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sparrowsfallingfromthesky · 1 year

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In case anyone else was curious, these are all* the names people have given Trent Crimm’s daughter in fanfiction**:

*unless I've missed any **on ao3 as of November 7, 2022 [updates below]

Seraphina/Sera

Emma

Evelyn/Evie

Georgie/Georgina/Georgiana

Leith

Katie

Amina

Genevieve

Sophie

Lola

Mia

Sara

Maisie

Rose/Rosie

Amanda

Olivia

Poppy

Mella

Annalise

Imogen

Samantha

Maud

Edie

Ruby

Annabelle

Willow

Lucy

Maggie [could be nickname for Margaret which will show up later]

Beatrice/Bea

Joanie

Ellie/Eleanor/Elle [later variation: Nellie]

Deliah

Freya

Cressida/Cressy/Chrissy/Cress/Chris (one of the fics using this name also has the middle name Ching-ling)

Drew

Alice

Ophelia/Ofelia/Feeli (one of the fics using this name also has the middle name Clementine)

Lizzie/Elizabeth (one of the fics using this name also has the middle name Tabitha [later addition: another fic has the middle name Jessminder])

Adelaide/Addy

Tabitha/Tabby

Charlotte

Madeleine/Maddy [later variation: Madelyn]

Mabel

Tessa

Clementine

Anna

Khadija

Kendall

Penelope/Penny [later addition: one of the fics using this name also has the middle name Rose]

Simone/Simi

Amelia/Emilia

Rowan

Pia

Lily

Addison

Emily

Octavia

Isabel/Izzy [later variation: Isobel/Issy]

Violet

Kieran

Freddie

Estelle/Estie

Miranda

Flora

Olive

Sibyl

Winifred

Camille

Megan

Jemima

Eloise

Malia

Mina

Isla

Emmeline/Emmy (middle name Nicola)

Thea

Cassie

Some fun facts: - This list is not quite in order of when the first usages of these names appeared, but it's pretty close. - Assuming I caught everything and did the math correctly, Trent's daughter has been mentioned by name in 192 fics! For reference, Trent has been tagged as a character in 395 and does not actually appear in some of those, so she's really named in over 49% of the fics he's in. - Of the approximately 77(!) names used, ~33 have been used in multiple fics (including several series), and ~21 of those have been used by multiple different authors. - Seraphina and Georgie are tied for most usages (18 each) but when it comes to usages by the most authors, Seraphina (probably unsurprisingly, given how many people have been inspired by a kind of dwell and welcome) wins in a landslide with 15.

EDIT March 14 2023 I don't feel like updating the math but here are the new names that have been used since I originally posted this:

Ivy

Rosa

Clara

Eliora Eli Asher (nonbinary in this one)

Persephone

Agatha

Sadia

Lottie [could be a nickname for Charlotte (already on the list) but not necessarily and not clarified as such]

Mira

Karime

Lydia

Billie Rose

One more day to season 3, can't wait to see if we get a confirmed name! Either way, it's been fun <3

EDIT April/May 2023 to add:

Isadora

Molly

Darla

Patricia/Trish

Amaya

Ella

Meg/Margaret

Charlie [again I'm assuming this is a nickname for Charlotte but that's not stated]

Eliza [Could be standalone name or could be nickname for Elizabeth]

Carmilla/Millie

Annie [Could be a nickname for a number of other names. EDIT: One of the two fics using this name just revealed it's a nickname for Cordelia Annabel. Not sure how to count this tbh.]

Frances

Emi

Kara

Ingrid

Astrid

Beth [again this is probably a nickname for Elizabeth]

Claire

Maya

Cindy

Harriet

EDIT after the finale aired (this info also added to a reblog):

Well, it seems we're not getting a canon name! I guess she's our daughter now. I haven't decided whether I'm going to maintain this list going forward (though for my own sanity I'm leaning towards no) but at least it's fully up to date as of 7:30 pm est today (May 31, 2023).

Some "final" statistics: The numbers aren’t perfect, because there were a few names I grouped together and probably should have counted separately, and a few names I counted separately and probably should have grouped together, and those may or may not have balanced out, but keeping that in mind, about 110 names were used! About 49 were used in multiple fics (including individual installments in several series) and about 35 of those were used by multiple authors. Trent’s daughter has been mentioned by name in about 298 fics by 149 authors. This includes works in which she’s mentioned but doesn’t show up as a character, but doesn’t account for works in which her existence is mentioned but not by name. Fun fact, about 21 new names were used just while season three was airing!

#yes I've read all of the tedtrent fic in existence no I'm not ok #Ted Lasso #Trent Crimm #Trent Crimm's daughter #this is one of those moments you really hope your 'read more' works lmao #I don't know why I did this. I hope people find it interesting? it's kind of fun seeing the kinds of names we've chosen #I guess you could also use it as a list of actual baby name suggestions hahaha #most popular

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eternalglitch · 2 years

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Hi there! First of all, I’m not kidding when I say lfls is one of the best stories I’ve had the pleasure to read in a looong time and I can’t thank you enough for sharing such a wonderfully written story :D

When I started reading the fic it had about 5k kudos and not many chapters were plagued with comments. Now there’s like more than a hundred comments in the latest chapters with 10k kudos and still growing. How does that feel? Does it get overwhelming? What kept you motivated when the numbers weren’t as high? I’m so curious to know how the growth in popularity has been on your part!

I’m also loving the lfls playlist. Have you heard Karma by AJR? Idk why but I feel like it goes really well with the story.

Hoping you’re having a great time in your day to day and once again thanks for sharing your work!

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The numbers and statistics on every single one of my social media accounts don't feel real to me, I will be honest.

In 2017 I had another decently big fic (or so I thought), and I was (positively) overwhelmed by waking up to about 24 new comments the next morning when I posted a chapter and that was about it for that chapter's comment count. Now I get maybe 50 within the hour of posting and about ten new ones every day.

I think the first three months of writing lfls I had no concept of anyone really watching. Chapter two got maybe two comments within the week it was posted, but I was also studying abroad at the time and had plenty of things irl to keep myself busy with over in Singapore.

I never had an issue by the (lack of) numbers in the start, because I thought the fandom was too small in the first place to get numbers. I was just writing this for myself. In a fun reversal, sometimes it's harder to write with the bigger following because of stage fright for me. What if I make the wrong call on a plot twist? What if I leave an embarrassing typo that thousands of people will now see? These weren't issues when it felt like no one was watching. But if I get stuck in that mindset for too long, I simply vanish for a break. Make like Avatar Aang and go hibernate for, say, 6 months away from my fic. I've done it before, long enough that I forgot that there was anything to really be nervous about. That was back when this first started really snowballing in attention though, and I think I've grown a bit more used to it all.

Still, my friends make fun of me because my brain can't fully understand just HOW MANY people follow me. It feels like I have 50 followers, when this is not the reality. As a fanfic writer surrounded by very talented artist friends my entire life, I had grown used to the idea that on social media I would never really get a following and would just cheer my friends on for that. The usual script is that the artists get more attention on Tumblr and Twitter, and the writers get their time to shine on ao3 or fanfic.net, but not elsewhere. And I was totally okay with that! I am always very happy for my friends' success. Visual art gets consumed faster and is quicker to draw attention and that's that. But then suddenly this was not the case AT ALL for me. I made it as one of the exceptions. It's really nice to have this weird power to boost other people on social media and get their work seen and recognized in turn.

Because of this popularity, I'm also exposed to a lot more opinions about my work because usually people only find and talk about the fanfic that meets what they are looking for. Now that lfls has fully escaped containment and is in most Rise fandom areas, people that do not seek out or read angst are trying angst. My condolences to those poor souls, I would say my writing is not actually that dark to people that enjoy these tropes but it sure is quite the shocker (lol) if you're new to the scene. Or maybe I'm just terrible at judging how dark I write, I genuinely think some chapters are breathers and yet have seen jokes online that those are some of the most emotionally heart wrenching ones.

But yeah, getting fanart and comments every single day is SO GOOD for keeping up enthusiasm for a long fic. I dread the final chapter a little because it's been an awesome ride that I don't want to end. Excited to show everyone the rest of the fic too, though! And maybe some people will stick around for my next writing adventure.

I think the real crisis is I'm about to maybe even OVERTAKE in kudos one of the fics I really look up to and have aspired to write in that kind of quality for the past 6 years. Which sounds fake. That is FAKE, I haven't gotten my skills sharp enough to do that yet.

And yes I do know that song!! I can definitely see it for lfls. I found it with a Steven Universe amv a few years back.

Thank you for reading and enjoying my work in turn! :}

#glitch answers #and it feels full of it to talk about tbh AHAGJDKG #just know I am very greatful to everyone that helped get me here and still stunned so many people are willing to spend time on lfls art

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versegm · 1 year

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Ok actually after a discussion with a friend I decided to run some more statistics re: fanfics and engagement, so here (statistics taken off my own fanfics):

General results:

I did both the median and the average to try to smooth out any statistical outlier, but the results were roughly the same lmao

Roughly, 11,20% of readers drops a kudo after clicking on a fic (which I assume to be a good baseline for "amount of readers who clicked here on purpose and didn't quit midway through")

On average, 2,8% of readers bookmark a fic after reading it (would be curious to know if that's a general thing? Because don't really write shippy fics or the "popular" stuff so that might incurs statistical bias. If anyone else is willing to run some numbers I'd love to know.)

On average, 0,88% of readers drop a comment after the fact.

Hypotheses:

I included the release date (or something close to) of each fandom to see if there was a correlation between ratio of comments vs age of the fanbase. There was none.

There are some fandoms where I actively linked my fics everywhere and got involved with people ect ect. I included that as well to see if there was a correlation between ratio of comments vs how much it was promoted. There was not. (It is possible that people directly dmed me their impressions instead of leaving a comment, in which case sorry guys I hold your compliments close to my heart but they were unfortunately lost to time.)

I wanted to add whether or not the fandom was currently active, but that's... actually really hard to gauge (what metric to use? Amount of fics uploaded on ao3 daily? Amount of new tweets under a given hashtag?) so I didn't.

Conclusion: I couldn't find any specific reasons for these numbers so uh I guess "10% of people bother finishing your fic/3% will like it enough to bookmark it/1% will go the extra step to tell you about it" is the default, and any deviation from that norm is fandom specific.

Fandom-specific observations:

Biggest ratio of comments/hits goes to all my Fate/Stay Night & Fate/Grand Order crossover fics, weirdly enough. Either 1) the fsn fandom is really generous in comments, or 2) the fact that it's a crossover means that it attracts two very different crowds which leads to twice the usual amount of comments.

