#also its a bit less depressing

[so-you-melted-22]

the more i learn about stranger things the more i realize that it is really just one long scp tale that was slightly altered for consumption of the general public.

#like weird sience experiemnts being made on children with powers(TM) #weird facilities and ?government? scientists #a fucking paralell dimension that is just a mirror of our world but with a toxic atmosphere and weird slimy tissue an everything #and a weird monster #all in one #also its a bit less depressing #because scp tales have a tendency to be either crack or the most profound and heartwrenching piece of literature you have ever read #im still not entirely recovered from reading major tom #and those guys in the hazmat suits that get sent into the upsidedown in the beginning might as well just be mobile taskforce agents #they certainly die like they are #mtf agents dont last that long #idk like in universe they are always treated as really important and idk #but in the actual files and stories they always fucking die #or get like stuck in gehenna for the rest or eternity #wich is basically dying #also i am trying really hard to resis the urge to write essie p instead of scp #anyways i just finished the first season so yeah #that show will probably go off the rails a bit in the next seasons #idk what to expect lol #but i will watch it because i have nothing else to do rn #and i wanna stop myself from binge reading the entire sandman series #because i think that would cause my brain to melt before the summer break even starts #wich btw is really soon and i am excited but also scared #because its my last summer break #after that comes q12 and then i will graduate #wich is low key scary #stuff #text #scp #idk

[strawbie-doodle]

i finally changed my icon and theme

#*becomes a little bit less depressed* #im reusing my cat icon from last year cuz i love it so much #and blog is yuuji themed :] my son #its october so i NEEDED a halloween theme #its also jjk season 2 themed so i can keep it that way for the rest of the year #strawbie txt

[dueling-jesters]

Found a fanfic tagged with "canon-typical violence" but it was just rape porn. Wouldn't say that's "canon-typical" by any stretch of the imagination.

#ace's vents #i love svs and generally speaking like the fandom. but i can't fuckin stand part of it #it's always what you'd expect too. i hate it so much #ask to tag #also like. you can cover heavy subjects but i have every right to criticize the message you're sending if the purpose is to titilate #the sheer number of fanfics for this fandom like that makes me want to kms sometimes. #im better at dealing with the way its affected my mental health over the years but i've never found it to be any less depressing. #its one of the reasons im a bit distant #spy vs spy

[guinevereslancelot]

i've heard how isolating grief can be because everyone is afraid to talk to you but apparently having a scary diagnosis is the same way 🥲

#i wasnt expecting the reaction (or lack thereof) from most of my friends to my diagnosis #i've had invisible disabilities for years so im used to people not really caring about that but this is different #like nobody wants to talk to me at all about anything #most of my friends are avoiding me #i guess im too depressing to be around or they feel awkward and dont know what to say #but its super depressing and kind of hurtful like nobody cares #only one friend who's a nurse and one friend who also had a really bad health crisis not too long ago are acting like they care #im sure its not that nobody literally cares they just dont know what to say or whatever but :( #even some older people i know are doing it which surprised me #i expected more mature people to be used to news like this and better at reacting to it #anyway its only a chance i might go blind not a certainty #i would still like to be part of conversations #we dont Have to talk about the elephant in the room #though i kind of would like to a bit but i dont have to with everyone all the time #im not about to start crying if you talk to me #people i barely know seem less afraid to talk to me than my actual friends #they'll at least ask how i'm doing before ending the conversation lol #anyway 🧍‍♀️ #sorry to be a downer by existing #this has been a shitpost #illness tw #anyway its not certain its just a chance i might go blind #either way im not dying #even if i were it would be hurtful obviously but whatever

[villainvillain]

i mean genuinely i think sean rohani did a good job as prismo, i dont really want him to lose a role just bc of some agent-meddling that could POSSIBLY be fixed in a new season. but i will not lie when i say i really miss kumail nanjiani as prismo and would not complain either way if he was brought back. but i wouldnt complain if they kept sean. do you see my conundrum

