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stuffedsand · 4 months

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for the violence ask game: 8 common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about. for milgram. i know exactly what you're going to say i just want to see you go off again

Hiii bestie. You do know what I'm about to talk about. Yippee

Disclaimer that this whole essay is like. For fun and how I say things is ramped up to be funny. I don't mind if you disagree w me cuz like that's the nature of things! We disagree but we can get along.

Anyways short answer for people who don't wanna see the essay: organ harvesting theory. This is about shidou.

Idk how prevalent it is rn since not many people even talk about shidou but it was prevalent enough in June when I got into milgram that I believed it for a bit anyways the rest in under the cut cuz I'm insane sorrg

SO the main reason I think the theory is WRONG (hyperbole‼️) is because I just think it's unrealistic. Man works in a hospital in Japan. How would he pull it off. Scuff an operation bad enough to cause braindeath/death and I'm p sure they suspend your medical licence, if he participated in an organ harvesting operation pre-family-accident his case would then be black and white cuz he was doing it in complete sound mind with no regard for human life. Also it wouldn't justify the extreme reaction he's had to realizing, specifically, "what I've been robbing people of" (t1 voice trailer), and he wouldn't have as heavy a focus on the relatives' feelings and reactions. At least story writing wise it'd make less sense since it doesn't allude to anything if that's the end goal? Imo at least. Idk maybe this is because I really like tragedies in media. Also because it'd be a really disproportionately severe crime compared to every other direct murderer???? Like. We have strangled someone, stabbed someone, bludgeoning, bludgeoning, kicked someone to death. Organ harvesting looks cartoony in this context. It's also not a very prevelant issue in Japan iirc.

Also to prove my point further. If we use this theories the murders would be

Strangling, abortion??????, cyber bullying, stabbing, organ harvesting, toxic r/s, telling the truth (lmao), bludgeoning, bludgeoning, bludgeoning (minus weapon). Organ harvesting is goofy cuz it seems so.... Extreme,,,,,,,

ALSSOOOOO funny point. If he's not directly involved in his murder (as in, unintentional and indirect) that makes 5 direct and 5 indirect. Silly.

Also also his murder seems somewhat tied to how he feels about his job itself ("I wanted to contribute to society (about his career choice)/I had thought my work was a contribution to society", use of past tense) and to me it reads like hes disillusioned w his job esp since his reason for getting a highly sought after, high paying and high social ranking job is "I wanted to contribute to society". Doctors with that empathy can be affected by the death around them more severely and I think that's a fun topic to look at

I count this under "common fandom opinion" cuz it was common enough around June (whenyours truesly got into milgram) that I believed it. I mean I introduced shidou to my friend (hello clown) as "maybe Dr malpractice. Organ harvesting dude" and said friend (hello again clown) is also the one who's heard me bash the organ harvesting theory like 6 times at least now so. Yippee.

Take none of this seriously I just got off a plane and am so very eepy. If you like the organ harvesting theory good for you!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥 you do you bestie !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally do not think less of anyone who believes that theory I just personally dont lmao

#sand speaks #hiiiii bestie my silly mutual. youve heard this rant before now for it poorly formatted in text #i mean its better formatted than when i actually talk abt it cuz if i wrote it the way i originally did the points would not be organised #like at all. itd be so bad #anyways all of this is lighthearted i dont think less of anyone with different opinions i just. dont believe the theory at all #i like the tragedy thag comes woth it technhcally not being his fault but also kinda being his fault.#like maybe he had really bad manners towards relatives. or horribls bedside manner (youre in my way just die already“ like ok mr kirisaki.#dont say that to a comatose patient my dude. but yeah it can be argued that morally hed be in the wdong #or if he persuaded relatives to dknate patients organs. which is rude and also malpractice (coercion and taking advantage of ppl in vulnerab #and with his themes of lying (covers) i fhink it could wither be lying to relatives of patients OR. him seeing hsi work and the promise of #saving people from illness or death as a lie and a hoax becasye so many people died anyways despite those promises #anhwyas im insane about this man. characters with extreme worldviews entirely of their own making my beloved #like nothing told him to believe this. he just does and thats whats interesting to me #anywasy suuper sorry about the big essay and the many tags. i love this fandom #i have so much to say but so little phone battery. and mental battery its Zzzzzzzzz time #tell me if abything in here sounds mean or anything btw im too used to being mean as a jokiing thing so im worried ill offend someone

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skyburger · 21 days

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whos your favorite of the crusaders from part 3... i think i love baofu the most tbh

