#arthur made peace with himself in the end and chose kindness even when it was ugly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weakforarwen · 2 years

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Sweet Dreams

It is destiny, my love. Destiny and chicken.

What a beautiful combination, eh?

I didn’t think I’d have so much to say about this episode, but I kinda do.

I liked the parallels between the other King’s servant and Merlin. Both have magic and are undoubtedly powerful, yet still let themselves be treated so poorly by their “masters”. However, while Merlin hides his magic, the other servant doesn’t, and while Merlin’s a friend to Arthur, the other servant’s nothing to his King, dispensable... I found it funny that the other servant did magic to make butterflies appear out of thin air. It reminded of that episode where Merlin is supposed to entertain the court and so he uses his magic to juggle.

Gaius was quite useless this episode. The future of five kingdoms were at stake, but all he did was tell Merlin to move his ass along and a find a cure quickly. For real? You’re just dumping this responsibility on him?

Now, Arthur and Gwen... I felt very bad for Gwen. This episode is as painful as it is entertaining. Gwen got “stood up” by Arthur and then had to learn he’d been caught in bed with another woman. That sucks. Hang in there babe, like Merlin said, “Listen to your heart, you know who he loves”. Merlin’s pro-Arwen, but this episode he told Arthur he had his reservations about their romance...

I loved the contrast between Arthur’s fake feelings for Vivian and his real feelings for Gwen and found that to be the most interesting part of the episode, foreshadowing Arthur and Gwen’s relationship in seasons 3 and 4.

Arthur told Vivian’s father he’d rather die than deny his feelings, that he loved Vivian with all his heart. He told Uther he couldn’t help who he fell in love with, and that Vivian was worth risking the future of Camelot for; that he was happy to fight for what he believed in. His words were an exaggeration, of course, but they could’ve easily been about Gwen. In fact, for Gwen, Arthur gave up land (The Hunter’s Heart), sabotaged two mutually beneficial alliances (to Elena and Mithian), refused to deny his feelings for Gwen to his father just because she was a servant (Queen of Hearts), abdicated his crown for a future with Gwen (Queen of Hearts), and chose to marry a servant against his uncle’s wishes, and even against the best interests of Camelot.

Arthur would give up his life and his crown for Gwen. Everything he said he’d do for Vivian, he did willingly for Gwen; moreover, he risked even more for Gwen than he did for Vivian, which is why his real feelings for Gwen were able to undo the enchantment.

I found it interesting that Uther couldn’t believe Arthur could have real feelings for a servant, and Gwen only lived because Uther thought they’d been enchanted, when, in this episode, Arthur was clearly acting crazy but Uther didn’t suspect magic nor question Arthur’s feelings. He should’ve found it odd that Arthur would care so deeply, and risk so much, for someone he’d just met.

An enchantment nearly doomed Arthur in this episode, yet a fake one saved him and Gwen in Queen of Hearts.

Another interesting detail in this episode is that, while Lady Vivian made Arthur distracted, stupid, and vulnerable, Gwen made him strong. It was her belief in him, her support, and the knowledge that she cared for Arthur, that gave him the strength to defeat Vivian’s father. He looked at her in the stands for courage, and she was proud of him for showing his opponent mercy for the sake of peace.

Love isn’t a weakness. Loving Vivian made Arthur weak only because his feelings weren’t real; marrying another beautiful princess for the sake of the kingdom would’ve weakened him as well, but real love gave Arthur the courage to be kind and merciful, and better than his father. Following his heart, ie. Gwen, made him stronger. This is why Arthur married Gwen not only for himself but for the good of Camelot.

The only part of this episode I was unhappy with was the ending. It was a bit anticlimactic than Gwen rejected Arthur in the end. She was willing to give them a try but gave up after seeing him with Vivian. Did she feel insecure? Because Arthur could’ve easily married someone "appropriate” like Lady Vivian. And she also saw what happened when Arthur tried to put “love” above all else; he nearly got killed. Gwen’s smart and realistic: if this was the result of Arthur trying to marry the wrong Princess, what would happen if he tried to marry her? Maybe she was also scared for Camelot, because she feared getting in Arthur’s way.

Whatever her reasons were, she pushed Arthur away (called him “my lord” like in The Tears of Uther Pendragon ), and while I can understand the ending, it still felt cliché and unnecessarily dramatic. It could’ve ended on a more hopeful, or even ambiguous, note. If there’s one thing I dislike about Gwen and Arthur in seasons 2 and 3 is the amount of times Gwen pushes Arthur away (in this episode, in The Tears of Uther Pendragon, in The Changeling, even in Queen of Hearts). I find this aspect of their forbidden love dynamic a bit predictable and repetitive. In many ways, I prefer them in season 4.

To end things on a positive note, a list of cute Arwen moments:

Arthur introducing Gwen to Lady Vivian. He was so proud, like: “This is Guinevere, the best servant in all the realms.”, and smiled at her cutely. When Vivian insulted Gwen she was immediately dead to Arthur. Merlin said it, anyone who hurts Gwen must do so at great peril (paraphrasing);

Arthur and Gwen laughing together at Lady Vivian before getting too lost in each other;

The kiss: I loved how Gwen’s kiss initially surprised Arthur before he melted into it in all seriousness. The way his brow relaxed and his face expressed relief from the realization of his feelings for her, as well as longing, passion and contentment, was honestly beautiful, so kudos to Bradley there.

Arthur telling Merlin, yet again, to look out for Gwen in case he died, for the world may think she’s only a servant, indispensable, but she’s not indispensable to Arthur.

Arthur apologizing to Gwen for what he unintentionally put her though in the episode, and Gwen for the first and only time acknowledging the events of Lancelot and Guinevere, and apologizing for the pain she caused him then;

“I never loved another”. UGH.

Arthur’s endless optimism that things would change when he became King, though he failed Gwen when it happened.

The parallel between Arthur telling Merlin to write and deliver a note and flowers to Lady Vivian, and doing both himself for Gwen at the end of the episode.

This is a great episode! It has everything: humor, drama, romance, and is also unexpectedly meaningful.

#bbc merlin #bbc arwen #bbc arthur #bbc gwen #arwen #gwen #arthur pendragon #sweet dreams commentary #sweet dreams

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anything-goes-my-friends · 3 years

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A New Beginning

The ending of ROTT broke me and I was left very disappointed in the ending of the show. I loved the movie, but the last 10 minutes didn’t sit well with me. I needed a fix-it fic with the ending I think the series deserves, so don’t be mad at me if you don’t like it. This is just what I think it needs, obviously not what everyone else thinks it needs.

In this fic Jim goes back to the day he got the amulet, but instead of giving it to Toby he takes it himself, and relives his journey with the knowledge and experience to save everyone he lost.

A New Beginning When he said goodbye to Blinky, Claire, and the others, Jim knew the journey ahead would be the most difficult thing he’d ever have to do. He needed to find a good time to jump back to, but whenever he settled on a date he thought of someone else he could save, and the date was pushed forward.

So he settled on the day it all began.

When his alarm buzzed, there were no words to explain the emotions swirling through him. With the deaths he witnessed still raw, and the destruction fresh in his mind, being in his old room seemed foreign. He remembered one of the last times he was there, recently half troll and struggling to adapt. But now, none of that had happened, but it had to him. He thought of everything ahead and smiled. But first, Toby.

He hastily prepared the meals for himself, his mom, and Toby, but nothing as fancy as the meatloaf he made the first time around. His head was buzzing and he struggled to focus on the simple task of making the sandwiches. But soon enough it was time.

The garage door opened and he gripped the handlebars of his bike until his knuckles turned white. This would prove that everything he did was worth it. Just to see Toby’s smile once more. The innocence in his eyes. He would never take it for granted again.

And there he was, his best friend. Jim let out a sound that was a mixture of a laugh and a sob and rammed into his friend to engulf him in a hug. It was worth it. All the pain he’ll endure again, and the burdens he has to bear were worth it for this moment.

“Come on Tobes, let’s take the canals today, I have a good feeling about it.” Jim took off on his bike, Toby hollering nonsense to pass the time and it was music to Jim’s ears.

And when they reached the bottom of the canal, and he heard the amulet speaking his name in Kanjigar’s voice, Jim smiled.

“Hello again, old friend.” He whispered as he ran his finger over the familiar metal of the amulet.

<><>Time Skip to the end of ROTT with the new ending Jim created<><>

Jim read the text on his phone from Claire, asking him when he was on his way to Trollmarket. He hastily typed out ‘be there in 10’ before shoving the phone back in his pocket. He could feel the amulet buzzing in his bag, and grinned to himself. He knew what today was, he had it marked on his calendar for years. Today was the day the Titans were defeated in the old timeline. The day Toby died, and Strickler, and Nomura, and countless others. He thought of how different things had become as he rummaged in his bag for his horngazel. The door opened easily under the bridge and he started to descend the stairs.

“There you are, Trollhunter, cutting it close aren’t we?” Claire teased as she met him at the bottom of the stairs. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and she threaded her fingers through his. They began to walk through Trollmarket, all the familiar buzz that had been lost the first time. Jim had learned from his mistakes, but also knew there were some events that had to happen. Losing Trollmarket was not one he could bring himself to do. His gaze shifted to Claire, who’s white streak in her hair, the ponytail, and purple armor was the same as the day the titans attacked. But she was smiling, and there was still a light in her eyes.

“Romeo and Juliet? I would love to try out...Your brother was taken by goblins into the Darklands, I’m sorry, but I’ll get him back I promise. For now, try to get to know NotEnrique, he might surprise you...Everything we’ve done, we’ve done together, I love you Claire, and I always will.”

He had dreaded letting Enrique get taken into the Darklands, but Claire had once remarked that she was glad NotEnrique came into her life, and thought of him as a brother. He didn’t want her to lose that relationship. And saving Enrique pushed Claire to become the sorceress and warrior she was destined to be, bringing the two of them closer together in the process.

The two of them waved to Barbara and Strickler, as Barbara showed off her new ring to a group of changelings. Strickler gave Jim a nod, and he returned it with a smile.

“Strickler, I would like you to meet my mom...The Janus Order has fallen, you’ll be safe in Trollmarket...Yes, I would be honored to be your best man.”

The fall of Gunmar had been a shock to troll kind. Jim had arrived in Trollmarket knowing where the Janus Order had hid the bridge, and used that knowledge to secure it early on. Toby, Claire, and Jim had trained for months as Trollhunters, answering calls and building strength to enter the Darklands. Jim had made the mistake of going alone once, and didn’t want to do that again. So when they were ready, they entered together. Blinky and Aaarrrgghh had rescued Gunmar’s prisoners, even though they got distracted by Blinky’s brother. Claire and Toby had gone off with NotEnrique to free all of the babies, while Draal and Jim faced Gunmar. And at the end of the day, and with a battle that lived in infamy, they emerged victorious.

Gunmar, eager to avenge his son that Jim had slain, and his ego clouding his judgement, had agreed to a fight to the death with Jim. A fight that Jim won. The Trollhunters exited the Darklands with refugees and freed Gum Gums, and babies that were taken care of by Barbara and Strickler until they could find loving homes for them all. And with the fall of Gunmar, the troll world was left without direction. The Janus Order struggled to adapt now that they couldn’t take form as human, but Jim made sure they were welcomed into Trollmarket with open arms. Gunmar’s spies and allies were hunted down by the Trollhunters if they made a mess of things, and after months of struggling, peace was nearing. When Strickler was brought into Trollmarket, he drifted closer to the Lakes, and when he got down on one knee, Barbara didn’t even hesitate to say yes. He had even given Jim the ring to Angor Rot’s soul, and Jim was able to return it to its rightful owner, and set the Trollhunter Hunter free. And Claire, reunited with the real Enrique, gained a brother in NotEnrique, and her family became a little bit bigger.

Jim never slept better after the Darklands. He was proud of his decision to go in together once they were ready, as was the original plan the first time around. Jim knew the importance of seeking help from friends, and he was able to live without that particular trauma twice.

Gunmar was defeated, Trollmarket wasn’t lost, Angor Rot became an ally, and his friends were alive and happy. Jim smiled as he and Claire walked past the forge, where Draal and Nomura were sparing, swapping insults that bordered on flirting, although both would deny it. Jim was most proud of saving Draal, although he would never tell anyone that. After defeating him in battle in the forge and gaining the respect of Trollmarket, Draal moved into his basement and the two of them renewed the bond that had been ripped away by Gunmar. Draal never lost his arm, was never under the control of Gunmar, and never died saving Jim’s life. He fought beside Jim as equals throughout his battles, and remained one of his closest allies and friends.

Vendel entered the forge to yell something at Nomura and Draal, but it wasn’t long before the three of them erupted in laughter. Vendel looked around and noticed Jim smiling at them, and gave a curt nod with his staff to signal a hello and his continued respect.

“Vendell, Queen Usurna is working for Gunmar, she wants to take over Trollmarket and steal the Hearthstone.”

When it had come the time of the Eternal Night, there was no Morgana to rage war, and no Gunmar to destroy Arcadia. Jim stayed human, and stayed in Arcadia where he belonged. Blinky shortly became Vendel’s right hand, and the two of them set out on a mission to organize trollkind in the wake of Gunmar’s defeat. Dictatious had wanted to go along with his brother, but knew he was needed in Trollmarket to help the Changelings and Gum Gums adjust to a life post-war. He was joined by Aaarrrgghh in his endevor, who was happy to help others the way Blinky helped him.

After the day the Eternal Night was supposed to be, Jim found himself wandering into the cafe Douxie worked at.

“Douxie, we need to find Merlin.”

Teaming up with Archie and Claire, the four of them set off to the tomb, where Merlin was resurrected and the next steps were taken. While they prepared for the war with the Arcane Order, Toby had stayed back in Arcadia as it’s one Trollhunter. He had formed bonds with Aja and Krel, and protected Arcadia from the threats better than Jim would’ve. He came into his own as WarHammer, and had accepted the role he chose himself.

“Claire, let’s free Morgana. She isn’t a bad woman, and she can help us in the days to come.”

With Douxie and Merlin at her side, Claire had freed Morgana and managed to settle her down enough to talk. And with her help the plan was made. The Wizards and Trollhunters traveled in time to determine the identity of the Green Knight, where Douxie was named a Master Wizard and the Trollhunter amulet was made. Deya was named the first Trollhunter, and the past was secured. And when they returned, it was Morgana that saved them from the Green Knight. She gave Arthur the rest he deserved, and when the battle was over, she left with Merlin to grieve and find themselves in the new world. Nari had stayed behind with Douxie, who had accepted his role as protector.

“There’s Douxie!” Claire briefly let go of Jim’s hand to wave, and Douxie beamed and returned it. Archie was sitting on his shoulder while Nari padded along after the two of them. Archie was mentioning something about going to visit his dad, and Douxie agreed to go along for moral support. Nari looked at Jim with a knowing look in her eyes, the way she always looked at him. He could never tell if she knew what he did, and all that he had changed, but he decided he didn’t care. She was alive, and Douxie had succeeded in protecting her, and that was all that mattered.

“We need to find the seals Nari...Do you know where the rest of the Arcane Order might have gone?...It’s over now, you’re safe.”

The Genesis Seals had been found and rehidden by Douxie, who didn’t tell anyone where he hid them. Not even Jim or Nari. They had all agreed it was for the best. When Douxie died the secret would die with him. Unable to find and open the seals, Skrael and Bellroc scrambled to find Nari and finish what they started. And with the help of Krel and Aja, the Trollhunters, and the Wizards, the two had their magic stripped away by Akiridian tech, and Jim was able to deliver the finishing blows.

