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urlocallesbiabs-reblog-sideblog · 1 year

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so, i remember seeing a red dwarf tumblr post about how if you leave your universe, it's almost impossible to go back, because there's trillions upon trillions of them, and every minute decision branches off a new one

so what if our original rimmer spent maybe a few months genuinely being ace and enjoying the hero status, then decided it's too dangerous and scary and tiresome and wanted to go home, and spent the entirety of those nine years (between s7 and s9) looking for his home universe?

and he kept saving people along the way of course, ace duty is ace duty (half of those heroic acts were accidents anyway), but his heart wasn't in it anymore; he's found many a universe where there were still people, where he could theoretically fit in and settle and live as close to a normal life as he could hope for, but he could never stay for long, he longed for *his* home, for lister, *his* lister

and wise people told him "you'll never get there. there are too many universes, and every day that you wake up and make a choice to continue looking for home, that choice creates a new one, setting you back. you're dooming yourself.", and he answered "shut up, you stupid goit, you don't get it! get smegged to hell!"

and i imagine a scene:

it's close to the end of the 9 year gap, kochanski's already gone, lister's Not Doing Well, and it's another monster-of-the-week life-or-death situation aboard the red dwarf, a particularly nasty one: all is shit, end is near, how will our heroes get out of *this one!* this is probably it! this is it! they're all gonna smegging die! and then outta nowhere ace pops out, hair billowing in the air and all, shoots some bullets that bullshitly ricochet and perform miracles, and saves the day

after that he asks to spend the night there, because even heroes need to sleep a bit, and of course he's welcome!!

lister doesn't quite know how to approach the subject, so he goes for subtle bordering on undecipherable: asks how long has it been since this ace got the flame passed on to him? what was it like? ace deflects with a charming non-answer and a fun adventure story, and lister thinks well, that's not him, then. must be a new one. that means that his rimmer passed on the flame, that he... died.

lister doesn't know how to process the idea, so he doesn't.

he tries to stick around and listen to the stories that's gotten kryten (and even cat, a little bit!) enthralled, but quickly grows bored and goes off to wander the ship and entertain himself on his own. at some point few hours later, he notices ace out and about as well, measuring doorways with tape, comparing wall paint with color swatches, counting the rooms and making notes in his little notebook; ace doesn't notice him. kinda sketchy behaviour, lister thinks, but doesn't confront him just yet. who knows, maybe the guy just went a little bit space crazy, maybe he's preparing for some impending disaster; would be rude to accuse him of nothing, wouldn't it?

as lister returns to his quarters in the evening, he sees ace briskily walking out from about the same corridor that lister is headed to, throwing him a shining, but somewhat strained smile; ace is going to the room he's claimed for the night, which is on the officer's deck, literally on the other side of the ship (makes sense to lister that he doesn't share the room with him, since this isn't really his bunkmate. smeg knows him, maybe in his universe he actually was an officer and slept alone, not like lister cares). this feels *really* sketchy, but none of lister's things seem to have been messed with on closer inspection, so he can't really prove shit. he feels kind of paranoid, but also tired, and decides he'll talk to ace in the morning.

lister sleeps badly and fitfully, and wakes up in the middle of the night. he can't fall asleep again, and decides to go and grab a bite; maybe visit krissie in the observatory, watch stars together, have some time for himself.

the lights are on in the drive room. ace is there, talking to– *interrogating* holly and kryten, swiveling on a chair back and forth to face either of them, whisper-barking rapid-fire questions; lister is Alarmed (what is this? mutiny? a hostage situation? a threat?), so naturally he hides and eavesdrops.

ace runs them through a bunch of questions that vary wildly in immediately obvious importance, seemingly nonsensical (what fuel does this ship run on? when did the leak happen? who was assigned to fix it? how many irradiated haggies were in the ship's hold at the moment of disaster? has lister ever passed an officer's exam? on what day and what ship did they find kryten? and so on and so forth), growing more and more agitated and focused, determination so passionate it's almost angry. at last, he takes a deep breath, clenches fists, and says "now, i did notice this ship's crew lacks a usual, i'd say indespensable member, namely one arnold judas rimmer. where, pray tell, did you put the bugger?"

"arnold died in 3,002,386 from a vending machine related incident, arnold," says holly.

ace's face falls, and he laughs like someone died. "ah, of course it's like that, of course. it's always like that. well, good chat, gentlemen, thank you for humoring me." he gets up, even though it obvious his legs are weak.

noticing his distress at the information, kryten hurries to clarify, "it was the second one, though! the first one died a few months before that!"

ace falls back into the chair. "what do you *mean* the second one?!"

"the one my nanobots ressurected!" kryten clarifies with mostly pride, partially guilt.

"what smegging nanobots? what on io has happened here?" ace rimmer has to forcibly hold his horses, pulling a palm down his face. "no, forget it, doesn't matter, not right now. the other one, the first one — how did *he* die?"

"well, physically it was the cadmium 2 leak in 2181" holly helpfully explains. ace rimmer makes a dying groan. "but his hologram form was destroyed by an escaped knight from an AR camelot game."

the man perks up. "was me — well no, not exactly me, but — ugh, was ace rimmer there?.."

they confirm that yes, even though he left soon after. rimmer goes slack in his chair and puts a hand over his eyes. "so this is it?" he whispers. "so many years, and... this is it. i'm here. i can't believe it."

after a minute in weird silence, he gets up and staggers out.

lister's a few paces down the corridor, having been unsettled by the exhange and made the decision to leave.

rimmer calls out to him, loudly, with intense gravitas, "lister!"

