you again for all the suggestions, I appreciate it. Ooh, that's good! I really liked their earlier stuff, so it definitely'll be exciting to see what they kept, and how they evolved as they moved on. It's really nice to see how many musicians got together and helped each other out, isn't it? Aww, checking now, I think it did get taken down. It's really hard finding Telex b-sides, unfortunately! I do have the CD ripped to my computer though, if you'd ever like me to send you a copy! I'm so glad you liked it! Also, I can't wait to hear if it was them or not; it's always interesting to see if you actually have heard a band in the past before or not!

Aww, thank you for checking it out & all the kind words! I really wish I had the energy to get back into it, I really enjoyed just sitting down and painting landscapes. I have so many ideas, so maybe someday! And I totally understand; no worries! Do you like to do art, write, or anything like that?

Thank you for asking! I'm incredibly shy sharing it with anybody, but long story short, I've been working on a hard sci-fi book series revolving around an alien race's journey through history, and finding their place in the universe. I'm only partially through one book so far, and I've got like 7 planned total. It's going to be a long and tough process, but it's something I'm very passionate about & looking forward to completing!

I hope you have a great rest of your day! Take care!

#my posts #asks #srs23 #cube #🎲 #also i do know it's a die i just think calling it a cube is funny

[bigsusreview]

LONG SEASON - Review #7

🎵 drugs drugs 🎵

song-wise, the word "long" can be a bit ambiguous. to some people, a "long" song is 6 minutes or more. to others, maybe 10 minutes is a good mark. for Fishmans, 35 minutes is where they decide to draw the line. what the fuck. to be fair, it's split up into 5 distinct sections, but it still comes together as a piece to be heard in one sitting. personally, i suggest turning all your lights off and listening with headphones at night for the best experience. that advice would be awfully convenient if i was a serial killer. unfortunately, i am not a serial killer. so, like, go fuck yourself or something.

structuring this like one of my other reviews isn't really possible here so i think i'm just gonna kinda ramble for a while. hopefully that's not too annoying.

psychedelic music has been a recent interest of mine, with King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard being my main introduction along with a couple bits and pieces from Radiohead and Car Seat Headrest. so at this point, i'd already warmed up to the idea of incredibly long epics as well as listening to something for a distinct vibe instead of just a jam i can toss into a playlist. i decided to listen to LONG SEASON because i want to eventually listen to 98.12.28 all the way through. just kind of a pep-talk track, right? right????? it's not like it would completely change my perception of certain kinds of music overnight, right???????

well, i don't think it was that insane, but it was still very impactful. my only regret is not listening to it sooner. i really could've used it more a couple weeks ago, honestly. sorta been in a rough spot mentally since the last review, but i've been feeling better as of this week, so that's good.

anyway, back to the song. it's extremely hard to describe any of it due to just how... magical it feels? it's like a piece of music like this shouldn't exist, yet it does. it's able to make you remember every good and even not-so-good time you've had with those you love or just by yourself. i wish i could explain the way i feel about this in a better way, but i really can't. all i can say is to please give this a listen even if you're intimidated by it. if you still don't feel like giving it a shot, i've got another piece of advice, sort of. it's more like an observation, but i think it may help anyway.

LONG SEASON has made me realize something. music can be art, yes. i've known that. music has no bounds, yes. i've known that, too. but now i know that music can test you. this song tests your endurance. it's not a difficult test, really, but it is a test. if you pass it, you're rewarded. however, passing doesn't mean just "getting through" it. you have to pay attention and really give the track a chance. and the reward for doing so in this case is something i think can only be described as bliss. this one is blissful. yeah, that works.

if you still don't get it, fair enough, everyone has their preferences, but i really do just want people to hear this one. i don't think what i've written has done it justice, exactly, but it's how i feel right now. at this rate, i really can't wait to hear the live version.

favorite tracks:

LONG SEASON

overall score: i'm still not putting a number on this, but it's really really amazing out of 10

again, sorry for the sporadic nature of this one. i listened to this track just the other day for the first time and have already listened another two times since. i'm not sure what i'm gonna do next, as these reviews are kinda getting harder and harder to write, so i might just do something a bit easy and potentially short.

#album review #long season #fishmans #neo psychedelia

[wolfgangvomitiger]

About Last Night

Crash!! Kersskkkh! Whrrrrrr!

Ben jolts awake. Raises his head.

Big mistake. Room spins.

Phone rings. Loud in his ear

Ben rolls off the bed. Phone rings again. He looks around and no roommates. Phone still rinngs! He grabs the reciever. Buzzz. Ben looks at the clock 10:28 a.m. Looks at the Time Management Calender which reads:

Monday, Oct. 28 Critique 2D- 8:30 a.m.

Fuck!

Cut to:

Ben stumbles into classroom carrying only his 2D painting and his back pack.

The classroom is empty except for an old man in a creaky old chair. It creaks as he turns to look at Ben.

"Hello there, ah- Bill."

"It's Ben, by the way."

"Apologies, apologies, so many come through here and I donot really recall names but never forget a face. Or a smell."

"That's okay. Where is everybody?"

"Ah, yes", McGovern said, "Class has been cancelled. But for a rumor and a will o' the wisp."

Ben looks puzzled.

"What?"

"Did you not hear? A student was attacked by a monster from a children's story. And several got caught with contraband in the dorms. Where were you last night at about eleven thirty?"

"Yeah well- I had a rough night. I have a- medical condition. My parents call it "night terrors" but lately I think-"

Flashes: The rats. Wolf growling. Alice puts her hand out and blue and white light shoots out.

"You're not the only one," McGovern said.

"You had a rough night, too?"

"Oh. Not me," McGovern said, "I had a nice dinner with my wife, we shared some brandy and went to bed around ten. Slept through the night. Woke up to the news to find a bear had attacked my school and a fire broke out in one of the dorms."

"A bear? A fire? What?! Where?" Ben asked alarmed.

"Please. Have a seat. You looked- overburdoned."

Ben puts down his gear and sits heavily onto one of the stools. He scratches his head, ruffles his hair which is sticky and spiky.

"I need a shower"

Flash forward: Ben, Alice stand under a public fountain soaked to the skin. He kisses her.

"The authorities are saying arson may be the cause of the fire. Is there anything you wish to tell me, son?"

"About?"

Flash back: the Wolf runs down the street. Over head he hears a loud shriek. Looks up to see a blur of red, gold and green fly overhead.

"I didn't finish my piece. Gray Scale Geometric Shapes number 5. I fell asleep while-"

"Oh I don't mean the homework. Although you have plenty of time now to finish. I may just give everyone a passing grade on this one."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, between yourself and yours truly, I dislike this class. Its stifles the creative drive one must have to be an artist. We teach technique, how to apply paint and maintain deadlines. Tell me why did you choose this class?"

"It was required. I want to learn how to paint like Van Gogh or Monet or make concept paintings for movies and I'm not good at anything else. Drawing and art was always my escape from . . . Now it makes me-"

Ben looked down at his feet. Flashes of bus stop bullies, Wort hit him with a plastic whiffle bat, Eddie kicked him in the stomach, made him lick dog shit. He growled, gnashed his teeth and bit Wort on the ankle.

McGovern. Now.

"Believe it or not the great Masters used to be just like you only they had worse problems: plagues, the Spanish Inquisition, endless wars for land and gold."

Ben "We have all that shit its just covered up with entertainment and corporate bullshit. Sorry."

McGovern "You are not wrong. However-"

Michael rushed in at that moment.

Mike "Benji! There you are! I been looking all over for you." He saw McGovern and nodded.

Mike "Sorry, sir I didn't mean to intrude."

McG "Oh, I was about to leave. Have a lunch meeting soon. "

McGovern stood up and looked around at them.

"If you are looking for inspiration and a change of scenery, I recommend The Red Rook on Chestnut and 8th. Or stay and do some work. Here take this. Call if you need any help with a project or one of my rambling stories."

He chuckled and Ben took the business card just offered to him looked at it and lookrd up to see McGovern had exited.

Mike waved Ben over to follow him. They exit together.

They walked down the hall to the elevator and enter.

Ben looked at Mike.

"What's going on?"

"Ben, where were you all night?"

Ben "I was here working all night and then went to bed because my roommates were over at Munchie's."

Michael "Who?"

"The guy with the long hair. Dude is like our 5th roommate, really. We call him that because he always brings snacks for Kevin when he's-"

Mike. "Stoned? Did you smoke that shit last night? How could you sleep through everything?"

Ben. "You do it all the time."

Mike. "Come on, I have to show you something."

On the fourth floor balcony of Brimstone Hall, Ben stood and looked put over the courtyard and the dorms below.

Some windows on the floor below them are charred, smoke still rises from the debris. One of the windows appears to have been smashed open.

The dorms are all empty. Most of the students on the South Wing side went home or were out shopping or transferred to temporary housing.

Ben "What happened?"

Mike stood back from the railing his back against the wall. "They said no one was home in those dorms. All were out at the bars or at parties off campus."

Ben. "Where's Alice and Jodi?"

Michael. "That's why I came to find you. I thought maybe they were with you."

Ben. "Why?"

Mike. "Last thing Alice said to me last night was - she found you here and took you home. On the ground.

Ben. "Me? Why?"

Mike. "I thought you'd know. We parted ways after Song's party. I don't know what happened to them after that."

Ben "why didn't I wake up in her place?"

Mike shakes his head. He looks queasy. Wipes sweat from his brow.

Ben "Are you okay?"

Mike "Yeah... it's just

"Acrophobia. Fear of high places."

They turned to see J.T. perched on the roof over the door to the balcony.

Mike. "How long have you been up there."

"Long enough, Mikey, long enough."

