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#alright ill go to sleep now
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never have i been so entirely exhausted from sitting in front of a laptop in a dark room for three hours gay! and so full of delight and happiness! like wow! i have not felt this good in ages!! and its a good kind of tired! i feel like im glowing!
but shit, the update is more than i could've dreamed of. like i said - three straight hours of combing, and i probably still missed a thing or two! i'm even saving the storytime audio to enjoy in the morning, i haven't listened to it yet!
i already have so many thoughts and emotions but i'm... so wiped out oh my god lmao. so much new stuff at once! i need to sleep on it all! and in the morning i will be more than happy to reply, interact, answer asks on this subject, share my actual thoughts - i just need to take the rest of the night to Process and rest, yk yk
and i know i "missed" some links on my liveblog! i know i know! i didn't add every single thing i found - like most of the Wally audios - because i'll be compiling them all into a labeled post tomorrow! when i wake up! i'm already looking forward to it <3 i'm confident i personally found all of them, though! i was Thorough! i went through everything at least twice, i tabbed through, i clicked on Everything...
but yes i hope you all are having a wonderful Update Day/Evening/Morning/Afternoon As The Case May Be. this is truly a delight and again, more than i could've dreamed of. i'd forgotten what it's like to be so wholly excited and delighted by something! it's been so long since i've felt this kind of genuine joy and whimsy! usually im white-knuckling my optimism and happiness but tonight it was all authentic 100% non-forced From The Soul!
#a very exciting day of Not Much Happening and then Everything At Once#the constant (joyous) stress over the update and then the intense euphoria of experiencing it....#very very exhausted i have no energy left in me for literally anything#a sleep will fix that though#and ill be back to Chatter and Ramble#absolutely unprompted#scribble salad#i cant believe we're only at the very beginning... there is already So Much!#so much good stuff! incredible stuff! monumental work! i literally cant fathom that this is the Tip of the iceberg! what the fuck!#but thats something to swoon over another day#we have the update!#a plethora of audio clips and new information to chew on!#but yes yes i will make a tumblr post with all of the links#in order! labeled! for your convenience and viewing and reblogging pleasure!#and a different post with my personal thoughts and emotions! i have many!#alright yes stepping away from the laptop now#water. teeth. cats. sleep. yes. totally going to do that.#i already know im gonna lay down get cozy and then my eyes are gonna Fly Open. Wide Awake#perhaps i should take some melatonin lol#i want to be able to wake up in a timely manner Well Rested and ready to compile!!!#a melatonin night it is!#but yes i hope you all are having fun!!!#feel free to shoot me asks and such! i am more than happy to Respond and Discuss!#i will be making my main posts / sharing my thoughts before answering anything tho lol i will say that now#that way i can say my piece#and then if i get any asks about something ive already covered i can just Link the Post!#for ease of all of us <3#but yes goodnight!!!#i cant wait to scribble and talk and AGH!!!#to clown and everyone working on welcome home you guys are the fucking most and its just. its everything
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naenaex0xx · 9 days
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maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone
#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol#my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c)#well. im happy if i get to do it now#cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !!#okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment#so im writing things im proud of!#brushed my teeth for more than two mins today#n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross#but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night!#that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time#and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<)#and oh. i want to start going on walks..#itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me#just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside#n thats not good :<#those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends!#ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol#its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well-#i guess i wanna get closer to people?#and.. talk to ny old friends too#i feel to guilty#im not good with this stuff. it drains me#but anyways. baby steps right? who knows#maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good#ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol#but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright#<333#posts.nae/rambles
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would you guys still like me if i rambled about my cringe crackship
#snap chats#masadai#yeah ill ramble down here im not brave for the main text#see this is my version of a read more the main text is just a warning#anyway main text is semi a lie i am rambling bout masadai but just mostly bout sawashiro cause Shotgun Dad is my favorite#oh im sleep so im going to be even more incomprehensible than normal#like like like like sit here and be delusional with me alright. '95-2000's era right.#jo knows masato- as a civvie- tries to keep outta yakuza shit (with the exception of ichi helpin him at least)#so can you imagine bro having to process the fact now his son's Apparently entangled not just with a yakuza's son but SOHEI'S#bitch ass sohei who get necked and since then his bitch ass son's been going on a bitch ass rampage as a street thug#How The Fuck Did Those Two Happen but w/e. if masato's happy jo'll Begrudgingly not do anything. on the surface.#i know he's already having some poor arakawa grunt tail daigo until dude inevitably notices and beats his ass#and hes def not goin back to sawashiro a failure bro's getting outta town 💀 but yeah point is jo dont exactly have. The Highest Opinion#we all saw my masumi and daigo comic right. we all know i think masumi adopts daigo at some point cause the seeds of that are here#masumi knows whats goin on in his own house he knows jo's being ill so he prob just assures him daigo's not That Bad of a kid#he wouldnt hurt masato anyway. listen if theres a fight he knows his son's starting it He Loves Him but he knows how he is#and daigos way too soft spoken and like. Depressed Rn to really instigate anything unless prompted#either way jo's still edgy- prob isn't too stoked to hear news daigo's in jail after he an aoki get back to japan in '04 either#but no listen there's a turnaround OBVIOUSLY for one thing aoki and daigo could never date nowadays#but now daigos become chairman and ?? he isnt a single thing like sohei and he isn't at all how jo initially thought he'd be#he might make awkward decisions sometimes but considering the cards he's dealt he's not doing TERRIBLE#jo's designated to hang with aoki most of the time anyway so even if he did have any lingering grievances theyre not something to worry bout#too late to give that blessing tho For Starters bro's living a new life now and Secondly he's getting everyone evicted in ten years 💀💀#thats the end of my ramble sorry everyone. if i had more time nd energy to draw nowadays i prob woulda just drawn somethin quick and dummy#but alas. i do not. potentially more text posts to come because of this because i very  much am still mentally ill#i love masadai i love making shit up its actually so fun#im bad at writing full on fics so the spark notes version <3 ok im sleeping now bye
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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months
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...
