#anyway I need top surgery so bad lol

[heyitsphoenixx]

ultimate gender goal is to some day acquire the desirable to all androgynous short king swag specific to link w the genderfluid ease of Zelda

#do u see the vision #anyway I need top surgery so bad lol #gender

[gothgamergaara]

Can’t wait to talk to my therapist on Thursday abt how I basically confirmed w my mom that I’ll be moving back to my parents city after I finish my emt program in March lol

#the good part is my cat means the goal is to get an apartment #also my mom works from home #anyway it’s just. gonna be interesting lol #idk . idk that’s all I have I guess idk what else to say #I need to come out omg Fr I jsut want top surgery so bad I want it NOWWWWW #jk I want it like 2023 summer but idk how surgery works and if that’s even feasible

[samkerrworshipper]

togetherness | pt.2

part 1. | part 2. | part 3. | part 4. | part 5 |

longawaited and has been sitting in my drafts for weeks now cause i wasn’t quite sure if i liked the direction it’s gone in… but highliting different issues n stuff so i hope y’all enjoy! again i’ve edited this on my phone whilst reading from my kindle lol so not going to lie i’m aware that the editing could be shocking… there’s a few more parts sitting in my drafts so lmk if y’all want more

warnings: child exploitation, themes of sexual assault of minors, just general hurt with protective n supportive tillies

“Now that we’ve settled that, is there anything, anything at all that you’d like to tell me that I could help you with?”

I gulped, there were about six things I could think of just off the top of my head. I was tentative though. I could feel tears starting to form in the back of my eyes as I tried to make the decision in my head.

“No judgement?”

Sam’s immediate nod in response was comforting and apparently enough to get me talking.

“It’s going to sound stupid and I don’t even know what you could do about it considering that I’m probably somewhere in the wrong with it as well.”

Sam looked like a mixture of intrigued and perplexed.

“Y/n, even if I can’t do anything about it, you look like you just need to get it off your chest, I can be that for you as well, just tell me what’s been bothering you so much.”

I sniffled and nodded at Sam, this situation was so abnormally vulnerable for me.

“You know that I was rough around the edges when I got here, I know you haven’t heard the whole story, to put it simply I went through a rough patch when I was 14 and 15, before I got here. I’d just had spine surgery, I thought that I was never going to walk again, let alone play football. I turned to a lot of things, drugs, alcohol, anything. I ran away when I was 14, I don’t remember much of it, just that when I returned home my parents had had enough and they sent me off to the AIS for Tony to train me. Anyways, I’m rambling. Somewhere along the road I sent some explicit videos, photos and texts to my ex boyfriend, graphic ones, there’s a lot of them. He’s been posting them on reddit and twitter and they haven’t gotten any attention yet but with all the media coverage and bad press I’ve had recently I’m worried they are going to be brought up and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Sam’s expression was one thing, completely deflated and shocked. She was typing furiously into her phone whilst she was listening to my story. It took a few minutes of silence for her to reply to me.

“First off I want to start off with telling you how grateful I am for you sharing that information with me, it can’t have been easy and you are incredibly brave for telling me. I’ve got some follow up questions that I need to ask, you don’t have to answer them, I’d just appreciate it if you could try your best, okay?”

I nodded quickly in reply to Sam.

“Okay. How old were you when you sent these videos and how old was your boyfriend at the time?”

“I was 14 or 15, he was in his mid twenties.”

“So that puts him in his late 20s or early 30s right now, if my maths is correct. Did you take these photos and videos or did someone else?”

“I took most of them but he took some.”

Sam nodded at me again.

“Okay based on that question I can tell you that this ex boyfriend of yours is legally in possession of child pornography, that’s an indictable crime. If you want this to well and truly stop then we can go up that path. I want us to talk about this with Tony, it’s ultimately your decision but I think it would be very sensible to take this up with him at the very least. Y/n, you have done absolutely nothing wrong, I need to stress to you how important it is that you understand that. No one is going to blame this on you, because it isn’t your fault, you are a victim of a crime. That isn’t something light. I promise you that I have your best interests in concern when I’m telling you this. I have to ask, have you talked to anyone else about this? Your family? A therapist? A friend? Leah?”

Leah Williamson, my arsenal team captain and my best friend/mom/girlfriend. I shook my head at Sam, I’d wanted to tell Leah, she was the only person I probably trusted enough to tell but I hadn’t seen her in weeks.

“Do you want to talk to someone about it?”

“I was going to talk to Lee about it, eventually. Just with her ACL and us being in different places it didn’t make much sense, plus this stuff is so fucking stupid I didn’t want to bother anyone with it, I’m sorry for bothering you with it, Ellie was right I’m being fucking selfish.”

Sam’s face was unreadable, it was clear she was pretty deep in thought. She sat across from me for a few minutes, in thought, before she stood up and walked around the table, sitting herself down beside me.

“Can I give you a hug?”

I nodded and relaxed a little bit as I felt Sam’s arm snake its way across my shoulders, inevitably bringing me closer to her and into her chest.

“Williamson would want you to tell her, she’ll probably be mad that you didn’t tell her earlier. You are not being a bother to anyone, you have human emotions and this situation you are in is a hard one. You aren't being selfish, you are asking for help, which is a very human thing and you very clearly need it right now, there is nothing wrong with that. Now, how about I call Williamson for you, I’ll see you if you can get down here? I’m going to call Tony down here, I’ll brief him and he’ll help, okay?”

“I don’t want to tell Tony, he’s going to be mad and he’ll probably tell me this kind of behaviour isn’t wanted on his team and then I’ll get sent home.”

I could feel the material of Sam’s jumper that she must have thrown on after training soaking up my tears, that was embarrassing.

“I know you don’t want to, and I can promise you that Tony is going to be nothing but supportive, you’ve done nothing wrong. There is nothing illegal about what you did, now or then. Tony is not going to send you home, I promise. Now, do I need to call Williamson or can you do it?”

Realistically I probably could have, but I really didn’t want to.

“Can you?”

Sam nodded at me immediately, which comforted me a little bit.

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I couldn’t. She should be in Sydney right now to watch the Lionesses play tomorrow night, yeah? I’ll talk to her and we’ll see what we can work out for you. I don’t have her number though, so can you call her on your phone and I’ll talk to her.”

I nodded quickly, shakingly pulling my phone out of my pocket and pushing it out onto the table. I very quickly pulled Leah's contact, I’d called her last night so it wasn’t hard to find. She was the only person in the world that I could talk to when I was at my lowest, the only person who actually cared about me. So last night, whilst I was mid panic attack, on Ellie's and I’s ensuite floor I called her and she’d talked me through it. I should have told her then, it probably would have saved me this whole interaction with Sam, but I hadn’t wanted to worry her anymore, so I blamed it on pressure of being selected to start this week and she’d accepted my answer.

We’d been texting most of the morning, her asking me if I’d gotten sleep and if I was feeling alright, I’d answered shortly with an array of 'yes', because I didn’t want to worry her anymore. I passed the phone over to Sam once I found her phone number and she clicked the call button before pressing the phone up to her ear and standing up from her seat, starting to pace between the seats.

“Hey Leah, this is Sam, Sam Kerr, from the Matildas. Look, I’m here at our Sydney training facility with Y/n, we’ve just had a pretty serious conversation with her about some problems that she’s had recently and I was wondering if you were around so you could be here for her.”

Sam pulled out her own phone again as I assumed she listened to Leah’s response. It amazed me as to how fast her fingers danced across her own screen, it was a different kind of multi tasking.

“Yup, Mmm. Alright, I’ll send you the address, it’s not far from you guys hotel from recollection. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you being able to do this for her, I’ll see you soon and we can talk about it then.”

I gulped as Sam said her farewells and then hung up the phone before walking back over to me.

“She’s coming down, should be here in fifteen or so. She sounded worried about you, mentioned something about you having a panic attack to her on the phone last night and that she was concerned about you. I’ve texted Tony, he’s finishing up with Ellie and then he’s going to be down here. I’m going to get Steph to meet Leah downstairs when she gets here and she’ll bring her up, Y/n, we’re all here to support you however you need, alright?”

Me and Sam stayed silent in the room until about ten minutes later there was a distinct knock against the door.

“Sam, it’s me, unlock the door.”

Steph’s voice was pretty distinct, even through the heavy door. Sam stood up almost immediately, walking to the door and unlocking it before a grumpy looking Steph and a flustered version of Leah made their way through the doorway before Sam had the opportunity to relock it. Leah’s eyes went straight to my own, her whole facial expression was very controlled, she could command an entire room with that face, I knew from experience.

“Are you okay?”

Her words were directed at me, and only me. I pressed my tongue against my front teeth and lip, trying to decide how to answer the question.

“There’s some stuff that’s been happening that I haven’t told you, I’m not in trouble, or at least that’s what Sam is telling me. It’s some stuff from my past, when I was a kid. Explicit images and photos, on the internet, from when I was a kid. They popped up a few weeks ago, starting when I was in Spain with you before we came here. I didn’t bring it up because I thought I was at fault for it as much as the person who has possession of them. Sam told me that it isn’t, that I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sorry, I know it was fucking stupid and I should have told you about it or not done it, I don’t even remember taking any of the photos or videos, it just happened and now I don’t know what to do because I don’t want it getting out to the public and I just, I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Leah’s face relaxed a little bit as I progressively talked and rambled. Once I was done she walked over to my spot, seated on one of the chairs and wrapped her arms around me.

“Hey, it’s alright, we’re going to sort this out. She’s right, you didn’t do anything wrong and you should have told me earlier but I am so grateful that you are telling me now, yeah? You are so brave kiddo, that’s child exploitation and whoever has possession of those materials is the one who’s in the wrong, okay?”

I nodded into Leah, Steph and Sam were whispering between each other behind us.

“You have to take legal action though.”

Those words made me feel like I’d been stabbed and my guts had been ripped out of my body cavity.

Leah let go of me very gently and pursed her lips.

“Because this isn’t going to go away if you don’t, and I know that you are strong but you aren’t going to be able to live if you know that this person who has possession of these materials is still out there. You’ve been checked out for weeks now, since before Mallorca. You aren’t going to check back into your life until this goes, I know it. I need you checked in, I need you to be my girl, not the skeleton of your own body that you inhabit as a coping mechanism when something bad happens.”

I think Leah would have said more if it wasn’t for the incessant knocking against the door that came again. Sam was the one who went to the door again, letting Tony in. He looked flustered as well, and a little bit worried. I’d known the man since I was 15, he’d seen me in some pretty interesting situations. Sam intercepted him before he could say anything, pulling him aside and giving him what I assumed to be the rundown of the last hour.

“I don’t think I can handle this getting out, it will, if I take legal action this is going to get out and then I’m going to be Y/n Y/l/n, the Matilda’s exploitative rookie and I’ll never be back here. My career will be over, Jonas won’t want me back, everything I've worked for will be done.”

Leah took a deep breath before wrapping her arms around me and working her hands through my scalp and hair.

“If you take legal action you will be supported, I’ll make sure of it. We are a part of a community of women that uplift us for everything you do, this won’t be any different. There will be some who judge, there is always going to be someone there to judge you. Y/n, you need to do this for your sanity, I won’t lose you to your mental health again, not like last year. Kerr has done the right thing here, bringing this up, it shows me that she cares a lot more about you then you think, it also shows me that she knows what’s best for this team and you. She wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t think this was the best course of action.”

I nodded into Leah, trying to convince myself that her words were correct. Eventually, after Sam had given Tony the full rundown he sat down across from me, exactly where Sam had been beforehand. Sam and Steph both stood behind me and Leah, Sam’s arms resting gently on my shoulders, it was grounding.

“Sam’s told me about what’s happening. First of all I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this, it’s not something that anyone should have to deal with, ever. Second of all I want to let you know that this team, this whole nation is in support of you. Look, it’s too late for me to take any action now. I’m going to get the police to come down tomorrow morning, you aren’t in trouble. I just think that they are going to have a better understanding of this situation than any of us could. They’ll come down, we’ll have a talk about all of this, they’ll ask the questions they need to. We don’t need to make any decisions now, we’ll talk to them, Sam and I will be there to advocate for you. After that we can make decisions about taking legal action and whatnot. Otherwise I just wanted to tell you genuinely, from the bottom of my heart how much we all care about you and value you here, we are all going to be here for whatever you need in the future, you are a valued part of this team and family and we are all here to look out for your needs, okay?”

I gulped, I could feel fresh tears springing to my eyes again. I was petrified of the police, to say the least, but Tony’s voice was so reassuring. He was the father that I’d never had and when I was 15 and he’d met me I’d been in a bad place, I’d needed him to be that figure in my life and he had been. He gave me a routine, gave me something to wake up for every morning. I probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Tony. He’d given me a chance when no one else had been prepared to and for that I would always be in debt to him for.

