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#but i will watch it because i have nothing else to do rn
so-you-melted-22 · 2 years
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the more i learn about stranger things the more i realize that it is really just one long scp tale that was slightly altered for consumption of the general public.
#like weird sience experiemnts being made on children with powers(TM)#weird facilities and ?government? scientists#a fucking paralell dimension that is just a mirror of our world but with a toxic atmosphere and weird slimy tissue an everything#and a weird monster#all in one#also its a bit less depressing#because scp tales have a tendency to be either crack or the most profound and heartwrenching piece of literature you have ever read#im still not entirely recovered from reading major tom#and those guys in the hazmat suits that get sent into the upsidedown in the beginning might as well just be mobile taskforce agents#they certainly die like they are#mtf agents dont last that long#idk like in universe they are always treated as really important and idk#but in the actual files and stories they always fucking die#or get like stuck in gehenna for the rest or eternity#wich is basically dying#also i am trying really hard to resis the urge to write essie p instead of scp#anyways i just finished the first season so yeah#that show will probably go off the rails a bit in the next seasons#idk what to expect lol#but i will watch it because i have nothing else to do rn#and i wanna stop myself from binge reading the entire sandman series#because i think that would cause my brain to melt before the summer break even starts#wich btw is really soon and i am excited but also scared#because its my last summer break#after that comes q12 and then i will graduate#wich is low key scary#stuff#text#scp#idk
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"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"
#tw suicide#i wish i was joking#i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me??#said something to the emergency room psych#she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended#she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds'#i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i#could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence#is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts?#this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he#could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs#i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the#boy. i have confided in her before she's great)#she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m#to see the psych and escalate care#but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly#it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan#i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access#i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't#there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that#makes sense#ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD#personal#puddleglum hours
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hwanswerland · 1 year
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look at this and feel nothing challenge failed
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topaztimes · 1 month
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Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that
#Giving time...#Still more time...#Wouldn't want to plague any previews#Maybe another filler. Just for some fun#Is this enough?#It certainly is now#Alright start:#I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight#'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state /#/of constant self-loathing#I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea#What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not /#/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed#I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore#I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done#I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though#I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I /#/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward#I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme#Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way#God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs#It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my /#/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days#Literally what am I doing this for#And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with /#/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life#Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me#Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus#I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore#It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until
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kavehater · 1 month
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I don’t think the weird anxiety/panic will ever leave my tumblr experience🧍‍♀️
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etherylelixyr · 9 days
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Anyways. 10pm rant bc I can
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glsneeg-enthusiast · 11 months
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forcing you to think about how sneeg genuinely thought frank was alive
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forcedhesitation · 3 months
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I love that steve is in dbd because I do not have to give a shit about stranger things itself to get new material of him. I can just explore what his adventures in the entity's realm might be.
#dbd#thoughts about media#funnily enough I was introduced to him THROUGH dbd. and I liked him in dbd first lmao.#and it was only after months of deliberating whether I should bother watching the show did I actually do so.#I suppose it was worth it because mr. keery is just. so beautiful.#but god with every season the show got worse and worse.#it's genuinely more interesting to me to explore his character in the context of dbd.#because like. take it seriously- and it's objectively SUCH a fascinating setting to put a character in.#they are hunted over and over again by serial killers and monsters from many different universes.#they die in so many different ways. and have to watch the people with them die. day in and day out.#ultimately- getting yourself killed to protect your friends doesn't actually have purpose anymore.#not when it could lead to your friend dying anyway. or in an even worse way than you did.#it really transforms the meaning of sacrifice. of death.#so having the steve nancy and jonathan dynamic in this setting is INFINITELY more interesting than whatever the fuck the show is doing rn.#and I have lucy too. my ghOCtface born of my “never harm steve” playstyle.#and THAT. is SO interesting to me. because steve would NEVER normally fall in love with a person like lucy.#but they aren't in a normal place. experiencing anything normal. they're trapped in an endless cycle of killing and dying.#and lucy. lucy WON'T hurt HIM. but they'd still kill anyone else. including nancy.#so steve would hate him. at first. but how do you keep hating someone for killing your friends-#-when you're trapped in a place where death and pain ultimately mean nothing. whereas an act of mercy means everything?#it would be SUCH a complicated dynamic and I deeply enjoy trying to unweave how steve could ever love lucy back.
