#and mark hoffman is definitely gay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drpsps · 8 months

Text

Random shit I said while watching different saw movies!!! Pt1

Spoiler Warning

Saw - “Adam isn’t THAT fine” (lying right through my teeth).

“Teehee Larry you naughty boy” (was extremely high).

“Y’all their actually gay” (chainshipping bitches)

“I just know if Adam survived he would NEVER stop fucking with Lawrence” (Annoying bf who?).

“My pookie John is so silly!” (Besties hear me out, sometimes the pookie is a crazy old man).

“I hate you Lawrence.” (During the whole “I gotta go get help” thing).

“Adam’s thoughts were “Why is that body throwing it back?” during the scene where John gets up.” (I am crazy).

Saw 2 - “Y’all fuck that kid.” (I’m a hater fr).

“His dad is a fucking dick and I hope he DIES!” (He indeed does not die).

“Amanda you’re so silly.” (She was being crazy).

“I hate everyone but Amanda and that dumb ass kid.” (It was that first scene where someone died).

“Okay okay just can everyone calm down.” (Literally any fight scene).

“Damn HE’S BALD AND TORTURING PEOPLE WITH HAIR!” (Gotta quote a good ole tiktok).

“Shit man’s is beating an old guy whose dying.” (I thought it was funny).

“I’M SO GLAD THE KID SURVIVED!” (Me before the reveal).

“Oh fuck that.” (Me after the reveal).

Saw 3 - “Amanda calm your tits.” (Teehee).

“John what the fuck.” (I think he said some dumb shit).

“Okay bitches calm down.” (Anytime Amanda was beefin with the doctor chick).

“Shitttttt!” (x20 because y’all wtf).

“I thought he was gonna change!” (Dude remained vengeful).

“Well everything is fucked now.” (Amanda montage).

“Girl shut up.” (The doctor chick said something super cunty).

“Yas queen!” (Amanda said something super cunty).

“NOOOO!” (any fucked scene).

“YASSSSS!” (Any good scene).

Saw 4 - “OMG IT’S MY POOKIE BEAR MARK!” (Mark appeared on screen).

“I wonder how they didn’t know it was Mark. The constant side eye was a dead giveaway.” (We were barely a few minutes in and he did it three times).

“My pookie wookie isn’t crazy.” (Mark hoffman is extremely crazy).

“His delulu became trululu.” (Mark casually killing).

“If John is dead, then why would Mark join now?” (Before reveal).

“OOOOOHHHH.” (After reveal).

“Mark definitely listens to slipknot.” (Casual observation and definitely not a projection).

“I would NOT survive a Hoffman trap.” (Bitch rigged everything).

“Oh pookie…” (Near the end of the movie).

“I’m glad Eric died..” (Randomly remembering he’s there).

Saw 5 - “IS STRAHM HERE YES HE IS!” (That’s my genuine reaction when he showed up).

“Perez get your dog on a leash.” (Strahm was being a little asshole).

“Meow.” (Anytime both Hoffman and Strahm are on screen).

“I wanna eat them up.” (Me at Hoffman, and Strahm).

“He’s delulu.” (Talking about Hoffman).

“He’s trululu.” (Talking about Strahm).

“He’s not that bad.” (Talking about Strahm).

“Sorry he sucks sometimes.” (Talking about Hoffman).

“Eat shit asshole, die in a trap.” (Hoffman at Strahm).

“Y’all I’m so cool.” (Me on liking all the apprentices).

“My pookie wookie is trying.” (Me about Hoffman).

“HE NEEDS LOVE!” (Me about Strahm).

“I HOPE YOU ALL DIE.” (Minus Strahm and Hoffman).

“I’m so sorry baby girl..” (Me anytime Strahm is on screen).

“He’s cringe but he’s free.” (Me at Strahm and Hoffman).

“Damn someones salty.” (Angry Hoffman scenes).

“Bro is down bad.” (Strahm investigated Hoffman).

“Y’all this shit is crazy.” (About the traps).

“I’m still mad at hoffman.” (About the trap he put Strahm in).

“Okay what the fuck!” (end of film during Strahms death scene).

I need to watch 6-9 and I’ll make a second post.

I love these films with all my heart and you can definitely tell that my faves are literally every jigsaw apprentice (Including Logan from the later films) and most of the male characters (I.E. Adam and Peter Strahm). I honestly think the first three movies tie in together better than the later movies (seeing as we keep this crazy shit going).

I hope y’all enjoyed reading this shit.

#sawposting #saw x #saw franchise #saw movies #adam stanheight #lawrence gordon #mark hoffman #peter strahm #saw 2004 #saw 2005 #saw 2006 #saw 4 #saw 5 #john kramer

29 notes · View notes

theflirtmeister · 1 month

Note

🍄🔪🍦🪲 and I can't remember the emoji that brings forth the pet pics but that emoji that one

share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

hoffman definitely doesn't realise he is a Big Boy and is determined to be as close to strahm is possible.... strahm is trying to watch tv and he's got mark "tits" hoffman attempting to sit on his lap

what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

WHERE DO I START.... stabbing! pregnancy! weather in random countries! missing children! terrorism! niche porn positions!

name three good things about a character you hate

hmm... i'll go for eric matthews: 1) he cares about his weird gay son 2) he made friends with a rat 3) he obviously was good in bed if kerry kept fucking him

add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

Perez is only wearing chapstick, but when she licks into Mark’s mouth, he tastes vanilla. She kisses like a man, pushed up onto her tip-toes to drag him downwards, taking him apart. He opens his mouth slightly, and Perez’s tongue is warm against his own, and Mark shudders when Strahm groans, and unzips his trousers.

PET PICTURES FOR YOU:

#ANSWERED #thank u friendo #i hope u enjoy the agnes

7 notes · View notes

chained-unchained · 3 months

Note

I agree with you about Mark being gay. I’m a straight woman who usually ships m/f couples, but when it comes to Saw I’m all about same sex pairings (coffinshipping, chainshipping, shotgunshipping). The Saw series is SO gay.

There’s no straight explanation for the glass coffin scene. It’s so homoerotic. The way Mark stares at Peter, the way Peter becomes obsessed with catching Mark, etc. Plus, Mark never shows any romantic interest towards women. He just seems gay to me.

Mark Hoffman is gay and had a huge crush on both Strahm and Rigg, and no one will change my mind about this. Is it confirmed canon? No, but it makes sense and wouldn’t be that much of a stretch.

That’s why I can’t get into Mark x fem reader self insert fics that portray him as a pussy vulture who LOVES reader’s tits. People can write whatever they want, but whenever I stumble across a fic where Mark is 100000% straight I’m like, “Did they even watch the movies? This seems really out of character.”

Eating pussy? Nah. That man likes sucking dick.

“Pussy vulture” really cracked me up! XD Idk why it sounds so funny…

I agree, he doesn’t come off as straight even in the slightest, his interactions with female characters are just weird and far from charming, and I totally believe that he secretly had a crush on Rigg and Strahm… (but then got so nervous and accidentally killed them instead :’D oops!) Maybe he’ll get lucky with dr. Gordon, I bet it could be an interesting dynamic after all.

There’s definitely something inherently homoerotic about these movies - I’m very curious to know what causes it in particular, but they are queer coded 100% It’s very interesting. And also it keeps reminding me about Hannibal and Bryan Fuller who sweared in every interview that he wanted to explore a “platonic male friendship” on screen, but instead just made an iconic gay drama, bless him :D

5 notes · View notes

doomednarrative · 2 years

Note

Hi so I'm utterly obsessed with ur Jigsquad AU. Could you share some more thoughts about Hoffman and Strahm's weird relationship and what the rest of the apprentices think?

OH BOY COULD I!! I'm obsessed with them at this point honestly, they're so much fun because they're so damn dysfunctional.

The thing about Hoffstrahm in Jigsquad verse is that like…they Both refuse to admit that they have something going on. Neither of them want to put a name or label to it or acknowledge that there Is clearly something here. For Hoffman he's kinda hung up on the gay thing because he's just out of touch with his own emotions and feelings and so hes kinda like "what the fuck" about all of it. He can't put a name to what he actually wants out of this or feels about it, but he still gets enjoyment out of it so he's following that. STRAHM HOWEVER! He's so fucking hung up on the fact that A. He refuses to admit to anyone around him (besides Perez who knows everything of course) that he's divorced and it was Not a good divorce, and B. it's fucking Mark Hoffman that he's got a thing with, which is a problem because it's both gay AND it's the guy who's part of a fucked up serial killer family. So he's just suffering out of his damn mind on the daily about it all.

They both drive each other insane, but it's Definitely Hoffman doing it to Strahm more often than not because he's figured out exactly what buttons to push, and he Will push them when he feels like it. That's just flirting for them honestly, nothing they do is fucking normal.

