#anyway sorry for the vent jesus

[gendervapor14]

i’m so jealous of people who can write or create before or after a work shift… i don’t understand how you do it. on a day i work, i wake up. eat. dress. go to work. come home. eat. shower. and then immediately pass out. where do you find the time and energy for this

#genrambles #anyway that’s why my writing speed is like a snail’s pace since i started working full time #i can only create on my days off #and i assumed everyone who works was the same but apparently not #and sometimes on my days off i’m still so exhausted from work i can’t write #or i have to do other adult reponsibilities #it sucks i feel like i’m trapped in a cage #anyway sorry for the vent jesus

[mlm-blues]

.

#vent ish #it doesnt fuckin get better🙏🏽 #so sick and tired idk what to do anymore #bro i hate that i vent so much on here jesus fucking christ shut up!!!!!!!!!! #sorry. Anyway

[bat-the-misfit]

i only know two Ni doms irl but they're both driving me crazy

#internet people be like “oh ni doms are so mystical and clairvoyant” no they're not #lemme tell you what they are they're ANXIOUS #and they're making me ANXIOUS TOO #i love you ni doms but pls stop predicting your life in 20 years you could die tomorrow #i'm sorry but it's the truth the future holds so many possibilities that can ruin your “vIsIOn” #pls use your inferior Se once pls i beg you i promise you won't die if you live in the moment for 5 minutes #“Bat you don't use Se you can't complain about them” i know but at least i can switch between my Ne and my Si sometimes #one of them (INTJ) says EVERY SINGLE DAY: “i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that and i also have this project for next month and-” #but he never does anything which translates to “what the hell happened to his Te?” #his Ni must want to choke his Te #and then there's my mother (INFJ) who not only keeps telling everyone what she's gonna do ignoring the fact that Stuff Happens (inf Pe agai #but whenever smth bad happens she always think it's “meant to be” and “part of the process of people's soul growth” #i vent to her and she's like “this is what g0d chose to you as a mission for your soul to evolve" #no wonder jesus was an INFJ as well their Ni-Fe is so pUrPOsE oF LIfE #mom i just wanted to tell you my day sucks idc about my mission on earth i just wanted you to comfort me #i know we all should be kind and avoid being superficial but sometimes shit happens and it's not bc of our spiritual growth or whatever #sometimes life sucks and we don't learn anything with that and sometimes we have to be mean with people #bc they suck or bc they're mean to us #well aNYWAY #tio morcego tá azedo #every cognitive function is amazing on their own way but each one of them will drive you crazy #there's no better type or function: everyone will drive you crazy #today i'm pissed with ni doms tomorrow i could be pissed with se doms which are their opposite types so who knows? #you can't escape it you will want to choke people of all types #if you only hate one or a few types only you're not studying mbti right you have to be pissed off with all types #same with the opposite if you only like one or a few types you're not studying mbti right #you have to love every type with a passion that no one can explain #if you don't get why a type is so special and so annoying at the same type you're not studying mbti right #i just complained about ni doms but i could write why i also love them in two minutes after i post this #ok i'll stop now i'm rambling too much

[sevenyeargap]

.

#BIG big old vent post coming up ... I'm sorry but i need to get this out bc im doing Bad bad #but. sighs. don't you love having a Good Day for once - when you're able to go home and not feel utterly exhausted and you're also able to #go buy groceries bc you want to cook for once!!!! but then your mom UTTERLY ruins it. by telling you you're useless and dumb 🙃🙃🙃 #idk man i finally wanted to do something that was not rot in bed tonight and guess what ive been going #i haven't even been able to put my pjs on so im still fully clothed... in bed ....... #im ngl im dreading Moving Back Home in two months #bc i moved out so that i wouldn't have to deal with her all the time and yet!!!!!!! it's like it's HER home now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #she treats me like im fucking five and not an actual adult. jesus #okay anyway that was all im crawling back to the depression hole for an even longer time than expected 🤞

[qveerthe0ry]

