#and you say that its still unhygenic?
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☰ 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭
⧫ Characters: Ran
⧫ Reader: Genderneutral | AFAB
⧫ WARNINGS: sub!Reader, mentions of anal, Baton used for Sexual purposes, rough Sex, mentions of face fucking, choking and BDSM
⧫ A/n: don’t want to miss a post? Sign up for my Taglist in my Navi! (This is a repost from my old blog)
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
ꕤ Not really into aftercare
ꕤ Asks If you’re okay but that’s that
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
ꕤ On himself its his abs, doesn’t know why but He just likes them and the way you trace them so delicate with your nails
ꕤ on you it’s your ass. Especially when his handprint is still on it
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
ꕤ on your face. He just loves the way you look so dirty and all his, Marked with his own cum
ꕤ never Inside of you because He doesn’t trust you to not poke holes into a condom
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
ꕤ He sells your used panties to his brother and the Bonten guys because He knows everyone would love to have you
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
ꕤ He’s very experienced since he’s popular with women
ꕤ After the first time He already knows exactly what gets you to fall apart, very attentive
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
ꕤ doggy, doggy and doggy. There’s barely another way He fucks you
ꕤ just likes to feel dominant, pushing your face into the pillows or pulling you against his chest, choking you
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
ꕤ He’s pretty serious, not wanting to joke around
ꕤ He does laugh when you whine and beg but that’s it
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
ꕤ trims it really short
ꕤ doesn’t like it any longer because He thinks too much pubes is unhygenic
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
ꕤ he’s not romantic at all, maybe on special occasions
ꕤ otherwise it’s just about giving and receiving pleasure while being dominant
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
ꕤ ugh, all the damn time. Bored? Hands in pants. Annoyed? Hands in pants. Happy? Hands in pants - you get the point
ꕤ doesn’t bother to ask you for help, He gets you additional to it
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
ꕤ he’s so much into anal, it’s almost an obsession. If it’s not his dick in there, it’s at least one finger or a plug while He fucks you
ꕤ really Into BDSM
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
ꕤ everywhere you let him
ꕤ would take you in front of whole Bonten for all He cares
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
ꕤ when you’re acting all bratty
ꕤ He just gets so excited to put you in your place it gets him hard instantly
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
ꕤ He knows how much the others want you but He would never let them have you
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
ꕤ receiving! He loves to use your throat as his personal fleshlight
ꕤ maybe He eats you out but that’s rarely the case
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
ꕤ Ran only knows fast and rough, wanting you to be sore for days
ꕤ maybe, just maybe He would go slow if you begged enough
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
ꕤ yes! Everywhere and at any time
ꕤ doesn’t care about what's going on, gladly dropping everything to bury himself Into your plush walls
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
ꕤ Like stated above, He wouldn’t care if there’s a whole audience. It wouldn’t be the first time someone walked in on you two
ꕤ He already took you in front of poor Kakucho who was a flustered mess
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
ꕤ He could go for a few rounds but only if you do most work then
ꕤ he’s too lazy after He came, 1 round would be enough for him
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
ꕤ He doesn’t own toys for him but certainly does for you (next to his baton ;))
ꕤ loves to take you to gang meetings while there's a vibrator inside of you, always turning it up at the most inconvenient times but always turns it off before you cum
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
ꕤ He enjoys it too much, edging you until you cry is one of his favorite things to do
ꕤ but don’t you dare tease him, you’ll get punished and aren’t allowed to cum for a while
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
ꕤ he’s very quiet next to the lewd things He says
ꕤ grunts softly when He releases
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
ꕤ He definitely has used his Baton on you, getting off on how humiliated you were from the whole thing
ꕤ He didn’t even clean it before He used it in his next fight, making it even worse for you
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
ꕤ drooling at the thought of it.. Nice 9 inches and thick enough to make you whine when He puts it in
ꕤ He’s cut and has a raging red tip, overall just a really nice sight
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
ꕤ He gets turned on from the smallest things
ꕤ could take you a few times a day, if not He uses his hand
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
ꕤ He’s more lazy than tired after, just wanting to lay around but not sleep yet
#tokyo revengers x reader#Tokyo Revengers smut#ran x reader#ran smut#ran haitani#ran haitani x reader#ran haitani smut#bonten x reader#Bonten smut#Tokyo revengers ran#repost ♡
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So here goes...
Bucky (to Natasha, Clint, etc) : "okay, What the hell was that? Why didn't nobody tell me it is THAT bad!!!"
The premise is this :
Post - Civil War (or Endgame but everyone is alive). After smoothing out the kinks of the Accord and their disagreement, Steve Tony is reliving their love in *ahem* their expletive (and loud) makeout sessions. All the rooms (private quarters or public) in the compound are being re-christened. Scarring all the other avengers, especially our duo beloved spies with their top of the notch "skills".
Bucky fresh out of cryo, blissfully unaware of this conditions first thought its just his paranoia and super hearing which fails him. Because he keeps hearing "things".
Till one fateful day, he REALLY need to bleach his eyes 👀
*evil laugh*
I like the way you think ;) Here we go!
---
Bucky still wasn't used to waking up in the Compound. After so many years on the run and then recovering in Wakanda, being back in the States was strange but wonderful. He hadn't really believed it at first, that Stark - Tony, he'd said to call him Tony - had managed to get them all pardoned, but it was getting easier every day to accept that yes, this was permanent, and he could stay.
Bucky showered, dressed himself and headed to the communal kitchen in silence, not really expecting anyone else to be up yet. Surprisingly, both Barton and Natasha were already there and having breakfast. Well, Natasha was having breakfast. Barton was hunched over with his head on the table and seemed to be having some sort of meltdown.
Yeah, Bucky wasn't touching that one with a ten foot pole.
“Good morning,” Natasha said, and Bucky nodded at her as Barton groaned, rubbing his temples.
“Yeah, right. Good fucking morning to all of us. And a happy new year too.”
Bucky cast a questioning look at Natasha who only gave him a serene smile.
“It's July,” he said, and Barton laughed humorlessly, raising his head with a thousand yard stare that Bucky had seen on many men who'd just returned from war.
“It's a new year. A new era. The reckoning has come.”
“What's he talking about?” Bucky asked Natasha, because he had a feeling he wasn't going to get coherent sentences out of Clint right now.
“He saw Steve and Tony last night,” she said. Bucky blinked.
“Yes?”
“Saw them.”
“So did I,” he said, confused, and Barton gave a laugh that verged on a sob.
“Oh, you sweet summer child. You have no idea.”
Bucky shook his head, grabbing his juice from the fridge and walking out. “Whatever. I'll be in the gym.”
“Don't say I didn't warn you,” Barton called after him, and Bucky shook his head. Weirdos, all of them.
He chugged his juice as he took the elevator down, headed to his locker, grabbed a towel and walked into the gym. Someone was clearly already training, rhythmic squeaks and grunts echoing out through the -
Bucky stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the scene. Neither Steve nor Tony seemed to have noticed him, which was fair. They were pretty occupied.
Bucky was begrudgingly impressed. Tony was a lot more flexible than he'd thought.
“That's unhygenic,” he said, and Steve yelped as he came to a grinding halt, looking over at Bucky with an expression of horror.
“What? Tony! You said you locked the door!”