I mentioned it in that other recent ask, but when the accidental bear trap happens and Hoffman gets his face all ripped up from it, he does not go to Lawrence about it for help. No no, he goes to Strahm, face all fucked up and hand also fucked up and he's just like "So I had a bit of an accident..." and of course Strahm is like "and you came HERE, OF ALL PLACES?? WHILE BLEEDING ON MY CLEAN FLOOR??" But of course he doesn't turn him away, he drags Hoffman inside the apartment and gets him to sit down and is like storming around the place grabbing shit that he needs in order to fix this mess all while grumbling about how stupid Hoffman was for coming there. And his work is shoddy, he's not good at sewing and barely has the right supplies, but he Does help sew up the wounds and cleans up the blood and insults Hoffman the entire time. And Hoffman doesn't even care, he's honestly getting his own laugh out of working Strahm up from the whole ordeal. They both know it's fucked up that they do this shit to each other, but at this point they couldn't care less and it's not like Strahm told him to leave anyways! (And Strahm leaves him with a messy scar anyways on purpose as payback, because "Maybe it'll be a reminder for you to not do anything fucking stupid like that in the future.")

It's things like that that mark how their dynamic works. They do shit to rile each other up, and somehow find a way to be insufferable about it at the same time when they hook up or do anything even remotely normal for a couple to do (though again, to them they aren't a couple if you ask.)

As for how the rest of the Jigsquad feels about it?? In one word: Complicated.

Amanda absolutely takes the piss out of Hoffman for having bad taste because "Really? You couldn't do better than the jackass who's leading the case against us all?" and because it's Strahm. No matter what issues Hoffman has (and there's quite a few obviously), Strahm is still the more neurotic of the two of them and it makes no sense to the others what Hoffman even gets out of it on a relationship fulfillment level. Adam cannot stand Strahm because A. asshole fed, and B. there was a very specific incident with the two of them during an interrogation that fucked Adam up for awhile, and so he really doesn't get it either and does not want to hear about it quite frankly. Lawrence doesn't have as much to say about it either but he's definitely not fond of Strahm either so he just kinda stays away from it all as much as he can. Overall, Jigsquad doesn't get it, but they're also not doing anything to stop it because its not like they have much room to judge when their relationships are kinda fucked up too. None of them are leading very normal lives here.

There's so much more I could say but..I'll save it for later. You'll hear about it when the time's right~

#hoffstrahm #jigsquad #saw #kief rambles about saw #i love them im ill over them i have SOOO many thoughts fuckin hell

21 notes · View notes

chaoscryptid-aroace · 1 year

Text

Queer/neurodivergent Saw hcs bc dam that movie series has me in a choke-hold

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight - transmasc and biromamtic somewhere on the ace spectrum. Has adhd and autism, and had been hyperfixated on photography for a while, but was scared to say anything for years

Lawrence Gordon - autism and hyperfixated on medical studies. Pan

Mark Hoffman - idk, i think adhd, possibly? hyperfixated on law, got bored and then got to be a jigsaw apprentice gay/demisexual

Amanda Young - adhd and depression(not neurodivergency, just a hc as far as ik) which lead to her drug addiction in the first place l e s b i a n and ace bc

John Kramer himself - autism demiromantic asexual

I am **NOT** saying that bc they're neurodivergent, they're excused if their violent ways. This was made for fun and the reason I never expanded past adhd/autism is because I don't know the symptoms of any others and dont wanna use the wrong term, 99% of these characters are definitely evil and not proper representation of neurodivergent people. Anyone technically could do what they did, but theyd be shitty and disgusting

Edit: update, just like with Eddie Brock and Will Graham, I originally hc'd Adam Faulkner-Stanheight as gay, but now i hc him as bi.

4 notes · View notes

matchasprouts · 3 years

Text

Listen Closer - Chapter 5

[ can't stop won't stop. when will Lawrence not get cockblocked by Nar <///3 ]

First || Next || Previous || Last

Luckily for all of them, Garrett did finish that furnace before the day was over. He managed to check the trigger on the fire right before passing out face down on his bed. He told them they’d just move it to the house in the morning.

It wasn’t morning when they moved it, but it got moved out of his room at the very least before he was running out to get to his real job. He was definitely going to be late, but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with that giant machine in his living space anymore. Mark and Amanda could figure out how to get it to the house themselves.

“You’re late,” one of his coworkers teased as he clocked in and he just rolled his eyes. “And you look like shit. How do you live like this?” they continued, receiving a short glare from Garrett.

He didn’t necessarily hate his coworkers, but he wasn’t friends with them either. “Easily,” he replied shortly, leaving no more room for conversation as he clipped his nametag on his shirt and got to work.

Normally he wasn’t so short with them, but he was tired and wanted to get on with the day so he could help with the final preparations for the game.

The day went by quickly, especially because Nar remembered he had his phone number and would occasionally send him pictures of Amanda working, or a joking picture of Hoffman’s ass. He even received a picture of Lawrence ranting about something, probably a bad hospital show. Stuff like that always got him through the day.

“Is that your new boyfriend?” The coworker from earlier, Nadia, asked when they got a glimpse of one of the Hoffman ass pics. They backed off at the look Garrett gave them.

“No.” That was where he left it, putting his phone in his pocket and getting back to work. He was very lucky that Nadia didn’t get the chance to see him turn bright red at the mere idea of Hoffman being his boyfriend.

It was around 5pm when Garrett finally got off, practically running out of the bookstore and heading directly for his car. He was kind of aware of Nadia trying to talk to him as he sped out of the door, but didn’t care enough to stay put.

He was partly rushing so much because he needed to help finish the trap, but mostly because right before his shift ended, he’d gotten a text from Nar:

‘help gordon is trying to walk and idk what to do, he’s just hobbling around with his lil prosthetic help-’

He TOLD Gordon to wait until he could help him, and now he was speeding toward the base, two miles away from being pulled over for how fast he was driving. Plus there was the fact that the other two apprentices weren’t supposed to know about him, according to John, and the picture attached to the text showed him one of the main work rooms.

Fucking idiot, Gordon was supposed to be smart and here he was, being the dumbest bitch in the Jigsaw house, stepping way too close to getting killed.

---

… Apparently the other apprentices weren’t home.

Amanda was already at the Nerve Gas House to help with finishing touches, and Hoffman was at the precinct to “help” with the newest Jigsaw case, meaning Gordon was not in danger of being killed.

Garrett still scolded him.

“I can’t believe you!” He hissed as Gordon leaned into his side, trapped by the arm across his back and the hand placed on his midriff. “I told you! I told you not to try to move around without my help! You know Nar can’t support your weight!!”

Gordon just chuckled at him, the gravelly sound just pissing him off more rather than flustering him like usual.

“Lawrence!! This isn’t a joke!!! I’m genuinely worried about your dumb ass!!!!” Garrett continued, his voice slightly more high pitched in annoyance. Gordon just laughed at him again, making him huff as he practically dragged the doctor back to his room.

It was when he was finally sat down that Gordon said something. “I know you’re worried, but I wasn’t going to call you out of work just so I can walk around.”

“Wh- That’s what I expected you to do!!” Garrett countered, almost offended at the idea that Gordon thought his job was more important than him. “You literally can’t walk without help, and you’ve been bedridden for months! You don’t even have a cane yet!”

Gordon was just watching him at this point as he continued to list off reasons he should have been called, a small smile on his face at how animated Garrett got when he was passionate about something.

“... Why are you staring at me like that?” Garrett asked once he noticed Gordon’s gaze, his hands frozen midair in one of his wild gestures.

“You called me Lawrence.” Garrett’s eyes widened, he hadn’t even noticed. “And I like listening to your voice. I know you’re busy, but I wish you would visit more often, even if it was just to talk.”

Bro stop you’re scaring the hoes with attachment issues who are afraid of relationships (Garrett).

“Wh- I don’t-” Garrett’s stammering was cut off by Gordon’s lip suddenly connecting with his, and he mentally cursed himself for almost immediately melting into it.

The kiss didn’t last long because Gordon had stood up to reach Garrett, and he pulled back to sit back down on the bed, but that didn’t last long either.

As if he’d been waiting for it his whole life, Garrett practically lunged at the doctor, pulling him into another, slightly more desperate kiss. His hands were gripping Gordon’s shirt hard enough that it would definitely be forever wrinkled like that, and he was pretty much in the other man’s lap.

He was worried he was coming off too strong for all of two seconds, the concern dissipating when Gordon’s hands found his hips, holding him there in a tight grip.

Garrett had just begun to thread his fingers through Gordon’s hair- two seconds away from pulling at it- when there was a knock on the door.

Both of them jumped, Garrett shooting back like he’d been shocked. “I forgot we weren’t alone,” he whispered to Gordon, gaining a soft laugh from the doctor. Both of them took a moment to put themselves back together (when had Gordon started unbuttoning Garrett’s shirt?) before answering the door.