#hello darkness my old friend. I have insomnia again#it seems i wont get back to sleep. making this the 4th night in a row of 4 to 5hrs sleep. woof#is it insomnia or am i on the bleeding edge of hyp0mania? idk its weird. i can feel the strain in my head#my thoughts dont connect as well. its like im being pulled in two directions. my brain becoming spaghettified. growing thin around the#middle. but im not as tired as one might expect. ive been pretty productive and optimistic but anxiety and internal restlessness are up#like im tired but also i need to get up and pace around. maybe jump up and down. maybe run in circles.#the energy comes in waves. sitting in lectures or sitting for the extended addition of l0tr has been somewhat unbearable#bc im so contained. i would not ever get up and walk around while those things were happening but i desperately wanted to#ugh. whats my problem? who's to say. could also b the medication. i see the psychiatrist next week and i think ill beg to b put back on#lam1ctal. just bc when i was taking it on a super low does i had a week or feeling the most normal i think i ever have in my life#anxiety and evil thoughts were so small and i felt happy in a way im not sure i ever have been#like i think under normal circumstances i just have a low capacity for joy. at most i feel neutral. like i was telling my friends how i#might do some field work in winter and they were enthusiastic abt it and i kno y bc it sounds cool but idk i just dont feel anything abt it#i cant see past the pain it will take to get there. and i mean mood wise i feel alright on 4bilify like in a nutral way but stable isnt#the same as feeling happy. but maybe its all just in my head. 25mg lam1ctal shouldnt b enough to b effective#but idk i think im just sensitive to the chemicals in my body. including hormone fluctuations. idk. i hope she lets me switch.#itll b a pain in the ass to readjust in terms of going off what im on now and it might not work#but theres literature on retrying lamicta1 and they say to avoid inflammatory reactions in the first 2 months. which i did not do. oops#not that i was trying. i didnt think abt it until id had a million holes poked in my skin and was experiencing a mild tatt00 allergy#ugh. anyway. tbh id prefer this being hyp0mania vs insomnia bc then at least i can continue to function a bit during the day#ive never done anything that wild while hyp0manic aside from injure myself from over exercising and make bad choices in how i spend time#ie become insane abt something and not b able to think abt anything else. ugh. and i guess at this point ive tentatively accepted the idea#of being bip0lar. so i swear to christ if i was misdiagnosed ill b so mad. its just that if i fill out an 4dhd and bip0lar checklist. i#get a way heavy positive with bip0lar and the 4dhd is meh. so i think i just have overlap in symptoms due to dyslex1a and 4utism#ugh. me and my collection of diagnoses. so it goes#unrelated
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potatobugz · 1 year
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well, that's enough internet for today! *set's computer on fire*
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jaysavex · 1 year
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JAIME JAIME HAJEMM HAIEM HAPPY VALENTINES DAY (NKT LATE) HI HIG IGIIHIII!!! HOW ARE YIU!!? YOU OKAY? THRLUWING SO MANY GUMMIE AND SILLY FUNNY CANDYIES AT YOU AUAUAUAU!! LOVE YOU SILLY SKRINGLE I HOPE YOUR DAY SLASH BIGHT IS GREAT!!! I LOVE YOU SPOINKLE! !! I promies I'm not trying to ne incomprehensible bte I just literally am frying righ nkw ANYWYA I LOVE YOU SILLY JESTIE!!! MAUAWAA MWUAH MWUA!! DRINKLH WATEYR AND EATID GOOD FOODS!! 🫀🫀🫀🫂🫀🫂🫀🫂🫀🫂🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀💥🫀🫀💥🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🫀🍒
cheRRYYYYY my lil guy u are literally such a darling how do u do it
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I am so sorry for not responding to u sooner silly I got sick again like an idiot and have been deceased for the past 2 days o(-( HOWEVER
HAPPY VALENTINES TO U AS WELL!!!! Silly lil scrunkle I hope u had an excellent vday and got lotsa chocolate n snacks yesyesyes, I would love to get u some snackies as well but alas,, 😔 maybe someday I'll figure it out
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Anyways a lil doodlie for u since I can't get u any chocolates 😔 ily u silly lil guy u I hope you're doing well!! 💖💖✨🫂🫂💖✨💖💖💖🫂✨✨💖🫂💖✨
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arthur-r · 9 months
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just shot my shot and was shot down
#this is only worded like this cause i love how much times i get to say shot#i don’t actually feel like i’ve been ‘‘shot down’’#we are still good friends. romantic and platonic means hardly anything to me i am just a big cushion full of confusion#and i told her that it was okay no matter what and that i just like her a lot and that includes liking her as a friend more than anything#and she said that she likes me so much as a friend. and i’m happy with that i’m just embarrassed. but it’s alright#and we still hungout for a while. so everything is okay i just feel embarrassed#anyways. i hope everyone is doing well. weird life update from me. just feeling a little bit weird#cause one of my friends was telling me that i shouldn’t tell her cause one of their relationships was totally ruined by ‘‘confessing’’#like they were really close friends with someone and then told her that they liked her and then they became freaking archenemies basically#so i was scared. and now i feel weird because we’re just being normal. and everything is good but i feel a little ill#she was the best rejector in the entire world though. ‘‘i like you so much as a friend’’ that is awesome that is exactly what i want to hear#i just feel a little bit weird. plus my band is breaking up. and we’re selling my house. so maybe just a lot of weird stuff going on#but anyway yeah. i hope you all are well!! i’m gonna have dinner and then sleep for a long time#let me know if you need anything as always#me. my post. mine.#delete later#friends only#ask to tag
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smithsparker · 1 year
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i literally still cant believe this night
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17yearcicada · 1 year
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god i'm so tired. gnight everyone
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salsa-di-pomodoro · 1 year
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Ladies and gentlemen and people in general; i regret to inform you that a good long night's sleep does, in fact, do wonders for the health of the mind
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toastsnaffler · 4 months
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I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.