“Okay, I’ll get in contact with the police, we’ll get a constable down tomorrow morning and we can have an open conversation with them about it, you are not in trouble, nothing is going to happen that will end in consequences for you. I think though that you need to head back to the hotel and get some proper sleep, your body needs it. So head back, don’t worry about any of this, because I’m going to sort it out and we’ll talk about it in the morning with a clean slate and mindset, alright?”

I nodded at Tony, I didn’t really have much to say.

“Thank you Coach.”

He nodded at me, before standing up and walking around to the other side of the octoval table and giving me a pat on the back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, don’t worry about this anymore, it’s going to be okay. Get back to the hotel, we’ve got an early wakeup tomorrow.”

I nodded at Coach, watching as he left the room just as quickly as he’d entered it.

“I’ve talked to Steph, her and I are rooming together so we’ll switch, she’ll stay with Ellie and you can come and room in with me, I think we’ll keep it that way for the rest of the tournament.”

I looked over at Sam, nodding along with what she was saying. Leah reached her arms around me, a big bear hug.

“And I am here, I expect you to check in with me, at least twice a day. When you guys head off to Melbourne or Brisbane I’m not going to be able to be there, so I need you to stay in contact with me, okay? Anybody does so much as look at you wrong I want to be the first to know, okay?”

I nodded at Leah, half in fear, half in adoration. She was the only person in the world that I actually trusted in. Our bond had been forced, when I’d moved to London to play for Arsenal I’d been moved into the spare room in her apartment and in a very short amount of time we’d created a bond that extended beyond the realm of friendship. I loved her, she was the first person besides Tony to give me a chance and he was obligated to give me on, Leah had chosen to fight for me and to stick by my side even when it wasn’t easy, she was a good person, better than I was sure I’d ever be.

“We’ll drop you back to your hotel on our way home Williamson, it’s the least we could do considering you got here so quickly, can you just give us five minutes to grab our things from the locker room?”

Sam’s voice held no room for argument, she was insisting on giving Leah a ride home and Leah didn’t try to object.

“Please, call me Leah and if it’s no trouble I would really appreciate it. I can meet you guys down in the foyer in about five, I need to go to the loo, so whilst I’m doing that how about you guys go and get your stuff together?”

Sam, Steph and I all walked back down to the change rooms in a comfortable silence. It was when we actually made it back to the rooms that I realised I still had my boots on, the cleats that were spotless from not even getting any wear at training. The cleats that a few hours ago had seemed impossible to tie up. I made quick business of pulling them off of my feet, throwing them into my kit bag and pulling out the pair of Nike dunks that I’d worn in earlier when we’d all come down here for our match analysis. Sam and Steph both made quick work off slipping out of their training kits and changing into sweat pant duos that matched with me. After they’d gotten changed and refreshed we all grabbed our bags and whatever other things we had lying around before making our way down to the foyer.

Leah was waiting for us, tapping her foot violently against the marble floors. When she spotted the three of us out of the corner of her eye her stress ceased almost immediately. I’d learnt a lot about Leah in the amount of time I’d known her. One thing about England’s captain was that she was not as fearless as everyone credited her as being, she put on a brave face, a bloody good one, but she was just as human as everyone else and sometimes it showed, especially when she felt uncomfortable in a situation or she didn’t think she deserved to be where she was. I’d moved in with her initially just before she'd led the Lionesses to their victory at the euro’s, and at the time Leah had been a basket case to be nice. I think that was how we’d bonded, through our similar insecurities of not being good enough to fill the shoes that had been passed down to us.

“C’mon cap, let’s get going.”

Leah smiled at me and nodded. We’d been keeping our relationship under wraps for a few months now. Neither of us were insecure in our situation and we were happy to enjoy our private, happy and blessed life together. Plus we hadn’t really seen much of each other in the past month or so, being caught up with our obligations to our national teams. Leah was also very committed to her rehab and I couldn’t be there for every step of that so we’d spent some time apart. We’d both agreed when the new Arsenal season rolled around that we’d tell the team, but still keep it under wraps from the public for as long as we could. Neither of us were worried about the public finding out, I was out, had been since I was 14. Leah wasn’t officially but she’d also never dated a man and in the eyes of the female soccer world that pretty much means you're gay. It would come out when it did and we were prepared for that to happen.

We walked out to Steph’s car, piling all of our bags in the boot before Sam and Steph slid into the passenger and drivers seats whilst Leah and I both took seats in the backseat. Somewhere along in the drive her hand made its way to my own, resting gently on top of my knee cap. I interlocked our fingers and smiled up at her, this was the part of a secret relationship that I liked, getting moments just between the two of you that only the two of you understood. The sweet nothings. I felt my heart plummet a little bit as we arrived out the front of Leah’s hotel and I realised that I was going to have to say goodbye, potentially for a few more weeks. That was the suckish part of being a professional athlete messing around with another professional athlete, there wasn’t always a timeline on when you’d see each other next, sometimes it was just situational.

I made the call to walk Leah to the door of the hotel, when we got to the doors I gave her a hug, a big, long hug. She hugged me back, tightly. Leah was good at hugs. When we finally had to come apart I looked up at her, with my big green eyes and apparently she couldn’t resist because she reached down and honoured me with a peck. It was nothing more, a small gesture but to me it was everything.

“I love you okay, be safe, text me, call me. I am always here for you, don’t keep me in the dark on things that you think are going to burden me, they aren’t, call your therapist, please.”

I nodded at Leah, she was using her captain's voice with me that she knew I couldn’t refuse.

“When you get back to the hotel I expect you to eat some proper food, not of those bloody granola bars that you insist are nutritional, proper food. Hydrate, at least a litre of water. Sleep, you deserve to sleep, let yourself sleep. Call me in the morning and tell me how you are feeling, okay?”

I gulped and nodded at Leah, an action that I was becoming aware I might have done too much of tonight.

“Love you too, thank you for being here for me.”

“Anytime, I’m only ever one call away, now go home.”

I gave Leah one final look before walking back to the car, closing the door behind me only to be bombarded with googly eyes from the two co captains sitting in the front of the car.

“You and Williamson?”

Sam’s voice was the first one to break the sound barrier, it scared me a little bit.

“Yeah.”

I made it sound like it was a non fact, like every person on the planet knew that I was in the bed sheets of the Lionesses Captain.

“Fuck, I knew it, McCabe owes me fifty quid.”

Steph’s voice was steadier and surprised me a little bit.

“We all had bets, how long have you guys been together?”

“We’ve been dating for 6 or 8 months, fucking around with each other since I joined Arsenal so about a year or so.”

Steph’s eyebrows rose to the top of her forrid, obviously very surprised by my answer.

“You're trying to tell me that you and Lee have just casually been hiding a relationship behind closed doors for months.”

“I mean we’re roommates, it wasn’t that hard to hide, plus we just aren’t rabbits who need to fuck on every surface unlike Sam and fucking Kristie, I’m never going to be able to mentally burn the image of you two getting at it on the pool table after the olympics, that was fucking traumatic.”

Sam’s face had flushed, we constantly brought it up with her. After our bronze loss to the US in the olympics a lot of the team had gone out in celebration with the Americans, what I hadn’t expected to find that night when I’d walked into the room that I thought was the bathroom was Sam eating her secret girlfriend out on the table. It had messed with my brain permanently.

“Hey you're the one who’s always bringing it up, maybe you were secretly into it, secret fantasy between you and Williamson.”

I loudly gagged from my spot in the backseat, extremely displeased by Sam’s imaginative imagery.

“Nobody thinks that Sam, it’s just you and all of your lost brain cells.”

There was something so comfortable about the dynamic between Sam and Steph, something so sisterly and bonded. They were like family, they messed around with each other and pushed each other but they loved each other and the both of them knew that at the end of the day. They might not have been the closest on the team, they weren’t each other's best friends but they were family and that was all that mattered.

“Whatever you say Stephy.”

#woso #woso community #leah williamson #marry me rn #sam kerr #leah williamson x reader #matildas x reader #matildas #tillies #samantha may #sam kerr x reader #tears for fears #crying lil bit #i’m sleep deprived #it’s 12am #idek #idek anymore #idek what to tag this

[rzyraffek]

This is my first time doing an ask, but I was wondering if I could request an ftm/ftnb reader x slasher fic (any character you think would fit/any character you want to add) where the reader has trouble breathing in the winter/cold and wearing their binder just makes it worse and their whole body is sore due to going up and down stairs so much so they can't keep up with the slashers longer strides and has to run after them.

Like, if the reader and the slashers were at the zoo or somewhere outside and the reader just started to take SUPER deep breaths just to be able to breathe normally or just to get air; especially after walking up or down stairs or hills.

And at one point the reader just gets tired of having to take so many deep breaths so they just go the the bathroom and take off their and layer two jackets over their shirt since they didn't bring an extra bra.

And like about 20 minutes later, reader STILL has to take super deep breaths just to actually breathe and having to run after the slashers just to be able to walk next to them; but with how sore reader is, they can't keep up with their partner and often has to take 3-minute breaks just to be able to catch their breath.

Remember binder users! You should wear them only up to 6hours daily! Dont ruin your ribcage!! I use to wear binder so yeah, I get it.

Anyways👹ofc i will write this!

So bacially, ftm s/o struggles with breathing due to binder and weather! You didn't specified which slashers so I will just go with flow on this one!

Slashers with s/o that struggles with breathing due to binder

Micheal Myers

Don't worry dude is used to noises of people choking to death lol

But fr dude gets a bit worried? He doesn't like how sometimes s/o has to take breaks just to breathe

If you guys are in rush and s/o has to take a break dude will just "hell nah fuck this" and pick s/o up

Micheal really doesn't care about gender or sex. Your a dude? 👍. There's no need to 'prove it' or look certain way for him to belive you

Brahms Heelshire

Dude fr will set a timer on his phone so s/o won't 'overdose' binder 😭

Erm honey you are starting to hyperventilate, its time for a break dont you think?

Brahms acually did his homework and read bunch of articles about binders and now he understands way more😊👍

Darling remember to exercise before and after you wear it so it less uncomfy

Finds s/o very cute and squishes them too hard sometimes

Billy Lenz

????

The fuck?Are you suffocating or something? *judges*

What feels worse? Wearing binder a bit too tight or billy sitting on your chest while your trying to sleep?

Bro doesn't understand what is "gender dysphoria" and tired to hide s/o binder once cuz he didnt trust it

Lucky for you Billy doesn't go outside, so you don't have to worry about him getting lost walking faster than you

What are pronouns?

Jason Voorhees

Oh Jason you big baby

Jason just feels bad, cuz he knows that s/o feels less cool without the binder but baby you cant breathe😭

Of course he will wait for s/o and he won't rush them at all!

Will try to convince s/o to not wear binder so often. Jason sees you as a perfect boufriend weather you wear it or no

Genuinely worried about s/o health

Asa Emory

Ah creature, why would you think that wearing binder for whole day was a good idea?

Dude is smart, he already knew what binders are!

He is aware that trans people often struggle with dysphoria and he can't just be like "dont wear a binder lol" so he tries to calming explain that nono honey you are a man even if you don't have a flat chest i love you

If he finds out that s/o whats a top surgery, Asa went "Alr bet" and then your bank account blew up

Funfact! If s/o was openly trans before they met Asa... dude was convinced that s/o just has severe asthma 😭 he was like ??? Uh do you have your inhalator with you?? Or like is it temporary???

👽guys I ate good chicken today. With sauce

Also im not sure if its good? I kinda forgot how to write entering stuff😭😰

#slasher x reader #slasher headcanons #billy lenz #billy lenz x reader #micheal myers #brahms heelsire #brahms x reader #micheal myers x reader #asa emory x reader #the collector x reader #billy lenz x male reader #micheal myers x you #micheal myers headcanons #jason vorhees headcanon #jason vorhees x reader #jason vorhees imagine #asa emory #brahms heelshire #brahms heelshire x reader

[ladychota]

Hi! Can I request an established relationship with avenger!loki and reader where reader works in the med bay and loki gets hurt on a mission and is trying to avoid reader from finding out to not worry her but she finds out anyway and gets mad at him. kind of like fluff humor you can take it from there lol 😭

I'm fine

Pairing - Loki x Reader

Warnings - Mentions of surgery, blood, injury (let me know if there's anything you want added)

Summary - Loki's been avoiding Y/n after a mission and she wants to know why.

Word Count - 2.3k

A/N - Thank you for this! I've been so excited for it lol, I hope it's alright!

Masterlist

"Hey, Bruce," You call, running after the scientist as he rushes through the med bay, tablet in hand. "Bruce!"

"What's up, Y/n?" He asks, turning to face you. "Are you gonna ask if they've reconnected to Loki's comms again?"

You let out a breath. "How did you guess?"

Loki - your extremely loving partner - was sent on a mission earlier today along with some of the other Avengers. It's often for you to continue work while he's away; a usually vain attempt to distract your mind from the dangers he could be in.

"Yes, they reconnected a few moments ago. He's alright," Bruce's reassuring smile lifts a huge weight off of your shoulders. "Nat said he-"

Bruce is cut off by an urgent-sounding noise on his tablet. He taps a few times before speaking.