Nar glanced between the two of them, seemingly surprised that they looked like they had when they went in- luckily, the room was dark enough to conceal their flushed faces and Garrett’s very red lips.

“You done yelling at him?” he asked Garrett, who nodded in reply. “Good. John wants you at the Nerve Gas House, he wants you to set up the razor box.” Right. Garrett had forgotten about that.

He took one last glance at Gordon before sighing. “I’m so sick of that box,” he muttered, though he accepted his fate and headed out in far less of a frenzy than before. To be completely honest, he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to finish what he started with Gordon. But… the others needed his help, and he needed to give it.

That didn’t mean he didn’t spend the whole drive there thinking about the feeling of Gordon’s lips on his, and what else he could do to the good doctor the next time they were alone.

---

“Does that look good?” Garrett asked Hoffman once the razor box was attached to the ceiling, taking a few steps back to stand next to the detective.

He’d been having trouble with getting the box to hang evenly, which was a struggle he was no stranger to, so he’d brought Hoffman in to take a look at it.

The detective tilted his head slightly to the side as he inspected it, before letting out a soft hum. “You finally got it,” he confirmed, straightening back up. He didn’t flinch when Garrett let out a triumphant whoop, which was proof that one could get used to him quickly.

“You’re a godsend,” Garrett told him, slapping him on the shoulder before leaving the room, running down the hall to tell John and Amanda the good news. He could hear Hoffman following him, but absolutely did not slow down.

He skidded into the main room where John and Amanda were going over the plan for the thousandth time, almost tripping over his own foot and sending himself crashing into the ground. His only saving grace was Hoffman grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him back onto his feet.

John and Amanda stared at him like he was crazy for all of two seconds, before completely ignoring the fact that he almost just curbstomped himself into the floor. “I finally got the razor box straight,” Garrett spoke up, also acting as if he did not almost just die. “All my traps are good to go. Now, I desperately need sleep, so I’m gonna go home and take a two hour nap.”

He wasn’t. He was going to go back to his apartment and frantically draw up plans until he passed out from sleep deprivation at 2am. That was his permanent Jigsaw trap, one he could never escape from.

Wow. That was the most emo thought he’d had since middle school.

“Anyway. Good-bye.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked out of the house, but not after patting Hoffman- who had still been awkwardly standing behind him- on the chest, slipping a piece of paper into the front pocket of his shirt.

What was on it, you ask? A gay little doodle of Hoffman setting up the door gun. Why did he give it to him? He doesn’t know how to flirt. This is the best he’s got.

He went straight ‘home’ after that, a little annoyed he couldn’t go back to the base but also knowing that his neighbours were weirdly nosy and would “get concerned” if he didn’t show up to his apartment regularly.

Plus, his couch there was a really comfortable bed.

#story tag: listen closer #self ship fic #self shipping #self insert #scrap.writing #scrap.ships #romantic: ⛓🕵️‍♂️#s/i: garrett whitlock #mark hoffman #romantic: 🦿🩺#(poly) romantic: ⛓🩺#lawrence gordon #chapter 5

6 notes · View notes

thezachrogers · 6 years

Text

TOP 50 OF 2017

(revised 1/15/2018)

Well everyone, as 2017 comes to a close, and as the holidays are just a head of us full of the best and most anticipated films of the year...it is time to recap some of the best and worst movies I have seen so far this year...50 of them to be exact!

WORST TEN:

10. Life (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Sony was very vague about if this was a prequel to the upcoming Tom Hardy Venom spinoff. Even if it was or wasn’t, it would not make this film any better. So if and only if it is in fact a Marvel film, SPOILER ALERT, the symbiote makes it back to Earth, darkens (goes from white to black when hitting Earth’s atmosphere) and can kill or keep its hosts alive. The end.

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes 67% My score - 2/5 Stars

9. Transformers: The Last Knight (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

This is arguably the worst installment of the explosive franchise. I keep scratching my head as to why these films keep getting made. And then I remember, “oh yea, toy sales.” Even though Michael Bay and Mark Wahlberg are calling it quits, a sixth installment is in motion set as a prequel in the 80s that will be loyal to the original transformers animated series will drop sometime in 2019. Don’t waste your time on this piece of garbage.

IMDB - 5.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 16% My score - 1.5/5 Stars

8. Death Note (available for stream on NETFLIX now)

I laughed repeatedly at how ridiculous this movie was. Based off the anime, Willem Dafoe stars as Anti-hero/Villain Akira who is a demon that comes along with a book titled “death note” that allows you to kill anyone you want by writing their name down in a book. Production is quality for Netflix, and I can say that I did enjoy this movie even though I knew it was bad. Definitely one for the tweens.

IMDB - 4.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 40% My score - 1.5/5 Stars

7. GOLD (now available for stream on Netflix, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Why does Matthew McConaughey now think he has to completely change his appearance and body weight in order for us to assume he is a good actor? It worked with Dallas Buyers Club because he didn’t just change his body, but it was also the token gay film of the year to take home all of the awards. Gold however has no gay undertones, neither does it have humor, nor a good story. Just a fat, balding, snaggle-toothed version of himself with an excessively hot out of his league version of Bryce Dallas Howard. Another true story that is crap and should have been made into a movie, this film should have been a straight to Redbox or Netflix feature.

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 43% My Score - 1.5/5 Stars

6. The Heart of Man (one night only documentary for Fathom Events at AMC)

I don’t even know y’all. Why do Christians feel the need to put crap like this in theaters? I can’t even call this a documentary - there was this weird analogy/metaphorical scene throughout the film with this “God” like character (old and bearded hipster) playing a violin and this other dude, let’s call him gaptooth, running away chasing his definition of hot girls (guess they couldn’t find any to be in the movie) and he didn’t want to play violin anymore. Then the girl he is making out with turns into a crack head dude (so I guess she’s a tranny?) and he/she locks gaptooth in a cave. Whaaaaaaaaaaa? Throughout the “artpiece” there were people spilling out their guts in interview format on committing adultery. Yea it was weird. I walked out with my community group thinking “so do all of our wives think we are cheating on them?

Yea this was just a giant turd. Don’t bother seeing it.

IMDB - 8.6/10 (probably from christian bloggers) Rotten Tomatoes - no score (surprised?) my score - 1/5 Stars

5. Baywatch (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Wow, this was so bad. I don’t know when Dwayne Johnson will ever make a good film. How is this dude the highest paid actor in Hollywood when he ONLY makes trash movies? I know he’s a great person and all but...we need a good movie from you man. With the exception of the eye candy as seen above there is nothing watchable about this movie.

IMDB - 5.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 19% My score - 1 star

4. Power Rangers (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

You are probably not surprised, but the worst five films I have seen this year were all my wife’s doing. This one is on the list as well. I grew up a Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers fan and knew this one was going to be terrible as well. Another movie made simply to sell toys. Such a garbage movie with too many good actors like Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Banks, and Stranger Things 2′s Dacre Montgomery. Please don’t waste your time with this movie unless you have kids that want to watch as they will probably love it and want to go to the store after and buy toys.

IMDB - 6.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 43% My score - 1 star

3. A Dog’s Purpose (now available on Digital, Blu-ray, DVD)

AND THE WORST MOVIE THAT I SAW IN 2017 GOES TO...

AND THE WORST REBOOT OF ALL TIME GOES TO...

AND THE WORST START OF A UNIVERSE/FRANCHISE GOES TO...

AND THE WORST MOVIE OF RUSSEL CROWE’S CAREER GOES TO...

AND THE WORST MOVIE OF TOM CRUISE’S CAREER GOES TO...

2. The Mummy (2017) (now available to not watch on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

1. Flatliners (review coming soon)

IMDB - 5.5/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 16% My score .25/5 Stars

TOP 56 (revised 1/15/18)

56. The Lost City of Z (Now on Amazon Prime, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)The cast is superb. This a true story as far as script goes, not really much you can change..it’s just not a great story. No great character development, even though the acting is great; halfway through the movie, junior has a time jump and grows to be Tom Holland, who we now know and love as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. The movie is just weak.IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 87% My score - 2.5/5 Stars

55. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

54. The Case for Christ (2017) (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Not bad Pure Flix Studios, not bad at all.

IMDB - 5.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 55% Me- 3 Stars

53. Despicable Me 3

52. Bright (Review Coming Soon)

51. Better Watch Out (now on Digital)

Fun, suspenseful, thrilling movie that brings a twist on the Holiday genre. Another one for Dacre Montgomery in 2017...this is a satirical horror, and is nothing like Home Alone as what you may have thought from the trailers.

