#and vent @ myself basically

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[opudont-donut]

it's kinda getting dangerous for me (as a trans person) to live in Russia so I'll try to open comms soon.

#lgbt propaganda #basically me existing is and illegal now. i can't even come out and be myself here anymore. i need money to leave #i really don't want to be hate crimed #vent ig #trans genocide

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere #i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art #but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely #certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like #university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government #i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour #party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead #also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be #idk #it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking #also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most #part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it? #ik therapists have therapists but still #i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going #the way i wanna #I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life #if not then gap year to work it out #should probably look at unis for english language too then #sigh #ucas website i may as well marry you #ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol) #yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up #yeah #shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical #they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices #crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love. #sex jokes about that #why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine #bue waffling #vent post

[adustoflove]

The pain of crushing on girls who are practically straight 😭😭

#vent #personal #I need to go offline before I kill myself #the fact that one of my friends said I'm basically a lesbian too #girl the only people you talk about are men you are not even close to a lesbian

[touchlikethesun]

grrrrr i have my graduation ceremony in two weeks and i’m both looking forward to it bc i’ll be able to catch up with all the people still in town but at the same time this year has been such a wash such a failure and i’m so not looking forward to having to tell my friends that not only do i still not have a job i just point blank have no leads or plans like how fucking embarrassing

#i have things i want to do but absolutely no energy for it #and that works as an excuse for a few weeks but it’s been basically a whole year #and i have fuck all to show for it im so fucking disappointed in myself #esp when my friends are all getting masters phds or have confirmed jobs like #it’s just so so so embarassing #personal #vent #i just got the program that’s what sparked this i’m looking over it and i just feel like a poser i don’t deserve my degree

[neurotypical-sonic]

kinda stagnant in my art/have art block at the moment and keep getting really discouraged and all "whats the point in even trying, my art sucks and will always suck" etc etc. so I was going through my old (specifically sonic) art to see what it was like

theyre not like. the worst thing ever but I hate them bc I'm very harsh on myself aha I can see where I could've done better

but comparing them to some of my more recent shit, even just rough sketches Ive done, does show improvement, I can see that I'm starting to understand how to draw them more, like they look like they make little more sense

idk. I'm getting there. oh my god all I do is draw characters facing slightly towards the left jesus christ

#i have improved before and so I can improve again is what im trying to prove to myself basically #anyways. just filled a sketchbook page of sonic screaming. not as vent art but as 'i need to learn how to draw his jaw moving' #egg.txt

[chilapis]

Last post before I crash and no-one hears from me until I return from my first final the morrow’s eve (a changed man no doubt) but there’ll never be anything funnier to me than consistently being viewed as a composed and calm saviour by peers while I’m, actively and uncontrollably losing it.

#not said sarcastically or as a vent by the way I genuinely find it so terribly amusing. you think I have it together ? aw <3 you fool. #i’ve been pacing around my room like a starving lion since the past week in whatever free time i’ve had. #and i keep getting people in my messages begging me for last minute help ? which is endearing but. i’m hanging on for dear life myself #helping isn’t foreign to me; i have 4 (?) people in my class who almost exclusively refer to me as ma’am and even refer to me as a teacher. #but helping last minute is so. deeply chaotic. #and I have this issue with me where having others around me makes me immediately drop into a ‘role’ of sorts? #i’ll be freaking out but then someone else starts freaking out around me and my immediate response is to just. #hey. we are going to make it out of this. it’s easy as pie. do you see me worried? no right? <- on the verge of hyperventilating #there’s this one guy in particular who got so excited to find out we have the exact same examination set-up tomorrow. #i gave him like basic pointers and i don’t think i’ve ever been thanked so earnestly and desperately in my life. #i remember during mocks my friends would message me what I wrote in questions and then they’d immediately go oh thank Fuck. #they’d literally just act like they’re absolutely going to pass now just because we had points ​in common. #as if i’m some sort of fucked up correct answer sheet incarnate. #it’s genuinely really sweet to me though; like i’m not posting this ranting or such. #having so much faith in another to the point that you can put yourself completely at ease says. alot i think. #and i’m glad i can be that person for so many. #and I feel like it helps me in a way too because i become so concerned with others that I forget to drown myself in my worries. #i forget that I’m worried because there are others to care about and console and help. so i suppose they help me in a way as well. #but also who is going to be that person for ME. who is going to console ME. im going fucking neurotic /jest #<- woman with ego issues & control issues who would rather die than accept help. #sigh. oh well. I’m sure we’ll do just fine. cannot wait #🥀🍷 — colloquy.