#fionna and cake #prismo #prismo the wishmaster #like sean. really does a fine job. he didnt do a bad job at all #i just really. do prefer kumail #sean ? hes good! i just think he sound a bit too.... 'rough' in his intonation??? #if that makes any sense?? #its hard to describe lmao #doesnt sound chill and sorta 'soft spoken' with a slight lisp prismo that im used to in AT #also please try not to provide some watsonian explanation for prismo having a diff voice like #'oh hes depressed and seems to drink sometimes so' like my voice doesnt change just bc im depressed and drinking alcohol #i mean who knows how big prismos role will be in a s2 #he might be less important now #who knows

[arolesbianism]

Wendy and Abby fuck me up so bad just like in general but what keeps coming back to haunt me is wondering how long they had to go through it all just them two. How many times did Wendy die, how many times did Abby watch the light fading from the eyes of her twin. How many times was it slow, how many times was it in a split moment, how many times were they together when it happened, how many times did Wendy die completely alone. It's just like god damn no wonder Wendy talks Like That not only did Abby die but poor kid has been forced to become accustomed with death in a much more direct way than even adults are built to handle

#rat rambles #dst #and like if I may read more into these characters than was probably intended #I feel like a lot of abby's in game behavior just clicks once you look at her from a oh this kid has watched her sibling die a Lot #like no wonder shes so protective #also love how abby's constant wandering and twirling also adds up like yeah shes a bored kid with too much energy #but yeah I think ppl tend to not realize just how big a part being stuck in the constant is in regards to hashtag wendy depression moments #although its reasonable since not everyone has read all of this brats dialogue like me <3 #dont read all of wendy's dialogue you will feel your brain melting like 5 minutes in #but yeah wendy brings up the whole being stuck in the constant thing a Lot #and wendy is under no illusion that death is an escape in fact he brings up the fact that its not quite a bit too #oh and I think ppl get the flavor of wendy's suicidal thoughts wrong most of the time #hes currently much more in the go to sleep and not wake up flavor than the I want to be with my lost loved one flavor #its less abt wanting to die and more abt wanting to stop being able to be in pain #luckily thing have technically gotten better for the both of them #like ofc theyre still fucked up and traumatized and still Being traumatized but at least theyre not alone #theres some sense of normalcy. wendy has friends now and in theory so does abby. #they can afford to just be kids again. not always unfortunately but much more than before #shit still sucks but at least they have the other survivors now

[weenhands]

the only time today i manage to let out a genuine smile is while watching return frank doing a silly little dance while onstage during vampire money <333 dilfs are the only things protecting this country

#THAT ALMOSY TYPED OUT CUNTY #also yeah todsy was absolutely horrid ans terrible wnd i dony deserve to be alive idk #i was very upset. And it showed near loved ones ans i wish i wasnt alive i dont deserve literally anything im so terrible<333 #and i ended up napping early bc i was rllytired frommy walk #and on that walk i just really thought about how my ....Undiagnosed Ocd is literally ruining my life #bc atfirst i considered it anxiety and rumination and etc etc but now that im doingba bit of research it is almost perfectly #in the box of obsessive compulsive disorder #this has basically ruined my life since i was roughly 16 and ages 16 - 20 are a massive blur <33 no real goddamn memories #my life is terrible i just want to go back to when i was in middle school when i was just depressed but also happy at times #if i struggle make it so that i can at least feel like im here lol #but yea i got some clarity abt it all and i think its making sense #i just want to live again #i dont feel real and i wanna go offline too bc its showing on here too #me being like more grumpy and posting way less about frank #i feel like i lost my passion for mcr/frank a bit and rn its just me being depressedand letting my thoughts control me like they have #since i was in the 11th grade #whatever. i just hope tomorrow reflects the clarity i have and i dont end up so insanely sad #hhhhh<333 i hate mysekf so much i. an undeserving of so much especially my parents #i dont deserve a roof over my headim just some disabled idiot who is stuck in constant rumination <3333 idiot idiot die

[posts-from-employee-427]

so why did you want to make a stanley askblog anyway?

(Funnily enough? It wasn't originally planned to be an ask blog.

As the name may imply I was going to make it one of those posts-from accounts (postsfromaweirdertimeline, a darker timeline, jurassic park, etc). I had set it up when I first made it where I would make one post a day, some stupid funny offhanded post that Stanley would make about the parable, and that would be it. If you scroll alllll the way back you can probably see when the shift started to happen, but let me just summarize so you don't have to.

