#I've sorted out a vague Doctor timeline | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hezuart · 11 months

Note

The concept art of LN2 are so interesting.

Different kids, Mono and six working together (six removing a log and both of them giving food to each other) more kids, concept art of kids being connected into TVs, the weird baby creature, Thin man smiling (distributing), even appearing in some locations ominous watching over Six and Mono, the flesh walls reaching out to Mono from the tv etc.

Ln2 gives me Akira + Dark city + city of lost children vibes .

It has so much intriguing concept art, at times I feel like the game we got wasn’t the complete vision of the developers, I feel like they had to cut corners or drastically change the story to meet the deadline.

As much as I love the game, is so vague in it’s storytelling it becomes frustrating.

What was Mono and Six’s end goal? We don’t even know. Same with the thin man. There are lot of widely accepted theories (the time loop, that thin man was looking after Six, Dark Six is six’s souls) but the truth is we don’t know what’s truly going on.

On first game we were absolutely convinced that The lady was Six’s mother and that later got disapproved.

But at least we had a clue about what was going on, in ln2 we don’t have any idea of anything.

I wonder if that was intentional or if it’s just a byproduct of the game being rushed in development and still miraculously being added as a positive for the game (is so vague it keeps people talking and theorizing about it )

you speak the truth, my friend!!!

Yeah the thin man smiling is definitely the creepiest. The concept of him seems like he truly became one with the tower, like he's empowered by it. He puts on a creepy broadcaster fake smile, but seems to love the attention. He loves to manipulate the masses; those kind of vibes. The doctor's head cut straight off is wild. I'm also disappointed we didn't get a train scene, a proper one, with Six and Mono sitting on a train together, or the Thin Man appearing from an elevator just out of the blue. That would have been so freaky. And yes, right??????? The game doesn't feel like the true vision! Its so vague and feels almost unfinished??? Man did we need those DLCs....

Mono's end goal was to reach the door, he felt a compulsion to tune into the tvs everytime they called out to him. When the Thin Man first appears, Mono even walks towards him with his hand outreached and Six is shaking her head in distress, reaching for him to try and pull him away, but then decides to run away instead.

It's almost like Six's compulsion in the first game, to seek out and consume the Lady. Their goals, or rather their futures, tend to have a lot to do with the dreams they have at the very start of the game. It's a compulsion, or maybe a premonition. The game is called "Little Nightmares" but also the fact that if you die, the game reloads the kids in a fetal position on the ground. They gasp, as though waking up from a nightmare; as though they had just fallen asleep. I never thought much of it at the time, but now that we know this game involves a timeloop that the kids may or may not be aware of... it's intriguing.... highly interesting... these nightmares or dreams are telling them their futures. As though perhaps just maybe they've lived it before? It seems like a supernatural higher calling, something or someone reaching out to them.

Yeah, I've heard a ton of theories. Six's mom. Six herself from another timeline. Six is part of the "Sisterhood of Ladies" that all ran the Maw, like a successor story. Regardless, Six has a connection to the Lady SOMEHOW, because her concept art, of her with long hair in a yellow raincoat, is literally hidden as a portrait deliberately seen in the Lady's bedroom, kinda hidden by a wall.

Yes, agreed. In LN2, the most I could figure out, is that there is an "epidemic" of sorts destroying the city. A majority of people are obsessed with televisions, and the longer they watch, the more damaged their bodies become. They start losing body parts; their faces become distorted, until some of them even disappear completely; leaving nothing but clothes behind. On top of this epidemic, there is MAJOR terrestrial damage to not only the city, but also the surrounding forest. There are HUGE crevices and trenches that split apart the ground by several feet; they are dangerous hazards, as though the earth itself was sliced into. It is unclear if this is caused by the radio tower signal (Mono is able to move the city buildings when he usurps his previous self) or something bigger. The Hunter is merely a serial killer in the woods who kidnaps people and kills and stuffs them. Perhaps something to do with insanity. What we don't know is why initially he keeps Mono and Six alive. (Does he not kill kids? He tries to kill them after they escape. Why keep them though? It even seems like he gave Six a music box and kept her alive all this time. Is this some kind of weird... situation where he keeps them as pets? its unclear. ) The doctor on the other hand, initially in his concept art I think he assisted in kidnapping children and hooking them into the tvs. I think children and their imaginations or energy was initially gonna be used to fuel the tv; they would be making the channels that entice the people to become addicted and ultimately sucked into the tower. But in the final product, the doctor is actually a bit more of a heroic figure. He is taking the leftover body parts left behind by the citizens and trying to piece them together with artificial body parts. Its a twisted form of necromancy. A twisted way to try and "save" his patients. To "save" the city. (He had the nosebleed girl locked away in a cell in the hospital though, and at some point captures her in the comics. I don't know what he does with her or why he was keeping her prisoner. That's never explained.)