"rimmer," he responds, shocked and disbeliving, eyes open.

"lister!" he exclaims urgently, desperately.

"you're my rimmer, aren't ya," lister states a question, incredulous.

"of course i'm yours, you stupid git!" rimmer cries out and lunges at him, crushing him in a hug. "you gimboid, you imbecile, you smeg for brains smeghead," he chatters on, out of breath, cradling him.

"i've missed ya," lister sobs. rimmer doesn’t manage to respond, only hugs him even harder.

(rimmer didn’t want to throw himself at the guy until he'd made sure it's *his* guy, didn't want to make himself vulnerable only to later make a fool of himself; too many times he let himself hope and get drunk on that hope and then had his stupid heart broken by some tiny little thing being off, inviting a flood of other little things, suddenly finding himself in an embrace with a stranger wearing his best friend's face. he just couldn't bear it anymore, not again. he needed to make sure first.)

however, this headcanon poses a problem of reconciling this with late series rimmer claiming to have saved red dwarf from the corrosive virus back then. because if our rimmer only returned during the 9 year gap (closer to end of it), he couldn't have been there at the end of s8, right?

to which i propose this: the alternative ending to "only the young" is canon, and it was nanobot rimmer who saved (or rather tried to save) the day; then he was killed by a rouge vending machine. they couldn't bring him back as a hologram though, because the holo-suite was heavily damaged by the corrosion virus and they didn't have the intricate spare parts needed to fix it. so, his memory disk stayed unused, carefully kept in the hopes of someday fixing the holo-suite (never found a suitable derelict though, not with their shit luck). then our rimmer came along, learned of the entire situation, fixed the suite using details taken from wildfire, and asked holly to merge the info from this disc onto his (because for smeg's sake, it's at least 1 year out of those hellish 9 that he can remember having spent home; he can Not pass it up). the merge was successful, but majorly jittered his vibes (since he remembered two different versions of being 32, and in one of them lister was 8 years older than in the other, and he became aware that in the same year as he was 32 for the second time he also was 40 and in another universe) and gave him lifelong memory issues. he's still happy as a clam about the result, though!

that's why other's disagree when he claims having saved the day back then — he figures that if he has that guy's memories, he *is* that guy, because that's how holograms work, but others want to argue that the alive nanobot rimmer technically wasn't exactly him; you Don't wanna be there for all of the smeg-throwing that occurs during the argument.

it all could be a fake episode (or maybe a fake two-episode special), where the first half's main gag/storyline would be lister slowly growing convinced that ace is actually evil and is in the process of brewing some Sinister Plans, and the second would be about rimmer going peculiar from the merge and randomly glitching between various remembered stages of his life (thinking he's still ace and this is isn't his lister; thinking he's nanobot rimmer and wondering what happened to the crew; a throwback to an early episode or two; thinking he's a fresh hopeful enlist on red dwarf [kinda painful in a hindsight way, but also pathetic and hilarious]; thinking he's a small child [very silly and funny, mostly cute even if a bit weird because that's a grown man's body, also an epic Rimmer Trauma Lore moment as usual]; etc), to the point that lister worries they've smegging broken him and he'll never be alright, only for him to finally cope and appear sane, only to reveal last second that parts of his memory are still kinda jumbled.

i'd call that fake episode:

"H Stands For Home"

and i imagine a scene from the second half:

rimmer sees the destroyed holo-suite (god, i really can't leave you bastards alone even for a day, let alone a decade), and finds the memory disc for the other him (wait, what is this? i clearly remember taking mine with me when i left...), and gets filled in on the whole nanobots, ressurected rimmer, corrosive virus debacle (he needs to sit down.)

naturally, he decides to fix the hologram-projecting hardware (obvious turn of events) and merge the discs' data together (man, what??)

he pops out, promises to be back in a jiffie, and returns from the hangar with a bunch of circut boards, unconneted wires and the likes, immediately getting to work

"whatcha doing?" lister asks, clearly entertained but also genuinely curious

"having a smegging picnic, what does it look like?!"

"...can you fix it, though?"

"i've serviced my own ship for a decade straight, i've prevented all kinds of disasters on dozens of red dwarves, i've saved countless city-states from technological ruin, of course i'm perfectly capable of fixing this ship's holo-suite!" (this very moment, he connects something wrong and gets a shower of sparkles right to his face, which startles him and causes him to bang his head rather hard against an open latch)

when lister's done laughing, he asks "where on smeg did you even get the details? i've meant to patch it up all these years, but just... never could find 'em." (here his voice voice grows distant and sad; he had lost rimmer *twice* in one year, and it was just unfair. it just hurt.)

"good ol' baby racehorse wildfire," rimmer slaps one of the circuit boards with pride; something falls off of it. "presume it got the upgrade sometime since the original ace kicked the bucket; something needs to keep all of us holograms going."

"wait, you tore these from your ship?"

"what, was i supposed to pull them out of my arse?" rimmer is getting annoyed by the pointless conversation

"it's just... how will ya fly it, then?"

"it's still perfectly spaceworthy, i'll let you know!" rimmer preens. "sure, no more having my arse fall asleep after one week straight in the cockpit, hauling vaccine to pluto or some such (would not recommend), but i can still give it a good run as long as my lightbee's got charge! not all that different from our other off-the-ship missions — now what are you, stupid?"

"you won't be able to travel for long," lister clarifies apprehensively. "you won't be able to have your... space smeg adventure. you won't be ace."

rimmer looks up at him like he's crazy. "of course i won't be ace." he gets up, walks weirdly close to lister. "i'm not leaving. what — what did you think this was? that i'd spent all these years looking for you, for this dimension, only to have some tea and smeg right back off?!"