Bucky didn't stay to hear Tony's indignant response. Now that he'd done his best friend duty and embarrassed Steve in front of his - apparently - new honey, Bucky turned tail and went right back into the elevator. He stepped out on the common room, and Natasha raised an eloquent eyebrow. Bucky stared right back at her.
“You could've told me,” he said, and Natasha shrugged.
“Where's the fun in that?”
Bucky sat down at the kitchen table, tossing his towel to the side. “Is it just the gym, or -”
“My working theory is that they're christening every room in the Compound,” she said, nodding at Bucky's stool. “I wouldn't sit in that if I were you.”
Bucky jumped up as Barton groaned into his folded arms. “Please tell me the shooting range's still safe.”
“Define safe,” Natasha said. Barton whimpered, and Bucky looked at the ceiling, silently wishing for strength.
He should've just stayed in Wakanda.
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Memory Unlocked: Bribe
The bag slung over Archer's shoulder was surprisingly heavy and large, causing his shoulder to shake under the weight under the pressure as she waited for Silver to show up. Inside contained all the money that Archer had made as an Executive of Team Rocket and all the forms needed to exchange its financial assets to Silver - laundered and legal, prepared perfectly for a hand to reach in and collect a "charitable donation for a disadvantaged youth". Of course, that was just the story that Archer would tell Silver to share; the story of a kind, benevolent, and disgustingly wealthy man who'd simply heard about the plight of a young boy stuck in a life of crime and wanted to help. The story was a complete falsehood - there was no intention of innocent help, despite their history. Archer simply wanted to make a deal, and it was as simple and selfish as that. Besides, Archer was far from a poor person - whatever amount that Silver could request, she would be able to pay with ease. And if Silver needed something immediately - like a house -, then Archer could simply give the boy one of their financial assets.
For a while, Archer was concerned that Silver simply would not attend the meeting. It wouldn't be unlike him to simply waste her time like this out of sheer spite. That concern dissapated upon hearing Silver's voice - as snarky as always, "You had better make this worth my time." Archer couldn't help the scoff that came out at the sheer audacity. After all, Silver was the one who was late; if any of them was wasting the other's time, it was him. It didn't help Silver's case that he was dressed so informally - he looked like a mess, with an oversized and dirty jacket and mud-tainted cargo trousers. And he smelled like one too, making Archer wonder if he'd even had a shower in the last week. It was difficult to blame the boy for his unhygenic condition, so Archer didn't point it out. However, the contrast was more than apparent when compared to Archer's business-casual, sophisticated sweater vest and blouse in shades of co-ordinated flint and lead.
"You know exactly what we are here to discuss, Silver.", the Executive's voice was stern and commanding. The look of terror that flashed across Silver's face did not go unnoticed; Archer could be intimidating when she wanted to be, and they both knew it. Besides, Silver could do very little against Archer if she were to attack him, and they were both aware of that. "When are you next going to be questioned?" It was as direct as they could be. The case to locate Giovanni was wide-spread news ever since his disappearance - some claiming he was using an alias, others claiming he was on the run, and other others claiming he was dead. Of course, Archer didn't believe anything until he saw it for herself, still filled with conviction that Giovanni was - somehow - somewhere out there and biding his time. The moment the world had heard about Giovanni's bastard child, everyone wanted to question him - news and police alike.
Silver was clearly unnerved, his tone defensive and sarcastic, "That's none of your business, old man." The pair stood in silence for a couple of seconds, Silver becoming increasingly unnerved at Archer's percieved lack of reaction. Eventually, the Executive's glare wore Silver down enough to apologize and give the date of the next questioning.
"... I see. Good.", Archer mumbled to itself, "That means this deal will be fresh in your mind when the time comes."
"What deal?", the Executive's lack of clarity clearly made Silver even more nervous.
Though, she clearly didn't see that as an issue, "You are not going to say a word about Giovanni that people don't already know. In exchange, I will give you as much money as you want - you simply need to name the price of your silence."
"And you'll pay me with the money Giovanni already owes me? Cause that's probably what's in that bag. Doesn't seem fair to me."
"No, absolutely not. This is everything that I have earned; it has all already been laundered so you do not need to worry about it being confiscated. Giovanni will give you your money when the time comes; I would not take that honour away from him."
Silver went quiet for a while, before speaking up, "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I want what is best for you; if I didn't, I'd be going about this in a very different way."
"No, you don't."
This time, it was Archer that went quiet, "... Excuse me?"
"You don't give a shit about me!", Silver got in Archer's face, clearly enraged.
However, Archer remained composed - having dealt with such tantrums before, "Silver, if I didn't care, you don't be breathing by n-"
"Oh, shut up with your pointless threats!", the boy grabbed the Executive's sweater vest, "If you gave a shit about me, why didn't you do anything before?! You knew Giovanni abandoned me- You knew Giovanni ignored me! He would've listened to you! And you did nothing! You just- You fucking let it happen!"
Archer's stoic expression faded, unable to maintain eye contact out of guilt. Silver was right; Giovanni likely would have listened to him, and she did nothing. There was no good excuse for what Archer did - or, rather, failed to do.
As Archer remained quiet, knowing there was nothing it could say to make their inaction better, Silver let go, "You don't give a fuck about me. You only care about yourself and Giovanni. So go fuck yourself, I don't want your fucking bribe money."
With that, Silver began to walk away, leaving Archer to only have one remaining option. Well, aside from the logical decision of giving up, but Archer was as stubborn as a Tauros - for better or worse. "... Maybe you don't want the money...", Silver turned around at Archer's words, being met with a sly smile slowly forming on their face, "... But I think you need it."
"What did you say?!"
"You need the money. How long is your battle money going to last you? Looking at the state of you, not long."
His vulnerability was - ironically - a weak spot, making Silver's rage simmer into shame, "I'm staying at Blackthorn. With Lance. I'll be fine..." The way that Silver seemed to be trying to convince himself more than Archer did not go unnoticed.
"And how long is Lance going to keep you at Blackthorn for?", Archer proded at that vulnerability, having known the child for long enough to know how his brain ticks - and, more importantly, how to push him into certain choices. "How long until you lose that home too? Until he abandons you, just like Giovanni abandoned us? Do you really want to be caught off-guard when that happ-?"
"Just shut up!", Silver covered his ears in distress, "I'll fucking take the money, just shut up!"
Archer watched as Silver calmed himself down, not feeling a twinge of remorse for the distress she'd caused him and only recognising the simple fact that he had broken him down far enough to make him take the deal. The fact that they didn't feel bad made it feel worse, but that was pushed down as quickly as it arose. With a pleasant smile and the knowledge she won, Archer spoke, "How much would you like?"
Silver glared, knowing that Archer knew his weakness. At least he found a way to get a small taste of revenge, "How much do you have?"
Archer left the situation with an empty bag and nothing to his name. But it didn't matter to her. After all, a dog would do anything for its owner, and Archer would do anything for Giovanni.
#[sorry if this is nonsensical i was on painkillers cause of Issues while writing like. most of the dialouge]#tw implied child abuse#tw manipulation
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character opinion bingo: Leviathan!
Everyone but me is wrong about them!
Self explanitory methinks
They got done dirty by the fans!
When it comes the the most godawful takes i have EVER seen its always about him
"Oh hes a l*licon" are you fucking insane. Die.
Also idk the way that so many people hc him as unhygenic is like... he's literally a water demon? Why wouldnt he bathe?
