#TRY TO TAKE ME DOWN AGAIN LIFE.

[somaticmilk]

Surprise! I’m not dead and I brought back milk!

Explanation under cut ->

TLDR; I was fighting a whole bunch of ninjas and one of them hit me too hard and I almost died.

Ha.. okay but in all seriousness I am so fucking sorry-

I deeply apologize for randomly going MIA-

I didn’t realize how many people would worry about me if I tried to erase myself from everybody’s lives -

^ITS FUNNY I SWEAR-

sorry-

BUT HOLY SHIT I DONT DESERVE THIS MUCH LOVE - NOR YOU GUYS IN GENERAL </3

I DIDNT CHECK DISCORD/TUMBLR FOR FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT AND I GENUINELY DONT DESERVE YOU GUYS AT ALL </3 TYSFM.

Thank you so much for the people who attempted to reach out to me and worried about my absence -

I am so sorry that you guys ever worried about me in general - I genuinely don’t deserve to have this much attention and love from you bitches but thank you so fucking much I love you all dearly..

TW: mention of suic1d3 for next bit-

The general explanation for my disappearance is was mostly because I was extremely overwhelmed from everything that was going on in my personal life (mostly school) and also because of the fact I was genuinely just not happy about myself and hated everything about me.

I felt like I was a burden to everyone I talked to or interacted with but craved the feeling of being included and having relationships.

I hated myself for the way I looked, acted, and the way people perceived me.

These ideas and feelings got worse until March 5th I attempted. My roommate found me before I could do anything too drastic but that’s a rough summary of what happened. (minus more personal information)

I was originally planning to delete my account (and all my social media) on Monday before anything but I still had an emotional attachment to my tumblr acc..

I kept on going off and on if I wanted to pull through with it but or not but here we are-

BUT- after a week of finishing up my exams and taking a good mental break I can finally say I’m okay now!

So basically - Im okay. What the fuck did I miss - why are we giving each others Valentine’s in the middle of March- and for the fucking record, no body can anon lurk better than the original. Y’all need consistency.

All jokes aside thank you all so much. There are no words to describe how eternally grateful I am to know all of you!

It’s going to be okay! I am okay! <3 -

Love, Soma <3

#soma says #soma says truth. #IM BACK BITCHES #HA- okay seriously what did I miss.. #guys. GUYS. GUYS..??? #I’m low key kinda pissed I missed so much but that’s on me- #I wanna draw OCs too with my friends. #TRY ME. TRY ME. #TRY ME BITCH. #TRY TO TAKE ME DOWN AGAIN LIFE. #BET - #IM GOING TO PRISON FOR LIFE. #i wanna get pregnant

[knightowl-studios]

Portrait commission for Avmire on Flight Rising. This one took much longer than I expected, but I think it really turned out well in the end :] Getting to draw an Undertide for the first time was so fun, too!

#artists on tumblr #clip studio paint #personal fav #flight rising #undertide #dragon #commission #I took a bit of inspiration from spinosaurids for the teeth #feel free to ask me about commissions btw! #I'm taking a short break from formal comms to figure out my pricing better now that I have more experience #and I want to eventually charge real money for them to try and help support myself #but I'm open to jot down names for when I feel ready to do comms again! #fully-painted ones like these will probably be in the $40 range bc Life Cost Money #and they can easily take me 5 hours or more

[yache-berries]

*sends them off to Unova for their umpteenth honeymoon in my school's clubhouse room*

#best $35 i've spent in my life hands down #the sheer joy i felt when i read the words 'my dear hass'........ it's like an ice cold bottle of dr pepper for me #also i can't get over the fact that brassius says that hassel was 'born to be a teacher' #when you KNOW brassius knows how long hassel's family has been trying to convince hassel what they think he was 'born' to do #it just makes the way they positively changed one another's lives all the more apparent and aGgGGGgHgGh iT GETS TO ME #i mean we already knew they loved each other deeply bUT NOW WE GET TO SEE EVEN MORE #don't get me started on the fact that they talk about the other in their optional dialogue.... #brassius talking about how lucky you are to take hassel's classes and hassel talking about seeing brassius on the billboards in levincia... #aGGHGhgh POKÉMON WROTE SOME GOOD GAYS RIGHT HERE #also. love my new little dragon friend hydrapple. of course........ i will share yache berries with the apple dragon. #okay gotta do some bbqs to unlock them again since i reset the game to screenrecord all of their dialogue 😔🙏 #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #brassius #hassel #ephemeralartshipping #hassius #pokemon brassius #pokemon hassel #hydrapple #flygon used sketch