The dubious award of having the worst ratio of comments/hits goes to the Amphibia fandom with a whooping 0,41%, half as much as any other fandom. Jesus Christ. That being said it is a fandom mostly populated by kids (I think?) which is probably (?) not the case for these other fandoms.

This is a fate blog so I do have to point out that the second worst ratio of comments/hits goes to the Fate/Grand Order fandom, so I can only encourage you guys to actually comment on the fics you like.

AI: The Somnium Files has a nearly 20% of kudos per hit. Though the ao3 tag is also not very active (last I checked it could go weeks without any update) so it might be a case of "we're so starved for new fics we'll read anything at this point."

TL;DR:

It seems like on average, 10% of people drop a kudo, 3% will like it enough to bookmark it, and 1% will go the extra step of leaving a comment. If you're a fic writer and you are despairing over the amount of attention your fic gets, worry not- that is normal.

#fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #statistics

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goldeneyedkim · 4 months

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Year End Stats

Kinda.

So, I'm a brat and want to know when notifs go out, so I'm subscribed to myself. Since Ao3's stats are... uh, not great for the yearly breakdown they supposedly have (if you post a longfic across multiple years, the stats are counted in full for both years), so I can't see how many words I wrote easily...

But I could go back through all my notification emails, add up all the words, and find out 1) how many words I posted* for each account in 2023 and 2) how many times I posted. AngelSelene_Archived is not counted in this.

Uh, disclaimer: it's a lot. Also it's "how many words I posted" and not "how many I wrote" both because I had 3 longfics I posted this year that I have had written in significant part before this year (Surviving the Fire, Wildness in His Bones, and Brutally combined had well over 100k pre-written before I started posting). Anyway, that means it's not a true "how much did I write in 2023" but it's... uh, still impressive.

Stats beneath the cut:

So... GEO readers feasted this year (not a surprise since I finished Iron and Ichor). I may not have done Nano this year--my dayjob is retail adjacent, so November's always an iffy proposition anyway--but I did have 7 (SEVEN) months where I posted over 50k, and an eighth (Feb) where I just missed it.

Dramatic drop-off in Nov-Dec, which... look, IRL was not kind from Halloween on this year. Probably 20k of what was posted in those two months were pre-written.

What was the total word count? 611,305 words posted in 2023. AngelSelene got 208k, while GEO got a whopping 403k.

So... that's a lot.

And because that's a lot, I got curious about how often I posted.

Uh, spoiler alert: it's also a lot.

In case anyone's curious, final tallies were 73 times for AS, and 118 times for GEO, for a grand total of 191 times.

Guys, statistically speaking, I posted every other day last year between the two accounts. I had no idea I had posted that much. I also have no idea why so many of my wonderful readers don't unsubscribe when they realize how much I post. 😂

The actual numbers if anyone's curious:

I do not expect this year to be this nuts (not the least of which because I don't have over 100k of longfic drafts), but I'm def still recovering from the insanity of the end of the year, and it is absolutely impacting my desire to write.

To those who signed up to go through this insanity with me--thank you. Truly. 💛💛💛💛

#angiewrote #kimerawrote #fandom statistics #writing statistics #definitely don't expect this this year

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eleanorfenyxwrites · 3 years

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Literally no one asked but in case y’all are curious what my wips currently look like:

5k words - chapter 7 of the modern 3zun AU (high priority) - [finished]

2k words - Xiyao meeting for the first time, pre-fic AEM extra (direct follow up to the pre-fic Nieyao extra, ie what happens in response to the letter NMJ sent to LXC)

6k words - “toddler” LWJ telling Madam Lan about the time travel array and the future/squaring off against the elders as a “toddler”, pre-fic AEM extra (requested - high priority) - [finished]

3.5k words - Xuanli’s wedding night/first month or so as a married couple, pre-fic AEM extra [finished - possible sequels coming]

12k words - genderbent wangxian smut (that I’m not sure I’ll ever actually work up the courage to post because wow is it shameless)

4k words - bullet points and two half-written scenes to test out a possible sequel for my “Wangxian meet as children” fix-it

Bonus: my doc where I keep my seeds of ideas for more AEM extras has four other scenarios listed, three of which are extras for the fic timeline itself and one of which is another pre-fic scene. I’d also like to write a sequel to AEM at some point that covers 3zun’s visit to Jinlintai right after the events of AEM, picking up right where the Xuanli horde extra left off.

So - in case anyone was wondering what I’m doing...that’s it 😅

#wip #also in case anyone is curious about my ao3 statistics:#my word count over there is up to 168451 #I have also replied to every comment people have left on my works at least once (some people get a bit of conversation)#and some of those comments include more backstory or very basic plot resolutions for people who are curious about what would happen later #I might actually compile some of the comments as like. bullet point style fics to cross post here so y’all can see some of it #but anyway - I’m constantly writing lol

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domesticated-feral · 4 years

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Steo Week 2020, Day 3

Title: Stuck in the Elevator (Rivals edition!)

Prompts: Forced Proximity Rating: Teen Warning: Small usage of profanity WC: 1820

You can also read it on my AO3

Summary:

“How are you so sure? I don’t want to die in this elevator with you,” “Why? Is it ‘cause you hate me?” “You hate me! Not the other way around!”

Stiles worked a job as a news reporter. Reporting crime and city mishaps in the golden city of San Francisco. He worked for the San Francisco Chronicle and it was just another workday. He quickly grabs his usual order of a medium flat white from the coffee shop below his apartment and walks to his workplace.

He arrives just in time and clocks in straight at eight and quickly walks to his desk. He sets his coffee down and slips his backpack off onto the chair. He takes his phone out, placing it on the desk as he sits down.

“G’morning, Stiles,” His best friend and workmate, Scott McCall greeted.

“Mornin’ Scottie,” Stiles said, as he turned his computer on.

Amongst the many work emails, he found one from his boss, sent just three minutes ago.

“Did you know about the meeting that we have in like half an hour?” Stiles asks Scott.

“Just read it, it sounds pretty urgent,” Scott said.

“Yeah, oh and do you need anything from the art department? I’m heading there to pick up some prints,” Stiles asks, standing up from his seat.

“No, not that I know of,” Scott muttered as he dug into answering his work emails.

Stiles turns around and heads to the elevators to go down to the art department. From the 8th floor, going to the 3rd floor would be nothing. Except it stopped at 6th and the corporate’s top reporter, Raeken stepped in.

“Stilinski,” Theodore sneered.

“Well, fine morning isn’t it, Raeken,” Stiles muttered.

He was also headed towards the art department, he didn’t push any buttons. The elevator continues downwards until it abruptly stops, scaring Stiles so hard that he felt himself jump out and back into his skin.

“Oh shit!” Stiles coughed.

The elevator’s lights turn off and so does its air conditioning. A small emergency light turns on and Stiles knows that he was stuck in the elevator with his rival.

Theo quickly presses the help button, but help was probably going to arrive in more than an hour. Stiles leans against the elevator walls and sighs.

“I’m going to miss the meeting and I guess this is ‘adios’ to my career,” Stiles muttered.

“You are one of the top reporters here, so am I, corporate won’t fire us, they don’t have the wits to fire their best reporters, Stilinski,” Theo said.

“You’re not supposed to give wordings of hope, you hate me!” Stiles said.

“Strong word of choice, I’d like to think as we never got along,” Theo remarked.

“You reported stories that our boss had given me to report!” Stiles whined, unprofessional, but he was still salty about it.

“The world of media is quick and ever-changing, you need to work quicker than it if you want to survive here,” Theo said, trying to call someone on his cell.

“There’s no cell signal available, don’t bother trying,” Stiles said.

Theo pockets his phone and they stand in silence for a while.

“Being the top reporter of the San Francisco Chronicle, how does it feel like?” Stiles asks, breaking the silence.

“Well, it’s exciting, to say the least, they send you out on stories that are dangerous, exhilarating and packed with action,” Theo described.

“What was the most memorable story you’ve covered?” Stiles asked.

“Hmm, I gotta say, the throne goes to the story about-” he stopped to think for a while- “about the lions getting loose from their enclosure in the San Francisco Zoo,” he finished.

“Not the bank heist that happened with a fully armed squad of robbers?” Stiles asks.

“Bank robberies are sorta lame to me,” Theo said.

“But they were dressed in cowboy apparel and rode armored tanks,” Stiles said.

“Still, not as unusual as lions getting loose,” Theo stood with his answer.

“They didn’t even kill anyone!” Stiles said, “Are you implying that top crime reporter Theo Raeken likes domestic, un-actiony stories rather than action-filled crime stories?”

“I am saying that I do like reporting action and crime stories, but I like heartfelt and wholesome content more,” Theo said.

“Ooh, Theo Raeken, this is a side of the cube no one has ever seen of you before,” Stiles teased.

Theo chuckles, “no one knows Theo Raeken more than himself.”

“True, true, now, when the hell is someone getting out of this metal cube suspended by wires?” Stiles said, pushing the help button.

Stiles leans back and sits down on the floor, his legs were somewhat tired. He feels his pockets for his phone and then remembers, he left it on his desk. He heard a small sound like a cat’s claw being protracted or something. He looked up to see Theo's hand, his fingernails were long and sharp.

"What are you doing and how the hell did you do that?" Stiles said, in awe and confusion.

Theo tries to pry open the elevator door using his fingernails, and strength. He grunts as he tries to open it, the door only opened for half an inch. He decides that it was going to take more effort to try and open the door instead of waiting, so he retracts his nails back.

"Theo, what the holy hell was that all about?" Stiles asked.

"Well, I suppose I have to tell you now," Theo said, raking his hand through his hair, "I'm a chimera, don't tell anyone this, I'd like to keep a clear name."

"Chimera as in supernatural chimera?" Stiles asked.

"Not exactly, I was created genetically by a team of psychopathic doctors,” Theo said.

“So, what kind of chimera are you?” Stiles asks.

“Are you interrogating me to write an exposé?” Theo asks.

“No, I’m just curious, I have a couple of supernatural friends,” Stiles said.

“In that case, I’m a werewolf/werecoyote chimera,” Theo answered his question.

“My best friend is a werewolf, and my ex was a were coyote, my other ex was a banshee and my other-other ex was a werewolf as well,” Stiles blurted out, his brain to mouth filter was just not working today.

“TMI much?” Theo mumbles.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to info dump on you,” Stiles apologizes.

The elevator moved, it was like it fell down the shaft for a second, Stiles’ heart jumped up from his chest to up to his throat.

Theo spams the help button, “it’s unlikely to die here, but I would like to get out as soon as possible.”

“We might die, no chance is ever completely 0, I don’t want to die,” Stiles panicked.