[221bshrlocked]

Show Me Your True Colors

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Fem!Reader

Words: 14092 (I swear this was supposed to be a short oneshot but it got out of hand. I'm so so sorry.)

Warnings: 28% smut, 72% plot. Penetrative, unprotected sex (wrap the shlong before you king kong my dudes). Oral (male and female receiving). Fingering and Squirting due to overstimulation. Some dom/sub elements but not full-on. Creampie. Rough handling (e.g. hair-pulling, spanking, hand-binding, some more hair-pulling). I think that's all?!

Inspired by these posts [x] [x] and by this lovely artist. Thanks @danniburgh for humoring me with my thots.

A/N: I came back from my temporary hiatus to post this because I couldn't wait. And now I shall return to my little corner again. Sorry guys these school/administrative issues are taking longer to deal with so I'm for the most part still away. This is not beta'd. Let me know how I'm doing in the comments please and reblogs are always appreciated. Enjoy. And you can add yourself to the taglist here.

It’s such a different atmosphere, from what he remembers at least. It’s been so long since he stepped foot on a university campus, and he can’t help but smile at the spectrum of personalities all around him. While some students lounge underneath the trees and on the grass, others ran hastily to their courses. Those were probably freshmen.

As he makes his way through the campus, he has to look at his phone numerous times to figure out where exactly he was going. That’s definitely one thing he didn’t miss about being in school, the fact that he was shit in directions and how he almost always got lost during the beginning of each semester.

When he does finally find the art history department, he silences his phone and heads to the first office he can find.

“Good afternoon, my name is Nicola. How can I help you?”

“Hi Nicola, I’m here to see Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. I was wondering if you could direct me to her office please?” Marcus smiles as he unbuttons his suit jacket, not realizing that his FBI tag was now visible to the world.

“She’s currently in one of her lectures, you could-” Marcus follows Nicola’s line of sight when she grows quiet and groans when he sees that she noticed his FBI tag.

“Please, she’s not in trouble. I am part of the FBI Art Crime Team, and I’m actually coming to ask if we could get her professional opinion on an artifact. Just need her to consult on something.” He smiles at Nicola and waits for her expression to relax before he continues.

“Do you mind telling me which lecture hall she’s in?”

“Y-yes, she’s in H140. Make a right at the door and it’s the hall all the way at the end.”

“Thank you Nicola, have a good day.” Marcus nods at her before he buttons his jacket again to avoid any suspicious, terrified looks as he makes his way to the lecture hall. He walks quietly, avoiding the students walking past him as they exit the rooms. When he reaches the door, he turns the knob slowly to not make any noise, hoping that he wasn’t being too disruptive once he walks in. As he shuts it behind him and looks around, his eyes almost fall out of their sockets.

There are at least 250, maybe 300 students filling the seats of the room. He awkwardly smiles when some students look to the side and see him standing at the foot of the door. He quickly takes a seat and says nothing as the students return their attention to the large projected screen. Marcus hears what he assumes is your voice through the large speakers but he can’t place your position. As he looks at the projected images, he finally catches you through his peripheral vision as you step off the railing near the exit doors at the front of the room.

“Because of this association with the gods, many amulets used to ward off the evil eye include depictions of mythological figures and deities who are almost, if not always, female. To the Greeks and Romans, the most common fascinations with an evil eye were women in any shape or form. They were thought to have the most powerful and harmful gaze that might kill if eye contact was established. That’s basically me telling you to never look me in the eye or else I will curse the cow of your second cousin twice removed.” Laughter reverberates off the walls at your joke and only grows louder when you whisper, “just kidding...or am I?” Marcus can’t help but smile at your jokes, watching with fascination as you move up and down the stairs of one side of the lecture hall once you continue to speak.

“Now, I know what some of you are thinking...isn’t that a bit sexist? Well, to the ancients, no. And to us, it’s kind of a meh thing. I know that doesn’t sound very feminist of me but it all comes down to the culture and the ancient practices that carried over. Just remember that it wasn’t because they were women, it was because they were thought to be powerful...a glass half-full kinda thing.” Marcus watches you closely as you maintain your focus on the students before you switch the slide and stand in the middle of the stairway with your back towards the projector.

“So, we find goddesses such as Erinnyes or the Furies associated with the evil eye because of their avenging nature. Their heads were covered in serpents and their eyes were always bloodshot and one of the Furies by the name of Megaera was considered in late antiquity as the personification of envy and whose eyes were the most envious and deadly of all the Furies. She was described by poets as baskanon omma pherousa...bearing the evil eye. Naturally, many children in late antiquity constantly wore amulets of stone galactite to protect them from the eyes of Megaera, and sometimes even wore necklaces with her face on it to counteract the evil eye of someone else and have her curse the ones who tried to harm them. Basically, the ancients were playing a game of tag with the evil eye.” You descend the stairs and walk to the other side of the hall, and Marcus feels his chest tighten with how much confidence you exude, not just through your words but with how you carry yourself as well.

“Perhaps the most famous of these dangerous women is Medusa who was one of the Gorgones in Greek mythology. The Gorgones were one of many female beings such as the Harpies, the Erinnyes, the Graiae, and the Keres, who were said to be grim-faced, and who held horrible looks. Briefly, the story tells of how she was one of the most beautiful women to ever walk the earth and later became hateful-looking by Athena as punishment for being raped by Poseidon in the middle of the huntress’ temple. Her hair became serpents and she was so furious that anyone who would look at her would turn into stone...at least that is the version you will hear from the “all-knowing” male scholars within this field. But, and I know I’m going on a rant here, if you’re like me, you’re more likely to argue that Athena pretended to hate Medusa. The serpents were no punishment! The goddess looked at the poor woman and gave her a weapon to use against men because unfortunately, she couldn’t do anything to avenge her...not only because she didn’t get along with Poseidon but also because he was a god as well. Anyway, back to Medusa’s amazing power which I would love to have so I could use it whenever I’m talking to some professors in this department...don’t quote me on that.” Again, Marcus chuckles at your side commentary and notices how calm and enjoyable the atmosphere of the lecture is. If only he had professors like you when he was in university.

“Even after she was decapitated by Perseus, her powers were very much alive and it is said that Athena placed Medusa’s image on her shield, once Perseus returned it, in order to use it when she hunted. This suggests that depictions of her severed head held apotropaic power and like earlier, one could use a creature who held the power of the evil eye against another being who is said to use the evil eye. Following this principle of similia similibus, it is not surprising that most of the amulets found in Greece and Rome contained illustrations of Medusa’s decapitated head on them. What was once the possessor of the evil eye became a protective symbol against the very same thing.” Just as you are about to continue with the next image, an alarm goes off and Marcus frowns in shock at how inconsiderate it was that phones weren’t silenced. But his surprise only heightens when he sees you running down the steps to your desk and picking up the phone sitting in the middle of the table.

“Ahhhh man, we were just about to get to the cavalier. That’s okay. Remember, the second response is due first thing on Friday. If you can’t turn it in during class, shoot me an email and we can work something out with my TAs. Go forth my clever spawns!” Marcus stands up and glues himself to the wall when he sees students emptying the lecture hall, his eyes on your form at the front of the class. He hopes you don’t leave out of the front exit and begins to make his way to you through the multitude of undergrads leaving. When he reaches your desk, he stands to the side until you finish chatting with one of the students and begins to collect your work.

“Dr. Y/L/N?”

“Please, it’s just Y/N. Who are you and how can I help you today?” You almost do a double take when you look up from your bag and see the man standing in front of you. To say that you were starstruck by the man in front of you would have been the understatement of the century.

“I’m Special Agent Marcus Pike,” he holds out his FBI tag for you and watches as you raise an eyebrow at him before you swing your bag across your shoulders and motion for him to follow you out of the hall.

“I would like to put it on record that I do not, in fact, wish to turn any of my colleagues to stone.” You joke, and Marcus senses that you are perhaps nervous at seeing his tag.

“Believe me, I would like to do that to some of mine as well...but no, not why I’m here.” Marcus clips the tag below his jacket as he walks with you.

“May I ask what I have done that caught the FBI’s attention?” You walk ahead of him, and ask him if it was okay for him to head over to your office with you.

“I’m with the FBI Art Crime Team and I’m here on a request. We would like to consult you on an open investigation and I came here to ask what your availability is.” Marcus follows you up the stairs, barely forcing his eyes to remain on your feet instead of elsewhere.

“Oh, me? That’s...wow. Of all the things I thought I would accomplish in my life, that’s definitely not one of them. May I ask what it is you need my opinion on?” You push open the doorway of the staircase and point at your office across the quiet hall.

“Unfortunately, there is a lot of paperwork you need to fill out before we get to work so I can’t disclose anything about the case until you sign in.” Marcus steps into the office behind you and watches as you set your things down before you move to your desk. He can’t help but feel his muscles loosen at the sight of the bookshelves across your room.

“This is probably the most exciting thing to happen to me all year long so yes, hundred percent. I’m available for the rest of the day today as well as tomorrow and Friday after lecture which ends at the same time as today’s.” You beam up at him as you take two books out of your bag and replace them with a folder that was sitting in the middle of your desk. Marcus looks at you quizzically, marveling at how much easier this was going. He genuinely thought he was going to meet with someone who was probably a bit proud and perhaps as much of an asshole as his previous professors but you were so much different than anyone he’s ever met within this field.

“Are you sure? I understand if you need to take a week or two-”

“No please, you’ll be saving me from faculty lunches and two seminars by colleagues that I genuinely cannot fucking stand- oh, sorry. Sorry, didn’t mean to-” You swing your leather bag around your shoulder again and shut the blinds of the windows before you walk to the door.

