#also i don't have hand tremors or anything like that but when I'm tired oh my god

[nientedal]

I just saw ANOTHER post lamenting this change, so I'm just gonna say "fuck it" and make a how to do the thing post, and if I'm misunderstanding the outrage... lol, this is tumblr, I'm sure someone will tell me.

Currently, if you want to go to a post in the middle of a reblog thread, you have to click the empty space in what I call the reblog header. The reblog header is the space that holds a user's name and reblog details, and on desktop, it turns a different color when you move your cursor over it. It's this space:

It doesn't change colors on mobile, obviously, because no cursor, but I think tapping is a little more intuitive on mobile anyway and afaik this particular thing has been this way here for a while now...? Whatever. Anyway, that's how you get to a mid-thread reblog!

(I actually do kinda like this new setup. It's not perfect, it can be annoying if someone's URL is long or if I accidentally click "Follow" instead of the header space. But overall, the space to click into a prior reblog is bigger now and I like that. I don't think I'll have to worry as much about mouse precision or drowsy coordination issues, which is nice. Maybe I'll be able to use the desktop version more.)

However, this means that in order to see "prev tags," you apparently have to click into the notes view and scroll until you find them. That's annoying for those who want to see them, and I can't blame anyone for being irritated. If you're new here you may be surprised to learn "prev tags" is fairly recent, so my recommendation (if you're looking for an alternative) is to put the actual tags from the user you're reblogging from, instead. This was normal prior to the "prev tags" trend if you wanted to share tags without screenshotting them, and it seems like tumblr has made it super easy now. The mobile app now automatically suggests the previous tags, and on desktop, they show up in a dropdown when you click to tag your post. Personally, I like to put "<-borrowing your tags bc funny" or "<-stole your tags for truth" or something right after, so I don't feel like I'm taking credit for someone else's phrasing. But either way, it's handy for your followers to be able to read the tags you liked without having to click to a different blog.

I'm hoping this particular change will be seen as useful after the rocky adjustment period is over.

All this being said, I personally like these particular changes, but I wish Tumblr would not roll out changes as rapidly as they seem to be recently. Either change everything at the same time or give it a rest, holy shlamoly! I stopped using Facebook because it seemed like every time I opened it, something was different, and it became jarring and uncomfortable to try to use. I'm starting to have a similar feeling about tumblr, and I don't like it.

#i suspect the prev tags trend is the reason for this change tbh #a tagging system is an organizational system and 'prev tags' is literal junk for organization purposes #even in conversational or informal context #they made copying tags super convenient? and using prev tags obnoxiously INconvenient? #like......i dunno. do the math. 🤷 #doesn't mean you gotta be happy about it of course; I'm just saying. i bet that's why #honestly I'm just looking forward to not having to click through to a blog i don't care about just to see what the prev tags were #usually i don't even bother but occasionally someone will talk about the previous tags in THEIR tags #and i wanna know context. so. looking forward to that maybe not being a thing #anyways #dal is a text post #tumblr update #also i don't have hand tremors or anything like that but when I'm tired oh my god #precision is my enemy lol #really looking forward to just. header click! yay! #that's gonna be so nice on desktop omg #but uh. as long as I'm yelling in the tags? prev tags can die in a fire and i will cheerfully roast marshmallows over its flickering corpse #it's a mildly annoying trend at worst but it does not belong with the way this website works #just tumblr things #new user

[lilacastar]

KDA 19: Meantime

"When you became different," 5K began.

His breath paused, holding the smoke in longer than he would have normally.

"I knew something- I..."

Kalrick waited patiently, not rushing the stumbling words. 5K looked down, away from where his dark eyes stared.

"Do you remember Allison?"

"Your sister, yeah." She'd graduated before all of them, so his memory wasn't especially clear. But he seemed to remember her dropping by every once in a while.

"Yeah, she died."

"Oh." He re-situated the red cup in his hands, but it didn't help with any tension. "I'm so sorry. This probably isn't your first time telling me."

"It is actually. It happened when you started getting really busy, and those symbols got inked on you." He nodded at Kalrick's wrists. "You were really distracted and not around often. Didn't really have the time or emotional energy to bother you."

"I wish I could have been there for you, though."

"It is what it is." He shrugged. "But you know me. I've always had... Substance ish- issues. Allison had a blood clot we didn't know about. She hit her head and killed her pretty much instantly, nothing we could do about it."

"But you can control what goes in your body." Kalrick could already feel where it was going.

"Yeah," He nodded. "I've had addiction issues since- fuck, I don't even know how long. I started using in middle school but it didn't become a problem till later. I felt in control of the coke, acid, ecstasy. I guess her dying was all it took for it to- to go out of control. I picked up heroin."

Kalrick couldn't make eye contact with him any longer. If he had been there, been present... But he wasn't. He could've helped pick him back up. No one was there to care for him.

"I blew all my money but even that didn't stop me."

"What did?" He gestured back at him. "I mean, you're ok and still here."

"I died, Kalrick. I overdosed, and it flat lined me for over 5 minutes."

He couldn't tell if it was the smoke or the weight of 5Ks words that made his head dizzy. If he had just been there, but he wasn't.

"My brain got derived- deprived of oxygen and gave me anoxic brain injury. The dose that kicked me was laced with fentanyl, and I have permeant brain damage. Mostly just gives me tremors and concentration problems. Sometimes I lose my words."

"Damn, I don't know what to say. I've sort of jumped back in and made everything about me. If I can help at all just tell me what."

He shook his head. "You don't need to do anything, promise. Just time will help. They say you can recover for years now, when they used to think it was in the first 6 months."

"Man, but I feel like if I was around I could have gotten you help sooner."

"Don't say that, I did some disappointing things to get better. You're the one who deserved better, cause I'm the one who got help in the end. I got rehab, and you got taken advantage of"

"Then lets not think about it. We're here after all, might as well be present now."

"I can second that."

The door knocked, disrupting their conversation.

"Come on in!" 5K shouted.

Randle entered, shuffling through to where they sat.

"Smells like a hotbox in here," He coughed. "Kalrick, how did you even get here?"

"Teleported." Kalrick nodded.

"Then why can't you teleport to wherever it is you need me to take you?"

"Cause it's exhausting and thought it'd be a great bonding experience. I also can't go places alone and don't ask me to explain but only certain places are teleport-able."

"Is this what you do all day?" He gestured to 5K. "I don't think I've ever seen you go to work, which is where I just came from."

"I'm on disability, not that it's any of your business." 5K rolled his eyes.

"You're right, it's not my business. I'm just tired."

"You don't have to help if you're tired," Kalrick said. "I just thought we all were in this now. And I don't know, it feels good to hang out again. We used to research this type of stuff all the time."

"We did," Randle gazed reminiscently. "I haven't picked that stuff up in a long time though."

"There's nothing you practice? Or I don't know, work with or research?"

"Not really. Kal, I like astrology. Like, reading my horoscope or getting my palm read. Demons, spells, tarot- I liked doing that with you specifically."

"Oh."

Kalrick found himself unable to fathom this information. It seemed like that stuff was all they did together. It always seemed like Randle was having a good time and enjoying himself.

"Well," Randle crossed his arms, looking down at them. "Are we going to follow your lead or keep smoking weed on the couch?"

"I could smoke some more." 5K remarked.

"Let's get started," Kalrick gathered his bag.

"Where did you have in mind?" Randle asked.