They got done dirt by the creator/s!
OH. MY GOD. DONT GET ME STARTED.
How on gods green earth are you going to say that he's the whole entire grand admiral of HELLS NAVY. And then NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN??
I want to study them like a cockroach!
Also self explanitory i want to study him under a microscope.
Whats wrong with them (affectionate)!
Since hes one of my favorites i have to inject him with my autism. It's mandatory sorry
I would never want to meet them!
He would NOT like me.
I cant sit still long enough to watch a full anime so what would take him an hour to fully watch study and memorize would take me like 2 months.
I am the most pisspoor gamer in the history of gamers.
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Some 02 things you might think are dub-exclusive, but actually aren’t
This one’s written for anyone who’s only ever watched 02 through one of its dubs (especially the American English one) and hasn’t been able to verify any of this with the original Japanese version. Because dubs are known for cutting/censoring things depending on market or adding localized jokes (and especially in the case of the American English one, for which 02 was the one with the most aggressive joke-adding and dialogue changes), there are times you might watch certain scenes in 02 and think that this must have been the result of one of these instances.
But no, sometimes 02 really does have moments like these, because why not.
Welcome Milk
“Milk” (from 02 episode 12) is such a strange thing for Starmon to offer the kids, and given that dubs would often censor things like smoking or alcohol or anything particularly disturbing, could it have possibly been originally...?
Nah, it was just milk. For some reason, Starmon just loves to offer everyone Welcome Milk. There was nothing weird in the milk and the milk is pretty much entirely irrelevant to Starmon’s plot, it’s just milk that Starmon offers, because why not.
Honestly, any episode written by Urasawa Yoshio is just kind of like this.
The 8/1 “fraction”
(Thanks to @vethica for the reminder on this one!)
Daisuke’s “idiocy” is somewhat exaggerated in the American English dub, and the Japanese version does have him have a bit more common sense to the point he sometimes asks questions that are too grounded, but nevertheless Daisuke is still very simple-minded and isn’t great at complex topics, so the joke about him misreading the “8/1 Plan” (Odaiba Memorial) as a fraction comes straight from the original. Actually, in the original, it’s even worse because he inverts the fraction and accidentally refers to it as the “one eighth plan”, which of course the others tease him for. (Even scriptwriter Masaki Hiro implicitly teased him about it earlier this year.)
“Disappear” just means “disappear”
A morbid one compared to the more humor-based ones in this list: it’s sometimes been incorrectly reported that Ken outright wished for Osamu to die (in the flashback in 02 episode 23) and that this language was toned down in dubbing. Not true at all -- Ken uses a word that literally means “to not be here anymore”, so Osamu outright dying is supposed to be effectively monkey’s paw wish-granting rather than anything Ken explicitly wanted.
Daisuke asking Tortomon to wash his hands
Yes, Daisuke, on the verge of potential death by Tortomon in 02 episode 22, decided that the best course of action was to at least beg for Tortomon to wash his hands before killing them so they could at least die hygenically.
What did change is the context; the American English dub censored the portions where it was indicated Tortomon was angered because Daisuke and V-mon had accidentally spotted him peeing (or “happily peeing”, as they put it), so this probably contextualizes a bit better why Daisuke was concerned about dying unhygenically. But on the flip side, Kiuchi Reiko’s delivery in the Japanese version makes it all too apparent that Daisuke isn’t saying this as a ploy to distract Tortomon, no, he’s completely serious and genuine about having concerns regarding Tortomon killing them with bad hygiene. That is, indeed, the level of pure-hearted, genuine idiocy Daisuke is perfectly capable of embodying.
(As you might expect, this is another Urasawa episode.)
The Inoue siblings mistaking Miyako’s troubles about Ken to be about her love life
Considering that the Japanese version of 02 was pretty ridiculously subtle about anything in the way of romantic stuff (even including the one-sided and shallow crushes), and the American English dub is the one that inflated anything to do with it all over the board, one might think the moment in 02 episode 25 when the Inoue siblings hear out Miyako’s troubles and mistake it for being about a boyfriend would be one of those additions. Nope, that was in the original Japanese version too.
The only difference is mild context; the original Japanese version includes an implication that part of the conversation happened offscreen, so instead of the Inoue siblings jumping completely to conclusions, it’s implied that Miyako tried to explain the situation as much as she could without giving away the exact details of the Chosen-Kaiser territory war, only for them to take the incomplete information and assume it must be about a boyfriend. The purpose of the scene is probably to make sure it’s apparent Miyako’s investment in this issue is not because of the shallow crush she had on Ken back in 02 episode 8, but rather a very serious one that’s eating at her.
Archnemon throwing a tantrum over a split end
The animation probably gives it away since you can see the hair strand falling off, but Archnemon absolutely did create a Dark Tower Digimon (in 02 episode 26) to terrorize the kids over a split end. She really is that petty.
Yes, there was a stone in the Chinese soup spring
Again, I feel like the animation gives it away here, but 02 episode 36 is about a Chinese soup spring housing a Holy Stone in it. No further context as to how on earth this situation came to be is provided. (Once again, as you might expect, this is an Urasawa episode.)
Well, to be fair, while 02 didn’t show off these factors as much, it’s not like Adventure hadn’t already established that some factors of the Digital World are just bizarre and out of place with no need for explanation.
Takeru and Hikari (and Mimi) deliberately trying to make Daisuke jealous with their New York trip
Since the American English dub loved to inflate anything to do with the (borderline nonexistent in the Japanese version) Daisuke-Hikari-Takeru “love triangle”, and because this is the one movie where most of the world got something closer to the American English dub than the original Japanese version, one might wonder if the part where it was stated Takeru and Hikari’s trip to New York was to make Daisuke jealous would be yet another dub joke...but nope, we even see the email in question written by Mimi to provoke this!
Not only was it from the Japanese version to begin with, it’s actually more prominent because even Mimi is in on it -- and as it turns out, it went way beyond just provoking Daisuke about the Takeru and Hikari issue, all the way into the other photos about New York sightseeing that Daisuke didn’t get to participate in. Mimi inviting Daisuke to make it up to him sometime is presumably why Daisuke takes her up on that offer and goes to visit her one year later.
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Your Friends Were All Standing Around Looking At Your Cock The Other Dayee...
Interior of the farm house. WAYNE, KATY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN stand around the table, looking at something.
KATY: It's a beautiful cock.
WAYNE: Oh, it's a gorgeous cock.
DAN, shifting from foot to foot, uncomfortably: Now I'ms nots denyings that it's a mightys fines cocks. I just thinks its mights not bes appropriates to have sets outs on the supper tables is all.
KATY: Oh Dan, there's been far worse things than a cock on this table.
WAYNE growls: Better not have been them hockey nutsacks.
KATY: I'm a big girl, Wayne. None of your business what nutsacks I'm spending time with.
WAYNE, begrudgingly: True.
DAN: You knows whats you're afters, miss Katys, and that's what I appreciates about you.
KATY, flirtatiously: Oh, is that what you appreciate about me?
WAYNE: Take about ten, twenty percent off her over there Squirrelly Dan.
DAN, looking at the table: Oh hey look. A cock. What is sets most unhygenicallys on the table we eats off ofs.
KATY: Jesus Dan. Hop off our cocks.
WAYNE: Besides, you're a bigger degen than Dary if you eat directly off the table.