"Hey Tony. Everything good?"

A crackly voice leaves the device. "No... Clint i- injured... retur- base."

"Got it. Get JARVIS to send me the details."

"Will do, over... ou-"

The call ends and Bruce visibly tenses. "Y/n. Go prepare and meet me and the team in Surgery 2."

Your relief instantly fades away to jittery nerves. You nod and turn around, quickly heading to grab your scrubs.

The pace around you picks up as word spreads over the incoming Avengers - no one is entirely sure how bad Clint is injured, but Bruce fears the worst. It doesn't take long for you to prepare - your hands are washed, scrubs, gloves and an apron are on, a disposable mask covers your nose and mouth and your hair is tied up tightly.

You file into the room with the rest of your team and begin setting up the equipment, readying supplies that will likely be needed. The thought of Loki niggles at the back of your mind. You're annoyed you can't meet him on the landing pad as usual. But it's not like him to just... disappear in the middle of a mission. Something must have happened...

You attempt to push the thoughts away. Your top priority now is to take care of Clint; to make sure he survives.

"The Avengers have landed in the Quinjet. Dr Banner says to be ready," JARVIS' mechanical voice rings down from the ceiling; you take a deep breath and ready yourself to do what you do best.

Bruce and the porter wheels a sedated Hawkeye into the bay; everyone gets to work straight away, Bruce overseeing the procedure.

It takes over two hours of surgery. Clint had lost a lot of blood from cuts and bruises everywhere. His worst injury, however, was a large piece of debris wedged in his lower abdomen - it took a lot of effort to remove the debris without causing any extra trauma. With some donor blood in his system and a few stitches here and there, the surgery was concluded and Clint was wheeled to a bay to come to his senses.

"Well done Y/n, you did good in there," Bruce congratulates, offering a smile. "Have the day off, you deserve it. I'll get one of the others to do the paperwork,"

You sigh quietly, happy to have some time off. "Thanks Banner. Don't overwork yourself! I'll come check on Clint later today."

"See you later," 

You turn and walk out of the Med Bay, the doors swinging to-and-fro before shutting behind you. Your gaze floats around the empty corridor, looking for a certain trickster God - sometimes he loiters outside the Med bay while you're in surgery, waiting to make sure you're okay. But today he's no where to be seen.

You shrug it off. He's just been on a mission and is probably exhausted, so he'll likely be in your room; or his, if he's not feeling the best. You take the lift up to the living quarters, skipping the common room and heading straight to your room.

"Hey Lo-" You push the door open, but your bed is empty; the bathroom door open. The room is eerily silent, and somewhat cold. Something feels... off.

You walk over to his room and knock twice - there's no answer. So, you walk right in. Loki never minds about you being in his personal space, so why would today be any different?

"Loki? You in here?" You hear a scuffle behind the closed bathroom door. "Loki?"

"Yep, I'm in the bathroom," He responds, his voice muffled by the separation between you both.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine!" He says much too quickly. Your eyes narrow with scepticism.

He bursts from the bathroom, the door crashing against the wall from his strength. He winces, a lopsided grin creeping on to his face.

"I'm fine," He repeats.

"For the God of lies, you really are a bad liar," You move forwards, rising onto your tip toes and gently angling his face down so you can analyse it.

"Uh, that's rude," He mumbles as you move his face this way and that, scrutinizing every part of his pale complexion for so much as a scratch.

Loki understands what you're doing almost instantly, his eyes rolling playfully.

"I'm fine, darling. I promise,"

You release his face and look down at your feet. "I'm sorry, I just... what happened on the mission? Bruce said your comms had been disconnected and... I panicked I guess."

Loki would typically tilt your head up with a singular finger and promise you that he was fine; that everything is okay. But today he doesn't. He stands silently - you can hardly bear it.

You hold your arms out and envelope him in a big hug. He doesn't return it straight away, what can only be described as a shudder flowing through every inch of his body.

Pulling away just as his arms try to snake around your waist. Your face contorts into one of worry, a small hint of hurt shining through your façade.

"Are you sure you're alright, my love?"

He nods somewhat sombrely.

"You know what?" He speaks. "I just remembered I have to feed the horses,"

Loki's eye twitches almost unnoticeably at his mistake - his lie is clearly one he's told many a time on Asgard.

"Feed the horses, huh?" You can't help but smirk slightly.

"It's a metaphor," He clarifies, pulling himself together and looking as if he hasn't just told the worst lie in the entire multiverse. "I have to go make sure Thor has enough pop tarts."

You hum in suspicious acknowledgement as Loki begins edging towards the door.

"Sure, sure."

"I'll see you later, darling." You're about to ask if you can come with him, but he's gone before a single syllable has left your lips.

The room around you feels much too quiet without him, and much too lonely too. What is up with him? Did he see something on the mission that bothered him? Or is he deliberately trying to hide something from you?

It's often that he's a terrible liar in front of you - despite his title - due to an unspoken rule he created, likely near the beginning of your relationship. It seems he vowed to himself never to lie to you, hence meaning that when he does lie they come out twisted and blocky, not smooth like his deceit towards anyone else. 

You're unsure of what to do with yourself, but end up deciding to take a shower to ease away the stress of the day. By the time you've finished and spent time drying your hair, you're sure Loki will have finished... 'making sure Thor has enough pop tarts'. 

~★~

"Hey Thor, Nat. You seen Loki?" You ask as you wander into the common area, feeling refreshed and a little less tense. 

"No, Lady Y/n. I apologise, I last saw him as we departed the jet of the quills earlier today."

You share a look with Nat, trying your best not to laugh.

"Thor, it's a Quinjet." Nat emphasises, rolling her eyes and barely concealing a smirk.

"Yes, that's exactly what I said, Lady Natasha. The jet of the quills." Thor beams like a toddler with candy.

Nat audibly sighs. "Sorry Y/n, I haven't seen him either."

"No worries." You mumble, looking around the room rather hopelessly. "You don't happen to know what happened on the mission with his comms, do you?"

Nat purses her lips for a moment. "It was just a lost signal. I don't think anything actually happened."

"Huh. Okay," Your brows furrow. If nothing happened then why does it feel as if he's avoiding you? You must just be overthinking it. "Thanks."

"You alright?" She adds.

"Uh, yeah-" The lift pings and you hear the doors slide open.

"Ah, brother!" Thor exclaims. "Your lady was just asking after you,"

You turn to see Loki in the lift, an unreadable look on his face.

"There you are! Where have you been?" You ask, your face breaking out in a smile.

"Oh, me? I was just on the balcony enjoying some fresh air." He laughs nervously.

"You were?" Nat asks, shooting you a look. "I was up there a few minutes ago,"

"Oh you were? We must have missed each other." Again, he laughs.

You try to shake away the hurt and confused feeling that has seeped into your soul. "Well, no matter. I have the day off so we could spend it together if you like?" You ask him.

Loki sucks in a breath. "I really would love to, darling, but I have to go fill in my mission report. Maybe later?"

You feel your shoulders sag, but you don't let your expression show your disappointment.

"Talking of which, how did the mission go? You usually give me a very detailed analysis." You say, waltzing into the lift alongside him.

"JARVIS, take us to the living quarters," Loki says to the ceiling and watches as the lift doors close once more. "It went okay, average really." You nod as the doors slide away to reveal the corridor to your rooms. "I shall see you later then, my love,"

Loki takes your hand in his and brings it to his lips gently, then turns and exits the lift.

"Uh, not so fast, Romeo," You call after him, fed up of his anticks. He's clearly avoiding you - and something is clearly up.

You stride over to him; he takes a few steps back until he hits the wall.

"What is up with you?" You ask, jabbing a finger at his chest. He winces.

Your eyebrows twitch with confusion. Why did he wince?

"Nothing is up, my love." He elects not to say more, you guess because he's lying. Again. 

Deciding to take matters into your own hands, you place your hand experimentally on his chest. He attempts to hide it, but he definitely flinches.

"Look, I must get on with my work. I promise I shall treat you to dinner tomorrow when it's all done," He grins and slips from your grasp, sauntering into his room.

"Nope," You say defiantly, following him. "You're going to explain to me why you're avoiding me. And I'm not leaving until you do."

"Avoiding you?" The door clicks shut behind you. "Y/n, darling. Don't be so silly."

"Are you calling me crazy now-" You cut off, catching a glimmer of crimson in the sink through the open bathroom door.

"Of course I'm not call-" Loki also stops, noticing what you're making a run for.

"What is this?!" You ask, holding up the bloody rag you found in the sink.

Loki swallows, biting nervously at his lower lip.

"I assure you, it's nothing."

"Don't play this game with me, Loki. What's going on?"

He sighs dramatically. "I merely gained a scratch while on the mission,"

"A scratch? Show me then,"

"I really don't think that's nec-"

"Show me," You interrupt, your tone harsh. 

Loki gives in, wincing as he pulls off his shirt. Beneath lies a myriad of scuffs and scratches, some deep enough to still be oozing blood, others just red and angry. You move forwards, fingertips ghosting over the worst gashes as your face betrays your emotions.

Looking up into his eyes, you notice the spark of guilt dancing around - yet you ignore it.

"Why didn't you tell me!? Gods, Loki, this could get infected... look how much dirt there is!" Huffing, you point to the bed. "Lie down."

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I just didn't want you to worry. You worry enough as it is." You ignore his comment, filling up a bowl with warm water and finding a fresh cloth. You bring it into the bedroom and place it on the bed next to him, dipping in the cloth and wringing it out.

"This might hurt," You murmur, gently dabbing at the wounds. Loki's muscles flex, his jaw setting with pain as you clear up the grit and blood.

"The comms cut because of this," Loki starts, speaking as if he owes you the explanation. "There were too many on me and they knocked me to the floor. I skidded and somehow broke the device. I had to fix it with my magic, but it took a while because I had to rid myself of those imbeciles,"

You don't respond straight away, continuing to clean him up.

"And how did no one notice during the subsequent medical exam? Or did you somehow manage to dodge it?"

He chuckles softly. "You know me too well. It was actually very easy to dodge it without you around. Speaking of, how did Clint's surgery go?"

You yawn, tiredness from the day creeping behind your eyes and into your mind.

"It went fine. He's in recovery now and will be on bed rest for the next day or so,"

The cuts are all clean now; you place the rag in the now bloody water and grab a medical kit to place strips over the worst gashes.

"You really are amazing," Loki murmurs, more to himself than you.

You can't help smiling. "And you would be amazing if you didn't hide your injuries from me,"

"I'm sorry my love," He replies.

Now finished with your job, you lean over and press a gentle kiss against his lips.

"You're forgiven," You get up and begin putting everything away, flashing a smirk in his direction. "Although I do still expect that dinner tomorrow night,"

"I wouldn't dare miss it." He grins.

Tag list - @mischief2sarawr Let me know if you want to be added or removed :)

#loki #loki x reader #loki x y/n #laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki laufeyson #loki oneshot #mcu #marvel #avengers

[ccarrot]

ontnffg Half of it is me being like. Girl youre like me bro. Lkfkriterally projection. Ok

So heres some options:

Chuuya transitions while with the Sheep, that funky gang of gender kiddos. He'd be accepted at least in that way.

Chuuya transitions after joining the mafia. A swift departure from canon but could be fun to think about if you're ready to fudge with BSD.

Alt timeline where chuuya wanted to be a Boy since a little kid and N just decided "that works" when faking his death and creating a new identity for him. This implies that N is not transphobic no he is anyways bc N has no redeeming qualities </3 Chuuya's just legally a male now.

Lets talk about timeline 2 ok.

Chuuya had the title of "King of Sheep" back when He was still a She. He always had his hair cropped short to make his gender relatively unknown.

Brief encounter during Fifteen, Dazai's like "huh your actually a girl? Thats not very King of Sheep of you" and Chuuya kicks him again

Getting assigned to Kouyou meant that fashion was Important. Kouyou tried to encourage dress in very pretty feminine clothes like she did with Kyouka, after a lot of kicking and screaming she let him have his way with clothes of his choosing but only if it was very expensive and fit.

Generic teen skk fic set up, daz and chuu needed to attend this extremely fancy gala type event, and chuuya's stuck wearing a dress. Till Dazai's master psychoanalysis skill kicks in and he's like 'i gotchu bro' leads chuuya to his closet of identical looking generic black suits. They're a little big for chuuya but he was happy, AND Dazai got a swell view of chuuya in his clothes so it was a win-win.

I think Kouyou was the first one to start referring to him like a "boy" (she knows whats up with the transfemme swag) Dazai also started going like. " dude" "bro" "man" you know, guy terms. And the Flags were the firat people he was like, asking if they could use different pronouns, and Lippman called him a "he" and that zinged something in his brain.

