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masuchu · 2 years

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↻ STANDING IN FRONT OF THEM WITH YOUR ARMS OPEN ?!

pairing. chuuya x reader, dazai x reader, atsushi x reader, ranpo x reader

warnings. none!

a/n. second post :00 this one is less rushed !! i hope you like it :)

chuuya —

he’ll be a little confused, but he’ll get there in a second or two!

just stares right back at you and says something along the lines of “well, what are you waiting for? my lap is right here, doll.”

he’ll let you stay there for as long as you like, on the condition that you don’t disrupt his work too much,,

feel free to start poking and prodding him, he’ll either shout at you or you’ll start a war, a war that you won’t win by the way :))

he likes having you there, really. it’s a nice presence near him that he’s never really had before, it’s nice. your nice. chuuya admit he’s in love challenge??

if you start doing it all the time, he’ll just chuckle and sigh, lift you up like a koala and let you hold onto him for however long you need

he’ll say stuff like ‘wow, somebody’s clingy’ or ‘do you really like hugging me that much?’ but what he won’t tell you is that he secretly loves watching you stand next to him with your arms extended, like a lost puppy, it’s cute

you can always count on chuuya to know what you want, he takes pride in being the best boyfriend

you tell him that he’s always welcome to do it to you too, he’ll probably shout at you like ‘huh?! no, i’m not doing that.’ he really wants to

dazai —

knows immediately.

he won’t waste a minute, he will stop whatever he is doing and completely flop onto you. this man will not let an opportunity to touch you, let alone hug you, pass that easily

and he won’t get off either. good luck breathing.

you’ll be on the floor, wheezing, tears in your eyes telling him “samu,, get off please..”

he’ll look you dead in the eyes and go “no. 😀”

(will also whine if you get annoyed, saying stuff like ‘but you wanted this firssssssstttt,,’ or ‘are you really going to deny me of a hug, you wouldn’t ☹️’)

sly bastard

you’ll learn to not do this again,,

all jokes aside, when he’s finally had his fill of clinging to you like a koala, he’ll turn around and settle for spooning you for a bit

he’ll lay low on being clingy and you’ll both just lay there, in peace (the peace is only temporary, might i add.)

but anyways, back to the prompt-

he’ll always know what you want when you do this, and don’t think for a second that anything will stop him from tackling you to the floor, bed, sofa and not letting you go

you already know that he has absolutely no issue doing this to you too! he will stand there, like a little kid, pouting and whining at you. he will not stop

good luck 👍🏻

atsushi —

POOR BABY HE’LL BE SO CLUELESS :((

he’ll just look at you like a puppy, face blank and confused and just say “do you need anything..?”

he’ll probably be a bit scared ngl, you’re standing there, looking down on him with your arms out, silent as well…

are you threatening him? should he be concerned? did he forget to do something and you realised and now your hunting him do-

“atsushi, i want a hug”

oh.

immediately flushes pink and stammers out an apology while also trying to tell you that he would love to give you a hug

“o- oh! sorry, hah - ha. y - you, you can have a hug! if you want!! but, you don’t have too!! you know, if you like, don’t want to a - anymore! thats fi-“

you shut him up by sitting on his lap and wrapping your arms around him. it’s effective, 10/10 attack

once he calms down a little bit from his little mini heart attack, he’ll hug you back and put his face in your neck. out of shyness and because your warm.

he’s really grateful for you, you know. he wants to tell you so badly, but he can’t. so he hopes that his actions speak for him. the way he’ll fix the covers and make you comfier if he wakes up first, the way he’ll hold your hand tightly so he doesn’t loose you in public, the way he swear he’ll protect you no matter what, because your name can not be added to the list of people he’s lost.

and as much as he’s utterly clueless on love, he’s trying his best. and he’s thankful that the stars aligned you two, he’ll never thank you enough

crying rn guys

ranpo —

i’ll tell you exactly how this will go down

this man is territorial. he is literally a cat.

he’s watching you stand there, arms extended, hands grabbing at him, eyes watching hopefully

and he’ll say

“you can’t have any, this is my food!”

‘“..what?”

“i said, these are my snacks! i’m not sharing!”

you audibly giggle. loud.

that giggle turns into hysterical laughter.

bro gets angry

are you laughing at him? he bought you snacks! not his fault you ate them all! you’re still laughing!! this is a serious matter, babe!!

your laughter dies down a little bit and you wipe your tears, still giggling every second

“honey, sweetie, baby, my love. i don’t want your food, i want a hug.”

HE GETS DEFENSIVE!!

“yeah, i knew that obviously! because of my ability babe, my ability, yeah. i knew you wanted a hug i just, you know, was testing you, yeah. mhm.”

“sure, babe.”

he’s about to argue that ‘he’s telling the truth!’ but you flop down onto and wrap your arms over his shoulders before he can protest.

he just sits there, grumpy, like a cat

he’ll look away and pout when you giggle at his frown, patting his head and telling him ‘it’s okay, love. you didn’t know.’

give him more head pats he needs them for brainpower, he can’t get smarter without them

he now knows for future reference, if his partner is standing over him like an owl, grabbing their hands and staring at him, it is not a threat

oh yeah, and he’ll deny that that ever happened if you bring it up again!

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poopystain · 1 month

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guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

#literally nobody who follows me cares about this but like idk maybe you like to read #i dont even really like this movie that much but fuck it we ball #i might delete this post later. if i get embarrassed. i dunno #the mitchells vs the machines #pal tmvtm #cute girl shit

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nogenderbee · 1 year

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Hello! Could i request yandere niigo with a gn reader? If not thats fine have a nice day/night~ <3

OMG, yes of course you can!! I swear I love yandere aus so much I'm starting to worry about my mental state- but anyway, I kinda just did headcanons about how they would act so I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did <3

Kanade, Mafuyu, Ena, Mizuki as yanderes

TagList: @bleachtheidiot @no1mizukifan @hakulivesformusic @modyuki @qxmmi

TW: yandere, manipulation, bullying, killing

⊱ Kanade is the type to be quiet yandere, she will be her usual and tires self around you, and rarely leave her room

⊱ as its partially true, she can leave when something is happening to you to help you out

⊱ she's definitely the type to use internet to make her opponent give up mentally

"I'm sure it's them! They were talking badly about them behind their back... I'll make sure they feel the same... no, even worse pain."

⊱ she's the type to secretly connect your phone microphone and camera to her computer so she can watch and listen to your every move

⊱ she's also the type to keep recording or photos thanks to that and keep them all in folder just in case

⊱ if you meet with someone and she'll be able to see how they look, she'll find them and only contact them when they hurt you

⊱ surprisingly she doesn't really mind you having friends as long as you remember who you belong to and you're spending more time with her then with them

⊱ she's not really into kidnapping but she will more likely manipulate you to stay in her room for longer

⊱ like she'll pretend to be sick ramble to you about how lonely she had been lately to make you feel guilty and stay for longer

⊱ Mafuyu is also the type to be slightly quiet yandere, not letting ant signs out in public but once you're in private and she has any worries, she'll let her nature out

⊱ she'll always act nice to people she's against to, just to lure them into thinking she's a "good girl" and actually just wants to have a chat in dark alley

⊱ you can see where that goes... she usually brings them unconscious first so they won't scream and then murders them

⊱ she's also very good from biolog and chemistry so she doesn't leave a single trace of her work

⊱ honestly, she's a little brutal even to you... if you do something she considers a betrayal, she'll hit or harm you slightly, not to cause too much pain but also for you to learn your lesson

"YN... I'm not a monster, I'm just doing this for your own good... Don't you see how disloyal you had become?"

