#Jinx screams into the void | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mythserene · 3 months

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LEWISOHN: Let's crowdsource this bastard.

Check a footnote.

Whether you heroically tear straight into him like @wingsoverlagos or you find one thing like @delightfullyatomicfest did, it matters! What I hoped for and imagined from the beginning was some sort of crowdsourced work. There is too much for any one person, and one of the biggest problems with Beatles' sources is that they're not all equally easy to get to for everyone. And although this has become personal for me, it is an objectively huge problem for all Beatles fans and scholars that the man who has collectively been called the Beatles historian has—and I cannot say this clearly enough—BEEN JUST MAKING SHIT UP.

He literally ends ‘Tune In’ with a fabricated line that he sources to John Lennon. (!!!)

(Which I might not have realized for ages—if ever—if not for this @wingsoverlagos post)

Lewisohn has no shame.

And while it may seem like we are screaming into the void right now, I will tell you that we are not. I fear jinxing anything so I won't say more now, but our work is not in vain. People are paying attention. How can they help but pay attention? It's too shocking a betrayal. Too great a breach of trust. It has become overwhelming and impossible to ignore, and it has happened so quickly. Just by a few people taking the time to do the work.

And what is obvious now is that if you take a piece of source material that's referenced and go through it you will find butchered and fabricated quotes. And whether you do it that way or just check a footnote that interests you PLEASE TELL ME what you find! 🙏🏻

I am trying to gather all this up in one place. An ammo dump, if you will. If you want credit, tell me how you want to be credited, linked to, and any combination thereof. (I don't like taking credit for things I don't find, anyway.) But either shoot me a message or @ me or all of the above so we can collect all together and it can have the cumulative effect it deserves. (I will respond, but sometimes I am gone for a few days at a time, and occasionally for up to a week. I always come back, though.) #crowdsourcelewisohn

I have also set up an email for collecting funky footnotes: [email protected] (At this point I'm only checking this once a week.)

If you look, you almost certainly will find.

If you have any Beatle magazines or Pete Best's book, "Beatle!" you could be a superhero. (One chapter of Best's book is available online, but I haven't been able to find the rest.) Or if you have any less-available source material I am urging you—begging you—to jump in and check some footnotes. With Lewisohn as bold as he is in the easily searchable things just imagine the license he's taking in the rest. But whether hard to find or commonplace, check a source. It adds up and it kind of feels good to uncover some bullshit.

For your edification and motivation I am adding a clip — lightly edited to take out some Lewisohn devolutions (so here's the queued up link) — of Mark Lewisohn bragging and basking in the praise of being called a historian who should be ranked alongside the great LBJ biographer Robert Caro, of him saying that the Beatles should appreciate anyone writing a biography of this high a standard about them, and a momentary lapse into deep resentment that they don't appreciate him. And then he gives his little speech about the Beatles being about “truth with a capital ‘T’” and how he is writing a biography to match that truth.

“Truth” is a word Mark Lewisohn needs to keep out of his mouth. If you feel like he should be struck by lightening for uttering it, that is exactly what I am talking about.

We are that lightening.

Honestly, what AKOM started is so awesome. It gave this an outlet. (And I still go back and listen for both source material and motivation.)

It's sickening to listen to this now. Sickening because Lewisohn has been making us all his dupes for far too long. We have been his marks, and there's almost nothing I hate more than being conned.

#mark lewisohn #historiography #dr frankenquote #exact words #lewisohn lies #tune in #fine tuning #wingsoverlagos #a beatle didn't say that #paul mccartney #the beatles #check a footnote #crowdsource lewisohn #AKOM #I love you Phoebe and Daphne #lewi-sins

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fangirlpostsfangirlthings · 1 year

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Somewhere in Those Eyes

gif by @rocketjinx

summary: whereas everyone sees a dangerous and crazy, harm to society, you see a vulnerable girl who just wants to be loved.

warnings: self harm mentioned, angsty ig, barely proofread

word count: 1.7k

a/n: this is completely based off those scenes where she has THAT look on her face. she’s innocent your honor ☹️ (me when I feed into my delusions)

There's been quite a few instances when you've considered slapping a sticker on your girlfriend that read fragile.

And this is certainly one of those times.

Not that she's not strong or that she can't handle herself.

Well mentally- that’s exactly what it meant. She had trouble figuring out her feelings and finding the proper ways to express them. Ways that weren’t harmful to herself or others.

It was little inconveniences or side comments like she's not good enough or she messed everything up again that got Jinx in her head.

It was sick and twisted, people knew her upbringing, they knew exactly what triggered her. So why actively try to agitate her and get on her bad side, then go and complain about how horrible of a person she is? What sense did that make? Why make her suffer like that?