After he came out, Mori changed his bribe "If you get to executive, i'll get you your top surgery" Mori was gonna pay for his surgery anyways. Happened sometime after Dark Era around 20ish

He did get started on T like as soon as the Boss found out. Mori might be a bad person but he's the trans rights president!! ^v^

Chuuya got kinda lucky being naturally flat but during some low points you Know my bro was still up in the unsafe binding business. At least until Dazai found out where his missing bandage rolls started going and Kouyou and him staged an intervention.

He messed up his ribs pretty bad a couple of times

Chuuya's never conformed to the gender binaries by default. but once he got out of his "i need to fit in" mindset, presenting "traditionally masculine" stopped being the biggest concern. So now lets himself have *fun* with his hair and clothes.

Poor guy is still really insecure. Low key always in a state of worried about his looks. Like Yes he may seem confident in his gender but bro still got the Thoughts plauging him. Dysphoria king 😔

When he reunited with Dazai in the dungeon, he was subtly going like. "Heeeyy. Hey notice anything different about me?? :3" and Dazai annoyingly misses "nope same old chuuya as he's always been"

Dazai does recognize that chuuya was trying to show off that he finished transitioning. Right b4 leaving (and the rich girl impression) he surpise attacks with a good ol "yeah lol jk. Congrats on the transition btw you're looking very handsome these days" bonus points if there's an unxpected behind hug.

Chuuya and Daz get together sometime after s3. Dazai become a borderline annoying cheerleader whenever chuuya takes off his shirt

Okay. Have fun with that

#genderfluid genderqueer enby transgener i love chuuya <3 👍 #ask

[keplercryptids]

there are lots of top surgery supply lists out there, but for me personally, the following things have been necessities:

one of those long u-shaped pregnancy pillows. i use it during the day to support my back and arms, and at night to keep me on my back. other pillows (including wedge and masectomy) have been nice bonuses, but i have been glued to the u-shaped pillow, it's so dear to my heart, i have formed a parasocial relationship with it, nobody understands me the way she does.

extra big (basically chest sized) ice packs. one of the only things that helps with the itching. i bought a two-pack so that i can rotate them out (of course only using it for 20 minutes at a time for safety). i barely used them in the beginning and thought they might have been a waste, but i've used them tons the last few days.

benadryl. see: itching. i have been taking benadryl every 4 hours on the dot for 5 days. i can tell when it wears off. the itching is bad lol. I'm still taking tylenol and ibuprofen every 4 hours (alternating), but honestly i could probably skip those. cannot skip the benadryl.

eyedrops for dry eyes. hey, did you know if you take benadryl every 4 hours for 5 days, your eyes will feel like they're filled with sand??? i didn't either. but omg I'm so glad i had eyedrops on hand.

big tshirts that i cut into tanks with extra big armholes. these have been way more comfy than button-ups, especially to sleep in. just make sure the arm holes are big enough that you can slip your arms through without lifting them.

other things that have been a surprising help:

a neck pillow, the kind you use on airplanes. i didn't expect to get much use out of it but it is fully the only reason I'm able to sleep propped up / on my back. if you're a regular back sleeper, you may not need one but i literally cannot fall asleep without it.

earplugs. just in general, anything that'll help you sleep is a good thing. i wear earplugs to sleep anyways but it turns out i snore when i sleep on my back and if i don't wear earplugs, i wake myself up lmao.

I'm also mentioning this stuff because the only reason i got most of it was because of advice from other transmasc people. at no point did anyone at my surgeon's office say, for example, "hey, you'll be so itchy you'll wanna explode, get some ice packs."

#teet: the yeetening

[twistedchristianscience]

forgot to post about him here BUT I finished my silly little Vashraptor fursuit just before Emerald City Comic Con (and Vancoufur)

except he's not actually "finished", just finished enough for me to wear him to those cons for a bit. he still needs a few more details, namely feetpaws, the stitches on his torso, a more raptor-like hand for his prosthetic, and claws. plus I'm not totally happy with his ears so I might redo them. I'll make legs and different prosthetics eventually, but that probably won't be for a while.

as per usual of raptors, he looks pretty silly at any angle other than side profiles, so its a little difficult to get good photos while im actually wearing him.

more ramblings + WIP shots under the cut because this was the most complicated project ive ever done and im insane

so far, he's taken about $700 worth of materials and 150 hours but I'll make another post with updated numbers when he's fully finished.

the headbase is made of EVA foam, with a hinge from WeaselsOnEasels (covered with that pink fabric because I accidentally put it on the inside, rip) and 40 teeth from DreamVisionCreations. the eyes and antorbital fenestrae have .5mm computer fan pvc mesh-- his vision and ventilation are fantastic, rivaling my suit with a 3d printed base, but fine details like writing and text are lost as per usual with vision meshes (that's not normally much of a problem for me with the furry conventions I go to annually and know the layout of, but it made navigating ECCC a nightmare since ive never been before and the venue is HUGE. I imagine ill have the same struggles if I go to sakuracon-- anyone wanna be my handler for that? lol). the unfurred section is coated with Plastidip and spraypainted dark brown. most of his mane is zippered on both sides so I can remove it and make interchangable versions (I plan to make spiked-up hair in yellow, half yellow/black, and fully black) while the tip of it is magnetic so it lies flat against the base. his tongue is also magnetic. I was originally going to make magnetic eyelids, but in all honesty, I might prefer to make them velcro as they tend to be easier to adjust + more secure than magnetic ones.

the part I hated making the most was his tail, not because it's bad, but because when I was almost done with it my dog got to it and chewed it apart.

you can see there's an awkward little bump along the top near where the light yellow and black fur connect-- when im wearing the tail that bump makes it look broken. but since he's so mangled anyway it can just be considered part of his design since I didn't add any scars to it

the tail feathers were a bit of a nightmare to make but the progress shots are cool

the part I loved making the most, and that im most proud of, is the bodysuit. I thought the scars were going to be a nightmare to sew, but they were actually the most fun and I love how they turned out!! he will be getting an interchangable mane down his back as well but I didn't have the time to finish it. I might also extend the shoulders a little for a better fit, particularly the left as theres a noticeable gap between the suit and the prosthetic as it is.

I showed this video of the pattern to a friend at When Furballs Strike a few weeks back and she told me I was insane. she is correct, and I'm fairly sure me actually finishing the bodysuit in a week only proves it further. but I did it anyway, and I had fun doing it.

Fur used: Yellow (Hair/Mane, Tail Feathers): HowlFabric Buttercup Luxury Shag Light Yellow (Main Body/Face): MofuMofu Mi Yellow Long Fur White (Neck, Top Surgery Scars, Tail): BigZFabric White Short Shag Brown (Ears, Tail Feathers): HowlFabric Fossil Grey Luxury Teddy Black (Arm, Tail): HowlFabric Natural Black Luxury Teddy Scars: HowlFabric Salmon Minky Tongue: HowlFabric Banana Minky Inner Mouth: HowlFabric Vanilla Minky Inner Ears: BigZFabric White Minky

note about the mofumofu fur: it's pretty thin, if you trim too much you can see the backing through it. HOWEVER. this proved to be a positive for the bodysuit, as it's MUCH more breathable than thicker furs like howl's and bigz's. (for the one day I could make it to ECCC and two days of Vancoufur, I wore this suit for 10-12 hours straight with a sweatshirt underneath and never felt like I was overheating, the minky scars most likely helped with it but STILL??) it also doesn't get as matted. whether or not it's worth the $55/yd price depends on what you need it for, if it's within your price range and you're particularly sensitive to heat, I'd say go for it. I only needed a yard for this as I'm kindof a little guy (5'5", 120lbs) so it was worth it for me.

#twist talks #vashraptor #kinsona #vash the stampede #trigun #fursuit #fursuit making

[elifinchsart]

some Tillman and Mike gender headcannons/thoughts since i have them mostly coherently typed up and they are important To Me. these are not Universal Trans Experiences just my thoughts for these characters cw for discussing transphobia, dysphoria, fatphobia & bad parents

I think Tillman absolutely did not figure out he was trans until like his early twenties. My headcannon about his mom Harmony (Crab NPC from Discipline Era), her whole thing is control + image. (This led Tillman to also feel like he needs to be in control of his image but, unfortunately it’s easier to control a bad image than a good one)

But part of Harmony's image control was appearing as a perfect rich family so Tillman was expected to dress and behave very femininely. And his thought process went “I hate wearing dresses and getting dressed up like this and I don’t know why I hate it so much. It must be because something is wrong with me and it must be because I’m ugly” + that got mixed in with his weight because I think he’s just naturally chubby/fat. So that was one of those things that’s dysphoria that you don’t realize that’s dysphoria until later. Tillman absolutely he had the trans experience of I’m going to only wear baggy hoodies and beanies lol. Anyway this all manifested into him having a very antagonistic relationship with his body and food (esp bc Harmony is v the passive aggressive “Oh you’re eating/wearing that?” sort of parent. This is also part of the reason he was nasty as a teen/young adult because he was in a lot of pain that he didn’t realize was pain-just that everything was uncomfortable and pissed him off. Figuring out that he was trans, getting top surgery and going on hrt actually helped mellow him out a lot. Being able to just Exist in his body without dressing it up to impress anyone else helped him so so much.

I think Mike was also very helpful in getting him to a better place with his body and especially food as something that should be enjoyed not rationed out or brings misery. Mike loves to make food for people so they had a bit of a roadbump when they first started dating and Tillman refused to eat much of Mike made and they had to talk about it. Mike was very patient and not pushy for once and let Tillman come around on his own. Mike also hyping Tillman up as the hottest man ever helped too LOL. I think Tillman had a lot of apprehension about transitioning wrt still being desirable which is something I’ve def felt and I know other trans men have too

I think Mike had a lot of gender emotions growing up but they never fully formed into anything understandable for him because he was like “well I’m not not a man” and he didn’t really have access to like Knowing About “Weird” Gender Identities despite knowing a trans person (Jaylen) and she only ever had Jaylen to compare to and they have very different genders haha. And then I think in college and after she kinda was like well y’know men can be feminine, men can wear dresses, it doesn’t have to be a gender thing so I’m not going to think about it too hard. I think also she had this idea that maybe she was faking it or not trans enough or people would think he was doing it for attention or to seem punk. Also incredibly stupid logic but I think she was like “I don't want to look like I'm just copying Jaylen” which is a silly thing to worry about but nevertheless. And then Blaseball happens and again he doesn’t really have time to think about it. So its only post shadowing and in therapy that she finally talks to more trans and nonbinary folks about their experiences and starts to approach it from a “what makes me happiest” pov rather than “well I'm not miserable” pov because its a very Mike thing to try to avoid being too happy as a coping mechanism. And because of all this she gets to experiment and decides he likes having a lot of gender especially if it contradicts each other (she/her pronouns on masc days, he/him while dressed femme, beard + dress etc.)

#blaseball #tillman henderson #mike townsend

[solradguy]

I hope this isn't too inappropriate a question, but I was wondering if you have any advice when it comes to binders? Like, I know a lot of the minutia, but are there any companies you recommend that make good ones? I'm new to the whole actually-doing-it part and I've found conflicting stuff so I though it was better to ask someone who went through that whole thing already. Tbh I don't know anything about your transition and you might not have even did much of that but you're like the main transguy I know

No worries at all!! I'm really comfortable talking about trans stuff and what I've had to do to get where I am, so if you have any other questions please don't hesitate to toss 'em my way and I'll do my best to help out. The only major trans stuff I haven't done yet are any surgeries and changing my name/legal gender marker (pain in the ass to do in Ohio....).

I got kinda lucky and don't really have much boob tissue going on so I don't bind very often, but I do have two GC2B binders: a full tank and a half one. The full one is a lot more comfortable, imo, because I can tuck it into my pants and it kinda like smooths my entire situation out instead of squishing just my upper body and chafing under my ribcage lol. Unfortunately, GC2B's binder quality has dropped BAD in the last 5 years or so. If you can get one for free or dirt cheap then it might be worth it, but otherwise I'd avoid them.

One of my other trans masc buddies has some binders from Underworks that he really likes. He used to have one of the GC2B ones and it got a huge hole right in the middle of it after less than a year... As far as I know, his Underworks ones are still holding up and it's been over two years now. He did say that they were pretty stiff when they first came in and that washing them with just a tiny bit of fabric softener helped. Be careful using too much fabric softener on them though or they'll loosen up maybe too far. Here's their site: https://www.underworks.com/tri-top-chest-binder

I've seen people say Shapeshifter's binders are good too, though I don't personally know anyone who has one by them. They're a lot more expensive than the Underworks binders.... Here's their site: https://shapeshifters.co/

Make sure you read the sizing charts!!! The very first binder I ever bought was WAAAAYYYYY too small because I didn't read the chart very well... I've found that following the chart and then going up one or two sizes fits the best, depending on how big your chest is/how much compression you'll need.