“Please, you don’t have to worry about that with me.” Marcus chuckles at the excitement rolling off of you and bites his lower lip when he watches you quickly fix your hair.

“I might need to have lunch on the way to your office though if that’s okay?” You take a plastic container out of your bag and smile sheepishly at him as you lock your door.

“Wow...is your bag bigger on the inside or something? And, yeah fine by me.” He pushes his hands into his pockets again and walks next to you, a little corner in his heart gradually filling with hope letting him know that he should be cautious. He didn’t want a repeat of last time.

You both chat briefly on your way to headquarters and Marcus apologizes every time he looks over and sees you struggling with your food. By the time you make it to the building, Marcus can tell you are a bit nervous and he assures you once more that this was merely a consultation.

“Wait how did you even find me?” You take your jacket off along with everything in your pockets, laying them down near your bag as they go through the scanner. Marcus passes through with his badge and waits for you on the other side, picking up your things as you put your jacket back on.

“I made some calls and a friend suggested to get in touch with you because of your expertise.”

“Oh now we’re getting somewhere. You have a Greek artifact don’t you?” Marcus halts in his steps and looks over to you as he shuts his eyes in irritation. He should have watched what he said.

“S-sorry I couldn’t help it. I’ll stop until I fill out whatever paperwork you have for me.” You take your things from him and walk quietly as he leads you to the elevators.

“I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s not personal, it’s just-”

“Business I know. I know. I’m so used to watching this kind of stuff in movies that I tend to forget it’s all fake and you’re...the real deal.” You hope he doesn’t see the way your eyes trail over his taller form, silently cursing yourself when you meet his eyes and notice how he’s already staring at you with a smile.

“Sorry.” You apologize again and look straight ahead, hands tightening around the leather strap when you realize that he’s still looking at you.

Marcus fists the hands in his pockets to prevent himself from saying anything else that might make you uncomfortable, and he looks at the increasing numbers as they reach his floor. A loud ring signals your arrival and Marcus stretches out his hand so you could walk ahead of him. You wait until he tells you where to go and say nothing when he stops for a second and whispers something to another agent.

When you arrive at his office, you stand to the side and wait for him to tell you what to do.

“What’re you doing all the way over there? Come here.” Marcus calls you over to his desk and smiles, hoping to put you a little at ease. You step towards him and set your stuff on the floor as you sit opposite him on one of the two chairs. He pulls out a couple of files and sets them in front of you in four different piles.

“That’s a lot of paperwork.” You chuckle nervously as you take out a pen from your bag.

“I know, I’m sorry. But that’s why I’m here. These are the building rules and your signature is basically you telling us you’ll abide by all of them.”

“I don’t know any of them.” You respond immediately, and rub harshly at the pen between your fingers.

“I’ll be with you at all times so you don’t have to worry about that.” His smile throws you off guard and you nod before you sign the highlighted areas.

“And these are you swearing that you will tell no one of whatever you see, hear, do, etc. within the building.” You nod and sign through the stapled paperwork before sliding them his way.

“We’re almost done. These two are like the second pile but they have to do with this case specifically. And they extend to outside the premises, meaning that if I or another agent on the case tells you anything that has to do with your work here today while we’re grabbing coffee from across the street, you can’t say it to a living soul.” Marcus points at the four highlighted boxes and tells you to sign the date next to them as well.

“So I can say it to my dead cousin?” You ask as you sign the two papers and hand them to him, unable to hold your laughter when he shakes his head as he pushes the last pile towards you.

“I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

“Can’t help it.”

“And finally, these are you swearing that whatever you tell us today, be it an opinion, a fact, or anything else, is the absolute truth. Basically, you’re not fucking with us.” You raise an eyebrow at his choice in words and he shrugs his shoulders as he motions for the empty spaces again. When you’re done, Marcus collects all the files and places them in a folder before he unlocks his desk and pushes them inside.

“I don’t ever want to see my signature again.” You whisper as he leads you out of the office towards a conference room. He holds the door for you and nods ahead, waiting for you to step in before he shuts the door behind him and turns around. You try to ignore the hand pushing on your lower back as you walk in and spot three gentlemen and one woman standing towards the end of the long table.

“Wow, that was quick.” The female agent is first to speak and you say nothing as Marcus introduces you to them.

“Thank you for coming on such a short notice.”

“Of course. This is very exciting for me so I’m happy to help in any way.” You shake her hand and stand to the side as Marcus motions for you to sit down.

“This is Lydia, Ethan, Henry, and Noah.” Marcus points to each member of his team as he pulls out a chair next to you and sits down.

“It’s nice to meet you.” You nod towards them and look at the folder that Lydia hands to you. Marcus says something as you flip open the folder but you can’t respond, eyes almost falling out of their sockets as you take in the large image on the page. You look up at Marcus and everyone else before you return your attention to the picture.

“You recognize what this is then?” Ethan breaks the silence and watches as you move through the pages quickly.

“Umm, that seems like an oversimplification but yes.” You continue to study the images in front of you for another few minutes before you set them down and look up at Marcus.

“Some explanation would really help me out right now.” You tap softly on the papers, and your mind conjures up the wildest possible stories behind the images currently displayed in front of you.

“Oh right yes. We received a tip from the Smithsonian’s acquisitions department about a man trying to sell them this artifact for three million dollars,” Marcus notices your eyes widen but he continues, “but they’re not sure if it’s stolen or not. And he refuses to cooperate.”

“Which is where you come in. Have you seen anything like this before and if so, where?” Lydia stares at you as you return your attention to the pictures again.

“And the Smithsonian can’t confirm this?”

“Far from it. Marcus here is just afraid they’ll eventually get greedy and do anything to get their hands on it.” You look next to you and watch a faint blush take over the agent’s handsome features.

“I mean I don’t blame you. There are a bunch of real assholes in this field.” You laugh when he gives Lydia a ‘told you’ look.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to help you if I don’t see the actual pendant.” You shut the folder and push it away from you.

“That might be a problem.” Henry takes his glasses off and proceeds to clean them as he looks at his co-workers.

“Why? Do you not have it anymore?” Your heart skips a beat at the prospect of the FBI losing such an object.

“Oh no we have it. Our guy is afraid we’ll switch it out with a fake so he refuses to hand it to us unless he’s in the same room.”

“That’s funny. Is there a rule that says I can’t look at it while this man is in the room?” You ask Marcus and he can’t help but notice how giddy you’re being all of a sudden. Your excitement is almost palpable and he wills himself to focus on the question and not how you bite your lower lip as you wait for him.

“I mean…”

“You’re all going to be in the room aren’t you?” You cut him off before he says anything and when they all nod, you turn to Marcus once more and wait for his response.

“I guess it’s fine.” Marcus reluctantly answers before he asks Ethan and Noah to bring the man from the interrogation room he’s been in for the past couple of hours. Lydia and Henry let you in on more details and Marcus watches as you furrow your eyebrows in focus, occasionally cutting them off to ask them a question.

Fifteen minutes later and a knock on the door breaks you out of your haze. You look up just as Ethan and Noah walk in with a man in front of them. You say nothing as they bring him to your side of the room and set him down across from you.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I didn’t steal it. I found it!” Your ears perk at his comment but you say nothing as he crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at you.

“May I see it?” You ask before anyone else says anything and the man continues to stare at you before he ignores your question.

“Please, I’m just here to confirm your story. I know for a fact there isn’t a museum out there that has this.” You notice the hardened expression on Henry’s face but he says nothing. A few long moments pass by and the man shifts to take something out of the inside his jacket. You inhale deeply and watch as he unwraps the cloth before he places the small pendant on the table in front of you.

“May I?” You ask again and if Marcus didn’t know any better, he’d think that you’re just trying to put the man at ease. If you were nervous around five FBI agents and you did nothing wrong, then his little thief must have been scared shitless.

When the man nods, you bring out a pair of gloves from your handbag and put them on, forcing yourself to remain calm as you pick up the pendant.

“What a beautiful work of art you are baby. Red jasper, my favorite!” Your excited words break the silence and you look up at the man in front of you with a smile, feeling your hands sweat when he slowly returns the expression.

Got you.

“Greek is marvelous...crystal clear, grammatically correct, unique placement.” It’s as silent as a cemetery and Marcus watches you closely as you narrow your eyes and adjust the stone under the light. If he wasn’t dealing with a criminal and a potentially stolen artifact, he would have told you how beautiful you looked when you were deep in the middle of a task.

“Hmm, what is this 6th century-ish spell? Oh my bad, no no no, I tend to mix them up sometimes. It’s definitely a 7th century formula.” You make an awkward face and watch as Lydia shakes her head at your little mix up.

“Now, let’s see what you got on the other side sweetheart.” You carefully turn the amulet around in the palm of your hand and barely hold back from gasping dramatically.

“My god...what a goddamn sight...oh oops sorry, that was probably blasphemous. A perfectly etched crucifixion...cross with 4 sides, with a plaque at the top...and of course, can’t forget the clothed Christ. The detail on this is truly unlike anything I’ve ever seen, down to the ‘Iesous Xristos Theou Yios Sotare’ around the figure. Where did you say you found it again?” You casually ask as you continue to inspect the stone, almost laughing when the man responds immediately to your question.

“Mount Athos.” Marcus turns to his team in shock. You’d managed to get the information out of him so easily while they spent an entire day trying to get him to say anything. It was a little funny how at ease the man seemed now, leaning forward towards you as you flipped the stone around.

“Ohh the hub of Eastern monasteries. Boy is this the most valuable artifact I’ve ever had the pleasure of looking at then.” You set it down on the cloth and wrap it up before taking your gloves off and leaning back on the chair.

