#Yza writes a thing

[yzafre]

we're flying above the valley below | Interlude 6

AO3

First | Previous

The deep Darkness was endless.  Timelessness inside timelessness, a vast ocean where there was nothing but emptiness.

But emptiness was better than the pain.

The first days (minutes?  hours?  weeks?) in the Realm of Darkness nearly defeated her.

Darkness filled the air, a breeding ground for the heartless that poured from every shadowed corner.  Her magic carved through them easily, but magic was not endless.  More than once, Aqua instinctively reached for her Key, only to run into a wall.

The Light of her ability was tied up in Stormfall, fueling its existence – if she were to summon Master’s Defender, that core Light would be summoned back, and the seal on Terra’s amor would break.  And maybe it would be okay, maybe that piece of Terra wasn’t a danger anymore, but -

Maybe it would go after Terra again.

Using Master’s Defender would pull the Light of her ability back, dismissing Stormfall and freeing the armor, and so she was left without a Key, unless -

Unless she separated Stormfall from herself.

Unless she severed that connection.

It was a fleeting memory, barely a scrap of a line from a lesson on theory, but -

Fire does not diminish itself on being split – simply grows its own light.  That is why specific Keys could be separated from their Master, their allegiance transferred, and thus passed on.

There was a cost to it, she thought, one that Master Eraqus never quite explained, but -

If it would give her a weapon, if it would protect Terra, then -

With a quavering heart, she reached out for her Light, feeling the shape of it – Rainfell, Stormfall, the strength that had carried her so far – and with a shaking touch, reached into the very heart of it, and split the ability from the Key.

She nearly doubled over, gasping at the loss of that precious weight.  Light still pooled like a star in her heart, but that familiar flavor – it only took seconds till it was out of reach.  Somehow, she couldn’t recall what it felt like.  She searched through her mind, over and over, but it was like a distant memory – fuzzy, unsure.

When she reached for her Key, all she felt was the grounding responsibility of Master’s Defender waiting for her.

That was fine, she thought, taking a steadying breath as she faced the heartless once more, Key in hand, she was the Master now, and she would not falter.

Worse than the heartless, than the endless Darkness, than the whispering mirrors of herself, was the silence in her heart.

Had she really only had her Flight for a week, before it all fell apart?  Intellectually she knew she’d lived all her life without their presence seared into her very being, that she’d only had that intimate connection for mere days, but their silence felt like the loss of a limb.

Like picking at a scab, she couldn’t stop her heart from reaching for them, over and over again, only to come up empty, wound splitting open once more.  No amount of reasoning could dull the edge; her heart knew it wasn’t supposed to be alone.

She was so, so alone.

That’s when the hallucinations began: phantom images of her Flight, promising everything she wanted.  Her heart always knew the truth, could sense the absence of their heart beneath the facade – but she couldn’t stop herself, the longing overpowering it, pushing her to reach for them, only to break open even further when they faded beneath her fingertips.

The endless cycle – fighting, then hope, then despair, only to start all over again – it was wearing her down.

When she saw them – both of them, at once, in the same space for the first time – she approached slowly, drinking in their image.  Another trick, she knew, she knew, but what if, what if –

Maybe if she didn’t touch, didn’t rush, she could keep this moment, the most she could have of them in this horrid place, just a little longer?

Had she begun to forget, she wondered?  The brightness of Ventus’s hair, the steadiness of Terra’s gaze – was her picture of them even accurate, anymore?  Would she recognize them if she saw them?

Aqua.

There was a touch on her heart.  Another illusion, she thought, but then it slipped closer, cradling her so softly.

“Terra,” she whispered, and it – it reacted, that touch, pulled closer, “Terra, you’re here.  Then... Ven?”

His presence spasmed, then rushed to wind around her, squeezing so tight it nearly hurt.

“Ventus... where?”

“So he’s not…?” She trailed off.  No, of course he wasn’t here.  He was still missing, just like the last time she’d seen him, so, so empty.  But now – Terra, at least she had Terra.  “I hid him, somewhere no one will ever find him.”

“That place – is it the chamber of waking?”

“Yes.  He’ll be safe there.”

Aqua...

“And where is it located?  Perhaps I can reach him.”

Aqua!

“He's hidden, by a trick I learned from the Master.  In the end, Venuts just wanted to go – ”

Aqua, no!

The presence in her heart hissed – no, it bristled – no, it did both, it -

With horror, she watched as the bond between them shook, writhed, until it started splitting at the seams like a snake shedding its skin.  There was something inside it, she realized, someone else, slipping in along their bond.

Darkness burst out from the threads tying them together, digging into her heart like thorns.

“Fine, then,” hissed a voice, dark and greedy and dripping disdain, “I’ll find the information myself.”

Darkness ripped through her, punching the air from her lungs, the world whiting out around her.  There was nothing but the bond space, and the Darkness, and the pain.  Then, a blaze of light, Terra’s presence – unadulterated and raw, racing through her, wrapping around the Darkness like chains, leaving behind trails of fear-rage-protect-mineminemine.

“Terra,” she rasped.

Using me-unacceptable-precious mine-won't let him, Terra raged.  She ached, reaching for him, even as the poison tangled up with Terra burned.

“Terra,” she repeated, longing-need you-please dripping from her like an open wound.

He wavered.  The Darkness almost slipped free, lunging for her, caught up by Terra at the last moment.  His resolve hardened.

You can’t let me in.  You can’t let Xehanort have Ven.

And then he was gone.

It didn’t end there.  After an undetermined amount of time, the presence returned, drifting on the edge of her consciousness, waiting for her. 

She couldn't resist forever. 

Eventually the Darkness, the loneliness – it would seep in, and she would forget.  How bad could it be, truly?  Surely, she was strong enough to keep Xehanort out; surely, she could have her Flightmate touch her heart, just for a moment, just for a moment – surely!

And that first touch was always bliss, always a deep, overwhelming rush, like she’d been drowning and finally came up for air – only to choke on the next breath as that sweet siren turned on her.  Terra would cry back in agony as they touched, guilt and regret at every scar building up over her heart, begging her to stop, to keep away from him, to not let him in.

(How could she admit the pain was almost worth it, just to no longer be alone.)

She couldn’t bring herself to resist; not that it even mattered because the thing was – the thing was -

She couldn’t tell the difference, anymore, between reality and the dream.  The hallucinations had grown, fooling not just her eyes, but her heart.  A ghost of a memory, a desperate wish, the imposter slipping under her guard – it all felt the same to her, bittersweet nostalgia until the thorns began to sink in, leaking their poison, and she had to tear them out, ripping open more wounds.

Ventus, Xehanort whispered with Terra’s voice, Where is he, where did you put him, where is Ventus?

She wanted him desperately.  She couldn’t let him have Ven.

If this kept up, she was going to break.

Something shifted in Terra.  He lingered, as they removed Xehanort from her once again.  And then, he began to build.  Every scrap of energy he had left to spend, he began to pour out, a structure appearing between them.

A door, she realized – he was building a door.  He’d recognized her weakness and was providing a solution.  And he was right – she hated to admit it, but he was right.  With a sob, she let her own Light spill out, raising shaking hands, raising her intent to shape it -

She couldn't, she couldn't do it – to lock him away, to willingly let herself be alone again - !  Even if the Darkness took her, she couldn’t, she couldn’t -

A light touch, then, cradling her hands, pushing them down – understanding, sorrow, earth-shaking love – followed by a tug, her magic flowing into him as if it was his own.

Let me take this decision from you.

Agonized, she shut her eyes.  Stars, when had she grown so weak?  Shaking him away, she raised her hands once more, throwing her energy out in a blaze, throwing everything she had at the door, giving substance to his construct like layers of steel.

Terra hesitated, then moved away – she had to force down a wave of fear, don’t-leave-me-alone! – and returned to helping her build.

Eventually, the work was done.  She breathed shakily, staring up at the door they’d built between them, barely cracked open.  On the other side, she could see Xehanort’s Darkness writhing wildly.  In front of the danger, just on the other side of the door, Terra looked back.

Oh, stars, they were doing this, she thought, standing on the edge of the precipice.

One last gaze, one last brush, two hearts pouring out power – and the door was shut.

Immediately, she regretted it.

Aqua thought she had been alone before, left with silence in her heart – but at least their presence had been there, even if inert.  Now, she reached and she reached and she reached only to slam into a wall, coming up empty – there was nothing there.

She had nothing.

And then a star was pressed into the palm of her hand.

Seeing Mickey again was a lifeline.  She’d almost forgotten there was a world outside of the Darkness and the bleeding bonds in her head.  But this, here – hope, a purpose, a connection.

(she wasn’t alone, alone, alone)

But the universe was never so kind.

Still, she held on to hope, even as she willingly cut off her own escape, even as the worlds returned to the realm of light and she was left behind, even as Master’s Defender drifted away, abandoning her.

She held on to hope, because she had been found, she had a tether outside, they wouldn’t leave her here – she just had to wait.

She just had to wait.

Right?

Thankfully, she did not have to wait alone.  Her wandering led to a distant shore where she found a man, face obscured in a black cloak, staring out at the horizon.

He wasn’t her Flight, or an old friend, or her missing Keys, but he was… something.  Someone to wait with, who knew the name of their hope.

Sora…

The companionship kept the Darkness from creeping into the hollow cavity inside her – but as she waited, something else crept inside.

She circled the presence warily – it simply drifted along with her, inert and benign.  Hesitantly, carefully, wary of another ambush, she reached out to touch it.  There was something about it, about the shape of it that called to her, an echo of a simpler time, it –

Oh, but that was -

Stormfall?

How could she have not recognized it?  The Light sparkled, and she clutched it close greedily, the presence melding with the sputtering star in her chest.  Stormfall, her Key, returned to her.

Who released it, she wondered?  Who would it have responded to, to remove the seal she’d placed with all her heart?  What happened to the armor –

No.  She couldn’t focus on what she couldn’t change.  She needed to focus on what she could do here, now.

A Keyblade, again.

She tried to summon it – the Light came easily, pooling in her palm, but sputtered out when she tried to shape it.

That was okay.  It had been a long time, it just needed to recover.

It would be fine.

And then – and then!

Ventus.

He was awake.  She didn’t know how, she didn’t know why, but he was awake.  And he was, he was –

bafflement-frustration-white walls-where did you put me, anyway? 

He was asking about the Hiding Place.

Immediately she clamped down, ripping his presence from her heart, fear and protective fear spilling out as a snarling rage, she couldn’t let them have…

Ven?  But, she was talking to Ven – so how could they… it should be safe, right?

But what if she wasn’t?  She pictured it, the last time she’d seen him looking back at her – yellow eyes filled with malice, his personal poison tainting the heart she loved.  She could swear she could feel it even now – a shadow cast behind his heart, watching her.  An illusion, another trick of her mind, she knew.  It must be.  It must be.

But how could she take the risk?

But how could she not reach for him?

Time passed, and Ven never asked about the Hiding Place again.  Slowly, slowly, she relaxed into it, letting herself press into his heart – until an intruder encroached on the shores of Darkness.

“Where’s your Keyblade?” he demanded.

Staring him down, she tugged at her Light, brought it to hand, pulling the still half-foreign feeling of Stormfall out – it sparked weakly, guttered out.  She tried again – again – again –

She pushed everything she had into it –

The construct shattered apart, the Light fizzling out uselessly to pool back in her chest.

Her breath hitched, agony lancing through her.  So, even an echo of herself could not bear to stay with her.  But… she had to keep going.  She couldn’t falter now.

“Don’t need it.”

Oh, but she did.  She needed her Key, she needed her Flight, she needed something to bolster the fading Light inside her, to fill in the cavern the Darkness had slowly carved out inside her.

“How weak,” her enemy sneered, “How long have you been here, to have fallen so far?”

How long… had she been here?

How long had she been alone?

Shouldn’t… someone have come, by now?

He threw her away, her back hit the water, and she…

The deep Darkness was endless.  Timelessness inside timeliness, a vast ocean where there was nothing but emptiness.

But emptiness was better than the pain.

(What a mercy, what a mercy – to be distracted from the pain, to have a poison of her own.)

The slow ache was all consuming, all encompassing – steady, filling up every empty place inside her.  She could have stayed there forever, if the Light hadn’t intruded.

The shadows rose up against it, of course, but the ripples still reached her far down below.  Sighing, she closed her eyes, turning gently into the clinging Darkness – until something landed along the surface, a strange Dark beacon, powerful, calling to the empty space inside her like a black hole.

Oh.

How interesting.

Next

#kh #kingdom hearts #fanfiction #wingfic #wrap your wings au #Yza writes a thing

[yzashaven]

yza ! any pronouns ` teen ` pansexual ` high schooler ` scorpio ` anemo enthusiast ✧ an absolute addict for all things sugary, plushies, essay / story writing, music, theater, and photography

꒰ LINKS ꒱

001. MASTERLIST

002. RULES

003. TAGS

004. DISCORD SERVER

꒰ RECENT WORKS ꒱

will you moan for scara?

break for scaramouche

having a bet with billionaire!scaramouche

DNI ✰ literally no one cuz i know damn well that a few text on a screen won't stop you horny fucks 😭 /lh

REQUESTS ✰ CLOSED !

ANONS ✰ 🧼︰💫︰🦢︰"wtf" anon︰"uwu" anon

STARTED ✰ 07 / 31 / 23 — 04 / 15 / 24

SCARAMOUCHE IS TYPING...

💬︰Yza's gone. Have fun trying to find her.

@yzashaven︰do not repost, translate, modify, or copy any of my work

#navigation !

[idontgiveaflyinggrayson69]

Life As We Know It | Part 15

Author: Nat / @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69​

Tagging: @thirteenisles​ @matbaerzal​ @mcmo-anon​ @texanstarslove​ @matbarzyy​ @hockeywocs​ @ggggmoneyyyy​ @great-puck-work @tysonjost-taylorsversion​ @toplinetommy​ @fiveholegoal​ @itrocksmysocks​ @joelsfarabee​ @barzysreputation​ @iangiemae​ @stlbluesbrat​ @c-tangerine​ @yzas-stuff @canadianheaters​ @jeylia-haj​ @roopehintz​ @dreamsndior​ @beauvibaby​ @2manytabsopen​ @nazdaddy​ @sorryjustafangirl​ @sidscrosbyy @fallinallincurls​ @pastelpapermoons​ @miranda0102​ @hockeybabe87​ @teenagekook @svechnikolan @kayt-marie​ @heatherawoowoo​ @islesnucks​ @whoeverineedtobe​ @lovethepreds @ohpuckyeah​ @tpwkstiles​ @mf-mightyducks​ @day-dreamerr​ @ficsilove10​ @notaccurateornice​ @rapidfever​ @hoodpankow​ @strong134 @oopsiedoopsie23​ @dylancozzys @gravyoverall @newlibrary​ @lena306 @caelum-the-part-time-acosmist @honestreputation​ @taiter-tots @canesjedi31 @kq9003 @the-philthepill13 [let me know if you want to be tagged!]

Word Count: 11.7k (long one I know)

Warnings: Alcohol. Smut. Unprotected sex (wrap it up kids) 👀🙈

Disclaimer: (EDITED) Fuck I forgot the mention to pretend that the Boston game was in the beginning of December! Sorry!!

Comments: I know I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted an update but I really like how this part turned out and I hope you do too!!! Also! The series over 100k now which is CRAZY! I never thought I’d ever write a story this long and honestly there’s no ending in sight for these two!! xx

(c) nat g. 2021 // do not repost, do not claim as your own

There was one word to describe how Anthony felt when he saw that puck go into the back of the net: relief.

It had been a long 14 games without a point, 15 without a goal. His every thought had been consumed by Tess and Sorel and he knew he needed to be a better player, the Isles needed a better player, and they were paying him to be a better player. He knew he hadn’t been playing to his abilities, it was just damn near impossible to focus on hockey when it felt like his personal life was on the rocks.

Like everyone else in the league, hockey was his outlet. Regardless of what was going on in his life, he was supposed to be able to turn to hockey. Too caught up in every what if and the paralyzing fear of losing Tess, he forgot that.

Rather than focus on the puck and the next play, at home he couldn’t stop thinking about Tess in the suite with the other WAGs, and on the road he thought about how much he missed her.

He had to shake out of it and he knew that. It had been weeks and she hadn’t figured it out, but she was suspicious and worried about him, so if not for the team or the fans, he needed to get his shit together and start playing like the player she knew him to be so she didn’t put it together.

The game against Detroit was by far his best since he realized he loved Tess, but he still came back to the Island pointless. So, when he saw that puck go past Ullmark, the only thing he felt was relief. The weight of his realization still rested on his shoulders, but, for that moment, he could exhale. His feelings for Tess didn’t change him. He could still play hockey.

To no surprise, he was picked for media, but it went by quickly and before he knew it, he was headed out to meet Tess.

Like usual, Sorel was asleep in her carrier when Anthony came out, and with the girls still around, Tess didn’t think twice about setting Sorel down before rushing towards Anthony.

She threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him and Anthony took a step back to steady himself as he caught her. He was surprised at her outburst, but he pressed his face into her hair as he held her, his whole chest warm with the love he had for her.

He didn’t want to let go of her, but he settled her down on her feet, soaking her in for another moment before pulling back.

“Sorry,” Tess blushed, looking down as she pushed her hair behind her ear.

“Don’t be,” Anthony whispered, a soft smile playing on his lips. He wished he could be greeted like that after every game, the only thing that would make it better would be if he could just—

“I’m so proud of you,” Tess whispered, looking up at him with a small smile. “It was a nice goal. I knew you could do it.”

Anthony’s smile softened. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Scored it for you and Ellie.”

His words and the look in his eyes knocked the breath out of her and she gently patted his shoulder, unsure of how to reply. Every time he did something like that, he pulled at the feelings she was so desperately trying to keep buried.

Behind them, Mat and Connor rolled their eyes. Anthony had to be the blindest man on the Island if he didn’t see it.

Tess squeezed his shoulders again before clearing her throat and pulling back. The warmth in his chest went with her as she pulled back to get Sorel and he had to restrain the urge to reach out and pull her back to him.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” Tess said softly after picking Sorel’s carrier up. Anthony’s heart fluttered in his chest as he nodded before walking over and taking Sorel from her.

“Let’s go home,” he echoed with a smile, but he knew that home was anywhere she was.

--

“So,” Anthony said as Tess sat down next to him, the Wiggles on in the background as he bounced Sorel on his thigh.

“What?” Tess asked with a sigh. Nothing he ever started like that ended well.

“Hey,” he said, his voice half a whine, offended that she’d think it was something bad. “It’s nothing bad, I just wanted to say that I know that Syd told you about the Christmas party and that I’m not going to let you get out of it.”

Tess loved Christmas. The apartment had been decorated top to bottom before the first week of December was over. But she rested her head back against the couch as she tried to think of a way to get out of it. The teasing they got at the Halloween party was enough for her and she didn’t need to go to another team event where she was the only one there as a friend.

She didn’t have to say anything for him to know she was trying to think of an escape plan and he shook his head, “I’m not taking no for an answer, Tess. If I have to go, so do you.”

“Beau, come on,” Tess whined but he kept shaking his head. Being one of the only single guys at a Christmas party filled with happily married or serious couples was not something he was looking forward to, but he knew it would be manageable with Tess by his side.

--

Sydney might be one of most fun people Tess knew, but she also took party planning very seriously, and Tess wasn’t surprised when she used the next home game to plan the Christmas party.

“I think it would be cute if we coordinate for the Christmas Party,” Sydney said during intermission. “I’m thinking red dresses would be cute and easy enough?” To no surprise, everyone agreed. Well, everyone except for Tess and Connor, who stayed quiet. “Tess, that means you too, okay?” Sydney said, calling her out.

“Red dress, got it,” Tess smiled and gave a thumbs up, even if she really didn’t want to go. Sydney smiled before turning to talk to Kristy and Tess melted into her chair.

Connor looked across the seats between them before moving to sit next to her. “Something tells me you’re not excited for the party either,” she whispered.

Tess groaned under her breath. “It’s just not my place,” she sighed. “I don’t belong at a team and WAGs party.”

Her words made Connor laugh as she kicked her feet up onto the seat in front of her, “you belong more than I ever could.”

“That’s not true. Barzy loves you,” Tess replied, shifting Sorel on her lap.

“And Anthony loves you,” she replied without thinking.

Tess took a deep breath as she looked down at Sorel. As much as she wished he did, he didn’t love her the way she wanted him too. “He doesn’t,” she said softly.

Connor studied her reaction, the corner of her lip twitching down before she looked down at her lap. “Whatever. You’ll always belong more than me,” she shrugged.

“Connor—” Tess started but Connor shrugged her off.

“I don’t look good in dresses,” she cut her off. “And I don’t own any.”

Tess’s lips tightened into a frown. She was quiet for a moment before saying, “red isn’t my colour so I don’t own a red dress either. We could— we could go shopping together?” She didn’t know Connor very well, and Connor was the polar opposite of her, but she was trying and she was Barzy’s girl and Barzy was Beau’s best friend, so Tess needed to try too.

“Really?” Connor asked.

Tess smiled, “if you want, yeah.”

“Yeah, yes. I’d, uh, I’d appreciate that,” Connor replied. “Thank you.”

Tess smiled, “then it’s settled. I’m available any time the guys are home and not playing or practicing.”

Connor nodded and thought about it for a moment. “The 12that 11am?” She asked.

Tess took a moment before she nodded, “yeah, I can do that.”

Connor nodded, “I can pick you up?”

Tess looked to Sorel as she pulled at one of Tess’s curls before looking back to Connor, “I’d like that.”

Connor smiled as she nodded before turning her attention to Sorel. The dark hair and blue eyes were a testament to her father, but there was nothing to say she wasn’t Tess’s. Sorel gave Tess’s curl another pull and Tess said an overdramatic “ow” as she scrunched her nose up and Sorel’s giggle made her smile.