"...i don't know what i thought," lister admits, half-laughing and weirdly upset and relieved.

rimmer gripes him by the shoulders very, very hard. "i'm not leaving. never."

also, he wears his hair in the classic long and free ace style until the proper Reunion, then as soon as he fixes the holo-suite and hookes his projection to red dwarf he asks holly to chop it all off (he wanted to do that immediately after confirming that this is his home universe, but he was still connected to wildfire's holo-hardware and the ship's ai wouldn't let him bc ouughhh houghhh ace but your hair is So Beautiful, i simply Can Not); between the two points, he wore a tight neat ponytail to keep all his golden locks out of his smegging face, and he looked Hot doing it

***

and another thought, that isn't directly connected to this imaginary two-episode special, but still has to do with rimmer, lister, and the 9 years gap:

(though i'm not sure if it's canon to my personal headcanonverse [...i'm not even sure i've got a personal headcanonverse here. i love the idea of them getting together in early series when he's still soft-light, or later when he's hard-light and they can touch, or after the reunion, or post-tpl; too many possibilities!] because i feel like it gets rimmer off the hook of his internalized homophobia way too easy, but anyway, just imagine.)

it's rimmer's ace years, and it's not only beautiful young birds throwing themselves at him for his sexy heroics, but beautiful young studs as well; he switches many a dimension, and what happens in a reality stays in that reality, right?; he meets many a lister, some of them openly queer, some of them in a relationship (past or ongoing) with their rimmer; he sleeps the night away with some of them. long story short, 9 years of both excessive human attention and crushing loneliness are ample time to confront one's sexuality. he's still got his hangups though, so in his mind "i am gay" and "lister is my best ever friend whom i miss terribly" don't quite cross together, not immediately.

either way, he finally gets back, they have their happy reunion, and then rimmer learns while he was off adventuring, lister had a wife and a child and loved her deeply and then she died; obviously, lister still needs some space to process all that. rimmer will talk to him about his soul-search some other time (no, he doesn't feel like he'd been replaced, he's not jealous, jeez!). lister just needs some time to move on, yea? and then it'll all be back to how it used to be, just the four of them.

and then s9 happens, and lister is obsessed with getting kochanski back, and rimmer feels as insecure as in s1 but ten times worse — there's the woman who'd been by lister's side for the last decade, there's his wife, there's the love of his life, and there's, well, just some guy. there's rimmer.

he longs desperately to be the most important person in lister's life, but he just isn't, and that's driving him mad. that's what (partially, together with all his lifetime-accumulated trauma) fuels his tpl insistence that nobody aboard red dwarf (read: lister) likes him: he knows lister doesn't love him back, and that is killing him.

#vikarambles #long lost #LONG FUCKING POST #red dwarf #rimster #arnold judas rimmer #dave lister

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comfysofti · 2 months

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If anyone remembers me talking about The Blinded and The Overshadowed, i have some more notes about them :33

Mainly because i decided to play around with giving them chapter 3 and 4 variants(sadly, no designs yet)

Click here for some notes regarding their chapter 2 variants + voices in their chapters

Let's start of with The Blinded!(she now has both chapter 3 and 4 variants)

How would you get her chapter 3 variant, aka The All-seeing:

Sit close to her like she asks to upon entering the basement -> after a bit of chattering don't agree to let her free/generally be aggressive while talking to her -> she will lash out and attack you -> don't resist/do nothing -> she will kill you and take your eyes

And here we go, chapter ||| The All-seeing!

The chapter will start off with Voice of Paranoid now accompanying you, and trying to process what the hell happened last time and how can you even see, while Hero would try to just keep him calm. But quickly both will notice that Voice of the Guides, is gone. Not just silent, like he usually is. Like, fully gone. No one feels his presence, nor he responds to them. Paranoid will freak out at this and would even suggest that princess could take him(spoiler: he isn't entirely wrong)

About surroundings: woods look. Odd. Blurry, with eyes all over everything, with various shades of red all over the place. And the cabin? There is no cabin

As the player would approach the spot where it used to be, all he will find is the princess. With his eyes, instead of her own, and Voice of the Guided, with no eyes, and yes, he appears as separate being, almost carbon copy of the player, but again, with no eyes, and as a bonus, the princess quite literally has him on a leash(or rather chain)

The princess will comment that she was trying to be nice the last time around, and play fair despite everything, but since the player didn't wanted to cooperate peacefully, well, she did what she did, and took the Guided because, quote: "and your little friend here? I need him way more than you ever will. After all, i was the one to lost my sight at first. And im not letting you take it away from me again. And your little friend here, will help me avoid that"

Yes, she basically uses Guided abilities to vaguely tell what will happen after princess or player does something, to avoid getting her eyes taken away again. Can the player get Guided back on his side? Nope. Can he free him? Also no! Although Guided himself doesn't want to, he's forced to be on princesses side and help her. And besides, after what happened the last time around, he's not part of the player anymore. Although they look alike, they're not the same being. Not part of one. Completely different concepts now, with no connection to one another. And princess uses this to her advantage!

