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larkawolfgirl · 2 years

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I Can't Meet Your Eyes Because I See Her When I Look at You (Condalbert)

Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/M, M/M Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou! Relationships: Adelbert von Grantz/Conrart Weller, Adelbert von Grantz/Susannah Julia von Wincott (past), Conrart Weller/Susannah Julia von Wincott (past and one-sided), Wolfram von Bielefeld/Shibuya Yuuri, Shibuya Yuuri/Conrart Weller (one-sided), Yozak Gurrier/Conrart Weller

Summary: Conrad loved and lost Julia. Conrad loves and is "losing" Yuuri. He has ways of dealing with it, but they don't seem to be cutting it any longer. When he confronts Adalbert and their unresolved feelings for Julia, he gets more than he bargained for.

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Conrart watched Yuuri flutter around Wolfram. It was adorable. Ever since he had finally confessed to Wolfram, Yuuri had been trying to spend as much time with him as possible. Not long ago, it had been the other way around. Wolfram used to always follow Yuuri around much like a baby chick would follow his mom to make sure he didn’t get lost. In this case, it was to make sure that Yuuri didn’t do anything “unseemly.” Conrart smiled at the thought. As if Yuuri would ever do that. It had been obvious from the start that Yuuri was caught by their engagement, hook, line, and sinker.

This fact had immediately begun chiseling away at the edges of the hole that already resided inside Conrart’s heart. At least it was a slow process, thanks to Yuuri’s constant denial that he could marry a guy. It was still consistent, though, because in those denials, he denied Conrart as well. To be honest, Conrart was thankful for that denial. It helped to stop him from even attempting to do something he might regret. Nothing could have been strong enough to stop him from thinking about it, though.

Everyone, aside from Yuuri himself, always knew that it was only a matter of time until he gave into Wolfram. It didn’t matter if Yuuri was gay, or bisexual, or whatever he was; all that mattered was that he and Wolfram had formed a bond that could only grow stronger over time. And now it was at its pivotal point.

They would be married in about a week’s time. Conrart was happy for them. Truly, he was. He loved Wolfram and had always wanted things to work out between them for his sake. As well as Yuuri’s. It would be easy for Yuuri to fall into the trap of a noble with ill intentions or a commoner only looking to climb the social ladder. Wolfram’s intentions were as pure as could be. There was no one else Conrart would entrust him to. Still, he was not prepared to lose any slim chance he had with the king.

“What do you think Conrad?” Yuuri asked suddenly.

He had been so lost in his thoughts he had not heard any of the previous conversations. “I’m sorry. What are you asking about?”

Yuuri frowned a little. It was frustratingly adorable. “Don’t you think Greta would make the cutest flower girl? Wolf says throwing flower petals would be too wasteful.”

“Oh.” Conrart didn’t know the finer details about wedding customs on Earth, but he had seen little kids throwing flower petals down the aisle in multiple films. “Yes,” he agreed immediately. “I’m sure Greta would love being a part of the wedding as well.”

Wolfram frowned. “Of course you’d take his side.”

Conrart smiled placatingly. “Now, Wolfram, I just think it would bring your little family closer together.”

His brother huffed but seemed appeased with that logic.

“See, Wolf?” Yuuri said cheerfully. “It will be great! And we can always sweep up the petals afterward.”

“And do what with them exactly? The flowers will already be dead.”

“We can make tea. Or compost!”

Wolfram scrunched his face up. “Com-post?”

Conrart didn’t know what that was either.

“Uh. It’s like fertilizer. We can lay them down to help Celi’s flowers grow.”

Wolfram gave him a judgemental look. “You want to kill flowers to help the rest grow?”

“That balances out, doesn’t it?”

Wolfram rolled his eyes. “Whatever. But I’m deciding how many we pick.”

Yuuri grinned and leaned in to kiss him.

Conrart excused himself and began heading back to his chambers. Just watching them smile at each other was enough to hurt his chest. Watching them kiss was enough to hinder his breathing.

Once secluded in his room, he leaned back against the door and slide to the floor. The wood was hard and grounding. He took some deep breaths and undid the buttons down the front of his shirt.

Marriage was something Conrart used to think might be in his future but now was nothing but an ideal dream. The only two people he ever considered marriageable were unobtainable, and even if they weren’t, twenty years, although short in the scheme of things, was enough time to change him beyond recognition. Sure, he plastered on a familiar face, but deep down, in the corners of his heart, something ugly materialized. It was probably born from the shavings of his heart. Where love grew, so did enmity.

He had tried to sate the ugly beast within him with pleasure. It had been easy enough to flit from one partner to the next, without so much as making the bed afterward. By now, he had probably had sex with over half of the kingdom, but nothing made that ache go away. At first, he had been upfront and decent about his intentions, always making sure his partner wanted the same emotionless interaction he did. The more that he took, though, the less it felt like he received. The beast chewed at his insides, craving more, more, more, until he stopped caring. If someone was willing, he’d go for it without caring about any heartache left in his wake.

Why should he care, anyway? His own heart had been pierced through, so why not spread the pain? Besides, it wasn’t like a one-night stand could eat away at someone the way his own pain did. Who could blame him for spreading a bit of his own suffering?

Yuuri’s frown replayed in his mind.

He knew who could blame him. Several people, actually. But he never sparred the time for those thoughts. He was beyond the point of caring by the time Yuuri arrived in their world.

He had recognized him the moment he saw him. Not because of his skin tone or his uniform, but because he could see Julia reflected in him.

It shouldn't make sense. Yuuri didn't look like her, talk like her, or even act like her most of the time, yet he could see her image hovering over him like a ghost. He had thought that by touching Yuuri, maybe he could touch Julia.

That is how it started. Whenever he was near Yuuri, he felt like the old Conrart again. Suddenly, there was something worth protecting again. He felt alive in a way he hadn't since the moment he learned about Julia's death. When he touched Yuuri, his skin warmed with the glow of affection. An innocent brush of the hand was worth more than a million handjobs. When he smiled at him, Conrart almost believed that time could rewind and he could be chosen this time.

