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anarmorofwords · 3 years

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Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

#the last hours #tlh #alastair carstairs #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #anti charles fairchild #is this anti anna?#kamala joshi #ariadne bridgestock #chain of iron #chain of gold #spilling the tea

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akookminsupporter · 3 years

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Hello, First off, I'm not an army, but I have a question. Please read ahead and don't judge me for being a hater.

Uhm Idk if I'm at the right place or not, I (18/M) have a younger sister (11), she's into BTS like a LOT. By now she's a diehard fan of the boys which I find really cute because she keeps talking about them and telling me about each member. She's also been learning a lot of stuff and even taken up to ship some of the members, like I know as for her, she ships Jin and RM, then V and Jungkook and Jimin, but what makes me a bit uncomfortable is her discussing and debating about them having a 'threesome'. With Jin and RM she's not like that, but with the younger three Idk what's wrong, she keeps digging on YT for 'evidences' and 'proofs' for their three-thingy being real. That's weird to me, not because all of them are boys, but because she shouldn't be making false assumptions about them. What puts me off even more is that there's YT channels and Idk places taht circulate unhealthy information like that. Trust me, last thing a brother would want for his 11 yo sister is to be having a full fledged heated debate about who is the dom and the sub in the 'relationship' of three male bandmates. I'm not lying, she came up to me a few days back and asked what Daddy meant, I was like Dad is Daddy, Papa is daddy, why would you asked that. And she goes, "that is weird, why would Jungkook call V Daddy? He's not his dad is he?"

I haven't said anything about it since then... What am I supposed to tell her, can you please help me a bit? Should I just say that V adopted Jungkook? 😂

Honestly I love her a lot, she's my only sister and I don't want her have weird misconceptions. I hope you understand.

She says to always put a purple heart whenever smth's related to bts, so here it goes. 💜

I received this ask a few hours ago and since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I didn't know exactly how to answer it and I still don't think I do. I just want to ask anyone who wishes to send their opinion on this ask after publication to do so in a respectful manner.

Hi anon. The only thing I can tell you is that you, as her older sibling, should let your parents or your legal guardians, especially your sister's, know what is going on. Not to scold her, but for them to monitor much more closely the content she is viewing on social media.

Anon, your sister shouldn't be talking about that sort of thing, period. She doesn't need to know what a threesome is and she definitely doesn't need to be looking for proof on YouTube! Definitely not YouTube!

While I think it's important to talk to kids about sexual issues, that's not your sister's way of learning. The "ship community" can be very toxic and extremely inappropriate, there are adults who are horrified by the things that many shippers say, imagine what an 11 year old girl might think.

Your sister is too little to talk about those things, she's too little to ask those questions. Your sister is simply too young.

I don't know if you are willing to tell your parents or the people in charge of you and your sister, but please monitor more closely what your sister consumes on social media. Prohibit her from using certain apps unsupervised if necessary. But not just to monitor what she's seeing on social media but to have an age-appropriate conversation about those things.

That's the only advice I can give you.

#anon #ask #Serious ask

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shra-vasti · 4 years

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JEON WONWOO

Series : To all the boys

Pairing : Jeon Wonwoo x reader

Type : non idol au, ex-lovers au

Genre : angst, drama, fluff, romance

Warnings : none

Word count : 1k approx

Synopsis : You decided to write some letters to every boy who was a part of your past as your last message after getting diagnosed with chronical disease.

MAIN MASTERLIST

[Received, 09.10.2020] | one | two | previous | next

To,

Jeon Wonwoo

I heard a lot about you after we graduated, I wanted to keep knowing about your whereabouts and everyone kept informing about you too.

I came to know you broke up with Yena after a year of our graduatation but she says that you are still together when asked so I really don't know.

Wonwoo, I know that you're hard to handle, it's hard for you to open up to people but you need to find someone who'll stay by your side forever, someone who'll understand where you're coming from.

I wanted to be that person, genuinely, but both of us lost that chance, I don't regret it and I don't think I'll ever do but I hope you'll actually settle down for real, cause I still hear about you time and around and I'm not happy with it when I get the news about your affairs.