Here's a big spreadsheet document of a lot of other trans resources with comments on specific things for each site too, like where they're based, shipping details (if the packaging is discrete or not, etc), if they're a charity, and so on. There are other binder websites listed and sites for other gender affirming clothing and packers and stuff too: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1lSKoxVant40alYL-MZAP9QekUxjl3mH2EB3MidSk0b8/edit#gid=0

There's also this post with even more resources, but it might be a bit overwhelming going through it all right now haha Including it anyway just in case: https://solradguy.tumblr.com/post/719033735814742016

Good luck!! I hope you're able to find one that both fits and is comfortable to wear for long periods ^^

#asks #long post

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Could you write some Bam x m!reader or even gn!reader? No specific requests,, smut fluff hurt/comfort I don’t care I just need more non f!reader Bam ficsssss 🥲

Bloodletting

A vampiric earl in ‘1880s London discovers a taste like no other, and an alcoholic surgeon finds someone who doesn’t mind the smell of death that clings to his clothes. It’s a win- win for both men.

Bam Margera X Masc!Reader

(Vampire!Au, Fluff, Angst)

6k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, alcoholism, scent kink, biting, blood, injuries, descriptions of Victorian-era surgeries, vomiting, corpses, manipulation, bullying, kissing, possessive behavior, jealousy, slut shaming (metaphorical)

An: Thank you so much for the request! What is it with me and writing fanfiction about Bam and vampires? I also noticed that most jackass fan fictions are for fem!readers so I can see where you’re coming from! I always try to make an effort to write fics with Gn!Reader but I really do think I should write more Masc!Reader, so feel free to send in any requests you may have for this! Also the manor Bam lives I’min this fic was not so sneakily modeled after the one on the cover of Bara No Seidou by Malice mixer (bc their music also rly influenced this fic!) lol anyways thank you for the request and please keep them coming! :)

It's not uncommon to hear people say that their careers drive them to drink, but you were sure that you were the only man in London who could honestly say that yours was entirely responsible for your drinking habit. Three months ago, you graduated top of your general surgery class at St Damian Medical School and you had just now come to realize the kind of stress that came with the job. Who knew performing autopsies and amputations day in and day out isn’t exactly easy on the mind? Despite that, you couldn’t complain about the pay, not the great company you found to share a pint with down at the local pub. Well, a couple pints, and some gin, and maybe some whiskey if you had to break out the leeches that day. Point is, they didn’t seem to care nor notice the cadaverous smell of death and formaldehyde that seemed to linger around you once you got off work. But after all the fun ended, you would have to make the long, stumbling walk back to the East End slums you lived in by only the light of the gas lamps that lined the River Thames and try to get enough sleep to function the next morning.

This was one of those nights. Just as the AMs lazily rolled around, you decided to depart, waving goodbye to all your friends and starting out into the cool, yellow painted misty night. Laughing to yourself at something one of the fellows said earlier, you were already pretty dizzy as you trudged through the streets, eerily quiet save for the clammy winds that blew in from the riverfront. The water that collected in the cracks of the cobblestone rippled under your boots as you dragged your feet, drunkenly unaware of what was around you. But despite everything in your surroundings pointing to you being completely alone, you got the very strange feeling that something or someone was watching you. Shoving your hands in your pockets, you ignored the hairs that stood up on the back of your neck as you passed a dim alleyway, trying to ignore the shadow in the corner of your eye.

Out of the dense fog, a pair of strong arms that suddenly wrapped around your torso and pulled you off your feet put it in your mind just how bad a decision that was. Drawn far away from the reach of lamplight, you were too slow to react as your body fell back against a firm torso and you froze in fear. A dark, leather gloved hand seized your jaw and wrenched your head to one side while an arm snaked around your waist, holding you snugly against your assailant. A low, predatory chuckle rumbled out of the chest of whoever was holding you, breathing little puffs of white smoke against your skin as he leaned in close to your neck and took a deep inhale, much like how one would relish the scent of a delicious meal. There was something that came over you as you were trapped in the clutches of your captor that made your head swim that made it so you didn’t so much as thunk to squirm as you felt what seemed to be two needles just barely scrape your jugular vein before plunging deep into your neck.

The lascivious suckling and laving noises echoed against the brick walls of the alleyway as the man who had you in his arms pinned you to the rough stone. Pupils blown, your body trembled at the blissed out groan in your ear, entirely helpless as your knees went all weak and your heavy eyelids threatened to fall shut. Just as you were about to fall unconscious from blood loss, blood permitting your clothes, you collapsed backward against your captor and he placed a sloppy, open mouthed kiss to your still bleeding wound before unceremoniously letting your limp body fall to the ground. Staring down at the body at his feet, a dark, lustful glint flashed through his eyes as he licked up the rich, savory liquid that dripped from his lips.

The next morning, when you woke up in the alleyway without any memory of falling asleep there, you chalked it up as a nightmare. Simply standing up, you brushed the fronts of your trousers off and headed home to clean up before your next shift. Your pounding headache that you were sure resulted from drinking made your wince as you splashed water on your face, not noticing the two, swollen little marks that remained on your neck nor the blood that stained your collar that you were pretty sure was there before the previous night. With the work you had cut out for you that day, you couldn’t afford to be late that morning. For the past two weeks your superiors had been breathing down your neck about those bodies that had been washing up in the river- prostitutes, mostly, but there were some urchins in the mix as well. After ending up in your hands, the cause of death for the cadavers was impossible for you to identify no matter how many times you went through the list- no signs of a struggle or trauma, but no bloating from drowning. However, since you were a fresh face in the medical field, the last thing you wanted to do was discredit yourself, so you reported the cause of death as the latter.

As you hurried down your front steps, a large ship drifted down the river in front of your apartment, the hand painted script on the back indicating it was a part of Earl Margera’s cargo fleet. Rumor has it his family got their old money fortune from the opium trade, but that did nothing to halt business for him. If you were a person in London that needed to move things, he was the man to call. Recently, you had gotten word that the Earl would be holding another one of his yearly lavish galas at his manor that he lived in with his council (the group of men that advised his business decisions) and that all of London’s finest would be invited- the only reason his eccentric lordship would bother to make an appearance. Making your way into work, you thought about how women would throw themselves at his feet, almost literally sometimes, but the Earl would pay them about as much mind as he did to the men constantly trying to win his favor to get their hands on his vast fortune, a constitution you could respect on some level.

Blinking hard and trying to pull yourself together, you were tying up your stiff, blood stained surgical apron as you got ready to slice up the body of the day, when one of your coworkers came excitedly running up to you. He thrust a piece of paper into your hands, “Y/N! Y/N! Have you seen this?” Speculatively, you scanned over the yellowed, crinkled letter, your eyes widening at what you read. That gala- yes, the one at the Earl’s house- was not only a charity gala, but a charity gala for the hospital. A bewildered smile spread across your face as you processed the news, “Oh my…This is incredible!” Your mind went wild as you thought about it- perhaps with the money, you could afford to finally purchase a new set of surgical instruments or switch to chloroform for sedation instead of relying on alcohol! Oh, this just couldn’t get better. According to the letter, the ball would be held two weeks from that day, giving you ample time to receive your paycheck and purchase some formal clothes for the event.

The air was thick with tension as you stood in the Earl’s front room with all the other dignified guests, the sweet scent of Acanthus and Hemlock blossoms drifting in from the garden through the wide open front doors. Above you, a large, crystal chandelier hung from the peak of the ribbed vault ceiling, cascading light onto the tall columns that held up the balcony of the second story. The manor really was grand, in every sense of the word. While you were taking all this opulence in, the room fell silent at a high pitched whistle from the top of the staircase and everyone shifted their gaze towards the sound. You did too, just in time to catch the Earl hoping up to slide all the way down the long wooden banister of the staircase. Not exactly the entrance you expected of him, but when his Edwardian oxfords touched solid ground and everyone all rushed to have the first chance to speak to his lordship, you were more surprised to see him completely ignoring them, parting the crowd as he walked towards…you? Shocked as everyone else, you weren't sure how to respond as he reached out a waiting, gloved hand towards you with a smile, “It’s an honor to make your acquaintance, Doctor.” You were suddenly stricken by the realization that he really was as handsome as all those women said, not to mention charming. Quickly taking his hand, you searched your mind for an appropriate response, “A-An honor? Oh, my Lord- it is a privilege for me to make yours!” There was a look of satisfaction on his face at your social blunder, glancing around at the patrons crowded in the room.

With one hand, he gestured for the large pair of heavy, wooden double doors at the far end of the room and they opened towards the great hall as the Earl glanced over to you with those crystal blue eyes, his voice entirely level, “Walk with me. Let’s talk about those funds for the hospital.” Following at his heels, you felt like a man prostrating himself before a king, “Really, it cannot be understated how much your generous donation means to us, my Lord.” There was something so enamoring about his generosity that just swept you off of your feet. The sounds of the festivities echoed through the empty halls as he showed you around the palace grounds, the suits of armor and sarcophagi and all the other eclectic relics he had collected over the years littering the halls. “Oh, ten thousand pounds is nothing. It’s the least I could give.” There was something about him that made you feel so comfortable in his presence, and you started to let your guard down, just slightly.

“You know, something about you is really quite…familiar. Have you visited St. Thomas’ lately?” Musing, you walked at his side through the grand, tapestry lined halls while you thought back to the faces you regularly saw at the pub, now blurred by alcohol, as if he would ever find himself there. Your eyes wandered towards the skull of an animal you didn’t recognize that sat on a shelf and was being used as a bookend as his expression turned sour like it was an improper thing to suggest, “Oh. I don’t go to hospitals…But” There was this knowing glint in the Earl’s eye as he continued, speaking with a tone that suggested a double entendre, “I’ve spectated on the operating theater in the past, if that’s what you’re asking. I am…morbidly curious about the fragile balance between life and death, myself. I'm sure you could understand, doctor.” Oh, you had no clue. All those nights he spent in the shadow cloaked corner of that pub you so loved to frequent, sitting there with a pint and a rare steak in front of him while you were at the bar, whining about your job to whatever drunk sod was humoring you that night, watching…listening…waiting in anticipation for you to head home for the evening- thinking about the desert that would follow his meal.

The two of you paused in what appeared to be a study. On one end of the room was a large, hand carved wooden fireplace, the mantle of which sat a candlestick holder that, if you had a less keen eye, you wouldn’t have recognized as having been fashioned from a human spine, and a glass vase containing an arrangement of roses, lilies, orchids, and irises, all white and all having seemed to have gone off a while ago. Above the mantle was where your focus was drawn, this large, regal portrait of the Earl, looking all serious and wistful in clothes that cost more than your year’s salary. Fascinated, you turned to study it in awe for a moment, but silently, and unbeknownst to you, the Lord had been carefully observing you in the study, like a hungry wolf watching a rabbit. The proximity of your bodies went completely unnoticed by the Earl in favor of the now exposed patch of skin below your ear. Oh, this was too good. He could practically hear your heartbeat thrumming from where he stood- feel the blood coursing through your veins. It was all so…tempting. Tremoring a little, he had to exercise the highest of restraint not to seize you right there- it would be so easy too, just to wrestle you down onto the velvet chaise lounge you were standing next to and bury his face into the space between your chin and shoulder. Boarding on fantasy, the Earl let himself get lost, imagining the way your squirming and whining would ease up once he’d gotten done lapping up all the warm blood squirting from your wounds. Clearing his throat together, Earl Margera cleared his throat, “We should, um- we should get going. I believe dinner is being served.”

The meal you ate was the height of decadence. Brimming trays of succulent pheasant, rare steaks, and legs of mutton larger than your head ran down the long table in between centerpieces of Nightshade and Lavender, flanked by crisp salads and potatoes with steaming baskets of dinner rolls served with butter and honeycomb, not to mention the assortment of trifles and puddings the waitstaff rushed to the table on ruby red Cape Cod glass platters. It was more food than you had seen in one place in your entire life, and yet you found your attention so drawn to the man sitting at the end of the table- so much so that you hardly cared that your meal was getting cold. He told these grand, winding stories of his world travels that all his suck up guests tried really really hard to be interested in, but you couldn’t help yourself from hanging on every word. Sipping wine from the silver chalice that sat in front of you that always seemed to get topped off when you looked away, it was like your mind was lost in some seductive trance you couldn’t seem to break free from, but you were of sound enough mind to remember quite a few details from that evening. Namely when his Lordship approached you personally and asked you, for the sake of ease of communication, to forgo all the formalities that came with his title, and that he would prefer you call him by his given name, Brandon. More than that, he would like to meet you again- one on one, to further discuss those donations for the hospital. You suggested lunch. He said he would prefer dinner.

There was something so enchanting about the Earl that kept you in high spirits far after your first encounter and well into the next week at work. You must have been quite a sight for any onlookers, seeing a man performing an autopsy with a lovesick smile plastered on his face. Before, you could hardly complete an operation without needing to flee the room halfway through to vomit, but now you had no problem with the whole thing. The waterlogged woman Scotland Yard lugged to your table still had her stockings on as you started the external examination, thinking back to that evening while you examined for physical trauma on the neck and arms. Feeling cold skin under your gloved hand, you recalled that the Earl- sorry, Brandon had made mention of an affinity for Blackcurrant pastilles, which you thought was sweet, though it was strange for a man- wait a moment. Leaning closer, you noticed something- two small, hollow marks on the woman’s neck, as if made by a seven gauge needle.