You hated people sometimes.

It wasn't her fault she was like this, she's a product of her environment. It's a mix of the people around her and the way she was raised by Silco.

It's not her fault.

Jinx was an amazing girl, so lovable and bubbly, sarcastic and funny, and not to mention super intelligent.

Oh and a bonus, she was the most beautiful girl to exist. You were sure of it.

How could anyone hate her?

You'll never understand it.

You followed Jinx to her “lair” after one of Silco's goons had manipulated her into thinking their failed mission was her fault.

Well. You followed her after you beat his face in, but that's not the point.

It was in fact his own fault. But he didn’t want to humiliate himself and knew it was easier to blame Jinx because everyone else would believe it.

Once you caught up, you could easily tell she was on the verge of a breakdown. Her eyes were welled up with tears, brows furrowed in upset. Her lips turned down and wobbling.

You kneeled in front of her, taking hold of her shaking hands that were covered in her black, leather gloves.

“Hey, look at me, yeah?" You pleaded softly.

Her eyes hesitantly met yours, face crumbling completely when she saw your worried expression.

"Hey, c'mere." You cooed and pulled her into your lap, keeping her as close as possible.

She needed this. She needed someone to console her before she could self destruct. You loved being that person as much as you hated it.

You loved her, and you’d do anything to help her heal, even if the process would be a long and grueling one. But you hated that you had to see her this way, wishing you could snap your fingers and take the pain away.

She just needed someone who had a lot of love to give, and patience. Luckily you had both of those.

As much as she didn’t believe it, she was easy to love.

•°•

You hated seeing her like this.

Jinx was screaming, yelling for the voices to go away, and throwing different objects across the room. Some flying off the edge and into the void of her lair.

But you had to let her do it. It wasn't the healthiest way to deal with her emotions but unfortunately, there wasn’t a better way to go about it. Unless you wanted to get hurt. And she wouldn’t hurt you, not on purpose anyways. But you didn’t want to startle her when she was so in her head like this. Jinx wouldn’t be able to trust herself if she hurt you. She’d blame herself, she’d believe even further that she was a monster and pull away from you. She’d be at a distance, and probably harm herself as punishment.

You couldn’t have that.

So as horrible as it was, it was the best way to get her to calm down when she was severely agitated like this. You just had to make sure she didn’t hurt herself.

It hurt you though.

Watching her do this to herself. But again, not even your soft and soothing words could bring her down when she was this in her head. So you had to wait it out for now. For now, you reminded yourself.

At a certain point you have to intervene and bring her back to herself.

This was Jinx. The person who came from misfortune, loss, and suffering.

You only had glimpses of Powder. When she'd excitedly wiggle her new gadget in your face, showing it off.

Or when she'd trip over her own two feet from merely walking.

As much as you hated to admit it to yourself, you missed the old her sometimes.

You wanted Powder back. Not because you didn’t want to deal with Jinx’s “crap.” But because Powder didn't go through an incredible amount of loss and pain, Powder didn't have the weight of guilt from her family's death looming over her.

It was tearing Jinx apart.

You loved all parts of your girlfriend. But when she got like this? It only did harm to your poor heart.

You watched as Jinx took a shuddering breath in attempt to keep herself together.

You ran and held her in your arms. She started crying, her body shaking violently from the aftershocks of her meltdown.

"It's okay, let it out," you spoke into her hair, your words barely above a whisper.

She dug her face deep into your neck. Her cries and soft pleas destroying you.

"Make it stop, please. Make it go away."

You couldn't take it.

She didn't deserve this.

You held her tightly in your arms, a hand running soothingly over her back while rocking your bodies.

She calmed down after a while.

You pulled her head back and brought your foreheads together, rubbing the undersides of her eyes to catch her tears.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head, eyes closing, she just wanted to be with you. She wanted to focus solely on you and your soft hands, on the rhythm of your beating heart, your kind words.

And so you let her. You guided Jinx to the couch and pulled her to lay on top of you while her tears slowly came to a stop.

"You'll be here when I wake up?"

When were you not? And why would you ever want to leave her?

You nodded in reassurance, "I'll be here when you wake up."

She kissed your collarbone in gratitude, silently hoping it'll speak for itself. That it'll tell you all the things she can't bring herself to say.

Thank you for loving me. You mean everything to me. I don't deserve you.

•°•

This was your girlfriend. When she was free of worries and Mylo’s voice wasn’t bothering her. This was what you worked for.

She was purely content in swaying her pencil around and making noises as she distracted herself by imagining it to be a plane flying.

Soft pews rung in the air as she played with the pencil. It was healing to watch, even though your heart squeezed, it was a good type of pain. It was feeling love to the point of it being overwhelming.

