#i need top surgery so bad

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

every time im sitting here like "damn why am i suddenly really anxious and restless and irritable and its hard to breathe" and then i realize. oh. yeah. ive been wearing my binder for too long

#LITERALLY every fucking time i wear it without fail #i forget its there! #and then i go do strenuous physical activity and because im fucking stupid im like damn why am i out of breath so easy #head in hands. is he stupid? #yes . #anyway. taking it off now. cooking myself some biscuits. and maybe some shrimp #i need top surgery so bad #or like. a compression shirt or whatever that i can wear for long periods of time that doesn't do this to me #aauerghghghghg. #weighing the options of. dont want to take binder off because body shape is bad. have to take binder off or i will continue feeling worse. #its snowing biiiiiig fluffy flakes outside rn . man . #UGHGGHG. TW FOR SH MENTION COMING UP. #I JUST REALIZED I CANT WVEN DO THE “TAKE THE BINDER OFF WHILE STILL WEARING A SHIRT” TRICK #BC IM STUPID AND MY DUMBASS ARMS HURT WHEN FABRIC TOUCHES THEM . SO I HAVE TO GET UP AND MOVE AND TAKE MY SHIRT OFF FIRST. #hell world. everything sucks forevwr #this is the most baby thing to he complaining about. but again. taps the sign. ive been wearing my damn binder too long

[lousiee]

starting 2 look like eriks era vash

#i need top surgery so bad #toby speaks #collectivetalks

[bowenoke]

on tiktok and passed a call of duty fanartist who referenced "the watchers top surgeried grian"

going to start telling people i have a cultural impact based on this One tiktok and when they ask me what i am talking about i will refuse to answer

#ask #anon #also what does this mean #did they draw a [bad guy] top surgeried my soldier comic??? #president ronald reagan top surgeried agent bell. #love that /srs #edit: i actually need to see this but i do not use tiktok so if anyone runs across it please send me a link

[famewolf]

speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling

#[static] #it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism #some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under #i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever #it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others #and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing #like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks #every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like #one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways #something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out #i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery #poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop #never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on #so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly #and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again #its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much #im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel

[aropride]

my back hurts so so so bad does anyone have a spare $10k lying around i wont pay you back

#text #I NEED TOP SURGERY SO BAD ITS UNREAL .

[fizzytoo]

my tits are not working w this shirt im gonna kms

#*fizzyspeaks #which one of my mutuals wants to do my top surgery #I NEED TO GET A BINDER #i want to wear my twilight tshirt but the breasts are breasting #the front isnt so bad but i turned to the side and got a real shock #JUMP SCARE

[isofile]

i’m losing my fucking mind. it’s so disgustingly foul today everyone who says summer is their favourite should kill themselves

#i need top surgery so fucking bad #it’s 37*c and it feels like 41*c bc of the humidity #diary

[silenthillbunni]

🏫🍃🌥️

#oooof... sleep was rough bc my face was super itchy. all of a sudden i got rashes in my face yesterday ?!?!? i have NEVER gotten that wtffff #hopefully it's just temporary nd will go away. it's still a tiny bit itchy but not as bad as yesterday :o #istg my life is a JOKE!!!! a joke!!!! rashes?!? what? maybe stress nd anxiety?? idk it's wild tho i cant deal w this #so i couldnt really fall asleep but i rested for a few hours #then i got up. took my dog out. had oatmeal. called the surgeron clinic. #and like... i told them abt my weight and they said im underweight?! and that my bmi is 18.9 and u need to have 19.... #i told her that i cant gain weight bc i cant eat anything. that i cant have more fat than i already do bc then it hurts too much #she said she'll talk to the anesthesia doctors and call me later. she hasnt called yet #i rlly hope they understand the situation?? and that i can still have my surgery bc what else am i supposed to do??? #ughhhh why cant anything ever just be easy and smooth for me?? #i am sooooo tired of all these hardships piling on top of eo #then i walked to school.. took me an hour and im spent now bc im so weak nd malnutrioned skskskks #and im in class... it's a long one. still more than an hour left :'( my head hurts #ugh i just wanna be fine for once in my life #but yeah im like 75% thru all the hard things i need to do today #just need to finish class nd then walk home nd then hopefully get a call back and then i can relax (as much as i can lol) #i hope the itching goes down (still wtf is my body doing? i have no patience for it anymore) nd i hope im not too underweight for surgery om

