#and then agian the whole fact that

[cosmics-beings]

i feel enough time has passed but i wanna discuss my negative thoughts on the tf es starscream episode but I'm too scared

#i have a lot of thoughts #i have a lot of thoughts about the fans make hashtag the 'mom' archetype despite her being a child who has faced ptsd herself #which no one actually cares about #and then agian the whole fact that #most people took 'star doesn't need to be held accountable for hurting/abiusing others because he was a victim' #instead of hashtag's point being that he didn't need to blame himself for the abuse he went thru #not how he treated others #he does need to be held accountabel for that #I love that starscream got his validation tho #but i still have so many thoughts

[alsofortheb0ys]

DEPOWERED HOMELANDER × MALE READER

I LOVE DEPOWERED HOMIE! I WANNA SQUISH HIM 🤏🧍‍♂️Sorry, if the ending feels rushed cause it was lol. And I didn't proofread too also👍

John sat quietly on the floor maybe a little too close to the television for the good of his now human eyes. He wasn't really paying attention to the random Chopped episode, just giving his harsh feedback at the chef's mistake.

He had no right to given the fact that he has no knowledge of cooking. The box mac and cheese with undercooked noodles and chucky sauce that was still in the pot that sat in his lap that he was eating with an Ikea kids spoon.

Ever since losing his powers nearly a year ago, this was the daily occurrence for John. A constant cycle of depression that never went away.

His whole purpose, the reason of existence was stripped away from him. Vought quickly got rid of him without thought.

They took nearly everything. His apartment and other properties he had. Most of his money. Gave himthe excuse that the bank was a Vought account since he had no form of identification to open one.

Sure, they gave him enough to live out the rest of his life but it was pay for his silence that came with a NDA but they offered no mental treatment for all those years of manipulation and abuse they put him through.

Now he just sits at his and Y/N shared apartment waiting for his return. Y/N was his sole reason to keep going. His light that never stopped shining.

Y/N still worked for Vought, sometimes being gone for days or weeks. There wasn't much of an option to leave. They had trapped him just like John.

Even using John as bait for him to stay. He gets John, Vought gets Y/N.

John wasn't stupid, he knew Y/N wasn't staying by choice but still he felt betrayed.

Y/N always greeted John with the biggest smile and shower him with kisses and praise. John couldn't get his head around how he still loved him. Most of the time John didn't shower of days, still in clothes cover with sweet Thai chili sauce and sweat from his nightmares.

Powerless and useless.

Today would be no different. After getting to the last bit of his food, John hears Y/N's key jiggling as the lock turns.

"Johnny, I'm home!" Y/N says kicking off his snickers as he never comes home without changing out if his costume. Not wanting to risk their privacy and identities.

"You cooked something? It smells good!" Y/N said with enthusiasm.

"Yeah, I did that pasta and cheese thing in a box." John answered with a smile, slightly pride of himself for cooking and because he was happy to see his boyfriend.

"Give me a bite. I'm hungry." Y/N flopped down on the couch, placing his legs on either side of John.

"Is this a new episode?" Y/N says with a mouthful of noodles.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't wait to watch it with you. I wasn't sure when you'd be back."

Usually the two of you watched it together. It was silly but the show was a comfort, reminding him of you and it always eased his mind.

"It's okay. Just watch it with me again."

Y/N began kissing the back of John's short hair that was now brown as the dye wore off and John didn't bother to dye agian. John decided to shave his hair due to the fact it got matted and tangled due to him not bathing.

Well, he did it with your help. John cried while you did it. It felt like he was saying goodbye to who he was. He was no longer The Homelander. A god among men. But John. A weak mud person.

"Stop, Y/N. I'm dirty." John tried slipping away but Y/N's arms were quick to wrap around him, locking him in place. He felt shameful he didn't shower. If he had enough self well, he'd usually shower if he knew you were coming home even though it felt like a huge task.

"It's fine. Don't care. I just want to kiss you."

John gave in and signed. Truthfully, he didn't want him to stop. He loved it. Loved any ounce of affection Y/N gave him, even though he knew he didn't deserve it.

They sat in silence while finishing the episode. Y/N never stopped giving John kisses, just slowed down, giving them ever so often.

"Want to take a bath with me?" Y/N asked as the credits rolled.

"Yeah, that'd be nice. Let me just wash the dishes."

John went to get up but Y/N sat him down.

"Let me soak it and l'lI I deal with it tomorrow." Y/N grabbed the pot and ran to the sink before John could argue.

Even though the act was sweet, it upset John.

Validated he feelings of being useless. John felt tears prick his eyes but quickly blinked them away.

"Alrighty! Ready to go, baby?" Y/N bounced back into the living room, outreaching his hand for John to take.

John nods and stands to his feet, taking Y/N's hand into his. Without any warning, Y/N scoops John into his arms. His arms tuck under John's legs, their chests touching.

Instead of giving protest, John begins to cry uncontrollably. Y/N begins to panic while in his stops right in his tracks.

"Baby? John, you alright? Did I hurt you?"

Y/N tries to turn John's face to look at him, his right hand gently resting on his cheek but John doesn't move.

"No...no..no. P-please...I'm sorry." John wails, his tears soaking Y/N's shirt.

John felt so stupid in the moment. He was crying like a baby while being held like one.

What sets him off is when he remembers when he'd carry Y/N. To the bedroom. The bathroom. After a long day.

John loved being taken care of but he loved giving care. For most of his life, he made decisions based on his satisfaction but when he found Y/N, he felt selflessness. He gave love as pure as Y/N's.

But he can't do it anymore. He takes more than he gives. Y/N gives his all while John wastes away, taking and taking.

He's powerless. Just another thing added to the growing list of things he can never do again.

"No, baby. Don't be sorry. What's got you upset, puppy?" Y/N rubs small circles along John's back as he calms down.

John feels like he's cried all the tears he had. He just whimpers while chewing on the collar of the dirty shirt he was wearing.

It was a coping method Y/N taught him. For the longest time, when John had a panic attack or was overwhelmed, he would hit his fists against his head or bite his lip.

When he was a supe he ran no risks of hurting himself, but he wasn't any more.

He'd bite his lip bloody and bruises covered his cheeks for the first few months. Y/N was there every step of the way, whispering praise and sweet words as he cried himself tired.

Today was no different.

John sniffed, still chewing on his shirt.

"Puppy, you want to talk about it or we can later? But we're going to have too. It's important I understand what's going on with you. I need to know what's the matter."

Another thing that made John hate himself. To Y/N it was important he knew John's emotional well-being but John never paid attention to his.

He couldn't count how much times Y/N would come home stressed from Vought breathing down his neck or how times Ashley called during one of his very few off days.

It was because John didn't understand his own emotions let alone someone else's. He was never taught how to properly deal with them. Just left alone to bottle them up till he exploded.

But Y/N helped him even though John felt like he was going nowhere. Y/N was so patience and caring it almost makes him sick.

"Y/N...I'm useless. W-why don't you hate me?" John finally whispers out, slightly muffled by the t-shirt in his mouth.

"Oh Johnny, you're not." You gave a kiss to his temple. "I love you. Love you so much."

"N-no, y-you're lying. No one can love me." John could feel himself being to tear up again.

"No, baby. Look at me." Y/N gently takes John's face in yhis left hand, making him look at him this time. "I love you with powers and without."

"You sure?" John bearly whispers.

"Yes, baby. More than anything." You promise. "Now do you want to tell me what's up?"

John signs and snuggles his face against Y/N's neck.

He follows Y/N steady breath and feels their heartbeats almost in sync. The warmth of his skin against his.

"I just want to be able to care for you. To be strong for you." John sniffles, he wants to cry again. "But I can't. Feel so useless and weak.

"Aw, my baby. You're not. You're so so strong and I'm so proud of you. I know it's hard for you and can't even imagine how hard you've had it but I'm here for you no matter what."

"You promise?" John's voice was bearly auditable. He sounded like a child making his parent promise that there was no monster under the bed.

"Yes, puppy. I promise." Y/N seals the promise in with a kiss on John's forehead. "How about that bath? You have some cheese on your hair."

"Yeah. I'd still like that."

"Alrighty, baby. You wanna walk or you wanna be carried the rest of the way?"

"Carry. Please." John's words slurred slightly. It seemed that all the crying had suddenly taken all his energy.

"Ok, Princey. All that crying must have gotten you tired huh?"

John doesn't verbally answer but just nods againstY/N's neck. They make their way to the bathroom, Y/N humming a little tune; John closes his eyes and listens.

Y/N sets John on the side of the tub and fills the water, checking once in a while to see it the water's too hot or too cold. He added a bath bomb, a gentle scent of lilies.

Oncethe tub is filled, Y/N begins to take off John's clothes. He never really wore much. Usually one of Y/N's shirt and a pair of boxers.

John closed his eyes tightly. Lately he had a hard time looking at his own body. He was never as muscler as his suit used to show but he didn't need them with super strength. He was much more scrawny now and it made him once again feel weak.

