#It’s like being occasionally visited by the Ghost of Tumblr Future

[punemy-spotted]

A Worthy Grave - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Everybody Dies Alone

Pairing: Federal Agent!Ari Levinson x Witch!Reader

Warnings: THIS IS A HORROR FIC, True Crime Elements, Police Procedural Elements, Possibly a little Twin Peaks, Violence, Murder, Death, Flayed Bodies, Ghosts, Ghouls, Violence Against Women, Violence Against Random Hikers, The Woods are Dangerous, Serial Killers, Choking, Gutting, Witchcraft, Blood, Appalachian Gothic Horror, Eventual Smut, Plot with Porn

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOUR CONSUMPTION OF MEDIA IS YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY AND IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONTENT THAT IS BEING PRESENTED, PLEASE DO NOT READ

Chapter Summary: Any place with enough history in it is gonna have ghosts. And sometimes they call your name.

O Mother It is that fear that moves both heart and tongue To draw tight curtains so that we might let the darker hours pass unseen. We hear you call in the deepest night. We hear you call to us in voices that belong to our dead and gone And we know better, but we follow you into The darkened woods all the same.

— Old Gods of Appalachia Episode 31: Season 3 Prologue

Notes: I’M BACK, BITCHES. This fic is a sort of direct sequel to Glory, Amen, so keep that in mind as you read it, except I decided to include MORE CE babes into this fic and may also include other CE babes in the future. This is gonna be more Twin Peaks inspired than anything else, and I hope you enjoy it! I crave feedback, so tell me what you think!

All of my work is 18+ Only, Minors DO NOT INTERACT. I do not consent to my work being posted anywhere besides Tumblr or Ao3 and I post my work there myself. Do not copy, translate, or repost any of my content.

Any place with enough history in it is gonna have ghosts, and these mountains in particular — being the oldest mountains in the world — have the type of ghosts that predate the very humanity the spine of this land is afflicted with. The type of ghosts that — if you’re good and careful, if you find the right gaps ‘tween then and now t’slip between, say the right words to invite ‘em into your space — might just come pay you a visit.

Other times, you don’t gotta say shit.

These woods’ll keep you safe, if you keep ‘em safe, your momma would warn you with all the gravity of a stormcloud, wrist-deep in the rich black earth of her garden, digging out root vegetables and other sorts of magic from that treasure trove of life she’d spent more years cultivating than you’d actually been alive, This mountain will sustain you proper, if you sustain it.

These woods are deep and dark an’ full of the type of demons even your daddy’s Bible would have been scared to name, but you are the blood of both an’  your momma feared no man, woman, or haint in these or any mountains.

Which is why, when the specter shows up on your front porch, screamin’ for blood an’ justice, all you do is give her a name and offer her a plate of cornbread she’d never actually be able to eat.

Stops the screaming though.

Trouble with small towns — especially small towns in mountains like yours — is that sometimes, people go missing. People take walks out in the woods, fall into some mineshaft the State forgot to tag or get got by some apex predator lookin’ to prove just how wild God’s own country really is. People get lost, people just plain die. Nine times outta ten, nobody finds the body but the beasts an’ eventually nobody looks, all chalkin’ the loss up to some mountain sacrifice.

Blood for blood, what you make, I will take.

You’re no stranger to death — Hell, Cocke County coroner, you might almost call it your life’s work — but some parts of the job you could do without.

Parts which occasionally — and currently — include a sobbing woman sittin’ translucent an’ bloody in your kitchen.

You call her Janey, on account of the Jane Doe #117 title stamped on the manila folder sittin’ in your office, the one with the photos of a body that probably once belonged to the unsettled soul you’d invited inside and offered a sacrifice of fresh-baked bread. It ain’t her real name, but that’s what the boys over at Park Services are still trynna find out.

Ain’t nothin’ I can do about your body, honey, you tell her, sitting across from the glum-faced woman and trying to decipher the words she means to say between the static that just can’t stop pouring from that hollowed-out mouth.

Your daddy tried teachin’ you the language of the other side, all deep snarls an’ buzzin’ shadows, but sometimes it’s the words that manage to spill out that tell the truth, those last vestiges of humanity bubbling bloody an’ baleful from a tongueless mouth before death takes its last due.

You know her secrets.

You know she wore heels more than hiking shoes. You know she’s not from these mountains, not anywhere near these small towns. You scraped the dirt from under her fingernails and know she fought to survive with everything she had and you know, gut-sinkin’ and stomach churning, that she was not the first body her killer left behind.

You know you could write her name out on your paperwork and give her family some peace, tell ‘em she didn’t run away, tell ‘em she loved ‘em more than anything in the world.

You know you could tell her boyfriend she wasn’t cheating on him, that the man who picked her up and left her here for the beasts to find was someone she thought she could trust. You could tell her momma she was comin’ home from a good job, that she stopped drinkin’ four months ago, that therapy was goin’ well and she was gettin’ better. You could give her daddy a body to bury long before its time, an’ if this were the Holler you grew up in, you know that would be that.

But it ain’t, so nothin’s ever over, and now you’ve gotta figure out how to prove this shit.

You pour yourself a fourth cup of coffee, watching your cornbread offering slowly begin to mold, decay following death as it must always do. You gotta give me something to go off of for the Feds, honey.

You get static in return.

Well. That and the shrill ring of your landline, that old rotary thing you bought from a thrift shop on the other side of the state, kept connected just in case the towers don’t reach you through the early morning mist.

There’s only one goddamn asshole who’d call you on it at six in the goddamn morning.

You ever sleep, Levinson?

Could ask you the same thing, Doc, how long you been up?

Clockwork. The same conversation you’ve had every morning since Ari Levinson transferred from some national park you didn’t give a damn about up north, his drawl about as much a part of your morning routine as coffee and keeping Goatrude out of your vegetable garden.

You want something, Levinson, or you just callin’ to ask about my sleepin’ habits?

What, can’t check in on you, Doc? You can almost hear the casual smugness in his voice, imagining the way he might speak around the cigarette he’s probably smoking at too-early-in-the-morning, I got an update on Jane Doe. You need to get out here.

The grind of gravel tells you just how much choice you have in the matter, your houseguest disappearing the moment she realizes you are not about to be alone for much longer, Jesus, Levinson, you gotta give a lady some warning, you slam down the receiver with a satisfying sound, grabbing the thoroughly-molded cornbread and throwing the plate wholesale into the bin and dumping the rest of your coffee pot into a thermos, listening for the sound of his engine roaring to a stop as you rush through the rest of your morning.

You grab your bag as you leave, stalking your way down the gravel walk and flashing Ari Levinson — parked halfway up the driveway and mercifully blocked further by Goatrude doin’ her best guard dog impression — a hard glare in response to his lazy grin, One day I’m gonna have you arrested for trespassin’, you threaten as you get into the too-fancy-for-a-city-slicker truck he drives.

He doesn’t say a word as you get in, just turns the key in the ignition and with a wink and backs away from Goatrude threatening to headbutt his front bumper.

It takes about fifteen minutes to get to the scene, where your crew and work truck are already waiting, jumpsuit and booties prepared for you to pull on before you’re allowed past that yellow tape and allowed to face the scene before you.

And just what the Hell m’I supposed to do here?

Well, Doc, I’m pretty sure you’d say the next step’s the autopsy, Agent Ari Levinson, Park Services Investigation Division — or whatever the hell that formal title is that he handed off to the poor rookie trying to keep curious hikers away from the yellow tape — saunters up behind you, his cigarette put out so as not to contaminate the crime scene, taking it in with you.

Helluva scene too, with its most pertinent part — for you, right now — currently including a body layin’ pretty as a picture on a flat slab of rock, eyes closed and lips blue, naked as the day it was born.

Which all would’ve been fine, save for the lungs, kidneys, liver and contents of a final meal neatly poured from a stomach into a tupperware container and placed around the meatsack-that-had-once-been-a-human-being like an offering to some great and terrible mortician God.

If you got all the answers, Agent Obvious, you wanna explain to me just how the hell I’m supposed to autopsy a body that’s already been done?

Oh, we got a whole lot better than that. You contemplate turning him into a crime scene with your own gloved hands as he turns, gesturing towards the far side of the slab, just past the edge of a cluster of trees, where two of your staff stand with two large black dogs seated patiently in wait.

Surrounding a lump hidden by a big white sheet.

You can guess what’s underneath that sheet even before they remove it, like every shitty horror film you’ve seen. A chunk of meat vaguely shaped like a human, wearing none of its features, nothing identifiable ‘cept raw. meat.

We’ve been callin’ it Jekyll and Hyde all morning, Ari Levinson tells you, Deputy coroner’s fifty yards back dry heaving, so we—

Y’all brought in the big guns. Don’t tell me — that’s the same body.

Got it in one.

You close your eyes for a moment and take several breaths before looking at the scene once again, trying not to curse yourself or your momma for the way your day’s turned.

You got any more bad news for me, or am I allowed to start gettin’ in there and doing my job?

You try to ignore the way Ari Levinson’s gaze holds yours… and the way Jane Doe #117 shows up from over his shoulder, her hollow-mouthed scream silenced the moment the Agent starts to speak again, We got an ID on last week’s vic.

The thing about names is how much power they hold. Your daddy took his name, stole it off the corpse of a man too broken with hunger to protest. Your momma abandoned hers, becoming more of a title than a name, markin’ herself as matriarch an’ Queen of the verdant kingdom she clawed out from the hands of the ungrateful and the undeserving. Both of ‘em agonized over yours, planting seeds of bloom and prosperity in every theoretical letter before they finally settled on somethin’ proper.

Only for you to change it the moment you were old enough to move outta the family home, disappear to the big city an’ make a name for yourself, choosin’ to hide any connection you had to that Holler you called home, not outta shame but outta knowing.

And now it’s back. Starin’ at you from the ID card of a once-unidentified murder victim who’d spent your morning destroying a plate of your favorite cornbread recipe while her physical form remained in stasis in your morgue.

Rogers.

Bein’ the daughter of the town pastor and the town witch came easy for you, just like it did all your sisters. But outside the boundaries of the Holler where everybody knew to respect Ma an’ Pastor Rogers, you knew your family’s ghosts would be all too happy to eat you right up.

Ari Levinson brings you a cup of coffee as you step outside the cold storage of your morgue, looking a bit like you’d seen a ghost and like you’d suddenly regressed to being afraid of them. Alright, Doc?

Stupid questions ought to deserve stupid answers, but you have the good sense to nod your head and busy your mouth with scalding itself on fresh-brewed water somebody whispered about coffee to. Somebody contact her next of kin? You haven’t gotten used to saying her real name, your real name, so instead you just gesture vaguely at the morgue behind you, hoping the agent will have enough sense to use context clues and get to the point.

Thankfully, he does. Family’s coming down tomorrow. Folks live in North Dakota — got no idea how their girl ended up down here. Dad kept askin’.

You tell ‘em we got no idea?

You really think my bedside manner’s that bad, Doc?

Stupid questions ought to deserve stupid answers.

You continue to have the good sense to not respond, leaving Ari Levinson looking slightly more than insulted as you pretend to have heard your office phone ringing and walk right back into the icebox.

That night, the spirit formerly known as Jane Doe #117 comes with a friend. John Doe #43 is… less pleasant lookin’ than the girl whose ID he had hidden inside his flayed jaw, eyeless face staring at you from your kitchen window and tapping on the glass to be let in.