#ive survived all nighters before ill scrape through the day itll just be Rough. at least i dont have much in my schedule#im not gonna take the dose this morning bc i think thats a really bad idea to do on zero hours sleep#and i can't risk two consecutive all nighters. like I have done that before but not while working full time 💀 its not worth it#drafting an email to my doctor to let her know im skipping day 2 + ask advice re. whether its worth resuming again on day 3#bc she did list 'trouble sleeping' as a common symptom that often passes but i need to know a) how long it usually takes to pass and-#b) if this is unusually bad + would she rec supplementing with a sleep aid or just switching tack entirely and trialling a non stimulant#by this stage of the night i dont think its actually acting anymore bc i took it at 7am and its now 3am. it shouldnt last that long#i think its more just triggered my preexisting insomnia. my ability to sleep is very very sensitive sometimes + hates routine changes#just so fucking frustrating bc ive spent the past 2 months nailing my sleep routine + ive had a couple weeks of being able to-#go to bed like 9:30-10 and it only takes an hour to get to sleep and i get usually a good 7 hours sometimes 8 only waking once halfway#and i dont feel like utter shit like yeah im tired but from work not so much lack of sleep.... and now thats all fucked lmao#whatever. maybe i should just take the next dose anyway#ill see. gonna try to sleep for another 2 hours but once it hits 5 im not doing this anymore ive been trying for six hours already man#i cant even remember when i last pulled a full all nighter. it might be longer than 6 months ago... i was doing so well :-(#im so mad i was so hopeful it would have SOME good effect like ik its not a miracle worker + these things take time but so many people-#seem to have an immediate positive response even if its probably a placebo. and i got fuck all except This.#i was searching on the reddit for sleep issues and other ppl only seem to report bad ones on higher doses or years in..#like damn. do i even have adhd then. ik thats a stupid thing to think bc obvs everyones body metabolises meds differently etc but still#it is ALMOST HALF 3 and i am FUCKING TIRED#UGH. alright bedtime round 189447383#.diaries#.vent
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beeapocalypse · 7 months
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thinking of situations and scenarios
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reikoknshii · 1 month
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Perhaps...a Date?
Francis Mosses - Milkman
꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊˚꒷︶꒷꒥꒷‧₊
Its been weeks you've been working for the D.D.D. , you stayed in your work station and do the usual works.
However, those days passed, you got yourself a motivation whenever he check in. Who? The famous milkman of town, Francis Mosses.
What makes him special? Was it his tired eyes? His soft and deep voice whenever he greeted you for checking in? You have no idea..
All you know you were smitten for the exhausted milk delivery man, and you can tell if he is the real one or not. Though there are times you almost let in the doppelganger because on how they almost perfect their form of Francis, either way you never let it in or else you'll be in trouble for cause of death of the apartment residents.
This day he's one of the listed entry resident, perhaps you can have a longer conversation with him?
You inhaled and exhaled as you open the metal window to start your work.
Angus...
Izaack...
Elenois and her Twin Selene..
Where is Francis?
You grew impatient after checking in four people and making sure they're not a doppelganger. Atlas Francis arrived, Tired as usual as he shows his entry request.
Odd...
' Perhaps he's a doppelganger? '
You tapped on the window trying get his attention , when he noticed you questioned where is his Id.
"My Id? My apologies, i forgot to show my Id" He said softly and audible for us to hear from the other glass side of the window.
' looks like everything is in check..wait hold on a minute '
You decide to double check his appearance and his ID, soon enough checking his files and you found the false thing about him.
"I don't remember Francis having a Mole"
"FUCK!" Cursed the doppelganger as he grew angry. This isn't the first time they would be angry, they almost got it perfect but fail because of a small detail.
"I didn't take that into account.
You're not easy to fool.
That makes me want to devour you even more." You shivered as they banged on the protected glass window , you immediately closed the metal cover.
"Can I visit you at night while you sleep? " the doppelganger said from the other side as they continue to hit on the metal cover.
"Yeah no thanks pal, I'd let francis in but not you" you jokingly said and dialed the D.D.D. services.
"Oh? Looks like the stationed guard is hoping for a mutual feeling, ill get you next time.." You immediately regret saying that, especially to a doppelganger, Knowing full well they would use the information they know against you.
You heard the D.D.D. services arrived and waited for it to finish. Soon the cleaning services opened the metal door telling you the 'operation cleaning is done and you may resume your work.'
You felt like a stupid hopeless romantic, now the doppelganger knew you're into Francis and would take that into their account to try getting in.
Soon enough, the real Francis arrived.
He showed both of his ID and Entry request.
ID and expiration date? Good.
Entry Request? Seem Accurate enough.
Appearance? perfect.
Your hands shakes as you checked the list as Francis waited for you to speak.
"Is it all good?" He asked with his usual tired voice as you nodded your head and waited for you to open the door.
"I-" you stammer wanting to say something as Francis stared at you.
"Yes?."
"...i-i well..." You started as you scratch the back of your head. "P-perhaps a date ? Only if you're available" you asked as Francis tired eyes widen abit from your offer.
"..That wouldn't be bad, tomorrow sounds good?" He asked with a slight smile , making your face go red from the overwhelming joy and excitement.
"Y-yes! Please!" You blurt out and realized you look so eager in front of him.
"Alright, mind opening the door for me now?" Francis asked as he carried his ID and work bag , You covered your face embarrassed on how you react to his answer and opened the metal door for him.
"See you Y/n "
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entitled-fangirl · 3 months
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Breakfast is ready.
Felix Catton x reader
Summary: The reader feels sick, but Felix is going to make sure she eats breakfast.