Now today, the day the Titans were supposed to have risen, there was nothing but blue skies. School happened like normal, and the world was at peace. Claire and Jim finished their stroll through Trollmarket as they arrived at Blinky’s study. He was ready for them, and complained that they were the last to arrive.

Inside sat Toby and Aaarrrgghh, who were shoving their faces with the feast that Blinky had prepared. Jim and Claire sat down at the large table and Blinky looked at him expecting him to speak. Jim chuckled and rose to make a toast.

“We have overcome a lot. The defeat of Bular, Gunmar, and the Arcane Order. Merlin and Morgana are off on their own. Douxie and Archie are protecting Arcadia from mystical threats. Aja, Krel, Steve, and Eli are off on Akiridion-5 to rule together. The Darklands liberated, our families reunited, and our loved ones close. This was all I ever wanted for all of you, and I couldn’t be happier.” Jim looked around at the smiling faces surrounding him. This was his family, the ones that had been with him since the start. Blinky, his mentor and father figure, Aaarrrgghh his loyal friend, Claire the love of his life and powerful sorceress, and Toby, the friend who had been with him since the beginning. From a time before trolls and aliens and wizards. When he had wanted more excitement in life.

There were days the burden of the what-could’ve-beens plagued Jim’s mind and he struggled to carry on with the weight of his mistakes. But then days like this happened, where he knew he had changed things for the better, and the world was better off because of his sacrifice. He wouldn’t change a thing, and given the choice to have the time stone again, he would toss it aside. This was the happy ending they all deserved, the ending he worked hard to give them all. There had been changes that brought new threats to face, new calls to answer. But he faced them all with the friends and family he chose and surrounded himself with, and he used his experience to do what he could. He was a hero, the Trollhunter, the champion of Trollmarket. He was Jim the Bular Slayer, the Gunmar Slayer, but most importantly he was Jim Lake. The first Human Trollhunter. And he didn’t think, he became.

#rott spoilers #trollhunters #trollhunters claire nunez #trollhunters jim lake #trollhunters toby #jim lake #rise of the titans #trollhunters spoilers #trollhunters fix-it fic #I like my ending better #rise of the titans spoilers

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ijustwant2write · 4 years

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Timid-Arthur Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @queenofhelldarlin)

Tags: @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight

Requested by anonymous: '[1/2] Do you still write for Peaky Blinders? If so, can I request a scenario where the reader is a long time family's friend and all the boys likes her but never tried anything, but it's been a while since she timidly hugged Arthur and began to be affectionate with him and hasn't stopped since, despite he never pushing her away she thought he accepted cause he thought it was platonic (even if the guy wouldn't like people hugging him without wanting to be with him, I imagine)...[2/2] but she finds out that it wasn't platonic when John and Tommy notices how she treats Arthur differently and they get jealous, which causes Arthur to snap and finally let they know that you are somehow his. If possible, can you write Arthur loving the attention reader gives him, being pampered by the reader and loving how clingy she is to him[in this same request]? I just want to see/read this man happy.'

Characters: Arthur Shelby x Reader, Thomas Shelby x Reader (platonic), John Shelby x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Swearing, jealousy, arguing, fluff

(A/N: I didn't fully understand the request, but I think I got the jist of it, so I hope it's OK!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Good morning Miss (Y/L/N)." a young man called out, tipping his hat to her as she passed.

She timidly smiled, ducking her head immediately after. (Y/N) appreciated the kindness from people, but didn't need all that attention. However, the respect she had wasn't all down to her sweet demeanour and caring heart; she was basically part of the Shelby dynasty, and no one dared fuck with her. Those who did clearly didn't know who she was.

She entered the Garrison, shivering as the warmth spread over her body. Small Heath had never been generous with warm weather. As she took off her coat, she scanned the pub, wondering if any of the boys were at the bar. Of course, they weren't, and she let herself into the private room. To her surprise, they weren't there either. The small serving door opened, Harry's head popping through.

"Tommy said they'll be here a bit later than expected, but said you should stay in here. You know how rowdy it is on Friday nights." he explained.

"Thank you Harry."

He presented a bottle of wine and a glass."As usual, these are for you."

She graciously took them, waiting for Harry to close the doors before settling into the booth and pouring out a big glass. The noise from the punters was muffled, though still loud, yet it was somehow background noise for (Y/N) now, especially since she had grown up here.

Along with the Shelby brothers, she would come into the Garrison just aged fifteen, drinking underage and coming home drunk. But at that point in their lives, it was teenagers being teenagers. But now they were grown up, and still closer than ever.

The door finally opened, Tommy and John waltzing in. She stood and instantly hugged them, receiving the same loving embrace back from both. They sat down, and Arthur arrived a few seconds later, smoothing down his suit. (Y/N) was still standing, and for some reason, she went for a hug with him too. Arthur had never been much of a lover, so was surprised when he felt (Y/N)'s arms wrap around him. Reluctantly, he hugged her back, awkwardly patting her as he avoided eye contacts with his brothers, both sniggering at him.

That had been the point where things started changing. Tommy and John had brushed off the hug, it was in the moment for them both, but when they started noticing more 'affectionate' touches, they grew suspicious.

For instance, they remember seeing (Y/N) and Arthur in Polly's kitchen; Polly had set up a dinner that was supposed to bring peace to another argument within the family, though of course, that didn't go to plan.

"Arthur?" (Y/N) said, catching his attention as he poured himself another drink.

He silently acknowledged her, downing his whiskey.

"At least we got through dinner before all hell broke loose." she tried to joke.

"Well, we're fuckin' Shelbys, aren't we? It was bound to happen."

She stood by him, looping her arm through his."Still, you need to stick together. Things are heating up around here."

Arthur noticed the closeness, but didn't push her away."Eh, I've got nothin' to do with this. Tom's in charge."

"You've still got your opinion though Arthur." her head rested below his shoulder, too short to reach.

"Nah, not me." he smirked.

"Yes you." she smiled up at him, and the connection in their eyes was obvious.

Polly saw the two brothers spying through the small opening of the door, silently sneaking up on them before clicking her fingers in their faces. Annoyed at the gesture, John and Tommy frowned as she instructed them to move along, without saying a word. They piled into the living room, Polly shutting the door behind her.

"You two are not going to ruin this for your brother." she exclaimed in a hushed tone.

"Ruin what?" John scoffed.

"Jealousy isn't always flattering boys."

"Jealousy?" Tommy repeated, looking at his younger brother."Jealousy eh?"

"Deny it all you want, but it's completely obvious. You've all had a thing for her since your hormones kicked in. It just so happens that she is only interested in one of the Shelby brothers."

"You don't think that's serious do you?" John said.

"You tell me. You're the ones who have been spying on them all this time."

The door suddenly clicked open, all three of them instantly shutting up. Arthur poked his head round the door.

"I'm uh, just taking (Y/N) home." he explained.

"Alright love." Polly smiled, which made Arthur feel somewhat unnerved.

(Y/N) walked in, already wearing her coat and carrying her handbag."Thank you for dinner Pol, delicious as usual."

The women hugged, and (Y/N) did the same for the other brothers, warning them to get this mess cleaned up as soon as possible. As soon as they left, John and Tommy raced to the window, watching Arthur walk her to the end of the street. They wanted to point out that she could have gone herself, she lived so close and it was still light outside. Polly groaned at them before leaving, fed up with their antics. The men o served their brother's posture, how unusually relaxed he was, and he was laughing. (Y/N) stood in her doorway, that beautiful smile spreading across her face as she nodded her head towards the house. Arthur seemed flustered, and to their shock, he walked inside the house!

"It's no use," John sighed,"I think we've fuckin' lost her Tom."

Tommy didn't reply, he didn't want to admit how right he was.

As the weeks went on, Tommy and John became infuriated at just how affectionate (Y/N) was towards Arthur. She would now kiss him on the cheek as a greeting, she would cosy up to him in the Garrison, she would ask him to walk her home almost all the time, specifically just him.

"Come on then, spit it out." Ada demanded

She had invited (Y/N) round to hers, they had not been able to spend any time together, but she was also curious about the situation with her oldest brother.

"Hm?" (Y/N) sipped her tea.

"What's made you more confident all of a sudden?"

"What do you mean?"

"Stop fucking avoiding the topic (Y/N)." Ada smiled as she rolled her eyes."You and Arthur!"

"There's nothing going on there, trust me."

Ada noticed the saddened expression."You sound disappointed."

"I mean..."

(Y/N) held back, unsure of what to say. She couldn't hide anything from Ada, the girl was like a professional interrogator. Looking away from her, (Y/N) found it easier to ramble.

"I have always been one of the most awkward people when it comes to any kind of flirting. Sure, get a few drinks down me and I'm rearing to go, but I would turn into an alcoholic if I chose that solution. For some reason, it just seems easy with Arthur. And I don't think it has anything to do with growing up together, otherwise I would be more confident around your other brothers. I just see into Arthur a little more, I understand him, and I know how disgustingly sweet that sounds. But I don't think he sees me in the same way, not from what I gathered anyway."

"And you just had to choose a man who is as equally as awkward as you." Ada chuckled.

(Y/N) smiled in agreement.

"So what are you going to do about it?”

“I need to speak with him.”

Tommy poured out another glass of whiskey, thinking about what Polly had said. It had been three days since the dinner, and there was a lot on his mind; tension in the family was still high, he had a problem on his hands that seemed impossible to solve, and he was still watching how Arthur was sneakily taking away (Y/N) from him. John and Tommy had seemed to form an alliance for now, but they would also have to fight it out in the end.

Arthur walked into the private room in the Garrison, greeting his brothers as he sat, taking the glass that was already filled with whiskey. He settled back into his seat, only realising the stares he was receiving.

"What's going on? Eh, what have I missed?" he asked.

"Mate, what the fuck is going on with you and (Y/N)?" John boldly said.

Arthur was confused."What you on about you prick?"

"Arthur, we just want the truth. It's not fair that you've been the one to take (Y/N) when neither of us have even had a chance."

Arthur laughed."You fuckin' what?"

"We know, alright," John snapped,"and its not a fair game."

"A fair game?" Arthur breathed out before shouting."A fair. Fucking. Game?!"

They were taken back by Arthur's sudden change of tone.

Arthur sat up straight, that terrifying look in his eyes."I would never mess around with that girl! She's been a part of our family for fuckin' years, and you're being disrespectful."

Tommy and John glanced wide eyed at each other.

Arthur stood, though it was clear in his body language he wasn't exactly thinking before he spoke."You two think I'm taking advantage of her? That we're all in competition?"

Nothing was said.

"Well you're fucking right about one thing. I do lover her, I fuckin' love her because she's always been there, and she's the only one who is ever real around me. Even you two treat me different sometimes."

Tommy tried to butt in."Arthur-"

"No! No, you don't get to say nothin'. I'm off."

The boys called after him, though Arthur was quick to escape. In a fury, he stormed his way to (Y/N)'s house, not even taking a second to think about it. As he approached her front door, he tried to calm himself down as he knocked, not wanting to scare (Y/N). She opened the door, initially smiling before it turned into a worrying look.

"Arthur? Are you alright?" she moved aside to let him in, closing the door quickly.

Arthur tensed up, and he couldn't stay still, fidgeting as he spoke."The boys know."

"Know about us?"

"Yeah."

"OK, I know we wanted to tell them ourselves, but it's not that bad."

"Nah, it's not that love. It's...they've just made me realise something."

"What?"

"I fuckin' love you, you know."

(Y/N) smiled."I know. Arthur I-"

"You just treat me right. I mean, you knew growing up that I hated affection cause of what happened with mum and dad. But it's different with you. I want it. I want you to hold me, I want you to kiss me in public. You make me feel like a real man at last."

"Arthur." (Y/N) stood in front of him, holding his hands as she gently kissed him. She noticed his shoulders drop."I love you. And you don't know how happy it makes me to see you like this."

"You're happy right?"

"Yes, and I always will be as long as you're with me."

"What about Tom and John?"

She shook her head laughing."As much as I love them, they stood no chance against you."

He smirked."Yeah, too fuckin' right."

"I also feel free now. It was so hard to even talk to other men yet...there was just something about you that made me relaxed."

"I've left them in the Garrison. They won't be looking for me anytime soon." Arthur suggestively whispered.

"I hope you didn't come here to slide into bed with me."

"No love, but it's a bonus, isn't it?"

"Of course it fucking is."

534 notes · View notes

panharmonium · 3 years

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gaius?

First Impression:

Thinking back on when I first met Gaius is weird, because in the first couple eps the writers hadn’t settled on who he was yet. Like, originally they were leaning on the “absent-minded, scatter-brained scholar” thing, with him forgetting what day Merlin was supposed to be coming and falling off the balcony and setting his own work on fire. And then they left that aspect of him behind, which I think was a smarter move - they turned him into a much more complex character.

Impression Now:

I love Gaius. I love the way he and Uther are set up as a cautionary foil for Merlin and Arthur, as a preview of what Merlin and Arthur’s relationship could become, if nothing changes. I love how Gaius feels that “there has been very little purpose” to his life, until Merlin walked in, and I love how Merlin’s arrival changes that. I love how much he cares for Merlin. Merlin would never have survived in Camelot without Gaius to come home to. NEVER.

Favorite moment:

Oh my god, that scene at the end of The Witchfinder when Uther comes to “apologize”...INCREDIBLE. The history there...and the fact that later, in The Secret Sharer, the show uses the exact same music when Arthur comes to apologize for not believing that Gaius had been kidnapped - THE GRIM PARALLEL. Just amazing.

Idea for a story:

I don’t have any Gaius-centric story ideas right now, but I make an effort to include him in some way in most of the Camelot stuff I write, because I don’t think his importance to Merlin gets enough attention.

Unpopular opinion:

Just in general...I don’t think people think deeply enough about Gaius (for my tastes, anyway). I think people are too quick to write him off, and I just don’t feel that rejecting characters like that is compatible with the spirit of the story, personally. YMMV, but it’s not a fulfilling or satisfying method of engagement for me.

Favorite relationship:

Gaius and Merlin. <3333

I also LOVE the dynamic between Gaius and Uther. That is FASCINATING. Tragic. Like. I know some segments of this fandom think the fact that Uther is monstrous means that he has never had any other qualities and shouldn’t even be discussed as if he were ever anything other than evil incarnate, but that’s just unrealistic. I’m not interested in that kind of non-nuanced take. Uther is monstrous when we meet him. His reign needs to end. There is no appropriate scenario where the show “excuses” him for the things he’s done (and I strongly disagree with people who think the show ever tries to do this). But just because Uther continually chooses to perpetuate evil works during the time where we know him doesn’t mean he always did. The show sets Uther and Gaius up as a parallel to Arthur and Merlin, and the tragedy of that parallel is that you can imagine a time where Uther and Gaius were the way Arthur and Merlin are at their best moments. We know Nimueh was welcomed in Uther’s court at one time; she herself says that she was Uther’s friend. It’s implied that Uther had some kind of relationship with Balinor, too, strong enough that Balinor actually believed him when Uther promised to make peace with the dragons. Things were different once. Uther was not always the man he is now. For us to imagine that he has always been inhumanly evil isn’t consistent with what the show actually tells us - and it diminishes the true horror of what he’s become. Uther is an eminently human monster, and the tragedy is that he didn’t have to be. He chose that for himself.

So yeah. Uther and Gaius are fascinating to me. So much of their background goes unspoken, but you can feel the weight of all that history when they interact.