You don’t. Victims of violence like that come with haints attached to ‘em and you’re not about to invite that into your home. The offering of cornbread is left on your back porch instead, with a light left on so he wouldn’t get lost on his way to a meal that didn’t consist of Cliff bars and spinach tortellini. It doesn’t stop his knocking though, insistin’ that your presence alone is enough reason to get in here. That the door is only a few steps away.

As if you’ll risk getting hurt by this ghost who probably won’t even remember attacking you.

Maybe he’s the one that attacked her, maybe he never even saw her, maybe he just wants the same comfort she must’ve craved during her final minutes on this Earth, or maybe he’s just a figment of your imagination as you ruminate on why the idea of a dead girl sharin’ your old last name — not an uncommon last name either, owned by more than a hundred thousand people in the country alone — bothers you so goddamn much.

Whatever the case, you won’t open the door for him, not now. Not ever. You just keep your charms on you when you step outside and feed the goat before lockin’ up the house and going upstairs to go to bed, biddin’ them both goodnight and, We’ll do our best.

The knock on your front door comes not long after midnight, loud enough it echoes all the way to your bedroom, persistent and steady as a drum.

And when you don’t respond at first, it keeps right on banging on the damn thing until you’re convinced you’ll soon see a fist makin’ a dent through that thin wood as the sound becomes a steady pounding.

Doc! Doc, it’s Ari, you gotta let me in.

You’ve heard of haints makin’ mimics of voices, memories, an’ hell, even whole faces of both the living and the dead, so you know better than to fling that door wide open and let him in to see you in your nightclothes before he’s ever even bought you a damn dinner, but that tone of voice he bears chills you to the bone somehow.

Doc, I know you’re in there, you gotta—

Prove it’s you.

What?

You heard me. Tell me somethin’ only Ari Levinson would know I know about him.

Oh c’mon, Doc. I don’t fuckin’ know. Do you even know my birthday?

Okay, so he’s got a point. You don’t admit that.

Fine, fine. What’s the hurry, couldn’t this have waited ‘til tomorrow?

Ari Levinson looks half-wild as you let him in, glancing outside briefly to see the flayed figure of your most recent unwanted visitor still seated mutely on the porch, cornbread rotted to dust and Goatrude holding him at bay. The Agent either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, eyes fixed on you instead, You got a gun?

Got a gu— the hell sorta shit are you up to, Levinson?!

His lips curl back from his teeth in a sort of grimace before he turns, glancing out your front windows and then back at you, You know you have a skinless corpse on your porch?

Oh, so he noticed.

I’ve been trynna ignore it. That’s besides the point, the fuck are you doing out here and why do I need a gun?!

Personal protection, why else? There’s two dead bodies less than ten miles out from your property, Doc, or did you not notice?

The point. You need him to get to the point, and you might actually kill him if he doesn’t, arms crossed over your chest and trying not to let your scowl get too deep. Please don’t tell me you came all the way over to my house just to tell me to use protection.

No, it’s cuz I figured out how to measure distances, he retorts, before… drawing himself up to his full height and letting his jaw set properly, Fine. You gotta promise not to say I’m crazy first though.

Not crazy, says the crazy motherfucker bangin’ on my front door at one in the goddamn morning. You take in the seriousness of his glare for a moment, processing how many times you’ve actually seen him be serious before, Fine. Fine, I got a skinless guy on my porch anyway. Nothin’s gonna beat that.

Famous last words, you know, as you head to your kitchen to start up coffee. There’s no sleep to be had for you tonight.

So you’re tellin’ me you’re the one who found this morning’s corpse?

You watch him, stirring about three tablespoons worth of honey into your coffee in a vain attempt to use the added sugar in your caffeine to stay awake, watch the way his eyes glance askance like he could hide the gears turning in his head, coming up with an excuse for his confession that doesn’t sound as insane as he feels.

You got no idea, you almost tell him, but it’s almost funnier to watch him sweat.

I was investigating a hunch on… the girl, he’s as used to calling her Jane Doe as you are, the name slipping from his mind.

You don’t tell him you appreciate it it.

A hunch. What, you got an informant I don’t know about?

He looks sheepish, which is new for a man you didn’t know had any concept of shame, I told you not to call me crazy, Doc.

So you did. Fine. Just go over this again for me — you went out lookin’ for clues on the Jane Doe cuz you just… thought you missed somethin’, four miles away from where they found her body?

I said I went to the crime scene, Doc. And then I walked for four miles… on a hunch.

You’re going to need more coffee.

Well. Gotta hand it to you, Levinson, you weren’t wrong on that one.

See? Told you. Found the body, but knew I wasn’t gonna be able to justify why the fuck I was out at the ass-crack of dawn, four miles away from the scene and following a hunch so…

So you just got lucky with the hikers comin’ up the way?

He nods, dragging his tongue along the inside of his cheek while he chews over what to say next, looking both thoughtful and displeased, Figured I’d be investigating the scene anyway, any bootprints I had could be explained later.

You have to hand it to him, he did think it out. You sit back, listening to him continue, go on about calling you to the scene — helps to call your partner out, you suppose — and then going back to both scenes to figure out the connection between the dead girl and the skinless meatsack.

Figured that if it worked once, it’d work for Flayed Doe over there, so I just… walked. Followed the hunch, and ended up here—

The Flayed fucker’s been here since sundown — it happens.

You eye him, watching the way he doesn’t react to your casual explanation of why there’s a skinless corpse on your front porch, measuring his words, letting coffee scald your tongue and pretending it doesn’t bother you none as you consider how much you should believe him.

Or how much of his own grave you should let him dig.

You’re pretty calm about the dead guy, Ari’s voice is halfway to an accusation, watching you right back as he processes, measures you up, weighs the way you glance past his shoulder to the thing still knocking at your window and the girl still hiding from the agent in your kitchen.

You don’t answer, not right away, grabbing the biscuit jar and half-slamming it down on the table between the two of you instead, figuring you’ll both need something to fill your bellies on top of the coffee while you so something close to talkin’ about… this place, an’ whatever  the hell it’s doin’.

You’re not the only one telling lies, Levinson.

#ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x fem!reader #ari levinson #ari levinson imagine #chris evans fic #chris evans imagine #chris evans #marvel fanfic #writing #in which tessa finally writes something #chris evans characters

[cleaning-has-its-benefits]

At some point of April of 2021 I first learned about Omori, I think. It’s been two years now.

Two years, two years…

I’ve thinking about this since april, but I was somewhat busy to do anything with that thought. Still, I wanted to write something for the occasion. A little commemoration, maybe. A humble one at that, I feel, for what this game deserves. I would love to write, nah, to pour my heart in a love-letter, a definitive manifesto of what this game means to me, but alas, I don’t have the energy, the skill nor the bravery to write, and post, such thing. At first, I thought I could title this as “why Omori is so important to me”, but I found the answer to that was too personal, and to answer faithfully I would need an honesty that only privacy would allow. I will write my answer to that question, as self-reflection, for only me to read.

Now, I would like to write something remotely celebratory to post. Let’s see how much success I have at that, since I’m not exactly in a celebratory mood… it’s a shame really, it’s hard for me to write happy things in these times.

It’s been two years since I first learned of Omori. A youtuber I follow posted a review of Omori and I watched it, although I did not pay complete attention, mostly keeping it as background noise, although I don’t remember what I was doing, maybe drawing. Seemed like an interesting game, though. After that, youtube decided to recommend me a music playlist for Basil. I liked the thumbnail, flowers are my weakpoint, so I clicked on it.

I wonder if it’s still up…?

Yeah, it is!

Lmao didn’t remember the description.

Anyways, after that, another youtuber I occasionally watch was recording a gameplay for Omori and I said, why not? And the rest is history. I remember I was much more hopeful at that time.

Back in 2019, I had decided I didn’t want to continue the lifestyle I had been living for… fuck, I don’t know, do I even want to make the maths and know exactly how many years? Well, the point is, I had decided 2020 would be my year. I would change, I would try so many new things, I would be a new me.

haha

I’ve thinking about this in particular because I’ve noticed I tend to stay in a “main fandom” for around two years before something else catches my interest and becomes my new main fandom. After that, I lose all interest in the previous one. It’s not a thing I choose to do, it simply a natural thing, I guess. It’s probable the same thing will happen with Omori in the near future, and I’ve found myself saddened at the idea. Before, I haven’t given much thought to this, if one day I am in a fandom and the next week I am not. Now, with Omori, I’m saddened at the idea of soon finding myself to be indifferent to Sunny’s tragedy.

Back in 2020-ish I created my tumblr account out of boredom, Soon I left the it somewhat abandoned, as I’ve never been one to use social media. Even know, it is still a somewhat foreign thing to do for me. I am used to lurking, I like the idea of not being perceived, like a ghost, being far. So, I did not think of making a sideblog for Omori at that time of 2021, when I had so much I wanted to say about it, you know how it is after you see the ending. I wrote for myself then. Sometimes I’m regretful of not making a sideblog back then.

Well, sometime in 2022, maybe, I’m not sure, maybe it was at the end of 2021, when I remembered I had a tumblr. A thought occurred to me, then… what if I make a side blog for Omori?

I’ve never participated in any fandom. Here’s where, for the first time, I published a fanfic, and I got a really kind and thoughtful comment on it! I still read it from time to time and it still makes me smile. Hopefully I get to finish my current wips before it’s time to leave.

And here’s where, for the first time, I’ve had my own little corner in a fandom. Sometimes I wonder how the people that stumble upon my blog will remember it. I wonder if they’ll remember it fondly, like I remember fondly some of the blogs I visited back in early 2021, which aren’t active anymore.

I would like for people to find it a pleasant experience to browse this blog. Have I accomplished it? I have no idea. Hopefully, although I don’t think it’s anything special.

I’ve never been too social, and being social is a difficult thing for me, but here and there, I’ve ventured to leave messages in the tags, helped someone when I can, talking directly, even. and the idea of interacting with people isn’t so scary anymore, I don’t spend an hour trying to write a sentence and hoping it makes sense. That’s neat... It’s little to be proud of, but it is an improvement. They say it’s good to celebrate the little victories.

Those are the new experiences I’ve had. I’ll remember them, but I think the thing I’ll remember about my time in the Omori fandom will be the many analysis videos there had been about it. After the end of the game, those were a blessing. How I loved watching them, specially the ones that analyze the game’s symbolism! I just love symbolism so much. At the time I too wrote my own sort-of ‘analysis’ regarding the game. A casual thing, really, as it was more of a compilation of what people talked the most about that time and that I found interesting, it was one of the things I wrote for myself. The other was a list of things that I liked about the game. I don’t really believe myself to be too much of an analyst, maybe I could, if I wasn’t so tired all the time, but I’ll rather do these casual things, without expectations.

I guess, a thing I wanted to mention is how… people, sometimes, talk about their own life experiences in those videos. I find it to be a brave thing.

Omori… I would say it has made me ask questions about myself. Really difficult and painful questions. That’s the short version of why it is important for me… I’ve never been good at putting into words what I want to say, maybe I can’t never make it justice. But it’s been a comforting thing too. Omori’s story is the thing I love the most about the game, the story of a group of friends separated due to a horrible incident, a boy who lost everything he loved by his own hand, it’s themes, all that.

