#all the things im currently needing in my life

[ganondoodle]

it might seem like im just a totk hater, and to be fair, i AM, but its not bc i think its bad in every way- if it was all bad, ok, then its all bad and we can forget it happened and can all accept that-

but totk specifically hit the jackpot of -things that frustrate me so much i cannot let go and need to talk about it-

its part of my current hyperfixation (or whatever is the right word), botw is one of my all time favorite games, and that one had so many mysteries i was DEEPLY invested in, its got great music and some absolutely fanatstic moments, some ideas are great to fine, but it doesnt make sense, i hate time travel like little else in games, it constantly contradicts itself, the franchise, even its previous game its supposed to be a sequel to, i felt like i was made fun of by the game itself, for caring so much about what they had set up or done in botw, the moment i saw what they did to the shrine of life i felt so devasted i could hear people pointing and laughing at me for having cared about it, the writing treating me like i am so brainless i cannot connect dot one and two when there are only two dots in front of me labeld 1 and 2 that it then tells me to connect directly, to my face, multiple times, before showing me how to draw a line, its full, so SO FULL of missed opportunities, its got choices in there that are just nothing but frustrating bc there were a hundred other ones, i can see what you could do wit hthe basic ideas, theres people that worship it to a point you cant say anything even mildly critical, even about objectively bad things (there is no excuse for that godawful arrow menu) bc they will jump at you like a rabid animal-

i could go on but you get the point, never in my life has anything hit me like that

#ganondoodles talks #like the closest i can think of is back when i was into transformers #the prime series was one of my first extreme obsessions but i think in season two it just went to shit #in every direction i hated basically #and it drove me nuts #but even then i could say ok its stupid now and stopped watching and caring #but totk isnt like that #its literally like a jackpot #but also dont think i am literally losing my mind bc im not that far gone ok #its just so so DAMN FRUSTRATING #to see what could have been #to see it be literally given to them freely #and them slapping it away and take soemthing out of a trashcan instead #and bc its a big game of big company i cant do anything about it

[kikikigrah]

unlikely duo

lando norris x singer!yn

summary: following y/n, an international superstar, invited by mclaren to attend the monaco gp. after that, it’s all go from there with a certain no.4 driver.

faceclaim: jazmyn makenna!

_____________________________________________

yourusername posted

liked by mclaren, landonorris, and 1,392,902 others.

yourusername omggg! thank you so much for having me @ mclaren this has been a life long dream. the little girl in me is sooo happy, and i had THEEEEE most fun! mclaren girl until i die. 🥹

78,628 comments

mclaren Guys shut up, y/n y/l/n is officially a part of the papaya fam! 🧡

liked by yourusername

user1 THIS IS THE CROSSOVER I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED!!!

—> user2 wdym girl y/n has been saying she was a fan of f1 since before you could talk 😭

user3 do we think she’s a lando girlie or an oscar girlie?

—> landonorris Obviously Lando.

—> user4 AGHHHHH HE REPLIED TO YOUR COMMENT!!

—> user5 Lando being messy as usual. 😭

f1 Was y/n here for us or were we here for her?

user6 she’s really doing every side quest to avoid dropping a new album.

—> user7 WE ARE HUNGRY GIRLLLL

user8 lando’s comment… let him cook.

—> user9 So true give y/n a good man for once.

—> user10 y’all are MADDD weird, they literally just met y/n went to ONE race.

—> user11 @ user10 they’ve been following each other wayyy before she went to this race.

—> user12 I’m here for it.

f1wagupdates posted

56,892 likes

f1wagupdates International music sensation y/n y/l/n was spotted in a club in Monaco during this summers off season with Lando Norris, having preformed in Paris the night prior. The two were reportedly seen both arriving and leaving together.

8,397 comments

user8 I WAS RIGHT WHEN I SAID SO IN MAY SHUT UP OH MY GOD.

—> user 13 Can you be right about a P1 for Lando next?

landonorris uploaded a photo to their story

yourusername posted

Liked by landonorris and 1,003,893 others

yourusername monacoooo baby, best week of my life!!!! will be back asap <3

45,903 comments

user14 SHUT UP THE LAST PHOTO, LANDO WAS ON A BOAT TWO DAYS AGOOOO

—> user15 y/nDO IS REALLL!!!

—> user16 HOW IS THE PAPARAZZI NOT CATCHING THESE TWO?