Connor had to bite back her “you’re a good mom” comment. She could still remember the last time she called Tess Sorel’s mom and how embarrassed Tess was and she didn’t want to rehash that. “She’s cute,” she settled on saying and Tess’s smile softened.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “She is.”

Hair pulling aside, Sorel was a really good baby, and completely adorable with her chubby cheeks and plump pink lips. But maybe she was just biased.

--

Sunday rolled around and Tess got ready to go shopping with Connor.

Five minutes ahead of 11am Connor texted Tess that she was in the garage. “Okay,” Tess sighed as she got up from the couch to put her jacket and shoes on. “Wish me luck.”

Anthony looked up from where he was resting on his elbows on Sorel’s playmat. “I’m sure you two will have fun,” he told her.

When she had told Anthony she was going to go shopping with Connor, he couldn’t restrain his smile. He knew from Mat how Connor was struggling to fit into the group and he was happy to see that maybe her and Tess were getting closer. And he couldn’t help but think that, if they were to ever get to together, that maybe they could have a similar dynamic to what Syd and Kristy have.

Even if some anxiety creeped up at his spine that Connor would let something slip about his feelings for Tess.

Tess forced a laugh as she picked her purse up, “you and I have very different definitions of fun.”

Anthony tilted his head to the side as he looked at her. “She’s trying her best, okay? It means a lot to Barzy that you’re doing this, so just, please try to have fun,” he said softly.

His words pulled a small smile from her. “Of course,” she nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I’ll enjoy trying on a dozen red dresses for a party I don’t want to go to when I don’t even look good in red.”

The corner of his lip twitched up and he nodded, “I’m sure whatever dress you find will look amazing.”

Tess shook her head, even if her smile widened before she slipped out the front door and made her way down to the garage.

Before they even made it to Walt Whitman’s shopping centre, Tess made them stop at Starbucks to get some drinks, insisting that they needed some festive drinks to make it through shopping for Christmas dresses.

And probably the most unexpected thing Tess could learn about Connor as they rolled up to Starbucks is that Connor had never been and had no idea what to order.

“What do you mean you’ve never had Starbucks?” Tess asked, looking over at her in shock.

Connor shrugged as she got into the drivethru line, “I’m just not a coffee person so why would I go to Starbucks?”

“God, that really was the most not a parent thing you could have said, because, trust me, coffee becomes your best friend once you have a baby,” Tess laughed.

Connor just shrugged, “a workout or orgasm in the morning is all I need to wake up.”

Tess opened and closed her mouth as her cheeks heated up. “Okay, so no coffee. How about hot chocolate?”

Connor shrugged again, “yeah, okay, I guess. What do I order?”

“Two venti peppermint hot chocolates,” Tess replied and Connor gave her a wide eyed look.

“Two what now?”

“Two venti peppermint hot chocolates,” Tess repeated but Connor blinked back at her so she waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll order, okay?”

Connor nodded as they moved forward in the line, “sounds like a good idea.”

Once they made it to speaker, Tess leaned over Connor to order before sitting back into her seat. “See?” She smiled. “Easy.”

“Uh huh,” was all Connor could say. Once they got close to the window, Tess handed Connor her credit card. “I’m not letting you pay for me,” Connor said immediately.

“You’re driving us to the mall, I can get us drinks,” Tess said, thrusting her card towards Connor.

“Because it’s stupid for us to go to the mall separately, but I can buy my own drink,” Connor said, refusing to take the card.

“And it’s a hot chocolate. It’s stupid to do it in two separate transactions. Take my card, Connor,” Tess replied.

Connor made a strangled noise in her throat as they pulled up to the window, but Tess didn’t give up, unbuckling her seat belt and leaning over Connor to stick her card into the machine. Once the transaction was approved, Tess removed her card and sat back in her seat and the Starbucks worker handed Connor their drinks. Connor thanked her as she passed one to Tess before putting the other in the cup holder and driving out of the drivethru.

Connor was quiet for the rest of the drive and she parked in front of P.F. Chang’s China Bistro, flopping back in her seat once the car was turned off. “I really don’t want to do this,” she confessed.

“Me neither,” Tess sighed after taking a sip of her drink. “So let’s just get this over with, yeah?”

Connor took a deep breath before nodded. “Yeah, let’s get this over with,” she agreed and undid her seatbelt. She opened her door and grabbed her drink before getting out and Tess followed her lead as they made their way into the mall.

“There’s nothing festive about this,” Connor said after taking a sip of her drink. “It’s just a drink.”

“A festive drink,” Tess explained with a light laugh. Iced caramel macchiatos might be her drink of choice, but she was a sucker for a good festive drink like peppermint hot chocolates.

Connor gave her cup a long look before shaking her head. “So,” she sighed, looking around the mall. “Where do you buy a dress?”

“Uh. Bloomingdales? Saks? Zara?” She listed. “And any store that catches your eye I guess.” Connor nodded as she looked at the store fronts they passed. None of them caught her eye, that’s for sure, but she also didn’t know what she was looking for.

“Let’s start with Zara sine it’ll be the cheapest option,” Tess said as she guided Connor towards it.

“But Bloomingdale’s is right there?” Connor asked, looking at the store front.

“Yeah, but that place is also crazy expensive, so if we can get a dress from a place like Zara instead… I mean, how many times are we going to wear it anyways?” Tess replied and Connor nods.

“Yeah, okay, fair. I definitely won’t be wearing it a second time so cheaper is better, agreed.”

Tess hummed but didn’t say anything else as they walked through the crowded mall, her eyes on the store front display cases. Finally, Tess pulled her eyes away to look ahead of her and the Christmas music that was playing through the speakers died on her ears.

“This one, right?” Connor asked as they approached Zara. “Tess?” She added when Tess didn’t answer her.

But Tess wasn’t focused on Connor, she was focused on the Santa’s village that was set up in the middle of the mall. The line stretched around the corner while workers dressed as green elves organized everything and took the pictures with Santa.

Sorel needed to get a picture with Santa. It was her first Christmas and they hadn’t brought her to meet Santa.

“Tess?” Connor said again, finally pulling her attention from Santa’s village.

“Huh? Sorry,” Tess shook her head. “Just realized Anthony and I never brought Ellie to get her picture with Santa.”

“Right, of course,” Connor nodded, holding her gaze. Tess shook her head before gesturing towards Zara.

Tess took her time looking through every red dress in the store while Connor barely gave them a glance. “You’re not going to find anything if you don’t look,” Tess told her.

“Haven’t seen anything worth my while,” Connor replied, scrunching her nose up at a red velvet long sleeve dress.

Tess sighed, “I get that dresses really aren’t your thing, but you’re only going to drag this out by not taking this seriously. The quicker you find a dress, the quicker it’s over.”

It was Connor’s turn to sigh and she grabbed the closest red dress off the rack and held it up to her body, “would this look good on me?”

It was a one shoulder dress with a tight bodice that flowed out at the natural waist. Tess shook her head, “you have a really nice body and you should wear something that shows it off. Go with something tighter, maybe with a lower or plunge neckline? And maybe a slit to get you more room for your legs.” Connor blinked back at her and Tess gave her a reassuring smile before putting the dress back on the rack, “I’m here to help, don’t worry.”

Connor nodded but she still didn’t look sold on any of the dresses.

They didn’t find anything at Zara, so their next stop was Saks Fifth Avenue and they discarded their empty cups on the way.

Saks had a way better selection of red dresses and Tess put herself second as she walked around pulling dresses for Connor. She had five dresses in her arms by the time they made it to the dressing rooms. “Okay, go try these on,” she told Connor.

Connor huffed but took the dresses and let the associate lead her to a dressing room, grumbling under her breath about how much she hated dresses.

Tess perked up when Connor opened the door, but her whole body was stiff. The first dress was a long in the back short in the front that showed off her legs with a sweetheart neck. “I hate this,” she said without missing the beat.

Tess winced, “you look beautiful? But yeah… Not the fit for you. Try one of the shorter ones.” Connor just nodded and closed the door and Tess could hear her grumbling through the dressing room door.

The second dress was tight, showing her figure off, but it had a nigh neck that Connor was pulling at as she opened the door, “I’m being choked. And not in the way I like.” Tess tightened her lips and she looked down with a nod and Connor didn’t wait for a comment from Tess as she closed the door again.

The third dress wasn’t as tight, but it had a deep plunge. Tess studied her for a long moment before giving her a thumbs down. “Why?” Connor asked. “This one is like actually manageable.”

“I don’t like the off-shoulder sleeves and it isn’t flattering your figure as much as it could,” Tess explained and Connor groaned as she closed the door again. She just wanted this to be over.

Connor actually look a moment to look at herself in the mirror, running her hands down the bodice before opening the door to show Tess. “Oh my god,” Tess said as she looked at Connor.

The dress had a straight across neckline with spaghetti straps and went to mid-calf. It was tight all the way down but had a high slit.

“Yeah?” Connor asked, her nose scrunching up as she smiled.

“Yeah!” Tess nodded. “Mat isn’t going to know what hit him when he sees you in that.”

Connor snickered, “he’ll certainly be tearing it off me at the end of the night. But mission complete, dress found. Now it’s time to find you a dress that will knock the socks right out of Beau and make him realize your feelings for him.”

The smile instantly slipped from Tess’s face as her heart dropped to her feet. The only people she told about her feelings were Cass and Darcy. “My what?”Tess asked breathlessly, her heart pounding in her chest.

“Your feelings for Anthony,” Connor replied casually. “We’ll find you a smoking hot dress like this so that he’ll have to know you like him too.”

The blood pounding in her ears went cold at Connor’s words and she was quiet for a moment before whispering,“who else likes him?”

“Mathew,” Connor said with a deadpanned expression, covering up her slip. “They’re like boyfriends.”

Tess swallowed, quiet for a second longer than she should have been. “You get used to that after a while…” Tess whispered, looking at her hands.

It was Connor’s turn to be quiet as she studied Tess’s reaction. Of course she knew that Tess liked Anthony, they all knew. “Tess…” She said softly. “There’s nothing wrong liking Anthony. I mean, it’s clear as day that you both love each other.”

“Stop,” Tess said firmly, shaking of her head. “Just because we live together and are raising a baby together doesn’t mean he likes me. He could have anyone he wants. I’m not even close to being his type or in his league.”

Connor had to bite back an ‘are you hearing yourself right now?’ as she rolled her eyes. “You’re right. He could have anyone he wants, that’s why he’s gone on so many dates,” she said. “Tess, he isn’t interested in anyone that isn’t you. His life revolves around you and Ellie.”

“Around Ellie,” Tess corrected, leaning onto the door with a sigh. “Not me, her.” She was quiet for a moment, “he told me I should go out and find someone. He wouldn’t say that if he liked me, okay?”

Connor bite back an eyeroll, “because he doesn’t think you could like him back. Which is why we need to doll you all up so he knows and will finally make a move instead of looking at you with the nauseating lovesick puppy eyes.”

Tess opened and closed her mouth, “he doesn’t like me. And I’m not having this conversation anymore. Get changed. I don’t see anything here that I like anyway.”

“But—” Connor tried, but Tess cut her off.

“Enough.” She said firmly, her voice a little more raw than she would have liked. It was Connor’s turn to open and close her mouth before she resigned with a nod and closed the dressing room door to change back into her street clothes.

After Connor bought the dress, they started to make their way to Bloomingdale’s and Tess wouldn’t look at Connor once. All she could think of was that Connor was going to tell Barzy who’d tell Anthony and then she’d lose him and Ellie and she couldn’t survive that.

She couldn’t.

She felt like she was shopping on auto pilot as she walked through Bloomingdale’s, but nothing stuck out to her.

“What size are you?” Connor asked, flicking through a rack.

“Two or a four, depends,” Tess replied and Connor tightened her lips as she eyed a dress before shrugging and grabbing a two. The tighter the better.

Tess sighed and grabbed two simple, modest red dresses just to try something on. Connor, on the other hand, had several dresses in her arms when Tess turned around to look at her.

“Here,” Connor said proudly, holding them out to Tess, who immediately shook her head, her eyes wide as she looked at the dresses Connor had pulled.

“No, those are way too revealing,” she said, refusing to take them from Connor.

“That’s the whole point,” Connor rolled her eyes.

“No,” Tess said firmly. “I’m not wearing those Connor.”

Connor rolled her eyes again and shoved the dresses towards her, not backing down. “You can’t decide that without trying them on.”

There was no way she was wearing any of those dresses, if they could even be called dressed, but if Tess knew anything about Connor, it was that she was as stubborn as, if not more stubborn, than Barzy, so it would be easier to just try them on to get her to let it go. And maybe trying the dresses on would distract her from what she had admitted to in Saks. So, Tess sighed and took the dresses from Connor and checked into the dressing room.

Tess shook her head as she toes her shoes off and stripped down to her underwear before going through the dresses Connor gave her to find the least revealing one.

It was short, they all were, but it wasn’t as tight as the others and had fairly thick straps, even if it had a plunge neckline. She sighed as she tried it on before laughing as she looked at herself in the mirror and opened the door, jerking back when Connor was standing right in front of her.

Connor scrunched her face up as she looked at Tess. “Not tight enough,” she said and pointed back into the dressing room, not that Tess even stepped out of the room.

“I don’t have the boobs for this. And it’s too short,” Tess replied before closing the door.

“It’s not too short!” Connor called through the door and Tess shook her head as she took the dress off, hung it back on the hanger and moved it to the other wall of the dressing room.

The next dress she picked was longer, even if it had a slit and a low neckline. It… Actually wasn’t bad. But it was burgundy, so it wasn’t really red, and it wasn’t exactly flattering on her skin tone.

This time she wasn’t surprised when Connor was waiting outside her door and Connor took her time running her eyes down Tess, which definitely didn’t have her cheeks heating up. “Don’t get me wrong, you look sexy as fuck, but it just needs a little,” she made a vague gesture with her hands before pointing to the sparkling dark red dress. “Try that one next.”

Tess took a deep breath through her nose before closing the door to try that dress on, not that it could really be called that. It was by far the most revealing dress. It was incredibly short with just spaghetti straps and no back.

She tried it on and immediately shook her head. It barely covered her ass and her entire back was exposed and if one strap fell down she’d definitely flash someone.  “I can’t wear this Connor, what would everyone think?”

“That you’re hot,” Connor replied without missing a beat. “Come on out.”

Tess cracked the door open but only to shake her head, “I’m not wearing this.”

A smile made its way onto Connor’s lips as she ran her eyes down Tess’s body, “you look so hot though! Like damn!”

“This is too much and completely unpractical!” Tess replied, her voice going higher.

“It’s a fancy Christmas party at the Martin’s, you should wear something sexy,” Connor told her. Not to mention that something sexy would definitely get Anthony’s attention.

“I should wear something nice!” Tess corrected her, ignoring the rest of Connor’s comment.

“It is nice! It’s a gorgeous dress! It’ll make you stand out!” Connor fought back, but as persistent as Connor was, Tess wasn’t going to let her win. There was no way she’d be caught wearing a dress as… revealing as this. Especially to a team event she shouldn’t be at in the first place.

“Standing out isn’t always a good thing, Connor! If you like it so much, you wear it!” Tess snapped.

But Connor deadpanned, “I hate wearing dresses. I’m only wearing one because I have no choice.”

Tess sighed and shifted the weight on her feet. “I know,” she said, letting her voice soften. “Neither of us are really happy with this party thing, so can we just try to find something we can at least both feel somewhat comfortable in?”

It was Connor’s turn to sigh. All she wanted was for Tess and Anthony to stop beating around the bush and just experience the happiness she had with Mathew. Slowly she nodded and she grabbed a dress she had put to the side and handed it to Tess. It was a deep red with a sweetheart neckline, and while it was meant to be tight, it was more modest going down to her knees. “Try this one,” she said. “It’s more your style.”

Tess took the hanger from Connor and let her eyes run down the dress. It was way simpler, classier, than the others. Connor was right, it was more her style. She nodded and closed the dressing room door to try it on.

As soon as the dressing room door closed, Connor fished her phone out of her pocket to text Mathew. They really needed to do something about Tess and Anthony at the Christmas party.

Tess took her time putting the dress on. It went to her knees with no slit and covered her whole chest and didn’t have a low back. When she cracked the door open, she even had a small smile on her lips.

As much as Connor wished she’d pick one of the other dresses, she had to admit that the dress looked perfect on Tess and she returned Tess’s smile as she nodded. “You look beautiful,” she told her.

“Thank you,” Tess smiled and stepped out of the dressing room to look at herself in the bigger mirror. “This’ll work, right?”

Connor caught her eye through the mirror and she nodded, “you’ll give Sydney a run for her money in that dress.”

Tess forced a laugh as she shook her head, “that’s literally impossible, but thank you. I’ll go change and then we can check out and get the fuck out of here.”

“Hallelujah,” Connor said making Tess laugh for real as she stepped back into the dressing room.

The dress was more expensive than she would have liked to spend, but maybe she’d be able to wear it to other things too.

Connor was much more cheery on the drive back as she sang along to the radio. “We have to do this again,” she said as she pulled up to the apartment building. “Not the dressing shopping, but the hanging out.”

Tess laughed as she nodded, “yeah, yeah we should.”

Connor restrained her excitement, “cool. Yeah, cool. Great. I’ll text you then. Or you’ll text me, whatever.”

“Yeah,” Tess nodded. “I’ll text you, don’t worry. I had fun.” She said and Connor’s smile widened a little more. “Have a good afternoon, Connor. And tell Barzy I said hi.”

“Yeah, I’ll give him a little shove from you, don’t worry,” Connor replied and Tess shook her head with a laugh before getting out of the car and starting her way up to the apartment.

“Any success?” Anthony asked when Tess came home and she held the Bloomingdale’s bag up as she kicked her shoes off before hanging her coat up in the closet.  

Sorel made grabby hands from her play mat and Tess put the bag down on the couch to pick her up, immediately kissing her cheek. Anthony smiled at his girls before taking a look in the bag. Tess asked Sorel if she was good for daddy before turning around to see Anthony holding the dress out in front of him. “Can I help you?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Anthony gave her a sheepish smile as he blushed. “It looks nice,” he told her. “I like it.”

“Thank you,” she said with a light laugh. “You know what else I saw at the mall?”

“What?” He replied with a shrug.

“Santa,” she smiled.

Anthony furrowed his brow, “Santa?”

“Yeah, you know, like Santa for kids to take pictures with?” She explained and Anthony nodded.

“Right, right. And this is important because?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because we need to bring Ellie to get her picture with Santa,” she explained before looking back at Sorel. “Isn’t that right? You need to get a picture with Santa.”

Anthony put her dress back into the back with a sigh, “she’s a baby. She doesn’t need a picture with Santa.”

Tess furrowed her brows as she looked at him, “what do you mean she doesn’t?”

“She’s eleven months old and babies are terrified of Santa. I don’t want to traumatize her,” he explained, his chest tightening at the disappointed look on Tess’s face.

“But it’s her first Christmas,” she whispered, fiddling with Sorel’s shirt.

Anthony was quiet for a moment. “Does it mean that much to you that she gets her picture taken with Santa?” He asked.

Tess hesitated, studying Sorel’s chubby cheeks before shrugging. “She’s your daughter, so whatever you want,” she whispered.

Her words made Anthony’s stomach twist. She was Tess’s daughter, too. “I’ll get dressed, you pick out an outfit for her and we can go get those pictures.”

Tess’s expression softened as she looked over at him, “really?”

Anthony gave her a soft smile and nodded, “really.”

A smile spread across Tess’s lips before she stepped over to him and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” she told him before carrying Sorel into her nursery to change where she put her in a red long sleeve dress with tights and a matching hat.

Anthony took a moment to think about the feeling of her lips against his cheek before going to change into jeans and a sweater.

The whole way to the mall, Anthony couldn’t stop thinking about it not going well, but he kept those thoughts to himself.

They were in line for almost 45 minuets, which wasn’t awful, but it certainly felt like eternity to Sorel. By the time they got to Santa, she was a little fussy and Anthony just was hoping she didn’t have a meltdown in the middle of the mall.

“And who do we have here?” The lady dressed as an elf, Sarah, asked.

“Ellie,” Anthony replied with a smile.

“Well, nice to meet you, Ellie. You guys are next, so when it’s your turn, you can go ahead and bring her over to Santa. Of course you can be in the photo too, or you can stand behind that red line over there,” she said happily and Anthony thanked her.

Once the family before them was done with their photo, Sarah gestured that it was their turn and Tess brought Sorel over to Santa while Anthony took the carrier over to behind the red line.

“What’s this beauty’s name?” Santa asked as Tess passed her to him. Sorel fussed immediately and Tess’s smile tightened.

“Her name is Ellie,” she said before stepping back towards Anthony so they could take the picture.

Sorel’s lip started to wobble as soon as Tess stepped away and Santa’s efforts to calm her down only made it worse and Anthony ran his hand over his face. This was exactly what he was talking about when he said it would be a bad idea.

“Why don’t you get in the photo with her, mom?” Sarah said and Tess opened her mouth to correct her as she looked at Anthony, but he gave her an ‘I told you so’ look.

“Go on, mom,” he said with a teasing smile before giving her a shove forward, covering up the butterflies in his chest.

She hated how that gave her butterflies. She couldn’t look at him as she walked over to Sorel and Santa and picked her up. “You’re okay, baby,” she whispered, kissing her cheek.

Tess always had a special touch with her and it only took a few moments to get her to mostly calm down. Anthony smiled as Tess listened to Santa’s instructions to sit on his lap. He could tell she was trying to brace her weight on her feet as she positions Sorel on her lap towards the camera before smiling for the picture.

For a moment, he forgot how to breathe as he watched his girls.

It was so natural the way they took that picture. It made his heart ache.

He wanted…

God, he wanted more.

Tess thanked Santa and Sarah before stepping over to Anthony who quickly pulled his wallet out and he handed one of the elves a ten dollar bill for the photo. He couldn’t look at Tess as they waited for the picture to print.