He wasn't. For the second time, Julia overlooked him for another man. But Yuuri wasn't Julia. He knew that, and knew it stronger with each passing day. Although they were both kind, righteous, and headstrong, Yuuri was even more impulsive than Julia ever had been. He was prone to anger, oblivious, and far too trusting.

Not once did Yuuri question or shy away from his proximity or touch the way he used to with Wolfram. Yuuri trusted him completely. Godfather, he called him. Someone protective and caring. These things were true. Conrart would kill anyone who hurt him, even if that person ended up being his very own brother. But Conrart was more than that. He wanted more, and every one of his touches, no matter how platonic, carried that greed.

He knew that Wolfram suspected him of ill thoughts at the very least, even though he never confronted him about it. Perhaps, Yuuri wasn’t the only one that was too trusting. He still allowed them to continue having “bonding” time, even if he usually kept an eye on them during that time.

Conrart had long since lost count of how many times he had dreamt about sneaking kisses behind Wolfram’s back. Yuuri would laugh quietly under his breath, for Conrart’s ears alone. His eyes would twinkle gleefully promising of what would come later when they wouldn’t get caught. When later came he would sneak away from the bed he shared with Wolfram to climb into Conrart's. In the dream, Yuuri was always happy and he was always willing, and in sleepfulness and the brief moments after, Conrart would feel whole again.

As much as he told himself he only wanted Yuuri for what lingered of Julia, at some point he crossed the lines: longing turned into love turned into lust. He loved Yuuri for Yuuri. He loved his goofy grin, his enthusiasm for baseball, his optimism. What he loved about him most, however, was that he was somehow blind to what hid beneath Conrart’s surface. Or was Conrart hiding from that surface self? He didn’t even know anymore. Either way, there was so much that Yuuri failed to see. Conrart wasn’t a knight in shining armor. He might come to save the day, but he wished for rewards. Each night he would still go to bed with indecent thoughts. It didn’t matter if it was his hand or the body of another, his mind always drifted back to Yuuri and Julia in the end.

He wondered how Yuuri would react if he knew just what Conrart did behind closed doors. What kind of face would he make? What pretty shade of red would his cheeks turn? What noise might he make?

A part of him hated himself for these feelings. The young king was better off without his emotional baggage. Wolfram was a much better match for him than Conrart would ever be. They were close in mental ages, balanced each other’s qualities well, and were suited for each other politically. They were both pure to an extent. Maybe not wholesome, but inexperienced. He imagined their sexual activities would take time to expand. Not that he thought about that. Wolfram was still his brother, after all.

It made him wonder, far more often, what Julia would have been like. Would she have blushed at the touch of a hand or pinned him down onto the bed? He could never decide. Sometimes, when he was drunk enough, he considered throwing decorum aside and asking Adalbert what she had been like. Maybe if he knew instead of guessing at her behavior in his fantasies, that ache would go away.

In soberness, he avoided his rival like the plague. Only Yuuri’s safety or the fate of the kingdom was enough to make him interact with him. Every time he so much as saw him, his entire chest would throb with a numbing pain. It felt like the pain of falling in love with Julia only to find out that she would never return his feelings, the resentment of learning that it was because of Adalbert that she would never consider him romantically, and the sorrow of hearing that she had died all mixed into one.

Being around Adalbert made him want to cry, scream, or lash out in violence. The latter was the easiest. Better for his body and his pride. Now, with relative peace between their nations, that option was off the table. But he was forced to face him anyway. Yuuri–being Yuuri–convinced Adalbert to come visit the castle on occasion. He had tried convincing him to sit in on council meetings as well, but that was forcibly shot down. He was obstinate about staying in Shimaron. Which was good, because whenever he did visit Conrart was forced to stand by in suppressed agony in order to watch over Yuuri. He didn’t trust Adalbert to not have the thoughts about Yuuri that he had in the beginning. Adalbert would have to be blind not to see traces of Julia in him.

He refused to let him snatch his love away from him again. He wanted to knock the man back against the wall, scream into his face as he punched his lights out, then ball his eyes out.

He never so much as raised a hand, though. Neither Yuuri nor Julia would ever forgive him if he did.

That unresolved tension was building with each encounter, and it was only growing worse as Yuuri and Wolfram’s marriage date approached. He was about to lose Yuuri for good. He had so many feelings welling up inside him with limited ways of releasing them. His favorites involved getting himself off.

Speaking of, he had nothing else better to do right now. He undid his pants and lowered them just far enough to get his dick out. He began to palm himself slowly in the hopes of clearing his mind for a while. It wasn’t working, though. The image of Yuuri and his brother kept coming back to mind.

Stop thinking about it! he yelled at himself. That only shifted the image to Julia and Adlerbert kissing.

For fuck’s sake! He yelled aloud as he pounded his fist against the floor.

If only he had someone available right now to get his mind off of everything. Too bad Josak was out of the kingdom on a spy mission. At this point, he usually sought out his friend when these moods struck him. Sleeping with strangers only had so much appeal and took effort. His friend’s door was always open. He never had to explain himself or build up to fucking when it came to his long-time friend. It was nice to be able to joke around and actually stay over afterward without giving a false impression. Jozak knew him well enough not to ask for more than a fun time. Still, as enjoyable as their time together was, Conrart still felt hollow.

What could possibly fill the void inside him? Sex clearly wasn’t cutting it. As much as he hated it, he knew what he craved was the love beyond the sex. That was unobtainable to him. He would have to settle for existing as a shell.

He only hoped that Adalbert was struggling just as much as he was. Tucking himself back into his pants, he realized he would have to see him at the wedding. Another day of churning emotions and regrets.

Actually, if Julia hover over Yuuri, she surely hovered over Adalbert as well. That must be why he felt such strong emotions whenever he was nearby. So maybe love wasn’t as unobtainable as he thought. Maybe if he got him alone, he could work out his frustrations and finally find out once and for all what was so great about him. Why had Julia been so blinded by Adalbert to never see him? Was he that great in the sack?

In terms of looks, Conrad was a catch. Not that Adalbert wasn't attractive in his own rugged way, but Conrad was definitely more pleasant to the eyes. That factor was irrelevant for Julia, though. Perhaps she had a thing for the breadth of his chest and prominent arm muscles. Conrad's own muscles were more compacted and probably harder to assess through his clothes. But no. Julia wasn't like him. She would never be shallow enough to seek out relations with someone only because of their build. There was obviously something about Adalbert's personality that she found attractive enough to turn down her engagement to Conrart even before meeting him.

