#i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely

[shinobisandals]

AceSan (and SaboSan) soulmates au where ace and sanji have a whirlwind romance in alabasta when they find out they're soulmates Ace and Sanji leave each other the mark of an accepted soulbond as a promise to meet again in the future and to have each other forever. (Think of it functioning like a vivre card + ABO bonding, it can only appear between soulmates)

While they were apart, they would sense each other's presence and feelings through the bond. They would give each other support or a gentle push when the other feels frustrated or lonely.

Ace's mark doesnt quite disappear on Sanji when he dies in Marineford. It burns and burns bright until it fizzles away, faded but still there. And Sanji continues living and training in Momoiro island, and he still unconsciously pushes towards the bond, but no one nudges back, it's basically radio silence—until after Dressrosa when he feels it burn again as if Ace is both saying a sad hello and a goodbye.

After Sabo eats the Flame Flame Fruit, he not only gains it's power but also the feelings, memories, and will of Ace. At first he gets REALLY confused whenever he sees Ace's memories and fantasies of a blond man in all states of undress and, he mistakenly and stupidly thinks Ace was fantasizing about him. The feelings were basically like "blond man, forever, wish alive, takes care of luffy, crocodile, prince, etc". It's dumb and Sabo shouldve realized and connected it that, of course, ace wasnt fantasizing a future where Sabo "didnt die"—forgive him, he saw the Straw Hats and didnt see any blond man around "taking care of luffy", and that the crocodile wasnt a literal crocodile they cooked from the jungles of their childhood.... mild panic aside, Sabo figures it out eventually—Ace had a consummated soul bond with a blond man somewhere close to Luffy, and that soul bond... If he truly wanted it to, could be his. It was as if Ace was saying "you'd love him as much as I did, please take care of him and give him a chance."

Tbc?

#acesan #sabosan #one piece #sanji #portgas d ace #revolutionary sabo #i really just wrote this bc i wanted the visual of sabo panicking bc he thought ace was fantasizing about him

[nicromancytarot]

BEHIND THE CURTAINS OF KNOWING YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE

No one asked for this, but I wanted to see if anyone else has these issues and if so I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone! So hello and welcome to my beautiful literature podcast on things I’ve experienced since knowing who my future spouse is!

For a little context, my future spouse (based on right now and if things go to plan lmao) is an influencer, but they won’t be an influencer by the time we meet, I’ve known about this connection between us for a year now.

I don’t hate the fact that they’re going to be out of influencing by the time we are together, however I don’t like that they’re gonna leave me for hours a day, like what do you mean you have to actually go out and go to work while I’m sad and alone at home?

I personally feel as though it’s one of the most isolating experiences, I feel like I need to be loyal to them although they’re probably not being loyal to me. I feel weird thinking about other people, and I’ve rejected an amount of love offers since, I was in a situationship recently that I ended since I knew that me and this dude would only date to date, and not date to marry. I don’t think I ever want to subject someone to dating me while I know that I’m going to end up with someone else, like I can give times, names, dates, it’s insane. My friends don’t understand it as they think it’s stupid to devote myself to someone who I may not even end up with based on timing (I will, or I’ll die) however I feel I know that I want to end up with this person, so why would I want to ruin that?

Dating and marrying this person links heavily into my career decisions, I’m working on going into the music industry, it’s so stagnant as I don’t know where to go after writing music, like how do I produce this shit??? So if we don’t end up together, it means I haven’t made it in the industry as I hoped I would.

Even when they do stupid stuff online that I don’t agree with, I feel like I need to be there to support them, like they’ve been semi cancelled a few times in the last 2 years and I’ve stepped back, moved onto something else but then been like “oh damn, my monkeys, my circus 😔” WHICH IS SO???? It’s certainly frustrating, that’s the best way to explain it.

Luckily for me, this bro is lonely, ain’t got no one to share a bed with, waiting for me fr fr lmaooo. But I hate seeing people say stuff about them like “I ship them with X” or saying something inherently out of pocket about them, although I’ll never voice it, it makes me feel so territorial, and I don’t even have the right to do that right now!!