"Honestly, I don't know which tattoo place I hit up. I was just going to go to all the nearest ones until I found the one someone named Valery works at."

"Why not just call them and ask?"

"Oh. Uh, I guess I didn't think of that."

"I guess you still have use for me after all."

"I've always had use for you. I like being around you."

He turned to the door. "Let's just get going."

But Kalrick could've sworn he saw the edge of a smile.

#KDA #KDA 19

[af-daemonicus]

"Oh darling, don't you see it's already too late?"

A wave of confusion hits you. Too late for what? You'd given in only to my kisses so far, and despite now having been led up to the bed, nothing more had happened. All you'd done now was... say no. Then, I see the gorgeous shift to a slightly darker blue in your eyes, as I watch the fear sink in. Too late to say no? Surely not. You'd seen some sort of desire, lust maybe in how I had been looking at you, but you know me. I wouldn't do anything to harm you, would I? Before you can even begin to start forming all of these questions into coherent speech, my mouth is on yours once again, and my tongue is slowly forcing its way down your throat, caressing yours as it does so.

Your hands meet my chest as you attempt to push me off, finally feeling the ability to protest this come back to you, and at first, it seems as if it has worked. Until, that is, you feel your back, shoulders and head all break contact with the bed beneath you. You look up at me holding you up by your collar, a dark expression forming. "Who told you you were allowed to touch, hmm? Pieces of meat like you don't get to do anything unless I tell you, got it?"

You feel your back slam down onto the bed again, and before you can even think of moving something heavy is already weighing down on your chest. My knee, pressed firmly between your ribs, prevents you from seeing much further, but you feel as I start to deftly undo your trousers before sliding them off, followed by my own. Our shirts are next as I move to straddle your waist, further ensuring no escape and leaving nothing but two thin pieces of fabric between us as I lean in towards you. My hot breath hits the soft flesh of your neck, just below your ear, causing a slight shiver to be sent down your spine.

"Look at you; already so weak, darling." "W-what do you mean? No, I'm not!"; the conviction in your response was undercut by the tremor in your voice. "You don't seem so sure, my angel. You really ought to be able to get away from you, I'm not trying all that hard to stop you. Go on, try it."

A sinking feeling forms in your chest at my challenge, and as your arms move to push me, your trembling hands can barely push in enough to dent the soft flesh of my chest, let alone cause any movement. The look in your eyes as you look back up data me screams a million questions of how, but your throat closes up and you can't even manage one. My lips meet yours again, tenderly at first as if to reassure you, but this hope is fleeting and you soon feel a cold sensation drawn along your leg. Confident that you won't manage an escape, I move to sit on my knees beside you, and as I do you catch sight of what it is that caused that sensation. In my hand, the light bouncing off it as it moves is a blade. Small but sharp, you watch as the blunt edge makes it up to your inner thigh before I twist it in my grasp and press the very tip of the edge against the tender flesh; not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough for you to be well aware of the threat. My hand moves once again, and you recoil - looking away as you fear the worst. Tentatively you look back down after the movement stops, and you notice an absence of pain. Instead of cutting your skin, you notice that the fabric that had separated us has been cut free from your body.

"Now then, baby.", the hand holding the blade makes its way up your body and rests dangerously close to your throat, "I am tired of waiting to take what I want from you, so here's what's going to happen. I'm going to stroke your cock, and every time you make even the faintest noise, I'm going to cut into you. Each time deeper, as I drain the blood from you. When you make a noise, and you will, my hand will also move up from your chest and closer to your throat. The choice is yours here, my darling. Either you try to stay quiet for as long as you can, inevitably drawing out this process, or you give in to your fate and accept the inevitable by not holding back. Understood?" You manage what counts as barely a nod as my hand wraps around you.

Watching your pained expression form as you struggle to keep quiet only fuels my desire for you, and it isn't long until my soft hand around your eager cock begins to draw out helpless whimpers from you. The first nick doesn't break the skin, simply leaving a raised red reminder of your fate, but the second pulls droplets of a beautiful sanguine elixir from beneath your skin. I lean forward, and you anticipate my mouth to meet your body and begin to drain you. That is until you watch my head tilt backwards and my eyes roll back, and with what sounds almost like a soft moan you see my form shift as a pale, fleshy tendril begins to grow from me and attaches itself to you. While it all looked smooth as it formed, you feel now an almost leech-like connection as it convulses, drawing blood into me. This new sight, the sensation and knowledge of how powerless you are end your adamance to try to stay quiet, and soon you don't fight off any of the sounds you make. More and more tendrils form to drink from the crimson ichor you gift to me, and it isn't long before you're left too weak to hold back. With a pitiful noise of fear and disappointment, I feel you throb in my hand one last time before you release the pleasure that has been building within you.

As I watch you give in to me, blacking out momentarily, I know that I have the perfect opportunity to take something more from you. Keeping the tendrils attached to you, I pull you down the bed slightly and lower my cunt over your mouth - already agape from the pleasure that left you in this state. My hips move rhythmically as I fuck myself on your mouth, using your body even after you've temporarily given up on operating it. Even without being conscious, my hungry cunt is able to pull your tongue inside me to further my pleasure. There are moments when I hear your frail body click and crack below me, and I'm not entirely sure if you're able to breathe while smothered by my ass and cunt, but that's unimportant compared to what I am doing. It isn't until I have nearly taken it from you that you awaken, and you can do nothing but watch as I reach my own climax. As I do, you feel a painful tug within you, and then an almost electric connection between our bodies as your soul is drawn from you and consumed in a way not too dissimilar to how I had been draining you of your blood not long before.

Something about our connection in that moment tells you that most of what I have taken is already being digested within me as fuel, but you notice a silverish shimmer course through my tendrils. You don't know how you know, most of your own thoughts are long gone by now after so long of taking them through my kiss or with your blood, but you recognise it as remnants of what I have just taken - your soul. Barely conscious still, you look on as I pull myself off you. My body comes away, but the tendrils stay attached, instead now shifting and slithering along your damaged pale form and wrapping around you. You watch a smile form on my face that seems to resemble that of someone who has just finished a large serving of their favourite food. My movements may seem a little slower now, but you recognise the increase in power I have just by sight alone.

"Mmn, fuck, baby. You taste far too good. Usually, I'd be done with you, simply consuming the remainder of your flesh for the small amounts of energy and blood I'd missed. But not you. You are something far more special than my usual fuel. So you'll stay here, kept barely alive with the small bit of energy I've let you keep, and enough of a connection to your soul in the fragments that power what bind you that you'll regenerate small bits of that energy between our visits. You'll stay with me, I can provide for you. I can nurse you back up to health so that I can keep taking for a little longer. It won't be permanent - eventually, your soul will grow too weak to sustain you, and I'll consume you like the rest. But for now, my dear, you get to help me. Even when you're too weak to be a good food source, I'm sure your pitiful body will make such a good fuck toy for me. Now rest up, alright? You'll need it."

You can't get a good look at me as I leave from the way you are bound, but you hear the door close and the sound wane until my footsteps fade to nothingness. You have nothing now; you're left exposed, broken and frail on the bed, legs held apart. Your conscience slowly starts to fade again, until you realise that the position you have been left in was no coincidence. An errant tendril pushes slowly inside you, massaging you from the inside and robbing you of true rest. All that's left for you now until my return are endless waves of pleasure that quickly surpass even overstimulation and become a numbness that keeps you from sleep. That's all you feel now; you feel numb. You are numb. You are nothing.