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 90% My score - 3/5 Stars

50. The Fate of the Furious (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

49. Kong: Skull Island (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Do we need another King Kong reboot? No. Was the movie cool? Yes. This film also sets up to be a follow-up of 2014′s Godzilla and opens up to a monster universe franchise.

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 76% My Score - 3.25/5 Stars

48. Murder On the Orient Express (2017) (now in theaters)

Probably the most A-List Ensemble cast of 2017 and directed and starred by Kenneth Branagh, this movie was lots of fun! I would recommend waiting for rental early in 2018 rather than seeing in theaters but without seeing the original film, this story will keep you guessing till the end on who did it!

IMDB - 6.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 60% My Score 3.5 Stars

47. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (coming soon to Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Just as fun as the first movie, excited for the third!

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 51% My Score - 3.5/5 Stars

46. Hush (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 94% My Score - 3.75/5 Stars

45. Lady Bird (Review coming soon)

44. Gaga: Five Foot Two (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

A peak into the life of the last two years of Gaga’s life recording and realasing her latest album “Joanne” leading up to her superbowl halftime performance.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 75% My Score - 3.75/5 Stars

43. Silence (now available on Digital and DVD)

42. Super Dark Times (now on Digital)

This has been the year of suspense/horror! This film is super dark (pun intended) and definitely a period piece that captures life for teens in the late 90s during the times of the Columbine shootings. Video Games do affect the brain y’all!

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 91% My Score - 4/5 Stars

41. Logan Lucky (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

The Redneck Ocean’s Eleven from the same director with dry humor. I enjoyed, definitely a must rent.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% - My Score - 4/5 Stars

40. Ingrid Goes West (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Brilliant film about people obsessed with instagram likes and revolving their whole world around social media. Reminds me of ABC’s The Bachelor/The Bachelorette pretty people.

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 85% My Score - 4/5 Stars

39. The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

The fourth and final film of Adam Sandler’s four film Netflix contact, he FINALLY delivers. Meyerowitz has already won sever film festival awards and critics’ awards. I see Oscar nods for the future of this movie. Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson, Adam Sandler, and Ben Stiller all deliver in this melancholy dry-wit drama, definitely has a taste of Woody Allen in it.

IMDB - 7.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% - My Score - 4/5 Stars

38. Justice League (in theaters now)

37. Happy Death Day (review coming soon)

36. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

35. The Founder (now available to stream on NETFLIX, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

34. The Lego Batman Movie (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

33. Beauty and the Beast (2017) (now available to stream on NETFLIX, Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

32. John Wick: Chapter 2 (now available to stream on HBO GO/NOW, Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

31. American Made (now in theaters)

Based on the events of the life of pilot Barry Seal. Seal (Cruise) was an airline pilot recruited by the CIA to pilot for Pablo Escobar and the Medellin and Cali Cartel and monitor activity for the CIA. Ironic how one of Cruise’s best and one of his worst films can come out with in three months of each other.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 87% My Score - 4/5 Stars

30. Our Souls at Night (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

When three Hollywood legends like Jane Fonda, Robert Redford, and Bruce Dern are on screen together; it’s movie magic. Hands down, Netflix’s best original film to date. I’m throwing Oscar nods it’s way.

IMDB - 7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 91% My Score - 4/5 Stars

29. Goodbye Christopher Robin (review coming soon)

28. War for the Planet of the Apes

The final installment into the Caesar’s prequel trilogy, this is hands down the best Apes film of them all. Woody Harrelson plays the best antagonist in the Apes saga and this movie ends with you wanting more.

IMDB - 7.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% My Score - 4/5 Stars

27. Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri (review coming soon)

26. The Greatest Showman (now in theaters)

25. IT (2017) (now in theaters)

The reboot of the infamous clown that terrorized my childhood. Blows the original 1990 miniseries out of the water. I am so jacked up for the second installment as this film has made so much money that tells me that the all grown up versions of the characters will get an A List cast!

IMDB - 7.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 85% My Score - 4/5 Stars

24. Split (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

23. Wind River (now in Theaters, on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

No, this is not a Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olson), and Punisher (Jon Bernthal) spinoff...however it is one of the best thriller/suspense/murder mysteries to release in the last decade! The whole cast brings it on a story about a murder on a Native American reserve where the law can barely touch.

IMDB - 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 88% My Score - 4.5/5 Stars

22. Hidden Figures (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

21. Blade Runner 2049 (now in theaters)

Not my 11th favorite movie of the year, but it deserves to be this high up on the list of “best films” to appreciate what the first Blade Runner did for film and the sci-fi genre as a whole. If you’re wanting a lot of Harrison Ford, this is not your movie, he doesn't show up until 1 hour and 55 minutes into the movie. Gosling is definitely the protagonist. They left it open for there to be third movie but I also think they left it open for us to imagine what comes next as if there will not be a third. All in all it was visually stunning and was a great script for the long awaited sequel 35 years in the making.

IMDB - 8.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes 87% My score - 4/5 Stars

20. Dunkirk (Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

My all time favorite director made another masterpiece. I can say that this was an attempt at story, not character which was a little shocking to say the least coming from Christopher Nolan! Harry Styles definitely stole the show with this one! Tom Hardy's character arc was my favorite story line out of the three narratives in the film. Definitely a Blu-Ray to buy for Christmas!

IMDB - 8.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 4.5/5 Stars

19. Spider-Man: Homecoming (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

read review in previous post here

18. The Big Sick (now available for stream on Amazon Prime, Digital, Blu-ray, DVD)

Hilarious and heart felt, this is the true biographical story of Kumail Nanjiani as portrayed by Kumail Nanjiani.

IMDB - 7.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 98% My Score - 4.5/Stars

17. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (now in theaters)

16. Patriots Day (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

15. Stronger (review coming soon)

14. Get Out (now on digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

review posted here

13. Darkest Hour (review coming soon)

12. The Disaster Artist (now in theaters)

11. Wonder Woman (now on digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

review posted here

10. Baby Driver (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Filmed in Atlanta, takes place in Atlanta, shows off some hot spots in Atlanta I have been to on several occasions, I can say I have some bias on why this movie is so far up there. Unfortunately, this will probably be the last film of Kevin Spacey’s long career. I do enjoy his work, hate to hear who he is as a person though. Spacey did play a very minor role in this film. Arguably the best role of Jamie Foxx’s career, Ansel Elgort’s breakout performance and definitely throws 2015′s Live Action Cinderella’s Lily James as an A-List actor from here on out. Great film to watch in 4K as it is action packed, check this movie out now!

IMDB - 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% My score - 5 Stars

9. Brawl In Cell Block 99 (now on Digital)

Hands down, the best film of Vince Vaughn’s career. He should be nominated for the Academy Award. 180 from Wedding Crashers y’all, believe me. This film is exploding with hand to hand combat violence and acting like I’ve never seen from a comedic actor in my life. Probably the darkest action film this year next to LOGAN. I cannot say much more as I do not want to give the plot away, I think it’ll be the worth the watch if you don’t know much before watching the movie.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 5 Stars

8. I, Tonya (Review Coming soon)

7. Coco (now in theaters today!)

Pixar never disappoints as this is one of their best films yet! Heart-warming, fun, and full of laughter, I would say this is Pixar’s best film since 2015′s Inside Out! This Pixar instant classic will remind adults and show kids the importance of family (especially this time of year)!

IMDB - 9.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 95% My Score - 5 Stars

6. Thor: Ragnarok (now in theaters)

Now in my top three favorite MCU films EVER!! (next to Avengers and Iron Man) Ragnarok will make you pee your pants laugh as it is funnier than Guardians 2 from earlier this year and as it was directed by co-creator of HBO’s Flight of the Conchords Taika Waititi! Learning the movie was 80% improv by the actors made it this movie that much better. The entire cast from Hemsworth to Ruffalo to Blanchett, Thor finally gets the movie this superhero deserves.

IMDB - 8.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 5 Stars

5. Wonder (now in theaters)

Can’t...stop...crying. The feel good movie of the year. Ask my wife, I literally cried from the first five minutes to the last second of the movie. This film broke my heart in all the best ways. Wonder (based on the NY Times best selling fiction novel) is a very real story about boy with Treacher Collins’ Syndrome (facial deformities) starting public school in the 5th grade and everything that comes along with it for his family and friend’s as they walk through this journey with Auggie. One of the best takes on character I have ever seen in film. This picture will be nominated for several Academy Awards including best lead actor by none other than Auggie Pullman himself 2015′s Room’s Jacob Tremblay. I want to hug every kid in this movie, the entire ensemble cast was superb.

IMDB - 8.1 Rotten Tomatoes - 86% My score - 5 Stars

4. The Post (review coming soon)

3. Molly’s Game (review coming soon)

2. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

1. LOGAN (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

see review in previous post here.

and there it is fam - my top 50 list of 2017! Feel free to share, comment, and like! As the holidays are coming upon us this list will get updates and I will be posting single movie reviews as well!