Y/N's warm hands grounded John before he strayed more into his self consciousness. He had picked him up and put him into the warm water. John had opened his eyes to Y/N's removing his clothes.

John smiled. His boyfriend was gorgeous. He felt like he could stare at him for days just admiring his beautiful figure.

"Did I ever tell you you're handsome?" John said as he closed his eyes again. This time not to advoid seeing himself but relaxing into the bath.

"Lots, yes." You chuckle as you gently move John forward so you can sit behind him.

"Well, you are."

Both fell silent as they enjoyed their bath together. Y/N's wandered, lathering soap on John's body. His hair, his back, his shoulders, his chest, every part of him treated gently.

"Y/N?" John breaks the silence.

"Yes, puppy?"

"Thank you. For everything. I know I'm hard to deal with. I'm trying to get better. I promise. You stayed though you didn't have to. But you did. I want you to know I'm grateful." John teared up again, not out of sadness this time.

"It's okay, Johnny. I stay cause I love you. I know you're trying and you have been better. Just baby steps."

John did feel better. He had a ways to go but Y/N was with him and that was all that mattered.

#homelander #the boys series #homelander x male reader #homelander x reader #depowered homelander #homelander fanfiction

[cherry1sblog]

My collage roommate (part 2)

!!YJW!!

Summary:u entered collage everything was going amazing u had your bsf with u but there was one problem ur collage roommate… (also there is a plot twist about heeseung and jungwon there not as close as u think)

Warnings:cursing kissing (WILL EVENTUALLY BE A SMUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME -also tell me if I missed any this

RECAP:

“Yeah that’s right just walk away that’s why yuji never wanted to be with just walk away from all your problems that’s probly why she wouldn’t even have sex with u!”

He stoped and let go of your hand and the next thing u know he’s punching heeseung

OMG JUNGWON

//BACK TO SCENE \\

“OMG JUNGWON!!”

You were completely shocked not knowing what to do but people obviously heard you screaming so people started to gather around but Jake and sunoo pushed thrue the crowd to see

“YO wtf are you guys doing “

Jake tried to pull jungwon off of heeseung after they both got each others punched jungwon wouldn’t stop pushing jake to the ground and leaving everyone shocked screaming yelling recording egging it on

“STOP SUNOO SUNGHOON DO DOMETHING”

At this point sunoo had gotten upset cause it was his party they decided to fight at jake was pissed everything was going wrong here sunoo grabbed jungwon and pushed him off sunghoon and Jake grabbing heeseung

“WTH DO YOU GUYS THINK YOUR DOOING “

“Maybe ask jungwon hes being a little bitch”

“Call me a bitch agian I just kicked your ass!!”

“Oh y-

“STOP IT I don’t know why tf you guys are fighting but I wanna go home you guys can be pricks later “

“Jake can you please take me home “

“Uh Sure”

“Wait y/n I was gonna take u-

“You’ve done enough for tonight you two should stay and help sunoo clean up you guys fucked up his party “

Jake took you to his car everyone eles left the comotion im almost positive heeseung went home pissed off sunoo obviously upset at the boys but wasn’t to upset cause the night still continued after you were in jakes car silent until he spoke to you

“Y/n”

You turned your head to face him

“You know whatever they said back there don’t pay attention to it”

“Yk I was trying to but everything was so outta pocket it’s messing with me “

“Ik you and jungwon just barley are getting to know eachother but he really dose like you “

“Can I ask you somthing “

Jake nodded as a response

“Who’s yuji and why did she break up with jungwon”

“Ah I really shouldn’t be the one to tell you this “

“Please jake”

“Ugh Fine Yuji we’ll she was um something she cheated on jungwon a lot and jungwon was done with it after he found out heeseung and her got drunk and accidentally slept Together “

“What that’s crazy heeseung dosent seem like that type of guy”

“Weel he was drunk but that’s what happened and after they broke up she spread lies cause she didn’t want people to know she was a cheater so she said things like Jungwons bad in bed he’s a virgin things like that”

“Damn I thought you guys were all best freinds he even said so himself “

“Well he’s not the type of person to hold a grudge so he forgave him but heeseung can be an ass about it sometimes “

“Ah I see “

The whole car ride to your dorm was more quiet after that convo you guys had you had no idea that happened to jungwon and well that girl you saw I Gusse he really did have a reason to be angry at her you were more confused as to why heeseung felt the need to be an ass still if jungwon had already forgave him maybe he was the one still caught up?

//when jungwon got home\\

You wanted to stay up and ask jungwon what happend so as soon as you heard him open the door to the dorm u marched to him just as he was walking thrue the hallway part to take his shoes off

“Wth was that yang”

“What’s it to you “

“Idk maybe the fact my name was brought up so many times”

“So many times are you talking about how heeseung said I wanted to fuck you “

“I-

“If that what you thought I’m sorry but I’m just tryna make sure your not a pon in his game “

“I can take care of myself if your so worried and what if I did huh What’s It To YOU”

“Yk what I couldn’t give a fuck less what you do”

You just nodded at him and picked at your lip and grabed you phone and wallet and a jacket and put on your shoes as fast as you could

“What are u Doing “

“Dw about it you couldn’t give a fuck less what I do right “

He grabbed your wrist getting you to stay you looked at him and threw your hand off of him

“Scince you couldn’t give a fuck less I’m going to heeseung s Place “

He pushed u back inside locked the door and pinned you to the wall

“What makes you think your going over there princess”

……….

#kpop smut #smut #j #jungwon smut #jungwon #collage #fanfic

[butmakeitgayblog]

So I'm relatively new to the fandom, and during my stay in this rabbit hole, that is, Clexa, I've got a few questions that I'm hoping you could answer :)

Why is everyone here pro-Lexa? Like don't get me wrong I absolutely love Lexa as a character and Alycia is a queen, but why all the hate towards some of the other characters, like Bellamy? I've never watched The 100 the whole way through (literally exited outta the show the second Lexa died), even then, it's been years since I watched it. Did I miss something while I was binge-watching, or was my teenage brain at the time just too immature to realize he was a total jackass..? Also, it's not just Bellamy, I've also seen hate for Bob, the actor who plays him. Which brings me to another question: does this fandom not like Eliza? I always see so much support when Alycia has an upcoming project or is posting Instagram updates but nothing for Eliza? Again, no judgment for the Alycia love because I completely understand why everyone here is head over heels in love with that girl but I just wanted to know, has Eliza ever done anything wrong? Or have I just conveniently only stumbled upon Alycia stans on this app?

Anyway, a totally unrelated note but since I'm here… may I just say ma'am, your writing is the bomb diggity. Like the perfect blend of humor, sexiness, angst, and fluff, THE GODDAMN FLUFF. Genius, you're a genius, like a mad scientist of Clexa fanfic. Hope you keep doing what you're doing, my friend. Take your time though, and don't listen to those ignorant anons that are crawling around yelling "wHy ArE yOu TaKiNg So LoNg To UpDaTe?" Thank you for writing for the Clexa fandom! ❤️

First I wanna say thank you for the sweet words and reading, that means so much to me 🥹💕 not to be a nerd but I screenshot that for one of my worse imposter syndrome days lol

Long post so you can read under the cut. Long time clexas you can just skip if you want because honestly I got annoyed all over again just typing it and you know it all already 🥴

Now right off the top, you don't have to hate Bellamy if you don't want to. It's not like that's a prereq for being a clexa, so if you like him, like him and don't worry about what anyone says. He's a fictional character so anyone who gets intense over someone liking him I think needs to take a walk.

But the reason why a lot of Clexas, myself included, hate him is somewhat of a two part answer. The main reason being is that his character is trash 😅. I mean I'm not gonna dissect every little bit of canon but the main points for me at least, since I can't speak for anyone else, are that he was constantly fucking up literally everything. He gets to earth, proclaims "tHeRe aRe nO RuLeS" and then,,, immediately declares himself the leader and starts forcing people to follow what he says. He literally almost let Clarke fall into a pit of spikes, tried to handcuff her and keep her hostage "for her own good", he spearheaded the whole thing with taking off their wristbands, HE BACKED PIKE, participated in the massacre of a peaceful army sent to protect skaikru, he constantly shamed and blamed Clarke for everything that ever went wrong even when a lot of that stuff was either the best solution in a bad situation OR was an indirect fallout from something fucked up that skaikru had done. The sweaty little fucker was always trying to control/manipulate Clarke and skaikru and his own damn sister despite the fact that everything he ever planned himself turning out to be: A Terrible Idea. Basically the dude sucked but was held up on spindles of glorification as being this heroic uwu soft boy that wasn't actually supported by any one damn thing in canon when you actually look at it objectively. And I'm sure I'm even forgetting stuff. The dude just sucked.

Agian, that's my own two cents.