#nsft #nblm #smutt

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 2.7k

Warnings: swearing, angst, drunk, motion of death

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 2 Part 4

Part 3

In less than ten minutes, we had pulled up to Liam's house. Liam paid for the taxi too. I kind of argued this time, but he pointed out he asked me to his house. I didn't get too stubborn about it.

Liam was living in a four-story terrace house, recently renovated by the looks of it. It was painted white with black wrought iron lacework, and it was beautiful. The front door and windows were painted black. It appeared to be the twin of the house that shared its wall.

We entered through the dining room, and I realised it was actually the two houses renovated together. The inside was modern with original heritage touches. The floors were light timber, and the walls were white. The ceilings had plaster and cornice so beautifully ornate that restoration must have taken ages. The room had an imposing black marble fireplace and a deep brown, almost black wooden dining table set on a grey shag rug in the room's centre. A huge abstract painting of bright pinks, greens and grey hung on the wall.

"Wow, this must have cost a mint!" I quickly covered my mouth. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me."

"It's ok. I was pleasantly surprised by the house too. The studio got the house for me I...." Liam was interrupted by a massive dog bounding into the room.

Liam got down and roughhoused with the dog for a bit. Wow, he was a monster! I'd seen a picture of Cole before that "Will" had sent me, but I wasn't quite prepared for how big he was. He was almost completely black with some brown above his eyes and ears. His paws were brown too, and his belly was grey. He wasn't any particular breed, apparently a rescue dog. I thought of my bull terrier cross cattle dog at home. This dog would eat him for breakfast, and Perrin wasn't small.

Cole's pink tongue lolled, and he panted as Liam moved from side to side. Cole imitated Liam's actions jumping about. He barked a couple of times as he got excited by the play. The noise reverberated through the quiet house.

"Shhh, Cole, people are sleeping." Liam softly admonished. Then his voice became stern. "Sit," he ordered before patting him. Liam looked at me and said, "Lana, this is Cole. Cole, Lana."

"Hi, Cole. You're much bigger in person." I could hear the slight tremor in my voice. Liam must have sensed I was nervous and came over to stand near me. Cole padded over and sniffed at me. Gingerly, I put my hand by my side and let him approach me. Cole nuzzled my hand, and I gave him a pat on the side of his neck. I let out a sigh of relief.

"I was worried he wouldn't like me. I love dogs but always get nervous around new ones." Liam put his head to the side, asking a silent question. "I had a dingo go me one time, and I've never really gotten over it." I squatted down and gave Cole more pats. "I think this guy is ok, though."

"Yeah, he's a good boy. How is Perrin, by the way?"

"He's ok." I sighed, "he's just old. The poor little guy can't get onto my bed anymore and sleeps in my lounge room now. I kinda miss it, but I have slept a bit better."

Liam gave Cole some more pats and told him to go sit. "Come on. I'll make you a tea or coffee if you'd like." I agreed a coffee would be perfect right now. I needed something to sober me up.

I sat at the kitchen bench while Liam made coffees. Cole sat by my stool, and I patted his head while watching Liam. Liam had kicked off his shoes and was walking around in his bare feet. It was amazing to see him so much more relaxed here than while we were out. He really did appear to enjoy being at home.

As Liam made our coffee, he moved with a grace that surprised me. His movements seemed economical and rigid but hinted at the power beneath them. He seemed coiled and ready to explode at any moment. It was like he was dancing the pasodoble, his body moving to an invisible beat. Images of Strictly Ballroom came into my mind, and I found myself humming Love is in the Air. I was drunker than I thought.

When Liam was done, he led me over to his large L shaped lounge, and I sat. Liam flopped down next to me, casually laying back and popped his feet up on the coffee table. Cole sat on a mat that was clearly his.

I sipped my coffee, not knowing what else to do. Suddenly the quiet between Liam and I felt awkward.

Liam and I spoke at the same time, "What.." "So..."

We both laughed. Liam indicated I should proceed. "Well, I was going to ask what brought you out to Sydney, for real, not the Will answer."

"A new project. I'm going to be filming a television show." Liam proceeded to tell me about his project, working with some people from Netflix on a fantasy/sci-fi series adaptation. He was so animated when telling me that it was obvious that he loved his job.

It would be his first television series and was to be more romance heavy than anything he had done in years. Liam explained that he is filming here because the story was written and developed in Australia. "If it works out, I'll probably be based out of Australia for the next few years. I'll go home to England for a few months during breaks, maybe do some small film roles. It's hard with Cole, though, because every trip into Australia means 10 days quarantine for him."

"Oh yeah, and you don't want a Pistol and Boo situation." Liam looked confused, and I explained about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp smuggling their dogs into Australia.

"I thought you said you don't follow celebrity gossip."

"I don't, but that was big news, hilarious really. It was on every bit of media in Australia, and then they had to make this cringe video apology. I almost felt bad for them." Then I yawned, suddenly all the alcohol had lost its buzz, and I was just tired. "The coffee doesn't seem to be doing its job. What time is it?"

Liam looked at his watch, "11.30."

"Yeah, it's late. I should get home. I don't want to turn into a pumpkin." I cringed. Fuck.

"You don't have to go. You could stay here." I raised my eyebrows. "I do have more than one bed if that's what you want." Liam leaned over to me and placed a hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against my skin.

I looked at my nearly empty coffee mug. I swirled the dregs around the bottom as if it were tea leaves, and they would tell me what to do. "I don't want to go home yet, but I don't want to go too fast, either."

"That's ok."

I didn't move. I wanted to stay. Ten years ago, I would have stayed, but Andy's face flashed into my thoughts. I knew it was ridiculous. Andy had been gone for over three years now. But every time I even contemplated being with someone, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

Liam was waiting for an answer, but I didn't know what to tell him. 'It's not you, it's me' is such a tired cliche, but sometimes it's true.

"Lana, it's ok. If you want to go home, that's absolutely fine. I'll even call you an Uber."

I felt my eyes sting, and I looked away from Liam. My bloody traitorous tear ducts giving me away. I shouldn't have drunk so much. Alcohol always makes me emotional.

"Fuck." I swore under my breath. I angrily wiped at my eyes, thankful I had used waterproof mascara. My eyeliner was a different story, though, and black streaked my fingers. I asked Liam where his bathroom was, and I got up, only half listening to his directions. I found it quickly. It was only through the doorway into a little enclave with a powder room, stairs and a lift. What kind of bloody house has a lift?

I closed the door and sat on the toilet seat. I knew enough not to try to stop the tears, so I just let them go. Bloody hell, Andy. Why did he fucking have to leave me? Why the fuck did you have to fucking die. Goddammit. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do this to Andy? I wanted to scream, to punch something, to throw something. I needed another cigarette. Fuck you, Andy. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck Liam.

As I always did when I thought of Andy, I remembered the last time I saw him. His sweet face looked down at me as he kissed me goodbye. His deep brown hair fell like a curtain around us, hiding our kiss from the world. Cheekily I had slipped my tongue into his mouth, and he had groaned as he pulled away. He told me to save it for when he got back and would be as quick as he could be. I had thanked him for filling in for me. He winked and said to thank him later. Then he left.

When I was able to, I started to take deep breaths. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I could feel the tightness in my chest slowly ease. Breathing became more comfortable, and the tears stopped. I looked at my hands, and I was able to release the fists I was making. My nails hadn't broken the skin this time, but small red crescents remained etched into my palms.

