#and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month

[sickslimez]

WANNA GET NASTY! — JJK MEN

SYNOPSIS...kinks that the jjk men secretly have

INFO...jjk men x fem!reader, impact play (smacking, spanking), breeding, overstimulation, gojo is a switch, oral mentioned (f & m), p in v, agoraphilia (public sex), anal, bondage, name calling (slut), degradation, pet names (baby, sweetheart, angel), not proofread

OTHER...likes and reblog are appreciated

TOJI — IMPACT PLAY

toji is definitely into impact play, he loves smacking your ass, slapping your face or your sensitive cunt. His favorite part about all of it is the little whines your makes when it hurts just a little too much. That teary look you give him always spreads a smile across his face. But you're always begging him for me because you're just that much of a slut for him, begging to cum because the multiple slaps to your clit have teetered you close to the edge. A deep chuckle leaves his lips, seeing your pouty lips before he slaps you across your face. "Always a pretty girl for me, huh, baby?"

NANAMI — BREEDING

as much as nanami is a calm and tamed man, something tells me that this man is completely feral in bed. Im talking pounding deep into you, grunting and growling in your ear, telling you to be a good girl and take it. He has you in mating press, fucking you so deep in good and he just can't get the thought of breeding you out of his head. He wants to fill you up and watch it leak from your hole, marking you as his. So...that's what he does. He pushes deep inside you and fills you up to the brim, forcing you to take all of it. He watches the way your eyes go wide before you let out a soft moan. Now, all he wants to do is fill you up again...good thing his dick is still hard. "Wanna fill up this pretty pussy, breed it, it's so fuckin' perfect."

GOJO — OVERSTIMULATION

whether its you or him, gojo is in love with overstim. He likes watching you squirm, panting like a dog in heat when he laps at your sensitive clit after making you cum for a third time. You're trying to push his head away, but your attempts are weak because deep down he knows you wanna cum again. If you overstim him, expect tears. Whether you're riding him, giving him a blowjob, handjob, he will be in tears if you keep going. But don't let that fool you because baby boy is begging you to keep going, asking to cum with red teary eyes. His hips jolt upward, toes curl but don't you dare stop. His second orgasm is always more intense than his first, it makes him feel like he's on a high. "Oh, please, please, don't stop, baby! Keep fucking me, yeah, yeah, just like that!"

GETO — PUBLIC SEX

geto loves getting nasty in public areas, not to mention the idea of getting caught turns him too. His fingers will so casually slip under your dress while you two are out shopping, so easily slipping into your cunt. He's smirking against your ear while he stands behind you, slowly pumping his fingers in and out. Not to mention in public parks, he won't make you wear any panties, just so when you sit on his lap, he can't easily fuck you. You try hard to cover up your moans and whimpers, biting down on your lip when you feel him buck his hips upwards. He's so smug, staring directly at anyone who dares to look your way, smirking at them while you slowly ride him in public. "You gotta be quiet, angel. Wouldn't want us to get caught now, would you? Or maybe you do cause you're such a slut for my dick."

CHOSO — ANAL

at first, chose would be curious about anal because of all the times he's seen it in porn. the idea would just get the better of him and he'd want to know what'd it feel like for him to stick his dick somewhere that wasn't your mouth or pussy. so lets just say when he felt it the first time, he could barely thrust into you without wanting to cum. it exceeded his expectations, so warm and tight, not mention, it made it 100x better that you are enjoying it too. so now he goes out of his way to buy you butt plugs, the cute little ones with the jewel on them. he makes you wear them all day before he finally comes home and fucks your ass. "Feels so fucking good, sweetheart, taking me so fucking well."

HIGURUMA — BONDAGE

hiromi loves seeing his pretty girl all tied up. to him, its like a birthday present waiting to be unwrapped. you're lying on the bed all tied up in your favorite color rope. he loves when he comes home, finding you sitting on the bed naked with the rope in your hands, waiting for him to tie you up. it does something to him when you struggle against it, especially when he's teasing you, ghosting his fingers over your skin, traveling near your pussy. you're so helpless its cute. though he would never hurt you, he could do whatever he wants to you, drive you crazy until your begging him to fuck you. "You look so pretty like this, all wrapped up for me like a little present."