The other reason being, it's rollover from having to deal with blarks. Their constant harassment and shoving their fanon, non-existent ship down everyone's throat, while being entitled little brats throwing tantrums about them not happening at every turn has led from what probably would've been just a mild distaste for a character for most into loathing even the name. Understand I'm not saying the word harassment lightly. They were awful for years. Death threats and homophobia, spamming inboxes with hateful messages and sending awful pictures/memes etc. One even sent EJT a dick pic with Blark written on their penis. They sent memes non-stop about Lexa dying when people were still reeling from it. I'm not saying all Blarks are bad because they're not, but there was enough harassment and viciousness from a large enough and loud enough faction that at a certain point it becomes a blanket feeling of animosity toward the entire ship and everything that follows it.

As for disliking EJT. In reality, she used to be the fandom favorite. I mean she was our girl because she used to champion us and was hilarious about it. Go look up old cons and interviews with her. She was funny and great. Once upon a time E was our biggest cheerleader and dealt with A Lot of abuse and harassment from The Other fandom for it. I'm talking body shaming, slut shaming, comments about her intelligence, sexual harassment and trolling her about her boyfriends and very descriptive messages about how they wanted her to harm herself. The list goes on. And no one, especially not Bob who was the golden boy for The Other fandom, ever said a word in her defense. Never told his fans to stop or that he condemned it. Ever. Not once. That never sat well with clexas, but you can't control what other people do.

We had her back anyway. So, it was whatever. Gross, but whatever.

And then she married Bob. Which, and Blarks cannot seem to wrap their heads around this fact, literally no cared about. She could've just married him and kept being the same person and no one would've cared. In fact, the way this fandom loved her, at first everyone was like hmmm weird and sudden but good for her I guess! Be happy!

But then Bob's ex came forward with very serious allegations about her past relationship with him. She released a statement that you can easily find online and from that it painted a very dark picture of things that involved both him and EJT. As I'm someone who believes victims, I have no reason not to believe her, and since the very bizarre (non) rebuttal that EJT posted in reply made zero sense, that was that. It changed the lens of how a lot of people started looking at her.

Which leads me to the charities.

Hear a collective Clexa sigh.

They're a saga in themselves, but to sum it up as short as possible, EJT had been a part of a children's organization for YEARS that she herself helped set up. Clexas raised a lot of money for this charity through fundraising and selling fanart and we really cared about it. And literally within months of them being married, he became involved in it, and then shortly thereafter, magically they both had to "step away from it" for dubiously explained reasons. (Which, if you read his ex's statement, logical deduction of what probably actually happened will make more sense than what they claimed, and not in a good way.) Sensibly, they started recieving backlash from supporters because, again a lot of people had been helping this charity for years and all of a sudden she was just gone from it and all the projects were halted. I'm not blaming solely her for anything but to just cut and run like she did was sus to say the least.

So to steer away from that shitshow, they started another charity. With a bunch of right-wing MAGA nuts. Yeah. They weren't open or transparent about anything, no records of where any of the money was going, iirc no real legitimate charity registration/tax documentation that anyone could find (and in the US that's all public info sooooooo). It was a total clusterfuck that people started calling them out on from the start. At first they tried to ignore it and just keep collecting money by doing these ridiculous cameos as cash grabs, but just like the first charity, after a while (and a lot of initially unaccounted for money being raised) the poor little darlings just had to "step away for mental health reasons."

Which I would accept and support wholeheartedly because mental health is extremely serious... except funnily, they didn't stop doing the cameos. They kept doing those and charging their fans money to listen to them blather on about made up ~behind the scenes info~ about Blark stuff and it being super secretly canon but for a million reasons that they don't know and can't name, stopped it from happening. Claims of love scenes and kisses that have never been backed up by evidence (like a script) or corroborated by a single person involved in the show. But it's totally true guys, just trust them bro. So yeah, they've kept doing all that. Just... not giving the money they're charging for the cameos to their "charity."

So that's the meat of it, I might be forgetting things and smudging some finer details because it's been a long while ago, but I think you can get the gist. People don't like Bob because he was an ass to fans and EJT herself before them even getting married. He's said ableist things and quoted racists trying to sound smart and never once apologized for anything. He's been accused of abuse in his personal life and has never addressed it, only made his wife write a terrible fanfiction-esque response to appease his ardent followers. And frankly, she pissed off her fans. Once she married him, she completely flipped her personality from a funny charity doing, body positivity leading, cheerleading about "Clexa are soulmates" and "Lexa is the love of Clarke's life" girl, to doing personal cash grabs constantly while spewing all this made up Blark garbage that directly contradicts things they've both said in the past to please her faithful paying cameo fans (read his fans).

It's all left a lot of people with a bad taste in their mouth, to say the least.

And ya best believe if Alycia does some crazy shit, I'll turn on her too 🤷‍♀️ but honestly I'm not too worried about that cuz the girl is a cryptid who you literally can't pay to go to cons or do cameos

#anon #long post #again #not interested in starting discourse I'm just answering an ask as I see it

[kpopslays]

Requested by my friend!!! Suna as your jealous boyfriend

Warnings:smut,angst? (mdni18+)

It all started yesterday when your friend Ziko came over to talk to you.Everything was going fine until yoir boyfriend showed up.He was walking all happily out of class thinking he was finally going to see his precious gf,BUT instead he sees her already talking to a random boy.He was super pissed and and stayed in a corner where he can see you.He was eyeing you down and when you saw him you knew you wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow.......

Time skip~

When you got home you where praying that you survive the night but as soon as you entered you saw the light where turned off.....

Ofcourse you knew he was home since it was something he would do,and you where hoping that he is asleep but No.

As soon as you turned the lights on and took your shoes off he was behind you.

Looking at you.

Creeping down at you.

Basically eyeing you down.

But...

In his eyes

You

Saw

Anger

He was never really angry at you but you know you messed something up.You felt it.something definetly happened but you can't remember.Then it hits you..........You didn't see him after one of you classes and you knew it was after your math class.....for a minute it had you thinking

Why would he be mad?

But then it hits you agian

,,oh no Ziko...."

You say out quietly

,,Dammit do you always think about that boy? Do you only think about him?"

He says

,,No Suna i swear he is just my friend nothing else!!"

You shout out

But no Suna does not care

He has a slight smirk on his face

And you know what is about to happen...

He is about to fuck you the hardest you ever will be fucked.

And it's gonna be good.

He took your hand and led you to the bedroom he took yours and his clothes off and pushed you onto the bed.You knew you were wrecked but oh well........you like being fucked itwas all you could think about today.

Getting Fucked by Suna Rintaro.

Your boyfriend

He started going full speed not even letting you adjust to his size

But you liked it, No you loved it

He was ramming into like there is no tomorrow

After a whole session after both of you cummed into eachother you got up to go get washed up bzt suna pushed you back onto the bed.

,,We're going to be fucking all night,I don't want anyone to steal you away from me....You're mine so you should have my babies"

You where speechless but knowing the fact that you were probably going to get pregnant from you boyfriend the one and only Suna Rintaro....you couldn't resist it plus you guys are university students you both have full paying jobs and you could take care of a child.

After many weeks of trying

You finally got pregnant.You where holding the pregnancy test in your hands and you where crying of hapiness suna was beside you ofcourse he couldn't belive his eyes....he will be a father......He was ecstatic

After 9 months you gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy.

The end

Make sure not to make your boyfriend jealous or else you will end up with 1028373632681 quadrillion babies

#haikyuu #suna rintaro x reader #suna rinatro #anime and manga #anime #anime hent

[guillemelgat]

I thought this song, a collaboration between Basque band Bulego and Spanish musician Ede, was really pretty, and the words are also very poetic. They switch between Spanish and Basque in very interesting ways, but the whole thing comes together quite well. If you speak Spanish and/or Basque you can watch the process they went through to make the song here, and give a better explanation than I could of what it's about, but roughly it speaks to the fact that even past experiences that we regret make up an important part of who we are now, so as much as we might want to get rid of them we can't.

Si lo hubiera sabido antes If I had known before que todo este ruido escondía mi nombre That all this noise was hiding my name

Isiltasun honen atzean gorde dira Behind all this silence are being kept nire izenaren oihartzun guztiak All the echoes of my name

Quizás escondiendo las manos Maybe hiding my hands quizás rebajando la voz Maybe lowering my voice quizás resistiendo el impulso Maybe resisting the impulse o quizás incluso si no Or maybe even if not podría apagar esta culpa I could turn off this guilt pero sin todo este dolor But without all this pain

[ ERREPIKA / ESTRIBILLO: Ez nintzen ni izango I wouldn’t be me Esa no sería yo That wouldn’t be me Dudan hutsune honek bete ez banindu. If the hollowness that I have didn’t fill me Esa no sería yo That wouldn’t be me ez nintzen ni izango I wouldn’t be me hoy la culpa deja hueco a la luz Today guilt leaves a space for the light ]

Lorez apaindu ditut I’ve embellished with flowers isiltasun honen erpin guztiak All the spikes of this silence En este pecho tan lleno In this full bosom ya no cabe el silencio que me pides guardar There’s no room left for the silence that you asked me to keep

Agian ausartu banintz Maybe if I had dared to agian egin banu Maybe if I had done it agian ahots horrekin Maybe with that voice ezingo nuen lortu I wouldn’t have been able to erru hau itzali eta Turn off this guilt and min hau berriz ez sentitu Not feel this pain again

[ERREPIKA / ESTRIBILLO ]

#at some point i want to collect a playlist of songs for your blorbos (all purpose) in not english #and this is a prime candidate for that #also it's just pretty and also hey look i can translate stuff from basque :0 #still working on x eta besteak we'll see if i'm up to that challenge #general:music #basque:general #spanish:general #general:translation #basque:translation #spanish:translation #Youtube

[bgech]

What's up besties? I'll tell yah, school. Kickin my ass once agian. Whatever. Double life halfslab have my whole heart, this is way more shippy than I intended, enjoy. 3409 words.