Again back with the influencing stuff, they have a persona, I feel worried because what if I’m only into the person they perform as for their audience, and not their authentic self? And what if they end up feeling the same?? I mean Im assuming not since we’re gonna get married, but still brotherrrr.

Watching their downfall sucks, I feel privileged to be able to check up on this person every now and then since they’re public, but based on our connection and the next 2 years, their career is only taking a downwards turn until they change their profession, and then by then they might hop offline forever and I’ll die until we meet! (I’m very dramatic)

Constantly doubting myself and looking for more confirmation, someone could slap it into my face and I’d still question the authenticity until we are married with 5 kids, 3 cats and a dog (I don’t want 5 kids actually, that was a lie)

I like watching edits of them on TikTok, that’s a pro.

Thank you for entertaining my 3am thoughts!!

#tarot #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #divination #spirituality #future spouse #tarot witch #future #spiritual awakening

[nuppu-nuppu]

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!! #im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

[adustoflove]

Having bpd to me is like I'm the loneliest person on the planet, no matter how many people I talk to, no matter how many connections I make or have, I'm a lonely void who will die alone. I have to be talking to someone or with someone every second of every minute of every day. I love people so much, I need people. There's so many people out there with different things to teach you. And then, if I have to talk to one person for more than 6 seconds today, I'll kill them. I'll kill myself. I need to be left alone for the rest of the day, I need no one but myself to be happy. I don't want to partake in anything with anyone because it's all draining and taking out of my alone time. Everyone is the same, they're all boring and self-absorbed. Every conversation feels like I'm forcing myself to be actively present. I just want to be alone in my room with nothing or no one. I don't see a future where I'm happy with anyone other than being by myself.

#bpd #bpd vent #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #actually borderline #bpd splitting #lately I've just been slowly moving away from all my friends too #haven't spoken to anyone on insta for days despite usually talking to at least 2-3 friends every few days #irl sent me a video a week ago...never responded. I haven't even been feeling lonely really #I just KNOW when my period creeps up on me I'll be a whining sad piss baby who's openly pathetic about needing human connection #like I wish I just felt no need for it ever. it feels SO good to be alone and not have any obligations as a person #then the crippling loneliness of forever being alone seeps in when tbh I'm fine with it currently actually

[sysig]

When you weren’t looking (Patreon)

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Marceline #Fionna and Cake #Simon Petrikov #Just casually crying at my own art while I make it no biggie #Just ahhhh they do love each other! They want what's best for each other! But they missed each other so much!! And they still are!! #Both that they miss each other in the sense that they're lonely while together - Simon's Marceline was a child and Marcy's Simon was well #Not Ice King but also kinda yeah - and she'll never see him again #It's gotten be bittersweet #It's good that he has his mind! Very good! But he is forever un-changed/re-changed #I think it's canon that Simon was returned to being in his early 30s because Golb ate his age post him getting the crown? #It's not a retcon obviously lol but it's like his future has been retconned canonically in himself that's Gotta feel weird #But it basically undid the Simon that Marceline knew - the man who raised her was un-done even though they both remember him #Both of them just have to not think too hard about it probably :') #But even not thinking about that - Simon is still getting older! He's aging like a normal human again! And everything that comes with that #I love his crow's feet a lot <3 And his hair streak is so chic how did his genes know he would look so cute haha ♪ #Poor both of them - I do want them to be happy! They've just got so much sad! #I also think it's quite funny that all those years ago before I watched AT Marceline was the one fanart I made haha - the more things change #Still drawing her! I wonder if younger me would be surprised #I like her short hair :D Her long hair is lovely - all her hairstyles are lovely! - but the short hair is so cute #Really reminds me of her kid hairstyle ;u; I'm sure that doesn't hurt Simon at all haha #I draw it a lot like Tala's hairstyle as well haha - it's The Kid hairstyle!