As for the teacher and the school, that is probably the most confusing. She's teaching porcelain children, they're not real and yet they can move. They have personalities. Some of them can even function with a half-broken face. How is this possible? Who made them? And why? In the comics, there's only one real boy who used to go to the school. The lollipop kid. The porcelain kids gang up on him and he has to fight them to defend himself. Were children being kidnapped from school? To fuel the tvs? Whats the excuse for the final product? Were they being replaced by these dolls so no one would notice? Why is the teacher teaching these fake children? There's even a closet full of dunce caps, that eerily look similar to the nomes. Is this just a coincidence, or does it have higher meeting? And what on EARTH was with the teacher's study?! Where she had a chessboard and a child king strapped to one of the middle pieces. Why did she have a map with a giant eye drawn over it??? What in the world??? I feel some conspiracy theories brewing. They were also going to have a lunch lady in the concept art, but then they killed her off. Why do these porcelain children even need to be fed? They don't have stomachs! What is going on here??? Are real humans just being replaced by fake.... ghosts??? Or something? What is happening here And the Thin Man just kinda sitting in a chair until Mono can free him while its a tragic story it also doesnt make a lot of sense. Throughout the story we encounter several glitching remains. When did the Thin Man have time to snatch these children? Can he actively travel back in time? Because Mono encounters several of these glitching remains WHILE THE THIN MAN IS STILL IMPRISONED! So how could they be glitching if the Thin Man hasn't escaped? Again, the only thing I can think of is time travel, and even then- whats the point? The original motive for why he kidnapped children is no longer viable in the final product. And he was busy keeping Six imprisoned on top of chasing down Mono! (And what was he even gonna do with Mono? Kill him? That's himself! He freed you!)

and why on Earth is Shadow Six acting smarter- why can she move- why and how does she even follow Mono on his journey???? She's SIX'S shadow! Not Mono's! ANd yet she's following him, and then guiding him out of the train station to the top of the sewer line to confront his fate- When all the other glitching remains we've encountered act like they're trapped in time? They don't move or interact with Mono or even acknowledge him. Why is Six different? Six's shadow from the first game was just a creepy random thing they threw in there. They made an attempt to try and explain it in this prequel game, but I don't think they did a good job about it. Shadow Six being Six's "glitching remain" just doesn't make a lot of sense in comparison to her behavior vs. the other glitching remains. She seems like something very very different.

Also- the tower- what the hell is that thing. Its like... a giant blob? Of the citizens of the pale city? I don't know if they are in charge of the tower or if Mono/Thin Man are in charge of the tower, but the tower itself can change. Its a winding maze of doors and stairs and rooms. It actively changes. Hell, even Monster Six seemed to have some control over the environment. Every time Mono hit her music box, he was cast out and had to smash down a door with an axe to re-enter like he did with her when he first met her. Who is really in control here? (and what the heck is up with Monster Six!!! How'd this happen to her??? WHat kind of magic does the Thin Man possess??? Was the Thin Man even the one to do this to her, or was it the tower??? Or hell, was it even HERSELF????) and how did this tower come to be in the first place? If Mono is stuck in a continuous loop, then there's no way he'd be the creator of the tower. And the fact that the tower itself can seemingly defy space-time, does the tower consist of citizens from PREVIOUS timelines? That just continue to reabsorb their new time loop versions? How does that even work? Whats the point of this blob? Whats the point of this pocket dimension that defies space-time?

So... many... questions!!???

Honestly I feel like a lot of stuff from the first game also wasn't answered. Like the "ashes in the maw". Why are children kept and cared for on the Maw and not all immediately turned into nomes? Why is there an eyeball that turns them into stone? Why does the Lady keep a jar of children's statue ashes in her quarters? Who the heck are the shadow children???? What kind of business are they even running??? They fatten up people only to turn around and kill them and maybe even TURN THEM INTO FOOD? (the shoe room indicates this) you're gonna run out of customers with this method! The Lady I guess eats them?? Or their souls rather?? and then the chefs just reuse the body 'cuz hey, free meat. And then the Lady I guess takes pity on the children maybe??? Idk???? She sucks out their youth, turns them into these weird nome creatures that become slaves to the Maw (its indicated they work to keep the engine running, but why? Whats the point? They dont get anything out of this deal. Unless they were just helping Seven/RK escape then it makes more sense but...) it just seems weird she wouldn't also kill them by sucking out their souls completely. She only does that to the adults. (But then why even turn the children into statues??? Do the statues have to do with her shadow children servants??? flksdjglkf???) I love mysteries, but Little Nightmares really pushes it with their vague concepts. They're like "Its left up to interpretation!" When in reality its more like "We don't really know, we'll let you guys try and figure it out for us" without giving us any solid evidence or clarity

#ask #text post #long post #little nightmares #little nightmares 2

18 notes · View notes

inked-out-trees · 1 year

Note

69, 44, and 25 for the writers ask

I need to get back to writing too, but in good news I'm getting a feel of character for one of them. Now if I only had a plot

we're doing it! getting back into writing together! thank you for the reverse directional asks i will do them exactly how you have asked