⊱ she doesn't mind kidnapping, if that's what will keep you in your place and make you loyal, she'll gladly do it

⊱ of course, she doesn't keep you in her house, she can't risk someone would hear you, so she probably finds other spot and makes it comfy for you

⊱ I mean... she did made Miku kick out other Nightcord members so surely she can keep you there against your will as well

⊱ Ena definitely won't hide how crazy she is for you, no matter if she's in public, around her friends or in private with you

⊱ if someone even looks at you when you're spending time together, she'll send them angry glare and if they have the audacity to even talk with you then oh boy, let me tell you about her elimination methods

⊱ she's literally read to kill someone in public on everyone's eyes but then only thing that keep her away from doing it is that she knows she won't be able to protect you when she's in prison

⊱ so she sticks with kidnapping them, she simply uses something heavy to knock them out and then she tortures them

⊱ that's actually another part of her, she LOVES to torture her rivals and thinks that gift like "head of random person who flirted with you" is the best gift you could've asked for

"Look what I got you! Isn't it lovely~? ... Do you remember him? He's the one who has been flirting with you that day!"

⊱ yeah... she's probably the most craziest out of them all

⊱ she also won't mind kidnapping you but she'll definitely keep you in her room, tied up to something so you can walk but not too far away

⊱ but don't worry, she'll let you go once she's sure you're loyal and once she gets enough of your affections but unfortunately for you... she never will

⊱ alright, so Mizuki is the type to show their yandere nature only around others and never around you

⊱ they're the type to smile when you're looking at them and someone is flirting with you but as soon as you look away, they have the scariest face and silently threaten them with a knife

⊱ their elimination method is simple: kill the enemy as quick as possible and with minimum mess

⊱ the thought of getting all dirty isn't really so happy for them but they do what they have to do

⊱ they would never kidnap you or keep you in one place but they would rather if you wouldn't have any friends so your attention would be only on them

⊱ but of course, it's not all, they have a habit of stealing borrowing something without you even knowing and keeping them in their room, maybe even in shrine made just for you

"Omg!!! That's YNs tissue!! Oh it HAS to go on top place in my shrine!"

⊱ I just feel like they're the type of yandere to cherish and kiss the ground you walk on

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

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hutaoscoffinn · 1 year

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ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU

Warnings: none, this is super fluffy, christmas headcanons, slightly chaotic, Rika loves the holidays as she should, baking with Rika, Rika being Rika, this is super cute, overall lots of floof, gn! Reader

Character: Rika of the elite 4

Requests: OPEN

Its that time of year aka christmas headcanons!!!

Merry Christmas everyone <3

Anyway lets get into it with good ol’ Rika

Rika is definitely a big fan of the holidays considering she absolutely loves the cheery vibe it brings to everyone

And its another reason for her to consume as much alcohol as she can whOOPS

But Rika also loves the holidays because now she can spend them with you

She practically has a to-do list of the different holiday activities she wants to do with you

And of course one of them has to be putting up a tree

But this is Rika so the christmas tree will not be an ordinary christmas tree

It has to be fun and something that fits the both of you and something that you can work on together!

Rika definitely will want some type of colored tree, anything but the normal evergreen color will work even if its just white

Then she wants to make at least some handmade ornaments with you

It’s definitely time consuming and not easy work but it’s something she has always wanted to try with a significant other and well now she wants to try it with you

Which means Rika will be dragging you to a craft store to get different supplies you may need as you both look at ideas for your ornaments together

Rika will definitely want to make ones that mean something to you both and are some memories you two have together and just different quirks of your own personalities

And you can bet Rika will be attempting to make a Clodsire ornament

Like cmon she has to

And of course after you little craft store run to get a ton of materials for ornaments and to start your crafty Christmas journey you have to get some hot chocolate on the way home

Or eggnog, coffee, tea, whatever your preference is

And so begins the wild ride that is making ornaments with Rika

If you are painting something for an ornament she will be dabbing some paint on your nose

When you look up at her confused, whining her name because of what she did, she will absolutely immediately fucking melt

She loves you so much and you’re too cute

If you retaliate and try to get paint on Rika’s nose, face, hands, ect the situation will absolutely devolve into a little mini paint fight that definitely ends up ruining whatever you both were wearing

But you had fun and made a new memory so thats what really matters right?

Even if it means saving the half finished ornaments for another day

Holidays with Rika mean more than just christmas tree decorating

Of course christmas baking is practically required which means making all sorts of christmas cookies and candies with Rika

If you’re good at baking Rika is happy to be your sous-chef, measuring ingredients for you or being the mixer as you tell her what to do or work on other parts of whatever you are making at the time

If you arent so good at baking then you can both learn together

Rika may not be the best baker ever but she definitely tries and won’t let even one failure slow her down

Either way, it’s going to be a joy

Rika will be teasing you the whole time in the kitchen

Hugging you from behind as you measure or mix something together

Stealing kisses from you the second you turn around to grab an ingredient

Trying to steal a taste of the cookie dough, frosting, batter, ect despite the fact that you have to threaten her with a wooden spoon each time she goes for a little taste

You’re almost tempted to shoo her out of the kitchen and finish everything yourself so that even some of what you are making gets into the oven

But dont worry, Rika behave so that you can both enjoy the finished sweet product together

And because she wants to decorate any christmas cookies or cakes you made together

None of your cookies or cakes will turn out as the typical aesthetic masterpieces you always see on baking shows or pinterest

But its fun to just decorate your creations together with Rika

Pouring too many sprinkles on over frosted cookies is fun and despite the mess, you would do it over again a million times

Holidays with Rika are full of joy and laughs

On cold nights she will always hold you extra close, pulling a fluffy blanket around you both as she cuddles you in her arms

On cold mornings she will make you hot chocolate piled high with marshmallow and a candy cane to top it off

She will wear the ugliest christmas sweaters she can find and buy you matching ones

Holidays with Rika also include dancing in the snow together on a night it happens to snow

Singing cheesy, romantic christmas songs while swaying in each others arms

Its sweet, cheesy, and maybe what some people consider “basic”

But its perfect

And christmas couldn’t be more fun without Rika to enjoy it with

Reblogs are always appreciated <3

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ship-discourse-confessions · 3 months