Tw for vomit tho, stay safe <3

--

Sometimes Etho will get skittish and quiet as he sinks into the recesses of the world to sulk or think or do whatever he does when he vanishes.

It seems to be happening now, which is unfortunate because "now" is the middle of a death game.

Etho was fighting off some pillagers and Joel, foolish as he was, thought it'd be funnier if he just sat by and watched. It was funny to Joel ok? Etho is perfectly capable of taking care of a few pillagers and often refuses help if offered in a situation not dissimilar to this. So Joel thought he'd be in the clear with watching his soulbound jump away from most of the arrows and keep on the offensive.

Maybe it was because they were red, maybe it was something else, but even though they never dropped below five hearts -Joel made sure of it- after Etho was done disposing of the pillagers he walked past Joel without a wink of acknowledgement. Immediately Joel stopped his teasing about porcupines and pin cushions to follow Etho into the Relation.

He was too slow up the ladder though, by the time he made it below deck Etho was gone.

It's not the worst thing that can happen, their health isn't going down so he's not in any immediate danger, but even though they have all ten hearts, Etho still got shot. A lot. Healing doesn't pull arrows out of skin, in fact it makes it worse as the arrows are now healed in, granted they're deep enough. Joel can feel the uncomfortable pulling as they're shifted while Etho moves.

He feels a sharp pain on the back of his leg, one that sends him to sit on his bed while it passes. It's not enough to take a heart away so he can't even eat to heal it. Etho's pulling out the arrows somewhere, alone, probably in the dark. Despite his nature to lurk in the deepest shadows and slink away to seep into the void, he hates the dark. Joel knows he hates the dark.

When Etho went with Impulse down into the deep dark he came back with not much enchanted gear and way too many torches. Every square inch of their base was bright as daylight, to the point where Joel couldn't sleep. He asked Etho about it a few days later and got him to confess that he hated dark spots. Still wasn't used to the new spawn patterns of all that go bump in the night.

There was another pain, this one in his shoulder, this one a lot worse. It took a few hearts and when Etho decided that healing was optional, Joel decided to find him. He was going to give him space and time to be alone, etho likes his own company more than anyone else's and is probably the only person Joel knows where it's a better idea to let them isolate. But if etho isn't gonna take care of himself he needs finding.

Now, finding etho is one of those things that doesn't happen. Especially when he vanishes. Etho does not want to be found so he will stay hidden. Joel knows this, everyone knows this. So how is Joel gonna do it? Well he's gonna cheat.

<Smallishbeans> etho's gone

<Grian> that's our problem because...?

<TangoTek> ditched ya?

<Smallishbeans> no, he's gone. like, sunk into the cracks of your server gone.

<ZombieCleo> oh shit!

<Pearlescentmoon> uh oh!!

<Grian> o no, ok, everyone stay put, stay still, joel i'll be right there

He hates to make Grian go all admin mode in the middle of a session but..well even though it's just a game Joel has become quite attached to Etho, and would like him to not be bleeding somewhere in the dark.

Grian does arrive, in all of his purple eyed glory, to ask exactly what had happened to make Etho run off into the night. At which Joel had to look Grian in his many, many eyes and admit that he was being a bit of an asshole while Etho was getting shot, at which Grian just looked..so disappointed. Mostly at Joel, some at himself, but man. A many eyed disappointed stare has a lot more power than the normal, expected, two eye experience.

Joel just feels worse when Grian sighs, rolls his shoulders, and blips away in a flurry of obstructed code and feathers. He decides to just go inside and make sure he has enough bandaids to cover for all the freakin arrow holes Etho is sure to have. So he sits there, twiddling his thumbs until he hears Grian shout something indignant from over the hills and Etho comes skittering in through a window, some arrows still in him.

He freezes briefly when he catches sight of Joel but when Grian's footfalls sound on the deck he scrambles under Joel's bed. Etho's an arctic fox but he's a sewer rat man at his core. He steals, he vanishes, he squeezes into places he Very Much Shouldn't be able to fit in. And, and he lives in the walls, in the basements of the world, so it's no surprise when he chooses to burrow underneath something when push comes to shove.

Grain climbs down the ladder, holding Etho's jacket and looking more out of breath than Joel has seen him during the whole damn game. He tosses the coat at Joel's face, muttering something about fixing his mistakes and Etho being a "slippery little shit when he wants to be". Grian then fucks off to probably fix whatever he broke chasing Etho back home.

They sit for a while in the quiet, the only sounds being the critters outside in the night.

"He's gone," Joel says to the empty air, "you can come out now, I don't bite" Etho shifts under the bed, his fluffy tail brushing against the back of Joel's ankle making him jump.

"Etho I know you hate the dark, and I know for damn sure you're bleeding all over my nice floors under there"

Etho responds with a very respectable growl.

"I know, I was mean to you, shouldn't have been," he dangles a box of bandaids below the bed frame, "I've got batman bandaids," he sing-songs, "and I'll make you some borscht"

Etho snatches the box and tells him to go away, which he does. If Etho wants privacy, then privacy he shall get. Plus he promised him borscht and like hell Joel is going back on that.

Making borscht is not a skill Joel has honed, but living with etho has made him learn how to make a decent pot. He gets through the whole process before he feels Etho pull out another arrow, this one rips at the skin more than he'd have liked to know and he hears a stifled yelp from the window.

Balancing two bowls of borscht, holding spoons, and climbing down a ladder is hard and he's suddenly very thankful that he built the Relation. Unbeknownst to everyone there's a trap door at ground level, which he uses to enter instead of breaking his neck on the way down.

Now, Etho is not a pitiful man. Though he's wire thin, impressively quiet and often alone, he's a very respectable player. He's profound in redstone, great at building and not half bad at pvp, especially in the forever vaguely mentioned "good ol' days". But looking at him now, it is hard to believe. In nothing but his trousers and mask he's struggling to reach an arrow lodged between his shoulder blades, ears pinned to the side of his head, he's really got the Kicked Puppy look about him.

"Etho," he doesn't startle, just turns to look at Joel with mistrust, backing away with his hands slightly raised, "can I get that for you etho?"

"..you actually made borscht?"

" 'course I did, you can eat it while I, y'know, make you less full of holes?"

"mm, ok, fine"

"Thank you, I'll be gentle I promise"

"You don't need to be gentle Joel, I can take a little pain y'know"

"I know just," he takes a breath, "just let me do this for you Etho, think of it like an apology hm?"

Etho's ears perk up for a moment before swiveling like he's misheard. He glances at all the corners of the room, a perimeter check, before taking the offered bowl and spoon and sitting on Joel's bed. Not his own, because it's been overturned to make a nice little cave for him to sleep in.

He reaches up to lower his mask but hesitates, throwing a glance back at Joel who's getting a cloth saturated with warm water and his ears flick back again.

"I won't look Eth, just enjoy the stew"

Etho turns away, lowering his mask and taking a sip, "it's a soup"

"Right right, my bad, soup it is. I'm gonna get this arrow out now, ok?"

"..ok"

With the help of the warm cloth and proper angling the arrow slides out without much protest. His back twitches at the feeling involuntarily but Etho's still happily eating the borscht and Joel can confirm that it didn't hurt too bad. He thought about making a comment along the lines of "isn't that better than ripping em out" but it'd do more harm than good so he keeps it to himself.

He replaces the arrow with a patch and puts a bandaid on top for good measure. There's a few other spots that Etho missed or just didn't have time to get to so he starts on cleaning away the dried blood and patching up those too. By the time that Etho's back is clean and bandaged he's finished his borscht and his head is bobbing slightly.

"You falling asleep etho?"

"Mmm"

"D'you wanna get in your cave or..?"

"..maybe." He leans back, mask back in place, and knocks his forehead against Joel's ribs, "maybe not..?"

"What's got you so clingy?" He asked as brushes his thumb over etho's forehead, sweeping back unruly bangs, "not that I'm complaining but, you've never been..well like this, I suppose"

"You're not dark"

"I'm not what?"

"It's still dark and..well, you're not" it was now that Joel noticed that etho's hands looked to be dipped in black ink, the space around his eyes having the same treatment, like eyeliner on a rainy day. "Can you stay here till it's bright again?"