- Z

#movie #2017 #coco #wonder #thor ragnarok #justice league #thanksgiving

8 notes · View notes

hercrazybookshelf · 6 years

Photo

*Click on images for better quality. Tumblr is stupid and decides to lower the quality of images unless you click on them for some reason.*

TITLE: Rent: The Complete Book and Lyrics of the Broadway Musical

AUTHOR: Jonathan Larson

GENRE: Musical | LGBTQIA+ | AIDS Crisis | Fiction

LENGTH: 141 Pages, 2 Acts

DATE STARTED-FINISHED: February 15th, 2018 - February 22nd, 2018

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: 1996

FORMAT: Paperback, Borrowed

STARS: ★★☆☆☆ (2 out of 5)

BOOK REVIEWS | COMIC REVIEWS | GOODREADS | GOODREADS REVIEW

Set on the Lower East Side of New York City, Rent is the story of young bohemians Mark, Roger, Maureen, Tom Collins, Angel, Mimi, Joanne, and their friends, all struggling to create and survive during the rise of a mysterious, deadly disease-AIDS. Socially relevant, youthful, and moving, Rent lives on, along with the affirmation that there is “no day but today.” Rent was a winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Drama as well as four Tony Awards, including Best Musical, Best Book and Best Score for Jonathan Larson, and Best Features Actor in a Musical for Wilson Jermaine Heredia. This libretto includes fifteen color photographs from the original Broadway production.

Jonathan Larson emerged as a composer and playwright in the late 1980s and early 1990s. In addition to Rent, his most critically acclaimed work, he is known for tick, tick . . . BOOM!, a rock monologue he performed at Second Stage Theatre, the Village Gate, and New York Theatre Workshop that was later produced Off-Broadway. Rent, based on La Boheme, had its world premiere on February 13th, 1996, at New York Theatre Workshop, Larson, however, was not able to be there. He died unexpectedly of an aortic aneurysm on January 25th, 1996, ten days before his thirty-six birthday.

Victoria Leacock Hoffman (Introduction) is a producer, filmmaker, and writer. She collaborated with Jonathan Larson for over a decade and produced Larson’s award-winning musical tick, tick … BOOM! Off-Broadway. She is a founding board member of the Jonathan Larson Performing Arts Foundation.

I have never seen the musical Rent nor have I ever seen the movie (though I heard it is not as good and different from the musical). Therefore, my rating is based solely on this book and because of that, I may not be able to understand or enjoy it as much as I would have if I had watched the movie or musical first.

First off, I loved that the book (or rather, musical) was set during the AIDS crisis and showed LGBTQIA+ representation. I think that is fantastic because (a.) we are lacking in our current day representation of LGBTQIA+ characters (though, we are slowly beginning to have this become the norm.) and (b.) the AIDS crisis was not a good time in history. The American government was not doing much to help with this crisis and seemed to sort of sweep it aside. Now, I was not alive during the beginning of this crisis and therefore have learned from sources and not with my own experiences, but not much was being done and this was mostly because this was originally considered a “gay disease” and, sadly, people in the past have not treated the LGBTQIA+ community with the respect they deserve. Instead, because this was considered a “gay disease” it was considered unimportant and therefore the AIDS epidemic was ignored. Luckily, today we have better people who are trying their best to find a cure.

Second, while I extremely enjoyed the representation and awareness this book (or musical) brought I did not enjoy most of the characters. While I do believe that characters should have flaws (after all no one is perfect and that is part of what make us human) I did not appreciate the way the characters in the book seemed to make excuses. Especially the fact that they used others difficulties to try and better themselves. Not to mention, most of the characters seemed to accentuate their poorness and use it as a way to better themselves. One scene that really got to me was when Mark was starting to film a homeless person. He did save them from the police but even they said “My life’s not for you to make a name for yourself on” and “Hey artist you gotta dollar? I thought not,” (Pg.38). It literally stated that these people who claim themselves to be “artists” use this as an excuse to exploit others.

Another huge part of what I did not appreciate about this book would be the harmful relationship that most of the characters seem to be in. Most of these relationships seemed too toxic and seemed to revolve around awful and sometimes disgusting circumstances.

Maureen (Cheater) + Joanne = 💔

Maureen and Joanne were repeatedly arguing, breaking it off, then getting back together. Now, that alone already seems like it’s not a healthy foundation for any relationship but then we find out that Maureen is a HUGE cheater. Mark himself told Joanne that she used to cheat on him when they were together and even had a bit of evidence that she was doing it again.

Roger (Past Drug Addict) + Mimi (Drug User) = 💔

Now, Roger is one of the many characters in this musical to have AIDS and because he is a past drug user we can infer that he got AIDS from drugs, or from his ex-girlfriend. Anyway, his goal before he dies from AIDS is to write one last song so that his life could mean something. To make sure that his life was worth it (to have glory), and I actually admire him for that. Lots of people would give up and I think it’s amazing that he wants to continue to try to make his life worth living. However, Mimi comes in and started to spark a flame (or light a candle) with Roger. There’s just one problem. Mimi is a drug user. Plus, it seems like she is trying to get Roger to get back on drugs. Definitely not something a healthy and loving relationship would have.

Benny (At least 30yrs.) + Mimi (Younger than 19) = 💔

Now, this has to be the most disgusting relationship in the book. While I don’t mind couples having age differences I am one-hundred percent NOT behind underage people dating men who are at least thirty, if not forty, years old. This was revealed when we got told that Mimi use to date Benny before she met Roger. Mimi was nineteen when she met Roger and if she had a prior relationship with Benny she was most likely eighteen or under.

Finally, I wasn’t very happy with the ending of the book. Mimi’s sort-of “death” scene just wasn’t my thing. It seemed to be that the situation as a whole seemed too excessive. She was dead, then she was back, then she was dead again, and she managed to come back because Angel told her too. While Mimi is a main character and main character deaths are extremely sad this story was supposed to make people more aware of AIDS and it just seemed to be too fanciful for me. This is an extremely deadly disease and just because someone told you that it was not your time to die yet does not mean that you are not going to yet pass. However, this is fiction and this does happen.

No. I really enjoyed the representation this showed within the LGBTQIA+ community and the awareness it would bring to people about the AIDS crisis, but I thought the story itself was bad. The characters, in my opinion, were not written well and I especially did not enjoy their actions or choices.

#booklr #book reviews #rent: the complete book and lyrics of the broadway musical by jonathan larson #author: jonathan larson #book reviews - rent: the complete book and lyrics of the broadway musical by jonathan larson #my book reviews - rent: the complete book and lyrics of the broadway musical by jonathan larson #my post #my book reviews

0 notes

jandjsalmon · 7 years

Text

11 Questions Game

Holy Hannah! I spent my holiday weekend at the symphony (Final Fantasy: Distant Lands - SO GOOD!), playing on the lake for the first boat trip of the season, and paintballing my little heart out and generally hanging out with my irlbgf - and yet while I was away, I was tagged by some of my favourite, absolutely amazing wonderful lovely fellow Buggies in the fun

I promise I wasn’t ignoring you! I love you all and I would like to answer all five of you - so that's 55 questions instead of just 11. That means that I DEFINITELY have to put it under a cut because it will eat up your dashboard and maybe some of you aren't all that interested in my answers. lol.

BUT if you're interested at all in my answers and who I am, I hope you'll click. :)

From the awesome and ever talented and wonderful @believe-that-you-can-my-friend 💙💛

1. What’s your favourite piece of clothing you own?

I have a pair of black velour pajama pants. It is my most favourite things in the world. They feel like velvet.

2. What fictional place would you most like to go?

The Starship Enterprise. The Future and the Federation seems like a pretty groovy society to live in.

3. What’s the best way to start the day?

With overnight updates to all your favourite Bughead fics that you MUST read and review before getting into the shower.

4. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

I'm not into Fifty Shades of Gray. I mean - I have no problem with BDSM - I simply have a problem with bad writing.

5. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

My kids are growing up! Within the next ten years all three of my kids will be gone/leaving for college. I'll be an empty nester with my super dreamy hubby.

6. What city would you most like to live in?

I love where I live - Calgary is the best - but other than just saying "here" - I guess I'd choose London.

7. What movie title best describes your life?

It's a Wonderful Life.

8. What irrational fear do you have?

Clowns. I hate them. My husband tells me that it's an irrational fear all the time - but it doesn't FEEL irrational.

9. In your group of friends, what role do you play?

I'm generally the centre of attention. In real life, I want people to be comfortable and as engaged as I am - so I talk a lot and ask lots of questions so that they'll feel more comfortable sharing as well. People like me - oftentimes more than I like them. In fandom life I'm kinda like that too - but I like to play the roll of the cheerleader and support and over excited and passionate fangirl. In general, I like being /nice/ and I get something out of people loving me as much as I adore them.