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tardis--dreams · 2 years
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Really hard to watch dramas that aren't beyond evil or the devil judge
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eggbeam · 2 years
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i hate how shitty my computer is.. i literally have to treat it like its a creature in order to use it at all
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the-cooler-king · 19 days
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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radioactive-cloud · 5 months
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i'm spending my days rotting in my bedroom and rotting in my bedroom and rotting in my bedroom and rotting in my bedroom and it's driving me insane
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smooth-boob · 6 months
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lesbiten · 1 year
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me watching rupaul make the absolute most wrong most terrible and offensive decision at the end of a lip sync (this is a canon event and happened years ago and i cannot intervene)
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puttingwingsonwords · 15 days
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I do think the ‘comedy’ of Dracula in this part of the story only adds to the horror. Like we can all go ‘haha lizard fashion’ because it is ridiculous, he’s crawling barefoot on that wall like 🦎
But also fucking imagine a whole ass man skittering down a wall like that, the fact that his cloak is billowing like wings means he must be going fast too bc otherwise it would just fall over his head. (Or idk maybe he is using magic powers to make his cloak look cooler who knows.)
And it’s in his pretending to have servants too, I know, my most popular post rn is calling him a loser for it which he is!! He’s probably really embarrassed about it too bc it’s demeaning for a boyar to do those chores!
But Jonathan doesn’t have the luxury of laughing at this stuff.
One thing that really caught my attention this time is the uncanny valley of it all. From the moment Jonathan meets the Count, he can tell something is off. No matter how thickly he puts on the charm, Dracula can’t hide the fact that he’s not human; he’s something else, a ‘creature in the semblance of a man’, there’s something innately off-putting about his presence. His eyes, his teeth, his hands, his smell: he has the aura of a predator and Jonathan, his prey, can feel it.
From Jonathan’s point of view, every hilarious weird thing the Count does is another sign of him being Not Human, as well as the fact that he’s in total control—as his ruse of normality is slowly falling apart, but there’s still nothing Jonathan can do. The mask is slipping, the Count is revealing his true nature—whether accidentally or on purpose—and Jonathan can only watch and keep pretending in the hope that it will prolong his life.
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loaksky · 5 months
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I don't know if you've done this yet but can we have mean ellie is FWB with the reader but she's jealous when the reader is into someone else 👀
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i have not + you know what anon i could kiss your brain rn ! i definitely view this pairing as separate from this fwb!ellie x reader, but this could also technically fit in their early timeline since nothing else has really been established about them...
content warnings: language, ellie being an asshole (very on brand for me to write ig lmao), reader actually sticks up for herself in this one, but eventually folds (i would too for ellie ngl) 18+ content that includes; brief mentions of strap-on sex, fingering (r!receiving), oral (r!receiving).
author’s note: i’ve been so unmotivated to write, but this request awoke something in me idk...also, if you’ve sent in a tlou request (yes even from june), i’m still cooking i promise! (and not in the way that ellie keeps promises in this fic lmfaoo).
main masterlist | tlou masterlist
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You didn’t want to say anything at first, couldn’t be too sure under the lowlights of the party with bass-y music that makes both the house and your chest throb with every beat, but you see it clear as day on the drive home and a passing streetpost illuminates the purpling flesh on Ellie’s carotid.
She nearly jumps out of her skin when your fingertips brush over the blooming bruise, obviously fresh and warm to the touch.
“What the fuck?” she huffs, pulling the drawstrings on her hoodie to scrunch to fabric around her neck.