I began to write this without any direction, so it makes sense it is messy and choppy… Well, I’m fine with it, to let it be a little glimpse of this moment, not well written but honest, so when, maybe years in the future, I come back to this blog for nostalgia, I’ll read this and I’ll remember.

Also I find it funny I just write Omori (like the character’s name) instead of OMORI due to habit, lol.

Dunno how much more time I’ll be active in this blog and that’s part of the reason why I took to post more often, but who knows, maybe things will be different due to the different circumstances.

I have no idea how to conclude this so I’ll just say there haven’t been that many analysis lately (well, to be fair, I don’t check too often), but you know? Just because there aren’t as many as back then that doesn’t mean there aren’t! A while ago yt recommended me a video by “The Mindwell” analyzing headspace. If you like analysis videos you should totally check his work if you haven’t, it’s really good!

[monstermonii]

I’m happy the internet freaks don’t like me 🥰

#Listen guys I gotta get into it just a little bit once a year or so to remind me what I don’t want to become #It’s like being occasionally visited by the Ghost of Tumblr Future #It means I’m doing something right when a post about being nice to others and learning how to be sociable irl triggers them #Considered deleting it cause quite a few people aren’t ready for it but meh #I’m still not over an actual middle aged person trying to start shit with me #Not only am I a stranger but I’m nearly half their age 🤣 #Actually embarrassing for them seek help

[fastforwardtohappiness]

KorrAsami Fanfiction

JK I’m not really Zuko

In honor of KorrAsami’s 6th Year Anniversary, I’m sharing a short unfinished fan-fiction I’ve been working on since finishing the series for the second time. 

I’m not sure how this moment fits within Turf Wars/Ruins, but I’m picturing this as not too long after Korra and Asami return from their Spirit World vacation (maybe right after the events of Turf Wars end?), where Asami and Korra decide to move in together.  Enjoy!

(I tried to fix the formatting but Tumblr is annoying)

----

"I thought you said you were going to get something quaint?" Korra said sarcastically as she excitedly bounded through the apartment.

Asami giggled sheepishly, "I guess quaint isn't quite the right word, huh? It is smaller than the Sato Mansion..."

“Are you kidding? This view is amazing!” Korra chuckled as she ran towards a large open glass door that lead to a balcony that wrapped around the front of the apartment. Her bright blue eyes glinted with the reflection in front in front of her.

Their new apartment had a sweeping view of Republic City’s Yue Bay. The late summer sunset’s pink rays glittering warmly on the gentle swells. In the far distance she could also see Kyoshi Bridge, and Air Temple Island. Just a bit closer, was her past self proudly staring back at the city, seemingly admiring his accomplishment. Korra couldn't help but wonder if that was still the case - she wished she could ask.

Korra’s eyes then fell upon the ruins left in the wake of Kuviras attack. Her hand absentmindedly found the back of her head, “Er - if you look past the destroyed parts…”

“Think of it as an opportunity to make things even better that before!” Asami said walking up behind Korra and placing her hands on her shoulders.

“I actually already have some ideas in mind that I have to share with Zhu Li,” Asami added. Her hand found her chin as she looked at the shambles in the distance, her brow furrowed. Korra could almost see the gears in Asami's head churning.

Before Asami found a reason to disappear in her office for a few hours Korra interrupted her machinations. “How long do you think we’ll stay here?"

Korra and Asami found that after their fateful vacation in the Spirit World, they now had a new need for privacy that they didn’t really have before. 

The White Lotus members on Air Temple Island were still dutifully protecting Korra on Tenzin and Tonraq’s orders despite Korra’s fervent objections. They argued that extra security couldn’t hurt.

Korra and Asami were able to sneak away from them for a few brief moments of alone time, but eventually they would see or hear a White Lotus member lurking nearby. Although Asami was able to laugh at these moments, Korra was growing increasingly frustrated and Asami felt sorry for the White Lotus members that were being constantly chewed out by her angry girlfriend. Not to mention that when Tenzin’s kids were around, they clung to Korra like elbow leeches.

Asami's childhood home was now home to Mako, Bolin and practically all their known relatives. A lot of them having a hard time finding jobs in the Republic City job market. Although Ba Sing Se was a large and unforgiving city, and Mako's family had it rough there too, Republic City was also a harsh place to thrive in; Asami didn't want to rush them while they figured things out.

But mostly she felt haunted by the ghosts of her father and mother in those hallways – particularly now after her father's recent and gruesome death. She wasn’t ready to go back there even if there was a spare room available somewhere on the estate.

Asami shook the painful loss of her parents out of her head before Korra noticed a change in her expression, "I think we may be here for a while," Asami smiled tentatively.  

Korra didn't say anything, instead gently smiling back and moving closer to Asami. She gave Asami a light but meaningful peck on the cheek and looked deeply into her eyes, "Anywhere can be home as long as I'm with you."

Asami was sure that Korra noticed Asami trying to hide those painful thoughts. Korra always seemed to notice these things, especially nowadays.

Asami grabbed Korra’s hands and smiled, "I love you." She kissed Korra. Every time they kissed it was electric. A lightning bolt coursed through her body.  

Korra too felt this rush of energy flowing through from the moment their lips made contact. She felt like her entire spirit was being undone. Like she could float away into the heavens if she wasn't tethered to the Earth by some force. By Asami.

Suddenly feeling vulnerable but at the same time electrified, Korra pulled away suddenly and bounded out the open glass door. For a second, Asami tensed up as Korra jumped and disappeared in a gust of wind. A few moments later she heard Korra from somewhere above the doorframe, "Wow this place is unbelievable!”

Asami sometimes forgot that despite Korra's appearance, as an airbender she was extremely light on her feet and capable of near flight, but Korra's recklessness and impulsivity still sometimes caught her by surprise.

Korra's head hilariously popped upside down from the top of the door frame. Her hair blowing upside down in the cool evening breeze. "Care to join me?" She asked extending an arm out for Asami to grab.

"You know we have stair-,” Asami was caught off-guard by the ease in which Korra, hanging upside down by a fixture using her legs, was able to pull her up and over the railings above their balcony. They both landed lightly on a small lush garden created by spirit vines.

"Yeah but this is more fun,” Korra said cheekily.

Thick green vines ran up and around the side of the building, creating a private yet open green space that was only accessible to their apartment. Asami picked this place knowing that Korra would love coming up here to meditate.

Asami and Korra spent a long moment sitting on the rooftop spirit garden watching the fading sunlight be replaced by the vibrant city lights. 

While some parts of the city were currently almost in complete darkness, illuminated only by the golden aura of the new Republic City spirit portal, other sections of the city seemed to be doing their best to carry on as normal. For this reason Korra felt hopeful for the future of Republic City.

Occasionally a friendly spirit would appear near them and say hello. One spirit sat with them for a while. It enthusiastically spoke of all the positive changes the opening of the spirit portals has brought to the world. This brought Korra some much needed comfort. It jovially waved goodbye as it faded away and promised to visit often.

Eventually Korra and Asami's conversations turned to silence. They wordlessly sat with their fingers loosely intertwined, listening only to the distant hustle and bustle noises of Republic City night life.

Their silence was not because of lack of topics, as the two lovers never ran out of things to talk about, but because both of them were wordlessly appreciating how wonderful this moment felt. How at peace they both felt. How perfectly balanced they now were.

A low grumble brought them back to reality. Asami's head turned towards Korra, who returned her amused look with the crooked smirk she loved.

"You heard that, huh?"

"You worked so hard moving all our stuff in today. You must be hungry," Asami said understandably.

"Starving, actually." Korra said rubbing her stomach looking forlorn. Korra was always ready to eat.

Asami and Korra decided to make their way back into the apartment. “So, what's for dinner?" Korra asked excitedly.

"I was thinking of this restaurant nearby that serves authentic Fire Nation food - how's that sound? I say we order in tonight."

"Perfect! I haven't had fire nation food since I met with Firelord Zuko before I—”, Korra trailed off, feeling embarrassed again.

"Before you took a much needed break to heal from all the trauma you've been through these past few years?" Asami cautiously joked. "I know it's hard, but I try to stop feeling guilty about that. You did what was best for you in that moment and that’s OK."

Korra smiled, "Thanks. I'm still struggling to come to peace with it all, but I’ll get there."

"Take all the time you need," Asami said gently. "But don't you dare leave me without any warning again! I WILL hunt you down, Avatar." She jokingly threatened, while pointing a finger at Korra.

Korra laughed, "Easy there, Sato! I swear I'm not going anywhere without you ever again."

---

Asami and Korra decided to change into more comfortable clothes while they waited for their food delivery. 

Once in sleepwear, they sat on the only available piece of furniture in the entire apartment: a bare mattress thrown onto the living room floor by Korra despite the movers offering to bring it up, as they were contracted to do.

Korra heavily dropped onto the mattress on her back and Asami joined her, lying across the mattress sideways and looking longingly at Korra.

Their eyes met. Korra heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t sure if Asami knew just how beautiful and alluring she was. Everything she did was unintentionally - or maybe in some cases somewhat intentionally - seductive.

 “So, ah- what should we do while we wait? We don’t even have a radio hooked up yet…” Korra noticed how the silky fabric of Asami's nightgown hugged her curves. She tried to control where and for how long her eyes wavered over Asami’s body.  

 “I don’t even know where my pai sho set is in all these boxes,” Asami said sitting up and looking around. 

They were surrounded by boxes and luggage, most of them belonging to Asami. Korra always knew that Asami had a lot of stuff, but this move made her realize that even more. It took Korra one trip to carry all her own possessions into the apartment from the moving truck. She lost count how long it took to get Asami's assortment of beauty supplies, clothes, gadgets, tools, paperwork, and other things upstairs.

 Asami then stretched over and across Korra’s body to look in an open box near her. Korra’s breath caught in her throat as she shamelessly studied Asami’s figure reaching over her.

Asami rummaged in the box for longer than necessary. At that point they both knew the pai sho set was not in that particular box. 

Korra noticed Asami’s cheeks were a bit red now. Her breath quickened. Make your move now, Avatar! Korra thought to herself.

Before Korra could act, Asami finally stopped looking through the box and turned to Korra, “It’s uh-it’s not there.” Her whole body flush and warm, and her eyes expectant.

Without any thought and without any hesitation, Korra sat up and hungrily kissed Asami.