#persona 2 #baofu #jjba #jotaro kujo #noriaki kakyoin #joseph joestar #muhammad avdol #jean pierre polnareff #persona 2 eternal punishment #kaoru saga #p2ep #p2 #this is making me laugh stupid hard ITS NOT EVEN A GOOD BIT. THIS IS A STUPID BIT. but its really funny to me right now #im too lazy to type out context for this just search like the words ''baofu'' and ''joestar'' and youll probably find it #i mean. if tumblr search decides to work. but thats not up to me #(all jokes aside if u like cant actually find it just send me an ask and ill find it for u)#...should i tag this. i might tag this. i think im gonna tag this i want to really confuse and/or annoy someone #maybe even both if im lucky #and in case you were wondering (which im sure you were not):#i did actually google heights for this and try to make it roughly accurate. like i put a stupid amount of effort into this #not that much. but like for what this is? wayyyy too much time went into it #its okay though i had fun. peace and love on planet earth #muffin mumbles #edit: just remembered i think tumblr only shows the first few of ur tags im going to move the character tags to the front #so if these tags seem like theyre in a weird order. Thats probs why

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moeblob · 11 months

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Today.............. has genuinely. Been. A Day.

Have some OC doodles I started yesterday before tragedy struck and are like the bare minimum effort for today to finish. Since the two princes were originally not /in canon/ for another plot but rather made for a mafia AU as cousins to one of the main characters for the base plot. I was like. Huh let's give them a happier life. So here they're just princes and instead of the police department/detectives that most of the main cast is in base plot, those are the royal guards around the twins' castle.

#my characters #the funny thing is that the princes are like......... made for an au of another plot #and here they are in another au of the plot #so like yeehaw everyone i love my ocs and i love putting them in situations #also idk what its worth but hey happy pride atticus is trans im proud of him #it has zero relevance to the plot but its important to me that hes trans #he also is like.... an absolute bundle of friendliness which is a huge contrast to the twins cousin #who is extremely stoic for the most part and finds it hard to feel emotions and thinks #everyone feels the same way all the time like him - WHICH IS DEPRESSED BY THE WAY #but he learns that ah nope thats just him and oh hes better by the power of love #and he doesnt actually get it ?? like in canon or mafia or as a prince hes just like #huh i like this guy and he makes me want to smile which is really odd im gonna stay by him if i can #and doesnt even realize right away hes fallen in love #atticus and caspian however are very aware of their emotions and are v happy to see their cousin feel things #and are constantly there to tease him but support him and help him and theyre all good boys #ill shut up in the tags now bc the tags are taking me as long to type as the art took to doodle

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sea-jello · 6 months

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Day 31/October 31: Halloween || Death || Costumes

never forget the skeleton had hair

#ITS ONLY LATE IF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE ITS LATE #of COOURSE halloween week had to be my busiest week #if it isn’t clear they dragged his skeleton back up and used it as halloween decor #ignore the shading and lighting and skeleton anatomy and pumpkin and path i actually have no idea how to do it #i was bullshitting my way through it all i slapped shorts on him cause i didn’t want to figure that out #i dont love it but i dont overly hate it so call that a win win #TUMBLR DELETED ALL MY TAGS WHAT THE FUCK #i dont remember any more of them #anyways end of morrotober guys it was fun thank you morrotober for hosting #even though there were like 4 or so of us consistently participating #what do i do now #ive fully committed to being back so ill do more probably #but i can only do shitposts unless otherwise given clear instructions #morrotober was good for me tbh i was forced to do more art this month than i ever did in my entire life and i think im improving #im experimenting at least thats good #i think im developing a style i like using bright as fuck contrasting lighting #and a MORRO DESIGN finally after all these months #ninjago #lego ninjago #morro ninjago #ninjago morro #morro wu #morrotober 2023 #morrotober2023 #morrotober #jellos scribbles

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liquidstar · 1 month

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a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

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todayisafridaynight · 23 days

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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

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gilligans-islands · 6 months

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i think its interesting that throughout all of ep 6 we can see stede and ed like sharing a connection but they are taking it slow. they are just having small moments together where they are together and enjoying each others company.