Finally, one of the elves gave him the picture and he thanked her before looking at it and he instantly smiled.

Sorel may not have been smiling, but she wasn’t crying either. Her face was a little red, but her expression was soft. Tess on the other hand…

Tess had such a bright smile on her face that reached her eyes. He smiled as he looked at the photo.

“It’s a great photo,” he said softly as he looked over at her. After strapping Sorel into her carrier, Tess took a look. It was a nice photo. But she… She looked like… She looked like Sorel’s mom.  

“It’s nice,” she agreed and picked the carrier up. “Thank you for doing this for me, now let’s get home, I think she’s completely done with this.”

Anthony nodded with a laugh, “yeah, yeah I think she is.” He took the carrier from her and let his hand rest on her lower back for a few steps. “Thank you for pushing for the picture,” he whispered.

Tess leaned into him with a small smile, “thank you for agreeing.” She looked down at the picture again. The only thing that would have made it better would be if he was in it too.

--

The Islanders Christmas party came way too quickly for Tess’s liking. Before she knew it was December 17th. The Islanders weren’t playing that day, or any of the days around it, which is why Sydney decided to hold the party then.

The day started like any other, Anthony made breakfast and coffee, and they had some leftovers for lunch, and Tess made an early dinner and Anthony did the dishes so they would have enough time to get ready for the party.

Tess took her time getting ready for the Christmas party, not that it took her long to get ready outside of her hair. Her hair routine was always time consuming, but she couldn’t show up to the party with frizzy or flat curls.

She kept her make up neutral with brown eyeshadow and light eyeliner and mascara. She debated on which nude lipstick to wear before picking up a deep red. It was bold and the opposite of her style, but it would match her dress.

“Fuck it,” she whispered before applying it, giving herself a smile through the mirror before getting up to put her dress on.

It was a perfect fit, just like the first time she tried it on. It wasn’t a dress she could wear a bra with, but then again, she didn’t really have enough in that department to really need to wear a bra with any of her dresses.

She struggled for a bit to get the zipper up before giving up with a sigh. She held the front of her dress to her chest before walking out to the living room. “Beau?” She asked, making him look over at her. He was dressed in a simple blue suit jacket with matching slacks and a white button down with the top couple buttons undone, no tie.

His breath caught in his throat as he ran his eyes down her. “You look beautiful,” he said a little breathlessly.

A blush dusted her cheeks as she ducked her head and walked over to him. “Can you zip me up?” She asked, turning around and brushing her hair over her shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah of course,” he nodded, his voice sticking to his throat as he stepped closer to her. His fingers brushed her back, sending a shiver down her spine before Anthony took the zipper between his fingers and slowly pulled it up. Even once he had zipped her up, Anthony took a moment to study the few freckles that dotted her shoulders and the feeling of her almost in his arms.

The thought of pressing a soft kiss to her neck passed through his mind before he took a deep breath and stepped back. “All good,” he whispered.

Tess swallowed and let her hair fall back against her back before turning to look at him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “You look very handsome by the way. It’s a nice colour on you.”

“No problem,” he smiled, making those pesky butterflies flutter in her chest. “And thank you. You look beautiful.”

“Thanks, uh, just uh,” she held her finger up before turning around. She was quick to swoop and scoop her breasts so the dress fit properly before turning back to him, her cheeks red. “What time is it?”

“Uh,” Anthony said, trying to look at and think about anything but her chest before shaking his head and looking at his watch. “6:23.”

Tess nodded, “Emma should be here any time then.”

Anthony nodded, but he really couldn’t think about anything but her. She was… He had no words to describe her, but fuck did he want to kiss her. It would ruin everything, but it would be so easy to just reach out, pull her close and just—

The knock at the door snapped him out of his thoughts and Tess smiled before going to answer the door.

Tess took her time running through everything even though Emma really had it covered, and Anthony took the time to remind himself that it would be a very, verybad idea to kiss Tessa.

“Ready?” Tess asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, if you’re ready, I’m ready,” he told her.

Tess chuckled as she ran her hands down her dress. “I’ll never be ready, but yeah. I just need to put on some heels and grab a jacket.”

“Hey,” he reached out to her. “Don’t wear heels, okay? They make your feet hurt.”

“Everyone will be wearing heels,” she sighed, but Anthony shrugged.

“So?”

She gave his hand a squeeze, “Thanks, Beau, but I’m already the shortest one.” She didn’t look back at him as she walked back into her room to put on a pair of heels. They clicked on the hardwood floors as she walked back out and towards the hall closet to grab a jacket, and Anthony definitely didn’t spend a second or five looking at her ass.

“Have a good night you two,” Emma said, her eyes shining when he looked over at her. “Don’t be afraid to stay out late,” she added with a wink.

It was Anthony’s turn to blush, the image of taking Tess to bed flickering in his mind for half a second before shaking his head, his cheeks darkening. It made Emma smirk. “We’ll be home at a perfectly reasonable time,” he told her.

“I hope not,” Emma replied and Anthony opened and closed his mouth before wavering her off and turning to Tess. She wouldn’t look at him but her cheeks were just as red.

“Let’s go,” he told her.

“Goodbye, Ems,” Tess told Emma before opening the door.

“Thank you so much for watching her, we won’t be out late,” Anthony added, holding the edge of the door.

“Be safe,” Emma winked and Anthony shook his head before following Tess out of the apartment and closing the door behind him.

The only sound on the way down to the garage was Tess’s heels clicking, and Anthony stuffed his hands into his pockets to keep from reaching out to her.

Like usual, Anthony drove, and the drive didn’t take that long. But, then again, maybe that was because he spent the whole drive lost in his thoughts.

“I’m sure this’ll be fun,” he said after parking and Tess laughed. She loved spending time with the girls, she did, but she didn’t have a place at these kind of events and she was tired of everyone pretending she did.

“Let’s just go in,” she said, reaching over to pat his arm before opening the door and Anthony followed her lead.

The first thing they realized when they stepped in was how many people were here already.

“Uh, let me take your jacket,” Anthony said and Tess nodded, shrugging it off and letting him take it and he hung both their jackets up in the closet before clearing his throat. “Well, should we…?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tess nodded and he gestured for her to go ahead.

Of course, Connor and Mat had been waiting for them to get here. As much as they’d both rather spend the night in bed, they got to the party early to make sure a little something was hung by the entry so there was no way for Anthony and Tess to go around it.

Anthony was only a step behind her and as soon as they were both under the arch, Mat spoke up with a smirk, “oh, look who’s under the mistletoe.”

It’s things like this, Tess thought as she looked up at the fake plant with a deep breath. That made me not want to come.

Tess couldn’t look at Anthony, but Anthony couldn’t pull his eyes away from Mat as he glared. Just a few weeks ago he bared his heart to him and this was how he repaid him?

Mat’s voice had gotten the attention of others and Anthony’s eyes darted between the team, his feet cemented to the ground. Everyone was watching. He couldn’t kiss her now with everyone watching. But he couldn’t not kiss her, they were under the mistletoe?

Tess blushed as she realized everyone was watching them, but when she met Connor’s eyes, Connor smiled and that settled some of the nerves twisting in her stomach. No one would look away until they kissed, Tess realized.

Of course she wanted to kiss him, she had spent more time than she cared to admit thinking about what it would be like. She had seen him kiss Nikki and Florence and his other exes; she knew deep in her bones that he’d be a good kisser. His lips were so plump, she’d imagine the kiss would be soft and sweet and everything she could ever ask for.

It would be easy to kiss him. He was just a few inches from her, his eyes burning a hole through her soul. It would be so easy to just close that distance and kiss him the way she always wanted.

Her face burned with a blush but she turned to Anthony before going leaning in and kissing his cheek. Her lipstick left a faint mark on his cheek, but she didn’t say anything as she walked away, her face burning.

Anthony’s jaw was slack as he watched her go. She didn’t look back at him and thank God because nothing could hide his love for her in his eyes. Finally, he pulled his eyes away and Mat raised his eyebrow. Anthony scoffed before walking into the party, pointedly ignoring everyone. People’s interest in them died and they turned back to their conversations, leaving Anthony to bring his hand to his cheek as he watched her. He could still feel her lips against his skin.

He looked over at Mat who gave him a look that had him ducking his head, but after looking back over at Tess, he couldn’t pull his eyes from her. Her cheeks her rosy, her curls were big and fluffy, and her dress perfect. She was perfect. She’d always be perfect.

Neither of them were planning to be there long, so Anthony declined the wine and champagne so he could drive them home. It didn’t matter if she was sampling the shrimp or talking to Kristy or Wally, he couldn’t take his eyes off the whole night and he hoped that no one else noticed.

Tess’s feet started hurting halfway through the party, and while she tried her best to cover it up, Anthony could tell by the way she was shifting her weight on her feet.

“Come on,” he said, coming up beside her, letting his hand rest on her lower back. “Come sit down.”

“Huh? What?” She asked, looking over at him.

“Your feet hurt, come sit down with me,” he said, and he gave her a look when she opened her mouth to protest, so she nodded and let him guide her over to the couch.

As soon as Tess sat down, Anthony was quick to pull her legs up onto his lap. “What are you doing?” She asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

The corner of his lip twitched up as he pulled her heels off, letting them hit the floor. “I’m rubbing your feet because you didn’t listen to me and now your feet hurt,” he told her.

“Beau—” She tried, but he shrugged her off.

“No, I made you come, so let me rub your feet,” he said, gently rubbing her foot. Tess wanted to tell him to stop, that he didn’t need to, but her feet really were sore from the heels and the way he dug his thumb into the arch of her foot felt so good she had to bite back a soft moan.

“Thank you,” she said after a moment. “Feels really good actually.”

Anthony chuckled, “I’m glad my hands are good for something.” Tess tried not to think about what else his words could mean.

Connor saw them over Mat’s shoulder and quickly nudged him. “What?” He asked, nudging her back.

“Look,” she whispered, nodding over to Anthony and Tess. Mat followed her gaze and rolled his eyes as soon as he saw them. He swore they acted more married than half of their actually married teammates. “She doesn’t think he likes her back,” Connor sighed.

“It’s so blatant,” Mat groaned.

“I know,” Connor agreed. “The mistletoe didn’t work, though. We’re going to have to think of something else.”

“Agreed,” he nodded, pulling her closer.

They weren’t the only ones to notice Anthony and Tess, not that Sydney mentioned it.

It was getting late, and even with the foot massage, Tess’s feet her bothering her, and, honestly, they were both looking for an excuse to head home. They didn’t spend as long at the party as they could have, but they weren’t the first to leave so no one questioned it.

The drive home went by as quickly as the drive there, both of them just happy to be home. Even if Emma looked a little disappointed that they were home early.

“Thank you for watching her,” Anthony told Emma as he handed her a couple bills.

“My pleasure,” she smiled. “She’s been asleep practically the whole time, you guys could have stayed out longer.”

Anthony shrugged and looked over at Tess. “Nah, we’re happy to be home,” he told her. “Drive safe alright?”

Emma held his gazes for a moment before looking over at her sister and nodded. “Of course,” she smiled, looking back at Anthony. “And any time you need someone to watch her, let me know.”

“Will do,” Anthony smiled. “Thank you.”

Emma gave Tess another look that Anthony couldn’t see before gathering her things and heading out with a “goodnight.”

Anthony could still feel her lips against his cheek from when she kissed him under the mistletoe as he looked at her. “I’ll check on Ellie,” he whispered.

Tess nodded and watched as he disappeared into the nursery. She could still picture the way he was looking at her while they were under the mistletoe and how close she came to kissing him and it made her stomach twist. She couldn’t be that reckless and ruin everything.

“She’s out cold,” Anthony told her when he stepped out of Sorel’s room.

“Good,” Tess smiled.

They stood there, looking at each other for a long moment before Anthony said, “it’s late. I think I’m just going to head to bed.”

“Right,” Tess nodded.

Anthony nodded back, giving her a smile, “good night.”

“You too,” Tess nodded before slipping into the bathroom and Anthony retreated into his own room.

He wasn’t really tired, but he stripped down to his boxers and brushed his teeth before getting into bed. His bed was cold and empty and the only thing he could think about as he pulled the covers up to his shoulders was her lips against his cheek.

He let his eyes close and it was easy for him to picture what it would have been like if she really had kissed him. Her lips, he rationed, would be soft. This kiss would be soft, but, fuck, it would be perfect.

Her lips were on his mind when he finally fell asleep. And, in hindsight, he shouldn’t have been surprised that they made their way into his dreams.

He kissed her deeply, swallowing her moans as he sunk into her. She was so tight and wet and warm and he groaned against her lips, kissing her deeper as he bottomed out.

She felt so— Fuck, he’s never felt so good.

Her nails dug into his shoulders as she took a moment to adjust to him and he broke the kiss to look down at her. Her hair was messy against the pillows, her eyes blown, and skin flushed. His lips parted as he looked at her.

She was so fucking beautiful.

His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he looked down at her, her nipples hard on her soft breasts and, fuck, he could see where he was disappearing into her and it made him moan and kiss her again before he started to move, both of them moaning at how good it felt.

He started a slow but firm rhythm, letting her feel every inch of him while he soaked in the feeling of her. She felt so unbelievably good.

“Fuck, Tess,” he said after breaking the kiss, his voice rough.

She nodded, hooking her ankle over his hip, changing the angle enough that he brusher her g-spot, making her moan his name loudly.

He picked his pace up, soaking in her every moan, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly his high built. He reached between them to rub her clit and Tess moaned louder, her eyes closing as she clenched around him.

“I’m gonna,” she moaned, her jaw slack. “S’close.”

Anthony kept rubbing her clit and it didn’t take her long to cum. Her back arched and she squeezed him tightly as she moaned his name. It was the best thing he ever experienced and he fucked her through it, chasing his own high, which was right there, he just needed a little—

His eyes snapped open.

The morning sun leaked through the sides of his blinds and he reached over to the other side of his bed. Empty. Empty and cold and unslept in. It was just a dream.

It was just a dream and he was painfully hard in his underwear.

“Fuck,” he groaned, running his hand over his face as he rolled onto his back. He had a fucking sex dream about Tess, his best friend, his best friend who has done everything to be there for him and his daughter.

His cock throbbed, but he ignored it as he grabbed his pillow and pressed it over his face, his chest tight with guilt.

He laid there for several moments, but no matter how much he begged, his cock wouldn’t soften, the memories of his dream and being buried in Tess too fresh in his mind. His cock was just as hard when he finally pulled himself out of bed, but he ignored it as he walked into the bathroom and started the shower, leaving the water cold as he stepped out of his boxers.

The water was cold as it hit his skin and he took a sharp breath in, but the longer he stood under the water, the softer he became, which was his goal. He couldn’t be hard over Tess, and her certainly couldn’t get himself off to her.

It was only once he softened that he washed his body and hair. He took his time, the cold water against his skin feeling like an espresso before he finally turned it off and towelled off, trying his best to forget about his dream.

Anthony dressed himself in fresh clothes and when he finally came out of his room, Tess had Sorel on her hip and she was making the coffee he never got to, making him feel even guiltier.

“Good morning,” Tess smiled. “Have a good sleep?”

Anthony’s stomach twisted. “I crashed,” he told her. “What about you? How did you sleep?”

“Good,” Tess told him, and Sorel made grabby hands for him.

Anthony let his shoulders relax before walking over and taking her from Tess. “Good, good, I’m glad,” he told Tess before turning his attention to Sorel. “How did you sleep? Did you sleep good?”

Sorel giggled and he took that as a ‘yes.’

“Your parents are coming into town next week, right?” Tess asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed, as if his morning couldn’t get worse… “They’re flying in on the 22nd.”

“That should be fun,” Tess smiled. “Be nice to see them for Christmas.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, but he still couldn’t meet her eyes.

Tess furrowed her brows as she looked at him. Something was off about him. But then again, something had been off about him for weeks, not that he let her in. She sighed and took a sip of her coffee, which wasn’t as good as when he made it. “My mom wants to see Ellie for Christmas,” she told him. “Which I know isn’t really fair but—”

“Why wouldn’t it be fair?” He cut her off. “She’s done so much for Sorel, she’s—” she’s her grandmother too. “She should see her.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to take time away from you and your parents,” she said.

“I’m sure we can make something work,” he replied, looking at Sorel. “Your family could come over here?”

Tess glanced around the apartment with a grimace, “I don’t think we’d fit.” Anthony had a nice apartment, but ten people would be… tight.

He followed her eyes around the space before finally looking at her. Of course she was right, she was always right. “We could bring her to your mom’s for Christmas Eve?” He suggested.

“My mom does want to meet your parents…” Tess whispered, looking off as she thought about it.

Anthony’s stomach twisted at the thought of their mom’s getting to know each other. “I mean, if your mom’s cool with having them, but I really just meant the three of us,” he explained.

“Oh,” Tess whispered, looking over at him. “I, uh, I’ll talk to her I guess.”

“Cool,” he nodded, hating how awkward he sounded and he forced himself to take a drink of the coffee she had put in front of him. “And sorry for sleeping in on you two,” he told her, hoping his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

“Don’t worry about it,” she smiled. “You’ve been exhausted lately. You deserve a good sleep.”

Anthony’s stomach twisted out of guilt and he forced a nod as bits of his dream flickered in his mind. “Thank you,” he said after clearing his throat.

Tess gave him a reassuring smile before she moved past him to sit at the island and Anthony did his best to push every memory of his dream down. It wasn’t real. She didn’t want him like that. It was beyond wrong to think of her like that. But no matter how many times he told himself that, some part of him deep down couldn’t let go of the hope Mat planted that maybe she did feel the same, that maybe she could come to feel the same way.

--

New York didn’t get snow until halfway through December, but when it hit, it hit hard.

The whole city got nearly six inches of snow and the colour of the lights reflected against it. Tess loved looking at the lights on the way to and from games and now that the city was blanketed in white, she thought it would be nice to take Sorel for a walk to look at the lights.

“Of course,” Anthony nodded. He’d do anything for Tess.

After making sure that Sorel was bundled up and putting their own coats, hats, and gloves on, they headed down to the car with the stroller. The park close to the apartment had a good size light display they could look at as they walked.

Tess couldn’t stop smiling as they walked through the park and Anthony couldn’t stop looking at her.

The lights reflected in her eyes and her cheeks were rosy from the cold. She was beautiful.

Like that walk in park nearly a year ago, Anthony wrapped his arm around her, keeping her pressed against him to keep her warm. Neither of them said anything, but they didn’t have to. The silence as they walked was comfortable.

Tess was lost in the colours of the lights and the warmth radiating from Anthony that she wasn’t watching the ground. As soon as she stepped down, her foot gave out from under her as she slipped on the piece of ice.

Her heart jumped to her throat as she braced to hit the ground, but Anthony tightened his grip around her waist, letting go of the stroller as he turned his body to better catch her, his other hand going to her hip as he pulled her to his chest and back to her feet.

Tess’s eyes were wide as she held her breath. The first thing she realized was how close they were. Their noses were just inches apart and even in the darkness of the night and the coloured lights, she could see all the different shades of blue in his eyes.

Neither of them moved, neither of them breathed, as he held her and he couldn’t stop himself, his eyes dipped to her lips. They were so close, closer than they had ever been. It would be so easy for him to just lean in and finally close the distance between them. He wondered if it would feel like it did in his dream.

Tess took a short breath through her nose as his eyes dropped to her lips and hers quickly darted to his. His lips were full and pink and she thought for a moment that maybe he was, she could just lean in a little more…

But as soon as the thought came, Anthony caught himself and forced himself to take a step back as he looked pass Tess at the lights as he grounded himself. As soon as he was sure she was steady on her feet, he let his hands drop from her before stuffing them in his pockets.

“Thank you,” she whispered, clearing her throat.

“Yeah, of course,” Anthony said, reaching for the stroller. He couldn’t meet her eyes as he realized how close he had just come to kissing her. “Couldn’t let you fall.”

“Yeah… Thanks,” she breathed.

Anthony cleared his throat and they started walking again and he debated whether he should put his arm around her again, or whether that would be too awkward.

The colourful lights highlighted the softness of his features and they reflected in his eyes, but he didn’t process them as he debated what to do. He wanted to wrap his arm around her. He liked the feeling of her against him and he thought she fit perfectly into his side, not to mention he knew how easily she got cold and he wanted to keep her warm.

But he also came one move away from kissing her and ruining everything and things were definitely awkward now and he couldn’t have her know he’s into her by wrapping his arm around her again. So, he shouldn’t touch her again. So, he didn’t.

Neither of them said anything as they walked side by side and looked at the nights, but it wasn’t the same peaceful quiet from before.

But then the wind picked up and Tess pressed herself into his side with a shiver. Despite his dilemma from a minute ago, Anthony was quick to wrap his around her and pull her flush against him. He smiled softly at the feeling, his chest once again full of warmth, and Tess’s blush was hidden by her already rosy cheeks.

They were still quiet as they kept walking, but it didn’t feel awkward. It felt right.

Once they got home, he made hot chocolate for both of them while Tess put Sorel to bed and he just hoped that she wouldn’t mention that he almost kissed her.

“She’s down,” Tess said, flopping down on the couch and Anthony smiled as he walked over with two mugs of hot chocolate.

“Good,” he nodded and passed one of the mugs over to her. “This should warm you up.”

“Thank you,” she smiled.

Neither of them said anything while they sipped their hot chocolate, but Anthony kept replaying the moment in his head. First Thanksgiving, then Christmas party, and now the park. He kept slipping and if he didn’t get in under control, Tess was going to figure it out. She was too smart not to.

After they finished their hot chocolate, Anthony rinsed the cups out and loaded them into the dishwasher. “I’m going to watch some TV still if you want,” Anthony offered, but Tess shook her head.

“Thanks, but I think I’m just going to go to bed, maybe read a little,” she shrugged.

