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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket, Se3, ep11 (part 1)

Breaking toxic bonds & accepting healthy ones isn’t a miracle. A bond that started with love could end up chained & toxic, another that started wrong could’ve become the joy of a life time. You can do it. Break the cycle of abuse & stand up for yourself, it is easy yet so difficult, you aren’t alone, tho, loved ones stand nearby cheering. Be kind on yourself, otherwise you’ll throw your life away. Life isn’t just happiness & joy, it’s also sadness & loneliness. Break free from the shackles that held you down. Embrace life & Live.

-Tohru’s “ I’m okay” mask is finally shattered! (the Importance of kyo’s rejection for her development):

This is the last part of tohru’s character development! The last few eps were abt her role in Akito’s redemption & their similarities. she staood up for herself & choose a path away from her mom while keeping her mom’s memory in a healthy manner. No more planning my life according to mom’s wishes, no more talking to mom ‘s picture 24/7. Now, I’ll plan my life & move forward even if it is with the guy mom said she cant forgive. even If it is without him, I’ll move forward. I love him so much, yet I won’t force our bond & let go. So easy yet so difficult!. tohru doesnt know anything abt kyo after her fall. All she remembers is his heart-broken face as he wept beside her. Those tears on his face, she caused them. He cried cuz it is too painful to see her hurt. She was a burden to him! tohru restored to her old coping mechanism of pretending “ i’m Okay” & smiling. She did so numerous times before. Always worked. No one noticed. Except him. Se02, ep7. he urged her to show her true fears. Now, she’s faced with a pain so big she can’t pretend no more. the pain of loosing him. She cried in front of yuki! The smile & chatting abt chores couldn’t conceal the running tears! Yuki’s first time seeing her like that. Se01, ep14, yuki wondered how could tohru smile after her mom’s death. She can’t pretend no more! She’ll have to wear her feelings on her sleeve! cuz it IS ok to do so! She tells kyo to give her a moment to compose herself. She couldn’t lie & pretend like she did with yuki. Here she either run away or just try to compose myself! I LOVE THAT! This way, whenever kyo/tohru fight or have any misunderstanding in the future as a couple, you’ll know tohru won’t just bear it & pretend, “ i;m okay” No! she’ll talk to kyo & express herself! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! It gives her so much strength as a human & I’m happy all the obstacles & set backs in kyo/tohru’s romantic journey has led them to be better ppl little by little to build healthier & more realistic love!

-The mechanics of writing a compelling slow-burn romance:

1. Igniting the romantic feelings slowly: Slow burns don’t work with love at 1st sight. It must first sparkle naturally, slowly & subtly. Both kyo & tohru repeatedly stated they don’t know exactly when they first fell in love. The author’s decision to create an environment where the two live together is a genius way to start & nurture their romance quietly & subtly. Kyo was tricked to stay in shigure’s house while tohru had to stay cuz she had no home, Natural reasons that force the two to spend days together & get to know each other gradually.

2. Dynamics of their personalities: For slow burns to work, the two characters need to be similar yet opposites! Kyo & tohru are both kind, endearing, innocent, good at chores, independent & hardworking. They both have history with their mothers that is filled with love yet traumas. However, tohru is calm yet prefer maneuvering around subjects, can’t stand up for herself, reads ppl easily, tends to trust ppl easily & disregard herself. Kyo is fierce, strong, tends to distrust ppl, despite ppl loving his spontaneous character, he has hard time figuring out if they’re mocking him or teasing him, very straightforward with his words & actions. The similarities helps them understand each other, however, the differences creates chances to clash & come even closer thro various situation. Ex, se01, ep2, kyo apologizing for hitting her head with the table which created the situation where she needed to confess she always loved the cat zodiac! It is HER gush of emotions that struck kyo. ppl really want my friendship? the cat is loved? Thro those difference they learned to better themselves so they won’t hurt the other, kyo toning down his anger for her, tohru desiring to know him even more as he becomes even more awkward.

3. Creating natural, realistic & convincing obstacles that prevents them from being together: This is the most important part! Slow-burn is two characters in love & cant be together despite everyone wanting them to be! if the reason that stops them from uniting is trivial, stupid, one-sided, can easily be solved, then the slow-burn would be a fillery & no one would cheer for it! Takaya-san is a genius!

Kyo can’t be with tohru cuz he thinks (a) he killed her mom! we saw thr flashback, he could’ve saved her & couldn’t save her. It was a split of a second difference & he hates himsef for NOT trying! that split of a second also prevented from thinking of better ways to save her than holding her! it happened to fast, he couldn't think of a better alternative cuz this was his 2nd time loosing someone (b) his mom’s sucide being pinned as his fault created this immense guilt & defeated feeling that “ no matter what, I just cause death & misery! There’s (c) too!, he knew tohru! thinks she deserves the world & cuz he didnt save her mom, he watched tohru talk to a freaking picture for two years! heck! he is the only one who can see thro tohru’s “ i;m okay” mask, so in se01, ep 14 in the grave yard! kyo wasnt the only one who is sad! tohru was too! & kyo could tell! (d) her mom’s death is the reason tohru is accepting shigure’s offer to stay with them rent-free in exchange of doing housework! (e)? he saw her confess crying her heart out abt missing her mom so much that she imitated her dad! so tragicly sad! (f) he saw her die in his nightmare!! how can he accept her love,now? Perfectly orchestrated obstacles!

Tohru, unfortunately, in the anime it wasn't that clear due to shortening her backstories & trauma in se03, ep6. But she too couldn’t see herself confessing love to kyo. Tohru is has low self-esteem, always thinks she’s a burden to others, an orphan who just wants her mom, so scared, lonely & sad! we the audience believed the mask! we saw her work her motherly charm yuki, isusuz, kisa & believe her issues are not that deep. tohru wont cry for herself but shed rivers for others! grief is so ugly it broke her! I cant let go of mom, must keep her always in my heart, such a hard emotions to write & I believe 100% the director couldn’t understand her grief & decided to split ep6 between her, kyo, isuzu & shigure. But Tohru struggling to confess to kyo is no laughing matter. ppl who are grieving find it the hardest to live after the loved ones die. they wont mostly commit suicide, they are alive, but they arent living. they just go thro the motions & live for the sake of those around them but not themselves. Tohru deciding to confess to kyo is her deciding to live for herself.

4. Writing a perfect psychologically & emotionally packed climax: I dont need to explain how perfect kyo’s rejection of tohru in se03 ep9 was. How much we felt for him yet were mad at him. He we were “ ugh! kyo no!!!! I mean I get why you do that , but you idiot no! come back! poor kyo! He was just so sad & broken! OMG he’ll kill himself after finding tohru’s injured body!! he totally would! his nightmare came true! But Tohru reached him! she wanted him to be okay! he wont kill himself but still feels hella guilty! but so utterly in love with her that his instinct upon seeing her come to life after near death is kiss her! Perfect display of psychology & emotions! filled with right, wrong, sad, happy, guilty, innocent! basically so human~ As the audience you MUST have this mixture of feelings of wanting to hug him so bad cuz this boy has been killing himself for years now yet want him to stop & just see that he was a good boy afterall. Tohru is THE best girl & if the audience are cheering for kyo to be with her, kyo really deserves her! The only problem is for kyo to see that now.

5. The Perfect wrap up of all romance: If you make your audience suffer the slow-burn this long, you gotta reward them good! & Takaya-san delivered! Just like how the entire romantic story is realistic, the reunion must be as realistic too! Tohru is hurt by kyo;s words. Facts remain his words were hurtful to her. I love that was addressed! tohru gets to tell her side, too! If you love someone, you are bound to be hurt by them as much as be happy with them. Simply cuz they matter so much to you! you arent one person, but two ppl coming together. Kyo must work hard for this confession. Must run & chase her. Must earn her proper! He gets on his knees, I cant express how important that is! he is way taller than her, Imagine apologizing while she looks way up & he looks down? He gets on his knees & apologize like a man, for every mistake, all while not loathing himself. He aint going back to that deep abyss again. He did wrong by her & he is owning up to his mistakes. Give me one chance. I’m not gonna force you with persistence or guilt you into taking me. Give me ONE chance cuz i deserve it & no more. The choice is yours. She asks to confirm, he shows her, they kiss, they hug, they are rewarded with a blessing from the heavens! One of the most simple yet emotionally fulfilling confessions in anime!

- Hugs over kisses: (And her kiss hugs her & the curse was lifted):

Prince charming kisses the princess & she wakes up~ they live ever after~ except furuba is all abt “ eternal ever after is not true, real life is where the real love is”

Kyo kissed tohru once, she didnt wake up, she didnt even think he loved her back. didnt even remember the kiss.

Kyo hugged tohru once. se01, e024, He initiated it, tohru was all in tears, surprised, happy & so utterly in love. he called her name for the first time ever, for a brief moment, they both connected, they both comforted each other. The rain stopped, he became a man not a monster, she got him back. She got her kyo that she fought for with none other than kyo himself.

kyo hugged her again, se03, ep6. They both initiated it. He made the first move, pulling her just a little closer, she made the second move & hugged him hard, he transformed, it was a moment were they both connected, both so sad & broken, both feeling needy for the other, both desperate for the other, both just living the moment. the result is them coming closer, her wanting him more, him realizing her love, there is no escape. Admit it. she loves you. You can tell.

Kyo hugs her again today. He asks permission. No spur of the moment feeling. But a long lasting permission to be together. To hug. He wants to hear her acceptance of his cursed body. “ is ok to hug you? this body will cause you pain as it wont be able to fulfill your wishes of constant hugs & intimacy”. She responds, permission granted, for love, for hugs, for a life long acceptance of you as a whole. weakness & strength, sadness & happiness. I accept you all in better & worse! we’re invincible. Why? cuz we understand love isnt magic. It is a path for us to walk together~~~ reward curse break!

Every time kyoru are closer it is a hug. The one thing the zodiacs cant do. A hug. They can kiss. But cant hug. comes this Zodiac Ruler girl so lonely, away from ppl, so sad, meets a cat boy who comes to the house she’s living in, a house away from ppl, the boy is drawn to the girl, However, when the boy needed to leave, the girl was able to let go despite loving him, the boy comes again, this time wanting to stay, the girl accepts the boy. They both accept the realistic reality of life. Embrace the obstacles & the achievements, celebrates the weakness above the strength. Both so imperfect. Both so endearingly dumb! that’s why the girl’s hug broke the boy’s curse. The girl’s acceptance of the cat broke all curses.

Side Note:

Kyo’s confession is so kyo! so straightforward, so direct, & so physical. He’s on his knees, holding her hands, looking at her eyes. “ i want to be WITH you. If I’m gona live, I want to to do it with you & no one else! cuz I love you” that’s it. That’s all. So sincere & so romantic!

it is crazy how different tohru & kyo are now after the confession! she stood confidently & happily & said “dont you know, I love you!” all while teasing him, her giggle is so girlish & cute! my girl is a happy woman in love! long buried the angelic mother image of se02! YES! also, kyo’s happy face is love! Dude! when was the last time he smiled so freely? Did he ever do that? He smiled in se01, ep4 with kazmua, but not like this! T_T. my son is healing~

Kyo’s “ i wont ever feel afraid if you’re with me” is a huge growth from his “ I want to protect her” mindset. Now he realizes it is two-sided mutual desire. She gives him strength as much as he does! <3

I dont like open eye while kissing, but here it is so perfect for tohru in this moment! cuz she spent days thinking kyo rejected her & even ran away as soon as she saw him, now he’s not only confessing, apologizing, admitting she is his life, but also kissing her signaling they’re romantic couple. kissing on lips is so personal, what more evidence she needs? still, her thoughts? “ it’s like a dream?” aww~~~ tohru~~~ my precious girl! she just cant believe all her suffering is over, now? She was just practicing “ i’m okay” smile & now she’s an official girlfriend to the man of her dreams? He just bent da kneeee~ go for it queen!

yuki’s face when tohru cried is exactly what I meant of “ allowing yuki to have strong facial expressions”! XD these types of faces humanize yuki so much into the teenage boy he is! Unfortunately the anime team only sees him as the pretty prince in most times. That’s why fave yuki is when he’s with kakeru. He becomes so un-princly as he should be.

Speaking of yuki, I see you anime team~ postponing his moment into next ep so him & machi wont be overshadowed by the long awaited kyoru!! While this defies the perfection of all cursed zodiacs breaking on the same ep making akito’s breakdown less perfect & poetic, I take it as the anime team admitting they underdeveloped yuchi & decided let’s give them more screen time & not putting them in close distance from any couple. A week later ep is enough with lots of time. I dont mind at all, I’m just saying more time after/while confession is not what i was hoping for~~ sigh~ At least I hope yuki would say sth along the lines” all this time I was looking at you, i realized i love you” to imply he was thinking of her as a lover not his kindness for someone he helped. I just dont want their love to be sudden simply cuz yuki needs happy ending. oh well~ I’m sure whatever it will be, the anime will give it utmost attention.

That sad moment when kagura wasnt allowed a moving image. lol. girl was given a still image that didnt even move with the breeze! T_T

Not gonna lie... the scene with kazuma & kyo was underwhelming. Why the wide shot? I mean you dont need budget for that. Just give me a closeup from the waist up with kyo head buried in kazuma’s chest. Dont need to waste budget on kazuma’s face, either.... do the old trick of hair covering eyes & show me glittery tears~ why the awkward shot of kazma towering in his own house! how tall is this man & why cant he he fix his roof?...lol

Also, shigure, you got scars man... who can hurt shigure? akito? gotta be her. I dont think hatori scratches...lol.. Aya? nah~ too busy with Mine! yup, akito... another steamy night? could be, she’s changed as he wish now. But scratching a face is weird while..um..kissing? a quarrel? but why? I bet she wants him now & we know he wants her....

More on part 2! especially abt the curse’s lore~

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #happy paper #final season #part 1

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obsessionsposts · 4 years

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Tw: toxic relationship / emotional manipulation at the end / non-con use of drugs.

In the harsh forests of Siberia, there lays a forlorned man kneeling in the ground ; as he observed his sole friend being eaten by the serrated teeth of the snow.

He didn't know which is worse the icy winds that threatens to graze his skin, or the empty void that keeps on growing gradually to enrapture him in a spectral of sorrow; leaving him without a light and any shred of hope.

Not that it mattered anyways, Vladimir was born alone; lived his life alone and probably will die alone.

When the hamster drowned completely ; the man grumbled and stood up to make away to his estranged family whom visits him scarcely in his shack of solitude.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

" приве́т, брат. как дела? ", a familiar care-free voice echoed through the Siberian larch shack.

" Здравствуйте, младшая сестра.Я в поря́дке", replied Vladimir in a monotone tone.

A few minutes have passed, yet the situation kept on getting awkward between the estranged siblings. Until, Dunya abruptly disturbed the silence with her sugary voice.

" Brother, l may not visit you frequently. However, I fret alot about how negligent you've recently become not only toward us, but also toward yourself. So, I have an idea to remedy your desolation. ," the Belarusian suggeted awaiting the response of the reticent male.