“Listen, Stiles, you and I are not, and I say, are not dying here,” Theo said, crouching down and holding Stiles’ shoulders.

“But what if we do? I can’t die, not today, I have so many things I didn’t do,” Stiles said through quick, shallow breaths.

“Stiles, calm down, breath with me, we are not dying, not here, not today, you hear me?” Theo said, keeping eye contact with Stiles.

“Look, if we die-”

“We are not going to die, Stiles!”

“How are you so sure? I don’t want to die in this elevator with you,” Stiles said, his breathing erratic.

“Why? Is it ‘cause you hate me?” Theo asks.

“You hate me! Not the other way around!” Stiles accused, his mind diverting to another subject.

“I don’t hate you, where did you get that idea from?” Theo asked.

“You took my stories and rewrote it, and you also stole my spotlight by doing so!” Stiles said.

“Ok, I have to admit that I did that, but it was out of my hands, corporate wanted me to do it, not you,” Theo said.

“Yeah, yeah, blame it on the corporate heads, good job, Theo,” Stiles said.

“Ok, you’re alright now,” Theo said, standing back up.

“What do you mean?” Stiles asked, “being stuck in this elevator is not alright.”

“I meant your panic attack, your use of sarcasm must mean you’re fine now,” Theo remarked.

“Ey, I’m not that sarcastic!” Stiles defended himself.

“Lies,” Theo scoffed, “your interview was full of sarcastic remarks, I don’t even know how you got this job.”

Stiles frowned at Theo while Theo smirks back at Stiles. The elevator was slowly warming up, Stiles really wished that there were emergency air conditioners just like emergency lights.

Theo feels the warmth as well and he unbuttons the top button of his shirt, hoping it would help keep cool. Stiles fans his face with his hand, sweat beads adorned his forehead and nose.

‘I wish I brought my phone, how long have I been in here for?’ Stiles thinks, ‘Wait, he brought his phone, I guess I’ll ask him.’

“What’s the time?” Stiles asks.

“It’s been 10 minutes since we’ve been stuck in here, in other words, it’s 8:14,” Theo said, looking at his wristwatch.

“Statistically, it can take up to 30 minutes to an hour and a half, maybe two to get saved, unless the building’s closed,” Stiles stated.

“And if the building is closed?” Theo asked.

“It can take up to 8 or 9 hours,” Stiles said.

Theo sits down on the other side of the elevator and takes his phone out. He mindlessly looked at the home screen, nothing much to do.

“Can’t you open the door a little bit more? since you’re a chimera and all,” Stiles asked.

“I can, but most of the elevator door is blocked by a wall,” Theo muttered.

“Most of it, that means, there is a small percentage that isn’t, therefore, Theo, open the damn door,” Stiles ordered Theo.

“I’m not taking your orders, Stiles,” Theo protested.

“You will take my order of opening the door,” Stiles firmly said.

Theo glares at Stiles’ unbreaking stare, before standing up and standing in front of the elevator door. Before Theo could open the door, the elevator door is pried open from the other side, the entrance was half blocked by the wall, and the other half was open to another floor.

“Fina- fucking- ly,” Stiles whispered.

The building was dark as well, maybe a power cut through the building. Two firefighters help Stiles and Theo out, pulling them since the top half was not blocked by a wall.

The floor was filling up with smoke, it wasn’t just a power cut, it was a fire. The firefighters take them out and paramedics come to check them.

“How the hell is there a fire?” Stiles asks Scott who quickly ran up to them.

“Believe it or not, a microwave in the break room exploded,” Scott said, “we don’t know how, but it started a fire that is spreading, but is held within two floors, the smoke went everywhere though. Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine, I was stuck in the elevator, with him, for almost 20 minutes, 20 grueling minutes,” Stiles said.

“And nothing changed between the two of you?” Scott asked.

“I still hate him, just mildly less,” Stiles said, looking at Theo.

#steoweek #steoweek2020 #steo #stiles stilinski #theo raeken #myfic

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sometimes-love-is-enough · 4 years

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do you have any spicy hot takes you wanna drop 👀👀?? i will drop one as well, i think that everyone got carried away with the whole sympathetic and unsympathetic stuff -💫

okay so i read the first sentence and i was like ‘fuck yes time to talk about the sympathetic/unsympathetic thing’ and then i read the rest of it and yeah okay so we’re on the same page here. i have a feeling this is going to get extensive so if you don’t want to hear me complaining about stuff that you may or may not like don’t go reading under the cut. Also it's not going to be very coherent

disclaimer: i am not trying to police the fandom or trying to tell anyone that they can’t write stuff. i do my best to stay in my lane and read/consume content that i want to. these are just. feelings i have.

so on the one hand i sort of understand where the whole concept sprung from. it’s hard to write interesting longform stories without a villain of some sort, it’s not as if there’s all that many characters in the first place, and sometimes using the Dragon Witch doesn’t quite cut it. and honestly if you take away the whole ‘they’re all part of the same person’ thing it would’ve been pretty easy to assume that Deceit was the bad guy when he first showed up. he went the whole ‘ominous smirking, evil laughter’ route because he’s a dramatic little bastard, and some people were like 'my son, I love him' and others went 'evil man! Evil! He's planning bad things' and on a purely mechanical level having tags that distinguish people who think a character is good vs people who think a character is evil is a good thing, it helps you distinguish content you want to look at from the content that you don't!

HOWEVER. I think the idea of characters being 'sympathetic' or 'unsympathetic' in the way that this fandom uses those terms is innately flawed. It's black-and-white thinking and it veers close to the whole puritan thing that tumblr is so fond of. And in most cases 'unsympathetic' is just an excuse to write characters as toxic, abusive, and just downright cruel without having to explain yourself. Which is. Hm. And also just lazy writing.

This bit might be tmi but: Patton actually used to be my favorite Sanders Sides character. But back when i initially got into the fandom, I hadn't quite worked out how to filter the content I looked through yet, and I just kept seeing this... constant stream of stuff involving him being abusive to the others in a way that was hm how shall i say this. Uncomfortably familiar. especially with a lot of religious guilt themes. It's not anyone's fault, precisely, but it did tinge a lot of my fandom experience, and it maaaay be why i'm not great at writing him. Doesn't matter. The point is... There wasn't a point. I'm just still bitter about that and wanted to mention it. Maybe i'm angrier about this than i thought i was. Let's not talk about that. Let's move on with this discussion.

You'll notice that i used Janus as an example up there at the top. I can't be sure (and actually it grimly fascinates me so if anybody who's been around here longer than I have has any info on this send it over, I'd love to know) but I think that Deceit's appearance in CLBG may have marked the beginning of this whole unsympathetic/sympathetic split in the fandom. It seems a safe enough bet, anyway, especially since the earliest example I can find of any fic being tagged 'unsympathetic' in the AO3 archive is from 4th February 2018, literally the day after CLBG went up. (damn, guys, moving fast).

The first occurrences of the 'sympathetic' tag crop up about a month later. Tumblr is impossible to search so I don't know if there was any discussion about terms, or if it was just a kind of snowball effect with people seeing the tags and tagging their own fics as appropriate (and this is a fascinating phenomena in itself!) but either way - i have absolutely no idea what happened to make people go from 'we're divided on whether this character who presents himself a villain is actually doing bad and detrimental things to the other sides/thomas/the world as a whole/innocent puppies' to 'hang on what if the other sides were kicking puppies also?'

So now this has turned from a rant about terminology into me being genuinely curious about this whole thing. I will put the rant on pause while I go scour AO3 to see when the first occurrences of the tags popped up. Please hold.

Okay. I'm going to ignore the unsympathetic tags for anyone who's not a side because i don't hate myself nearly that much (but uh for the record. There is a part of this fandom that thinks the LITERAL CONCEPT OF SLEEP IS EVIL and i'm not sure if i should be impressed or horrified. What? What???)

All of these numbers are up-to-date as of 17/06/2020, which is when I'm posting this. I'm probably not going to update that, so keep that in mind if you're reading this in the future.

In order of chronological appearance:

Unsympathetic Janus ('Deceit' at the time, of course) - first appears 12 March 2018, 191 works Unsympathetic Roman - first appears 10 February 2019, 102 works Unsympathetic Logan - first appears 24 June 2019, 59 works Unsympathetic Patton - first appears 2 July 2019, 228 works Unsympathetic Remus - first appears 17 July, 2019, 121 works Unsympathetic Virgil - first appears 31 July 2019, 71 works

...I genuinely don't know what I expected.

The fandom was much slower to spark with Unsympathetic Remus content after he first showed up, which is kind of interesting. Unless they just didn't bother to tag it? Like, I'm working with the assumption that everyone's tagging all of their content, which might not always be the case

I thought there'd be so much more Janus and Remus-tagged fics than there actually are.

It does not surprise me that Patton has the most in this category. It makes me sad but it doesn't surprise me. Why are you guys so intent on making him evil

And on the opposite side of the sympathy spectrum (similarly chronological):

Sympathetic Janus - first appears 7 March 2018, 1920 works Sympathetic Remus - first appears 2 July 2019, 965 works Sympathetic Patton - first appears 31 July 2019, 71 works Sympathetic Virgil - first appears 1 August 2019, 69 works (nice) Sympathetic Logan - first appears 8 August 2019, 41 works Sympathetic Roman - first appears 20 August, 56 works

It's actually wild that 'Sympathetic [Janus]' seems to have appeared several days between Unsympathetic Jan made any appearance.

There were several Remus fics that were backtagged to before DWIT was released. I ignored them because it was throwing this off a bit. there may be other problems to this effect in any of the other stats, but i’m too lazy to go back and check those all one-by-one

Sympathetic tags in general seem to be used as, hm, there's a word here i can't quite think of. Basically, 'Sympathetic' seems to be the default setting for characters like Virgil, Patton, Roman, Logan (the 'Light Sides', although i take issue with that terms as well. This isn't the time for that, though. Statistics!!) which 'Unsympathetic' used to be the default for Janus and Remus. That's become slightly more elastic of late, though. Basically if you're using the Sympathetic tag for anyone who's not a 'Dark Side' you're usually doing it to make a point of something. e.g. if you have other sides who aren't usually unsympathetic as such and you're trying to clarify that yes, these specific ones are Okay. Or if you're just being thorough. Anyway that's why LAMP seem to have less works tagged as Symp than the other two.

All the sympathetic tags for non-Janus characters seem to have sprung up in quick succession over a short period of months! I have no idea what this means but it's strange and cool to look at

If you're wondering about the discrepancy between this information and my earlier note that the first appearance of 'unsympathetic' as an AO3 tag was the day after CLBG came out - that fic in question had a general 'unsympathetic dark sides' tag, no specific tags mentioned.