I waited a few minutes longer to make sure the moment had passed. It wasn't Andy's fault he died, and I knew that. It's also not my fault that I wanted someone to love again. Sleeping with someone other than Andy felt like crossing the Rubicon, no going back.

The fact was there is no going back, no Andy to go back to, even if I wanted. In my head, it still felt like a betrayal. But it wasn't. And Liam wasn't just anybody. He was a guy I had spent weeks talking to, getting to know, and although he looks different, he is still acting as I had expected. I saw a potential future here. Did I really want to let my past ruin it?

I cleared my throat and stood up, preparing myself to see the horror that looked back at me. Ugh, it wasn't great. My eyeliner had given me panda eyes, and the tears had created streaks down my cheeks.

Getting a tissue and blew my nose, and decided there was nothing else for it, I washed my makeup off my face. I avoided washing my eye makeup off though, that was a mess I just didn't have the products for, so I just wiped under my eyes and cleaned it up. I binned my tissues, washed my hands, took a few more deep breaths and prepared myself to face Liam.

I opened the door and walked straight into something solid that made me bounce back into the bathroom like a tennis ball. Hands caught me before I hit the floor, and I found myself in Liam's arms.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He asked.

"No," I was flustered again. I spent all that time calming down to just be in a state two seconds later. "I just didn't expect you to be outside the door. Jesus, you're like a brick shit house."

Liam didn't laugh. "I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," I lied.

Liam didn't look convinced. He let me go and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now."

Liam nodded. "I'll get you that Uber." He pulled his phone out.

That's it then. All in all, it wasn't the worst date I'd been on since Andy died. Actually, it was probably the best. Liam, at least, was a guy I was attracted to and didn't appear to be a man child. He seemed to like me, even when I cried over another man. Although I doubt Liam knew that's why I was crying. I had told him I was married before and he had died, but that was only once and a long time ago, and we hadn't discussed it again.

The tears had done their job, and a calmness came over me now. I had said goodbye to Andy, and I was ready to take that last step to move on. That was why I started to date again; to open my heart, I was ready.

I put my hand on Liam's wrist, "if you still want me to, I'd like to stay."

"Are you sure? I probably shouldn't have asked in the first place. I let my other head think for me." Though I laughed at his candid admission, Liam's face was serious. "I'm not joking. I want you, and I didn't think about how you must be feeling. The whole fake profile thing must still be weighing on your mind. And all of the other problems that go along with being with me. You should have more time to think about it."

And my dead husband, let's not forget that. I didn't say that out loud, thank God. "I will have time to think about it. But right now, I want..." Shit. I've gone shy again. Just fucking tell him you want him too! "I mean, can't we just have a bit of a cuddle and a snog?"

Liam's lips twitched as he tried to suppress a smile, "a cuddle and a snog?"

I nodded.

Smiling, Liam put his phone back in his pocket. "I think I can arrange that."

Without further warning, Liam grabbed my wrists in one hand and pinned them to the wall above my head. His other hand snaked around my waist, holding me to him, his hips rolling into mine. His eyes were fierce and focused on mine. I  closed my eyes, the sensations too much, and my breath quickened.

I heard Liam say through gritted teeth, "It's taken everything I had not to do this to you since I saw you at the bar. I wanted to take you then and there." His voice seemed to ease, the words coming easier for him. "You don't know how much I've wanted to touch you. To know you are real." Then he whispered, "and you are. Real. You're as beautiful tonight as you were in your pictures."

I opened my eyes and found Liam staring at me, and his intensity was nearly frightening. He pulled me tighter against himself, his fingertips digging into me while he crushed me against his body. I felt his hardness against my hip, and I couldn't stop myself from rubbing against it. This time Liam closed his eyes, and I felt the rush of blood to my centre.

Liam opened his eyes, desire naked on his face, "Kiss me," he said.

I met his soft and warm lips. I felt Liam's groan rumble in his vast chest, and kissing him again, my lips scraped against his whiskers. Liam kissed me back now. His tongue pushed past my lips, and found mine. His tongue playfully danced in my mouth. Liam's hand left my arse and started to feel my hips, my waist and then my breasts. He cupped them and gently squeezed. My breath caught as his hand skimmed past my nipple. His palm created friction against the lace of my bra, and tingles radiated through my body.

His lips left mine and went to my neck. He kissed and sucked at me, moving down to the top of my breasts. I heard him take a deep breath into my chest as his cheeks rubbed against my skin. His kisses became harder against my chest and moved back up to my neck, his teeth nipping at me as he went. Even though he had me captured, I wriggled against him, my hips moved uncontrollably, my breath uneven and weak.

Liam pulled away, still firmly gripping one of my hands. "Come with me." Liam led me to the lift.

"Where are we going?"

"To my bedroom." I pulled against him, forcing him to stop. "Sweetheart, I promise I won't fuck you until you ask."

My legs turned to jelly. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg despite my reservations. I nodded and followed Liam into the lift.

Part 4

#original character #original fiction #romantic story

[nyeonisparks]

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST PT. 2

The grip on my throat was firm, breathing seemed out of the question. For once in my life, I was thankful for my uncanny strength. My hands instinctively clenched together, my body shifted on its own, I took a swing with enough intensity to at least get the man off of me. Blood gushed from my adversary. He covered his nose, his smirk never faltering. "You caught me off guard, normal people would instinctively grab their foes wrist, in hopes of them letting go."

"uck," I choked on my words, trying to breathe again. I staggered over to him, clearing my throat. He tilted his head to the side, glancing at me.

"Now, I'm gonna kick your smarmy little ass!" Stepping forward, I swung at him; however, he dogged my attack with incredible speed.

"And why do I need my ass kicked? You were the one who came into my home," He was right, I loathe violence, yet here I am, using it on someone who was just defending their own space. "Hehe, and you said I was the monster, but look at you, hurting an innocent man" no, he's wrong, I was defending myself, he was at my throat.

His eyes looked at me in a way no village had. There was no anger, no hate, no fear. For someone that had just gotten their nose punched in, he didn't seem too frightened of me. "Look, I'm sorry for intruding, I was just trying to escape the storm, and I'm also sorry for calling you a monster," I know how much it hurts to be called a monster too. He didn't say anything, it was almost like he had lost all interest in me. "Is your nose okay?" Even though I didn't start the fight, I felt guilty.

"I'm fine, you can leave now" His tone was bitter, he had turned his back on me,

"Sorry to be a bother but, I have no place to go," I had to swallow my pride and think rationally.

"That's not my problem," anger arose in me, but I held it back.

"Please, can you help me" He looked over his shoulder at me, his nose bleeding at the bridge, my knuckles had scraped off the skin. I felt judged by his eyes. He turned to face me again, walking closer, I was on guard this time, no way was I gonna fall for the same trick twice.

"Beg"

"Excuse me, I don't think I heard you right" I hope to god I didn't hear him right.

"Get on your knees, and beg," His voice was rigid, yet he wore a smile.

"No way in hell am I doing that!"

"Then leave, get eaten by wolves, starve to death for all I care," He shrugged his shoulders. I knew if worse came to worse, I could always go back to the village; however, I had abandoned my friends, I wouldn't be able to face them again, I would be too ashamed. I knelt down,

"Please... Please let me stay," I looked up for his approval. He seemed pleased.

"Good boy" It was faint, but I heard him loud and clear before I could protest, he spoke, "You can stay for the night."