Favorite headcanon:

I am so bad at this question; I keep struggling with it...I don’t usually think up headcanons; I’m not creative enough; I just sit around and analyze what’s on the screen and then write fic that seems to agree with what I see. XD

I guess what I would say is this - it’s not a headcanon, exactly, just an assumption I’ve always made, but - I think Gaius is the one who ends up addressing the end of Season 2 with Hunith. Somebody must, obviously, offscreen, and I have very strong feelings about Merlin never setting foot in Ealdor again until he ends up there accidentally in Season 4 (“I am so sorry it’s been so long”). I also don’t think Gaius would make Merlin deliver news like that, especially when Hunith doesn’t even know that Merlin knows who Balinor was. And I’m not sure Merlin even knows if/how he wants to address it with his mother at all, just now. He’s barely even processed it himself yet.

So I think Gaius is the one who deals with it, at that time.

#thank you for asking! :D #the once and future slowburn #replies #more than a father to me

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paramedictk-archive · 4 years

Text

it’s hard to put into words how much skam france has disappointed me this year but s6 is finally over and i felt like i needed to kind of... say goodbye to this shitshow and get a few things off my chest.

s3 will always hold a special place in my heart, it came into my life when i really needed it and honestly, it was their only genuinely good season from start to finish. i will always be grateful for s3 and for eliott and lucas and for all those little moments we got to see with the grew in that season as well as in s4 and s5, when they actually acted like teenagers, when they were there for each other, when actions had consequences, when subplots weren’t abandoned just after 2 clips and when they used this show to educate teenagers and give them hope... those very few moments that actually made me feel like i was watching a skam remake.

it’s hard to make peace with the fact that this remake gave us so many good moments but also managed to completely ruin this entire experience for most of us this year. i think if skam france was genuinely, consistently trash from s1 to s6 i wouldn’t be half as angry as i am right now. but truth is, it wasn’t all bad. that’s the worst thing. we’ve seen they can do better, they just chose to be lazy and use the popularity s3 gave them to churn out mediocre and half assed plots time and time again because they knew they had devoted fans who would defend them no matter what.

when s3 was airing i actually felt like they listened to us sometimes and cared about us but something changed after s4. it no longer mattered what we wanted to see or what we thought about a scene, we were simply told what we should be feeling. and that’s a huge red flag. i don’t have to be a scriptwriter or a director to know that good storytelling isn’t about throwing excuses and explanations (and then damage control pictures) at your audience. it’s about them engaging with the content you put out and bringing their own perspective to it. otherwise, what’s the point?

and you know, this isn’t even about what’s ooc and what isn’t. it’s about the people who were supposed to finally get their representation but instead ended up being too triggered by the show to continue watching it. it’s about muslim, deaf/hoh people, people dealing with addictions or self harm or eating disorders speaking out only to be silenced by david and his fans just because their opinions weren’t always supportive and positive. it’s about us saying that they should have never used sexual or domestic abuse for shock value and then being told to shut up because a few pacifists in this fandom seem to think we’re ruining the show for them this way. it’s about david and niels flat out lying to us and promising so many things in order to get us to watch s6. it’s about being disrespected by the creators of your favourite tv show so badly that you end up having to distance yourself from it and the fandom. you obviously can’t please everyone, but the least you can do is listen to the people whose stories you’re trying to tell.

i obviously can’t tell any of this to david even though i wish i could. not because i want to rub it in or prove that i’m right, i just simply want him to know how much his childishness hurt the very people who once fought so hard to get his show renewed for him. i can’t tell him any of this because he would never read my messages since i’m not one of his certified bootlickers singing his praises all the time. because he blocked one of my insta accounts last week for a comment i posted under one of his pictures during s5. because that’s the kind of person he is. someone who would rather hide and ignore constructive criticism and let his little fans fight his battles for him. someone who stayed quiet for weeks while said fans kept sending death threats to people. and yes, you could say he’s not responsible for other people’s actions and that’s true in a way. but when you create such an unhealthy and hostile environment within your own fandom by playing favourites and silencing anyone who has a different opinion than what is considered acceptable, you do encourage that kind of behaviour.

despite all this, i still stayed and tried to put up with all the bad writing because i cared about the grew that much, maybe even more than niels himself, it seems. i don’t have a reason to stay now. the concept of having female showrunners sounds good, sure, but i know francestvslash and i know skam france. it’s the good old bait-and-switch. during the last two seasons, they kept baiting marginalized communities to earn woke points but a season that was supposed to be about arthur’s deafness entirely got turned into some cheating fest and lola’s season was pure misery porn with wlw rep thrown in there as bait.

david and niels leaving won’t solve this problem. francetvslash needs a reality check too. they used us to renew the show and then turned around and called us obsessive. they blocked my comments under the live because i asked them why wasn’t the sexual assault plot mentioned again. they joked about addictions. they don’t care, okay? not about us, not about giving people representation. the only thing they care about is money. so them suddenly hiring female directors and writers after they saw us complaining about the way this show treats women? bait. the same kind of bait niels and david used when they tried to throw all kinds of rep in s6 because they knew lgbt people want to see themselves represented so badly that they would watch it no matter what. i would love to be proven wrong, obviously. i want to believe the new showrunners have nothing but good intentions but their hands will obviously be tied by francetvslash to some extent. and i’m done being used by them and then being forced to settle for the bare minimum.

all in all, both s5 and s6 fell flat and were extremely disappointing. skamfr under david and niels will always remain a one hit wonder, nothing else. it’s a good thing they are leaving now because at least characters like max or sekou have the chance to be treated with respect by the new writers and directors. and i’m happy for all of you who decided to stay... i wish you guys the best. i honestly hope you guys will get the stories and the representation you’re looking for. i really do. i want to be proven wrong about francetvslash and the showrunners... but i don’t have the energy to dedicate so much of my life to this show again, not after them breaking my heart so many times.

and i guess i’m a petty person. the grew deserved great stories too, not just lamif. arthur deserved a great season, deaf/hoh people deserved to see themselves represented, instead they were forced to watch niels disrespect noée and camille and then act like they never existed in s6. and after everything wlw have done for this show, we deserved a great season too, not to be baited like this. maya was in 18 clips out of 83 (!!!!). if niels and david didn’t want to give the grew a chance to have a good send-off, then i’m not giving this show a chance again. why would i?

anyway. i’ll stick to rewatching s3 every now and again. and i will miss the way the grew made me feel. thanks for all the good memories and let’s hope we’ll forget the bad ones soon. this is what we’ve come to.

alt er love and all that crap i guess.

#skam france

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rachel-matteo-merlin-recs · 3 years

Text

Canon Era - Single Fic Arcs

Rheged

Author: McShame

Description:

Post S5 (AU): canon to the end of S4 & part of the way through S5.

Gwen and Arthur have been married for several years, Merlin’s magic has been revealed and Arthur has now reached a kind of cold peace with it. Then a delegation arrives from a kingdom based on magic, and suddenly Destiny is starkly and ruthlessly thrust to the fore. The question is should - can - it be avoided?

Word Count: 124,383

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Definitely might want to pay attention to the tags on this one; one scene can be interpreted both as dubious consent (but more like a I want this, but I can’t do this type of situation), as well as mentions of infidelity and attempted suicide by magic because Merlin just doesn’t want to deal with the fallout and aftermath of his and Arthur’s actions and the consequences it has on their relationships with Gwen and Gwaine. But if you can handle the rough spots, this fic is truly spectacular.

Whispering Your Name

Author: CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Description:

A different take on the dorocha. Instead of them being faceless screams that attack you, they are actually figures of the dead. Merlin doesn’t quite realize how much death affected him until him and the knights go to close the veil.

Word Count: 22,517

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

One of my absolute favorite fics of all time. It also has a bit of Uther redemption in it and Lancelot lives! It also has one of my favorite interactions in a fanfiction:

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Arthur growled, throwing up his hands. “That thing murdered my people and you allowed it to live--”

“You murdered my people and I allowed you to live,” Merlin said sharply. Gwaine felt his eyes widen. Bold words. Part of him wanted to ‘ooh’ at it but knew it would lead to a very bad outcome.

Dower the Stars

Author: RurouniHime

Description:

During a time of great prosperity in Albion, the Druids offer Emrys a precious gift. Arthur is not amused.

Word Count: 40,654

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

A super fun but also very romantic fic. Druids far and wide come in and kiss Merlin, hoping that their magic will react a certain way with Merlin’s and he’ll bond with one of them. Merlin however decides to throw a wrench in his plan when he chooses to bond with Arthur instead after almost losing him.

Overstepping

Author: Masked_Mayhem

Description:

Merlin knew he was pushing his limits, that he was millimetres away from overstepping the invisible line that Arthur had wordlessly set and the warlock had been careful not to cross, but he was never one to listen to the rules that were set for him. Especially not when he was afraid.

Agravaine had managed to weasel his way into his king’s mind and ingrain doubts in the people he loved, the people that loved him...doubts that only took place and bloomed as the traitor lied and deceived and planted things against them. He had gotten rid of Gwen easily enough, and had almost gotten rid of Gaius. Merlin was afraid. Were a few words and items all it would take for Arthur to turn against him too?

Word Count: 51,915

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Merlin steps over a line and Arthur punishes him for it. Later, when Merlin was right, Arthur regrets his decision and saves him. Romance blooms between the two, but a wrench gets thrown in along the way with the reveal of Merlin’s magic and deeds in Arthur’s name. There is a lot of angst, but I like to feel as if it’s a happy ending for the two.

Springes to Catch Woodcocks

Author: myashke

Description:

When Arthur pushes Merlin away to protect him, what lengths will Merlin go to remain in his life

Word Count: 83,292

Completed: No

Comment(s):

Unfortunately the only negative that this fic has going for it is that it doesn’t seem as if it’ll ever be finished. There are 7 chapters and they were last updated in December of 2011. Still worth the read.

Two Souls

Author: Naelyn

Description:

A few days after Camlann, Merlin and Morgana find themselves imprisoned in the same place, and forced to spend their days together. Basically, this is just a pretext for non-stop Merlin and Morgana interaction once the Emrys reveal has been made.

“I’ve gone soft over the day, you know. A few months ago, I would have killed you where you stood.”

“A few months ago, you did try to kill me where I stood,” Merlin reminded her, and she could hear the smirk in his tone.

Word Count: 11,417

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

One of the only fics on this list that won’t be specifically a Merthur fic; but it still isn’t Mergana either. The idea is that after the revelation at Camlann, one can assume that Arthur lived and that Morgana wasn’t killed; that Merlin had been banished or sent away for the lies he told and somehow was subsequently captured.

What starts out as a hostile interactions between Merlin and Morgana leads to understanding and apologies that lead on a path to healing. The end is left open ended, it’s implied that they are sent to their deaths in another kingdom without hope of being rescued, but you can use your imagination to decide if you wanted them to have a happier ending.

The Patter of Tiny Feet on Cold Stone Floors

Author: TheAvalonian

Description:

When Guinevere finds that she is unable to bear Arthur a child, Merlin offers her the perfect solution: an ancient spell which can create new life out of love, if that love is pure and powerful enough. But after the ritual, it becomes increasingly obvious that while Gwen has indeed become pregnant, the child she carries might not have been created from the love between Arthur and his wife - but rather from the love between Arthur and his Court Sorcerer.

Word Count: 79,131

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Merlin and Arthur have a baby! But it’s not an mpreg fic. Guinevere discovers that Arthur and Merlin are more tied together than she and Arthur are - and while that is difficult for her to come to terms with, she concedes that Arthur has the chance that she never had with Lancelot and doesn’t want to stand in the way. Queue of course evil plotting on behalf of Morgana and a kidnapping of the queen and princess - who happens to have shown gifts of her own - and it’s a rollercoaster of a tale that leaves you wanting more.

Metamorphose

Author: clotpolesonly

Description:

When Merlin falls into bed with Arthur, he doesn’t expect to wake up alone. He doesn’t expect Arthur to give him the cold shoulder either, but there is something else he expects even less which forces him out of the kingdom for over a year.

He returns to find a traitor in the court, an army on the way, and a love he’d thought all but lost waiting for him with open arms.

Word Count: 33,753

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

I don’t usually enjoy mpreg fics because they don’t make sense to me from a biological stand point and usually get explained away as “because reasons”. This fic is an exception, it does a good job of explaining why it is that Merlin might wound up in his situation and it deals with difficult question about how to handle the knowledge and who to share it with.

Flowers in the Wind

Author: the_seaworthy_muffin

Description:

A thousand and five-hundred years ago, Arthur Pendragon is sent to the god Emrys as Camelot’s yearly tribute. He comes to befriend the god, and as the prince continues to spend time on the god’s island, something more seems to blossom between them. But then the Lady Morgana goes missing, and Arthur betrays Emrys to his father in a moment of misguided trust. Emrys’ island burns, the heart-broken god refusing to fight for his life. In dying, he puts a terrible curse upon the prince: to live forever, and never forget.

A millennium and a half has passed. Arthur is being slowly torn apart from the inside-out, memories of the past an ever-growing weight in his chest. When he finally finds Emrys again, he is elated - he’s ready to beg, weep, anything, if only he can find blissful forgetfulness. But while the god’s power has not faded, his memories have, and he lives his life as young artist Merlin Emrys, believing himself to be a simple man with interesting gifts. And Arthur’s hopes are dashed. But there is one last way: Arthur can try, and make Merlin remember again.

Word Count: 67,366

Completed: No - but it is being continuously updated

Comment(s):

This is a truly spectacular work of fiction and I almost didn’t give it a chance. I am so glad that I did. Honestly, this is now one of my favorite authors on AO3.

Peace, Plum, Pear

Author: sweetestdrain

Description:

How in his tenth year of rule King Arthur chose a man to take the role of Court’s Magician, and how Arthur made his decision.

Word Count: 13,700

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Merlin fled the kingdom after Uther found out about his magic, and now it’s been ten years since the old king’s death and Arthur’s ascension to the throne, and yet Merlin is still nowhere to be found.

Arthur gives in and holds trials for the new Court Sorcerer and in walks in an old man named Myrddin Wyllt. But, there’s more than meets the eye to this strange and mysterious magician.

Deluge

Author: Suaine

Description:

In the aftermath of Merlin’s battle against Nimueh, the rain seems a minor complication, perhaps even a cleansing influence. When the rain doesn’t stop, Camelot is pushed to the brink once more. This time, Arthur may be in over his head.

Contains: a lot of wet boys in emotional scenes, Arthur knowing more than he lets on, Merlin being an idiot, both of them being a bit stupidly heroic, telepathic chess, rain (lots of), war, making out against a tree, coincidental druids, co-opted history, co-opted myths, magic, coming of age (metaphorically), and more magically annoying yet surprisingly un-floody water than you can shake a stick at.

Word Count: 50,565

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Beautifully written fic, truly a great addition to the fandom.

Idiosyncratic Romance

Author: F0rcryinoutloud

Description:

“And what about your destiny?” Gaius asked softly. “Merlin, you know Arthur needs you - whether he realizes it or not. You won’t have to hide from him forever.”

Word Count: 13,942

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Beauty in the Ashes of our Lives

Author: Fulgance

Description:

After Merlin is executed for Uther’s murder, Arthur’s world falls apart.

Word Count: 21,599

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

Arthur makes a huge mistake when he executes Merlin following the reveal of his magic.

Tiercel

Author: waldorph

Description:

Arthur is constantly at war.

Word Count: 6,571

Completed: Yes

Comment(s):

This is a wonderful magic reveal fic where Merlin goes out and discovers more about magic while still taking care of Arthur and protecting him; Arthur is constantly at war because Uther has decided he wants to take over and unite Albion.