DAN: Where is Darys anyways? Ain't like him to miss such a magnificents cocks.
DARY enters the KITCHEN: Sorry I'm late. Spent all morning wrangling my cock into its cage.
DAN, sympathetically: Its was giving yous some troubles thens?
DARY: Kept making itself all big and plumped up. Couldn't get it to fit in the cage. Ended up having to really wrassle with it for a good long while.
KATY: Could say you had to take your cock firmly in hand there, Dary?
WAYNE: Pert near had to choke that chicken, I'd imagine.
DARY: Pert near.
DAN: But yous gots it settled downs and ins its cage?
DARY nods and hefts a rooster in a wire cage into frame: Yup. Tuckered it out eventually. Now it's placid as anything.
WAYNE: Now that's a handsome cock, Dary. A right handsome cock.
DARY, bashful: Aw, it ain't nothing special. Not like yours, Wayne.
WAYNE SHIFTS OUT OF THE WAY. PAN TO ROOSTER ON THE TABLE.
DARY: Now that's a real handsome cock, and well behaved to boot.
WAYNE: Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Youwannaknowwhat? Here's the scoop and I'm gonna tell ya. I look at your cock and I think, well, I think: good for you buddy. Just like, good for you bud. Like I'm real proud of ya, Dary.
DAN: It's a mightys fines cocks, Dary. Yous gots every rights to be prouds.
KATY: Nothing wrong with a spirited cock, anyways.
DARY, bashful: Still reckon yours'll be the cock to beat down the Ag Festival, Wayne.
WAYNE: Oh it's a handsome cock all right.
KATY: A beautiful cock.
WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.
DARY: Not to be pulling your own horn over there.
DAN: Oh yous shoulds nevers do thats. Leastwise nots ins mixed companies.
KATY: Says you.
WAYNE, abrupt: No hard feelings Dary. Regardless of who beats whose cock.
DARY: No hard feelings.
WAYNE holds his hand straight out for DARY to shake: Then may the man with the best cock win.
LETTERKENNY TITLE BUT THERE IS A ROOSTER INSTEAD OF A DOG.
ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF A FAIRGROUD.
EXTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING.
INTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING. WAYNE, KATY, DARY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN are standing around a table with ROOSTERS in cages on it. The DYCKS and the HOCKEY PLAYERS are also there, standing further down the room.
GLEN enters with a clipboard, officiators badge: Wayne! How're you now?
WAYNE: Good'nyou?
GLEN: Oh, I'm just dripping with excitement to be judging all y'alls cocks. Especially yours Wayne.
WAYNE squints into the distance.
DAN: You're judgings the competitions?
GLEN: Indeed I am, Daniel. Although admittedly I misunderstood the nature of the event when I first volunteered to judge. But! I have plenty of experience judging cocks from my years on the family poultry farm. The cocks I raised as a youth...
WAYNE: Pitter patter.
GLEN: Well, fine. If you don't appreciate hearing about my cock judging credentials.
DARY, snickering: Pretty sure pert near everyone in town knows 'bout those.
GLEN: True but uncalled for, Daryl!
NOAH DYCK, joining the hicks: I for one think it is admirable that Preacher Glen has experience handling and judging cocks. And from his boyhood, once.
WAYNE: Noah.
NOAH: Wayne.
DARY: Mr. Dyck.
NOAH: Daryl.
DAN: Noahs Dycks.
NOAH: Daniel. A pity Lovina Dyck could not make it to the cock judging. I'm certain she would have had she known you were showing your cock. For is it not true, mine wife, that the love tree often bears fruit when a young man parades his cock before his sweetheart, once?
ANITA approaches: What nonsense are you speaking now, Noah?
NOAH: Simply that a Dyck chooses a lifemate in part by how well she-
KATY: Or he.
DAN: Ors theys.
NOAH: -raises a cock. Did not you impress me with your cock raising skills when first we were courting?
ANITA, blushing: You say too much, husband.
NOAH: And did not you help raise this cock which I am showing proudly this day, once? Why without mine Anita Dyck's loving and tender hand, this cock would be but small and limp and lifeless.
ANITA: Us Snatches have always had a way with cocks, as well you know.
NOAH: A good thing too. Us Dycks require a skilled hand with raising our cocks. Lovina will be delighted to know you've raised such a magnificent cock as are being shown here this day. Perhaps I shall send one of my young sons to go fetch her, once. So that she might see your cock.
DAN, hurriedly: Oh nos, I'm nots showings anybodys anythings. That's all Waynes and Darys.
GLEN: Daryl! I didn't realize you were showing your cock today too. Oh, this is so exciting! Me, in the middle of a Daryl/Wayne cock sandwich.
WAYNE growls.
GLEN: Although I don't know how I'm supposed to choose between the two of your cocks. I think it will take some lengthy deliberation.
KATY: This is already taking fucking forever, I'm going to go sit down.
DAN: I'll join yous, miss Katys.
KATY as they leave: Still not over Lovina Dyck, eh?
DAN: I don'ts knows that I'll evers stop thinkings abouts Lovinas Dycks, miss Katys. Ands that's a facts.
KATY and SQUIRRELLY DAN exit.
DARY (aside): Katy's right. This is taking fucking forever.
WAYNE to GLEN: I say again. Pitter. Patter.
GLEN whines.
WAYNE: If a man should be one thing, he should be efficient.
GLEN: Fine. Everyone here? Then lets get y'all registered. What's your cocks' names? I'm sure you've come up with some good ones.
WAYNE: Plenty of good names for cocks.
DARY: Oh, you can have a lot of fun naming cocks.
WAYNE: I'm surprised we're not naming cocks right now.
DARY: Could name one after the fictional prizefighter Cocky Balboa.
WAYNE: Or the legendary real life comedian Chris Cock.
DARY: There's always actor and former wrassler Dwayne the Cock Johnson.
GLEN: Ooh, that's a two-for-one special right there.
WAYNE: Or jazz musician John Cocktrain.
DARY: I like that one.
WAYNE: Not too obscure?
DARY: Nah, it's a gooder. Cultured - but not trying too hard.
GLEN: All right, all right. So what are your cocks' names?
DARY: Cock.
GLEN: Come again? And please note, I'm saying that in a completely different context to the one I usually use.
DARY: My cock's called cock. I din't name the damn thing. I know what it looks like.
WAYNE: Well I should hope so.
DARY: And I only got the one. Not liable to mix it up with someone else's cock.
GLEN: Ok. Fine, Dary. Ruin all my fun. TURNS TO WAYNE. What about you, Wayne? What's the big fella called?
WAYNE: Only nutsacks name their cocks.
RILEY breaking into the group around GLEN: We're all saying our cock's names, boys?
JONESY: Just naming silly cock over here, boys?
RILEY: Just christening silly amounts of cock over here, boys?
WAYNE: Again, only nutsacks name their cocks.
GLEN: Yes, boys. Everyone who's entering the cock judging needs to tell me their cock's name so I can make sure to call out the right name during the handling. It's just so embarrassing to call the cock in your hands by the wrong name...
RILEY: We've got a cock to register for judging, boys.
JONESY: Well, really it's Riley's cock we're entering. And it's a real beauty, buddy.
RILEY: Hey, buddy. It's as much your cock as mine. It is a real beauty though buddy.
JONESY: Just a real beauty of a cock here, boys.
