Imagine a story about a super duck named Richie! He saves the world, once he saved you and you fell in love with him, it doesn't matter that you are a human, and he is a duck, it is important that you are in love with each other! Richie the duck! Richie the duck! Does it sound great? Eddie, if I become a duck, will you love me?
just realised I've never actually expanded on my long hair richie headcanons? anyway here are some high school ones:
when richie turned 15 he had a sudden desperate need for Teenage Rebellion. however when your twelve year old self is like that (affectionate) it's really hard to shock your parents. so he starts refusing to let maggie cut his hair (bc of course she always cut his hair). went likes the longer hair but understands Richie's need for mild parental disapproval so he always makes jokes about pinning him down and shaving his head
and it's pretty manageable for the first six months or so. when his hair gets wet he has to push it away out of his face but otherwise its fine.
soon enough though it grows long enough to go into his eyes. but not long enough for a ponytail. every three seconds he's pushing his hair back out of his face (and eddies going insane with how much he wants to touch and fix how messy it is)
he develops a habit of pulling on his hair to concentrate as it gets longer. whenever he feels a little overwhelmed he just slides his hand into his hair and tugs a little and it makes him feel better <3
bev is always giving him new hairstyles during sleepovers. sometimes he comes home with little braids shaped on his head like hearts. or a million little ponytails. or the one time where they straightened his hair just to see how long it really was and none of the losers could stop laughing bc Richie looked ridiculous without his messy hair
eventually by the end of highschool it gets down by his shoulders and he HAS to put it in a ponytail or a bun otherwise his hair practically covers his face the second there's wind. (Eddie also goes insane here bc Richie constantly has to fix his shitty loose ponytails. so every so often Eddie has to deal with watching Richie's arms as he ties his hair back again)
bonus points for early greying!Richie so sometimes when his hair is tied back you can see whispy little greys at his temple <3
‘Dude, are you in SD? I have a gig at the laugh factory tonight’
Eddie looks around, like he may see Richie sitting at one of the tables stuffed into the San Diego Hyatt Grand Hall room, chowing down in a plate of cheap, stale conference bagels along with all the other corporate stiffs in attendance, but obviously he doesn’t, so he types back a quick reply.
‘Yeah. Here for a conference.’ He pauses, then adds, ‘How tf did you know I’m here??’
After making sure no one is looking at him, he also tacks along a selfie of him looking bored out of his mind and eating a shitty mini muffin, surrounded by equally bored looking fellow middle aged white dudes in suits.
Richie immediately laughs at the picture and replies, ‘Me n Bev added Find my Friends on all your phones last Christmas lol. Wtf do you even do at a risk analysts conference?? 🤣🤣🤣’
Eddie bites back a smirk and takes another selfie, this time holding up his badge so the Speaker flair ribbon is in the frame. ‘Present a shitty fucking Google Slides presentation on how cyber insurance shapes incident response, motherfucker. 😎’
‘Omg’ Richie responds immediately. ‘When do you present? I need to be there. I’ll bring an air horn and pom poms”
‘Don’t you DARE, you dickhead!’ he texts back. But then also adds, ‘…1:30. Second level, corridor II, room H.’
It ends up being the most ridiculous but hilarious and fun presentation of Eddie’s life.
people acting like teen richie was a bad boy is so interesting to me. like, thats a thirteen year old boy who makes unfunny jokes, dresses like someone’s grandpa, and spends his time in the arcade of a movie theater playing street fighter. he is in a club for losers, he is in no way a bad boy.
reddie au where richie is an obnoxious paranormal investigator/ghost hunter and eddie is a ghost who haunts the old neibolt house, apparently the most haunted building in all of derry. eddie usually has pretty good tactics for keeping people away from his house (you know, with all the blood on the walls and and the spiders in the corners and the smell of death wafting through the house at all times), but of course that doesn’t stop these assholes from showing up, with their “ghost hunting gear” and their cameras and ouija boards. eddie usually doesn’t like to entertain them, he’ll knock over a glass or slam a door shut just to get them out of the house faster.
but when richie comes in…. eddie almost completely blows his cover as a ghost and makes himself appear because richie sits down on the old sofa covered in decades worth of mud and grime and probably other things and it’s disgusting and he writes his name along with a crude drawing on the century-old original vintage wallpaper of the living room and he takes a piss in the bathroom and starts rummaging through every cabinet and closet he can find for “ghost proof”, and about ten other things that he thinks will get him good views for his youtube channel….. until eddie finally has enough and can’t help him himself as he makes himself appear to scold this guy about “having no common decency, did your mother never teach you manners??? how would you like it if i came into your house and took a whizz in your toilet huh? how would you like if i drew a dick on your bedroom wall??? who raised you?????”
meanwhile richie is absolutely freaking the fuck out, because yeah he started ghost hunting because it was kind of fun and because it did well on youtube, but he never expected to see a real, a real, fucking ghost. a real life ghost, who is getting scolding him for… writing on the walls? and even more confusing….. richie actually feels bad about it??
anyways,,,, yeah. ghost hunter richie becoming friends with ghost eddie. eddie’s hesitant at first, but after richie deletes the video of eddie from his camera (“besides, if i had real proof of a ghost, i’d become famous. im not ready for that lifestyle just yet) and stops disrespecting the house, they actually do become friends.