69. how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

if i'm coming into it Knowing that i want to write an emotional scene, usually there's music involved! i have a collection of sad and otherwise melancholy playlists (plus one that's just songs i think would fit well in those angsty last 3 minutes of a tv show episode before the cliffhanger) and they tend to serve me well; if all else fails i'll find the most recent mood-fitting song i've been repeating lately and loop it forever. (most recently has been doctor eleven by dan romer. was the only thing i listened to for my crw class submission and personally i think it turned out swell.)

as for feeling the characters, i don't think so? a lot of the time what i feel when i'm writing is just joy from writing, vague evil sentiment, or if it's Really A Lot To Handle, there'll be like, an ache. occasionally i do make myself cry but that's mostly for personal or original things, and less for fanfic. unless it's the annie chapter of bean's beans. but typically i am somewhat detached, which is actually kind of impressive considering my propensity for imprinting on literally everything. huh! i learn something new about myself every day.

44. any writing advice you want to share?

man i never know if there's any sort of sagely things i do that could be passed off as wisdom but. the best piece of advice i've read (on tumblr too i think) was that if you're stuck, it's possible that the problem is actually a couple lines back. usually i look between three paragraphs and half a page up to see what different choices i could make, and that tends to solve my problem more often than not. kind of magic, that.

in other sort of throwaway bits, i always start a fic creation process by opening a doc and just rambling onto it. no proper prose, just as though i'm having a conversation with the empty page. it's helpful both to get my ideas in order and to have a place to come back to if need be - it's easier to toss the ball around if the net's already there, yknow? also, if for some reason microsoft word isn't doing it for me, i find fighter's block to be good for dumping out words, and zenpen has carried me through several terms of creative writing assignments and also poetry so take that as you will.

25. what's your revision or rewriting process like?

would you laugh at me if i said i don't edit my fics. this is not necessarily true in that i don't consider what i post to be rough in any way, but when it comes to fic especially i'm a big first-one-done kind of guy. that being said: i reread my work a lot. a lot a lot. and often times i will pick up little things that need fixing, line edits or weird repetitive things, so i do find it helpful. also the read-aloud function on word has been great to me. and i make frequent use of the comment function in word, which has been exceedingly useful when it comes to the fact that i haven't yet figured out the whole timeline of fixed point so some of the dates are just "FIGURE THIS OUT LATER" and "IS THIS TRUE?".

and of course sharing with other people :) coming from creative writing seminars i've realised (? finally understood? i don't actually know how much of an enlightenment it was but it was something) how useful it is to get someone and just say, hey, tell me how you interpret this, are there any questions you still have, god forbid did i leave any gaping plot holes. this comes in especially handy because in MY brain i know all the answers, and sometimes they forget to worm out onto the page. this again has just happened in my current seminar, so rest in peace to the quest plot i tentatively thought i could maybe go without describing (for wordcount's sake) but apparently not. it is cool and fine.

anyway happy tuesday and also thank you!

#as of the moment of posting it is still monday but it's tuesday in my heart #fic ask game #love ya! thanks for being a cool writing buddy #i wrote one of my favourite emotional scenes for the ttau a while ago #and i'm finally getting close to the part where it's actually meant to slot in #obsessed with grief tinged violence. raw edges and hope.#belooooved

2 notes · View notes

caricature-of-a-witch · 3 years

Text

things I liked about the 1st episode of the Loki show

bc my other post was salty and I want to balance it out a bit because I did enjoy it so here, have a random list of stuff I liked and that I think can be worked with (fanfic writers I'm begging you. my creativity has died some time back and refuses to return so I can't do it myself)

• love the idea of Loki losing a bet to Thor that leads to committing Midgard Crimes. how the fuck did they get Heimdall to cooperate. the Bifrost snatching Loki up mid-air in free fall. did Odin know of this misuse of his gatekeeper. did Loki talk him into that and Heimdall got in trouble in the end and that's why he doesn't like Loki what's the story here this is amazing. does Loki keep whatever money made it to Asgard in some corner as a trophy. does he buy ice cream with it. is there a list of unsolved mysteries where the solution is simply "Loki" I bet there is

• sneaky sneaky stealing of the collar loop remote thing. and making very good use of it, and annoying Mobius in the process :D

• still holding on to the Tesseract even when it's essentially useless. but who knows what the future brings, right, so better keep the teleportation cube

• anyone else hear Casey say "you're that criminal with the blue box" and think of Doctor Who for a hot second?? time travel, blue box, Doctor sure has been arrested a few times... please tell me I'm not the only one

• I very much enjoyed the vindictive looping of Hunter B-15 (do these people just... not get names. that seems not at all rude and dehumanising. or depersonising idk). and also the fact that there were still tears on his face and going by his expression it brought him about zero joy, which in turn brings me a lot of joy because I love seeing my faves trying to be happy but failing

• speaking of which, have a short list of things that give me the potential to hurt Loki in fun ways:

- I'm still 100% convinced that the falling into the Void thing gave him fall-related trauma, which is great for when he literally gets the floor pulled out under him multiple times in a row in an already uncomfortable af experience