[havockingboo]

Do you do commissions cause your art slaps hard

Ah, thank you

i rarely take comms. I would love to open commissions now, but I have a funny way of overwhelming myself easily 🫠 along with the fact I just lack self discipline on keeping myself on a timely schedule where I pace myself to get the work done and it’s not just dependent on impulsiveness.

#I still have about 5 overdue commissions i seriously need to get to #so i’m basically restricting myself from taking any unless i prioritize those first #sigh #I don’t want to take in commissions just for the money. I genuinely want to give my best and not give something half assed. #which is why I tend to take so long on them sometimes. especially ones where I know the person personally #im venting a little bit but its because commissions have genuinely been on my mind. but it feels cruel or an ass move #if i don’t do those first 5 comms first :[ #a simple solution! a horrifically impossible mental hurdle which sucks #answered asks

[boyywithluv]

.

#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it. #every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better?? #i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it. #and thats scary for me. #but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content. #i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating. #i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good. #i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good. #ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame. #not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain. #when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!! #but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft. #i don't think im making sense but like. #you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times. #so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

[xxamacha-tsukixx]

Ive just realized how meaningless my life actually is:)

#Basically a mix of a sheetpost and a vent:) #Im not ok tbh #I hate myself sm #Im cringe #saturn posts #saturn’s vent…..

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

does anyone have any tips on how not to be a crippling perfectionist about your writing?? i have been staring at the same five paragraphs of the next chapter of four walls for a whole week and i've reached the point where i actually want to defenestrate my own laptop

#i've got the later parts of this chapter and a good chunk of the next one basically done #but this particular section is slowly driving me insane #UGH #why do i write characters with complex and conflicted emotions #it makes for a very complex and conflicted writing experience #(which i'm bitching about rn i know but i also wouldn't give it up for the world. it's just. a lot sometimes) #i end up second guessing myself constantly #also i haven't written anything this long for a good five years and i think the challenges of that #and the challenges of making a longer piece all tie together and work as one are really starting to set in #anyway sorry please feel free to ignore this mess of a post #i just needed to have a vent before returning to my keyboard and trying to make sense of alex's foolish little head #thanks to anyone who read their way though all this rambling 😅 #writing stuff #lulu posts

[bunnihearted]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

#it was so good tho #like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked #the fight scenes🤌 #the environments/settings🤌 #all of the fuckin machinery🤌 #the acting🤌 #the everything🤌 #yum #also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy.. #i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it #sorta vent-> #but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part #because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝 #just tee bee ehch #and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit #so i just went to sleep #and i was busy today #yesterday* #and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit #idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is #i felt a bit better yesterday though #and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea #hopefully that helps soonish idk #i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here #also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged #so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there #why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg #anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow #idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea #talkin shit

[fishingmaster69]

thankful to have a body but God why did it have to be this one

#do you have any idea how alienating it is to constantly be struggling to keep up with people doing basic things #and everyone just expects you to be able to do everything they can & MORE they ask of you #ive pushed myself over and over and over to the point of making myself physically SICK for days on end #doing more doesnt HELP it just makes me SICKER #but when i ask for grace its like i just need to try a little harder #do a little more #get used to moving again thatll fix it #i just havent done enough i never DO enough #even when i do the ABSOLUTE MOST I CAN AND BEYOND i just havent done ENOUGH #i LIKE being the helper i enjoy it but i have limits #and i have more limits than the average person #and it feels like nobody cares #theyll let me work myself to death if it means i get the favor done #zephy speaks #vent #oops sorry

[slaughtering-scott]

Im listening to bathtub by the front bottoms and im crying rn cuz its me fr. shoutout to all the people who feel dirty and impure and no matter how much you scrub the dirt will stay with you till the day you die.

#i wanna kill myself #/hj #basically a vent? #i cant tell #i wanna cry #fr shoutout to the people like me #yall deserve a hug #csa survivor #sa survivor #cocsa survivor #ramcoa survivor #scotty talks