"For tonight!" I shouted, "I have nowhere to go, what am I supposed to do tomorrow!?" He laughed

"Beg again," a low growl escaped me. Of course, the one place I stumbled upon had a sadist living in it with horns and goat feet, who is so kind as to let me stay one night, after begging. What is he, the devil's spawn? Or is he the devil himself?

"I'm Heiwajima Shizuo, I used to live in a village not far from here."

"What caused you to be thrown onto my doorstep?" the man asked.

I sighed,

"I have unnatural strength, when I was younger, I ran around destroying anything that pissed me off or using it to fight anyone who pissed me off" I inhaled deeply before I continued, letting my nerves cool down. "Then I met Tom-san, he was always so kind to me, he helped me pick up some tricks to calm me down, although he would get bullied by the other kids, so I beat them up. Now that we're older, it seems like all the villagers hate Tom just for being around me, I can't be a burden to him any longer." The man nodded along.

"So, you want to become my burden instead?"

"WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN ASSHOLE!!" He shrugged

"I'm Orihara Izaya," His Arm stretched out, claws emerging like daggers.

"Oh, uh, nice to meet you" Izaya cupped my hand with both of his,

"Will you join me for dinner, I want to hear more about this power of yours" He tilted his hand with a smile. I

Nodded,

Izaya pointed up the stairs, I turned towards the direction. "There is a room on the left, have Saki take you there, I have work to do."

"Work, what kind o-"when I turned to face him, he was already gone.

I trudged up the long staircase, Izaya had descended from. His candelabra sat on the thick corner of the railing. I grasped the light source in my hand

"Ahh, not so hard!" it screeched, startling me. I looked more closely at the candelabra; the design was a girl holding the candles. "Your grip is too tight," she said.

"Oh, sorry," I loosen my hand a bit, "Is that better?"

"Yes, thank you, I'm Saki, by the way," So this was what Saki Izaya had mentioned. I introduced myself and asked about a room Izaya had told me about. Saki was happy to guide me down the dark hallway. With Saki by my side, the darkness shewed away.

"Do you know why the mirrors are smashed?" I asked,

"I can't say for sure," she smiled, but her eyes clouded with sadness. "Izaya-san must be happy you're here."

"Tsk, I don't think so, he told me I can only stay for tonight," Saki giggled, but didn't say anything else. "Why do you think he's happy I'm here?"

"He's lonely," She said,

At the end of the hallway stood a large wooden door, elegant designs were carved so nicely into the wood. A silver handle was dusted over. I opened the door, stepping into the room. A bed layout in front of me. It looked so cozy, and I was so tired. Even though I wanted to give in to sleep, I couldn't. Izaya had invited me for dinner, I didn't give a verbal response, but I had nodded in agreement.

"Dinner won't be ready for a while," Saki informed me.

"What am I supposed to do until then?"

"Read something, that's what I see Izaya-san do all the time."

"I don't know how... to read," I felt embarrassed, my face flushed, and I set Saki down on a nightstand.

"That's okay, Izaya-san can teach you" The thought of that left a bad taste in my mouth. There just is something off with this guy. I don't like him. I laid down in the bed, letting my limbs seek into the plush. Saki watched me from the nightstand. What am I supposed to do? I feel so trapped. Some time had passed, Saki told me to get changed into something more presentable for dinner. I did as I was told, in the room stood a wardrobe. I quickly changed, discarding my old rags for soft silks—a white button-down, with a black and red vest, and complementary slacks. Saki escorted me to the Dinner room. But it was more like me accompanying her as she told me directions. I was guided into a well-lit room, with a full dining table filled with food. Izaya sat at the head of the table. I seated myself beside him, setting Saki down on the table, Izaya glanced at her, and she did her best nod, then descended from the table with the help of a chair. Now it was just Izaya and me alone.

I served myself a plate of food and started eating, I didn't notice how starved I was. Izaya watched me scarf down my meal, not even touching his.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I asked

"I much rather watch you" Tremors ran down my spine, I shivered at these words. Why was this guy so weird? His claws tapped in a rhythm on the tabletop. I watched them intently, they looked trimmed and clean. "Do you like them?" His voice caught me off guard, and I quickly turned away.

"oh, uh, sorry, I didn't notice.." I trailed off, facing my attention towards him as he pulled on my hand,

"You can touch them if you want," he said. I took his hand into my own. Rubbing my thumb over his smooth nails. Their deep black color didn't stop at the nail, the darkness traveled till the bend of his fingers. As I kept looking, I noticed feathers prickled out at his wrist. His long sleeves encased the rest of his arm, but my curiosity made me long to see how far up his arm the feathers ran.

"They're pretty," I admitted. Izaya's beaming smile wasn't unusual, but what surprised me was when he rose from his chair and gripped the back of mine. "You know..." he lifted my chin up, enticing me with his somber eyes. "You're not so bad yourself," he purred, he was so close to me. My cheeks heated and I looked away,

"W-what are you doing" my voice was uneasy. Suddenly Tom's words came flooding back to me,

"until he became aware of his selfishness."

"Do you think I'm a fool.." my attention shifted to my lap, blonde lockes covering my heated face. I could feel him trying to tilt my head back towards him. Even though he’d lose this battle. He hummed "What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, I get it now, why you let me stay, why you had me come to dinner, and why you're trying to kiss me… you think the curse will be lifted by a kiss? You really are selfish" The air went stiff. Pulling away he hissed out,

"How predictable," bearing a pained expression, eyes glaring into me, it was clear that my predictions were right, he only gave me the option of staying here so he could use me to break his curse. He couldn't defend his actions from the truth. "Why did you have to come here, did she bring you here out of spite?" I could hear the gritting out his teeth,

"What? Who are you talking about?"

"The fairy" I watched him dip his claws into his wine glass, his features faded back into his smug smirk. A swift motion of his hand that had been dipped into the wine sliced at my chest, I was quick to back up, my chair getting knocked over in the process; however it had already been too late, a wound started spewing blood from my chest. "Now, you will be staying here with me," I was frozen. "Did you think I came unprepared? Obviously, there was a chance you would figure out my plan, it wasn't a very elaborate one" He snickered, "So I had a backup, what was in my glass wasn't wine, it was poison, I had one of my servants make it for me. It’s a slow working poison, so it won’t become deadly for about a week or two."

"What the hell!" I shouted

"Don't worry, there's an antidote, but you’ll only get it if you help lift the curse. However, if you don't lift it in time, you will end up like the rest of the unfortunate,in a ditch, dead." He cackled out, "Isn't this fun?"

"I shouldn’t have left the village” The realization hitting me too late, I had let myself get poisoned.

This wasn’t my original idea, I was inspired by a post @shizaya-incorrectquotes reposted. I’m pretty sure the creator of this writing prompt was @whowhatmeow

#my art #my fic writing #my writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writeaway #anime art #drrr fanart #fanart #fanfic #anime #durarara #durarara shizuo #durarara izaya #drrr shizuo #drrr izaya #izaya orihara #shizuo heiwajima #shizaya #izaya x shizuo #shizuo x izaya #yaoifanfic

[blackthorn02]

The colour of death🥀-julius novachrono

May be some spoilers ahead...!!!

it was a nice and quiet day in clover kingdom like almost every other day. the only thing that was perceived as disturbing was the stormy wind that grew more and more from hour to hour and dark clouds, from distant lands, brought with it - announcing disaster. nobody could have guessed that this auspicious day would go down in the history of clover.