Okay statistics segue over. The only point of that apart from scientific curiosity was to try to puzzle out where the fuck this all stemmed from. I still have no answers.

I need you all to understand that 'Sympathetic' no longer looks like a real word to me.

So. Remember how i mentioned how this fandom managed to make unsympathetic!Remy/Sleep a thing? Yeah. That baffles me. I haven't seen unsympathetic Dr Picani anywhere yet but I know it's only a matter of time and that lowkey horrifies me. But that's not really the most baffling thing because, uh

Well. earlier this week I accidentally stumbled into a corner of tumblr that's dedicated to unsympathetic character Thomas content. If you're a fan of that, i'd advise you to click away from this post now because i'm about to get very angry about that and i don't want to make you upset. Thank you.

What the fuck. literally all of the posts in this corner of tumblr are about c!thomas abusing the sides and being a terrible person??? ??????? ????? WHAT? can we just take a step back and. WHY? WHY are you doing this? Are we watching the same show? from a psychological standpoint, that's self-abuse and self-harm and i suppose it might be interesting if you explored it as such but APPARENTLY NO. apparently that's not what this is about. This is just about writing about someone being abusive to other people for the sake of it. there were so many posts about him 'abusing the sides by telling them they're not real people' and. OKAY so a) he wouldn't do that b) THEY AREN'T. THEY LITERALLY AREN'T REAL PEOPLE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

[deep breath]

so actually i think that kind of leads me back to the point of this whole thing. I had a point, what? It surprises me too, don't worry. The point is (roughly) that writing characters as 'unsympathetic' isn't something that i have an objection to at all. Everybody has the capacity to be cruel! Nobody's perfect!! But with the sympathetic/un labels it seems to enforce this strict dichotomy of good vs bad. Either Logan is an abusive monster OR he's a perfect angel. Guys. That's not how it works. And it's not INTERESTING if you do that sort of thing because then you've got people being unnecessarily cruel and evil for the sake of it. They turn into 2-dimensional caricatures that only exist to be bad people.

People make mistakes! I write about characters making mistakes all the time! Janus and Remus pulling the whole trolley problem thing in Pick A Side definitely wasn't a great thing for them to do, but I didn't tag them as unsympathetic at the time and i have no plan to do so because i don't want to write them as two-dimensional caricatures who are only capable of one of two settings on the morality meter. (same goes for the next chapter, whenever that comes up but... let’s talk about that when i post it, maybe)That's boring. If you're going to take characters and make them into antagonists just because you can't think of anyone else to fit the role, and you're doing it by stripping away everything that makes them Them, then you might as well just stuff a paper bag with straw and cast a scarecrow as the villain instead because buddy. You're making a strawman. That's what you're doing. You can't have Patton without kindness and well-meaningness, just as you can't have Patton without the mistakes caused by those two things. Same goes for the other sides and their flaws and strengths.

And then there's the other thing that's definitely more specific to this fandom, which I think was best summarized with something i said in the comments section of Pick A Side with len at like ten minutes past midnight that one time:

(...) and not necessarily related to anything you said, but - this fandom is kind of unique in that... there's no actual bad guys or villains. (at least that's how i perceive it.) The Real Villain Is Your Poor Mental Health. people are always like 'unsympathetic deceit' or 'unsympathetic patton' and point to different points in the videos as evidence, ('i give you permission to think those thoughts' patton's being controlling - that's abuse) but like. it's all the same guy. he's giving himself permission. he's doing it to himself. imagine if we tagged other fandom characters with like 'Unsympathetic Harry Potter' when he was being mean or critical to himself. wild.

So yeah. In conclusion: obviously people should write what they like. If they see characters one way and they want to write about them being two-dimensional monsters that's fine. I kind of wish you'd put more thought into it and make it at least interesting if you're going to do that sort of thing, but you do you i guess.

That being said. If I see any more unsympathetic!Patton content I will start crying. i want to love Goofy Dad Man the same way i used to

#asks #min goes off the rails #this turned into an essay. apology for incoherence and my tendency to jump around wildly!#Anonymous

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connywrites · 5 years

Text

Snowbound

also on [ao3]

Gavin wasn’t exactly the type to try to and redeem himself, as he didn’t find anything inherently wrong with his actions, with the background of being raised to take what you can get and then some. Destroying Connors one by one like pins in the way of a bowling alley, he’d made a bit of an impression on the team; not one that particularly mattered, as Connors were so easily replaceable, but one that was noticed by the entire department, including Connor itself. For an android that was supposed to lack a personality, it’d begun holding a disposition in regard to him and him alone that it didn’t share with the rest of them. Hank had been warming up to it, but occasionally Connor was allowed to switch between partners for the pure sake of more help once Hank was getting back on his feet and back into the work routine, even if he didn’t consider it so much of an accomplishment, himself; whatever paid the bills, he begrudgingly told himself every time to talk himself out of quitting the job and walking out, even on the worst of days.

Working with Gavin was different for Connor, practically a Hank and a half in regards to his explosive personality, including the scapegoating, constant nagging and pushing made Anderson pale in comparison in the android’s synthetic psyche, and it personally saw no real use in helping someone that thoroughly refused it; but per usual, Cyberlife’s programming superseded any other order, and as such, it followed what it was naturally designed to do, even if it wasn’t always what it was told to do. Their current situation was no exception.

“Well, my phone’s busted, we’re in the middle of nowhere and the cruiser is as good as dead.” They’d been set up, and he was furious, having come back to the police car only to find the four tires slashed and something in the console ripped out that he assumed played major part to its functionality, considering he couldn’t even turn the thing on.

“You’re hooked up to all that shit, right? Maybe you can radio signal someone over?” Connor shook its head.

“We’re too far from any towers, so my WiFi connection is virtually nonexistent though I have continued to ping in an attempt.” Frankly, Connor was tempted to pursue the deviant or attacker on its own, as it held no regard for human lives, but was unfortunately directed to work with Gavin and thus accepted it would do exactly as it must.

“It would be best if I sought help while you stayed here.” Gavin looked up from his place which was sat on the ground in the old abandoned house, away from the blizzard and the windchill despite the air gushing in through a few broken windows. Luckily an empty house meant a few commodities, so he managed to scrap a blanket and some stale crackers that he hoped would get him by until help arrived.

“Tch, yeah, sure, and get yourself frozen up?” It was half in deflection of his own desire not to be left alone and half a solid truth, as he knew androids could only tolerate extreme temperatures to a certain extent, and only so long.

“If your GPS isn’t working, there’s no way you’ll find a way back and we’ll both end up lost.” The amount of emotion in his tone almost came as a surprise to him, as he unintentionally spoke of the android as if it were another person on his side – a strange habit, and a difficult one to dismiss, considering how Cyberlife designed them to replicate humans seemingly as well as physically possible.

As much as Connor wanted to deny the fact, take the matter into his own hands and do something to solve it, unfortunately, Gavin was right, and it, too, would have to stay behind for the sake of the survival and safety of both of them. Standing idly in the middle of the room, it looked around, doing a scan over the area to see if it could find anything useful for the sake of getting out of or fixing their unfortunate predicament, but it seemed as though their best bet might be letting the storm pass; but how long that would take was indeterminate without access to weather information, and Michigan’s climate was already unpredictable before irreversible global warming took effect. Turning to face Gavin, it figured it might as well do a quick analysis of his physical statistics, the only oddity registering to it being his heightened heartrate and blood pressure from the caffeine, and low oxygen from the “occasional” cigarette, considering he wasn’t in the worst health for a smoker and had minimal nicotine in his system.

While the physical ‘symptoms’ that showed up on its internal screen made sense, there was a strange look in Gavin’s eyes that seemed unusual to it, and after a few more seconds of processing, it came to the understanding that the increased heartrate wasn’t only from the coffee, but reading the expression on his face and the dilation in his eyes, it acknowledged he was afraid. Blinking twice, its LED shifted to yellow and rotated twice while its coding shuffled through a few suggested prompts, before picking one and adding the rest to its list of objectives for after the fact. There was a flicker in the corner of its programming as the software instability testing rose with signature blue Cyberlife arrows, something it knew it should be ‘concerned’ about, but temporarily dismissed.

“Once it isn’t blizzarding as immensely, I will attempt to contact someone again. We were able to get out this far, so as soon as anyone knows we’re here, they probably can, too,” it stated in its meager attempts at reassurance. Gavin was already difficult to keep calm, and times like this it was reminded that the action wouldn’t go as smoothly as it often expected, or foolishly hoped for.

“It’ll still take them hours, just like it did with us,” Gavin groused with a scowl.

“There is nothing I can do about that,” Connor responded in a sterner tone than its usual polite cadence, but nonetheless, it stepped its toes into the metaphorical water and physically trekked over to Gavin, crouching down before sitting awkwardly beside him, knees jutting out as long legs crossed in front of it. Gavin watched with as much amusement as he could from the stiff, awkward ways that Connor moved about; literally robotic, and part of why he found the damn things so funny.

“Listen, detective,” Connor opened, and Gavin snapped his jaws shut with a wary glare, but didn’t interrupt.

“I realize I haven’t exactly been your favorite person on the team, but I have done nothing but try to help you since I was put on this case. While I don’t appreciate your aggressive demeanor towards me, I’m willing to temporarily set it aside if you are.” Gavin’s irritated expression fell, and Connor offered the slightest twitch in one corner of its lip with one of those goofy, but subtle, crooked smiles. Gavin huffed through his nostrils, avoiding eye contact by averting his gaze to the side as he pulled his folded arms closer to him, bringing his legs up to rest his elbows and his head on his knees as he bunched up to try and get warmer.

“Truce?” Connor reached a hand over in an offer to shake, and Gavin almost couldn’t believe how many mechanisms must have been built into this machine to make it as formal as it was. As little as he knew about android functionality overall, he supposed it wouldn’t hurt either of them to respond in a good way, even as a ‘test’.

“Yeah, whatever, but only until we get out of this.” Taking its hand in his own, he took a second to tune in on the sensation of shaking hands with an android, something he had never done before, only to find himself surprised with how real it felt. While he knew those hands were synthetic, they held the average warmth of an adult human, and he remembered they had some kind of interior heating system to replicate the warm-bloodedness of a mammal. Artificial lungs that pumped air through without actively changing the chemicals as humans’ would with surrounding air, a fake heart that pumped liquid chemicals, identifiably manmade with how the texture seemed to glisten like pixels on a screen, but a ‘fresh’ liquid and one that was very real even if it disappeared from human sight after so long. Strange, eerie, unusual, but despite being well aware the android was but plastic, metal, cables and bolts, the warmth and skin-like texture of its hand, the firm grip, and the double-shake with a medium firmness suddenly seemed much more fluid and less awkward than the android’s other typical actions in Gavin’s mind.