- does the collar loop reset thing... hurt in some way? he's sort of doubling over the second time Hunter B-15 does that when he tries to run off (though he might have just. run into something??), and seems sort of vaguely uncomfortable/in pain after various uses by either Mobius or himself (granted there's the sudden lack of chair when he gets relooped into a sitting position but... look he's also just been Hulk-smashed a few hours ago and I want the loop to hurt, just go with me here)

- he's giving up, returning to Mobius's totally-not-a-murder-chamber, watching his predetermined life, and half a second from full on sobbing right there on screen, sitting alone in a room where everyone who's after him will eventually find him. beautiful. amazing. 100/10 please do it again. and then seeing him on the floor all dejected looking small playing around with the Tesseract, while saying aloud all the stuff that would have gone into meta on Tumblr if he hadn't said it. not sure how in character I find this (I don't, really) but I sure do enjoy hearing and seeing him in that state, so I won't complain.

• last but not least: I've seen one or two posts mentioning how Loki cries at every death he sees but laughs at his own, which. is incredibly sad and breaks my heart BUT I propose a different interpretation: it takes him a while to get to the laughing part after seeing himself die (and I will not get into the bullshit that was his death because that's been done), and I think it's less "hah how fitting of course that's all I'll ever get" but more of a realisation... because he's taken the first step away from that. he's stepped away from that timeline, and yeah that's why he's now in hella trouble, but - it's different trouble. he can make something of that trouble. it's his choice that led him here - Mobius going on about how "oh suuuure your life is all your choice keep telling yourself that" but his presence here, the fact that he's here being lectured about what his life is supposed to be, is proof that it can be changed! Frigga is supposed to die violently due to Dark Elves, but that hasn't happened yet. not to him. she's still alive, Odin and Thor are still alive and well, Loki is still alive, and he's already, unwittingly, taken the first step to ensuring it stays that way, because he's changed something, he's on a different path. just because the TVA says he's destined to die at Thanos's hand doesn't mean he will because he's Loki and he chooses his own goddamn path, Time Keepers and everyone else be damned.

(There's also his line to Mobius near the end, "The TVA is formidable," which to me sounds like the tentative beginnings of a plan might be forming and he's gotta sweet-talk Mobius a bit. who'll be expecting that, I guess, but hey it's a start!)

side note, I cannot believe I'm actively posting so much about this, what the hell.

#Loki show #Loki series #Loki spoilers #Loki series spoilers #Loki #MCU #long post #Marvel Loki #Variant Loki #Loki episode 1 #Ash's ramblings

25 notes · View notes

keagan-ashleigh · 3 years

Text

Hello tis me 👋😊

Ok so just like many people I have been following Loki's show and I have been sharing my thoughts on Twitter (look for @KeaganAsh if you want to meet me there) but, well, I thought, hey, that's been a while since I've posted something on Tumblr, and since the finale's tomorrow, well.

So. I haven't had many theories, some thoughts here and there but nothing big, but one. This is about Sylvie - it's not exactly my theory, I've seen some tweets about it and I tend to sort of agree with it: I am not 100% convinced Sylvie is actually a Loki. I think there is a possibility, a fair one, that Sylvie is the Enchantress. The actress has answered about it but in case the theory is true she can't just spoil it, and she's been vague enough so the theory still has a chance to be true.

First of all there's the name: Sylvie. Sylvie Lushton is one of the two characters that has taken the Enchantress alias, the other one being Amora.

The two are not the same character but they have things in comon and as Sophia Di Martino said they took inspiration from Lushton but are telling a different story from the comics. That doesn't rule out the theory at all since Sylvie and Amora can have been merged into this new character we've been presented.

I'm going to introduce those characters - even if in the end I end up being wrong, which is a possibility, they're still interesting.

Sylvie Lushton is a human, who obtained the powers of Enchantress from Loki who met her when she was a teenager, in Oklahoma where she was born. His reason being, basically, he wanted to play with the life of a human, and see what will happen. With her newly gained powers she tried her chance at joining the Avengers, taking The Enchantress name and lying about being an asgardian. But she was rejected.

She later joined Coat of Arm and the Young Masters, still trying to be a hero, then was accepted by the Young Avengers before being rejected because of her bad attitude. She joined other groups until she ultimately led a villainous group and was defeated by The Defenders then led by Valkyrie, Misty Knight, Hyppolita, etc.

Her powers: she has the ability to cast illusions, to control people's minds (!), teleportation, she can transform people into animals, cast some sort of energy field, transmorgrification (changing form, often in a grotesque way)

Amora is a born asgardian, her powers have been taught to her by the Norns, especially the Queen of the Norns, Karnilla. She's been continuing her studies by seducing or stealing knowledge from mages, wizards. She associated w Brunnhilde but soon betrayed her.

She's been for a long time associated with Skurge, who was deeply in love with her.

She's notably known as Thor's love interest - more precisely, Amora fell in love with Thor, tried to seduce him but when she couldn't, asked Skurge to kill Jane Foster. She was then defeated.

Later she has been associated with Loki, Zemo, Doctor Doom, etc.