"What that may be ? It won't work. No matter any attempt I've conducted to burn the memory. At best it haunts me, at worst, it depletes me.", came the cynical voice of the large man who is huddled beside the fireplace.

"Please understand that I give you my word that this time you'll- , she was cut off by Vladimir.

"No! You lack understandment. If you did understand me back then, why did abandon me? Now, don't try to manipulate me with your sugar-coated words,dear sister", his voice filled with loathe and disregard toward his traitor of a sister. Not that she was of his own blood, which proves his point people are discrenibly not to be trusted.

At one point, they'll take what they want from you; and then they will abandon you at any chance they get. He wont let it happen to him again. Never again.

As he ignored the wailing of his pathetic sister to stay and consider ; he left his shack and decided to go to the nearest town to meet one of the few people he came to trust. (Y/n).

His beloved snowflake.

His latest hope, that he'll make sure to persevere this time.

It's his turn to be selfish and take his reward for all the years of agony and loneliness.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

A jingle was heard notifying you that a customer came. Only to be pleasantly surprised, that it was the the russian regular customer; Vladimir.

Well,at first he intimidated you; with his structure,lack of expression,and his nihilistic attitude. With time, as you got to know him better he is such a fascinating and kind man despite the rumors spread about him.

The enormous brunette approached you with a stoic expression decorating his visage, however you knew better that he was glum.

"What seems to trouble you,Vlad? You appear to be out of it today, more than the usual?", you asked concerned about him; considering Vlad repress his emotion which isn't a healthy outlet as of you red about.

Another thing, he cherishes about you that your concerns and frets are genuine. Alongside, your intellect that sparked both his mind and heart alike.

" Нет, just stressed. I want to talk to you,if you're not busy.", he huffed as he inserted his large hands inside the pockets of his overcoat.

" No, not all. Considering I am about to close the shop now. I don't mind accompany you. Just give me a momento~ and I'll be ready.", as you left to close the shop; you didn't notice the ghost of a smile contorting through the face of the brunette russian.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

"So, what are up to,Vlady? and care to share why were you upset? I don't want to be pushy, but If you'd like to share then I am all ears", you remarked and poked the towering man inflicting a warm feeling inside his heart. Just like the sun he rarely saw.

Sighing, as he began to retell about what happened a month ago along with recent happenings.

The way, he spoke about his best friend passing hurt your heart- reflecting your true nature as an empath- and the cold anger of his when he spoke about his family.

You wondered what happened to represent such hate. No matter, what matters now is to bring Vladimir spirits up.

"Say, what would you like me to do to bring your hopes up? Anything you'd like!", as you encircled your arms around his waist or in your case below his stomach.

The warmth of your bodice and it softness clashed against his rough and cold ones made him realize, how much of an important factor you represent in his wretched life with his wretched family and wretched luck.

In addition, if anyone did what you did he will forcefully push them aside. But, you! you are his everything as much as he will be your everything soon enough.

Now, the door of opportunities had granted him this chance to enrapture you in his grasp forevermore; thus he will take it with an iron firm hands.

"да,please. Follow me to my lodge,маленький", offering his hands to you.

Grasping his hands, you began to walk aside him to his abode.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

Nothing,but the howling of the wind was heard ; as the both of you strolled toward his domicile. Vladimir reached his pockets to grab the keys and open the inky door.

"Such an interesting and intricate place you got,Vlad. Did you buy it?", stepping inside of the well-decorated abode. Said abode, was built upon black wood, and everything here are made of either wood or rarely metal.

Yet, it captured your interest as you are a fan of vintage architecture such as this.

"Glad you like it. However, I hadn't bought it. If, anything I built from scratch as I have an interest in building structures."

"My, that's amazing!,Vlad. You're such a talented man", you complimented his craftsmanship as you laid your hand at a woman in bridal clothes made from various type of wood.

Meanwhile, as you were immersed in the details of the house ; Vladimir brewed some tea for both him and his wife-to-be.

' It seems that you took my den to your liking. Good, adapt. Because, from on you'll be living here ;you'll become one with me and won't have the chance to leave me.'

" (Y/n)? May you come and chatter with me over a cup of tea?", Vladimir beckoned you as he sat in an umber chair; which is in front of a circular chocolate brown table.

"Sure thing.", trotting toward him with a sparkle of interest residing in your eyes. On the other hand, your guts is telling you otherwise. However, you ignored it. That was the last strike, before your fall down.

" Remember our first meeting? Nostalgic as it may be,but it always have a special place in my dormant heart", the brunette sipped his tea as he awaited your response.

" Indeed, I do !. Infact, I do too cherished and it is very sweet of you to say that. Considering, you're a grumpy bear usually", you remarked playfully,sipped your tea, and watched him glare at you halfheartedly.

" V-vlady, what's happening all of sudden. Why is everything so dizzy?", you spoke as you watch the world around you swirl and black spots began hazing your mind. Before you plummeted to the ground, a large arms had caught you in their arms. It wasn't warm this time,it was deathly cold similar to the embrace of death himself.

The last thing you saw were; Vlad's bloody irises and a cold smile gracing his visage.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

Once you awakened from your stupor, you were met directly with the bloody orbs of the person whom took advantage of you.

" Ah! маленький. You've awaken; its seems the drug didn't last long. No matter, what truly matters is that you're with me now." ,Vladmir crawled closer to you. Thus, you started to take a step from your former friend.

"Why are you doing this Vladimir? Why? after all we've been through; you do this", your eyes began to drip in tears as you screamed at your fr- No! at the strange man that possessed your friend.

"Because, you are the only one who cares authentically about me and isn't afraid of me. You painted my grey world with your light. You're the sunshine that I never had, this why I have to keep you away. So, no one would taint you. Can't you see I am a merely broken man shunned and forsakened by his own family?. Yet, you want to take away my chance of happiness,маленький?", Vladimir remarked bitterly,staring intently through your eyes with desolate engraved in his cold dead eyes.

"Just give into me,love. If you won't I might do something we both will regret."

Finally, in the end he have gotten something good out of this pointless life! and he'll will ensure her safety with him as he'll drown her with the love that he never had.

This is a story of man who lost everything,yet he gained something better than everything; eternal love.

●◉◎◈◎◉●

A/n: Hope you like it. Sorry if it took so long and thank you for requesting!

Translations:

приве́т, брат. как дела? - Hello,brother. How are you?

Здравствуйте, младшая сестра.Я в поря́дке. - Hello, little sister. I'm fine.

да - Yes.

маленький - little one.

#yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere hetalia #yandere hetalia x reader #yandere #yandere fandoms #yandere imagines

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oh-theatre · 4 years

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Please tell me the angst?? OwO

:DDDD IT SAD BUT :DDD

Do I trigger warning this? Imma do it

ok so it’s also like a fully fledged au but leaf me alone

Tw: Sleep paralysis, hauntings and haunted, sensitivities,, blood, scary stuff, demons

(Loosely based on the Haunting of Hill House with my own interpretation)

Ok ok so Remy and Emile are a married couple, and they work on renovating houses and selling them!

They have six kiddos! Damian is the oldest (15), then it’s Virgil (13), then Logan (9), then Patton (7), then twins Roman and Remus (5)

One day they move into this house, it’s a little out of the city, and more in the country.

It seems normal at first, the house, though old, doesn’t seem unusual. Remy and Emile set up the kids in the room. Patton and Logan room together, the twins together, Damian gets his own room and same with Virgil

The day starts okay. But slowly things become unusual. Remy and Emile find themselves having a normal night. And so do the children, for the first night, except Damian

Damian, after saying goodnight to his siblings and parents, settled into his temporary room. Snuggled up with some sewing devices as he creates some clothes. He gets a little exhausted and accidentally pricks his finger. So going to the bathroom to clean it off, he touches the light. A quick shock but nothing unusual, until he returns to his bed to find two hours have passed. Chalking it up to exhaustion Damian goes to bed.

Everythings fine until breakfast, when he reaches for a cup and the world falls away. The noise of the morning, his siblings, everything has gone. He feels the history of the cup, from when it was made from when it was placed into the house, to dust away on a shelf, to now as it clatters from Damian’s scared hands. He wears gloves now.

Virgil, though skeptical, feels the strange premonition just the same. Finding himself in Damian’s room scared most nights. However one night he tries his hardest to fall asleep in his own room, using his methods to calm himself. He wakes up at three am, on the dot. He watches as the room grows darker until he isn’t in bed. But sitting alone in the middle of the floor, red eyes flashing around him. He screams until his voice is hoarse, somehow ending up wrapped between his parent’s arms.

The next night, and the night after that, the same thing continues. The figures become more and more prominent, however, taking physical shape. On the seventh night, Virgil can see each distinct figure, too scared to scream he simply pushes away but this time, the darkness moves away with him. And through the next nights, he works quietly finding he can control… the dark..and the figures?

Though both his older siblings have expressed their concerns, Logan doesn’t believe in their myths. Only finding annoyance as Patton fears what his siblings have warned him about. So for the nights he works with Patton, calming down his brother, seeing as they share a room. Once Patton is calm, they fall asleep. However, Logan awakes easily as a gentle tapping takes place outside his door. He reads for awhile before the noise grows too much for his soft ears

He places his glasses on, tiptoeing with a shaky breath to the hall, creaking the old door open. His breath seizing as a hovering figure taps across the hall, facing away from the young boy. As it seems to turn towards him he rushes to his bed, shutting his eyes closed to put up a facade. He listens only as the door opens once more. He can feel the figure move around the room, tapping as it simply floats. Moving to Patton first then towards Logan. Holding his breath, the little one tries his best to appear asleep. Once the room grows quiet, and the taps fade, he exhales. A moment too soon, no face yet his screams are heard.

He tells not what occurred that night to anyone but Patton, his little brother trying his hardest to comfort him. Even with his own hands shaking. As he goes to hug Logan, the be-speckled boy finds himself whisked away, the dark space becoming a bright nebula. Logan floats through, his pajamas flowing with him. He scream in his loneliness until he returns to his bed, sobbing silently into his brother. Confused, and no longer intrigued but terrified.

After the many occurrences, and the restless nights he spend trying to comfort his siblings Patton collapses exhausted in his bed. Scared of what might come, loud winds outside awake him. The heavy shattering rain, and the cracks of thunder terrify the timid boy. Alas he cannot seek safety in the arms of his parents or brother, he cant move. He remains frozen in his cold bed. His blurred vision frets around the room, until a confusing image his blue eyes set upon. Something standing over his bed, nothing looking back. He whimpers, wanting more to escape. But nothing as he simply watches.

Finally after what seems like an eternity, he closes his fists tight screaming through the house. Rushed his parents come to home, an already alert Logan by his bed. Once the night calms once more, they assume the incident wont occur again. Yet for consecutive nights, Patton remains frozen with fear as something watches him. And he cant do anything. Though his nights are restless, his day seem normal. Seem being the unfortunate keyword, as things only grow louder and more present, an everlasting headache for the young one.

The twins find nothing wrong, playing delightfully through the giant house, clearly full of stories. They stay side by side, enjoying their nights (the non-screamed filled ones of course) and exciting days. Even through their small concern fro their siblings, and confusion to the worries of their parents. They seem to enjoy the house and their lives nonetheless. That is until…

The boys settle in for a late night after spending too much time creating a world through their house. The decide to rest after a final warning from their exhausted fathers. Everything appears fine, the house calm even with the storms outside. A sudden crash awaking everyone, including the young boys. They heave themselves out of bed, grabbing their stuffed animals and blankets, following the noise to the main foyer. There they meet their family, but the noise only grows louder. Quickly Remy rushes upstairs checking through the house, things continue crashing and blowing. Another loud crash and the twins and Logan scatter to Emile, finding safety in his hold. Patton offers to make some tea, his two older brothers advising they join him.

Another crash and the kids come back, scared to venture into the house any further. Remy returns and everyone is thrown in separate directions as a chandelier comes crashing down. The twins call out, tears in their eyes, for their parents. The others gather. But when Damian looks, he cant see his siblings anywhere. The family, in a panic, calls out for them. The twins grasp to each other, desperate confusion as their families walk past them. After hours, Emile spots them where he left them. Scooping them up, overwhelming relief as hes joined by the rest of the family. Once everything is settled, and the morning breaks. They set to work cleaning the remnants of the night. And soon everything returns to normal, well as normal as can be with so many deep secrets,

The twins continue their games however, finding their routines return easily. Hide and seek becomes harder, especially as Remus trips through the wall appearing on the other side. And Roman finds if he wills hard enough, no one can see him.

Nothing unusual about more fun, so the twins keep their secrets. One night, as they wander through, playing their sneaky games, they listen to soft struggles of fear. Creaking into their brother Virgils room, they find him stifling scared sobs. It appears he cant see them, even as they join him on either side. Hugging him sweetly. They shut their eyes, imaging the field outside, under the cherry blossom, where they imagine playing with Virgil, hosting tea parties. Soon enough it stops, and the room feels at ease. Virgil laughs, expressing his enjoyment for their idea, yet no words spoken?

PLEASE ASK ME PLEASE PLEASE

OK OK SO I HAVE ALOT MORE FOR THIS BUT I DONT WANNA BOTHER YALL SO IF YOU WANT MORE LET ME KNOW!! AND IF I TAGGED THIS WRONG ALSO LET ME KNOW!! BUT YES THIS IS AN AU NOW

SORRY IT SUCKS

#haunting hill au #sanders sides #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #remy sanders #emile picani #tw horror #tw blood #tw sleep paralysis #tw demon #tw screaming

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brideylee · 4 years

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Chateau Quarantine

Sophia Coppola smokes a cigarette while she waits for an omelette she has no intention of eating. It’s a gloomy marine layered morning, you can barely see across Sunset. She’s been in lock down for three weeks and while she normally loves the moody, brooding decadence of the Chateau Marmont, its elite solitude is giving her a bit too much time to reflect. She thinks about the concept of crying as she watches a long torso-ed model skinny dip in the pool from the penthouse. There are no rules anymore, not that there were many in the first place. The hotel was shuttered to the public as of three weeks ago, and those who were already there could stay indefinitely. Sophia lives alone in the tower suite with the three bedrooms and the wrap around porch, known by some as “the Deniro”, but Robert himself couldn’t tell you why. Any legends or gossip about the Chateau were just bread crumbs to keep the public hungry and mystified. The real Chateau for the privileged few who used it, was an unceremonious respite for excessive loneliness, addiction, and often not great sex. The Chateau had a reputation: look but don’t fuck. Everyone’s genitals were rendered useless from anti-depressants.

She thought she would be filming by now. Her cast is stranded too, with little guidance other than “we’ll wait it out.” The film she wanted to make stars Hugh Grant and Ewan McGregor as two estranged brothers coming together for their father’s funeral. Iman was set to the play the mysterious woman who shows up at the funeral who they then realize was their father’s mistress. It was going to be a slow movie about the brothers coming to terms with their father’s death and equally so falling in love with the woman he hid from them. All this would be suggested through intimate long takes, and funny, stylish, improvised montages. Always subtle and romantic without the sap, this was the tight rope Sophia liked to balance on. At the end of the movie, both brothers are mildly changed, but not entirely. She has a sweet spot for the immovability of people’s psyches, particularly men.