#legend of korra #korrasami #fanfic #Korra #Asami #lok #tlok fanfic #korrasami fanfiction #fanfiction #the legend of korra

[dibidibidismol]

do em all, coward

on the one hand: yay! i get to do the ask game! on the other; @acutest-angle, i’m so sorry for doing this to you. i aint gonna fill nobody’s dash, so the qna is under the break. these are like really undetailed. ill be more specific for individual numbers

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? im pretty happy being 163

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) i love my lil baby so much. i wouldnt trade my pupper for the world

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? i wear a lot of black, and generally dress such that i would be good to go for any job interviews/public speaking events. this is in large part to make up for the fact that my go-to shoes are heelys. like i wear my heelys during professional presentations that count for a large part of my grade. my teachers think im “something else”

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? idk. we didnt do all that media shiz. maybe pvz.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: my doggo, my child(useless friend needing guidance) and my tumblr-famous friend. hmu for her url. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?absolute weirdo, but like in a socially acceptable way. can and will debate you into submission.7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?i support gays.8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] 

9: Are you ticklish?a bit10: Are you allergic to anything?some cats, all homophobes11: What’s your sexuality?ace, homoromo12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?tea babe. like i have so much. like a cubic yard. its a problem.13: Are you a cat or dog person?im multifandom(not a furry)14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?elf15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?amber liu16: How tall are you?160cm17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?my chinese name18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]102-105 i’m smol.19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?normally no. when im home alone….a lil.20: Do you like space or the ocean more? i have a large fear of the ocean. 21: Are you religious? no22: Pet peeves?poor work ethics/mansplaining/poor hygiene.23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?diurnal24: Favorite constellation?orions belt25: Favorite star?shinee26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?not particularly27: Any phobias or fears?germs, the dark, men, large non-pools bodies of water, spiders28: Do you think global warming is real? yea, but “climate change” is more accurate29: Do you believe in reincarnation?no30: Favorite movie?tangled, the lorax, shawshank redemp. , hairspray, legally blond, mulan, mama mia, in that order.31: Do you get scared easily? yea32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?3 fish 3 dog33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] im gunna rate @acutest-angle cuz she did mine. 10/10 would be 11 but she aint stannin shinee.34: What is a color that calms you? purple35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? oregon suits me fine36: Where were you born? oregon37: What is your eye color?brown38: Introvert or extrovert?idek. im really good at people, but idk abt energy gaining or wtv.39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?no40: Hugs or kisses?hugs41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?my doggo.42: Who is someone you love deeply? see above43: Any piercings you want? i already have doubles. might get belly button in the future.44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? hnngg45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? hell no. i take drugs/alcohol v seriously.46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! gorl. so beautiful, so smart, so utterly perfect. also taken.47: What is a sound you really hate? the whit boi in class mansplaining shit to me.48: A sound you really love? pitter pat of paws on hardwood.49: Can you do a backflip? no.50: Can you do the splits? no51: Favorite actor and/or actress?idkrn52: Favorite movie? see 3053: How are you feeling right now?tee hee54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? i really like my hair as is.55: When did you feel happiest? talking in front of many peeps.56: Something that calms you down?tea57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]  none diagnosed. ask me about my brain later for more deets. 58: What does your URL mean?that i smol and i luv shinee59: What three words describe you the most? witty, caring,quick.60: Do you believe in evolution?yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog?too many posts/mediocre content/no longer aligned interests.62: What makes you follow a blog? posts63: Favorite kind of person:girl64: Favorite animal(s):dogs/cats65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @lolfunnykpop @acutest-angle @27-umbrellas66: Favorite emoticon: thumbs up67: Favorite meme: ive connected the dots68: What is your MBTI personality type?pic69: What is your star sign?my wut?70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?yes71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?its black, its formalish, its a pushup bra, dress, and heelys.72: Post a selfie or two?i like dont have any, and im in no statye to be taking them rn.

73: Do you have platform shoes?no?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?i forgot a wholeass language75: Can you do a front flip?no76: Do you like birds?y77: Do you like to swim?ew78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?no79: Something you wish didn’t exist:homophobia80: Some thing you wish did exist:universal translators81: Piercings you have?double in each ear82: Something you really enjoy doing:read83: Favorite person to talk to:dog84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?no rules here.85: How many followers do you have?all together, a thousand or two?86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? idk87: Do your socks always match?no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?ill cry89: What are your birthstones? the lite blu one90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?i aint no furry.91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?a rose92: A store you hate? chick fil a93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?  i got addicted, so ive been coffee free for 3 yrs now94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? fly95: Do you like to wear camo? no96: Winter or summer?winter97: How long can you hold your breath for?40sec98: Least favorite person?trump99: Someone you look up to:amber liu100: A store you love?office depot101: Favorite type of shoes? heelys102: Where do you live? oregon103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?vegetarian, environment/animal right, eggs for health.104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? sparkle105: Do you drink milk? yea, calcium.106: Do you like bugs?i respect their existence but stay tf away107: Do you like spiders? no108: Something you get paranoid about?spiders, water, germs109: Can you draw: sure110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?do you shave ur vag?111: A question you hate being asked?whos ur boy friend?112: Ever been bitten by a spider?no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?yea, from a distance114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?sunny, from a distance115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: doggo116: Favorite cloud type:cotton candy?117: What color do you wish the sky was?this is fine118: Do you have freckles? like two.119: Favorite thing about a person:personality120: Fruits or vegetables?fruit121: Something you want to do right now:crochet122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?sky123: Sweet or sour foods?sweet124: Bright or dim lights?dim, i have oddball vision issues.125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?love126: Something you hate about Tumblr:no dates on anything/ALL THE FREAKING PORNBOTS THAT ARE STILL FOLLOWING ME REGULARLY127: Something you love about Tumblr:shitposts128: What do you think about the least?i feel like this is a paradox129: What would you want written on your tombstone?list of my achievements in life(born:xxxx died:xxxx)130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?ice131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?how my brain occasionally forgets to filter132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?sometimes133: Computer or TV?computer134: Do you like roller coasters?ew, all that sweat and vomit baked into the seats.135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?no136: Are your ears lobed or attached?lobed137: Do you believe in karma?idk, i like to be nice but secretly with passive aggressive motives.138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?7139: What nicknames do you have/have had?dictionary, lee, tumblr girl, dibi, mom, my child, heely girl (i have a reputation at school)140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?yea, i dont remember them, but apparently i invented myself a butler.141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?way back in the day142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?good143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?giving144: What makes you angryamerica145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: figure/hair149: Favorite thing about your personality:   i think im funny150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my friend’s mom/my coach, my rolemodel/friend, my past self.151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? all the eras sucked for people like myself152: Do you like BuzzFeed?love/hate153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]sexy free and single154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? o yeah155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?yessss156: What embarrasses you?my mouth157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:the internment camps158: Biggest lie you have ever told:so many159: How many people are you following?153160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?10000+161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?1000+162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?how do i find this?163: Last time you cried and why: today. latest superstore episode.164: Do you have long or short hair?long165: Longest your hair has ever been:2.5 ft166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?like the community it provides, dislike a lot of values taught, dislike the exclusivity, dislike the way religion is treated as a default. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? only in regards to what we can do to save it.168: Do you like to wear makeup?i like sparkly eyeshadow n mascara. but dont wear regularly.169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yea sure.

#about me #ask game #dibi speaks

[thatvixenchick]

hey there vixen! Ive been followin you for a while, and wanna ask some advice; so an online friend of mine has revealed that they’ve been lying the whole time; that they are really not in their 20s, and have been around like, 19. We’ve been chatting for 4 years, and I’m slightly panicking, since I have talked the nsfw of the nsfw stuff about her back when she was about 16. Rly sorry if this is sudden, but wouldn’t you be weirded out if its revealed ur friend has been underage this whole time??

Because of the current tumblr climate, I’m going to answer this much more long-winded than I normally would have. Take a seat, it’s story time.

When I was in middle school, I was much more emotionally mature than my peers. I started going into chat rooms on the internet and the people I connected with were all older. Occasionally, they would strike on topics I was not comfortable participating in, so I would tap out until later. That wasn’t often because I was in mostly themed chats. We talked about ghosts or updates on the websites we visited or TV shows we watched. Most of my main chat were college students. I hid my age with them and when they would talk about classes, I would desperately try to pretend like I knew how college courses worked. They never learned my age.

In late middle school, my peers started exploring sex. I did not. I had a mental block on exactly how sex worked right up until the end of 8th grade in which I picked up a romance novel, not realizing what it would contain. The book solidly used “gates of womanhood” and “gates of manhood” the entire scene, but it got the point across. We had no sex ed in my schools because of where I lived. However, my mother was insistent on me going to her about anything. So in a daze, I walked up to her and asked if that was really how sex worked. She said “yes” and left it at that since she was coming to terms with the fact that my questions in the future were about to get a lot more detailed.

That summer, I took the book to 4H camp and talked about what it contained to the 14 girls I was in a cabin with. Half of them wanted nothing to do with it, the other half wanted to know. I refused to give details. Only 3 of the girls were brave enough to read the scene, and one got invested and finished the book. (I still dunno how people can read that fast…)

In high school, people were having sex, getting caught, and talking about it. I also discovered fandom. I quickly learned that, at this point in fandom history, there was a 50/50 chance of an author being around my age or much older. I trusted the ones much older since the ones around my age had crazy ideas about how sex worked. For example, Harry rubbed Hermione's belly button because the author thought that’s where the clit was. My friend group would talk about these fics and laugh. We would share terrible examples of sex. We would also share good examples of sex. Online, nobody spoke of their ages as it was an unwritten rule of fandom spaces during that time. Some you could tell, others you could not. It was how things worked back then.

For every new thing I learned from fanfiction or my high school friends and was confused about, I would go to my mother for accurate clarification. She used these moments to also make sure I understood safety and consent. I asked her about the things I learned from my friends about the sex they were having irl and discovered how much of it was SO unsafe. About this time, I started having cyber sessions with a person from my text-based role-playing group. He was a year younger than me.

At 17, a friend from a forum group that I talked to over messenger started flirting with me. I knew he was older. So, in light of our 4 year friendship, I told him my age. He was uncomfortable and decided to stop talking to me. I didn’t blame him for that, though I was a bit sad. Still, it was the best decision he could have made for himself and I respected that.

At 19 my cousin came to me because her boyfriend wanted to have sex. She was 13. She had nobody to turn to for advice or information since her family was of the opinion that no information at all was best. I had always encouraged her to ask me about anything she needed to know. I explained that she was too young and her partner too uneducated. I let her know the facts about what she asked. I made sure to drill into her head that condoms were non-negotiable since she looked determined to do it anyways. She did. She got hurt. She stopped seeing the boy. She avoided anything sexual for another 3 years before slowly getting back into things. Every time she needed something, or had a scare, or had a question, she would come to me. She was always so afraid of talking about it out loud, so I let her know all the safety information I could give to make sure she understood what she was getting herself into. She stayed sexually active, but she also stayed safe, clean, unhurt, and would punch a guy that tried to push something. Consent is important.

As for me, I did not start being sexually active with my own body until I was 19. I did not have sex until I was 21. I dated during that time, but I set very clear and firm boundaries about what I was and wasn’t comfortable with. I had no tolerance for those boundaries being pushed. As I grew older, I continued to enjoy learning everything I could about sex and kink, consent and safety, sexuality and gender. Currently, I help out with sex education where I can, including essays, presentations at conventions, and podcasts.

So now you know my history and can better understand my answer:

I understand why a person would have various reasons for lying about how young they are on the internet. I did it. I have friends that did. There’s a certain amount of responsibility one has to take when lying about being older, though. One, you cannot engage in any sex talk that is personal between yourself and the older person you are talking to. Two, you must be honest if a situation arises in which the older person could get into legal trouble. Three, you must take full responsibility to walk away from conversations that you find uncomfortable. Four, you must protect your privacy with your life and give no details on your name, specific location, personal acquaintances, or pictures of yourself.

I understand why a person would be upset about being lied to. Not only the lie but because the decision of what they would feel comfortable with was taken from their hands. It was a violation of their trust and personal online safety. 

Not to mention, things are different now than they were back in my day of fandom. It’s important to keep in mind the expectations of the majority in different spaces on the internet along with personal boundaries of whoever you are talking to. Be educated and make informed decisions about your online interactions.