"Oh, Etho of course I can, just, ok just give me a moment alright?"

Etho, albeit very reluctantly, lets himself be detangled from Joel, who gets up to change into something to sleep in. He also puts away Etho's empty bowl and his still full one to save for later. He contacts Grian that everything is ok, who then contacts the rest of the server saying the session can continue. By the time he returns Etho has decided that waiting up for him was overrated and inefficient. He's commandeered Joel's blanket to wrap around himself with his head under the pillow. That's right, under it.

The left side of the bed is still free and Etho did say he wanted him to stay, so instead of awkwardly trying to disturb whatever peace etho's found, he just climbs in next to him and opens his book to read. Etho curls around him and comes out from under the pillow to shove his masked face into Joel's side. Joel makes the mistake of glancing down after a paragraph only to make eye contact with Etho's best puppy eyes.

Here's the thing about Etho's eyes. They're pretty large in comparison to the rest of his face, maybe it's because of the mask blocking everything else from sight, but fact of the matter is Etho has big, sad eyes and he knows it. He uses it to his advantage at every turn, every moment he can he puts on the Sad Eyes and he'll get what he wants. This is all well and good, except for the fact that Joel doesn't know what he wants.

"What is it?"

Etho whines at him, a very distinctly not human sound.

"Do you want me to read aloud? That it?"

Etho settles back to his previous position, letting his eyes relax into the half closed state they're usually in.

Alright then, he can read out loud. Not well nobody said he was good at it, but it can be done, and if it'll keep Etho calm for the night then who's he to say no?

And though every time he reaches a character name and he has to pronounce it out loud for the first time, failing at least twice, and every time he comes across a word like "grotesque" he has to fight back the urge to say "gro-tes-que", Etho seems to be enjoying himself. How does he know? Well Etho's wrapped himself up in a little burrito roll, every part of him covered, save for his face of course, and the very end of his tail. The end of a tail which is constantly tapping away on the mattress.

As long as he's happy, Joel is happy too.

He gets through a surprising amount of the book before Etho gives it up and closes his eyes. He had been blinking lazily for the past however long, obviously exhausted from whatever run around he did avoiding grian, but trying to stay awake anyway. But now he lay still as a rock, tucked carefully into Joel's side. Joel himself is just as tired so he decides that a nap won't hurt. It's not really a nap now that it's past midnight, it's just sleep, but he has a bit of a sneaking suspicion that the Dark will be making another appearance before the sun rises.

He drifts off easily, how can he not? He's warm and safe and he's got someone curled around him, holding him gently. He doesn't dream, never has, and maybe he never will. It doesn't matter to him.

What does matter is the fact that he's been proven right. He usually likes being proven right because that means he wins, he was correct all along and they were foolish to think otherwise. He does not like being proven right when it's about the dark. They've only been through it once before, etho's first night after the warden shenanigans went down. He had gone under his bed into the cave he'd built, only to wake Joel up when he jolted awake and tried to run. Thing about having a cave for a bed is the escape routes are one way and quite narrow, so in his panic to get out of the dark and away from the warden that he was sure was right there, he ran into just about every corner and wall on his way out.

Needless to say that it hurt and combined with the pain and the noise Joel was awake and at his side fairly quickly. Joel, for all he's worth, is not the greatest at calming people down, he knows this. So in his attempt to stop Etho from suffocating them to death via panic attack, he got them both outside and made etho stare at the sun for a few minutes. It didn't calm him down at all, but the confusion of why he was unceremoniously dragged outside and then forced to look at the big ball of burning gas was enough of a puzzle to get him to breathe again. Maybe the wind and light was what did it, who knows.

It was a big win for everybody involved.

Staring at the sun, while a nice confusion tactic, hurts the eyes and is not actually recommended by anyone of any sorts of smarts. So maybe don't stare at the sun, it'll hurt ur eyes

Anyway, Joel was proven right when at around 3, maybe 4, Etho's subconscious decided that it was no longer a good idea to be asleep. Joel woke up to etho sitting up rather abruptly. In his sleepy haze he didn't realize why and was honestly just annoyed that his pillow had left him.

"Y'aright etho"

He doesn't get an answer, just a wet sounding cough, which is bad for a lot of reasons. Is it blood? Vomit? Just spit stuck in Etho's throat?

"Etho"

He sits up and puts a hand on Etho's shoulder, trying to turn him around to maybe get a better idea of what's wrong. Etho shakes his head and pulls away, coughing into his hand again, sounding worse than before.

"Bucket?"

He nods and coughs again, doubling over as it doesn't stop. Joel gets up from the bed and tries to find a bucket before Etho's willpower loses against whatever is choking him but in all his frantic searching he finds nothing but the empty borscht bowl from earlier. If it's as bad as it sounds the bowl is not going to be nearly enough, he has to find a goddam bucket, or Etho is going to drown in his own misery in front of him and, oh it was staring him right in the face the whole time.

He returns to Etho's side not a moment later and shoves the bucket under him just as Etho's hand moves out of the way and he makes a god awful retching sound. Joel looks away for common courtesy, nobody likes to be looked at when they throw up, but he doesn't move from his post next to Etho. He knows from personal experience that it's good to have something solid to lean on after a long bout of throwing up, and while the wall is there it's probably not very nice to bump into after a go like this.

So he stays while Etho continues to spit and hack into the bucket and he stays when Etho starts to cry in between heaves of sour smelling, bloody looking gunk. He stays a warm presence at his side as Etho coughs and coughs again, trying to rid himself of the Dark that's crawled inside his lungs and infected his stomach. He's there to catch him when Etho finally, finally finishes and crumples to the side. He lets etho recover for a moment before he gets up to get him a wet rag to wipe his face with. He then takes the bucket outside and burns it. And when he gets back from his impromptu bonfire he'll give etho a cold glass of water and make a show of turning around so he can drink.

"Feeling any better?"

"Mm-mm" Etho shakes his head negative

"I sort of figured," Etho huffed a laugh, "but I am sorry that whatever..that..was happened"

Etho didn't respond, just hummed a little and curled his arms around himself in a loose sort of hug. Joel could only see his eyes but he still looked like a sick dog about to be taken out back. He's still not got a shirt so Joel turns to find him one, that'll make him feel better, right? Not so exposed. A harder task than once thought because Etho likes to squirrel away all of his things into little holes and cubbies and containers all around which leads Joel to just give up and give Etho one of his own. With the height difference he was initially worried about it being much too small, but Etho's all legs and bone anyway, he'll be fine.

He dumps the shirt on Etho's head and settles himself back against the headboard, it is his bed after all.

Concerningly, Etho doesn't move for a few moments, somewhere Else to be sure, but he comes back fast enough that Joel isn't worried about him blipping away again. He stops staring at the back of Etho's head and turns his attention to the ceiling, counting and recounting the grooves of the wood, waiting for Etho to make a decision. A decision that's decided when he feels Etho tentatively lay down next to him, on his side, facing the wall. His hands are curled close to his face, which Joel now notes is uncovered by the normal mask. Instead it's tucked under the blanket, held in place by his hands with his nose exposed.

Etho's ears are back to being relaxed atop his head and his eyes are closed so Joel counts his blessings and settles in for more sleep.

--

I hate how this ends aach but I wanna post it before class is over lmaoo.

Shout out to all the people who stare at the sun during meltdowns, I'm one of u.

#what are the tags help #double life smp #trafficshipping #ethoslab #joel smallishbeans #i feel like doublelife is one word #doublelifesmp #like that #boat boys #smalletho #ok byebye i gotta go to math :(

[starnightlover]

https://www.tumblr.com/starbursts777/716416229564350464/i-just-raed-a-post-of-yours-ir-was-an-ask-from?source=share

Hii star its me. I need your help agaain. Sorry I keep dumping this here but things were slightly better after my last ask. I am working on my sc but seems to not really get any changes. I am fine when I affirm and am by myself but as soon as I face someone in 3d same old thoughts come running back about insecurity, ugliness , and wgat not. I feel shameful and really bad to admit it but I am so irritated and agitated of my family members. I love them but I am so pissed off at them. At my mom coz she has always said mean stuff to me that have broken my confidence always comparing me to my sister or saying I cant do anything. Although I know she doesnt actually mean to hurt me but I feel terrible and when I tell her she has a bunch of more things to say which make me feel guilty for expressing myself in the first place. I have guests coming up since the last few days. And all of them a so well along with my sister like they are so fond of her, and she looks so much more prettier than I do. My heart is filling with hatered , irritation and jealousy for my family members because I dont feel good enough. And even the most little inconvenience makes me burst out and be rude to them. And as soon as I do that I feel unworthy of having my desires or being good enough I feel unworthy of being loved and pretty. I dont want to feel this way. I don't want to hate or be jealous of anyone. I just want my peace and happiness. Today again I burst out shouting and felt so terrible for doing it as if all my sc progress I made was ruined or something. I always promise myself I will not burst out and then I do. I feel like a horrible person for being so rude to them even in my head. I just want to feel secure but saying so feels such a lie for someone who has never felt secure. When I was in standard 6th there was a girl in my class who was literally the prettiest and popular and academically good and talented. I was all of these things too but not as much as her. She would always win awards and stuff always be the star of every class and I experienced for the next 3 years as I was in the same class as her. I would try my best and even do great , I was also praised and stuff but I still felt bad because I was overshadowed. This whole incident was the first time I felt jealous of anyone ever and that feeling sucked. And now the same this is happening all over agian.