Sophia watches impartially, as the naked model floats on her back in the calm pool. It is so cold and early to swim, is she on drugs or is everyone at this place even more numb than they think? She wondered if her film was too male, too disembodied from her personally to mean anything. Tapping into the male gaze, was an ability she was born with. Her father’s point of view was all she interacted with as a kid, and the underside of his specialties became her focus: the lost parts of men when they are too weak to hold up the heavy crown of their egos, who they were when they could let themselves feel outside of their work. But given the state of the world, and the molasses nature of time during lock down, Sophia started to question if what she always found to be her strength was just simply trauma. Was her whole profession a way to resolve some genetic creative stifling that took place in the shadow of her dad? Surely her body of work contains more than that. It’s not all a selfish attempt at repair. Is any art not selfish? "Maybe I should make a different movie, something that everyones gonna like for once.” She thinks to herself. Thank God, her goat cheese omelette has arrived.

Later on, the gothic lobby is empty besides the cast of her film and the elegant model behind the reception desk standing like a hollow sculpture, frightened by the chaos that lurks outside. Ewan McGregor, drunk off of five Marmont Mules, is showing Hugh Grant an app that maps the stars and constellations. Ewan has gone on and on about a camping trip he took around Scotland and how amazing the stars were, but when pressed for details about where exactly he was or what he saw or what year he did this, he can’t seem to remember anything at all.But that doesn’t dampen his excitement about the app. “See, that, there is Orion’s belt!” Ewan enthusiastically points out, his cute smirk displaying his bottom row of sweet corn kernel teeth. Ewan just recently learned about the stars. Until the age of 47, Ewan had been referring to them as “night freckles.” Many think this is why he didn’t have a fun time acting in Star Wars, space simply befuddled him. Hugh and Ewan are dressed exactly the same: navy blue beanie, black jeans, a tight blue thermal, and desert boots- the actor man uniform they give you after you play opposite Nicole Kidman or Renee Zellweger.

“That’s brilliant,” says Hugh Grant completely perplexed by the app and confused at Ewan’s rambling. Hugh sticks a handkerchief up his nostril with his pointer finger and wiggles it around somewhat violently. Iman clocks this with a blink of disgust, her silk, gold blouse glistens with god-like royalty in the amber glow. “Can you turn your face away? That’s how the virus is spreading.” Her voice is deep and she rarely uses it because it changes the direction of the wind and messes with the tides. “Aw, fuck me. That’s right, isn’t it?” Hugh Grant turns away and starting blowing his nose and coughing obnoxiously. Hugh is acting like a resentful brat because he knows he wont be able to have Iman. He decides he’s gonna pick a fight with Sandra Bullock via face time later to blow off steam. Iman is thinking she was right all along, she should never have agreed to this. She was already sick of the “beanie twins”.

Hugh had been rattling on about how the movie needed a sex scene or at least a sexy scene and went on to say that Sophia had some sort of block. Iman felt that both Ewan and Hugh, however innocently, were exploiting their acting roles to gain real life experience, and there was no way in hell, she was going to kiss either of them. Her kiss would make them immortal and Iman knew their souls needed more lifetimes to grow. Plus, she liked the script the way it was- underwritten and open for interpretation. Her character is symbolic of the side of their dad they didn’t get to meet- spiritual, graceful, embodied. It was a soulful choice not to show any nudity or sex, one that could lead Americans to try to use whats left of their iPhone stolen imaginations.

Meanwhile Michael Cain, who was supposed to play the dead father, is staring at the beautiful Victorian tapestry hanging behind her. “It’s like it’s right out of the Cloister’s.” Michael says under his breath. Michael is sweet, Iman thinks as she watches him stare at the tapestry with wonder, his mouth agape, and a lil warm milk spilling out of his left eye. Iman and him have known each other for years and he always reminded her of her husband: his fierce devotion to his craft, his rigorous intellectuality that does a bad job hiding an animalistic sexuality. Both men contained so much and no one can handle a man like that besides a mystical siren like Iman.

Hugh and Ewan’s chatter dies as their drinks empty. “If I were to be honest with myself…” Hugh begins. “Better later than never…” Michael Cain interrupts without cracking a smile, a dryness a la Maggie Smith. In fact, fuck, this was Maggie Smith. No one had realized. Hugh winks at Michael/ Maggie and continues. “ I don’t think were going to be filming any time soon, folks. I think we are being held hostage a bit by Miss Coppola.” Ewan stares off with a thinking face like no one has ever had a deeper thought before. “That is interesting to think about. There is some kind of bratty assumption that all this will fade away soon enough. And we’ll be back on set. But what if it’s not for another year or so?” Ewan is really getting worked up “What if we live here for the rest of our lives!!” His eyes are big and dazzling, it’s like he’s thinking of the most ideal outcome for the rest of his life.

Suddenly, Sophia joins them at the table. “There they are, my little hunchbacks!” This is what Sophia affectionately calls her actors, the origin is unknown. Sophia has a strange new confidence around her. Usually, when she walked into places, she would feel like a Nat Sherman cigarette, like only some select tall New Yorkers in the back would still appreciate her. “Hello, love! Someone slept well.” Maggie Smith as Michael Caine chirped. Even when Maggie-Michael said something sweet, it still felt like someone was aggressively tickling your ribcage.

“I have news.” Sophia sits down, and smiled large and toothy, a stark contrast to her usual chic, despondent stare, a look only afforded to artists born with trust funds. “We’re not making the movie.” Hugh taps the table. “Well, I believe I won that bet.” Ewan’s jaw drops, destroyed. “You mean we cant live here together forever?” He runs his hands through his hair, petrified. Iman is quiet, which can mean many different things and all things at once, she is eternally the glory of God, a forgotten pyramid at the bottom of the ocean that if unearthed would explode us into 5D ascension.

“We are making a better movie! A super hero movie!!” Sophia exclaims. Sophia gets up close in the faces of her cast, pitching them on her new idea. “It’ll be a real heroes journey- good guys versus evil! Fun CGI! Sexy starlets and fun on trend jokes!” She turns to Michael Maggie, her mouth inches away from their milky eye, and says- “And much much more!” Sophia climbs up on the table now. “The adults will love it, as well as the little ones!” She does an Irish jig and starts spinning around and then poses with her arms up as though at the end of a musical. It was not fun to watch. Iman cuts her off-“I don’t trust what is happening.This is not reality. This is delusion. A karmic spell.” The power of Iman’s words blows the power out of the Chateau, pipes burst, the fire alarm goes off, and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte in room 304 stops jerking off for a second. Sophia is still catching her breath from her presentation, her sweating, arms stretched to the ceiling. She gulps as her eyes meet Iman’s. “Why don’t you just write from my character’s point of view?” Iman says as softly as she can without causing chaos. Sophia freezes. Her whole body calcifies and turns to ice, then crumbles onto the table. Ewan and Hugh watch in absolute horror as Iman drops some of the ice into her water. She knows she shouldn’t have said yes to this project and looks on lovingly at Michael/ Maggie who has dozed off.

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troped-fanfic-challenge · 4 years

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Voting for the Final Round 4 of Chopped 3.0 is officially OPEN!

You know how voting works so we wont bore you with lots of details. Remember to rank fics based on the USE of the tropes and theme and to rank ALL fics in each question, so we can avoid any technical difficulties! Please try and read all the fics so you can vote fairly! Reminder, you must include a URL, and you may only vote once, we will NOT count multiple votes by the same person. Voting will be open until August 17th at 11:59pm!

You can vote here:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/GRF7WB7

For this round the writers had to create a story with the theme of their choice that included the tropes of El Dorado, Frikdreina, Telepathy, and the Author’s Choice of a Trope! Thanks to all our AWESOME writers, these fics are so fun and we are so glad you decided to share them with us!!

Please try to read as many fics as you can and leave some kudos/comments for the authors! Don’t forget to vote!

———

The Life We Seek To Find (Rated T) [Emori/Murphy]

Summary: “Alexia and Blue, they’ll have a better chance there. You will have a better chance there. Trust me.”

Murphy and Emori make the daring decision to travel across the unknown wasteland of Earth in order to find the so-called ‘City Of Light’ in the hopes of finding a better future for their little family.

-Loosely based on “Bird Box” in the sense that there is a safe haven a long journey away.

Am I dreaming (Or is this burning an eternal flame) (Not Rated) [Emori/Murphy/Raven]

Summary: A post-apocalyptic story of soulmates.

Murphy never thought he'd meet his soulmate - let alone find out he had two. But that's just what he does while he and Bellamy searched for Octavia. And now he's expected to help save the world? This was not how he was expecting his life to go.

Show Me Yours, I'll Show You Mine (Rated T) [Emori/Murphy]

Summary: Emori doesn’t do normal. That’s something she’s never had in her life. It’s why she doesn’t really question it when she starts having weird dreams that have absolutely nothing to do with her. And why she doesn’t question it when she happens upon the subject of the dreams, either. Like this mysterious guy, she’s just along for the ride.

A modern retelling of Emori and Murphy’s first meeting.

leave my loneliness unbroken (Rated T) [Bellamy/Clarke/Raven]

Summary: When you turn ten years old, you hear your soulmate’s voice inside your head.

Or so Raven’s been told.

Rattle the Stars (Rated G) [Octavia/Lincoln]

Summary: Even as humanity spread itself through space, the universe remains the true final frontier. Outlaws rule the fringes of galaxies and for those who are down on their luck, it's not an easy lifestyle.

Octavia Blake grows up on stories of a fearsome bandit named Charmaine Diyoza and dreams of one day going on her own intergalactic adventures. She's eighteen when that becomes a reality, a chance encounter leading her on a treasure hunt throughout the galaxy in search of the famed El Dorado, a Treasure Planet made entirely of gold. Along the way she makes allies and enemies –– but one person in particular guides her along the way. A cyborg named Lincoln helps her blossom on the ship and come into herself and she can't help but fall for him, even as she learns that not everything is as it seems. But with the mysterious map in hand, unusual friends, and her own belief in herself, she might just discover more than gold on this adventure.

until the next, my beloved (Rated T) [Luna/Raven/Roan]

Summary: Luna and Roan set off to find the legendary city of Eden, where it is said there is gold stretching as far as one can see. As Raven cannot come due to her blindness, Luna takes it upon herself to keep sending her messages.

lost in the woods (Rated T) [Clarke/Murphy]

Summary: Murphy can read minds, but only sometimes. It doesn't help him not get lost on a class hiking trip.

#chopped: the 100 fanfic challenge #chopped: the 100 fanfic edition #chopped 3.0 #round 4: final #round 4: championship #voting #round 4 submissions

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singingpeople · 5 years

Text

Undoing - Chapter 7

tagging:

@jojuarez26 @love17mwh @tigpooh67 @bookwarm85 @trishevans @lets-play-truth-or-dare @deepfrz @carefultheyspit @iammarylastar @beautifulramblingbrains

@mom2reesie @lauraaan182 @readsalot73 @beltz2016@you-wont-let-me-let-you-go @frecklefaceb @tomarisela @kenzieam

****massive trigger warning****

And yeah, I've seen you in my head every fucking day since I left You on the floor with your hands 'round your head And I'm down and depressed All I want is your head on my chest Touching feet in my bed I'm eleven minutes away and I have missed you all day I'm eleven minutes away, so why aren't you here?

You're eleven minutes away and I have missed you all day You're eleven minutes away, so why aren't you here?

The darkness surrounding me didn't want to budge. No matter how hard I tried to surface it always pulled me back under until I was floating again; weightless in a dimension that was all my own. There, neither time nor space mattered. There was no fear, no angry thoughts, just a divine me that did not care for trivial happenings.

I tried shaking it off, but it clung to me. As if it wouldn’t want to let me go. That’s when I realized, I wouldn’t like waking up.

Not at all.

At one point, when the urgency inside my chest got stronger, I could almost open my eyes. But they were like lead; someone had glued them shut and I felt myself sink deeper again.

An eternity later, the veil slowly started to lift and I regained some consciousness of my body, how my fingers felt, lying on a not quite soft blanket; the pillow underneath my head flat.

There was something slung over my face, leading to my nose. It felt cool and I realized it was a supply of oxygen. Something sticky, restraining on my hand; tape, most likely from an IV. My left hand in a cast – even with healing serum it would take weeks for it to fully heal. My head hurt, as well as my shoulder and every part of me, felt sore. But the worst of all these dull pains was the emptiness inside me. For a moment, I thought it was just in my head, that overwhelming sense of loneliness – of being all alone in this city full of strangers. But when my hand wandered down, to rest on the non-existent bump, I knew it wasn't just in my head.

Slowly opening my eyes, blinking to get through the fog I stared down on my body; on the hand that was resting on my now flat again stomach.

I pressed my head back into the pillow, swallowing tightly.

I had known it. From the beginning on, I had known it. When that doctor handed me the black and white image of that little blip… something inside me had known that this would go wrong. That I would not get my happy end.

It hurt.

It hurt like hell.

But the sadness, the grief, the guilt were all numbed by the resignation I felt. Had felt all along. I know why I hadn't been so joyous, so happy like a mother-to-be should be. There was a reason I hadn't told Eric.

That voice inside me that doubted everything from the beginning. The one that was now sitting in her rocking chair, feet crossed and one eyebrow raised. ‘I told you so.’,head shake, expression resigned she turned away, leaving me to wallow in my pity.

And like always she had been proven right.

It hurt to admit, but maybe some things weren’t for everyone… and maybe happiness was one of these things.

I don’t know how long I laid there, staring at the ceiling with my hand on my stomach when the large glass door to my room was pushed open. A nurse came inside, bustling around, checking the machines before turning to me. Her blue scrubs were a stark contrast to the white room.

“Oh, good. You’re awake.” She gave me a smile but her expression was still business, this was her job, nothing more.

I tried clearing my throat, it felt incredibly dry. I knew, had known all along but I had to ask. Sometimes you needed the finality of words. So your mind would understand. So you would understand.

Some things only became real once they were spoken out loud.

“My… child…”

“I’m sorry,” A tight-lipped smile, fake-empathy. “there was nothing we could do. The placenta ruptured, you lost a lot of blood and it was only four months old. No surgery in this world could have saved it.”

“O-okay.” Licking over my parched lips, I nodded. A heaviness had settled in my stomach and I waited for a wave of grief to hit me. But it didn’t come.

All I felt was numbness. “Wha-what’s the…verdict?”

“You mean your injuries?” She asked, grabbing the tablet and opening my chart when I nodded. “Let’s see…” She mumbled, swiping over the screen. “You have a concussion, a badly bruised shoulder, an old rip-fracture that we had to fix along with a newer one. Your left wrist was broken, we put a cast on it; a sprained ankle, a few older scabs on your back and of course, the miscarriage.”

Shakily exhaling, I bit into my cheek. Knowing you were fucked and hearing how fucked you were are two different things. No wonder my body felt as if it had been split in two with a blunt axe and then sewed back together.

This didn’t feel like me. This wasn’t me.

Something horrible as this, couldn’t happen to me… Or, could it?