then of course Ned Low shows up and ruins everything by capturing and torturing the crew and he says many things to rile up both stede and ed who still havent like fully reformed their relationship and trust for eachother and it probably alights all their insecurities about their relationship plus they had to watch each other get tortured and almost die and after he chooses to kill ned stede is obviously shaken up both from killing a man and all of the shit he just went through and hes vulnerable and scared and lightly traumatized probably and ed goes to check on him and stede is just is a horrible headspace and he falls back on his old ways and acts on a whim by grabbing ed and pushing him up against the wall

and ed didnt have any better of a night than stede did, getting tortured and watching your lover get tortured fucking sucks and hes just as in a horrible headspace as stede and so he also acts on a whim and lets stede escalate and they kiss and then they have sex

and everything seems great between them the next morning but suddenly ed is throwing away his leathers—okay pretty sudden but maybe he was already planning to—and then ed is sharing how stede was kinda the one who saved his life when he almost died—okay kinda intense conversation over breakfast but maybe he was already planning on telling him and decided it was a good opportunity—and then later stede shares how he wrote ed letters expressing his love and threw them into the sea—and okay maybe they just felt like really sharing this morning—and then later at jackies ed is telling jackie about how it might not be a phase that he just wants to be a regular guy—and wow okay thats cool maybe hes just been thinking about it for a while—and then stede lights a man on fire who wants to kill him—and woah stede um kinda harsh you didnt even hear the man out—and then stede and ed meet up and stede got his ear pierced—thats cool unplanned but cool—and then ed tells stede that he took a job as a fisherman and is leaving—

and then suddenly you realize theyve fallen back into their old patterns of acting on whims again

suddenly they aren't taking things slow, suddenly they are sharing intimate things with each other with 0 apprehension

they are right back where they were in season 1 right down to ed wanting to get away from pirating like his life depends on it and stede wanting nothing more but to be a pirate and live out his fantasy

and this time they fight and ed outright says that things are going too fast and part of it is that he just wants to leave and he is scared but he feels like this because yeah

they are taking it too fast

they suddenly—on a whim—decided to deepen their relationship way faster than they should have entirely on accident just by—on a whim—deciding to have sex when they were both in a vulnerable state and needed comfort

i really dont think it was an accident that episode 4 decided to spell out for us that Ed and Stede are whim prone people. it wasnt just an explanation for why last season ended the way it did with them splitting up. it was an omen for what was eventually going to happen with them in these episodes. the inevitability that they were eventually going to succumb to their true natures if not given the proper space and time to work out the shit between them, if insecurities and expectations got piled onto them again.

#kinda rambled but ive just been thinking about this since i watched 6&7 #like i cant but be seeing the parallels in what was going on with them in ep 7 to what was going on with them in ep 9 #like i havent seen it really talked about yet that ed was in his leathers all throughout ep 6 without seemingly any issue #and then suddenly in episode 7 hes wanting to get rid of them and be back in regular guy clothes and distancing himself from being a pirate #just like in episode 9 where as soon as ed could he was getting rid of any trace of being blackbeard and then making plans to run away #and stede in episode 7 is living out his fantasy of being a famous pirate and getting all the attention hes always wanted #and it kinda parallels how in episode 9 stedes main goal after getting to sent to the pirate rehabilitation camp is to escape #he wants to immediately go back to being a pirate and live out his fantasy #and its not exactly the same but its the episodes mirror each other enough that the parallel is kind of obvious i think #and i think the fight in episode 7 is exactly like the conversation they have on the beach in episode 9 but this time they actually do figh #they miscommunicate again in the exact same way as before but this time ed wants to run away on his own and leave stede behind #because now stede is embodying the pirating life and ed is trying so desperately to run away again #and all stede is hearing is that ed doesnt want him #whoops thats like another whole paragraph in the tags #sorry i am like ill over them #just rotating these guys in my head #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #edward teach #blackbeard #stede bonnet #ofmd season 2 #ramblings #long post

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mieltelecheycrema · 5 months

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yk no one really talks about the ending glitch thing (from what ive seen) in f and c like yeah its a whole blink and you miss it type thing but the implications !!!!

more in tags

#like ive seen two ppl bring it up so far and get very little notes so sad #this is why im writing a pwish fic or well trying really hard to and idk if it even classifies as that #fionna and cake spoilers #okay so basically the idea is scarab and prismo whole roomate sitch blah blah blah scarab has been avoiding looking at prismo. like basical #y ignoring due to being mad and embarrassed then either smth brings attention to the glitching or scarab notices it and its like whu huh ?#bam prject prismo gone now its og pris and scarab is freaking the fuck out and has to figure out how to deal #then to the meat its gonna be like getting to know each other better backstory stuff and like figuring out what is going on while trying to #keep like the wishmaster position lookinh normal like nothings wrong or smth w/ the big boss #its all notes rn and i haven’t written fic in the longest but !!! i think it should be touched on more #prismo #scarab #yeah thats all im tagging ughh im so busy though idk if ill be able to even write the dang thing #i want to though 🫵 thats the important biz #mielmbles #prismo could die also like idk i got a bunch of steps and dialogue written #now the actual real question is if ill share the fic or just preserve it in my notebook like the other ones