“See, told you its one of a kind. No one’s ever found anything like it before.” The man beams at you before he takes the object and puts it back in his jacket.

“Oh yeah it’s one of a kind alright...because it’s the most fake amulet I’ve ever had the misfortune of examining. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been this disappointed in my life. And here I thought another one of these was out there. Did you even bother to do any research on this?” You frown at him and cross your arms in irritation, completely missing Marcus’ reaction and how he turns to Lydia to confirm that yes, you just said that it was a fake artifact.

“W-what?”

“I’d love to know where you got the red jasper because you could have fooled me with that. Let’s break this down shall we? The Greek is perfect, too perfect if I’m being honest. You never have grammatically correct syntax etched on a magical amulet, let alone proper diction. Oh and you should have probably used Classical Greek instead of modern Greek, like were you even trying? Really bad move to use a 7th century formula with a non-altered 6th century spell. The formula didn’t even exist yet!” You tilt your head to the side and watch as the man in front of you begins to fidget. His smile is replaced with a shocked expression and you watch as it slowly becomes angry.

Marcus was speechless. He never saw this coming and was looking at you with a mixture of awe and surprise at the turn of events. He could only stare at you as he took in your energy, the same confidence and intelligence he saw earlier in the day when he walked into your lecture.

“As for the back, you never get 4-sided crosses with these, only three, and the head of Christ makes up the fourth which you don’t actually see because of his head. No plaque, too detailed and non-existent in protection spells. Christ is always nude on magical amulets by the way...yes it’s weird, but it’s a fucking amulet and he was just some extra deity. And finally, never, ever, write out ‘Iesous Xristos Theou Yios Sotare.’ You write the acronym IXOYE.” You flip open the folder that was in front of you and grab a sharpie from Marcus’ file, circling the first letter of each Greek word and holding it up as if he was one of your students and you were trying to lecture him.

“Don’t even get me started on your provenance. Mount Athos? I mean for fuck’s sake, Constanza would have been a better option. At least we actually found amulets out there. How much was he asking for this?” You turn to Marcus and completely miss the starstruck eyes he’s giving you. When you raise an eyebrow at him, he finally realizes that you asked him a question.

“Uhhh 3 mil.”

“Oh boy...yeah, this is worth jack shit. Wouldn’t even do it’s intended job if you actually wore it as a protection pendant.” You watch as the man’s expression changes from anger to outrage and you barely have any time to push away your chair and hide behind Marcus before the man tries to jump on top of the table towards you. It takes Ethan and Noah approximately five seconds to tackle him down before they take him out of the room. You watch as they reach for the amulet in his pocket and give it to Henry just as they push him out.

You’re still coming down from the adrenaline rush when Marcus turns around and asks you if you are alright. As soon as you see the gun in his hands, your hold on his jacket tightens and you gulp nervously when you meet his eyes. He apologizes quickly once he sees where you’re looking and quickly puts the gun back in its holster.

“You okay?” Marcus holds your wrist and rubs his thumb over your pulse point until you begin to relax. You fix your jacket and take a deep breath before you meet his eyes, almost gasping when you see how dark and oddly calming they are.

“Didn’t think a consultation would get this exciting but uhh, yeah I’m good. I think.” You try to laugh it off but looking at the object in Henry’s hand makes you realize that the last five minutes did really happen and you actually managed to piss off someone to the point where he tried to attack you.

“And we were worried it was stolen…” Lydia shakes her head when she takes the amulet and swirls it around in her hand.

“I might be wrong but I think you should try to find out who made it, especially because of the red jasper. This came real close to a fake. And you should also try to date it as well...there might be more of these out there.” You smile when Lydia agrees and collects the folders on the table, thanking you on her way out.

“My pleasure...apart from that last bit.” You laugh it off and watch as she exits the conference room with Henry.

“So…” You turn to Marcus and whisper a quick thank you when he hands you your bag.

“So, this definitely wasn’t what I had in mind when I asked you to consult on this case. I- I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that this happened. It’s not always like this, I promise. The exciting stuff usually happens when we find guys like him in abandoned warehouses.” Marcus continues to word vomit as he leads you back to his office.

“It’s okay really. My advisor always warned me about this.”

“About working with the FBI?”

“No no, about rambling so much that I piss off someone to the point where they try to kill me.” You’re taken aback by Marcus’ laugh and can’t help but giggle along with him as he leans back in his chair and continues to laugh.

“I hope that doesn’t mean you won’t work with us again?” There’s something in his voice that doesn’t ease the butterflies in your stomach and you place your hand on your chest dramatically as you bat your eyes at him.

“Why Agent Pike, are you trying to recruit me to the FBI?” You ask sarcastically and watch as he shrugs his shoulders before shutting off his computer and standing up.

“Just a consult here and there, should we meet another Greco-Roman artifact? Or...a fake one I guess.” You swallow the lump in your throat when you see the way he’s looking at you and hope that you’re not misreading any signs.

“Can I take you out to dinner? As a thank you and an apology for putting your life in danger?” Marcus is reluctant to ask but he takes the leap of faith and hopes that you wouldn’t reject him.

“I- actually...in all honesty, I don’t think I’ll do well in public after that whole thing.” You gesture towards the outside offices, and Marcus nods in disappointment and contemplates on whether he should ask you to dinner some other time. You never give him a chance to follow-up though.

“How about take-out at my place?” You stand up and smile when you see his eyes beam with excitement as he fixes his tie and motions towards the door.

“Lead the way doctor.” You flush under the title and walk ahead so he doesn’t notice the obvious effect he’s having on you. You glance at Marcus every now and then as you make your way out of the building and towards his car.

You chat about random things as he drives through the busy streets, and you feel your heart skip a beat when he says something scandalous about your favorite Impressionist artwork, not because of the comment but because of the way he winks at you as he slides his hand to your thighs and nudges them to let you know he was just joking. You hope that Marcus asks for your number by the end of the night, maybe even invite you to dinner again, because if you’re being honest, it’s been a while since you met a decent guy and he’s been checking all of your boxes all day long.

Kind. Intelligent. Hard-working. Funny. And of course, attractive. There was something about the way he smiles and you kept on replaying the moment he hid you behind him and continued to ask if you were alright.

“What do you mean you don’t like Bal du moulin de la Galette? It’s one of the most magnificent paintings out there. Best of Renoir’s if you ask me.” You unlock the door and switch on the lights, throwing your coat and bag on the wall before telling Marcus to make himself at him. He takes his jacket off and hangs it as well, turning around to continue his argument.

“Listen, I’m just not a crowd kind of guy. I’m more of a Paris Street, Rainy Day man okay so-”

“Why am I not surprised by that?” You laugh as you bring him a cup of water, hoping you were being subtle as you continued to check out the gun resting in his holster. Shaking your head, you take your phone out again and tell him that it’ll take you a few minutes to order pizza since neither of you can make up your mind.

Marcus looks around when you walk away to place the order, his eyes taking in the three bookshelves behind your couch. It’s almost as if the office space wasn’t enough so you had to make more room for all of your textbooks and novels. Maybe it was the other way around…

He takes a sip of water and glances to the side, instantly choking on the liquid when his eyes zero in on the three watercolor paintings hanging above your television. Marcus blinks rapidly and rubs his eyes to make sure that he wasn’t seeing things. He approaches the wall and looks between the three artworks, unable to tear his gaze away. He notices new details every time he focuses on a different corner of each painting, and his pants suddenly feel uncomfortable when he shifts closer.

“Pizza will be here in thirty-ish minutes and-” You almost drop the phone when Marcus jumps back and almost trips over his own feet. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” When you walk closer and see the blush creeping down his neck, you can’t help but giggle and glance at your paintings, almost as if you were taunting him into commenting on your choice in decoration.

“These are...interesting.” Marcus avoids looking at them when you stand next to him, merely pointing to the side as he looks at you.

“Oh no...here we go. I know what that means. You don’t like them?” You tilt your head to the side and hold back from smiling when he takes a long sip of water before he sets down the glass.

“N-no no, that’s not...I didn’t mean- I just...it’s a bold choice.” His stutter makes you laugh even harder and you apologize when his blush deepens. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. It’s always really funny when people come over because I get all kinds of reactions but you’re definitely the first guy that doesn’t call me a slut because I have pornographic paintings hanging in my living room.”

“Why not? The Dutch lords and the Italian merchants did it, why can’t you?” Marcus is almost offended by the remark and he forgets all about the awkwardness of the paintings when he sees you nod aggressively in agreement.

“Exactly!? Why is a guy allowed to hang an Odalisque in his home but I can’t hang some BDSM scenes?” You take the glass from the table and ask him if he wants more. Marcus shakes his head and quickly attempts to fix himself through his pants before you return.

“So you like them then?” You lounge on one chair and wait for Marcus to sit on the couch before you ask him.

“It’s a different aesthetic I think, and it somehow goes well with your bookshelves. Something about textbooks and nude paintings depicting sex just goes together...can’t explain how. And kudos to the artist too! The brushstrokes, the layering, the complementary colors...the scenes and positions are so natural. They’re perfect combinations. Did you pick them or did you commission them?”

“Oh I commissioned two of them. The third was just too good to not order. I’ll ask you this then, which ones do you think I commissioned?” Marcus glances to the canvases again and grows quiet for a few moments, his eyes switching from one painting to another before he meets your gaze.

“I think you commissioned the two on the left.”

“Why?” You try to hide how impressed you are by how he correctly figured you out, almost cringing when the question leaves your mouth before you could stop yourself. As much as you enjoy where this conversation was going, you really hope this wouldn’t lead to some misogynistic response on his part. Just as Marcus is about to respond, the doorbell rings and you tell him you’ll be right back.