[mejomonster]

I would like. To be in mutual love

#rant #yeah... #........................................................................................................................................... #look its like this. im chronically ill. i know its not totally up to me i cant go out 1-3 times a week trying ro meet ppl. i know i #cant even eat some days my tummy too upset. cant work some days cant even sit up. can barely keep up witj friends i already have #and i know the being drained wont get better. i might be this sick forever. and i know im prioritizing my own art over #meetjng strangers. thats a choice. i know its my own fault im lonely. i also just. i wanna build a relationship #that long term where u meet and become friends then best friends then fall in love and hey if ur lucky marry ur best friend #and i know that wont come from forcing myself on dates w ppl i dont like. i know no ones ever liked me before #i know i havent felt attraction in years anyway. i miss having a crush. but i suppose itd be sad anyway. to crush and not be liked back #to feel ill need to wait another 5 years for another rare crush. i dont believe in fate i dont think. so i might not ever #kiss someoje i like. i might not get lucky and hold a crushs hand. spend months or years with someone like that #i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love #i cant even find 1 person a month to crush on let alone ask out. cause the feelings are luck too #luck of who u run into even if u go tl events. even wuen i had 10k tinder matches the only date #the only person who respjded. was someone with a gf who didnt have much in common with me and me not mucj w them and it #was just not enough click to even make a friend #god it makes me sad. id like to kiss someone special. hold their hand. hear em talk hours #i have friends and love em but i dont wanna kiss a friend. i just dont feel romancy very much.

[helennorvilles]

i HATE that im feeling bad emotions about doing nothing on new years eve :(

#i just feel lonely and sad and i wish i was partying right now :( #and like. i know this year was never going to be as good as last year. that was just. peak existence. i want to live forever in last nye. #but i still wish i was dancing with my friends to some music in a backyard rn or something #but it's fine! ppl are gonna be busy and i just gotta be my best introverted self 👍 and write newsreader fanfic til midnight #my post tag

[multishipper-baby]

Baby fever so bad I've been thinking about the ideal number of kids for characters. What is wrong with me.

#no main tag #anyway. I think for freddy it would depend. he's the anxious type- so having just one kid would be a lot for him #I'd imagine his decision of having another baby would be impacted a lot by how the first kid went #if everything was mostly alright he'd be all for it- if shit went sideways he would forever dread having a second one #fred doesn't like children. so... he probably wouldn't have any if not tied to freddy. and even then would insist on only one #chica... I think she'd like two. I've heard headcanons that she has younger siblings #and I see her as the type to want to want that for her children too #although I also imagine she would want to have her kids later in life... mid 30s maybe #fox I also see as someone who wouldn't really want kids- especially since I headcanon him as trans #he doesn't want to be pregnant and he doesn't want to dedicate years of his life raising a child #when he already spent most of his childhood having to take care of meg since they didn't have any parents #maybe if his partner wanted to adopt. and they adopted a slightly older child instead of a baby. but that's a big maybe #bonnie... I'm not too sure honestly. I feel like he values his freedom and would want to enjoy his youth #but I don't think he'd be against having a kid or two (maybe even three) #also I find the idea of him having lots of kids funny because. bunny lol #so idk about him #golden meanwhile I fully believe would want a big family. he felt so alone growing up and he's so starved for love #so he dreams of having his own family with lots of kids living in a big house and being very happy <3 #I think he'd be happy with up to five kids lmao. although he understands if his partner would rather have less #he'd definitely want at least two though. he always thought having a sibling would've made his childhood less lonely and sad #so he wants that for his own babies :') #I was going to say more characters but now I'm embarrassed lol goodnight

[dancing-with-stars]

i am losing my mind

#god is testing me this is just a test this is just a cruel joke #vanus thoughts #i’m going to go insane #i seriously dont know what to do i’m so tired of all this #too much is happening at once and at the same time i feel like nothing is happening and i will stay in this place forever #i just want to live in a cottage far far away on a shore that has never been visited and is not on any map so no one from this life can find #me and i will never interact with another human being and i will be lonely but at least i will be free because what the fuck is this #i swear to god when i leave this place i will never come back they might haunt me but they wont hurt me any more than they have #i need a new fucking life new hair new clothes new body new people new love #i will go to a new place #where no one doubts my memory and makes me question myself and makes me stay quiet and no one will force me to act like an adult when i’m 16 #and i will rest and heal and work #but i don’t want to be here anymore #why did i pour my heart out into these tags no one will read them #this makes me a little sad