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squidproquoclarice · 3 years

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A question squid, what’s your feelings towards Arthur getting his fathers hat back from John and him taking a little while to wear it again. And like finally being able to wear it without shame almost? I think I remember there being a part in Sunrise when he leaves it on the table when they wake up? And like sadie silently realises that he’s able to wear it again or chose to :)

That was one of those moments I wasn’t quite sure how it was going to go, so I figured I’d let Arthur decide that in the moment how to handle it. Getting that hat back means a lot to him, given how much he clung to it for twenty-five years after his father’s death, and his giving it to John up on that mountain ridge was also a poignant moment. A passing of the torch, as it were. The hat’s a pretty big symbolic thing in the game, so I felt like it had to mean something when it came back up in Sunrise. Getting it back means seeing an old friend again, and sort of a lucky talisman. But Arthur’s also grown enough in eight years to realize he wore that hat at least in good part out of his need to cling loyally to ties, even (or maybe especially) toxic ones. We see it with Lyle, with Mary, and with Dutch. It’s his hat, but it’s got a lot of weight to it because it’s so deeply tied up with his old identity and ways, and now with his clearer view of his fathers--Lyle and Dutch both--and the need to leave them behind. So he’s not ready to wear it just then. It’d feel too much like stepping back into the boots of the man he used to be, and so much of what’s happening in 1907 is Sadie and Arthur confronting the past and who they were, and trying to make their peace with it, and atone where they can. Just slapping that hat back on would feel too much like whitewashing things for him, and letting back in a man he’s moved beyond being. And yet he can’t just let it go either and get rid of it. Arthur’s sentimental. We know it. The hat meant so much to him. He’s owned it far longer than his father ever did, so it’s really far more his by this point. But he’s got to put that hat, like everything else in his past life, in its proper place in his life now before he can feel comfortable with it again. It takes a while for him to feel like it’s his--and the him of 1907, not 1899--and to wear it as himself, rather than reverting to Arthur Morgan, son of Lyle, protege of Dutch. It’s kind of a moment of self-assertion for him that I think he needed in the end: accepting his own self rather than identifying himself by his bonds (and use) to people. Accepting his past, but also looking towards his future. It’s one more step on that road for him. So it’s that bit of putting things in place for him that lets him wear the hat again without unease or shame of feeling like it’s clinging to his past self and clinging to rotten men. He wears it because it’s his lucky hat, and that’s all it means to him now. He’s making his own destiny at this point, rather than being imprisoned by the past. Sadie notices he’s not wearing the hat the morning after he gets it back, and knows how much he clung to it back then. (I think I mentioned something about her noticing even how he’d make sure to retrieve it if he lost it in a fight, and getting the sense it’s a need rather than just practicality. She also knows it was his dad’s, and understands all of what that means by now.) So she’s sort of clued in that he’s struggling with it a bit. I forget if I wrote her noticing him wearing it again later, but probably so, and she knows what it means as well--that he’s made peace with another part of his past. And she’s happy for him for that.

#arthur morgan #sadie adler #rdr2 #sunrise ama #may the sunrise #writing #fic from the parking lot #Anonymous

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the-awkward-outlaw · 3 years

Text

Red Dead Cupid: Friends in Arms

Hello @katerix I’m your Red Dead cupid! I chose your request for Landon Ricketts x f!Reader being best friends, passing time\chilling together, when not busy maintaining an order around. I hope you like it! @rdr-secret-cupid

I also chose a bit of a different writing POV, just trying something a little different.

I lean back in my chair, the heat washing over me. It isn’t really much of a bother anymore, I’m long used to the unforgiving sun. It’s a requirement when you live down in Mexico. I take one last drag from my cigarette and then throw it down, pressing it out with my boot. On my left is the small table with my shot glass of whiskey, the chair on the other side empty but expectant for its usual occupant.

After a moment of watching a hawk lazily circle on the air currents, the chair creaks. I look over and see my most trusted companion and lifelong friend. Landon Ricketts. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, and yes it is the famed Landon Ricketts, the fastest draw in the West and famed gunslinger.

He sighs heavily and drinks his shot of whiskey, grimacing at the burn. He looks worn out, but he always looks that way. After all, he hasn’t had a quiet life until recently, if you can really call his life now quiet. I do though, but that may be because I was with him a decent amount of the time he was living wild in the deserts of America.

“Them Gutierrez boys giving you trouble again?” I ask as he leans back, pulling out a cigarette.

“When aren’t they?” he says in his gruff voice.

“I’m surprised you’ve been as patient with them as you have been,” I comment.

“I’m tired of those days, y/n. And I’ve told you, I wanna give that nonsense up, try for something different. But, guess even in a different country, I can’t escape my past.”

I sigh, knowing what he means. As a teenager, Landon found me as a wild orphan, threatening anyone and challenging absolutely everyone to a gunfight. It was a dark time for me. I’d lost my family and through the anger that rose from my grief, I tried taking it out on everyone around me. Landon came through town, and how could I not challenge him? The most famous gunslinger.

I still remember the way he looked at me when I threatened him. He just laughed and turned his back to me, so I shot him. Or tried to. I was a real bad shot and my bullet whizzed right past him. But he turned back to me. Guess I made some kind of impression on him, because after that, he took me in. Taught me how to shoot and fight.

We ran together for a few years after that, became just as close as two gunslingers could. It wasn’t unusual for people back then to confuse him as my father, which sometimes we played along with if we were robbing someone. But the truth was it bothered me. Landon was never a father figure to me, but he was my friend. He was the only person who recognized my anger in my youth as a plea for help. I trusted him more than anyone.

In my late twenties, I ended up drifting off from Landon. Not on purpose, but he was always on the move. He had to be with his notoriety. At one point, I didn’t see him for so long I just sort of made my own way and fell into a gang of outlaws. Having a dirty history myself, I fit right in. The leader, Dutch, was a good man at first, but he ended up going crazy when the gang fell apart through a series of tragedies. By that point though, I’d already fallen in love and married his right hand man Arthur Morgan.

I loved Arthur, more than anything. He was one of the few members in that gang who knew my past with Landon, but he kept my secret. I didn’t tell anyone about Landon because I didn’t always appreciate his fame. Whenever anyone found out I ran with him, they’d bombard me with questions about him. It was always about him. Arthur understood, and he didn’t talk or ask about him much.

But then, Arthur died in 1899 of tuberculosis. His death crushed me. Dutch was so far gone in his madness that I just ended up leaving. Besides, the gang was finished by that point anyways, sometimes I’m amazed I didn’t end up getting killed in the process. I was so lost though when Arthur passed, I don’t remember much from after that period. I buried him and then I remember I stayed near his grave for a long time.

A couple of months passed after Arthur’s passing. I was still lost in my grief, living near his grave. One day, Landon showed up in the cabin I was living in. He said nothing but he threw down a newspaper at my feet. The top article was about my gang that fell apart.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Because I know you,” Landon said. “I may not have been around much, but I know you. You think I didn’t know about your marriage to Arthur? When I read about him, I knew I needed to find you. I’m very sorry for your loss, y/n.”

Landon was the first person to comfort you about Arthur. I didn’t want to live like this anymore, in my solitude and kept company by nothing aside from my grief. Although I was still shattered, I considered going with Landon, but I told him I didn’t want to live the wild life of an outlaw anymore.

“I’ve done that already,” I said, “I don’t wanna do it anymore. It leads to nothing but pain.”

Landon agreed and said he wanted to do the same. He was also tired of the life, of any man who had even a sliver of confidence challenging him to a duel. He wanted to help people, to make some peace out of the violence he’d sewn.

So after that, I went with him down southwest. At first, we tried settling in places like Armadillo and Tumbleweed. But Landon’s fame followed him and he couldn’t escape the life he was trying to leave behind. That was when I decided that maybe it would be better to go down to Mexico. After all, everywhere I went reminded me of my husband. I just wanted to escape the memories, not because I regretted my marriage, but because I just wanted relief from my pain.

Landon agreed to the idea of Mexico, so a few years ago we settled down in the town of Chuparosa. It was a fairly wild town, overrun with gangs and troublemakers. It took some time, but we got it tamed. It was Landon’s idea to sort of make ourselves the equivalent of sheriffs, as the town lacked any real form of law. I half-heartedly agreed, even though being a peacekeeper was the opposite of what I used to do and the kind of person I used to run from.

But even down here, Landon was chased by his past. Sometimes a vigilante would come, having heard of Landon’s presence and would try to take him on. Luckily those types of men were few and far between. Every once in a while, one of the gangs we’d chased out would come back and try to cause trouble. But we were more than a match for them. The Gutierrez brothers were the last to not get the hint, until today.

Landon puts out his cigarette. Just as I’m about to say something, a young woman comes running up to him. I recognize her of course, Luisa Fortuna. A fiery member, and an enthusiastic member of the rebellion going on in Mexico. She’s breathing excitedly.

“Ricketts! The Guiterrez brothers. They’re back!”

Landon sighs and leans forward. He checks his pistol before reholstering it. “How long before I end up having to shoot these fools?” he says and stands up. I follow him, telling myself I can help if things get out of hand. Truth is though I just want to see these idiots get what they're owed. They’ve been a problem for too long and getting far too confident.

Just as we’re rounding the corner to the main street, I hear a familiar voice, taunting someone. That voice… it brings the dull pain I’ve sat on for ten years. I jog past Landon and find on the main street one of the Gutierrez brothers facing someone I haven’t seen since my gang fell apart. He’s grown older and he looks far more serious than I’ve ever seen him, but there’s no denying who he is: John Marston.

As Landon joins your side, John and the Gutierrez brother suddenly draw their weapons and shoot. John’s bullet finds its mark, but the other Gutierrez brothers pull out their guns to avenge their fallen brother. However they’re no match for John. Not that I’m surprised. He learned from some of the best gunslingers. I think the only person who had a better education in shooting is myself thanks to Landon.

When the last brother falls, Landon saunters forward as John holsters his gun. “I must admit, I’m impressed. Not many men would take on all the Gutierrez brothers and even fewer who could have taken them all down.”

“Who are you?” John asks, his eyes mean. It’s a bit strange, he always had a light in his eyes. Then again, I haven’t seen him since Arthur died after he sacrificed himself to the Pinkertons to save me and John. I guess it’s really no surprise that he’s changed too since then.

“Landon Ricketts. This is my town, I been trying to keep these boys under control, obviously not well. But now I’m curious. A fella like you who can take all of them down without hardly blinking an eye, I gotta ask. What you doin’ all the way down here?”

“I’m lookin’ for… some old friends of mine. One of ‘em came running down here and I think he’s met up with the other.”

This strikes me. He must be looking for me, but how did he hear I was down here? I walk out of the shadows of the building and look hard at him. John’s eyes widen.

“Y/n? What you doin’ down here?”

“Thought you said you was lookin’ for some old friends. I assumed you meant me.”

He shuffles his feet a bit. “No, I wasn’t. I didn’t even know you were down here.”

Landon turns to me. “You know this man?”

I nod. “Yes. He was my husband’s brother. I thought you were dead, John.”

Over the next few hours, the three of us sit at the saloon and talk. I tell John about my relationship to Landon and why I came down here with him after that whole mess with the gang. John then discloses his past, how he tried to come clean of his outlaw days. He and Abigail ran a ranch outside of Blackwater, but then the Pinkertons, in their determination to get Dutch, took his family hostage in order to get John to hunt down his former gang members.

When John tells me this, I feel a plummet in my stomach. I lean forward and look at him, daring him. “So these Pinkertons want you to kill your old gang members. That mean you’re gonna kill me?”

John looks at you, his brows furrowed. “I don’t know, y/n. I’m not sure the Pinkertons even know you’re down here. I assumed you died shortly after Arthur…”

Landon looks between the two of us but doesn’t interrupt. He knows I need to settle this myself. Landon has never been a man to fight my battles for me. It’s proven a frustration in the past, but at this moment, it’s appreciated.

“Then John, I don’t know how much I can be of help to you. I ain’t giving those bastards a reason to kill me. If they’re going after Javier and Bill just for their associations with Dutch, they’ll definitely want me dead too. I was married to Dutch’s right hand man, after all.”

Landon turns to me. “I think you’re making a mistake, y/n.”

I turn to refute him, but he cuts me off. “You’ve been wasting away with me these past ten years. I haven’t wanted to say it, but whatever happened with that gang broke you. I don’t know what this Arthur Morgan was like, but I’m guessing he didn’t give his life up for you and his brother to see you live like this.”

“He also hated revenge. Always said it was a fool’s game. I’m not killing Bill and Javier.”

“You don’t have to,” John says. “I’ll do the killing, but it would sure be helpful if I had you by my side.”

I sigh. Landon’s right, Arthur wouldn’t want me to let John go alone. Not after everything he gave up for us both to live. However I’m sure that the end of this journey will end in one way: my death. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad though. After all, Landon’s right. I’ve been wasting away in liquor and grief down here. I stopped living a long time ago.

I throw back my shot of tequila. “Alright, John. I’ll help you find Javier and Bill.”

I glance over at Landon and see he’s smiling. Now that I think about it, he’s never wanted this life for me. He used to say I had a fire that could not be doused. He must have known that this life, sitting in this hot, boring town and watching my life go on without me was never for me. That’s why he never searched for me while I was with the gang. I was doing what made me happy.

As I think about it, I realize now how much I’ve missed that life. Running wild and free. No it was never easy, but it was me. Living in this town as a sheriff is not what I want to do. I’m not cut out for it. I realize that John is giving me an opportunity to do what I’m meant to do. Sure, it won’t bring back the glory days from the gang, but it’s the next best thing. And if I die doing it, it’d be better than dying here, old and wishing I could have done things differently.

Finally resolved, I stand up. “Okay, John. Let’s go find these bastards and get your family back.”

#rdr secret cupid 2021 #red dead fanfic #landon ricketts #rdr fanfic #i'm awkward

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purple-martin111 · 4 years

Text

The Sacrifices We Make

Read on Archive of Our Own

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Fallout 4 Rating: Mature Warnings: The Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor Characters: Paladin Danse, Female Sole Survivor, Arthur Maxson, Scribe Haylen Additional Tags: Post-Blind Betrayal, Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Depression, Anxiety, Guilt, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Heavy Angst, Abuse, Mental Health Issues

Chapter 3 - The Road to Righteousness

"Well hold on, my darling This mess was yours, Now your mess is mine" -Mess is Mine, Vance Joy-

“I’ll see you on the other side…”

BANG!

Darkness exploded around her and Jackie shot up from her bedroll.

“Danse?!” She cried, feverishly groping for her rifle or her Pip-Boy, anything to help fend off whatever had jolted her awake.

“Soldier?” It came out forceful and frantic as Danse clanked through the room, “What is it? What’s the matter?”

“I-I don’t know... I can’t breathe!” Jackie panted, her pounding heart threatening to strangle her. “Something’s wrong!”

Unable to control her racing thoughts, Jackie trembled and clung to her bedroll. She was convinced she’d perish in a fit of hysteria or at the very least, die of embarrassment. In an attempt to conceal her shameful state and regain some semblance of control, she pressed her face into her hands,

“You’re alright.”

She nearly leapt out of her skin at Danse’s hand on her shoulder and his voice in her ear. So consumed by her irrational fear, she hadn’t even heard him exit his power armor. It stood looming at the edge of the room and Danse... Danse was so near that Jackie was suddenly overwhelmed by all the emotions she’d been trying so hard to bury since leaving the vault. All the pain and heartache, her insurmountable grief, leaked from the little box she’d haphazardly stuffed them away in.

“It’s not real, you’re safe. It’ll pass, just breathe.”