How would things have turned out if he had met her before Adalbert? Would she have been blinded by him to never see Adalbert, or was there something about the other man so attractive that she would have chosen him regardless?

If only he had known what it was she loved about him, then Conrart might have been able to imitate it and win her over. But every time he had asked her during their short 6 months of friendship, she had always been vague. Adalbert had a heart of gold, she said. He fed her soul. They were riddles Conrart could never solve. Though, looking back, he should have tried harder to actually get to know Adalbert. Maybe then he would understand. Instead, all he knew for sure was that he was a strong soldier, had an unyielding resolve, and loved Julia enough to throw his entire life away. He must have been kind in the past, but now he was willing to harm others for his ideals.

That was how he dealt with his grief, he supposed. Just as Conrart turned to sex and gambling, Adalbert turned to violence and self-righteousness. It made Conrart sick that he thought he was better than everyone else. The man could say that he hated the mazoku all he liked, but he had to hate the world. He hated Conrart, at the very least.

Well, the feeling was mutual.

He still wanted to hit him. He wanted to punch him until his face was ugly and red. Maybe then he would realize that he wasn’t any better than Conrart. But there was more than one way to take him down a notch or two. Maybe he could tie him up and watch him squirm. Maybe he could slap his backside until he cried in surrender. The possibilities were endless.

When Conrart reached for his dick this time his hold was firm.

Adalbert lifted his glass of wine and swirled the liquid around. It looked pretty, but the taste and effects were lacking. He wished he had some of the beer he had stashed in his overnight bag. It would be easier to get through the night if he could at least get drunk. What was he even doing here anyway? He wasn’t Yuuri’s friend, was he? Knowing the kid, he thought he was.

Adalbert sighed and took a drink. It was bubbly and sour.

It was nice of him to invite him, but he didn’t belong here. He didn’t belong at Blood Pledge Castle, let alone the Maoh’s wedding.

His table mates were chatting away about meaningless drivel. He wouldn’t even know their names if not for the little name tags resting on the table. He supposed these were the few guests who didn’t know who he was.

The woman with bright blue hair in a bun–Florina, read her nameplate–began dancing in her seat as soon as the band began playing music. He was sure she would have been up out of her seat immediately if it weren’t the royal couple’s dance.

The music was slow and the lyrics were painful to listen to. It was a song about finding true love by accident and never letting it go. The smiling faces of the royal couple cut through his sadness, though. He was glad for the kid. As much as he still resented the mazoku on principal, the kid at least deserved to find happiness.

As soon as the next song began to play, Florina stood up. “Oh, Nayt, come dance with me!” She held out her hand to the man beside her.

Nayt looked around nervously, but took her hand and stood up.

The other two at the table must also be a couple because they shortly got up to dance as well. That was fine with Adalbert. It was a bit awkward to sit alone at the table only because nearly everyone at the reception was dancing now. It was clear to anyone looking that he was without a dance partner.

He wasn’t sitting alone for long, though. Conrart fucking Weller of all people strode up with what looked close to a smirk plastered on his face.

Great, he must be here to gloat about the fact that he had some hot date while Adalbert was sitting all alone.

“You here alone?”

Okay, that wasn’t what he expected. The man’s voice wasn’t gloating, it was…flirty? He didn’t know how to react to this turn of events. Besides, wasn’t it clearly obvious that he was alone?

“What do you think?” he finally answered.

The almost smirk was definitely a smirk now. Weller sat down right beside him. His knees were far too close for comfort. “I think you need a dance partner.”

“What?” Adalbert was gaping but he couldn’t help it. He had heard rumors about Weller’s sexual rendezvouses, but he never assumed he would set his eyes on him of all people. Every other time they had been in contact since the Shimaron peace treaty, the man had barely been able to even meet his eyes.

Adalbert didn’t blame him. It was hard. They had never really spent time together, even in the past, but they still shared too much history. A depressing history at that.

Weller was unfazed by his confusion. “I’m asking you to dance.” He held his hand out like a gentleman.

Hesitantly, he took the offered hand and allowed himself to be dragged into the throne of bodies. The two of them were pushed closer together than he would have preferred, but it wasn’t unpleasant. How long had it been since he felt so close to another person? Twenty years? God, he felt old. Already as good as a widower. He let out a sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Weller asked pulling him even closer by the waist. Breaking the usual dance position, he let go of his hand to cradle the back of his head instead.

They were close. Too close. Adalbert could smell the wine on the other man’s breath.

He didn’t let his unease show in his voice. “Just thinking about the past.”

“Anything in particular?” Conrart asked it in such a casual manner. It really pissed him off.

“I’m thinking about her. What else would it be?”

Weller’s expression turned serious. “You were supposed to marry her.” Adalbert wasn’t sure how to read his tone, but he would guess it was angry.

“We had our whole lives planned out,” he answered forlornly.

Weller’s eyes pierced into him. Adalbert felt cornered. He was sure he could break out of his arm if he tried, but something held him back. Perhaps it was the strange tug he felt in his chest every time the man was nearby.

It didn’t make any sense. Except in the strange way that it felt like a way to be close to her again. Even that didn’t make sense, though. Julia had been close to many other people, but none of them made him feel the way that Weller did.

It had to be because Weller had also loved Julia. There was no other logical reason. He must be picking up on the other man’s feelings somehow.

That must be why he never could seem to truly hate him even immediately after Julia’s death. He wanted to. He wanted to hate him so badly, if only to have a single living individual to blame for her death.

Now he didn’t know what to think about him. Rumors told different sides to this ambiguous man. He was a close friend, merciless captain, vicious swordsman, smiling bodyguard, caring godfather, doting brother, and shameless whore.

Conrart asked in a hard voice, “What did she want?”

“In the future?”

“Yes.”

“She wanted to be happy. She wanted everyone to be happy, humans and mazoku.”

“What else?” The bodyguard’s eyes were as cold as ice.