If you try to slay her, Guided will predict your attacks(or rather where you will likely attack) allowing the princess to kill you instead, taking your heart. If you won't try to, or simply won't do anything at all, she will make an offer. She takes your eyesight permanently, but she returns the Guided to you, and leaves you be, with barely any harm done. If you refuse, the same thing happens if you try to slay her. If you do accept the offer, she's taken by shifting mound

Shifting mounds comment: this one is deceive and theft. She takes what she think she deserves, even if she doesn't need it. She will make for lying heart. Do not mourn her, for she finally has what she truly needs

Now, going to her chapter 4 variant: The Judge

Appears if you fail to slay the All-seeing/you getting killed

This time, you will appear right in front of her. In a tiny, bright room. No voices. Just you and her. And scale in her hands. On one side there's her heart, another side is empty. As you can figure, she will put players heart that she took last time from you, and judge you. If players heart is heavier than hers, she will say that you have rotten heart and will kill you, by quite literally shredding you to pieces. If it's lighter than hers, she will say that she herself gone bad, and will give you the blade to end her. The heaviness of your heart will be determined by what vessels you previously gave to shifting mound and how you acted towards her. If before her, you got Damsel, for example, your heart will be lighter, if you got prisoner before her, your heart will be heavier, you got the drill. Either way, she will be taken by shifting mound, after this "trial"

Shifting mounds comment: this one is judgemental but fair. She judges by actions, not words. She doesn't judge anything by looks but rather, by the very core of the being. She will make for fair heart. Do not mourn her, she finally had her justice

Now lets talk about, the Overshadowed and her chapter 3 variant, aka the Rot(only has chapter 3 variant)

Appears if you let the princess kill you in previous chapter. Doesn't matter if she killed you because you went to the basement without the candle or any other reason. It won't change much

About surroundings: the woods, the cabin, everything, looks like it's rotting and falling apart. Player will feel dizzy and will have blurred vision from time to time

This chapter will be starting with Voice of The Cheated, accompanying you now, and he will obviously start complaining about how unfair last time was, yadda yadda

Anyways

The princess appears in the basement, which us barely a basement. It's just looks like mix of rotting wood, huge mold all over and whatnot. The same can be said about the cabin. It's mostly filled with mold and with spores everywhere, the wood on the walls, barely holding together from all the root and dampness in the air. Talking about spores, there's so many of them, player could physically touch and feel them. And yes, it will have affect on the player

Upon meeting the princess, she's still a shadow, but rotting, melting one even, with some bones here and there exposed. And as soon as she sees you, like last time she will mock you for dying so easily, and will say that with each death of ours we only keep improving her! Like come on, last time she could only control shadows, and could die because of light but now, not only she kept her previous abilities, she controls mold now. Quote: "you see all those spores in the air? Yes, they're from my mold! It talks to me, like shadows do. And as we speak, you keep inhaling them both! Hehehe, they'll kill you in no time! Or maybe, better yet, they'll make you my servant!"

This is not a chapter where you can do something. Anything. Since she's a shadow, you can't hurt her, and now that she isn't sensitive to light either, there's no way to kill her. But she kills you as you speak with her. And the player can either talk with her, as mold and shadows take over his body and mind, forcing it to root, in the process, with each breath, or simply wait in silence. She won't mind either option. And in the end, it'll just lead to her being taken by shifting mound

Shifting mounds comment: this one is rot, the deepest, most darkest aspects that corrupt our souls. She thrives on them, because she learned to make them obey her. She will make for spoiled heart. Do not mourn her, for she will thrive anew

Well, i think that's all! I was really sleepy when writing all this, so pleased ignore any spelling errors or parts that may sound like they don't make sense because my sleepy brain couldn't formulate them properly(if there's even parts like this). And, if anyone has questions, feel free to ask, and thanks for reading :33

And now, off to sleep i go!

#slay the princess #stp princess #fan princess incarnation goes brrr #i will draw their designs soon i swear #i just don't have time to draw but have shit lots of time to write ALL THIS #the irony

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manygalaxiesinone · 1 year

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Worst Fictional Friends in my opinion:

1. Heather (Total Drama). You know you fucked up when Lindsay and Beth became besties over their dislike of you. I would also put Duncan here as well as he technically broke bro code. Damn season 2 did my boy, Trent, dirty. But to be fair, Courtney was not making things easy. Her little controlling toxic ass. I should put her up here too after plotting to vote Gwen off right after the two of them made up, but I want to stick to just one character per series.

2. Rigby (Regular Show) there are MULTIPLE TIMES where Rigby fucked things up for Mordecai, (granted Mordecai isn't exactly innocent himself) but this dood bet not only his soul, but all of his friends in the park for a soul ball behind their backs! And let’s not forget that Rigby hid Mordecai’s college acceptance letter out of envy. Like I said, Mordecai’s not innocent either, but Rigby caused way more problems at the end of the day in my opinion.

3. Okay if you think about it, both Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno were pretty toxic. Do I really need to say anything in Sasuke's case? He tried to kill him like multiple times. And Sakura made fun of him for being an orphan in front of Sasuke, who is another orphan! Can’t really decide which one is worse overall, so I’ll just leave it at a tie and let you guys decide. They should've put Naruto with Shikamaru and Hinata on the same team.

4. Granted I still haven't fully caught up with My Hero, but from what I've seen, Bakugo can go die in a hole for all I care. The moment you tell your childhood friend to jump off a building you automatically get put in the toxic tier. I honestly don't see why people ship these two together. Valvatorez and Fenrich from Disgaea would make a better gay pairing than this.

5. Hartia from Orphen deserves to be here for one reason. He was in on Childman's plan to just hunt down Azalie in order to appease the higher ups while secretly finding a way to restore her from her dragon form, AND YET HE DIDN’T SAY SHIT ABOUT IT TO ORPHEN!!! How you go your best friend like that?! Look I know the tower has eyes, but you couldn't have said "Let's meet somewhere private so I can tell you what's actually going on?"! That's his older sister we're talking about!