“Who gave you that?” you ask softly, expression on your face enough to devastate, but Ellie’s always been different, an anomaly of sorts when it came to the matters of her stony heart.
“Why does it matter?” she scoffs.
“Ellie,” you sigh. “You know why it matters.”
She’s swinging a right at the intersection, nearing the residential you live in.
“It doesn’t,” she grunts. “Because at the end of the night, it’s you I’m fucking, isn’t it?”
And you don’t know why the way she puts it stings so much this time around when she frequently reminds you both directly and indirectly that while you may be her most recurrent hookup, you’re definitely not her only one, but it does. Does so much that you’re turning your face towards the window to hide the tears that are pooling.
Because all you wanted was Ellie. Wanted her in ways she wasn’t willing to give you. Wanted to learn and grow with her, but she wasn’t budging and lately, you’ve been feeling stupid.
When she turns into your neighborhood, you speak.
“Just drop me off, please.”
Ellie’s slowing down, palm finding purchase on your thigh.
“Babe, c’mon,” she practically whines, kneading the skin there. “Don’t be like that.”
You shift away from her, gather your purse from your feet as she continues through the different apartment buildings.
“Babe,” she calls again when you barely wait for her to stop and you’re pushing the car door open.
And maybe it’s childish, but you’re wounded and quite frankly done with the back and forth.
“She’s probably waiting for you,” you add petulantly.
“Babe, seriously. You’re being annoying,” she warns.
“And you’re being a dick,” you bite back. “First, you drag me out to a shitty party where I don’t know a single soul even though you promised we could just chill and smoke while watching that stupid fucking space exploration documentary, then when we get there, you’re leaving me with a bunch of sleazy assholes while you do god knows what with the same girl you’ve been telling me not to worry about for the last five weeks.”
And of things Ellie’s looks horrified at, it’s the fact that you’d been observant enough to recognize the girl she’d thought she whisked away before your prying eyes could catch on.
“I’m not fucking stupid, Ellie,” you say with resignation. “I tried to turn the other cheek because I really fucking like you, but you treat me like shit and I deserve better than that.”
Of course you don’t know it, but those fucking words bite. They’re an automatic trigger because unbeknownst to you, both of your friend groups think the same thing. Aren’t afraid to let her know otherwise. And she’s obviously well aware that, Christ, yes, you absolutely deserve better. Is actually really insecure on the low because she doesn’t know why you stick around with a piece of shit like her when you could have so much better.
So she does what she does best when she feels like a kicked puppy and lashes out.
“Of course Little Miss Princess deserves better,” she mocks. “What fucking ever. I don’t know why I flaked on a ten for such a stuck up bitch.”
And you see right through her, know that she’s all bark and no bite, but it hurts regardless, when you step off to the side and she’s leaning over the center console to shut the passenger side door herself.
She’s revving off without another word, and to add insult to injury, your phone’s pinging obnoxiously once you get out of your well-needed shower.
els <3 sent a video.
It’s the blonde from the party. Of course those dumb LEDs pulse red in the background, making Ellie and her flavor of the night look a thousand times more seductive. Ellie’s kissing her sloppily, whispering things against her mouth that you can’t quite pick out.
els <3 sent a video.
The next video’s grainy, but you can hear the tell-tale squelch, the girl’s shaky moans and Ellie egging her on. Your cheeks are on fire and you feel like you’re about to throw up.
els <3 sent a photo.
You wonder if the girl knows, that Ellie’s sending you the most compromising footage of her. If she knows how grimy the green-eyed girl truly is, sending someone else pictures of her stuffed hilt-deep with the same strap Ellie’d used on you.
els <3: still think u deserve better ?
You delete the thread and her phone number.
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Ellie expects you to crack first, you always do. Because even if she isn’t shit, she’s your biggest weakness and she knows it. Can say so with confidence, because maybe the same can be said about her.