—> user17 @ user16 just a normal day in monaco 😭😭😭😭

madisonbeer come back to LA girl i miss u 🥹

—> yourusername ily bby see u soon!

—> user18 y/nson stronger than y/ndo could EVER BE!

—> user19 WHERE IS THE COLLAB?

liked by yourusername

liked by madisonbeer

landonorris I’ll show you around next time?

—> yourusername if you’re driving!

—> user20 LANDO STOP ACTING AS IF YOU WEREN’T ALREADY DOING THAT!

—> user21 why are we being gaslighted rn.

user22 drop the album queen!

y/n_updates posted

liked by carlossainz55, and 973,893 others.

y/n_updates Y/n spotted last night in her current home city of LA getting cosy with Formula One driver Lando Norris. The two have been interacting on social media, and have been rumoured to be dating since they appeared to have first met in May.

Y/n has not been involved with anyone romantically since her whirlwind romance with the rising star Jacob Elordi last year. Elordi is believed to be the mystery man she was referring to in her hit song ‘ballad of broken promises’.

Read more about the singer and her supposed new flame through the link in our bio.

69,683 comments

user23 WE HEAR NOTHING ABOUT THEM IN MONTHS AND THEN SUDDENLY GET THE CLUB IN MONACO AND THIS?!

user24 y/nDO IS CONFIRMED

user25 omg his outfit… girlfriend effect at its finest. 🙏

—> user26 still had to keep the cap though 💀

user27 jacob elordi to lando norris… they couldn’t be more different from each other 😭

—> user28 that’s what i was thinking, the height is the first thing!

—> user29 mother has amazing taste 😩

—> user30 @ user29 ik u didn’t just say that having listened to ballad of broken promises 💀💀

user31 THE WAY CARLOS LIKED THIS POST IM SCREAMING!!!!

—> user32 HIS BEST FRIEND JUST CONFIRMED IT HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

user33 CARLOS SAINZ STIRRING THE POT

user34 omg my girl has a man 🥹 i am so so happy for her if they are official

user35 Am i the only one who has never heard of Lando 😭

—> user36 UMM YES 💀

yourusername posted

liked by madisonbeer, landonorris, and 2,389,683 others.

yourusername i am super excited to announce that my new single ‘high-heeled sweetheart’, ft my bestest friend @ madisonbeer , will be coming out next friday! i had so much fun making this track, and i’m sooo super proud of it. thank u to all the beautiful ppl out there who keep making this dream of mine possible. i just want to hug each and every one of you. <33

and a special thank you to @ landonorris for taking the beautiful photo i now get to use as the cover for this song. you’re incredible! :)

96,682 comments

user37 SO LAST NIGHT WE GET THE Y/N X LANDO PICS IN LA, AND TODAY WE GET A SONG DROP.

—> user38 AND HE TOOK THE COVER PHOTO

—> user39 i fucking love the cover but it’s so risqué, they are 100% dating.

—> user40 THE :) FACE OH I AM SICK!

madisonbeer my ANGEL!! I loved finally working with you

—> yourusername thank you for being here with me every step of the way madi

mclaren We will be streaming this song as soon as it comes out. 🧡

liked by yourusername

user41 the way she still hasn’t adressed the dating rumours, queen shit.

—> user42 she don’t need to, the pics are confirmation enough. 😭

landonorris y/n called me incredible, #winning.

—> yourusername lando norris noticed ME #winning.

—> user43 ARE Y’ALL GONNA COME OUT AND TELL US UR DATING OR DO WE NEED TO FORCE IT OUT OF YOU?

—> user44 MOTHER AND FATHER?

iamrebeccad will be listening on friday! so happy for you ✨

—> yourusername i absolutely adore you 🥹

—> user45 HIS BEST FRIENDS GIRLFRIEND IS EVEN COMMENTING NOW!

—> user46 oh theyre locked in.

#f1 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 x you #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 smau #f1 social media au #lando norris #lando norris x reader #fame au

[anemoiashifts]

why everyone won’t shift.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

“do you think everyone will shift?”

no.