I really feel like its fine I am not the prettiest or the best or the most popular all I want to have is feel secure in myself and know I am good enough and not compare myself to anyone else no matter what and not give a fuck about peoples opinion. But I still want to be loved and respected. I hate this little competition and comparison I have created in my head.

I

Hey lovely! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL ANGRY! YOU ARE ALLOWED GO BE PISSED OFF! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL HATRED AND ALL OTHER EMOTIONS! Emotions don’t manifest so feel all of those emotions! Just don't identify with the 3d! That means to not accept it as fact! Yes live in it and interact like usual but do not accept your 3d as fact! What matters is your imagination, after all your imagination is the one and only true reality! Whenever you feel flustered and react to the 3d go within and imagine your desires and desired scenarios! Remember you are not a victim to your 3d, you are God! You will always win, no matter what you got this and everything will change! It must conform to your imagination!

#law of assumption #manifestation #neville goddard #anonymous asks

[pjsk-writin]

Subscribed just now, and I’m a huge fan of prosekai (too bad I’m in JP server). The Male Twin request is both wholesome and cute, so I wanted to request it agian but this time with Kohane, Honami, Airi, and Nene.

waa I'm glad to hear that!! and SADGE, I've been meaning to get a JP server acc but yk.....and hehe, sure!! i hope you like this! <3

♡ TWIN - Kohane Azusawa, Honami Mochizuki, Airi Momoi and Nene Kusanagi x Reader

Kohane:

Kohane is definitely a very interesting person to be the twin of!

She's always been naturally nervous around people, so if you were more extroverted than she was, she would always be hiding behind you-

When your dad and her adopted Count Pearl, whether you were scared of her or not, she would basically become your third sibling-

Kohane also developed her hobby of photography from a young age, so every now and then, she'd ask for you to pose for her photos

Once she joins VBS, she goes through a very welcome change. She cuts her hair and replaces her glasses with contents, and suddenly your sister feels like a whole other person

It's nice to see her being so happy and slowly learning confidence, and she definitely introduces you to the rest of VBS! Thankfully, she's only ever said good things about you!

Honami:

Honami is yet another person where being her twin would be interesting

She's very sweet with her friends, and you're no different! She tries to learn about what you like, and gives you gifts from time to time!

You would hang out with the other members of Leo/Need when you were younger, and was practically the fifth member of the group!

However, once middle school hit, once everyone began to change, you also noticed that your sister was changing

She suddenly seemed ashamed to be hanging out with you, and wouldn't talk to you at school in favor of being with her "friends"

It was this weird behavior that led to you being there during Saki's and Shiho's confrontations. You also confronted her at home, but your approach was just very...You

After Leo/Need got back together, you were invited to be the fifth member. You'd always be a member in their hearts anyway, but they will respect your decision either way!

Airi:

Airi will definitely be very happy to have a twin!

The two of you are both middle children, but she will still act like she's older than you-

She's very caring, if not a bit too headstrong at times. She definitely stood up for you a lot when you were kids, and still continues to do so to this day

Your relationship with her was definitely changed after she became an idol, which was one of the many things she hated about being an idol

She didn't want you to just be known as her twin, after all, you were a very talented person in your own right! She makes sure to say this in a lot of her interviews

She confided in you before she left being an idol, explaining why she just...Didn't feel like it was for her anymore

At least, that's how she felt before MMJ! was formed. You could tell that she was super happy with her group, and she would bring you along to practices from time to time so you could see how she was doing!

Nene:

Nene is also very happy to have a twin, but for different reasons-

You were there with her when she saw the Little Mermaid, and you were the first person who she told her dreams of being an actress to

However, after the incident in middle school, she became very reserved, not even daring to go on stage anymore

She would often hide behind you if the two of you went out together. She just hated being out in the open, and you happened to be a very good shield

She challenges you to game with her constantly. That's actually one of the main reasons she became really good at fighting games!

Once Rui made Robo-Nene, you were the first person to see it. Nene was super stoked, and you were happy for her

Of course, nothing compared to the joy of seeing her step onto the stage with WxS for the first time. You could tell she was nervous, but the fact that she was up there at all made you feel so proud!

#pjsk x reader #project sekai x reader #kohane azusawa x reader #azusawa kohane x reader #honami mochizuki x reader #mochizuki honami x reader #airi momoi x reader #momoi airi x reader #nene kusanagi x reader #kusanagi nene x reader

[elmleif]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

tysm for tagging me @softimbue!! i'm not sure who to tag so pls if you feel like doing this you're more than welcome to just pretend i tagged you lol.

1: are you named after anyone?

nope!! just erin since my family has irish lineage!

2: when was the last time you cried?

eh every day the last few weeks, breakup tingz!!

3: do you have kids?

no, and I don’t plan on ever having any tbh some people just aren’t maternal and that’s ok!!

4: do you use sarcasm a lot?

I feel like I have a good grasp on one single type of sarcasm aka the very animated exaggerated kind, so I’ll use that sometimes but still don’t get it when people are sarcastic with me with a straight face, you’re just speaking to me normally yeah of course I took what u said at face value and believed it lol 10 years and my ex still uses dry sarcasm on me and is shocked when I believe what he’s telling me????

5: what sports do you play/have you played?

I was on a basketball team for one day as a teen and left the first practice bc I failed every layup we had to do and cried hysterically bc I was so embarrassed LOL no sports for me.

6: what's the first thing you notice about people?

eye contact, if you make strong eye contact i immediately am very very afraid of you.

7: eye color?

idk like a darker grey/blue??

8: scary movies or happy endings?

hmmm idk i haven't watched a movie in at least a year or so, so whichever kind of movie wont make me cry whether that be happy or sad tears bc once i start crying i literally cannot stop myself lol

9: any special talents?

cannot think of anything off the top of my head tbh lol

10: where were you born?

in queens!! where i stayed until i was 19 until leaving for 🤮texas🤮

11: what are your hobbies?

sims, and for a while collecting squishmallows but i have to get rid of all of them to move :-( i have tons of clay and earring supplies though so i'm hoping i'll have the energy/mental capacity to begin exploring that once i move!!

12: do you have any pets?

yes at the moment i have my siamese cat nelson, and my ex and i's pitbull Nala who'll be staying behind in texas. my heart dog chappie passed away about a year or two ago so i'm hoping to get another chinese crested one day again, they're such special little babies and i've never experienced a love as unconditional as chappie's that little guy was my whole entire world :-(

13: how tall are you?

somehow this usually surprises online mutuals, maybe i give off taller vibes?? but i'm 5'2!!

14: favorite subject in school?

art!!! i had a very rocky high school experience and honestly did not attend school very much AT ALL, but my high school art teacher was so kind and supportive and always made me feel so safe coming to school when i otherwise didn't. and fun fact she was Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong's ex girlfriend and was even in Up in Smoke LOL

15: dream job?

i used to be a librarian before i moved to Texas so i'd say that's my dream job once agian!! i've been a dog groomer for 8-9 years now and it's quite literally destroying my body and I really hope I'm able to find another librarian position back up north soon.

[yokomation-blog]

i really REALLY don´t Wanna do this whole Thing agian but part of also wanna do that right away

what im talking about here is the Fact i kinda wanna do What i have done on Willa Brown and then give Hercy a Break before i jump RIGHT into Hercy´s Textureing agian, IDK.

maybe it´s Because i think Hercy can look alot better and while i do Keep telling myself i can ALWAYS fix him up Later during retextureing, i feel like it´s Not Enough, i will give him a bake then we can see where we go from there.

[lordfabian]

This is probably going to sound stupid but like, I really relate to Fabian on the whole "suddenly very helpless and that's a very frustrating feeling" thing. I mean, I know it's not exactly the same thing seeing as they're literally reborn as a kid versus being suddenly thrust into the headspace of a small child by some trigger or flashback, but it can be a pretty stressful experience to just be existing and all of a sudden for whatever reason you're three agian and nothing quite makes sense and you aren't quite as in control as you were before. Anyway I guess I'm just dumping my thoughts unbidden into your inbox now so I'll shut up, but, like, does Fabian need to vent, or something...? Or find a random rock and throw it as hard as they can until it breaks (that's surprisingly therapeutic actually). Or maybe cuddle a stuffed animal? They can borrow my teddy bear for a while.

I'd never looked at it from that angle before. It is, in fact, quite interesting, and I will reluctantly admit that my experiences allow me a certain level of understanding (if not always compassion...) for people in difficult situations similar to what I myself have faced. As for the latter...it's surprising how therapeutic the slow, prolonged murder of the person who assassinated you can be.

