The Upkeep Of A Balcony
Summary: Youngblood is given a room right above Noise as a child, and over the years comes to use the handy balconies as a way to get in at night.
...
Youngblood isn’t sure how he feels about much yet. This is all so new, and he doesn’t even know where to begin with most of it. His first day of school is over at this point, and he’s been taken back to what’s going to be his room, so he’s wandered outside to the balcony and is now looking up at the stars. They don’t look any less small from up here than they do on the ground. Is that how it’s supposed to be?
Youngblood sighs and drops his gaze to the ground, which definitely does look smaller from up here. He’s not sure if he still wants to be down there or not. He’s not sure if he wants to be up here either though. Everything is so new. And he’s not opposed to new, he’s just… unsure.
As Youngblood looks down at the ground, trying to think, he suddenly finds himself looking at a face in between him and the ground.
Youngblood blinks, but before he can say anything, the face breaks out in a smile.
“Youngblood! It is Youngblood, right?”
Youngblood blinks again, and then he recognizes the face. He nods.
“Cool! I’m in the room below you!” Noise calls happily. “Do you think I can climb up there?”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Youngblood says.
Noise huffs, seemingly annoyed, but doesn’t disagree with him. He bites his lip, seeming to think for a minute. “Alright, we can talk like this then,” they say, leaning out further from the balcony.
“Don’t fall!” Youngblood calls, throwing out his hands. “Just— just wait!”
Carefully, he puts one of his legs over the edge of the balcony, holding on to the railing with as tight a fist as he can manage. Then he puts his other leg over, and stands there for a minute.
He takes a deep breath, and starts to lower one of his feet down, slowly, slowly, until finally, he just barely finds the railing of the balcony below him. He moves his other foot the same way, and then finds himself holding on to the edge of his balcony with his fingertips, his tiptoes on the thin railing below him, nothing at his back, and a long way down.
Maybe this isn’t such a great idea.
But before he can doubt too much, Noise calls, “I’ve got you!”
Suddenly, there are hands wrapped around Youngblood’s waist, and he feels himself yanked forward and onto the balcony. He yelps in surprise just before he and Noise both end up splayed out on the balcony, in various states of on top of each other.
Noise is silent for a minute, and then they start laughing.
Youngblood gives him a look, but it isn’t long before he’s laughing too.
“Come on!” Noise says, once they both stop laughing, and then they pull Youngblood up by the arm and into their room.
“This is my room!” Noise calls happily, spinning around and throwing their arms out like he’s presenting it to Youngblood for approval.
“My room looks like this too,” Youngblood observes, turning to look around it.
Noise deflates at that, huffs and crosses their arms. “Well, we’re going to have to decorate then,” he says. “We can’t live in rooms that look exactly the same, how will anyone know which one of us is prettier?”
“And you can tell that by looking in someone's room?” Youngblood asks in confusion. “Wait, which one of us are you saying is prettier?”
“Do you wanna have a sleepover?” Noise asks, bouncing excitedly on their toes. “Since you probably can’t safely get back up on your balcony anyway and it would be super fun?”
Youngblood gives this a moment’s consideration. “Okay,” he says eventually, because Noise seems fun, and he wants to get to know him.
Noise must be excited by this prospect too, because they give a happy little wiggle and grab Youngblood’s arm again, pulling him towards their bed.
“So.” Noise plops them both down, and Youngblood takes a minute to shake off the dizziness from all the rapid-pace movement. “First day thoughts?”
Youngblood bites his lip. “I don’t know,” he admits. “Everything seems really uncertain right now.”
“Ugh, I know, right?” Noise groans, collapsing back on his bed. “It’s like, I don't know if I was right to be nervous, or wrong, or… whatever. I mean, it doesn’t feel as bad as I thought it was going to, it just kind of feels… weird? Different.”
“Yeah, exactly!” Youngblood exclaims, lurching forward a little ways. He stops a second after doing so and shrinks back. He doesn’t mean to be loud, he’s just grateful to find someone who feels as unsure about things as he does.
Noise doesn’t seem to mind, however, because he’s just sitting up again and nodding at Youngblood. “I still want to do good, though,” they say. He takes a deep breath, still looking nervous, but puffs his chest up. “I’m gonna do super good, and impress everyone. And then, when I get older, I’ll be first chair!”
Youngblood’s eyes widen. “You’re going to be first chair?” he asks. “Don’t you have be super talented for that?”
“No duh,” Noise says, rolling their eyes. “Don’t worry. It won’t take long before they all recognize my greatness. And then, I’ll have a spot right next to me for you, in second chair.”
“What? Why?”
“Cause we’re friends!” Noise says happily.
“Wait, we are? Says who?”
“Says me, dummy,” Noise says, smiling at him, before his smile fades a little. “I mean… unless you don’t wanna be?”