I made one post my first day of making the account. And then I scheduled enough for the week. Once a day, 12:30 pm EST, that's it. I expected I'd lose motivation and abandon it within that time frame.

Full on I did not expect this blog to get any sort of attention. Or so quickly for that matter. And it was so weird cuz like??? Within a week this blog I had planned to abandon had more followers than any account I had made anywhere before. And people really liked my posts! I got comments and interactions and wanted more, so I said fuck it, let's see how long I can keep this traction.

Few more days, I ask people to send in ideas to keeps stanley busy around the office. This was the turning point where this became more like an ask blog.

And over time it just, switched entirely. It's really beautiful to me. Because I went into this at a time where I had a lot of... creators block? I do a lot and I found myself at a point where I couldn't do anything. I couldn't write, I couldn't paint, I couldn't draw, I just couldn't create for some reason. And this really started to draw up something in me where I saw an opportunity to build this character and some frame that vaguely looked like a story if you squinted, and that did wonders for me.

And along the way through tags I managed to rope someone into my shenanigans with me. And that gave so much more to do and build off of and just. Thank you Narrator Admin for going along with all of this. I know we haven't had many real conversations but honest to god you've shaped this blog so much.

All of you have. Thank you to all the anons and askers and everyone who's come along for the ride or been there since the beginning. Thank you to my first ever follower who still shows up in my notifs from time to time and the early followers who I still see spam liking my posts and everyone who sends asks or makes art or owns an anon blog or never interacts with Stanley but I still see liking the posts and just. Yeah.

By the way, we hit 100 followers. Twice. It happened once and then some people unfollowed and it happened again and I was waiting to say anything till I found the motivation to draw something for the occasion. But in case that never happens, Thank You For Enjoying The New Content. <3)

#(also uh) #(quit tw in the tags in case this comes off as venty cuz its not meant to but just in case proceed with caution) #(i made this account like a month or two before summer) #(because that usually when i like. have friends talk to me a lot less suddenly and fall into a bit of a depression) #(the hope was id post occasionally even if i lost the motivation so id have something to do) #(but having all this support has really helped fight off that crippling do nothingness) #(so thank you all for that) #(i know i dont get around to every ask and things like that but i really try to) #(just. shitty internet and also. sometimes i feel like i dont know how to respond in a comforting way to some. and i try to avoid that ) #(but i do read every ask and every reblog and all the tags and everything and just.) #(thank you <3) #not employee 427

[volixia669]

Miller was the only Belter in the room when he shot Dresden.

I’m pretty sure this has been discussed on this site before, but things get buried, and I’m in Expanse mood.

But the people in that room were Holden, an Earther, Johnson, an ex-Earther, and Miller, a Belter. Oh, and Dresden. An innerlawda who’d been experimenting on Belters, killing hundreds of thousands.

It’s made extremely clear previously that many Belters see Miller as a traitor, a welwala, and he’s started to wear that on his sleeve. He chose to become the boot, based on the black and white view he had as a street rat. He wears Earther fashion, is a cop who arrests Belters, and regards the OPA with disdain.

Yet, he still speaks Belter Creole, still physically looks like a Belter, and is still deeply enmeshed of various aspects of Belter Culture, even if he’s not a fan of space or spacewalks.

And in that one moment, where Dresden is going on and on about the importance of his science, Miller has to think like a Belter.

Holden and Johnson are starting to listen to the siren song, but Miller has seen this kind of demagoguery before. He hates demagogues, and hates how they caused what he sees as a massive problem with Belters (which is a whole other post).

Johnson may be Belter now, but he wasn’t raised Belter, didn’t grow up among Belters, and still thinks like an Earther. Which sure, works sometimes. But other times? Nah.

Holden, oh Holden. Sure, he was on Eros, but even Naomi laments that Holden doesn’t get Belters. Holden saw people dying, but he had no connection to them. It’s just his habit of being a fucking Paladin that kept him fighting for them.

But Miller? Not only was his buddy on Eros, but even if he didn’t know the people of Eros, he knew they were HIS people. He knew that Dresden killed his fellow Belters, because Dresden thought of Belters as no more than fleas. Dresden killed people that Miller may not have known but he had a cultural connection to. And Ceres could easily be next.