You were my first love, that puppy love everyone so gush about, you know? And I will always adore the memories I have had with you from you constantly hitting on me to me confessing to you.

From you asking me to tidy your uniform blazer so you could get closer to me to me obligating because I too wanted to be closer to you.

I'll forever cherish the memories of us.

I remember the first time I realized that I was in love with you, you were standing beside my bicycle in the rain, your hair a mess, your shirt disheveled, your breath unsteady as you watched me walk in your direction.

I hated rain, you know that, but God I couldn't stop myself from stepping out in the rain just so I could be near to you, where you were beside my bicycle.

Normally I would have waited till the rain stop, I could even hear Andie yelling at me to stop but all I could focus was on you.

I didn't realize I saw you in a different light, it wasn't my first time looking at you since you were my classmate but this time around I was hooked and when you smiled at me mumbling a soft sorry with that deep and horse voice of yours, I knew I was gone for real.

Reminiscing those memories still bring an innocent and naive smile on my face, how beautiful and simple things were back then.

Everything was suppose to go smoothly, where did we go wrong? I did so many things for you, I took care of you when things got rough, you said I was your peace, where did we go wrong?

I always wanted to ask you, what was so special about Yena that she stole your attention from me so easily? I let you play around cause I knew you would come back to me in the end.

Was I supposed to show you I own you in front of everyone? Was I supposed to scream out loud that you are mine and no one should be near you? Was I supposed to tie you upto me? I shouldn't have let you have your way.

I felt so hurt but I couldn't bring myself to even ask you why you finally decided to have a proper relationship with Yena cause I felt like I wasn't that important to you, I didn't even get the news from you, Dani told me about it.

You're so greedy but I still loved you, I loved you to the point where I only cared about your happiness and I let you have control over my actions.

I hated you, I hated you to the point I wanted to hurt you for hurting me but I couldn't do that cause even if I loved you or hated you, your happiness was something I always prayed for.

I know you tried your best to break me and Seokmin, but I couldn't let you not when I knew it was affecting you so much.

I knew you were greedy and that only made my will to never leave Seokmin more strong. He wasn't supposed to be the victim of our toxic love, and I lost count on how many times I tried to save him from you.

How greedy of you to only think of yourself.

I knew you were in love with me, when I could see the rage in your eyes everytime me and Seokmin would come across you.

I knew you were in love with me when you constantly asked me to wait till the right time comes. I waited and waited and waited. I knew you were just trying to live your life before you finally give your everything to me.

I know you were trying to live in your today cause you wanted me to be your tomorrow, but I couldn't see myself clutching my pillow and crying to sleep when you were living your life.

My conscious side wouldn't have allowed me to bear so much hurt. The right time never comes Jeon Wonwoo and I hope you had realized that.

Jeon Wonwoo, school's heartthrob who could get any girl he wants, couldn't get the one he loved the most when all he had to do was have some courage, how does it feel to lose something which was supposed to be yours and yours only?

I didn't write this letter to just curse and taunt you, I just wanted to say that even if two people love each other, they aren't always meant to be with each other.

And I especially want you to know that the next time you fall in love with someone, please do something about it as soon as you can, don't think you have time because you don't have it.

If you feel for someone just tell that person, don't hold back. You're too old to be playing around with girl's heart now, settle down please. I would love to see you being all happy and giggly with the love of your life.

Take care of yourself, don't regret the past, live in the present, don't worry about the future. I've always loved how carefree you had been, please maintain the real you.

Show the world the real you, don't be afraid, take risk, fall in love, don't be so hard on others.

Don't give people nightmares, don't go party around, life is short travel, do everything the real Wonwoo loves to do. No one is judging you. Don't be afraid to be you.

Remember, I'll always cherish our memories so you should too, don't look back at them and curse at yourself. Take care.

With best wishes,

To the boy who I have loved before.

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hes-writer · 4 years

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I'm the anon who wrote about the reality-AU ask.