Marcus thanks the heavens that the pizza arrives because he isn’t sure how he could respond to that question without accidentally giving his train of thoughts away. When you come back with plates and napkins, Marcus thanks you and proceeds to separate the pizza slices.

“It was the closest I could get to owning something that resembled the area I study.” You say through chewing and Marcus furrows his eyebrows, silently asking you to elaborate on your comment.

“Nudity I mean. I can’t afford sculptures so I settled with these.”

“They are beautiful. And the positions are-” Marcus stops abruptly when he realizes that his inner monologue just rolled off of his tongue.

“Go on, what were you going to say?”

“I- uh, I just think that the positions are intimate. And they become more intimate the longer you look at them.” He chews faster when you nod and take another slice of pizza.

“You have a favorite?” You ask and pretend you aren’t paying attention to every single word he says. You get the sense that he has a lot to say about the paintings but is choosing to hold back so you don’t get the wrong idea about why he is having dinner with you in your apartment after only knowing you for a few hours.

“Definitely the middle one.” His answer surprises you, especially because the one on the right has handcuffs and you genuinely thought he’d be into that because of his line of work.

“Really? Why?”

“Oh...I- this might sound weird but I think the scene is intense and- and close? Private? I’m not sure what it is I’m trying to say but the fact that she’s completely nude except for the panties around her thighs while he’s fully clothed and is focusing on her pleasure is- it’s intimate. And the hand on her back is a mixture of dominance and care, like he’s letting her know that she has his undivided attention but she has to behave for him.” You’re not sure when exactly you stopped eating and you clear your throat when you realize that Marcus was looking at you to gauge your reaction.

“Y-yeah that...ahuh.” Something about the way he says the word ‘behave’ twists your insides and you immediately stand up and head to the kitchen, whispering something about needing to wash down the food with something. Marcus eats quietly and hopes he hasn’t just made things even more awkward. When you come back and hand him a glass of red wine, Marcus relaxes and continues to eat.

“Have you ever drawn something like this?” You shake your head as you take a sip of the wine, laying against the back of the couch and crossing your legs.

“I wish. Human anatomy is so fascinating I think. I sometimes get this adrenaline rush when I look at the far right one and I tell myself that I’ll sketch all the risque and open positions I can think of but then I remember how long it would take me to finish one piece and I- I don’t have time for that sadly.”

“You can always start out with simpler ones? Maybe solo pieces, and move up from there.” Marcus mirrors you and sits back with the wine glass in his hand.

“Yeah, but I just love this kind of genre so much. It needs to be passionate, and sexy and out there you know.” Marcus smiles at the energetic response, feeling much more relaxed now that he’s had a cup of wine and found chatting about your choice in decoration less awkward.

“I get you. It’s why that lifestyle is interesting to so many people. The whole dynamic, whether we’re talking about the figures in the scene or actual partners, is based on that trust. You- you have to create that sense of trust and comfort for the scene to be enjoyable...pleasurable. It’s not as easy as some think it to be. As a Dom, you have to be aware of your partner at all times and the effect you have on them. And the same goes for a Sub too. You need to ensure that your Dom knows how much trust you put in them and the level of dedication that’s going into the scene. Both parties are depending on each other and it’s- it’s amazing.” Marcus smiles when he notices the intensity swimming in your eyes and he gives you a few seconds to collect your bearings before he asks his next question.

“Would you draw something as intimate as that?” He breaks the silence and watches your train of thought come and go.

“Would you?” You throw the question right back at him, holding in a breath when you see him lean forward with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“I would...but only if I have the right model.” Marcus doesn’t know where all of this is coming from but he can’t find it in himself to break whatever bubble the two of you found yourselves in. You’re silent for a few moments, long enough for Marcus to think that maybe, just maybe, he’s crossed the line.

But then you’re smiling at him mischievously, chugging down the rest of the wine before standing up and heading towards the hallway.

“I have an easel and some 16x20 papers lying around...I hope you don’t mind working with chalk.” You throw back at him before you walk down the hallway and Marcus has to give himself a quick pep talk before he follows you. He slowly makes his way into your bedroom and stands at the doorstep until you allow him to come in.

“I think the lighting is best in this corner but you’ll be the one working so sit wherever you prefer.” You bring over a chair and set it in front of the easel before you grab the large box of supplies and pull out all the chalk sticks that you have. Marcus nods in silence as he pushes the easel closer to your bed and begins to choose which of the chalk sticks he wants. There is a variety of shapes and sizes, and he’s not sure if he should start out bold or if he should ease himself into this. It’s been a while since he’s drawn a model and he really doesn’t want to screw up, especially because it is you.

Marcus is so busy preparing his workstation that he doesn’t notice you stripping off your clothes. You keep your eyes on him and find the little scrunch he does with his eyebrows when he focuses on something endearing. Taking a deep breath, you take off your bra and panties before laying on the bed and getting in a comfortable position. Your movements are minimal, and you stretch out your legs in wait for him. You fight the part of you that’s yelling at you to cover yourself and keep your focus on him to gauge his reaction.

“Pose however you want and we can work on the postures once we-” The words die in his throat as soon as he looks up from the easel and sees your state of dress, or lack thereof. The thick chalk stick he’s holding between his fingers snaps in half and breaks the blanket of silence that fell on the room. He visibly gulps and doesn’t try to hide the way his eyes trail down your form slowly before they return to look into your dilated ones. Marcus knows for a fact that the image of your heaving chest and hardened nipples will forever be etched in his mind.

“I- uhh, are you...c-comfortable?” He hates how much he’s stuttering and you smile at him when you notice how he is focusing on the wall behind you and not you.

You look around for a few moments, grabbing a couple of pillows and placing them behind your back before you stretch out one leg and bend the other one to your chest. Marcus almost chokes on his breath when he sees how open you are being with him but he says nothing and turns his attention to the blank piece of paper underneath his hand.

“I’m ready.” Your voice brings him out of his stupor and he nods briefly as he tries to reason with himself. He cannot draw you unless he looks at you. But he is well aware of the hardening predicament he’s currently suffering from and he’s sure you probably noticed by now the effect you were having on him.

“I won’t tell you how to do your job Agent, but artists usually have to look at the models they’re drawing to...you know, draw them.” Marcus rolls his eyes at the teasing remark, briefly glancing at you with a raised eyebrow before he begins to softly outline the shape of your shoulders. His cock twitches in his pants and he tries his hardest to not squirm too much in his seat. But every time his eyes move towards your nude form laying not five feet away from him, he silently curses himself and pretends he’s fine and that he isn’t imagining pushing you down and shoving his tongue deep into your wet cunt.

“Are you usually this quiet when you’re sketching, Agent Pike?” Something about the way you’re addressing him makes him clench his jaw tightly and he unintentionally whispers a little louder than he intends in response.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

Your giggles let him know that you heard his remark and he is sure his face is growing a deeper shade of red but he shrugs his shoulders and ignores your obvious amusement. Marcus swallows the lump in his throat as he shifts his focus below your neck, parting his lips when he notices the tilt of your head from his peripheral vision as he ceases all movement and continues to stare at your chest.

“Oh sorry, is my arm in the way,” you lower your arms and move them behind you to support your weight, never breaking eye contact with him as you rock your bent leg back and forth and give him a full view of your most intimate parts.

Marcus is almost shaking in his seat at the sight of your breasts, unaware that he’s harshly rubbing the chalk stick with his thumb the more your leg sways to the side and reveals the outer folds of your pussy.

“P-perfect, thank you.” He whispers and returns to the sheet in front of him, biting into his lower lip as he rolls the chalk across and sketches the curves of your breasts. For a moment, he forgets what he is doing and narrows his eyes at the shapes in front of him before he smudges the black material across to shade in the skin. He looks back and forth for a couple of minutes until he’s happy with the shading of your body.

You marvel at how he’s managing to keep it together for this long when all you can think about is begging for him to fuck you into the mattress. You thought it would be easy for him to break but ever the gentleman, he takes the task seriously and tries his hardest to not dwell on your skin for longer than necessary.

A thought comes through your mind and you smile to yourself as you shift your bent leg to the side and move the other one until it falls from the side of the bed. You stare at him and hope this is what finally does the trick. And you don’t have to wait for too long because the next time Marcus looks at you, he takes a double-take and doesn’t bother to hide how he’s only focusing on the skin between your thighs.

“I thought it would be easier for you, you know. Easier access and everything.” You’re not sure what you’re going on about but you can tell that it’s taking every ounce of control in his body to not pounce on you. You hold your breath when Marcus stands up and meets your eyes, and you think this is it. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

But then he’s freeing the paper from the easel and moving towards you, his expression never once giving his plan away. You gulp when he kneels at the foot of your bed and sets the paper between your thighs.

“You’re right, easier access,” Marcus says as he brings the chalk down on the paper and sketches your thighs, not bothering for propriety as his eyes zero in on your slit. You know you’re wet and you can feel slick easing down your folds but you don’t move a muscle, watching him as he expertly outlines your skin before he rubs the chalk with his thumb to shade the area again.

“It’s not quite how I want it…” His remark makes you shiver and you’re about to beg him to forgo the sketch when he leans forward and nudges your legs apart, perhaps a little carelessly, before he collects your arousal with his middle finger and swipes it across your folds. You’re shocked by the turn of events and barely hold back from moaning as he dips the clean finger into your pussy and rubs your walls for a few more seconds, his soft brown eyes turning dangerous as pushes his finger a little deeper and bites his lower lip when he feels you clenching around him. Marcus turns his attention back to you, his jaw tensing when he sees sheer bliss etched on your expression. Your little gasps are music to his ears and just as he feels your hips moving against him, he pulls his hand away.