Words: 968
Warnings: sickness, cursing
Author's note: This is kind of from an ask but I made it just about breakfast!
Masterlist
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She woke up to the blinds being opened by the maid, "Breakfast is ready."
She let out a soft groan, sitting up and stretching her arms out. Her hair was a mess, her clothes frumpeld. She looked over to see that Felix's side of the bed was empty and quite cold. He had been out for a while, and she couldn't possibly guess why he would leave her.
She pushed herself to the edge of the bed, standing onto her feet. Her head hurt, perhaps her body becoming ill, but there was no skipping breakfast. Her legs shivered, her now realizing she is only in Felix's shirt and her underwear. 
Running to the dresser, she pulls a pair of slacks. Pulling them on quickly, she throws a jumper over Felix's shirt. She tames her hair just enough to look presentable. But she takes an extra minute in the mirror, looking at the bags under her eyes. How late had they stayed up?
Throwing on a pair of socks to keep her feet warm, she quickly goes downstairs to breakfast.
Entering the dining room, she's greeted with quiet, "Morning"s. Her eyes immediately scan the table, seeing Felix look up at her too. A bright smile comes across his face at the sight of her sleepy form.
She quickly moves to sit next to him. As she sits down, she feels Felix's hand rest on her back, "You alright, angel?" He asks in a low tone.
"I… yeah. I just don't know why you didn't wake me up this morning." Her hand reaches up to her head as the headache comes back.
He lets out a soft laugh, whispering in her ear, "Well, I figured you deserve as much beauty sleep as I could give you. Seemed to work. I mean, look at you this morning. Taking my fuckin breathe away."
A smile graced her face as her cheek turned a shade of pink.
Duncan entered, "Goodmorning. How would you like your eggs?"
She grimaced, her voice coming out still quiet and hoarse from her sleep, "I'm fine, Duncan. I'm not that hung-"
"-She'll have them over easy. Thanks."
Duncan leaves with a nod.
She turned to Felix, "Why did you do that?"
He shrugs, his arm going over the back of her chair, "You need to eat."
She gives a slight pout, "I can't… my head hurts too bad."
His eyebrows furrow, "Did you sleep alright?"
She nods, "I slept fine, Lex."
He doesn't take that for an answer.
"Listen, angel. You think you're getting sick?"
"No. No. I'm alright."
He nods, deciding not to fight about it at the table. A silence ensues for a while before he decides to break it again. "Oh, angel. We were talking about the Shelley biography."
Venetia jumped in, "yeah. Do you know the story about Shelley's doppelgänger?"
She shook her head, stopping once she remembered the headache.
Felix got up from the table, going to the side table.
Venetia continued, "Shelley's housekeeper was cleaning one of the rooms when Shelley walked past the window and waved at her. So, she waved back before she realized that Shelley was in Italy…"
Felix had returned to the table, gently setting the now made plate in front of his angel for her to eat. She looked at him with a slightly disagreeing look, but knew not to fight about it at the table. 
"…And she was on the top floor of the house…"
Felix grimaced at Venetia's story, his hands moving over his girl's ears to keep her from hearing it. If it would freak him out, he knew she shouldn't hear it, "Oh, Vee. Stop, stop, stop. I won't sleep."
But she continued, "…a few hours later, he drowned."
Elspeth gasped, "oh. Oh, that's just given me goosebumps."
Felix took his hands back, considering it safe for his girl to listen again.
Farleigh stared at the paper in front of him, his voice strong and uncaring, "I heard he fucked his sister."
Sir James finally spoke up, "Oh, for God's sake!"
Felix turned, "Jesus, Farleigh…"
Oliver quipped up, "I think that was Byron."
The table went quiet, as if everyone had forgotten that Oliver was there. That quickly turned to small chatter between the adults.
Farleigh looked disgusted but Felix held an amused smile on his face, turning to her to see she had a matching one. He then pointed at her plate, as if telling her to eat it. About that time, Duncan brought out her eggs, setting it next to her other full plate. She let out a sigh, staring at the food. 
Elspeth was brought out of her talk hearing the girl's sigh. "Oh, darling. Is everything alright?"
Her eyes snapped up, her mouth opening to answer, but Felix beat her to it, "she's not feeling well, that's all."
The mother nodded, "Oh, I see. Nasty sickness going around this time of year. Take your time today, darling."
She nodded gratefully, turning back to her plate. The chattering continued and she continued to stare at the plate. Eventually, Felix brushed her arm lightly with his, his voice soft again, "Is something wrong, angel? You really must eat."
She simply stared at the eggs, feeling herself get sick just staring at them. Felix noticed it, immediately moving the plate away, "Duncan. Could I actually get some eggs just… scrambled?"
"Felix, stop."
"No. I want you to be able to eat what's in front of you. Duncan?"
Duncan nodded, taking the plate away quickly. 
She turns to see everyone staring at them. She mutters a quiet, "I'm sorry."
Felix sighs, "Don't be, angel." He kissed the top of her head as she stared at the table in embarrassment. 
Breakfast continued, Felix's arm around the back of her chair the entire time.
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bkgml · 11 months
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MORE EX BF BAKUGO STUFFS PLSSSSSS
actually my fav trope it’s an illness 🙈
*incoming call from kirishima*
is the notification lighting up your screen.
it’s 3am, is what the clock is telling you as you crack an eye open while groaning.
“fuck.” you whine as you grab your phone, sliding your thumb to the answer button.
“hello?” you croak, still tired from sleep.
you hear an uneasy sigh from the other line.
“uhm. hey yn. it’s kirishima.” he says.
you can hear the urgency in his voice even though he’s desperately trying to hide it.
“hi kirishima. why are you calling me?” you say as politely as you can for it being 3 in the morning.
“i know it’s late, i’m sorry. bakugou got in an accident, it’s bad.” he says and your heart drops.
“that sucks, i’m sorry. we’re broken up though. so uh… what does this have to with me?” you ask timidly.