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genuinely have to wonder what these people who are so staunchly anti non-offending paraphiles want to happen to said paraphiles. like... what, do you want them to be killed for their thoughts they cant control? you think they deserve to die because theyre mentally ill? do people with homocidal intrusive thoughts deserve to die too, for an act they have not and likely will never commit? i hate to break it to you, but paraphilias are way more common than you think, and the people who have them are humans just like you. some of them seemingly come from nowhere, but a lot of them stem from trauma, which yall dont like to think about because it reminds you that if things just went a little differently, you couldve ended up like the inhuman, irredeemable monsters you advocate for the murder of. either way, its literally not something that the paraphile can control. fundamentally its unlikely any of them will ever be able to shirk their attractions. they can, however, just like you, control their actions. they are people with mental illnesses so stigmatized that its socially acceptable to publicly call for their slaughter. if you fancy yourself someone who thinks that people can be reformed and rehabilitated, someone who identifies as a prison abolishionist or an anarchist, you cannot also advocate for the involuntary killing of people with mental disorders. and you cannot perpetuate this culture of shame and fear and hostility, because all it does is push paraphiles who desperately need help further into isolation, away from the help that they need, and closer to actually offending. if someone is outed as a paraphile, their entire life is ruined. all of their connections are severed. theyre met with constant active hostility for something they never asked for and something they cannot control. so why, then, would a paraphile ever feel comfortable asking for help? how could they ever feel like they can reach out to a professional or even just to their friends and family when the risk is so high? when theyre told that theyre going to hurt people no matter what anyway?

full disclosure, im a paraphile. i wont specify anything beyond that. but for the longest time i really did feel like an irredeemable monster who was doomed to hurt others, that it was only a matter of time. that mindset, unsurprisingly, is not very conducive to recovery. it was only when i found other paraphiles online, learned i wasnt alone, that i didnt have to feel like the only option was death, that i finally felt like i could take control of myself. the isolation was the biggest hindrance to that. feeling like i was entirely alone in the world aside from people who had committed heinous acts, because the paraphiles who havent obviously cant talk about it. except they do, in small corners of the internet, where they still face incredible harassment and shame. still, knowing i was in the company of good people and knowing that my attraction wasnt some conscious choice on my part that made me into an inherent monster helped majorly. i didnt choose to grow up in the environment that i did. i didnt choose what i was exposed to as a kid. i didnt choose how any of that would affect me. i didnt choose to be a paraphile. but i am choosing to be a good person despite it, and im choosing to let other paraphiles know that they can do the same. i know there are some reading this. youre not alone, you can get help, and you can choose to be a fantastic person. youre not doomed. you dont have to die to keep others safe.

to summarize: paraphiles are human beings with mental illnesses just like many of you. and just like you, they need help and support, but its incredibly difficult to get that when the public opinion on them is generally "you deserve to die no matter what." we are incredibly common. you probably know a paraphile. and if that deeply upsets you on a moral level, i hope you know thats the reason why paraphiles hide it and just get worse and worse.

paraphiles are always going to be here no matter how hard you wish they were all dead. thats just a fact. so you can keep making graphic threats against mentally ill people, literally only causing further harm to them and to others, or you can show compassion and a genuine desire to see things get better by at the very least not perpetuating obvious anti-recovery, pro capital punishment, pro thought crime propaganda.

.

#shipping discourse

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etherealspacejelly · 2 months

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I fear that i would be sad and becoming a hateful bigot that calls anything that’s different to the norm ‘bad’.How do i become not like this?

well i think the first thing to do is to throw out the idea that you have any clue what 'normal' even is! because none of us do!

normal is a very subjective term. it is affected by the country you grew up in, the culture and religion of your family, the media you consume regularly, the people you spend time with most often, the list goes on

you will never truly understand the vast extent of The Human Experience because there will always be experiences you cannot relate to or empathise with no matter how hard you try. so you need to get into the mindset that Every Single Human Being deserves basic human rights no matter what. they deserve healthcare, housing, food and water, bodily autonomy, etc. because in a society where your rights can be taken away because you did something Bad, the people in charge will find a way to make the people they dont like into Bad People, so that they can get away with taking their rights away. see: homosexuals are paedophiles, trans women are predators, Muslims are terrorists, etc. etc. etc.

the only way to ensure your rights never be taken away is to make sure No Ones Rights Can Be Taken Away Ever, yes even Those people. yes, them too. when i say no one, i mean no one.

keeping an open mind and listening to other peoples experiences is also highly important. if something makes you uncomfortable, sit with that. think about Why it makes you uncomfortable, and whether that is a rational thing to feel about it or if it is a knee jerk reaction that was taught to you by your family or the society you grew up in.

you will have to accept that you Are going to be wrong about some things. you are not always the good guy in every story. you will say bigoted things or be ignorant about something or offend someone, even if you never intended to. and your response to that should not be "omg i didnt mean it im not a bigot i would never do anything bigoted my mums brothers dogs cousin is [insert minority group]!!", it should be "ok, i messed up here. i clearly have much more to learn on this subject. im so sorry for [thing you did/said] and for any harm it caused, i will educate myself so that this doesnt happen again."

and its important to remember that having some internalised bigoted beliefs doesnt make you an Evil Person, you were just raised in a bigoted society. of course you're going to pick these things up thats what humans do! we learn from and copy the behaviours of those we grow up with as children. but you do have to do the work to challenge those beliefs and educate yourself. i believe that people should always be given the opportunity to grow and change, and that often times bigoted behaviour comes from a place of ignorance and fear. these people will never change their beliefs if we treat them like irredeemable monsters, it will just push them further away.

anyway thats my take on it i suppose. other people will have different opinions. i hope this helped you in some way :)

#inbox #ask #inbox open #advice #ethereal space dad

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system-of-a-feather · 1 year

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Before I go to the gym I did want to ramble a bit on this since I usually talk about it in a very "haha ego" tone, but honestly, having very intense and strong violent fantasies and urges and a trauma-centered/functioned thirst, joy, and high in violence in a world where that isn't good or okay and there are Laws because it is a Society honestly is really annoying and sucks.

Like its easy to paint those as "owo evil psychopath" and its easy (I guess) with the radical valid uwu-ness fo the internet to write that off "uwu poor violent meow wow" but imo neither of them really are right.

Cause I'm not so stuck in my trauma that I don't realize that the world I was made for is an outlier and not representative of what it really is; and I'm not so stuck that I don't realize that following that trauma-driven need and high is only going to get me in places that my trauma would have wanted me to be in. I'm not gonna do it because I know that is "what my trauma would have wanted" and because its not going to help me; but I'm also not this innocent bun for having this either nor am I bluffing how intensely I want to go run off on them sometimes.

It sucks that something I have formed such an intense joy and positive emotional relationship to - something that brings me such fun an excitement from my childhood - is something that is both illegal, self destructive and forbidden. It's not needed anymore so the very thing I was formed to do and favorite joy in life is Not Allowed Anymore because it would be harmful to our life.

Violence, life-death crisis, and coming out on top of all of those is a childhood high of mine - arguably the majority of what I as a part remember growing up with. It's a huge part of my identity and an original large part of what brought me joy "in my childhood" and to be a functioning human out of a trauma environment and to do the best by my system and myself I've had to agree to swear off and leave all the plans I had growing up as "fantasies and ideation" and while I am MORE than willing and glad to sign up on it - that doesn't remove how much it sucks to throw a lot of the shit that brought you joy and excitement growing up and stuff that has become such a large part of your identity and life aside and start from scratch.