10. What are you most insecure about?

Um... the same physical insecurities that most people have. I guess that I'll be so over-the-top that people will think I'm fake or that I'm silly.

11. What are you most likely to become famous for?

I'm technically writing a novel... that will probably never be published. But I guess that's the only ever way I'd be famous.

From the freaking fabulous @gellbellshead 💙💛

1. What is your favourite food?

Potatoes. Whether it's mashed, soup, fries (poutine!), or whatever. I love potatoes of all sorts. YUM.

2. What is your favourite movie genre and your favourite movie from that genre?

Um. I like lots of different kinds of films but I guess I like Sci Fi the most. My favourite Sci Fi is probably Serenity. But I actually have a list of five favourite ALL TIME movies of various genres: Stardust, Schindler's List, Serenity, EuroTrip, and French Kiss.

3. Favourite Disney movie.

Meet the Robinsons or Brave.

4. Do you prefer to read fluff or angst?

I like there to be a HEA - so if there has to be angst - as long as I get a happy ending I'm cool. I like to call that Flangst. I really like plot driven fics - but I also love fluffy one-shots... I'm fairly easy. Just don't split up my OTP please.

5. Any siblings?

I'm the youngest of five - my brother is the oldest, and then three sisters, then me.

6. Your favourite fictional character?

Elizabeth Bennet

7. Your favourite person in real life?

My sweetheart, Jay. He's my person.

8. Your top 5 songs of all time?

Bizarre Love Triangle - Stabbing Westward (a New Order Cover) Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller Monkey Tree - Mother Mother Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club Sleepwalk - Santo and Johnny

9. What it the biggest risk you have ever taken?

Um. I'm not really a risk taker.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

I "seen" it. Irregardles. Supposably. (I really hate bad grammar)

11. How would your friends describe you?

Loud and fun. Kinda silly.

From the ever lovely, @wordsonpages1 💙💛

1. Favourite colour?

Mossy green

2. Favourite book?

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Random Passage by Bernice Morgan. The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman

3. What is your mantra or life motto?

As a family, we have a motto "Salmons don't do Shortcuts" - but personally I have two additional mantras. I have a scripture that is very important to me Mark 5:36 "Be not afraid, only believe." and a song with lyrics that I call my mantra: The song is called Chances by Kirby Heyborne and the line in particular is, "I am hope. I believe. I am alive. I am every thing. I have come to take these chances. I wonder when things will go my way. I was born to live my life and no one tells me who I am."

4. The number one thing that draws you to a person?

I'm shallow. Smile - shoulders - smell.

5. Who is your idol or inspiration?

Queen Elizabeth II Hannah Senesh My grandpa.

6. Places you would like to travel to?

All over Europe.

7. A perfect day would entail?

Sleeping late. Hours reading in the bathtub with no interruptions.

8. Dream job?

Can they pay me to read Bughead fanfiction all day?

9. Ultimate life goal?

To retire and travel with my sweetie and raising well adjusted and cool kids.

10. What do you like/ love most about yourself?

I love that I'm fun and passionate about stuff.

11. Sunrise or Sunset?

Sunset for sure. Mornings suck.

From my girl @jugandbettsdetectiveagency - 💙💛

1. Describe your aesthetic?

Jughead Jones shaking the soap? (does that count?)

2. Favourite place you’ve ever visited?

Visited is an interesting word. My favourite PLACE is the riverbottom at the bottom of the Coulee in Lethbridge. It's home. I love it.

3. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Nanaimo Bars.

4. Biggest regret?

After my BA I should have gone to Grad school. Or I should have become a Dental Hygenist or something - but I got a History Degree because I love History. I don't work in that field at all so even though I spent $50,000 to become an official Historian... I could have become something else, that would have probably made me a lot happier than what I'm doing and remained an amateur Historian.

5. You’ve been put in the middle of a fantasy battle, what is your weapon of choice?

Double edged lightsaber.

6. Favourite outfit?

Not counting my favourite pajama pants... I have this super cute red and gold paisley handkerchief shirt I bought in Mexico. I love it.

7. Have you ever been in love?

Twice. I was lucky enough to find my sweetheart when I was 19 years old. The love I felt for the bloke before Jay was minuscule in comparison to what I feel for my husband - but it was still love.

8. Favourite thing, fan fiction or not, you’ve ever read?

I can’t answer that. I read too many delicious things.

9. Main thing you look for in a person?

Sardonic sense of humour.

10. What is your earliest memory?

I remember my fourth birthday party really clearly.

11. You’re stranded on a desert island, what one item (that isn’t a boat) would you want with you?

Can I have two? A hammock and a book?

And lastly - from the wonderful @peacelovebughead 💙💛

1. What’s your go-to pump up song?

Well lately it’s been Believer by Imagine Dragons - but normally it’d be something from Two Door Cinema Club or like Take on Me by A-Ha or something. lol.

2. If you could travel absolutely anywhere, where would you go?

Auschwitz.

3. What Hogwarts house do you belong to?

Hufflepuff

4. Thunder or Lightning?

Lightning

5. When do you feel most confident?

When I’m doing something I’m good at and people around me KNOW I’m good at it.

6. What is one of your favourite memories?

I don’t know if I have ‘favourite’ memories. Yesterday at the lake with my husband and my kids (who are teenagers and fight a lot!) - I got to hear them happily laughing and joking and having a wonderful time. That’s today’s favourite memory.

7. Who is a fictional character that you relate to? Why?

Dude. Kevin Keller is a gay, male version of me. And my brother and husband are cops so I relate to that part of him too. lol.

8. If you could wake up famous tomorrow, would you do it?

If I could keep my happy family and my morals - then sure.

9. What is one of your proudest accomplishments?

How about that $50,000 piece of paper I have hanging on my office wall that announces to the world that I’m officially allowed to have an opinion on British History along with the roots and causes of Totalitarianism. Getting that was pretty great.

10. If you were to live in a fictional world, which world would you choose?

Asked earlier - but I’d say the Star Trek universe would be the place to be.

11. If you were to pick a colour palette to describe you, what colours would you choose?

Jewel tones.

#11 questions #thank you all for tagging me #sorry it took so long to reply #real life ate me

7 notes · View notes

stokan · 7 years

Text

The Uber Oscars

Every year the Oscars hand out an award for Best Actor. But since they also hand out awards for Best Actress, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Supporting Actress they still leave the most fundamental question unsettled: who gave the year’s best acting performance.

Well (now that the dust has finally settled form this year’s crazy Oscars) I’m here to retroactively answer that question for every year dating back to 1990. Welcome to the Uber Oscars!

2016 Casey Affleck Emma Stone Mahershala Ali Viola Davis

If Viola Davis had competed in Best Actress, like she should have, she would have won it easily. I’m starting this exercise with a gimme putt.

2015 Leonardo DiCaprio Brie Larson Mark Rylance Alicia Vikander

Time changes how art is perceived, and this feels too recent to really have a clear perspective on it. I would wager that 5-10 years from now Brie Larson’s work will be considered the best of the bunch, but Leo so thoroughly dominated last year’s award season and his win loomed so large in the popular consciousness I gotta give him the nod here for now.

2014 Eddie Redmayne Julianne Moore JK Simmons Patricia Arquette

I remember being blown away by Julianne Moore in Still Alice, but the movie came out only three years ago and yet I barely remember a single thing about it. JK Simmons’ performance in Whiplash on the other hand, was instantly iconic to everyone who saw it and will define his entire career. So, sorry Julianne, but you’re lagging every so slightly.

2013 Matthew McConaughey Cate Blanchett Jared Leto Lupita Nyong’o

Screw your McConaisssance, this is Cate Blanchett all the way. Leo should have beaten McConaughey anyway, and then we could have had a real debate. Great year though overall.

2012 Daniel Day-Lewis Jennifer Lawrence Christoph Waltz Anne Hathaway

Another great year. Anne Hathaway is now officially underrated and Jennifer Lawrence is one of the most memorable winners of recent years. But one of my rules in life is that in an acting-related contest between anyone and Daniel Day-Lewis, the winner is always Daniel Day-Lewis.

2011 Jean Dujardin Meryl Streep Christopher Plummer Octavia Spencer

Uh, well someone has to win, so using the Daniel Day-Lewis Rules, this one goes to Meryl Streep, I guess? Says a lot about the 2012 Oscars that one of the hardest trivia questions in the world is “who won Best Actor six years ago”.

2010 Colin Firth Natalie Portman Christian Bale Melissa Leo

At the time it was probably Christian Bale. Now it’s probably Natalie Portman. But it’s close.

2009 Jeff Bridges Sandra Bullock Christoph Waltz Mo’Nique

I might be biased here, but I think Christoph Waltz in Inglorious Basterds is an all-timer. If you wanted to talk me into Mo’Nique though I’d be willing to listen.