You watched her inner child heal before your eyes, you watched as your girlfriend treated her pencil as a toy, enjoying it because her whole childhood was ripped away from her.

Something that was very common in the undercity.

But you couldn’t think about that now, only quietly huffing a laugh as she got right back to sketching her next- whatever it was she was coming up with today. All you knew when you peeked over her shoulder is that she was adding cat ears to it, you smiled.

You laid your palm on her table next to hers sketching, leaning your weight there.

Your bodies were nearly touching, both feeling the heat of each other.

She smiled at you, the goggles that lay on her head made a mess of her hair.

“Hiya toots,” you stomach filled with butterflies, brain going fuzzy all of a sudden as your mind blanked. All you could think about was how in love you were.

She hummed along to the music playing, bobbing her head to the beat.

She let out an approving hum to herself at the sketch she created, now getting up to gather the supplies needed.

You helped her grab some and sat on her chair, already reading the giddy look on her face.

She plopped down on your lap, her cheerful mood turning more ecstatic. Her once soft and content smile now beaming.

You loved that look on her face. You loved being the reason for that look on her face.

You wrapped your arms around her torso and squeezed lightly, tugging her against you to be as close as possible. You noticed how her cheeks tinged bright red when your chin rested on her shoulder, trying to get a good look at her pretty face.

Jinx shook her head, trying to hide her giddy expression by pushing her hot cheek to your forehead, but it was too late.

“It tickles,” she giggles out.

“What tickles?” You unwrap your arms momentarily, gently tapping your fingers against her stomach. She flinches and squeals, pushing your arms away while also pushing her body from yours. You pull her back, resuming your position in cuddling.

“You silly. I meant my stomach. It was already tickling before you did that.”

What was she talking about?

“Care to be a little more specific? I’m not quite understanding what you mean…” you said in a teasing manner but fully meaning it.

“The butterflies.” Oh…

Oh!

You wanted to die, the strong affection and love you felt for her was suddenly too much.

You did that to her, you had that affect on her.

You were fully convinced you’d do anything for Jinx. Anything to keep that giddy smile on her face. She wanted the last toy that was taken by that kid? Sorry little guy. Someone talked bad to or about her? You won’t here from them again. She gets angry at the the rickety, old street lamp that’s been there for years because she wasn’t paying attention and crashed into it? Guess that’s one less light down in the streets.

The point is.

Jinx wasn’t the horrible villain that Zaunites depicted her to be. Maybe she wasn’t innocent, but she was still just a girl in this fucked up world that forced her to be this way. A girl that deserves good after all the bad she’s been through.

You were on her side, and you always will be.

you can find my other works here: jinx masterlist

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allycat75 · 4 months

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Let's talk a bit about anxiety, Boston Dumb Fuck.

(a bit of a long one, but I feel some things have been brought up in recent days that I thought should be addressed. Still think I am screaming into a void, but if this helps anyone struggling, it is worth it)

But more specifically, responsibility for ones own anxiety care. And before I start, I want to emphasize I have no doubt of your struggle. It is like being haunted and there are few places to hide. I can understand why your instinct was to shush it all away, but I think you can see now, that did little for your coping skills.

Anxiety doesn't go away by ignoring it, or worse, pawning it off on others. It requires planning, rehearsals and simple acknowledgement to be able to function in your day, doing as little harm to yourself and others. Some days will be better or worse, of course, mainly because anxiety does serve a physiological purpose- it helps us to recognize threats. Our job is to identify if those threats are real or not and to what degree can we mitigate either the threat itself or our response to it. The more we practice, the less we are held hostage by the "fight", "flight", "freeze" and "fawn" responses.

I would argue, BDF, what you have done with this PR stunt is set off a dirty bomb of anxiety, born out of your own fears that got you to agree to this ridiculous plan in the first place, and spread radioactively throughout your fandom. You poisoned the ones standing closest to it, the ones who supported you the most, and began by confounding what was real and what was fake. This, in turn, bloomed into self-doubt and warring factions, leading many of us to question what is true and false and honestly, which was worse. And do we care either way?

You manipulated situations, told half-truths and outright lies, not to telegraph to or protect your fans, but to selfishly create plausible deniability and legal CYA for yourself when this is over. It's like the type of obfuscation used by Aaron Rogers when he smugly blamed everyone for thinking he got the NFL required COVID vaccine, when all he said was he had "immunity", basically saying "I am sorry you were too stupid to interpret the exact words that came out of my mouth and not the spirit behind them."