“No, I do!” Youngblood says instantly, leaning forward and grabbing Noise’s hand. The idea of having a friend to help him find his footing sounds way better than trying to tackle this all on his own. And the idea of it being Noise sounds even better than just that.
Noise is right back to smiling again a second later. “Great!” they call. “Then I’m so happy we’re friends, Youngblood!”
Youngblood finds himself smiling back, just a little. “Me too,” he says.
He’s glad of something else too. That if he has to be unsure, at least he doesn’t have to be unsure alone.
…
Youngblood gets much better at climbing down from balconies over the years. By the time he and Noise reach teenage years, it’s second nature for him to swing down and onto Noise’s balcony, to the point that he can almost do it one-handed.
He’s a little hesitant about doing it tonight. But he doesn’t want to avoid the problem until it gets too big. He cares about Noise too much for that.
So, he swings down and walks the familiar steps to Noise’s door, only to find it locked when he gets there.
“Noise!” Youngblood calls, knocking as loud as he dares. “We need to talk!”
“Go away!” comes the muffled call from inside.
“Seriously, Noise,” Youngblood says, trying to peer into the door. “Come talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Oh come on, Noise,” Youngblood rests his head on the cool glass of the door. “I don’t even want the chair. You know that. I’d much rather be second chair to you.”
There’s a moment of silence.
“I’m sorry, Noise,” Youngblood says. “If I got to pick, I would have made you first chair. I promise.”
There’s another moment of silence, and then Youngblood sees a dark shape shift in the room. It’s hard to see exactly since the space is so dark, but Youngblood isn’t sure what else it could be, so he steps back. Sure enough, a second later, Noise opens the door.
“…Sorry,” he mumbles, staring down at the ground.
Youngblood sighs in relief and steps forward again, pulling Noise into a hug. “It’s alright,” he says. “I’m sorry, Noise.”
“You didn’t do anything. You were right, it’s not your choice.”
“I wish it was,” Youngblood murmurs. “I would turn it down so fast.”
“What?” Noise leans back. “Are you nuts? First chair, Youngblood.”
“I don’t want first chair. Noise, you’ve wanted that chair as long as we’ve both been here. I just… all I’ve ever wanted was to be second chair to you. I really am sorry it wasn’t you. You deserve it.”
Noise steps back from Youngblood’s arms, looking down at the ground. “I… it’s okay. If you could always be satisfied with the idea of being second chair to me, then…”
They look up at Youngblood, a more determined smile on their face.
“Then I can too,” he announces. “Because you’re going to be great. And you deserve the chair too, Youngblood.”
“I… I don’t even want it, Noise,” Youngblood mutters, though his cheeks are heating up as he looks to the side.
“Well too bad,” Noise says, grabbing Youngblood by the hand and pulling him into their room. “Because your greatness has finally been recognized, and you deserve all of the good things coming your way.”
“Noise,” Youngblood grumbles.
“Hey, does anyone not know how amazing my best friend is?” Noise calls loudly. “Because I’ll sing it from the rooftops!”
“Noise, you’re going to get us in trouble!” Youngblood says, covering Noise’s mouth with his hand, but he’s starting to smile, and things are already feeling better.
Neither of them want to leave, so they end up tangled together in Noise’s bed. Youngblood winds up with his arms wrapped around Noise, and he’s trying very hard to not focus on the way that makes his chest flutter.
“Noise?” he murmurs.
“Hmm?”
“I’m really sorry you didn’t get first chair.”
Noise is quiet for a minute. “I’m sorry I wasn’t happy for you, Youngblood,” he says softly.
“You can be happy for me and sad for you at the same time,” Youngblood says, tightening his grip slightly.
Noise nods slightly and buries their head in Youngblood’s chest.
“And hey,” Youngblood says. “I know it’s not exactly what we’ve always planned, but don’t think I’m not going to bring my best friend and second chair along with me on all my adventures.”
Noise laughs a little. “Good,” he says. “You better.”
Youngblood can’t imagine ever doing anything else.
…
“Noise, we can’t find Youngblood anywhere, have you seen—”
The guard at the door is promptly interrupted by a pillow to the face as Youngblood scrambles to pull the blankets back over him and Noise both. Noise is cackling, throwing their head back in laughter even as they also pull the blanket up over their bare chest.
“For fucks sake,” Youngblood snaps at the guard, who is shielding their face and has gone bright red. “I know you people need me for a million things every day now, but do I not get a single night off?”
First chair duties have only gotten more taxing over the years, and Youngblood isn’t going to lie and say things with Noise haven’t gotten a little strained from time to time. He… also isn’t going to lie and say that strain hasn’t come from a different place too, however, one they sort of… addressed, last night.
Now if only the guards can let him disappear for a single second without it being the end of the world.