RILEY: Half clapper top cheddar.
JONESY: Guaranteed W. Ferda!
RILEY: Ferda!
GLEN: Now boys, we're talking about roosters here, not actual cocks. Don't feel bad - I too was confused at first. So, while I'm sure Riley's cock is just delightful...
JONESY: It is. He's a registered beautician, buddy.
RILEY: Thanks buddy.
GLEN: Yes. But I just want to stress again – this is the animal we're talking about here.
RILEY: Yeah, boys. Cocks.
JONESY holds up a rooster in a cage: And this is our cock:
RILEY: Four time Stanley Cup winner.
JONESY: Four time Vezina Trophy winner.
RILEY: Hockey hall-of-famer.
JONESY: Goaltender extraordinaire.
RILEY: Terry Sawcock. Ferda!
JONESY: Ferda!
DARY (aside): Kinda surprised they have a whole cock between 'em.
WAYNE: Ain't surprised they share it though, fuck.
DARY: Same way they share a set of testicles. And maybe a tongue.
GLEN: Ooh, don't tempt me Daryl.
WAYNE (turns to RILEY and JONESY): Now where in the hell did yous two nutsacks get a cock from anyways? You better not've stolen it right out from under some poor unsuspecting farmer's nose.
RILEY: We bought it down at the feed store boys.
JONESY: Heard about people keeping chickens as pets boys.
RILEY: How they're so cute and cuddly. Plus free eggs boys.
JONESY: Need plenty of protein to keep up with the gains boys.
RILEY and JONESY flex. GLEN watches avidly. WAYNE is unimpressed.
RILEY: Accidentally bought a rooster though buddy.
JONESY (sadly): Can't get eggs from a rooster buddy.
RILEY: Still a good pet though buddy.
JONESY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us buddy.
RILEY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us on the sofa buddy.
WAYNE: Shouldn't keep farm animals as pets. Fuck.
DARY: Farm animals belong on a farm. S'why they're called farm animals.
WAYNE: Like. You wouldn't let a sow into you're living room. And you wouldn't let a cow into your living room. So why the fuck are you cuddling up on the couch with a cock?
JONESY: Shouldn't knock it till you've tried it.
DARY: I'll knock you.
GLEN: Boys please. Lets not fight. Not when we're all gathered here today for such a noble purpose as comparing cocks.
ALL: Fine.
GLEN: All righty now, let's see. We've got Daryl's cock: cock. We've got Wayne's cock: only nutsacks name their cocks. Riley and Jonesy's collective cock: Terry Sawcock. What do you call your cock, Noah?
NOAH: While there are a great quantity of cocks at the Dyck farm, this is our most quality.
WAYNE: Quality Dyck if you will.
GLEN: Quality Dyck it is.
DARY: Sure 'nough.
WAYNE: Like you see that cock and you say, that's Quality Dyck all right. And no mistake.
GLEN: Mhm! And I know from Quality Dyck. Now, if that's everyone, we can get on with the judging...
MCMURRY barges in: Wait! (Approaching WAYNE) Wayne. How're'you'now? Good'n'you. Ohnotsobad. Okay! (Turns to the GROUP) I, McMurry, am entering my cock in this little competition. So all you sumbitches can make a hole.
GLEN: Well someone's all riled up! You can go ahead and enter your cock right here, McMurry. No need to shout.
DARY (angry): Yeah, no need to bust our balls.
WAYNE (placating): Go have a dart.
DARY (begrudgingly): Yeah, I'll have a dart.
WAYNE and DARY exit.
FADE TO BLACK.
ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE AGRICULTURAL FESTIVAL.
ZOOM ON TWO COCK SHAKUR PLAYING FOR A CROWD IN FRONT OF THE AG BUILDING.
PAN OVER KATY AND DAN IN THE AUDIENCE.
ZOOM ON GLEN AS HE ENTERS THE STAGE AT THE FRONT OF THE CROWD.
GLEN: How'reyounow?
AUDIENCE: Good'n'you?
GAIL: All this cock talk's got me wetter than a lighthouse keeper's slicker in a Noreaster, I can tell you that much.
DAN: Gailer!
KATY: First Glen is here judging and now Gail's here.
GAIL approaches KATY and DAN.
DAN: Yeah, Gail. I didn'ts know you were so interesteds in the agriculturals.
GAIL: Less interested in the agriculturals than in seeing some. Good. Hand. Raised. Cock. Specially when I heard Wayne's entered in the cock judging.
DAN to KATY: She knows it's nots actual cocks, rights?
KATY to GAIL: More importantly, is Modean's actually closed?
DAN: Tells me it didn't burns down agains.
KATY: This town needs a fucking bar.
GAIL: Nah, Modean's 3 is still alive and kicking sure as this old goat. But when Glen told me he'd be judging cocks at the agricultural festival I figured the whole fucking town'd be here rather than down Modean's.
DAN: Nots a bad turnsout for Letterkenny's first evers ag festival.
KATY: A great fucking turnout.
GAIL: Plus, I get a chance to see Wayne's cock today – and that's worth a day's profits right there.
KATY: Gross.
GAIL: Not that I've actually lost a day's profits. Bonny's been making the rounds at the Ag festival and apparently, business. Is. Banging.
CUT TO BONNY WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE CROWD WITH A TRAY OF SHOT GLASSES AND BEER BOTTLES.
KATY and DAN whistfully, along with CROWD: Bonny McMurry?
GLEN (impatient): Can I have your attention please!
PAN BACK TO GLEN.
GLEN: The event we've all been waiting for – I know I have – the cock judging. Lets meet our contestants!
GLEN gestures to the stage like a game show host: First up is Wayne!
AUDIENCE applauds.
WAYNE enters with his rooster and stands stoically, hands in belt loops.
GLEN examining the rooster: An impressive cock. Sturdy. Well built. And a real big fella. Nearly eight pounds, and pure muscle. Wayne, I think you've got a real champion cock here.
WAYNE nods stoically.
GAIL: And that's not the only cock of his I hear is impressive.
GLEN: Oooh, tell me more.
WAYNE: Glen.
GAIL: That rooster's not the only cock almost eight somethings.
MCMURRY (from backstage): Wait, is that measured over or under the balls.
GAIL: And plenty of stamina to make it through those cold Canadian winter nights. If. You. Know. What. I. Mean.
GLEN: No, please continue in explicit detail.
WAYNE: Glen!
GLEN: Ok, fine. (Gestures WAYNE to move to the rear of the stage.) Moving along, next up is Dary!
AUDIENCE applauds.
GLEN examining the rooster: Oh, you've got a feisty one here, Dary. Plenty of personality! A little smaller than Wayne's but still an excellent cock. And those freckles are just too cute!
DARY: Aw, thanks Glen.
GLEN: And I'd happily take a look at your other cock if you want, Daryl.
DARY: Thanks for the offer Glen, but like I said, I only got the one.
GLEN: Oh never mind.
GLEN waves DARY off the stage.
DARY moves to stand next to WAYNE.
GLEN: Here's our next contestant, Noah Dyck!
AUDIENCE applauds.
GLEN: Now this is something special, y'all. An excellent example of a Canadian heritage breed, known for being an excellent layer and quite robust as well. Yes, I think we can all agree that this is certainly Quality Dyck right here.
NOAH: Thank you Preacher Glen. Such comments mean much coming from such an experienced judge of cocks as yourself.