We are considered collateral damage in a junior high drama produced by grown adults, that we were drafted into participating against our knowledge and permission. We are all a bit on edge, at least the ones who decided to stay to see how this all plays out, and it is kinda, sorta cruel to inflict that hurt on those who had your back at one point, when you know how painful this process can be.

Only looking out for yourself, but what is left to look out for at this point? You look sickly and broken. No real career prospects currently and seemingly no drive to find them. You have nothing to offer any decent woman. No discernible coping or decision making skills. No discernible skills at all, really. There are enough people already making great pottery and I think Jinx can sell dog food just fine without you.

And this is not even getting into how "marrying" that little prize of a wifey now normalizes racism, sexism, antisemitism, agism, xenophobia, fatshaming and pay-to-play vs actual talent and dedication to craft.

So if all of this gives you anxiety, it most definitely should, and know this is of your own making. But the best thing is, it can be of your own fixing as well. You can become the person with discernible skills of all types. You can get roles that match the talent you have hidden within you. You can be worthy of that soulmate Empress partner. You just need to get rid of the wrong people, get a hold of the right people and do the goddamn work, you privleged son of a bitch!

Just some things to contemplate as you come out of your dissociative state, realize you have an impact on the world around you and consider the amends you may need to make to repair the damage left behind.

Until you can get yourself to a trained professional (but please find one soon and start the hard work), hopefully some of these resources can be helpful:

For your family and friends:

#liars suck!#you are the company you keep #i don't like hypocrites #i hate manipulation #coward #boston antisemite #boston racist #boston fatshamer #get some help #do better #stop the shushing- learn the lesson #check your privlege #is this who you want to be?

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loycos · 1 year

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Lol can i plz have your Caitvi fic list?

haha, i wrote the tag asking people to ask for this list over a month ago and got that ask shortly after, only to go into my bookmark list and see that i have WAYYY too many saved in there. sorry it took a while.

There are a lot (A LOT) of piltover's finest fics, and a lot of them are good. this last year i've been FED like ive probably never been fed before in my life. that means i have a lot of bookmarks that i honestly don't remember much of other than "it good", but i wanted this rec list to include the fics that really left a (positive) mark on me. they aren't ordered in any specific way, and all are sfw. if you guys want my nsfw list, hit me up (i swear it wont take a month again)

Shadows at sea won't keep you from me - this is rated M but the sex is extremely vague. this one is very dialog heavy and is filled with inner vi monologue, however, it feels like a fresh take. I love the home-y vibes they give off here.

i won't let go (i left my baby teeth in your drawer) - caitlyn experiences a crisis in the shower. sounds like every caitvi fic you've ever read but i swear this one has something special to it. it feels really intimate in a way not many fics managed to capture imo, and caitlyn is written very in character.

High Tide Came and Brought You In - caitlyn's a mermaid, vi's a sailor. i'm usually not a person who actively seeks aus, especially not as extreme as this one, but this way such a sweet little thing, even i couldn't help but get swiped by the simple story.

Don't break the rules (maybe just for you) - "i hate aus! especially high school aus!" i scream again and again in every convo about fanfics i've ever had. so why is battle academia like my favorite caitvi au??? i don't know. makes no sense to me. i actively sought out this specific au tag, so i guess it makes me a liar too. what's so special about this one? idk, it has caitlyn and vi in it, it's well written and adorable, its a goddamn high school au, you know exactly what you're getting yourselves into. do be aware that BA!caitlyn is a different beast entirely than arcane!caitlyn, and so is BA!vi to an extent. (EDIT: i made it sound like im mad at this very cute fic, not my intention at all. this one is on here for a reason)

We Have Never Been Fairweather Friends- in the aftermath of the council's attack, caitlyn comes down with a mysterious disease, and vi is there to make sure she's ok. i, *cough*, might have talked about this one before. this might be my favorite fic, or top 2 at least. really good and in character writing, trippy and surprisingly authentic dream sequences, and a mystery that builds at a perfect rate.

Soaked with Sadness - caitlyn attempts catching jinx by herself, vi isn't too pleased. this is the other top 2 fic. the usual well-written-in-character compliment goes here, but also it's got that special brand of intimacy that i like, plus drunk caitlyn, and you kind of find out things in a non-linear way that make the story feel really... well crafted. i had to read it twice in a row cause i felt like i was missing things on the first go (might just be my dumb ESL brain tho).

the negative space and the pausing of time - aftermath fic. like author said, there are tons of those in the tag, and i have read probably all of them, but this one is really really good. the dialog feels especially flowy and snappy. kinda what i wouldve want to see in season 2, if arcane was just about angsty lesbians, which it sadly isn't. fics like this fill the void of the hiatus in my heart.

#fic rec #asks #piltover's finest #arcane

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