She later was forced by the Beyonder to fight on Battleworld, at some point she fought against Miss Hulk and lost. She met Thor again by that time.

[note that those are mostly characters that have an importance in the incoming mcu phase]

The Enchantress was exhiled from Asgard by Odin who was unhappy with her villainous actions. But she fought against Surtur's army, and against her sister Lorelei when she refused to fight alongside asgardians. So she casted (?) a spell on her so she fell in love with Loki.

Her story doesn't stop here but it's a long story, see the rest on Marvel wiki.

Her powers: she has the asgardian strength of course, speed, ability to fight, endurance, etc. Plus obviously she is a witch so she casts spells, throw lightning bolts, teleport, cast illusions, transform her appearance, she manipulates men by seducing them, she can use force fields and blows up things with energy she emits, she can levitate, AND not the least: she can astral project to possess other people yes !

Both Enchantresses have obviously things in comon with the show's Sylvie - including their looks. Their powers seem similar to Loki's but there is things they can do that he can't, such as what is said in Lamentis: Loki can't enchant people, not the way she does it.

Loki manipulates minds in a different way as established in Avengers, he used the scepter that multiplied his power and emotions, to control minds and unleash Avengers deep anger to awake the Hulk. In a way, that power came from him, but it's not something he really does in the movies. Initially, he can astral project, use hypsnosis, telepathy, but he doesn't possess people. I guess Sylvie is teaching him to use this power he doesn't yet control. Still, it's quite possible that this is to make us doubt, or to focus our attention on the fact that Sylvie can help him unleash his powers, and not on the fact it's fairly possible that he just doesn't have Sylvie's abilities.

There is not many differences between a Loki and an Enchantress and that makes it really easy to deceive people into believing they are the same person.

What we've seen from the show and Sylvie's past, she was taken away from Asgard by the TVA as a kid and then hid from them and ran away... But there is actually nothing that really say unequivocally, the kid we saw was Sylvie. That is the story she is telling.

Plus there this tiny detail that the kid had dark hair, while Sylvie doesn't - yep I know hair dye is a thing but that blurs the line, that creates a visual difference between those two persons. What if it's implying they're not the same ?

And there is other details, like the HUGE amount of times they use the words "enchant", " enchanting", and such. I mean. Why insist on this word, when her power can be described differently, could have used telepathy, mind manipulation, etc, but they insist on using "enchantment".

And there is the fact her first impulse when called a Loki is to reject it, perhaps with a bit more anger than necessary. Why doesn't she wants to be associated with this name? Why insisting on the fact they're two different beings and not two versions of the same person. She's the only Loki to reject being a Loki, the only one who doesn't dramatize everything, and if they have comon traits, they are very different. Even Loki points it out, they're different. They imply that's because she was taken out of her timeline befire she could learn to be Loki, but again, it'd be a very good way to mislead us.

And of course there's the fact that they make them fall in love with each other - I doubt they really are to be honest, but they make it such a point that falling for himself is sick and absurd, then what if it means he's not? Yes it IS absurd. What if that's precisely the point?

I don't care if they end up together if she is not Loki but Enchantress, Loki is still canonically bisexual no matter who they set him up with, that is a win they can't take back. But yes, if she's actually Loki, then this pairing is weird. They are different people anyway, they don't share the same timeline, the same life, the same experience, still that is weird. And perhaps it's meant to feel weird and to be questioned.

In conclusion : I am not sure this theory is right. Not at all. But I feel like there is a piece of the puzzle missing, I feel like there is a lack of an actual twist. For now there has been 2 twists (tva agents are variants and the Time Keepers are fake), but we have been told that since the beginning, we started the show with this fact that it was all bullshit so there is no surprise, we have been led from the start to the understanding that the tva was coated in lies.

I expect something more unexpected. Something that not only will give a starting point to the multiverse just as it has been announced on the medias, but also something, pretty much like the Agatha reveal in WandaVision, that will make us go back to the beginning and reconsider everything we've seen. Why not that thing be that Sylvie is the Enchantress and has been either pulling the strings or been manipulated into tricking everyone.

Maybe not. Maybe I am wrong. We'll see tomorrow, maybe not this time but next season if there is one - everything is possible. If I am wrong, no worries, it happens, but if I am right I'll be happy but not surprised. 😁

#loki spoilers #loki #loki show #sylvie lushton #enchantress #sylvie is enchantress theory #marvel #mcu

9 notes · View notes

ultraviolet-techno-ecology · 5 years

Note

Hello! I've recently discovered your blog and I saw you never went to uni and have really cool ideas about education. I'll be finishing my undergrad soon and the thought of starting a master's degree fills me with dread. I feel like uni has mostly been making me vaguely unhappy, but on the other hand I'm not sure I could actually learn more on my own or what I would actually do with my life other than academics. I know this is really random, but I'd love to hear your thoughts, if you have any :)