Anthony covered his disappointment up with a smile, “yeah, of course. Goodnight then.”

“Night, Beau,” she nodded as she walked over to the bathroom, giving him another look before stepping in and closing the door behind her.

Anthony tried to ignore how cold and empty the couch was watching TV alone, but he couldn’t. He knew what it felt like to hold Tess in his arms and he wanted that. He wanted to tuck her under his arm and pull her to his chest and kiss her and fall asleep with her in his arms.

But he couldn’t have that. So he had to watch TV and go to bed alone, like he had for the last year, hating that the only person he wanted, the only person he loved, was just down the hall from him.  

--

His parents arrived in the afternoon of the 22nd. The Christmas break didn’t begin until the 24th, but with the Islanders playing at home on the 23rd, why not come early and catch the game?

He didn’t know what compelled him to do it, but he left six tickets for Tess’s family as well. They only needed five, but he knew that she’d rather sit with them than up in the suite.

No game in the league was easy, but given they were playing the Caps, he knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. But he also knew that his parents and Tess’s family were in the stands and the team really needed two points, so he had to play the best he possibly could.

They won 3-2. Maybe it wasn’t his cleanest game, but he had a goal and he was happy with it.

Anthony came out of the dressing room with a smile, but it died on his lips when he didn’t see Tess. He looked between all of the girls waiting, but none of them were her. She’s probably with her family, he rationalized, or even with his. But not seeing her and Ellie after the game left his chest feeling empty and he hated having to walk to the car alone.

Tess, Sorel, and his parents were by his car by the time he got there and while he smiled, he couldn’t help but realize just how much he counted on seeing Tess and Ellie after the game.

His mom pulled him into a hug and he hugged her back with a smile but his eyes landed on Tess and he wondered if she liked his goal.

“I’ll drive you guys back to the hotel and Tess will take Sorel back home, okay?” He said to their parents and of course they agreed. Tess kept her mouth shut, not wanting to expose herself to his mother, so it wasn’t until he got home from dropping his parents off that she congratulated him on his goal.

“It was a beauty of a goal,” she said when he came through the front door.  “A good choice of what corner to pick.”

Anthony smiled as he locked the door and he didn’t bother taking his shoes off as he sat down next to her. “Thank you,” he told her. “I wanted to score because I had all you guys in the crowd.”

Tess smiled as she looked over at him, “you had a really good game, I’m proud of you.”

He returned her smile as his eyes dipped to her lips for just a moment before he forced himself to meet her eyes, “thank you.”

She nodded before yawning, “I’m exhausted though, so I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

“Yeah, honestly same,” Anthony nodded. He was going to need his sleep to deal with his parents the next couple days.

Tess nodded and gave his thigh a pat before getting up, “goodnight, Beau.”

“Goodnight, Tessa,” he replied, watching her walk away, wishing that she’d come to bed with him instead.

#anthony beauvillier #anthony beauvillier x oc #anthony beauvillier imagine #tito beauvillier imagine #tito beauvillier #tito beauvillier x oc #anthony beauvillier story #anthony beauvillier smut #tito beauvillier smut #islanders #ny islanders #new york islanders #islanders imagine #new york islanders imagine #baby bear story #Life As We Know It

[akaneluve]

〰〰° ⸙͎➤ ACADEMIC RIVALRY

꒰⚘݄꒱₊__ yza's notes! “ 💭 „ just a short writing yk- we need more academic rivals to lovers shiz ;) anyways im not knowledgeable enough about academic things so uh be warned ig

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶˗ˋ .*ೃ✧₊˚.❁ ↷

Everyone knows that the final exams are coming at RAD. And everyone knows that two people are fighting to win the highest score, you and Satan.

It was academic rivalry ever since you came into the Devildom. What human would dare challenge the avatar of wrath for the highest scores in RAD? You would. So here you are cooped up in your room, coffee cups littering the floor.

Sheesh, exams aren't even that important! At least that's what Mammon says which resulted in punishment from Lucifer.

Today was finally the day of exams, students stressing out, the sound of pens writing on the paper, and the two rivals were going head to head. Students from other classrooms watched as you and Satan answered the questions on the test paper.

Time skip to when the scores were getting passed out. Disappointment flooded through your eyes, you got 4th place. Belphie and Lucifer managed to get higher than you, and Satan was sitting comfortably with a perfect score.

You wanted to cry in all honesty, after all those days studying and not even getting to the top three, other people would be content with that, but sadly not you. You tried your best but it hurt seeing your rival being all smug about it. You felt jealousy for him.

Satan decided to be boastful about it, wanting to show off his perfect scores to you. Would you congratulate him or would you just end up getting mad at him? Though his mind would like to disagree with the first option, his heart wanted to hear you compliment him.

But when he heard the sobs coming through your room, he stopped. Of course, after seeing your ranks it was honestly saddening for a top student like you.

Rivals be damned, it wouldn't hurt to comfort them for a while, right?

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶˗ˋ .*ೃ✧₊˚.❁ ↷

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me fanfic #obey me x mc #obey me x reader #obey me satan #obey me satan x mc #obey me satan x reader #yzaluvbot

[hwiyoungies]

ur moots as aesthetics? :D

oh this is fun! i'm gonna go with very simple ones so i hope they make sense!

@woozi yza loml completely ignoring her aes blog vibe i'm gonna say bright sunsets and neon lights

@sangyus cute coffee shops and libraries

@wonhuis anything with cats and the color mint (i have my reasons for that one LMAO)

@coupsnim pretty abandoned villas with a huge garden

@ohoshi those sparkler thingies that you can write things with and they look so cool on pictures

@masturbait tattoo parlors and empty streets at night

@kveom sunflowers and big fields on sunny days

@shiningwonho splatters of paint and vintage pictures

@000png coffee mugs and a room lit only by the light of a screen

@donghuun stained glass and old film

#this was very fun anon thank you for sending it! #also i hope they all make sense somehow lmao #and uuh hope not to bother anyone with the tags too LMAO that's why i'm always unsure about doing these things #asks #anon

[perpetually-anxious]

Thank you to every single person who decided to follow me, it really means a lot. Please help me celebrate 300 and count down to my 23rd birthday as well! 🧡

Starting Today! (6/22—7/2)

—

🚀 Ship: send me some info about you and I'll ship you with someone.

🥃 Shots: send me a player and I'll tell you how many shots I would have to take to make out with them.

💋 Kiss Marry Cuddle (or FMK) : send three people.

❓Q&A: ask me anything you want, literally anything.

🎵 Playlist: send me a word and I'll give you a song from my spotify for every letter.

🌌Moodboard: give me a color, a person, and a specific vibe or context and I'll make you a nine-image moodboard.

💫 Horoscope: Tell me your birthday and age and I’ll write you a completely bullshit horoscope bc I know nothing about astrology or zodiac signs.

❤️Favorites: send me a category and I'll tell you what my favorite is (e.g. my favorite movie, etc.)

🧐 Assumptions: tell me what your assumptions about me are and I'll tell you if you're right.

💌 Love: send me this emoji and I’ll tell you one thing I like about you / something I associate with you.

🥀 Confess: anonymously tell me something that's been bothering you and let's get all the negativity off your chest, I'm here for you :)

🍾 Celebrate: tell me something that you've accomplished that you are proud of and let's celebrate together!

Tagging my wonderful moots, all of which I am very grateful for :)

@princessphilly @mikaelgranlund @cherrybarzy @2manytabsopen @itsjuliak5 @joelsfarabees @mondieumat @tkafuckit @barbienoturbby @yungbeez @rarozarena @radiantroope @drysdale34 @thatflyersfan @tjostyy @youngbeezersmixtape @norris-josh @luukasreichel @mikkothemoose @passthehockeyplease @jakethesnake2594 @yzas-stuff @krbdch @boqvistsbabe @itsurgirlgracie @ballsakic @nolanscheeks @nilspettersson @krugstrash @denis-scorianov @puckingfabulous @honeybearbarzal @joshsandersons

#300 celebration #i also added my name in there bc i don't think many of you know it lol

[joshuas]

what would your moots be like as idols?

hello anon! also all my moots are visuals and talented, just saying <3

@soonshuas

- first of all. she wouldn't be in the group, she'd be the manager. even... the ceo of the company

- the one that organises everyone and keeps a watchful eye on the group but knows when to intervene

- will fight antis with lots and lots of lawsuits bc... she's an intellectual <3, probably owns multiple stan accounts for her fave groups, she loves all her groups equally wdym :eye:

position: manager, or ceo!

@leech4ns

- the it girl of the group. people just want to be her <3

- the softest member. probably oblivious to all the love she gets, and the sweetest <3

- probably is the one with the acting and modeling gig on the side <3 like cha eunwoo <33

position: lead vocal, lead dancer, producer and song writer!

@januarystars

- that one member that seems really introverted but has a crazy chaotic streak that scares you at random points

- has dirt on all the members and would probably send it to dispatch for fun (cough cough the 34 page evidence file :eye:)

- writes a bunch of heartbreak songs every once in a while and when asked about it in interviews will refuse to talk about it <3 mysterious ;-;

position: main rapper, sub dancer, producer and song writer!

@sincerelyskye

- the maknae! the cutest! adorable! most sweet human being ever!!! probably hosts mucore or smth!

- she tries to be the maknae on top, will probably succeed if time provides

- super shy!! will release full chaos if with maknae line, though </3

position: main vocal, centre, maknae!

@lavenonie

- i don't know if one of the members of baldarctica said this already but she's the member that is the reason why your group is trending on twitter (i think sol said this)

- the goofball of the group, variety show QUEEN, probably hosts a variety show of her own with... someone.

- will literally start vlives of her doing the most chaotic thing... cue your group trending on twitter for eons.

position: main dancer, lead rapper!

@svt-incorrect

- the one member that everyone regards as Old

- is aware of the chaos that takes place but Judges :eye:

- will not hesitate to fight if she sees slander against any member

position: lead dancer, main rapper!

@ohoshi

- talent defined. the member everyone is in constant awe of.

- PROTECTIVE!!! will fight if she sees anyone slandering any of the members, the "motherly" kind of member

- that one member that will say and do whatever they want bc who cares about the industry - everyone thinks she's really cool tho <3

position: main dancer, lead rapper, lead vocals... maybe?

@njaems

- the "big sister" member - will be chaotic but is mostly calm... mostly

- that one member everyone goes to for advice <3 probably hosts her own vlive like chan does for chan's room

- strikes me as the member that gets surprised when the cameras zoom in on them at the mamas and freaks out a lot afterward lmao

position: main vocal, lead dancer, maybe leader?

@woozi

- another member who is literally talent defined

- everyone's just ???34$$%$%^#@ about how she's so talented

- the really personable member. the one that probably charms the interviewer a lot <3

position: producer, song writer (you give me jihoon vibes yza </3), main dancer, lead vocal

@soonhoonsol

- must!! protect!!

- the member that's super sweet and supportive! one of the members posts a solo song? the first one to post about how good it is on weverse or something <3

- the one member everyone collectively agrees cannot be hurt

position: lead dancer, lead rapper?

@cotccotc

- another it girl!! look at the stan accounts for her <3

- that one member that's just really friendly with everyone. kinda see her speaking the most at interviews idk why

- lich rally so talented like no one even questions it. she's got the visuals, talent and kindness and humility <3

position: the ace <3

thanks for asking anon, and sorry for taking so long. maybe if i'm asked again, i'll do more of my moots <3

#asks <3 #i lich rally took a week to answer i'm so sorry #moots <3 #was going to create my own group but the bald sisters already know who they are <3 #i don't know what i'm doing :face_with_spiral_eyes: #I FORGOT PEOPLE

[wonwooridul]

BIAS SWAP CHALLENGE

clearly, I’m very bored.

I saw this thing on Instagram for journaling accounts where they do a bias swaps with fellow journaling buddies and create spreads for the swapped bias of their mutual .

So @jonghan and I present you this BIAS SWAP CHALLENGE. So it’s basically a collab right? One post for one collab i.e. one swap one post. You can have as many collabs you want

The tag starts from 10th Feb till 10th March, a month.

To make it more interesting, we don’t try to do the content according to the person we swapped with, we wing it in our own fashion but keeping in mind what kind of colour scheme or what kind of stan they are (hard/soft). so it’s a win-win situation with your content having both the qualities.

For example, my bias is seungkwan and I switch w @softhyungkyun who’s bias is I.M and I work w soft content + contrast as she likes and she can work with shades of blue/purple that I like.

It doesn’t have to be for seventeen members or kpop for that matter, it can be of any person/group/band whom you love and stan.

you can do anything. write for the bias, create for a bias or however you want your imagination to run wild.

Tag your creation with #biasswap and use this format as your caption

#biasswap / @ ‘s bias : name of the bias(es)

I feel like Tumblr has been super dead these days and this would give it a revive and also more communities of Tumblr a chance to interact !

Those who want to do a bias swap w me hit me up. I’m not sure if I’ll agree to all as I don’t have time but I’ll try to do 2-3.

For any questions you can send an ask or DM either of the admins i.e. @uriboogyu (tis i, lee) and @jonghan (yza) !

#biasswap #tag challenge #hi yza ♥️ #hi vic 💖 #Tumblr challenge #swap challenge

[woozi]

the thirst tweets yza 😭😭😭 i cannot. as much as fun this was, we were so close to getting jaebs with cats <//3

headlocking sk 😭😭 DJJDSKSK i would stand there like wonu clapping in the soop, for you <3. it's hindi ( actually it's my 2nd language but i speak in it the most w ppl outside of family djdjdjk ) my mother tongue is almost dwording djdjdkdk </3 i think im last gen who still speaks it, kids these days only know hindi or english.

ALSO!!! the footwork in senses choreo???? i liked it sm <3 yugyeom makes it look so easy to move like that?!?

same jdjdkddk godddd sometimes it takes a month to complete a drama which i like and started on my own will and sometimes it only takes 3 days. it doesn't matter how much i love something if i won't watch it, then I won't watch or consume it at all 💀.

ohhh, i've known jamie as an after school club mc first and singer second. like there was this time i was suddenly obsessed w eric nam's before we begin album i think around that time i first listened to one or two songs of jamie ( it was all spotify's doing jddjks) but then i forgot abt both and went back to listening to my regular ones. honestly i feel like i've gotten to know and appreciate jype artists ( those i know ) more, only after they've changed agencies it could just be me or my timing tho djdjdjh. have you listened to hanbin's solo album? honestly it's been no.1 album from 1st half of 2021 for me. i was not even looking forward to it or even knew djdjsk but i'm so glad i did i really like the songs & lyrics.

almost whatever jackson has released after mirrors has been to my taste leaving few bsides here and there. i love lmly <3 idk why for some reason i tend to mix pretty please and lmly up a lot djdjsk maybe it's bc of white tee and jeans. both mvs concept and songs are fantastic but if i have to pick one w/ mv & only considering the song, i do love lmly a little bit more then pretty please. wbu? <3

mark kept saying ' when we go back ' during the live so i got more confused each time, went on twt and got to know djdjdk. twt list of both svt & got7 of update accounts is like my newspaper, in free time i open it to see what is going on, sometimes jdjddk.

and of course i know abt woozi's cover <3 i've listened to it a lot jdjdksk he's so <//3

i could listen to his voice all day.

there is one cover of 10 cm hoshi dropped last year i like it sm <3 it made me so happy!!, around that i was obsessed with some of 10 cm's songs. help is one of my most favorite.

i really really wish for dokyeom to cover more day6 songs or just any songs </3 would really appreciate one from mr. joshu_acoustic too 😿.

did you see the way dokyeom woke up with a smile on his face in 5th in the sopp ep <//3 he's so precious 😭 (i'll try to link next time idk links go through asks tho djjddj sometimes tumblr eats it up). i don't even know what a smile is for first 2 hours after i've woken up. also i think i like this (sk coming and karaoke one - 5th) ep a lil more bc of that half minute of singer cheol it served us. i need him to sing more omg <//3

the soop song tho it's so sweet 😭💕. i love love how they brainstorm and make songs it's such an interesting process. i love what going seventeen is now but i miss watching the song making & recording process (even rho they do show it in inse after cb but jdjdks). the one where they made gose song, recorded it and made choreo/mv i love. it's still remains as one of my most favorite ep. they compose & write songs so smoothly & make it look so effortless <3

thank you for letting me ramble abt silly little things and responding to them, yza <3 love hanging out w/ you. i hope you're also having fun djjddj (i'll try to keep these short fr 😭 djdkdk i feel a bit bad for making you read so much nonsense :3)

take care of yourself, yza <3 sending good week wishes. - 🪂🪂🪂

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE JAEBEOM READ THIRST TWEETS BEFORE MY VERY EYES WHICH ALTERNATE AU IS THIS 😭

also mood tbh we could've gotten something like jacks' puppy vid </3

LIKE WONU CLAPPING FJKDJKFDJFD in true infj fashion <3 wait naurr that's so sad </3 do they not teach it in schools?

ALSO YES OH MY GODDDDDDDDD house king show us ur fancy moves <3 as a fellow dancer i am throwing him my shoe rn <3 also i literally have never seen smth like this in kpop how did people fucking sleep on this icb it..

I FULLY RELATE HELLO????????????????? what dramas have u been watching? and which genres are u into? <3 i also just finished vincenzo today it was so good 😭 took me like.. a week, i think (?), though bc svt has SO MUCH content and i dont like being behind on svt shit esp bc i also run an update blog lmaooo 😭

WAIT I FORGOT SHE ALSO DID EMCEEING 😭 she's such a fun person </3 AND ERIC NAM FDKJDFJK i have one-sided beef w him lmao when he was still new to the scene he would reply to everyone's @s but he never replied to me so i felt v .. </3 (also this is what.. 13 year old me speaking so this def does not reflect how i feel abt him now JKJKFJKDFF) i also get that </3 i feel like jype doesn't manage them well (i dont know shit behind the scenes and shit abt the industry in-depth but u know... it Kind Of Shows esp w how the artists themselves speak abt the agency lol). and i have not!! i am truly a svtpoppie 😭 i will though bc u recommended it to me <3 i also have been seeing him frequently on tiktok lol, ALSO BC OF LEE HI!!

honestly i haven't been keeping up w his albums anymore just the title tracks so i cant say much 😭 i also def prefer lmly over pretty please i was actually obsessed w it for a while!! i love jackson's vision so much though, the cinematography is EVERYTHING

literally reading abt what our boys have been up to like reading the morning paper KJDSFKJDSJKSJKD

V GOOD FOR U TO HAVE COME ACROSS THE COVER... I JUST DISCOVERED IT BY ACCIDENT 😭 also i have to agree although i definitely do not want to admit that i am more than willing to listen to some man sing to me all day 😭😭😭😭😭 jihoon's voice is just... different to me for some reason. i have a hard time picking between him & seokmin tbh </3 hbu, who's ur fave svt vocalist?

ALSO YES THAT WAS SO CUTE OF HIM!! AND V ON BRAND TOO </3 the way u listen to 10cm..... im giving u an award rn <3 im guessing you listen to k-indie too?

DK THOUGH... I'M VERY MUCH WILLING TO ADMIT THAT I'D LISTEN TO HIM ALL DAY.... something about him... AND NOT THE JOSHU_ACOUSTIC FJDJFDJKFD 😭😭😭 i hate his username so much- why... WHY...

I DID!!!!!!!!! and i was so surprised too bc.. who wakes up smiling?????? what'd he dream of???????????? he's such a happy person i cant imagine what thats like 😭 the first thing i do when i wake up is make the >:| face JFJKFDKJFD also oh my god i just read that you're experiencing the same thing 😭😭 bestie trait!! KJJKFDKJFD ALSO YOU COULDN'T BE MORE RIGHT?????????? im always campaigning for vocalist coups im SOOO glad u feel the same way <3 his voice is just so comforting to me </3 idk i just really like his timbre

and v true omg i'm always fascinated to see how they actually work all this out!! the bts recording/choreo making vids are also my favorite gfkjdfkjdfj HOW ARE WE SO SIMILAR WE MIGHT AS WELL BE THE SAME PERSON 😭also jihoon in that gose behind vid........... in universe factory............... i still think about that Look from time to time... 😭this is also why i respect the boys sm tbh. everyone in the industry undeniably works so hard but to actually get this much creative freedom and to basically lead the group and their direction music and performance-wise is so insane to me... no wonder jihoon's always in his studio. i couldnt be happier that they get to live off of doing what they like im also so so proud of them they must work so hard <3 esp w all the content they're giving us.. icb it's always like this in caratland im so used to being an ahgase that gets like.... 1 cb a year😭

AND NOOO OMG DON'T BE SORRY I REALLY LOOOVE GETTING UR MESSAGES </3 and i love how lengthy they are makes me feel like ur just not making small talk (i hate small talk sm 😭) and that you're actually interested <3 i genuinely love bonding w u through these little asks i can never thank u enough for sending them <3 i hope ur having a lovely week as well!! u can always talk to me even if it's not kpop related and u just want to talk abt life or when u need some cheering up <3

#🪂 anon #anon #y.ask #long post

[yzafre]

we're flying above the valley below | ch 12

AO3

First | Previous

Unversed, unversed, heartless, hijacked machinery, unversed.  Every turn just seemed to lead them to another problem.  They were making progress, though, slowly but surely.  Boo somehow remained delighted, as well.

After clearing out another cluster of unversed, Sora turned to find Ventus hunched over, staring intently at the trail of fading smoke in front of him.

“Ven?  What’s up?”

“Huh?” Ven turned to him, eyes flickering back to the now-empty floor, “It’s… nothing.  It’s nothing.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.  Let’s keep going.”

He forged ahead, and Sora glanced over at Kairi, meeting her concerned gaze.  This thing with Vanitas was really getting to him, wasn’t it?

“You boys aren’t gonna leave without saying good-bye?” a voice called out, interrupting their exit.

Vent froze.  Sora watched carefully.  He should be looking towards Randall, he knew, but he couldn’t look away from the lines of tension and rage lining his body.  Instead, it was Mike and Sully that confronted the chameleon.