You watch him like a hawk as he inspects his finger, gasping when he smudges at the chalk on the sketch to create darker shades around your center.

“Hmm, that’s more like it.” Marcus turns to you and smirks when he sees your parted lips turn into a frown.

“Do you not like it?” He feigns ignorance and raises an eyebrow when your frown deepens as you move back into your pillows. You lean back but continue to hold his gaze as you part your thighs and lazily stroke your cunt. Marcus slowly puts down the paper and chalk onto the floor and stands up just as you begin to pinch your nipples.

“Please…” Your whispered plea shoots straight to his cock and he laughs when it turns into a whine once he makes his way to the bathroom in your room. He says nothing as he quickly washes his hands and dries them before moving back and standing next to your bed.

You don’t stop touching yourself, hoping the needy sight of you is all the push he needs to take what he wants.

“What’s your safeword doctor?” Marcus keeps his hands in his pockets as he trails his eyes down your shivering body. He’s itching to touch you but he remains still and waits for confirmation that you do, in fact, want this as much as him. A part of him knows that the two of you should probably slow down and perhaps discuss whatever this is before you go any further. But it feels right being here with you. And he doesn’t want to give it up just yet.

“J-Jasper.” Your voice breaks when you see the hunger swimming in his eyes and you shift to the center of your bed as Marcus kicks off his shoes before taking off his socks.

“Hmm.” Marcus hums as he takes off the holster from his belt and quietly places the gun on your nightstand. When he turns back and sees you watching the gun and increasing your movements, he groans down at you before walking around the bed.

“Maybe another time baby...when you and I are a little more acquainted with each other.” You flush at the implications behind his words and nod at him. You watch as he begins to roll up his sleeves and your anticipation grows with each inch of skin he reveals.

“You look so pretty sweetheart, all needy and desperate for my touch. Do you want to cum baby?” Marcus asks teasingly and you nod frantically as you begin to push two fingers into your cunt.

“Nuh uh, use your words. I’ll let it go this time but from now on, you use your words if you want something from me.” His tone is less gentle and your inner walls spasm at the thought of hearing that same commanding voice telling you to get on your knees for him.

“S-sorry yes...yes please. I- I want to cum, please.” Marcus smiles in amusement as he steps closer to the bed until his knees touch the mattress.

“Good girl. Now, if you really want to cum, then you better come here and suck me off. Be a good girl for me and show me what that sweet fucking mouth of yours can do.” His chest puffs out proudly when he sees how quickly you’re moving to please him. You lay on your stomach and palm him through his pants, moaning along with him when you find him hard and ready for you.

“May I undress you?”

“Go on sweetheart, take what you want.” Marcus caresses your cheek as you excitedly unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. He doesn’t dare look away as you shove his pants down his thighs before leaning forward and nuzzling your nose into the bulge of his boxer briefs.

“Fuck baby, are you trying to kill me?” You giggle and shake your head in response, purposely rubbing his length with your nose just before you feel his fingers combing through your hair and tugging on it.

“Remember sweetheart...bad girls don’t get to cum. Stop your teasing before I shove my cock down your throat.” Marcus pulls on your hair harshly and groans when he sees you smiling up at him.

“Is that a promise Agent Pike?” You know you’re pushing his buttons and don’t hold back from gasping his name as he rolls you onto your back and aggressively pushes his boxer briefs down far enough to free his cock. He’s not really a vain man but seeing you lick your lips and inch closer to him as you stare at his hard dick makes him just a little cocky.

“Go on baby, open your mouth. Part those pretty fucking lips for me.” Marcus pats your lips softly and shivers when you respond to him right before you shut your eyes and wait for him to give you his cock.

“Yes sir.”

His knees buckle for a second the moment you take his tip into your mouth and suck on it. Marcus is torn between throwing his head back to enjoy the softness of your mouth and keeping his eyes on you as you suck on his cock. He leans forward and bites his cheek when you relax your throat and take more of his cock down your throat.

“P-part your legs for me baby please. Let me- oh fuck, your mouth is made of magic sweetheart. Let me- let me see how wet that pretty cunt is.” Marcus is already breathing heavily and he furrows his eyebrows in focus, not wanting to end this night early. You swallow around him a few times and hum when you feel his hand cupping your breasts while the other rests around your throat.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, you try to take him down as deep as possible just as you part your thighs and begin to play with your pussy. Marcus groans and swears above you as you work him expertly and he can’t hold back from pushing the palm of his hand a little harder on your throat. He can feel his cock passing across your pharynx and moans your name over and over again when he looks down and sees drool rolling down your cheeks.

“Ahh fuck oh god, s-sweetheart you’re a fucking dream. W-where have you been all my life?” Marcus continues to kneed at your tits, but when he gets a little irritated when he sees your fingers rubbing your clit. Without warning, he leans forward as far as he can and slaps your hand away, replacing it with his own and biting his cheek when he finds you soaking.

“Shit baby, you’re so wet. Is this all for me?” You hum around him and twitch in surprise when you feel two of his thick fingers pushing past your wet folds and into your cunt. You’re already so close to coming from his teasing and you whimper when he nudges your thighs apart aggressively.

“Keep those legs open for me baby. Shit, the smell of you is fucking intoxicating. Fuck, that it’s, get on your hands and knees for me.” Marcus moves away and silences you with one look when you start to whine and reach for his cock.

“Unless you want to call it a night, you’ll get on your fucking hands and knees for me. Shit baby I’ve wanted to shove my tongue in that pussy as soon as you stripped for me.” He never breaks eye contact as he kicks away his pants and briefs before he makes quick work of his shirt. You quickly turn around and bite into your wrist as you get on all fours and try to look at him through your elbow. You reach down and ease two fingers into your cunt as you take in his broad shoulders and lean form. You swear his muscles flex the longer you stare at him and when you finally look at him, you’re a little embarrassed at being caught openly ogling him.

“Look at you, like a bitch in heat.” Regret rolls off of him as soon as he registers what he just said. An apology is on the tip of his tongue but then you’re arching your back and shifting closer to him, giving him a show as you curve your knuckles to try and hit that sweet spot inside of you.

“Oh aren’t you the prettiest sweetheart in the world.” You moan his name when he caresses your back and kneels behind you, laying soft kisses across your back as he palms and lightly smacks your ass. Marcus removes your hand away slowly but not before licking your fingers and humming around them as the taste of you fills his mouth.

“Marcus please...I- I need you inside me.”

“What do you need from me? You want my tongue and fingers? Or do you think this cunt is ready to take my cock?” Marcus nips at your skin and pushes a hand on your lower back when you try and move away from him.

“W-whatever you want...just- need to feel you inside me. I don’t care, please. Oh fuck...please.” You squeal when Marcus spreads your cheeks apart and spits on your slit right before licking across your cunt. You fist your hands into the sheets and bite down on your wrist when you feel his nose nudge at your entrance as his tongue flicks your engorged clit.

“Good answer sweetheart,” you hear him whisper just as he kisses across your folds and dips his tongue into your core. You’re already shaking with need and rock back against him, hoping he’d end your agony and give you his fingers as well. Marcus is losing his mind and he tries his hardest to focus on pleasuring you. But it’s so hard to hold back when you’re whimpering at his touch and shoving your pussy in his face to get more friction.

“Stop moving,” Marcus growls against you, and you cry out his name when his palms land on your ass cheeks three consecutive times before he rubs the reddening skin.

“Oh god, your tongue feels so good Marcus. D-don’t stop, please. I want to cum, l-let me cum. You’re so fucking- ahh s-shit.” You think you feel him smile against you as he pushes two fingers into your pussy but you can’t be sure because you suddenly feel full. Fuck, and it’s only his fingers.

“Jesus Christ sweetheart, you’re so fucking tight. Can’t wait to feel you around my cock.” He slowly parts you with his fingers and groans when he feels you squeezing his fingers. When you try to move against him again, Marcus slithers his hand across your back and grabs your neck, pushing your face into the bed as he leans over to whisper in your ears.

“You’re being such a bad girl tonight. I won’t give you another warning baby. Move again and I won’t fuck you.” You shiver when you hear his hoarse voice on your ears, grasping the pillows as hard as you can when he pushes his fingers as deep as possible and curls his knuckles.

“N-no please...I’m s-sorry- ahh gahd I’ll stop. I’ll stop.” Marcus is pleased with the effect he’s clearly having on you and almost gives in. But he wants you to cum before he takes you. From the looks of it, you aren’t looking for anything gentle, and with how hard he is, has been for the entire day, he doesn’t have the self-control to be anything but rough.

“Good girl...sweet fucking girl.” You force yourself to remain immobile as you feel him reaching deeper and applying more pressure on your spongy walls. The hand on your neck moves to your back and massages your heated skin. It takes you a while to realize that he’s reenacting the paintings in your living room and the thought shakes you to your core. Before you can even warn him, you feel a familiar pressure growing in the depths of your stomach and your heart hammers in your chest as you lose yourself to the sudden swelling sensation. You gasp his name over and over again as you cum around his fingers, and Marcus fists his hand in your hair when he feels you shuddering beneath him.

He’s shocked at how quickly you unravel at his ministrations and he doesn’t look away as he brushes his thumb against your clit and watches your body fight to not move away from him.

“M-Marcus wait- I...too much.” You can barely form a coherent sentence, let alone a thought, and you bite into the sheets when you feel his scruff scratch your skin deliciously as he licks off your juices.

“Use your safeword sweetheart and I’ll stop. But you came without asking so now I have to punish you...fuck, you taste as good as you smell baby, shit, maybe even better.” Marcus slows down but continues to move his digits across your tightening walls and when you say nothing, he sits up and twists his hand, waiting for your breathing to slow down before he begins to fuck you with his fingers.