“is that her? let me fucking talk to her!” you hear the voice of your ex boyfriend in the background.
“i don’t want to talk to him.” you say calmly.
you hear a sigh from the other end followed by a ‘hang on’.
“i know. the situation is complicated though, can you let me explain?” he asks and you can hear the pleads in his tone.
you pause before speaking.
“…alright fine.” you breathe.
“thanks. bakugou man im going in the bathroom for a second!” he calls to katsuki.
you hear rustling and shouting before the click of a doorknob.
“okay. he needs you.” he says slowly, cautiously.
“kirishima-“ you frown.
“i know.” he cuts in.
“we got attacked by villains today and he got hit with a memory loss quirk.”
“so… what does he remember?” you whisper.
“pretty much everything important. except…”
you stay silent while you wait in anticipation for his response.
“the breakup.”
your breath hitches.
“kirishima, open the fucking door! i need to talk to her!”
you can hear the pounding.
the pounding on the door.
along with the pounding of your heart in your ears.
“yn. he needs you. i know this is awful to ask of you. we don’t know how long this will last and in his mind, the love of his life is refusing to see him after he’s been injured. please come. please.”
the pounding continues.
“yn! baby, can you hear me? what did i do?? just let me talk to you. kirishima let me talk to her!”
he’s pleading through the door. like he was on your last night together.
“fuck. fine. i’ll be there in ten but i want all of you to delete my number after this.” you say as you rip the covers off your body in annoyance.
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you walk up the stairs of your ex boyfriends apartment building, where you left your heart six months ago.
you knock on the door and kirishima half opens it, restricting you from bakugou.
“hey. thank you for this.” he says, quietly.
you switch your weight on your feet and glance at you hands.
“yeah… what do i need to do exactly?” you sigh.
kirishima clears his throat awkwardly.
“well. knowing him he will probably kick me out so it’ll just be the two of you. since he has no memory he’ll probably act however he would after a fight with you.” he replies.
“so he’s going to kiss and hug me?” you frown, raking a hand through your hair.
kirishima sighs before the two of you hear loud footsteps, barreling towards you.
“baby?! hey, what did i do? hm? come inside.” bakugou mumbles out, reaching for your arms.
you smile weakly before you’re being pulled into the apartment by your wrist.
he brings the two of you to sit on the couch and you look at kirishima.
“act natural!” he mouths to you.
“hey, suki.” you softly say, nickname foreign on your tongue.
“did we get in a fight?” he asks.
you gulp, playing with your fingers.
“yeah. kind of.” you reply.
he huffs to himself.
“i cant fucking remember. i still cant. damn quirk should’ve worn off by now.” he glares at his coffee table, arms crossed.
you hesitate but eventually place your hand on his back, rubbing comforting circles into his skin.
he looks at you softly.
“can we fight tomorrow when i remember? just wanna sleep with you.” he whispers, frown present on his face.
you sigh, taking a moment to think to yourself.
“okay, katsuki.” you smile wearily.
he leans forward to press soft kisses to your lips.
you exhale into the kiss, bringing your hand up to cup his face.
he shift to kiss down your neck before nuzzling into it.
“okay guys, i’m still here.” kirishima says awkwardly.
you laugh lightly and katsuki frowns at him.
“are you stayin over?” katsuki asks. he’s familiar with kirishima needing to stay the night after dangerous missions. his own home seeming too empty and dark.
kirishima nods and katsuki stands from the couch, pulling you with him.
“night.” the boys say to each other as kirishima settles on the couch and katsuki pulls you to his room.
you look behind you and kirishima sends you a comforting smile.
as soon as the door shut behind the two of you, you felt katsukis hands under your arms until he tosses you on his bed.
you laugh lightly, your mind feeding you bittersweet memories of moments just like this one.
katsuki crawls up the bed until he reaches your stomach, flopping down onto you and burying his face into your shirt.
“hi.” you say sweetly.
soon your shirt is lifted and he’s pressing open mouthed kisses into your skin.
“hi. ‘m sorry we fought. love you.” he mumbles, lifting himself on his forearms and crawling higher up on your body.
you nod. failing to reciprocate his love.
he frowns and sucks the skin under your collarbone.
“love you.” he repeats again, frown on his face.
“kats-.” you whine, voice breaking.
“what’s going on? was our fight bad?” he soothes, rubbing circles into your cheek with his thumb.
you feel your tears bubble over as you nod.
going to wipe your tears before he could see them. he beat you to it, kissing them away then pressing a warm kiss to your temple.
“it’s over now, yeah?” he asks.
you whimper and tuck your face into his neck.
“i want it to be but when your memory comes back you’re gonna leave me again.” you cry, fisting his shirt while tripping over your words.
he shushes you, bringing a hand to the back of your head and scratching your back.
“it’s okay, sweet thing. we’re okay.” he whispers against your neck.
“just go to sleep, yeah?”
you nod hesitantly and katsuki rolls onto his back with you clinging on.
you cuddle up sweetly on his chest and he scratches your back until you drift off.
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“are we broken up?” katsuki asks shakily.
kirishima turns to see katsuki standing in the doorway.
“uhhhh. i don’t think you and me were ever together.” kirishima laughs uncomfortably.
“you know what i fucking mean.”
kirishima groans, dragging a hand down his face.
“i’m trying to stay out of this.” he frowns.
bakugou clenches his fists.
“i deserve to know.”
“katsuki?” you call from the bedroom.
“you’re telling me tomorrow.” he frowns at kirishima.
kirishima nods in reply and katsuki walks back into the bedroom.
“hi sweets.” he smiles, climbing into bed with you and kissing your neck.
you scratch at the base of his hairline in appreciation.
“why’d you go?” you ask softly.
he knows you’re trying not to sound scared.
even though you both know you were a little tense.
“my memory’s still gone.” he smiles, giving you soft kisses.
“just needed some water.” he says against your lips.