6. Patrick (Spongebob) did have some loyal moments, but damn he did spongebob dirty so many times. Same goes for a good portion of Bakini Bottom if you think about it. Do I have to bring up the "No Spongebob day" episode?

7. Princess Bubblegum (Adventure Time) has done a LOT of crap. Calling her manipulative is honestly an understatement, BUT I will give her a bit of leeway because she has lived a very long time and has suffered quite a lot of backstabbing throughout the years, even from her own family. (Looking at you, Lemongrab). So honestly, her ending up at least a little paranoid isn’t really all that surprising.

8. Iza (Kingdom Hearts) literally went full on dark side because of his envy of Roxas and Xion. And before you said anything, yeah Riku did the same in Kingdom Hearts 1, but it was only during that one game and he recognized his mistake at the end of that same game. Iza went a step beyond though and tried to get Lea to stop being around them so much and even later started antagonizing him. Motherfucker really said “no new friends”.

9. Eric Cartman (South Park). ‘Nuff said.

10. Cerberus (Disgaea). This motherfucker plotted to used Zed to destroy the universe by turning his sister Bieko into a God of Destruction and have her kill him countless times. All because his true love got killed. That’s right, he basically pulled an Obito. And even AFTER they saved his ass when his body broke down. Yeah Zed wasn’t exactly the nicest person around, but after the shit Cerberus pulled, can you blame him? Even Cerberus himself pointed out that Zed used to be more of a kinder zombie before the God of Destruction appeared. Gee! I wonder why he changed?! It couldn’t possibly do with the fact with he was forced to fight his sister and die over and over and over and over again and was tricked into thinking he had to kill her in order to put her out of her misery for good! That couldn’t POSSIBLY why he started developing a cold shoulder! I was honestly thinking about putting either Etna or Fenrich up here, but no. Cerberus definitely tops whatever stunts those two pulled.

#the mun has spoken #total drama #disgaea #adventure time #kingdom hearts #south park #spongebob squarepants #naruto #my hero academia #sorcerous stabber orphen #regular show

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paper--moons · 2 years

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Regressor!Hawks Headcanons

(with cg!Twice)

Thanks to his responsibilities with the Hero Commission, Keigo has trouble regressing. Like a lot of trouble. He's quite literally been trained to be their golden boy since he was five, which absolutely wrecked any sense of a normal childhood he could have had. Before that even, he didn't exactly have a good home life to say the least. No, he's always had responsibilities, whether it be to his mother or to his handlers. So when he does finally slip? He falls hard into babyspace. But it's because he's always been so responsible for others that he doesn't let himself regress when he needs to; he simply does not know when or even how to let go, so he always shoves it away for later. Only later never seems to come. What he really needs is the right cg in order to coax him down. Enter Twice.

Now, Jin naturally fits a very specific category of cg without even trying, and that's the role of an older brother. Maybe he's not so great at taking care of himself, but in spite of (or perhaps because of) that he tries to make sure those around him are happy and taken care of. He's kind where it counts and cares deeply about those he considers his friends. So when the League starts working with Hawks and grows to trust him, he naturally extends that same warmth towards him as well! The others are still a bit standoffish around him, but Jin likes him. Hawks will actually joke around with him without treating him like a joke himself (which is more than can be said for some League members). But Jin can tell that there's something else going on beneath the surface, and none of that paranoid traitor talk that Dabi keeps spewing. So naturally he doubles down on his friendship efforts and sticks to him like glue.

The stress of playing double agent is no joke however, especially when one ignores their coping mechanisms. But Keigo can manage it, like he's always managed it—until he can't anymore. It eventually all comes to a head not long after the merger with the Meta Liberation Army. He's trying to preen his feathers, a habit the Commission discourages even though it's something he needs to do, when he starts slipping. His fingers fumble and become clumsy as his mind fogs over during the one peaceful moment he's had in what feels like ages. He's tangling and tugging at his feathers and it hurts but at least it's something. And then there's a voice, gentle in his ear and immediately he registers who it is: Twice. The Here, let me help. Show me how I can help. comes so naturally from someone who is supposed to be a villain but for all the world sounds a hero that Keigo can't stop the tears from finally spilling over.

Somehow, Jin gets him settled until he's only making the occasional watery hiccup into his shoulder, belatedly realizing he's been pulled into his lap and is being rocked. Keigo also realizes that he feels the safest he's felt in years—maybe the safest he's felt in his entire life, which is a bit alarming. And as he clutches at Jin's jumpsuit, Jin understands that he's got a baby bird on his hands. There's a lot of mutual trust and understanding that suddenly washes over them both, having been built around their friendship from the past few months without them knowing. So it feels almost too natural as Jin picks him up and takes him back to his room for a soft movie night. He wipes away the tears and wraps Keigo in a couple of super plush throw blankets before getting the movie going; he's never been more thankful for the nicer accommodations that the MLA provided until now.

Keigo doesn't know how much time he stays small for exactly, but given that he put it off for so long, it's not unreasonable that he stays small for a couple of days. And while his worry might have otherwise seeped into his regressed headspace and caused a lot of undue stress for the poor baby bird, Jin takes care of everything—at least on the PLF end of things. He isn't disturbed over the next day and a half, being explained away as having come down with a stomach bug. No one argues with Jin over the position of keeping an eye on the "sick" hero either. And the entire time he's small, Jin dotes on him as if he were sick—or maybe not sick, he realizes. No, he's just treating Keigo as little as he feels. Helping him with every small thing, like spoon-feeding him his meals or changing his clothes, checking in with him as he takes care of him. Is this okay, bubba? Let me help you. Always always wanting to help.