For a moment, he wondered what it was like in their ‘minds,’ being sentient enough but still having to follow orders, to do what you told them to, except granted a precious gift of pseudo-immortality, considering they could metaphorically come back from the dead, looking exactly the same before, fresh and new and whole again. It was unusual and strikingly inhuman compared to the other details, down to the clean-shaven look of the pores on Connor’s face—wait, how long had he been staring at it so closely? Longer than he was aware of, he assumed by the curious, puzzled look Connor gave him, and he let go of its hand when he withdrew, wearing one of his typical frowns as he surveyed the android for its reaction, noticing the particular quirks in its facial features as its eyebrows twitched upward, then lowered, and the way its opticals flickered by a millimeter as they looked between both of his own, meaning it was maintaining eye contact; another strange and overall human aspect of the android’s behavior. The amount of details that blended between android actions and human-like interactions seemed to be what blurred so smoothly it subtly settled into the human psyche, and he knew he wasn’t the only one that had difficulty maintaining the act of treating them for exactly what they were, and nothing else, despite Kamski and Cyberlife’s clear attempts to make them into nothing more than friendly faces with wires and chips instead of veins and brains.

One the other hand, a few more moments of thought made him come to the conclusion he’d looked past the more ‘natural’ attributes because of the pure hatred he had for the things, trying to mentally adjust as his mind shifted through thoughts, opinions, constructions of Connor’s place in the world and how he’d previously feared it could swipe the job from under his feet. Now it was on the job with him, working for him rather than replacing him, and the dynamic suddenly seemed easier to manage, as if Connor wasn’t something he’d hated with a passion, feeling the conscience difference as he thought back over to Hank and how he, too, had a change of heart over his time of working with Connor – was this what that was like? For a moment he thought that perhaps the RK800 was as charming as it was programmed to be, but dismissed the idea as he didn’t want to give it that much credit for something he’d decided on himself.

Gavin supposed the shift of mentality might have been due to his own refusal to accept any other impression of the androids in the first place. The change was definitely bizarre to him and seemed rather sudden, but maybe if he paid closer attention to Connor while it was on ‘his team’, he thought of the possibility of putting together a better understanding of Connor, and perhaps androids in general – for better or worse.

Connor, on the other hand, as was its nature, didn’t feel much at all despite the typical pre-programmed reactionary responses that cued itself in on how to interact with its surroundings. Software instabilities still occurred, but not often enough to sway it towards deviancy, for the time being. Still, it could tell that Gavin’s behavior had changed, even in the slightest agree, and couldn’t help a sense of ‘gratitude’ for the sake of appreciating the newfound ease, even if he’d snap back into his old habits sooner or later.

Connor looked him over with calculated eyes, and his own wandered to look at the model number that seemed to glow on the android's jacket, a visual indicator alongside the bright blue pixelated triangle on the other side of the particularly designed jacket with "ANDROID" flashing across the back. If the LED on the right side of its forehead wasn't an obvious indicator, Cyberlife ensured you knew they sent the android to aid in the investigation.

For a moment, Gavin thought back to Lieutenant Anderson, thinking over how his behavior and overall personality had changed over the years, from the birth of his son to his unfortunate loss; the way he'd grown tired, aggressive and sarcastic in his aged years on the team. Overall, he couldn't blame him, personally stuck in the awkward ages between 35 and 40 and feeling like he was too young to have a midlife crisis, but too old to ultimately drag attention over the fact he felt anything about his age.

RK800 had the physical characteristics of someone around his time of life, but he couldn't pinpoint an exact number of years; guessing someone's record of experience was impossible with an android. "Connor" was only six months old total in design, but it had come back repeatedly after "severe damages" and noticeably increased Hank's depression by doing so. The idea of being able to come back in a fresh, new shell every time you so much as got shot or fell from a ladder was ultimately depressing, and the entire department felt it when their immortal teammate returned to solve the most dangerous of cases all over again.

Repeatedly. Over and over, he'd seen those brown, artificial eyes tracking him, the expressionless look on its face, the awkward twitch of its eyebrows and the infamous LED always blinking, turning yellow, calculating, uploading. It was disgusting by sight alone, and he couldn't blame Hank for how he felt over the matter -- and thus didn't blame him when he did, finally, quit the force, secretly thinking it was a long time coming once he'd had a mouthful with Fowler over his ever-growing pile of 'warnings', even though his boss refused to do anything, let alone fire him; so Hank had taken it into his own hands to "take care of it himself."

Everyone had, one way or another, seen the suicide coming. Sumo was put up for adoption while there was a tense, still silence across the entire department. Hank's well-known friends had become quiet, unfriendly out of pure shock and no idea what to do with the fact that it really did happen.

Lo and behold, as the next detective down the career ladder, they'd put Connor with him as a permanent asset; needless to say, he wasn't pleased, but ultimately made the decision to stop riddling it with bullet holes in favor it being a hassle as well as another cruel reminder. In turn, the death had affected him more than he expected it to. As he assumed, the supposedly flawless android was ultimately unphased by something deeply disturbing by the humans.

"Any luck on tracking location?" The android paused, LED rotating yellow before blinking three times while it attempted to utilize its tracker, to no avail.

"No," it responded flatly. Gavin sighed.

The day progressed into evening, then a cold night, the blizzard ongoing all the while.

"I've managed to maintain a connection to the department," Connor stated, rousing Gavin from his shallow slumber and rumbling snore with a startled gasp that hitched in his throat.

"Oh, good. Sending someone?" Connor hesitated, glancing in the direction of the building as it tried to transfer information, with little avail as its LED rotated and blinked yellow and blue repeatedly.

"I...had managed a connection," it reluctantly admitted in defeat. Gavin's eyebrows quickly scrunched in skeptic disbelief.

"You fuckin' kidding me?" Sighing, he rolled his eyes, staring out the nearest window as his vision settled on the bittersweet, crisp snow continuously falling from the sky.

"Unfortunately not," it replied honestly with a disappointed tone to its voice, and for a moment Gavin wondered how thin the line between machines and deviants really was.

"Fuck. It's freezing and I'm starved," he complained, running a hand through his hair and scowling at the greasy texture collected from the days without showering. Connor glanced at him with a gaze of thought, LED continuing to cycle as the android continued its attempts to link up with Wi-Fi and telephone signals nearby.

"As my internal temperature is set to replicate the 98.8° Fahrenheit that is average human body temperature, I unfortunately can’t aid you in the means of warmth, let alone food.” It was frustrating; the android was designed to serve, protect, to help, and even if it was only default programming, being unable to follow through with it felt self-defeating, similar to the sinking mock-dread of a failed mission. Had it failed? Had it failed Gavin?

“Ugh, it’s fine,” he retorted, even if the disdain still filled his voice, “I just can’t wait to get home to my bed with hot coffee and a meal.” Closing his eyes, he dragged a hand down his face, taking in the sensation of pulling skin for what it was. Bodily contact with an android was already a foreign and uncomfortable idea, but he couldn’t stop thinking of the way it mentioned body temperature. Was it suggesting physical touch or was he overthinking? Likely the latter.

“Not like I’m going to snuggle you or something.” Connor blinked, turning its head, and suddenly his cheeks reddened with heat of embarrassment as he realized just how bizarre that statement came across. His mind had entered an odd, uncomfortable place he was quick to shy away from as soon as the android looked at him, swallowing as he planted his palms on the ground and lowered his shoulders in a moment of anxiety.

“Physical contact may contribute to a slight raise in temperature, yes, but not enough to make it necessary.” To Connor, the comment was out of the blue covering left field, eyebrows wavering with their usual twitches, before they lowered over narrowed eyes as it looked at him with a rather stern, skeptical expression now on its face.

“However, I didn’t consider it before, but my jacket may help you collect body heat if you layer it over your own.” It was true; the Cyberlife jacket was thick with waterproof cloth so the rain would slide right off like the feathers of a duck, only soaking the surface enough to make the fabric darken and shine even in heavier storms.

Gavin stared, pausing, thinking of the practicality of the situation. The android was right, after all, even if he didn’t want to admit it; it’d grant more warmth than he had, and it would be fitted a few sizes bigger, leaving him with little argument while his body shivered, clattering his teeth.

“Yeah, give me that,” he demanded, watching as Connor rather nonchalantly shed the clothing from its shoulders, leaving behind the white long-sleeve buttonup shirt that snugly fit its physical frame. The tie it seemed to constantly adjust in a smug, prim manner, the same way it flattened its lapels or ran its fingers along the sides of its slicked-back hair, occasionally checking its reflection in the mirror – another odd behavior that seemed completely unnecessary to install, in his opinion.

Still, for the time being, he had to wait the night through. Connor settled beside him with a respectable distance while it closed its eyes, leaning back against the same wall. Momentarily feeling better, Gavin closed his eyes as well, curling up on himself as he drifted back off to sleep.

“Gavin,” the android prompted, voice enlightened with something similar to excitement as it reached to grab his shoulder and gently shake it, firm enough to stir him from unconsciousness once more.

“There is help coming. They should be here in the next fifteen minutes. The storm has cleared, and I’ve managed to re-link with the DPD and Cyberlife.” Offering a soft smile, it held out its hand for him to take; blinking up at it, he still felt himself lost in a half-asleep daze, blinking at the android’s attire as it was left in its dress suit and tie, before glancing down at the layered RK800 jacket over his own and remembering—quickly jolting awake as he recoiled from Connor, scowling at it and prompting it to cast an unamused gaze.

“…Oh. Right.” Sighing, he reached out to take Connor’s hand for the sake of ease, letting it pull him to his feet as he stretched his back with the heavy popping of vertebrae cartilage and a long, drawn-out yawn. Sighing, he pulled Connor’s jacket from his shoulders, feeling warmer now that the sun had peeked through the clouds, handing it back as he was insistent that he didn’t wind up being seen with it on. Connor slid it back on over its arm, carefully slipping it through as it pulled the jacket over that shoulder, then the next, re-fitting it to its bodily form with an adjustment of the lapels and a tightening of its tie, just as it always did.

“Now that that’s over with, let’s get outta here.”

#dbh: gavin reed #dbh: connor #hello thjis took too long

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fallenesspoetry · 5 years

Text

A Bullet in the Chamber (full text)

AO3|FFN

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Donald Ressler

Warnings: Swearing, OOC, Suicidal thoughts.

Summary: The alternative ending of the “Mako Tanida” episode.

Every five seconds someone is dying.

Car crash. Cancer. AIDS. Murder. Suicide.