So in that room, Miller is the only Belter, and he’s faced with a choice. Let Dresden woo the Earthers, potentially causing the deaths of millions more Belters, or shoot Dresden and face the consequences.

Given he was SEVERELY depressed, and kinda used to dealing with consequences, he went fuck it and went with the latter.

#the expanse #miller #mixture of book and show canon #it kind of melds eventually #tho definitely recall reading leviathan wakes and going OH YOU'RE DEPRESSED DEPRESSED #its kinda obvious when you get his thought process #show is a bit more subtle #books also have him and naomi bonding over being belters which is cool #show could have gone with less arguing for the drama

[luxwing]

Hmmm I think I'm having one of those moments where I just need to let myself be sad for a while 🤔

#its hard to explain them but basically i sit and think about why im so sad and i check off everything its not #and when i run out of stuff to check i realize oh you just need to go be depressed for a while #once i stop beating myself up over it or forcing myself to act otherwise i just let it out take a nap and im usually ok in like 24 hours #is that weird? is that normal? is that healthy? the answers to all those is a resounding 🤷 #i figure its healthier than repressing it until i crack at least #my life is lived like an egg in the microwave at this point ngl #like im better than i used to be!!! dont get me wrong!!!! but also sometimes everything is a lot and im a bit less #know what i mean? idk if anyone is even gonna read these tags but if you are then thanks heres your reward #ඞ

[lo-sulci]

one of the nicest things about doing one of those question a day journals has been seeing the way that i talk about myself evolve, and more specifically how i've learned to be kinder to myself. it makes me really happy!!

#it's also a little bit shocking like. wow i *really* hated myself in 2019 huh #then 2020 is a bit more of like. a resigned apathy throughout #(in retrospect its very obvious that i was like. incredibly fucking depressed at the time. like moreso than usual) #not much from 2021 #but now i find my answers to be less demeaning and more optimistic #changing how you treat yourself is a slow and frequently exhausting process but it is so very worthwhile #because you deserve to be treated with kindness both externally and internally!! #if you're reading this i love you and i hope you have a really great day/night!! you're wonderful!! ^u^

[aceyanaheim]

I’ve divided my social media between “run by my NTsona” and “run by the feral gremlim that lives in the back of my synapses’ and tbh its been a game changer for both kinds.

#LinkedIn Acey is serious about work and never in their entire life has written an article on the day of deadline #or while wearing a charmandere kigu #instagram and facebook acey are a bit less peformative/ndsona ish but still #they dont have bad days depresshin isnt a word i use #if i talk about being disbaled its from a 'youre not alone' to other disabled ppl and 'hey im not gonna be ashamed of this' angle but still #p clean like ill talk about adhd time blindness but depressive episodes and spirals when my bpd hulks out nah #i talk about bpd but not My bpd #and its still like 'you dont have to worry about this person' #school event and happy moments and 'look at the shit i did' #tumblr and twitter aksjfadsf if you follow me there im so so sorry but also just know that i trust you with my life lamo #and like it really works on cutting the anxiety tbh bc i Know whos gonna see what and im only sharing what i Want to share if that makes #sense? Well that and yeah I Do mask on the ones that ppl i might work with see but i mean thats more bc Society lke i mask in analog with #them too so #-shrug emoji-

[smoliboops]

before i go to bed, for some reason I didnt get a notification from tumblr like i usually do (i guess they forgot lol) but today’s the 10 year anniversary of me being on tumblr!

originally I started out over on @smolidraws as a little superwholock/multifandom blog, and then roughly 3 years later i created this blog originally as a markiplier/jse sideblog but now it’s the one i’ve been on the longest and the one im (kinda??) the most known for haha.

from mishpocalypse to antipocalypse, almost going to dashcon to getting to meeting people ive come to know online at pax east, to getting more comfortable posting my art, theories, shitposts etc, it’s been fun ride ^^.

admittedly i dont get as personal here as i used to be, but i guess ill use this little post to thank ya guys for being here for however long you’ve been around ^-^. it’s honestly really nice and tbh really, really cool to get to interact with the communities im in (especially the jse community) through sharing my long rambles and the things i’ve create. 