Would I have been upset about discussing nsfw content that did not personally involve me or the other party without me knowing that the other party was underage?

This answer varies per person and that’s okay. Every person has different boundaries for themselves and different expectations of their own online privacy and safety. Every person must set those boundaries for themselves and see that they are adhered to by those around them whenever possible. It’s nobody else’s job to enforce the rules you have made to protect yourself.

Legally speaking (I am in America), so long as the older party remained unaware of the age younger party, and all talk of a sexual manner was not used in a way to seduce the younger party, and no pictures of the younger party were exchanged, then nothing illegal happened. That’s a fine line to walk, however, with the ways that lawyers can spin things. So it’s understandable that an older party would want to be able to walk away from any nsfw conversations with a younger party to protect themselves.

However, I also understand not being bothered at all because the younger party had someone they were comfortable with talking to about these things. They were learning, whether they realized it or not, the details of the content they were reading, what was and wasn’t real, and how to form better decisions on safety and consent. Because speaking to someone more mature means getting better information. It means there’s no argument about where the cervix is located or whether or not a nipple can be pinched off with a clothespin. An older party could find themselves relieved that the younger party had someone to talk to that knew better than to sneak out during school lunch break and have sex in their car with a plastic bag for a condom.

As a sex educator, I would rather a teen come to me with their questions than to their peers. Of course, as a sex educator, I also understand my own personal and legal boundaries better than your average joe on the internet. So it’s perfectly reasonable for a person who does not know those boundaries to want to tap out of a conversation with someone underage.

So for me, personally, I come from a time when ages were simply not discussed. This isn’t unusual for me. I also understand wanting to talk to someone more emotionally mature who likely has a better education than one’s peers. I also get being panicked when you weren’t aware of the boundaries you should have been adhering to when talking to someone underage. It’s a complicated situation, made more so by the individual in question and the details of the conversations I might have had with them. How I felt and the actions I would take would vary depending on the situation as this is too broad a question to give an all-encompassing answer.

So I will say that any emotions that you are having about it are valid. The decision that you make now should be what is best for you - for your emotions, your safety, and your future. It is worth being empathetic to the other party, but you should never be swayed by their reasoning, feelings, or excuses because ultimately, you must do what you feel is best for yourself. But whatever you do, don’t hold onto it and obsess over it. Deal with the emotions you have from the violation of trust, come to a rational decision as to what’s best, follow through, and then let it go and move on.

#ask #answer #advice

[stressbakeling]

Hiding from Writing and an Italian Interlude - 8/24/2019

Let’s get meta on writing. I used to write Hamilton style, cranking out poems, prose, rap song parodies and unrequested book and film reviews fueled by what I can only guess was a combination of dormitory stir-crazy and teenaged angst. As I move into my mid to late twenties (such demography), I find myself having to negotiate with myself to keep my buns on a seat long enough to put my words somewhere every thirty to ninety days. Did I stop having creative thoughts or time or... has my personality changed? I feel like I have so many conversations in my head. All day long I’m asking questions, I’m having arguments--I close my eyes and have vivid dreams night after night as the filing cabinet that is my brain dumps itself onto the floor and the tender, anxious nerves of my dying youth rush in to sweep it away and prepare for the next batch. I don’t think it’s because I have nothing to talk about. Yesterday I mused on why blueberries don’t usually end up in jams for about an hour on the train, conceding that it’s probably because their weirdly whitish flesh does not match the color of their purple/blue peel and people just don’t know how to embrace that kind of dissonance (and surely not because of their lack of naturally occurring pectins). I also regularly have time to sink into social media, reading hefty books by dead people, painting tiny figurines for games I don’t play, and of course that super laborious hobby that involves zero dead time whatsoever--bread making. I have time. The time I’ve spent on YouTube watching a Croatian man talk to his giant spiders alone is revealing to the room in my life I have available to barf my head thoughts onto a social media platform that the next generation will probably remember as readily and fondly as mine does of the teletype. “So say it, Marisa! You just don’t wanna!” Well, if that were true, why do I dust this puppy off so frequently? I do wanna. I used to think I wanted to do this for money! Adamantly! When a professor told me my future in such an industry would be compromised if I didn’t show up to three hour workshops weekly and write about ghosts haunting my childhood home, I believed! And while I do occasionally push when it says “pull,” I’d like to think I’m no dunce--certainly I managed to get this far, and ten years ago I don’t think my logic was tragically worse off. K, let’s revisit that list then: - too busy - nothing to write about - no desire - no strong opinions - no avenues or opportunities - too expensive - not as interesting as it used to be - afraid

Ah ha! It’s the dust. It’s the piles of beautiful leather bound notebooks and fountain pens I’ve been gifted over the years that look so beautiful in their clean slate state. It’s the negative feedback. It’s the positive feedback. It’s the it’s-too-late-nows and the it’s-already-been-saids. But no one is asking me to quit my day job. I’m not even asking me to do that. Yeah, but what’s the drive, why do it at all? I’m not a fiction writer, I do love a good story but there isn’t a song in my heart that’s dying to be sung. I think writing is highly therapeutic, it’s cathartic, it’s informative, it’s definitive. People have been keeping diaries and journals for centuries just to help make sense of the world--to capture something that our memory sieve of a brain will lose inevitably. It’s also entertaining and performative. I could write into little books and shove them under my bed at night, and indeed, some of the best writing was found in this state--never prepared to be shared with the world--but then I build my own bubble. And part of the fear of writing (offending, triggering, or even directly endangering people in certain situations) can and must be offset by the great things that come of it (discussion, connection, mental expansion). “Well, that’s very bold of you. Thank you for your contribution to the body of literature that is fine, poignant, and enriching Tumblr posts.” Yeah, yeah, let me do my yoga in the public park and chill in the hot tub at my apartment complex. You are welcome to join me. So, then also let me talk, and in return I will also listen.

Now, wait isn’t this a baking blog or... something?

I went to Italy for two weeks in July, so it’s worth talking about the pastry, bread, and other sweet and savory encounters I had there. It started at baggage claim at FCO where I ordered a cappuccino (like a goddamn American!) and a caprese sandwich while waiting for Eric’s plane to land. This pedestrian airport Italian coffee kicks the living cajones off of any American coffee I’ve ever had outside of artisanal roasteries, and even still--it’s close. The sandwich nearly made me cry. I was starving but was mostly expecting waterlogged tomatoes, spongy but weirdly wet mozzarella and wilted/blackened basil on soggy bread since these things were probably prepared this morning and it was officially 1:30pm Roman time. Negatory, doctor. Everything was death defyingly fresh (I didn’t yet know that I basically was kicking off the lunch hour at this counter, Italians eat pretty late) and the Italian woman behind the counter laughed unabashedly at me as I moaned into the baguette and drank my breakfast milk.

Italian pizzas from the Roman countryside. Italy knows how to make a fucking pizza. Really brilliant work combined with crazy fresh ingredients made these super memorable. This experience makes me very scared of pizza dough knowing how crispy and light and perfect it can be. These pizzas were each about $9 USD and cranked out faster than my sister and I could down a glass of wine.

Meredith and Alan had a beautiful wedding and our hosts made us an incredible dinner, but the two most memorable parts of the meal had to be the lasagna (good lord I’ll never have lasagna that good again) and the dessert--an Italian take on a croquembouche. Croquembouche (a French invention) is typically profiteroles (read: cream puffs) piled high in a tower held together by a crunchy spun caramel. The Italians basically take French pastry and proverbially deep fry its butter. Instead of a tower with lightly spun and delicate caramel strands, the Italians pile the cream puffs in a mound and cover it in rich but creamy dark chocolate ganache. Instead of the choux pastry puffs being filled with a light vanilla scented whipped cream, they go chantilly or bust--but don’t worry they save that light whipped cream that would go in the croquembouche for the outside, and ring the chocolate mountain with beautifully piped examples of the stuff, adding strawberries while they’re at it because Jesus why not. We ate it gleefully with stomachs that were bursting, and when we couldn’t eat anymore, we popped the plastic tub with the leftover contents open and ate the rest hungover at the breakfast table the next day. Best. Breakfast. Ever.

Semifreddos in a super cold fridge in Vernazza on the Cinque Terre. I think they’ve figured out sweet dairies over there. Gelato is served in tiny cups and is everywhere and the rainbows of flavors make each one novel. I had pistachio, fig, hazelnut, coconut, coffee, amaretto, peach, orange, mixed berry, cantelope, mint, tiramisu and stracciatella. I think I had at least two scoops of gelati everyday and I never regretted it, it was scorching.

I had this vanilla ricotta and mascarpone filled cannoli with pistachio crumbs down by the Arno our last night in Florence. It came out of a food truck. It was 85 degrees outside and the sun was down. I melted into a puddle and had to be scraped off of the ground to be carried back to our rooms. Cannoli are always done wrong, they have a bad rap of being too greasy, too sweet--this thing could have fallen in the dirt in front of me and I would have talked it right into my mouth without hesitation.

Amuse bouche from our final meal outside of a hotel or airport in Italy on the main piazza in Arezzo Antico. The shortbread cookies remind me of my Italian Nanni’s favorite nibble, the thing she always had in tins when we’d come to visit. They fall apart without much convincing and melt in your mouth--the butter to sugar content isn’t what I’d make for myself, but the execution was excellent. The cream puffs continued to kick choux ass and take chantilly names.

My final stop was a layover in Munich where I chased down a pretzel that came with this cold wurst salad. The German bartenders were fascinated that as an American I would 1) order this dish 2) eat all of it. Onion breath for days. No regrets.  In conclusion, I think my hesitation to post is unwarranted. I’ve also baked many things in the month of August I won’t post here because I wouldn’t want to sully the beautiful golden rays of Italia we’re basking in right now, but if you can do me a favor and ask me next time you see me why I haven’t posted lately, I’d be entirely grateful. :)

[rana-capito]

blue, navy blue, i'm as blue as i can be, cause my steady boy said "all of them", one hundred something questiiiions