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elegyofthemoon · 5 days

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ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess

#avil plays hsr #idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out #but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM #i gotta line these pieces up first #i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false #UH #ill just tag this as #hsr 2.1 spoilers #because thats the ramble in the tags #but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you #so i just have to wonder too #and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound?#sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder #he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed #so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise?#how did you fool people?#ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER)#at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true #i want to believe those are true even despite his false front #the things i want to talk about is like #well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony #and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time #and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor #but how did the family come to be?#how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME)#ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer #unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said #SOMEONE PROBABLY DID #but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles ✨#my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS

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sleepy-stitches · 1 month

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oh i should post my gamer wins here too. check this shit

#i have like 40 hours in this game now #this is only on lenient and truly im not that good at it but im having SO much fun. look at me go #onto act ii now. which is fun because i dont think i have anything in there but 6-2 p-ranked #actually thats not even true is it i think i have 4-1 4-4 5-1 and 5-4 all p-ranked also. but i know im missing a lot of challenges in there #ill get to it all in time #original post placeholder tag

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princekirijo · 8 months

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Sorry for the Elden Ring spam this game has just consumed my entire being

#i also can't sleep and apparently my brain thinks scrolling through the er tag is gonna fix that #i am just soooooo obsessed with the game. the lore. the characters. the gameplay. everything #its so annoying too cause like i was making good progress in my other games like dmc5 insomniac spiderman sa2 p5r #<- apologies if this shows up in those tags lol #but nope! every time i think im getting somewhere with them er just pops into my head like hey you wanna play me so bad 😏#the game of all time i need the dlc to come out soon #OH and rip my totk playthrough i havent touched the game since june think i still have botw fatigue tbh #i will get back to it and beat it some day #but for now im just mentally ill over this game 😭#particularly two red headed sword ladies (related they are) and my tarnished oc #“oh cool prince do you have a new elden ring oc thats aweso-” its riku 🚶#always that fucker 🚶#BUT i am thinking of making an actual original er oc #we'll see #but yeah sorry again lol well aware that most of my mutuals prob have no clue wtf im talking about 😭#it will happen again though won't lie this game has me in a god damn chokehold

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alstroemerian-dragon · 8 months

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ouuuuhhh so ive been attempting for a hot minute to associate this particular san fermin song w kuzuhina because i really like the vibes but i couldnt. find the bit. yknow the Bit. the Nugget.

finally found it.

(under the cut. warning: this is an au ramble and it gets Long)

first off:

youtube

okay. the au:

these two kids live in a small town. maybe not super rural, and not right by the big city, but its your typical smaller japanese suburb. neither of them are happy. theyre maybe ten or eleven, but one of them lives in an upper class, extremely controlling household, one where his parents constantly fight, and hes been subjected to at least some level of abuse. he also knows theres something wrong with him, something that makes him different from even his peers, though he cant quite see what it is yet. the other is alone, distant from his parents, distant from his peers, deeply depressed and unaware that hes even himself.

but theyre friends. in some ways, theyre all the other has in this fucked up place, and a majority of their happiest memories are with each other. they make a promise, one night, that someday, when theyre a bit older, theyll run away together. theyll escape this terrible town and theyll travel the world and theyll be together, and everything will be okay.

and then they grow up.

theyre still friends. but now hajime has figured out, to an extent, who he is, started at least socially transitioning as they get into high school. they make other friends, outside of fuyuhiko’s odd relationship with peko (the daughter of one of their family’s servants), find people to connect with. hajime reaches out, gets a crush on chiaki that she returns, maybe they even start dating. he changes.

and fuyuhiko… doesnt.

maybe hes too stubborn, maybe hes been burned too many times, maybe hes just too poisoned by his parents’ rhetoric. but he wont, or maybe cant, step too far outside of the box hes placed himself in. he watches hajime drift, feels panic inside, doesnt know how to fix it. they argue. hajime worries. fuyuhiko shrugs it off.

when theyre seventeen, fuyuhiko’s dad finds out hes been fooling around with other boys. hiding magazines, clearing his search history of anything incriminating. the confrontation doesnt go well.

he has to get out. its the end of the line, at this point. fuyuhiko has to get out. he packs, he plans, he prepares. he waits just long enough to knock on hajimes window, late at night, like he used to when they were kids and hed sneak out so they could run into the woods together.

he asks hajime to come with him. just the two of them, like they promised.

and hajime… says no.

he cant. he cant leave, not now. not when hes built something around himself. he has a girlfriend, a support system, his parents are barely in his life and as soon as he doesnt live with them they basically wont be. hes already preparing for university, locally. he cant just throw all of that out the window.