I bet neither you nor me don't even think about it. Why bother, right? We are one hundred percent sure about the next morning.

Aren't we?

* The alarm clock. Wake up. Bathroom. Shower. Shaving. Dressing. Pants. Pressed shirt. Tie. Holster. Jacket. Breakfast. Two toasts, butter, jam and strongly brewed, sugar-free coffee. Turn off the lights. Shoes. The keys. Grab a coat. Lock the door. Keep to the speed limit and get to work.

That's how most of my days begin, and end the same—sending the case report about another thug of a criminal our team's caught and locked up.

That's how it'd always been.

Until that very day.

When I got Audrey back.

My Audrey.

I spent five years trying to make my name, chasing a notorious elusive “Concierge of Crime” Raymond Reddington.

Five fucking years!..

No one could compete with him. My best pals quit asking if I'm free on Fridays, and my colleagues—asking me out for a drink or two.

Audrey stood a little longer.

Until she gave me the ring back.

“You're engaged with him, Don. And your job.”

I don't blame her.

* I'm used to do my job in a certain way.

Gather evidence. Lay out the facts. Connect the dots. Point out the possible suspects. Bring them in for questioning. Prove they're guilty. Close the case.

The world is black and white for me. Good and evil. I have faith in the system, because my job's to uphold the law and punish those who're breaking it.

My job isn't about guessing or profiling. It's all about facts and proof. And, most certainly, it's not playing ball with Interpol's “Number One”, traitor and double intelligence agent.

My job was all that until Raymond Reddington surrendered the FBI, and I got a case heavily tied to my past.

* Three months.

Is it a lot or a little?

90 days. 2160 hours. 129600 minutes. 7776000 seconds.

Because of a completely impossible coincidence in my paradigm, Audrey had been brought back to me.

For just three months.

“You sure you're alright, Donnie?” “I got lucky. They're saying I'll be good as new in a few weeks.” “I'll stay and make sure of that.”

Her genuine smile tore something away from me.

It couldn't be...

“You okay with that?” “And him?” I'm pointing to a new engagement ring, “I'm your ex, after all.” “He'll understand.”

* On average, a bullet travels at over 4,000 feet per second.

Is it possible to foresee this bullet to have gone through your girlfriend, her body collapsing on a dirty pavement?

Is it possible to foresee your best friend and partner to secretly murder in cold blood a yakuza boss and take over his business?

It it possible to foresee that the brother of the deceased would be seeking revenge, leaving a corpse trail of wives and kids?

Is it possible to foresee that Raymond Reddington, the “Concierge of Crime” would be the only one to truly fathom the hate and desire to avenge Audrey's death?

I'd never found the answer to that.

* Another knock on the door.

Fuck you all.

Fuck these walls. Fuck another report. Fuck the taste of a strongly brewed sugar-free coffee, its bitterness a constant reminder of how I'd fucked it all up.

Fuck it all.

Her things are still at my place. She'd never had the chance to put them on a free shelf in my closet.

I'm breathing in a delicate scent of her perfume. Something very light and subtle. It's the one. The day we met.

I have to let her go.

I have to.

Have to.

But I can't.

* “Take a couple of days, grieve. There's no shame in that.”

My firm and polite “No” puzzles the opponent.

I don't need your compassion.

I don't need your understanding.

Leave. Me. The fuck. Alone.

* Days are blending in one. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Long, empty and liveless.

...Something has fallen out from her make-up bag. I guess, one of those women things.

A pregnancy test.

I'm doing a quick math.

A week, then. Maybe, a bit longer.

I'm literally knocked off my feet realizing it. Something else is falling down shattering into pieces.

I don't care.

Hot, scorching tears are running down my cheeks.

I don't scream.

* Since that day all my evenings begin with a bottle of whiskey. Dry.

But I can't get drunk.

Then another one.

The third one—and I'm finally knocked out on my couch.

If it's Friday, I'm going out to a bar nearby. Rudely than usually, I brush a couple of girls off hanging around, looking for a cheap treat.

I start with beer. Then shots. Bourbon. Whiskey. And if by this time my stomach isn't turning, I'm drying a couple of tequilas.

When it's almost closing time, I'm asking a bartender to call a cab.

* Each time I got into a shooting, I was hoping I'd catch a bullet.

But the God saw it the other way.

* Unloading a gun has always been the best stress reliever for me. I could easily do it with my eyes shut.

Press the mag catch and remove the mag. Remember that any of your fingers shouldn't be near the trigger while doing that. Now, pull back the slide as far as it goes and hold it open by pushing up the catch slide lever with your thumb. Check carefully for any left ammo in the chamber. I mean, check. Carefully. At last, release the slide on an empty chamber and depress the safety lever. You may also unload your mag and check if you need more ammo.

You can do a field strip in case your gun had been wet from snow or water. I sometimes do it. Not too often, though. But if I do, I can strip and assemble it well in under two minutes.

Let's assume you're curious about the field strip. Let's also assume you have already unloaded your gun.

First, turn the take-down lever to a 6 o'clock position and pull back the slide slightly. It will disengage the slide lever. Hold the slide firmly and let it glide forward gently. Don't be in a rush if it's your first time doing that. Now, slip the complete assembly, comprising slide, barrel, recoil spring and guide forward and off the frame. The recoil spring is under tension, so be careful when removing it. Finally, remove the barrel from the slide.

It sounds difficult but trust me, it's far easier once you try doing that yourself.

* I always carry my gun with me. And lately, in spite of Audrey's killer is dead, I'm used to fall asleep with my gun under the pillow.

I'm not being paranoid, no.

Just a precaution. That's it.

Anyway, I've started having this kind of fun—if you can call it like that—unloading the ammo from the mag, lining up all the cartridges, one by one on the table.

And I'd stare at them, thinking.

Thinking...

Once in two minutes someone is commiting suicide.

Statistically, those who keep a firearm in their house are committing suicide ten times often than those who don't.

For every criminal killed by a firearm stored at the house, there are thirty–seven suicides who get themselves killed with their own.

There's no one to leave a note for, so the “Mail” tab is not even opened.

I'm not registering that I'm fixing my tie so casually like it's one of those days I'm up and ready to go.

And only the dim lights above my head remind me it's not another morning.

I'm fidgeting with one of the fifteen cartridges for my gun.

The cartridge isn't getting any warmer in my palm.

Like an unmelting ice cube, burning the skin with its coldness.

The gun is on the table—its surface scratched with the knife and stained from numerous coffee mugs.

My phone is set to “No Disturb” mode—I don't want anyone to bother me.

My heart is beating unusually steady—I'm trained well, after all.

Audrey comes into my thoughts again.

Her smile. Her laugh. Her touch. Her scent. Her voice.

Her whisper.

Her last words.

My hands covered in her blood.

That was my bullet.

And tonight I'm gonna make it right.

#the blacklist #donald ressler #the blacklist fanfiction #nbcblacklist #mine

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notwhelmedyet · 6 years

Text

More than Meets the Eye, beginner’s guide / resources

This guide is long. Use the headings to find the information you need & if you’ve got resources this post lacks send them along!

Has anyone pitched the comic More than Meets the Eye to you yet? It’s a very gay action-adventure comedic drama with robots and you would probably love it (especially if you’re lgbt and/or have good taste). Here’s a few posts/articles that will tell you why you’d love it:

This article review/retrospective was what got me to read MTMTE. (warning - it has a bunch of spoilers, that didn’t bother me but might bother you)

My semi-jokey MTMTE sales pitch

@zzxid’s salespitch with dancing rats

This full entire page of radical space socialist philosophy

15 Reasons Why MTMTE/the sequel is The Best Transformers Comic (warning - has spoilers, though some will prob go over your head as a new reader)

Kiss me, Chromedome - retrospective article by The Guardian, contains some spoilers

How/Where to Read

Okay, maybe you’re convinced. Now you want to know how/where to read MTMTE. Got you covered:

Detailed guide by @gaymilesedgeworth: How to start reading Transformers Comics

My very short answer: just read MTMTE in trade paperback form. That way all the issues are in order and you get all the extra stuff (there are prose stories after a couple issues that are very important so don’t skip them!) They’re available that way as both physical and digital books.

Here’s some ways to get access, legally (US centric, sorry):

If your local library has Hoopla (digital library subscription service), you may have access to some of the MTMTE trades that way. They’d be here; but check if you library has Hoopla first.

Your local library very well might have physical copies, so check their website!

If not and you’re very patient you can often request inter-library loans (your library borrows the books from another library) or request your library purchase materials.

You can buy digital trades via either IDW or Comixology. Comixology also includes the first 5 volumes in their comics subscription service. I’ve seen the series go on sale on both of these sites at least 4 times in the past 6 months, so keep an eye out! (Sometimes IDW participates in humble bundles, which are great, but those sales are far more infrequent)

You can also buy them in trade form from wherever you can buy books/comics. US links: Amazon, B&N, Comic Store Locators

Character Guides

So you’ve picked up this comic and oh boy there are a lot of robots. You’re a little intimidated. Maybe you’re having a hard time telling them apart.

If you have the paperback, there’s a guide to the characters on the back cover/the last page of the digital volume. See a copy here.

It’s okay if you keep reading not knowing who these robots are. For real. You’ll get the hang of it. Don’t worry if it takes you awhile and you’re confused. Everyone’s a little lost the first time through.

Some helpful posts in case you’re struggling:

Here’s a guide that matches appearance -> name, and one that matches name -> background info (both spoiler free for issues 1-22)

A visual guide by @squireofgeekdom and @kscinewt: here

Another helpful visual character guide by @bluering8: here

If you’re confused and need help, please ask! I’m willing to answer questions, I know @gaymilesedgeworth has volunteered to answer new reader questions. (Willing to help out new readers? Lemme know and I’ll make this a list)

Lore & Background Info

Okay, so maybe now you’ve gotten into it. You want more information, you want to know all the background lore, you want to dig deep. Awesome! Got you covered!

The holy grail of Transformers information, TFwiki. A slightly snarky, overly-minutely-detailed wiki for the digital age.

They’ve also got a tumblr if you’ve got questions.

And Chris McFeely, one of the main editors, runs a Youtube series called The Basics where he explains characters/concepts across continuities

The podcast Sound.wav has episodes talking about every issue of MTMTE in great detail.

The writer of More than Meets the Eye, James Roberts, answers fan questions on his twitter. I’ve archived a lot of those questions at @jrtweetsindex.

More than Meets the Eye has a soundtrack, because of course it does. People have made playlists collecting it on spotify and youtube.

Further Reading

I finished MTMTE, what’s next?

If you want the direct sequel to MTMTE, go straight to Lost Light, the sequel series. It’s still ongoing and (as of right now) 12 issues have been released. There are spoilers for it EVERYWHERE on Tumblr, fair warning.