“but if they really want they’ll eventually—“

no.

before you pick up your pitchforks & form an angry mob in the comments, hear me out.

first & foremost. what is a want ? a want is something you desire. but not every want is desired. for example, ive been thinking of getting a cat once i move out of my parents house. i want the animal & have the funds for it. when i dig deeper in my desire, i see all the vet trips, the having to feed it & take care of it & i realized that i don’t actually want the cat at the moment. im not ready to make that drastic of a change in my life. on the surface, id like one but i don’t want to take on the responsibility for taking care of a pet at the moment.

i like the idea of getting a cat (shifting) — but when the actual time comes to get a cat (actually shift), i don’t actually want a new pet at the moment (to create that big of a change because i am comfortable with my situation & not mentally prepared / mature enough).

i made a post about comfort already. what previously spoke about can tie into this.

if you don’t actually want something & just like fantasizing about it, that’s okay. but fantasy & imagination needs to be backed by intention. you need intention & effort put into your shifting attempts. ive seen so so many people say “i tried to shift” & all they do is say “i said one affirmation & rolled over & went to sleep & hoped i would wake up in my dr.”

you could say a million affirmations & hope you will wake up in your dr & not shift. you know why ? hope. it’s not hoping you will shift — it’s that internal knowing. it’s letting go fully of the comfort & all you know of this life to go to another & a lot of people don’t want to do that even if they say they do. again, they like the idea of shifting, but aren’t stopping to consider that you’re actually living it.

this isn’t a bad thing. if you actually have come to the conclusion that you don’t want to shift & are in the community — that’s okay. if you’re just interested in the science or content for the subject & that’s why you’ve stumbled across this blog, i don’t have an issue with that.

when i say not everyone will shift, i mean that not everyone wants to shift in the first place despite what they may say. what they want is an escape. time & time again i see comments on tiktok say “i want to get out of this reality”. that statement has nothing to do with wanting to shift — it’s wanting to get out of the situation you are in. you do not have to shift to get out of your current situation. if you live with family or are younger, it’s different, i understand.

if you’re someone who thinks “when i shift, ill be happy.” no no no. happiness comes from within you. while the 3d can bring you momentarily happiness, that only lasts so long. if you don’t have internal happiness & self love those feelings won’t last. shifting — in my option — can sometimes be putting a bandaid on a bigger issue & that’s loneliness & a yearning for another life. you can solve both of those right here at anytime.

lastly, shifting takes effort despite what you may think. “but such and such shifted without trying”. cool, that’s them. but have you ? if you’re reading this im going so safely assume at least a handful of you are saying “no” internally. when you want something you have to work for it. weather that be manifestation or putting yourself first. if you wake up & think “i didn’t shift” or “i hate this world it’s sucks” guess what ?? you’re focusing on the negative. what you pay attention to & give your energy to expands because you’re shifting awareness to it. you make up your thoughts & control them, thus affecting the 3d.

im not saying you can’t shift with negative mindsets or anything. im saying confidence helps a ton. how are you going to believe other people can shift when you can’t even extend that belief to yourself ? you’re making it much, much harder for yourself. doing healing work, finding the root cause of why you want to shift (for love, sense or belonging, etc.) & finding that here first, may alleviate the desperation to shift. when you have a sense of knowing, there’s nothing to be desperate about because whatever happens, you know the outcome already.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

[cherryzglitch]

self indulgent stimboard <33

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#all the things im currently needing in my life #stimboard #cat stims #brown cats #Calico stims #coffee stims #iced coffee stims #gaming stims #brown stims #beige stims #hair stims #body stims #brown hair stims #doughnut stims #nutella doughnut #plushy stims #squishmallow stims

[emberglowfox]

closing time

#you know situation's dire when sparks breaks out the color block sona vent art LOOOOOOOL #sparks speaks #vent #again to all my new-ish followers i do post stuff like this from time 2 time PLEASE block one of those tags if you don't want to see it #long post #edit: fine to rb idgas #ummm NEway. i go back to college in like a month and the thought of it makes me want to curl up and die. idk if i can do it again tbh lol #i dont know how i survived the first time #<- LYING he does. and it was by letting the dissociation he is currently bitching about swallow him completely #if i really committed and tried i could probably claw my way out of this. but there's really no point when i'll just fall back into it soon #the forgetting my entire life does suck though. it does suck. #its really cool learning you've lost the only thing you thought you couldn't lose. #anyways. i'm fine im chillin i just. needed to get this out #if youre reading this preciate you. drink water

[zapsoda]

ok but blatantly and inarguably a lot of "accepting" parents would rather their children be ~nonbinary~ and/or ~nontransitioning~ than binary transgender, and this doesnt devalue exorsexism (not only because it is another form of exorsexism) but because it is a fact