he tells fuyuhiko that he doesnt have to go. fuyuhiko knows better. wiping away tears and ignoring how it feels like his heart rips in two, he leaves, gets on the first train out of town, and doesnt look back.

hes gone for more than six years.

in that time, hajime goes to university, gets a degree. he and chiaki go steady, they both start hormones, they get good jobs that keep their heads above water. his parents arent in his life anymore. the kuzuryus move out of town, and he and natsumi share awkward goodbyes. she knows, deep down, that the only thing that could have made fuyuhiko stay was hajime, and since that didnt work… nothing could. peko stays, having grown up in her own time, and she and hajime bond over this quiet feeling of emptiness.

hes not sure exactly what it is. he misses fuyuhiko, of course, every day. misses him like a sickness that lingers in his lungs for weeks. but theres a piece of him that doesnt quite fit right, and it takes a long time for him to figure out how its connected.

and then, one day, out of nowhere, fuyuhiko reappears.

theyre in their mid 20s at this point. hes grown, though not much taller. he has scars, shorter hair, tattoos. hes cagey about where hes been, what hes been up to, who hes been with. he mentions traveling, and he mentions hospital visits. at some point, hajime stops asking, because some part of him doesnt want to know. the rest of him is just happy fuyuhiko is here again.

he asks how long fuyuhiko will be in town. the man shrugs, says ‘depends.’ hajime asks if he has a place to stay yet. he says no, he was probably just gonna book a hotel room.

he and chiaki have a pretty comfortable pullout couch, hajime says. if that would be okay for fuyuhikos back.

a bit hesitantly, fuyuhiko agrees.

for a week or two, things are… good. amazing, even. having fuyuhiko back in his life is like a puzzle piece clicking into place, like hajimes found something he didnt even realize he was missing. at first, theyre just catching up, getting lunch, roaming old haunts. catching up on lost time. but then they stop being away from each other at all. its like theyre joined at the hip, unable to be out of each others presence for more than a few minutes, and chiaki starts to notice. of course she does, she and hajime are engaged. she knows him better than he does, sometimes. and she and fuyuhiko were friends too, of a sort. though he wouldnt have let himself admit that.

she sees how he looks at her fiance. she understands, too, that hajime looks back just the same.

and then one night, shes out of the house. out with friends, staying at work late, out of town for the evening, it doesnt matter. its just the two men at their apartment, and hajime breaks out the sake. they drink, even though fuyuhiko generally cant stand the stuff, and they talk about the past.

it gets… personal. strained. they talk about things they probably shouldnt. they get heated, and upset, and they argue, and they say things they dont mean. fuyuhiko admits to being involved with unsavory business on the outside, that yeah, he fell in with the yakuza, and hes kind of on the lam right now if hes honest. hajime says if hed just stayed they could have been fine. he wouldnt be scarred and constantly looking over his shoulder. he would have been okay.

fuyuhiko says he couldnt have bared to be here any longer. that this town was smothering him, was smothering them, and he thought hajime understood that. says that he probably wouldnt still be alive if hed stayed.

in the middle of the fight, he kisses hajime. its something thats lived in his heart for so long, something hes never let himself admit or even indulge in, that even with the distance between them, even with all that time away, he cares so much for hajime. too much. so much so that it makes him reckless and impulsive and a danger to himself. hes not sure if its to prove a point or shut hajime up or stop the argument or just because hes an idiot, and he immediately regrets it, except… hajime kisses him back.

and then he kisses fuyuhiko again.

it doesnt last long. theyre both far too drunk on too empty stomachs, they both feel sick, from nausea and from the sinking realization of what theyre doing. what this means. its late, and theyre exhausted and wrung out, and they both go to sleep, apart. hajime in he and chiakis bed. fuyuhiko on the couch.

early in the morning, when chiaki returns home, that couch is empty. fuyuhikos things are gone. there isnt even a note.

and nearly ten years go by before they meet again.

hajime and chiaki get married. they settle down. they get an actual house, shockingly enough, and they end up adopting a kid. they start to get the surgeries they want and need, they change jobs, they branch out. they have support networks, and more experience just living, and maybe chiaki realizes first, maybe she realized a long time ago, maybe she knows that her husband loves her dearly but understands that there is a piece of him irrevocably tied to someone who isnt there. she knows. she gets it.

she doesnt force it. doesnt bring it up. leaves it to the man she loves to discover on his own, and he’ll confide in her if he needs to.

and then, in their mid 30s, on one nice afternoon, hajime and chiaki take their daughter to the zoo in the city. its warm and sunny, the place is full but not too crowded, and their daughter is around six or seven. shes tugging her dad around by the hand, unbelievably excited, and hajime is indulgent and laughing as chiaki trails after them.

they approach the part of the exhibit where the cranes are, tall and majestic and white, with their curved necks and sharp beaks. hajimes daughter runs to the edge of the balcony, jumping up and peering over it, and he calls after her to slow down, that hes only so fast. she looks back, but something catches her eye.

the man standing beside her, a couple feet away, has his sleeves rolled up.