There are also a bunch of other series within the IDW comics universe, depending on what you’re interested in.

@zandergb has a chronological listing of all the IDW comics

TFwiki summarizes the IDW comics line

alt chronological guide

another guide/reading order.

You don’t have to read all the books! If you want to just read Lost Light/MTMTE, you can do just that.

There’s also a bunch of animated series, which don’t exist in the same continuity as the IDW comics. Some of them are well liked.

@ponett has a guide that’ll help you decide which you’d enjoy

And here’s a brief guide by TFWiki

There’s also the Michael Bay movies which are awful and so is he. Not gonna recommend watching them, but if you wanted to learn about film theory by listening to Lindsay Ellis dissect them, there’s a youtube series for that.

Fan Stuff

Okay...but what about fan content and fanfic and art and community events?

First thing to know: Transformers content is posted on tumblr under the tag Maccadam. (more detailed explanation why) A lot of mtmte content is also under ‘mtmte’, so look there too. I only use Maccadam if I think a post deserves to be seen by a lot of people but opinions vary.

Second thing to know - the sequel to MTMTE, Lost Light is still being published and you will see ALL SORTS OF SPOILERS for it on Tumblr. To mitigate the damage, try blocking “LL Spoilers” “Lost Light Spoilers” and “Wednesday Spoilers”. You cannot avoid it all, so if you don’t want anything spoiled, get caught up on both MTMTE and Lost Light before browsing around Tumblr.

Fanfiction:

Warning! A lot of Transformers fanfiction is smut. Please take a moment to integrate this fact into your understanding of the universe. If you can handle that, go ahead to AO3.

If you’re curious about all the terminology used in those fics, here’s a guide to it (not every writer uses every word, but this will get you started)

If you’re not into the idea of robots having sex, here’s a link to AO3 with my personal best-effort safe-search (no guarantees, relies upon people tagging properly)

And here’s a blog dedicated to recommending good sfw transformers fanfiction

If you want to know more about Transformers fanfic, I did a whole statistical survey of it, cause I’m a dork.

Here’s an old-school Transformers-only fanfic archive (I don’t see a category for IDW comics but maybe you can find somehing)

Fanart&Fanfic Events/Zines/Gift Exchanges/Collaborative Projects:

As many active projects as I could find - I’ll try to keep this one updated

Fan Artists:

(same warning as the fanfic - there’s a goodly amount of transformers pornographic art, be aware of that and block ‘nsfw’ if necessary)

There are a ton of active fanartists who draw IDW Transformers art. If you search a bit under ‘Maccadam’ you’ll find them.

@iaconlibrary reblogs a great deal of fanart & is a great place to start browsing

Roleplay:

If you’re into roleplaying on tumblr @teletrans-comm-unit runs a master list of active rp blogs

Transformers: Lost and Found is a long-running independent game set on the Lost Light

TF:Galaxy appears to be a forum-based tf roleplay game

My Favorite Jokes:

The best amazon review

Emotional labor (nsfw-ish warning)

Bros with Vows

Hands

Conventions:

There are Transformers-specific conventions, which is pretty cool! I know nothing about them but tfwiki has some info: Official and Unofficial conventions.

Regrettable Opinions:

hey this is just a quick guide of things not to do so you don’t hurt other people in the community

Do not compare Megatron to Hitler. The comparison is both vapid and offensive, as Jewish members of this community have pointed out time and again.

Don’t say transphobic/homophobic/racist/antisemitic/sexist things. You’re better than that!

Don’t attack the creators of the books/harass them on social media/make bizarre unfounded accusations of them acting in bad faith

we’re really lucky that JRo and the other creators interact with us & answer questions and don’t you dare screw that up, I’m trusting you.

on a less serious but useful etiquette note: don’t tag creators into negative reviews of their work/people complaining about their work. It’s rude to the creator & the reviewer.

That was a short list but remember to also treat other people with respect & that it’s okay to disengage with content/people that upset you.

Fandom:

There’s a guide on Fanlore, but it’s freakishly outdated and doesn’t even mention the comics. If you’re a informed tf fan maybe you should update it. 😉

Tumblr!

MTMTE is a pretty small community on Tumblr, but there are a few cool folks. Remember, ‘maccadam’ and ‘mtmte’ are your tags of choice

Various websites!

Since the transformers fandom is super old, there are a bunch of dedicated websites with traditional forums to chat on. (most of these are news sites that also contain forums) idk anything about them but maybe forums are your thing:

TFW2005 - big site with a large community but be warned there appear to be more than a few alarmingly bigoted people on that site

TFormers

Cybertron.CA

Allspark.com

Seibertron

I’m gonna throw the IDW TF reddit on this list rather than make a new section

Discord!

there’s at least two active discords at the moment. I know nothing about them or discord, but maybe one of them would be to your liking:

#1 - run by @zzxid

#2 - run by ??

The community is, like all fan communities, is a mix of good and bad, awkward and friendly, opinionated and goofy, self-serious and offensive. You won’t like or agree with everyone and there are some folks you should probably block.

Just find some people who share your general outlook & are interacting with the books in the same way you want to 💕

-Lynn. I have no qualifications to write this guide, I am not an authority of anything. I just really want you to love these books. Last updated on Dec 24, 2017, click through to check for any updates.

image descriptions below cut:

[image 1: Panel from MTMTE of Rewdind and Chromedome kneeling and holding hands while Chromedome says “Rewind, my love, it’s not for me to say.”]

[image 2: Fortress Maximus covered in small brightly colored robots shaped like various animals saying “Don’t worry, my friend, all taken care of.]

[image 3: Swerve holding a cartoonish drawing of Prowl and pointing at it, saying “No! Prowl with the head spikes and the cruel mouth and the - cross all the time! Epically, preemptively, existentially cross! And cold! Supercilious and cold! Imagine Ultra Magnus without the warmth and people skills. How can you not know who Prowl is?”]

[image 4: Trailgate in holomatter form, holding the first issue of More than Meets the Eye and saying: “Besides, I didn’t say I didn’t like it - I just don’t understand all the words. And it presumes a degree of familiarity with the Autobot/Decepticon war that I still don’t have...I suppose there’s always the wiki. Or tumblr...”

Cyclonus from off panel: “I told you to stay off Tumblr.”

Tailgate: “You’re right: spoilers. I want to enjoy it issue by issue - it only goes up to 43.”]

[image 5: Drift smiling a big fake smile and saying: “Anyway - let’s move on.”]

[image 6: A panel of Cyclonus gazing out the window in his dark and empty bedroom with a panel of narration: “Of course we’re not the only ones. This ship is a refuge for the emotionally inarticulate.”]

#maccadam #long post #mtmte #more than meets the eye #transformers #intro guide #new readers guide #explanatory #my tags for sorting:#gay space car robots: IN SPACE #mine #nazi mention #overthinking it

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ahumanintraining · 6 years

Text

sign out (ch. 3 of “follow up”) a shallura modern era hospital au ft. dr. allura and patient shiro [link to ao3]

— notes: and yes here is the allura pov chapter that you all have been waiting so patiently for. (and yes, happy shallura day! i say this two days late but we all know that every day is shallura day anyway)

chapter three: sign out

Allura almost squeals.

But fortunately, she’s able to hold it all in until she’s absolutely certain that the phone call ended.

Then she thrusts her face into a pillow and makes the strangest sound she’s come out of her mouth since she matched into residency.

Today had been a complete series of emotional chess, starting from the moment she walked in to see him, not at all expecting the patient with the uncomplicated right distal radius fracture in bed 24 was going to be an ultra-cute man with the shyest smile and the most curious streak of white hair over his forehead.

She was caught so off guard she almost couldn’t even appropriately perform the final physical exam to discharge him. His gaze was so intense and he had such an entrapping calm demeanor that made her forget about the hustle and the bustle of the emergency department behind the curtain. If talking to him to recap his injury history wasn’t already making her trip over her words, she absolutely stuttered as she told him the physical exam findings, close enough to smell the light cologne wafting from his skin and see the light stubble over his jaw — honestly thank god none of the nurses or technicians were also present in the room because without doubt they would have dragged her about it in the break room if they had witnessed her.

If she wasn’t wrong in reading him, she took a chance on his fast heartbeat, his jagged breath, and the light blush over his cheeks and gave him all the hints that she was absolutely interested in seeing him again outside of the hospital context.

It was a huge risk — she worried that maybe he was just embarrassed about the whole situation or about his entire story falling off the monkey bars, which actually wasn’t all that ridiculous when it came to the emergency room. Not to mention, when she gave him her number, she was technically still overseeing his health care so it was a little weird in the doctor-patient relationship.

But it was fine, right? Technically she just gave him her business card, which she has done to patients she wanted to follow up even beyond the emergency room because of the complexity of their case.

This would just be another someone she wanted to follow up with. Well, maybe not for the same reasons, but…

She groans, pressing her face into the pillow again, remembering how she circled her cell number and even winked at him — so stupidly embarrassing!

How could she have just put herself out there like that so obviously? What if she just read all the signs wrong and completely misinterpreted?

Of course, now that he had actually called her back, she supposes she made the right decision after all.

She — Allura Altea, three years an attending at Olkarian General with her ass still deep in government federal student debt — had a date.

Or something. He did mention he wanted to “at least return the thanks.”

She doesn’t know. It’s unclear.

Regardless, she was going to get to see him again. She giggles to herself again, uncharacteristically giddy with excitement. She throws aside her pillow and reaches again for her agenda book, looking at the Thursday column. She raises her pen point just below her 6 PM shift, twirling her pen a few times to consider what to write.

“8 pm – DATE!!!!!” is too embarrassing even for her to look at — and then what would happen if she opened her book and one of her other colleagues happened to see the colorful all-caps? She’d never hear the end of it.

“8 pm – Date” doesn’t look right either. And moreover, what if it wasn’t even a date? What if he was just trying to be polite? Although… he did ask for dinner, not lunch. Or at least, he did at first…

She shakes her head to herself. Focus, she tells herself.

Maybe “8 pm – Takashi” would be most appropriate. She writes it in but then frowns when re-reading it.

This makes him seem like a consult call or some kind of referral. Maybe she can doodle in something to make it look more friendly…

Before she knows it, she scribbles a small heart next to him — and immediately regrets it. She scratches it out, but then finds that she ends up just coloring in the heart, making now a very clear and very solid heart next to his name.

“Oh my god, what am I? A high schooler? I’m 33 going on 14.” she moans out loud, flopping back onto her hardwood floor, casting her agenda book to the side.

Hearing her distress, her cat mewls, jumping down from the windowsill and climbing on top of her.