And I have a different view from what you wrote, because for me there where 2 major things:

1. Reader wasn't a strong woman

2. Harry was definitely an arrogant, selfish prick to reader.

I will start with 1.

So, what moral and values? I honestly don't understand that part because for me moral and values mean one thing and I don't see they fitting the situation.

Regardless, MC wasn't a strong woman for several reasons.

She allowed her pain get in the way of her child's life several times, she literally got with the first guy that showed her love when she wasn't ready nor emotionally stable, if we take in mind that she met him at halfway through her pregnancy and in 2 years ish she was already living with him and allowing her child to call him "dad". So she clinged to Connor as a substitute and staple to the family she had planned having with Harry, just like Harry clinged to Camille's offer as a way to have what he dreamed having with Y/N. None of them put their child's best interest first, otherwise she would have found a way to deal with her pain while allowing him to be part of Halo's life and he would have found a way to accept that he would never have what he wanted bc of his mistakes in the past.

And the clearest sign of that is her conversation with Harry in the last chapter. She did love Connor, but he was only there because Harry blocked her. If he hadn't, he'd have seen the text and be involved in his kids life. So, I know you said something about being emotionally available as a parent and that's my argument for that. Harry wasn't emotionally a dad bc that chance was taken from him out of spitefulness and he still tried to be there, he made a mistake but he never gave up. He was robbed of it countless times bc MC was never healed properly to let go of her personal feelings and focus on Halo, bc I can guarantee you that if given the chance, Halo would forget it and choose to have a relationship with Harry.

Which brings me to my previous point... He wasn't Halos dad, MC made him her dad because she didn't want to deal with Harry when she knew that he had a right to at least be informed about the baby, regardless of her relationship with him. In the story you make it known that he blocked her and that's how she couldn't tell him, but she kept in touch with his family + he contacted her at some point. So, she uses her own actions against him and he let's her out of guilty, showing a bit of manipulation from her side. Both of them were toxic and manipulative. Just bc you were hurt, doesn't give you a right to act as you please, speacially when a child is involved. That shouldn't even be put to argument and I'd have agreed with you more if you hadn't tried to classify MC as a victim at all costs, even when she was the wrong one.

If this was real life, a girl behaving like her would be concerning, so why in a fanfic she's considered strong? Because she standed up for herself and for her daughter? I mean, did she truly stand up for her child? Can we truly say that? Or did she allow her own barriers and insecurities surround them and keep Harry distant? Wouldn't a healed and strong woman be capable of dealing with her ex for their's daughter sake, speacially when she's in a happy and healthy relationship?

Parents are allowed mistakes. None of them know what they're doing and the greatest majority of the world is filled with people who weren't mature enough to be parents, yet somehow were allowed to.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry for all the pain he caused her.

He left her, so she didn't tell him about their baby, then when he found out she monopolised his entire relationship with his daughter and did some pretty illegal stuff, and when he committed his first mistake with the child she cut him off completely without taking in account what her daughter wanted.

Have you watched the show The Duchess on Netflix? I think its a great example of my point here, in case you don't understand it.

Also, forgot to say that she was toxic again when she kept threatening him over wanting to be with his kid. Like, we spend tons of times telling people to be responsible with their art, as it can be a door into introducing kids to things. We also spend a ton of time telling boys that they should care about their babies and be there for them. Then you come and write a fic where the guy gets threatened and manipulated when trying to be with his 🤷🏻‍♀️

MC definitely had her right to commit her own mistakes, as I said, parents will do it countless times. But I think that's a bit unfair that she gets as many as she wants bc she got hurt previous to baby being born, yet Harry barely gets one when trying to figure himself out after finding out about his kid. You mentioned that a judge would never give Harry any custody bc of what he did and that was a bit dumb, sorry. Law is based on justice, balance and protecting the victim with fairness and justice, therefore Harry would have been granted at least the benefit of the doubt as his mistakes were minor and the victim in this story is Halo, not MC✌🏽

This is a long one.

Morals and values are not fitting in the situation.