#ask #unfortunately mlord has one solution for most things #and it tends to be quite bloody

[badluvkii]

words honestly can’t describe how much i love the saw x movie , i never thought a movie could top saw iii bc it was very personal to me because i’ve experienced a lot of grief and a lot i lost to ,, cancer, . i liked saw iii bc it showed how grief can affect people and how it’s not so easy to forgive . saw x hit personally to me , even harder than saw iii and i was holding back tears most of the scenes revolves around cancer . i didn’t cry bc i didn’t want the cinema to thibk i was a pussy and was crying bc the traps were scary tho . it really hit home and i think [saw spoilers now] the “doctors” were horrible humans and deserved everything that came to them . all my life the cure for cancer is the main thing i’ve always wanted to happen and the fact they faked it for money was absolutely appalling , cancer is the worst thing ever and it really highlighted how important it is to cure it . the motives were extremely important messages and i love that it was sharing them

now time to talk ab cinematography , the traps were really creative and were , in my opinion , the goryest traps we’ve seen so far in saw , saw 3d was just stupid so it doesn’t count . i’ve never visibly cringed so much in a saw movie than now but also a lot of the traps involve things that i am afraid of , eyes , brain , throat , eyes agian , i HATE eyes and if i feel my eyes too long in my skull i get uncomfortable so i literally had to look away when the eyes were getting sucked out of the man’s skull , i’ve never looked away in a saw movie before other than the venus flytrap from saw ii which also involved eyes , basically other than hospitals and cancer , eyes are my worst fear they creep me out . i was so afraid of brains as a kid i couldn’t even hear the word brain without feeling sick and begging them to stop saying it so tje brain trap made me uncomfortable but not enough to look away still ahah . bone marrow trap was hard but i was more worried ab the throat cutting/beheading bc i hare the idea of anything on the throat . arm bombs was surprisingly bad as well but that’s probably bc of trauma i don’t like wrist cutting now . i hate the eye vacuum trap . blood water boarding was not the worst im glad both john and the little boy survived , gas house was ok but i loved the plot that came with it . i hate the eye vacuum trap

i was trying to figure out if i loved gabriella or hated her . sure she was involved in the scam but she was in a bad living condition and would do anything for money i feel like she was tied up in guilt and sorrow during the job because she was depressed when meeting john , she was genuinely kind i feel like she had to do what she had to , she never scammed him , just gave him a place to live , i think this is reflected in her trap and the way kramer and amanda treat her , her trap was the easiest of the main cast’s traps meaning kramer probably did it to let her live , amanda adored her and saw herself in her she was rooting for gabriella to live , she was bad fot being involved but i feel like she did it bc it was her only choice to live . radiation trap was brutal but i knew she could do it it’s a shame the woman snapped her neck bc she deserved to live after she went through the test , you could see how destraught amanda was , amanda is my favorite saw character and seeing her hurt hurt me. i hate the eye vacuum trap .

this really redeemed the series after shit shows like saw 3d and jigsaw everyone got what they deserved bar gabriella , end credit scene was fucking great and i loved hoffmans line bc it was funny to me . all of tje characters were really fleshed out and there were multiple plot twists but not enough to make wverone confused , as well as this it would be understandable for people who aren’t fans of the whole franchise like me . the movie fit so well between saw ii and saw iii and seeing amanda again was so great for me because i LOVE amanda i got so excited when i saw her again , it really let amanda shine and i love that for her . it made me really upset bc the hospital scenes i can’t watch because of flashbacks so i had to look away when i could see oxygen masks and other material and the cancer scenes were extremely hard , for example it took me way longer to watch breaking bad than i wanted bc of those themes so it’s really hard for me to watch , i was reluctant to watch saw x bc i found out how much of the themes are in the movie but i’m so glad i watched it because it really was the best one it beat the personalness and story of saw iii . by the way angel of death trap is still my fav i think it’s so beautiful

i hate the eye vacuum trap

i hate the eye vacuum trap

venus flytrap and eye vacuum remain the hardest traps for me to watch bc i hare eyes , venus flytrap was hard bc the key was behind the eye but the actual venus flytrap wasn’t hard to watch . the eye vacuum trap was horrendous i had to look away words can’t describe how much i hate that trap , this movie had the most gorey traps by far

i hate eye vacuum trap

speaking of eye vacuum trap , i knew that doctor would be the one in it from tje clues i got from the trailer , fingers and eyes , it kept zooming onto his eyes and the fingers of the man he was looking after , his fingers and the stealing when i saw it keep panning to his eyes and fingers i was thinking fuck this get me out of here i hate this but i persisted HOW DO YOU PUT THE WOSRT ONE TO WATCH AT YHE STARY

i hate the eye vacuum trap

saw x is my favorite saw movie by miles

in my opinión

saw x

//*** MASSIVE WALL***\\

saw iii

//OTHER WALL//

saw vi

saw v

every one else

jigsaw

saw ii

[perhaps-relax]

gender roles in the resident evil games are so funny. the way the early games were unique and maybe even transgressive for even having playable action heroes who are women, and yet so much of their in-game abilities and plot points were still designed to uphold the gendered expectations of their player base. ....Most of the time.

like... jill has better manual dexterity for lock-picking (beCauSe women have smaller hands and uhhhhhh were gatherers in early human societies. yep. yes, this all checks out), but cant take as many hits as chris. But the part where jill can hold more? i love that. no gendered explanation there. just a little bonus they gave her to balance out the gameplay between her and chris.

The first time I played the re2 remake (i have not are probably never will play the original), the difference between leon and claire's stories struck me as very gendered, especially given the way that claire's story is frankly easier, and that leon is the one who truly finishes birkin off while claire is relegated to a de-facto mother role. but I also think that the remake does a beautiful job of making both of their priorities, however different in scale, seem like the equally important and righteous pursuits. leon wants justice for all the wrongs he bares witness to. claire just wants to save one life. in this way, leon fails where claire does not. they are so different and thats so good and interesting, and yet I really do feel like there was no way gender roles didn't play a part when it came to writing these two.

rebecca is small. that is frequently her most useful feature in re0. but she's also the healer, a role often delegated to female characters but is, of course, essential. and i adore the part where the piano puzzle from re1 returns, but this time its the gruff masculine character who has the composure to sit down and elegantly play out the melody. like honestly what was that about. anyway, ashley is similarly useful because she is light and can be vaulted places. but she's feisty and also didnt ask to be there and frankly even in the original is handling her situation pretty well all things considered. agian, both super interesting characters, but its so painfully obvious that the writers had a limited imagination for what would make a woman useful in a survival setting.

and then re5 is so odd to me, too, because of the way capcom really doubles down on the whole streetfighter principle of "kicking is for girls, punching is for boys" with sheva and chris, despite the fact that leon roundhoused the head off of that trope in re4. and the way re4's ada and re5's jill are both suddenly acrobatic masters? even tho that was not at all part of their skill sets in their original appearances?

it just baffles me the way the games go to extreme lengths to give the girls all very distinctly "girly" skills and motivations, but on occasion allow their male heroes to deviate slightly from similarly gendered confines. billy can play piano. leon can kick and do flips. but with the exception of jill being a pack mule in re1, the girls rarely get to outshine the boys in any department that is traditionally relegated to the male skillset.

#i just want a re hero who is a big tank of a woman #and gets her little twink companion to squeeze into small spaces #or am i just describing code veronica? #idk i havent played it #anyway #resident evil

[gorgynei]

vecna battle liveblogs ^_^

ive waited my whole life for this. under the cut because i wanted to spare ppl me liveblogging for 6 hours watching a 4 year old episode.

-

INITIATIVE TIME.

HES FUCKING AIMING ASTEROIDS AT VASSELHEIM???? he so evil. hate this loser. stop hurting the things they love

his spell dc is 26 ^_^ lord

vecna just did 133 damage with one asteroid. haha. and all their concentration spells are gone

THE TOWER SUNDERS???? WHAA

oh my god... i knew this was coming but its still so cool. and now scanlan is falling out of the sky great

why the FUCK is velora inside him. what is this. grahahahaa

GROG GOT TELEPORTED????? into the. abyss????

one legendary res gone!!!!!! yipee ^_^!!!

laura just put on her vex witch hat. incredible outstanding breathtaking amazing

i love that Pelor's blessing burned one of his legendary resistances on a concentration check from NINE points of damage. get nat 1'd bitch

NEIN skeletons raise at 20 intiative.... fuck. so much shit is going on in this and its been less than 6 seconds

OH SHIT hes immune to magic from lower than what... 6th leveL ????? oh shit. oh shit

FIRST SCANLAN COUNTERSPELL YEAHHH BOYYYY

oUGH god hes burnt 2 legendary resistances to fucking keep grog away. this sucks

VELORA OH NO. do not let her fall off entropis PLEASE

WH scanlan dimension dooring to Vecna's CHEST????? WHY

uh oh. kiki. uh oh. feeblemind. ohn o. oh thank god counterspell

oough vecna is so high up

grog stuck in the abyss maze "being smart" by healing and trying to stay calm. daw buddy that IS smart ur so smart

oh no. oh no. feeblemind. oh no. keyleth. ohH SCANLANS INSPIRATION SAVES THE DAY BY ADDING JUST ONE GAHAHA

uh oh vecna negated all resistance to necrotic. whats he gonna do

WHATS THIS??? ITS DEVO'SSA WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!!!!!!

another legendary res down!! fuck yes!!!