“mmm.” you hum into the kiss, relief washing over you.
“let’s lay down, yeah?”
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“let’s lay down, yeah?”
“i cant.” you sputter, gasping through sobs.
his hands are on your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs.
you shake your head while stepping back, using your hands to push at his chest.
“baby.” he reasons.
“you can’t call me that.” you whine.
“i love you so much, just sleep here with me.” he pleads.
you wrap your hands around his wrists and tug his hand from your face harshly.
“is that you talking? or the commission?” you say coldly.
his face turns solemn, allowing his arms to drop.
“i just want you to be safe.” he whispers.
you fist his shirt.
“you keep me safe.” you cry, tears flowing freely.
he wraps his arms around you, tightly.
“the commission doesn’t think so, sweets.” he replies, his own eyes filling with tears.
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you watch as the love of your life’s memory comes back.
and he watches while yours fill with tears.
you grab onto his shirt with the tightest grip you can muster.
“please don’t go, katsu.” you whimper.
his face morphs into the familiar face that plagues your dreams.
“no.” you plead.
“no. no. no.”
he drops his head so his face is in your neck.
“i need you safe. you’re not safe when you’re with me.” you feel tears on your neck.
“i don’t wanna be safe. i want you.”
he brings his head up to look at you.
“i want you too.” you smile through your tears at his words.
he kisses your cheeks softly.
“but we can’t be together, baby. at least not for now.” he says, pressing his forehead to yours.
the two of your cry together, entangled in each others embraces.
until you fall asleep, dried tears on your faces and his lips on your forehead.
part 2
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13uswntimagines · 3 months
Text
Big Emotions (Alessia X Leah X toddler!R)
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Request: In the Arsenal game vs Manchester United, R has some big emotions about the crowd booing her Mama (Alessia), while shes sitting with Leah in the stands because shes not back from her ACL yet.
Warnings: None. This is a cute kidfic.
Pt. II
More in this universe- here
You tucked your face tightly into your Mama’s neck with a groan, the Batman blanket draped over your body like a little tent protecting you from the biting wind and camera flashes as the team made its way off the bus and into old Trafford. 
It wasn’t that Alessia was hiding you from the world, the fans definitely knew about you and loved to chatter about how adorable you were, but she always did her best to keep your face off of the internet. 
Finding where you lived, and where you went to preschool would be far too easy for someone who had Ill intentions for her to risk it. 
Arsenal and her teammates had agreed and refrained from putting your face on their official social media. Though there were a few of you in a Batman mask on Ella and Mary’s pages, and a couple with some well-placed stickers on the Arsenal official account, she had been successful in protecting your identity. 
And the fans seemed to respect her wishes too. 
So your appearance in your Batman blanket tent was one that the fans were used to. 
What no one was used to was how grumpy you were. 
The bus ride from London to Manchester had been long, and rather difficult if Alessia did say so herself.
It was an extension of the already challenging week without her girlfriend that the two of you were trying to navigate. You didn’t take kindly to breaks in your routine, and since your move to London, your mother’s girlfriend Leah had become a large part of that routine. 
You were nearly as attached to her as you were to Alessia, and you hadn’t taken well to her absence. You were unable to understand that she was just away on business and that she hadn’t abandoned you and your mama. 
The week had been peppered with sporadic FaceTimes that you had no interest in and a lot of crying when your typical routines were broken. 
The only reprieve had been your excitement for the game between Arsenal and Manchester United at your favorite stadium, Old Trafford. 
You had been so excited to see Mary and Ella that you had refused to sleep after your bedtime story, even after she pulled you into the big bed she normally shared with Leah since the move to London. 
Then you hadn’t been impressed by how early she had to wake you up, and were rather uncooperative as she got you dressed, flat out refusing breakfast because they weren’t the mini pancakes Leah usually made you on travel days. 
You were miserable by the time you got to the bus, and then you had been forced to sit still for nearly 4 hours. You hadn’t been interested in any of the snacks she brought, any of the movies on your iPad, or interacting with her Arsenal teammates (even Viv, Beth, and Katie which surprised her). The only reprieve had come when she finally coaxed you into a nap about 30 minutes before the bus pulled into the stadium. 
“Easy love,” She hummed, bouncing you lightly as she stepped off the bus, flashing a grin towards the waiting crowd while trying to balance you and her bag. 
“Let me take that,” Katie said, grabbing Alessia’s kit bag from her. “You just worry about getting the bug inside,” 
She nodded towards the Irish captain in thanks, bringing her now free hand up to cup the hidden back of your head as you shifted anxiously against her again at the cheering of the fans. 
She sent them another smile, but forwent going to say hello, and headed down the tunnel instead. 
The last thing she needed was a full-blown meltdown, and with how loud the fans were and how cranky you were, she knew that’s exactly what would happen. 
“We’ll get to the changing room, and you can finish your nap in your cubby, alright?” She said, keeping her voice soft, her feet tapping as the crowd noise faded, blocked by the walls of the stadium. “And then you get to see Mazza and Ella,”
“Weah,” You mumbled into her neck, your voice muffled by her skin, your blanket tent, and the stuffed animal clutched under your arm. 
“I know you want Leah,” She sighed, rounding the corner to the hallway that held the visiting team changing room and showers. 
She wanted Leah too. 
While she had been single when she had you and she knew how to be a single mom, things were so much harder than they were with Leah. 
The defender had been part of your life since you were barely a year old, and Alessia had gotten used to her help throughout their 2-year relationship. Even when she was in Manchester, Leah had been an active participant in helping Alessia raise you. 
Things were so much easier when they could tag team things like breakfast and keep you entertained. It was one of the selling points of moving to Arsenal. 
More time for the three of you to be a family.
“But I’m sure the equipment staff will get you a nice warm sippy of milk, and we can relax until I play,” She continued, nodding towards Stinia as she held the changing room door open for the two of you. 