“Oh oh f-fuck I- Marcus M-Marcus oh god...yes please fuck ahh I- I’m…” You try to warn him but he doesn’t slow down once, continuing his assault on your abused cunt until he feels you tightening around him again.

“Beg!”

“Can I- oh god, can I cum? Please fuck, I- I can’t s-stah ahh fuck.” You reach around and dig your nails into the hand fisting in your hair. You try to warn him again of what’s about to happen but he doesn’t give you a chance, picking up the pace just as he curves his digits and rubs at your sensitive spot.

“Drench me baby.” It’s all you need to fall over the edge again and your vision whites out as you convulse around him. Marcus smiles proudly when you listen to his command but his expression changes to one of awe when he feels you gush around his hand and wet his arm and thighs. He doesn’t stop once, completely captivated by the sight of your juices flowing around him so easily. When you try to move up the bed, Marcus lets go of your neck and pushes down on your lower back to keep you still. The damp spot beneath you is growing and something primal takes over Marcus. He wants nothing more than to soak the entire bed.

But he snaps out of his haze when you cry out his name and beg him to slow down. He looks at you as he gradually comes to a halt but keeps his fingers in your pussy. Marcus massages your muscles as he eases his wet fingers out of you and carefully maneuvers you until you’re laying on your back. You hiss at the sudden feeling of emptiness and almost jump away when you feel his tongue passing across the skin of your thighs. When you finally have enough mind to look at him, you’re taken aback by the sheer bliss written on his face as he closes his eyes and cleans you up. Your eyes widen in horror and embarrassment when you look at his glistening skin and you call for him shyly to grab his attention.

“I-I’m so sorry...I- I’ve never-”

“Don’t you dare apologize. That was the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen and the fact that I’m the first to make you squirt...best feedback I’ve ever gotten.” Marcus cuts you off as he licks at his forearm and fingers before he sits up behind you. You find his gaze much more intense than before and you hide behind your arm to avoid it.

“Marcus, stop.” He laughs at your sudden shyness and leans over to pull your arms away from your face.

“Please baby, don’t hide from me. Please.” You feel exposed underneath him and it’s a stupid thought considering what the two of you have been doing so far. But something about the way he’s staring at you with those deep, brown, soulful eyes makes you want to hide under the sheets. But instead, you take his hand and pull him close until he’s flush against you.

“K-kiss me.” You watch as his expression intensifies just as he leans forward and molds his lips with yours. You expected him to be rough but the way he parts his lips and allows you access to his mouth leaves you breathless. His scruff and mustache heighten the sensation and you instantly shove your tongue in his mouth when he melts against you. You hum when you finally taste yourself on his tongue and Marcus growls as the kiss grows more desperate. Just as you run out of breath, Marcus pulls away and holds back from smiling when you chase after him.

“Sweetheart, c-can I have you?” You’re amazed by how he’s still asking you if you want to do this even after the events of the past hour or so.

“Yes, please.” You respond as you push him off to resume your previous position again. Marcus feels his cock harden at the sight of you on your knees for him. But the moment shatters into a million pieces when he looks down and realizes that he doesn’t have any condoms.

“Fuck.” He hisses and begins to move away when he feels your hands reach for his thighs to stop him.

“What? What is it?”

“I- I didn’t think this would...I don’t have any condoms baby.” You stare at him for a few seconds before you break the silence and hope he doesn’t think any less of you. “I was tested after the last time and I’m clear. A-are you?” Marcus pins you with his eyes as he nods along. “I’m clean too...and, it’s been a while.” He hates to admit that last bit but he wants you to know that this, whatever it is, is serious.

“Same.” Your answer surprises him and he’s about to ask how that’s possible but forgets the question when you shift closer to him and dig your nails into his thighs to grab his attention.

“Fuck me.” The vulgar request sounds so pure rolling off of your tongue and Marcus pushes your knees wide open and settles between them. You continue to stare at him with hunger in your eyes as he strokes his cock a few times before he slides it across your wet slit. You’re already so sensitive from earlier but you can’t care less because you’ve only wanted to feel him inside you for the better half of the day. Marcus bites his lower lip and grasps your hips with one hand as he positions himself against your entrance and slowly pushes past your wet folds. He feels your walls already clenching around him and he hesitates for a moment as he moves his hands across your back to try and get you to loosen up.

“F-fuck...relax sweetheart. Relax for me please. I- I don’t- oh god, h-how are you this tight?” Your walls flutter around him when his hoarse, almost pained voice sounds through the room. “You’re doing so good baby, taking my cock in that pretty little cunt. Fuck, that’s it. Let me in sweetheart...could make you feel so good. Shit, that’s it.” Marcus cooes above you as he feels you slowly sucking him in. You sigh heavily when he finally sheathes himself completely inside you and it’s not until a few moments later that you realize he hasn’t moved a muscle.

“Marcus, m-move. Fuck, just- move.” Your impatient groans make him twitch inside you and the two of you hiss when his hips jut forward at your gasped requests. His hands hold onto you a little harshly, squeezing the skin of your hips and making you giddy at the thought of seeing those bruises the following day.

“Just wait...please baby I- I don’t want to hurt you. You feel so fucking good around me and- and I...oh fuck, f-fuck...squeezing the shit out of me. Please I-”

“Fuck. Me.” You turn your head around enough to look at him and find the sight of his sweaty forehead and furrowed eyebrows intoxicating. He can sense your eyes on him and reluctantly looks down at you when you pronounce those two words, watching as you pierce him with a harsh gaze as you roll your hips against him.

“I- are you…”

“Fucking please...take what you want.” The desperate tone of your voice breaks him and he pulls away until the tip of his cock is nudged in between your folds before he snaps his hips forward aggressively.

You shut your eyes and cry into your pillows as Marcus lets go and pounds into you. He’s no longer trying to hold back and you feel proud of the effect you have on him. Thinking back to the past hour, you realize that Marcus was going out of his way to control himself and not hurt you. But with every brush of his cock against your inner walls, with every groaned swear word and whispered affirmation, you can’t help but beg for him to fuck you harder. To take you like a crazed man. Because now that you’ve had a taste of what he’s capable of, you don’t want him to ease up on you.

“Shit baby, you’re perfect. Fucking perfect. Your cunt is begging for my cock sweetheart. Can you feel how deep I am? How deep this tight pussy is sucking me in?” Marcus nudges your knees a little farther apart as he plunges into you over and over again. You’re a moaning mess beneath him and as you try to reach back to hold onto his hands, Marcus lets go of your hips and grabs your wrists, using them as leverage to fuck you deeper.

You scream his name as his thrusts become relentless, the resonating sound of skin against skin reminding you of how sore you were going to feel for the rest of the week. You can’t really pay attention to what he’s saying anymore, choosing to focus on the way his dick fills you up completely and hits your special spot with precision. The thought of knowing that you’re at this man’s mercy and that he’s using you like he owns you makes you shudder and Marcus doesn’t realize you’re coming around him until he feels a pressure push out of you. He looks down and watches your cunt gushes on his cock and thighs again, the sight somehow even prettier the second time than the first.

He waits until you’re no longer convulsing in his arms before he thrusts his cock back into your pussy. Marcus leans down and wraps his arms around your front to bring you flush against his chest. Marcus brushes your hair aside and nuzzles into your neck as he begins to roll his hips against your ass, trying to drive his cock into you even further without hurting you. You reach around and pull on his hair when he bites on the juncture of your neck.

“You’re amazing, sweetheart.” The confession feels more intimate than anything he’s said to you thus far and you throw your head back and smile when his hands roam your front and settle on your navel.

“Marcus...please.”

“What do you need, baby? I’ll give you anything. Tell me...oh god, I- I’m so close.” Marcus kisses across your shoulder as one hand cups your breasts while the other descends to your clit. He feels you convulse around him but he doesn’t move his hand away, wanting to feel you cum one last time around his cock.

“I- I need you to cum for me...cum inside me. Fill me up baby...wanna feel you so deep inside me. Make a mess of my cunt. Please.”

“C-can you give me another?” He’s breathless, his pace faltering when he feels your walls squeeze around him tightly with every pass of his cock against your heated core.

‘I- I don’t think I can...too much baby.”

“Please, for me. Cum for me o-one last time...oh god, I’m close sweetheart. B-but I wanna cum with you. Please oh fuck- oh god, I- I’m fucking coming.” He growls into the crook of your neck as he rubs at your clit harshly, crying your name like a prayer as he feels you milk him dry. His thrusts are desperate and you pull on his hair harder than you intend when you feel his cum fill you up. Marcus can barely breathe as he shoots his seed deep in your pussy and feels you pulse around him. He continues to buck against you, the caveman mindset telling him to breed you and fill you up until you can’t take it anymore.

He stays motionless for a few minutes before he finally registers that you probably need to rest. As carefully as possible, Marcus pulls out and cradles your body against him as he lays you on your back. He looks down at you and smiles when he sees the mess he’s made between your thighs. He tries to get off the bed to bring you a cup of water and grab a wet towel when you reach out and pull him by his wrist.

“I need to clean you up sweetheart.” He tries to reason with you but you shake your head and pull harder on his hand so he could sit next to you.

“No just- come here. I need you. Please.” Marcus doesn’t have to be told twice. He lays down next to you and kisses your forehead when you cuddle into his arms. He draws circles on your shoulder and back when he feels your fingers play with his chest hair.

“Are you alright baby?” Marcus asks and pulls his head back when you hum a soft ‘yes.’ He searches your expression for any sign of discomfort, and when he finds none, he rests his head back again and lets you explore his skin.

“Hmm...did you know that hair was used in some ancient spells to ensure that the desired outcome occurred?” You break the silence after a while and Marcus furrows his eyebrows at you when you look up from his chest and meet his face.