GLEN: Oh, Noah. You'll make me blush. (GLEN rapidly ushers NOAH to stand next to DARY and WAYNE) Anywho, our next contestant is Riley and Jonesy!
AUDIENCE applauds with some confusion.
DAN: What, both of thems? Collectivelys?
KATY: It makes sense. They do everything else together.
DAN: Everythings?
GAIL: Ev. Ry. Thing.
DAN: Katy?
KATY: Can confirm.
DAN: Wow. Didn'ts needs to knows thats.
KATY: You did ask.
GAIL: It's not like we gave you a blow. By. Blow account. But if you really want to know...
GLEN: This cock's a little smaller than the ones we've seen previously. Not as much muscle – might want to exercise it a little more, boys. Just really put it through it's paces.
SHORESY: Yeah! Give your balls a tug titfuckers!
RILEY: Fuck you, Shoresy! Where's your cock, if you think you're so good!
SHORESY: Fuck you Riley! If you want to know about my cock, just ask your mom. She saw plenty of it last night. Rode me so hard reverse cowgirl style I thought she was going to snap it off.
JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!
SHORESY: Don't worry, Jonesy. Your mom was there to kiss it all better.
RILEY and JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!
GLEN: Well! All audience commentary aside, I think you've got a very shapely cock, Riley. And I think if you put in the time, worked hard and raised it properly, you could have a real champion cock on your hands.
RILEY: Thanks, boys!
JONESY: Yeah, thanks boys!
GLEN: You're welcome. Now go sit down so we can get to our next contestant!
RILEY and JONESY fistbump and move to join the others.
McMURRY pushes forward through the other contestants: Yes, I McMurry am here to have my cock judged in front of all of you. And I'm gonna win this cocksucking cock competition, just you watch.
MRS McMURRY: Knock 'em dead, baby. Love you.
McMURRY: Love you too baby.
GLEN (awkward): Well, this cock's a little on the small side...
KATY: And that's a little bit of an understatement.
JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: It's fucking tiny, McMurry. I've got a bigger cock hatched out an egg yesterday.
JARED KEESO CHARACTER #2: How'd you get a woman like Mrs. McMurry with a tiny cock like that?
JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: You're a piece of shit, McMurry.
MRS McMURRY: Don't listen to him. Your cock's perfect, baby.
GLEN: Yes, well. They say it's not size that counts, but in this case – and a few others – that's just not true. Sorry, McMurry. You're out of the competition.
McMURRY: Goldangit all! (Exits STAGE mumbling profanities)
MRS McMURRY rushes after him.
GLEN: Now on to our last competitor! Modean Three's own Bonny McMurry!
AUDIENCE applauds.
DAN: I's hads no ideas she raised cocks.
KATY: I seem to remember her raising your cock pretty frequently there Dan.
DAN: I seems to remembers yous were plentys affected as well, Miss Katy.
KATY: What can I say? I like a woman with a championship cock.
GLEN: And what an excellent cock it is! A little on the slender side, but shapely! And what a lovely temperament. Outgoing without being pushy! Oh, it's just gorgeous!
WAYNE (aside to Dary): Now that's a lovely cock.
DARY: It's a beautiful cock for sure.
WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.
GLEN: I think we have a winner folks! Let's hear it for Bonny McMurry's excellent cock!
FADE OUT TO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AS BONNY McMURRY ACCEPTS A TROPHY.
SHOT OPENS ON THE PRODUCE STAND. WAYNE, DAN, AND DARY ARE SITTING IN THEIR USUAL SEATS WITH THEIR USUAL PUPPERS. KATYS CHAIR IS TAKEN BY WAYNE AND DARY'S ROOSTERS.
DAN: Recon Miss Katies is going to wants her seats back anytimes soons?
WAYNE: I imagine she's occupied for the evening.
DARY: Can't really blame her. I mean, who knew Bonny McMurry had such a championship cock?WAYNE: Hell, anybody'd want to go celebrate down MoDean's after a win like that. She's more than earned it, showing up all our cocks like that.
DARY: Still, there's no shame in coming second, good buddy.
DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.
WAYNE: I reckon you're right there, Dary. Andyouwannaknowwhat? Ain't no shame in coming third neither.
DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.
WAYNE stands and holds his hand out for DARY to shake: Congratulations Dary. That's a mighty fine cock you've got there.
DARY stands and shakes WAYNE's hand: Not as nice as yours, Wayne. Congratulations on the cock.
WAYNE and DARY sit.
WAYNE looks at where the roosters are sitting next to each other: Well, I'll give those hockey nutsacks this. They are cuddly little fuckers, aren't they?
DARY hawks a loogie in agreement.
WAYNE: Still not letting 'em in the fucking house though.
WAYNE, DARY, and DAN take a drink of PUPPERS.
CREDITS ROLL.
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PLEASE stop being racist and calling Jon, who is almost always portrayed as a brown man in Fandom Hivemind headcanon, a dirty stinky feral rat bastard man. The problem with saying those things about Jon is that POC are often stereotyped as “wild”, “untamed”, or “savage” (a.k.a. feral, I know that it’s a meme phrase nowadays but please still think before you use it) and had their oppression justified by white people saying that they were “like wild animals”. The idea that brown people are “unclean” or “unhygenic” is a common racist stereotype. In the story, it is asserted multiple times that organization is important to Jon, he actively avoids conflict (”I am not a brave man”, Melanie can’t believe he would ever murder someone, he doesn’t want to leave the cabin during the apocalypse), and his attitude towards the corruption seems to point towards the idea that he disapproves of uncleanliness.
You know who’s really a dirty stinky rat man? Jurgen Leitner. He was living in the catacombs under the institute for what, almost 15 years? I doubt he had his own bathroom while he was scuttling around down there. He’s probably filthy, and I know that many people would get great satisfaction from calling him a dirty smelly rat (he could’ve donated all that money to the homeless or somebody else in dire need of it but nooo, he spends it all on Murder Books and Hiding In A Tunnel).
If you want to call somebody a feral bastard man, how about Elias? He bashed someone’s head in with a pipe! Martin and Melanie were mildly inconveniencing him, and he was like, “Fair Enough, I Am Going To Inject Trauma Directly Into Your Veins”. Elias Bouchard can and will go absolutely wild when he wants to. He acts like he has it all together, but when he gets mad he always goes for the throat immediately. Other than his extreme thirst for power and knowledge, there’s a reason he’s an avatar of the Eye and not the Web and that reason is because he’s too violent and unpredictable for its finely woven plans.
Probably a lot of people don’t realize that they’re being racist when they refer to Jon as these things, but they still need to stop. Be careful what you say about POC characters and be careful which characters you headcanon as POC, because racial stereotypes are no joke.
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MHA Characters As Things I've Said/Heard Part 5
This is probably the final one folks! It was a nice ride:
---------------
Present Mic: And his name was Prince Arthur....where else have we heard this name?
Kaminari:...Shrek?
Kirishima: yeah, Shrek right?
Mina: Pretty sure it was Shrek
Present Mic:...
Momo softly: King Arthur...from the Arthurian legends
Present Mic leaning in almost in tears: Thank you. Thank you so much
--------------
Tsuyu and Uraraka:*drawing on each others paper*
Mina: Pft! Why you guys doodling on each others paper like lovesick idiots?
Tsuyu: Would you like us to doodle on yours too?