:(

#lowkey sad that HBO cancelled our flag means death even though my interest in it faded after season two #but like can the queers have ONE thing!?!? #Jesus Christ #HBO cut their budget in half and made them water down the script and shorten it by 2 episodes all for it to get cancelled? #and it did so well too? can’t fathom why it would be cancelled #it’s giving ​home of phobia #also I’m trying to finally finish this fuckin riding joel WIP but I just keep crying instead bc my hormones are real messy rn #anyways #do people still vent in the tags??? is that still tumblr etiquette? #sorry if it’s not but it’s been like 7 years I’m rusty

[theloveinc]

wow therapy was so awful

#and i am so broken LMFAOOOOO #he was like ' i literally don't know how to work with u bc ive never met anyone with your kind of thinking' #and he. yelled at me #in like a stern way bc he said he wants me to be happy #and fundamentally i am not nor am i wired for it #and i cried #and he said he was going to continue to be stern with me #and compared me to a baby at a*schwitz #ive never had such an intense visit #jesus lord #sorry to vent but i have no where else and YIKES #apparently i also need to stop....... feeling like i'm the problem #and trying not to offend people bc i have no control over others feelings #which hits home cuz. remember the blocking thing. LOL #anyway #was gonna answer more asks but i must. recover. #and it might be soon #and might not #caitie blabs

[eggthew]

I'm gonna make a doctors appointment to try and get some sleep meds or something and sort a few other things out. I'm not sure if I should go down to my parents (doctor there knows me, but staying at my parents place will trigger an Episode) or if I find a new doctor here (get to stay home but will probably have to fight for my life to get the doctor to take me seriously which will trigger an Episode)

#i remember one of the last times I went to a new doctor. and he asked the how was your childhood question WHILE MY DAD WAS IN THE ROOM BTW #and i kinda went yknow not great but its whatever. didn't go into detail because it wasnt fucking relevant to the appointment #and he gave me a look that was sooo condecending and went was it REALLY that bad hmmm so i just said one of the more prominent things #to shut it up and oh my god it drove me insane. doctors don't be fucking assholes challenge #and then on the drive home my dad was like oh I didn't know ////// affected you still. are you fucking kidding me. #ANYWAYS SORRY FOR ALL THE FUCKING VENTING. JESUS. #egg talks

[plinkcat-gif]

every once in a while i remember i was mormon and i think it's so funny that kind of none of the mormon (or even christian) ideals made an impression on me simply because my attention could not be held in that boring ass church. like idk if you wanted me to read the bible or not drink coffee maybe you should've not been so fucking boring. spiky boring ass blue gray carpet. frosted glass windows i couldn't people watch out of. same jesus painting on either side of the building. all i remember liking from church was getting CTR (choose the right) rings because i thought jewelry was so cool but id always lose them like a day later lmao

#i did not know how to navigate the bible. still don't #never read it also. so i never answered questions. only went to girls camp cause it was fun not cause i like cared about religion #we'd give little um testimonies? i think? at the end and i just used it to vent and then tacked on 'anyway jesus is helping me get through #this' at the end to make it sound like i cared #i was denied a temple recommend (< admittance to the temple) because i didn't go to church and read the bible enough💀 #i remember a comment a couple days ago that said 'i hated singing families will be forever' because my dad didn't believe and therefore was #going to hell. and i was like WOW i feel like that wiuldve like. had an impact on me???? but those lessons literally never made it to my #brain. i was just so hungry and bored all 3 hours of church #vent #anyway. sorry about that damn i went off. just thinkin and remembering some stuff

[talkorsomething]

Trying to tell myself something is better than nothing while also knowing i'm lazy as shit. Yes we will be doing something but at what cost

#winterguard #(related anyways this is primarily a vent blog sorry) #dayton in a week! dayton in a week! apparently i will die if i practice! #we have 5 dance warmups & ive only done 2 of them so far yesterday and today #no stretching either . i have landed in the hell dimension #where i so desparately want to do things & then I JUST DONT #like ????????? @ me make up ur mind jesus christ