When he does manage to come back up it's a slow process. He starts middlespacing hard around the time that Jin is changing him, and suddenly feels self-conscious. How can he not, when his every action has always been up for scrutiny? But everything is still too much for him even as he's occupying that space between little and big. Tears heating his eyes and hiccups bubbling out of his throat as he tries to push Jin away, his I do it, I do it! coming out a little scratchy since he hasn't used his voice much beyond the occasional coo while he was small. It's a sad sight, and though Jin can tell it's coming from a place of embarrassment he allows Keigo the space he needs to try and come back up even if he may not be entirely ready. Both physically in the moment, and time wise in order to sort his thoughts and feelings out. Though he does make sure to let him know that he doesn't think any differently or negatively about him, promising that no one else knows and that he doesn't plan on telling them either. He's also sure to let him know that he didn't mind taking care of him; Jin knows all too well what it's like to feel like a burden and doesn't want Keigo thinking that way of himself.

As soon as his baby brain catches up a few days later and recognizes that Jin is willing to be his big brother it's all over. Keigo has always had a good grasp on his headspace, but now the second Jin starts joking on this side of silly, he's a giggly mess. He finds himself shadowing after him too instead of the other way around, as it often had been before. Jin gives him the caring sort of attention he's never had and suddenly Keigo wants. Wants wants wants. It doesn't get any easier to deny that want as time progresses either. Suddenly he has stuffies, and bottles, and blankets—again, all the things he's never really had but always wanted, all of them being gifts from Jin. It's almost too much for him at times, but there's no denying the happy little flutter of his wings when he's with Jin and allowed to simply exist with no pressure. And while it both helps and complicates his mission, he knows that no matter what happens that he'll have him by his side.

#sfw agere #bnha #bnha agere #takami keigo #agere takami keigo #bubaigawara jin #agere bubaigawara jin #moons hcs

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imo-chan-imagines · 3 years

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『 As your boyfriend | BNHA Headcanons 』

From the good, to the bad, to the downright adorable.

Characters: female!reader, Aizawa Shouta

Tags/warnings: Boku No Hero Academia (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sex, smut, fluff, soft dom Aizawa, relationship, headcanons

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: Right, so I'm simping for this man biG TIME, but I'm only on season 3, so no spoilers or anything, please. This is my first BNHA post (and it turned out way longer than I was intending 😅) Please let me know if you want more in the future!

Also, I have a repetitive strain injury, so typing stuff is taking a while at the moment. Sorry about that. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ ~Imo

☆ Aizawa Shouta ☆

I'm not going to lie. Shouta can be a big ol' grouchy pants sometimes, and it's basically impossible to win an argument against him makes you want to tear your hair out, sometimes

But most of the time, he's just tired and in pain, and he doesn't mean to be so crotchety

He's not the type to make excuses, though. That's childish. He means his apologies, even if they're simple

He'll normally initiate an apology by gently wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his forehead on your shoulder 🥺

Physical contact is incredibly personal and intimate for him. He doesn't just touch anyone, or allow them to touch him

You're special 💞💫

Soft, gentle touches, like his fingers interlacing with yours, or his leg brushing up against you, are basically his way of saying 'I love you'

Catch me crying in the corner, a'ight? 😔

He rarely ever raises his voice. Like, ever he doesn't need to, and is aware that it can be scary

He's definitely the kind of guy to forget to tell people that you're dating, simply because he doesn't see how it's relevant or anyone else's business 🤦‍♀️

I mean, he ain't wrong, but–

And his mood switches between 'antisocial' and 'clingy' like a mechanical metronome did someone say 'cat'?

Sometimes, you'll be lucky if he speaks more than three words to you together in a whole day nothing personal 🤷‍♀️

But on other days, he literally won't let you out of his arms for the world he's complicated, okay?

You have missed many a parcel delivery because he wouldn't let you get up from his lap to answer the door 🙄😂

Boundaries and responsibilities are key and highly respected by Shouta, and he would NEVER erase your quirk without your permission, unless he literally had no other choice like someone's going to get hurt, or something

Is generally quite serious so what's new? but you're one of the few people he can relax around when he feels like it

9/10 of his jokes are dad jokes 😎 hell yeah

Takes a hard stance in financial debates, but is constantly broke af 😶 says he'll buy you dinner and presents you with some instant noodles with a 'Reduced To Clear' sticker on them

Will take a bite of your food/steal some off your plate without asking, and literally say nothing to defend himself #gremlin

Is incredibly shy and uncomfortable about being ~le horny~ until you've been together for literally forever

Even then, he's still shy about it when he has to bring it up and it's pretty cute, let me tell ya

It took him forever to admit to you that he gets turned on when you eat ice lollies

Guess what you do whenever you want to mess with him like a little brat 😛

But if he's in the mood, he will 100% whisper something dirty in your ear, even if you're completely alone and probably well past third base

He does it because he knows your pussy will clamp around him at the sound of his voice 😳🥵

*fans self profusely*

Genuine, unadulterated smiles are rare with Aizawa, but when he does 🙌 Heaven hath opened its gates and allowed an angel walk amongst mere mortals 🥺🤧

If he lays his head on your chest, he will fall asleep like that *snaps fingers*

Surprise nose and forehead kisses to show he loves you ❤

Calls you 'Kitten' this is basically already canon at this point

And he's all about those deep talks with you at 3 am when he can't sleep

Speaking of insomnia!