Mina:....please i want love
-------
Midoryia: Ugh I had to get up at 5 in the morning to finish Aziawa's paper
Shinsou:...I hate you
Midoriya: What? Why?!
Shinsou: I regularly wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning
Midoryia:WHY?!
Shinsou: Chronic depression and insomnia
------
Mina and Kaminari:*make eyecontact while cheating*
Mina:...What are you doing?
Kaminari: what are YOU doing?
Mina:...I won't say anything if you don't
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Iida: Shouldn't you be sleepy?
Midoryia: Im too scared to be sleepy anymore
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Aizawa: Yamada, are you STILL talking?
Mic: I have a bachelors in speaking
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Mina: Wow Momo you look nice with your hair down, why don't you leave it down
Momo: I put my hair up when I'm stressed
Mina: Haha but your hair....your hair is always up....
Momo:...I said what I said
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Kirishima: Hey bro I watched like two 1 and a half hour long John Mulaney shows and I need some human interactions, can we hang out?
Bakugou: Why?
Kirishima: Why I watched two 1 and a half hour long John Mulaney shows? Well I'm depre-
Bakugou: No I don't care, why did you decide to bother me?
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Bakugou in the kitchen at 2 a.m. singing into a spoon and dancing: you probably think yOURE BETTER NOW BETTER NOW YOU ONLY SAY THAT CAUSE IM NOT AROUND! NOT AROUND!
Bakugou dancing: YOU KNOW I NEVER MEANT TO LET YOU DOWN! LET YOU DOWN!
Bakugou turning around: I WOULD'VE GAVE YOooouuuuu....
Kirishima:....
Bakugou:...how long have you been there?
Kirishima: Since you started dancing to the beat
Bakugou slowly picking up a knife:...im sorry but no one else must know
-------
Shinsou laying on Aizawa's chest:...holy sHit DAD
Aizawa: what
Shinsou: you have a heart beat!
Aizawa:..Duh, why wouldn't I?
Shisou: I dunno I just kinda forgot you were alive and not some demonic presence nursing me
Aizawa throwing him off the bed: I HATE BEING YOUR FATHER
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Mic holding out arms: Eri! You want to give your other dad a hug?
Eri:*waddles past Mic and to Aizawa*
Mic sitting on the ground: No. Of course not. You only love him
-------
Kaminari:*spits out red stuff and brushing teeth* that's either the takis from eailer or blood
Iida: Spit again
Kaminari:*spits a lot more red*
Iida sighing: Of course, of course its both.
-------
Kaminari: your legs are hairy
Mina:..And?
Kaminari: isn't that a bit unhygenic?
Mina: Kaminari I've seen you eat a m&m covered in mud and grass
Kaminari: THAT WAS A DARE AND FOR 2 DOLLARS DONT BRING THIS UP
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Yamada: Ai! The coffee is hot!
Shinshou: no it isn't you are just weak
Yamada: Really? Then drink it
Shinshou:*while maintaining eye contact chugs the entire cup*
Yamada:....
Shinshou slamming the cup down: Coward.
Yamada:what have i created
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Iida: I thought we made progress!!!
Midoryia: We did! I only cried last night alone in my room
Uraruka: Oh baby no.
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Ectoplasm: Kirishima! What's the answer
Kirishima without skipping a beat: The answer is 2x to the second power plus 7x plus 49 over 16
Bakugou: hOLY SHIT YOU LISTENED TO ME
Kirishima: Im a dumbass who can learn occasionally
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Kaminari: Aizawa! I have an average of 56! Put in grades so it can go up!
Aizawa: if I put your grades in your averge would drop lower
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Aizawa: Shinsou go do your chores now.
Mic: Ha! Loser!
Shinsou: You're the one married to him. Loser
-----------------
Sero and Kaminari:*see a spider after watching into the spiderverse*
Sero: COME HERE LITTLE BUD! BITE ME
Kaminari pushing him: NO! FUCK OFF I WANT TO BE SPIDERMAN
Sero:YOU DONT GET TO STAN SPIDERMAN I'VE BEEN A FAN SINCE THE BEGINNING
Mina: Why don't you both be spiderman? Anyone can wear the mas-
Sero and Kaminari: NO!
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Kyotoku: I don't want your boyfriends germs all over the bed
Jirou: I DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND
Kyotoku: Or girlfriend or whatever
Jirou: I GOT NO ONE!! ACCEPT THAT YOUR DAUGHTER AINT GOT NO GAME
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Aizawa running out of the classroom: MINA ASHIDO GET BACK HERE
Mina: NO!
Mina:*books it down the hall and smashes out the door*
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Yamada: Whose here?
Aizawa: The slut
Midnight throwing open the door: HEYO
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Mina: Thank you Sato! I'll bring you candy tomorrow
Sato: No. Please no more candy no
Mina: if not candy then what would you want?
Sato: A healthy balanced meal
Kaminari: Ramen it is then!
Sato: NO
-----
Midoriya: There have been many attempted murders on me. Sadly none have successed
--------
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
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Hello Ladies, Gents, and Anynone else who do not fall under those terms!
Today, I will be talking about how I first got into Onision, or as I used to only know him as: UhOhBro.
So, this was around when I started to grow out of the usual kid youtubers (at around age 10–11) and started to look for more of the teenager targeted youtubers. I started to watch TheRPGMinx, Markiplier, Jacksepticeye, Shane Dawson, and i think a few other people.
Then there was one that really caught my eye. A channel named UhOhBro with a pretty short video. Looks like Comedy... sure, why not?
I regret that day so much for the pain that it has caused me and my growth.
For probably the first month, i just lightly watched his UhOhBro comedy stuff whenever a new video came out. Probably 2 to 5 minutes, then I go on with my day and forget about it, as its only purpose was to give me temporary entertainment.
Now, i dont think I got too invested into it all until around 12 and a half (i will talk about that time period in a different post). During the months leading up to that though, it was weird to say the least.
I sort of just stopped watching other youtubers, as each day UhOhBro had posted a new video. I also binged a lot of his playlists, as he had thousands of videos on his Channel. This was before his “i rate your bodies”, and all of the stuff involving requests from his forums.
Looking back at it, my humor got more dark and twisted, but yet more childish and immature.
I started to get minorly more self concious and hateful towards my body (i wasn’t the most slim and in-shape of children, and still the same way) but i wasnt necessarily fat. I got more insecure about my sexuality. Was I really gay if I didnt overtly sexualize women?
Was it weird to have romantic feelings towards them?
Was i really unlazy and unhygenic if i didnt wash the entirity of my body (including hair) every day? (Also learned that is pretty bad, even if you moisturize, as it damages your skin and strips the natural oils and wax that protects your hair and skin)
Am i dumb to not be looking up a definition of a common word every five seconds? (You’re an idiot, greg, if you didnt retain the vocabulary you learn in elementary school.)
This was before i started watching “Onision Speaks”, which is before my era of being a cunt to every religious, male, female, and even 1 ib overweight person around me. Those were rough days, but ill talk about it a different time.
I was starting to get weirdly sucked into a trance and manipulation of sorts. Each video he would say you’re beautiful no matter what, but then go on to critique every little fkn thing with an image of a model or actress.
Would say that your sexuality doesnt define you, then go on to essentially one-sided sexually harass andy biersack and any young looking female he found pictures of.