#when i was first talking to my mother about being transgender she struggled with it a lot #and she Asked why i couldnt just “be nonbinary” because that would be easier for *her* to 'deal with' #and my parents are currently accepting but that is still a thing transgender youth have to deal with #the fact that some binary trans people feel the need to misgender themselves in order to make cis people feel more comfortable #because *cis* people view nonbinary trans identities as 'less extreme' or 'less trans' #and that is both transphobia and exorsexism on the part of the cis person!!! #why must we blame other trans people for the situations cis people put us into #and to bring up some other bullshit i was whining about yesterday #being told that *really* got to me. because i didnt choose any of this! #if i could just not be trans and not have to deal with all of the pain i would have! #it has made my life endlessly difficult! if i did have a choice i dont see why i would have chosen to be trans #my family was desperate for a baby girl. all of my aunts and uncles wanted a girl child but they couldnt get one. until my parents #and im just throwing that all away #why would i do that on purpose. disappoint my entire family like that #anyways #got sidetracked #thats not the point #im gonna go eat breakfast ahahah

[merverelli]

👼🗡️ toddiel, the golden sword of the inconquerable dawn. 👼🗡️

#brennan lee mulligan #fallen for you #just like art #love this boy #yes this is fanart of a 7 year old video #but in my defence: im currently recovering from surgery so i can do no wrong rn #also: i got surgery to hopefully help my chronic pain!! it was a minor surgery too thankfully so im all good rn #the hospital i went to had VERY good homemade mini margarita pizzas and that was basically all i ate there #fucking ruled actually #and the worst part of recovery should be over (excluding physio etc) so thats cool too! fuck crutches all my homies hate crutches #been using recovery as an excuse to get into traditional art again bc its easier to do than digital art after my surgery #turns out im bad at traditional art #i fucked up lining the first try of this and had to redo the whole thing. i then fucked up lining the second try near the end. #i then decided to try to save it. #you need to ignore the white out stains because there was no way i was gonna be able to attempt lining this a third time. #i then found out i have neither a peach tone coloured marker or pencil. #this fanart damn near broke me. #fuck traditional art. my heart goes out to every traditional artist. #so theres my life update!! v busy (i have fused to the couch) #hope youre doing good champ ily thanks for reading i love our lil chats

[bluesidedown]

hnggghhggg

#just realized a little too hard that im packing my entire life up into a single suitcse and hitting the road for a month. in a month. #im also turning 24 in a month #both of these things perturb me in some direction or another. #its also 1030pm but i am Vibrating unfortunately #also realized vividly today that ill be attending my college graduation less than 48hrs after landing back in canada #and that will be after 30+ hours in transit coming directly from a 12 hour time difference #so that'll be fun #not really how i imagined graduating when i started my freshman year? #actually dear lord i could not have fathomed Being Here when i was 19 and starying college #i remember hearing about the program im currently doing and thinking 'wow that's incredibly cool but im just not the kind of person #who can do that sort of thing' #i still periodically have moments where i just look around and have to be like Yes I Really Am Here #and yeah turning 24. in a month. that's far too grown up of an age for how i feel inside. #and yeah trvaelljng to 5 vountires in a month again? wild. #didnt think anything could top seeing the great pyramids for out of body wild experiences And Yet. we sure are gonna be going some places. #also being in a serious relationship huh. didnt think this was going to happen until i was 35 if ever. #skmeone needs to tell me why my brain decided to watch wedding dress youtube shorts today with a vague expectation that might be relevant #to my life within a decade. #so yeah all that to say my life feels fucking insane to me. #I Am Not Qualified For This Experience Help #(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)

[constantvariations]

So either Wilt turned into a giant phillips head screwdriver offscreen, they’re trying to imply that Beacon wasn’t the first time Adam stabbed Blake, or the writers forgot their character’s canonical injuries. Again