[br1ghtestlight]

fantasizing about a life where im happy and have friends (and romance?) as if that was ever going to happen LMAO

#born to be alone and have no friends probably forever. Like thats what i do best #im just bored...... and sad and lonely #not in a way that the internet could fix though. i miss feeling like i have any connection to people #literally at all ever #but even when im trying it doesn't work. its never worked #even on the internet at this point. i just want to feel like im alive and a part of something #txt

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks. #ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

[heliianth]

i miss my friends

#i feel so distant from everybody #part of that is probably my own fault bc my social battery is So Low that i just avoid talking to ppl #but then i get grumpy and sad that i didnt talk to them #i also have noticed that i just suck ass at social interaction like i barely say anything regardless if im tuned in or not #i feel like i have nothing worthwhile to add or cant get excited or passionate unless its abt something im personally interested in #i feel like people can see im pretending at showing emotion when im around them but i dont want to be a dick and be like yeah idc. sorry #like no i wanna be nice and let them have their fun and excitement even if im apathetic but i feel like they can tell #talking to ppl is so fucking exhausting and then i get lonely like it isnt the consequences of my own dumb ass #i used to think my irl friendships were gonna last forever but at this rate i dont think theyll last past high school #heliichats

[saucerfulofsins]

How the fuck does my brother keep finding girls who are like super into him and they're gorgeous and lovely and etc. And meanwhile I'm here single forever and whenever I ask someone out it's "I'm not into you like that" and whenever I'm not asking someone out they're still eager to point out they're talking about someone attractive, definitely not me

#I don't think anyone's ever had a crush on me tbh #It's a 10/10 feeling #By which I mean a 10 out of 10 fuck my life it sucks and so do I #Literally what's wrong with me? #Like I know I'm ugly and annoying and unsuccessful and poor! #But plenty of ppl like that still find partners #I just find an absolute and complete lack of interest in me and ppls consistent assumption I have zero interest in ever dating #Like im this sexless romanceless being #And that'd be fine if I was #But I'm not #And it sucks #Like at dinner ppl mention gay guys they met and they're around my age but ofc they're like (housemate who is 56) you could date him #THANKS #I know no one would date me ❤️❤️❤️ #I don't need further confirmation ❤️❤️❤️ #I'm literally the forever alone meme personified in a non incel way (however incel this might sound) #(I don't think anyone owes me anything I'm still friends with 1 person I asked out which is fine) #(but it still sucks from here to the moon and beyond and I'm sad and tired and lonely and idk what to do to fix myself) #OK rant done im gonna cry in the shower and then im gonna cry in bed

[pepsimaxolotl]

Even though I know I’m making the right choice deferring next year to try uni again later, god I do I feel fucking awful about it and I’m dreading every moment going forward

#can I keep doing deadlines? no #can I keep living alone? no #is this even going to be forever? nah like a year minimum #do I feel awful about it and like I’ve failed life? yes #I’m also really sad I won’t go back and have the same class. Bar one person I really liked everyone :( #but I am just getting worst and worst right now I need a mental health break so bad #idk I put so much of my life into uni as an escape from home life #and in the end I couldn’t handle it going from the all the shit that happened in 2021 #tbh this is a pattern for me I saw it coming. But I chose to go ahead with last year knowing if I did it this year I’d be too lonely #I don’t regret going last year btw I met so many cool people and I know for a fact now that I definitely want to live full time out my town #I just regret that I can’t be there this year #/tw vent

[munamania]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love #what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it #why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties #of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often #so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk #and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore #i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them #. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec #but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd #but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE. #OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL. #and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness #but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart. #this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it #that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too #and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch #now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it. #because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do #something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope #and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude #this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post #ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting #all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever

[wickershells]

txt

#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some #watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold #and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month #but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode #whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to #her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with #the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops #loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar #and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really #for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year #i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an #equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything #she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt #share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think #she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful #with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly #excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new #friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen #or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually #undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do #even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost #added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what #to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol #what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish #anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive #sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts #and i am drowning in them #vent