[angellurgy]

im sorry

#im sorry that i lived #im sorry that i couldnt immediately be the martryr for mistreatment of tgirls by out sisters. im sorry i did what i did even though #no one will even see this #and im sorry for whats gonna happen #im not saying this for you. but im sorry i stretched it out this long. my life #this event. all of it #im sorry for wanting too much #im sorry for trying after i lived n im sorry i didnt immediately do it again #if only i let everyone think i was still dead. #and im sorry i still csnt talk or respond to msgs #i have 60 unread and i just cant #i see some bht i just cant muster the energy to respond #so. this stuff isnt abt u #im sorry for being rude in my suicidality and saying things wrongm im sorry for ruining the way you see me n our friendships #-to the four who fell through #im sorry you wont see this. csnt see this. im sorry it wont get better cause im too deep in the pit and youre too. well #normal. #i already said this shit. but oh how i love the terrible fucking isolation you 'save and love your sisters' people put on me- #-and that i continued. #im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry #whats even the point #when i try im just beaten back down #and moms not even here to care now #even if the passport application works out. now i have no one who would care enough to take me in. im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry #queue

[oatbugs]

idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do

#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second. #remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one. #make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard. #you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper. #she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down #and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep. #there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more #and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true. #you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her. #the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers. #your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts. #learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again. #i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir #youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this. #right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full. #youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother #im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg #just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts. #breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful. #the lack of her is still beautiful

[latent-thoughts]

Please, Gods, give me the patience to deal with my family members. It seems that all of them are bent on trying the very last drop of it. 😭🙏

#mom fell down again despite my best efforts to stop it. I told her not to move without me. but obviously it was too much to ask #sister doesn't know what she wants. is actually getting a great opportunity but is still not happy #dad has anger issues again #everyone is acting like I'm their therapist #or their 24/7 caretaker #I'm literally in pain 24/7 but they've forgotten about that aspect of my life #I'm at my wits end trying to care for everyone #I can't even take time off for myself #I want to pause my existence for a few weeks just to recover #Devy rants about life #personal stuff

[infizero]

scar is NEVER beating the hopelessly in love with grian allegations i fear

#me when my interpretations are always proven right. me when its inadvertently canonized that scar still thinks about him and #grian in 3rd life and that he yearns for those days again. while grian acts like he'd rather jump off a cliff than do that again #(even though he does care deep down hes just insane and traumatized and autistic and arospec ❤️) #but srsly. first him making sunflowers his whole thing this season (flowers grian gave him. accidentally(?)) #and now him changing it to THE Flowers he gave grian lifetimes ago #like he is so not over grian its fucking insane. this is actually insane #also ive meant to say this but like. something about the sunflowers being something grian was seemingly just like. #throwing out of his inventory and scar just happened to pick up. and then scar fashioning his entire outfit and base around them. #something something scar taking anything he can get. something something scar trying to convince himself grian gave him those intentionally #i love scar so much but he is a little delulu i fear 😭 #serena.txt #namemc spoilers #slsmp spoilers

[desire-mona]

can someone please come over and braid my hair and talk about fnaf like im 9 again thanks. can someone please come over and pretend like its all ok thanks.

#desire mona #not to vent in tags but i need to be so real #i am probably one of the most lonely people ever actually #i have friends but i never see them #i spend all my time on here #ive taken to talking to people down my street which does help tbh like i do enjoy feeling like i have a community #i have a friend named tom down the road but hes like. in his 40s or 50s. but i do enjoy talking to him when we're out walking our dogs #i went out with him and his daughter to try and see the northern lights but it was too cloudy #i felt rly bad for knocking on his door at 10 pm to look at nothing but he was glad i reminded him #but once i go back home its just nothing #my life is just a series of waiting to take drugs again and its eating away at me but i cant fucking Do Anything #i just kinda feel like a pathetic loser for not doing anything productive ever and i KNOW i shouldn't let that demean my character in any wa #y #i know im a good and kind and funny person but my inability to bring myself to improve anything just makes me feel like im the worst #whatever #thoughtsing

[wizardnuke]

i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group

#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time. #i LOVE playing cleric turns out. #though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support #it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration' #doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible) #aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard #my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can' #the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here #functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me #i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in #a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and #try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl' #a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be' #anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is. #she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp #but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again #she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her. #i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to #0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again. #do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag! #she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down #aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and #reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration #badass

[uranium]

the deadline to decide what to do with my shitty grad school options draws ever closer and i have to say. am not handling it well at all

#i got accepted to two places but other people are SOOOOO SLOWWWWWWW on telling me what my funding options are #its entirely possible i wont get a good confirmation before the 15th and will have to take a gap year and just. try again #fuck spending a year of my life trying to get into these places lets turn them down now yayyyyyyy

[thirdtimed]

ive never had engagement to this extent on my art cross platform between tumblr And twitter before... it's so surreal to me. thank you all for the kind words!!!