She thought you would perk up at the mention of warm milk, something they were trying to limit to just before bedtime, but you only sniffled against her neck. 
“I think our visitor will help too,” Stinia said as she passed, tilting her head towards the locker that the staff always set up for you with blankets and snacks, and a jersey of your own. 
Alessia followed her eyes, her shoulders immediately relaxing at the sight of her blonde girlfriend. 
“Oh thank god,” She breathed, crossing the room to stand in front of her locker.
Leah met her halfway, pulling you both into her arms the second she was close enough. “Hey loves,” 
“Hey,” Alessia sighed, leaning into the woman and accepting a very tame kiss. “Missed you,”
“I missed you both too, so much,” Leah said, her expression soft. 
While she loved her job and the opportunities it afforded her, she had grown rather attached to the little family unit the three of you had created. 
She quite missed the way you cuddled up to her in the mornings while she watched cartoons with you, and helped you get ready for bed. It was made even more excruciating by how little interest you showed in interacting with her on FaceTime, going so far as to hide under the couch so you could escape the phone. 
The only reprieve had been the photos Alessia sent her of you and your stuffed turtle cuddled up in a nest of her sweatshirts, and your refusal to leave the house unless you were wearing one that smelled like Leah. 
Today she knew Alessia had wrapped you in one of her owls England ones. 
“Tough morning?” Leah asked when you didn’t pull your head out from your blanket tent to greet her. 
“You have no idea,” Alessia sighed, beginning to rock again to help settle you. “We’re in a very grumpy mood today,”
Leah made a low noise, stepping a little closer, tilting her head around to look at the opening to your little blanket cave, and laying a very gentle hand on the center of your back. “Hey snuggle bug,”
You shifted in Alessia’s hold, peeking out from under your blanket, the head of your stuffed turtle just visible under your chin. “Weah?”
“Yeah sweetie,” She smiled gently at your bed head. “Do you wanna come to me so mama can get ready? I’ve got your cubby all nice and cuddly for you,”
“No,” You mumbled, your fist tightening in Alessia’s shirt. “m comfy,”
Both women frowned. 
They expected you to cling to Leah the moment you saw her, she tended to be your go-to on game days, and you had been relentless in your desire to see her for the last week. 
“Ok,” Leah agreed, rubbing your back to hopefully help you stay settled. “Do you want to continue your nap?”
You shook your head, resting your cheek back on your Mama’s shoulder. The way you blinked heavily at her told her a different story, but she didn’t mention it. 
“Alright,” Leah hummed, running her fingers through your wild curls. 
Your eyes slid closed, and she shared another look with Alessia. 
“Let’s go to your cubby,” Alessia sighed, rocking you as she made her way over to the bench that was all set up for you with blankets and two jerseys hanging. 
She gently pulled your head from her neck and settled you into the little nest that had been created for you. You pulled your Batman blanket tightly around you, snuggled deeply into the pile of blankets, and pulled the hood of your England jersey over your head, tucking your nose into the collar that smelled like Leah. 
You hugged your stuffed turtle, Squirt close to your chest, and let your eyes slide closed. 
Maybe you would finish your nap. 
******
“Hey love bug, wake up,” 
Gentle hands rubbed your back, and you lazily blinked up at Leah’s voice. 
“Warm-ups are about to start,” She continued, squatting in front of your little cubby. “Do you want to wear your jersey?” 
You shook your head, your little hands coming up to rub the sleep out of your eyes. 
“Alright,” Leah agreed, reaching up to brush your wild curls out of your eyes. “Does Squirt want his jersey?”
You yawned, thinking about it for a very long second before nodding. 
Leah smiled widely at you, reaching above you to the two extra jerseys hanging in your cubby, specifically designed for your favorite stuffed friend. 
“Does he want to wear mine or Mama’s?” She asked, waiting patiently as your eyes flickered between them. 
It often took you a few minutes to make big decisions like whose jersey you would wear. 
“Mazza,” You mumbled. 
The corners of Leah’s lips pulled downward. She wasn’t sure that Alessia had packed the turtle-sized Earps jersey that was a staple at Lionesses games. “I’m not sure we have that one bug. Can you pick mine or mama’s?”
You pouted, tucking your face into Squirt’s shell and shaking your head. 
“Ok love,” Leah sighed, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice. “I have a sippy for you if you would like to watch warmups?”
Your eyebrows furrowed, and you rubbed your nose into squirt's soft body as you thought it over. 
You did love to watch Mama play, and they didn’t let you drink warm milk unless it was bedtime. 
“Otay,” You said finally, holding out your arms for Leah to pick you up. 
Her smile returned, as she ran her hand through your wild curls, and lifted you, squirt and the Batman blanket still wrapped around you into her arms. 
You immediately tucked your face into her neck, squishing your stuffed turtle between you, as she tucked your blanket more tightly around you. 
You hated jackets, and the old England sweatshirt you were wearing was not sufficient to keep you warm on its own. 
“Mazza and El?” You asked into her skin, practically melting into her as she made her way out of the changing room and down the tunnel, nodding at some of the staff as she passed. 
Leah hummed. “They’ll be out there too, but I think we’re closer to the Arsenal bench,” 
You yawned, a big dinosaur yawn as she stepped out into the stadium, waving at a few fans as she got settled in the seat just behind the bench that the training staff had set up for the two of you. 
“See after?” You asked, turning your head so you had a good view of the pitch. 
“Definitely,” Leah agreed, passing you a warm red and blue sippy cup filled with milk. 
Your eyes found your mama, running next to Viv near the center of the pitch, and you followed them as you sucked on your favorite beverage, relaxing into the defender's hold. 
Leah rubbed your back, bouncing her knees very gently. It was adorable how you waved at the girls on the pitch, no matter what team it was, and how they waved back, nudging whoever was next to them to point you out. 
You got particularly excited when Ella noticed you, sending you a very enthusiastic wave and a kiss. 