When I didn’t answer her, nor showed any sign of understanding, the nurse cleared her throat. My eyes flew up to her.

“I’m going to get you some ice-chips.” Typing something into the screen beside my head, she left the room.

As soon as the door fell shut behind her, I stopped pretending and let myself sink back into the hard mattress. I laid there, just staring at the ceiling, not really comprehending that this was my reality. That everything wasn’t a strange, realistic dream but really had happened. It just didn’t feel… real to me.

But at the same time, I felt the despair gorging on my insides. The black pit in my stomach made it impossible to cry. I had collapsed, like a dying star. All that was left was a black hole, devouring everything in its path.

A lone tear ran down my cheek as I closed my eyes and turned around, wishing for that darkness to take me back.

Unwillingly, I had slept through the biggest scandal this city had ever seen. Once the nurses had made sure I was stable and had given me ice to calm my parched throat after I received another shot of healing serum and several others, like birth control and the likes, they talked about what was going to happen to them, now that erudite was under investigation.

I had perked up at that, asking them what happened and they glanced at each other, unsure if they should share their knowledge. Damn noses.

In the end, their need to show me their superiority won.

“Strange.” The second one said, raising her eyebrows. “I know you’ve been unconscious but it basically all revolves around you and why you are lying in this bed.”

“What revolves around me?” I had asked, already going over all the fucked up secrets buried inside my head. A little reluctant, they had relented to my requests, to my need to know everything and for once I didn’t give a fuck about being humble and selfless or about not showing weakness and ask for help.

I wanted to know what the fuck had happened after hepushed me down the stairs and left me there, lying in a sea of my own blood.

I closed my eyes, but the image of him, smiling down at me with his hand around my throat was burned into my retina.

The way it felt, tumbling down a seemingly endless flight of stairs, the cold wood underneath my fingers, then – wet grass. And a pair of warm, gentle hands turning my face around, brushing over my forehead…

If it hadn’t been for her… Who knows how long it would have taken someone to find me.

I closed my eyes, thankful that I had been brave enough to overcome my prejudices and talk to her. That one moment, that one decision had turned her into my savior.

Sighing, nurse two walked towards the screen in the upper left corner of the room and turned it on. It flickered, before coming to life. She didn't have to search for long. Apart from the old channels that played series and movies about a strange, modern world before the war, there were only two other channels, one for emergencies.

And the emergency broadcast they had talked about was playing on loop all day long.

Hands balled to fists, squeezing the blanket between them I stared onto the screen where hewas, standing on a make-shift stage in front of the office building where the abnegation government was held, behind him, united, all of the elders that held high-ranking positions.

He stepped forward, his face serious, a hint of sadness marking his features, hands crossed over the grey vest that hid his pouch – a tell-tale sign of his selfishness; of his over-indulgence in food.

He had always known how to act.

“There was an attack on our government last night.” He spoke, his sickly melodic voice making my skin crawl, as I watched the emergency video they had released two days ago. “Last night, a factionless, who we have cared and feed for as long as abnegation exists, broke into my house, expecting to find me there. Instead,” He paused and I swallowed. This wasn’t happening. He wasn’t fucking serious.

But he was, his expression hardening as if he really was angry at that made-up factionless.

“Instead, he surprised my assistant in her sleep, overpowered, and pushed her down the stairs.” I closed my eyes in horror. There it was. My shame. Laid out for everyone to see.

What good dauntless would let herself be overpowered by a fucking factionless?

“Badly hurt, she managed to make her way out to the front where she was found by our members, who made sure she got to the hospital and then came to alert me in my office, where I had been working late on a report.

That factionless,” He paused for theatrical reasons, voice full of regret when he dropped the bomb that put the whole city into turmoil. “was sent in a secret mission by dauntless and erudite.”

Oh,he was good.I could very well imagine the outcry this had caused in amity and candor. And of course, under the rightful members of Dauntless, maybe even erudite.

“Please, don’t get this the wrong way.” He continued, raising his hands in a pacifying gesture. “These factions as a whole are not to blame! I do not, nor have I ever doubted the leader’s loyalty to our government, our city. It just seems that a parallel society has developed without our knowledge that strives for power. A power they should never be granted. With all my heart, I hope that we are able to stop this poison running through the veins of our society and I believe, I know that throughout investigations will lead to the banishment of these insurgents and all their mislead ideals.”

He stopped speaking, standing tall and proud, like an honest man that he would never be. Suddenly, his expression hardened and that look I knew too well. It promised war.

“Otherwise, when we do get informed of troop movements from dauntless that threaten our city, we in Abnegation have to use the only weapon we have ever possessed.

We do not want to, not at all, but we won’t hesitate to retaliate

This city’s history is too valuable, too important to be forgotten.

But we will do what we have to.

If the only way to save our system is to wipe the memory of every single soul in this city, then so be it.

Faction before Blood.”

The screen went black and all I could do was stare at it. I was lost for words.

I wasn’t even surprised, that he had managed to twist every event, every argument, until it fit into his plan, into the illusion that was Marcus Eaton. Like a spider, he had carefully woven his web and caught the little fucking fly that was me. I was just a chess figure in a game I didn’t understand. A notch in his game plan to discredit his biggest foes. A bug, that was crushed under Jeanine Matthew’s gigantic ego.

A little girl that Max threw into the river to drown.

I didn’t even get what they were fighting over. I didn’t understand.

I had been sent to abnegation to find out if they were withholding supplies from the other factions; if they had secrets worth exposing, a reason to start a war.

But the only secret I had found, the only secret worth exposing would be my own undoing, my shame, my weakness.

I laid my head back onto the pillow.

Now, that everything had gotten out, just another way, maybe I could finally go home. Or what used to be home…

No one would look at me the same way and I would have to earn their respect again. To show, I wasn’t a stiff. That much I knew.

But was I dauntless?

Or had I become undone?

Lost in thought, I had forgotten all about the two nurses in my room.

“Don’t worry,” Number one said, glancing at me while checked the cast splinting my left wrist. “they have the girl who did it.”

I whipped my head towards her.

“What?” Blinking, I couldn’t make sense to her words. “What girl?”

“The one they found kneeling beside you.” She glanced at nurse number two. “Maybe you can’t remember, you hit your head pretty hard.”

“No!” I exclaimed, staring from one to the other in horror. Slowly, I started realizing what exactly they meant. “What do you mean, they have her in custody?!”

“Ehhrm,” Put off by my outbreak, she slowly inched away from me. “We got told that an envoy from candor will come by later, along with a higher ranking dauntless member. And that they found the girl kneeling beside you. That there is nothing for you to be afraid of, they have the culprit.”

“No!” I gasped, pushing myself up, ignoring their protests. “They don’t! That wasn’t her!”

“What do you mean?” It was obvious they didn’t quite believe me – or thought I had hit my head too hard to make sense. “Of course it was her. What else would a factionless do in abnegation?”

“She just found me, lying on the grass, okay?” The two of them were agitating to no end. Why was it so hard to get them to understand that despite her status, she was still a good person, a decent human being? “She is a friend of mine!”

This time their shared glances spoke of nothing but disdain.

“A factionless girl?”

“Yes.” My voice hardened as I stared them down, defiantly raising my chin. “I gave her my clothes and I always meet her when we hand out food. Her name is Luna. If she hadn’t found me, I don’t think I would have made it…”

“Alright.” Nurse two raised her hand in surrender. “Let’s just get you ready. You can tell the people that really need to know.”

I nodded, rolling my eyes. Fine. I didn’t want to spend more time with them than necessary, either. It didn’t take long for me to get decent, they had already washed me when I had been unconscious. I got a bowl of water, a small towel and a brush. After I was clean, even though clean was relative when you couldn’t use a shower, they helped me into my underwear, a pair of grey shorts and an oversized shirt that wouldn’t constrict any of the bandages.

It wasn’t much but thank god for small favors.

Ten minutes later, the nurses informed me that the members from candor and dauntless had arrived and it didn’t take long until the door to my room opened again. Nurse one lead a candor, a haughty, tall blonde woman into the room - followed by none other than Max himself.

Not really trusting my eyes, I blinked, staring at my former leader. His expression was unreadable and he stayed behind her, arms crossed over his chest, everything about him was dark. A stark contrast to the white behind him.

The candor introduced herself, but I didn't pay attention to her name, my mind still to occupied with the man behind her. I couldn't look away from him. First lesson: never turn your back to your enemy.

She cleared her throat and my gaze flew to her. Giving me a tight smile, she started speaking.

“I am really sorry to bother you so shortly after waking up, Casey. I hope this is alright.” I nodded, telling her that I was fine. She knew how a lie sounded like but let it slide. Once again clearing her throat she got down to business. Blunt and to the point.

"You surely understand, that after Marcus' accusations, this, your report as a witness has become our first priority. This is the reason why Max has agreed to join me, knowing this matter is too important as that a normal dauntless could have handled it.”

“Of course.” I gave them a tight smile, feeling my lips crack. With the help of the nurse, I sat up, pulling the blanket up to my chest, over the tent they called shirt. Between those two, the honest and the traitor, I felt more than just exposed. I cleared my throat, coughing lightly.

“There is one thing you have to know now though.” Max tensed in his spot behind her, staring at me. I tried to ignore his gaze burning through my face, daring me to speak out of turn. He tried to mask it, but I could tell he was nervous.

Afraid that I would expose him.

I could have… that moment I could have told the candor everything and there was nothing Max could have done in a hospital full of people.

But I didn’t. My loyalty for dauntless was still too big to betray them in such a manner.

“You have a girl in your custody, right?”

“Yes.” The candor nodded. “A factionless.”

“Luna?” I asked and she nodded, surprised. “It wasn’t her. She didn’t attack me.” I declared and the candor furrowed her brows.

“What do you mean? She was kneeling beside you when your faction members found you.”

“Yes, she called them." I made sure that she understood. "Luna found me after I made it outside. The man who attacked me… a- a factionless man at least twice my size broke into the house. He came into my room, where I was sleeping, he… hit me and then he dragged me to the stairs." Closing my eyes for a moment, I swallowed heavily. "He hit me again, asking where M-Marcus was and then he pushed me…” Staring at the wall, I felt the scenes resurface again. “I was lying on the foot of the stairs. He came down, saw me lying there, stepped over me and left through the door. I managed to drag myself outside where Luna found me. Please,” I added, pleading with them. “Don’t hurt her. She just tried helping me. Without her, the others wouldn’t have found me.”

“Okay.” She smiled at me. “I’m going to make sure she will be released from the holding cell as soon as we’re done here.”

“Thank you.” My relief was instant.

“Good, so let’s start from the beginning.”

“So, why don’t you tell us about the evening itself, for now?” The woman started, a recorder placed on the small table, a notebook in hand. Max was just staring at me, his head tilted. He stayed quiet, while the woman beside him asked the questions, observing, judging.

I started telling them half-the-truth, trying to remember what Marcus had said. That everything was dark and Marcus had left after dinner. About a factionless that came into my room while I was asleep. He grabbed me out of my bed, threatened me and when I couldn’t give him what he needed, he pushed me down the stairs.

“What was it?” The candor asked. “What was it that he needed?!”

I stared at her, blinking. I had no fucking idea. “I – I don’t know… I can’t remember…” I stumbled, staring down at the blanket I had been fiddling with the whole time. “It was something Marcus was supposed to have, I think… Something imaginary.” Letting my gaze wander to Max, I looked him in the eye. “Something that doesn’t exist.”

“You seem to remember that quite well, though.” His voice rang through the room and the candor stopped taking notes to look at him, too. “

“That’s the thing though.” I countered. “He confused me. He didn’t know what exactly he was searching for, either. He just knew it was supposed to be in the house. Not where or what… just that he needed it badly. He was lunatic… searching for something that never did and never will exist.”

“Like what?” The candor asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

“How on earth should I know what a mad man wanted from me, other than that he was willing to risk my life for it.” Looking at her, I just shrugged my shoulders. “There is nothing more I can help you with.”

I hope that message hit home. From the corner of my eye, I saw max shifting, his fists balled. How easy it was, to anger

“Are you sure?” She asked and when I nodded, she sighed, closing her notebook. She turned to Max. “If you’ll wait, I’m going to talk to the doctor real quick.” Max nodded and she left the room, being lead down the corridor by nurse one while two busied herself in another room.

Suddenly, the temperature in the room seemed to drop and I wished they hadn’t left me alone with him. Maybe, calling him a lunatic while he was in the same room hadn’t been the best idea.

The sound of the glass door being pulled shut raked a shiver down my spine and I swallowed, steeling myself for what I knew would come.

I could only hope for mercy.

For a moment, everything was silent except for the quiet beeping of the heart monitor. Max’ back was turned to me as he made sure, we truly were alone, that no one would interrupt us. When he turned around, my stomach fell.

Instead of the distant, indifferent expression, he had masked so carefully while the others were in the room, his eyes were hard, his anger starting to bleed through.

Slowly, so I could watch every single one of his steps, feel them resonate through my body he stepped forward until he stood over me; the ultimate position of power.

“You told him.” His voice was icy and he tilted his head, not once breaking eye contact. It wasn’t a question. I inhaled deeply, pinching the bridge of my nose. This really was too much for one day. I just wanted it to end already. I wanted Max to get the fuck out of my room.

This. All of this was his fault.

Not to mention, he wasn’t the leader I wanted to see so desperately…

“Max, listen…” I started, shaking my head slowly, exhausted. I didn’t know what to tell him. He was right. I had fear let get the better of me and exposed everything I had given my life for. “There was no evidence whatsoever. Abnegation isn’t hoarding anything. There are no secrets or conspiracies… they're just living their life!"

“You just didn’t look closely enough!” Max shook his head, his face pulled up in disgust. “And to think, I once thought you were our best initiate…”

His words hit me hard. I felt my lip quivering and bit down, trying to keep my emotions in check. I failed.

“Of course I did!” I hissed, leaning forward to stare him down. “I did nothing else but count and search through these fucking houses, Max! I was there when we got the food and I was there when it was either handed out to members or factionless! You saw the numbers yourself! Nothing was wrong with them! There was not a single piece of bread they kept to themselves!

They’re humble people, they did nothing wrong. Just because you do not like the results, doesn’t mean I didn’t risk everything for them, Max! I risked everything for you!”

Staring at me, Max suddenly started laughing. A laugh that made my blood run cold. “Not enough.”

Swallowing tightly, I slowly repeated his words. “Not enough?”

“No.” Licking over his lips, Max bared his teeth at me. “Do you have a fucking idea what you did, Casey? Because of you, Dauntless and Erudite are under investigation! Do you even have the slightest clue what we had to do

“That’s not my fault.” Voice shaking, I glared at him. “You are the one that threatened to wipe out a whole faction because of your misled ideals! Max. This isn’t dauntless! Being brave doesn’t mean being cruel, being fearless doesn’t mean being heartless! Eric knows tha– “

“Eric.” He interrupted me, chuckling harshly. “Is the most heartless motherfucker of them all. And you seem to have lost every last ounce of honor you had in your body. A real dauntless would not throw her faction to the wolves. Wouldn’t make friends with stiffs or factionless scum! And a real dauntless would never cower away from a mission, no matter how hard or futile it may seem!”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about – “ My voice was harsh, my anger bleeding through but he silenced me with one wave of his hand. I wanted to tell him that a real dauntless wouldn’t strive for power, no matter the cost. A real dauntless wouldn’t send a dependent to do his dirty work. A real dauntless wouldn’t risk the lives of those he swore to protect.