(Y/n) was one of the magical knights and was accepted into the strongest and most honorable of all magical orders, the crimson lion. and so it happened that the king of magicians also became aware of her,because her magical power was to be able to create black flames, a very rare gift that was considered by many to be ominous. but julius novachrono was blown away by this elegant and threatening power. so it happened that (y/n) and julius became friends - at this point nobody could have guessed that unconditional love should develop from this initially pure friendship. (Y/n)was on her way to the city when her new group leader lady mereoleona instructed her to help the black bull and their members to help them, who were just fighting the eye of the midnight sun and not doing very well. So she got on her broom and flew, through airy winds and clouds, as quickly as possible to the battle site, which turned out to be a cave and found the elves and their leader Licht,bound and defeated leaning against the rocky wall of the cave. the other knights were very exhausted and struck by the battle, apparently the elves had been stronger than expected. but the elves and their leaders didn't seem to be doing very well either. when asta saw (y/n)he came running towards her: "oiii, (y/n)! finally reinforcements came. These damned elves were really strong - we would have really lost a hair." (Y/n) laughed encouragingly to asta: "I'm glad that nothing coarser happened to all of you. However, I don't think your prisoners will survive back to the castle. Their injuries are quite serious and they seem to be in a very bad condition! I will go healing them while you take a little break. " So she marched lightly over to the elves, who looked at her pejoratively and spitefully.

she bent down to her leader and looked at him appraisingly: "I heard your name should be called Licht. I think that suits your magic very well. You are all very badly injured and as a magical knight it is not our kind of prisoner bad to treat or to suffer unnecessarily. I will heal you. " (y/n) eyed Licht but did he did not resist her gentle touch. she gently laid her hand flat on his forehead and began to heal him with the healing magic of the black phoenix. when (y/n) was done she held out a bottle of water. however, licht did not really seem to trust her. only after a long convincing did he finally drink the water and seemed visibly relieved not to have been poisoned. whereupon (y/n) just rolled her eyes. Unfortunately, the rest of the elves didn't seem very happy that their leader was captured and so they freed all the prisoners and declared war on the kingdom and all people. her hatred was so great and satisfying it didn't seem to solve the problem. the hatred of the elves had a much deeper reason, it seemed to have solidified in them.

unfortunately your mission was a complete flop. they had prisoners but they were liberated and it was even worse that they had to admit that the elves were damned powerful and dangerous. thanks to their hatred of the people, they were capable of anything, without taking into account excessive losses. and so (y/n) had no desire to tell julius about her failure. but unfortunately there was nothing to be denied to the king of magicians and certainly not to be ignored. Even if she had also decided to skip the reporting, her beloved Julius would surely have found her somewhere and squeezed her out after her assignment. julius was a good and honorable king - shamelessly handsome - but in terms of magic he was like a little child who had been given new toys. he was always like that, and that was what (y/n) liked about him. he was just totally adorable. but she had only had these feelings recently and she wasn't sure if julius thought that too.

So (y/n)made her way to Julius' office, whether she liked it or not. once there, she was received by marx, the head of mushrooms, and further piloted to the king of magicians. Julius's office was in one of the towers of the castle and was a huge, bright but musty room full of bookshelves with magical writings and relics. when (y/n) entered the room through a large carved wooden door, she was greeted by the all too familiar smell of old books and forests mixed with the incomparable smell of Julius. Dust whirled up by the draft floated in the sun glittering through the chamber of wonder and gave everything a magical shimmer. julius sat at a large wooden desk in the middle of the room and looked up from his writings: "ahh (y/n) !nice that you have returned safely and unharmed. i was really worried. yami did however report the result of your mission ... even if it was not a victory this time, we will surely make peace with the elves and live happily ever after in the future.I know that! but now to the really important question: how do you find this light magic of the leader of the elves? I would have loved to watch this beautiful things too! ", Julius eyes sparkled with excitement and joy. (y/n) grinned at the sight of it - it was simply incorrigible. "hahaha, yes his magic was really impressive and as pure as his soul. however it could still be a problem. the elves didn't seem to be in a very peaceful mood!" julius eyes eclipsed and he felt the great burden of weighing all the people in safety, on the weight of his shoulders every day. (y/n) walked over to him and gave him a gentle hug from behind. julius sank into her embrace and enjoyed the safety of the hug. he had really worried about her and almost hurried to the cave himself to help them. Julius couldn't bear the thought without having to live with her. without her smile, her hugs and without her uniqueness. when he saw (y/n) for the first time he was enchanted by her. Julius looked up at her: "we will survive this crisis somehow, as we have survived many others. Nobody will have to die and we will find a solution." he smiled encouragingly at (y/n) and kissed the back of her hand.

that was a few weeks ago. now the kingdom of clover was facing an ominous battle that might not have been manageable. (y/n) had passed the royal knights entrance exam and was about to set off with the others. but since that day the sun had risen high over the mountains, she felt that something was wrong. she couldn't say what it was-it was just such an uncomfortable feeling that completely took over her body. so (y/n) decided to stay in the castle anyway, for all cases. And it came as it had to come. the castle was suddenly hit by a tremor and shake and parts of the main towers seemed to collapse. something terrible must have happened. (y/n) was looking out the window and did not like what she saw at all. julius was about to fight the leader of the elves, licht. suddenly the sky darkened. millions of swords of light adorned the sky, so that the whole kingdom was under attack. Julius stopped the attack with the help of his time magic, but thereby neglected his defense and protection and licht stabbed Julius with his sword of light. (y/n) could not believe what had happened and screamed-shaking. she screamed until her lungs burned and ran to Julius as fast as she could. that couldn't be. that couldn't happen. Julius was the king of magicians, the strongest among them. he couldn't be defeated just like that. (y/n) ran and fell over and over again because her eyes were covered with a veil of tears. she had to say so much to Julius - he must not just die. not before she confessed his feelings - she couldn't live without him. he was the light that brightened her everyday life. her star in the sky that shone her way at night. he just couldn't get out of her life like that - she wouldn't allow that. and so (y/n) ran as far as she could still carry her feet. when she finally reached julius it was not good for him. he was lying in a pool of blood and his blond hair was slowly taking on the red color of death. she lifted him up and gently laid his head in her lap. Julius smiled fondly at (y/n) and she stroked his cheek. he seemed to have to pull himself together and started to speak softly: "no fear (y/n)! everything will be fine, you will see. I have great confidence in the other knights. together you can make it and lead us to a longed-for peace . " she looked at him and tears rolled down her cheeks until they finally fell on julius face. "stop talking like you're about to die any moment, julius! i won't let you just leave me here alone. i know not if you ever felt the same for me, but I love you julius. I can't live without you. I can't stand that. So please stop it! ", (y/n) cried and cried and let her feelings run free. julius looked at her and raised his hand to wipe her tears away: "believe me, (y/n) , i love you too. very much. it hurts to see you unhappy.", julius sat up laboriously and kissed her with all his emotions . he lay down in her lap again and closed his eyes. he was suddenly so tired. "someday we'll see each other again, I promise, my love," julius gave her an encouraging smile, as he always did, but his last words were as quiet and thoughtful as a breath of wind. (y/n) shook him gently and called him by name. but his time in the world of the living was over and julius had fallen asleep gently. her heart was torn. Julius was dead. Deep grief overwhelmed her and she cried over Julius and howled in his chest.

——> oh myy goodness-i can’t. Thats too dramatic. I am crying.......