I'm already throwing away like 20 years of identity shaping life experiences aside to learn to live a better life for myself and my parts. I'm already exhibiting such restraint and mature growth and honestly thats why its a large reason about why I am so loudly honest about those fantasies and feelings.

If I am not allowed to act on it and I have to forfeit what was my childhood happiness and joy - then the very least I should be allowed to do is be honest and free to talk about them.

If anyone wants to tell me that I can't say that shit or I have to hide it or whatever, they are officially asking too much from me and I think they're overstepping boundaries because I am ALREADY doing a lot to be an acceptable human being and to recover. If someone wants me to still do that and hide and pretend to be better than I am, then I often just feel like I should jsut throw out ALL that Ive been giving up and just go have fun cause people will keep asking for more than I naturally can provide. Of course, even when I feel like that, I still can't and won't cause I owe it to my system more than I owe it to myself and more than I find myself annoyed and pissed with the boundary being crossed - and instead I tend to just block and remove said person from my life but ya know.

Like yes I am intensely loud about this and it might look like Im overplaying it because no one who actually thinks and has those would be so loud and obvious about it - but thats the whole point. I'm saying it to cope with the fact I won't do it. It's an alternative.

But anyways, I digress.

Evil Alter Rights matter too, man. Evil Alter Rights matter too. /mostly joking

-XIV

#alter: xiv #feel free to reblog and add if you feel #violent impulses #homicidal ideation #aspd #aspd tw #violence tw

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hikari-ni-naritai · 1 month

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What is the favorite cantrip and spell of each of your oc's?

And yours?

woag i gotta look this shit up. ok hikari and aoi are out since they use a different magic system (and hikari's a dumbass anyway)

lia - prestidigitation. she has a complicated relationship with it bc the whole thing that got her into magic was someone showing her prestidigitation as a child. but she idolised it so much that she never actually managed to work out how to cast it. and now its a bit of a mental block. but she still has that like. childlike wonder at it, even if she pretends not to. as for regular spell... probably her customized advanced version of plane shift that takes her to a different universe entirely. she likes a lot of magic but thats the one that keeps her from getting bored forever.

nest - shocking grasp. she likes to lightning punch people. as for proper spells, probably fire shield? she gets to burn people who punch her. i think nest would cheat in fistfights.

violet - mage hand. a third hand for sorting?? unstoppable. as for proper spells, i cant not pick time stop for a clockwork girlie. she would probably not put it to good use but she would love it.

valyrie - paladins dont get cantrips. she would think druidcraft is pretty tho. as for her own spells, can she pick one of her channel divinity options? not really a spell, but the ability to strike the fear of god into the hearts of her enemies and reduce their speed to 0 while she approaches to kill them is too good to pass up. thats her favourite.

dr. marion - i think her favourite cantrip is also prestidigitation, just bc of how versatile it is. she uses the cleaning version medically and had to add it into her improvised healing spells to sanitize wounds before sealing them. as for her favourite spell, cure wounds. the first healing spell she managed to replicate with arcane magic. shes proud of it! even if the prototype version killed a guy on accident. (not her fault!)

cassidy - rangers also dont get cantrips. she would also like druidcraft tho, bc its the kinda shit her wife did before she died. as for regular spells, idk. i think she'd like commune with nature just bc like. its peaceful. she wouldnt even necessarily be looking for anything. just hanging out with plants and shit is good. peaceful. she can bask in her own melancholy.

adela - power word kill.

elyria - favourite cantrip is Friends. shes a manipulative little shit so she'd use it to give her the edge if she needs to talk her way through something real quick. oh and she would LOVE shadow blade. a weapon that doesnt leave evidence and gives you advantage in the dark? AND does a lot of damage? she'd use that shit all the time. and claim it's somehow holy.

étoile - cantrip would be sword burst. her magic is purposely not very gestured, so being able to just have swords rotate around her is a very cool visual and she agrees. as for proper spells, feeblemind. bc i like to imagine that her specific version causes the effect of reducing INT and CHA to 1 by transforming your body into a doll. she thinks its very useful. though crown of stars is a close second.

caroline - dancing lights! she thinks theyre pretty and it was the first spell she learned. and her favourite regular spell is teleport, bc she can go home no matter how far away she is!

as for emily, my favourite cantrip is toll the dead and my favourite spell is imprisonment!

#ocposting

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suffarustuffaru · 9 months

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✨

Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

AA this is the last fic writer ask question fr :o again it took me a while to get to all of them pfft but i appreciate them a lot!! this question especially is really sweet wkdndn but yes!! and hope anyone reading my answers to these questions found it interesting at least pfft

hmm…. compliment….. im a MAJOR stickler for detail :O i literally cant turn my brain off i have to get EVERY detail i can right whenever possible wjdnd. not that im always right bc im very much not but i try very hard to be!! and i absolutely adore trying to put a lot of detail and nuance into things in my work esp since i focus on characters mental thought process so much hah. i try very hard to do a lot (or at least i consider it a lot widjdj) of research :o for example i wanted to write astrea fic so i devoured every heinkel and reinhard related side story possible and now they give me intense brainrot. cries. since i write a lot of character study i HAVE to look at everything possible before i finish a fic or ill cry inside if i miss one (1) detail i couldve taken into account hah. so i do think im a hard working writer :o !! analyzing things for fun especially when i admire a work of fiction runs in my blood wjdnd it just Happens. i try my best!!

as for um. that one crack treated seriously gluttony if fic i did once (selfcest…). is it accurate to who gluttonybaru is as a character? no in the sense that hes written purposefully in that fic to be like. pushed to his Most Extreme. but also i did try to at least be kind of accurate bc. i combed through SO MUCH of arc 6 and the gluttony if to write him fr 😭😭 there was TOO MUCH analysis in that fic thats why its got a novel length wordcount HAH. hes always had a hate love relationship with “natsuki subaru”….

uhhh uhhh oh yeah something else vaguely related to this that just came to mind—for example my multichap pride otto fic has me like really wracking my brain bc pride otto has screentime for exactly 0.2 seconds (im totally good at math) so its like. i wanted to like analyze how he most likely thinks and what sort of behaviors he has and how hed even react in All the new shenanigans im putting him in. but im also working off of 0.2 seconds of screentime so i had to also go and look at how main otto thinks and try to make Many Educated Guesses on how otto goes from point a (main otto pre-meeting subaru) to point b (the otto we see in pride if). which is something i do every time i focus on an if character in general anyway HAH bc i think it gets easier to understand if versions of characters, no matter how different they seem from their main route selves, once you examine who their base character is and THEN you look at the if events and how its warped them away from their base character. if that makes sense. i think its really fun hah.

i also recognize though that it wouldve been maybe Easier to make pride otto in my fic a little more. dead inside. empty. bc i know that ive been writing a lot of his anger and irritation hah. and it wouldve made sense for him to be a little more tired kind of dead inside in his internal dialogue!!! but i figured that i might as well go a little differently with it to yes maybe subvert expectations a little bit (and bc. ok after arc 8 Confirming Many Things About Otto, no way pride otto wasnt angry at some point. fr.) but also bc. you know when a person whos been in a traumatic situation they couldnt escape for so long is forced to change themselves to survive? if that person manages to finally escape its like. now they gotta try and unlearn any trauma related lessons theyve learned now that the danger is over bc what helped them survive is now maladaptive bc the danger is Over. thats kind of how i approached the fic fr T^T but also i try so hard to write pride otto as the jaded ass he definitely is. theres so much jades in him for sure. (this sentence totally makes sense.)

oh!!! uh uh one small detail with pride otto—when characters have titles, he will almost Always call them by their title in both internal and external dialogue. reinhard is sword saint and julius is the greatest/finest knight and felix is blue, etc etc. otto is well. 1. emotionally constipated 2. distant from others 3. Going Out of His Way to distance himself from others 4. hes very fixated on power and hierarchy and 5. he is Very aware of the role hes played in crushing each knight in the knight trio. main otto Absolutely feels guilt even as hes being ruthless. i figured pride otto likely at least Used to feel guilty. if hes not still guilty deep down.