But I couldn’t get a word out.

I looked up into his face and his expression genuinely scared me.

It was cold and emotionless. Calculated.

He was the stronger one and he knew it.

There were two people in this room – and one of them held all the power.

Silenced, I swallowed while the trepidation ran through my veins. This wasn’t going to end well. Showing his teeth, Max’ smile was scarier than the glare he shot me.

"Well, good for you that you have taken a liking to abnegation." Max sneered before his smile became icy. “Since you have no choice than to stay there or become factionless.” Interrupting himself for a short moment, Max swirled the words around on his tongue, tasting their power; his superiority, my undoing. “You did not keep your promise, our deal is void.”

Mouth open, I stared at him not really understanding…

“No! Max, wait!” I gasped, when he straightened up, staring down at me through harsh, cold eyes.

“Look at it as a fitting punishment for being a traitor. You will never be dauntless again.” He was out the door before I could fully comprehend what exactly he had said but when I did, it slammed into my chest like a freight train.

“NO! MAX, PLEASE…” I screamed, trying to get off the bed but failed, the pain in my lower abdomen too bad. For a moment, I expected him to come back and tell me this was all a bad joke. That I could still go home. To my parents, to my mother who made pancakes every Sunday. To Lynn and Marlene and Uriah and Macy, my friends that loved me unconditionally. To Eric and all the times, we spent hiding away in dark nooks and his office.

To my old me that was waiting somewhere, hidden behind the thick rocks of Dauntless.

But Max didn’t come back. I was all alone, on my own, like I had been that moment I stepped into the office. Like the moment, my blood hit stone. Like the moment, my feet were dangling over the edge and he threatened to let go.

They had doomed me.

Now, there truly wasn’t any going back again.

Everything, from losing my family, losing my friends, Eric, our childand now even my faction and with that all hope I had of ever returning to my old life, it returned at once and I knew I couldn’t do this.

I couldn’t do this anymore.

I couldn’t…

I couldn’t breathe.

Clawing on my neck, I tried to suck in oxygen, to inhale the sweet air but my lungs were so painfully constricted, it felt as if they had collapsed. Gasping for breath, the wild beeping of the monitor beside me was mere background noise as I ripped on all the tubes that surrounded me, kicking the blanket off the bed.

I had to get out of here.

I would not die in here.

Alarmed by the heart monitor going off, after I had ripped the electrodes from my skin, two nurses came rushing in, gripping my hands, pushing me back on the bed.

“What is wrong?” One of them asked concerned, pushing my wrists to the bed. She should have been never able to do that, I was so much stronger than her!

“Can’t…” I just got out, still struggling in their grip.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with her lungs?” One asked, but the other shook her head, trying to restrain me back to the bed.

“It looks more like a panic attack.” The second one said, her voice quiet in my ears.

Everything was getting hazy, which had a fresh surge of adrenalin flood my veins. Ripping my right arm up, it painfully collided with the face of the nurse and I felt her nose break under the force. Cursing, her hands shot up and she turned away, trying to quench the gushing blood. But I had no chance using her distraction. A needle was pushed into the tender skin of my neck and before I could protest, before I could try to escape this nightmare my life had become, I had sunk back into the bed, my eyelids drooping shut.

All I remembered thinking that moment was, that maybe I was better not ever waking up again.

That night, standing in the bathroom of the hospital room, I raised the scissors – and cut off my hair until it ended up just over my shoulder. I stared at the stranger in front of me, dead eyes staring back. There was no fire left in her, no fight left.

There was no old Casey, she had died the moment her blood dripped down on anything other than coal.

There was just this new one, this new me that I had to rebuild from the ground; this act I had to master to survive.

The new Casey had no home, no family, no real faction. She was living under the same roof as a monster; his plaything. She would no longer care for herself but for others. She would be resilient; bear whatever fate had in store for her.

She was selfless.

Grey.

And she didn’t give a fuck about her hair anymore.

The purple bags beneath my eyes didn’t go away. My hair, unwashed for the last one and a half weeks, hung down in uneven strands from where I had tried cutting it with the blunt hospital scissors. I did no longer care about vanity; nor about not angering him. I felt like, by now, the kiss of the belt would be a welcomed pain.

A welcome distraction.

Nothing could be worse than the black pit directly beneath my heart where a life had been growing; A life that had been brutally and maliciously ended by the man in front of me.

He didn’t scare me anymore; I don’t think anything could.

There was nothing worse he could do to me, than the things I had already suffered through by his hands.

It had been three weeks since I was released from the hospital; three and a half since I woke up on what I had placed in at the top five worst day’s of my life, ever.

He had visited once, for pretense purposes only. He was so insanely busy with leader’s business, now that he knocked two other factions out of the race for power.

Yes, his threat had been successful. Not two days later a total of six dauntless and four erudite had been heard, sentenced and exiled. I was mildly surprised they hadn’t been executed. Ten more people knowing the official story was bullshit and all.

Of course, none of them had been threats. They were just puppets in a game they didn’t even know existed. Just like me.

And as far as I was concerned, there were only four people in the whole city that knew the truth.

I was one of them.

But it didn’t protect me, not in the slightest. It bound me, enslaved me to a life I never wanted, to a man I hated, to a faction I didn’t belong to.

And heused it to his advantage. Having spent most of the week and today in dauntless, emergency sittings with the council and all leaders of the city, he had come home in an already bad mood. Seeing, I hadn't done anything all day enraged him further and he resumed to drowning his anger in alcohol – which only made it worse.

Sitting on the couch, just watching him walk up and down, stumbling over the carpet, slurring from all the alcohol he had consumed, I imagined him tumbling over and bursting open his head on the edge of the couch table. I would just stay here, tilt my head, watching the crimson red seep into that awful beige carpet.

“And now those bastards pretend,” He slurred, his gaze unfocused. “Now they pretend they didn’t try to usurp me.” He went on and on ranting, about how awful dauntless was; how the leaders didn’t take him for full; how they managed to enrage him with their complete disregard for his person.

I closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. He was fucking getting on my last nerve.

"You're not a king," I muttered, asking myself how someone that stupid could be leading a whole city.

Strangely, he heard me over his muttering. He stopped short and slowly turned towards me, eyes in slits.

“What?” His threat was clear: for me to shut up.

“I said,” I repeated looking up at him, not bothering to hide the utmost hatred I felt for him. “You. Are. Not. A. King. You can’t be usurped.”

“Uh, the slut thinks she’s wise all of sudden.” His eyes flashed dangerously as they found their focus: me. Licking his lips in the most disgusting way, he bend forward. “Tell me, did you fuck a nose? Did he fuck some knowledge into you?”

He came closer, tilting his head at me, mouth open slightly. He was panting, a putrid stench clinging to him that made me sick.

His eyes started glinting.

“Who else did you fuck?”

Staring up at him through half-open lids, I just blinked, my face staying as passive as ever. “Whoever I wanted to fuck.” Coming to a halt right in front of me, his heavy breathing had the hair on my arms stand on edge.

“That’s what I thought.” He slurred, his uncoordinated fingers brushing a strand of hair beneath my ear. Flashing my teeth at him, I slapped his hand away. Getting up, I couldn’t meet his height but I would not let him look down on me anymore. I was not beneath him.

Again, he raised his hand, slowly inching towards me.

I met his gaze head on, chin raised in defiance.

“You touch me again, and by god, I will slit your throat tonight while you’re asleep.”

This made him smile. A sick smile; I could smell the alcohol in his breath hitting my face. Inching his face closer, until we were eye to eye, he smirked at me and I wanted nothing more than to claw his eyes out.

“We’ll see how good you’ll be at that with your wrists bound to my headboard.” As if it was a silent command, I drew back and threw my hand at him. But instead of it hitting him in the face, he captured it despite his drunkenness, squeezing my unbroken wrist until the bones were close to cracking. Like a woman possessed, a beast untamed, I threw myself at him, hitting, scratching at whatever part I could, not bothering to listen to my body that was screaming in pain still, my left hand not fully functional yet.

He stayed unfazed, letting me claw at his skin. He knew I was still weak; from all my injuries and the nights, I spent lying awake in bed, too numb to bother closing my eyes, while his perception of pain was numbed by the alcohol. I was a shell of my former self, no longer the dauntless no one dared to cross, with all these powerful men standing behind her, watching, protecting. I was all alone, at the mercy of this lunatic who had beat me senseless and killed my unborn child.

I did not speak his name out loud, didn’t even mention it in my thoughts.

He was unworthy to called man.

He deserved no name.

Feeling him shudder beneath me, for a moment, I was triumphant, thinking I had hurt him. But then, with the utmost disgust, I realized he was getting off on this. He was getting off, breaking me and everything I once was. I had to get out of this fucking house; even if it was just for this night. There was nowhere I could go

Trying with all my might to get away from him, I screamed as he gripped me by the hips and heaved me over his shoulder. I tried to kick him, bit his shoulder until I spit out his blood and let my fists rain down on his back. But there was no stopping him; no halting him as he carried me up the stairs, taking no regard that my head hit the railing, or that my hand was still broken as he bound it to his headboard, all of his weight holding me down as he sat on top of me, restraining my weak body. When he had secured me, making sure I would go nowhere, he got up and kicked the door shut behind him.

Opening the clasp of his belt, pulling it from his pants, he let it fall to the floor.

When he undid his vest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, I knew what was coming now. I had always known it would come to this.

There was nothing like this, to defile a woman so completely. The last weapon a man had to try and dominate a female completely; to show himself and the world that she was beneath him, his to take. With no regard to her feelings, without her consent.

An act of violence so vile, you could not ever forget it.

In this moment I swore something to myself.

No matter what he would do to my body, I would never grant him access to my soul.

Feeling the bed dip down beside me, I drew in a shaky breath, closing my eyes.

I would not go down without a fight.

It was slowly getting colder in the city, the nights weren’t as long anymore. Time had passed, three months now since I had lost my child. By now it would have been seven months old. I imagined how it would be, carrying that huge bump around everywhere I go, being able to talk and interact with my unborn child. How his little foot would look when he would kick outwards, how he would move inside me.

I never found out if it really was a boy, but in my imagination, it always was. A little Eric all for myself.

And another thing I learned. Time may have passed, but the pain did not. I tried distracting myself as often as possible, today being no different.

I was sitting on Natalie and Andrew Prior’s dining table, all of my fading and new bruises hidden beneath my grey sweater. I needed the warmth. Following my discharge from the hospital, I couldn’t stomach food very well and had lost quite a bit of muscle mass – not doing anything all day. They, as in most abnegation, still insisted I shouldn’t do any work, which was only underlined by the fact that I still couldn't do strenuous tasks. Which they didn't know, was the result of ongoing abuse, not the one I had already suffered through. Surprisingly, I found that Susan was a big help. She came almost every day, helping me cook and clean (meaning she did almost all of the work by herself) while I used the only time of the day I could relax a little to catch up on much-needed sleep.

For this, I was genuinely grateful.

She even cut my hair after seeing the mess I had left behind, claiming she couldn’t let me walk around like that. I had reveled in the feeling of the comb gliding through my hair, closed my eyes and pretended to be a little girl again. And that it was my mother gliding her hands through the thick strands, not a relative stranger that had become friend, then foe, then friend again.

I couldn’t make sense of all this.

One thing, that wasn't as nearly as complicated was my relationship to Natalie. I adored her because her home was the only place in the whole faction where I felt safe and sound. I spent as many afternoons here as possible.

Like always, she placed the mug in front of me first before sitting down herself. We did this quite regularly. I found that I could confide in Natalie; she was like a second mother to me and I knew, she felt the same way about me.

She still missed both of her children.

We hadn’t really talked about the night and everything that came after but I knew she was worried. She just was too polite to start the topic herself.

I sighed, pulling the mug closer before looking at her.

"Please, Natalie… Just say it. I know you've been holding it back for weeks now."

She hesitated for a second, then sighed herself.

“I’m really sorry what happened to you.” Natalie looked at me from over her cup, everything about her being motherly. “It must have been horrible.”

I swallowed. I didn’t know which night had been worse. I closed my eyes, pushing the images away from me. When I opened them again, I was met with a worried gaze. I gave her a slight smile, trying to swallow down my emotions.

Hesitating for a second, I decided it was time to tell her how I was really feeling. Maybe she would understand.

“It’s not just that…” I shook my head, not wanting to admit my weakness. “I should have been able to defend myself. It's all I have learned growing up. In Dauntless, I wouldn't have hesitated to attack first, to do everything to not let him get the better of me." I swallowed heavily. "It's like I don't know who I am anymore, it's like I've lost myself. As if everything that once made me brave was the black uniform."

“You know, that’s not true.” Natalie gripped my hands, squeezing them lightly before letting go again. “Bravery or selflessness, honesty or knowledge, kindness… There’s more to it than just wearing colored clothing. It’s attitude; how you carry yourself; how you treat others. It is your approach to life. And just because you failed once doesn’t mean you failed every single aspect of your life. You will try again, though I hope not like that, and you will overcome whatever was holding you back. You will be strong again, Casey.”

“But I feel so weak.” Dropping all pretense, I stared at the mug in my hands, craving the warmth of the unsweetened tea. It was the first time, in all my life that I admitted fear. And strangely, it was more than just admitting that I had failed the values I had been feed on since being just a toddler. It was liberating.

I was finally able to breatheagain.

Natalie pinched her lips, her expression disapproving. She did what all mothers were best at – lovingly disapprove. Her voice was hard, full of disgust.

“You were caught off guard, by a man – no, a monster – double your size in a dark house, while you were sleeping. You were scared and overwhelmed and not able to fight back. That is not your fault.”

“He really is a monster.” It was hard to swallow. I shook my head, closing my eyes. My voice was quiet, timid. “Maybe it’s not my fault… but it forever will be my shame.”

"No, it won't." Natalie’s voice was harsh but got more gentle while she spoke, her expression full of compassion. Not pity. "There is nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong. Dear lord… that's what I always hated about the dauntless mindset." Rubbing her forehead, she seemed agitated. "There is something almost none of them get, even though it is so important.” And she spoke the words I would never forget again.

“True bravery isn’t the absence of fear; true strength isn’t the absence of weakness. One can not exist without the other. Without fear, there is no bravery, nothing to overcome. With no weakness, there is no determination to get stronger, to get better.

Human nature is not our enemy, just the starting point of our development as individuals. There are urges an educated human should never succumb to, and others that are vital for our survival. We might be more than our nature, but we should never forget where we came from, or where we are going.

We were made like this for a reason. Maybe we should finally stop fighting it. Who knows… once we embrace our mistakes, our failures, we might be able to turn them into something valuable; something good.

A treat that defines us, a habit that will get us further than knowledge or bravery or whatever one of these values ever will.”