It's cheesy, but you're like a soothing balm. The warmth of your body makes him feel safe, your touch helps him relax, and your voice soothes him to sleep

He's never slept as well as when you're beside him 😭🤧

When cuddling, he likes to be the big spoon but will accept being the little spoon if you if you press your boobs against his back and ask really nicely 🤭

And he loves you stroking his hair and running your fingers through it 🥺

Netlix nights and pillow/blanket forts!!

Rainy days are a godsend. Staying inside all day under the blankets, with the soft sound of the rain falling outside and no-one to interrupt you – literal paradise

He makes mean hot cocoas and Irish coffees 😋 I feel like this man lives off Irish coffees 😂🤣

Wears a lot of black and grey sweatpants at home 😗 which highlight the outline of his dick just right, if ya know what I'm sayin' 👀

Doesn't like going out for dates and prefers staying inside and doing stuff together same, honeyy

But if you really like going out, he will somewhat begrudgingly agree to it and get all dressed up for you, just so long as he gets his fair share of home-dates, too 🤗

But if you also don't like going out... the two of you will basically never leave the house, except to get groceries in your pyjamas from the 24-hour convenience store down the road at one in the morning oddly specific, I know, but you get me

And sorry, but I don't make the rules

Well, actually, I do. But shush

We all know that Shouta cleans up *chef's kiss* So when you go somewhere ~fancy~ he always looks so damn fine 😩

But he has very little idea that he's hot he sees himself as a tired, walking dumpster fire🚶‍♂️🔥

Shouta will 100% turn into a crazy cat dude with 15+ cats if you don't stop him I never said you should, though 🙃

And is a 'minimalist texter' – basically, if he can't answer a text with 'yes', 'no,' 'maybe', or 'OK', then he probably won't answer it at all 😭😂

Especially if you try and sext him or send him your nudes while he's at work. He'll probably lecture you when he gets home and depending on just how much you turned him on, he might proceed to teach you a lesson...

But wear his shirt, and just his shirt or his hoodie and he's yours

Heart eyes, motherfucker 😍

And, depending on how you two are feeling that day, you may or may not end up getting dicked down on the nearest semi-flat surface right then and there 👀

But don't misunderstand. This is an incredibly tired man you have here, and his libido actually isn't through the roof sorry, ladies so this kind of thing isn't an everyday occurrence

But when he dicks you down, he dicks you down goooood

Shouta's not big on PDA, but makes up for it in private. We're talking hands and kisses all over your body he leaves nothing unloved 😏

And while he's not big on PDA, he is big on sneaky displays of affection or 'SDA', as I like to call it

Like subtly grabbing your butt for a second, or his hand on your thigh under the table at a dinner etc. especially around other people

But what really gets him going is slowly removing your clothes and taking you fully naked, spreading your legs wide and holding them open he likes the view 😍

He lowkey highkey worships your body 🙏 and will literally not shut up about how fucking pretty you are, and how fucking good it feels inside you his words, not mine 😳

Groans and growls a little when he's getting close/cumming especially when he's being a little rough and likes to cum together, but knows it's not always practical

He tends to be a gentle dom, but can get just a teensy bit 🤏 rough if he's too into it – but nothing outrageous

We're talking rough thrusts and a brutal pace, maybe holding onto you a little too hard and, waaahh, he gets so embarrassed if he leaves bruises

Is also into a little bondage, but again, only light stuff – restraining your wrists with his hands or his tie or his Capturing Weapon 👀 maybe blinding-folding you if you're okay with it

If you're not blindfolded, then I'm afraid he's all about that eye contact

Eating out your pussy? Eye contact. Pounding you into the mattress? Blazing eye contact. Rearranging your guts in front of the mirror? Fucking eye contact

And CONSENT, BABY. THAT'S WHAT HE'S FUCKING INTO 😌🙌💞

But all jokes aside – he's too used to taking without consent with his quirk, that he's kind of paranoid about it comes to sex but it's adorable and sweet, and honestly, still kind of hot

And speaking of eating pussy – goddamn does he like to please you. Like cream to a kitty 😛

Oh, and he just loves it when you suck on his fingers as he's pounding into you 🤤

And he likes to leave love bites in personal, inconspicuous places and sometimes on your neck

He's marking his woman 😌

When he gets suuuper horny, he likes to fuck you from behind, standing upright in front of the mirror. It's a specific kink he has of watching himself stretch you out as the length of his cock disappears inside you...

I can get behind that, lemme tell yaaa

I said he tends to be dominant, but female doms – fear not!

Shouta is quite flexible when it comes down to it and is kind of lazy, lmfao so he definitely has time for laying back, having the control taken away, and having his dick ridden

For him, it's really all about communication and what you're both comfortable with

I will say this, though: sometimes, his cat watches you while you're banging 😅😂

The first time it happened, you freaked out and refused to continue because – how could you??? But eventually, you just kind of got used to it 🤷‍♀️

The same way you've got used to it following you to the bathroom every time you go to take a shit 😭

So now, you just kind of laugh about it, which helps keep things a little lighter 🤗

After sex, he does like to snuggle, but you'll be lucky if he stays awake for more than 30 seconds it's one of the few times he actually can sleep well

If you're ever out and about, or even inside, and cold, he'll wrap you up in his clothes/scarf/blanket like a sushi roll like Eren wrapping up Mikasa in his scarf, all deadpan and everything 😐

It's not that often, but when he gets drunk, he gets all soft and emotional, and starts babbling about how he can't believe he got so lucky to be dating you, and that he's sure he hasn't done anything to deserve it mah heart

He's pretty sure he wants kids, but he doesn't feel like now is the right time, and is lowkey afraid that it's never going to feel like the right time

He also constantly doubts himself, wondering if he'd actually able to look after them and protect them the way a father should class 1-A got him second-guessing himself 🥺

Besides, it's not all about him. You clearly have a say in it too, and he doesn't want to force you into anything

Again: communication and comfort zones

Dating Aizawa definitely has its ups and downs, and it's not smooth sailing, but he's prepared to work for a life with you because he's found a connection with you that he hasn't feel with anyone else

He knows that you're both far from perfect, but hopes that, for once, you might just make something good, and make it last 🥰😇

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elenajohansenreads · 3 years

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Books I Read in 2021

#51 - Deliver Me, by Farrah Rochon

Mount TBR: 48/100

Rating: 1/5 stars

Poorly constructed, poorly researched, poor representation of mental illness, and some tropes I simply don't like, though that is of course a matter of personal taste.