2008 Sean Penn Kate Winslet Heath Ledger Penelope Cruz

REALLY strong year. Any of the other three could have won most years. But Heath Ledger’s Joker is arguable the single best performance of the 2000s. It’s certainly the most iconic.

2007 Daniel Day-Lewis Marion Cotillard Javier Bardem Tilda Swinton

If Heath Ledger’s Joker isn't the best acting performance of the 2000s then Daniel Day-Lewis’s Daniel Plainview IS. So, sorry Javier Bardem, but you're gonna have to settle for being the strongest Uber-Oscars runner-up of them all. And Tilda Swinton, any day now feel free to give Cate Blanchett the Oscar you stole from her.

2006 Forrest Whitaker Helen Mirren Alan Arkin Jennifer Hudson

As much as I want to try and argue that it’s Jennifer Hudson, I think it’s pretty clearly actually Helen Mirren.

While we’re here, 2006 Best Supporting Actor is on the shortlist for weakest Oscar acting category of all time.

2005 Phillip Seymour Hoffman Reese Witherspoon George Clooney Rachel Weisz

Fun fact: Even George Clooney can’t totally remember what movie he won an Oscar for. Anyway, this was the easiest call on the whole board. Not so fun fact: this was the Crash year.

2004 Jamie Foxx Hillary Swank Morgan Freeman Cate Blanchett

Oh god…is it Jamie Foxx for Ray? It’s Jamie Foxx for Ray isn't it? UGH. I hate this game; why did I make it up?

2003 Sean Penn Charlize Theron Tim Robbins Renee Zellwegger

Why does it feel like Charlize Theron’s performance in Monster doesn't get its proper due? It’s profoundly great work and should be talked about way more. Is this how think pieces get started?

2002 Adrien Brody Nicole Kidman Chris Cooper Catherine Zeta-Jones

Can I pick none of the above?

2001 Denzel Washington Hallie Berry Jim Broadbent Jennifer Connelly

If you want to really get me talking, ask me about how Art Carney’s 1972 win for Harry and Tonto led to Denzel beating Russell Crowe out for this Oscar. I’m fun at parties.

2000 Russell Crowe Julia Roberts Benicio del Toro Marcia Gay Harden

If Kate Hudson hadn't been upset by Marcia Gay Harden I would have given this one to her. But you have to actually get the Oscar to be eligible for an Uber Oscar.

1999 Kevin Spacey Hilary Swank Michael Caine Angelina Jolie

Full disclosure: I’ve somehow actually never seen Boys Don't Cry. But Angelina Jolie is not only incredible in Girl Interrupted, it’s the performance that made her into a superstar. It’s impossible to overstate how famous Angelina Jolie was overnight in the wake of this Oscar win. That counts for something.

1998 Roberto Benigni Gwyneth Paltrow James Coburn Judy Dench

I’m a big Shakespeare in Love fan and defender and even I refuse to give this to Gwyneth Paltrow. Also, the only thing that has aged worse than Roberto Benigni’s win is this poster: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/71st_Academy_Awards#/media/File:71st_Academy_Awards_poster.jpg

1997 Jack Nicholson Helen Hunt Robin Williams Kim Basinger

Would you like for me to quote the entirety of Good Will Hunting for you? Because I can. Have I mentioned yet that I’m fun at parties?

1996 Geoffrey Rush Francis McDormand Cuba Gooding Jr Juliette Binoche

This basically comes down to what you value more in a performance: craft or charisma. Although craft seems like the obvious answer, in this case Cuba Gooding Jr. basically invented an entirely new character archetype through sheer force of personality. So let’s call it a tie for now.

1995 Nicholas Cage Susan Sarandon Kevin Spacey Mira Sorvino

Yes that’s right kids, Nicholas Cage not only has a Best Actor Oscar but he’s actually one of the most deserving Oscars winners of the 1990s. The 90s were a weird time.

Speaking of which, here are actors who won Oscars at this Oscar ceremony for things other than acting: Mel Gibson, Emma Thompson and Christine Lahti. As I said, the 90s were weird.

1994 Tom Hanks Jessica Lange Martin Landau Dianne Wiest

Here’s the thing, this should be Martin Landau. He's incredible in Ed Wood. It’s one of the best supporting actor performances of all time and definitely one of the best overall performances of the decade. 1994 Best Supporting Actor is one of the strongest categories ever and he won it easily. But that said, no one is beating Tom Hanks for Forrest Gump. Is it great acting? I genuinely don’t know. But off the top of your head name 10 performances in the history of film that are definitely more iconic than Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump. I’m not saying I feel great about it, but for better or worse, right or wrong, this completely meaningless made-up award is his.

1993 Tom Hanks Holly Hunter Tommy Lee Jones Anna Paquin

Holly Hunter winning acting awards is so 90s. And I hear your arguments for Tom Hanks in Philadelphia, but so much of the esteem for that performance came from “straight man plays gay and has bravery to depict AIDS”. Nothing against Tom Hanks and the great work he does, but you don’t brownie points for that in 2017. Plus, although people sleep on it now, The Piano is actually STRAIGHT FIRE, SON!

1992 Al Pacino Emma Thompson Gene Hackman Marissa Tomei

I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to give this to Marissa Tomei. But I recognize that it actually belongs to Emma Thompson. However it definitely DOES NOT belong to Al Pacino. Scent of a Woman wasn't even his best Oscar nominated performance of 1992.

1991 Anthony Hopkins Jodie Foster Mercedes Ruehl Jack Palance

Hey, remember a few seconds ago when I asked if you came name a more iconic acting perforce than Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump? Well here’s your answer. This probably the Uber Oscar winner of the whole decade.

On an unrelated note, I kinda miss the days when people like Jack Palance, Marissa Tomei, and Dianne Wiest could win Oscars for comedic roles. #MakeOscarsGreatAgain

1990 Jeremy Irons Kathy Bates Whoopi Goldberg Joe Pesci

If Anthony Hopkins isn't the overall Uber Oscar winner for the 1990s then Joe Pesci is. In fact I extended this meaningless exercise all the way to 1990 just to include him. And now that I’ve reminded you of the greatness of Joe Pesci in Goodfellas we can finally draw this to a close. Congrats to all the fake winners on your fake awards!

#Oscars #acting

0 notes

doomednarrative · 2 years

Note

Why do I feel like Hoffman and Adam would have the type of relationship where Adam flirts with Hoffman mostly to make fun of him and Hoffman won’t admit it but it’s got him feeling some kinda way

oh thats Exactly how their relationship goes lol, particularly for Jigsquad stuff.

Tibby and I have described them as having very frat bro type energy with each other but like, Adam definitely jokes with Mark fairly frequently and that includes just casually dropping something flirty every now and then when Mark least expects it. And Mark, who's gay but refuses to admit it, and who isn't Into Adam because he views him more like family at this point, doesn't think much of it but like. It Does make him feel something. He's not used to people just being that blatant with him or that upfront so it's kinda shocking, and even if it's a joke he knows Adam's not doing it to be a dick so like. It doesn't make him feel bad. It's more just confusing if anything, but even then it still makes him stop and pause for a moment whenever it happens and Mark Does think about it even if he tries not to.

#going thru my inbox atm sorry for not answering this earlier #tldr adam flirts jokingly and mark brushes it off in the moment but it Does make him feel a little flustered #its adam hes got his charms and its not hard to catch peoples attention for him #and marks not used to getting that kind of attention for the most part so yknow. it catches him #jigsquad #kief rambles about saw #ask #answered

16 notes · View notes

matchasprouts · 3 years

Text

Listen Closer - Chapter 2

[ your honour, i simply love him. also this may become my focus for a while so idk if The Walls and Ashes will keep getting semi-regular updates ]

First || Next || Previous || Last

“Do you ever think about making traps that aren’t iron maidens?” Amanda asked, looking up from her own work to watch Garrett attach a chain to a literal iron maiden.

Garrett glanced at her before scoffing and placing the collar on the chain down on the ground as he went around to the back of the maiden to check the pulley the chain was attached to. “I think about plenty of traps. Iron maidens are just my favourite. Would you rather I-”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Amanda cut him off, already knowing he was about to spew some shit on medieval torture methods. “I was just curious. I mean, they work, so I’m not complaining. And it keeps you busy.”

Right. Because if he wasn’t building or designing a trap he was writing, and that would be falling back on what he was trying to unlearn.

When he went to respond, he was cut off yet again by his phone ringing. He answered it almost immediately, since the only people with that number were his Jigsaw associates. “Yeah?” he greeted, tucking the phone under his ear as he got back to work.