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?I’d take a couple more inches but like this is fine2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)It would be so cool to have a snake…but a dog is also really good…3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?cool jackets are cool…for myself I like target man tshirts4: What was your favorite video game growing up?I had these Magic School Bus computer games that were truly excellent. there was one about whales and dolphins and one about rainforest animals5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:idk…the Majority of my thoughts are either very self-centered or just the song that it’s time to have in my head6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?fuck idk. warning: occasional stupid bitch 7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?hmm! vague8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]I got sanguine on a quiz I took once and I like that because I like blood9: Are you ticklish?yeah, not Extremely tho10: Are you allergic to anything?guinea pigs, cats, pollen11: What’s your sexuality?i’m Gay12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?Tea13: Are you a cat or dog person?they are both good and i really like both…i’ll say dogs because i’ve been seeing a lot of very good ones lately + the cat allergy14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?VAMPIRE15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?I watch beckiejbrown a lot and I think she’s cool16: How tall are you?5'7"17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?Benjamin..perhaps…but there’s too many bens so I guess I’ll just have to be Larl18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]between 144 and 150 pounds19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?eh…nah20: Do you like space or the ocean more?The ocean..has more animals in it21: Are you religious?non22: Pet peeves?when people call frogs venomous or spiders poisonous23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?diurnal…i like Sunshine24: Favorite constellation?i like cassiopeia she’s spiky25: Favorite star?uhhhh I don’t have one26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?i think they are..flexible?27: Any phobias or fears?MIRRORS IN THE DARK MIRRORS IN THE DARK scary. 28: Do you think global warming is real?yeah lol29: Do you believe in reincarnation?not really30: Favorite movie?hmmm. i liked inglorious basterds a lot but i’m mostly saying that because i can’t think of any movies that have made an especially big impression on me at the moment31: Do you get scared easily?..yes i’m sensitive32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?1 frog 2 tortoises 4 guinea pigs & a lot of fish33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]8/10 content is great but posting frequency is too spread out34: What is a color that calms you?green like my room at home35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?I want to go to like..australia. or some other place with cool and weird animals!36: Where were you born?atlanta :P37: What is your eye color?brown38: Introvert or extrovert?IntroVert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?not really but i like to read things about them anyway40: Hugs or kisses?WHY not both41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?clarissa…so far away…an entire TIMEZONE42: Who is someone you love deeply?Antonie Hvan Leeuwenhoek43: Any piercings you want?maybe something extra on my ear?44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?they’re cool45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?i neiver have done so46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!sexy. very shapely calves. extremely good at calculus and physics and programming. 47: What is a sound you really hate?when my shoe scrapes on the sidewalk48: A sound you really love?the echoes from the main staircase in the mlc49: Can you do a backflip?no :(50: Can you do the splits?no51: Favorite actor and/or actress?i like..karla souza52: Favorite movie?this has been asked previously and i still don’t have a good answer. 53: How are you feeling right now?cool! kind of tired54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?uhh this color’s good55: When did you feel happiest?jeez idk that’s pretty hard to answer56: Something that calms you down?my green chair in my room at home57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]i do not58: What does your URL mean?it’s vaguely homestucky59: What three words describe you the most?cool. sexy. innovative.60: Do you believe in evolution?hell yeah61: What makes you unfollow a blog?content that i don’t like or no content for a long time62: What makes you follow a blog?content that i like63: Favorite kind of person:cool person64: Favorite animal(s):guinea pigs. orcas. cane toads. naked mole rats.65: Name three of your favorite blogs.teensplop.blogspot.com is my ultimate favorite blog ever. my favorite tumblrs are of like random people who i follow and i would feel weird @ing them66: Favorite emoticon:girl with carrots67: Favorite meme:bode was pretty good68: What is your MBTI personality type?i think i got infp when i took it69: What is your star sign?capricorn70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?i don’t have a dog :(71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?dark gray vneck from target and my Excellent jeans72: Post a selfie or two?i’ll do that..later73: Do you have platform shoes?no i’m tall74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?my blood type is A positive75: Can you do a front flip?into a pool or on a trampoline76: Do you like birds?hell yeah! i wanted to be an ornithologist in 6th grade and if that ended up being my life i would be satisfied and happy77: Do you like to swim?Yeah Put Me In The Water78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?hmm. i guess swimming? ice skating is very fun though. and it has to be the correct context of swimming like the water is clean and i can swoop around in it79: Something you wish didn’t exist:*****es80: Some thing you wish did exist:my huge future muscles81: Piercings you have?one in each earlobe82: Something you really enjoy doing:dancing in a loud bar83: Favorite person to talk to:different people have different good talking qualities but there is a special kind of conversation i can only hold with my sister84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?this sure is The Place For Fanart85: How many followers do you have?15086: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?hmm…i feel like yes but i would be very tired after87: Do your socks always match?almost always yes88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?i used to be able to but no longer89: What are your birthstones?i think turquoise?90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?something sneaky and timid and nocturnal91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?it has 5 smooth white petals and a smooth green stem and i was so into it for like some time in second grade92: A store you hate?urban outfitters93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?ideally zero94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?fly95: Do you like to wear camo?not particularly96: Winter or summer?summer for sure..i like Sunlight97: How long can you hold your breath for?i don’t feel like testing this rn98: Least favorite person?let’s say johnny rives99: Someone you look up to:my veterinarian cousin is cool100: A store you love?binders is pretty cool101: Favorite type of shoespumas 102: Where do you live?in a College Town103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?no i love MEAT104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?star sapphires are pretty cool?105: Do you drink milk?on occasion106: Do you like bugs?yeah :)107: Do you like spiders?yeah :)108: Something you get paranoid about?people thinking i shouldn’t be in a place109: Can you draw:yeah i think so110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?nothing comes to mind111: A question you hate being asked?what kind of music do you like?112: Ever been bitten by a spider?maybe…i had this huge itchy leg bump the past few days that i think might have been from that113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?yah it’s nice114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?mmm sunny115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:Antonie Hvan Leeuwenhoek116: Favorite cloud type:Ummm ones that are interestingly shaped! not just stratus. everything else is cool117: What color do you wish the sky was?blue is good118: Do you have freckles?yah119: Favorite thing about a person:do people like actually have an answer to this in mind120: Fruits or vegetables?VEGETABLES121: Something you want to do right now:eat dessert122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?mmm sky!123: Sweet or sour foods?sweet…124: Bright or dim lights?uhh depends on the mood125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?…no?126: Something you hate about Tumblr:some of the discussions on here happen in really weird and negative ways but i’m pretty much never involved so whatever127: Something you love about Tumblr:lots of nice content128: What do you think about the least?i don’t fucking know since i’m not thinking about it129: What would you want written on your tombstone?something about science contributions maybe130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?i’m not in a really violent mood rn131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?nothing comes to mind132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?yeah133: Computer or TV?computer IS tv134: Do you like roller coasters?yeah :D135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?sometimes…not recently136: Are your ears lobed or attached?lobed137: Do you believe in karma?eh138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?this really varies but like in the middle somewhere. not a 1 and not a 10 for sure139: What nicknames do you have/have had?sarah calls me em…that’s it140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?hmm sarah and i had an imaginary little sister named lucille and an imaginary dog named ruby141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?non142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?i try to be a good influence?143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?i like…giving ;)144: What makes you angryjohnny rives145: How many languages do you speak fluently?One146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?i’m a lesbian147: Are you androgynous?hmm i think i’ve reached that somewhat148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:i like..my feet149: Favorite thing about your personality:i try to…be nice150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.julia clarissa sarah151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?i’m good staying here thank u152: Do you like BuzzFeed?it can be entertaining but i don’t think it’s good153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]introduced by a mutual friend is the most basic explanation154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?yeah!155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?yah156: What embarrasses you?being in the gym157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:the gym158: Biggest lie you have ever told:i can’t say it here…it’s illegal159: How many people are you following?130160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?4,507161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?2162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?27,596 wow163: Last time you cried and why:thursday night and i have no Fucking clue164: Do you have long or short hair?short165: Longest your hair has ever been:i think it got past my boobs in the first semester of 9th grade166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?i don’t really have any religious affiliations at all so. neutral167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?..yes? like i think it’s cool and stuff168: Do you like to wear makeup?Not like, regularly, but I like doing my 3am editorial looks169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?No170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?mostly. i didn’t think Too Deeply

@shovelthefries

#i #t #long post #ask thingy #ask thing

[samraclaus]

Do them all you know you want to

Woah you got me 😵 “200 things you can put in my ask 
200: My crush’s name is: I can’t believe how nosy you are but I’m saying Ezra Miller for this cause you know, I’m not lying 
199: I was born in: Bosnia!!
198: I am really: weird
197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 🙄
196: My eye color is: brown
195: My shoe size is: 8-9
194: My ring size is: uhhh it probably like 6 or a little less??
193: My height is: about 5'6
192: I am allergic to: grass :(
191: My 1st car was: no car yet 
190: My 1st job was: chuckecheese :))
189: Last book you read: cellist of Sarajevo 
188: My bed is: comfy as heck 
187: My pet: my best friend
186: My best friend: is beautiful!!
185: My favorite shampoo is: probably Pantene 
184: Xbox or ps3: PS3??
183: Piggy banks are: cute
182: In my pockets: I’m wearing boxer briefs rn lmao 
181: On my calendar: guineas 
180: Marriage is: pretty cool 
179: Spongebob can: always cheer me up 
178: My mom: is amazing I love her 
177: The last three songs I bought were? I never buy songs lol 
176: Last YouTube video watched: uhhhh probably a makeup tutorial 
175: How many cousins do you have? One first cousin so that’s all I count 
174: Do you have any siblings? Just one!! Nanners :B
173: Are your parents divorced? Nooooo
172: Are you taller than your mom? She’s a tiny bit taller 
171: Do you play an instrument? I’ve played the piano, the violin, and the cello lmao 
170: What did you do yesterday? Hmmm I was very sad and didn’t do anything 
[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: not for me, I need to get to know someone but maybe for others!
168: Luck: kinda 
167: Fate: maybe 
166: Yourself: no lol 
165: Aliens: YES
164: Heaven: Its a nice thought but probably too good to be true 
163: Hell: I hope it’s not real 
162: God: eh depends. I only use god when I really need him. Which is bad I know 
161: Horoscopes: yes sadly lmao 
160: Soul mates: yeah! Platonic and romantic 
159: Ghosts: yes
158: Gay Marriage: YES!!
157: War: I hate war 
156: Orbs: yeah 
155: Magic: eh 
[ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs
153: Drunk or High: high 
152: Phone or Online: phone 
151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired!!!
150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 
149: Hot or cold: depends. I like in the middle tbh 
148: Summer or winter: in the middle usually 
147: Autumn or Spring: ugh hard question. Probably autumn 
146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
145: Night or Day: night 
144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 
143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonald’s 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: white!!
140: Mac or PC: mac
139: Flip flops or high heals: neither but high heels I guess
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama!!
135: Burried or cremated: I’m afraid of both tbh
134: Singing or Dancing: singing
133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel 
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Taylor hicks?? 
131: Small town or Big city: small town 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: target 
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: uhhh Ben stiller definitely 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure I hate feet 
127: East Coast or West Coast: east 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: I don’t celebrate Christmas so I guess my birthday 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate definitely 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t care for either 
[ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: awful 
121: George Bush: bye 
120: Gay Marriage: GREAT 
119: The presidential election: frustrating 
118: Abortion: your body your choice!!
117: MySpace: never had one but such a meme now
116: Reality TV: sadly entertaining 
115: Parents: love them 
114: Back stabbers: bye 
113: Ebay: nice 
112: Facebook: only occasionally entertaining. Good for looking at memories 
111: Work: miss having a job 
110: My Neighbors: weird 
109: Gas Prices: okay for now 
108: Designer Clothes: too expensive 
107: College: also too expensive and scary 
106: Sports: only like soccer and like badminton lmao 
105: My family: great 
104: The future: probably awful 
[ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: tonight when I hugged my mom cause we cried 
102: Last time you ate: around 7
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: tonight at the cafe. It was some random Bosnian man but still 
100: Cried in front of someone: tonight 
99: Went to a movie theater: wow it’s been a while I don’t remember 
98: Took a vacation: very long time ago but probably gatlinburg a couple summers ago 
97: Swam in a pool: a few month ago 
96: Changed a diaper: never 
95: Got my nails done: never 
94: Went to a wedding: I was 6 and it was my aunts wedding 
93: Broke a bone: I was probably like 8-9. I broke my arm riding my razor scooter 
92: Got a peircing: a long time ago. Only my ears 
91: Broke the law: only a few days ago 
90: Texted: half an hour ago 
[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: Nichole or my dad 
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: the comfort/familiarity of being around my family and my room 
87: The last movie I saw: uhhhh I can’t remember tbh 
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: moving in a few days!! 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: going back to college 
84: People call me: samronis
83: The most difficult thing to do is: get up and do anything lmao 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 
81: My zodiac sign is: taurus
80: The first person i talked to today was: sultana
79: First time you had a crush: I was at a friend’s birthday party. I was probably like 6 but I didn’t even know his name and he was a little older than me and wearing all black so I thought he was the coolest person ever. We played tag and I remember looking up at him cause he was at the top of the stairs. I still wonder who he was.
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: I can hide things from everyone 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday when erin and I said the exact same thing at the same time lmao 
76: Right now I am talking to: nobody 
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I guess be a teacher idk 
74: I have/will get a job: hopefully next semester 
73: Tomorrow: nothing new 
72: Today: what 
71: Next Summer: ???
70: Next Weekend: ???
69: I have these pets: guineas 
68: The worst sound in the world: really loud sounds. They scare me so much 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is:
66: People that make you happy: my family, my friends, my guineas 
65: Last time I cried: tonight 
64: My friends are: wonderful 
63: My computer is: new but I never use it 
62: My School: is great tbh 
61: My Car: don’t have one 
60: I lose all respect for people who: don’t respect my boundaries 
59: The movie I cried at was: don’t remember 
58: Your hair color is: blonde currently but very dark naturally 
57: TV shows you watch: PLL, TWD, always rewatching Lost 
56: Favorite web site: idk Tumblr 
55: Your dream vacation: Italy!! 
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I was getting my hair bleached once a couple years ago 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: grew up on well done but I’ve seen the light and I love medium well now 
52: My room is: very messy rn 
51: My favorite celebrity is: lily Collins!!
50: Where would you like to be: my new house 
49: Do you want children: yes!
48: Ever been in love: I have no idea 
47: Who’s your best friend: I have more than one but erin is my main bro 
46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: being around people I love 
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Tea
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nope :))
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not yet but I have some in my head 
41: Have you pre-named your children: yes, I want a girl named Maya
40: Last person I got mad at: probably my mom 
39: I would like to move to: Italy 
38: I wish I was a professional: singer (I would never stop singing)
[ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: kit Kats probably 
36: Vehicle: fiat
35: President: Obama 
34: State visited: I haven’t been like anywhere but South Carolina is the only one I can think of 
33: Cellphone provider: only experienced one 
32: Athlete: I don’t think I even have one but Messi used to be my fave 
31: Actor: Ezra Miller
30: Actress: Lily Collins
29: Singer: probably Ed Sheeran, he calms me 
28: Band: jobros 😈
27: Clothing store: h&m??
26: Grocery store: Kroger 
25: TV show: Lost 
24: Movie: Les Mis, Sing Street, Princess Diaries 2, Chocolat
23: Website: Peach&Lily or Tumblr??
22: Animal: guineas!!
21: Theme park: uhhh idk I’ve only been to Disney world 
20: Holiday: New Years 
19: Sport to watch: soccer
18: Sport to play: badminton or soccer 
17: Magazine: don’t have one 
16: Book: hmm wow I need to read more :) 
15: Day of the week: Saturday 
14: Beach: the Adriatic Sea in Croatia 
13: Concert attended: I only really like music festivals 
12: Thing to cook: desserts
11: Food: sirnica tbh 
10: Restaurant: probably Sapporo
9: Radio station: ???
8: Yankee candle scent: candles are expensive so idk
7: Perfume: dolce&gabanna light blue 
6: Flower: rose!!
5: Color: green!!
4: Talk show host: I have no idea 
3: Comedian: ??
2: Dog breed: corgi!!
1: did you answer all these truthfully ?” Yes I think so