#ask #this. answer turned out way longer than i thought oops but then i started blabbering about analysis things. im a nerd HAH a massive massive #nerd #yeah i like analyzing if characters fr!!! so fun seeing how they changed over time….#its also a fun challenge bc when u read the if most of them are like. ok aside from the greed if ln that actually goes into detail how #subaru changes over time so its like you know more gradual. with many of the other ifs we see him post-drastic change from main route so u #kinda have to connect the dots?? its fascinating!!! and if u dont look closely u could be confused on How characters changed so much. but it #makes sense once u squint a bit methinks.#gotta love pride if otto fr. ottos always been an edgy bitch pride if ottos just open about it with his black suit and dead inside charm #ALSO I STILL HAVE TO FINISH THE EX NOVELS IM WORKING ON THEM SLOWLY OK I GOT TWO DOWN GOT A FEW MORE TO GO

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florelia12 · 1 year

Text

A backstory post for Helia where his parents were on the side of the Ancestral Witches (except one of them was secretly a spy for the company of light).

So, one of them is killed (the actually evil one) by the ‘good guys’ while the other parent (the spy) got tortured as a punishment and has kind of lost their mind. So the living parent is imprisoned in Lightrock Monastery and thats where Helia grew up raised by Codatorta (canonically a knight from the Lightrock Monastery).

The parents doesn’t interact with anyone and doesn’t talk because trauma. baby Helia tries to talk to them but they don’t back so he figures out a way to do it through drawings.

So, Helia draws whatever he saw that day or learned about and he slides it to his parent through the bars and they just collect it and paste it on their prison walls which is their way of acknowledging Helia. Helia did this whenever he could and he grew up lonely surrounded by prisoners that made him question his morality because Lightrock believes in second chances then he shows up at RF when he’s of age and is then taught about how to kill someone fast and efficiently.

He spends about a year there, bullied and never trusted by his squad for being the son of a traitor (treason comic foreshadowing ooo). No one listens to him or respects him. And, he’s been trained by Codatorta himself since he was young so he’s like super good.

On a side note how can people hc that Codatorta doesn’t like Helia because he dropped out and “doesn’t believe in fighting” when this comic panel exists:

That your honour is his non-biological dad! I rest my case.

Anyway, he’s good on his own so Saladin lets him do a lot of spy stuff and solo missions. Helia is fine with it and starts to enjoy RF to an extent. He likes being a specialist and transforms into the adrenaline junkie we know and love.

Then boom, angst. When he’s working under a commander (someone from the council of light because i love that whole detail in the comics) and he gets left behind because they don’t have time or resources to extract him. So he gets kidnapped by the bad guys. Torture. History almost repeats itself but nope Helia breaks out of there.

He feels betrayed by the system that raised him, though he finds out Saladin didnt do this to him. So he confronts the commander who reveals that it was the company of light (not the main ones that are shown in canon but the members mentioned in passing) that ordered for his parent to be tortured until they are no longer themselves so they wouldn’t accidentally reveal any spy information to the evil side.

His world goes upside down and he actually finds out who and what his parents were and what they did. The reveal pisses him off and he leaves RF, vowing to never be a part of this war system again.

Then season 1 happens and RF is destroyed and mans is wallowing in self loathing that he wasnt there to protect saladin or the school. So, he comes back with the intention of coming back but he doesnt tell Saladin yet.

Then he eventually ends up staying and plays this whole ‘haha im flirting with you but please don’t like me back, you deserve better’ game with flora. Never plans on confessing but cant help but fLiRt until she full on yells at him to tell him she likes him.

And, we are back to comics where he avoids getting into a relationship with her despite the impulsive kiss at shadowhaunt. Until the shab stone arc happens and he’s like, this girl is really willing to go down with me no matter, I’m going to marry her. So, he’s like “just friends? I was hoping we were something more!”

Then yay, they’re together!

Then fast forward to when they’ve been together for a while and Flora’s like, hi, when are we introducing each other to our families?

Helia’s hesitant and doesn’t want to do it. Dances around the topic even though he shows all neat and nice at her house for dinner with her parents.

Then Flora shows him her box full of every single drawing or poem he gave her, even small little notes with smiley faces he doodled on her notebooks. And, Helia’s holding back tears because shit parallels with his parent.

He ends up bringing her to meet his parent and she has a breakdown when she finds out why Helia loves art so much and then starts ugly crying when there’s a few drawings of Flora on his parent’s prison wall and she realises Helia already told them about her but she thought this entire time he didn’t take their relationship as serious enough to tell them.

And, that’s all I have for this today.

#fic summaries

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life-love-and-lotr · 9 months

Text

@chaos-in-bright-pink-hair-dyes Killjoys Week 2023 Day 2- Smoke

Smoking was banned within Battery City. It was considered an unclean pastime that only damaged the lungs of its hardworking citizens. But Frank had already decided that scarred lungs were worth the freedom he felt when smoking, so made his weekly trip to the black market to buy a packet.

This time the trip took 10 times longer than it usually did due to the abnormal drac patrols polluting the streets. It wasn't unusual to see the masked figures, but the sheer numbers were concerning. The only time that they came down in such numbers was when there was a break-in (or out) in the middle of the city. And that always ended in chaos.

Frank pondered the mystery as he walked, taking his time to not get caught. He ended up in the familiar warehouse that held the market. Illegal weapons, android parts, and medications, all ready for purchase. The target for Frank was a man who only went by the name Horseshoe Crab. His attire, an all red ensamble complete with top hat, made it pretty obvious that he was a killjoy. A killjoy who always had a knack for getting out of sticky situations. If anyone here knew what had happend, it would be him.

"Hey Horseshoe. Were you the reason why there are so many drac patroles out? Seems like something you would do."

The older man, looking mockingly shocked at the accusation, stuck his hands in the air in defeat.

"What do you mean? I would never do anything to rile up the pigs. How very dare you. Seriously though, it wasn't any of the Suitehearts. From what I heard, two of the top Scarecrows sons just escaped the city. They have become true killjoys now. Good for them thats what I think. Anyway, want your usual?"

Frank had to blink away the sudden reilisation from his eyes. His mother had two brothers come through her transition house just two days ago. They looked too clean and scared half to death. The youngest didnt look much older than 8, the oldest being the same age as Frank. She had shooed him away from the room when helping them, then sent them away faster than most. She must have known how important they were.