She hasn’t fucked you in nearly two weeks and not a single body she touches can elicit the same feeling that you do. And in the back of her brain, she knows why, but Ellie’s prideful. Won’t dare admit it out loud.
So she cracks first. Texts you between classes.
me: i have a few joints + a coupon to tino’s if you’ll let me come over… :(
my #1 girl: Who’s this?
Ellie throws her head back and groans.
me: cmon baby, dont b like that. im srry i was mean, ill make it up to u
my #1 girl: I think you have the wrong number…
me: babe stopppp
Her text bubbles turn green after that message.
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You forget that Ellie has a copy of your key because she’s never used it in the five months that the two of you have been in this precarious situation, and your heart falls square to your ass when you emerge from the shower to find her setting up a box of pizza on your coffee table.
“Ellie, what in the fuck?”
She feigns nonchalance, pulls a few joints from her jacket pocket. But the aroma of weed or the grease of the pizza isn’t what makes you wrinkle your nose.
It’s the smell of flowers that waft from a pretty vase sitting on the cut away of the kitchen counter.
Your gaze fixes on the girl who settles on your couch.
“You need to leave,” you say stonily.
“But I just got here,” Ellie says. “And I brought you pizza…and flowers.”
“I’m sorry, did you think that a five dollar pizza and a bouquet of flowers from Saver’s was going to fix the fact that you’ve been so fucking awful to me for the past half year?”
Ellie shrinks.
“Well, no…but—”
“You practically sent me a homemade porno of you and some other girl you fucked to get back at me for setting a boundary, Ellie,” you say sharply. “What, did it not work out? Did you—”
“I’m trying to be the bigger person here,” Ellie sighs. “I am sorry. I just—”
“You what?”
“I don’t fucking know, okay?” Ellie snips. “God, you’re talking down to me like you’re a fucking therapist or my fucking mom and—”
You’re shaking your head, crossing the room and picking up the pizza from the coffee table to shove in her arms.
“I don’t have time for this,” you mutter. “Kenzie’s going to be here any minute now—”
“Who the fuck is Kenzie?” Ellie balks, caught like a deer in the headlights.
“Ellie, don’t,” you warn.
“Don’t what?” she practically seethes. “You think I’m just gonna be okay that you’re spending time with some other stupid bitch? Maybe you’ve forgotten, but you’re mine.”
And she shouldn’t have glanced down at your cleavage as you cross your arms over your chest, but Ellie’s weak and you look too fucking pretty for your own good.
“Yours?” you ask incredulously. “Do you hear yourself?”
“Yes, mine,” Ellie affirms. “All fucking mine and no one else’s.”
“God, you’re so full of shit, Ellie,” you scoff. “I’m supposed to be loyal to you and be okay with you having a roster, but I can’t go on a date with someone I genuinely like because it fucks with your brain to have a legitimate interest in somebody?”
“You like her?” Ellie asks in disbelief. “Like, like her, like her?”
“Yes,” you reply without hesitation.
And that makes Ellie’s jaw set, makes her narrow her eyes at you.
“You like her more than me?” she taunts.
And maybe she has you there, but you refuse to give her the upper hand.
“I could learn to,” you answer honestly. “Because Kenzie is kind to me. She doesn’t treat me like an option, doesn’t act like she’s God’s gift to the fucking world and that I should kiss her feet for giving me the time of day. And I get it, you don’t like me the way I like you—”
“You think I don’t like you?” Ellie asks like the thought is unfathomable.
“I don’t think, Ellie, I know. We went into this without any strings attached, we established that it’d just be fucking, but I was honest in telling you that I caught feelings and you used that to your advantage. You lied to me on multiple occasions, you make me look stupid, like I’m fucking crazy.”
And you wish you’d gotten through your spiel without choking up, but Ellie’s the first girl you’d liked in a while even if she was bad news. And when you thought that maybe you could shake her, she’d come barreling back.
“Baby,” she murmurs, face softening as she’s crossing the space between you two to cup your face in her hands.