Morals are personal beliefs that a person upholds and values are something that are regarded as important. I think that everybody uses them in most of the things they do so they definitely fit the situation.

She literally got with the first guy that showed her love...

I wouldn’t say that MC clung unto Connor and got into a relationship with him right away. The first couple of instances—they were just friends and weren’t officially together until Reign.

None of them put their child’s best interest first // Reader wasn’t a strong woman

I agree that both parties didn’t act on the best interest of their child but that doesn’t necessarily mean that MC wasn’t a strong woman. Sure, she wasn’t ideal in the context of being a mother—but she mended herself enough to give Harry a chance when he found out, even setting up limits while she was at it.

Wouldn’t you think that that takes courage? Besides the preceding fact that it is courteous to tell someone that you’re having their baby (no argument there), especially to someone who has cheated and betrayed your trust, you are sweeping the pain away. MC was letting Harry back in even if she personally didn’t want to. Harry was a huge part of her life so I think reminiscing on their relationship would never cease; they have a kid together. All the good and bad of their time together will always be present in her mind.

Harry was robbed [of being a dad]

You think that Harry was robbed of being a Dad, I can’t convince you otherwise. You said it yourself though, ‘if Harry hadn’t blocked MC, he would’ve seen the text and he would’ve been a dad to Halo’.

But he did—and the following points of your argument are, in a sense, irrelevant because what you’re pointing out is what could’ve happened if Harry didn’t do what he did. These are the consequences of his actions. “He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,” <- That scene was the turning point of MC’s decision and frankly, a showcase of Harry’s immaturity. MC said she had something to tell him and he retaliated by blocking her.

As well, you mention, ‘if given the chance, Halo would forget about it’—there’s a lot of assumptions in your argument because these aren’t part of the original story. These are what you think should’ve happened.

He blocked her [...] but she kept in touch with his family

MC kept in touch with his family on the pretext that they wouldn't inform harry that the baby was his. This was because of a misunderstanding due to a post on Camille's IG page. H seemed happy with his new relationship. MC didn't NOT tell him out of SPITE—it was because she didn't want to ruin his relationship with Camille.

Harry contacted her at some point // Just because you’re hurt doesn’t give you the right to act as you please

Yes, Harry did contact her—to call her a ‘whore’ and stated that she ‘probably slept around’ during their relationship. [ie. Harry: Why not? Scared that y’gonna have to admit that everything you put on was an act? How can y’move on so fast and give me shit about it?”] I’m guessing that’s probably not the best way for H to ask about MC’s pregnancy and I can imagine that the sheer rudeness and projection will deter most people.

His dialogues were an attack on her personality (that she was a liar and disloyal), on the validity of her emotions (that she was faking them), and on her identity as woman solely because he was crumbling under the truth that he was the one who messed up. I mentioned before that Harry’s insults were a projection as a result of his defence mechanism. Meaning that he was—to some extent—aware that MC hadn’t cheated but convinced himself otherwise to feel less guilty. Therefore, at the end of Halo, he judged the credibility of their child.

If this was real life...

And this is a fanfiction.

Once again, MC might not have been the ideal representation of a strong woman, but she stepped up when Halo was introduced.

Imagine going through a break-up with your SO of two years while you’re pregnant because he went behind your back FOR A YEAR, amidst hormonal changes, still going to work, and trying to find yourself when someone has taken so much of you—that’s traumatizing. Healing isn’t linear. Just because you’re wounded doesn’t mean that you’re not strong.

She was unfair and subconsciously used her child to get back at Harry

MC was honest but she wasn’t truthful. Her intentions were human nature yet keeping Halo away from Harry wasn’t very truthful of her—in legalities and such.

I don’t think MC monopolized H/H’s relationship. She gave Harry a chance to bond with Halo, and they did. As mentioned, MC had set limits and boundaries when discussing Harry’s presence in their daughters’ life. It was a legally binding, word-of-mouth, agreement that Harry assented to.