For millions of years our species evolved without structured days, in a world of changing circumstance where adaptability meant success or failure. From a young age we would be exposed to that intrinsic chaos of life, and we would learn to walk our own path for better or worse. In a very recent timeline we have dramatically changed childhood. We have taken children out of their natural tendency to experience and grow from chaos, and placed them into rigid structured environments. This state of submission to the structured day gradually creeps further into life. We get younger kids in pre-preschools, and we send older kids to university, first for bachelors, but when that isn’t impressive anymore we send them in for masters and doctorates and so on. While there is still a cultural myth of the “Chaotic Childhood, Structured Adulthood” the fact is children have virtually no exposure to the typical life-chaos they would have experienced even a hundred years ago. This fundamentally restricts what our brains are prepared to deal with - and consequentially more and more people are uncomfortable without structured guidance. Whenever I hear someone say they struggle to imagine life outside academics, it typically reflects that their life has been governed and shaped in such a way the only environment they have learned to live within - is the school itself. Which is perfectly reasonable if that is where you have spent the majority of your life. (On a side note - this also reflects the recent evolution of startup culture, where childlike rewards imply a “Fun” business culture, essentially mirroring the vibrant but fiercely structured experience of grade school. That people long for such cheap environments is a sort of twisted nostalgia.)So anyway I realize that what I’ve written may seem cold and impersonal thus far, and what I’m going to say next may seem incredibly rude. However I want you to know I say this with the kindest intentions. If you have been made to be only useful for one thing (generating capital for a business, getting good test scores for a school etc) then you lack utility in your own life. What I suggest someone do in your situation - is to live life beyond your comforts so you can experience the chaos of life fully. University is rarely an environment that promotes genuine adulthood - and if you want to have a life beyond the walls of a university (or whatever office may hire you) - you are going to need to catchup on all the things you have been missing out on over the years. Go do something physical and relatively unstructured. Learn to learn without textbooks and final exams. Relearn to read a book without studying it. Buy a $10 keyboard from goodwill and play improvised jazz. Just generally do what you need to so the repressed chaos-seeking child inside of you can finally learn what it needs to in order to grow into a functioning adult. People may accuse you of being “Childish” especially at first - but accepting that part of you and letting it breath is better for your long term mental health than never having given it a chance in a world designed to squash it.

#long post #education #childhood #structure #improvisation #mental health

93 notes · View notes

iammxxny · 7 years

Text

Hi this is the most awful thing I've ever written but it's 23:38 in the UK and I'm exhausted so forgive me please 💕