[barredandromeda]

imsoo normal about guys byw

#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die #fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die #cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh #i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever #this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi #the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare #serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home #everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump #anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms #killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti #save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight #on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work #lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush #cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav #the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms #i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him #sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls #i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim #all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family #noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me #sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep #ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep #post #erics tag #delete later #serenity needs this as a ref in the morning #i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason #shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much #gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb

[wyverwithy]

i love my sibling but every time they go to visit their girlfriend they bring back disease bc they dont fucking mask or wash their hands or fucking anything and i'm tired of getting sick! frankly! this 👌 close to blowing this whole house up

#.txt #vent #dad also said i was being melodramatic and masking isnt required anymore and i almost bit his fucking head off #you'd think living with two immunocompromised people would make the two healthy ones be more conscious of this shit #but they're as fucking dumb and selfish as every other abled person i've come across so ig i shouldnt be shocked lmao #anyway. sorry for being pissy lately so many things are pushing me over the edge. jesus christ

[sheepston]

Ngl talking about people getting banned & how the staff on fight rising handle bans a lot of the time always makes me anxious cos, way back when, I was the Internet Hub for a bunch of my irl friends whose families couldn’t afford data (aus net was SO BAD and expensive) & they could ONLY play at my house or via my phone & like. I absolutely would not put it past my old abuser* (who knew this) to try and dress up the fact they gave me in-game shit to pay for art commissions as “SEE she’s multi-accounting!!” like. Ough.

The worst part is I can’t even reassure myself that this is an irrational fear cos they have done some NASTY things to people before out of spite and were a chronic liar who frequently sent me faked screenshots to try and isolate me from my friends

#*actually a dangerous sex offender who has run targeted harassment again asexuals and trans women #not to mention that according to rumours ive heard from people who’ve passed them by theyre burning through friends at a rapid rate #which means their behaviour hasnt changed and has probably gotten worse #i still worry that theyre gonna make accounts on something and pretend to be me to cause problems for me #and i absolutely would not put it past them to see that i still love playing fr and then try to take it from me #also no i wont name them they know where i live and they are DANGEROUS dangerous so sorry #idk if theyre active on fr anymore cos i do NOT check on them but also nobody in the fr community here ever mentions/tags/reblogs from/etc #them so i dont think that theres a risk of anyone here stumbling across them #and tbh youre all so lovely i feel like if you DID see them you’d all be like ‘JESUS christ’ and auto-block their freak ass #anyway uhhh idk where i was going with this i just get kinda?? triggered by things that remind me of their behaviours and how they might #try and hurt me even now years later and it freaks me out a lot #personal #vent #negative

[baldurs-gate-official]

God once my situation is better and I actually get the motivation to write/draw again? I will be unstoppable.

#personal #I'm so so tired #and i've been working so hard to make sure I'll be free. every time I think im done more just keeps piling on. but im so so close to freedo #just a little less than 2 weeks now #ill be able to eat when im hungry and drink when im thirsty and not worry about how much noise im making and ill be able to sleep #like jesus christ just to be able to SLEEP. for years i slept by keeping lights on so it wouldnt look like i was sleeping #and i had to be ready to be wide awake/pretend i wasnt sleeping in a moments notice #These weeks can't pass fast enough #I just want a home. So so badly #and freedom. and food. and safety. #and to not feel like a burden #ill have my own bed too. an actual bed. something soft that doesnt hurt #even gonna have a bathtub. its gonna be so relaxing. #i miss art and i miss writing. i really hope once things are settled that i can get back to that #it doesnt feel real yet #ive fought so hard to be free my whole life and now its so close #sorry i just need to vent and no one reads tags like these anyway so it works #sort of #everything is so overwhelming #q

[madi-maxx]

How do you apologize for dropping off the face of The Earth?

For staring at unanswered texts and calls with anxiety and, what, procrastination?

I know I don’t deserve forgiveness for this.

I know exactly how horrifying silence can be.

What is the saying:

something something long enough to be the villain

something something.

They haunt my dreams

The ones that I let down.

I see him in the background

and I must turn away

even in my own brain.

I’m acting like this is some heartfelt poem when it is not. I was manic then and I’m sure I’m manic now. But really every dream he’s there and Jesus Christ it’s kind of starting to get to me. It’s been a year and I can’t move on from that final, well deserved goodbye text after half a year of silence.