“daddy!” she calls, as hajime approaches. “why does have pictures on his arms?”

hajime looks, down, at the colors that swirl across the mans skin. up across scars and the loose white dress shirt he wears. the fairly nice camera held in hands with long, lithe fingers that are far too familiar.

hes almost afraid to look up too far. his chest aches.

he does anyway, and meets a single golden eye, soft pink lips parted in surprise, as he and fuyuhiko are face to face again.

they dont have long to take in whats happening. six year olds are curious and far more observant than their given credit for, and hajimes daughter scoots closer, asking about the ink in fuyuhikos arms. what that is, what the pictures are. it distracts him, from staring into hajimes eyes, and after a brief moment of hesitation, he leans down and starts to explain tattoos, that his were very traditionally done, that he usually hides them but it was just so nice today.

he glances back up into hajimes eyes. says he doesnt really care what people think right now.

chiaki, a ways behind them, finally approaches, and greets fuyuhiko warmly. explains to their daughter that hes an old friend, that they havent seen him in a long time, and that her dad and he have a lot to catch up on. picking up the little girl, briefly squeezing her husbands shoulder and giving fuyuhiko a warm, steady look, she walks away, and the two men are left alone.

for a while, neither of them know what to say. finally, fuyuhiko asks about the kid, if shes, yknow, theirs or not. no, hajime laughs, they adopted. but he adores her, takes her to school, runs around with her outside, plays video games with her. theyre just in the city for a day trip, today, and have plans to go out to eat before heading back home.

its silent again, for a while. he asks how long fuyuhiko will be in the area. quietly, achingly. how much longer until i lose you again.

but fuyuhiko laughs a little, fiddles with his camera. hes actually in the city for school, weirdly enough. hes a lot older than most of his peers in his classes, but hes back to get a degree, maybe get a real job. hes done with all the shit from before, cut ties with the yakuza. its the first time he openly admits what hes been doing for the past eighteen years, and hajimes heart aches. that he wasnt able to help, wasnt able to pull fuyuhiko out of that.

they look at each other, and realize they dont know the person standing next to them. not anymore.

but somehow… that doesnt really matter. maybe the new person standing in their place is worth knowing too.

as they talk, hajime texts chiaki. when he gets a response, he invites fuyuhiko to come with them to dinner that night, for old times’ sake. he agrees, and actually joins the three of them wandering around the zoo for the rest of the afternoon too.

they take the train together, eat dinner. fuyuhiko is incredibly sweet with their daughter, falls in love with her instantly. shes bright and curious and talkative and constantly moving, and she points out that hes shorter than even her mommy and he cant even find it in himself to get mad.

at the end of the night, they have to go home. hajime, chiaki, and their daughter back to town, fuyuhiko back to his apartment. they say their goodbyes, and hajime lingers, unable to keep himself from hugging fuyuhiko for far longer than he should, far longer than what would be considered normal. cant stop himself from reaching up and brushing his fingers against fuyuhikos cheek below his fake eye.

he asks if fuyuhiko has a cell number thats available. fuyuhiko smiles and pulls out his phone.

they stay in contact over the next few weeks. their both busy with work and fuyuhiko with school, and they steer clear of talking about anything too hard, but they text almost daily. its not that hajime is neglecting his family either, hes just… there was always some space, a hole in his life that never felt right. and now theres something there, and it doesnt quite fit properly yet, but hes willing to just be happy its there at all.

fuyuhiko mentions reconnecting with peko, reconnecting with his sister. going to classes, exploring the city. he sends dumb selfies of him and his new puppy, and hajime sends pictures back of his daughter covered in paint from when they were painting the bathroom.

a few weeks in, chiaki asks if fuyuhiko should come over for dinner some time, maybe even to stay the night on their couch. like old times. hajime is reluctant, at first, memories of the last time that happened cropping up. but theyre older now, and fuyuhiko has responsibilities and ties, and he cant run anymore. neither can hajime. so he asks, and fuyuhiko says yes, and they plan for it to be a night where none of them have responsibilities in the morning so they can stay up after the kid’s gone to bed.