“I know. I must be so annoying to deal with right now, huh, Blue?” she mumbles, lifting her cat off her stomach and rolling onto her side to curl around her.

Allura lays there for a long time, replaying the last hour in her head, regretting lots of things she said. What was she thinking?

Oh, yeah, pull rehearsed statements out like ‘I appreciate you taking the time to call me’ or ‘I really like to hear how my patients are doing.’ For sure, yeah, that’ll really tell him that she’s interested in him as more than just a patient.

And then telling him that Thursday evening would work perfectly because she didn’t have anywhere to be the next day? What was she trying to say?

“I’m such an idiot,” she tells Blue.

But Blue is tired of cuddling and of hearing her shit, gingerly stepping out of Allura’s reach. Allura frowns, watching Blue take residence in a solitary corner, before subsequently doing the splits and starting to lick its hindlegs clean. Allura sighs. Her eyes trail back to her phone, strewn a few feet away, and she crawls over to it, scrolling hesitantly over the last message in her voicemail and looking at his familiar set of unfamiliar numbers.

Is it too optimistic for her to save his number into her phone? Probably. Allura knows better than anyone that romance does not work out the way it does for princesses in fairy tales, no matter how sure a princess thinks she’s found her paladin.

She bites her lip, and then pokes her screen to play his voicemail again, pressing her phone close to her ear. She smiles, hearing the croak in his voice as he starts talking.

Um… it’s Takashi Shirogane. I was your patient the other day. I guess I was just giving you a follow up call. Thanks for everything. Hear from you soon.

Such a short message. Barely a full ten seconds. It’s not nearly long enough. She plays it again, listening again for that beginning rumble of his voice when he first opens his mouth.

Takashi Shirogane.

She repeats his name to herself softly. She loves the light r of his last name, and how he says it in a gentle flutter. She hopes that she pronounced his name in exactly the same way during their last call, but she knows better than anyone else that her language skills are actually horrid and for as much as her dear father really tried to get her fluent in Spanish and French, she had no chance with the small amount of patience she had and the little tenacity she had to study anything but medicine.

She catches herself with a stupid smile over her face again, and she shakes herself out of lovesickness.

This is ridiculous. She hasn’t felt this way in such a long time.

She checks the time. It’s close to the time she needed to get herself into bed, so she showers, brushes her teeth, and crawls into bed after downing a few extra gulps of water to hit her daily hydration goal.

But it’s pointless. She doesn’t sleep at all, lying in bed well past her bedtime, dreaming of cute smiles and soft hellos.

The next couple of days is so mundane that when Thursday approaches, she almost completely forgets about the “8 pm – Takashi” line in her agenda until she opens her book in front of Dr. Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe, aka the chief of emergency medicine, and sees the crime-implicating solid heart.

Her eyes freeze on seeing the reminder, and she instinctively presses the pages against her chest.

“So, we’ll have our monthly department meeting on the twenty-third next month instead of the twenty-fifth as usual. Are you on shift that day?” Coran asks, scrolling through his phone, not seeming to notice her flushing and sudden protectiveness of her agenda book.

Cautiously, she flips a few pages forward, seeing a night shift on said date. “I should be off my 7 to 7 by then,” she says. “Meeting still at 7 am?”

“Yeah,” he affirms. “Lots of quality statistics to discuss, so try not to be late.”

“You implying I have some improvements to make?” she teases.

He looks up at her, twirling his ginger moustache and chuckling. “Even if you are one of our exceptional physicians, you know I just need to enforce the same expectations for our entire team.” He nods his chin at her unused computer, monitor black from inactivity. “As long as you’re still picking up patients.”

Ah. Funny he should say that.

“Alright, alright,” she says, swiveling her chair around and shaking the mouse.

“Aside from all of this, anything new going on in your life these days?” he asks, tucking his phone into his white coat pocket and leaning over the counter. “Haven’t been able to properly talk to you ever since the new residents joined us over the summer.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, shrugging. “But honestly nothing too much has been going on.” She clicks on the EMR to assign herself to the 53-year old male with chest pain in room 18 and turns to the stack of EKGs next to her, searching for the matching EKG to her patient.

“Really? No new potential suitors?” Coran asks. “I feel like you were complaining plenty about that in the last conversation I had with you. Something about someone moving into your apartment building?”

She rolls her eyes. “The Lotor guy is still bothering me,” she tells him. “But at least because he likes me I can ask him favors. He takes care of Blue for me when I’m out too late.” She finds the matching EKG and interprets it quickly, writing in left ventricular hypertrophy. “But you know it’s funny you ask me that now because I actually have a date tonight.”

Coran raises both his eyebrows. “See that is exciting,” he declares. “Who’s this date of yours?”

As much as Allura wants to tell Coran, she doesn’t want to mention that her date may just also happen to have been a patient in the emergency room just a couple days ago… and also just happen to have a patient chart with her signature on it.

“Uh… well just someone that I met at random,” she lies, of course, realizing she executed the confabulation terribly.

Coran gives her a look that tells her he knows her bullshit. “At random, huh?” he replies, not prying. “Well, I suppose you’ll tell me at some point.”

She just smiles and shrugs, then choosing that moment to stand and get to her patient in room 18. “Maybe at some point,” she promises him.

“I’m sure I’ll hear about it if it ends up turning out horrible.”

“Probably,” she agrees, waving him a short goodbye as she steps past him.

But for some reason, she has the most undoubtable feeling tonight’s date won’t turn out horrible at all.

She doesn’t get home until 7:45 pm.

Well, so far tonight’s date is going pretty horribly, she thinks to herself, rushing to get her keys into the keyhole to unlock her door.

Once in her apartment, she hurls herself in, dropping the day’s handbag on the floor and pulling off her shoes as she walks in. She reaches up to pull off her hair tie, shaking her hair out as she makes her way to her closet, already half-undressed.

She did absolutely everything she could in order to optimize getting back home once the clock hit the end of her shift at 7 pm — even going so far as to beg Sendak to cover the last few codes she technically should have been doing so that she could instead rapidly finish closing her charts because she had no option to just close them on her next shift because the next time she’d be in the hospital would going to be more than 24 hours later and Coran would never let her hear the end of it if she didn’t sign her notes within the mandatory time frame and she would definitely be roasted at the next department meeting.

Needless to say, she is frazzled.

She holds her head between her hands, frowning as she looks in the mirror. She looks at the clock on the wall. Damn. She is not going to have time to look nice. Damn. She doesn’t even have the time to take a shower. And damn it, of course this would happen to her on that one night she has a date with someone she thinks she might actually like?

Well, a maybe-date date. Because what if all this time he really is just taking her for dinner out of the goodness of his heart? After all, he did call her to update her about his arm and to thank her… and he didn’t actually bring up the idea of dinner until after she carried the conversation…

She calms herself down. It’s fine, it’s fine, she tells herself. It’s going to be all —

Wait, check your phone, she reminds herself. Because what if he is already outside waiting —

She taps her phone screen and sees no notification.

She can’t help but frown. Maybe she is really is getting too excited and hopeful about this maybe-date date. If he liked her, he definitely would be a little early right? Or texted her earlier today to check in?

Or maybe he forgot about their dinner?

Damn, maybe she should have texted him earlier today. But no, she didn’t want to overstep and over-text him either.

She groans one more time and ceases her internal dialogue, telling herself to just focus on her outfit for tonight. It doesn’t matter how much time she has; every single second she has left before this maybe-date date of hers is valuable to get her act together.

She flips her phone to the ring setting and hitches up the volume to max so that there is absolutely no way that she would miss a call, walking back to her closet.

She makes another frustrated sound as she sifts through her outfits. All throughout her emergency training, she was able to get away with wearing scrubs, which was great for her at the when she didn’t have the time to figure out what to wear on the sleep-deprived mornings before a shift but right now, as she looks through her severe lack of nice dating-material clothing, she is regretting her options.

She doesn’t even know exactly where he’ll be taking her. Should she wear something more formal or something more casual? But this is okay. She’s been in this situation at least one hundred times before — there’s a few dresses that can pass for most events aside from an underground rave late at night or a Board of Trustees meeting, but she’s pretty sure that he’s not taking her on any of those extremes.

Her hands stop at a white dress with a floral print — kimono v-neck, mid-arm sleeve, about knee-length — and she looks it over with pursed lips, her eyes tracing one of the pink flowers and its surrounding dark green stem and leaves along the waist.

Her favorite dress. She doesn’t wear it often because she’s afraid of getting it dirty and because otherwise she’d be wearing it all too often.

It was the last gift her father gave her, and the first thing she thinks of when remembering him.

Her thumb rolls over the silky material as she muses for a moment, and then slips it off the hanger, lying the dress over her bed before she pulls it over her head, flipping her hair out from under the collar as she looks at herself in the mirror.

She frowns. The dress fits her well, of course, but her hair is a tangled mess. She sighs and rolls it back up into some kind of a loose bun. It looks almost purposefully messy, some of shorter strands of her hair peeking out from behind her ears, but it also looks like she just got out of a twelve-hour work shift and like didn’t care about this date when she actually really did want to impress him and set herself up in the best way possible for this to be an amazing night.

Maybe at least some light makeup? She rushes over to her makeup bag, pawing through it before a loud ring emerges from her phone.

Her eyes dart to it, her heart rate suddenly jolting. Another ring emerges — a long one that she knows means that someone is calling her and who could it be but him… She rushes over, looking over the caller ID and seeing the familiar set of numbers.

She swallows. “Hello?”

“Hey.”

Her heart flutters again. “Hi!” she says, almost too excitedly, but then clears her throat, mollifying her enthusiasm. “Um, hey,” she tries again, stupidly. She briefly pauses, and then unable to figure out what else to say, adds, “What’s up?”

Silently, she hits her forehead with the palm of her hand. What’s up? Was that the only thing she could think of to say? What was she thinking?

“I just want to apologize for calling you so last minute about this,” he starts.

“Oh, no, I mean, I was just getting ready myself. No rush,” she blurts. She’s not sure why she says all this when she could have just said ‘oh, no, that’s okay’ but then again, so far, she doesn’t have a great history of saying exactly what she wants when he talks to her.

“Oh,” he says, pausing in a way that makes her regret what she said. “Well, I was going to apologize about tonight. I, um… well, I’ve had a bit of a change in plans.”

He says this, and her heart sinks.

[link to chapter 4!]

notes: oh no would could have possibly happened???

(also if you think that I’m going to get away with this modern AU without putting in as many Voltron references as possible, you are very very wrong. call me out on all the lame ones :P)

#shallura #happy shallura day #shiro x allura #shiro #allura #voltron #—shallura #—voltron #—follow up

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