“Give it a rest, Randall.  You’re not gonna get away with this.”

“Yeah!  We’ll stop anything you throw at us.”

“Maybe you will,” Randall purred, “Or then again, maybe you won’t.  I have still got an ace up my sleeve.  Now… I command you to destroy them!”

That, at least, got Sora to look away.  But whatever Randall had been hoping for, it wasn’t happening.  Instead, he was left to scowl at a piece of dead machinery in the corner, snapping several times before skittering over to crawl over the metal, muttering darkly to himself.

“Where is he?”

Sora jolted.  Ven had come up beside him, Keyblade in hand, glaring at the monster.

“Uh – wha?”

“Where is Vanitas?” Ven repeated.

Offence rippled across Randall’s face, “Wha – seriously, you’re worried about that puddle of shadows while I’m trying to kill you?”

“Well, you’re not exactly being very successful, here,” Mike said.

Randall hissed, but when Ventus moved forward menacingly, he jerked back and vanished, the skittering sound of his feet moving away.

“Hey!  Where is he?” Vent yelled after him, feathers blooming from his back and bristling, “Where is Vanitas?!”

There was no response.  Ven lurched forward, and Sora prepared to go after him, but a heavy hand tangling in his hood brought him up short.  He looked back to find Sully holding both him and Ventus back, the other boy nearly hanging from the monster’s grip, toes scrabbling against the ground.

“He’s long gone by now.  And we have to get Boo to safety, first, remember?”

“Oh, right,” Sora said, sheepish.  Ventus took longer to respond.  Nervous, Sora glanced over; Ven was glaring up at the ceiling, jaw working silently until he slumped, closing his eyes and taking a long, deep breath.

“Fine.”

Sully eyed him skeptically, but let them both down.  Ven rolled his shoulders as soon as they touched down, scowling darkly as he turned back to the path.

“Let’s go.”

As they headed deeper into the factory, Ven glanced back one last time to where Randall disappeared, watching the shadows growing longer as the door slid shut behind them.

A chill spread down his spine.

For a moment, he almost thought he felt… but, no.  There was nothing in that room, and the trails of darkness from the defeated unversed weren’t strong enough for Vanitas to be that close.

Still, though, the uncertainty stayed with him as they kept going.  Sora tried to engage him in their various misadventures along the way, but all he could manage to pull up was a flat, empty smile.  Through the factory, onto the roof, it didn’t matter, that gnawing paranoia wouldn’t let him go.

And even if he knew it would probably amount to nothing, knew it was just feeding into his fear, he couldn’t help but glance over every time an Unversed was defeated, trying to see if there was any commonality to the direction the smoke floated, to where the trails of negativity returned.

…it was all heading down, currently.

As if summoned by his thoughts, the ground below them shook, the building rattling.

“And earthquake?” Mike wondered, “But, we never get those here!”

Sully shook his head, squinting out over the edge of the rooftop, “It doesn’t look like it affected the city.  Whatever that was, I think it came from inside the building.”

“In that case, we really need to get Boo safe,” Sora said, crouching down to tug playfully at the little girl’s pigtails, “Can’t have a building coming down on top of her.”

“And then we can deal with whatever caused it,” Kairi added.

There came a point, as they made their way to through the last stretch to the door-vault, that their path forward became suddenly, entirely clear.  No more unversed, no more heartless, no more defective machinery.  Even the vault itself was empty.  On high alert, they worked swiftly to retrieve Boo’s door and send her through, waiting for the inevitable ambush at the last second.

But nothing happened.  Boo returned home safely.

“Did that feel… a little too easy to anyone else,” Sora wondered.

“But, if they’re not stopping us… what are they doing?” Sully wondered.

A scream – no, a hundred screams – cut through the air, and with a chill, everything fell into place.

I’m after negative emotions.  And my new friends have kindly invaded the factory to get ‘em for me.

“The other scream cannisters,” Ventus realized, “What did you do with them?”

“Huh?  Well, we stored them in an empty vault, until we could decide what to do with them,” Mike said, “Why?”

Heart in his throat, Ventus took off like a shot towards the sound of the screams.

He could, vaguely, hear the others shouting behind him, but the words were lost over the pounding of his heart in his ears.  Slowly, the sounds of screaming began to fade.  Pausing in the middle of a junction, he glanced around frantically – which way, which way?

Further down the hall, an unversed twitched into being.  Ventus pounced, tearing through it, and then watched.  Sure enough, the fading smoke flowed, visibly, obviously, in one direction.

There he was.

Vanitas.

The floors of the vault were littered with ravaged canisters.  Dark emotions wafted through the air, inevitably pulled towards the dark, pulsing mass in the center of the room that was gorging on the Darkness.  Despite himself, Ventus’s hands shook around his Keyblade.

Despite his fear, he stepped forward.

Glowing eyes split open, staring straight into him.  The rest of the body twisted in turn to face him, growing larger, larger, larger, to loom over him.  Ventus grit his teeth, glaring right back.  Another unversed?  Then where was…?

No matter, if he had to tear through this thing to get to Vanitas, then that’s what he’d do.

He just… had to actually take it down, first.

He could avoid the unversed’s hits.  Ventus was fast, especially when flying, and the vault had enough room to maneuver in.  And he could get some attacks in himself, magic especially working best.  Doing both at the same time, however, was more of a challenge – and in between it all, the unversed would eat at the remaining emotions in the room, healing itself and starting the process all over.

It was all just. So. Frustrating. He didn’t have time for this!

Impatience will make you sloppy, Master Eraqus’s voice whispered in his ear, And the Darkness will take every advantage you give it.

 The voice pricked at him, like a vine of thorns curling through his chest.  He shut it out, diving in again.

Almost immediately, the Master’s warning rang true.  He landed a devastating attack on the creature, yes, but when he turned he found his escape blocked, found himself bullied back and back and back until he was backed into a corner.  Danger came in from all sides, he couldn’t fend it all off –

“Ven!”

With a flash of steel, Sora appeared, blocking the attack.  As he drove the creature back, Kairi alighted beside Ventus, pouring healing magic into him.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, thanks,” he said.

“Next time, wait for us!” Sora called, bouncing back to stand with them, “That was really close!”

He couldn’t just let Vanitas get away, Ventus wanted to say.  They didn’t understand, they didn’t know, but in the end….

“You’re right,” he said, swallowing down the bitterness in his chest, “Sorry.”

“Heh.  No problem!  Now, let’s take this guy down!”

Three Keyblade wielders was much better than one.  This way, two of them could hassle it, while the other took advantage of its distraction to cut in and deal crippling blows.

Still, still, it was not growing weaker.

Every time he thought they’d cut it down smaller, it just seemed to regenerate, and they were right back where they started.  Frustrated, he pulled back to observe, circling around the room.  Kairi fell into formation beside him.

“This isn’t working,” she said.

“No,” Ventus agreed, “There’s got to be something we’re - wait.”

Below, Sora cut through a limb.  The wriggling mass fell to the ground before fading into smoke, a trail that moved, steadily, back towards the creature.

No, not just to the creature – to its center.

“I see it – Kairi, I need you to carve a path for me.  Just a single beam of Light, as strong as you can make it, right at its center.”

“What?  But, I - “

“Please.  I know you can do this.”

It took another half-circle of the room, but eventually she nodded, “Okay.”

“Good.  I’ll watch your back while you charge the attack.”

Ventus dove down, spinning between two lashing tendrils, the snap of teeth.  Above, he could feel the Light building, a beacon that called to him soul-deep.  Eventually, it reached a crescendo, and he spun out of the way even before he heard Kairi shout - “Now!”

He pressed his wings back along his spine, plunging himself into the trail of magic.  The creature roared, raising tentacles of dripping Darkness to try and ward it off.  The Light pierced through each one, though it grew weaker with each obstacle destroyed.

Safe in the center of the beam, Ventus reached deep within, pulling up his own well of Light.  It seared his veins, coating his skin and clawed at his mind – but it served its purpose.  When he passed all the defenses the unversed threw out, when Kairi’s attack finally gave out, he hit the surface of the unversed like a meteor and crashed straight through it.

His point of entry closed behind him almost the second he was inside, the Darkness closing in heavy around him.  The Light drifting off his skin only made it inches before being consumed.  The shadows shifted, growing denser, darker, the smog condensing into a single form, gleaming yellow eyes staring out at him above a bloodthirsty grin.

“Vanitas,” he hissed.

“Ventus,” Vanitas purred, “How nice of you to come visit your brother.”

“We’re not brothers.”

“Oh?  But what else could we be?” Vanitas asked, “I exist for you, shaped by you.”

“I didn’t ask for this,” Ventus snapped, “And neither did you – to be cut apart like this, Light and Dark all nice and neat.  Are you really just going to accept his interference?  Shouldn’t we get to choose what we are?”

Vanitas blinked, then threw his head back, cackling. “Oh, but I did choose.”

“And what you are is this?”

“Of course.  I am Darkness.”

“Fine,” Ventus seethed, “You’ve made your choice, but I’ve made mine, too.  You won’t win.  I’ve defeated you before; I can do it again.”

“Oh?  Then I’ll have to make the most of this chance.”

They met with snarl, violently lashing out, again and again.  With every strike, Vanitas’ form became more amorphous.  He’d already been less-than-solid, from the start, but he seemed to melt under the onslaught into pure magic. 

Instead of dissipating, thought, it lingered, clinging and drifting closer to Ventus.  It slithered inside - into his veins, into his heart, brushing into the depths until he could feel Vanitas’ glee, his bloodthirst, his sheer, manic energy, as if it was his own.  It dug in with greedy fingers, violating, a place and sensation only his Flight should be, invader, wrong-wrong-wrong-get out.

“Come, brother.  Let’s join again: you and I as one, just as it’s meant to be.”

“No.”

“No?  You’re gonna reject me?” Vanitas sneered, “When for so long, I was the only one that heard you, the only one that listened?  Now, you think you don’t need me?”

“I never needed you!”

“Liar!”

Vanitas lunged, the tendrils around Ventus’s heart growing thorns, digging in.  It burned, a horrible stretch – something to big trying to fit into a place already full, trying to force something impossible.  Ventus was sure it would break him open, shatter them both, when –

A nova of Darkness burst to life inside him.  At first, he flailed, sure Vanitas had gained purchase, but – no, he seemed just as startled.  They both turned, searching for the source, Ventus in fear and Vanitas in delight, until they realized it came from outside of him.

Where Aqua’s bond had laid dormant for days, it now came to life in a horrifying blaze.  Despair-rage-pain-helpless-alone-alone screamed from her, dripped from her heart, thick and viscous and never-ending.

Aqua! Ven screamed, but it was drowned out by crashing of the tidal wave pouring from her.  Vanitas, twined through their connection like a parasite, feeding off the negativity, laughed in glee as he grew larger.

“I know I said there’s a seed of Darkness in her, but I never dreamed it would grow into this.  Ah, maybe I should have gone with the backup Light, rather than you.  Unlocking all this after I merged with her – it would have been beautiful!”

“Shut up,” Ventus snarled.

“All that faith in your friends, for what?  You lose them all to Darkness in the end.  And now - first Terra, then Aqua – both consumed.  So much for the lauded strength of the Light.”

“I said shut up!”

Power exploded from him, a searing heat writhing just under his skin as Light burst out, blinding, brilliant, devouring the Dark.  Vanitas cried out – laughing, or screaming, it sounded the same – until the crackle of magic drowned him out.

As the light faded, the smog dissipated slowly, lingering on his skin all tacky and damp, the taste of smoke and despair stuck to his tongue, leaving him feeling grimy and unsettled.  The silence echoed.

Aqua, he begged along their bond, but there was no answer, only the sound of the storm. 

She couldn’t hear him; she wasn’t listening.

“Ven?  You okay?”

Swallowing thickly, Ventus blinked his eyes open – oh, when had he closed them? - to look at Sora, Kairi staring in concern from over his shoulder.

Yes, he tried to say, but his throat just clicked shut.  I’m fine, but -  there was this weight in his lungs.  He breathed once, twice, shakily, until he could breathe clearly.

“I don’t care what Yen Sid said.  I don’t care how impossible it is.  Aqua needs me, and I’m going to find her.”

Next

#kh #kingdom hearts #fanfiction #wingfic #wrap your wings au #Yza writes a thing

[yellowruby]

Dear Father,

You are my creator, and I am wonderfully made by my God.

You alone are worthy of my praise and adoration.

Forgive me, Lord for all my failures.

Lately, I have been really busy to the point of becoming disoriented already.. And I feel that I missed talking with you everyday Lord. I am sorry ♥️. Please let me make up with you, that's why I thought of downloasing this up because I wanted to write my prayers to you here, while attending to my kids esp my baby. It's really difficult to use pen and paper in writing my reflection nowadays, at home.

Thank you, God for leading me to this idea. I can now write my thoughts of you anytime I want. 😅 I miss talking to You Lord.

Thank you fod blessing my family everyday. For keeping us safe adn protected against any harm. Thank you for the strength my God, everytime I kind of feeling overwhelmed with all of my responsibilities. Grabe Lord. But yes, my hope is in you. I love ypu Fathet God. ❤️♥️ Thank you for Loving me and my family.

Lord, I am troubled. There are things I am afraid to ask you because I am afraid of your answers..

Please Lord, take charge of my life. I know you have led me to these things for a purpose. Help me to make things right, and allow me to help people not only in their earthly needs but feed their spirit as well, including my own. I Need you Jesus, everyday of my life forever and ever. You are my peace, you are my fortress. Be with me in all that I do.

Lord, I really want to help Dorey and Te May. I will dedicate our EC journey to you Lord. Help us to learn right and earn well for our families. Help us pls Lord. Lead us to the right people who needs improvement in their lives as well. Bless our relationships Lord. Helps us O God, we can only run to you who is great in all aspects. Have mercy on us. Be our strength and our guide. Bless also my other downlines, ate lucy, irish peal, irish lou and renalyn. And bless that I will be able to lead them better.

Lord, tomorrow is gonna be my submission of our monthly compliances. I pray that I will have no mistakes in my reports, and that I could submit them on time. Bless the works of my hands Lord, that it will always aim to give you glory. Lord, I pray for my son Rushe, for his healing and health Oh God. Protect him from physical evil, from any sickness, also for my baby yza. Grant them always good health and great attitude that obey you and your commandment. May you grant my mother patience and peace of mind and heart O God. Bless also mt brother Lloyd in his plans for the future. Keep him safe always and protect him from evil.

Lord of Love, I pray for my husband. Bless him with your armor or protection. Lord, you know that i stilk have the scars. And i trust no one at all but you. Help him to be true to me and our marriage and family, as i strive for healing inside. I believe that you have entrusted this family to me, these wonderful kids, and I will hold on to my promise. But Lord, ikaw na ang bahala. I just need to heal. Pls Lord. 💔 I love you Lord.. You are my everything.

Father, i need to sleep na. And these all i ask and give thanks, in the name of Jesus Christ, my God and Master, amen. 🙏🙌

[idontgiveaflyinggrayson69]

Life As We Know It | Part 14

Author: Nat / @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69​​

Tagging: @thirteenisles​ @matbaerzal​ @mcmo-anon​ @texanstarslove​ @matbarzyy​ @hockeywocs​ @ggggmoneyyyy​ @great-puck-work  @toplinetommy​ @fiveholegoal​ @itrocksmysocks​ @joelsfarabee​ @barzysreputation​ @iangiemae​ @stlbluesbrat​ @c-tangerine​ @yzas-stuff @canadianheaters​ @jeylia-haj​ @roopehintz​ @dreamsndior​ @beauvibaby​ @2manytabsopen​ @nazdaddy​ @sorryjustafangirl​ @sidscrosbyy @fallinallincurls​ @pastelpapermoons​ @miranda0102​ @hockeybabe87​ @teenagekook @svechnikolan @kayt-marie​ @heatherawoowoo​ @islesnucks​ @whoeverineedtobe​ @lovethepreds @ohpuckyeah​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @mf-mightyducks​ @day-dreamerr​ @ficsilove10​ @notaccurateornice​ @rapidfever​ @hoodpankow​ @strong134 @dylancozzys @gravyoverall @newlibrary​ @lena306 @caelum-the-part-time-acosmist @honestreputation​ @taiter-tots @tysonjost-taylorsversion​ @hockeyjedi13 @oopsiedoopsie23​ [let me know if you want to be added!]

Word Count: 8.4k

Warnings: Alcohol.

Comments: Hey guys! I’ve got a really busy couple weeks ahead of me so I’m not sure when Part 15 will be posted but hopefully I can find some time to write! xx

(c) nat g. 2021 // do not repost, do not claim as your own

The first thing Anthony saw when he woke up was Tessa.

The room was dark from his blackout curtains, and she was still asleep on her side facing him with Sorel between them. Her hair rested on her pillow like a halo and her lips were slightly parted like Sorel’s. It made him smile and his chest filled with warmth at the sight.

He wished, God he wished, that he could wake up like this every day.

The thought had his lungs tightening in his chest.

He was in love with Tessa.

He did his best to slip out of bed without disturbing her or Sorel before making his way to the bathroom, taking care to close the door as quietly as he could before resting his forehead against the wood.

He was fucked.

He was absolutely fucked.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Everyone always fell for the best friend, everyone told him he couldn’t be friends with Tess without falling for her. But it was supposed to be different. He was going to prove them wrong. He and Tess had the most perfect friendship he could ask for and it was always supposed to be them, but it wasn’t supposed to be them.

He tapped his head against the door lightly before taking a deep breath through his nose and stepping towards the vanity. He splashed some cold water on his face before resting his hands on either side of the sink.

Anthony let his head hang between his shoulders and he took a long breath before he met his reflection.

He was in love with Tessa.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself.

He really had to go ruin everything by catching feelings for her; by falling in love with her.

He didn’t know if he wanted to curse himself out or bang his fists against the counter or punch something. But he couldn’t do any of it without waking his girls in the next room, so he had to clamp his mouth shut and bury it away.

He took his time in the bathroom, forcing himself to take deep breaths as he tried to ease his racing mind, but there was nothing he could tell himself to make this better.

They were still asleep when he cracked the bathroom door open, so Anthony slipped out to the kitchen. It had been a long couple days for both of them so he wasn’t going to wake them.

Plus, he really didn’t think he could face Tess right now.

His hands shook as he got two mugs down and turned the Keurig on and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t take as deep a breath as he needed.

Tess had been there through it all. She had been there when he was a rookie, when he got sent down to Bridgeport, when he got to play for Team Canada, the first time he played in a Stanley Cup playoff game, both times he played in the Conference Finals, through Nikki and all his other questionable exes, and with Sorel. Tess had always been there. Tess was the one person he could truly count on. Tess was—

“Good morning,” Tess said, making Anthony jump. He cursed and Tess laughed, butterflies erupting in his stomach at the sound. “Jumpy this morning?” She asked before putting Sorel down in her highchair.

“Uh, maybe, I guess,” he replied before putting her mug under the Keurig and hitting start. He glanced at his watch and saw that he had lost more time than he realized stuck in his head. He forced a smile as he turned to face her, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the counter. She was as beautiful as ever and Anthony did his best to swallow the anxiety crawling up his throat as he asked, “how’d you sleep?”

Tess brushed her hair behind her ear as a light blush dusted her cheeks. “Uh yeah, good. Thanks. I hope you slept alright considering I kinda invaded your bed…” she laughed nervously.

Anthony gave her a soft smile and nodded. “Like a baby,” he lied with a small laugh. “There was plenty of room.”

Tess laughed with him before looking over at Sorel. “The baby also slept like a baby.”

“Yeah,” Anthony hummed, but couldn’t pull his eyes from Tess. “She looked mighty comfy in your arms. Now that she knows she can sleep with us, putting her to bed just got a lot harder.”

Tess breathed a laugh before looking back at Anthony. She knew that it would be bad to teach Sorel that crying all day would mean getting to spend the night in Anthony’s bed, but she couldn’t help but think it wouldn’t be that bad. The three of them, together, in bed, like a family. She always hated being in his bed, but him being the last thing she saw before she fell asleep? Yeah, she could get used to that.

“As long as we don’t get another bad storm I think she’ll be alright,” Tess told him. Anthony hummed and added the cream and sugar to her coffee once it was done brewing before he passed it over to her. She whispered a thank you as she took it before taking a sip and, as usual, it was perfect.

Anthony made breakfast, even though he really wasn’t hungry.

His heart sat in his gut as he made avocado toast with eggs and he hoped that he’d be able to stomach it down because he knew Tess would find it suspicious if he didn’t eat breakfast.

He couldn’t meet Tess’s eyes as he handed her plate to her, and he set his aside before scrambling an egg for Sorel and busying himself with feeding her. To no surprise, Tess was done before Sorel was and she offered to take over so Anthony could eat his breakfast and, as much as he didn’t want to, he couldn’t say no to her.

His toast and eggs were cold and soggy and sat like a rock in his stomach, but he managed to force it down before starting on the dishes, even if Tess offered to do them.

Anthony was jump and distant the whole day. To Tess, it seemed like everything she said he either didn’t hear or it made him jump five feet in the air. Something was clearly up with him and she knew it, but every time she asked, he replied, “just tired from the trip. The early game and the plane ride and then Sorel, I’m just tired, promise.”

Tess didn’t doubt that, but she couldn’t help but wonder if more was going on.

He had asked her to stay, had reassured her that it was okay, but she wondered if it wasn’t; if she had crossed some boundary.

They went to bed early that night. And while Tess was scrolling through Instagram liking picture after picture of Winnie, Marty and Winnie, Sydney and Marty, Reese and Casey, Jack and Casey, her heart aching in her chest, Anthony got the whisky down from the top shelf with shaking hands.

He poured himself a double and it stung his throat as he downed it, but, even as he laid in bed, it did nothing to quiet the thoughts racing through his head. He rolled onto his side, his heart twisting at the empty bed beside him and he reached out to touch the cold pillow.