“I, um, apologies, I’ll… leave you be, then,” the guard says, backing out of the room and closing the door after.
Noise doubles over on the bed while still laughing, and Youngblood turns to them with a glare.
“And what exactly about this situation is so funny?”
“What exactly about this situation isn’t funny?” Noise counters, grinning up at him. “‘Oh Noise, I’m so sorry I’ve been neglecting our friendship, it’s just that the guards never seem to leave me alone and need to have tabs on me at all times! Oh, you know what sounds like a great idea in this situation? Take your pants off—’”
“Okay,” Youngblood groans, burying his burning face in his hands. “It’s not like it was a one-sided decision, you know.”
“Oh, it most definitely was not,” Noise says. He reaches up and tugs slightly at the blanket Youngblood is now using to cover himself, and Youngblood pulls it further up with a glare.
“Oh don’t tell me you’re getting shy on me now,” Noise purrs, leaning closer with a smirk. “You didn’t seem all that shy last night—”
“I,” Youngblood cuts them off with a snap. “Have to go. Because unfortunately I don’t think that guard is going to be gone for long, and I’d rather not have a repeat of what just happened.”
Youngblood instantly regrets snapping, however, when he sees Noise’s face fall.
“Oh,” he says quietly, looking back down at the blanket and starting to tug on it much more uncomfortably.
Ah, shit.
“Wait, that’s not what I meant,” Youngblood says, reaching out and grabbing Noise’s hand. “I’m not—” He takes a breath. “I’m going to go get cleaned up and come back here, and then we’ll go to breakfast together, okay? You’re coming with me today.”
Noise looks up at him. “You think they’ll let you do that?”
“I don’t much care,” Youngblood admits, and before he can second guess himself, he leans in and kisses Noise on the cheek. Noise starts smiling again, which makes it worth it.
“Okay,” they say. “I’ll meet you back here in ten?”
“Deal,” Youngblood says, a smile of his own growing, and he climbs out of the bed to look for the clothes he tossed off rather haphazardly last night. He doesn’t hear movement from the bed behind him, and after a second he turns to see Noise still smiling, eyes pointed downwards.
“My eyes are up here, you know,” he says.
Noise raises his gaze and smirks. After a second, Youngblood gives a fond huff and heads out towards the balcony. Looks like he’ll be swinging up this time.
…
“Youngblood?”
Youngblood doesn’t move, just stares out at the clouds surrounding the bard college.
“Youngblood, come on. Are we not going to talk about what’s bothering you?”
Youngblood looks down to see Noise glaring up at him, arms crossed.
“What’s there to talk about?” he asks.
“Are you honestly going to make me come up there?”
“Maybe you should. I’m always the one coming down there, maybe it’s your turn.”
“Youngblood.”
Youngblood sighs. “Honestly, Noise, it’s nothing, okay? I’m— I’m sure I’m overreacting.”
“It doesn’t seem like you’re overreacting. Or it doesn’t seem like you think you are.”
“Well, I am,” Youngblood says. “It’s not— don’t worry about it.”
“Of course I’m going to worry about it. Youngblood, I’m going to worry about you.”
Youngblood doesn’t say anything.
“Is it— is it your fire?” Noise asks. “I keep telling you, you just need practice. I’ll help you—”
“No, it’s— it’s not that.” For once.
“What is it, then?”
Youngblood looks up towards the stars. “Noise, do you—” he stops.
“What? What is it?”
“Do you still want the first chair position?”
“What?”
“Just answer me, please?”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t know,” Youngblood lies. “I… do you think I was given the position… unfairly?”
“Did someone say that?” Noise growls. “I’ll duel them right now, just tell me who—”
“No, no one said that Noise, come on,” Youngblood says, giving them a look. “I just…” He stops, and bites his lip.
There’s a moment of silence.
“Youngblood,” Noise says, “what is going on?”
“How much do you think they know about us before we do?” Youngblood murmurs, definitely too quietly for Noise to hear him. “Is it possible?”
“What did you say?”
Youngblood sighs and looks down at Noise. “I don’t want to take anything from you.”
“You’re not taking anything from me,” Noise says, looking seriously concerned. “Youngblood, come here. Come talk to me.”
Youngblood doesn’t move.
“Youngblood.”
“It’s fine,” Youngblood says. “Today was a long day. I’m sure I’m just tired.”
“Okay, I’m coming up there.”
“No, you’re not. I’m going to bed. Everything will feel better tomorrow morning. Goodnight, Noise.”
“Youngblood.”
Youngblood turns around and walks back to his room. For good measure, he locks his door.