#julius novachrono #black clover #black clover imagine

[unusualvisionsblog]

Sky full of star: Chapter 1

My first original series/ book! Ah I'm super nervous and excited. Its pretty cringy I guess but I hope y'all don't hate it yeet.

Summary : Kathleen Hunter, 23 and a redhead is a daring and an ambitious flight attendant who wants to travel the world. But when her jobs brings her to a new love and brings back an old flame, what will Kathleen do?

Warnings : none actually, cringe probably, swearing later.

There might be a few spelling mistake since I posted this at like 1am yeet

Word count : 1615 or something

So here we go oof

CHAPTER 1

Never had she hated her life more. Her alarm didn't ring and she had already stubbed her toe on that darn bedside table. Ouch. She really couldn't  afford to be late today.Sighing deeply, she checked the time. Today was really important for her,  because if this flight went well, her career would really take a jump. Being a flight attendant was definitely not an easy job. She had to deal with rude passengers and crying babies. She looked at herself in the mirror, biting her lips in criticism. Her strawberry blonde hair were a mess but there wasn't enough time to do a decent hair style.

Kathleen would never believe anyone whenever they complimented her on her looks, because having been called plain and boring by her mother for 23 years, it was hard to believe anything else really.

But when someone else would see her for the first time, they would notice how the  loose tendrils of her silky hair would cover her face and how her alluring blue eyes would peek out and how they would shine brilliantly when her pink lips uplifted to form a sweet smile.

Putting her hair in a quick messy bun, she got dressed and grabbed a coffee before leaving. She quickly reached the bus stop and waited, tapping her feet constantly and after every two sips, checking the time. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice a group of suave business men and women heading towards her  when suddenly "BAM!". A young man talking to his colleague bumped into the frowning woman. At this sudden motion, Kathleen stepped back, dropping the hot coffee on her uniform. Now this really was the cherry on top of an already bad day.  She crossed her arms, glaring right into the brown eyes of the fair young man, "Excuse me, are you actually freaking blind? You've completely ruined my day AND my coffee!"

Taken aback, "I apologise for the coffee but this is just as much your fault as it is mine" the man huffed, his brows creased. This only infuriated Kathleen more and she was more than ready to retort back,"Hah! You- " when the woman next to the man interjected,"David we really don't have time to argue with random people on the street, you're getting late!" and with that they all moved forward with David looking over his shoulder and scowling at the woman one last time, muttering, "God what a horrible start to the day."

Having finally reached the airport, Kathleen quickly changed into her second set of uniform and did her make up before getting on board the flight.

As tiring and exhausting this job was, Kathleen really did love being a flight attendant as it was the only way she got to travel the world. She'd been to France, Germany, Italy, India.. the list goes on and on.

She had met people who had impacted her life throughout her journey and she was excited for her next one and if this went well, there was going to be a sweet sweet salary bump for her.

Having helped all the passengers in the economy section feel  comfortable, she moved to the business class where she finally got a chance to talk to her  best friend, Tracy Sawyer. Tracy smiled brightly at her as she walked towards her, "Omg, are you excited?! This is your first flight with you in charge!! You are so going to kill it!"

"Wow you have way more confidence in me then I have  for myself." She chuckled in reply.

"Okay first shut up, you're definitely getting that raise and second you have got to see that hottie in first class, single and wohoo he is a snack!"

Raising her eyebrow, "Don't you have like a boyfriend Tracy?" She questioned.

"God you are so dense, Kathy he isn't even my type, I was talking about you! You've been single for like 8 years!"

"3 not 8!"

Tracy rolled her eyes in reply, "Whatever you're serving first class today! See you around love! First seat on the right" She said winking at Kathy and moving to the next section.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't  even a least bit interested in checking out this so called handsome single man. She took a deep breath and walked right into the first class section and with a bright smile turned towards the right side, " Good morning and thank you for choosing Blue sky airlines, how can I help you today?" She lifted her eyes and that's when her smile faltered. They were the same brown eyes that had glared right back at her in the morning.

"You- it was you at the bus stop wasn't it? Screaming at me?"squinting at her with his lips pressed

" I-i act-" she stuttered.

" Do you know that I am the CEO  of  Timetrend?"

Wide eyed, her breathing became rapid but she could not speak.

"This is an interesting turn of events" with a smirk on his face.

At this point Kathleen composed herself, "Sir allow me to apologise to you profusely, I truly am very sorry." But let's be honest, they both knew she wasn't.

"Well I guess you can make it up to me by getting a glass of champagne or is that too much for you?"

Biting her lips to prevent her from making the situation worse, She replied, "right away sir."

She cursed Tracy severely in her head. And to make matters even more abominable, there was only one first class passenger. And he was a pain in the ass.

He couldn't believe his bad luck, imagine having the same clumsy woman as your flight attendant. At least here he had an advantage, he could order her around completely although he wasn't actually that cruel. He was having a hard time  trying to control his laughter looking at the flustered girl who was so composed before.

As much as he tried to distract himself, he was extremely bored, he had finished all of his work so that he could spend time with his girlfriend on the flight. Well Ex girlfriend now since she broke up with him yesterday. He was upset sure but not heartbroken. He didn't really love her and she probably didn't either although she tried to but the effort was only one sided. He didn't have time for relationships. He was a busy man after all.

He tried to sleep but he just couldn't. He heard the sound of her heels and guessed that she was making the rounds again. He sat up straight and decided to order another glass of champagne, this was a long flight after all.

" Do you need anything sir? " She questioned, still afraid to meet his eyes.

"Yes, I'm bored."

At this her eyes shot up, with eyebrows raised but she quickly hid it with her normal smile

" Well we have a wide range of movies, if you'd like. We also have mag-"

"No."

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean no, I want to have a conversation. Tell me something about yourself."

" Are you drunk sir?"

" No of course not! Who gets drunk after two glasses of champagne?"

" Well okay, what would you like to know?"

"For starters, tell me your name."

And somehow, to both of their surprise, they were able to keep an interesting flow of conversation going without any awkward silences or anything of the sort and soon they were laughing like old friends. Well actually Kathleen was laughing, the closest David came to laughing was giving her a genuine smile. Soon Kathleen returned to the other attendants for the rounds, returning soon enough to first class, with smirking glances from Tracy.

"Kathleen, might I ask you why did you choose to become an air hostess? You don't have to answer." He added cautiously

"One  call me Kathy, I actually do not like Kathleen at all.

He chuckled slightly taking a sip of his drink

"Two it's not really complicated. I mean I didn't always want to be an attendant. I wanted to  be a pilot. But you know financial issues."

"Oh. Yeah I get that"

There was a comfortable silence between the two before Kathy had to leave again.

"We'll be landing soon, so I'll take your leave." She smiled at him warmly. There was something so innocent about her smile that he couldn't help but smile back.

She got up to get back to her seat with Tracy when a sudden turbulence caused her to stumble forward but before she could hit the floor,a pair of strong hands grabbed her waist and prevented any accident that would end up with her having a huge boil on her head. She felt her heart pound as she looked into his brown eyes slightly converted by his brown hair for what seemed like 10 minutes but was actually 5 seconds? She was being ridiculous! She shook her head and smiled at him,thanking him and went on her way avoiding eye contact.