I got this free in a bundle and it's my first Rochon read, though I've been hearing good things about her for years. I dearly hope that this is not representative of her more current works.

So let's tackle these issues one by one. Poor construction: first, the whole book is building up to the climactic charity bachelor auction, and I have no problem with that, but then the story ends abruptly at the same time the auction does, with the heroine "buying" the hero from it, some time (several days?) after she literally walks out on him after sex and does her absolute best to ghost him over what we know is a complete misunderstanding. I'll talk more about the miscommunication aspect of this later, but after the hero's repeated attempts to get to the bottom of why she left seemingly without warning or reason, he doesn't really have the chance to apologize or defend himself properly, but then the heroine forgives him anyway for basically no reason. Now, we the reader know that he wasn't actually cheating on the heroine, but she pulls a one-eighty and forgives him on the spot, when he sees him onstage, because…he's just so sexy? I'm not really sure. That happened to fall at the bottom of the page on my e-reader, so imagine my surprise when I flick to the next page and see the end matter--the book ends quite literally with the big auction, there's no denouement, there's no explanation of why she changed her mind, there's not even an epilogue to show them several months or years down the road being happy together. It's just OVER.

Second issue with poor construction: the multi-chapter subplot about the second couple who are patients of the hero, complete with an extra POV character, is jarringly distracting and (in my opinion) wholly unnecessary. This book would have been long enough to qualify as a novel without it, so it's not helpful padding, and I'll get more into why later, but I believe this subplot actively undermines the main plot.

Poorly researched: I can cover this one pretty quickly. I'm no medical expert, but when the hero early on in the story performs an emergency c-section on a conscious patient, without any form of anaesthesia and without her consent, I was not impressed. No, I'm serious. At the top of the page, the woman very clearly says "I don't want a c-section" and the next few paragraphs are the hero shushing her and doing anyway. I honestly don't know the protocols for informed consent in emergency situations, and under what circumstances doctors are allowed to exercise their best judgment and operate without informed consent, but whatever they are, I don't think it's just merrily slicing into a woman who moments ago explicitly withheld it.

There weren't any more insanely obvious medical blunders for the rest of the book, but I also didn't have much of a sense of realness from the hospital, either. Much later, a side character in the subplot makes an observation about knowing how to scrub up properly from watching "ER," and that really crystallized the level of medical accuracy in this book to me.

Okay, next issue. Poor representation of mental illness. The entire subplot is about a couple where the wife has bipolar disorder, hides that fact, and her treatment for it, from her husband, and then goes off the rails when her pregnancy screws with her medication regimen, which fails to control her symptoms.

Where the hell do I even start with this? She's depicted as a shrewish, terrible woman, and yes, I do think that's mostly because of her mental illness. Bad look to start with. Then add to that, that she thinks her husband will leave her if he finds out she's ill. Not a good look either. Her paranoid delusions all center on her husband cheating on her--which he's not--and her erratic behavior includes not following her doctor's orders about bed rest, which eventually leads to the premature (but ultimately happy and successful) birth of their child.

Now, to be fair, the husband is an absolutely stand-up guy through all of this, and the couple does get a happy ending. So I'm not accusing the author of believing or endorsing the idea that mentally ill people are either incapable or undeserving of romantic fulfillment.

But the problem is that if the point of this subplot is to mirror the main plot, then it's a terrible idea to have the main couple be a player with a string of clingy ex-girlfriends matched up with a woman who ghosts him because she believes he's cheating on her. See where I'm going with this? By having the subplot LITERALLY be about a mentally ill woman's paranoid delusions, it's drawing a parallel between those and the miscommunication of the main plot. THE HEROINE IS NOT CRAZY, SHE'S JUST INCORRECT. And implying she's "crazy" for thinking the hero might be cheating on her (even if we know he isn't!) is doing a disservice to women who have been or really are being cheated on, because a common backlash from the men is "you're crazy!" Um, no. No to all of this.

The tropes I don't personally like, but aren't necessarily big issues the same way: yes, the entire conflict between the leads boils down to a miscommunication, which results in an unsuccessful ghosting, which leads to the hero being really pushy about tracking her down and finding out what's going on. I hate plots where the love interests refuse to talk to each other for no good reason. Also, I didn't love that when these two get horizontal, there's no mention of any kind of birth control in the room with them, nor was it established that they'd had an earlier conversation about it. As much as I dread the "man wants to go bareback, woman bites her lip and says okay, i'm on the pill" scene that half the bad romance novels I read inevitably rely on, at least those books are talking about it! At least we establish there's not going to be an accidental pregnancy in fifty pages! And the hero is an OB-GYN, so there's literally no excuse for these two not to have a rational conversation about how they're going to handle birth control.

I'm genuinely struggling to find anything good about this book.

#booklr #book review #romance novels #my reading challenges #mount tbr 2021

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