it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
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ive discovered a new spectrum of character based on my two most recent interests also everyone is free to add to the spectrum but anyone who attempts to correct me gets their eyeballs stolen
(small text: *achilles’ hair colour is described as ‘xanthos’ which isn’t necessarily strictly blond but is frequently used in reference to things that are golden or yellow but could easily describe a range of other visual experiences also it’s very complicated but for the sake ofthis meme he’s blond and we’re all going to accept it and not attempt to explain it to me in the comments. im glad we all agree)
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my thing with katang is that i simply cannot understand or accept the logic of patriarchal marriage rituals and so the monogamous nuclear family structure that they present us with as their supposed ideal within the text is just not for me. but i understand the logic of weird lesbians very well, so ideally i conceive of their relationship in those terms, within that framework, and then it makes perfect sense to me. like the gaang will be hanging out and katara leans over to give aang a kiss and sokka is just like “um. didn’t you guys break up” and katara’s like “what why would you think that” and sokka’s like “bc a couple weeks ago u came up to me and said ‘we broke up :|” and katara’s like “oh so just because we broke up means that i can’t give my best friend in the whole world a little kissy what are you the kissing police” and sokka’s like “FINE. WHATEVER. I DON’T CARE AS LONG AS AANG IS SATISFIED WITH THIS ARRANGEMENT” (he is). but also sokka loves taking advantage of their technical status as “exes” to refer to aang as “my sister’s ex bf” as often as he possibly can. so it actually works out for everyone
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JACK THE GIANT KILLER
originally this was a kind of personal visual vibe test: I'm still turning some thoughts around about jack in my head (altho I have finished assembling the skeleton of a story and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when I start to press at it) but I really liked how it turned out so I'm posting it as it's own illustration :)
the first post about this idea is over here, but I've fine tuned it down a bit so that the story begins with jack finding the body of a giant while he's out in the woods one day, and the story spirals out of hand before he can stop it.
it's been interesting to read up on jack tales from a literary analysis point of view while I figure this story out!! and through the power of more coffee, I think. I'm close to pinning down an underlying theme I'd really like to bite into. I just need to condense it down to a couple of sentences instead of several paragraphs.
and to close this post out, here's another excerpt from the j.g. ballard's the drowned giant that haunts me!
bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost ⭐ cara ⭐ ko-fi
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