#this took so long kill me #also I did it on my phone so it's jumbled :(

[destineezara]

52 stories challenge!

So, this year I’m trying to write more original stories in opposition to only making fanfic.

In order to archive that, I’m trying to make a 52 stories challenge. That is one story per week for a whole year. 

I’m focusing on writing on Portuguese. I’ll publish the Portuguese stuff in another blog (that I can share more freely with people that I know in real life) and reblog it here.  Meanwhile, I’ll also try to write stuff in English and publish it here!

here is the list with all the themes that I’ll do (under the cut)

52 weeks story challenge

1. A Story entitled “Just getting started”

2. Write a story with the “Instructions for a walk in the woods”

Instructions for a walk in the woods

Never turn around to check behind you. You’ll see nothing, but once you start doing it you won’t be able to stop, and an ominous feeling will follow you until you don’t lock your house’s door behind you.

If you stand very still and listen you will hear the woods calling for you. Don’t answer. Never answer.

You’ll hear things quietly following you, hidden in the trees by your sides. It’s okay, they’re just checking on you.

Don’t be scared, but be really, really wary.

If you have a bad feeling about taking a certain path, don’t. You’ll avoid whatever is waiting for you at the end of it.

You never know what may be buried under the soil you’re walking on. Remember that every time you take a step. Pray that whatever it is, it won’t wake up.

Be careful not to step on any beetle, or you’ll never get rid of them.

If you bring a knife with you, name it. Otherwise the blade will turn against you as soon as you try to use it.

Make sure you remember the way back home. As soon as you get lost, you’re just another piece of fresh meat.

3. Theme: We meet at this supernatural pub and we complain to each other about this subject we are assigned to. We slowly realise that it’s the same person and since you’re the grim reaper and I’m their guardian angel that could become a problem

4. Theme: Everyone has a price

5. Write a couple meeting each other for the first time, at night, in the woods, while both trying to dispose of their freshly killed corpses

6. “So, you’re the unfortunate soul stuck with me.” Bitter Soulmate starter

7. You know, being a diagnostician in a world with more public magical creatures must be a trip and a half. -> It can be either magic-themed, or superhero themed (with all those random powers and how the physiology of those people should work)

8. Theme: “I just saw my reflection blink”

9. Write a scene immediately following a tragedy. You may give hints to what the tragedy could be, but you cannot reveal what it really is/was

10. Write about a character who happens to live in an island amongst the clouds. How did this character end up there? Do they live alone? How is life in such a place? And, above all, how would this character react to seeing a black airship off in the distance?

11. Theme: Peace and I are strangers

12. Theme: They say the loveliest angels make the cruellest demons. And, my darling, you were so kind and beautiful before they dragged you to hell. Your fall was no accident. You were chosen to be damned.

13. “Where do we go from here?” Dark starter

14. “How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”

15. Write about the person you are know, meeting the alternate version of yourself at the same age you imagined you would be at a younger age

16. Write about a character who once lived in an utopia, just before it fell into chaos. The catch? This character survived the destruction, and has now found a home in an unlikely place. Double catch? One day, one of their new friends asks to hear the full story of this ‘perfect city.’

17. Theme: There were children playing in the bones of the leviathan that had washed up on the beach.

18. The car won’t start. They call an Uber. (Dark theme, making it as dark as possible)

19. Theme: Cathedrals of Steel

20. Write about a character as they explore an abandoned factory that is said to be haunted. The catch? The factory is not actually haunted, though it is home to something worse. Double catch? This character has no recollection of how they got to the factory in the first place.

21. The Tarot cards and the Hero’s Journey

22. A story that takes place entirely inside a vehicle

23. “Bet I can make you come without ever touching your cock.” BDSM Starter

24. Theme: A witch has eyes made from shadow and starlight, given to her in a game with a demon. Nobody dares to ask what she wagered- they aren’t even sure she won.

25. Write about a character who happens to be an architect. The catch? This character has been hired to design a mansion. Double catch? The ‘Mansion’ is going to serve another, darker, purpose. Triple catch? This character has not yet realized this.

26. Theme: “The truth finds more comfort in the dark” subverting the dark/light stereotypes***

27. Write a creation myth.

28. Theme: “Passengers, this isn’t your captain speaking”

29. “If I fall from the grace of God where no murdered ghost can haunt me..” Dark starter.

30. Theme: The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.

31. Werewolves families*** AND/OR All women werewolves packs*** (AKA subverting the “Alpha male wild werewolf” trope)

32. Theme: A Ballet of Blades

33. Theme : “I ran your name through the police database and it says that you were born in the 1800’s. Want to tell me your real name or do I have to arrest you”

34. “She will KILL you.” Dark starter

35. Theme: “You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”

36. A story about discovering that a certain religion (or your own) has been proven to be true.

37. “You’ve been crying haven’t you?” Angst Starter

38. Theme: Six inch heels, she walked in the club like nobody’s business. Goddamn, she murdered everybody and I was he witness.

39. Theme: I’m an angel and I think I forgot my halo at your place when we fucked last night

40. Write about a character who happens to be an enforcer of the law in a world where magic is a commodity. The catch? This character has been tasked with executing the sole suspect of a horrible crime, even if there is little proof. Double catch? This suspect is a child.

41. Theme: You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of your books speaking to each other. Which books are speaking, and what are they saying?

42. Theme: Every year on your birthday, you are visited by yourself from one year in the future. This year, no one shows up.

43. “Just watch it with me. Maybe it’ll give us some ideas.” BDSM Starter

44. Theme: 25¢ pocket guardian angels. Only require love and the occasional bite of your food (bubble-gum Machine)

45. Theme: a Mermaid in the Sea World ***

46. Write about a character who has just recently gotten engaged with their long-time partner. The catch? A stranger approaches this character and reveals that they’re a potion salesman. Double catch? The salesman also reveals that this character’s fiancée bought a love potion from them several years back.

47. “These test results..don’t make any sense.” Dark starter

48. A story about a journey

49. Theme: I’m an ancient god and you’re my newest sacrifice but maybe we could do something other than me eating you because I’m actually quite full

50. Theme: A pirate captain lost her arm to a shark attack: a passing selkie saved her, and gave her tattoos of kraken blood. Now she has an arm made of salt-water, that grows and wanes with the tides, and swings a cutlass as well as the original. (She doesn’t sail as far these days though: she doesn’t want her wife to worry.)

51. Write a story in which people age until they reach 18 and then stop aging until they meet their soul mate so they can grow old together. What if you killed your soul mate so you’d make sure you never aged. This just makes me really want a story where the main antagonist is someone who has been killing their soulmate for centuries whenever they find them, and the main protagonist is the newly re-incarnated version of their soulmate.

52. A Story entitled “The End”

The themes were picked from tumblr by me and some friends!

[flashlightfxghter]

-- THE CANON DIVERGENT FNAF 4.

right, ok! i knew that sometime i would need to talk about this, after all, people usually wonder just how different this is from their own canon ( or the fanon of this either being cc’s nightmares or michael’s ), well-- cc does have to do with this, more specifically my crying child, joshua-- who i will be referencing majorly here!

so, the minigames in the main game is what joshua himself goes through-- leading up until the bite of ‘83. of course, he didn’t deal with many nightmares featuring the animatronics, just of his own brother. joshua was hospitalised for three years after, trapped in a coma, and william would visit him occasionally-- mainly to taunt and rant about what he did.

little did he know that joshua was listening-- eventually, he pulled the plug, and effectively killed josh. cue him becoming a wandering, very vengeful spirit for quite some time.

so that brings the question of WHY joshua chose atlas of all kids-- well, that’s because, in relation, atlas is actually joshua’s great-great grandnephew, which in turn relates him the mr. eggplant man ( though, for the sake of many on tumblr i don’t tend to include this unless they WANT to have it included ), and joshua-- understandably-- fears that atlas would end up quite like the old man, so his first thought, after being twisted up inside by his own father, is to try and kill the little boy.

though, it ends up falling through-- after atlas survives about a week, he confronts the ghost, and the two talk it out, which finally makes joshua calm down from his worries and apologises, though atlas does forgive him for it, he does feel a bit annoyed about the fact that injuries translate between dreams and reality ( as n.fredbear bit atlas on night 5, he lived-- but it translated into a god-awful headache ), with this talk, many other kids who had to suffer from joshua’s wrath get better.

and joshua himself turns out to be a great help in the future!