He was in love with Tess and it could ruin everything.

--

Anthony has had bad stretches. Every player has.

Once, he went through such a rough stretch that the Isles sent him down to Bridgeport.

People called him streaky and he could go games between points. But he was working on being more consistent and he was playing so well to start the season. He had the dad strength and was on pace to break his career highs in goals, assists, and points.

But, fuck, did he start playing like shit.

He made bad passes, missed open nets, left his head down, took too many hits without giving any, and took too many penalties because he didn’t keep his feet moving. One of his strengths was his speed and skating, but his feet felt like lead and he just seemed to be on the wrong side of every puck and play.

Everyone could see it. Trotz, the team, the media, Tess; everyone could see it.

He just—

He couldn’t focus.

The warmth and butterflies and anxiety chewed away at him every second of every day.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it, about her.

He thought about her eyes and her smile and her curls and her laugh and her legs in her sleep shorts and her collarbones peeking out from the collar of her shirt that was really his shirt and her lips and kissing her. God, he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her.

He found his eyes dipping to her lips while she spoke and when she was putting on chapstick, and he was hyperaware of every time she bit her lip or her tongue darted out to wet her lips.

In the morning he thought about kissing her while he passed her cup of coffee to her. At night he thought about kissing her goodnight. And while he laid in bed trying to fall asleep at night, he thought about her being next to him, being able to look over and see her, her being the last thing he saw before he fell asleep and the first thing when he woke the next morning, like the night of the storm. He thought about what her lips would feel like against his and what her chapstick tasted like and that dream from Halloween night flickered in the back of his mind.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her and he played like shit because of it.

How could he focus on playing hockey when he was sitting on a stick of dynamite that threatened to ruin everything?

His plays—his mistakes—came up during practice and the videos they had to watch. Trotz spoke to him on the bench and between periods, the assistant coaches too. The message was clear, but he just couldn’t shake out of the rut.

Tess would be there waiting for him after every home game, and be there when he got home from practice, and he could barely meet her eyes. He wasn’t blind, he could see the concern on her face. It was so unlike him for his play to take such a steep plunge for no reason. But it wasn’t like he could tell her the truth.

And that was the part that really got him.

Tess was his person. She always knew what to say and how to help and she was the best listener he knew. The only person he wanted to talk to about his feelings for Tess was Tess.

But it wasn’t like he could do that.

So, he just had to figure out how to bury his feelings away without it impacting his play. Which was, unfortunately, easier said than done.

--

Tess’s mom had texted her a few times asking if she was coming home for Thanksgiving and if Anthony and Sorel would be joining them, but Tess hadn’t been able to give her an answer.

With the way Anthony had been playing, the way he had been acting, she just didn’t feel right asking him if he wanted to go to Thanksgiving dinner with her family. He seemed stressed and Thanksgiving was stressful when it’s your own family, but it wasn’t even his. So, she just… Didn’t ask.

And, well, maybe she should have.

The knock at the door surprised both of them and Tess looked to Anthony with a furrowed brow. He shrugged, not expecting anyone either before walking over to the door. His shoulders relaxed as he looked through the peephole before he opened the door. “It’s for you, Tess,” he said with a smile. “Hey Emma.”

“Emma?” Tess asked, surprised to see her younger sister. Anthony shrugged, just as lost as he closed the door behind her.

“Hey, Tess,” she smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m just stopping by because I have something for Ellie.”

“Oh?” Tess asked and Emma’s smile widened as she held up a little bag before she handed it over to Tess.

It was just a plastic shopping bag and Tess knew immediately it was clothes. She glanced into the bag and was surprised to see that it was still folded pretty well. After taking it out of the bag, she tucked the bag under her arm and unfolded it.

“It’s for Thanksgiving!” Emma explained and Anthony raised an eyebrow before Tess turned it around so he could see. It was a long sleeve onesie with ‘my first Thanksgiving’ written across the front. “You guys are coming, right?”

“Coming?” Anthony asked, picking Sorel off the playmat to show her the gift, not that she really cared.

It was Emma’s turn to furrow her brows as she looked to her sister who couldn’t meet her eyes. “I didn’t ask him,” she whispered.

“Oh,” Emma said shortly.

“Didn’t ask me what?” Anthony asked softly, walking over to stand next to her.

Tess was quiet for a moment. “If you wanted to come to Thanksgiving dinner,” she told him. “I didn’t want you to feel obligated or anything. I know my family can be a lot and you’re Canadian and—” she rambled but Anthony cut her off with a pointed look.

“I’d love to come. If you want me to come, that is,” he told her. He’d do anything that meant spending time with her.

She nodded, “if you want to come, then you should come.”

Emma restrained an eyeroll. “Then it’s settled, you’re coming. Mom will be very happy to hear that this cutie will be joining us,” she smiled as she looked at Sorel. “I’m telling you, all she does is complain that you don’t send her enough pictures…” Tess breathed a forced laugh but Emma ignored it. “Well, I have class in an hour so I’m going to get going so I’m not late, but I will see you next week!”

“Yeah, we’ll see you next week,” Tess nodded. “Thank you for the onesie, I’ll send you and mom a picture of her in it after I wash it.”

Emma’s smile widened, “can’t wait!”

She pulled her younger sister into a hug and whispered an “I love you” to her before pulling back and Emma gave Sorel a wave before slipping out, closing the door behind her.

The apartment was quiet for a long moment before Tess turned to him. “You don’t have to feel pressed into going if you don’t want to.”

“And pass up a home cooked meal?” He asked, covering up the I just want to be with you that clawed at his throat.

His comment made Tess laugh and he had to walk into the kitchen to distract himself from how much he adored that sound.

Anthony, again, went pointless and was on the wrong end of a high stick that cut his nose in the two games between Emma coming over and Thanksgiving. But, after the game, Tess did cup his face as she inspected the very minor damage and she was close enough he could smell her perfume and see every line on her lips and his heart did summersaults in his chest before she pulled back. She patted his shoulder, satisfied that he wasn’t really hurt and it felt like his heart had twisted one too many times, his whole chest going cold once she pulled away.

And then, just like that, it was Thanksgiving.

Anthony had asked Tess if they needed to bring anything for dinner, like pie or something, but she assured him that her mom had it covered. Still, Anthony hated the idea of going empty handed, so he settled on bringing a couple bottles of wine. Nice wine. He took his time at the store picking out a nice Pinot Noir, Merlot, Pinot Grigio, and Riesling and he hoped that her mom liked them.  

He needed her mom to like them.

Thanksgiving morning started like every other morning. He made her perfect coffee and this time it was Tess who fed Sorel breakfast so he got to lean back against the counter and watch them and try to think about anything other than how perfect she was and how much he wanted to walk over and brush her hair back and kiss her.

They started getting ready after breakfast. Tess premeasured some formula into bottles and made sure the diaper bag was properly stocked while Anthony picked out Sorel’s outfit and packed the wine into a bag they wouldn’t knock against each other in.

“Should we bring her highchair?” Anthony asked when he set Sorel in hers for lunch, but Tess shook her head.

“No, my mom has one,” she told him. Her mom still had a lot of her baby items, keeping them for her future grandbabies, which happened to be very helpful for them.

“Okay,” Anthony nodded and started making lunch, not that Tess let him eat anything other than a light snack.

“Don’t fill up before dinner,” she told him and had it been anyone else, he wouldn’t have listened, but it was Tess so of course he did.

Tess took her time getting ready. It was just her family, but she still wanted to look nice. And, really, it was her hair that took the longest, having to go through her hair routine after she got out of the shower. But, once her hair was defused, she changed into a simple pair of jeans with a burgundy sweater. She kept her make up simple, just some filled in her brows, and put on some brown eyeshadow and mascara. She left her hair down and gave herself a final look over in the mirror before stepping out into the living room and freezing.

“Okay, one of us has to change,” she said, making Antony lift his head from where he was trying to put a bow on Sorel.

“Huh? Oh,” he whispered before laughing. His jeans were darker than hers, and it wasn’t the same burgundy, but it was still the same outfit. “You don’t want to match?” He asked with a smile. It wasn’t intentional; he had no idea that was what she was planning on wearing, but he couldn’t lie and say he didn’t like it.

“We’re going to get picked on,” she told him, walking over to take the red bow out of his hands and slipped it around Sorel’s head.

“You have met my older brother, you know I’m used to it,” he smiled. “If you want me to change, I’ll go put on the grey sweater, but I thought this one was more festive.”

Tess sighed and looked him over. The jeans were snug to his thighs and the sweater was tight around his shoulders and arms but still loose enough to look cozy. He looked good. “It is a nice colour on you,” she resigned. “I won’t make you change, but I am going to change Ellie into something more festive.”

Anthony furrowed his brows. “How can it be more festive than a onesie that says ‘my first Thanksgiving’?” He asked as he followed Tess into Sorel’s room.

“Okay, maybe not festive, but fashionable,” she corrected herself, putting Sorel down on the change table and Anthony watched her as Tess went through her closet, momentarily hoping that she’d find a way to match Sorel to them before she pulled out an orange overall dress, and a red shirt and tights.

“I thought it would be nice to put her in the outfit they gifted since they were kind enough to invite us,” Anthony explained, stepping aside so Tess could dress her.

She shrugged, “yeah, but this is cuter.” Anthony shook his head, but couldn’t hide his smile, and Sorel had the same smile as she looked up at Tess. “Can you get me the Ugg’s?” She asked and Anthony hummed as he grabbed them out of the closet.

Tess finished the outfit with the same red bow Anthony picked out before picking her up and settling her on her hip. “Better, right, Ellie?” She smiled, kissing the top of Sorel’s head, making her laugh, a sound that warmed both of their chests.

“We ready to go now?” He asked and Tess nodded.

She put on Sorel in her jacket and carrier before putting her own on and Anthony grabbed the diaper bag and the bag with the wine before putting his jacket on. After putting on their shoes, they made their way down to the car.

It took a little longer to get to her parents’ because there was more traffic as everyone was heading to their Thanksgiving plans, but it wasn’t awful.

Anthony, thankfully, found a spot on the street not too far from the house and Tess grabbed the wine while he grabbed Sorel’s carrier and they made their way up to the house.

“Hey! We’re here!” Tess called as she opened the door and Anthony closed it behind him.

To no surprise, everyone was in the kitchen, so after taking their shoes off and hanging their coats up, that’s where they went. “Smells amazing,” Tess commented as she stepped into the kitchen and put the wine on the table.

Emma looked up from where she was peeling potatoes and laughed immediately. “How cute, matching with your boyfriend,” she said with a smirk, knowing damn well they weren’t together.

The word gave Anthony butterflies and the corner of his lip twitched up as he looked at Tess. He had to admit, being Tess’s boyfriend had a nice ring to it.

But Tess didn’t look back at him as she rolled her eyes at her sister. “I told you one of us should have changed,” she mumbled before turning her attention to her sister. “We didn’t plan this. And for the last time, we’re just friends,” she told Emma, and just like that, his warm fuzzy feeling was gone.

It didn’t matter how much he liked being called her boyfriend; he wasn’t and she didn’t want him to be.

“I asked her if she wanted me to change, but here we are,” he said with a forced smile.

“Uh huh,” Emma hummed before turning back to her potatoes and Tess grabbed another peeler out of the drawer to help.

Sorel smiled as soon as she saw Lisa, and once Lisa finished checking the turkey, she came over to see Sorel. She held her arms out to take her, and Anthony passed her over with a smile. “Thank you for having us,” he told her.

“No worries, you and this little one are always welcome,” she told him.

His smile softened as he glanced around the kitchen. Tess knocked shoulders with her sister, the matching outfit, Sorel in Lisa’s arms, the extra chair pulled up to the table.

For a moment, it was easy to pretend.

He could pretend that they were together and that they would do this every year.

But, he only gave himself a moment before he shook the thought from his head, an emptiness settling in his chest before he looked back at Lisa. “We brought some wine for dinner, but what can I do to help?” He asked.

“Oh, thank you,” she replied, not looking up from Sorel. “But you’re a guest, so you can just take a seat and look pretty.”

Anthony blushed but shook his head. “C’mon, what do you need help with? Chopping?”

“It’s all under control,” she told him in her mom voice. “Just sit down.” Anthony made a soft noise of disagreement, but Lisa was firm that they didn’t need his help. And plus, “you have a baby to look after,” she said when she handed Sorel back to him.

He still hated sitting around doing nothing.

Especially because doing nothing gave him more time to think and that really seemed to be with archnemeses these days.

He couldn’t take his eyes off Tess. He watched how she laughed with Emma and how she could stand her own against her little brothers and how comfortable she was in a big family. He couldn’t stop smiling when she smiled or when she laughed, even if he couldn’t make out what she and Emma were talking about.

Once again, he thought about his dream, he thought about that dream every single day it seemed, and it was too easy for him to picture this as their future. The coming here to spend Thanksgiving, eventually the three of them being four or even five. He thought about seeing Tess with a swollen belly and he just knew that she’d glow. He thought about how it would be her sitting down watching the kids to keep the weight off her feet and he could help peel the potatoes while stealing a couple kisses every now and then. He thought—

“Beau?” Tess said, glancing over at him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Hmm?” He hummed as he looked back at her, hoping that she couldn’t see the mess happening in his mind.

“Are you okay? You spaced out there,” she said, her brow furrowing with concern.

“Yeah,” he told her. “Just smells really good.” It was a bullshit answer and he knew it and Tess knew it. She held his gaze for another moment before deciding to let it go, her heart stinging just a little more since he wouldn’t let her in. They told each other everything, or so she thought. The last few weeks… She didn’t know what to think, but she could only push it so much. So, she turned back to help her mom with anything that needed to be done to busy her mind.

To no surprise, the last thing done was the turkey.

After settling Sorel in her highchair, Anthony helped Tess set the table while they waited, following behind her to put the cutlery and napkins down after she set the plates before they got the glasses and Anthony went back to get a couple wine glasses.

The twins were already sitting at the table, so after helping Emma carry the mashed potatoes, steamed veggies, stuffed mushrooms, bowl of buns, and cranberry sauce, he sat down next to Sorel.

Once the turkey was done, Lisa started the gravy from the drippings. It didn’t take long to make and she asked Tess to get the gravy boat down while she whisked it together.

“Yeah, of course,” Tess nodded and moved around the table towards the furthest cupboard. They only used it once or twice a year so it had been relegated to the top shelf on the furthest cupboard to be out of the way.

Anthony followed her with his eyes as she opened the cupboard and reached up for it. Her sweater rode up as she reached and went onto her tippy toes, and Anthony really didn’t mean it but his eyes dipped to her ass.

Her jeans fit her perfectly, molding to the curve of her ass and bit his lower lip as he wondered what her a—

“I think you should help her,” Emma said, snapping him out of his trance. Anthony tried to hide his blush as he cleared his throat and nodded before getting up, missing the sparkle in Emma’s eyes.

“Let me,” he said softly as he came up behind her. Tess sighed and went to move out of the way, but Anthony just reached over her making her breath catch in her throat at the feeling of him pressed against her back. He tried not to think about how her ass was pressed into the front of his jeans as he grabbed the gravy boat and took a step back before walking over to the stove and setting it down next to Lisa, missing the red that dusted Tess’s cheeks.

“Thank you,” she said.

“No problem,” he smiled before sitting back down. Lisa whisked for another few moments before she was happy with it and poured it into the gravy boat and brought it over to the table.

Tess needed a moment to will her blush away and remember how to breathe before she reached for the wine. She poured herself a glass of Pinot Noir before asking Anthony if he wanted one, and after getting caught staring at her ass by her little sister, yeah, he needed one. When he nodded, she poured him a glass, and she poured her mom and Emma a glass as well before sitting down next to him, but she couldn’t look at him, the feeling of him against her back still fresh in her mind.

“Oh, the butter,” Lisa whispered to herself and grabbed the butter off the counter before taking her spot at the head of the table.

She carved the turkey, and everyone served themselves as everything was passed around the table. Anthony started with a little bit of everything, and he scooped some potatoes and cut up a piece of turkey and some carrots into bite sized pieces for Sorel.

“Before we dig in, let’s say what we’re thankful for, yeah?” Lisa asked, making the twins groan and she gave them a pointed look. “I’ll start, I’m thankful for my wonderful family.”

“That’s cheesy, mom,” Lucas scoffed and Lisa reached over to ruffle his hair.

“It’s not cheesy when it’s true. Now, your turn.”

Lucas took a deep breath as he thought about it. “I’m thankful for my PlayStation,” he settled on. Lisa shook her head but looked over to James, going around the table.

“I’m thankful I didn’t bomb our latest math test,” he said immediately.

“Can really count on you guys for the deep answers…” Lisa said, shaking her head. “Em?”

Emma didn’t have to think about it. “I’m thankful we’re all healthy,” she said with a smile.

Maya was next and she thought about it for a moment. “I’m thankful we get to have this meal,” she said.

Tess nodded. “I’m also thankful for family,” she said, glancing over to Anthony and Sorel before the rest of the table.

Her words pulled at his heart and he had to swallow it down before he said, “I’m thankful for you.” Tess had to look away as her chest tightened. “It’s true,” he whispered, still looking at her. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

Tess made a soft noise in her throat before she looked back at him. “I’m thankful for you, too,” she whispered before reaching for her wine and taking a drink to swallow back the ache in her chest and she hoped no one noticed the slight shake to her hand.

Lisa cleared her throat, pulling Anthony’s attention away from Tess as he looked over to Lisa. “Okay, thank you for sharing. Dig in everyone,” she said with a smile.

Anthony nodded and took a deep breath before busying himself with shoveling as much onto his fork as possible to distract himself from Tess’s reaction and he hoped he didn’t reveal too much.

“Oh my God,” Anthony said after his first bite. “You are an incredible cook.”

“Thank you,” Lisa laughed. “You kinda learn to be when you have five kids.”

Anthony laughed with her and had to give everything a try, telling her again how amazing everything was, making Tess shake her head, before he set his fork down to feed Sorel, who had already sampled a piece of carrot.

Anthony helped Sorel with a couple bites before realizing he never made her any formula. “Oh fu—udge,” he caught himself, glancing over at the twins. “I didn’t make any formula.”

“Oh, I got it,” Tess said, wiping her mouth with her napkin before getting up before Anthony could protest. She had pre-measured formula into a couple bottles, so it was easy to make it. “Here, baby,” she smiled and helped Sorel hold her bottle while she drank, and once Sorel was done, she set it down on the tray of her highchair and sat down, ignoring the look from her sister.

Anthony rotated between taking a bite and feeding Sorel, and dinner was great.

He helped clear the table afterwards, and he insisted on washing everything that didn’t fit in the dishwasher. “I’ll dry,” Emma volunteered before Tess could. “You know, so you can stay with Ellie,” she told her sister.

Emma didn’t say anything while they were doing dishes, but she didn’t have to either, and Anthony hoped his thoughts weren’t loud enough for her to hear, too.

“You know,” Emma finally said after he finished washing the last pot. “Blue’s more your colour.”

Anthony opened and closed his mouth before he nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said softly before carefully making his way into the living room where everyone was watching a game.

Sorel was on Tess’s lap and they seemed way more interested in each other than the football game on the TV. Anthony lingered in the entry as he looked at them before he finally got the courage to walk over and sit down next to them, Sorel smiling as soon as she saw him.

“Is that daddy?” Tess asked her with a smile. “Wanna see daddy?”

Anthony’s smile widened as he took her from Tess and she reached out to grab his nose, making both of them laugh. Anthony met Tess’s eyes over Sorel’s head and his smile soften. This. This is how it was supposed to be.

Sorel grabbed his nose again, pulling his attention away from Tess and he didn’t dare look back at her, too afraid of blowing his cover.

They stayed to watch the end of the game, not that he knew who won. They were quiet as they got ready to leave and Anthony strapped Sorel into her carrier before putting his jacket on.

“Here,” Lisa said, handing him a couple Tupperware containers of leftovers.

“Oh, thank you,” he smiled.

“No problem,” Lisa replied. “Just make sure you beat the Pens tomorrow.”

Anthony ignored the twisting of his stomach as he forced a laugh. Considering the way he had been playing recently, that would be easier said than done, but he still agreed. “You have yourself a deal.”

“Good,” Lisa nodded. “Drive safely and have a good night.”

“You too,” he replied and let her pull him in for a hug, hugging her back with the hand that wasn’t holding the leftovers. When she pulled back, Tess quickly took his spot, holding her mom tightly as they said their goodbyes.

--

They did end up beating the Penguins, not that Anthony helped.

The day after the game they left on their last road trip of November. It was only a two game trip, but Anthony dreaded it, though not for his usual reason. Sure, he still hated leaving Sorel, but this time he really dreaded leaving Tess.

Sure, it was annoying that he physically couldn’t think about anything but her all the time, but he didn’t want to be away from her. All he wanted was her, and if he couldn’t have her, at least he could be with her and see her smile and smell the vanilla of her bodywash or even the weirdly comforting smell of her curl cream. But he only got a cold, empty hotel room on the road that was way too quiet, giving him all the time in the world to overthink every possible thing.

He kept to himself as he got on the plane and he tucked himself away in a window seat and pulled his headphones out as he prepared for takeoff. There was enough room that no one had to sit with him and he hoped that would be the case, but, of course, Anders sat down next to him and Anthony had to take a deep breath as he rested his head against the window. Great.

Anders waited until they were in the air before he spoke. “How are you doing? Have a good Thanksgiving?” He asked.

“Yeah, we had dinner with Tess’s family,” he said softly.

“That sounds nice. Enjoy yourself?” Anders asked.

“Yep,” he replied, popping the ‘p’ before looking over at his captain. “Go ahead, give me your captain talk about needing to be better.”

Anders gave him a small shrug. “I just want to know how you’re doing and if there’s anything you wanted to talk about,” he said softly.

Yes.

“No,” he said.