I didn’t deserve that goodbye text.

And the fucking ego I have trying to, what, romanticize this? Beg for virtual forgiveness on the sins of my own making?? Write shit like that when I don’t deserve the metaphors?

Do you hope they see? Selfish Selfish Selfish.

Fucking most painful way to end an interaction. But at least I won’t have to face any conflict Any conversation Any worry Only guilt

I’m sorry.

I’m so happy you moved on from me. Not in a self-destructive way, because sometimes it feels like that but really- You need friends that are there for you.

Not Only guilt

#vent #Jesus Christ I’m just gonna toss this into the void and hope it gives even a minuscule amount of closure #when you realize you are the toxic one :) #Jesus Christ it never even clicked in my head that I can’t just stop talking to someone #I was selfish enough to think I could just reply back one day with a ‘oh sorry’ #I wasn’t even able to comprehend others feelings #I want to swear I’m not a narcissist but my actions don’t reflect that path #anyways kids smoke weed do drugs eat your teeth

[seventh-district]

.

#vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #i wanna vent but. i don’t even know what to say #maybe i’ll just go write something instead. like. fiction. a story. #get the pain out by putting it into a story instead. #it worked with Paralyzed. and it seemed to be appreciated by/helpful to a number of other people as well. maybe it’ll work again #don’t know if i can though. brain just wants to clock out for the rest of the day #but i can’t vent abt this here cause i do that enough already and it just makes people feel sorry for me #i appreciate the concern i just. i don’t want to drag anyone else down anymore #i’m the way that i am because other people couldn’t keep their trauma to their selves. or deal with it in appropriate ways #so maybe i’m not any better than them if i keep subjecting people to all my negative emotions every time i’m upset #like. where does the cycle end. i feel like a container that people keep dumping their life’s waste in and i just have to. hold onto it #because if i go and dump it somewhere else then it’s just someone else’s problem to clean up #what do i do with it all though. it’s making me sick. #how do i process it and purify it into something that can safely be put back into the world when i feel like i’m going to explode #i’m just so tired of the yelling. how loud can a humans voice even get jesus fucking christ #i don’t know why it’s so terrifying. they’re just words. i mean they’re not. they’re not baseless threats. ive learned that from experience #anyways i’m sharing too much again. i gotta stop mentioning so many specifics on this blog cause one day someone irl will find it #and ohhhhhh the fallout that would cause! terrifying #so i should. choose my words more carefully and be a bit less specific in these vent posts going forward #anyways. today was going great until i got triggered pretty badly again so. i guess i can kids the rest of my plans goodbye for today #i’ve been productive for 12 hours now though so. good enough i guess. #still really wanted to be able to enjoy my evening and be Social but i don’t think i can anymore. i’ll try again tomorrow #i did manage to pack the work i had planned for the next three days all into today though so that’s good. #helps free up a bit of my packed schedule for the rest of this month. hopefully i’ll be able to make good use of the extra time #but knowing myself i might just squander it on something unhealthy and self-indulgent #whadaya want from me im just a tired little creature trying to survive in a harsh environment #so sometimes doing my best is ignoring everything and sitting alone in the dark eating pasta while watching ppl play shitty horror games

[kleptoballs]

this is too cringe for anywhere else but here’s some mentally ill art i did in 30mins instead of relapsing!! yippee for that!

i feel a bit better but still not great, just trying to find better ways to cope cuz im spiraling rn and dont feel in control of myself and its not fun :(

#sorry about this #but its whats happening #im sorry #im sorry. #i think the kleptoballs with the :3 face juxtaposes all of it and its kinda funny #the quality’s poo but it adds a certain charm to the overal thing #anyways this probly has some trigger warnings so #tw #implied suicidal thoughts #implied sh tw #vent #vent art #also when spotifys nots playing dental care by owl city will just randomly start playing #and i find that to be more funny than annoying so ima say thats a grams worth of keeping me afloat rn #god these tags are a mess i just want to feel like im inside my own mind again. jesus christ