-----

He really couldn't help but smile at her and he was pretty astonished about himself. They were getting ready to descend, when there was a slight tremor and he realized that it had completely shooken Kathy and she would probably fall down but before that he grabbed her firmly by the waist and immediately stood up. He didn't know what happened but something in her blue eyes pulled him towards her. He saw a strand of her glossy red hair on her soft pink cheeks, he was having  a hard time fighting the urge to tuck it behind her ear. He didn't even register the fact that he was staring at her before she blushed and pulled away. For the first time in his life, he felt flustered at the sight of her. He probably was just tired. Hopefully.

#love #angst #romance #chicklit #original #fiction

[psi-psina]

Hi. :) You don't know be but I've been following you for a little while now and since I saw your posts talking about Graves Disease I wanted to ask you about it. I'm a 19 yr old girl, and I was diagnosed with it a few months ago and started on PTU. I wanted to ask, what was your experience with doctors and medication like? You had to have your thyroid removed? I feel worried about how this is supposed to be managed long-term because my doctors can be quite dismissive. If you don't mind. :)

OH MY GOD

DEAR ANON PLEASE HEED THE FOLLOWING LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES

So this is my experience and for the LOVE OF GOD don’t let this happen to you.

I was diagnosed with graves disease at the age of 14, showing symptoms of fatigue, tremors in my hands, exophthalmos and a slight goitre. I was tested for sleep apnea before i was diagnosed. Once diagnosed, my mother took me to a naturopath rather than an endocrinologist (i was a child, i had no control over the situation PLEASE DON’T DO ANYTHING THIS STUPID) 😩. It didn’t go well. I was given a tincture of iodine and various herbs (including licorice :/), which i had to take for about 3 months. it did nothing for me and my symptoms steadily got worse until my mother had to take me back to the doctor. My blood work showed a significant worsening of my condition; my T3 & T4 were both far higher than they had been before.

I was put on Neo-Mercazole which I remained on periodically over the next 9 years. You cannot remain on thyroid suppressants indefinitely due to their nature and bastard side effects (expelling giant blood clots through your nose? horrific), which got gradually worse the longer I had to take them. I don’t know how your doctors are managing your PTU but be vigilant. You NEED to aim at getting in remission. I was monitored closely while taking NM over that first course, and then as my hormone levels returned to normal I was weened off it. I was okay for 2 years, and then relapsed when I was 17. I was put back on NM and monitored until my levels returned to “normal”, then I relapsed again when I was 20.

after this I remained on NM pretty much for the following 3 years, but it’s effectiveness started to wane and many of the diffuse symptoms (especially anxiety, palpitations, insomnia, tremors, goitre, exophthalmos etc) simply weren’t going away even when my blood work showed I was within a supposedly normal hormonal range, and I just slowly went downhill over those 3 years.

this is huge problem with regulating thyroid disorders like this, your hormones are measured only in your blood work but T3 and T4 are heavily protein-bound hormones, meaning it’s presence in your blood IS NOT always consistent with it’s presence in your other tissues, where it is able to accumulate (not indefinitely without detection, but enough to give you symptoms). Suppressants just didn’t work for me long-term. They couldn’t help my thyroid regulate my metabolism over an extended period of time, the thyroxine in my body just kept accumulating. Basically, the moment I relapsed when I was 17, I was fucked. I was not aware of this at the time, obviously. At the time I had absolutely no idea what was going on.

the events at the end of my Final Relapse that led up to my surgery were serendipitous and bizarre. I was travelling to Japan in the October (2013) for a few weeks (which i flat out should not have been doing lmao) and got an appointment with my doc because i needed to fill another script for NM before I left, because i was about to run out. So i went and got the script and then when I went to fill it at the pharmacy, I couldn’t get the NM. There was an international shortage of Neo-Mercazole and I was flying out of the country the literal next day and I couldn’t get any ANYWHERE. PTU was still available but I couldn’t get that with a script for NM either. So I had no medication for most of those three weeks.

When I got home I booked another appointment as soon as I could get one and went back to work. Got another blood test to see what was going on and finally got some PTU. A couple of days later I came down with a cold. My immune system was shot and I was struggling to do things like get out of bed and walk up stairs at this point so I called in sick to work on the monday because felt so ill, and made another doc appt for that afternoon because i needed a medical certificate.

I went in to the doctor expecting to walk out with a med certificate, and asked her about my bloodwork. She opened the bloodwork and looked at it, looked at me, then took my temperature and pulse and immediately called my endocrinologist. My T3 and T4 levels were so high they were not measurable, i was feverish and hazy and my resting heart rate was 160-170 bpm. She told me I needed to go straight to emergency because I was at risk of thyroid storm (at which point I just burst into tears lol) and she called ahead to the hospital to have me admitted immediately, and that was that. I was taken to the hospital and was monitored there for 4 days and given several medications to try to flush some of the excess thyroxine from my body to make it safe enough for them to cut my thyroid out, which happened four weeks later.

So aside from the more diffuse symptoms of anxiety, depression, insomnia, full body tremors, exhaustion, goitre and exophthalmos, I was admitted in emergency with acute symptoms like fever, tachycardia, chest pain, hypertension, muscle weakness, bloody diarrhea, peripheral edema and fuck knows what else. :/ None of these things really abated over the weeks leading up to the surgery, and I honestly can’t describe what it was like to wake up from it almost asymptomatic after dealing with these things for months and years. It was like waking up in a completely different body.

If you’re wondering how I could have let things get that bad, how i didn’t realise just how serious it was, you need to understand. You need to understand how gradually all of this happens, it built up over a period of years, and when you live with a chronic illness for that long you literally just get used to feeling like shit, so if something else shitty starts happening you’re already so tired it hardly even registers. It doesn’t strike you as particularly abnormal because it all becomes normal. That’s the most dangerous thing about it. Not to mention, the sicker you get with Graves, the less capable you are of assessing your own situation; the anxiety and exhaustion and insomnia and horrible hazy brain fog you’re in every single day make it completely impossible to think clearly.

SO THE MORAL OF THIS IS, for the love of God, be careful, and take it seriously. It is extremely serious. I did not take it seriously enough for years because I was young, active and otherwise healthy which gave me a threshold for tolerating it that was far too high. Don’t dismiss your symptoms, don’t let your doctors dismiss your symptoms, ESPECIALLY the mental symptoms. Be aware of all possible and potential symptoms so you can actually recognise them for what they are, along with all the potential side effects of PTU. 

Get blood work done EVERY THREE MONTHS. THREE MONTHS, not six, not twelve, every three months. Other thyroid disorders, you might be able to be a bit more chill about, graves you fucking cannot. You cannot.

Read and get as much information about this as you can. Heed how your diet is going to effect this, because like any endocrine disorder, it will.

Elaine Moore is useful. (Read the forums) This is useful. Reading patient forums about people’s experience with it and how they manage it is invaluable, it’s far better than reading blogs that are usually dogmatic and trying to sell you stuff. patient.info is also a good resource for information.

Make sure you have a good GP and ESPECIALLY a good endocrinologist who works WITH you. Most endo’s DO NOT specialise in thyroid disorders, most of them specialise in diabetes and only have a middling knowledge of thyroid issues. It’s absolutely crucial to find an endo who specialises in thyroid disorders. Find one, if you can. Otherwise just crowd source the information yourself, print it and take it to your doctors yourself. Because honestly, the cost of not doing that is just....not worth it.

This isn’t supposed to scare you or anything, it’s a god damn burden but there are plenty of people with Graves who achieve remission or find ways to manage it over long periods of time, it’s a highly individual disease. So I really hope you are able to do that. :) TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 

#Anonymous