they do. dinner is wonderful, of course, and they watch a movie afterward to put their daughter to sleep, and once shes been moved to the bedroom, they break out the sake. fuyuhiko refrains, and hajime and chiaki dont drink much, just enough to loosen their tongues. the three of them talk, about the past, about when they were kids, about their families. about chiaki and hajimes transitions, about how they stayed together despite everything, though there were momentary break ups. fuyuhiko talks about his own journeys, about being caught in a spiral with the mob, about debts and violence and breaking out of it. he talks about how deeply in the closet he was for such a long time, how much it was tearing him apart. he talks about his parents, and his sister, how glad he is that she broke free from them after so long. he talks about boyfriends and one night stands and drunken mistakes.

chiaki tries to say something. tries to get them to talk properly. but hajime shuts it down, still unwilling to go too far.

when they turn in for the night, fuyuhiko on the couch, the two of them talk in bed before sleep. chiaki finally verbally says what shes been thinking for so long, that she thinks hajime loves fuyuhiko, has for a long time, maybe since they were kids. that she thinks he should give it a chance. theyre already two trans people, theyre already all queer, whats one more social transgression?

hajime is quiet. its something hes known, he thinks, for a while. just hasnt wanted to admit it. hasnt wanted to ruin what he has, what hes so meticulously built. hes just grateful fuyuhiko is here again, that hes alive and in hajimes life again for the first time in years. he doesnt want to, cant lose that. not again.

so he keeps it locked down. he says he cant, and he doesnt want to talk about it. chiaki, sadly, turns over, and flicks off the light.

in the morning, hajime gets up and finds the couch empty. for a moment, he panics, before realizing there are sounds coming from the kitchen, and when he enters, he finds fuyuhiko making breakfast. hes not doing a great job. hes not really much of a cook. but he wanted to pay them back for how kind and open theyve been, how accepting theyve been of him being back in their lives. he wants to show how grateful he is.

hajime just laughs, and says if he wants to do that, he can show it by letting hajime help so that breakfast doesnt burn. fuyuhiko cant really argue with that. they move around each other like its second nature, like theyve done it forever. like this is how its supposed to be.

when chiaki appears in the doorway, they dont see her at first. but she watches, and she smiles, and when they do notice her arrival, she slots into the dance easily. like there was always going to be space for her.

their daughter is sad that uncle hiko has to go home, but he promises he’ll be back. maybe he’ll even bring a present for her next time he comes over for dinner. that gets her excited. he looks up at hajime and winks, says maybe he’ll bring a present for him and chiaki too. it makes hajimes face feel warm, and he shoves the sappy thoughts away before they can get too strong.

for a while, they live in this limbo. fuyuhiko comes over for dinner, spends time with their daughter, watches movies and plays board games and rants about school with them. he and hajime text constantly when hes not around. his absence leeches into everything, now, far more openly than before, and even for chiaki. she finds herself missing him when she and her daughter watch a movie the girl loves for the millionth time, because the last time they watched it he was here. theres a cold spot on the couch where fuyuhiko should be sitting.

one day, hajime runs into peko, very suddenly. its been a long time since theyve seen each other, with her having her own life, and him being busy with work. they were never that close when they were young anyway. but he asks her to get coffee, spontaneously, and to his surprise she agrees. they talk, skirting around the elephant in the room for a while, but eventually it becomes impossible not to talk about fuyuhiko. peko is happy to hear hes been coming over so much, mentions that she and him have remained in contact as well, though not the extent hes maintained contact with the nanamis. they mostly talk about school, if shes honest.

she admits, quietly, that she used to love him. that part of her probably always will. but shes happy with her girlfriend, and glad that she has him as a friend at the very least. and she thinks hes happier with hajime anyway.

hajime stammers that theyre not, like, together, hes not with fuyuhiko, not like, well, like that. peko just tilts her head and gives him a knowing look, takes a sip of her coffee. says something about chiaki being reasonable, about how it hardly matters. says that the people who really matter wont care.

it lingers in hajimes head for a long time. eventually, he cant stand it, and he sits down with chiaki to have a long talk about this, about how he loves her so much and he doesnt want to leave her, that he cant, but that at the same time, he does love fuyuhiko. he can admit that, finally. he wants to be able to hold fuyuhiko, to kiss him, to be close with him and feel that warmth between them. and all chiaki does is smile, agree that he deserves that, that she wants fuyuhiko in their lives too. that he doesnt have to leave her to be with fuyuhiko. that she wants this for both of them.

hajime plans meticulously. something nice, maybe even fancy, but not too over the top. fuyuhiko likes subtlety, likes class. doesnt like too much attention on something like this. they decide to wait until their daughters class trip, so she’ll be out of the house for a few days, chiaki with her as a chaperone. itll just be the two men.