“Don’t call me that,” you hiccup, trying to push her touch away.
“Babe, stop,” she says firmly. “I’m serious. You think I don’t like you?”
“Well, you don’t fucking act like it,” you mutter. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyways because whatever this was is done. You’re free to do what you want, who you want, whether you like me or not.”
God, do you unwittingly light a fire under Ellie’s ass when she thinks of what this Kenzie girl could do to you if she lets you walk out the door. Absolutely loathes the thought of anyone else knowing what you look like in any state of indecency, that you fucking cry watching children’s movies, that you snore like a freight train if you’re tired enough and have a weird ass penchant for pickle chips when you’re high.
“You’re not going on that fucking date,” Ellie says with finality, palms sliding from your shoulders to skim down the length of your arms and situate over the swell of your hips.
“Who says?”
“Me,” she huffs. “Because I’m going to make it up to you and we’re going to smoke these blunts and eat this fucking pizza and I’m going to make you cum so fucking hard, you won’t even remember that you were thinking of leaving me for someone else.”
“You’re not my girlfriend, Ellie,” you reiterate. “You can’t just–”
“Maybe not then, and maybe not in this moment, but I will be,” she says, and the words catch you completely off guard.
She’s catching your bottom lip between hers to further disorient you, kissing you like this could very well be her last.
“Just give me some time,” she whispers, walking you back towards your bedroom. “I’ll get my shit together for you. Promise.”
And you know deep down that you shouldn’t believe her. She’s just feeling territorial and grasping at straws to keep you leashed, but Ellie’s always been such a good kisser and she’s devouring you like she really is sorry.
She’s tossing your against your unmade bed, caging you between lithe limbs as she leans back on her haunches to take you in. Your blouse rides up to reveal the flimsy bands of your lacy little thong and Ellie’s lacking decency as she flips your skirt up to reveal a growing patch of wetness.
“Were you planning on getting fucked or do you always go out like this?” Ellie ponders, fingers rough as she pulls the tiny scrap of fabric down your legs and nearly salivates when a string of your arousal leaves with it.
Your lips part to answer, but her thumb’s dipping between your folds, pad collecting some of your slick from your drooling slit to smear over your achey little bud.
“I asked you a question,” Ellie says gently. “You just gotta be honest with me, baby.”
“S’hot out,” you whimper, fingers closing around her wrist when your body jerks against a particularly delicious stroke of her thumb.
“Yeah?” she clarifies. “You wouldn’t let any else touch you, would you? Not when I take good care of you like this?”
Her other hand comes to toy with your entrance, doesn’t give you any warning before her middle and ring finger are sinking inside slowly.
“Oh, fuck,” you whine.
“You’re my girl, you hear me?” Ellie murmurs, leaning down to catch your clit between her lips. “You’ll be my number one, always.”
She’s teasing at first, tongue languid against your fluttering pussy, but you’re quiet, back of your wrist caught between your teeth to muffle your moans.
One of her hands reach up to yank it away.
“Say it,” she barks, pulling away from your needy heat.
“Ellie,” you whimper.
“Say it,” she repeats firmly.
“M’your girl,” you moan shakily, thighs quivering as she smoothes her palms over the underside of your thighs to push them up to your chest.
“Yeah, you are,” she whispers, spitting harshly on your heat. “My favorite fucking pussy.”
She’s eating you out like she’s missed you, like she’ll only be satisfied when you finally cum. And maybe it’s true.
Maybe not.
Especially when she draws nearly three orgasms from you and practically knocks you out.
You don’t know how long you doze off for, but when you finally wake up, the sun has almost completely set, bathing your room in a burnt orange glow that leaves your dewy skin warm and sticky. And perhaps it’s wishful thinking when you call Ellie’s name, met only with the echo of your raspy voice. After all, you’re tucked on the wrong side of bed, elusive girl nowhere to be found.
As you dress and search for your phone, you can’t even find it in yourself to be surprised.
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