Leah knew the move to Arsenal hadn’t been easy for you. You were rather attached to the Manchester United women, and you missed them even if you had settled in well with the Arsenal girls. 
She just hoped that you could handle seeing both teams go at it. 
Seeing your Mama go against your decidedly favorite aunts. 
“Mama is waving at you,” Leah said, nudging you as Alessia sent you an equally big wave. 
Maybe this would pull you out of your grumpiness. 
*******
Any hope that Leah had of your mood lifting was dashed as soon as the starting lineups were announced. 
You had finished your milk just after warmups were over and dawned your Spider-Man ear defenders as the crowd roared to life. You seemed excited to chant along with them to their rendition of Country Road, and the Glory Glory Man united chant, even waving squirt along to the tunes. 
But then everything shifted. 
You wilted under the chorus of boos that met your Mama’s name, frowning as they echoed from every inch of the stadium. 
“Why they boo Mama?” 
Your voice was soft as you turned to Leah, a distinct crinkle between your eyes. 
Leah bit her lip at your adorableness, smoothing back your hair again. “Well, you remember how Mama played for United?” 
You nodded. “With El and Mazza,” 
“That’s right,” She said. “When she moved to Arsenal, that upset a lot of people,” 
“Because she so good? And they were sad?”
Your head tilted to the side at the question. 
Leah hummed. Recognizing and vocalizing your emotions were things that they were working on with you, so she was proud that you were trying to understand the big emotions of the crowd. 
“Some are sad,” She agreed. “Some are angry because they don’t understand why she left them,” 
“She no leave. You no leave either,” You said automatically, and Leah was already nodding. 
“No, we will never leave you. She just changed teams because it was better for her,” She explained gently. 
It was a familiar reassurance, one that she and Alessia had to given you hundreds of times. 
You had never met your father, but since you started pre-school, you had been acutely aware that you had a Mama and a Leah instead of a mom and dad. They weren’t sure exactly what started it, but you had become irrationally terrified that one of them would leave you. Terrified to the point of a panic attack. 
She knew that her absence hadn’t helped. 
“Mark a meanie butt,” You muttered, turning back towards the pitch. 
Leah suppressed her snort as the teams lined up for kickoff. 
He was a meanie butt, and he hadn’t treated you well, going as far as to say that you were a distraction, and doing his best to make it impossible for Alessia to spend time with you. 
“Who do you think is going to score?” Leah asked you, redirecting your attention. 
Your nose scrunched as you thought. “Mama score one and El,” 
“If Mama scores then Mazza won’t have a clean sheet,” Leah reminded you, resting her chin on your shoulder. 
You shrugged, the crinkle between your eyebrows reappearing when the crowd erupted in more boos as the ball neared your mama. 
You didn’t like it when they booed. 
Leah tightened her hold on you, as you began to squirm, your head whipping back and forth with the pace of the game. 
“Go, Mama!” You yelled as Katie dispossessed Galton and sent a ball over the top, right into Alessia’s path. 
She easily collected it and sent it careening right past Mary’s outstretched fingers. 
You nearly launched yourself out of Leah’s lap as the ball hit the back of the net, cheering so loudly that Leah was afraid you would hurt yourself. She pulled you back to stand on her thighs. 
Your little yell of excitement was drowned out by the deafening boo throughout the stadium, impossibly louder than it was before.
You turned in Leah’s lap, glaring up at the crowd around you. “No boo my Mama!” 
“Easy love,” She said, using her hands on your hips to balance you as you stood on her lap, hyper-aware of the cameras now pointing in your direction. 
“No boo Mama!” You screamed at the audience again, your fists clenched at your side, your little cheeks going red. “Mean!”
“It’s ok bug,” Leah tried again, using hands under your armpits and standing up so she was cradling you against her chest. “You’re ok,” 
“No ok,” You yelled, tears finally leaking from your eyes. “No boo mama goal. Bestest goal,” 
She shushed you gently, rocking from side to side, as she gestured towards security to let her back to the aisle behind the benches.“I know love,” 
No one wanted your looming meltdown to be splashed across social media later, even if Leah agreed with you. 
It was a great goal and it didn’t deserve the boos. 
Alessia didn’t deserve the boos. 
 “Sh, you’re ok,” She shushed you gently, stepping down the small staircase and into the tunnel, dampening the boos. “Take some deep breaths for me,” 
“Mama,” You sniffled miserably into her neck, wiping your tears on Squirt's back. “Best,” 
“Your mama is the best,” Leah hummed, running the hand not holding you through your hair, scratching your scalp. 
You sagged against her, just like your mother did when Leah ran her hands through her hair. 
“And they all know it too. They just don’t know how to handle her being on a different team,” She continued, rocking from side to side. “You’re ok,” 
“Mama best,” You repeated, pulling back to look at her with a pout. “no boo,” 
She smiled sadly at you. “We can’t stop them from booing, but you know what we can do?”
You shook your head, your eyes that were so like Alessia’s still watery and rimmed red. 
“We can cheer so loud that we drown out the boos,” Leah said, fixing your hoodie. 
Your eyes flashed with determination. “I cheer for Mama goals,” 
She hummed, kissing your forehead (and Squirt’s when you held him up for her). “Let’s go then,” 
You nodded vigorously, wiping your eyes. “But after, I tell Mazza and El that fans were butt heads,” 
Leah made a low noise of agreement in the back of her throat, bouncing lightly as she made her way back to the mouth of the tunnel. 
Her idea wasn’t a complex fix to your mood, and she was sure that they would have to dodge more frustration tantrums from you, but hopefully, it would satisfy you until after the match. 
Yes, Alessia would need to assure you that she was alright, and they would need to scrub social media of your face angrily yelling at fans, but right now she would take the little that you were giving her. 
There would be time for big emotions later. 
Right now, all she had to do was cheer for her love with you (and Squirt). 
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