…
Youngblood is still shaking, and it’s been hours. The infirmary had told him Noise will live. He’ll live. What does that mean? They’re just as badly hurt as Youngblood fears? He’s hurt, maybe permanently, and it’s Youngblood’s fault? They’re going to hate him forever and Youngblood can’t even be mad because he’ll deserve every bit of it? He knew practicing was a bad idea. Why did he let Noise convince him to try it? His system where he represses everything works fine. It works fine and he never should have even considered otherwise.
Youngblood paces back and forth across his balcony. The fresh air doesn’t seem to be clearing his head like it’s supposed to. Honestly, it’s not even doing such a great job at being air, because Youngblood feels like he can’t breathe.
Honestly though, with everything that’s happened lately, he can’t be that surprised. He discovers that everyone above him is trying to turn him into some kind of fucked up singing weapon, and before he can even tell Noise, when Noise tries to help him get some kind of a hold on his abilities, he burns them.
Youngblood leans back against the railing of his balcony and slumps down to the ground, burying his head in his knees. What is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to do?
Before he can try and come to any kind of conclusion, he hears noise from down below. Wait, not just noise, he hears Noise from down below, from where his balcony doors are left open.
Youngblood scrambles to his feet and grabs for the railing. He’s shaky, but at this point he thinks he could do this in his sleep, and so it’s not difficult to swing down below.
The guards are leaving as he appears in the doorway, and one of them yelps when he notices Youngblood, taking a step back and holding up his hands like Youngblood is going to hurt him.
Well, given what he probably knows, it’s not an unreasonable fear.
Youngblood is still first chair though, so he draws his shoulders up and waves the guards away.
They give half a glance at Noise, but do so, shutting the door after them.
Youngblood moves quickly towards the bed, where Noise is lying unconscious. Unconscious is the word, he looks too uncomfortable for it to count as sleep. They have bandages wrapped around the areas where Youngblood burned them. They have an eyepatch. Their face is screwed up in pain.
Youngblood buries his head in his hands to muffle the cries that are starting, his shoulders beginning to shake.
He doesn’t have the first clue what to do. He can’t wake Noise up. But he has to apologize, doesn’t he? Don’t they have to talk about it? Doesn’t he have to fix this? What does he do?
Youngblood reaches out towards Noise, his hand still shaking. He stops before he can touch his face.
What has he done already? He can’t… what if anything he tries next just makes it worse? What if he tries to explain to Noise what he knows and they both have to run? What if Noise can’t make it that far because Youngblood hurt him to the point of needing time to recover? What if he hurts them again?
What if Noise is just… better off without him? There’s certainly plenty of evidence to prove that theory. Without him, Noise would be first chair. He wouldn’t have to deal with Youngblood getting dragged away all the time. He wouldn’t have to be worried about him. He wouldn’t have gotten hurt.
Youngblood takes a shaky breath. He pulls his hand back to his side. Reconsiders. Reaches out again. Gently tilts Noise’s face towards him. Leans forward and kisses their forehead.
Turns and runs.
…
This is a long time coming, honestly.
Noise looks up at the stars, as usual mostly blocked by the balcony above him. He’s considered tearing it down many times. They have that kind of authority now, as first chair.
Instead, Noise reaches up and brushes his fingers on the underside of the balcony above him. They feel reminiscent tonight.
They shouldn’t.
Noise puts one of his legs over the edge of the balcony, holding on to the railing. Then he puts his other leg over, and stands there for a minute.
Then they reach up and effortlessly pull themselves up to the balcony above them. It’s even easier to swing his legs over and land on the balcony. There’s nothing blocking the stars now. Lucky bastard.
Noise braces his hands on the railing and takes a steadying breath. It’s been a year to the day, tonight. They shouldn’t be here. They should be anywhere else.
As if the universe wants to provide more reasons for Noise to know he’s right on that, the doors slam open behind him.
“Who’s there? I’m warning you—”
Noise turns, a cold look on their face.
The young brat who lives in the room above immediately goes pale. “Noise, sir! I— I didn’t mean—”
“No, I’m sure you didn’t,” Noise says coolly. “Go back to bed.”
“But— but this is my—”
Noise raises an eyebrow.
The brat goes silent, turns around, and walks back into the room.
Noise turns back to look at the stars again after that incredibly rude interruption. He looks casually down at the ground far below. They probably shouldn’t have made him climb down with that far of a drop as a danger, especially not when the two of them had first met. They’d been so inexperienced.
Noise looks up again. He considers him, momentarily, emotionlessly. It is emotionless. They feel nothing.
A dangerous traitor. Noise has been such a fool.
He climbs over the edge of the balcony and swings down below, the last time anyone will ever do so.
Noise is first chair. They deserve better than a student room. Really, he should have left years ago. There’s no reason for them to stay, nothing holding them to this room, this balcony.
Noise reaches up and touches the underside of it one more time as he moves back towards the room. He will have it torn down, he thinks.
It’s poetic.
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