[gutsygremlin]

Wait I've got another headcanon for you

Miguel used to be rather embarrassed about his top surgery scars because any mention of his own queerness usually brings on an onslaught of invasive questions, but when Peter and Hobie see them, they tell him how cool they look.

He's really bad at not blushing over it.

#miguel o'hara headcanons #Miguel O'Hara #Peter B Parker #Hobie Brown #ATSV #Marvel #Trans rights #trans men #top surgery #Trans!Miguel O'Hara #I need to write a fanfiction where someone where someone very lovingly touches his scars #Maybe it's because I want some of my own real bad but I'm so attracted to/think top surgery scars are beautiful

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks #one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so #anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many #im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also #more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but #the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless #so fun #im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna #relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment #so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did #with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager #hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back? #fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream #also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what #is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy #one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t #for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ #i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda #think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun #we'll see!

[boyghcst]

i only ever like my body when I’ve not eaten all day :(

#it’s so bad #my body isn’t even bad but i just have this need to wanna be toned and hate being curvy #i have body issues fr #never have motivation to go the gym either m #bc i always see other guys have a toned body or skinny w a lil muscle it makes me feel bad abt my own body #my belly bloats and i have lil dog ears from top surgery #journal

[wizardfvcker]

nothing like shopping for swimming tops as a fat person with huge boobs to make you experience bone-melting levels of rage

#.txt #skinny flat chested people i hate you. not on a personal level but also a little bit #I JUST WANT SOMETHING THAT SUPPORTS THEM AND ISNT TOO FEMININE CAN I DIE. CAN I BE KILLED #i need top surgery so bad i need to be shot

[emilnikos]

the sweet siren song of wearing my binder casually without reason ohhh you'll feel so awesome just wearing a t shirt and not worrying about your chest ooohh (<- is about to inflict 5000000 years of back and rib pain upon me)

#binder is usually just for special occasions but sometimes i want to feel good. alas #'rex if binding hurts your binder is too small' idk what to say im wearing a size ABOVE my reccomended. i think my body just hates me. #i NEED top surgery so bad i hate being in pain and worrying about my chest all the time

[direful]

woww I’m 5 years on t at the end of the month

#I need top surgery so fucking bad. anyone in the usa whose gotten it how did you get your surgeon consult set up #hurgle hurgle

[lovecatsys]

dear lord. i wish navigating the medical world as a trans person was not so awful.

#Multiple problems now #im so afraid to talk to my ENT doctor because he still misgenders me since the last time i saw him over 2 years ago and long before i passe #he just in general gives me such bad vibes and i think he really fucked up the surgery he gave me on my nose too #hes so annoying to talk to its like he doesn't know how to talk to his patients #im trying to figure out how to get hearing aids and he was like #hi you don't need anything from me just take your hearing test to a dispenser :) #so unhelpful?? like my hearing test from two years ago?? shouldn't i get a new one first?? also what dispensers?? #and im scared to see him in person again because i now pass #like i feel like that would be so awkward #i need to just talk to my mom about this but im so upset and frustrated #and dont even get me started on my insurance company #being so annoying about letting me get top surgery #vent #this is so upsetting for me :(

[heyitsphoenixx]

ultimate gender goal is to some day acquire the desirable to all androgynous short king swag specific to link w the genderfluid ease of Zelda

#do u see the vision #anyway I need top surgery so bad lol #gender