More disturbing was the resemblance it bore to the very same marks you had been waking up to on your neck. The operating room suddenly felt much quieter than you remembered. Swallowing hard, you took out your clipboard and, with a shaking hand, went to write it down before hesitating. A cold sweat collected on your brow and it was like some instinct inside of you told you not to- it could have been a mole or something- maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you. Yes, that was it, your late nights were catching up to you. Steadying your hand, you put down the pen before reaching for the hand saw that sat at your side and made a mental note to visit the library after work. Maybe you could find some medical textbook that could explain all this away as some biological reaction or benign infection or something reassuring that you missed back in school. You also made note to purchase those pastilles while you were out.

Just as you went to leave work, someone stopped you with a hand on your shoulder, and as you were distracted with thoughts of your dinner that night, you jumped a little at the stern voice of your coworker, “Y/N. Where on earth are you hurrying off to?” Turning to him, you were still a little shaken up as you stammered, pulling your apron off, “Oh! I’m, uh- I’m headed off to dinner.” His expression seemed to soften a little at that, almost looking amused, “A date- is that right? You know, for a second I thought you were off to see somebody else.” Despite his calm words, the look in his eyes gave way to the jealousy sitting just under the surface. You had noticed people at work had been treating you…differently after you went to that party. Even the pat on the back you got from him felt ingenuine as he spoke stiffly, “Well, good luck with your lady friend.”

When you knocked on the double doors of the manor’s entrance dressed in your finest, you suddenly became conscious of the way you smelled of work. Usually, all that it took to get it off was a hot shower, but somehow tonight it seemed to cling to you more than before, but before you could think much of it, a member of the Earl’s council opened the door. He was a young man- well built and tall, with dark hair and eyes obscured by a pair of tinted glasses. He seemed a little too eager to welcome you in, watching you as you stepped through the door, “Oh, you must be the guest Bam was talkin’ about!” Bam? You recalled a mention of it being the childhood nickname of the Earl, but didn’t know his council would address him so informally. The American accent of the man who answered the door struck you as peculiar, but you brushed it off as something else caught your attention. There was a stack maybe a meter high of boxes, all varying sizes, that sat haphazardly tossed next to the door, all addressed from women. Upon further examination, you noticed that they were all boxes of blackcurrant pastilles, just like the ones you brought for the Earl. It was common knowledge that he had quite a few lady admirers, but this seemed excessive.

When you looked up, it seemed your arrival had brought quite a bit of attention to yourself as, from seemingly nowhere, you had attracted a crowd. They must not get a lot of guests around here, you thought, swallowing hard and trying to ignore how you felt like a zebra that had just stumbled into a den of ravenous lions from the way they were staring at you. But just at that moment, that’s when you felt a hand grab yours and quickly tug you away to safety. “Doctor! What a pleasure to see you again.” You couldn’t explain the wave of relief that washed over you when you heard his voice because you didn’t feel that you were in any danger in the first place, but there was some instinct in you that told you otherwise. “Are these for me?” Walking in step with you, Brandon peered curiously at the green silk wrapped box in your hands and you nodded. “You are too kind.” Taking them, he placed them on a table away from the other boxes, and just out of your sight, flipped a crude gesture at his dejected councilmen who were all disappointed they didn’t get to you first.

The Earl seemed more comfortable with you now than he was at your first encounter as he ate with you in the smaller, less formal dining parlor that was shuttered off to most guests. On the table was a more simple but nonetheless impressive meal- a spiced ham, mock turtle soup, Yorkshire pudding, and a treacle tart served with custard. The mahogany dining table was lit by a candelabra, the only light in the room since the heavy, purple velvet curtains were pulled closed. The striking details of his face looked even more alluring in the shadows, refined- like it was chiseled out of alabaster by some great sculptor. Sipping from the black crystal glass in his hand, Brandon raised an eyebrow at you from across the table, “Any stories from the ward, doctor?” Perhaps it was the wine, but the way he addressed you by your title made your heart flutter. Still, you composed yourself, clearing your throat, “Well, in fact, I do. For weeks now, the police have have been discovering these- these bodies in the River Thames,” Hesitating for a moment, you debated if this was appropriate conversation for dinner, but you took the fact he hadn’t stopped you as encouragement to continue, “and I still haven’t been able to deduce the cause of death!” Brandon simply nodded, watching you with half lidded eyes. Using one finger, you gestured towards your neck and continued with a slight tremble in your voice, “The only thing they have in common are these…odd marks that usually sit right above the jugular vein. And get this- I have observed similar marks on myself! I am led to believe I’m the only surviving man in London with these…” You didn’t notice the little glint in the Earl’s eye as you tilted your jaw to the side, revealing how Ecchymosis had painted your skin in these exquisite blossoms of purple and green that were previously hidden under your collar.

“Oh, how odd...” Bam wasn't really listening to you talk, but he did a damn good job at pretending he was looking at you and not just what was throbbing right underneath your skin. Maybe it was the alcohol content, but there was something so intoxicating about your blood, better than any opium or wine or sexual perversion known to his lordship. It was the taste, something far superior to any other human Bam had laid his mouth on- sweeter than dark treacle and richer than custard, an exotic, tender savor only enhanced by the intoxicating aroma that clung to your hair and clothes- that titillating stench of death. Oh, and the way you fought. Your little struggles were so useless- so benign to Bam that they were cute, in the same way a mouse thinks it can escape the jaws of a python by squeaking. You were an absolute feast for the senses. If his mouth never left your neck and the only thing he did all day was to suck from you, he would be the happiest man in the world. Alas, you were both men with careers and people that would notice if they suddenly stopped appearing in public. But that could always change.

Maybe you weren't as sneaky about your drinking habits as you thought you were based on how often the Earl ordered your glass to be refilled. The longer the night went on, the more and more you felt that your inhibitions were slipping away until it was time to leave. Standing up, you were unsteady on your feet and wobbled a bit, lightheaded from the alcohol. Brandon rushed to your side, placing one hand on your waist and his other hand intertwining his fingers with yours to steady you. With how he was holding you so close to his body like one would hold a lover, it was some sort of instinct that led you to lean towards him, pressing your lips together. But he didn’t seem shocked that you kissed him- in fact, the Earl almost seemed pleased as you staggered backwards, flushed as the wine taste of his tongue still lingered on your lips. “Oh my…! I apologize for being so, uh- so forward, sir.” Hushing you softly, his voice was perfectly level as he spoke, taking a step towards you, “There’s no need to apologize, doctor.” Brandon’s gloved fingers met your chin as he gently tilted your head to get you to meet his gaze, “Let’s say this feeling is…mutual.” And he smiled at you- a smile you weren't sure was comforting or predatory. “Now, you should be getting home.”

Bam wanted to kiss you more- from your feet to the tips of your ears, he would worship your body if he got the chance. Delectable in every sense of the word, this doctor was just too good to be true, he thought. This pliant, innocent man was almost literally sticking out his neck to him. Your every action was so perfect, so delicate in the Earl’s eyes, and to put it simply, he was addicted to you. He could drain you completely- gulp down every last ounce of blood you had in you and dump your body in the river like all the others he’d had his fill of, but more than how sinfully delicious you tasted, Bam loved the game- the hunt. Watching you stumble over your own feet as you walked home from his high perch on the roof of the manor, peering out from where he sat on one of the flying buttresses that held up the roof of the manor, Bam licked his lips. You were fun to play with, what with how easily he could make you blush and stammer and just surrender with the slightest of efforts, and more so how you hadn’t a single inkling of suspicion as to how he could sway you so easily. The mingling of saliva and blood may be the highest form of connection in Bam’s eyes, but what he had with you superseded that. And you hadn’t a clue.

They had stopped talking to you at work. You didn’t pay much mind to the glares of the bitter murmurs of ‘lapdog’ and ‘lickfinger’ you caught in the halls of the hospital from people who were once your friends, but even your superiors were avoiding you like the plague. Still, you had bigger things to worry about- those bodies, namely, of whom you had started coming to a conclusion about. After nights in the library spent studying books upon books, there was this creature you had come upon- from China and India and Greece, the walking undead that feasted on the vital essence of human man. Moreso, those marks on the necks of the victims and yes, yours as well, matched up with the scars one may bear after an attack by one of those beasts.

With no more friends to speak of for arbitration, you received your summons in the post: you were needed at the Earl’s manor the next day as he had fallen ill with consumption in the two weeks since your last meeting. More than that, he had requested you by name. Clearly the situation must be dire, given his lordship’s distaste for hospitals and the fact many people see surgeons such as yourself as a last resort, saved for only the most grim circumstances. There was something in you that made you nervous at the thought of seeing him again that you couldn’t explain, like how a maiden may feel about seeing her suitor. Perhaps it was just nerves, or you were just unsure about being the sole person responsible for saving the life of such an influential, wealthy man. Perhaps.

If you thought the Margera Manor looked impressive from the bottom of the hill it sat on, you were absolutely gobsmacked when you looked at it head on, and if you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought you were entering a cathedral, what with all the pointed windows and spires. Your steps echoed on the stone terrace as you looked around at the garden, now far less cheery as fall had stolen the green from the trees and plants, leaving them skeletons that were perfecting roosting places for crows whose loud caws made you jump as you went to knock. The front door was…unlocked, swinging open under your slight nudge. Dressed in the extent of protective garb with your leather bound medical kit in tow, you crept into the seemingly empty mansion and realized just how empty it felt without some party or dinner to fill the halls. Sure, the knives of this and masks of that the Earl had picked up in his travels still hung on the walls, and the opaline glass oil lamps in the hall were still lit, but there was something profoundly empty about the manor. Slowly walking the wooden staircase, past the large portrait paintings that hung on the walls, you made your way upstairs.

“Hello, sir…?” Slipping through the Earl’s bedroom door, you expected the worst of consumption- open sores, weeping lesions, coughing up blood mucus, etcetera, but even from across the room the worst symptom you could discern was a light sweat on his brow. Sure, he was deathly pale, but he was always that pale, and you recalled the darkness around his eyes as having been there from your first meeting. Lit only by the red silk lamp in the far corner of that room that smelled of clove and patchouli, he looked rather beautiful for a man, almost fragile- but nothing like the people on death’s door that you saw at the hospital. Brandon’s half lidded eyes met your and he coughed slightly, his voice raspy and weak, “Doctor.” Moving to his bedside, you placed your leather case of medical instruments on the nearby table next to a small stack of Penny-Dreadfuls that sat there and helped him to sit upright with your hands under his arms. “What sort of symptoms have you been experiencing as of late?” There was this odd feeling that came over you as you touched his bare torso that you couldn’t place as your eyes scanned over him, fixating on the strange design that sat low on his hips, right where the silk linens pooled around him- a tattoo of sorts? The swirling, dark ink was beautiful, drawing your eyes to his Apollo's belt.

“I am just…terribly famished.” Brandon sighed under your touch, and as you continued feeling his skin under your fingertips, that’s when you noticed something- he was cold. Deathly cold, and his body bore no evidence of the telltale wasting consumption brought on. Disturbed, your eyes went wide but you made no other mention of it as you reached into your bag and retrieved your stethoscope. Be professional. Tend to the patient. But as you pressed the circular end to the left side of the Earl’s chest, you were shocked to hear…nothing. The lack of mucus in his lungs did not shock you nearly as much as the complete absence of a heartbeat. The only sound in the room was Brandon’s soft breathing as he studied you, expectantly leaning over your hands as you worked. Watching. Waiting.

You doubted it at first. It seemed the stuff of fairytales, that the Earl could be something other than human, but it was all consistent with the lore you had been reading up on. Part of you was curious about him- after all, you dealt in the morbid, so it made sense for a scientific mind such as yourself to find his case fascinating. But on the other hand, it chilled you to the bone to know that this man you had been growing so close to, could be some sort of monster- some creature that delighted in feeding on the blood of men. You cursed yourself for not realizing this sort of thing sooner as a chill ran through your bones at the situation your trusting nature had gotten yourself into. Quivering, and against all your better judgment, you slowly looked up to meet his hungry, nearly salivating gaze.