fuyuhiko is surprised by the invitation, but he doesnt say no. hes nervous, obviously. he doesnt know what hajime does, is scared if taking things too far. hes loved hajime for years, has known for years, and he doesnt want to fuck this up like he did when they were in their 20s. when he was far more hurt and far more scared and far more reckless. hes come to terms with the fact that hes never gonna have more, that he missed out, didnt manage to get the guy, and is happy enough to just have hajime in his life like he does.

they go out to dinner, just the two of them. hajime mentions at least twice that chiaki helped him plan this whole thing, trying to get across her approval. hes not sure it works, and fuyuhiko seems generally bewildered by the heavier atmosphere, confused by hajimes insistence on paying, and how hajime asks him to get in the car but wont tell him where theyre going.

their daughters class trip is for a festival, to see the bigger celebrations in the city. but there are still smaller ones here, in their hometown, and when hajime parks the car on a hill and gets out, and fuyuhiko looks down on the lights of the festival and the garlands and moving rivers of people down below, hes not confused anymore.

okay, maybe thats a lie. he is still confused. but he knows sort of why theyre here.

they sit and watch the lights, watch the sun go down and the stars twinkle into existence. they talk, mostly about nothing, about life, about school and work. they eat karinto, because hajime knows its fuyuhikos favorite, and they make jokes at each others expense and laugh and get close. and then theres a lull in the conversation.

hajime quietly asks if he can try something. asks fuyuhiko not to freak out when he does. as confused and scared as that makes him, fuyuhiko agrees.

and hajime kisses him.

theyre not drunk this time. they dont have that excuse. fuyuhiko is frozen, unsure how to respond, if he should, if hes allowed. when his voice comes back, he croaks something about chiaki. hajime reminds him that she helped plan this whole thing. “even this?” “…well, maybe not down to the exact details. but kissing you was the end goal, so… yeah. even this.”

fuyuhiko cant barely believe whats happening, can barely breathe. hajime murmurs something about needing him, about the hole in his life that had been there so long it had turned to normalcy. how fuyuhikos return had upended that normalcy, had made that hole in his chest ache like crazy because finally something was here that could fill it. how hed denied himself even the ability to consider it because he was afraid of taking that leap.

he says how funny it is, that after all this time, theyre both still running away.

fuyuhiko sets his jaw, cups hajimes face in his hands, and kisses him back.

they stay for a while, on that hill, with the distant sounds of the festival and their sweets forgotten between them. trading kisses and soft touches, hardly any words. its hard not to just get lost in it, this feeling of completion, of two pieces that never quite fit right finally finding the angle that makes them match. hajime insists that chiaki supports this, that when she comes home fuyuhiko can ask her. that she’ll be thrilled. that their daughter will be confused, sure, but ultimately fine. she’ll come to understand as she gets older. it’ll be hard, and weird, and they wont always get to be open about it.

but he doesnt care. he just wants to lie here, pressing his lips to fuyuhikos, and running his hands over the mans skin like its all hes ever wanted in his life.

eventually, they have to leave. its chilly, and theyre both tired and full of both food and warmth. on the drive back, hajimes hand lingers on fuyuhikos thigh, warm and heavy. at some point, fuyuhiko takes it in his own, brings it to his lips and kisses the knuckles. he flushes when he does, and all hajime does is smile and stroke his cheek.

chiaki is, as we already know, supportive. she insists that she knows hajime loves them both, that shes confident in their relationship, and that she cares about fuyuhiko too. they tell their daughter that if she sees daddy kissing uncle hiko, its perfectly okay, and mommy knows and is happy for them. she gets it, eventually. kids are smart, and a lot more accepting of things that people give them credit for.

fuyuhiko still stays in school, aiming for his degree. he still has his apartment in the city. but he comes over as often as he can, for family nights, for dates with hajime, for late nights with the married couple talking about adult things. for babysitting their daughter. uncle hiko becomes one of her favorite people, because hes just a little bit too indulgent, and will let her get away with stuff her parents never would. neither of them mind too much. they love watching him interact with their daughter, love that hes in her life. that hes in their lives.

thats all they can ask for.

#personal #half for half #words on the screen #thats the tag for my writing i think #this is less meta and more. actual writing. its mostly a summary but. Hroughr #idk if ill ever actually write this i have so many other aus and fics to finish #so just take this for now #kuzuhina #thats all ill tag i think. for this #so sorry this got so FUCKING LONG.#im having thoughts and ideas and fucking concepts in my brain #also throwing my poly shit in there because i have no self control and the ‘married hinanami with hiko as their third’ dynamic captivates me

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