"Thanks. Hey, tell Doctor B we might need more medication. That breakout is gonna cause hell on the voluenteers. And I know mom will wanna be prepared when shit hits the fan"

"Will do. Be careful out there. They are getting more dangorus every passing day. Wouldn't want to bury my best customer now would I?"

Frank did his best to squirm his way out of Horse Shoes inevitable head rub, messing up his sholder-length hair. No matter how hard he tried to be a sarcastic asshole, he always ended up just being a true Suiteheart.

"You to. I don't wan't my favourite dealer to go completly out the window do I?"

After handing the credits over Frank left, a single pack of cigarettes in his hand. He waited until he got to his usual quiet smoking place before pulling one out. He was able to climb through a slot in the wall surrounding the city and perch upon the top. It looked out onto the desert, a beautiful sandy expanse that Frank could only dream of getting to. Just like the two mystery boys.

As he lit the cigarette, he thought about them. How they were just left to learn the desert on their own. He worried about them as the length of the nic stick shortened. And as the final smoke cloud breifly covered his view, he considered what it would be like if he left. Nobody would care enough to send an army to bring him back and he sure as hell wouldn't have a transition house to go through. His mum would string him up by the neck if he even asked to leave.

A sudden noise pulled Frank away from his contemplation. He didn't even get the chance to stamp out his cigarette before his vision flashed white. As he was pulled away from the safest place he knew, the packet fell to the floor. The last reminder of the boy he used to be

#killjoy week 2023 #danger days #danger days the true lives of the fabulous killjoys

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zerothejackal · 1 year

Note

proshipping mostly refers to like, outright problematic pairings. thats what it stands for, problematic shipper. you can find them posting ships that tolerate shit thats abusive, like pedophilia, incest, or just straight up physically abusive partnerships. proship and antiship doesn't mean ppl who are for and against shipping.

first and LAST ask that i ever get about this bs that i will ever answer:

nope nope, A OTRO PERRO CON ESE HUESO MIJO, i did my homework!

Proshipper is a label for those who support and/OR respect shipping in general, regardless of whether they like or dislike a ship

yes some proshippers are into fictional stuff that is very dark like rape, pedophilia, abusive relationships, gore, etc

(and YES btw, fiction CAN affect reality, but this is a complex subject and can be difficult to explain, especially from me who struggles to word things)

and antiship originally meant the opposite, of course. However the use of proship and antiship has changed across the internet because of a simple thought:

"I don't want to be put with people who like problematic things"

many people fit the original label of proship and will still have "PROSHIP DNI" on their bios

but of course now proship SUPPOSEDLY means PRO-PROBLEMATIC SHIPS 👻

and it makes you wonder, who shifted the meaning of ProShip to be inherently bad and disgusting for the general public? and who shifted the meaning of AntiShip to be more accepted

that's up to you if you even choose to believe in this information, anon, i doubt you will though

to me? it doesn't matter, the way i phrased it makes it seem the antishippers of old times did it, right?

But what if it was the proshippers wanting to not be put together with the problematic folks, or what if the shift was more natural and not forced?

but i offer a better question:

WHO CARES

you don't like to see problematic content? GOOD FOR YOU! block the people who make it, block problematic tags, block problematic content in general!

you DO like to engage with such content? GOOD FOR YOU! whatever floats your boat! you are your own person and it is not my right to say that you shouldn't do that!

IN THE END IT DOESN'T MATTER! ESPECIALLY SINCE BOTH GROUPS DON'T LIKE TO MESH!

You shouldn't care what proshipper means

You shouldn't care what antis stand for

Its UNHEALTHY to care so much about a stupid internet debate!

please go touch grass, forget about this debate, and i promise life gets better :)

I know all of this because there was a time I CARED ENOUGH to do some research or learned some shit!

and guess what

Antis are good people and can be great friends

Proshippers are good people and can be great friends

it literally doesn't matter, engaging in a type of content doesn't make you worse or better, and having the moral high ground in a debate doesn't make you cool or smart

it makes you look stupid because you could use that sense of morality for something more useful, or at least MORE HEALTHY.

conclusion:

ship discourse is BAD.

IN GENERAL.

but the people on one side are not better than the people on the other.

and also! I don't care about it!

if you care about it, sucks to be you, but good for you i guess.

i don't care if you care or if you don't

it's not my problem

and you shouldn't make it someone else's problem either

SIIIGHHHH

anyways have a good day, please get better and stop letting ship discourse still exist!

there's

more

important

things

to

care

about.

#if i get more ship discourse asks im just deleting them #idc if you share my neutral/idontcareabtit views #or if you are an anti/proshipper #i dont like ship discourse so i try not to engage with it #so i wont :3

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misson-impossible · 2 years

Text

Vampire! Mikey Way x Reader

⚠️Warnings⚠️ None really

Takes place in school (Can be high school ot college. Doesn't really matter.)

Mind my tenses just assume it's in the present

Also mind my errors

Gonna try and keep it gender neutral

Part 1 out of idk

Approximately 1,330 words.

It's a normal day as usual. I go to school, do what is wanted of me, and go home. I don't really have a large quantity of friends but that was ok. It didn't really matter to much. It's lunch time. Everyone else gathered in the cafeteria and ate I however do not. There's way to many people and things that go on in there so I sit on the bench in the lobby.

I get out my phone and scroll through my band filled tumblr aimlessly. I sit in silence until its cut off by some light shouting.

"You can't be in there during lunch!" The school's secretary's shrill voice rang as she was trying to usher someone out of the restroom. Must of been the men's considering how frustrated she looked waiting for someone to emerge "Way! I will get you out of there one way or another!"

Was she talking about Gerard? No if he was gonna hide he would be more original.

Anticipation began to fill inside me as I waited for the guy to come out. I watch amused by the secretary's furious composer. She was kind of a prick anyway. She throws her arms in the air walking speedily toward the office. I continue to watch the bathroom entrance intently. No one came out.

The secretary returned with a buff large man "He just won't come out! He's a strange one though." She said with a breath.

Wonder what she meant by "strange". The man goes into the bathroom. After several moments the man exits "You sure he's in there?"

"What do you mean?!" The secretary responds outraged. "There's no one in there." The guy answers. "Impossible!" The secretary yells and charges in the mens bathroom. After about a minute she comes out charging past the man and I not even glancing. I could have sworn she said something about getting the Ways' and putting them in under her breath.

I never seen him exit the bathroom but who knows.. he may have never see been in there. I go back to my phone glancing up occasionally at the bathroom and around me.

The bell rings and I jump. Great. As soon as the bell sounded a guy, probably around my age, walked around the right corner rather fast with a slight smile on his face.

He catches my gaze but continues on his way. Could that be him? I wonder. I haven't seen him that I can remember. I probably had just never paid attention.