#i'm almost tempted to plug my main LOL #<- won't. because i'm shy. #i'm a tumblr native at heart so posting on twitter is very new to me but i see why artists might prefer it over tumblr now #it feels more... visible? #as opposed to here where it feels more like i'm allowed to exist within my own bubble... #i much prefer tumblr for talking/rambling... i love talking in tags.. #also i realize now ive been spoiled by tumblr's lack of automatic crop. fighting for my life over on twt trying to get those images to work #i feel like i can't. touch too many things on twitter. or talk too much. because something will break. #i also feel way too highly visible there like an ant being hit with a beam of sun through a magnified glass #i usually take to making a side account like this whenever i get a particularly lethal interest to wait until it naturally dies down #but it's normally a very lowkey affair. i never get notes like this! even on main! #so thank you all once again for the kindness..

[moki-dokie]

how to make 19 year old boy who came of age during the pandemic and never had a real real job before now realize he needs to Chill The Fuck Out and be Less eagar about working for free holy shit he is impossible to wrangle

#moki talks #hi i got dumped with a shitload of new responsibilities at work #one of which includes trying to teach a Virgin Employee how work life.. works #today i got asked a mindfuckery question that made me go #oh oh no he doesn't even know basic labor laws must get him sat down with hr like yesterday #do you wanna know what the question was #'so if you work more than 8 hours are you like required to take a lunch??' #CHILD PLEASE #i have told him no less than SIX times now to STOP. WORKING. OFF. THE. CLOCK. jesus christ #it is a CHALLENGE when this is all in a remote environment #sigh. i am not cut out for teaching kids #lawd i am trying tho #i guess in his defense there aren't labor law posters plastered everywhere to read during breaks/downtime #as there are in the typical workplace environment #idk man he's a good kid very smart tons of initiative but i have a feeling this aint the job for him #which really sucks cause its basically his dream job but #bruh i need you to get like 3-6 months minimum of real people customer service job skills #smh i am flabbergasted he asked me about the break policy he has 0 concept of the severity of labor laws #like no wonder states are pushing for child labor again NO ONE IS EDUCATING THESE KIDS ABOUT THEIR RIGHTS. FUCK.

[bunnihearted]

🐰🩹🧸🏨

#i hate being in pain like this #bc it completely takes over my life. like im incapable of thinking of anything else #im incapable of relaxing or enjoying anything. i cant do important things. cant do anything else but sit still nd be in pain #it just renders me completely useless and makes me stop functioning properly #im just a hopeless mess made of anxiety nd sadness. idk why but i just hyperfixate on it and i cant 'let go' or relax or not think abt it #idk how other ppl do it.... i wish i wasnt like this bc it's awful. it's like the only thing that exist nd ever will exist is this pain 4evr #im dramatic i know but ​it genuinely feels like my entire life is over and i'll ever know is pain nd nothing will ever get better again #im so caught up in it i cant see anything else but my pain. i cant think of the future bc do i have one?? i dont know #im just not feeling good at all. and everything feels bleak and depressing and i dont want it :(( #i cant have any fun or nice moments at all and im just tired of life #i feel so fkn stressed abt all the things i need to do nd all my responsibilities and idk how i'll do them when im in this pain #i just hope it can calm down soon i just want it to be a little bit easier just a little bit #getting thru each day now is so fkn hard i barely sleep but when i do i wish i never wake up #i hate everything and it feels like my future is fucked #which makes me wanna die!! but it also makes me sad bc there is actually sm i want to live for #i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :( #and yess im know im being dramatic but i cant help it. im weak nd im terrible at dealing w pain nd issues #im not a strong person who can withstand everything nd finds ways to live either way. maybe it's bc my will to live isnt that strong #idk. i just hate this i want it to be over. it's taking over my life nd idk how to still function like this

[huccimermaidshirts]

.