I sighed, taking a sip from my still hot tea. She was right. Everything Natalie said made sense but I couldn’t get over myself and fully agree with her. At least, I couldn’t tell her I did. Everything I had ever learned at dauntless was that weakness was the absence of strength, that you couldn’t be brave while fearing.

“Yeah, but you weren’t raised like me.” I looked down into my lap. I didn’t want to insult her but it was the truth. We were so different. “You weren’t raised to be a warrior.”

“If you think so.” Her answer was so evasive, I perked up a little. For the first time, I really looked at Natalie. She was different from all the other abnegation member’s I had interacted with so far. She carried herself straighter, with more poise than the others. I tilted my head. It couldn’t be… could it?

Inauspicious, I glanced up at her, fiddling with the hem of my sweater.

“I must have been the only dauntless transfer to abnegation in… what? Forever?”

“Twenty-two years.” She raised one eyebrow, mischief crossing her face so fast I thought I had imagined it. A realization hit me and I harshly placed the mug on the table. Open-mouthed, I stared at her.

“No way!” I exclaimed, laying a hand on my neck, bending forward. “You were dauntless?!”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Natalie was suppressing a smile, but when she winked at me I knew I had hit bull’s eye. I let out an incredulous laugh.

“I had no idea!” I was flabbergasted, truly lost for words as I stared at her, taking in everything I had thought to know about the woman in front of me. I should have realized sooner. Now I knew why I always felt so calm, so welcomed in her presence. She was a kindred soul, more than I had ever realized.

“Of course not.” Her voice was solemn and she leaned back a little. “We do not talk about our pasts before initiation. No one does. Most have forgotten, that Marcus, for example, was a candor.”

I recoiled, surprised by both her words and her openness. “That’s really strange.”

“Why?” She asked, surprised, tilting her head at me.

"Because he's such a good liar," I spoke the words before I realized what exactly I was saying. For a moment, we stared at each other, me wide-eyed, Natalie with furrowed brows. Knowing I fucked up, I scrambled to cover up my mistake. “I mean, he is good at avoiding harsh truths, like every good politician.”

The quietness between us grew, twisted, became heavy. I squirmed in my seat. Fucking hell, Casey, I cursed myself. Can’t you keep your fucking mouth shut for once?! See where it already got you!

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply. The sound of a mug being placed on the table had my head whip up.

Natalie leaned forward, hands crossed on the table, her gaze resting solely on me.

“Don’t say that out loud, Casey. Never.” She was solemn, serious, and I nodded, burying my nails in the palms of my hands, cursing myself for not keeping my mouth shut. Natalie sighed, relaxing a bit and I waited for her to go on. To either call me out or to warn me again. Her words surprised me again.

“Politics have always been a delicate subject, no matter the time, or the subject. The same with the male ego…” Eyes twinkling, she raised her mug and I suspect she hid a smile behind the brim. “Once you insulted a man’s self-image it will be insanely hard to placate him again.

And once you publicly shamed them, prepare for a lifetime of revenge.”

Isn’t that exactly what Marcus was afraid of? That I would ridicule him in front of his faction? My mind unwillingly wandered to another leader… Was he afraid of that, too?

Was that the reason he had been so angry? That he fucked a stiff-to-be and now feared someone could find out?

Was that the reason why my family hated me? Because I had brought shame on them? Was everyone I ever loved ashamed of me…?

I, for once, was.

"I'd much rather deal with revenge than with shame," I admitted after a long pause, looking up. Pinching her lips, Natalie sighed.

“Don’t think too much about it, Casey. Feelings are temporary, emotions will wash out over the course of time. What might seem like the end of the world today, might only be a small mishap by tomorrow. And who knows,” She smiled at me. “maybe all these mistakes weren’t mistakes after all. They shaped you into who you are now, and they will shape you into the person you have to become. And maybe that’s exactly who you need to be, once you realize your real destiny.”

There was nothing I could answer to that. Except that maybe, someday I wished to possess the same wisdom as she. I smiled at her. “Thank you, Natalie. For everything.”

“Don’t worry about it, my love.” Natalie smiled her motherly smile at me and I felt home. What a liberating thought. "If you need something, anything, please, do not hesitate to come to me."

“Thank you.” I smiled at her, hesitating. She caught up on that, tilting her head. I laughed, encouraged by her always friendly antics.“Actually, if you would anything to sweeten this tea, I would be forever grateful.”

Laughing herself, Natalie got up and walked over into the small kitchen. Coming back, she placed a small jar of honey in front of me, sitting down again.

“Honey helps. Though it’s nothing against dauntless cake.”

I groaned, thinking about the chocolatey deliciousness. “It really is not.”

And I had to laugh, thinking that somewhere deep inside the heart of dauntless a freak was just now getting it on with a piece of cake.

What a strange world we lived in.

It was Wednesday and as always, Susan had come by after breakfast. She had helped me keeping the house clean and cooking dinner for Marcus once he would come home from his ‘strenuous’ day at the office, where he sat with his ass in a chair all day, got catered by his subordinates and stuffed his face with food he would call selfish to consume.

We were running low on groceries and since it was already late, I felt uncomfortable letting Susan walk through the faction all on her own.

There weren’t many dauntless patrolling the perimeter and the factionless tended to stroll around at this hour of the night. So we grabbed our jackets and hurried to the supply building while the sun was already setting. We only had a few more minutes until they would close it till tomorrow morning.

We just made it in time, coming back out with two bags, each filled to the brim. Only the best for our selfless leader.

As we walked back, that strange feeling I’ve had all along grew more and more prominent and I found myself staring in all the dark corners, pulling Susan close to my left side as I kept a lookout for the danger lurking in the dark. I knew she felt it too, her breathing accelerated, her steps meeting the speed of mine.

I could feel him before I saw him.

Jumping out of the shadow of the building to our left, he was at Susan’s side immediately, ripping the bag from her hand. Screaming in terror, she let go and all of the groceries tumbled out as she fell backward landing in the dirt. He came at her, his clothes ragged and dirt, his hungry eyes never leaving his target – until I stepped in between them. Whipping his head up, he glared at me and I knew that expression. It said I was a problem to deal with before he could have what he wanted – her.

“Listen,” I spoke up, my voice strong. I would give him one chance to leave here – unscathed. "You can have whatever you want, just leave us alone."

He grinned at me, exposing a row of half-rotten teeth. “I have what I want right here.”

Widening my stance, I stared him down. “You will never lay a single finger on her, believe me. Just fucking go back to the hole you crawled out of and maybe you will not spend the rest of your life behind the fence.” I knew exactly what they did at dauntless to men like him – just what they deserved.”

“Ohhhh,” He laughed at me, interrupted by violent coughs. “And how will a pretty little thing like you stop me? You couldn’t defend yourself, how are you gonna defend her?”

He looked past me at Susan, who had crawled towards the next building, cowering away at the wall in her back. I would have told her to run, or to get help but I knew that this scumbag would not stand a chance against me.

He had no idea who he just pissed off.

He smiled at her again, his creepy predatory smile that had Susan whimper, and he raised his foot, trying to advance on me. Having anticipated his move, I stroke first, pulling the foot he had still on the ground away while simultaneously placing my fist under his chin.

Just one well-placed punch and he was out like a light.

I scoffed, trying to shake the pain in my hand away. Hadn’t he really learned any better on the street?

Leaving him in the dirt where he belonged, I hurried over to Susan who was outright crying and pulled her up and into my arms, letting her sob into my shoulder.

And then it was already over again. A pair of dauntless soldiers that I knew from passing, came running, no doubt having heard Susan’s scream, grabbed and restrained him, while a third one first made sure we both were okay and then led us to the office building, informing the leaders about what just had happened.

My heart was in my throat, thinking of the last time I had hurt someone under Marcus’ eyes… the scars were still visible on my maltreated body. But Susan beside me was so upset, crying and shaking that I neglected every thought on myself and took her into arms, holding her close, trying to calm her down.

They took us into the assembly room where the two of us sat opposite the leaders, Susan’s hand in mine while she struggled under tears to recount the unpleasant encounter. I tried taking over all the talking to give her time to pull herself together, but she tried being brave. I admired her for that.

“He… just gripped my-my bag and we tried giv-giving him the food bu-but he didn’t want it.” Susan got out, before turning her head, pressing it into my shoulder. Raising my hand, I brushed over her hair, looking up at Marcus.

“He didn’t want the food. He must have heard of the… incident and thought that Abnegation’s women are an easy target. He tried touching her,” I told them, and not selflessly added, “I just helped.”

Marcus got up and came over. I tensed, anticipating whatever might come next. But not even in my most vivid daydreams I could have imagined what came next. Coming to a halt beside me, Marcus laid his hand on my shoulder and I froze, trying my best to not recoil from his touch like I did every time.

"You did well." He said, wearing a righteous expression. "They should never lay hand on one of us. I will make sure dauntless will patrol more of the perimeter. They owe this to us." He added towards Susan who nodded, her expression turning into silent admiration when he brushed his hand over her hair in a soothing attempt at calling her.

I inhaled deeply, asking myself why she was admiring this piece of shit as if he was a saint.

If only you knew… I thought, taking her into my arms one last time before following Marcus into the dark house, the food waiting forgotten in the fridge.

That night, when I lay beneath him with my head turned away, eyes closed tightly, he wasn’t as harsh as he usually was. But I knew it wouldn’t last.

It never did.

When I came back from visiting Susan the next day, he was already waiting for me, a pile of documents on the table along with a white, opaque garment bag. He grinned at me, reveling in my confusing. A hand on his pouch, the other on his bag, his gaze never wavered away from me, a hungry, expecting expression on his face. I felt my blood run cold.

What now?

Stepping forward, he said the words I would never forget again.

“I am going to make you mine, little slut.”

So… I’d say, never say never :D I know why I didn’t update this in such a long time, it literally took ages to write this chapter! It is sooo long. And intense too :D

I have two more chaps & an epilogue planned but they’ll be just as long as this one, and just as much work. It really felt as if this chap wouldn’t end! I hope you have that feeling while reading, too :D

If you want to read more of my writing, I have started an original story called ‘Dollhouse’ on Wattpad. You can find me there under singingpeople, too. It would really mean the world to me if you check it out!

I have quite a few of the important scenes for this written/ outlined but I honestly have no idea how long it’ll take me to write the next one. This chap was just massive :D

I’m sorry for the long wait but hope this makes it up (kinda) :D

Thank you for reading & reviewing!

#divergent #Eric Coulter #eric #eric divergent #undoing #fanfiction #fanfic #chapter 7 #Trigger #trigger warning

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ofthemuses · 5 years

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Area 11 Sentence Meme; from all their released albums

All the Lights In The Sky (2013)

i. vectors

One day I will find you I saw that you were lonely too You reached out and you took me I repressed that time Everything that I forgot, I see it clearly can’t you see that you’re losing your mind A shot to the head leaves it all behind I’ll tear you apart Reach out your hands to catch me reach out your hands and you tear me apart But we are simply killing time I wish I’d see inside your mind I wish I’d seen inside you Almost the same, but not enough Never forgiven, but still in love

ii. euhpemia

Memories of fallen dreams and all those that have died. Demons are possessing me. I feel my hate take flight. I'm choking on my own words and I'm scared of backing down the hope within us all is up in flames Twisted by my warring conscience. The situation's pushing onwards. This can't be, was this me? I think I've lost control. I caused this, I forced this, Can I continue on? I caused this, I forced this, I caused this! Betrayed by trust, forever left to scream. Oh hold me closely and die in my arms, then take this secret with you. I became your puppet master This could fuel The Revolution! This could be my last solution! And all good victories come with a price. Just take my secret with you.

iii. knightmare / frame

What is life but a burden for me? All this anger, burning inside but buried deep One step forward and two to the side, every single time I fall asleep and I feel I'm falling Nightmare comes without warning I can't seem to sleep In my dreams I feel I'm running towards her/his shining light She/he shines for me Just like glass I saw right through Something I couldn't see until I changed my point of view I cannot let you go inside of me, the will to change the world Can a mask be the face of reason? You will answer, to the pieces left behind Well I watched her/him die in your arms Freed but they'll never understand

iv. tokyo house party

I know that this will never work out So it shouldn't even start Cause I'm just a kid at heart And you know that it's such a waste Cause I hate that bitter taste and your bittersweet embrace I feel this has gone to my head I'll never drink again But fuck it, I don't care I don't know what you came here for This is where we are from (The town where nothing goes on) Waiting for our own special moment to die I got lost to find myself I wanna be with you tonight Cause everything's gone; it's been wiped out I feel a change in the pace I know I should run and I should fight But the look in your eyes: I could die here tonight Fear of failure, we're moving so slow

v. shi no barado

I saw your face in the LED's It's something that I can never repay, but I will try anyway. I sent a message I know you'd see Now fate led you down a path to me You're all I ever wanted you can use me, you can kill me My body will be a fortress I will keep you safe from pain My losses are your gains Together we can burn this to the ground, rebuild it into something right I'm not afraid and I'm not alone because you're with me in my dreams I won't give up on this perfect love

vi. cassandra pt. 2

Although it doesn't really matter now You use me, and I use you I'm your savior, you're my muse The best friend that you been to me but I wanna be your enemy You want a reaction You wear a red dress when you're in a bullfight You're drawing attention to your double life In dreams, I'm coming to find you and when I wake I want anyone else. 'Cause I don't love you, It's what I'm telling myself I’m hiding from you, ‘cause we are the same Wait, just wait for me and I'll come around My best friend that I've never seen That's turned you into my enemy No, it's all in my mind I feel I should save myself before this gets too real

vii. the strays

I'd still cheer for you ten years down the line Time stepped away from me Stray from this boring dream What must it be like with your world alight? How could I stay here and rust when I'm set to explode? You can outrun everything but the debts that you owe I'm numb from the distance If it's just the bored asking this kind of thing, where do we fit in? Take what you want from it We're the last ones left Get the others and cut to the next Scene To be truly free Freedom comes not from, but through me Do you remember when the stars were much higher? You would try to count them all But you grew tired - tired - tired

viii. dreams & reality

Dreams... are realities. You mean so much to me I can't forget the way, the choice that we made that day. Is it worth the risk that we take? Waiting and hoping from the side-lines But this is our moment, it's our chance to shine. 'Cause this feels better than the best thing 'Cause we are stronger than anything We've grown from all the things we've been through, And they couldn't break us if they wanted to. Your smile is brighter than the lights in the skies wont you tell me what is real? Lets write our names in history, Let's make these dreams reality,

ix. heaven-piercing giga drill

you came and dug me up into a world full of violence. So many faces, so many trials. They won't stop our evolution. Who do you think we are? Fight against your execution. Trust me and we'll fly, not fall. Tip the balance to risk it all. Together we can go so far. All the lights in the sky are stars. It follows everywhere I go. It carries the hope of humanity, and everything we know. Believe in me, who believes in you.

x. bōsōzoku symphonic

There's three parts to love, or so I believe. There's a part of you you lose, and another you receive. Here I break with the concept, though it's central to the piece. Leave my mark on the canvas, that only you can see. I deferred my happiness, for loneliness and time. But once I'm where I wanna be, you'll be far behind. And the chains that pull me down, slacken off when you're around. And it's comforting to know I'll rip out all the hooks from my skin so I can grow. Sometimes I disagreed, just to hear you scream. You were right, but I needed you to give emotion back to me. I'm not leaving you, I'm not leaving you!