Danse had taken a knee beside her and his grip, firm on her shoulder, moored her to reality. At least until she met his gaze and those heartbreakingly familiar brown eyes shattered her sanity. It took everything in her not to clamber into his arms and weep away her troubles. Instead Jackie clutched at his uniform and squeezed her eyes shut to block out the haunting reminder and hold back the tears caught just behind her lids.

Nate, she missed him so goddamn much it hurt. But Danse...right now, Danse would have to do. She let his soft, calming words sooth her aching heart and slowly the panic subsided. Left with only an echo, Jackie’s hands fall into her lap. Broken and hollow, she grasped at the ghosts of her former life splintering in the parallels of her mind.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered and pawed at her face, wiping at tears or the flush of shame she didn’t know.

“This is common among soldiers.” His hand lingered on her shoulder, a gentle reminder that despite her madness, Danse still had her back. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Jackie just stared at her hands. There was sadness in Danse’s voice, a resonance of understanding that made her wonder about his own mental state. She wasn’t blind. She’d seen how he struggled. How he kept himself endlessly busy, avoiding sleep or rest so he didn’t have to confront his own demons. Danse carried the weight of the wasteland on his shoulders and clearly he cared about her. He was a tough nut to crack, but underneath it all he was kind and a good man.

All Jackie had done since enlisting was repay his kindness in cruelty. She had been insubordinate at best and nothing short of a cold-hearted bitch at worst.

“I haven’t treated you fairly,” she admitted, “I’ve been angry and so caught up in myself. You...” she nervously wrung her hands together as she trailed off, “you were an easy target.”

Danse shifted to lean his elbow on his knee. “Sometimes trauma makes us do things we aren’t proud of.”

“Doesn’t give me the right to be nasty.” She glanced over at him and was met with the faintest of smiles.

“Is that an apology I hear, soldier?”

“I-ah…,” she tittered to herself, “yeah, I suppose it is.”

Danse continued grinning and knocked his shoulder against hers, "I appreciate the sentiment.”

She leaned into him, wishing he could give her so much more than just fleeting touches. “Thanks,” she muttered and pulled away before her emotions got the better of her again, “I can take watch if you want.”

“Negative,” his fingers brushed against her shoulder as he stood to retreat back to his armor, waiting until he was safely encased inside before continuing, “but you can sit with me if you’d like.”

Just breathe.

Jackie’s chest ached at the recollection of that moment. Danse…he was the only thing worth fighting for in this world, the only thing keeping her breathing. He was her lifeblood and if he died at the hands of the Brotherhood for her mistakes, they might as well kill her too.

This was her fault. She should have done more, fought harder, told Maxson where he could shove it and walked away. Should have run and never looked back and taken Danse somewhere far away. Somewhere near the sea where they could watch the sunrise and hear the waves crashing upon the sand in the evening. Leave it all behind and allow the Commonwealth to fall to its own demises. Jackie, however, had been selfish and naive in thinking that she and Danse could live in peace without retribution.

Despite her shaking hands and pounding pulse, she refused to be consumed by panic. It rattled her bones, scratching at her skull like the parasite it was, but Jackie pushed herself forward. She forced her feet to carry her across the room to where she had dumped her duffle bag the night before. Hastily, she stripped of her night clothes and plucked a clean uniform from her pack, dressing with little regard to her personal appearance.

Unkempt and unhinged, her hair was a rat’s nest of wheat colored straw and her face a dirty, tear stained mess, but it would have to do. She would have to do.

With a sigh and a final glance around the room, she jabbed the elevator call button. As she waited for its descent she paced, attempting to formulate a plan. A plan that didn’t involve her solo assault on the Brotherhood stronghold or the very real possibility that she would be forced to murder their Elder.

Shit.

Staggered by the consequences of Danse’s actions, she stumbled to a halt. If she intended to survive this, she was going to have to bring down the Brotherhood--alone. If by some stroke of dumb luck she was successful, then what? The Commonwealth would crumble at the sudden power vacuum.

Dammit Danse!

Jackie slammed her fist against the elevator door just as it clanged open and she was left standing there, messaging her forehead between her fingers. She didn’t know what the hell she was going to do but she slung her duffle bag over her shoulder and snatched up her rifle nonetheless. She would make it up as she went and wished to whatever gods were still listening that they didn’t end up dead.

The elevator made an agonizingly slow ascent to the surface and Jackie prayed that she was wrong. She prayed that Danse had just gone to patrol the perimeter or ventured to a nearby settlement for supplies and he would be waiting for her in the vestibule of the bunker. But, when the elevator finally rattled to the surface, Jackie was greeted with darkness and the stark absence of Danse.

The bunker entrance was empty, and quiet midsummer twilight greeted her as she stepped out into the wasteland. Her heart skipped a stuttering beat at the sight. Perhaps luck was still on her side because in the cover of night and concealed in her armor, Danse might still be alive.

In the distance, the sun peeked over the horizon, painting the skyline in faint wisps of pink and orange. The sunrise lazily eclipsed the deep blues and black of night while she headed east to the unofficial extraction point. As she walked on, she rooted around in her bag, searching for the signal grenade she’d stashed away in case of emergency.

It didn’t take long to reach the designated location, a vacant stretch of broken road behind the old ironworks factory. She threw down the signal grenade and watched as the plume of smoke circled up into the heavens. Not so patiently she waited for the distant hum of the vertibird’s engines to break the silence.

Minutes crept by and before long the sun breached the horizon. With it, came the feeling of failure. Not once had she bothered to check in with Danse last night to assess his own mental state. His deteriorating physical health had been an obvious sign of his instability, yet Jackie had failed to acknowledge it. Instead, she burdened him with her insignificant troubles and neglected to reciprocate his kindness. Perhaps if she had, she wouldn’t be in this situation.

She had promised to be there for him, help him heal, and secretly she had vowed to love him. Then in the face of hardship, she’d abandoned him. Jackie couldn’t breathe and before she could stop it, tears were tumbling down her cheeks. She had betrayed him when he had needed her the most.

The crippling intensity of her guilt sliced at her ribs, threatening to tear her apart. It would have been better, easier for them both, if she had just endured the pain of letting Danse go. Allowed him to move on and live out his days in peace. After everything he’d been through, he at least deserved that much.

The ground groaned beneath her feet as she paced in an attempt to occupy her mind and halt the hemorrhaging of her spiraling thoughts. Her gut churned, bile rising in her throat and she commanded her body to be still. Her urge to vomit quelled just in time to hear the familiar whirl of a vertibird’s engines approaching. Earth and grass whipped about and dirt was violently kicked up with the aircraft’s impending landing. Jackie covered her face with her arms, attempting to shield herself from the dust storm. As soon as the vertibird’s landing gear made contact with the ground she hoisted herself up into the troop load, despite the sickening feeling that still lingered.

A familiar face, clad in aviators and arrogance, greeted her when she clambered inside. It was always the same Lancer who retrieved her. The same pilot who had run transport for Danse and his team and who had taken Maxson to the bunker. He was the only one authorized for extraction from this location and even though words had never been exchanged, Jackie knew he knew and she wondered what price he had paid to keep their secret.

He handed her a headset as she scooted by to sit in the co-pilot’s seat, the roar of the engines drowned out when she slipped it on.

“Paladin,” His voice crackled through the earpiece, followed by a terse nod and salute.

“Geers.” Jackie returned the gesture out of habit.

For a moment Geers watched her, taking in her obviously disheveled state, but chose not to comment, “Ma’am, you’ve got orders to report to the Command Deck immediately upon arrival.”

“Wonderful,” she scowled, “who did I piss on this time to be owed the pleasure?”

A knowing look passed between them before he spoke, “The Elder knows where you go when you disappear.”

Jackie said nothing and stared at her feet, the knots in her stomach twisting tighter.

Geers allowed the void of conversation to stretch on before he added, “Maxson thought you weren’t coming back this time.”

And there it was, the painful reminder of her violation.

“Yeah, that was the plan, but...” She could feel his eyes on her, pitying her, questioning her.

“...but what?” he dared to ask.

None of your goddamn business.

Jackie wanted to snap at him. Put him in his place and maintain the distance held within the chain of command, but she bit her tongue because it was rude and Geers was one of the few people trusted.

She twisted her hands together and mused her bottom lip. Should she tell him the truth? The truth would likely get him killed so Jackie decided on a half-truth. “There's been a recent development that requires my immediate attention back on the Prydwen.”

Static hissed in the coms while Geers watched her with a frown hovering upon his brow. “You told him about Maxson...didn’t you?” he pressed her with the demand and sharp angel of his eyes when she didn’t immediately respond. “Jackie--”

“Just take me back,” she snapped. It wasn’t a request, she was done playing games. Every second she spent dicking around with Geers put Danse at risk, they needed to leave--now.

Geers cursed under his breath and Jackie could hear the eyeroll as he turned back to jab at the instrumentation panel.

“Whiskey, golf, echo, seven, this is Lancer-Knight Geers en route to the Prywden.”

Static droned in her ears, her stomach lurching when he abruptly jerked the stick to get them in the air.

“Acknowledged, what’s your status Lancer?” the voice on the other end asked.

“All’s quiet here.” Geers glanced over at Jackie, looking more smug than was appropriate for the situation. “But mission objective delta juliette is a go. Standby and I’ll brief you on our arrival.”

More static and then finally air traffic control came back, “Roger that. You’ve been cleared for landing in bay two upon your arrival.”

“Roger out,” Geers responded and flipped a switch, cutting out the static.

Jackie regarded him with cinched brows, Geers wasn’t one for formalities. “What was that about?”

“Just…” he shrugged and peered over his sunglasses, “maybe you don’t have to do everything on your own.”

She shifted in her seat to fix him a hard glare. “I don’t think you comprehend the gravity of the situation.”

“And I think you underestimate my power of persuasion.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she scoffed.

“You’ll just have to trust me,” he smirked and turned his attention back to the horizon, “that maybe you--and Danse--still have some friends in the Brotherhood.”

God, she wanted to smack that stupid little grin right off his face. Somehow though, she managed to restrain herself and not feed his ego with the dignity of a response. Instead, she closed her eyes and hoped that whatever half-baked plan Geers had cooked up didn’t get them all killed.

#fallout #fallout 4 #danse #paladin danse #sole survivor #fallout oc #fanfic #writing #jackie #jacqueline dixon #the sacrifices we make #rewrite #rewrite of my fic sacrifices #my wriitng #chapter 3 #the road to righteousness

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sopxhiea · 4 years

Text

Patience

Alfie Solomons X Reader

“The horse was blissful, unaware of the tense situation as she kept caressing him, begging to every god there was that the two grown man behind her would stop bickering.”

The sun was bright and loud inside the spacious room while they slowly started to wake up. The blinds were closed but most of them had been moved due to the wind coming from the open window. Cyril slowly moved, slowly leaving the bed and resting on the floor instead. She slowly moved, her movements were restricted with his arm around her waist.

The events of the past evening came to her vision, a sudden blush appearing on her cheeks as she sighed. Alfie had kept her up all night due to the fact that they lacked to spend alone time together in the past month. It had all boiled down to yesterday when he was home early from work and she had been taking a day off to clean, the house was still a mess but she was satisfied and so was he.

It had been two years since they had gotten married, a blissful two years where they were able to be as silly as they wanted behind closed doors. Alfie worshipped Y/N, in ways more than one and she was lucky to have a man like him who was selfless and openly loving but she had also been easy to pursue. There had been many flowers and invites that had been turned down by Y/N before she had said yes, before she chose to overlook every single rumour and flaw, she had been pleasantly surprised.

She had heard things and had refrained from doing business with Alfie, she was pretty known in the area for jobs that needed precision and accuracy and to say the least, she was intimidated by the wandering jew. She had never met her until the day he came storming in her office, talking about a deal he would like to do but it had been a blur to Y/N. She had expected an old man with guards, not a handsome man like Alfie.

In some ways, he fit the description she had been given. He was built, tall and strong, a little too much at once. He had a bold presence, one that would exert confidence the minute he moved and he was also as sharp as they had told her to be but there were things that didn’t add up. He wasn’t rude like they’d told her he’d be, he was just bold and a little direct. He had firm ideas and knew what he wanted, he was also a damn good flirt when it came down to it. They had done a deal together a week after which was when Alfie randomly started to pop up in her place of business, asking for a cup of tea with some excuse to stay there a little longer.

He didn’t know what it was, maybe love at first sight but by the end of the second week, he just knew that this was the person he was meant to be with. He didn’t believe in romance upon meeting her but he had become the softest teddy bear after she had accepted his offer for a date. He had lost his heart then, it belonged to her ever since the first time she’d smiled at him.

Their wedding was unexpectedly eventless. There had been no shooting except a couple peaky boys who were just having fun with throwing bullets up in the air. Y/N knew the Shelby family from doing business with them and Polly often wanted her to come over for dinner, which she sometimes did and they had been there to witness her union with Alfie.

She had been happy since then, maybe too happy. Her surroundings didn’t like the idea of her being with someone so rough, someone so stern but Y/N knew Alfie was far from both of those things, regardless of how he might’ve been perceived. She slowly moved under his arm, finding the morning sun expectedly pleasant. His slow hums made their way into her ear, melodies of his sleep becoming the hymn of her mornings. She turned to face him, small grunts coming from her mouth as she tried to move without disturbing his sleep, even though he was already half-awake.

She turned to face him, watching him inhale slowly as her hand met his cheek, caressing his freshly trimmed beard while they laid on the bed in silence. Alfie had been awake for the past hour, long before she had been able to open her eyes but he chose to remain, grasp the small moment of peace as she slept in his arms. He took in her smell, the sunshine peeking through the window and the stillness of it all: this is what Alfie imaged heaven to feel like.

“How long have you been up?” she asked, whispering even though she knew he was awake, she could tell now that she was facing her man.

He chuckled, pressing a kiss on her temple while her hands toyed with his beard still. “Not long, yeah, enough to see you wake up.” he breathed out, she wanted to kiss him. She remained still, waiting for something on his side while she became hyper aware of his hands on her bottom and thighs.

“Hhmm.” she hummed in understanding, finding it even more lovely in his arms. If she would be able to get even closer to him, find a way where their ribcages would be interlocked, she would gladly do so.

Sometimes she would find it hard to go on to the outer world, become a part of the ordinarily life which she often found painful. She had a distant look in her eyes at times, Alfie would be tied in the hands, unaware of what to do as she would stare out the window with a faint look. She was capable of making her a vulnerable man. So then, he’d made sure she’d stay inside to keep her calm, wrap his arms around her and let her feel all things she wanted to feel but he’d be there to console and to pat her on the head to say that it was okay and that he loved her.

Today was one of those days but Y/N had to go out, he had a meeting with Tommy and Arthur about a horse. She was born riding, very well known for a couple horses she helped grow and when choosing a new horse, Tommy would always consult her. Alfie didn’t like how cheerful Tommy was around Y/N sometimes, even though he knew it was more of a brotherly bond he had for her. She was his, Alfie and the rest of London knew that.

She got up, rubbing her eyes while a part of her didn’t feel like waking up. Alfie watched her struggle with herself for a moment before getting up behind her, leaving a kiss on her forehead as they started brushing their teeth together. She sighed, looking at Alfie through the clean mirror in their bathroom. She didn’t feel like going out today so she decided that even if she did go out, she’d hide in the shadows of her cozy husband.

In the next hour, Alfie cooked breakfast for her while she stayed close, she was feeling extra clingy today but Alfie would be the last to complain. She hugged his back every now and then, feeling herself grow sad for no apparent reason but when he would kiss her upon seeing her clouded eyes, she’d feel better. With both her legs on his lap, they ate breakfast together while conversing about anything that came into their minds.

After a couple hours, they were out of the door. Y/N held Alfie’s hand tightly, feeling like a little kid but she was feeling all kinds of storms inside her today. But it all came down when she saw the animals she so badly cherished. While Alfie slowly got out of the car to walk into the horse farm, Y/N practically ran through the muddy place to meet the new animals around.

She slowly patted their heads, finding comfort in the way they moved against her touch and Alfie just watched. He loved this woman. She smiled at the animals, feeling Alfie behind her as he watched. They spent some time meeting the new animals before Tommy showed up, looking all gloomy but it went away the second Y/N waved at him.

Y/N had been like a sister to him. She had given him business advice, saved his ass a couple times and even prevented him from going out with too many women which was hard to do. She sometimes came around for dinner but Tommy had always found her company to be pleasant. When he found out about her and Alfie, he was pleasantly disappointed but also knew Y/N wouldn’t let anything get in the way of happiness when it came to Alfie.

“Hey Tommy!” she exclaimed while letting go of Alfie’s hand. Tommy hugged her with a low smile.

“Alfie.”he murmured, making a motion of his head as if to say hello.

“Tommy.”Alfie said, doing the same while Tommy walked towards the new horse, Curly was waiting for Y/N.

The two men had a history many were unaware of. They had done business together and even though it had almost gone to waste, they had managed to pull something off last minute. It wasn’t like Alfie didn’t like Tommy: he was honest, hardworking and way better than any other businessman around but he was also a gypsy who Alfie didn’t like to have around his wife. All was well regardless when they were around Y/N.

Curly, on the other hand, was very cautious with people in general, he loved Y/N. She was pleasant and gentle in his eyes. She also knew horses very well, she knew to how to calm them down and also knew what to do in sticky situations. He simply trusted her, which was a lot coming from curly. Y/N greeted Curly in a small tone, watching the animal move as it eyed his surroundings.

He had silky black fur, simply majestic while Y/N touched his neck, slowly caressing the wild animal and taking his beauty in. He wanted to run, he was excited and Y/N could tell, so did Curly while watching the animal. Alfie watched his bride caress the wild animal, she had a way with rough creatures and Alfie was the first one to testify.

“He’s 10?” Y/N asked lowly, she was simply mesmerised by the creature before her while Tommy watched the animal get captivated by her soft touch, it was a sight to see.

“12.” Tommy spoke up, watching Y/N carefully much like Alfie was doing with bright eyes.

At moments like these, and many more, he felt himself fall in love with her again. She was this fragile being, soft and incredibly kind but she could also manage a beast like Alfie. Her touch was electric, and not only for Alfie, as she touched the animal, feeling him relax under her palm. She smiled softly, turning to Alfie and letting him see just how happy she was now. She was a child of the wild and Alfie loved her even more for it.

“He’s mixed breed?” she asked this time, not looking at Tommy as Alfie stood right next to her, not letting her go out of his sight for a second.

The truth was, Alfie knew how precious of a jewel she was and he wasn’t the only one. He knew that even though she had her own life, many suited bachelors were after her before he’d even met her. He had heard about the pretty young lass around London, she was famous for her beauty but not only that and Alfie had believed the things he’d heard but not whole-heartedly so when he actually met the lass, he was even more surprised due to the fact that almost all the things he’d heard were true.

She did glisten under sunlight and she was as kind and they said. She had her own beliefs but didn’t press and she was also quick on her feet. He didn’t know how sharp she was, or how smart she could actually be but every day after Alfie had met her, she was able to surprise him in a new way. She sighed under his gaze, knowing well Alfie was watching while she waited for an answer from Tommy but Curly was the first to speak.

“Mixed breeds are better, Tommy.” Curly spoke, caressing the animal this time while Y/N let go, holding onto Alfie’s hand instead.

Alfie threw his arm around her shoulders, engulfing her small body into his from the side but Tommy could still see her clearly. She nodded, looking at the animal while Alfie took her scent in again, he was so desperately in love with this woman.

“Yeah, that he is.” Tommy spoke at last, Y/N’s eyes met his before she spoke.

“I say get him. He’ll need some training but outside of that, he seems to be one of a kind.” Y/N said, smiling at Tommy before he slowly thanked her.

After a short while, Y/N said her goodbyes and they were in the car again. Alfie’s hand rested on her bare thigh, like it usually did. No matter what she’d be wearing, his hands would find a way to touch her thighs and lower body. She looked outside the window, waiting for Alfie to speak but he said nothing. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, just unexpected.

Her mood had altered in the right direction but Alfie was mad that he hadn’t been the one to do so. He wasn’t jealous of the horse, maybe the affection he got so early in the day. She reached for his hand, waiting for him to say something. He had been quiet for a while now and she was getting skeptical whether she was right or not about he was feeling.

He didn’t say anything at first, frustrating his lover even more.

“Alfie.” she spoke, her words breathy as Alfie merely heard a slow melody coming out of her mouth.

“Are you alright?”she said once more, she was getting even more doubtful.

He had phases were he would shut down, not literally but he would stop eating and give himself to work. It wasn’t because there was piles of books to do, they were always there anyway, it was because he was feeling too much. Y/N had been able to talk to him and ease his worries and feelings for a couple times this had happened but there were also times where she’d have to drag him out of the workplace, worry written on her face.

“Fine, yeah.” he spoke, a tad of jealousy in his voice. She knew him well enough to point it out.

“Did you like the horse?” she asked, playing with his fingers on one had, he liked to feel her soft skin against his much rougher one.

“He was alright, innit?” he said, not so much a question but more of a statement tone in his voice while Y/N eyed him.

“Why are you jealous?” Y/N breathed out, Alfie’s eyes widening as he looked at his lover, she could read him so well. He chuckled, unsubtle with furrowed eyebrows as he tried to play it cool.

“Jealous? Of a fucking horse?”he laughed, it wasn’t a whole-hearted one but more of the forced kind. “That’s fucking ridiculous, love.” he said, a smile on his lips while Y/N’s mouth stayed in a thin line.

“He was raggedly handsome.” Y/N spoke, knowing this would fire him even more and to say the least, she enjoyed it. It was a mere whisper but Alfie had heard it.

“Fucking unbelievable.” he said, tone higher this time as they remained still in the car.

“The horse gets all her fucking attention because what? He was fucking handsome! Th-”he spoke, almost shouting, he was frustrated with her but she slowly moved closer on the car seat, placing her face on his shoulder and slowly whispering.

“You’re handsome too, you know.”she spoke, interrupting his sentence while he looked at her, taken back but not too surprised. She straightened a few hairs back into their place and kept speaking, he was feeling heated by the passing second as her hot breath hit his ear. “And that horse isn’t even mine..”she spoke, lowly in a seductive tone to see how he’d react and when she earned a growl, she continued. He was desperate once again.

“But you are.” she said, kissing him feverishly this time.

She sat on his lap in the car seat, pulling and caressing while his mouth devoured her, she felt herself go weak in the knees and thanked herself for sitting on his lap before he attacked her mouth. Grunts and groans came from both of them, his frustration evident from the way he sucked into her bottom lip. When the grinding started, Alfie knew they weren’t gonna make it home, he enjoyed every bit of her mewls.

And there it was, both of them making out desperately in the car parked close to their shared house where no matter how much they spent together, it was never enough.

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kriscme · 3 years

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One Life to Live

Here’s the latest chapter. Thanks to Ronja for permission to write fanfic of her Hunger Games fanfic “The Chance You Didn’t Take.” It can be found on A03 as this can too (under Kris22). Thanks for reading. Chapter 35 I wake to bright sunshine and the citrusy perfume of evening primrose wafting in from the open window. Such a lovely dream I had last night. I was following Prim through the woods and the further she took me, the happier I became, even though we never arrived at any place. But then I remember my current predicament and my spirits plummet again. I turn to face Peeta, expecting to see him, but he’s not here. The only sign that he was in my bed last night is the impression his head made on the pillow close to my own. Somehow, we both seemed to have gravitated to the middle of the bed during the night. From downstairs I hear movement and two voices in conversation. That could only be Peeta and Haymitch. No one else would be in the Village and in my house at this hour. The clock by the bed tells me I have an hour before it’s time to leave for work. I use most of it to shower and dress. I don’t want to face either of them just yet. They’ll only talk strategy. Haymitch seems to have relished getting back into his old mentor role which is odd, because he hated it when he actually was one. As for Peeta, I haven’t seen him like this since the Quarter Quell when he had us all training like careers. There’s the same energy and focus. It’s as if he’s determined to get me home a third time. Only this time his reasons are . . . well, I don’t know what his reasons are but it is good to see him back to his old self. I should make an effort to stop being so sulky and disagreeable around him. It’s not his fault he doesn’t love me anymore and he is doing me a huge favor at risk to himself. As soon as I see the food laid out on the table, I wish I had come down earlier. Peeta has cooked my favorite breakfast of sausages, eggs, potatoes, bread, juice and hot chocolate. I tuck in, ignoring Haymitch’s scowl. It’s my house. I’ll come down when I want to. “We keep to the schedule as planned,” says Haymitch. “And it goes without saying – “ “Stay in love,” Peeta and I say in unison. “And don’t be afraid to lay it on thick,” Haymitch adds. “That’s what the public is used to seeing from you. This isn’t an old settled relationship. Or a continuation of one. It’s brand new. You want to avoid any talk that this has been going on behind Lace’s back and it’s why the wedding was called off. After the cameras are gone, you still have to live amongst these people. No one likes a cheater.” “It won’t be a problem,” says Peeta, as he starts to clear away the dishes. I grab the plate with the potatoes before he takes it. “It actually works out well. Lace was worried that people might think the same of her and Arthur if their relationship became public too soon. But if she and I both have partners, they’re far less likely to think that one of us had cheated on the other. I’ll let her know sometime today that Katniss and I are together.” I bet that will shock her. After all his talk of me being an illusion, he’d better have a convincing excuse for why he’s changed his mind. But at least I know that he’s aware that Lace is with Arthur now. What’s most surprising though, is that he doesn’t seem upset about it. And they’re still talking to each other. On Haymitch’s advice, we take the most public route into work so as to be seen by the maximum number of people. That takes us through the main street past Lace’s shop. I catch a glimpse of her through the window sorting through fabrics. She has her back to us. The shop next door is vacant but there’s carpentry in progress, probably for new fittings for Arthur when he moves in. We turn down a side street and pass by Arthur’s shop. He’s opened early as usual. I don’t see him but I know he’ll be hard at work, saving for that factory he plans to own one day. The salon is closed at this hour but I spy Flavius at the front desk, head down, consulting the appointment book. He raises his head as we walk by. I move closer to Peeta and rise on tiptoe to kiss his cheek before giving Flavius a wave. The news will be all over town by the end of the day. We meet for lunch at the small park adjacent to the school. It’s a hot day but the old oak tree provides plentiful shade. We eschew the bench seat and sit on the grass because it looks more romantic that way. I kick off my shoes to cool my feet and smooth out the folds of my dress. It’s the sunset dress that Peeta likes. It just happened to be the first thing on hand when I reached into my closet this morning. Peeta has brought us food from the bakery. He holds out in each hand a white paper bag with the Carter logo on it. “Beef or chicken?” “Um . . . beef,” I say. Peeta hands me one of the bags and keeps the other. It’s not a pie but a sandwich with layers of thinly sliced roast beef, cheese, lettuce, tomato and some kind of sauce. I take my first bite and moan appreciatively. This might just overtake cheese buns for me. “Since when did the bakery sell sandwiches?” I ask. “Since last week. And coffee and other beverages too. It’s an experiment, to see how well it does. In the Capitol, the bakery also functioned as a café, with indoor seating. It will mean moving to larger premises but it might be needed anyway. Did I tell you we’re getting cake orders from as far away as the Capitol now? The one I did for Cressida’s wedding seems to have started it.” “That’s great, Peeta,” I say, genuinely happy for him. But then a terrible thought occurs to me. Cass told me that Peeta could get work anywhere. What if he leaves 12 for the Capitol for bigger opportunities? I’m suddenly consumed with fear. I don’t want him to go. “I’ve also been offered a fourth share partnership in the business too, along with Julius, Cass and Cornelia,” he adds, his face alight with enthusiasm. “They want to keep you,” I say. “Probably,” he concedes. “But there’s more to it than that. We’re more than just coworkers. I feel disloyal saying this and no one could ever replace them, but in a way, it’s like having my brothers back. And Cornelia is the woman one of them might have married. Does that sound bad?” “Not at all,” I say, thinking of Johanna and how she’s like a sister to me. Loved ones can’t be replaced but it doesn’t mean your circle can’t expand to include others. “I suppose you won’t be opening a bakery of your own any time soon then? Wasn’t that one of the plans you made with Lace?” Peeta gives a short, self-depreciating laugh. “That was never going to happen. Responsible for running a bakery? Ugh! I like what I’m doing now, decorating cakes and leaving the management side of it to others. I think we just chose what we thought the other expected of us, not what we actually wanted for ourselves. Lace would never have been happy giving up her shop to work from home. She’s worked too hard for it. And five kids? At this stage of my life, I’m not even sure about one.” “Really?” I ask. That was the only part of it that made any sense to me – that Peeta would want a large family. “I thought you’d like to have children.” From the school grounds nearby, I can hear the shrieks and laughter of children at play. It wasn’t long ago that the mere thought of having to teach Peeta and Lace’s children had filled me with dread. I was sure that if it was Peeta’s choice, they’d have had them straight off. “One day, perhaps,” he says. “But I want to be in a better place than I am right now. You know, with the attacks and everything. And we’re only twenty. There’s plenty of time.” Twenty-one. Lace is twenty-one. “You?” he asks. “Oh, um, the same as you, I guess,” I say, surprised to have the question turned back on me. “I’ll think about it when the time comes. But for the moment, no. I want to see how things turn out. With the new government, I mean. Whether the peace lasts.” I want to be certain the Games will never return before I’m be ready to bring children into the world. “I meant more general that that,” he says. “How do you see your future? What do you want to do?” I take a moment to think about it. My future isn’t something I’ve given much thought to other than in terms of what I can’t do because of my confinement. But it dawns on me that even if had the choice to live wherever I wanted, I’d still choose Twelve. It’s my home and the people and places I love are here. “Keep on teaching, I suppose, and finish getting my qualifications. Mr Matson suggested I could teach archery to the older students. So maybe I’ll do that. I doubt there’ll be much hunting once the woods officially become national park so it seems a good compromise. I can continue to use my skills and pass them on at the same time.” “Sounds perfect,” says Peeta, smiling at me. We go back to eating our lunch. I see a few people walking past on the opposite side of the road but foot traffic around here is thin and sporadic. It’s an out-of-the-way place to be seen but Haymitch’s rationale is that we can’t just frequent the popular places because that would cause suspicion in itself. We have to appear as a normal courting couple doing what a normal courting couple would do. Picnicking in a sequestered park is apparently one of them. But there’s at least one onlooker. A squirrel, perched on one of the lower branches watches expectantly. He seems used to people as he doesn’t show any fear. And probably used to being fed by them too. I break off a piece of crust and throw it a short distance away. He doesn’t hesitate. He scampers down the tree, grabs his prize, and scurries back up. I catch Peeta observing me, a look of amusement on his face. “What?” I demand. He had better not be laughing at me. “It’s just seeing a new side of you, that’s all. You know, relaxed. One time, that squirrel would have ended up with one of your arrows through its eye. But now you share your lunch with it. I like it. It means you’re in a better place now. Not so concerned with survival.” Humph! The last time I heard anyone talk about me and survival was in the basement of a dingy little shop in the Capitol that sold fur underwear. “Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can’t survive without.” Gale said it, and Peeta didn’t refute it. The same resentment I felt then wells up in me. There it is again, the implication that any finer feelings are subservient to my need to survive. Not love, or desire, or compatibility, or even just throwing a crust of bread to a squirrel. I didn’t get to defend myself then, but I will now. “That’s a horrible thing to say.” Peeta’s eyebrows shoot up in a surprise. “I hate that people think that of me – that I’ll put my own wellbeing ahead of anything else. If I’ve tried so hard to survive, it’s because I had people depending on me. What would have happened to Prim, or my mother, if I hadn’t been around to make sure there was food on the table? Prim would have ended up in the Community Home and that meant as good as dead. I’ll do anything for the people I love. Die for them if need be. I would die for you. I –“ I stop short, remembering all of a sudden that I’m supposed to keep those feelings hidden. Heat rises in my face. “I mean – “And then it’s Peeta who cuts me short. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me. Really kisses me, not the closed mouth playacting kind, but softly, insistently, plying my mouth open with his own. For a few seconds I’m stunned into inaction. But then I feel that thing. That thing that happened in the cave and on the beach. And I put my arms around his neck and kiss him back hungrily, greedy for more. He pulls me closer and we sort of meld together, the points of his body picking out the counter-points of my own and I moan somewhere deep in my throat. I forget we’re in a public space and only a short distance from a school. Nothing exists but Peeta and me and when I feel his hand slip between my thighs under the cover of my dress, lightly as if seeking permission, my legs fall apart in open invitation and I will it to go higher, to that place that wants him so badly.

His fingertips barely make contact when from some faraway place the pulsating ring of a school bell sounds. With great reluctance, I am dragged back into the present and reality returns with a thud. I pull away, confused. What just happened? Why did he do that? My head whips around looking for the audience he’s playing to, but there’s no one about.

“Don’t. Don’t let’s pretend when there’s no one around,” I say, getting quickly to my feet. It’s not . . . we shouldn’t do it. It’s how lines get blurred.” And people get hurt. People being me. I shove my feet into my shoes. “I have to go. Class is about to start. Thanks for lunch.”

I don’t wait for a response from Peeta. I race off, leaving him to dispose of the remains of our lunch, a look of bewildered concern on his face. The kiss leaves me shaken and it takes a concerted effort to concentrate on my work. That was so close. Too close. How am I going to get through this without breaking down? There’s at least three weeks to go. This week before the television crew arrives, the following when they set up, and after that a week of filming. I don’t know how Peeta did it. All that kissing and hugging on the Victory Tour. And the nights on the train. And then when we shared a bed in the Capitol just before the Quell. It must have been torture. As it will be for me tonight, and every other night until this is over.

Luckily, Peeta and I don’t finish work at the same time so I’m spared walking home with him. As I’m home first, I set the table and prepare the food for dinner, allowing extra in case Haymitch turns up, which he probably will. And then I go into the living room and take a book from the shelf. I hope reading will be a distraction because I just can’t get that kiss out of my mind. It’s a book on conservation that Marcus left behind, and it’s as dry as you’d imagine but it does nothing to lessen the wetness between my legs. I am so aroused; I’m fit to burst. There’s only one solution. I slip my hand under my dress to take care of it myself, and I’m just on the verge when I hear the front door open. It’s Peeta.

I quickly open the book and pretend to be immersed in it.

“Good book?” Peeta asks, as he comes into the room. He takes the seat opposite and reads the title from the cover. “’Wetland Techniques.” I suppose we could all benefit by brushing up on our wetland technique. Maybe I should read it after you.” “

Maybe,” I say noncommittedly, and lower my eyes back to the page. I hope he’ll take the hint that I’m not in a sociable mood and go away.

There’s a long pause. “Katniss, I think we should talk about what happened at the park.”

I don’t think that’s a good idea at all. If Peeta has a flaw it’s that he likes to talk about things that shouldn’t be talked about. It would be better for both of us if we pretended it didn’t happen.

“Things got a little carried away, that’s all,” I say. “It was bound to happen with us forced into this situation again. We just have to be more careful next time.”

“Is that what you want?” he asks, frowning. “I think it’s best, don’t you? If we’re to get through this, we need to set boundaries. After all, we have to go back to living normally after this. We have to stay friends.” I try to sound convincing but there’s a faint tremor in my voice. I stare down at my book to avoid looking at him.

“All right, Katniss,” he says tiredly. He rises from the chair. “I’ll get dinner started then. Haymitch should be here soon.”

After he leaves the room, I let out my breath. I don’t think he believed me but maybe that’s not important. We only have to preserve the veneer. But he makes it so hard. Always wanting to open wounds instead of just leaving them alone. I’ll just have to stay on my guard and make sure to keep him at a safe distance. Obviously, Peeta isn’t averse to having sex with me if what happened at the park is any indication. But then, I was practically begging him. I know you don’t have to be in love to have sex. And if sex is all I wanted from Peeta, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I know, I just know, that if we went down that path, the floodgates would open and I’d be as helpless as ever and in an even worse place than I am now. Nothing will have changed. I’d still be in love with someone who isn’t in love with me.

While Peeta makes dinner, I take a shower. A cold one. And change out of the sunset dress into something that makes me feel less vulnerable – tight-fitting trousers and a t-shirt. I’d wear a chastity belt if I had one because I don’t really trust myself. I wait until Haymitch arrives before I go downstairs. The less alone time I have with Peeta, the better.

Unfortunately, Haymitch doesn’t stay for very long after we’ve eaten. I was hoping that he and Peeta would get the chess board out again so I could avoid interacting with him.

“It’s Monday,” I tell Peeta, when he comments on Haymitch’s early departure. “He wants to be home to watch “One Life to Live.” He’s something of an addict.” I dry the last of the dishes and put it away while Peeta makes tea.

“That’s the show Plutarch talked about, isn’t it?” he asks. “Yeah, that’s the one. It’s the most rubbishy, most stupid thing ever. I was insulted when he compared us to Celia and Blake. Idiots, both of them.”

“I can’t really comment. I’ve never watched it,” he says, as he pours tea into two mugs.

I sniff derisively. “Well, you haven’t missed anything. I can’t think why Haymitch likes it.”

“Let’s find out.” “What? You actually want to watch it?”

“Yeah. I do. You can explain the plot so far.”

He picks up one of the mugs and I take the other. “That will take about two seconds.” Nonetheless, I follow him into the living room and sit down beside him on the sofa. I guess there are worse things to do than watching television together, even if it is “One Life to Live.” At least it’s a distraction and we won’t have to talk much. My gaze flickers over to Peeta. I’m acutely aware of him. His well-muscled thigh only inches from my own. The fine blond hair on his strong capable hands. Hands that can lift heavy sacks of flour yet wield a paintbrush with the most delicate precision. Hands that were on me only hours earlier. A throbbing starts between my legs at the thought of it. I cross one leg over the other to alleviate the sensation but then quickly uncross them. The movement makes the crotch seam of my trousers rub against me in a most stimulating way. I should have worn a dress.

With a click of the remote control, the opening credits of “One Life to Live” appear on the screen. I swallow hard and force myself to focus. “Well, Celia and Blake are from neighboring districts . . . “

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madamewriterofwrongs · 3 years

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Tagged by: @fyeahbuddie @tylerhunklin @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels @gracieli @oneawkwardcookie

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

Like I said in another post, I don’t have favourites, exactly. I have fics that others enjoyed, fics I’m proud of, fics I wish more people had read, etc. I’ll try and talk about why I picked these five pieces.

Faith, Trust, and Magic (BBC Merlin - Merlin/Morgana) Chapter 3/? 5381 Words

A rewrite of episode 2x03 “The Nightmare Begins” where Merlin helps Morgana with her magic.

Technically, the first chapter of this series was written in 2018 but this year, I plotted the entire story and posted two more chapters. The concept is one I’m quite passionate about and I really want to finish it one day. Unlike the hilarious theory that barely anything would have to change in canon for Merlin and Arthur to be together, I believe everything would have been different if Merlin had helped Morgana when she was coming into her magic. This one decision would have changed the entire series. I want to give Morgana a happy ending.

Spark of Joy (9-1-1 - Buck & Maddie) Chapter 1/1 3076 Words

Firefam Christmas Party 2021 from the Buckley siblings’ perspectives.

This is one of my worst performing fics but rereading it (or thinking about it) makes me happy. It’s pure gentleness/contentment and especially at the beginning of my time in the 911 fandom, I was in love with the idea of letting the people of the 118 find peace in their lives. Give them a break! So I wrote this piece that was like a snapshot of how good life could be for the Buckley siblings and had these little sparks of hope for the future. Despite it’s low stats, I really enjoyed writing and reading this fic. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.

Love Me Well (9-1-1 - Buck/Eddie) Chapter 1/1 2626 Words

Soulmate AU in which Eddie remembers but Buck meets him for the first time in every life.

I don’t think I’ve ever done prompt fills before this year and this was one of my first ones. While I still prefer to use purely my imagination, I had fun trying to think of what @zeethebooknerd might enjoy within the world my brain was creating based on the prompt she gave me. This was also one of my first AUs (I love reading them but I never really wrote them before). A lot of firsts. On top of that, I got super soft and emo over the boys in my head, and let my inner hopelessly dramatic romantic out to play - something I started doing more of after this.

Speaking of firsts.

Use Your Words (9-1-1 - Buck/Eddie) Chapter 1/1 4236 Words

Part 5 in the Show and Tell Series where Eddie gets out of his head while getting head.

Honestly, I really like the Show and Tell series and the more research/work I put into the entries, the more proud I feel about what I’m creating. Use Your Words was particularly difficult because I had never written smut before. I also have less than stellar sexual education, so I did a lot of research to make sure I was at least writing something anatomically correct. In the series, I introduced an Eddie that used sex as a way of avoiding intimacy in relationships but was working on opening up to his boyfriend. I also introduced an Eddie who was learning to ask for things that he wanted (in essence, he was allowing himself to be selfish). Combining the two made a lot of sense to me, so I decided to challenge myself as a writer and create this entry.

Unashamed (9-1-1 - Buck/Eddie) Chapter 12/12 17178 Words

A series of married Buddie getting into awkward hi-jinx because they can’t stop flirting with each other.

I mean for one: I so rarely finish a series. In fact, this is the first time I finished a series in years so for that alone, I’m proud. I also managed to turn a 900 word crack-fic into a 12 chapter story so, again, yay. This was still a part of me ‘contentment’ obsession so there’s lots of happy things in there. I challenged myself to write the entire thing from an outside perspective which was really fun and created a lot of second-hand embarrassment. But there’s also a chapter about polyamorous acceptance, and queer love in the workplace, and dealing with rejection. I didn’t intend to put that much work into to it but I found it wasn’t really in me to just slap something together.

I’m cheating and picking a sixth. Sue me, Buck.

Finding Home (9-1-1 - Buck/Eddie) Chapter 1/1 1038 Words

Two boys lie in bed and one of them tells a love story.

I wrote this one on my phone in the middle of the night because it was just rolling around in my head and would not let me sleep. I don’t think it’s my strongest piece, and it wasn’t the first or last time I would have to pull out my phone in the middle of the night to write story notes that refused to leave me be. The reason I chose this one is because it marks a shift in my mind. Before this year (really, May 2020), I barely wrote. I wrote the @midweekupdate every week, I even completed NaNoWriMo with an original novel. But I was rarely inspired to just write. I didn’t have words and phrases plague me until I had to relinquish them upon the world. But that’s what this was. And it still happens every once in a while. Where I have things in my head that I just have to write (if you follow me, you might see midnight posts under the CJ Writes Things tag that make zero sense but sound kind of pretty). Writing this gave me hope that this thing I love isn’t gone even when I have dark periods.

Tagging: @zeethebooknerd @elisela @softboiidiaz @oliverstark @rydergrace @florenceandthemachine @eddiediaz @fyeahbuddie @bellakitse @howtosingit @from-nova

#tagging things #cj writes things #2020 review

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gunslingertales · 4 years

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Saving grace || A.M - Chapter 2

Story summary: Arthur struggles with his guilt and his loyalty towards the people he always thought of as family. He starts questioning the life they’ve been leading lately and wonders if there’s still a place for him somewhere out there in a world that’s so quickly chaning. Then he meets a woman with fire in her eyes and gold in her heart who seems equally lost in the great unknown that’s life.

Chapter Two: “ Dreams” Find the other chapters on my blog under /masterlist

Chapter summary: As he rides into Valentine, Arthurs plans on having a drink or two with young Lenny and then returning back to camp. He doesn’t expect running into a familiar face. And spending the next day with that person. And learning about her childhood and her dreams.

Likes, comments and especially reblogs are more than appreciated ♥

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

The small town of Valentine is an awfully dirty place. Both figuratively and literally. You don’t even have to take two steps and your shoes are already coated with mud. Like the sweltering humidity of the Lemoyne swamps that cling to your skin or the grimy winds coming from the mines of Annesburg that settle on your lungs, the dirt lies upon the town like a thick blanket you just can’t shake off.

Arthur thinks it’s ironic, how the people turn their noses at him and the gang and their way of living. Of their makeshift camps and on-the-go lifestyle. They scowl at the thought of their tents and bedrolls yet voluntarily move to a town like this where you can’t tell if you’re wading through mud or your neighbors’ shit.

Then again, Arthur doesn’t care an awful lot for other people’s lives. His own is chaotic and confusing enough, what good could it possibly do to rack his brain about other people’s choices? Least it ain’t quite as bad here as it is in Saint Denis. That place is a cesspool of every single thing Arthur has an unprecedented disdain for. Too many people pretending to be above everyone else just because their jackets got fancy gold buttons.

He can’t picture himself ever living in a place like that. Though to some it might be a place of comfort, of safety, to him it only feels like a cage. And he’d rather die than give up his freedom.

Mouse slows down to a gentle trot as they approach the Valentine Saloon. A golden glow shines through the newly fixed window of the building and laughter and song echo through the room and flood out into the streets. Lenny hitches his horse next to Mouse and gives Arthur an expectant look “Just one of two, right?”

“Sure. Just a drink, no drama”

None of the men are getting lots of chances to wind down. Sure some of them are perpetually drunk to some extent but to really get a night off to - to have fun, that’s not a chance that presents itself very often. Living a life like they do, you always have to be alert. Life ain’t your friend so you gotta look out for yourself and your people.

There’s quite a few people inside, drinking and eating and laughing. Sometimes Arthur wonders what his life would be like if he had married Mary and given up on the gang. Would he spend his free time here drinking away his sorrows and his feelings of inadequacy compared to Mary and all she could’ve had? Or would they wander into town every once in a while, grab a bite to eat, and enjoy each other’s company?

He shakes his head to push the thoughts away. There’s no use in getting lost in what-ifs. They’re just another reminder of what he can’t have and what he messed up.

“You,” the Barkeeper approaches, pointing at Arthur as he leans against the bar “ I don’t want no trouble!”

Arthur raises his hands in mock surrender “And you ain’t getting none from me. I was just defending myself.”

Though his eyes still hold a hint of doubt the barkeeper seems to be satisfied with that answer. Something tells Arthur that he isn’t the first person butting heads with that damn Tommy guy.

Lenny regards the exchange with a smirk playing on his lips as a shake of his head.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just … do I wanna know?”

“Nah don’t think you do.”

They share a laugh and receive their drinks and for a moment, Arthur’s heart feels a bit less heavy. For a second the weight of the world doesn’t rest inside his chest. Like he can be unbothered for just a night.

Two drinks in he leans his back against the bar and lets his eyes wander around the Saloon. Drunk fools stumbling over each other, a piano player belting out melodies, smiles upon smiles and songs, and music.

In the furthest corner of the place, a woman sits alone by a table, a plate untouched in front of her. She seems too fancy to end up in a dump like this. Her hair is pulled up in intricate braids and her blouse has frilly lace in the front. Something about her intrigues Arthur.

The first time he ever laid eyes on Mary an electrical current surged through his system like waves crashing to the shore. She was beautiful and smart and she spoke like she knew the world belonged to her. He never felt deserving of her and he never was but for a while she let him believe it. She was beautiful and soft and she wasn’t … she wasn’t what he’d known all his life. And maybe that’s also part of what intrigued her when it came to him. The excitement and the unknown. But that novelty wore off for her rather quickly it seems. The night she broke the engagement and his heart, he doesn’t remember that night but he does remember the pain.

Looking at the woman in the corner, he doesn’t feel the excitement or the sense that he needs to have her in his life, the way he did with Mary. That doesn’t mean he’s unaware of his intrigue. As much as he doesn’t want to get involved with other people’s drama, he sure likes to hear their stories. After all, ain’t that what our life is made of? Stories. One after another. Sometimes you’re the main character and sometimes an onlooker. Sometimes your the hero and sometimes - sometimes you ain’t.

When she lifts her head though, a strange sensation floods through him. Though the dimly lit room doesn’t allow him to get a perfectly good look at her, Arthur can immediately read the sadness on her face. It’s radiating from her. He knows it ain’t his fault, at least not entirely but still, a pang of guilt settles in his stomach. A knowledge that he ain’t innocent in any of this either. Seeing her brings back all the heaviness and the weight that rests on his heart. It floods back in and clings to him like cigarette smoke.

He wants to leave now. Just get out of here and take Mouse for a ride through the fields and valleys and relish in the great wide somewhere. But he can’t. His legs feel like they’re stuck to the ground like flies on a honeypot. He feels guilt sometimes, about his deeds. Especially when the people don’t deserve his unkindness. He’s never really felt like this before. Then again, usually, they don’t have to face their doings again.

Drinking his third beer, he tries to ignore her. He genuinely does. It ain’t his fault and it ain’t his problem. Why should he care? No one asked her to pawn off her jewelry for a mistake she didn’t commit. Maybe that’s exactly the problem though, the knowledge that she’s a good person and the fact that Arthur voluntarily chose not to extend the same kindness towards her.

A commotion from the corner pulls his attention back towards her. A big burly man with a frizzy, unkept beard stands beside her table, leaning on it for support. A bottle dangles from his fingers and the sway in his posture tells Arthur that he’s way deep in by this point.

“I’m just tryin’ to be nice Miss. Ain’t no reason to get feisty on me.”

“Can you please let me enjoy my dinner in peace?”

“Come on sweetheart, lemme buy you a drink at least. Then maybe I can take you up to one of them rooms. How ‘bout that.”

“That’s disgusting and I said no!”

Though he can’t see her eyes, he’s sure they’re filled with the same fire and wrath that had been directed at him just a few weeks ago. With every moment passing, he gravitates more towards her, ready to jump in if the man got any more stupid ideas running through his head.

There’s a special place in hell for men who can’t extend a certain amount of respect towards the fair gender. He knows that even some men in his own group, his own family, often seem to forget that and Arthur is the first to call ‘em out on it. They call him soft for it but he doesn't think that’s him being soft as much as it’s him basically being raised by two men who value women for what they are. Smart and beautiful and human beings worthy of being treated with respect. Not objects for their own enjoyment and entertainment.

“Lady, I ain’t gonna be asking so nicely no more.”

“Is there a problem here?”

May’s eyes snap up towards Arthur as he approaches the table and he catches a glimpse of the flames, passionate and … pissed off. Though as they fall on him, a kind of calmness washes over her and he isn’t quite sure if he likes it or if it makes him nervous.

“Just a dispute between two lovers, ain’t that right Dove? None of your concern, buddy.”

“We ain’t lovers you delusional rat !”

Arthur can’t help but let out a laugh at her insult. It fits the guy, really, though his frame is broad and meaty, he’s got beady eyes and a long face.

“You better shut your mouth you-“

As the man lifts his arm, that’s when Arthur really sees red and takes a step in between him and May who, despite her best efforts, can’t suppress the worry and fear settling on her face.

“Nah, I suggest you shut up and get the fuck out of this place. They just fixed the window and it would be an awful mess if I had to break it again when I throw you out. Of course, I could also shoot or stab you right here right now but, I don’t think that’s in any of our best interests now, is it?”

Arthur’s voice is low and deep and though that’s both a result of bad genes and chain-smoking, it does come in handy every once in a while. Mary–Beth had once told him that it gives him a sense of perpetual danger and toughness.

The man stares at Arthur, unsure of what to do. His eyes then shift towards May, back to Arthur and back and forth one more time. Carefully he considers his next move and then — then he shrugs his shoulders in defeat, huffs out an annoyed sigh and turns around, leaving the saloon with the slam of a door.

“What a horrible horrible man.”

“Sorry about that”

May rests a gentle hand on Arthur’s arm and signals for him to sit down, which he does - reluctantly. Again she extends a kindness towards him he is severely undeserving of.

“What are you apologizing for? You ain’t don’t nothing wrong. “

“Oh, I’ve done plenty of things wrong in ma life.”

“I meant right then. What brings you here then, Mr. Morgan? Spending my money on a beer?”

Though she says it with a smirk and not a hint of malice, it still sends a sting to his chest though. He could ease his mind and tell her that he hasn’t sold the ring, hasn’t even put it in the camp’s collective. The earrings yes but not the ring. It still sits in his saddlebag waiting for — well he isn’t exactly sure what for.

“Just having a drink with ma friend over there and saving women from delusional rats it seems. What about you amiss Everly? What’s gotten you dressed up so fancy? You look like one of them ladies on the poster they hang by the theatre in Saint Denis.”

She scoffs then takes a bite of her lamb fry. “Glad you think so but unfortunately that ain’t no consolation to me.”

“What happened?”

He’s well aware that he has no right to ask her about it. They hardly know each other and yet she’s been so open and forward from the first second she opened her mouth that day he came around the Downes Ranch, it doesn’t feel strange asking her about it. It feels natural. Like the right thing to do.

“ Well since Thomas ain’t doing good and I’m looking for a new place of work I thought about finally taking a leap and making my dream come true. But, as you know, I am no woman of a big fortune nor do I come from a family of money. I was trying to get a loan from the bank of Valentine but …. no luck.”

“Huh, ‘m sorry about that.” He’s not exactly sure what he’s sorry about. The fact that Mr. Downes is dying or the fact that she wasn’t granted a loan. Or maybe both. Probably a bit of both.

“Ah,” she shrugs “I’d already expected this outcome. Some big-shot oil tycoon from Saint Denis already has his eyes on my piece of land anyway so the money is only the first obstacle.”

“Piece of land? You wanna become a rancher now?”

May lets out a sweet chuckle, “ No. I wanna be a teacher. I want to build a school for Valentine.”

“A school? What for?”

“Well … to teach. The world is changing, Mr. Morgan. We’re living in the age of progress but what good does it do us if we have machines taking us anywhere and everywhere when we can’t read even the most simple of instructions? We owe it to the children to start the progress with them.”

Arthur has never set a single foot inside a real school all he’s ever learned he learned on the road. From Dutch and Hosea. Reading and writing were never something he was particularly fond of learning but now that he’s older, even he can admit that it’s a big advantage in life.

“If you say so.”

“I do. I taught Archie to read. Edith too. I think it’s a luxury we should all be able to afford.”

“ Well, I ain’t gonna disagree with that. Let me buy you a drink.”

She takes the last bite of her lamb, then wipes up the remaining gravy with a potato, before softly tapping a napkin to her lips. “That’s very sweet of you but I should go. I have a room at the hotel for the night and I’m quite concerned that if I agree to one drink I will agree to more and then I won’t make it to my room and that’s just money wasted now ain’t it.”

For a second he wants to be brash. Wants to tell her that he wouldn’t mind making sure she gets to her room safe and sound. Wouldn’t mind joining her there. But while he lets himself think it, it just ain’t his personality to speak those words. Especially not to a woman who shows him kindness time and time again when all he ever does is disappoint and do the wrong things.

“Alright, Miss. You stay safe out there. I sincerely hope it all works out for you. With that school and all. “

May places her small hand on his stubbly cheek, warm from the alcohol coursing through his system and the gentle touch of a woman.

“Oh don’t make this sound like a goodbye. Our paths will cross again, I know so. Trust me, Arthur!”

He likes the way his name sounds falling from her lips. Likes her warm smooth skin on his. Like the sincerity in her eyes and the fire softly burning beneath it. He likes this girl and that’s one scary thought. Ain’t nothing good ever happened to the girls he liked.

“You have a good night, Miss Everly.”

As he returns to the bar, Lenny already fixes Arthur with a look of amusement and mischief. His eyes are glossed over from the drinks and his balance don’t seem to work quite as he’d like.

“So who was that pretty lady?”

Just the woman he hasn’t been able to get out of his head since he met her. The one he’s been sketching in his diary over and over again. The one he ain’t don’t right by. The one that’s way too good for him.

“No one. Just some girl. Now how about another drink, Lenny ma boy?”

The night goes by in a flash. It’s a blur of yelling and dancing and laughing and fighting. Of searching for Lenny, several times. Of walking into a room he has no business walking into. Of making friends and enemies. And then fade to black.

That is until the next day when the midday sun beats mercilessly down onto his tired body, slumped against the trunk of a mostly barren tree. It’s the sun that wakes him up. The sun and — her.

May stands before him like a goddess in an ancient story from a foreign country. The sun shines behind her veiling her in a golden glow, giving her a gleaming halo.

“Look at you, I told you our paths would cross again. Why are you down there?”

“Fell asleep.”

“On the floor?”

“It happens.”

His voice is rough with sleep and exhaustion from the night before. He ain’t as young as he used to be and nights like the previous one leave marks now. It’s something he doesn’t like to admit but something he has to come to terms with.

“I know it’s past noon but I can offer you some breakfast if you like,” May exclaims pointing towards her horse and the little wicker basket strapped to the saddlebag. “Well it’s lunch for me but breakfast for you. I got coffee too.”

Arthur rubs the sleep from his eyes and scratches his beard in contemplation. He’s got nothing to do today and he’s, he could be checking up on Dutch and his plans but with the way things are right now, he doesn’t really mind getting some time away from all that mess. Micah is also waiting for him in a cell in Strawberry but that’s so far down on Arthur’s list of things to do. That nasty son of a bitch can rot there for a while longer. Might do him some good, actually.

“Coffee sounds mighty fine.”

“Alright, you’ll have to follow me though. “

“Sure. Lemme get Mouse real quick. “

Arthur drags his tired body back towards the Saloon and a few minutes later he returns, now straddling Mouse and carrying a big bundle of fur on the back of his horse.

“What in the world is that,” May asks, swinging herself back onto Beans.

“Fur of a grizzly.”

“No way! You’re a hunter, then?”

The two of them fall into a slow trot next to each other with May walking just a tad in front of him leading the way.

“Ain’t much of a hunter. Just pure luck. Had help from my —“

What exactly was Hosea to him? His father, kind of but it wouldn’t feel right calling him that. He had had a father, albeit a pretty poor example of it. But he’s more than a friend. He’s family.

“ from a family member.”

“I think you’re allowed to take pride in this, Arthur. It’s a nice fur and it seems like it was one big fella. That’s something not a lot of people can do. Allow yourself to be proud.”

Pride, Arthur knows, makes men do foolish things. It makes them feel invincible. Makes them stop paying attention. It leaves them vulnerable. Pride ain’t doing no one no good.

“Whatever. Where we going anyway?”

“Oh, I’m just going to break my own heart real quick,” May says as if it’s a completely normal thing to exclaim.

They gallop on for a short while until she stops at the top of a small hill. Slowly, not moving her eyes away from the patch of land before her, she gets off of her horse and takes the wicker basket. “Come, let’s sit down by the trees.”

A row of oak trees provides some shade from the burning sun as they sit down on the warm prairie grass. For a moment the world is still. Not silent but still. Soft and comfortable. The scent of coffee fills the air, waves along with the desert winds. The mug May hands to him, it’s warm in his hand and for the first time in a long time, Arthur feels at peace with himself and the world.

“This is it,” May announces and, arms spread out wide, gestures to the land before them.

“Well I must say, this is quite impressive,” Arthur humors her, voice laced with sarcasm.

“Oh, you big oaf. Stop making fun of me. This is the piece of land I wanted to buy. The school was supposed to sit right there. Walking distance for the children of Valentine and the surrounding ranches. Now it belongs to Mr. Robert Montgomery and god knows what he’ll put here.”

“I’m real sorry about it. I ain’t ever really had a dream like that but I bet it’s not a nice feeling. It’s a damn shame too. Can see you teaching them kids some things.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure.”

She looks wistfully across the valley, a glimpse of longing sparkling in her eyes. “It’s all I've wanted to do since I was a little girl. My daddy never had much and he wasn’t a good man but he was honest and he was a hard worker. My momma was soft and sweet like honey. She made him more gentle. Made life sweet for him. They both came from nothing but when they had me they wanted to make sure they gave me everything I needed to survive in this world. To make something of myself. Momma learned to read and write from an older lady who lived across the street and taught it to me and my daddy. From him, I learned to fish, to hunt, to skin and prepare animals. I think with the way they gave me all this knowledge they wanted me to become good at something and make that my crime. Instead, I became passionate about sharing knowledge. About giving this education to other children. That’s where our future rests, ain’t it? The children?”

She’s right. Whenever he looks at Jack. Whenever he watches Abigail or John look at Jack, all he sees is the hope that he turns out better. That his life doesn’t rest with them. That there is more for him than robbing and plundering.

“Do you have children?”

It’s an innocent question but it manages to hurt him more than any other question probably could. It reaches all the dark corners of his heart he tries so hard to ignore. He doesn’t have children, but he had. Past tense. Ring a father, another role he failed at filling. He ain’t never been a good father to Isaac. He wasn’t there when it mattered. Wasn’t there when they killed him for a meager 10$.

“Nah.”

“Did you go to school?”

Arthur scoffs a laugh at that, imagining himself young and wild sitting in a classroom with a bunch of other rowdy kids.

“No. Never. I was taught how to write and read by my family. Like you.”

“See, I told you we ain’t so different.”

Her smile, it sends another shiver through him. Not uncomfortable but oh so scary. She doesn’t know the kind of person he is. The one he really is. A bad person. The goddamn villain of the story.

Everything in him screams at him to go. To leave her alone. To not get in any deeper. But for one day, just this one time, he wants to allow himself to relish in a what-if. So he stays and they relax in the shade as the sun fills the valleys with rays of gold.

They stay there for so long, that Arthur is sure the sun has turned his skin a shade of red. When they get back on their horses, he notices the crown of white daisies sitting on top of Mouse’s head. A crown matching the one adoring May’s. The white flowers shine atop her flowing red locks like little stars when the setting sun is coloring the sky a blood-red but the stars have come out to play already.

Her hair is down for the first time since he’s met her and she looks beautiful. Like the wilderness and the calm all at once.

“Thanks for listening to my dreams, Arthur Morgan.”

“Thanks for sharing them, May Everly.”

Her name sounds sweet on his tongue.

“Now don’t look so blue. We'll meet again, I know it. I was right last time, wasn’t I?”

“You were.”

And as she rides away, red hair flowing in the wind like the wings of a Phoenix, Arthur hopes she’s right again this time. He ain’t ready to let go of the way she makes him see the world and her and himself. Not yet.

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