#had to listen to ttpd out of plain curiosity because everyone was saying how much it didn't deliver and well they weren't lying #they weren't lying about the lana comparisons either! who's afraid of little old me sounds like born to die in the verses #it's very flat tbh like you're listening to the same songs over and over #it's very hollow like the album was just made just to be made in order to keep her name afloat and relevant #not because she had something to actually say and express. her song delivery is very flat and unemotional idek how to properly express what #i mean. like she sings with no actual emotion behind the words no nerve no nothing. like she can't actually convince me that she's feeling #all that she's singing. also like the music is all the same and the way she sings them. there's no fluctuations no diversity. it's the same #song over and over. also sometimes i feel like the lyrics and the delivery don't really go together with the music #like they don't compliment each other #But Daddy I Love Him is supposedly over her fans trying to dictate her life (i have all sorts of opinions on that but it's a diff convo) an #it had 0 nerve and anger in it. i needed a little more intense a little more angry. i liked down bad and Florida (thank god for Florence 😭) #and all the breathy low vocals are not it either. it kind of makes the album flatter. there's no tension no passion in the album #definitely feels like she's trying to recreate 1989 and maybe folklore/evermore and it's not working #also people comparing this album to midnights are not wrong either #it feels like her last few releases all sound the same with no creativity or bringing something new and amazing #she really needs a break and to take a step back re-evaluate and try to create something more inspiring and fun instead of trying to #recreate the same sound over and over again. releasing album after album in such a short period of time is bound to hinder creativity and #the quality of someone's work. and maybe she does need new people to work with that will push her creatively #also i feel like she doesn't need to create such long albums. especially if you're using the same sound in every song. like one song morpths #into the other and it gets boring! especially if there's little to no build up and tension holding the song and having breathy vocals that #lead to nowhere during each song! anyway it could've been a whole lot better and she has better songs than this

[captain-crowfish]

They say to never trust how you feel about your life after 9PM but it's always before 9PM somewhere. Anyway I think I might be a therian

#don't take this post 100% seriously I've been sick and #crying my eyes out to “no more birthdays” associating the song with trying to relive a childhood that isn't mine (childhood trauuuumaaaaaa) #that's a big problem I have #deep down I always think someday I'm gonna wake up and I will have been born a few years earlier- #so I can be an “appropriate” age to experience all my favorite media as it releases and interact accordingly #i always think- if that were the case I could have avoided my traumatic years and grown up much happier #don't get me wrong- I'm happy right now- you'd be hard pressed to find me on a day I'm not #but there's some existentialism that comes with wanting to magically wake up a different age- in the past- in a different life #I want to have lived any life but mine #and I just keep waiting for it to feel better again #it never does #crowfish crap #that therian part is definitely coinciding with autism and gender non conformity #when I picture myself I immediately picture my fursona- not a human who (at the moment) appears feminine #i hardly know anything about the subculture itself however #blathering #its true btw don't trust how you feel about your life at night time

[mermaidsirennikita]

saw the "who's your most underrated Kleypas hero" question getting bandied about (again) today, and I must say, the only answers I'll accept are:

--John McKenna/Again the Magic (I'd argue that AtM is not the DEEP CUT newer Kleypas readers think it is; before I read it, it was definitely upheld as a classic of hers, but people who want the softer boys she writes in the Ravenels... may not like this one; however, McKenna fucks RIDICULOUS lbr)

--Alex, Lord Raiford/Then Came You (yes... he calls her a bitch.... and I'll be real this made me love him more... he carried her over his shoulder outta Craven's and bought her a bear I'm VERY confident in this choice)

--Kev Merripen/Seduce Me at Sunrise (thought he'd kill Win with his massive dick, tied her up and took her to his fuck cottage, is Heathcliff if Heathcliff wasn't horrible basically)

--Leo Hathaway/Married by Morning (fun bout wounded king, "haha" in the streets and "oh shit" in the sheets, notable for making Catherine ask him to touch her pussy in explicit and specific language)

#romance novel blogging #besides rhys winterborne............ ravenel heroes are kinda mid! i'll be honest! #'but what of five feelings tom' his book bored me i'll try it again someday #west ravenel is the greatest disappointment of my life #gabriel and keir struggled under the weight of their father's slutty slutty legacy #devon was fine. but only fine. #don't even talk to me about ethan #mostly bc i don't remember a single defining feature #i just think the ravenels is a perfectly fine series #but to me it is truly dumbed down kleypas #it's kleypas for people who can't handle sebastian kidnapping lillian #or derek craven fucking that sex worker #or derek craven doing a minor stranglehold on a very bad lady #or alex calling lily a bitch (THERE ARE REASONS) #or kev refusing to take responsibility for tittygate bc he was very down on himself and also bc his dick might kill her #or mckenna spending literal years plotting aline's downfall lmao #leo is honestly p normal but he WAS a sad alcoholic!!! #(never mind westcliff being like 'well she seems into when she's blackout and that's good enough for me') #i just think the ravenels was written with the idea of appealing to people who don't go hard w historicals basically #and that doesn't mean you can't like it! i like several! including the one everyone hates! #but even the ones i like.... aside from MW i feel like there's some magic missing #and i think the magic is a lack of inhibition #and don't get me wrong lol she published bad books before the ravenels #books much worse than the ravenels #but like. idk. i just don't know how you can read like the ravenels #then go back and read the wallflowers or DoY or AtM #and not notice... a quality difference