~Next day~

I go to my classes. Why did this day have to feel like a century? Hated days where it felt like I was going 0.5 miles an hour. I leave my ELA class happy to finally get a break by going to lunch

I put my books down and look around. Wonder if that boy would be around again. I watch the bathroom my phone in hand and before I hearing a noise. I quickly turn my head to see what it was. It's the it's him. I try to compose myself. Oh he probably saw me looking for him... he probably thinkd im crazy. I gaze at him thinking of what to do. I shoot him a flustered smile 'ugh [Y/N] don't do that again you probably look like a manic' I think to myself quickly looking down. He smiles before sitting his stuff down and sitting on the bench across from me.

I look at my phone to try to divert my focus. '[Y/N] you've literally only acknowledged this guy like twice. Learn some social skills.' I think to myself again before hiding my face with my arm. I quickly glance up and he's reading a book. Wonder what he's reading. I look back at my phone before looking back up at him. He puts the book down and grabs his phone. I raise my head a bit more to see what it is. Eclipse (3rd Twilight book)? Oh my god now I'm nerding out. I bite my lip. 'Talk [Y/N]!' I mentally yell at myself. I have chance to make myself known take it! Why's it so hard?

"Thats a really good book." I say, pitching my voice up to make it sound prettier. He looks up at me "Is it?"

I turn red. What's that supposed to mean?! "Yep! One of my favorite series."

He smiles "I've enjoyed the last two books. On chapter 5 of this now."

Why's his smile so cute? I smile and bite my lip. I've only spoken to him for like seconds and can confirm he is amazing.

He takes a deep breath in and looks into my eyes before looking down, his eyes dropping. 'What did I do?' I ask myself. I touch my face. Is there something wrong with me? I open the camera on my phone to see. Nothing visibly wrong. It's my personality. It's because I'm me. I beat myself up over it.

As I sit over thinking everything that just happened the bell interrupts. The boy gives a shy wave and smile picking up his stuff walks goes right. I pick up my stuff getting flustered again. I manage to wave aswell even though he probably didn't see it.

I'm very red at this so I try to calm myself before I get to my next class.

My next class is Earth/space. It a pretty boring class so I'm bound to zone out for a majority of it. I sit as the teacher talks. Can this class get over soon enough. As she talks I wonder in my head. All of a sudden the boy started to ingulf my thoughts. What could he mean? Who is he? Where is he? I know im being very noisy and way to absorbed in the situation but I couldn't help it. I don't know what is so fascinating about this guy i've never really payed any attention to. Was it his hair? No. His eyes? Nope. The bell rings interrupting my thoughts. I get up from my seat racing to my locker. As I walk quickly someone comes to my side. It's Gerard. "Hey [Y/N]!" He says with legitimate happiness to see me. "Hey!" I respond. "So..." he begins as he puts his stuff in his locker "Why won't you sit with the guys and I at lunch?"

"I don't know." I say slamming my locker. I actually consider it then I remember the boy "I'm good. I like my spot."

"You sit all by yourself everyday and don't eat!" He exclaims.

"I know." I respond. He rolls his eyes.

"Hey do you have any relatives that come here?" I ask.

"No... why."

"Well yesterday there was a guy in the bathroom during lunch and they were trying to get him out. I think his last name is Way. When they went in there he wasn't there though. I didn't pay attention but they had to know if he was in there or not. I don't know it was weird."

"Don't know him." He mutters. "Oh." I respond.

"You seem pretty interested in him though."

"I wouldn't go that far." I repsond lying to him and myself. He nods and is unusally silence. There was something wrong. He opens the bandroom door for himself and I. He gets out his trombone and I get out my bass clarinet. We sit silently. I look over at him and he seems deep in thought. "Sorry." I mumble. He looks at me and shakes his head "For what?"

"I don't know." I respond. He reaches over and squeezes my shoulder "You always put yourself down more than you do others [Y/N]. Stop it." He says with a sad pang. He puts a small smile on his face. I press my lips together and nod.

The teacher calls us to attention which deflects my focus off of the boy and Gerard for a mere 45 minutes.

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stedebonnit · 1 year

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Jfc NOBODY IS SAYING THAT STEDE'S TRAUMA EXCUSES HIS ACTIONS. Like. Why the FUCK is that always the first place you assholes go. You can't even acknowledge he HAS IT most of the time, but when you do the first thing you say about it is, "but that doesn't excuse anything!" No. One. Says. It. Does. But it would be nice to be able to fucking acknowledge it AT ALL without your asshole takes. We get it. You think Stede is the fucking worst and his trauma doesn't matter. Shut the fuck up.

Omg Stede anon is back!! Wow Im so honoured, welcome back!

I literally said in my tags that his trauma is what makes his actions so heartbreaking. Like I said, its nuanced. Someones actions can be hurtful to others and also incredibly understandable given the circumstances they're in. Which is why its so similar to his privilege, because Stede was raised in that privilege. The point is that hes a good man because he tries to learn and grow, as Im sure he'll do in this scenario as well.

Like I said, it fucking hurts to be told your self hatred hurts the people you care about. Most people who adopt self-hatred like Stedes do so for two reasons

1. To protect themselves from harm (via rejection, abuse, neglect, etc.)

2. To protect others from harm (because when you're told often enough that your existence is wrong, you start to internalize it and believe that your existence hurts others.)

That second one is so powerful, because yes, self-hate is selfish in the sense that you really have to believe that you're special or unique to believe that you, and only you, matter enough to be so deeply deserving of bad things. But the other piece is that most people who hate themselve that deeply also genuinely want to do whats best for others. Its why i see so many clients in therapy who tell me theyre afraid to be kinder to themselves because they think itll make them selfish.

Thats the stage that I see Stede at. He doesnt yet have the understanding, because of his history of trauma and chronic invalidation, to be able to contextualize how deeply selfish his self hate is. Moreover, he genuinely believes that hes doing whats best for others by acting the way he does.

This doesnt take away the hurt he caused. This doesnt negate the decisions hes made.

When I was deeply hurting, faced with a similar mindset, I made decisions that hurt people. I had a therapist tell me one session that I had hurt her by assuming the worst in her, something that I did because of how deeply I hated myself.

I resent my actions, still, to this day, and yet she showed me empathy and kindness and helped me forge a path forward so I wouldnt hurts others that way in the future.

Because of her pointing out the hurt I caused, i was able to learn and grow, and am a better, kinder person now because of it.

Thats what I mean when I say it doesnt negate the hurt he caused. Because often times seeing the hurt our self hatred causes is the ingredient thats needed to push us in the direction of healing, because we dont love ourselves enough to do it for us, but we love others enough to start that journey for them.

Anyways, its a topic Im deeply interested in, so even though you called me an asshole, Im grateful for you reaching out because it gave me the opportunity to put my thoughts into words, because as I said, I believe its an incredibly nuanced discussion, but as a Stede stan through and through it always makes me chuckle when I get these anons.