Anders has been with Grace for a long time, since college actually. There was so much he wanted to get advice on, so much he wanted to just say because it was hard keeping it in. But once he said it out loud… So, he kept his mouth clamped shut. He couldn’t let himself go there. He couldn’t.

“You sure?” Anders asked, sensing his indecision.

“Yeah,” he sighed and looked back out the window.

It was Anders’ turn to sigh, but he didn’t push it as he fished his phone out. Much to Anthony’s displeasure, Anders sat next to him the whole trip, just in case he wanted to say anything.

Once they landed in Vegas and got settled in the hotel, the guys got ready to get some dinner. Dinner on the strip was something basically everyone in the league looked forward to, but Anthony didn’t have it in him.

“You sure?” Marty asked him when he said he was going to stay in.

“Yeah,” Anthony sighed. “Feeling tired. I’ll just ordered some room service or something.”

“I mean, your loss,” Marty shrugged before going to meet up with the rest of the guys in the lobby.

Anthony closed the door and his hotel room seemed quieter than before. He groaned to himself before pulling his phone out to see if he had any new messages from Tess, his heart dropping only a little when he didn’t.

It was past Sorel’s bedtime, so he really didn’t have a reason to call, so he had to settle for sending her a text, and, if he did nothing but stare at his phone screen waiting for her to reply, well, good thing no one had to know.

He did eventually end up ordering room service, and he knew it was nothing compared to what he could have gotten with the guys, but somehow that seemed like fitting punishment for himself.

He flipped through the channels after dinner, but nothing piqued his interest so he settled on just going to bed early. It was midnight in New York anyways and he could use the sleep before the game.

Except that sleeping was so much easier said than done.

Despite being November, it was still warm, and his room smelt like a hotel room and his bed wasn’t his bed and Tess wasn’t there.

It didn’t matter how hard he tried to sleep, he couldn’t turn his brain off. All he could do is think. Think about Sorel and Tess and his feelings for Tess and his shitty play and how fucking scared he was. He was terrified that he was going to ruin their friendship, terrified that even if he never said a word that she’d still find out and leave him, that Sorel was going to lose another mother, that Tess was going to fall in love with someone that wasn’t him, that if he didn’t find his game that he was going to be traded at the deadline.

It gnawed at him and no matter how hard to tried to stop it, he couldn’t turn his brain off.

His chest was tight and his skin felt like it was crawling and he just—

He rolled onto his stomach and groaned into his pillow before turning over to check the time. 1:03AM stared back at him in bright red numbers.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered to himself before he threw the blankets off. He pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt before grabbing his room key off the dresser, slipping his shoes on and walking out the door. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he needed to clear his head.

He did his best to walk quietly as he wandered around the different floors, but it didn’t help, and whether it had been ten minutes or an hour, it didn’t matter as he ended up back on the Isles floor. Except, rather than carrying him to his room, his feet led him to Mat’s.

“You look at Tess the same way I catch Mathew looking at me,” Connor had said Halloween night.

“It’s true,” Mat had added.“You look at Tessa with complete heart eyes.”

The memory flickered in the front of Anthony’s mind as he stared at the door before shaking his head.

Mat knew.

But Mat couldn’t know because he only just knew.

Anthony paced the hall outside Mat’s room for several long minutes before he finally got the courage to knock on the door.

It took a few moments for Mat too open the door considering he was comfortably under the covers asleep until Anthony’s knock woke him, and when he finally did answer the door, he was only in his underwear and his hair was a mess.

“You good, bro?” He asked with a furrowed brow. It was very unlike Anthony to show up at his door in the middle of the night and he may be half asleep but he could feel the anxiety rolling off Anthony in waves. Honestly, he had since they got back from their last roadie.

“I love Tess,” Anthony blurted out.

Mat didn’t react, “yeah, I know?” Anthony sighed and pushed his way into the room, and Mat mumbled a “sure, come on it, it’s fine, definitely not the middle of the night” under his breath before closing the door and following Anthony into his hotel room.

“No,” Anthony said as he sat on the bed that was still made and wrung his hands. “Like, I’m in love with Tess.”

“Again, I know,” Mat told him, sitting across from him on the other bed.

“What do you mean you know?” Anthony asked, looking up at him confused.

Mat rolled his eyes, “dude, we all know. Honestly, took you long enough to get there.”

“How?” Anthony asked breathlessly. How on earth could they know before he did?

Mat gave him a small smile. “I always knew you liked her, dude. But I knew you loved her the first time I came by after you brought Sorel home. Tess was holding her and you looked at her like she was for your whole world.”

Anthony blushed and the corner of his lip twitched up as he thought back to that day. Those first few days were so chaotic—so much of it a blur, but he could remember that day, Mat’s reaction made sure of it.

“Um,” Mat had said slowly, his body tense and his eyes locked on Sorel in Tess’s arms. “When did you have a baby, Tessa?”

“I didn’t,” Tess had said, looking over Mat’s shoulder at him.

“She’s mine,” he had whispered from behind Mat, making Mat turn sharply, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

“When did you have a baby?!” Mat had shouted. “I go to fucking Sunrise for three days…”

He had to think a little harder to remember what Mat was talking about. Had he really looked at Tess like that that long ago?

“If Tessa wasn’t here, I don’t think I could do it.”

Anthony could remember saying that. He could remember looking to Tess and he could remember the soft, tired smile Tess had returned him.

“I’m glad you have someone looking out for you,” Mat had said, and Anthony couldn’t have agreed more.

“Yeah,” he had whispered. “Me too.”

Mat watched Anthony with careful eyes before he took a deep breath. “She loves you, too, you knew,” he told Anthony and he couldn’t place the strangled sound that left Anthony’s lips. “She does,” Mat repeated.

“She doesn’t,” Anthony replied quickly. There was no way she could like him back let alone love him.

“She does,” Mat repeated, his voice firm. “She wouldn’t be living with you right now if she didn’t.”

“She—” Anthony started but Mat shook his head.

“I’m older so just shut the fuck up and listen to me,” Mat cut him off. “I’m in love with Connor, and I’m forever lucky she loves me back, but because of that I know what it looks like when the girl loves you back, okay? You can see it in the way Tess looks at you when she thinks you aren’t looking.”

Anthony rolled his eyes and Mat sighed before he continued, “Tess chose to move in with you and Sorel. Tess went with you to Quebec and spent the whole summer with your family. She could have done anything for Halloween and she chose a couple’s costume that you had to be shirtless for, bro. I know she likes you, but I’d legitimately bet my paycheck that she loves you back.”

He shrugged, Mat’s words somehow making him feel worse than before.

He didn’t know what he wanted when he came to Mat, but now he wished that Mat had told him to get over it or that he didn’t actually love Tess. This… This made it messier. One sided he could live with, but hope? That would eat away at him every day until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“You need to tell her,” Mat told him and Anthony breathed a laugh.

“No,” he shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t risk what we have.”

Mat ran a hand over his face with a groan. “Did you hear nothing I just said? You’re not going to ruin anything! You’ll tell her and she’ll be all “Beau, I love you too” and then you’ll kiss her and you’ll all live happily ever after.”

“That only happens in movies,” Anthony sighed. “Chances are that it’ll go bad and I can’t lose her, Mat. I can’t. And more than that, Sorel can’t lose her. She’s the only mom she knows.”

Mat sighed, wishing his friend wasn’t so fucking dense. It was really way too late to be having this conversation when he couldn’t get through to Anthony and they had to play the next day. “I know Tess, okay?” Mat said slowly. “She isn’t going to leave either of you, I promise.”

Anthony ran his hand through his hair and was quiet for a long moment.

Tess…

They were a family and he couldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.

But he wanted more. He loved Tess and just the thought that she could feel the same had his stomach doing flips.

He wanted to kiss Tess goodnight and good morning, hold her in his arms, have her be the first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing before he fell asleep. He wanted to take her out and spoil her and dance to no music while they make breakfast on Sunday mornings. He… He wanted Sorel’s parents to be together. He wanted it all and it scared the living hell out of him.

But no matter how much he wanted it, he couldn’t believe that what Mat was saying was true.

Finally, he spoke. “I can’t,” Anthony whispered. “I just can’t.”

“Beau—” Mat tried but he shook his head.

“I love her so much that losing her would kill me. I didn’t even know I could love anyone other than Sorel this much, but I do,” he cut Mat off before taking a deep breath. “It feels like I’m the only forward out on a five on three on the road and the crowd is screaming so loud I can’t think about what my next move should be or how to react to their play because I’ve already been out there a minute and I’m dead tired and my legs won’t move the way I want them to and it’s just so overwhelming.”

It was Mat’s turn to be quiet as he looked at Anthony. He had never been a penalty killer, but he still knew what Anthony was talking about. He knew how intimidating and all consuming falling in love was. And he knew how completely terrifying the thought of losing that person was.

“Think about, okay?” Mat settled on. “Just think about it.”

Anthony gave him a one shoulder shrug. “Trust me. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.” Mat’s lips twitched to a frown, but before he could say anything else, Anthony sighed. “Anyways,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have bothered you. The team can’t afford both of us playing like shit so you need to sleep.”

“Wait, is that why you’ve been playing the way you are?” Mat asked.

“No, I’m purposefully sabotaging my career,” Anthony rolled his eyes.

“Beau…” Mat whispered.

“I know, okay? I’ve been getting an earful from Trotz and Anders and my dad and while she doesn’t say it, I can see it in Tess’s eyes too. I just haven’t been able to focus on anything but her.”

Mat was quiet for a moment. He knew exactly what that felt like. “I think you’d play better if you told her how you felt,” he told Anthony.

“Mat,” his voice was sharp. “I’m not going to tell her so just drop it. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place, fuck.”

“Beau—” Mat started, but Anthony waved his hand in his direction as he got up and made his way to the door and slipped out.

He ran his hand over his face as he leaned back against Mat’s door.

Nothing good, Anthony decided, came from talking about your feelings.

He forced a deep breath into his lungs and walked down the hall to his room. He worked on autopilot as he unlocked his door and kicked his shoes off. He stripped down to his underwear before crawling into bed and pressed one of the pillows over his face.

Whoever said falling love was the best feeling in the world was a fucking liar.  

#anthony beauvillier #anthony beauvillier imagine #anthony beauvillier x oc #anthony beauvillier story #tito beauvillier #tito beauvillier imagine #tito beauvillier story #new york islanders #ny islanders #islanders imagine #new york islanders imagine #baby bear story #Life As We Know It #hockey #hockey imagine #hockey rpf #nhl imagine #nhl

[indiobotod-blog]

ALABOD, PAASA (ALAy kay BOb Dylan, PAsAring SA iyo) ____________________ I was rereading 'Tarantula' by Bob Dylan accompanied by @uddph 's 'Anino' blastin' in my headset when the eureka moment for this zine happened. Broken hearted ako for several months na and I need one final mega release until I let go so ALABOD, PAASA (ALAy kay BOb Dylan, PAsAring SA iyo) was born. From the write ups, to the comic strips pati yung illustrations (lahat mukha niya) are my way of sealing the deal of letting go. The next morning after conceptualizing the whole thing, hilamos at toothbrush lang ang nagawa ko at lumaklak ng puro kape the whole day, I took my brushes, bottle of Indian ink & paper at dere-deretso sa paglikha. A week after nun, pagkaprint sa YZA nung mga kopya naiyak ako. Napainom ako not to wallow on my sorrow but to celebrate dahil ramdam ko na malaya na ulit ang puso, isip, kaluluwa, at laman loob ko na magmahal. Damn. Never felt so good. Magbibinch watch ako ulit ng Queer Eye o di kaya maglalakwatsa sa kalye ng escolta o chino roces para mag-inARTe o abangan ang pagbabalik ng pusa kong si Caesar mula sa mga di mabilang niyang paglalakbay and the list is long. Sa mga tumangkilik ng ALABOD, PAASA, #hugot bible/koran/torah/shruti/tripitaka ko yan. Salamat. ✊🌈🎨👭 #GantalaPress #CulturalCenterofthePhilippines #AllWomenZineFair #GandangGandaSaSarilingGawa2 #GandangGandaSaSarilingGawa #ZineFair #ArtFair #artshow #artph #manilaart #asianart #asianartist #art #artwork #zine #print #illustration #zineart #design #visualarts #wheninmanila #conceptualart #contemporaryart #asia #southeastasia (at Manila, Philippines) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvG_2O4BG_6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1f0ybczskejpd

#hugot #gantalapress #culturalcenterofthephilippines #allwomenzinefair #gandanggandasasarilinggawa2 #gandanggandasasarilinggawa #zinefair #artfair #artshow #artph #manilaart #asianart #asianartist #art #artwork #zine #print #illustration #zineart #design #visualarts #wheninmanila #conceptualart #contemporaryart #asia #southeastasia

[hwiyoungies]

Hi belle! Do you happen to listen to any Spanish-speaking podcasts or watch any Spanish-speaking YouTube channels you'd recommend? The group we made to practice fell through so I think it's on me to practice on my own haha

Also! I've been loving your sungjae/hyunsik countdown gifs!! They're a nice walk down memory lane and a great way to get hyped about their return. Also I've had a good time laughing at your tags about your crush on sungjae (you have great taste ofc ofc) and how helpless you are in front of it. And I hope your little Halloween thing with your friend goes/went well!!! -spanish learning anon

my sister watches this one called leyendas legendarias that she loves! it's also a mexican one so accent wise it's easier to understand, because my other brother listens to a chilean one but like, unless you're very familiar with the lingo it's hard to understand LMAO. and i don't watch any youtube channels i'm sorry :( and noo why did they group fell through?

aaah i'm glad! i'm honestly been doing it mainly for me because it's just an excuse to gif them hehe but i'm really glad more people are enjoying it too not gonna lie!

and oh man the tags that i write here are not even half of it i have it Bad bad, yza knows how bad it is LMAO

and thank you!! it's gonna be really fun hopefully and i even might go and buy some candies in case any kids pass by who knows

#hope you're doing well dear! was thinking about how you were yesterday #asks #spanish learning anon

[redorblue]

The Terranauts, by T. C. Boyle

There’s this one thing that I always found incredibly annoying about English books, and that German books thankfully don’t have (yet). I hate the bunch of review snippets all over the cover so. much. It screws up the cover design, it can get pretty crowded if the publishing house was really proud of this book, and it tells you absolutely nothing. Same thing on the backside: I’ve seen books that have three lines of quote from inside the book, and six quotes from reviews gushing about it. How is that supposed to help me, or make me buy it? Last time I looked, most people still buy books because they think the story or the setup is intriguing, or because they like the author, not because Person X, Author of YZA, said it’s a “triumph of the imagination”. German books don’t do that. German books have the author and the name of the book on the cover, nicely integrated into the cover art, and a synopsis and maybe a short quote on the back. Orderly. Informative. Very German, probably.

But I digress. The reason I got into this was my most recent read, The Terranauts, and not only did I find it terrible, I also have no idea which book those reviewers from the Guardian, the Times etc. read - I find it hard to believe it was the same I did. So let’s try something else and use those incredibly unhelpful literary critics to structure what I did not like about this book.

1. “Excruciatingly funny” - Times Literary Supplement

This one is the easiest: I have no idea what they are talking about. If this book was so funny, it wouldn’t have been too much to expect to laugh at least once, right? Well, I didn’t. I also didn’t chuckle, snort, giggle, smile or even lift one corner of my mouth in amusement. Because in my not so humble opinion, this book is not funny. Unless I’m supposed to laugh about this one guy lusting after whichever woman has the longest legs in the room, about this woman who falls for him nonetheless and keeps lying to herself about his shittiness, or her so-called “best friend” who takes a trip to Mexico and promptly gets diarrhea. Yeah, very funny. Not everybody has the same sense of humour and all that, but I think someone who can laugh about such things has a rather questionable one.

2. “Lord of the Flies meets Hunger Games” -  The Times

With this one I at least get why they came to that conclusion. The story is the fictional continuation of a real-life experiment conducted some time in the 90s where eight people - four men, four women - were locked into a glass dome with a self-sustaining ecosystem inside, and basically told to see how many were still walking after two years. The first, real group broke closure (= was interrupted) after a few months because of a medical emergency, which is why the fictional second group is all the more fanatic determined to not open the airlock for the full two years, whatever happens. While they’re in there farming and supposedly conducting scientific experiments (although you never learn what it is exactly they’re testing, so if you want hard science, stay away), they get media coverage from all over the US (about what, one might ask... Must have been one hell of a silly season to send reports about people milking goats... Checking humidity... catching fish... Unheard of, right?).

So yeah, I can see where that one came from: a bunch of people locked in together at close quarters, becoming increasingly hateful towards each other = Lord of the Flies. Doing it all for the media coverage, completely with donations and the participants as celebrities and merchandise = The Hunger Games. Never mind that neither the characters from Lord of the Flies nor the candidates in the Hunger Games were there willingly, whereas in this book going under the glass with seven people you already can’t stand before you even go in, slowly starving yourself, slowly asphyxiating in the winter months, without pay or plan what to do afterwards, is somehow presented as being incredibly desirable (Really, the only lucid part this book has is when the characters call this enterprise a cult, or deny it being a cult - hey, at least they said the word, and self-denial is a serious Thing among all the characters). But okay, if you say so. The thing is, in my opinions it falls short in both comparisons.

I have to admit, I’ve never read Lord of the Flies, only watched the movie, and you shouldn’t judge a book by its adaptation. But I remember that (besides the survival part) it’s about group dynamics, how groups organize under pressure, how new leaders establish new orders, and the violence that ensues. Now I’m definitely not one of those people who need a body count to enjoy a book, but this one, I have to admit, was too... tame? for me to be credible. The highest tensions ever rose was a fistfight between two characters after almost two years of being locked in, when they were half starved already and there was barely any oxygen left in the air. Sure, the rest of the time they were constantly badmouthing each other, and venomous when they had to talk about something - but really, that’s your climax, your crisis? I already mentioned that most of the crew members didn’t like each other to begin with, and of course that didn’t get better over the course of the book, but it feels a bit lame to have your characters constantly emphasize how much they hate each other (and one even threatening to kill anyone who jeopardizes the mission! Talk about a Chekov’s gun that just... never went off I guess?), and then presenting a few punches as The Worst It Can Get. Let alone not resolving anything after they finally get out. Most of the crew just disappear into thin air, which is fitting because they weren’t much more than thin air with a name tag during the entire book, and the POVs just... get on with their lives I guess. The ending really feels a bit like the author just ran out of pages, and not in the good, open-ending kind of way. There is no resolution, no discernible character arc, no epiphany, nothing. It just ends. So take this as a vivid example of how structuring does NOT work.

As for the comparison with The Hunger Games... First of all, there’s the same problem of being too tame. The Hunger Games works partly (!!) because it’s suspenseful, what with fighting and hunting and figuring stuff out and action scenes in general. The Terranauts doesn’t have anything of the sort: no secret plots to unveil, no rivals to kill (and the moral dilemma that comes with it), very little, very drawn out struggle for survival... Again, I don’t need any of this to like a book, I can do without action, but it’s the Times that made the comparison, and I’m sorry but I think The Terranauts falls short. By a mile or so. Another thing that made The Hunger Games so interesting is the role the media plays: How the games are basically just entertainment for the rich, how public images are constructed and why, how public opinion and public sentiment is influenced etc. The Hunger Games were honest about how it’s all “just” for show. The Terranauts, however, tried to keep up its pretense of being oh so scientific, while the only thing that ever gets any screentime is not experiments or hard facts, but photo ops and interviews and presentations. Which would be fine if the book ever properly dealt with the fact that it was all just a huge media stunt. But it doesn’t, it never talks about the implications of the experiment being a big, expensive reality show, it never grants its characters a moment of epiphany or a personal crisis with regards to their sacrifices not being for science and the survival of the human race, but for money and money alone. The closest the characters ever get to realizing this and instrumentalizing it is when some of them threaten the CEO to talk to the press, but none of them ever go through with it (and there’s no reason why they wouldn’t besides this ominous cult mentality thing, because some of them have been treated really badly). Not even the crew member whose responsibility is PR management ever really tries to create a public image of himself that he can use to get what he wants and influence public opinion to the disadvantage of disliked crew mates or some such. It all feels very half-baked, and that from an author who’s famous for writing real adult novels. Talk about how naive and shallow YA novels are.

3. “Heartbreakingly human” - The Guardian

God... I hope not. I think not. If this set of characters is supposed to provide us with a sample of human experiences and emotions, then it’s really time to pack my bags and go be a hermit somewhere. Also, everyone is white, with the exception of one Asian person, who coincidentally is also the only woman who is consistently described as being fat and plain and kinky-haired (fat and kinky-haired being used as decidedly denigrating terms here - god this book has so many issues). And a terrible person, but that’s true for everyone. There are two minor characters who seem to be alright, the crew physician and the crew leader, but every non-POV character is basically just walking cardboard with maybe one or two traits each (for some reason I absolutely can’t fathom, bitchy, scheming and promiscuous come to mind for every single female character). Besides that there are three POVs: one man inside, one woman inside, and one woman outside (the Asian one). They all have some common character traits: they’re hateful, spiteful, lying, scheming, unreflected, self-serving, egocentric assholes. But besides those lovely common traits, they have some others that make them loathsome in their very own way, and I can’t shake the feeling that the author took a lot of inspiration from some nasty gender stereotypes. (warning: from here on it gets spoilery)

Let’s start with the guy, Ramsay. He’s sex-obsessed in a way that he can’t form any coherent thought as soon as a pair of shapely legs and boobs with a woman attached enters the room. He’s incapable of fidelity, love, loyalty and commitment, although he constantly claims otherwise. Let me give you a few examples of his awfulness: After he breaks up with one of his crewmates (after maybe forcing himself on her? It’s not made clear. How can that not be clear.), he constantly complains how ugly and old and generally repulsive she is. That’s the only thing he has to say about her. He then starts an affair with another crewmate, and when she becomes pregnant, he blames it all on her for deceiving him and being irrational because she didn’t want to screw up her body with artificial hormones every day which apparently is to be expected from every woman. He then pressures her to have an abortion. She refuses, and he constantly thinks about how gross she is the further the pregnancy progresses. After the baby is born, he doesn’t help her whatsoever, and first chance he gets, he takes off on her although he has promised her otherwise. To top it all off, he restarts his affair with a woman from the outside crew about whom we only learn that she’s a snake with nice legs, while he’s still married to the mother of his child. I don’t think I need to add anything to that. The amount of misogyny, sexism, and patriarchal stereotypes about men as mindless sex machines (plus the corresponding view on women) all compressed into one character is baffling.