and while im a bit of a shyish person still, i really appreciate the couple of people ive been able to get to talk to and know over the years cos of this website. i have a lot of fond memories spending time in discord servers together, dming and reblogging during exciting ego times, having someone to lend an ear to when needed (especially when college was driving me mad) and vice versa, and im really happy that i had a chance to do so with yall :)

ill probably make a better post next year when this blog specifically hits 8 years and when im not sleep deprived lol, but 10 is a doozy to be on this dumpster fire of a site (/lh), so might as well celebrate a tiny bit ^-^. love you guys <3

p.s.  for the few people who are somehow still here from the very, very beginning (if there are any still out there i think like 2/3 of the 900ish people on my old blog are either spam or long deactivated lol) i definitely really appreciate yall for sticking around for so long and hope you stick along for more too :).

#personal #also im sorry for all the fandoms ive gone thru over the years lol #but yea literally first joined this site to talk about doctor who #and now i still ramble about doctor who but thru jse theories lmao #also i will get back into art soon irl stuff has just been busy since graduating #but i have couple ideas at least including possibly my halloween costume #but we'lll see <-< #it'll be work and i may run late again but we'll seeee #also im burying this in the tags but actually ive been looking back on the last couple of years esp cos of ego happenings recently #and man there's so many cool memories with people that i almost forgot about #and like ill be a little soft for a minute and say that its kinda cool how looking back at october 2016 #and realizing i didnt do much at that time cos actually i was so stressed out and depressed from college #and remember watching say goodbye alone on the bus at school and trying to manage my excitement throughout the day #as i studied on my own for my darn engineering midterm that day and basically spent halloween on campus like that #but the online community really helped me feel less alone during that time #and then detention happened and things exploded a little bit lol #and now 6 years later i get to chat with friends about teasers and theories and i even spruced up my icon for halloween for once #and even starting getting into voice chats more a little bit recently #and while things arent perfect irl tbh #it's kinda cool to see how things have changed a bit for the better #in myself and the memories ive gotten the chance to make with you guys along the way #ok soft time over #if anyone sees these tags no you didnt *throws smokebomb* #<3

[mainfaggot]

my dad sometimes does things that are very sweet and they overwhelm me

#bc until i got really mentally ill he didnt pay much attention to me at all but in the last 2 years he cares so much #like even the little things.. which is very crazy and a bit scary because i was used to being treated indifferently by him #like today he went out on a breakfast date with my mom and he brought me a little calendar filled with paintings #and he was like oh well i saw the different artworks in it and i thought that you would want to recreate them to practice painting again #bc i told him about how my psychologist suggested getting back into hobbies and taking less courses at uni to work on my depression #anyway lol. um.. #i feel so weird hes nice and its .. well its nice and also it makes me sad idk #z.post

[magnoliamyrrh]

these meds are kinda making me feel like im high on sativa??

#like i keep thinking i smoked but ive been (tragically) sober for at least 3 days #not the worst feeling...? like i feel a lil less depressed and i got a bit more energy #but i also feel agitated and its kinda hard to focus on anything. my grip on time isnt that good either #.... which is weird bc these thibgs are supoosed to Help with focus #theres always a period of adjusting tho so. im gonna give it some weeks #hopefully this sorta-high feeling will go away

[furryfantasies]

debating if i should wake up or just go back to sleep

#miniz rambles #kinda moody #vent #i was trying to draw yesterday and never got any alone time #i highly doubt today will be any different #every single time i sleep and wake up with the intent to have alone time for hours #my family start to wake up and at that point i can kiss any semblance of peace and quiet gone #i dont feel comfortable drawing around most people and yes ive tried to work up the courage i cant do it #all i do is play video games and getting not else done #id probably feel less depressed if i could change it up a bit every once and a while #but i cant cuz of social anxiety i fucking hate it #anyway i feel like going back to bed so that i can finally be left alone for once #but sleeping all day isnt healthy and would probably make me feel even worse #but also i cannot stand being around my family sometimes im so sick of being reminded of my triggers and dont have the heart to tell them #every single day its a battle to fight off thoughts about my ex #and i thought i healed already its been a year #he'd probably tell me to grow up and get over it like he did when he broke up with me #anyway ill shut up now ill probably wake up anyway out of autopilot or whatever or my siblings bug me