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #gentlebeard #d speaks #ask #anonymous

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lachesine · 11 months

Text

hahah! i didnt expect haitham's story quest to put in plain text whats wrong with him, but i guess it did all the work for me

i dont know if i would say that haitham is antisocial, but he does aggressively separate himself from society to the point of wanting to be an "outside observer" who can see things objectively

hes cold and shrewd, but not without morals. he has a good read on people's emotions, and can extrapolate enough from his own knowledge and observations to make some real 5d chess level predictions, and then follow them perfectly

one thing i noticed during the archon quest is that while there were multiple points where a certain move in his plan could be to "test the waters" where the outcome could indicate a change in plans... but none of them were ever revealed to be a test, just another piece in the complete rube goldberg machine falling into place

he also says that the opinions of others dont matter to him, but i think thats untrue! when paimon scolded him (like kaveh, if i dare say so) haitham changed his mind and went from dodging questions, to bringing the player home to explain things

on several occasions other characters call him arrogant and/or egotistical, but i feel like either the word choice is off or something was lost in translation

haitham is arrogant in the sense that in separating himself from others, people assume he thinks of himself as above others, but haitham has no illusions of that nature. he is a human who Lives In A Society, and while i dont think he forgets that, he just... never brings attention to that inherent contradiction

there is an impossible ideal hidden in the goal of being objective, as a human being with subjective experiences, and yet alhaitham pursues it anyways. by sticking his grubby scholarly fingers in as many problems that come across his desk as he can, he ends up learning new things, which he needs to do in order to keep up with his impossible, infinitely-unattainable goal

i think instead of control (how i initially read him) haitham instead values his own freedom and autonomy, because he needs it in order to keep pursuing an objective look at reality with the least amount of obstacles as possible

he hates obligation, but will rise to the occasion if it satisfies some amount of curiosity, and counts as knowledge-gathering. and thats all he really wants out of life

honestly, it's easy to read him as unambitious if you don't know him well...

and this is my obligatory "kaveh doesnt know dick about shit" corner

i think the inherent mirror aspect of the haitham and kaveh dynamic is that haitham has a good grasp on kaveh's damage, while kaveh has absolutely no clue, or is too arrogant to actually put things together

not that its hard! kaveh is an open gotdamn book

untrue fanon perception 1: haitham bullies kaveh

(obviously not from the majority of shippers)

whenever haitham has something sincerely mean to say about kaveh, its because kaveh insults haitham first. haitham rarely insults kaveh behind his back

thats not to say he never does it. but its extremely mild in comparison if he does

if anything i think kavehs the one with the emotional damage to try and instigate an argument with haitham constantly, and try to embarrass him in front of the first guests he ever brought to the house

untrue fanon perception 2: haitham likes kaveh and just hasnt said anything in plain words. for example, this explains why someone as selfish as haitham lets kaveh live with him

heres the screencap everyone likes to grab

cute right? maybe kaveh is his priority?

hell no. he is subtweeting the hell out of kaveh here

sometimes i wonder if shippers are seeing something other than huffing fumes, and in this case i think the people who ship these two, its a lot of fumes

not that i dont assign partial blame to mihoyo. they know what they did

but i think haitham is interesting, and im sad that people try to sand down his rough edges to make him like... shippable

i dont want to try an debunk the fanon that hes autistic and/or aspec because i dont really think those things can be... debunked. but i guess my 2c on both of those is that i dont personally see it

haitham doesnt avoid [socializing/romance] because its [overwhelming/boring/inscrutable], he avoids it because hes pursuing an impossible ideal and those things in the first category are a means to an end at best, and a nuisance all other times

he is a man of extreme ideals but modest goals. he wants to hold a tape measure to the world, but doesnt see himself as that measure, just that things can be measured, accounted for, and planned around

he is programming the best google maps route between his house and his desk job, and keeping an eye out to optimize other things along the way, not necessarily in the pursuit of absolute social stability, but absolute routine

[holds him up like a potato] i just think he's neat

#genshin impact #alhaitham #gensh ponderings #zee.txt #gensh.zee.txt #i crack open alhaithams skull (affectionate)

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lonelyquail · 1 year

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since ive been too College to have enough art for any sort of summary im just gonna put a general year end rundown of what i feel i did best on this year!!

i think every year since i figured out that i dont need to use pens to line has just gotten better art wise for me. FUCK lining. pencils are my best friends forever and ever and can do your job better than you ever could. anyway apologies for some of these drawings being crunchier than others, i only recently got a scanner and Cannot be assed to scan my old art for this post rn.

also the first art here is a hatoful boyfriend spoiler. i mean i guess the last one is too but its vaguer i think. anyway. none of these are actually analyses of what i learned with each art im just braining

april 5th-

you guys know this one i REALLY like it. why in the goddamn were my best pieces this year hatoful boyfriend. anyway i uh. hey did you know that i didnt do the notgeki with graphite because i like mixed media. i did it because i have not owned a grey pencil for my some-teen years of drawing ever. i only JUST got a grey pencil like. a couple months ago. i mean im good with graphite i would have done it like that anyway but. yeah. anyway this was abt the height of my beginning hatoful fix and Also indirectly what got me to meet like a bunch of my mutuals here!! i did. not know there was a hatoful community. and because That i actually started using tumblr so!! hey thanks hitori. i need to do more birdform art.

april 15th -

this motherfucker! ill be. completely honest i dont have a lot of feedback for a lot of my graphite art bc ive Been doing this. ok actually yknow what i will say. there is a limit for how dark something can be with graphite and i Very much remember going over the inside of the cloak So Much. this was my pet project during my weekly 3 hour long lecture so god bless it. also i do still like how i did the eye. can i draw eye guys exclusively please.

july 3rd -

not really Art im proud of but!! holy shit i dont design often and i dont hate this!! this is at least in part thanks to my gf. my gf knows how to clothes better than i do so i did ask them for help. also i really need to scan this one. or maybe draw her a new ref. anyway (holds up celine) look at her. look at the silly.

september 6th -

this one was a trade for my friend raicatty and. also something i probably should have scanned. but its fine. anyway this one did teach me something and its To Line Your Damn Pieces Darker. lining with the color that youre going to be coloring in is kind of Asking For Disaster if it overlaps with others and u can. see that. this is a bit imparseable. but its also pretty. and thats all that really matters. a fun fact for when i ever do commissions is that being allowed to use this purpley pink pencil i have will make me really happy. its so pretty.

OERSHRIMP INTERLUDE

november 13 -

forgive me for including a sketch in this but YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DRAW HUMANS. like. NEVER. much less in an actual decent pose. (god bless adorkastock) im So very delighted by this oboromaru and hes!! like!! one of my least favorite characters!! (not to say i dislike him hes just lower). i dont know what happened here!! if this wasnt at the very back of my Sketchbook I Just Put Away Because It Was Falling Apart id say id finish this one later. rip. he and that dark daroach sketch i had there can just vibe i guess.

aaand the big one. december 8th -

things i learned from this one! 1. the scanner did not pick up the red lines very well! 2. scanners are good! 3: NEVER do a full page project again! buuut i do want to say i am like. insanely proud of this one. its the first art ive done i can really say has any sort of Composition and im so delighted that it turned out just as cool as it looked in my head. also this took forever and i could have easily messed it up Multiple times in the process. so god bless.

#an ongoing problem ive been having w my colored pencil stuff is that u can see my pencil lines through a lot of it #especially if its got warmer colored lines #but ive kinda?? accepted it?? since my lines tend to be too light and imparseable anyway if theres pencil underneath you can tell #mm its not the best solution and it still bugs me but shrugs.#vee shut up #look at my art boy

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