[he was] threatened and manipulated

In that sense, Harry’s hostility towards MC in Reign was threatening her decision to have him around [ie. You’re not something I would take the time to handle,” // You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’]

I understand your concern and I apologize for that. I’m not explicitly saying that this one piece of fiction is satirical in the sense that it’s the opposite of what society chants because that would be vile of me to do. Every circumstance is different though—it really is a choice of preference, validation and weighing out the subject matter.

You mentioned that a ‘judge would never give Harry custody’ and that was a bit dumb...

That line was never part of the story.

"Take it up legally if you'd like. Want to have a custody battle? Bring it on. Let's see whose side the judge is on after they find out that you cheated on me while I was pregnant with Halo."

Suggesting that the conclusion can be one of shared-custody wherein MC has more time with Halo (80/20 visitation schedule).

#the tarnish series #feedback!!#blog post #writing #fanfiction

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tetrisfinished · 2 years

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conscious decisions

there's a lot of "beizzati" (insult/disrespect) in our culture based off of things that you are not personally responsible for.

like for example, if i do something shitty to my mom in law, it not only is shitty on my part but somehow my husband is left responsible for it also. and vice versa - if my husband does something shitty, it's like we take the blame together.

why is this so?

if i'm good, shouldn't that count for something. why should one be dragged because of the other simply because of relationship or marriage...

and this is not just the case for spouses either. if my parents do something, it reflects well or badly on ME in front of certain audiences (mainly in laws). WHAT? WHY?

or the classic example that my husband hears from his mother or sisters ALL the time..."call our husbands, it's our insult if you don't!" or "wish us at occasions, it's our insult in front of our in laws if you don't do YOUR part".

wtf is this baqwaas man?

why are you being so terribly insulted in front of your in laws or husband if your brother is not fulfilling some weird sense of "responsibility" that FRANKLY you never bothered to actually instill in him?

there's so many things wrong with the desi (south asian) culture, that to try and tackle them all in one go is just impossible. but i believe one of these things is that for all their lives, boys are brought up under the thought of "oh it's okay, boys will be boys, he'll grow out of it, he'll straighten up after marriage" etc etc etc.

but then after marriage or after he's now got someone on whose behalf HE can supposedly be insulted or disrespected and [SURPRISE, SURPRISE] he does not MAGICALLY change as a human being...everything goes to hell.

i'm certain that i'm not making a whole lot of sense right now. but in my head i am so...anyway whatever.

and also, while we're at it...let me explain to you the scenario in which a sister would get insulted in her in laws or in front of her husband if her brother doesn't do something. the scenario goes as such.

brother doesn't call sister for some occasion.

sister's husband/in laws taunt and mock her about it.

sister's upset.

boom - sister has been insulted because of her brother.

so really, the actual issue and the MAIN cause of the matter is that it is still so EASILY accepted when a woman is taunted or belittled by her in laws/husband. and IN ADDITION that when she hears these taunts, she does not then turn around to stand up for her brother, but IN FACT gets upset with him instead because he did not uphold HER respect in HER family.

ISN'T THAT WILD/TWISTED!?

anyway. all of this to say that i don't believe i've ever been this sort of person. primarily because i am raised in a supportive and non-toxic home (maybe because i was raised in the west and had not a lot of influence from the toxic aspect of my home-culture back east). my parents do not look at something my husband does and go forth and judge me for it.

and perhaps i would have always remained blind to this aspect of our culture. but the thing is, i married into a family where beyond the natural blood relation bonds...everyone is tied to each other in a web of "you better not disrespect me" bonds. and i have experienced statements and sentiments from my in laws relating to things like how my sister behaves or my parents behave.

and frankly....i think i've gotten caught up in it. i'd started to believe these things - that if my parents or sister or someone from "my circle" of people do something that it is reflective of me or my own respect and behaviours in front of others.

but i'm choosing otherwise. i'm choosing to make a conscious decision tonight to not let the actions of someone (ANYONE) other than myself effect the way people look at me.

i am only responsible for my own image and my own respect. if anyone chooses to judge me based off the actions of those around me....well that's their issue!

in any case, it's 4:48 am on a saturday morning. i'm up not because i'm going to be fasting and i'm having sehri, but instead because i just can't seem to be able to sleep right now. (not fasting because my darling lady friend is here for her monthly visit 8-))

and so i thought i'd sit down and put my thoughts on paper (so to speak).

and that's all i've got for tonight.

much love,

-k

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nanas-thoughts-blog · 5 years

Text

#001

When I close my eyes I can't really see the darkness anymore.