'My God...' The Doctor takes a moment to assess the situation. Surrounded by flames, lost, in a coat three sizes too big isn't exactly the safest she's ever been, but it's not completely inescapable, either. Having regenerated mere minutes ago, she's still disoriented, but not as severely as last time. At least this time, she knows vaguely where she is, and who she is- but only under the surface. The one thing that still remains a mystery to her is what she looks like on the outside. She isn't even certain she's a woman yet, though she can hear her own voice, and it certainly suggests as much. Getting shakily to her feet, she wraps her arms tight around herself and moves forward through the forest. Though she doesn't have any idea where she's going yet, she knows, deep in her subconscious, that she has to find the TARDIS. Even in the darkest moments, the Old Girl had been a light for her, and it occurs to her that she wouldn't feel safer anywhere else. It's a long walk, she finds, as she makes her way through thick piles of leaves and amongst stray tree branches. She feels some of them get caught in her hair, and is now almost completely convinced that she has, in fact, become a woman. It's a nice change, after being a man the past twelve (thirteen, really) times, and she can't help but smile a little at the thought. 'A whole new angle to work with.' She mutters to herself, thinking joyously of all the varying clothing she wants to try out now she's changed. Just the thought of the bountiful TARDIS closet makes her speed up slightly, pushing back branches and stepping to the fast paced beat of her own heart as she hurries to find her ship. 'Come on, Old Girl.' She whispers in the cold air, her breath hanging there visibly for a second, like smoke. Eventually, she reaches a stone wall. It's nothing special- at least, not in appearance- but something about it feels like home. She stops in her tracks, breathing heavily after her long walk, and then holds her hand out in front of her, excitement bubbling inside her chest as she feels a warm energy brewing on her palm. An orange glow appears there first, and then she feels a small weight, and sees the shape of a TARDIS key soon follow. Good. That means she's in the right place. The low, but comforting hum of the time machine is even more of a sign. It echoes against the trees as the vague shape of it appears in a gap between two parts of the stone wall. Gradually, the bright blue she is known for appears more prominently, and the Doctor feels a small, happy smile appear on her face. It's so comforting to finally see her again. Clutching the cold metal key in her hand, she clenches her fist and strides towards the TARDIS, trying to contain her excitement. It feels like forever since she's seen the console, strolled the corridors, spun the monitor, but she presumes it's only really been a matter of days. 'What have you got for me this time?' Number Thirteen breathes as she places her palms flat on the blue doors, preparing herself for whatever is behind them. She feels the TARDIS whirring and humming against her touch and is glad to see that the pattern of the machine recognising her no matter what body she has remains unbroken. With that extra note of confidence, she pushes the key into the slot and turns it slowly, the doors swinging inwards to reveal her home. It's exactly like she remembers, except different, all at the same time. The console is mostly the same, with the same controls, and the Gallifreyan writing still carved into the top, but it's now mostly black marble, with grey steel filling in any gaps. She thought it had been sophisticated before, but the way it is now far surpasses anything it has been before. 'Oh, aren't you just gorgeous? I knew you would be. You never fail to disappoint.' She grins, almost running up the stairs and circling the console enthusiastically, flicking levers and pressing buttons and fiddling with the monitor. Reaching up to tuck a strand of her short blonde hair behind her ear, she braces herself, looking down, and then prods at the monitor, continuing to do so until a small mirror slides out from the bottom. She closes her eyes, anticipation bubbling in her chest, and then opens them again, blinking several times as she adjusts to seeing her new face. It was really not what she expected, but it's a pleasant sort of surprise. Her hand lifts to her face, and she timidly prods at her cheekbones, squinting at her reflection as she figures out exactly what has changed. 'The hair...' she mumbles, tugging gently at the ends of it. 'Gorgeous, I'll admit... But still not ginger.' She groans, thinking back to her beautiful, ginger companions. A feeling of jealousy rises up inside her chest, and she has to quench it before she starts thinking awful things about her friends. Amy's smiling face and Donna's unapologetic laugh show up in her thoughts, and it makes her feel a little better that she can still remember them fondly, even if she is envious of their hair. 'What else has... Right. I've got... Those now...' she trails off, hands darting downwards towards her chest. She doesn't really touch them, more prods at her breasts timidly, wondering what exactly she's supposed to do with them. Having gone from being a man to a fully developed woman in the space of two seconds, it was beginning to dawn on her just how much of a change this was going to be. 'I should call Missy. Maybe she'll lend me a bra...' she mumbles thoughtfully, still staring at herself in the mirror, hands wandering curiously all over the place. It surprises her how daunting the whole thing is. She's usually quite good at adapting to the change every regeneration, but this is something so very different that she finds herself panicking a little. Not so much that she's losing her mind completely, but just enough to get her working up a bit of a sweat. Her first instinct is to pick up the phone. She needs to speak to someone, but since she's still in a bit of shock, she can't quite figure out who. It's only when the TARDIS generates a singular face on the monitor that the Doctor realises she never could have called anyone else. She searches quickly for the phone- which has been relocated to a new position on the redesigned desktop- and spins the dial until the correct number has been imputed. Then, she waits patiently until someone answers. 'Hello?' Hearing her voice is like music to her ears. The Doctor actually struggles to answer for a while, swallowing hard and trying to regain her senses before replying. 'Hey, you... It's me.' 'You're going to have to be more specific. I know a lot of those.' The Doctor grins. Still the same River. She wonders briefly if her wife will care that she's a woman, but dismisses the thought almost immediately after. Of course she won't. River has been married to women before. She's sure this won't be an issue at all. 'Uh... The Doctor.' River doesn't even take a minute to be surprised. Yet another thing the Doctor loves about her. 'Oh... sweetie... Let me guess. You're number thirteen, aren't you?' 'How did you know?' The Doctor asks, frowning. 'I'm your wife, my darling. I always know.' The Doctor laughs a little at this, but otherwise says nothing. 'Have you just regenerated?' 'Within the hour. Riv, you've got no idea how good it is to hear your voice, I- I...' the Doctor doesn't know why she's feeling so awkward and embarrassed. Her eleventh self was so much worse than this, always making a mess of things, and then running to his wife to help him fix it, but somehow, this regeneration feels more anxious about turning to River for help. 