NO SCANLAN TWO V_V NOOO

planatar kiki. awesome. there is so much flying shit on this map

GROGS BACK OH YEAH fuck him up

72 RADIANT DAMAGE LETS GO PIKE SHES A MONSTAHHHHH get the trammels GET THE TRAMMELS

oh god eagle scanlan. 1 hit point o no

OH GOD. METEOR STORM AGAIN THATS SO MUCH FUCKING DAMAGE. 20d6 fire and 20d6 bludgeoning. lol

scanlan is unconsciousDEATH WARD OH M YGOFS THAT SO CLUTCH I TOTALLY FORGOT

wait theres a break in this episode. LMAO i didnt know that ^_^

break! okay break over.

shit fuck balls forcecage around Jmon SUCKS

VELORA IS FUCKING DEAD???????????? on the floor

scanlan back unconcious. vecna is getting so much mileage out of a fucking firebolt

OH HES BACK UP AGIAN VAXILDAN HELL YEAH okay now. vax is on vecna's face. O_O

"Goodnight, Bitch's Prince" PLEASEBHFD WHY DID HE CALL THE RAVEN QUEEN A BITCH ?????? VECNA CURSING IS CRACKING ME UPEHDSBHF

OH MY GOD KASHAW AND ZAHRA OH MY GOD I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE IN THSI FIGHT HI OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HELLO!!!!!!!!!

finger of death at vecna!!! its what he deserves

the platforms are MOVING??? jesus balls

im at the halfway mark now ^_^ nothing THAT bad has even happened yet! ^_^

MASS HEAL YEah. counterspell. HEX !!! MASS HEAL GOES THROUGH!!!! 3d chess. HUGE. HUGE. HUGE. everyones at max again thats HUGE

oh. goodbye kashaw and zahra theyre falling o_O ZAHRAS PRENGNAC?T????????? plot twist.

OH FUCK ASS HE HAS ANOTHER FUCKING 9TH LEVEL SPELL ??!?!??D?@? #?#?#@ ?%#%#@????? the fact that theyre still alive thru THREE meteor storms is wild

scanlan is BARELY hanging on rn THRREEE HITPOINTTSSS.......

ARKHAAAAN HELL YEAH YEAH WOOOOO they needed u. it was getting dire ALSO. arkhan can TOTALLY drive in a trammel hes strong enough for it eyes emoji

grog is doing like 80 a round with kas that sword is SO good

otalukes sphere is a great plan from scanlan hes gotta GOTTA be alive to read the rites of banishment. i sure hope this doesnt backfire

YEEEESSSSS!!!! GET THAT BITCH IN HIS SKULLLL UWAHAHAAA

"how does it FEEL? i will USURP you! i will TAKE you! i will BE you!!" um. kas ^_^ hows it going there buddy thats a little.

NO NOT FINGER OF DEATH dont "lets do finger of death :)" me matthew

well. there goes otalukes sphere. oh no

i just noticed that joe says "die" instead of "dee" in 1d8, 2d6, etc. i cant stop focusing on it now

TRAMMEL!! TRAMMEL!!! TRAMMEL!!!!!! GO KEYLETHTAR GO

OH MY GOD THE RAVEN QUEEN TRMAMEL SI JUST FUCKING DESTROYED??????? HOW W I. ITS A 50% CHANCE NOW THAT VECNA SAVES FROM THE RITES. UAEKAKJSAKENWA

WAHAUAHWAANDJSAHEJFBJEA INCREIDBLE

oh no. nonononononono not finger of death at scanlan. no scanlan has been on the BRINK so many times

scanlan using minor illusion to turn vex's skin green. EXACTLY the comedic relief i needed rn

FUCK. grog and scanlan banished. fuck fuck fuck thats so bad. okay theyre back its fine ^_^

HES TELEPORTING??? OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. NONO. NO . NO. NO. NO THIS DOESNT HAPPEN WHAT HAPPENS WHO STOPS IT NONONOO

OHOOOWHADBASKJFEEAKS INSANE INSANE OH MY GOD

"that was gonna save vax...." SAMUEL... on the floor. he looks so sad q_q argh

"you can see a moment panic in a fresh gods eyes" OHJDBHF THATS A SICK LINE MATTHEW

GET HIS ASS WITH THE TRAMMEL GROG. FUCK YEAH FUCK YEAH. NOW. THE RITES

i didnt expect vax to be all emo and start preparing for his death before vecnas even DEAD stop it with the "i think of my family and i think of my sister and i think of keyleth" shit!!! sobbing

CHILLS CHILLS CHILLS CHILLSA DJWAJKHSEAHEABHB THIS IS SO COOOOOLLLL. THE RITES OF BANISHMENT ARE ANCIENT AND POWERFUL.

NATURAL 20 ON COUNTEPSLEBHANJDWJA FUCK EYAH EAYFUAUEAUHAHE THIS IS SO SICK. SCANLAN HAS BEEN SOOOOO CLUTCH

oogh. fuck. scanlan banished. the book is gone AND they cant just dps vecna for concentration because if they kill him its game over. googh

OH JESUS THE TITANS ARM IS COMING DOWN ON THEM ????????????? FUCING HELL

SCANLANS BACK!!! THANK GOD

vex is holding percys hand :"| what. thats so adorable. god

AND vax is kissing keyleth??!??@ v_v theyre so sweet

OUGHFROAUHFBUWAEJBDN FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY YES. GOD UFCK EJSSUS AHJWAKBDSNFJESUSKDSANJFHAMWAUAHHA EUGH AUGH AEOHGAUG

GOD. SUCH A GOOD FUCKING FIGHT. I DIDNT EFVEN DO ANYTHING ELSE WHILE WATCHING IT I JUST WATCHED AND WAS FULLY ENTERTAINED. im not a combat lover. but i do love the vecna combat. best combat in critical role. god. wow. fuck

"You all take a moment to imagine what you've lost, what you've gained... Everything has led to this moment. In the quiet and the stillness, you hear a new sound. Its thousands and thousands of distant voices cheering from the city of Vasselheim below." punching the air. this got me. im tearing up

aaand arkhan takes the hand. ^_^ well. i already knew that was coming so im not shocked but. very swag and evil moment

wow. fucking great episode matthew. i need to lie down after that.

#vm watch #vm spoilers #<- like. MEGA lol #long post

[themageofblood]

(sorry for long post and fake blog i don't actually use tumblr) i agree with most of the takes you put on ur main post. as a indigenous/white person it did make me reconsider how i view some of the characters. i always knew to a certain degree that gamzee and meenah were offensive but since a lot of the fandom didn't care it just slipped from my mind. tho, i was always aware of how white coded the alpha and beta kids were, i always interpreted all the black hcs as andrew hussie slander cause he did say that all the kids were aracial but they were not black (i thought that was bullshit also even tho it's not canon i REALLY enjoy black jade. i really do think it fits her even if not canon), and since i personally do not care about nor read hs2 so i don't really consider it canon so your jane point doesn't make sense to me (i think hs2 a total mischaracterization of her character from original canon). tho, i did want to ask, what race would u rather hc meenah and gamzee as? i think that in order to actually hc them as black you would need to write out all of the racist ass stereotypes, but in the end i think you can tell really interesting humanstuck stories. also. sorry for all the hate ur getting dude.

It's not the headcanons that are the problem it's both hussie and the Fandom way of putting black people in a monolithic way. I see gamzee and meenah as white because they were written to be the troll equivalent of white supremacists. But what really irks me and rubs me the wrong way is that the reasons people claim certain characters to be black, they don't apply to other characters. For example: roxy uses aave. Well so does rufioh more than most other characters in fact. But I've seen Nothing about him being black coded from the Fandom. Another one is Gamzee has an "afro" as insulting as it is to have his hair be compared to a black hairstyle, no one in the Fandom hc the captors as black because mituna canonically actually has an afro, not to mention the whole slave story arc. Speaking of slave story arcs the entire jade blood caste are literally wet nurses and don't get me started on the Dolorosa her entire story is a racist black coded allegory and agin the Fandom completely ignores it. There are several black coded characters in homestuck but the fact that the Fandom collectively agreed the gamzee meenah and the strilalondes are black due to stereotypes that don't just apply to black people rubs me every wrong way. I get that hussie is a racist and the Fandom wants to do a big fu to him by claiming them as black but at the same time they're promoting the idea that black people are a monolith. It's like the whole tiktok "megamind is black because he understands how fucked the prison system is" all o er agian. I hope this makes a bit more sense