“She wanted to have three kids, two boys, and one girl. She wanted to let her brother take over the Wincott estate so that she could continue helping von Christ out in medical. Eventually, when the kids were born and peace was secured, she wanted to move far away from the main towns. She wanted to create a quiet life, growing our own food and cooking up new dishes.” Adalbert hadn’t meant to say so much.

Weller’s reaction was unreadable. “She really loved you, didn’t she?”

“I like to think so.”

The bodyguard let out a long, slow breath through his nose. “Why? What did she like about you so much?”

Adalbert shrugged which caused his shoulder to hit the back of Weller’s hand. His own hands slid higher up Weller’s back. They were basically pressing front-to-front at this point, closed in by other dancers. They weren’t so much dancing anymore as they were embracing and shifting their weight back and forth.

“How would I know?” he said.

“Didn’t she ever say?”

“She said a lot of things, as people tend to do. She liked my cooking. Isn’t there some saying about seducing someone through their stomach? Maybe that was it.”

Conrart’s fingers clenched in his hair. “You’re saying she fell in love with you because you could cook?”

Adalbert glared, his tone growing irritated. “I’m saying I don’t know what made her fall in love with me. I’m just glad she did.”

Weller growled. “If it had been me, I’d have found out.”

Adalbert rolled his eyes. This was unbelievable. “Sure, you would have. Because it would have mattered so much to you. All I cared about was being with her.”

“There you go again acting like you are so much better than me.”

Adalbert struggled against his arms. How much had Conrart had to drink? He didn’t have to put up with this.

Weller tightened his grasp. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m getting out of here.”

“No, you’re not. You’re staying at the castle.”

“You can’t keep me here,” he reasoned.

That smirk was back on Weller’s face. “Try me. Who do you think Yuuri will believe between the two of us? At least Yuuri chose me over you.”

Adalbert pushed away hard enough to break out of his hold. Instead of leaving, he stared at him in disbelief. "You see him as a replacement."

Weller narrowed his eyes. "Watch what you say."

"You think he's Julia."

"Don't you?"

Adalbert shook his head and started backing away. This was getting more personal than he signed up for.

Weller grabbed his arm and leaned in close so that his voice couldn't be overheard. "Tell me you don't think about doing to him what you did with Julia."

Adalbert swallowed down the lump in his throat. "You're sick."

Weller laughed with derision. "Yeah, I guess I am. Aren't you?"

Adalbert was a lot of things, but he didn't think sick was one of them. His feelings weren't as rawn as they had once been. Numb was probably the best way to describe how he felt most of the time. He was still heartbroken and hated “The Great One,” but it was manageable. Yuuri had explained “The Great One's” plan in his attempt to get him to return. It didn't make anything right, but it made them better. At least he could justify that Julia gave her life for a meaningful cause. He settled on saying, "I am a 130-year-old widower," as if that summed everything up.

Weller didn't look pleased with that answer. "You didn't marry."

"I might as well have."

Something sad passed over Weller's face. It appeared as if he was fighting with himself about something. "That's why I hate you so much," he spit out.

Adalbert chuckled humorlessly and unpeeled the man's fingers. "As if I care. I don't particularly like you either."

Weller's reply came out surprisingly quiet. "But Julia did."

Adalbert had always known that Weller had romantic feelings for Julia. Half of the kingdom had thought they were an item despite her engagement. Adalbert knew better than to suspect her of doing anything behind his back. It still stung knowing that she had spent so much time with another man who clearly wanted her in that way. Seeing him made her happy, though, and he had always wanted her to be happy.

"I have no idea why," Adalbert said.

"I don't understand what she saw in you either. Why was she so in love with you?"

Adalbert frowned finally realizing what this was about. Today, Weller was being rejected for a second time. Whatever twisted desire he had for the kid, it was real enough to hurt.

Adalbert shouldn't care, but under different circumstances, he could be where he was. "I think it's time you leave."

"You don't get to boss me around," Weller protested.

"You're drunk and not in you're right mind. You wouldn't want someone to overhear something they shouldn't, do you?"

Weller waved his hand as if it didn’t matter. “I’ll leave if you take me to my room.”

Adalbert groaned. Why did he feel the need to be considerate? This wasn’t his problem. “Fine,” he groaned. “But only because I have nothing else better to do.”

Conrart smirked behind Adalbert’s back. Soon he’d have him right where he wanted him. Then he could stop holding himself back.

It didn’t take them long to reach the door to his room. Adalbert rolled out the muscles of his shoulders and neck. “There, I assume you can get inside yourself.”

Conrart twisted the doorknob and pulled the other man inside. He quickly blocked the door with his body to prevent him from escaping.

“What the hell is this, Weller?”

“Like I said, I want to know what it was that Julia loved about you so damn much.”

Adalbert glared at him. “Like I said, I have no idea. She liked a lot about me, but I don’t know what the main reason was.”

“You took her for granted.”

Adalbert’s fists clenched. “Shut the hell up!”

“Did you tell her every day that you loved her like she deserved?”

“I–That’s isn’t your damn business!”

Conrart’s lips rose, and he shoved the larger man into the wall. “I’m making it my business. Was it your kissing?” Without waiting for an answer, he forced his lips onto his.

Immediately, Adalbert pushed him back. “You really are sick!”

“Yeah!” Conrart held his head in both hands. “I’m lusting after my dead friend and my godson who’s about to go fuck my baby brother. Yet all the while I can’t get the thought of what you’re like in the sack out of my head.”

Adalbert pushed him toward the bed. “Sleep it off.”

Conrart broke into laughter. “You think I can just sleep this off? I can’t even fuck it away. Do you know how many people I’ve fucked trying to forget about them? But you know who I haven’t fucked? You.” On the final word, he grabbed onto Adalbert and shoved him backward. The older man hit the edge of the bed and landed on his ass.

Conrart stood with his legs on either side of Adalbert’s. He cupped the side of his face almost tenderly. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. It could be just the thing we need.”

He could see the cogs turning in Adalbert’s mind. It took him a long time to answer. “Fine,” he finally said in a heavy tone.

Conrart wasted no time claiming his lips again. The tenderness was gone, replaced with pure lust. Adalbert was breathless before he even pushed him down fully on the bed.