SUKUNA — BLOOD PLAY

now of course sukuna would be into blood play...look at him. that man is not nice or sweet in any way possible. he likes dragging his sharp nails across the soft parts of your skin during sex, watching the way your skin cuts open and the crimson liquid leaks down your skin. it makes him crazy seeing your blood trickle down your tits and over your stomach before he licks it all up, savoring your taste. he always finds a way to mark you, making you bleed as he fucks deep into you, nails digging into the plush flesh of your thighs cause he's gripping them so hard. "I'll mark you however I wish, just so I could savor your taste on my tongue."

#☆—sickslimez #anime #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk smut #toji x reader #nanami x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #choso x reader #higuruma x reader #gojo smut #toji smut #geto smut #nanami smut #higuruma smut #choso smut #nanami kento #gojo satoru #geto suguru #toji fushiguro #choso kamo #higuruma hiromi #jjk men x reader #sukuna ryomen #sukuna x reader #sukuna smut

[erwinsvow]

you write rafe so good and like you get me like sometimes i’m reading and i’m like “how’d they know😦” so HEAR ME OUT lifeguard!reader (bc i’m a lifeguard at a few country clubs) and i think rafe would be drooling and kelce and top would make fun of him and they’d like break all the rules like back flipping off the diving board just to get readers attention

oh my god first of all i completely adore you!! im so glad yess we must be little brain twins <3 i would love to know which parts made you think that! but here is the best i could come up with for a lifeguard au which is soooo cute but imagine.. its a pogue reader...

rafe knows every pretty girl who frequents the country club, he's made a point of making sure he does. so a fresh face in the crowd stands out pretty easily, especially one like yours.

you're pretty without trying, hair tugged behind you in a ponytail and a simple red one piece, the bottoms covered with denim shorts. it's not the usual kind of outfit for the club, but maybe you're headed out by the pool or something.

he can only see you from the back, though when you turn around, he sees the white cross on the front of your swimsuit. then he sees the boy in matching red trunks next to you, the whistle around your necks and a little first-aid box in your hands. a hot life guard, it doesn't get much more stereotypical than that.

you look around the club, following the boy who can only be giving you a tour of the facilty, with curious eyes like you've never been here before. it's only then a comment from top snaps him into a frankly startling realization.

"can't believe they hire pogues for this shit. wouldn't be surprised if shit started going missing by the pool deck."

rafe thinks normally he'd throw another line in, laugh at what top's saying, but he can't find it in him today. so he keeps watching, the sweet way you smile at a little girl who stopped you to ask for a bandaid, the way you nod while taking in something else in your training.

"alright. you've been staring at that pogue girl for twenty minutes. what gives?" kelce asks finally, after rafe ignores what they've been saying to him for the third time.

"huh?" he snaps back, tearing eyes away from you to look at his idiot friends.

"don't tell me you got hots for the lifeguard. what're you, thirteen?" they laugh, but rafe doesn't.

"shut up." he stands, downing the rest of his drink. "m'goin' to the pool. you loser can come and shut up or stay here and yap."

when he finally gets out there, you've shed the shorts, looking over the kiddie section of the pool with a watchful eye, taking the responsibility of watching brats seriously. he doesn't hesitate, jumping into the deep end with a huge splash, one that gets your attention.

you walk over, making sure whoever that was didn't just fall in, when two boys yell over.

"hey! lifeguard! our friend needs help!" you turn to look back at the boy who's been training you, wondering if you should dive in or wait since you're still in training, when you hear them again.

"not him! you! in the red. hurry!" you don't hesitate, though you're confused, jumping straight in and swimming over to the boy. he doesn't look like he needs help, in fact, he looks like he's floating.

"um, excuse me-" that's all you get out when you get close to him, because he scoops you up like he's rescuing you, carrying you out of the pool like a bride. you kick your feet, yelling out. "hey! put me down! you're not even drowning!"

he sets you down, and you wipe your face, staring up at pretty blue eyes and an arrogant face, once you recognize, one that your best friends hate.

"oh. you. i should have known."