For the women there’s a bit more variation, but it doesn’t get any less nasty. Woman No. 1, Dawn, is the long-legged, full-breasted redhead beauty who gets one of the few spots inside the experiment and takes over responsibility for growing food in the fields and tending to the farmyard animals. She then gets together with Ramsay, gets pregnant and decides to carry the child against all common sense, considering that the experiment can barely produce enough calories for eight people, let alone nine, and is definitely not able to provide for the special needs of a pregnant woman or a newborn child. After Dawn’s two years are officially over, she refuses to leave the glass dome and decides to stay inside because she feels so close to nature inside, or something like that. Notice the symbolism at work here? The stereotype presented here is that of Mother Earth, fertile, providing, one with nature itself. It’s quite fitting that Dawn’s nickname, chosen by her fellow participants, is Eos (which literally means dawn). Both her names fit very well into this whole mantra that the organizers of the experiment have: to start anew, create a better world, one that sustains itself and doesn’t exploit resources but is fertile enough to to live independently (which, I’m sorry, is just not true. They rely on the local power plant to keep their ideal environment stable, they receive knowledge from the outside world, and after the two years the dome is in need of a thorough restocking because the crew killed all the farm animals and ate all the seed stocks because they were hungry.) Dawn is the archetypal woman, the one who nourishes others and gives life, is loving, beautiful and monogamous, but she also displays some negative traits that have been historically associated with women: She’s naive to the point that she doesn’t notice any negative feelings Ramsay has towards her; she’s self absorbed, like when she decides to go through with the pregnancy at the risk of the others starving; and she’s emotional in a way that’s constantly pointed out to be annoying and exaggerated (they call it weepy).

The other female POV, Linda, is presented as her foil. She’s also the only PoC character, which makes her negative portrayal doubly problematic, especially since she seems to stand in for two ethnicities: Asian (because of her Korean ancestry) and black (because of her kinky hair). We keep being told that Linda and Dawn are best friends, but there’s really no evidence in the text to support that since they’re constantly bitter, false and patronizing towards the other, in their thoughts and in their actions. Also, they mainly seem to talk about the men in their lives with each other, with Dawn as the one who has a way with men and Linda as the jealous, Fat Ugly Friend^TM. So yeah, great portrayal of a friendship between two women, since obviously men is the only thing we ever talk and care about. But besides being presented as an overall terrible person - false, needy, deceiving, the archetypal snake to Dawn’s Eve* - Linda herself also constantly emphasizes that she’s overweight and not conventionally attractive, which in her interior monologue tied together with her lack of success with men - and her race. The only valid point this book makes is that it damages your career and possibly your romantic chances, especially as the only PoC in an all-white environment. But since this point is filtered through the perspective of a character whose interior monologue is filled with constant nagging and delusions, it’s incredibly easy not to take it seriously and dismiss it as another figment of Linda’s imagination. This may not be racist in and of itself, although it definitely comes across as mocking racial awareness, but it sure starts to look like the real thing once you take all the negative comments into account that Linda makes about all her physical features that make her distinctly non-white. It also ties neatly into yet another issue this book has: body-shaming. Surprisingly (or not), this also mainly concerns the female characters and is filtered almost exclusively through the way men react to them. I got so, so tired reading about how Linda, the fat and ugly one, tries to get men to sleep with her (unsuccessfully, unless they are old and gross), while the thin, pretty women like Dawn have an entire parade of admirers (and successful careers). Also notice how personality doesn’t play any role at all in both women’s romantic success? That’s because women’s personalities don’t matter, simple as that. And it’s probably better that way, since they’re all naive and clingy or dishonest and needy anyway - in addition to being mean, which is something all characters in this book share.

The thing is, with books like this one that are just horrible with regards to sexism, racism, body-shaming and a whole host of other things, I always wonder how that happened. I don’t want to condemn the authors for all those things without having read some of their other books (which I generally don’t, because I value my time) or doing a thorough check on them (which I generally don’t do either, because I’m lazy. But I can’t help but ask myself whether these are the author’s actual views. Other options would include a critique of these issues gone wrong, or a misguided attempt to induce some historical accuracy, or ignorance. The problem is that I’m pretty sure I can exclude said other options. Historical accuracy in this case is not necessary since the book is set in the 1990s, not in the middle ages. Ignorance is a pretty weak excuse by itself, and one issue may slip under your (and your editor’s) radar, but so many...? The author of this book is a white guy, so he’s probably wearing privilege lenses, but still. Lastly, a critique would necessitate at least some attempt to contradict the views you have your characters expressing, either through the narrative or - even better - through a character themselves. I know that, and I’m a twenty-something amateur reader who sometimes tries her hand at literary critique. An author (and editor) who has been in the business for so long should definitely know that, and also how to work said critique into the story so that a casual reader would catch it. Which leaves us with option No. 1. And the reason why I regret having spent money on one of TC Boyle’s books, and why his name is another entry on my list of authors never to be read again.

*An afterthought that I’m too lazy to work in somewhere else: There is so much religious imagery in this book. It starts with the nicknames many characters in this book get, like God the Creator, Jesus, Judas, Eos etc., and culminates with this whole Garden of Eden theme that surrounds the experiment. Like with the cult thing, the book isn’t even shy to call itself out on it, but if this is not a prime example of lampshading, then I don’t know what is.

#2018 #the terranauts #tc boyle #book review

[yzafre]

we're flying above the valley below | Ch 9

AO3

First | Previous

Sora paced impatiently behind Naminé, Donald tapping his foot behind him as Goofy absently preened the duck’s spread wings.

Finally, though, she stirred, stepping back from the door.

“Did you find him?” Sora asked.

She didn’t answer, just smiled over her shoulder before turning back to the door.  Holding his breath, he fixed his gaze on the door in anticipation, and seconds later, there it was.  The door cracked open, a bright flash of light quickly fading away to reveal Ven stumbling out.  He blinked for a moment, and his eyes caught on Naminé before traveling over her shoulder to meet Sora’s gaze.

“Sora...”

“Ven!” he chirped, rushing forward, “You’re back!”

“Yeah.  And so are you!  They got you out; I knew they would.”

“Ah, yeah,” Sora said, sheepish.  Riku and Kairi said they met Ven, when he’d gotten trapped in the Realm of Dreams. “I suppose I should thank you, too, for helping me get out of there.”

Ven should his head, “No. You kept me safe for so long, of course I was going to help.  Really, I should be thanking you.”

“Well, no reason we can’t thank each other!” Sora said, “But now - let’s get back to Radiant Garden.  There are so many people waiting to see you!”

Ven’s smile faltered, “Actually, I’d love to go with you, but... I need to find my Flight.  I can’t reach Terra at all, and something happened to Aqua.  Do you know where they are?”

Sora faltered, “Oh.  About that...”

“Aqua’s lost in the Realm of Darkness?  How do I get there?”

“Uh, that’s…” Sora looked over to Donald and Goofy, who just shrugged, “I don’t really know.  Riku went with Mickey, so I guess they would, but they never shared how.”

“And our phones don’t reach that far,” Donald groused.

Ven scowled, “But that’s – someone else has to know.”

“Mm, well...”

“Master Yen Sid might know,” Goofy offered, “He trained Mickey, after all.”

“Then I’m going there.”

“That’s - “

Sora understood wanting to save your friends, you Flight, and he didn’t want to leave Ven alone.  But, there was also the Organization, and he was really hoping to get back to Kairi…

“Do you even know how to get to his tower?” Donald asked.

“Uh, well.  I was hoping you could take me there?”

“I suppose,” Goofy said slowly, “But it’s likely we’ll have a job to do soon.”

“And we don’t know when they’ll call and - “

As if summoned, a phone began to ring.  All three of them began riffling through their pockets, one by one eliminating whose it could be.  Sora got his out last, so of course that meant the sound was coming from him.

“Hello?”

“Sora, good,” Leon sighed, looking hassled, “You have to hurry.  We found the next princess.”

“That’s great!”

He shook his head, “No, it’s not.  You know we’ve been tracking the Organization’s activity – well, we found a significant reading, and it’s on a path to converge with her soon.”

“How soon?” Donald asked.

Leon leaned off screen for a moment before returning, face grave, “It could be an hour – two at most.  And Ienzo says by the readings there’s a chance someone might already be there.  You’re the closest to their location; you have to get to the princess first.”

“Got it.  I won’t let you down.”

“We'll send the coordinates to your phone now.  We’re counting on you,” Leon answered, and hung up.

“The Organization,” Ven said, “They’re the ones in the black coats, right?  The ones that...”

“Yeah.”

Ven went silent, and Sora opened up his phone, looking at the map.  Sure enough, a new location was marked, though it looked... He squinted at it.

“I think I can make it in time, if I hurry...”

“Or,” Goofy said, grinning slyly, “We can get you there faster.”

“Huh?”

“We got some upgrades to the gummy ship,” Donald said proudly, “I bet we can cut your time in half.”

“At the very least we can cut off half of that half,” Goofy assured.

“That would be great!  Oh, but.  Ven...”

Ven stared down at the floor, then sighed, “No, it’s okay.  I don’t like it, but the Organization is a problem.  I saw how much trouble they caused with you.  And... “

He trailed off.  Sora tilted his head curiously, but when Ven caught his eye, he shook his head.

“No, it’s nothing.”

“If you say so... but, we’ll go ask Yen Sid about Aqua the moment we’ve dealt with this, I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” Naminé said, “I don’t mean to interrupt, but... what should I do?”

“Ah.”

Naminé really shouldn’t have listened to them.

She’d told them she should stay behind on the gummi ship if they were heading into trouble, that she wasn’t a fighter, but Sora had looked at her with pleading eyes, Ventus had joined in on cajoling her, and…

She was so tired of being alone.

Still, it didn’t take more than ten minutes on this new world for the heartless to start cropping up, and she was beginning to have some regrets.  She was used to running from the heartless – she'd done it for a year – and she’d certainly never had four people behind her holding them off.  It’s just...

She usually wasn‘t running with a stranger.

“This looks like a good place to hide,” he muttered, squinting up at the tower they’d found in a hidden glade.

“How are you going to get up there?”

“Climb, obviously.”

“...right.”

He gave her a smug grin, “Hey, I’ll go in, take a look around – if it’s clear, I’ll see if there’s a hidden door or something to let you in.  There’s always a hidden door in places like this.  Good?  Good.”

“Alright...”

Sure enough, the man shimmied himself up the wall of the tower.  Naminé was still waiting for him to re-appear when Sora and the others caught up to her, looking a bit tired but otherwise unharmed.

“Naminé!  You’re okay.  But, where’d that other guy go?”

Naminé shrugged, pointing at the tower.  Sora and Ven turned in unison, squinting up at it.

“I’ll go check it out,” Sora decided, spreading his wings and taking to the skies with a leap, circling upwards.  He’d just reached the window up top when he reeled back, dodging the yellow rope that was thrown out.

Not rope, Naminé realized quickly – hair.  Lots and lots of rich blonde hair.

Rapunzel – as the man they had rescued, Flynn, introduced her as – was wildly energetic, and wildly inconsistent.  It took some time to pin her down, with the way she alternated between darting from place to place and collapsing into herself, but eventually they managed to get the explanation.

She was wildly breaking her mother’s rules, and wildly out of her depth.

“I’ve never left the tower,” Rapunzel admitted sheepishly.

“Never?” Sora boggled as the bottom dropped out of Naminé’s stomach.

Rapunzel shook her head, “Never.  Mother said it’s not safe, but... I want to see the lights.  I’m going to see the lights – and then I’ll go back, and she’ll never know, and it’ll be just like it was.”

No, it won’t, Naminé knew, watching Rapunzel dart forward as something new caught her eye.  Once you’ve left a place like that, it can never go back to the way it was.

“The outside world must seem so big and scary,” Sora said, watching her go, “I know how she feels.”

Naminé curled into herself, stomach turning.  Did he really know it?  The constricting isolation of being confined to one place, everything the same, all the time, no way out no matter what you do – only to be suddenly confronted with everything all at once, no guide, no knowledge of how to navigate, so wide an terrifying that you almost wish you could go back to the place you just escaped, just so you wouldn’t be so lost?

As Sora devolved into petty squabbling with Donald, her gaze swept away and met Ventus’, who stared back with a similar look of conflict on his face.

What was he thinking, she wondered.  What memory dragged him down like hers did?  She wasn’t brave enough to ask, and they both quietly followed after the others.

Still, it was difficult to stay melancholy when Rapunzel was so obviously delighted.  Sora eagerly followed after her every squeal and cry of interest, and Ventus was easily pulled in.

“So, what do you think?” he asked.

“It’s amazing,” Rapunzel gushed, “I painted everything I could see from my window, but now I get to see it all up close!”

“You paint?  That’s so cool!” Sora  said, his head craning around, “Oh, Naminé, don’t you do that, too?”

“I draw,” she answered, “I never had the opportunity to work with paint.”

Rapunzel’s eyes sparkled as she drew close, “Oh, really?  What do you work with?”

Ducking her head, Naminé smiled back.  She’d never gotten the chance to talk about it like this – as a hobby, and not a tool.

“Pencil.  Or crayon, when I can get them.”

“Oh, that’s how I started!  And, well, I still use them a lot, when I run out of paint.  Sometimes it’s too much, for Mother to get them for me.”

“… it shouldn’t be.”

“What?”

Regret, again.  She shouldn’t have said that, no matter the squirming in her stomach, should have let it go.  But still, somehow, words kept falling out of her mouth.

“It seems so big to be given anything, when your world is so small.  But you get out there and… it’s just paint.  It shouldn’t be such a big thing.”

“It is a big deal!” Rapunzel protested, “Mother has to go really far, or put herself at risk when getting nicer things for me.  She’s given up so much to protect me, and she still goes and finds things just to make me happy.”

To keep you placid, Naminé thought, but did not say.  Instead, she continued walking beside Rapunzel, trailing her hand along the flowering bushes beside them.

“I was trapped in a castle, once,” she finally said, “The people who kept me there... they only wanted me for my abilities.  If I didn’t have those powers, I would be less than nothing to them.  Maybe it is different.  After all, she’s not using you for your abilities, just keeping you safe, but...”

Naminé reached out, gently running a finger on the edges of a flower petal, “After having all this, can you really go back?”

Rapunzel clutched her elbows, looking away, “I have to.”

It was strange to watch Rapunzel, a kind of mirror of her past self.  Only not, because Rapunzel was so much brighter than she ever was, so much braver.  She refused to be cowed or ushered into a safer, protected path, insisting on facing danger head on with nothing but a frying pan and her hair.  Every new encounter was a wonder to be discovered, a learning experience whether the result was danger or whimsy.

It was like seeing the world anew – the sky, the earth, the life around them.  Every little vignette nearly took her breath away.

Naminé sat by the side of the pond, bare feet dipped in the water, as Rapunzel splashed through it with Sora and Ven, Flynn standing nearby watching indulgently.  Laughter and water droplets filled the air, the sun glinting off the spray like a rainbow, perfectly picturesque.   The scene pulled her in fully, her fingers itching for a pencil, for paper – a familiar feeling, yet lighter than she’d ever felt it.

Sora stumbled out and dropped to the ground beside her, shaking his hair and sending water flying everywhere, laughing as she cringed away.

“Not going to join us?” he asked.

“No, I’m fine,” Naminé said, an amused smile finding its way across her face, “Swimming... isn’t really my thing.”

Sora laughed, “I wouldn’t call this swimming.  Wading, maybe.”

“Maybe,” she agreed, turning back to watch Rapunzel twirl, scooping her hands through the water to bring out another wave, “Still, it really is pretty, though.”

“Yeah.”

“Mm.  It’s kind of funny, you know?  Even after I got free, even going out and looking through so many worlds... I never really saw them.”

“What were you looking for?”

Naminé paused, darting a hesitant glance over at Sora.  He just watched her with wide, warm eyes.  She dug her toes deeper into the muddy bank of the pond, braced herself, and answered.

“Pieces of Hitoshi.”

“Hitoshi?”

“Ah, that’s right.  You wouldn’t remember.  In Castle Oblivion, during those memories you lost, the Organization made a replica of Riku.  We were... friends.”

“A replica of Riku... wait, then, that other Riku with Hiro and his team?!  Come to think of it, Kairi called him ‘Hitoshi’ then, didn’t she?”

“I guess we never explained things to you, did we?”

“No one ever tells me anything,” Sora whined, flopping back dramatically on the grass.  A moment later he was spring back up, though, eyes intent on her, “So, you were looking for him?”

“Sort of.  After you went to sleep, there was... an incident, and Hitoshi’s heart was split into pieces, which scattered across the worlds.  I was trying to find them, so I could put him back together.”

“Did you find them?  Ah, though – I guess, if the Organization has him....”

“You’re right, I couldn’t find all of him.  As far as I can tell, there are five pieces in total.  One has been with me since the beginning.  Two... two I put into you.”

“In me?”

“Mm. I had hoped that you could heal him, the way you healed the other heart I found in you.  So, when I found a piece, I placed it in you.  I don’t remember placing the other, but I know it’s there.  I think that maybe I....”

She trailed off, heart aching.  That girl... what had Naminé done to her?  Sora began shifting awkwardly, startling her out of her rumination, and she shook her head, “Now that I’m saying all this, it sounds a bit selfish, doesn’t it?  I didn’t ask if you would take on that burden.  Even after everything, I still used you...”

Sora frowned, plucking blades of grass from the ground, one by one.  Finally, he shrugged, sending her a wry smile.

“It’s fine.  It... would have been nice to be asked, but, well, if I can help, what’s one more heart to carry?”

“....you really are a good person, Sora.”

“Eheh.  So, that’s three – what about the other two?”

“One of them I never found, and the other... the other I lost to a member of the Organization.  The thing is, that replica, I worked to make it specifically for him.  They wouldn’t be able to just put any heart in, not without some kind of problem.  So, I have a feeling... they used that piece of his heart to wake him up.”

“Oh.”

For a long moment, they both watched Rapunel, who had moved to teaming up with Ven to try and convince Flynn to join them.  That kind of pure joy… had she ever felt it?

“Every single thing I did in that year, I did to find him,” she murmured, “There wasn’t room for anything else; I wouldn’t let there be.”

“Well... there’s time now.”

“Hm?”

She glanced over at Sora, who was smiling at her, hand out in offering, full of light and hope.

“You’re not alone anymore.  We’re gonna get Hitoshi back – and all the others, too, no doubt about it.  And then you’ll have all the time in the world to see everything you want to.  You can even take him with you!  Trust me, there’s nothing better than seeing the world with friends by your side.  And, hey, there’s no reason you can’t get a head start – there's still more of this world to see.”

“Yeah.  Yeah, you’re right.”

Of course, nothing was ever that easy.

She should have run. 

She should have gone with Rapunzel and Flynn the moment the nobodies showed up, but – something about the shape of them, the flower-like skirt, the scythe – it opened up a pit in her stomach.  Instead, she ducked around the corner and crouched down, hiding in the bushes and waited, watching.

When the last nobody was snuffed out, Sora muttered quietly for a moment before spinning around, yelling out into the air.

“Hey!  Come out and face me yourself, you has-beens!”

“Has-beens?  How rude, and after such a good showing.  The Keyblade is as impressive as always.”

“Who’s there?”

In a blur of petals, a figure appeared, and ice flooded her veins.  A gasp escaped her before she could stop it, and her hands leapt up to cover her mouth, as if she could undo it.

“It’s good to see you again, Sora.  And – Naminé,” Marluxia said, his head tiling towards her, perfectly pinpointing her location, “It has been a while – it seems you’ve managed to attach yourself to the Keyblade wielder even without us.  Aren’t you going to join us?”

His eyes fixed on her and she was -

Small useless trapped insignificant -

back in that castle, white walls around her, scythe gleaming in the harsh light, trapped and forced to make an impossible choice.  She could hardly breathe.

“Naminé?” Sora wondered, and she should come out, she should face him, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t, she couldn’t -

Almost without think she opened a corridor around herself, the Darkness choking her as she stumbled through, hurriedly tearing another opening only a few steps away, emerging back out in the shadow of the gummi ship.

She’d forgotten what it felt like, traveling unprotected in the Darkness before that same power corrupted her.  Her last body had gotten so inured to it, so thoroughly poisoned, that she hardly felt it.  Now it was all new again, biting at her skin, her lungs, her eyes, like ice and fire, tearing at her skin as it tried to burrow inside.  That trip was dangerous.  She shouldn’t have done that.

She couldn’t bring herself to regret it.

With fumbling fingers, she opened the door to the ship, rushing in and collapsing the moment she was inside, curling up with her back against the wall.

She should have known.  She should have known.  Axel was back, other members of the Organization were back, why wouldn’t he be back as well?  Why was she still so shaken?  She was free now, he couldn’t hurt her, he couldn’t -

She buried her face against her knees, nails digging into her legs as she tried to control the shaking in her hands.  She was out of there.  She’d come so far, she’d faced so much – she was supposed to be braver now.  If she couldn’t even face this, how was she supposed to pay everyone back?  How was she supposed to save Hitoshi? 

Stars, Hitoshi.

What would he think of me now?

Next

#kh #kingdom hearts #fanfiction #wingfic #wrap your wings au #Yza writes a thing