He had a ton of red flags that were very obvious now looking back at them.
But i was a very, very, gullible child.
And continued to be, until around when i was turning 14.
For three to four years, I was manipulated. During those years, i honestly and whole heartedly believe my growth was stunted in some aspects. I know for a fact i have major depression and anxiety. I got body issues now im trying to recover from. I hate presenting myself as feminine, and despise it when any feminine traits of mine are pronounced. just from how much i dont want my body to be sexualized that way out of paranoia. And so much other shit that impacts my life in their minor little ways.
To younger me, he was an Idol in a way. He talked about more serious topics, and seemed to portray a mature and self love message (that later revealed itself to be laced with hypocrisy).
He began to be everything to me.
He was an adult who acted foolishy mature.
I started to love and follow him.
He was becoming my god.
I do not want to end this off on a mad or aggressive note, so I will leave you all with a guideline i like to follow nowadays.
“Find idols and use them to inspire you to do good. Watch or listen to them for entertainment. Listen to their beliefs and support them if you agree. But dont for one second think they aren’t replaceable if they do shitty things. Sure they might make good music, tell funny jokes, seem to have a good stance on certain minority rights, but that doesnt mean shit if they are hurting people. If the things they say directly affect or hurt people (that aren’t bigots of course), then re-evaluate how you look at them. If they apologize and make progress to learning what they did wrong and changing that view, then respect that. It doesnt make what they said meaningless, but it shows they are willing to learn. If they turn out to be non-willing to learn, then drop them in your past. We have so many celebrities and potential idols nowadays, you can find a new one to support. Cherish the ones that have stayed in your life though, for the ones that stay in your heart can truly inspire you.”
That is just a rough outline of it, since im struggling to find where i wrote it out completely. Its very late at night so im trying my incoherent best to write it from memory.
@basement-critics thanks to your blog, or else i probably wouldnt start sharing my journey through hell: beginning at the age of 11
#anti-o#anti o community#anti onision#trigger warning possibly#first post#of my journey through onion hell#journey through hell series
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liveblog: bnha/mha, vol. 14
we left off with me wanting to give kacchan the biggest hug possible because he thinks he's responsible for all might's power-loss. nothing else from the previous volume matters because only kacchan matters! but also midoriya got his provisional license, kacchan and shouto did not, himiko has a "metamorphosis" power and at some point afo will get out of tarturus. onward!
ch. 119
midoriya: "i'm not gonna be your sandbag, kacchan!"
my babbyyyyyy
midoriya: "you were so amazing, it was blinding!"
look, y'all, if i hadn't already fallen down the bakudeku rabbit hole i'd be fucking swinging down the rope by this point
also, midoriya can do 8% power now!!! good for him :)
ch. 120
oh so is this chapter spread where that fantasy au started? because i really like it!
midoriya: "when i feel like 'i have to win!' more than i feel that 'i have to help!' my language becomes more vulgar and i thoughtlessly run my mouth. it really should be a part of myself that i hate but somewhere inside me... you're that image of 'victory.'"
like how am i supposed to read that and not just let my brain run away??
but also i am here for midoriya possibly accepting his own self, taking his own advice!!
hey all might
kacchan: "i'm fucking weak!! that's why you're... like that!!"
:(
i'm honestly very happy that kacchan was able to express himself! he's definitely an action-forward guy, but he can clearly verbalize what he need as well
all might's correct that kacchan's still too young (and midoriya) - they are only 15 after all, you defintely don't have the full grasp of anything at that age, haha
kacchan told midoriya to not lose since all might has laid the path out for him and midoriya said he'd get stronger
all they needed was a fist bump against a sunset and it would've been a picture perfect shounen moment haha
ch. 121
kacchan saying he'll still surpass all might, and midoriya, and midoriya saying he'll surpass kacchan as well
this is what i love
all might: kaccan has an inferiority complex
oh they're both under house arrest!
stop yes!!!!!! tey're tlaking as they vaccum the living room!!!!
is this how their partnership starts?? i hope so!!!
and we see the other yuuei classes! and shinsou!
i don't know his name, but i recognize that profile!
ch. 122
present mic teaches english WITH ENTHUSIASM
oh so this dude can phase through walls?
"the big three"
ch. 123
the dude who phased through walls took his clothes off during the sports festival last year???
amajiki can't do public spekaing and he's imaging class 1-A's heads as potatoes bye
.... okay
huh, less than 5min and toogata mirio (good to know his name) has defeated basically the whole class by himself
nice
ch. 124
mirio has a "boring" power but i really like the setbacks n it!
honestly, this author does a brilliant job on the limitations for these powers
but mirio thinks that "sir" will like midoriya, espcially since midoriya tried to strategize.
makes me wonder who mirio is interning under but i'm not gonna concern mysef with that at the moment
midoriya wants to become the no. 1, as he thinks about kacchan...
literally writes itself
oh all might had a sidekick??
so we got a few panels of overhaul in the last chapter, and here he is again! and the (presumed) ex-sidekick is one his case!
the dude with the (literal) split personality is called "twice"
which is definitely gonna be annoying for tagging purposes because there's a kpop group by the same name
ch. 125
"in a world bereft of its symbol, evil thrives"
chils!
overhaul: "looks unhygenic. this the base?"
all i can see in my mind is that elephant from tarzen
"i'm gonna catch something" "no worries since everyone's sick anyways!"
oh overhaul is yakuza! cool
overhaul: "there's another term for a goal without a plan to back it up, and that's 'pipe dream.'"
this is the secodnt ime for sure that shigaraki (shiragaki?) has been told that he has no plan by outsiders, the first being dabi (where is he????) so like... bro get a plan together haha
overhaul just told shigaraki that they should join him - this dude officially has the biggest balls in this building
overhaul just fucking exploded the dude with the cannon!!!
overhaul made a STATEMENT!!! nad i'm here for it wow
ch. 126
yuuei told class 1-A to give up on internships hahaha
midoriyaaa!! <3
ah so mirio trains under sir night! who used to be all might's sidekick - the connections are made
oh sir night forewarned all might about something? i wonder wht specifically
i love my son midoriya <3 <3 <3
if all might never met midoriya, then mirio would'e been all might's successor!
though i actually wonder if that would've been try because mirio was just a potential candidate - and we know that all might was picky about who to choose
sir night lieks to laugh!!!
a character designed by a fan, nice!
sir night has a fucking tickle machine bYE
i'm fucking dying XD
ch. 127
god i hope sir night and midoroya bond over their admiration obsession of all might!
midoriya: "if i tried to move forward at the same pace as everyone... then i'd never reach the top!"
THAT'S MY BOY!!!
only becsue it's suh a huge part of my life but sir night's 'foresight' ability absolutely reminds me of the sharingan, but i like the time limit and the necessity to touch
"HE'S NOT THE KIND OF KID WHO'S SO USED TO REJECTION ANYMORE!!"
DAMN RIGHT HE'S NOT!!!!!!
ch. 128
midoriya passed the test, partly becaus he never toushed any of the all might posters on the walls
overhsul is also called "chisaki" and i don't know what that name means but i like the way it sounds
"t/n: one of the kanji in chisaki's name means 'medical treatment/cure'" nice
midoriya's first day at the office and he's set to do surveillance of the eightfold cleansers
first day on the job and midoriya meets overhaul, amazing! and alittle girl named eri
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