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Instead, I can see all the things that I have done and that I haven't.

I see all opportunities that I lost because of my lack of motivation.

I see all the little lies that I've said just to stay in my own little comfort zone.

I see all the good things that I missed because of my panic attacks.

I see all the nights when I was trying really hard to fall asleep looking up at the ceiling and thinking about the purpose of living.

I see all the sad faces of my dearest ones that I've hurt unintentionally.

I see all relationships that I've destroyed because of my toxic behavior and also all the relationship that didn't had the opportunity to exist because of me being to terrified of just the thought of destroying them at some point.

I see pictures of people that I was surrounded with since childhood.

Most of them are gone by now.

Although thinking about it still hurts I don't regret meeting them.

From each of those people I've learnt something on my short journey.

I have also learnt a lot about myself.

Being lonely is the worst feeling ever.

Even though you exactly know that you have people around you.

People who care.

You still are all deep into this hole of despair. Telling yourself that you're alone.

It's only because you're misunderstood.

That's the problem.

Or maybe not? Maybe you're alone..

And so you just lock yourself away into this room. Every day lonely suffering. Forgotten by the world.

I'm still very young. I'm aware of that.

But I have so many questions.

And there is no one really to answer them.

At this point one of the most confusing one is:

What exactly "being mature" means?

Since childhood I've been told that I'm too mature for my age.That I'm not like the other kids.

Since then I was overthinking a lot. I was looking at the world and people in a different way than the other kids.

I can't really explain this.

But that was it.

That was me.

A little girl who was always siting quietly at her spot.

Observing people around her.

Thinking a lot before saying a word.

Always scared to say her opinion aloud. Scared from being judged.

A child that was told that has a calming atmosphere around her.

People trusted me very easily.

They felt the need to tell me about their problems.

And they still do.

Although I hate that.

Why?

Well, all the issues that they have told me about were a one little brick more to that wall that I have build in my own mind.

The wall of problems.

That's way too much for a one human to handle.

If you can't solve your own shit and you're taking on your shoulders the problems of others too and you're giving yourself a task to help them no matter what and "save them" then it's most likely that the wall will fall.

And when it will fall you will be stuck under it. Overwhelmed with it.

Crushed.

With the feeling of uselessness.

And the realisation that you're nothing more than an empty and hopeless doll.

Now I'm nineteen and you know what?

I realised that all the people around me that thought that I'm "too mature for my age" were the reason why I actually was like that.

They killed the child in me.

They wanted too much.

They killed my willingness of being a little and innocent child.

Child who shouldn't care about such little things.

A child who shouldn't care about that what other people think about her and just play.

They killed the happiness in this little child.

Her smiling face was something rare to see.

Since then that child lived in a world of elders.

That child was pushed to the world of reality way too early.

They and her awareness of what is happening around her did that to her.

Because she was a child that saw all the bad things that "the older ones" have done.

Although they should be a role models for them.

She saw way too much..

They say that you are really mature when you finally turn eighteen. But how come that I still feel lost and immature.

Lost like a little child.

I don't have a clue what should I do in my life.

I'm scared of it.

Trapped in my own body.

Everyday going through a little fight with it.

Because my body is slowly dying.

I'm still alive but I'm not living anymore, trust me.

My insanity grinded my soul to dust, and fragments of what it once was.

My personality was chipped away bit by bit until nothing remain but an empty husk of the person I used to be.

The grief in my green eyes is choking with its pain all the things I'm looking at.

No one recognise me anymore.

And I don't blame them because I myself even can't do that.

The voice that I'm hearing now is just an empty and emotionless squick.

It's not even a scream for help.

It's just a scary emptiness.

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