And before you could think to react, he grabbed you by the shoulders and you were underneath him, back pressed against the bed. Heart nearly thumping out of your chest, your body was caged in, absolutely captured by the Earl’s as he leaned over you and in your mind there was absolutely no doubt of his intentions. Warm breath gracing your skin, his too sharp canines grazing against where sensitive nerves and thick, tender arteries run just below the skin felt so tantalizing, but Bam hesitated. Why aren't you fighting? In all his fantasies about this exact moment, you would be writhing about like a scared and wounded animal right about now, all squealing and wriggling and begging for him to oh please please spare you, but you were entirely willing, perfectly still and silent save for the swell of your breathing. However, the promise of satiating his hunger was just too alluring and he couldn’t not resist, sinking his teeth into you anyways. Your breath hitching in your throat, this foul, sweet smell rose up from where his fangs had visceraly penetrated you and Bam nearly moaned at the exquisite taste of the sanguine amber that trickled slow and thick from you. Hemorrhaging there, all tangled up in the red silk sheets of the Lord’s bed and, in addition, entirely sober, you couldn’t escape the realization that this actually felt somewhat…enjoyable. In fact, you really could get used to this. Eyes glazing over, you stifled a groan at the feeling of him flicking the tip of his tongue against one of the little dribbling slits as you began to teeter on that romantic, presyncopic border between consciousness and sleep, limbs tingling while you slowly drifted off into twilight.

You blinked awake in that very same four post baldachin bed with a distinct chill which you would come to attribute to the wide opened double doors of the Earl’s balcony. Long, white marquisette curtains billowed in the night as the moonlight cascaded in so brilliantly. Silhouetted by the moon’s opalescent glow, there he stood- naked and beautiful. Sensing your stirring, Bam turned toward you, the toned muscles of his back flexing as he studied your expression. Slowly, he approached where you lay, looking down at you with those piercing blue eyes as he stood at your bedside. “Ah, my prince is awake.” There was a distinct tone of amusement in his voice as he spoke to you with newfound affection. Sensing your apprehension as you looked up at him with those wide eyes, Bam sighed, reaching a hand out towards you in an empathetic gesture, “I’ve been in your shoes before, Y/N. I know exactly how you feel.” Gently, very gently, he caressed your cheek fondly as he mused. “You have…nothing. Life has no meaning anymore, does it?” You shook your head and the Earl smiled. “I can fix that.” Leaning down closer to you, he spoke low, in a voice as smooth as whiskey and just as sweet, “Would you like me to?” And you nodded.

#jackass #bam margera #johnny knoxville #jackass fanfiction #jackass fanfic #fluff #jackass x reader #bam margera x reader #i listened to a LOT of Depeche Mode while writing this #cough cough #songs of faith and devotion

[tirfpikachu]

why did i think i was trans? how did i delude myself? it's complicated.

hiya. i'm a butch lesbian woman who was confused since i was 12 year old ish and thought i was transgender -- mostly nonbinary though with some periods where i thought i was a trans guy -- up until 2022. many factors played in that whole mess that went on in my brain and my life. i'm going to be putting it ic because it's ridiculously long :') but feel free to reply etc. i hope stories like mine can make people feel less alone in these experiences and maybe help pain like mine be prevented. i want trans people to be respected while also doing what is best for society and women's rights too.

anyway. here's my story.

to preface, my feelings about transness in general -- i do love many trans people, i saw all the good parts their community has. i still think i do believe in gender dysphoria and sometimes surgeries/hrt being required to help people be safe and happy, but i think alternate routes need to be explored and we need to push for people to unpack their internalized misogyny and homophobia BEFORE they label themselves. the mix of LGB and TQ has created a lot of infighting. with homosexuality it's behavior-driven, attraction-driven, but with being trans it's an identity thing and a disconnect in the brain, it pushes you to change your body or presentation in some way, or ask others to alter how they naturally would treat you with different terms or pronouns. i think there will be more and more detransition stories like mine, the numbers will grow bigger and bigger unless something urgently happens. bc the trans community does NOT or at least VERY RARELY tells someone to slow down the questioning of their gender identity, they do NOT ever question anything, they don't look for internalized sexism in how people describe their gender, they don't do the work to unpack that stuff in their community. and that's just straight up dangerous.

so yeah. how did i get here? honestly i think part of why i thought i was trans was bc i wanted to fit in and i saw the gender euphoria in other ppl and was like wow i want a feeling like that. and honestly in my personal case it was just me having fun doing drag and lowkey cosplaying as male characters i was obsessed with in media. and my DID added to it too bc i would sometimes dissociate and feel that part of me was male or genderless and that's not bc those parts of me were trans that's bc they are a manifestation of my traumas!!! on top of my eating disorder, dysmorphia and psychosis. i really wish ppl i talked to as a teen on tumblr hadn't jumped to "omg you hate your body? you wish you were a boy under patriarchy? you have suuuch trans vibes bestie you'll make the perfect lil softboy uwu" bc then i was extremely lonely at school and at home and just felt soooo excited at the attention i felt happy to fit in, and honestly even my "dysphoria" after that was that i looked like other trans ppl and i thought they were the coolest, i just felt deep admiration. and then i'd show pics online and ppl would hype me up just bc i identified as trans. so then it snowballed into me feeling terrified to go out bc i was scared i'd get misgendered since i was visibly afab and all my friends were trans and very toxic sjw stereotype so i saw cis people as toxic and untrustworthy and i got to write angsty posts about it that got somewhat popular which i loved bc i'm a writer and i loved to fantasize and imagine a sense of justice alongside other warriors... not unlike how i felt joining into the trans community. when deep down i knew i was being the annoying little sister trying to gain older kids's approval and trailing behind lol. the first trans person i met online was this awesome trans guy who did photography and he was a good bit older and i just wanted to look like him so bad so that he would like me. he ended up ghosting me. but i was still obsessed w him so i looked up trans stuff and fell in head first without even a questioning phase :/ which is 100% on me of course! i was just a very impulsive kid and the trans ppl around me lived in this big colorful world full of identities and drama and unconditional support... but i do wish someone had slowed me down and showed me alternate paths, the path of just being gnc.

i was also like. okay i know i'm queer but idk how, but i want to be in this community bc i'm so lonely (as a baby dyke). so i looked at the most opposite identity ever and gay trans man was the furthest away i could go from myself & my gay attraction & my body & my female masculinity. i was constantly dissociated, constantly. i was living in my yaoi fantasies lol like the "perfect" romance bc it wasn't hetero stuff which had scary power dynamics, and it also wasn't lesbian bc that hit too close to home and i'd start to have panic attacks. so i avoided those, tho sometimes i'd read fanfics w a side lesbian relationship.... but pretended to hate them and not care at all. that was actually part of me accepting my attraction to women, like moving slowly over to lesbian ships in fanfics and finally seeing what it would be like. it felt too good. so then i repressed it again or only showed my lesbian attraction when flirting with men online lol. bc of course there needed to be a voyeur, otherwise it's too real and gross and bad. tfw trauma and internalized lesbophobia.

but yeah anyway me obsessing over yaoi really made me think of boys very fondly -- always boys, never men -- and feel this deep warm happy feeling in my stomach. thinking of two boys together was total equality bc there was no woman involved, so no misogyny or weird "too real" feelings. if it had a woman i'd eventually have a total freakout bc i would keep pretending i was the guy in that scenario, which was BAD bc it made me sound like a DYKE. and boys had an actual personality (bc there very few genuine complex female characters at the time so they were all dumb or mean or bland) and they could do sooo much more than girls could so they were Better somehow. but of course if u say boys are better you're a misogynist, so i wanted to BE a boy so i could talk about how much i loved boys. and i loved boys bc i admired them. i wished i could be a "more male" version of a girl. i wanted to embody maleness so that i could create myself a better girlhood. and not even call it girlhood, so it was even cooler. i didn't want to be like the other girls, who were all loser straight boy crazy bullies. or even if there were cool girls with me, they would just annoy me (bc i was always depressed and exhausted from mental illness and untreated disabilities and it made me irritable). so yeah. boys were it. specifically boys bc men sounded almost triggering from my misogyny trauma. like men are the kind that hurt you. but boys are soft and sweet and special and harmless. they're the right kind of male person. the good ones. and they have such vivid relationships with one another and are such complex beings, unlike girls. and now that i'm a boy i'm gonna be the boy with the best morals and no toxic masculinity whatsoever, just a soft little uwu bean with a soft beautiful very typically girly flat chest, like an afab person before puberty, and no facial hair of course except for maybe a slightly lower voice and less fat (i thought it was good riddance at the time bc i was anorexic lol so that just reinforced it). i had this perfect image of myself. but it was always wavering, so i would never feel fully secure in my gender identity but i also couldn't lose my grip and question that i'm not nonbinary/trans bc then i'll have to accept that i'm an afab lesbian with a boring ass female gender. and i would have to disappoint everybody, and worst of all make them look bad for detransitioning. 

but yeah.... i actually am feeling less bad abt just being a bland woman. like i don't need to be special, i can blend in and people won't hurt me bc i'm a loser like in highschool. normality and domesticity are blissful actually, like i'm Just A Girl and i'm basic af or whatever. but there's other boring, gnc girls, and they're cool but they're also in the highschool situation of being "not the kind of girl that gets asked out and family is kinda broke and not noticeably pretty and has failing grades and untreated disorders so therefore an even bigger loser." so yeah i wanted to be different. to be noticed and thought about, and go against the grain. ie, cishet normative things. usually secretly, but then at some point i came out to my family and they got transphobic but also just said gross things to me that made it so that even if i had been wobbly on my identity i now didn't trust them to talk about it so i just repressed feelings and held onto a trans identity even harder. but then i started thinking of girls a LOT and envying lesbian women. who didn't have to worry about gender stuff, and also got to be gay in a way that... suddenly i noticed could be cool too. i had never allowed myself to notice it. but then i did. and i freaked out bc i was dating someone who wasn't a woman kgdkjgk and it felt transphobic af so i just resolved myself that i MUST be trans.

i was deep in the closet lesbian-wise and my brain tricked itself bc i just wasn't ready to accept being a lesbian. i just wasn't. i've only become ready this year!! and that's around the time that my ex broke up w me (or well we both came to the conclusion that i'm a lesbian so being w them would be wrong, and that it turns out they're only into men/enbies). and then i tried to be nonbinary again bc i wanted to get back w them so bad but then i realized it just wasn't me, and i started getting comfy w gay womanhood. and i came to terms with being a single butch lesbian!!! i'm so much better now that i'm radically accepting myself. it was a LOOONG stressful upsetting journey bc i wasn't being myself. but now i am being myself. and i'm clumsy af and kinda dumb and SUUUUPER inexperienced as both a girl loving girls and also just an adult woman in general. like being an adult woman is HARD and idk what i'm doing and i'm barely scraping by and i'm so behind everyone else. but now i gotta deal with it, actually deal with my issues :/ no more internalized lesbophobia & misogyny!! society often defeminizes girls like me and takes womanhood away from marginalized women but no!!! i'm still a woman. i'm weird but i'm just a weird woman and that's fine. some girls are freaks and weirdos and something different but not the differences that were considered "cool" on leftist tumblr as whichever community is most oppressed and has the most funky flags and ultra-microlabels. and i'm sorry to say, it's embarrassing as hell. but i did fetishize transness. i did think of trans people as unironically cooler than regular non-bigoted close-minded cis people, more interesting, better morality, cooler, smarter, etc. and i wanted to make friends and trans/enby online communities were super vibrant in fandom spaces that i was in. so yup. there it is. i'm a trans faker actually, though i was super out of it during it all, i wasn't doing it consciously. i just was ignoring my true identity, being a butch lesbian woman. it's so sad that i felt the need to repress myself like this, it breaks my own heart to think about it. but i did repress myself. i was soooo cruel to myself and was bigoted towards myself. but never again. never again!!! nope sir!!!

another thing -- i think i also used having a trans/nonbinary identity as a way to have an excuse to go no-contact with my abusive family. i was told they were bigots for being vaguely supportive but confused about trans stuff and struggling with the vocabulary and sudden identity discourse, asking embarrassing questions (that i had no answers for bc i wasn’t actually trans but ofc real trans people would) when i told them i was a boy so i get to use that as a reason not to talk to them. bc otherwise they just would never leave me alone. at least that’s how i rationalized it lol. so yeah. here i am. a complete doofus, with very little bit of stubble coming out of my chin that i have to shave daily. and a slightly transmasc-typical voice. i completely blew it, i repressed being a lesbian soooo deeply even though my family wasn't even that homophobic, all things considered, so i definitely could've lived as my true self. i was just ashamed and stubborn and believed all the things in the media and from homophobes. and thought ppl would be scared of me bc the only other lesbian in school was a creep. idk. it's all so embarrassing. but there ya go.

#lay text #my journey #detrans #detransition #radfem #gender critical #ok to rb

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

I posted 551 times in 2022

That's 155 more posts than 2021!

178 posts created (32%)

373 posts reblogged (68%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@letters-to-lgbt-kids

I tagged 175 of my posts in 2022

#lgbt - 150 posts

#lgbt+ - 149 posts

#good addition thankyou! - 2 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My dear lgbt+ kids,

"I am Oliver. We don't know each other yet. It's nice to meet you!"

Those are pretty simple sentences, easy to understand, right? You don't need to be an expert on language to use sentences like that. I am fairly certain that even Elon Musk could do so - even though I used pronouns in each of them.