His hands roamed over him, feeling as much as he could through his clothes. This was Julia's first impression, he realized. They were good, solid muscles, possibly larger than Jozak's. They would feel even better without the clothes.

No sooner had he thought it, his hands began to heft his shirt up. He was wearing layers, so he had to tug each shirt up at a time.

Adalbert's own hands were feeling him up as well, but he did lift his arms up when needed. Once he was shirtless, Conrart expected him to remove his shirt in kind, but he seemed satisfied feeling him up as is.

With a sigh, Conrart brushed his hands out of the way so he could remove his shirt himself. "I don't have all night," he complained, even though that was a lie. They both knew that he had nowhere else to go tonight and no duties tomorrow since Yuuri would be leaving with Wolfram for their honeymoon.

Adalabert grunted in response. He went back to feeling over his arms and chest, but his hands were more hesitant this time.

As much as he wanted to feel over those impeccable muscles himself, Conrart couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up. “Come now, don’t act like an inexperienced virgin.”

He expected a crude retort, but none came. He blinked down at the much older, brawny man. He definitely didn’t look like someone who would be a 130-year-old virgin.

He shouldn’t be!

Instead of touching the muscles staring back at him, Conrart punched down straight at his left pec.

“Ow! What the hell, Weller!”

His words came out dripping with vile. “You seriously had her but never had her?”

“We can't all be as sex-crazed as you are”

“Really?” Conrart mocked. “Because you seem pretty turned on right now.” He palmed over the thick tent forming in his pants. “You’ve just been waiting to shoot your load.”

Adalbert let out a moan at the contact, then replied in exasperation, “Yeah, okay? I fucked up! I know that. You don’t have to rub it in.”

“Oh, I’ll rub it in alright.” Conrart pressed the palm of his hand into the other man’s junk for emphasis. “Do you know how many times I’ve thought of what being with her would have been like? To think you just squandered your chance away. A chance I would have killed for.”

Adalbert let out a groan through his nose that sounded similar to a horse. “You might have only been interested in getting into her pants, but that wasn’t what I cared about.”

Conrart gave a mocking laugh. “That’s rich. Tell me you didn’t think about it, then?”

“Of course, I thought about it! I wanted her, but I wanted to wait.”

“Real good that got you.”

Adalbert kicked up with his legs, knocking off Conrart’s balance. He rolled them over so that Conrart was the one on his back with Adalbert towering over him. “I’m getting real tired of your bullshit! This isn’t about me, and you know it. If we’re playing interrogation, then you tell me why the hell you haven’t fucked the kid.”

Conrart snarled. “You know why!”

Adalbert gave a cocky grin. “Because you don’t want him to hate you? Because he’d think you are disgusting for lusting after him because of the woman who used to have his soul?”

“It isn’t like that!”

“Isn’t it?”

Damn it! “It was, but it isn’t anymore. Yuuri is…Yuuri is too good for me.” He took some breaths before his voice came out in barely a whisper. “Just like her.”

That had been the real issue, then, hadn’t it? It wasn’t a matter of why Adalbert was better than him, but why Conrart couldn’t be enough. He didn’t deserve any better than a casual fuck.

Adalbert was giving him a no-nonsense look. “You’re right. You don’t deserve either of them.”

Conrart moved to throw him off of him, but he stopped when Adalbert continued talking.

“You never even told either of them how you feel, did you? You wallow like a child about not getting your way but do absolutely nothing to get it.”

How dare he talk to him that way! “What about you? I know Julia is the one that confessed to you. Would you have really confessed to her if she had agreed to the engagement to me?”

“That doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have wallowed in self-pity over it.”

Conrart glared at him. “Then what am I supposed to do?”

“The kid’s ship has already sailed. There’s nothing to do about that. Find something new and actually take a hold of it.”

“Just like you have,” Conrart said mockingly.

As if proving his point, Adalbert kissed him roughly. His hands touched him with more confidence this time. Going with it, Conrart let his own hands find his bare chest and arms at last. He squeezed over his muscles not caring if it was painful or not.

While Adalbert’s hands remained on his torso, it didn’t take Conrart long to wander lower. He undid the other man’s pants. He took his sizeable dick into his hand and set to stroking him.

Adalbert’s back arched and he rested his head on Conrart’s shoulder. His breathing was quick and loud.

“To think I’m the first person to touch you like this. It’s a bit fucked up.”

“Fuck you.”

Conrart smirked. “That’s the plan.”

“How exactly…”

Conrart cupped the side of his face. “You don’t even know how it’s done?”

Adalbert glared. “Sure, I do. What I meant was, how are we doing this?”

Conrart pondered that. He had intended to wreck him into the mattress, but that was before he got a feel for the magnificent size of his dick. It would be a shame to put it to waste. Besides, there was more than one way to wreck him into the mattress.

“Take your pants and underwear off, and lie down.”

As Adalbert did so, he got up and grabbed the bottle of lube that he kept inside the top drawer of his side table. He shucked his pants off while he was at it.

“Seeing as you’ve never done this before,” he said as he climbed back onto the bed, “I guess I’ll do the work. We’ll have better results that way.”

He opened the lube and coated his index and middle fingers. With deft, slick fingers, he prodded himself open. He shivered a bit at the sensation. It had been some time since he had been on the receiving end, so he was a bit more sensitive than usual.

The entire time, Adalbert’s eyes remained acutely fixed on his handiwork. His dick was visibly growing harder with each of Conrart’s finger thrusts.

“I can’t believe you’ve gone this long without getting off.”

“I still masturbate, I’ll have you know.”

Conrart raised his eyebrows. “Oh? Good to know that you at least know how a dick works.”

Satisfied with his work, Conrart removed his fingers and moved himself into place over Adalbert’s thick dick. “Ready?” he asked.

Adalbert’s hands held onto his hips, nudging him down. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

That was all the invitation he needed. He sunk down slowly all the way to the hilt. Conrart let out a long, exaggerated moan at the sensation. This definitely beat jacking off in his room.

His eyes had unconsciously closed at the pleasure. He reopened them to see Adalbert’s head thrown back and his face screwed up with pleasure.

Conrart laughed at the lewd sight. “You’re really feeling it, huh? Do you like this?”