Underline (2014)

i. are you listening?

All aboard this sinking ship No business here it's just relationships Should this mean more to me? Just join the tribe and feel accepted But cool don't come for free The rope that pulled me from the pit now hangs around my neck Is this the clue you wanted? Too cryptic for the rest Play the part of the victim if it puts your mind at ease Put all the blame on me So what you feel, is it nostalgia or love? Tell me now, are you really listening? When everybody tells you to stop, and that you’re never good enough; tell me now, are you really listening? Reach out for help, and she lets you down So gild your pockets, we'll watch you drown Cause this means more to me It's hard when all I see Now we take control We fade into hindsight Can this be realized?

ii. in the blind

I redesign, I realign. I redefine, and yet resign. My only hope: to feel. And when I phased out the "privileged" and the "purpose" I realized that art can never true be separated That should define who I will never be. Sorry. Cause this is the new way Still spinning cycles in my mind Hold me back and keep me down! Drop the weights, accept my fate, and trigger the explosion. Now keep the faith as illusions break and we'll show you something real. And when I reach out into event horizons will there be light and sound, or will it be just me?

iii. override (a)

Willing and wishing to break This won't be over so soon You'll claw yourself out of the womb Are you willing to die? To be born in the spotlight? I won't let you drown Are you willing to die? To be something? We patiently wait your return Rejecting your pitiful life You'll crawl on your hands and your knees You'll feast on the fear you receive And here in the alter you'll give your life for a reason to live Are you ready to die? Are you ready to die? To be more than they say you are? You'll be a mistake The child of the void and the ghost in the tape Can the ego you've sculpted endure the escape? I am willing tonight. I am willing to die to be something; trigger the override

Modern Synthesis (2016)

i. override [C]

Lay the new foundations; reprise Strange are the things that will come around Return to the question, I'm willing to die If this is real and this is anticipation Know it in your mind, hear it once and now you bear the load Are you ready for life? Make a stand in afterglow

ii. the contract

You’ve spent a lifetime locked in the same mindset You break the contract, and smile away your debt I play for closure, through the fear and the thrill of the fight Move a little bit closer, ‘cause you’re in for a jagged night I close my eyes; a toxic calling Just let it resonate, we call it suffering We know just who to trust this time I want you to give me what I need Lay waste to your beliefs, rebuild yourself for me I want you to come alive again I feign obsession, and abbreviate my views You're my possession, until I'm done with you I want you to feel as I feel I want you; submit yourself to me Your body and your mind; give it willingly Just sign the contract

iii. watchmaker

Serve or break the patterns that would be Middle child of eternity The creeping vines of anomie I never wanted to believe I never asked if I could stay Switch the pressures you relieve Sketching parallels to understand why I can't share your love I’m only building what I meant to do so many lives ago

iv. versus

I dream of it; am I a psycho? Watching you burn nothing else feels this perfect to me “Hands in the air”; salute or surrender? We adapt, mutilate, replicate and survive But choose a side The truth, the war; the rise, the fall The virus in our heads that infects us all Do you need it once more? Can you remember what it is we’re dying for? (Fighting for?) Little soldier, little girl/boy who used to love this fucking world To love, to despise: such a fine line The hardest strikes always land when hands are tied The virus in our heads infects, manipulates our thoughts

v. processor

I took a chance to fly I want no role in your altercation I feel panic arise as rhetoric voices are feeding back again Blocking out vitriolic accusations: Was I listening? Because I want to be better on the inside I want to be better on the outside I fall asleep in the vestige I once called my home I pray for you, abide with the hopeless Regretting the choice but I can't turn away The modern synthesis compels me to start again I will have my way, I told you, I told you, I told you As I dispersonalise I taste a real life far from the pacifist you believe I exemplify I am the fury, I am hypocrisy The day I take control. The day you'll believe in me The path back home, the path I'll show you The path back home, where you'll wait for me, wait for me

vi. red queen

I said I don't mind, but you've touched a nerve The way you frame it, well, I got all I deserved Breathe deep and comfort the disturbed In the cave you fear what would you find? We played our hands together You lose me in your blood chemistry So we'd better try to match her/his speed Toast to the red queen/king and all she has seen Is it time to drink at your table? We can only wait and watch for so long Where you fall is not where you belong Unify behind false enemies Down other lines we would have been the same Beauty fades but still my charm deceives This night is shared and so we use each other ‘cause misery loves company And so it goes again A wasted day to vie for my affection Soon you'll come undone Can't fake a smile so they draw it on

vii. angel lust

how far did you deviate? The bridge collapsed but you took the stone From the ash an altar raised, you rebuilt your home And cynics they will try to tempt and change our minds We'll keep our faith alive, we'll raise our voices And scream it from our hearts: God loves her/his children we wait to receive a sign and the scraps of truth of what we believe The passion, the pain, our bodies ache, we cry your name

viii. the life of a ghost

Living the life of a ghost, there is no comfort for the mind Some sights we've tried to leave behind Always looking backwards down the road I will retain composure Lost in thoughts of where I am Stay 'til dawn, begin anew? With all honesty I want to be selfless To be human, but I'm beat and I'm worn-though I'm lost tonight I'm an ember, will you take my story? Pull back the curtain and walk towards the truth There is no comfort for the mind

ix. after the flags

Come on son do your country proud! Lead us down to the ocean and wash our hands of campaigns for the self-assured now Fading white in surrender and weary from the beating sun that blinds you Take a hit for catharsis Take a hit for them all After the flags they're selling off the wall I wanna die for a reason I wanna kill for a cause The fall won't kill but it's gonna hurt do you watch just to wince at this? we have been misled Straighten out your fiction As means to ends and ends to meaning guide you After the flags I'm nobody at all If I could reach you with reason You set us up for a fall After the flags you're nobody at all

x. nebula

This is my suffering, stuttering the words As all I can see is you Hey there you lost boy/girl, just look at what they've done to you They've poisoned the well of your mind but you'll make it through I'm falling to the call of you To love just an action, we overplay and overdo But now, there's no one beside me They've fallen behind

xi. panacea and the prelogue

Wait inside we'll talk a while I didn't mean to let the years go by Have we come to terms with the lesson that our fathers learned? Everything goes away I'd follow you, but not this time I'm sorry that I let you down, let you down, a lifetime ago I wanna say to all I leave behind, and to those I'll never find. That I need you to understand, understand, you're not on your own. What you value, is it worth the time? The only melodies that I could ever call mine were friendship and lust Will I feel absolved at the moment when we have it solved? Still it's never enough Lines fade out, but you illuminate the path back home, the path you've shown me

all your friends / new magiks / everybody gets a piece (2018)

i. all your friends

Habits tend to crystallize Did you waste it in the dark? Why were you sure it was real? you let all your friends tell you how to feel The archetypes; the ideal will soon embrace you when you let yourself heal Who are we to cauterise bleeding hearts that synchronise? Did he/she waste you in the dark? Choose your friends just to canonize you, as you let them fantasize

ii. new magiks

I'm watching the mirror crack to face my addiction This all feels a little strange, (A life fearing fiction) I better step outside It's all fine, from the shoreline The weight crushing down my heart, you don't want it, you don't wanna know A head full of dying stars, the shoulders that bear the load The wave crashes down on my heart You don't wanna know My mind's a rogue nation Just look how we weaponise carnal accusation It's all fine, a drop in the skyline Make it hurt Percolate emotion Boys/Girls lost to the ocean drown You were the bright newcomer I fucked you up that summer I didn't know, you let me know my mind is loaded

iii. everybody gets a piece

In time you'll grow, I fucking hope I'm outside looking in at all the time we're putting in Think I know what it means I won't say the right things just to open doors Don't waste your time in the studio I've been told to beg, steal and borrow I'm told it's not the way to go Nobody listens to the radio Everybody gets a piece Did you honestly say it might have been me? But all this while did you think of me, you know All this while, we were pure potential energy, dreaming Don't ask, you'll never get You never asked so you never got nothing Did you get all you wanted from me? You don't ask so you'll never receive Can't lose when you're playing for free

#sentence meme #long post #area 11 #inbox meme #roleplay meme #ask meme #askbox meme

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jiminandlemonade-blog · 6 years

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I Can’t Fall In Love Without You - Part 2

I Can’t Fall In Love Without You

Jungkook series

Part 2 of 5

(A heart warming/tear jerker series)

Read the previous part here

You knew you would never be able to say goodbye to Jungkook at the airport. You would refuse to leave. Jungkook decided to come around to your house the day you were leaving and spend some quality time with you. "You know, I wont let it be like this forever" he stated, as you lay curled up into his body, face burrowed into his shoulder. "You keep saying that but I don't know how any of this is going to be made any better" you whispered, hoping that something would spring to mind to stop you from going.

"Y/N, we're 18 next year. You're entitled to do what you want. If you want to come back here, you can live with me" he promised. "Jungkoo-" he cut you off. "No Jungkook this or Jungkook that. If you really do want to come back, whether it's just to come home or to see me, you know that I'll always welcome you back with open arms".

You both sobbed, the realisation was hitting you both that you were really going away for good. "Please don't forget about me" he sobbed, letting his grip loosen as you entered the car. "Never" you replied, tightening your grip, not wanting to let him go.

You both gazed at each other, both wanting to say the same thing but not being able to let it escape your mouths. It wouldn't ruin anything, but you both didn't want the last words you said to each other to be 'I love you' as it would be the only part of the conversation you would ever remember and probably dwell on what could have been.

Jungkook got hold of the open car door and kept it open whilst peering in and kissing your forehead. "I'll see you soon okay?" He smiled, trying to be the stronger one. You nodded. The tears wouldn't fall. You had cried too much. You were just in a state of shock that this was all actually happening.

The door closed and it felt like it slammed into your heart. You finally understood the meaning of feeling choked up. You didn't want to look up but you did. Why you did, you don't know but the sight would be etched in your head for eternity.

When you looked up, you caught a glimpse of Jungkook left standing in the drive way through the rear view mirror. His parents running over to him and consoling him as he fell to the floor, devastated. You both weren't just losing each other but the future that everyone thought you were destined to have.

The flight over there wasn't as bad as you thought. You slept all the way there through not being able to get any sleep the last couple of days. As soon as you landed, you had text messages from Jungkook asking how the flight was and if you slept well etc.

You picked up the phone to call him and got the international dialing code. "Fuck, this is going to cost a fortune" you sighed as your parents went to collect everything you owned from baggage claim. "You know, you could be helping us Y/N" you heard your father shout as you were texting Jungkook back. "I wouldn't have to be trying to call Jungkook if you didn't move us here" you spitefully said. You didn't mean it, but you were still not over being taken away from the only boy you had ever loved.

Driving up to the apartment complex, you couldn't believe your eyes. It was beautiful. You certainly got more for your money here than you did back in y/c. Settling in and making sure your room was perfect took a few days. You hated how it was practically identical to your old room but this time, it didn't look out onto Jungkook's room, it looked out onto the Han River. In some respects, just as beautiful.

You kept in contact with Jungkook every day, even though it had to be through telephone calls because your wifi hadn't been set up and you also were trying to find the right tariff for your mobile. But during those phone calls, you both never mentioned the break downs, the emotional trauma you went through every night not being able to run to his house at 3am when you had a nightmare, the sorrow, loneliness and emptiness that you both felt..

You couldn't believe that you had only been in Korea a week and relearning the language for 2 since you found out about your Father's promotion and were already starting school tomorrow. After some comforting words from Jungkook, you went to bed. You were still nervous as hell, but it was wonderful to know somebody believed in you.

You woke up in a hot sweat at 3am and couldn't shake the scenes from your head. You reached for you phone, needing to hear his voice. It was at this moment you would have ran to his house, in your pyjamas, no make up, hair scraped back and bare foot to be consoled.

"Please pick up, please" you sighed out loud, shaking from the nightmare you had just awoken from. It was horrendous. You dreamt that you were in an abandoned warehouse tied up with nowhere else to go and everyone who ever loved you was watched you as you were being tortured. Not exactly the best thoughts you wanted to be having the night before you first day at a new school.

"Jungkook, pick up! It isn't even late there" you stammered, reliving the call. He didn't pick up. But within seconds, the phone rang. "Jungkook, why didn't you pick up?" You asked hurriedly, wanting comfort from his voice. "I thought that because you ring me so often it will be costing you a fortune so I thought I would call for once, I bet it's expensive" he laughed off. "Thank you, but I really need to explain something" you stated. "Y/N, have you had a nightmare again?" You could hear him sigh down the phone. Not only was it hard for you that he wasn't there, but it was hard for him knowing that he couldn’t comfort you.

You explained your dream to Jungkook and as ever, he was so rational. "Don't worry, it's just first day nerves. Just think, if you hate it, you're only there for 3 more months and then you can come home for a while okay?" "More than a while Jungkook, I'll be coming home for good, I can't stand it here." You explained. "It's times like this where I really wish you weren't far away. I want to be telling you that everything is okay" he soothed. "But you are Jungkook" you smiled down the phone, hoping he would get the message, that it's okay. "But Y/N, words can only say so much. Sometimes, a hug or a touch is so much more healing" he sighed.

You understood, you missed it too. It was weird because you didn't think that you had the right to miss him in the way you now thought of him, like a boyfriend, because you weren't in a relationship or never were. Without you moving away, you both would have never known your true feelings so could this have all been destined to happen? Probably not, you didn't believe in fate. You always thought it was a cruel mistress.

The day came and you were a bag of nerves, all you wanted to go is crawl back into your bed and hide. Thankfully, you attended an international school so you weren't thrown into the strict regimes Korean schools are notorious for as well as the language that you still hadn't quite mastered.

The bell for the apartment sounded and you were extremely confused. You weren't expecting anyone or anything, were you? "Delivery for Y/N" someone said at the door. "Yes, that's me" you smiled, slightly confused and speaking in broken Korean. The delivery man walked away from the door and around the corner where he brought a box of flowers. "For you Miss" he smiled as he handed you the flowers and walked away.

The flowers were beautiful. A vast array of colours and types of flowers and the smell was hitting your nostrils but not in such an overpowering way that you were worried to get red eyes for your first day of school.. However, it would have been a brilliant excuse to get out of it but unfortunately, the pollen count just wasn't high enough.

You reached for the card having no idea who it could have came from. 'To my Y/N, Good luck for today. I am so proud of you for fitting into your future. All of my love, your Jungkookie'. Tears pricked your eyes and you couldn't wait to call him and express your thanks and gratitude.

"Y/N, we need to go" you heard your Mother call from the bottom of the stairs. "Okay, okay!" You shouted back, placing the flowers on the table before locking the door behind you. "Were those from Jungkook?" Your mother giggled as you ran past her in the hallway. "Yes" you beamed, running backwards and nearly into the glass door. "Figured" she laughed, opening the door for you that nearly just sent you into a coma.