"me? yeah, heard about me, have you? only good things, i hope."

"yeah, no. what the fuck was all that? i thought you were drowning."

"yeah, i was. thanks for the help." confused, soaking wet, and not appreciating his two little sidekicks snickering behind you, you try to get away, when rafe follows.

"so, uh, how long you been working here?"

"it's my first day."

"yeah, i thought so. i never forget a pretty face, so-"

"are you serious?"

"dead serious. and yours is definitely pretty."

"rafe," you say, leaning in closer so he can hear you clearly. "stop hitting on me. i have to work. some of us actually have to work."

"know my name already, huh? what else have you heard-" you roll your eyes, he laughs.

"i heard you're a good swimmer," you say, taking another step closer.

"yeah. from who?"

"i don't know. i'm about to find out." with one hand, you push his chest, and he falls backwards into the pool, the water splashing around your feet. you laugh, watching him bob in the pool, his friends laughing too. "good talk. hope we never speak again."

rafe gets out of the pool, pushing his wet hair back. he calls out after you.

"yeah we'll see about that."

#oooo she a snippy girly #its bc she spends all her time with jayjjjjjj #if you wanted something more cutie i can make her the lifeguard in the kids section & rafe brings toddler wheeize #lmk bae #this is actually garbage lmfao itwas a fun exercise tho

[surreal-duck]

wanted to redraw their 7th anniversary homescreen before the next anni comes along o7

#duck scribbles #midori takamine #yuzuru fushimi #enstars #only now i noticed that their little accompanying logos r the mascot doodle in midori's autograph and a pen for yuzuru bc he likes drawing #thats fecking adorable what the heck #ensemble stars #midoyuzu #yuzumido #i dont play jp so i dont actually get to see it when playing myself but. it means everything to me #also you should totally zoom in to see random details i added. or not. up to you #this is actually a cropped ver the full thing is for a new phone wallpaper for myself whkjdsjkghkjdsg #i wouldve finished this yesterday if i didnt catch an absolutely horrid fever in the middle of my studio shift!!! #but rly this is the first time in a long while ive enjoyed working on smth so much its nice to be back into the swing of things #even if its a bit slow im!!! gonna like art again i hope #man my throat hurts and everythings cold and i think my head is getting warm again oops #feeling feverish on top of shark week Really sucks dang it #oh and another thing doing this has me considering making a mdyz zine sometime #just like. for myself maybe idk but it sounds like itd be somewhat fun #i already look through their tags on three different sites this one included on a regular basis only to see the same things most of the time #so why not!!!! new passion project why the hell not #highly doubt anyone would be particularly interested in that though LOL

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[b4kuch1n]

pre-holiday leave crumbs

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it #anyways. tomorrow I Travel #The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed #three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying) #goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn #anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours #until I gotta get up for car time #kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct #20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it #I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it #oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop #in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here #hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them) #also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl' #it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that #literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however #anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo #have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again #eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Mm lovely how quickly feeling mildly frustrated and irritable escalates into full fledged meltdown anyway I GOTTA fins something to do other than stare at my phone today so. Bye

#literally if i hold it a second longer i am going to slam it into the floor until it smashes. #it took everythingvi had not to start smashing every plate and glass we had bc i spilled some soap into a glass i was still drinking from. #i got stuck in a game and slammed the controller against my head hard enough to leave a like 2 inch high bump #i want to throw myself through the window. i want to go for a walk and jump in the river. i want to stand in front of a train. #i want the bannana flavoured cyanide from fallout and the energy drink that makes you high from silt verses #i want it to be fucking OVER and i am SO. FUCKING. SICK. of people telling me itnwill get better because FUCKING WHEN #WHEN WILL IT. ITS BEEN A YEAR AND A HALF. #im literally just existing for weeks at a time until payday and i get to feel alive again for maybe 2 days before the debt settles back #i cant. i cant live like this man

[bmpmp3]

I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away

#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd #ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding. #i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way #when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee #but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo #and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards #not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony #my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like #marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there #i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my #parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL) #but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school #nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is #same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL #i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not. #i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds #but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice #i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring #that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases #and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason #you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident #im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like #i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS #i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3 #i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔

[piplupod]

whyyyyy do people think disordered eating is healthyyyyyyy i am going to explode myself soon i cannot live around these people any more my god

#i dont even want to say what all was said lol it's so fucked up #maybe I'll just go back to starving myself and becoming more underweight just to earn mothers approval (sarcasm) #actually u know what. even if i did that she'd probably get angry at me for it lmao she'd be pissed that I'd be losing weight when she isnt #I CANNOT TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS IM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME #THESE PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING AWFUL #I WANT OUT OF HERE I REALLY DO #I dont know how to cope w this honestly #i keep trying to twist things to be tolerable but jesus fucking christ the ED is starting to rear its head again #theyre just so fucking mean and stupid and fatphobic and i have to spend so much time around them #its impossible to block out #i keep finding myself thinking i dont need to eat veggies bc ''theyre basically poison'' and im just ARRGHHH #GET OUT OF MY HEAD PLEASEEEE I DONT WANT TO BE THINKING LIKE THIS #idk how to cope w this bc i HAVE the science disproving them and I've spent time undoing fatphobia in my own brain #and my family just keeps setting back my progress bc it is impossible to block them out entirely #i want to crawl out of my skin and jump into a deep lake and never resurface #im so tired of this all and idk what to do. tearing my hair out a little bit #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #fatphobia tw #dieting tw #ed tw #ask to tag

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

here's the idea.

leo's wife/lauretta . (gets stabbed to death)

#according to our delusional chat leo's wife is real actually alive and a lesbian #so both her marriage w leo & death was fictive #m2 #no idea is fucked up (=interesting) for many reasons but it lives in my head since february #wlw experience w age difference 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 #please just ignore me just ignore me #no maybe there wasnt anything between them but every time i think of them i start howling #bc smth that didn't happen also can be interesting #Im turning off rbs + dont u even dare to judge me. it was in my head for too long #im fkin confessing here 😤🤬 #i dont like leo but i like his non-existent wife #im tired of playing fool. theyre one step away from being canon to me #“its funny how ur bee sting touch never leaves me whole” “half time vertigo” etc #“just a corner of my bed where u dont belong” #lauretta ghiraldini gets bitchslapped #no she won't tell carlo. probably #dont make noise but ur wife's kissing ur nemesis's wife😭im sorry. im not #yes i know its absolutely delusional but can u imagine the potential n how insane would it be #if it was real #upd. im never talkin bout this again. probably

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

every time im sitting here like "damn why am i suddenly really anxious and restless and irritable and its hard to breathe" and then i realize. oh. yeah. ive been wearing my binder for too long

#LITERALLY every fucking time i wear it without fail #i forget its there! #and then i go do strenuous physical activity and because im fucking stupid im like damn why am i out of breath so easy #head in hands. is he stupid? #yes . #anyway. taking it off now. cooking myself some biscuits. and maybe some shrimp #i need top surgery so bad #or like. a compression shirt or whatever that i can wear for long periods of time that doesn't do this to me #aauerghghghghg. #weighing the options of. dont want to take binder off because body shape is bad. have to take binder off or i will continue feeling worse. #its snowing biiiiiig fluffy flakes outside rn . man . #UGHGGHG. TW FOR SH MENTION COMING UP. #I JUST REALIZED I CANT WVEN DO THE “TAKE THE BINDER OFF WHILE STILL WEARING A SHIRT” TRICK #BC IM STUPID AND MY DUMBASS ARMS HURT WHEN FABRIC TOUCHES THEM . SO I HAVE TO GET UP AND MOVE AND TAKE MY SHIRT OFF FIRST. #hell world. everything sucks forevwr #this is the most baby thing to he complaining about. but again. taps the sign. ive been wearing my damn binder too long

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life #i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly #but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand #many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts #but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min #i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee #tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words #problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not #hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important #info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in #discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry #too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read #so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted #i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful #bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam #thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes #i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere #its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle #and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment: #intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate #also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony #but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis #lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt #built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source #unrelated #also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out #thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray

[surreal-duck]

messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔 #still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made. #im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough. #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit