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seventh-fantasy · 5 months

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friendships as marital ties (and other notes on relational ties) in mlc

this is sort of a third installment in the series of meta on 'mlc as an exemplar of constructing queer narratives out of chinese ideological frameworks' (1. jianghu as queer space and 2. how it manifests in li xiangyi) - focusing on the nature of relationships in it. (which I've briefly mentioned in the first one and finally actually getting to it!!)

I would like to first call attention to chinese ideological frameworks as a premise of queer reading in mlc. the goal of chinese philosophy is to explore the becoming of human, taking two broad paths of the (mainstream) secular vs. escaping the secular. (these two paths are not a strict dichotomy, and rather, are ever in flux and in conversation with each other.) as said by @markiafc too, chineseness is so much about the rigidity of structures, and in equal part, a desire to break out of them. thus, chinese ideological frameworks can very much offer a rich reading of queerness - that mlc, a story very deliberately structured based on chinese ideologies (more accurately, with good reasons for me to believe that it is as such), has managed to materialise.

if the conceptualisation of queerness is premised on a defiance against mainstream norms, then a reliable way to read queerness in chinese ideological frameworks can be to deconstruct it by the mainstream confucian frameworks.

in mlc, this is implicitly set up with its stage of wulin/martial jianghu. then it is further broken down by asking, hey wulin jianghu is still closely related to the hegemonic values and the mainstream structure of authority (historically, 侠 xia being politically involved says a lot about this), so what is the true meaning of jianghu? what does it then really take for jianghu to be a queer space offering comfort and freedom to those who have escaped to it - to be the space that allow the transcendence of rigid roles and labels? mlc took a step further to resist the proxy to mainstream values that wulin jianghu has become.

this is why there can be a very strong buddhism reading of mlc (suggested here, expounded in the A+++ meta by @markiafc here and here, and also what I've seen discussed by cnet as well), given that buddhism is one of the 'extra-secular' ideologies, alongside (philosophical) taoism. I've also touched on a taoist angle in this meta. both schools are articulated in different sets of languages, but ultimately convey a same ideal of what it means to be human and how to live well - that is, to resist the roles and labels defined by the norms.

so, back to confucian frameworks.

a lot can be discussed about mlc with it. but in the context of this meta about relationships in mlc, it's specifically drawing on how confucianism conceptualises social relationships with familial ties as a cornerstone, and how these relational ties are inextricable from the conceptualisation of the 'self'.

as such, one of the things about mlc that has fascinated me is how deliberately it seems to ignore and reject the conventional familial ties (the kind by blood and marital ties). I've joked about how it is a miracle for me to love mlc as much as I do, as a prime dysfunctional family story enjoyer, despite none of its main characters struggling with any complicated feelings about their (biological) parents. but on closer examination, mlc is also making a comment on the model of familial-based relationships that dominates mainstream society - but through the absence of it.

with this, I want to talk about 1) how mlc rejects the conventional ties; and then 2) how it repurposes these ties in its own ways.

the five relational ties in confucianism:

father and son 父子有亲 - (natural) affection between father and son

ruler and subject 君臣有义 - righteous relationship between ruler and subject

older and younger brothers 兄弟 (长幼有序) - this is actually about seniority within the family; the order between older vs younger family members

husband and wife 夫妇有别 - differentiation between husband and wife (demarcated by the 内外 spectrum of gendered inner-external spheres)

friends 朋友有信 - trust between friends

logically inferred, all these ties are hierarchical and familial-based except for the last one: friends. ruler-subject is sort of an extension of the natural familial ties, while friendship is the inverse space of 1-4 (ie. you fall back on 5 to define a social relationship outside of the familial sphere that cannot be qualified as 1-4). while all are premised on mutuality, it is only no. 5 that is defined by a sense of choice and equality.

on the surface, 1-4 don't quite exist in mlc in particularly meaningful ways to the narrative or are even outright overlooked, and friendship is the relational tie most valued by mlc. we can tell it's true just by looking at the most meaningful relationships in mlc of difanghua. but at the same time, it is more nuanced. we can take a closer look at how the story plays around with most of the ties as part of a broader queer narrative.

1) how mlc rejects the conventional ties

mlc's rejection of mainstream relational ties can be best seen in fdb escaping from marriage. and it was not just any engagement with anybody but an engagement with the imperial family. he struggles with the prospect of being married to princess zhaoling, but generally, it's about the idea of complying to mainstream conventions and expectations that includes compulsory heterosexuality. all these point not only to a defiance against amatonormativity - the resistance of the traditional husband-wife tie, but also an irreverence for the ties of ruler-subject (the engagement being an imperial decree) and father-son (matters of marriage being sole decisions made by parents).

of course this is on top of how fdb's own biological father is a p-o-s, and the narrative gives fdb minimal struggles in this aspect, allowing him to sever this tie without looking back (I love it, yeap). along the same line is how lxy is an orphan, who came to gain important relationships that are built on natural compassion among people rather than innate, blood-based ties - even as llh. the sense of defiance from the narrative is especially stark to me considering that he could have a completely different familial-based life - as a son, brother, and ruler, if his biological family was still around. the narrative also deliberately treats his biological brother as a phantom, replaced with an older brother who he was bonded with neither by blood nor marital ties. on dfs's front, absolutely nothing is to be known about his biological family. his childhood history with the toxic patriarch of his life - who is not even his biological father - was afforded a clean break and closure.

we can keep going on, but that's pretty much the point.

ritualisation is one of the most important things of the confucianism school, especially to the honoring of these social relationships (and the officiating of social roles). the one ceremony/ritual we saw in mlc involving the main characters - or more accurately speaking, came closest to seeing - was the imminent wedding ceremony of dfs and jlq. even in that case, it was premised on non-mutuality with dfs being the unwilling, passive party. (fem-coded dfs? 25 marks.)

and that brings us to the next part.

2) how mlc repurposes these ties

that particular wedding ceremony gets hijacked by dfs and lxy/llh, and gets turned into an important milestone in their relationship. they consummate - what is on text - their friendship after a long time being more enemies and rivals than friends. it is a clear establishment of the trust they have for each other. and here it is where I circle back to the subject of this post: friendships as marital ties.

in this article, as a part of a feminist, egalitarian reframing of confucianism, there is a proposal for spousal relationships to be reframed as a friendship tie. (this aligns with the interrelatedness of the five ties eg. the ruler-subject mirrors father-son dynamic, with the confucian belief that rulers have an obligation to their subjects alike parents to their own children.) by doing so, it removes the functional, gendered differentiation assigned to marital ties, and shifts it to something equal, and independent of gender. you exalt the value of trust between spouses, instead of basing marital relationships on gendered roles. as such, spouses become more like friends, and conversely, friends can also become more like spouses. (romance not a prerequisite. it has never been about romance anyway.)

given that mlc has repeatedly applied marital motifs to llh and dfs's characters in their joint narratives, this opens up a reading friendships as a marital tie. seeing marriage as a bridge for strangers to become family, marriage in mlc becomes a metaphor for the chosen commitment and mutual trust put in by strangers/friends (non-familial ties) into the becoming of family. the blurring of lines between marital ties and friendship encourages a genuine space of queer experience that goes beyond any pressure for strict labels - of sexuality, and relationships as romantic, sexual, etc etc.

(note: despite the borrowing of a feminist concept, I strongly hesitate to call mlc a feminist story. it's a whole discussion - or debate - on its own. nevertheless, it is definitely a gender-conscious story that lays foundation for a strong queer and egalitarian reading.)

it is to be noted that it is intended - and also beneficial to take the confucian framework of relational ties beyond face value. the framework offers what it believed to be the most fundamental social relationship dynamics, and sees room for extension and matching to other kinds of relationships (all if not, most). a relationship such as teacher-student, which is outside of the five ties stated, can also mirror the affection of father-son ties, albeit not in a literal and identical way.

speaking of which. fdb and lxy/llh.

indeed they're known by others to be good friends. fdb thinks they're good friends too - insists on it, and puts his best efforts in keeping it that way. but does it really go both ways? if it does not, then can it really still be friendship? my humble take is that, ultimately - weighing in with llh's perspective - this is a relationship that is not so much based on trust, and rather, based on an innate affection that is only unique to family. (in this case, not blood/marital-based but one that was chosen and built aka lxy's relationship with sgd.) in other words, less of a friendship, more of a familial one.

it is a lot clearer considering their relationship from llh's point of view: some brat you never wanted in your life came barging in, and whether he was going to bring any positive effect to your life was secondary to the tranquility - which you have carved for yourself in the past decade - that is so integral to your personhood. no way. but the moment you hear that he's family? well, that changes the game completely. even before learning about fdb being sgd's son (then beginning to take initiative in showing greater acceptance), it is apparent in llh that there was an instinctive resonance with fdb as his shixiong's nephew. (eg. he remarked to his shifu's grave about how alike fdb is to himself.) this is unlike with dfs whom he had taken a much longer time to build trust with. you do not apply trust - aka the quality of friendships - to family. family is something deeper, more instinctive than that. if fdb was never family, I find it hard to imagine given llh's personality, that he would have let some brazen, bratty stranger intrude for that long. (boy invited himself to llh's home, sat himself down eating the owner's dinner and nosing in his cooking abilities!!! ily bb but that was uncalled for 😭)

of course there are many more layers in their relationship. there is a substantial degree of their history as (unwitting) teacher-disciple: fdb is still healthy and alive all thanks to the existence of lxy as a spiritual teacher role model in his life, regardless it being one-sided or not. there is also indeed some part of friendship in it, especially from fdb's point of view. he sees llh as a kindred spirit who he could enjoy a life of freedom with for life. but llh never reciprocates. he knew this was short-lived. and so ultimately, the hierarchical layer of their relationship overpowers the equal one, where llh's treatment of fdb as a nephew/小辈 younger family member and a disciple is the one that sealed the fate of their relationship.

if (blood-based) familial ties are irrelevant in jianghu, then the closest proxy to a father-son relationship in the martial world would be a teacher-disciple relationship. lxy and his shifu are a clear, indisputable example. for fdb and llh, their teacher-disciple tie is murkier and not consistently applied. they were also never ritualised as teacher-disciple, and thus are not teacher-disciple in any official capacity as far as confucian ideas are concerned. yet in crucial moments, it is invoked by llh as a card of authority over fdb to get out of sticky situations with fdb. and there was their final scene together: in a moment of sincerity, llh gives the approval to fdb as his disciple - then entrusting fdb with the secret manual of his techniques, up until his final letter in which fdb was recommended to dfs as a successor to his martial abilities.

in an imperial setting, this would have been the relationship of an emperor and his crown prince that straddles both ruler-subject and father-son ties aka a tag-team of disaster. the teacher has an obligation to nurture his disciple as a successor to himself, and love him like a son too. on the flipside, he holds the final power in their relationship - withholding knowledge and feelings from the younger one. they are only equals in a way a parent-child can be. they are only equals as much as the parent allows. and this is how fdb got left behind in the dust of llh's departure. he was the child treating his parent like a friend, supporting him emotionally and begging to be loved back the same way he loves his parent - but the parent had a lifetime way ahead of him and stayed out of his reach, physically and emotionally.

llh and fdb operate with the trapping of a friendship but have always been family in the core. llh had known that way before fdb did, just like everything else he had known and put out of fdb's reach. because. fdb did not have to know. fdb is different and will forge his own path. and that's a kind of love llh has for him that nobody understands (in fact not even fdb himself) - one that is on a different plane from friendships.

by repurposing the framework of relational ties, mlc showed that the essence of familial relationships aka its intimacy and closeness can be independent from biology and formalised rituals. and it is important to myself for stories to say that people can build close ties and deeply meaningful relationships even without being born or ritualised into any.

then back to how these relational ties are inextricable from the conceptualisation of the 'self' in confucian worldview: the roles you play in these relationships are intended to define you. there is no 'self' independent from it. while the concept of a social, relational self is fully rooted in reality, being locked into social roles can be a painful way to live - a way that llh has experienced as lxy the sigu sect leader. so, in order for lxy/llh to realise a sense of self that exists outside the norms, it inevitably points to another way that requires a cut from these relationships. that is then the buddhist (or taoist) answer of looking past attachments to the world such as the confucian idea of relationships defining your being. only with a dissolution of a sense of 'self', can there be true liberation.

#莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #lhlmeta #lhl #my posts #dihua #can't believe this is how i choose to spend an inordinate amt of my free time 😐😐 being a broken recorder of brainrot 😐#anw the handful of fanghua moments that have moved me are the ones that are about the unbridgeable gap between them as 长辈小辈 as 徒弟师父 #(me realising lxy telling fdb 这个徒弟我没有白收 actually drives me nuts)#me: a brainrot-level dihua shipper first and foremost. also me: dedicating more of this meta to fanghua than dihua #about how fanghua's relationship is its own unique kind in the story. equally deep as dihua. just in a wholly different way.#dihua are friends and married and familial. but fanghua is family through and through #-> tl;dr of this meta actually #i just have extremely strong feelings about fanghua as a complicated little family unit.#which is independent of “shipping” FOR ME. but for anyone else though you can make anything out of it.#(gotta admit i'm a bit antsy about posting this and is uncertain how it's gonna be read. bc my reading of fanghua is so specific...well)#anyways. obsessed with dihua appropriating the heteronormative rituals <3 #edit: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT DIFANG aaaAAAGHHHHHHHHHH #but. it's true they're very purely friendship-based i think

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azumasoroshi · 2 years

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headcanon that gin knows sign language and insults tachihara to his face all the time but he has no idea what they're saying, just that they're insulting him lmfao

so he secretly learned sign language to get back at her and one day in the middle of a mission briefing he signs "dumbass" and she has to try super hard to not react visibly

they now trade insults frequently via signing and talk about hirotsu behind his back, unaware that he knows exactly what they're saying and is planning his own dramatic reveal

#guess who's back on tachigin brainrot after making one barely popular tachigin post like a year ago #still stand by that gin uses all pronouns and tachi is bi though i think im incredibly based and correct on that take #been slowly expanding my horizons past gay ships which is incredibly unfortunate #anyway ive been brainrotting on both tachigin and spy x family lately #and i have like 100 screenshots of manga/anime spy fam moments #and you know what that means #TACHIGIN SPY X FAMILY REDRAWS LETS GO BABY #i have one done already #also im desperate to draw anything at all because everything i start i cannot fucking finish #so redraws are about what i'm limited to at the moment #tachigin #tachihara michizou #akutagawa gin #bungou stray dogs #bsd #hirotsu ryuurou

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 4 months

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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE WHO CELEBRATES IT WHICH INCLUDES ME!!!! gonna be attending a family event so i probably won't be online tonight but i hope all of you have a wonderful day!!!!!

#hush n shush wifi #not brainrot #IT'S THIS TIME OF THE YEAR #A VERY SO MERRY NIGHT WE HOLD DEAR #if anyone knows what song i'm referencing i'll give you an imaginary dollar #lowkey nervous for the family event since i haven't seen some people in a good few years #due to uh. unforeseen events #ANYWAYS HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE!!!

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sugarschnaps · 8 months

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"Chances are, at least one of us dies. I won't let it be you."

Maybe sorta dialogue too (sobs)

Cringe maybe? Yes, but the victims are cringelord babies and I love them, might as well fit in <333

"Oh, that's nifty. Could use that."

"There's my ticket out of here."

"Baby steps, Jordyn, you got this."

"Jesus, this is so... So fucked up."

"God, I want to throttle the lot of them. What the fuck did they do?"

"Oh my god- Hey, are you okay?"

"Oh fuck. I'm right here, honey, I'm not going anywhere."

"You're gonna be alright, I promise. I'm gonna get you out of here."

"Fuck, am I glad to see you."

If one artist does a self insert in this community I am expecting every artist to do it. Cmon guys let's start a trend!!

Put a ridiculous amount of effort into this insert. Tcm is the big brainrot for me actually <33

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trashlie · 17 days

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ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

#ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #I Love Yoo #Kousuke Hirahara #Shinhye #idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore #and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name #so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol #alas #anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March #literally said 'It's all downhill from here'#which I take to mean til the timeskip #BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______;#i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it #Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____;#I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop #i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl #to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace #all the opportunities he lost #the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted #he lost himself in the process #or maybe he never even got to know himself #i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad #that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked #so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of #FUCKING DEVASTATED #I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS

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tortoisesshells · 4 months

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Dark Shadows: 58, 1, 67, 126 & Moby-Dick Ch. 7 "The Chapel"

#made for an audience of me specifically but if this appeals to y'all you're welcome to a measure of brainrot fresh from the casks.#obligatory: I'm only up to episode 167 I know there's more later on about death and dying I'm simply not there yet!#it's funny your family should start with whales and end up with sardines: a series #polkaknox edits #dark shadows #sam evans #elizabeth collins stoddard #sarah johnson #the widows (ds)#bill malloy #josette du pres collins #victoria winters #moby-dick #herman melville #words words words #a haunting tag #anyway. does anyone ever think about how sarah johnson's a widow herself. and she can never get away from it.

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hollowflight-propaganda · 2 months

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spent years thinking i was the only hollowflight fan because I'd never seen anyone talk about him but after glancing at your account you win, you are definitely a bigger hollowflight fan 😭 /lh

I'm glad that my services for the Hollowflight nation of like 10 people are appreciated :)

#I've been fighting in the trenches for the past three years to try to get people to notice him #my ultimate goal is for someone to make a map cause there's no fucking animation content for him either #if you look up his name on yt all you will see is an unfinished pmv from 7 years ago and halo the dreamer's dark forest au skits #and the latter is BECAUSE OF ME #YEAH I'm the one who suggested that hollowflight be included and then they did it and made him a little gremlin and it was great #anyway this came at a good time cause I'm in the middle of my bi annual hollowflight brainrot as we speak #I may or may not be trying to work out the oots riverclan family tree which is torture cause I swear that a third of these guys just-#popped randomly into existence #that and.... something else. maybe. we'll see how it goes #asks #hollowflight #warrior cats #wc

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pearlcscent · 8 months

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hiii i made a new blog for ocs/fandom/everything else @rubyreverie

i'll be following mutuals in the coming days so if u see that url it's me <3

#dunno if i'm abandoning this url/blog or not #since it's a new main it's a bit annoying to go back and forth #i love this url sm though so i'll definitely keep it #the new blog has a lot of calloway content cause i have brainrot #they're my greys anatomy inspired (LOOSELY!)/nyc nepo babies/auburn hill crossover family #i want to get better at info dumping but sometimes these ocs just live in my brain and my notion #i'm not 100% on their pinterest board (which is also getting revamped god knows when) but i'll make that public soon #dunno im just not feeling attached to this blog which is a first so i just made a new blog to see how i feel #feels nice to have a fresh page #anyways if u read this ily #i'll reblog this a few times #besitos #isa.txt

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musicalchaos07 · 8 months

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Jonathan will so sacrifice his new wave punk cred to request The Power of Love at prom so that Nancy can dance with him to it.

Jonathan "simp" Byers 💯 would and then try to play it off like it just "randomly" played.

But idk I love the idea of the music for the wedding being his thing especially since he can't take the photos you know?

#but also now I'm just picturing them up with the second baby in the early 2000s and she will not stop crying until the commercial comes on #and Jonathan (exhausted tired stressed) cannot BELIEVE that this is his life rn and ends up laughing so hard he wakes up Jancy daughter 1 #and then the whole family is awake #and Jonathan orders the CD for Christmas as a gag gift for Nancy but she's upset because she doesn't like the Celine Dion version as much #ANYWAYS #i would love to not have brainrot anymore #anon ask #jancy #Jonathan Byers

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spyxpeanuts · 2 years

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Dominic | Camilla

the anime made them 10x more adorable with this scene

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zanyzendraws · 10 months

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NO WAY DEAR EVAN HANSEN RELEASED SIX YEARS AGO

NO WAY I WAS IN EIGHTH GRADE WHEN I LEARNED ABOUT IT

WHAT THE HELL IS THE PASSAGE OF TIME

#i was looking at musical animatics again because i'm gonna make one of my ocs for college people to look at #and i found myself returning to mushie r's dear evan hansen ones (reuploaded rip)#and i got nostalgic so now i listen to deh at one am #AND WHAT????#I WAS THIRTEEN WHEN I DISCOVERED THIS DAMN MUSICAL #HAS IT REALLY BEEN SIX YEARS????#I REMEMBER READING THE NOVEL IN FRESHMAN YEAR #I lowkey long for those days where I would just #Look at musical fandoms #Like BMC / DEH / Heathers #Listen to that shit on the bus #And then brainrot over Eddsworld flower crown edits or BATIM while I was on my way to the mall with the family #Good times #Nostalgia #Anyways I should probably tag this post my bad #zanyzen speaks #dear evan hansen #also dang DEH hits harder when you're older #Probably because I have a better grasp of the plot now????

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navree · 1 year

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went to dinner with my mother where we babbled about french history for like half the meal so now i wanna talk about things no one i know would understand

#personal #anyway my tears ricochet by taylor swift is louis philippe coded which i know sounds insane but it's true #'i can go anywhere i want just not home' he went to england he went to the americas and met hamilton #he went to italy and literally met his life but like #he was exiled from his home at NINETEEN and he only was able to get back to france twenty one years later #two of his brothers died with him while they were all in exile #how often was he on a ship going to some country or another and leaving family behind (cuz he couldn't stay with his sister or mother)#thinking about wanting to go home and how the politics of the region meant that he literally couldn't #like yeah there was some good he got married he had kids he was happy in palermo and with his family #but is that home? is your wife's country that she herself had to run to after political upheaval in her own hometown YOUR home?#unfortunately i'm entering brainrot for smth literally no one i know in any way cares about i suffer more than jesus

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sennik · 10 months

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new carrd for this blog is up, i'm pretty happy with it.

#i have a few pages to finish. mainly for my ocs and characters i haven't posted yet.#because i'm not sure i feel secure enough to write them after a while.#but yeah ^^ give me thoughts about the look?#i'm also almost done remaking my fantasy multi page #i love my fantasy kids so much <3 i have such a dragon age brainrot atm #i spent far too much time coming up with their entire family trees lmaoooo #anyway. i'm trying to pull all my carrds into one account and close the rest #almost done with it.#i wanna get back on all my blogs which does also include merlin and possibly chris #besides the multis. we'll see tho #BTW really give me thoughts if you can't see something or stuff like that #i want to make things accessible to everyone :pray:

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vitamin-zeeth · 10 months

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might make a blog for my crochet shenanigans I think that would be pretty rad

#just to like have somewhere to display my cool shit i make cause i make truly so fucking much stuff #currently working on. 4 different wips. i started the newest one last Saturday and i am working feverishly on it it's looking great B)#2 are birthday presents that have a deadline one is a sort of ambient project I've been casually adding to for a while #and the one I'm doing rn is just cause i had brainrot at 10pm on a Saturday and decided the way to deal with it was make a fucking doll #something that i have made before 0 times let alone made a custom character specific one #anyway i also have another birthday or two to do presents for cause for some reason everyone iny family decided to give birth in august #and im gonna start on my howl jacket once schools out #but yeah impulsive little for fun things are my main priority i would say mhm #wet floor sign

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scattered-winter · 1 year

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buddie as running partners...buddie as RUNNING PARTNERS...!!! (does that make the 118/firefam an entire cross country team? coach!bobby? athletic trainer!maddie? idk, idk how cross country teams work.) nonetheless...say more.... <3333

here's a lil overview real quick so y'all can pick up what I put down: cross country teams are all different, and can even be formed by a community group instead of a traditional "school that competes in the individual districts," but the basic layout is coach/trainer, assistant coaches if necessary, and the athletes who actually compete. some teams have a team captain appointed from the ranks of athletes, and the captain's specific duties/responsibilities varies from team to team but essentially they're like.....the assistant assistant coach. they watch out for the team and are the unofficial leader if the coach isn't around. teams compete at meets (races) against other teams; the amount of teams at meets really just depends on what the race is for/who organized it. smaller meets can have 2-5 teams, but the big regional meets can have hundreds. in official competitions like regionals, scores are done for both individual runners and overall teams. if an individual runner finishes in the top 10 or 15 runners, he'll place as an individual, but if the overall team score beats other team scores, then the whole TEAM will also place. the scoring system is based on what place a runner gets. 1st place gets one point, 2nd gets 2 points, 3rd gets 3 points, and so on, all the way down the line to the very last runner who comes in. to get team results, the whole team's scores are added up, and the team with the lowest combined score wins. the more runners that finish higher up in the race, the lower the overall score.

I think ideally bobby would be their coach, and the whole 118 would be a cross-country team. I like the idea of maddie joining their team after running (ha) from doug and I also like the idea of hen being the team captain :] interim captain hen my BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!!

I think for spice <3 the 126 as a separate team that they compete with. they have dual meets a LOT (which is a cross country race with only two teams. there's no pressure to compete for times or positions at the bigger, more important races, and they're sooooooo fun. every time I've done a dual meet we always hung out with the other team afterward at a lake or restaurant and it was sooo <333) so the 126 and 118 are still Competing in the sense that they're gunning for the same positions in the regional/national races, but it's a very friendly competition because the teams are very close. no hard feelings if one team wins over the other, because they're all good friends and they're super supportive of the other team because it's a great accomplishment for them. judd is the coach <3 not owen <3

and onto BUDDIE <3 the thing about a running partner is like. they're your constant. sure, you've got the team, but your running partner is like your other half. someone with a similar pace as you. you train with them, you compete with them, and it gets to the point where you don't even need to use words because you know each other better than anyone else. racing isn't just a physically exhausting sport, because there's a HUGE mental factor in it as well. there's lots of strategies and techniques, and every aspect of the course is broken down into how it can make you faster, even the surfaces you run on (grass, concrete, pavement, etc. each one has different benefits and disadvantages), or how you run around a corner. each tiny aspect can shave seconds off your time, and that can be the difference between first and second place. and as a running partner, buck and eddie both know what the other person prefers. they know the precise way the other will run a hill, or jump a log, or take a sharp turn. during training they laugh and joke and have a great time but during races they're a force. there's certain maneuvers two running partners can do around a turn or up a hill to be mutually beneficial, and they do them without even thinking or communicating that they're about to do it. they just know.

and there's also just !! the intimacy of it !!! after running with the same people for so long, you get to the point where if your teammates were lost in a cluster of running people all wearing the same t shirt, you'd be able to pick them out from the crowd just by the very specific and unique way they hold themselves while they're running, even if they're all the way across the course. each person has their own unique "style," and the entire team can pick each other out from a group of 50 other runners just by looking. another aspect is after the race is over !! collapsing at the finish line isn't just common, it's almost expected. and more often than not you'll see teammates who just finished a race together holding each other up or kneeling to untie each other's shoes to get the timing chip.

the 118 team is comprised of hen, chim, buck, eddie, and maddie. the order in which they finish changes up every race, but generally, in order from fastest to slowest, it's chim, buck+eddie, maddie, and hen. bobby and athena are the coaches, so they don't actually compete unless it's for a "coach's race" that some meets have after the actual races are finished, just for fun. when they do race, athena usually finishes ahead of bobby.

the 126 team is comprised of tk, marjan, mateo, paul, nancy, and tim. generally, it goes tk, marjan+paul (running partners), mateo, and nancy+tim (also running partners). judd is the coach, and carlos cheers his boyfriend on from the sidelines :]

my last and final thought is that <3 they have pasta parties before big meets <3 basically the whole team meets up at someone's house and they all eat pasta and bread <33 carbloading AND teambuilding at the same time :]

#pasta parties w my team were a formative experience for me btw.#hehehe i will always ramble about my aus so :]]]]]#these are all my thoughts rn but imma be Rotating this :]#i'll see if there are any clips on youtube to get inspiration from !!#i've heard stories about running partners in races where like. one of them broke his ankle or something midrace #and his partner straight up CARRIED HIM ON HIS BACK TO THE FINISH LINE. during a 5k!!!!!!#and like. that's buddie coded as HELL.#another thing in cross country culture is that each team has a fun team cheer they do before each race #and i've heard some WILD ones. its so fun hearing what other teams have #(my team's was always the best though. btw) /j #but anyway just <3 buck and chim working SO hard to make a good cheer. i can see it.#ougoughoughoughghhh.......runnimng...........my one true love in this world.........#*slaps running au* this bitch can fit SO much found family and ship dynamics in it #anyway i'll leave it at this for now but i'm gonna be ROTATING this one.#if anyone has any questions .. or additions ... consider this an open-floor discussion. we're all brethren in brainrot here #911 running au #<- hehehehehe >:]#leo 🌻

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