The school didn't seem that daunting at all. For some reason, you expected everyone to be from a Korean background but they weren't. It made you feel a lot more comfortable that you would fit in. Because you were so close to finishing your qualifications, you only needed to attend lessons for the qualifications you were taking back home so would thankfully have a lot of free time to do your own thing for a few hours each day but unfortunately, all of your first lessons were taken up with mathematics.

"Excuse me, do you know where class 342 is?" You asked a passer-by in broken Korean. "Um, sorry? I speak English if that helps? Sorry. I just didn't catch the numbers" she replied sweetly. "Sorry, I only started re-learning the basics about 2 weeks ago. I used to study Korean when I was younger but my teenage years happened..." You droned on. "Sorry" you said, shaking your head, "I was asking for class 342". "Mathematics with Miss Yi?" The girl asked you. You nodded your head. "Follow me, I'm in the same class! What's your name new friend?" She giggled, interlinking your arm. "Y/N.. And you?" You asked, thankful that you fit in. "Chae-Young" she replied.

The whole set up of the classroom was not what you expected. You had a stereotypical idea of a normal classroom but expected the atmosphere to be somewhat more tense than expected in a school, yet here, it was a vast room with many computers and other stations to get on with your work independently. "Sorry Y/N, we can normally do whichever activities suit our learning styles best once Miss Yi has taught us but I still have a task to finish from yesterday so I'll be over here" she stated, pointing to one of the computers next to the wall. You smiled and assured her that it was okay to leave you.

You got out your phone and text Jungkook.

Y/N: I think I'm going to like it here after all

The only downside is you not being here

You got a fright when your phone buzzed back. You didn't expect Jungkook to text back at all, especially since you thought he would be sleeping. The buzz caused you to jump back and knock a text book to the floor.

"Y/N, you're so stupid. How come you're going to make such a rubbish impression on the first day?" You tutted away to yourself, as your fumbled around with you text book and other strewn pieces of paper that had fell out.

Foot steps slowly started to come over to you and quickened their pace when they realised that you were struggling to pick up all of the pieces of paper "Chae-Young, I'm such an idi-" you stopped mid sentence. You couldn't help but notice that those feet and legs belonged to a man. Your gaze slowly went up the stranger's body.

Your heart fluttered, it was a while since you felt this way. The last time you felt this way was when you saw Jungkook walking out of the shower in his towel when he didn't know you came over his house one day after school. Your eyes were gawping as your slowly stood up. "My name is Kim Taehyung, do you need some help?"

*Unread text*

Jungkook: Don't go finding a Korean man to replace me! 😉

PART 3

MASTERLIST

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tosimornottosim · 6 years

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In bee colonies, there’s actually multiple potential queens that are born within the context of the hive! Since there’s no guarantee that any one ‘princess’ bee will survive to adulthood, many queen eggs are laid. Those ‘princesses’ that survive the rival-filled trek to maturity usually set out on their own with a posse of bees to form their own hive! Super interesting, right?

Interestingly enough, there is a fairy court that follows similar practices. Whether the fey were inspired by the bees or the bees inspired by the fey, nobody can really say. But the current ruling clan of the court always becomes a very prolific one, as the queen gives birth to plenty of fairy princesses to vie for her position. Those who don’t become queen of the court strike out on their own with a handful of devoted followers in search of either a new court or to form one of their own.

Unless you’re Royal Jelly.

Royal Jelly, princess of the Court of the Hive, isn’t that lucky.

Royal was very close to being the queen. Devilishly close! She has an irresistible way about her, a way that earned her plenty of devotes within the court. Charisma too, enough to shake a stick at. She wasn’t as brilliant or as clever as her sisters, yes, but she had a way with the workers of the court that her sisters simply didn’t have. Interpersonal Intelligence is just as useful as traditional intelligence, after all. With such skills and such love from the people, it seemed that Royal was a shoe-in for the crown.

But her sisters, fiendishly clever as they were, conspired against their sister as all fey princesses are wont to do in the Court of the Hive. They snatched the crown from Royal’s grasp and instead of letting her leave with her followers, the new queen exiled the princess from the court for all eternity. Royal was shunted into the mortal world with only the clothes on her back and a metaphorical Mark of Cain that bars her from forever returning home.

The shift has been rough, to put it mildly. A lifetime of pampering has left the princess rather childish and unable to understand mortal cares. Becoming just another face in the crowd was a bitter pill to swallow, and Royal has had to choke down her pride more than once. But the outdoors are so wonderful here in Moonlight Falls, and everyone seems to love the way Royal can make the flowers grow. In fact, she’s made a few friends in her time abroad. It’s not much, and they aren’t fairies, but they’re lovely. It’s not too horrible.

And now, she’s heard of this whole Maple thing. Truth be told, she isn’t totally sure why she’s doing this. Loneliness, perhaps. Wanting to prove herself? Maybe. All she knows is that Harissa is as bright as a flower and just as pretty. And though you may be able to take the princess out of the Court, you can’t take the Court out of the princess.

Bees just do love beautiful, bright things. And Harissa is the most beautiful and the brightest of the things Royal has ever seen.

So the royal has decided to go a’courting. Will she win the heart of Harissa as she’s won so many hearts before? Or will her princess pride be too much to swallow? Only time can tell...

CC: Tattoo | Hair is from the University Expansion Party Pack Thing that is most assuredly not free to download on the internet...

Royal Jelly is for @jackssims‘s Maple BC! Sorry about the wall of text ^^; Royal’s backstory sort of got away from me...

Download Royal Jelly Here!

#ts3 #sims 3 #the sims 3 #jackssims

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deyensee · 4 years

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Soul: Searching...

So, I’ve just come back from a weekend road trip. 908 miles, 3 days, 1 night camping. Up the (beautiful) Oregon Coast and down through central Oregon. In short order, here is what I learned: - The world is a big place. It is much bigger than our life and all of its problems. It is easy to get tunnel-visioned on all of these seemingly large things in life that dominate our view. Traveling literally helped me to get a new perspective on my life and my problems and the bigger picture of it all. - There is tremendous value in going or doing something alone, especially if you need the time to process and mull and consider, especially especially if your daily life allows little of that precious time. Make more time to pray and remember and consider and think, especially if big problems in your life need a lot of consideration to grasp the whole of. - Gas is cheapest in Oregon in Crescent, Oregon. 2.59 per gallon! Dang! Sadly, the things I really gained from this trip can’t exactly be bullet-pointed, so here is my trip in long-order. (Warning: VERY LONG - but filled with spiritual insight) I have (had) been feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. The Rock was continual suffering and the Hard Place was being selfish and unloving and running away from it all. Neither of them felt like the right solution, or at least not in the way I was handling either of them. The last weekend before my trip, I decided I just needed a lot of time on my own, in companionship and communication with God throughout it. Letting my thoughts wander to my stresses and concerns and hurts and bringing them to God, heart-brokenly asking for help and guidance. He was there, and he did provide the help I needed. On the last day of my trip, I figured I needed to take a big picture view of the past 10 months and try to make sense of it from a Heavenly Perspective. Considering what God was doing and how He was working and what He was trying to achieve. Writing is typically the best way for me to bring a lot of ideas into focus at once, so here Is what I wrote, with some additions for clarity “I was in a good, growing spot with God. My idol of relationships that I have built throughout my life was in full view of God, and he decided to have a go at it. I was chasing God and saw another who seemed to be doing the same, and so started pursuing her alongside God. As my pursuit of her grew, my pursuit of Him lessened as I was being whispered to that the longing in my heart would be better fulfilled by her. With no hint of ill-intent or any desire to leave God’s side, I slowly grew more and more enraptured by this relationship, with ample encouragement from friends and family, and less and less in love with God. it was a relationship of selfish-enjoyment. She was and is great, and I was becoming close with her family, with some struggles here and there. I was chasing my desire for acceptance and love in Humans, which, if granted, would have contented me for this life. I was then wholesale rejected by her family; I was cut-out. My closeness with her was destroyed and I am now distant from their family, by their desire. I hurt from that. I had huge dreams of love and relationship and family and beauty that had been subtly planted in my head by the relationship and her family and those close to me and my own longings. Images of the man I could be and the life I could have. None of those images or dreams excluded God, but God was not the focus, My life was. I wanted my reward in this life. As the reality of their rejection slowly and continually settled in; first as rejection as a boyfriend, then rejection as an adopted member of their family, then rejection as a close friend, then rejection even to the point of simply being good friends, all while not understanding why I was being rejected, I struggled. Each one of those dreams or hopes that was ripped away was like a stab in my heart. I struggled with deep frustration because of the seemingly contradictory actions from others who claimed love as their highest pursuit. I struggled with confusion over whether their actions gave me the right to be spiteful and run away from them outright - and whether that would be the loving and Godly response (hint: it’s not). When your deepest desire is to be Loved and Accepted and you face rejection mixed with obfuscation and hypocrisy and selfishness (I am in no way claiming to be above those things myself), alongside loneliness, with no human whom you can reach out to for support while also truly understanding the situation and being wise enough to counsel you in it, what do you do? Do you continue trying to fulfill your desires to love and be loved and be close with them even though every rejection is ripping you apart? Do you love them in an impersonal way somehow, without being bitter? Run away from them entirely because it just hurts so much? Be depressed and mope and give up on life because you have been affirmed yet again that you aren’t good enough to be loved by someone without obligation? Be so furious and hateful that you see red and proclaim their injustices to them and the world, though they wouldn’t listen anyways, then cut all ties with them because You have been Hurt by Them? Do you seek to be loving and be Godly even though it is actually like dipping your heart in acid every time you are around them? What does love even look like in that situation? Are you even strong enough to love like that? Or, do you just give in to the never-ending, ever-present, anxious whispers of hurt and pain and injustice at the cost of everything you have tried to stand for and everything you believe? Or, do you instead seek to try to understand what God is purposing with all of this, in order to comply with his direction and move with his command and learn from his discipline? I went through many of these questions in some form. I tried to be loving in the face of rejection and found only deep hurt. I was depressed and gave up on life for a while because I was affirmed, yet again, that I am not enough. The thought of cutting all ties out of hurt and abandoning everyone there crossed my mind so many times that I’d lost count. Most of the time, I tried understanding what God was doing in all of this but received scarcely a reply. I couldn’t tell what I needed to do or how to move forward without it just being wrong. All the while, those never ending whispers of pain and hurt and bitterness whispered to me in my quiet moments, when I wasn’t forcing myself to distraction; when I lie down to sleep but instead only stayed awake for hours in anxious tension until falling into troubled dreams. So, here seemed to be the root of all of this: My heart wants love and acceptance and seeks it from people because I have a hard time accepting it from God. But, here is the reality of all of this: God brought me to all of this pain intentionally. It wasn’t like he was completely surprised by this turn of events. No, he orchestrated and planned every bit of it. Then did he do it out of malice and evil glee? No. Read the Bible if you want to understand God’s heart. He showed me that the more I seek and hope for satisfaction in humans and come to expect it from them, the more I hurt from disappointment and pain and the worse I make the situation, as sin is wont to do. No Man (or woman) Can Satisfy Me. It is a lie to believe that I will be completely and finally fulfilled and happy if I find the right person. Maybe I will be happy for a while, maybe even for a lifetime, but likely not for long and certainly not at the end of this life. Here is the reality. God loves me so much that he will hurt me in the deepest, most excruciating way that I know to be hurt, for my own good. He will bring me to the very precipice of my deepest desires then violently rip them from me, with tears in His eyes as I weep in agony, because I have a health condition that will kill me called Misplaced Desires and he has graciously set himself to healing me at any cost to himself or me. He will lovingly rip me apart and suffer the heartbreak of a Father having to amputate His child’s legs from the boulder that crushed them so He can save his child’s life and so they can spend eternity together in joy. He is loving enough to see me through every step of my painful treatment as both my Father and my Doctor. That is his role. He loves me enough not to stop, even though it breaks his heart to see his child in agony. “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, How will he not also, along with Jesus, graciously give us all things?” “All things” is not defined as “All Materially Beneficial Things”. It is defined as “Anything that ensures that my human son, David, will live with me for eternity, because that is the best thing I can give.” This graciously includes my own suffering and heartbreak and hurt, because it all leads to healing. So, I am not healed of my heart problem, yet, I think. I may not ever be till my death. But, God loves me enough to see me through it, at any cost. He has already paid the highest cost, that of his own Son’s life, what else wouldn’t he give to keep me? And because he has set me as his son and patient, I will undeservedly reap the reward at the end of this life. (John 17:3). And the one thing that will offset, and completely overshadow, the excruciating pain of the treatment is knowing that I am so Loved now, and that my Reward is coming. I will dwell in the house of Yahweh all the days of my life, I will gaze upon the beauty of the one who truly loves me, and I will inquire in his temple. God Himself is the point of Heaven. Having and Knowing God Himself is the point of Jesus on the Cross and of every ounce of suffering, both to unbelievers, being subjected in hope of their hearts opening to him, and in believers, being transformed into the same image of Jesus, from one degree of glory to another. Knowing of his love empowers me to embrace the suffering and even share the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ to others who are in dire need of hope for treatment from their terminal illness. Delighting in the beautiful person of God is the purpose of every created human, and is what He is offering. So, this is all more or less what I learned on my journey. God loves me enough to hurt me. I love him for that, and desire to grow in knowledge of his goodness even more. I can love the Rock and avoid the Hard Place by finding forgiveness to replace my bitterness and acknowledging that God has set me on a treatment plan and has plotted a course for my life that does not have me in certain relationships at this time. My Guide and Lover and the One I trust has direction for me, and I accept that and can embrace the state of relationships that He has set. There is one more thing I realized. It is how to forgive. God uses everything for the good of his children, both the “good” things in life and the “bad” things in life (such as others acting in ways that hurt you, physically or emotionally). Those people might have had ill intent in their heart, or maybe they didn’t. However, what they set out to hurt you with, or what you have been hurt by, God is using for good. My landlord who strangled me and forced a drastic change in my life, God used to reunite me with Himself and bring about good change. Can I in good conscience hold that against my landlord?? Sure, my body was injured but God used even that for Good. This rejection by the ones I sought acceptance from, how can I hold it against them when I know that God is using it for my good, as an act of love? (Gen: 50:20, Rom 8:28) Forgiveness isn’t only only in knowing that “they will get what they’ve got coming to them”, in fact, I don’t truly think that is forgiveness at all. It also isn’t only in knowing that any harm done here should be forgiven because this flesh is temporary and that better is coming, or in light of what we have been graciously forgiven for (Eph. 4:32). Those can be motivating reasons to forgive - but truly, how can you be mad at someone who did something with evil intent (at the worst) that turned out, by God’s hand, for your good? Perhaps I will think differently in the future regarding this, but it makes a lasting sort of sense. Forgiveness is easy when you have benefited from the wrong (or perceived wrong), which, for an adopted son or daughter of the King and Creator of the Universe, is every wrong. And every right or good thing is only given to reveal more of the goodness of God’s person within that gift. God is the gift.

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