'Are you scared?' River asks suddenly. The Doctor looks at herself in the mirror, trying to figure that out. She wasn't scared when she first changed, but now, suddenly, she feels like the walls are closing in and there's no way out. Maybe it was the adrenaline before, but all the excitement she felt at having a new body has dissipated. 'Yeah. I am a bit.' 'Please don't be. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but the face you see in the mirror is you. And you're going to be so, so brilliant.' The Doctor sighs, not entirely sure she believes her wife, but feels a little reassured at the same time. 'So... You've met this face, then? In the future? My future?' She asks curiously. 'Absolutely. It's one of my favourites.' 'And I'm... Am I a good person?' The Doctor asks, not sure she wants to hear the answer. 'Was there ever any doubt that you would be? No matter the face... You'll always be the same.' 'I don't... I wasn't sure...' 'I know there isn't much I can say to convince you of that right now. But, one day, you'll do something, and you'll think back to this moment, and you'll realise I was right.' She reassures the Doctor. It still isn't enough, though. She knows that River's probably right, but there's still something missing. 'You have to say that. You're my wife.' 'When have I ever let that stop me from telling you when I think you're wrong?' She's right again. Will she ever stop being right? Probably not. And the Doctor doesn't want her to, either. She isn't sure what she'd do without River's wisdom being a phone call away. 'Can I... Can I see you?' The Doctor asks. It comes out all timid and shy and not really like her at all. In that moment, she suddenly misses being Twelve. At least he could say what he meant without disappearing into a puddle of regret. 'Sorry, my love. I've already checked the diaries. We don't meet at this point in your timeline.' 'Oh I se- Wait. Diaries? Why've you got my diary? Am I... Am I with you now?' The Doctor asks in shock, furrowing her eyebrows as she tries to figure out what's going on on the other side of the line. 'I wouldn't want to spoil anything...' 'River!' 'Well... Yes. You, number thirteen, just later on. You're sort of... In our bedroom. In your nightie... Oh! And you're looking at me all funny now.' The Doctor strains to listen, and realises that River isn't lying. She can just about make out another voice in the background, asking questions. 'River? Who is that you're talking to?' The voice questions curiously. 'See! She's jealous. You're causing problems in my marriage!' River jokes. 'River! So help me, tell me who that is, or I'll... You'll... You'll no longer be invited into our bedroom!' The voice exclaims again. It hardly sounds threatening, and the Doctor finds herself laughing at the sound of her future self attempting to order about River Song. An unachievable feat, in the Doctor's opinion. 'Are you... Are you sleeping together?' The Doctor exclaims, a little shocked by the realisation she's a single mistake away from having a conversation with a future version of herself. 'You're not jealous, are you?' River laughs. 'She's you!' 'Riv? Wait! Is that me?' The older Doctor asks excitedly, and the newly regenerated one hears her clamber into the bed and place her ear near the phone. 'Yes, dear. It's you.' She answers fondly. 'My God. That's... She sounds happy. Am I happy?' The Doctor questions. 'Hmm... I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself?' River suggests. She passes the phone over to the older Doctor and the new one holds her breath, waiting for a response. 'I'm in a silky pink nightie, lying in bed with River Song, sipping a nice cold glass of champagne, Doctor. I'm hardly miserable.' That's all the answer she gets. And then River is back on the phone, laughing at her wife's reply. 'Well, there you have it, Thirteen. That's your future. You happy with it?' 'Stupid question. I love champagne.' She hears River's laugh again on the other end of the line at that response. 'You think you're hilarious, don't you?' 'You laughed!' The future version of herself interrupts them. 'River, do we want strawberries or jammy dodgers? I'm thinking both. Shall we do both?' The Doctor can't see, but she knows River rolls her eyes at the question. 'Of course, dear. Don't do things by half. We'll have both. And maybe some coffee?' She replies, and the Doctor hears footsteps leaving the room, signalling that her future self has gone to find refreshments. 'Don't tell me. She's only made you worry more.' River laughs, that warm sort of laugh that she always does that sounds a bit like... Home, to the Doctor. It's comforting to hear it so many times during their conversation. 'No... No. I've seen how happy I have the ability to be now. You've given me that, River Song. Thank you.' 'No thanks necessary, Doctor. It's my job, remember?' 'When will I see you again? I mean... When am I... Her?' 'I can't tell you that. Your future can't be told, has to be lived.' Cryptic as ever. The Doctor wants to be annoyed that River basically just pulled another 'spoilers' on her, but she just isn't. It sort of feels... Nostalgic... that River is keeping secrets again. 'Then... I guess I'd better go.' 'Yes, I suppose you'd better.' There's a brief pause. 'See you soon then, Riv.' 'Never soon enough.' River replied sadly, before hanging up the phone. Neither of them were ever any good at goodbyes. The Doctor take a moment to ponder the conversation she just had. It wasn't exactly what she was hoping for when she picked up the phone, and yet it has given her hope. Hope that she will, once again, become someone the universe will be proud of. And that new found hope is all thanks to River Song. The Doctor counts her blessing that the daughter of Amy and Rory, so strong and trusting, has found it inside her heart to allow room for a troubled Time Lady such as herself. She isn't sure she'd have made it this far without River Song. However, for now, she knows her travels have to be carried out without her wife. The time will come when she'll see River again, but she realises that she has to become herself before she can be River's wife. She has to find a way to love herself completely before she can allow herself to be loved by someone else. Punching in co-ordinates, she decides the best way to do that is to throw herself directly into the flames. To find herself, and to truly allow this new face to become the Doctor, she knows she needs to take it all the way back to her roots. 'Home to Gallifrey... That's where I've always been going, after all.' She mumbles under her breath, bracing herself for the journey. She remembers how hated she is there, of course, but also understands that if she stands any chance of being able to redeem herself, any chance of being forgiven for the choices she has made throughout all her lives, she needs to make peace there first. With a gentle, caring caress of the TARDIS console, she swallows hard, preparing herself for what will happen when she arrives. 'Wish me luck, Old Girl.'

#I'll probably rewrite this at some point tomorrow #improve it and repost #but I know there's people who want River x Thirteen fanfic pretty badly soooo #Enjoy this trash while you wait for someone who can actually write to post something lmaooo #thirteen x river #river song #river song and the Doctor #thirteen and river song #doctor who #new doctor #Jodie Whittaker #Alex Kingston #thirteenth doctor #fan fiction

12 notes · View notes