He rose up slowly, only to sink back down in one fell swoop. It drove a cry from the larger man’s throat. It stirred something inside Conrart, and he repeated his action, hoping to hear that sound again.

His thoughts narrowed to only the goal of driving him wild and mindless. He wanted to see him lose himself to the pleasure. He wanted to claim the thing that he had held onto for so long as if it were precious. To think he would give it away to Conrart of all people.

It should have been Julia. There his mind went wandering again. So, what? Julia wasn’t here. He might not have deserved her, but he deserved this. He deserved to claim someone the way he never could have claimed her.

His trusts were sporadic, just like his thoughts. Adalbert mostly laid there overwhelmed, but when Conrart kissed his mouth, he responded. While Conrart kissed him roughly, Adalbert’s passion was softer.

Is that how it would have felt to kiss Julia? To kiss Yuuri?

He felt like he was losing his mind. There was so much he wanted. He took and took, thrusting his hips and devouring Adalbert’s mouth. It was hot, so very hot. The pit of his stomach was heating and swelling. He was close, yet everything he wanted was just as far away.

Conrart came with a broken cry. Pleasure coursed through his body, but it felt like his heart was being stabbed by needles.

Adalbert nearly screamed when he came. His cum filled Conrad, but Conrad felt just as hollow as he had before.

He rolled off of the other man immediately. Adalbert reached for him, but he got off of the bed before he could touch him.

“Get out,” he demanded.

“But–”

“Get out,” he repeated firmer this time.

Was that sadness he saw on his face? That was ridiculous. This had never been anything besides an angry fuck session. It wasn’t his fault Adalbert seemed to be a lovesick romantic.

“Fine,” Adalbert said entirely monotone. He dressed and stormed out without another word.

Alone at last, Conrart leaned back against the door and slid down to the floor. “Damn it!” he screamed, punching the floor. It was unyielding and sent a stab of pain through his knuckles. Tears welled in his eyes.

He was stupid and so fucked up.

He was also out of ideas.

Adalbert picked the last of the potatoes. This one looked even riper and plumper than the last. These would make an excellent soup. Gathering up his basket, he carried it inside and lit the stove. He filled a large pot with water and set it on the stove. While it heated, he washed the potatoes and started peeling them.

He could hear the birds chirping outside, and if he listened closely, he could make out the laughter of children. The life he had created here was peaceful, much like the peaceful life he and Julia had talked about.

Plopping the potatoes into the pot of water, he started cutting carrots next. He sighed. This really was the perfect life. If only he didn’t have to be alone here. He had acquaintances, but no one he could really even call a friend. Not that he was putting in too much effort to make friends.

His mind wandered to Yuuri who continued to try to convince him to return to Shin Makoku. It was a kind gesture, and he wouldn’t mind hanging around the kid, but he couldn’t. He may have mostly put his issues behind him, but he owed it to Julia to live out the life she had wanted. Besides, now he was hesitant to even visit Blood Pledge Castle.

Weller would be there.

He hated that his mind kept returning to the man. He wondered if everyone thought about their sexual partners so much after the fact or if he was doing it because Weller was his first.

He hated that thought the most. It should have been Julia, just as Weller had to so gracious pushed down his throat.

But what was done was done.

So, why couldn’t he stop thinking about Conrart fucking Weller?

In all honesty, he had spent a good deal of his life thinking about this man. First, he had been the nameless man that was supposed to marry Julia, then he had been Julia’s too-close friend, and then he was the punching bag for Adalbert’s anger and hatred.

When Yuuri arrived in this world and became Maoh, he had been forced to see the man on multiple occasions, and since the peace treaty, he’d been forced to see him even more often. He would always just stand there, silent and unmoving like a statue. It was obvious that he was only there because he didn’t trust Adalbert. He had thought he didn’t trust him to not attempt to harm or kidnap his precious king, but now he figured that wasn’t it.

The sick bastard thought he was going to try to seduce the kid.

Not that the thought had never crossed his mind. When he first learned that he held Julia’s soul it was like a sucker punch. She was so close.

But Yuuri wasn’t Julia. It didn’t matter if their soul was the same. They were separate people with separate lives. The kid already had a partner in mind, and he never deserved any of this years’ old baggage.

So, maybe Weller was right. Weller didn’t deserve Yuuri. Not if he was going to bury him in the trash he had accumulated over the years.

Adalbert would much rather he dump the trash on him like he already had. He had his own trash after all. Except, it didn’t mix together the way he thought it would. It reeked with renewed freshness, opening up the scabs on his wounds.

That night had been painful. He had hated himself, and he had hated Weller for making him hate himself.

But it had also been gratifying in a way nothing else had been since Julia’s death. He wasn’t sure if he had thrived off of the suffering of it all, or was just caught up in the high of sexual contact.

Either way, he found himself wanting to meet with him again and felt that tug in his chest each time he did.

The only problem was that he had no idea what to make of the way Weller had kicked him out of his room immediately after they finished. Weller was a known slut, and stories said he was a fan of marathon sessions. If he ended things so quickly, there must have been a reason. Perhaps he finally realized afterward how much he truly hated him. If that was the case, Adalbert wasn’t desperate enough to make a fool of himself by propositioning himself.

Still, he couldn’t avoid the castle forever. Weller would see him as a coward if he did.

Plopping the rest of the vegetables in the pot to boil, he grabbed a piece of paper. He supposed tomorrow was as good a time to visit as any.

Yuuri was all smiles as usual when he arrived at Blood Pledge Castle. “Adalbert,” the young king greeted him.” His new husband stood proud at his side.

“I hope things are going well with you two.”

“Uh, y-yeah,” Yuuri stammered a bit. It was cute. Okay, so maybe Weller wasn’t as crazy as he had thought for liking him.

The three of them began walking to the lounge. Adalbert expected to see Weller appear at some point, but he didn’t.

“What about you?” Von Bielefeld asked. “Are things still going well in your village?”

“Yes,” Adalbert said. “We have set up a minor governmental system.”

“I see,” the prince consort said.

“You aren’t leading them?” Yuuri asked.

Adalbert cackled. “No. I turned that down right away. All I want now is to live a quiet life removed from everyone else’s bullshit.”