I and We and It and You are pronouns. A pronoun is a word that is used as a substitution for a noun. If we used no pronouns at all, we'd have to constantly repeat nouns: Instead of "Lily likes coffee. She drinks it every day.", it'd be "Lily likes coffee. Lily drinks coffee every day."

That's not how the majority of people speak now and it wasn't the way they spoke a few years ago, either. Pronouns are not a new invention and they weren't invented by trans people.

You probably don't need an English lesson from me - I just want to highlight how silly it is when people claim stuff like "Nobody used pronouns before 2020, it's ridiculous to expect people to suddenly know how to use them now" or "Most people don't even use pronouns, it's just a tiny majority of people who use them" or "Most people are not trans, so they don't understand how pronouns work" or "Pronouns ruin our beautiful language! We can't just suddenly decide to change the way language works".*

Just think of this letter as your permission to roll your eyes at statements like that (internally, if necessary). It's not your job to teach basic English to adults.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

* Note how all of those statements actually contain pronouns as well?

1,605 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

#4

My dear lgbt+ kids,

I just committed the big mistake of looking at the notes of a random cute "I love loving men" post that I stumbled across and, wow, it's disappointing how something as sweet as talking about love can attract so much hate.

But among the obvious bad takes ("If you like men, you are not queer" and all that jazz), there were a few that I assume were written by well-meaning people and I noticed a common theme in them, so I wanted to address it here:

No, you do not help trans men by talking about how much you hate cis men.

You do not help trans men if you take positivity for men and turn it into a "this is only about trans men! cis men are evil" thing.

You do not do anyone a favor by separating men into good (trans) men and bad (cis) men - and you can only do that online anyway. How would you do it offline? You can't always tell if a man is trans or cis just by looking at them. Do you assume we all look feminine? Or would you ask us about our genitalia to determine if we are good or bad? And if so, then what about trans men who got bottom surgery? Do they suddenly turn from good to bad after surgery?

As a trans man myself, I can tell you that you do not make me feel safe or supported by adding "Yes but only trans men lol" to positivity posts for men. In fact, it has the opposite effect: You are just telling me that you only see me as "a man who is Not Really A Man". A man lite. Not the same gender as cis men.

Trans men and cis men are both men. We all equally belong in the category of men. We are the same gender! Making a big deal out of hating some of us doesn't help any of us.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

1,716 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

#3

My dear lgbt+ kids,

If you know you don't want to get pregnant anytime soon, here are some options to consider.

Implant

A birth control implant is a plastic rod (about the size of a matchstick) that is implanted under the skin. It releases progestin which blocks ovulation. It lasts up to 3 years and can be removed anytime. It doesn't require a pelvic exam and it doesn't have estrogen (important for people who want or need to avoid it).

It can cause side effects but they are usually minor, such as acne or breast tenderness.

Copper IUD (also called nonhormonal IUD)

An IUD is a small, T-shaped instrument that gets placed in your uterus. Sperm don't like copper - when they run into a copper IUD, they swim in the opposite direction which keeps them from getting to the egg. It lasts up to 12 years and can be removed. (If you change your mind and want a baby, you can even start trying immediately after removal!)

Side effects can include random spotting during early use as well as a heavier flow and more cramps during your period. Some people experience discomfort after the insertion but that's short-lived and can usually be relieved with OTC painkillers.

Hormonal IUD

The same as above but it releases a small amount of progestin (much less progestin than found in birth control pills). It lasts for 3 to 7 years and usually makes you stop having periods or makes them much lighter. (If you change your mind and want a baby, it will take some time after removal before you can start trying.)

You may experience cramping or dizziness during the insertion procedure. Some also experience spotting and cramping for 3 to 6 months after but once your body gets used to it, it goes away.

All three of these are very effective ways to prevent pregnancy (with over 99% effectiveness) because they are "forgettable". You don't need to remember any schedule or plan ahead before you have sex.

Important to remember: They do not prevent STDs!

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

1,757 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#2

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here are simply a few short reminders:

trans men and lesbians are not enemies

trans men and lesbians are allowed to relate to each other and find comfort in shared experiences

trans men can find comfort in content that was made by/for lesbians, and the other way around

friendships between trans men and lesbians exist and are beautiful

claiming that such friendships are by default predatory/toxic/weird is bullcrap

"We can support each other but unfortunately we are fighting for totally incompatible goals :( " is bullcrap too (and also a big red flag that you are talking to a terf)

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

1,933 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Here are some good things that happened in 2021!

January:

Just hours after his inauguration, President Joe Biden (USA) signed an executive order for more protections against discrimination on the basis of sex, sexuality, gender identity and sex stereotypes.

The Labor Department (USA) suspended an executive order banning government agencies from providing diversity training.

Also USA: transgender people are now allowed to serve in the military.

February:

Homosexuality is no longer a crime in Bhutan.

Homosexuality is no longer a crime in Angola.

The new penal code in Angola contains anti-discrimination protections on the basis of sexuality and gender identity

In New York, commercial surrogacy has become legal for same-sex couples.

March:

The EU parliament decided that all EU member states are a "lgbt+ freedom zone".

Victoria (Australia) banned conversion therapy.

April:

Religious leaders in Uganda released a video documentary preaching love and support for the lgbt+ community.

May:

In the USA, healthcare companies are no longer allowed to deny coverage to gay and transgender people.

Croatia allows adoption for same-sex couples.

June:

The Mexican State of Sinaloa legalized same-sex marriage.

India banned conversion therapy.

The UK allows gay men to donate blood.

France allows gay men to donate blood.

July:

Minnesota (USA) banned conversion therapy.

Argentinia included "X" in the National Identity Document as an gender option for nonbinary people.

August:

Yucatán (Mexico) legalized same-sex marriage.

Yucatán (Mexico) banned conversion therapy.

See the full post

3,248 notes - Posted January 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#your tumblr year in review #slightly self-indulgent since this is probably more interesting to me than you

[whaleofatjme1920]

hello!! this is my first time asking for headcanons from anybody really so i apologize if i do something wrong. can i get some headcanons for support class + scout and engineer x a trans ftm merc SO? i know this is very specific and jumbled so do you what you like ;-; but thanks!!

Support Class, Scout and Engineer with a Trans FTM SO

[M!Reader]

[Warnings: Like, none? Actually, I mention dysphoria a few times but it's largely very male/masc reaffirming.]

[AN: Sure can, and you did nothing wrong! But a head's up, I'm cis, so feel free to vibe check me whenever you want!]

Medic

I mean, are you considering bottom surgery?? Top surgery?? Whatever you want this man can provide it easily along with testosterone. Really, whatever you want he can probably do.

He's pretty affirming in his language after he,,,, gets what's going on? Like, it takes him a second but he's pretty gender fluid with presentation but he gets it and wants to love and support you. May or may not want to work out with you just because he finds muscles hot on both himself and his boyfriend.

Sometimes it's almost comical with how he reaffirms you. Lots of "my handsome, handsome man" or other stereotypical masc phrases just to make you smile. If you're looking for a name, he'll suggest some and help you choose one that makes you the happiest.

Sniper

Might need to explain it to him but he wants to love and support you too. Depending on if Ludwig is helping or not, he reminds you to not push too far even though he knows it hurts you to not feel like you're in the right place.

Yeah, that includes not wearing your binder for longer than what's safe. Helps you get on testosterone. Wants to reaffirm who you are and just,,, calls you his boyfriend. This is the only time this would ever happen as he thinks he's too old for titles like that. Also, I think the way he interacts with men is different than women, it's not a bad different but you DO feel the difference.

Does a lot of stereotypically masculine things with you because he thinks that might help lol. Don't blame him he's trying his best. He also likes to absolutely destroy anyone who could deadname you, or misgender you, because he knows you deserve respect.

Spy

One of the first things he wants to do with you is go get a brand new suit! He actually LOVES to call you his boyfriend. He's quite romantic so of course that plays into this part of you. But the suit? oh yeah the suit. He wants to tell you all about men's fashion and looking classy, and then comes in the more "manly" aspects of espionage which he will indulge with you.

He's also a lot like Mundy in ensuring that you're not pushing your body too far. He finds other ways for you to feel affirmed when the binder needs to come off or your cycle comes in.

He probably asks Ludwig about the other things if you really want that. He's going by your words and comfort, that's what matters the most. Probably sways you to the classy gentleman type because he thinks that's cute and likes to see you dress like that. Thinks you look hot.

Scout

Yeah he doesn't get gender identity at all. I will admit I think his ideas of gender are way more binary than they are a spectrum but you could easily get him to understand it's a spectrum. So, when you say you're a man he believes you! But also starts to push you HEAVILY towards stereotypically masc things. Because isn't that what men are?? cars and guns and baseball and oo rah-

Depending on who you are, this could work really well or not,,, vibe with you that much? Men are allowed to be soft, y'know? He doesn't get that. Anyways, tell Jeremy to slow down and he'll listen to you. It's not that hard with him.

I feel a lot of this is his dad stepping in to help just because Jeremy's type of affirmation isn't the most grown up response but it IS good. He pretty much makes your clothes his, and calls you his boyfriend with pride. He's trying.

Engineer

He doesn't really question it at all, just smiles and says he's got a very handsome boyfriend. The most supportive guy here even if he's not sure how to handle it because he's just,,, never read up on it! But he learns fast and has an open mind throughout it all.

He wants to affirm you every step of the way, but generally treats you the same? Like, he loves you regardless of who you are, and you being a man makes that no different. He's super empathetic when you're goin' through it and tries to lift your spirits by also bringing in more masc things.

But generally, Dell functions the same. He just wants to make sure no one says anything awful about you. He wouldn't stand for that, isn't afraid to check someone.

#tf2 medic headcanon #tf2 medic x reader #tf2 sniper headcanon #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 spy headcanon #tf2 spy x reader #tf2 scout x reader #team fortress 2 scout #tf2 engineer headcanon #tf2 engineer x reader #tf2 x reader #tf2 headcanons

[librarycards]

How much did the hysterectomy hurt? I have not had top yet but will soon and want hysto nextbut I'm not too good with pain lol

I had top surgery a year before my hysto, and comparatively, the hysto was more difficult in terms of moving afterward (because it was in the center of my body). I had laparoscopic, which i believe is standard, so the scarring/actual wounds were pretty minimal (I can only see one of the scars now if i look into my belly button under bright light, otherwise, it's not noticeable at all).

in terms of pain, post-hysto feels like bad period cramps, and is uncannily similar because you also have heavy-duty pads, constipation, and are passing blood/blood clots, especially in the first two weeks post op. my last time bleeding like 6 weeks-2 months after the procedure - idk if that's normal or not, but as time went on, i didn't really need pads (i sometimes used liners) but it was very, very light.

but...yeah. if you've ever dealt with bad period cramps before, you're pretty well prepared for a hysterectomy. my cramps were never debilitating when i did menstruate, and i did just fine. i only took heavy duty pain pills while in the hospital, and after that just used advil or tylenol 1-2x a day - i try to stay off of anything more than that whenever possible, and never felt the need to ask for it after top surgery or the hysto. the worst part for me wasn't pain-related, but related to the sensation of having a period, which at the time hadn't happened to me for 6+ years anyway. it was quite triggering. but it was comfort enough to know that this was my last time feeling that way, and then it would never happen again.

#good luck! #ask #anonymous

[hungharrington]

Hi!!! Anon who literally cannot be penetrated without surgery here!! It’s totally fine that it doesn’t fit into the current fic! And thank you for writing about difficult things like that at all it makes me feel seen, even if it’s not like, spot on to my situation!

As far as if you ever do decide to write something like that one day, I kinda don’t need Steve to be super over the top about it I know he’s a super sweet guy but I find the more a character gushes over reader constantly I feel more like I’m a burden? Like the whole “oh it’s fine! You’re not broken!” over and over starts to make me go… yeah… I know? lol Like once or twice makes sense but the constant talking about it kinda makes me feel like I’m Different In A Bad Way instead of just Different (Neutral).

Anywayssss literally just any relationship dynamic or act where it’s obvious Steve’s dick is not going to enter reader is a great one!! Thigh fucking, or like just heavy petting?? Or many other things?? Yum!

And bc I don’t think I want to type “anon who cannot be penetrated yada yada” every time (lol) can I be 🚪anon?

hi baby! ah no need to thank me, it’s not difficult, it’s just a little different! (though, it does take a little more sensitivity than usual to make sure you don’t step on any toes) it’s a bit sad that there’s not as much content you enjoy in that sense as there’s plenty of people who don’t enjoy penetration— but then again, i can understand the fantasy aspect of it so yada yada it’s nuanced

i get what you mean about it being too focused on that & how it can seem more like a burden to work around than just accepting your partners needs and preferences and finding other ways to enjoy things — i’ll keep that in mind foh sure

also thigh fucking. ur mind. how have i never done that before on this blog 🤯 anyways yes i’m taking notes!!! i hope to get to it soon! ily!

#🚪 anon #love that choice…… #jay answers #anon #uhhhhhh #thigh fucking notes #<- for me to return to LMAO