#rwde #a good portion of my current essay is dedicated to talking abt the abuse the show tried to push so currently rewatching/researching #granted ive never experienced anything like this so im merely speculating w the info ive gathered thus far #but #i find it so hard to believe that adam prior to the separation was abusive bc blake doesnt show any signs of it while at beacon #if adam was violent enough to stab her before then shouldnt she be terrified for her life even while safe inside beacons walls? #shouldnt she be jumping at every sound or constantly having a death grip on gambol shroud like she does in v4? #the contrast between the two is genuinely startling #blake after the trailer is reclusive and aloof but shes got zero problems getting in peoples faces when needed #shes full of life and confidence which is a total contrast to her post beacon where shes paranoid and confused #and not once does she ever talk abt adams treatment of her. every issue she talks abt in 4 is abt her participating in the wfs violence #i cant tell if the writers didnt know how to write an abuse recovery arc or if they forgot #actually its probs along the lines of they cant write multiple things at once #thats why every time they talk blake is all 'peace not war' and adams like 'this is my yandere phase' #their dialogue doesnt match its hilarious and infuriating

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do you get incredibly excited over cataloguing candles or are you normal

#HAVING THE TIME OF MY MF LIFE RN #decided to put together some index cards into a little flip thing #and list down all of my candles #sorted into seasons / vibes #currently i have 24 candles #but some are running very low... rip #like my really good peach ones. sigh #BUT OHHHHHH CATALOGUING CANDLES #LOVE ME SOME CANDLES #absolutely unprompted #today has been unusually good! #a nice end to a shit week #got my boba. got some errands done. finished my crochet sleeves. organizing my candles rn. hell. fucking. yes. #and then im gonna draw!!! yippee yahoo!!! #might even be able to respond to messages!! #the energy is genuinely ~high~ and ~positive~ for once #i even found some good cardstock and stuff #so i can print out a couple things ive been dying to #namely a commission of My Specialest Boy that i need on my wall #i need more commissions of him... i need a full wall of him to gaze at... #i need to make that 'do it for him' board thats been hanging in my brain for the past eight years #BUT THATS LATER. NOW IS CANDLE TIME #i gotta rank them from favorite to least as well...

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[risingsunresistance]

feels weird to not have much to post, i feel like i basically disappeared off social media compared to how i used to post but. there is simultaneously so much going on (things that are boring/heavy and not fun to post about) and nothing at all going on (i have not been able to play anything very much and havent been watching anything besides random documentaries i stumble across), leading to me having nothing to say lmao

i did finally write down a bunch of hypixel worldbuilding headcanon junk instead of having it only be word-of-mouth between me and ark lol. only 1700 words, i can do better 👍 it was literally only about admin magic, what exactly it means to "hack," what a server is, and limbo kjgfhk. i might make a big post about the limbo section one day :]

#things that arent worth having their own post bc it's boring normal life stuff #I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!! i've only worked one day but i had a lot of fun #and i like my coworkers. im scared of tomorrow tho bc my manager who has been guiding me around isnt gonna be there #so second day in and im already on my own DFGHKJG it'll be fine......... #also I GOT MY DESK ORDERED LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO. SOON I WILL BE BACK ON THE GRIND I WANNA PLAY SKYBLOCK SO BAD #i've only been able to play on weekends or at ark's ;-; pain and suffering i need somewhere to sit #also fun fact. remember how the house was full of mold. well there was ALSO a gas leak for the past couple weeks #my existence is a miracle #im blaming all past behaviors on this. im normal now dont worry 👍👍👍 #i think i already mentioned this but my snes power cable is missing and i need a new one Pain And Suffering #on the brighter side of my old games. i found by gbc! AND THE BATTERIES STILL WORK SOMEHOW LMAO #i can finally do a miserable gen 2 shiny hunt yippeeeeee #trying to find my gameboy copy of tetris attack but i dont see it anywhere 😔 #uhhhh yeah that's about it i guess. been busy with sorting out work stuff and money problems and Everything Else #currently taking care of health stuff i havent done in years. time for dentist today wahoo #gonna try to get an eye exam soon. it's been like. a decade- #im not sure my vision is still 20/20 im having trouble reading some things digitally #billboards are fine. electronic ones are not those are just smudges #i dont know enough about eyes to know what that could be #chat

[thecherrygod]

/

#my posts #you know how this usually goes #i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao #... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better #maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more #2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man. #like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao #. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao #like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general #what i do isnt good enough #what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread? #and like all things considered i should be doing good currently #or at least not this bad #but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man. #so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao #also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me #but like.. more than usual #and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem #idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse #or they i will regret lmao #i. wont do any of those #also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die #not against it but its not the only option #just lay there and float..... also not against it #i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is #like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao #... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired #.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao #like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah #its kinda worse than i thought lmao

[theskywaslookingback]

My dad: *texts my mom the day after Father’s Day to see if I was mad at him because I didn’t call him*