“Uhh should I be worried Y/N?” He asks almost immediately and laughs when you panic and try to retract what you just said.

“Oh god sorry that- I didn’t mean...Jesus, I still need to work on my bedside manner.”

“I was kidding sweetheart. I actually enjoy listening to people talking about their interests, it’s a little calming. And no, I didn’t know that. What kind of spells are we talking about here?” You’re surprised by his response but say nothing and continue to follow the soft trail of hairs down his chest.

“Well, there are lots of curses that didn’t need hair but it was better if they were added...for efficacy and such. But the most common spells that required little curls like these were love spells, which technically are also curses but it sounds better when you say that it’s just a spell.”

“Are you trying to tell me something doctor?” Marcus can’t help but tease you again and he snorts when you sit up on your elbow and try to justify what you just said. He pulls you back into his arms and brushes your hair aside to take a better look at you.

“Oh no no, I just- I tend to think about this stuff at random times. Sorry. I swear I’m too much of a wimp to actually try anything. You never know if the desired outcome has any side effects...”

“No need to apologize baby. Besides, I don’t think you’ll ever need love magic with me.” The admission is out before he can stop himself and he cringes at himself, hoping that you don’t misunderstand him.

“Oh yeah, and why is that Agent Pike?” The hint of amusement in your tone lets him know that you didn’t mind teasing him back and he blinks a few times at the ceiling before he turns to gaze into your eyes.

“Well, you’re doing fine on your own being this amazing human being. You’re mesmerizing when you’re lecturing, you’re confident in your skills and knowledge, your intelligence is- I’m sure I’ve only scratched the surface with the case today. And you’re the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen...we could work a bit on your art choices but-”

“Hey!” You slap his shoulder and try to slither away from him but he’s too quick and wraps his arms around you before you can get off the bed.

“I’m kidding, I'm kidding...your art choices are the cherry on top.” Marcus nudges your nose with his and leans down to kiss you. He smiles when you moan beneath him. But the kiss is cut short when you push him away suddenly and narrow your eyes at him.

“You never told me how you knew which ones I commissioned.”

“Ugh no please, you’re going to think I’m a pervert.” Marcus falls back on the bed and tries to hide behind his arms.

“Oh yeah?” You slowly trail your hand down his stomach and wrap it around his cock. It’s all Marcus needs to lower his arm and look down to where you’re touching him. He shuts his eyes and lets his head fall back when you lean forward and nip at his jaw.

“B-baby fuck...oh god, please. I- I need a few more minutes and-”

“Tell me, please.” You cut him off with a bite to the shoulder, giggling when he thrusts up into your loose hold to get more friction.

“I- I was picturing the two of us...fuck, re-reenacting those scenes and those two jumped out more...more than the third.” He can barely speak through the haze you’ve put him in, and moans your name when you reach down and fondle his balls just as you whisper in his ears.

“How scandalous of you Agent Pike!”

“Sweetheart, please.” Marcus whines for you, the arm around your back pulling you flush to him and giving him perfect access to your breasts. He wraps his lips around one nipple and softly sucks on it as you continue to stroke his cock.

“Hmm, I like the sound of you begging...baby. Tell me, do you by any chance have your handcuffs on you?” The question catches him off guard, and he pulls away to look at you, finding a different kind of fire dancing behind your eyes.

“Fuck…I- uhh, they’re in the car. W-wait where are you going?” Marcus regrets his answer as soon as you let go of him and jump off of the bed. He watches as you run to the bathroom without answering him, only to return a few seconds later with bright red handcuffs clanking between your fingers.

“To get my own set Agent. Like you said, you and I need to get acquainted.” You unlock them as you walk back to the bed and straddle his thighs. Marcus looks at you with adoration and softly nods at you when you silently ask him if you could cuff him to the headboard of your bed.

“I’m yours sweetheart, take what you want.”

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#marcus pike x reader #marcus pike/reader #marcus pike #marcus pike fanfiction #the mentalist #pedro pascal #yall don't understand how much I love this fucking character #he's literally the softest #and he deserves the world #ugh #anyway

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I discovered your blog through the 1D relationships post (which I loved, and feel is 100% spot on somehow, even though I have no basis to confirm this). ♥️ I feel like these past few weeks have been tough in terms of stunts and now Billy Porter’s comments (which are 100% justified, of course). I’m just wondering what is going to happen with My Policeman promo — I feel like all signs since forever (or at least since 2010) as well as his own signaling point to H being queer. But lately I’m wondering, am I a clown? Are we all? Is there a chance we’ve all misunderstood or maybe he experimented at one point but not anymore and he secretly is straight? As a queer person, my own inability to always understand his closet frustrates me. If he is straight, it would be devastating—because you can certainly wave flags and and be the best ally there is as a global artist, but if he’s straight, I wish he’d just say he’s an ally. My partner thinks there’s no way he’d ever confirm that he’s straight now due to the backlash and confirmation of “queerbaiting” (and I get that humans can’t queerbait, but HS ™️ is also a brand). I get not wanting to come out as queer due to his fan base, but at a certain point, isn’t he choosing profit over being who he is? I just can’t decide if his “Who cares? I just think sexuality is something that’s fun” mean that he can’t say he’s queer and doesn’t want to lie about it OR he’s straight and just trying to be vague because why should it matter (if he’s straight)? (I feel like this is a mess of thoughts, sorry! I just find myself wanting to believe in his queerness and doubting.)

Lovely to hear from you anon - and I'm glad you enjoyed that post -I really enjoyed writing about how I imagined their relationship.

I'm sorry you've had a rough week anon. Fandom can hit us emotionally in all sorts of ways - and I am going to push back a little bit against some of the assumptions I see in what's here - but I want to be clear that that's not pushing back against any of the the things that you're feeling. I think that the messy feelings that come with fandom are mostly about us - and often it allows space for things we're maybe not able to feel directly. But I do think it's useful to push back against some of the framing around those feelings. (To give an example which is common in fandom that you are not showing anon. Lots of people who feel upset and angry when Harry pretends to date someone deal with those feelings by spewing misogynist bile at the person he's pretending to date for months. The feeling is not hte problem - the stories they're telling to avoid really dealing with their feelings are).

So my first question is - why would it be devastating if Harry Styles was straight? And I don't mean that in a snarky way - I genuinely think it's worth articulating. Fandom puts a lot of emphasis on being right, and treats the idea that we might be wrong in the story we tell about a celebrity as invalidating in some way. But it's totally OK to tell stories about a celebrity that turn out to be wrong - I once loved Joss Whedon.

To get really specific about that example - things Joss Whedon wrote about misogyny and power and survival really spoke to me and helped me get through really difficult times. When I discovered that he was in fact a misogynist who used his power to make women's lives worse, I told myself that everything that I had gotten out of his art was valid and important. I have never gone back to his art (except in one very weird night sort of by accident, just before the pandemic), but I'm very greatful for everything that I got out of it. And Joss Whedon was abusive to his wife, and sexually harassed women in his employment. That's much worse than Harry just not being hte person you thought he was.

I don't think that things you see in art, or even in the performance of celebrity, need to be intentional to be interesting, meaningful or valid. If Harry's straight that doesn't undo anything you've seen or felt.

**********

You say that you don't fully understand Harry's closet - can I suggest what that probably means is that you're telling a story about him that doesn't entirely fit with what you're seeing? What are you expecting to understand that you don't?

Reading this, I thought about My Policeman. We see the lead up to Tom and Marion getting married from Patrick's point of view. There's a scene where Tom told Patrick that he was called into his boss's office and asked when he's going to get married, told that single men often don't do well in the police force. When Patrick met Marion he thinks:

The truth is I'm a little afraid that her red hair and assured manner have turned his head. That she can offer him something I cannot. Security, for a start, Respectability (she has that in spades, although she may not be aware of it). And perhaps a promotion.

Then, a few days, later Patrick left work and went to Tom's police box. Tom said that he was supposed to be working and Patrick said he was too 'That's complete different. You can break the rules. I can't' As he said this, he hung his head a little, like a sulky boy' Then, as Patrick started undressing Tom this follows:

Then he took my fingers from his lips and, pressing them against his groin, he asked, 'Can you share?'

'Share?'

'Can you share me?'

I felt him harden, and I nodded. 'If that's what it takes. Yes. I can share.'

And then I was on my knees before him.

That scene took my breath away, because of how similar Tom is to how I imagine Harry. Harry wants it all. And his all isn't security, respectability and perhaps a promotion, as well as his man. His all is arenas full of people, and a movie career, and expressing some parts of his identity, and his man. And why shouldn't he? He knows the dangers. He's chosen to play someone whose attempt to have everything ended in huge amounts of pain.

The most insightful thing ever written about 1D comes from Karl Marx, when he said (I'm paraphrasing): Harry Styles makes his own history, but not in circumstances of his own choosing.

I'm also wondering what's going to happen with My Policeman promo. Harry must have known when he took this role that it would be challenging to maintain his current level of ambiguity while promoting it. He knows that some people see him as a straight man and will have opinions about him taking this role. But he did it anyway, because he wanted to tell this story of a gay man who wanted to have respectability and his lover. I cannot wait to see how he plays Tom. I also cannot wait to see how he makes his own history while promoting this movie, under these circumstances he did not choose.

There are many ways of understanding and relating to Harry - and you need to find what works for you. But I do find it useful, while following artists who I think are closeted, to be interested in how they navigate their closet, rather than upset and repulsed by it.

#I think someone who says #can you share me #is a huge part of who Tom is #And it might be useful #to understand Harry Styles that way #this is who he is #not him profitting rather than him being who he is