“Oh,” Yuuri muttered.

They arrived at the lounge, and the newlyweds claimed the loveseat while Adalbert sat across from them in the armchair by the fireplace. Von Bielefeld lit the fire with his maryoku which set pleasant mood lighting.

“Then, what are you up to?” Yuuri asked.

“Growing vegetables to cook with.”

His eyes bugged out. “Really?”

“What?” Adalbert asked a bit defensively. “Do I seem too macho for domestic work?”

“N-no,” Yuuri stammered, “I just never took you as the type.”

Adalbert grinned. “Well, I am. That sort of life had always been mine and Julia’s plan.”

Yuuri smiled sadly. “Oh.”

Von Bielefeld had a bittersweet expression as well. “I think it would have suited her.”

Adalbert chuckled. “Only if I did all of the cooking. I suppose she never cooked anything for you?”

“No,” Von Bielefeld said. “Whenever she visited, the maids prepared the meals.”

“Well, she was a terrible cook.” He rethought that statement. He had to give her bonus points for trying. “Okay, she wasn’t terrible. But she wasn’t good by any stretch of the word.”

Von Bielfeld raised his eyebrows. “And you are?”

Adalbert gave a cocky grin. “Want to try me?”

Von Beilefeld grinned back. “Make me a dessert then.”

“Wolfram!” Yuuri cried. “We just had dessert.”

Von Beilefeld turned his grin to his husband. “You can never have enough dessert, Yuuri.”

“Yes, you can! You’ll get diabetes!”

“I will not get this dia-be-atous thing. I exercise plenty.”

Yuuri sighed but didn’t argue further when they moved to the kitchens.

Adalbert set to work on a fruit pie figuring Yuuri would appreciate him feeding his husband something at least somewhat healthy. He had peaches or apples to work with and decided to go with the apples. As he began peeling and coring them, he spoke up as casually as possible. “I have noticed that Sir Weller is absent today. Is there any particular reason?”

“Oh,” Yuuri said, “he said something about me not needing him around so much now that Wolf and I are married.”

Adalbert nodded. That did make sense, but he doubted that was the entire reason. “Is he in the castle?”

“I think so.”

Yuuri did not appear to think anything of the questioning, but Von Bielefeld was giving him a questioning look. He would have to watch the rest of their conversation.

As he finished preparing the pie, he explained his baking methods. Von Bielefed watched him with intent interest and a watering mouth.

Finally, it was in the oven.

He wiped his hands off on each other. “It will be ready in about half an hour. Then you need to let it cool for a bit before eating it.”

“Are you leaving?” Yuuri asked.

“No, but I need to do something. I may not be back before then.”

Yuuri looked a bit disappointed. “Oh, okay. See you later then.”

“Later,” Von Bielefeld said. His gaze was fixed on the oven.

“Captain!” Jozak giggled and moved away. “I really need to leave.”

Conrart folded his arms behind his head and leaned back against the bed’s headboard. “If you had places to be, you shouldn’t have come by.”

Jozak gave him a wink as he straightened out his outfit. “And miss out on such a good time? Never.”

“I live to please.”

Jozak gave a heartier laugh and gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll see you later, stud.”

Conrart shook his head with a fond smile. He closed his eyes fully intending to take a nap since his services didn’t seem to be needed anymore. Maybe he should take a trip or pick up a new job.

“Oh!” Jozak exclaimed. “Von Grantz? What brings you by?”

His eyes shot back open. Adalbert had come to his room? Why?

He sat up fully to get a better look at the doorway. Sure enough, Adalbert was standing there wearing the look of a deer caught in headlights.

Adalbert looked from Jozak to Conrart and back again. “I just wanted to talk to Weller about something.”

“Ookay,” came Jozak’s unconvinced response. “Whatever.” His friend threw his head back over his shoulder. “See ya later, Captain.”

Conrart gave him a weak wave goodbye.

Adalbert stood there awkwardly in the open doorway. “Can I come in?”

“Unless you want the entire castle to hear.”

Adalbert stepped inside and shut the door. He walked closer but didn’t make it all the way to the bed. Conrart wondered if his half-dressed state was making him uneasy.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked feigning disinterest.

The man put a hand on his hip. “What do you think?”

“The weather?”

Adalbert did not appreciate the sarcasm. “What was the deal with kicking me out? It was like I had the plague or something.”

“If anyone has a plague it’s me.” Maybe he’ll leave him alone now.

No such luck. Adalbert did approach the bed now, stopping directly in front of him. “I thought you had more self-esteem than this, Weller. What happened to you being the best swordsman in the kingdom?”

Conrart smirked. “Oh, that’s still true. Want me to show you?”

Adalbert smirked back. “Maybe.”

“I’ll be the one to stab you this time.” Conrart wasn’t sure what came over him. He had not intended to do anything with him again. Not because it wasn’t enjoyable but because it felt like too much.

Adalbert took a breath. “Maybe I want you to.”

Conrart licked his lips. “Right now?”

“Maybe.”

“You do realize I had sex just before you got here, right?”

“Fuck it.” Adalbert kissed him, and Conrart stopped talking.

Adalbert didn’t understand why, but he couldn’t get enough of Weller. It was because of the sex obviously, but for some reason, he didn’t want to have sex with anyone other than him. And that tug that he felt when he thought of him was only getting stronger. It almost reminded him of…

Well, he tried not to think about it too much. That aside, he was visiting the castle a lot. It was easier for him to travel there than it was for Weller to come to Shimaron, but it was becoming too obvious. Yuuri would no doubt take it as a positive sign that Adalbert was reconsidering his relocation, but Adalbert was worried the others would begin to suspect that something was up.

Especially since Adalbert had “something to take care of” during every visit.

Maybe they should just admit it. But what would they even admit? That they were fuck partners? It was such a crude description even though it was entirely accurate. Adalbert didn’t like the idea of labeling himself as such, though.

He also figured it wouldn’t bode well with the kid either. Adalbert wouldn’t be surprised if he fainted at the news, even.

His godfather and the traitor–both men who had loved his previous incarnation–fucking like animals behind his back.

Such behavior was out of mind for the Maoh, surely, especially when it came to those he knew personally.