“Garrett. I am in the car, outside. I need your help,” came the voice of John through the phone, the way he spoke making Garrett chuckle to himself. “Be prepared to carry a person.” Oh! There was no scheduled game for today?

Garrett once again tried to reply, just for John to hang up. He let out an annoyed groan, but flipped the phone shut and tossed it on the table. “Don’t touch my trap,” he told Amanda, before pulling down his sleeves and jogging outside to help John.

He was ninety percent sure he heard her fucking with his trap as soon as he left.

---

“Who in the FUCK is this guy?” Garrett asked, struggling slightly to keep John’s newest victim standing, his limp body leaning heavily into him. Garrett was the strongest of the three of them, sure, and the second tallest but this guy was HUGE. He had to be at least 6’0, and carrying him was like carrying a brick wall.

John glanced at him, a vague amusement in his eyes but a neutral look on his face. “That, Garrett, is Detective Mark Hoffman. Normally I don’t go after cops if I had no evidence that they’re dirty, but he attempted to frame us, and I cannot tolerate that. Getting caught myself doesn’t matter. Keeping you and Amanda safe does.”

Aww, murder dad moments. Better than the dad Garrett used to have. “Right,” he let out a huff, readjusting Mark as he dragged him through the room, FINALLY dropping him into a chair in the middle of the workshop. “No wonder he’s a detective, the man’s a fucking giant.”

He stood in front of the still passed out detective, giving him a proper look over. He was big, like he’d already said, with short dark brown hair that had looked black outside. He had surprisingly well formed lips for a presumably cis white guy, and Garrett surprised himself with the thought that they looked awfully biteable.

Ah, there’s his gay instinct. He’d been wondering where it had gone, since it hadn’t fucked him over when he’d met that Adam Faulkner guy- who was definitely cute, but also now haunting him, which kind of ruins the appeal.

Moving on from that, Hoffman also had a little bit of scruff on his jaw, which Garrett quickly realized was what he’d felt on his temple while he was carrying him to the chair.

His little inspection was cut short when John began setting up the trap, strapping Hoffman to the chair with a shotgun strapped to his chest, the barrel directly under his chin.

“That doesn’t look very escapable,” Garrett joked, sending a short look to Amanda, who immediately looked away, at least having the decency to be embarrassed about her rigged traps.

“You would be surprised what human beings will do to escape entrapment,” John replied simply. “But this one is not built for him to escape from on his own. I’m going to make him an offer.”

He looked at his two apprentices, gesturing for Amanda to come over to them. “I want both of you to keep working on your games tonight, out of the warehouse. I know much about the detective, but not everything. I’m not going to risk him lashing out.”

Of course. John Kramer was nothing if not protective of his apprentices. Theoretically, Hoffman would fall into this category when the night was over. “Well, my iron maiden’s done,” Garrett said, glancing back at his newest device. “My game could take place soon, if not tomorrow. I know where the player will be.”

John nodded at this. “Good. Run your game then. If all goes as planned tonight, it will be good for our newest recruit to see one of you in action. Maybe he’ll learn something. Now go, both of you.”

Usually, Amanda argued when he dismissed her, but apparently she could see that he was serious, and simply packed her things and left. Garrett looked at Hoffman one last time before doing the same.

He could hear Hoffman begin to stir as he stepped out the door, and he found himself hoping that everything would go smoothly tonight.

Gay ass.

---

“Man, just carrying bodies is giving me a work-out,” Garrett muttered under his breath as he readjusted the woman slung over his shoulder, finally lowering her to the ground of the room her game would be taking place in.

As much as he wanted to do one of those big, multi-room games he’d seen John put on, he just didn’t have enough experience for those yet. So, it was a single room, with a single trap. Since it was small, he’d chosen someone with a small offense.

He’d even gotten to record the tape himself.

The collar let out a satisfying click as he fixed it onto the player’s neck, humming a soft tune as he gave it a tug to ensure it was one correctly.

There was a key for her to get in the middle of the room, just barely out of reach of the chain. She’d really have to get creative with getting to it. He checked the chain itself as well, ensuring it wouldn’t break off. He finished his check-up with a look at the hinges on the doors of the iron maiden, and the pulley attached to the chain.

The player was starting to stir, so he placed the tape recorder next to her and took his chance to leave. After all, if she survived, he really needed her to not see his face.

Soon enough, he took his place in the camera room, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on the desk.

“Do you always watch your games like that?” he heard someone speak up, looking to the door that Hoffman had just come through. He tilted his head at the detective, before grinning at him.

“Sure do,” Garrett replied, turning back to the screens. “Well, I would, if this wasn’t my first game. Usually I’m tinkering with something while John’s games are running.”

The player had woken up by then, clicking the tape on and cutting off the conversation.

“Hello Cara. I want to play a game,” the tape said, the voice making Garrett smile. It had been hard work getting his distorted voice to sound similar enough to the original Jigsaw’s. “For years you have kept yourself in a closet of your own creation in order to help others rise above you, allowing them to steal your work.”

“Well, unless you want that closet to become your death, you will rise above that today. Before you is a box, and inside it is the key to your freedom. You will have to work to get it. You have ten minutes. If you do not get to the key in time, the closet behind you will become your coffin. Live or die, Cara. Make your choice.”

The tape clicked off after that, and Cara did exactly what Garrett guessed she would- run straight for the box and find out the hard way that the chain was just barely short of the required length to grab it.

“This is usually the part where they start screaming for help and panicking. I gave her ten minutes because I knew she would, and that’s when a lot of people tend to die. I wanted to give her a fair chance.”

That almost seemed nice, but it was a lie. Garrett liked watching them thrash around and panic. The more time they had alive, the more time they could slowly go insane.

Hoffman had moved closer at some point, now sitting next to him in a chair that he’d pulled over to the desk. This was the first time Garrett had seen him since last night, so he finally got a chance to look at his eyes.

For someone who wasn’t a fan of blue eyes, Garrett thought Hoffman’s were gorgeous. He very, very quickly looked away, turning his attention back to his game.

“Did you build the iron maiden yourself?” Hoffman asked, and Garrett scoffed at the question.

“No, unfortunately. I didn’t have enough time to build one from the ground up,” he answered with a soft, disappointed sigh. “I found most of it from a collector that built replicas of medieval shit, but never got around to completing it. I finished it off, added the extras.”

Hoffman gave a hum of acknowledgement, his gaze glued to the screen in front of them. “How is this supposed to help her? How did it even help you?” There it was. Since Hoffman hadn’t gone through a real game, he didn’t feel the same as Garrett and Amanda. He didn’t understand it like they did.

Garrett readjusted himself in his chair, tilting his head at the screen. “I don’t want to tear every person I see to shreds anymore,” he offered with a shrug. “I don’t feel like screaming for hours on end until my throat bleeds. I’d say it worked pretty well on me. Sometimes you just need that kind of release.”

“For her, she’s supposed to learn her worth. She’s not just the sum of what she can do for others, what’s more important is what she can do for herself. And she needs to figure that out. I don’t want her to die. Why would I? That’s not the point.”

He didn’t notice Hoffman turning to look at him while he spoke, so he almost flinched when he glanced over and made eye contact with him. They held each other’s gazes for a moment, before they both looked back to the screen.

Cara really was trying to get that box, having now resorted to removing her belt and attempting to loop it around the box. It took a few tries, but she finally got a grip on the box and pulled it over to herself.

She scrambled to open it, and Garrett glanced at the timer.

Eight seconds.

“She’s not going to make it,” he realized aloud. He hadn’t even noticed how quickly time was passing, but he didn’t feel anything when the timer went off, or when Cara screamed as the chain yanked back, dragging her into the iron maiden.

Her screams became wet and gurgled when the doors of the maiden closed on her. Blood seeped out of the cracks at the bottom of the door. He just stared at the screen.

“Huh. Maybe ten minutes wasn’t enough time. Shame. I was really looking forward to seeing her get better.” With that, he stood up, turned off the screen, and headed back to the room to leave the iconic jigsaw piece in her skin. Hoffman followed, and watched him do it. “Most important part, if they die,” Garrett told him as he cut the skin with a scalpel John had given him, closing the door again when he was done.

And then he turned to Hoffman, his head tilted to the side in a curious motion. “Will you be the detective on the case? I suppose this will be your first test of loyalty, hm? I’d hate to kill you. You’re very pretty.”

He gave Hoffman a pat on the shoulder as he left the room, leaving him to think on what he’d said. It wasn’t a threat, but it was clear that he would kill him if needed. But he genuinely did not want to.

A smile formed when he heard Hoffman follow him out of the room. It was nice to have another apprentice, and it was looking like they’d get along.

#story tag: listen closer #self ship fic #self shipping #self insert #scrap.writing #scrap.ships #romantic: ⛓🕵️‍♂️#s/i: garrett whitlock #mark hoffman #chapter 2

5 notes · View notes