#{ flickering with hope. | hcs. } #{ out of flashlights. | ooc. } #{ a wolf in sheep's clothing is more than a warning. | joshua. } #character death // #severe injury //

[the-nostalgic-sentimentalist]

Anthology of The Unsaid

“I’m Sorry.”

It’s 5.17 am on Tuesday May 23, 2017 and I have not heard from you in 151 days. All my attempts to reconnect with you have been met with silence. Punishing, uncompromising silence. There was nothing to hold onto. I tried, and gripped into the void.

I stumble upon your message because I tend to scroll mindlessly through tumblr while waiting for the train and when I notice that the messages icon is lit, the possibility that it could be from you does not even cross my mind. I had given up. My message from last Friday, in all its grammatically incorrect glory, was a drunken outburst, a testament to the sheer grief knowing you has caused me. After everything I have done and tried to re-establish our connection, I did not think that there was anything left I could say to elicit a response. But oh god - what a response that was. I have issued enough apologies in my life, both those sincere and those less so, to know the difference. I can tell that yours was not meant to mend this friendship, it’s aimed at absolution. It’s meant to rid yourself of the charge of having committed the one act you promised you’d spare me - ghost me - and return to the status quo unburdened by the guilt you perhaps feel. It's not the start of a conversation, it's the end of one. But you and I – we haven't really talked in six months. And after this much silence, “I’m sorry” doesn't really cut it. You know that. I know that. And you know that I know that. You're not apologising for what you have done, but for what you're unwilling to do. There will be neither reconciliation nor resolution. Just regret.

 After months of yearning for a sign that your affection had not just been a figment of my imagination, I am presented with proof that it had been. And now my heart slides along my ribcage until it thumps painfully in my gut and my mouth has gone dry and bitter, as if I was chewing acidic ashes. I stare at the phone in my hands and the numbness spreads so quickly that I nearly drop it onto the uneven concrete beneath my feet.

Your silence, while painful, held hope. No matter how small, elusive or delusional - the uncertainty came with the possibility that you'd come around. That one day in a future I caught myself fantasising about too often, you'd come back to this friendship. And we could find a way to start again.

That hope died today.

There are endless permutations of accidents, life choices and lucky coincidences that lead to a version of this life in which we don’t meet, where we spend our time on this planet utterly oblivious to each other’s existence. And right now, as for the past five months, I would prefer every single one of them, would choose them over the cruel awareness that you know who I am and couldn't care less. That we had what we had, and lost it all the same.

You met me when my life was in a state of emergency. I was in freefall and quite desperate for anything steady. That's where I was at and I never lied about it. I did not conceal that I was in crisis. Not that I could have. From the very beginning of this initially serendipitous friendship you had the ability to know things I tried to hide. You read between the lines, no matter how small that space was.

“Let me show you what happens when we let in so much light.”

I did. I spoke all my fears into existence and you vowed to keep them safe. You reaffirmed over and over again that I could hand over my anxiety and pain and insecurity and you’d hold a space for it all. Being vulnerable was our thing and we bore our secrets and shortcomings for each other to behold and I softened into your promises to never betray that. I let in all the light you had to offer and it left me blinded. What you did in October crushed me in ways I didn’t know I could still be crushed. I thought I had felt every variety of hurt and humiliation, but you resoundingly proved me wrong. I felt the shame brewing in my gut for weeks of poorly disguised dysfunction. And when I finally put into words what it had done to me, I was met with a non-response. To this day, I don’t know what you felt when you heard my voice telling you how much you had hurt me. But there are many things I do not know to this day, and yesterday’s message confirmed my worst fear:

I will never know, either. 

I will never know if the jars of pesto for Christmas arrived. I will never know if you still use the mug, or if you smile when you grab the little spoon I stole for you. I will never know what happened to your puppy, or what your favourite part of your honeymoon was. I will never know how you are adjusting to the Trump presidency, or whether the end of the drought is palpable in everyday life. I will never know if it was easy to let me go or whether you still think about me sometimes. 

Mama and Papa eventually stopped asking about you, you know. When I stopped having anything new to tell them, you faded from our conversations and we went back to conducting our lives as we had done pre-June 2016. Until two weeks ago, when I went home for a surprise visit because it was their 30th wedding anniversary and Dad asked in misplaced jest when you’d be coming to visit this summer. I felt as though someone was pushing my head underwater and if I didn’t steer the conversation into a distinctly different direction, I would undoubtedly drown. They are confused, but not even remotely as hurt as I am. They loved you in the humble, unassuming way in which they have loved many people who have come and gone. When you came to visit our corner of this universe, they grew fond of you and will look back on that week with happy memories.

I look back and want to weep.

For the record I know no one is keeping - my life would have ended if we had crossed that line. I feel like that has always been an assumption, a tacit accusation of sorts, but I never wanted nor envisioned anything beyond being friends. Not in this life nor any other. I loved you like a friend. You're attractive, no doubt. But I like to be in love with the people I fuck. And I was not in love.

I will never forget that moment on the field near my house, the sun setting gently in the background, beer coursing through our bloodstream. If I concentrate I can hear your voice mutter those words that flipped my world on its head, and that probably ruined everything. I think I knew back then. That's why I didn't sleep much that night. And that's why, at the airport, I told you that I had a feeling that I'd never see you again. You protested, reminded me of February, hugged me and then walked away. Sometimes I hate being right.

While I adored you unequivocally, my heart rested firmly in someone else’s hands. And I know, now more than ever, that I was nothing more than an exotic diversion, a brief, entertaining distraction and I will remain, at best, a footnote in your sun-kissed life. I don’t envy you, I don’t pity you, I simply wish I had never met you.

 In the end, there was nothing good left in loving you and I kept loving you all the same.

“You are my type of human.”

Today is the first day since September 10, 2016 that I am purposely not wearing the watch you gifted to me. I have felt intensely ambivalent about it for months, but today its sight would be unbearable. I have watched the hours and days go by, measured by a watch you have never seen me cherish. A watch that has never run in your time zone. It is a constant reminder of everything that was and will not be again.

It broke my heart that you ignored my birthday. If anything you missed the chance to take revenge for all my ageist jokes. It hurt that the disappointment over my dissertation went largely unacknowledged even though you knew it would devastate me. In the end, you faded from my life like rain that evaporates under sunlight, until no one can tell it was there, except those who remember the storm. I have admonished myself often and enduringly for my inability to let you go and move on. But no matter how often I remind myself of the blatant discrepancy between how much I care and how much you clearly no longer do, I can't help it. It’s like you opened the floodgates and allowed me to love the way I love without judgment. Now I feel everything twice as intensely because you are no longer here to tell me it’s okay to be and love like this.

“I dreamed you into existence.”

You used to say that to illustrate how much you appreciated that we had met. You called me your best friend. You told me to rest easy as you will never cut ties like I had seen in a nightmare. And I allowed myself to believe all of it, sank into the promises that were far too good to be true… and far too good to last.

It took me months to come out of the traumatised haze the experience with you left me in. The occasional slip up of attempting to get in touch pulling me back to square one nearly every single time. It took me months to be somewhat okay. To trust people's friendship again and I still barely do. On the list of disappointments in my life, you rank supreme.

I always knew things could and most likely would change. That a friendship across ocean and continent isn't set up to succeed. But I was still all in. I was completely committed to giving it my best shot. You had my loyalty, my thoughtfulness, my love, my confidence, my trust and affection. We could have talked about what you needed me to do to make this work. But like her, you disengaged. But unlike her you pretended you had never promised me any different, that you had never promised me any better. 

It added insult to injury. That on top of the obvious pain I was always going to feel at losing you, I endured months of humiliating silence. Only to be served with an “I’m sorry.” What went through your head when you sent that? Are we playing a game? I don't play games anymore. And especially not with you.

We played Boule. Mama, Papa and I. My bones ached with your absence. Not just because the 2 v. 1 combination was awkward but because I saw you in every corner as we made our rounds. Remembered with an involuntary smirk how annoyingly talented you were and how Papa beamed with delight as we played. My heart was brimming with nostalgia and I had no words to find release. 

You could have just told me. Without hints or vagueness. Ideally wrapped in some kindness, as if I had mattered at some point. You knew my history with people doing this, and you still decided that you could live with treating me like that. I despise unworthy endings and you condemned me to a reality in which there is nothing I can do to change this one.

We used to joke that we were essentially the same person and I feel violent protest bubbling up inside me at the thought of it.  I refuse to believe I could do what you have done. I know that I would rather die than inflict this kind of confusion and self-doubt on another person.

“You have no idea what you deserve. I guess I’m here with the mirror.”

If you served as the mirror to show me my worth, I am pretty cheap. Over the past six months I have oscillated between fury and self-pity and now I just grieve for you. Now I just long for the first day I think of you not once.

You once warned me, that should you ever face a certain choice, you'd stay true to your commitment. There have been hints, but they lie so far back that the timeline is off. I thought we had litigated this point on that dreadful Wednesday night when we were drunk and miserable. But evidently not.

“If your world falls apart, I’d start a riot.”

Did you know it's impossible to hold a song in your hands? I have tried and failed. I never asked you to save me. I just wish you didn't pretend that you never promised you'd be there as I saved myself. Your near complete abstention forced me to instigate my own riot. In the end, I survived without you, like I had predicted when I still thought that I would never have to prove it. I clawed my way back to a sense of worthiness and I know it would have been easier if you had been what you promised you’d be. And so you weren't around anymore when I emerged from the truly awful place that had held me captive for months. You weren't around when I got over her. Or when I quit smoking. Or when I got promoted and started smoking again. We didn’t talk about how the increasing frequency of terror attacks in Europe began to freak me out and feel unsafe in London, or when I discovered new music I know for a fact you would have loved. You missed so much and through it all I lived with the knowledge that it didn't matter to you, anymore. That somewhere along the way, I had squandered the affection of yet another person whom I had loved...and lost.

“You and I love in the same way.”

It seems like I love a little differently. If the roles had been reversed and it had been my affection that was fading, my patience that was dissipating, and my interest that was waning - I would have been gentle with you. I would have looked out for you in the process, making sure you understood what was happening. But you did none of that. Rather, you made me feel foolish for trusting you to protect me. In the end, there was no riot, no owning up to mistakes, no open discourse, no safety. Just one-sided vulnerability, gradual disengagement and a lot of broken trust. Frustration vibrates through me when I ponder how this was my single greatest fear when we started talking and it manifested in all the worst ways.

There was no lesson in meeting you that I was in any need of learning. It was merely a repetition of something miserable I had hoped to never feel again. Friendships form, friendships dissolve. That it happened was never my point of contention, the how certainly was.

We deserved better, and I sure as hell did, too.