He should talk the matter over with Weller, he supposed. Maybe he could come to visit him every other time? God, it almost sounded like they were planning dates rather than fuck sessions.

Sighing, he grabbed his overnight bag which was already packed, and headed out the door.

Adalbert meant to bring the issue up immediately, but Weller had been distracting . He was still catching his breath when he brought it up. At least Weller had the decency to let him rest before kicking him out of his room since that first night. “I don’t think it looks good that I visit so often.”

“Probably not.”

“Do you think you could start coming to Shimaron every so often instead?” He intentionally didn’t specify how often he should visit to make it sound like minimal commitment.

Weller turned onto his side to face him. “Why should I?”

For some reason that stung. He had thought Weller was enjoying their times together too. It figures he was just as replaceable as the next person. “I just thought we could see each other more that way, and you might like the change of pace.”

“If you think you need to stop coming so often, then you should stop coming so often.”

Adalbert glared. “If you don’t give a fuck about me coming, then maybe I should just stop coming to see you at all.”

Weller sat up. “You know, I’ve wondered why you bother in the first place. It isn’t like this is a relationship.”

“I…I know that.” He did, didn’t he? Perhaps he just didn’t know how to exist so close to someone otherwise. The only experience he had was with Julia, after all.

Weller groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “Getting out of here might be nice. But I don’t think visiting your home would be healthy for either of us.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s too intimate.”

He thought Adalbert would get too attached. But, no, he said it wouldn’t be good for him either. “You’re scared of getting too close to someone,” he realized aloud.

Weller’s lack of a reply was all the confirmation he needed.

“What are you so afraid of?” he pressed.

Weller’s voice wavered. “I can’t lose someone again.”

Adalbert replied in a soft tone. When had he actually started caring about Weller’s feelings? “The kid is still with you.”

“Not in the way I want him to be.”

Adalbert put his hand on top of Weller’s, ignoring the look the bodyguard gave him for it. “I’m not going anywhere. Except for home,” he added in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Weller fixed him with a stare. “Why not? I’m not worth your time.”

He had a point. Adalbert could probably find someone else easily. He had never even considered moving on to someone else after Julia. He had thought that his love life had died with her. But then Weller had to go and kiss him. He was a good kisser, too.

“Because you understand me.”

Weller snorted. “Sure I do.”

“Okay, fine. You understand my pain.” He nudged him in the shoulder. “And you’re a good lay.”

That earned him a smile. “I try.”

They fell into silence. Then, Weller sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

Conrart did end up visiting Adalbert a few weeks later. It was as much as he had expected. Everything screamed domesticity. The house was small, yet cozy. There were gardening gloves and a hoe in a basket near the front door. There was a tiny wood stove for cooking and an island for chopping vegetables. Books were scattered across tables and a beer rack covered one wall.

“It’s nice,” he said.

Adalbert grabbed a bottle from the beer rack. “Thanks. I find it peaceful. More than a castle ever would be.”

Conrart could understand that thinking. To be honest, he preferred smaller homes as well. He had loved the one-bedroom apartment he had in Boston. “Castle life isn’t for everyone.”

Adalbert treated him to a home-cooked meal, and Conrart knew it was already happening. He already didn’t want to leave.

After dinner, they talked. Actually talked. No jibes, no insults, no flirtations. Conrart thought he could understood what Julia had loved about Adalbert now. He was straightforward, tenacious, domestic, and sentimental.

It was refreshing to be able to open up to someone without worrying about what they would think of him. Adalbert already knew his worst secrets, so it didn’t seem to matter what else slipped out.

You understand my pain, Adalbert had said. He assumed that was why he could overlook his ugly qualities.

Of course, Adalbert only had one bed, which meant that after their toss in the sheets, they had to share the bed. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Conrart could have fared sleeping on the floor, but that seemed silly when the bed was perfectly acceptable.

Adalbert fell asleep first, and in his sleep wrapped an arm around Conrart’s middle. Conrart could have shoved the arm off of him, but it felt nice and Adalbert didn’t have to know. He didn’t want to admit how easily he fell asleep in his embrace.

Conrart woke up feeling more refreshed than he had in a very long time.

“Morning,” Adalbert greeted him. He was still lying beside him and smiling lightly. It did something to Conrart’s chest.

“Morning,” he returned.

“Want coffee?”

“Sure.”

They spend a relaxing morning together. Conrart had planned on leaving right after breakfast, but with each passing minute, he felt less inclined to walk out the door.

“Hey,” he said while Adalbert began preparing lunch for them, “would you mind if I stayed another night?” He cringed a bit at the edge of begging in his voice.

Adalbert looked up from the greens that he was separating into bowls. He smirked. “Have I trapped you with my amazing cooking skills?”

That was part of it, actually. The food at the castle was good, but it lacked that feeling that came with home-cooked meals. “You got me,” he said with a joking smile.

One extra day turned into two. A letter arrived from Yuuri. He was concerned since Conrart had said he would only be gone for a night.

“That from the kid?” Adalbert asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Yeah. I should return today.” He still didn’t want to, though. He felt at peace. He felt…whole, he realized. After twenty years of searching for a way to fill in that hollow part of him, all it took was a cozy home.

“You didn’t tell him you were staying longer?”

“I didn’t think I would stay so long.”

“Go back, then. The door’ll be open for you whenever you want to come back.”

Conrart searched his face. He looked and sounded genuine, but something told him that he couldn’t just walk out of the door this time. Adalbert had told him to take hold of what he wanted, and Conrart was ready to do that.

“I’ll write him.”

Adalbert gave him a look. “Don’t you think you should go back and check on him at least?”

“I will. I just…I want to stay here.” He felt so vulnerable admitting that.

Adalbert grinned. “Glad to hear it. I enjoy the company. It can get lonely around here.”

Conrart did return to the castle a week later. Yuuri was so relieved to see that he really was safe as he said that he tackled him in a hug. Conrart smiled and hugged him back. The contact felt different, he realized. It was a hug like any other.

The tightness in his chest eased at that realization.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” Yuuri said.

“So, am I.”

#my writing #kkm #kyou kara maoh #condalbert #conrad x adalbert #fanfic #fanfiction

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