Also my dad: *sends me a text on Easter and then radio silence for months* *does not call to ask if I have plans for my birthday* *does not text to check in on me* *does not invite me over to his house for anything ever* *allows my stepmom to use his money to prioritize her kids over me* *literally doesn’t ever act like he wants anything to do with me actually* *cancels or changes plans at the last minute because he decides he wants to drink instead* *offers to help my mom pay my car payments and then never does* *gets us gym memberships and then cancels them without warning because he didn’t have the money and just doesn’t tell me* *cannot hold a thirty second conversation without mentioning ‘the Chinese threat’ or ‘Covid was invented by democrats to replace Trump in office’*

My dad: Why doesn’t my child call me? I am the specialist most important person in the whole wide world. What could she have to be mad about?

#angy #sweepy but angy #he told my mom the other day that he wished I’d gotten a real job instead of playing around like I am currently #like with zero awareness that I tried desperately for six months to find a job and literally no one would hire me #and now I can just kind of do my own thing BECAUSE my mom takes care of me and helps me financially #and that we have an understanding that I will absolutely look for a job if she ever asks me to #like we have talked about this multiple times #my silly little business is allowed because my mom makes enough money to take care of us both and invest in the business #if she were to say ‘i need you to find a job to pay for your car payment’ I’d start looking again that very second #we’re both adults like #im literally turning 30 in a few days #and he’s still running his mouth like im 16 and stupid #ignoring the fact that I’ve been sick a majority of my adult life and that it’s gotten significantly worse the last couple of years #to the point that something as common as my period will have me writing on the floor in pain for days and sick to my stomach for weeks #this man has a wife that has NEVER worked a day in her LIFE and he wants to tell ME to get a job?? #anyway she told me about it when she got home and i had to stop myself from reflexively going to set his house on fire #that man better send me fucking money for my birthday it’s all he’s good for

[flovverworks]

been thinking on & off about akira..........gbf akira.......farming sim akira.......rf akira.........roleswap & isekaiswap akira............anything akira..........

#stardust speaking ! #T_^ when u wanted to write but the past days went to hell ough lets try again another day #i need to study murr cuz i think using him to have him & akira travel in rf...............u know #just rly fond of akira & murr who always meets no matter the universe <-goes for all the wizards #april fools soon............i have grievances Again about their event scheduling but whatever #been thinking about the current dreamscape in alchstar too...ludweiss writing down their life & memories....... #'u should stop writing everyone should just forget us' 'it does matter. even shooting stars #have a home in those who see their beauty' ughhT_^ dont forget about us................. #you have to wake up....dont watch til the end........... #i havent hated any dreamscape but they havent felt as strong as eve's and then they hit me with adras. me who didnt care for regalia #frostfire says some things that i......i wanna write something for u in the future.... #ANYHOOOWWWWW i should get to pt2&4th anni but then im like oh but i wanna finish events first & then i go #actually i should catchup to main story and Then read events to heal my heart but then.... #do u understand my personal fighting

[theygender]

*checking the tracking information for my package from under a pile of overpriced teas and vitamins* this next herbal supplement will fix me

#g o d what is up with my brain thats been making everything so hard recently #like. im in a job that im MUCH happier with now and loving it. im no longer living a waking trauma nightmare as a call center sup #...why is my brain acting like im forcing it on a trek through fucking mordor just trying to get through a normal day at work #im on break from school. why am i not able to do any of the things that i wanted to do during the semester but was too busy for #why am i not able to do anything that i want to do and if i DO manage to do it why am i not able to enjoy it #why am i living like every moment of my life in fear that im wasting my time or doing something wrong or not good enough #and like i KNOW the answers are adhd and depression and anxiety #but my buddy. my pal. @ the wrinkly fleshy thing in my skull #im on 6 different psychiatric medications with a total of up to 11 individual pills per day. im actively in therapy and have been for years #and my life is currently much better than it maybe has ever been! WHY am i still struggling so hard 😭 #like i know recovery isnt a straight line and etc etc but like. it just feels like im doing everything im 'supposed' to do so what gives #so. gonna start drinking more plants i guess and see if that helps. im already on some that seem to help but i think i need more now #bc im having a bad time in my brain prison tbh :( #im not even like upset typing all this out either im just like. bewildered. incredulous. exhausted #lets hope this new overpriced tea fixes me i guess #rambling