#attie 🎶

[imslowlydisintegrating]

evvy it’s so early go to sleep 😭😭

but im in the uncomfy uncomfy car 😔

#evvy speaks #attie 🎶 #thanks for the concern pooks

[starlightkun]

🎶🛌

#my boss is abt to be out tmrrw through tuesday!!!!!!!! #and that man better stay off his gottdam email i s2g #leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #but my beloved associate's last day is tomorrow 😭😭 #miss him so bad already #literally the most considerate atty ive ever worked for hands down and hes LEAVING ME #anyway gn yall 😔😔💔💔💔 #🎶🛌 #talk #tunes #mine #127 #Spotify

[ahundredtimesover]

A Still Day or A Hurricane (11) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: single mom lawyer!OC x pastry chef!Jungkook; angst, fluff, smut; age gap

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; single parenthood, motherhood; mention of a sexual harassment case; explicit sexual content (making out, straddling, ass slapping, oral (m & f receivin), protected sex, OC hates kinky pet names, love bites (18+)

Chapter Word count: 16.2k

Status: Completed

Series summary: Driven by your perfectionist attitude and need to have everything in order, you planned that by age 30, you’d have made junior partner, bought your own apartment, and have children. You achieved them, of course, and while the last bit required you to take matters into your own hands - no thanks to your ex-boyfriend who dumped you but to your best friend who directed you to a fertility clinic - you’re now a 31-year old who pretty much has her life under control. You’re ready to raise your child on your own, that is, until the 20-something pastry chef flirts his way into your heart, messing up the perfect little life you worked so hard to have for yourself.

A/N: 2 to go! I hope it’s been a fun ride for you who joined me on this journey!

Listen to: When You Love Someone (Day6), By My Side (Junny), Love Like That (LambC) || Playlist 🎶

Series Masterlist

##

“Well, well, well. I never thought I’d see the day when Atty. Kim ___ would be openly and shamelessly flirting with one of my own,” Hobi smirks as he sits across from you in your favorite corner at Blue Side, laughing as he watches you bite your lips and hold back a smile while Jungkook tries to show off his coffee-making skills, smirking as he goes.

“And you, little angel,” the cafe owner continues, tickling Heejin who’s in a high chair. “What do you think of your Mama being all giddy about it?”

“Oh, she’s getting used to it. Getting used to him, actually,” you reply, cocking your head towards Jungkook who’s now boxing some eclairs for a to-go order but who cheekily smiles at you when he catches your eyes again. 

“And how does that make you feel?” Hobi asks, sipping the iced americano he can’t go a morning without. “Also, can I just say? I love how you’re not denying anything. About time.”

“Okay, well there was nothing to deny before,” you correct, but feeling good that you’re able to properly talk about this with Hobi. “You know how things were for me, and Jungkook just didn’t fit into it. He was okay with being my friend but I knew he wanted more and I couldn’t give him that.”

“And what about now?”

“I think I can. This little angel and I finally can,” you smile, mirroring your friend’s sweet and infectious one.

“Who would’ve thought that my impulsive Singapore trip that one year would lead me to meeting Jungkook in the hotel where he interned and I got to snatch him up… only for him to, well, be my best asset and also be the reason why my favorite customer is as happy as she is right now,” he chirps. 

“You’re glowing, ___. And Jimin says the same. I’m so glad it’s working out with you and Jungkook. I won’t say I’m not surprised because the kid is relentless, but he cares about you and Heejin so much. It makes me emotional just thinking about it.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, you know how he is. Jungkook is a ball of joy and innocence - for the most part, at least - and he’s just always taken life so lightly, so carelessly, searching for that next high, content with what he finds and what he loses. But ever since you and Heejin came around, things started to matter more for him,” Hobi narrates, like a proud older brother. 

“He likes to joke around all the time but with you taking him seriously, trusting him, believing in him… that did a lot to him. Like he could be someone that another person can truly depend on, that they can trust, that they can one day love.”

You take in your friend’s words, thinking that as someone who’d taken a chance on Jungkook and who’d watched him grow professionally at this cafe, through the ups and downs of the job and what he had to go through because of you, this means a lot for him, too. Hobi and Jimin have always been cautious talking to you about Jungkook, not wanting to take sides nor push something to you knowing how you are. But with things looking up for you and the cheeky pastry chef, it seems that there’s more openness on their end this time. 

And Hobi is right. Jungkook likes to enjoy things. He likes to have fun and treat life like a wave that he rides through, like he can just get back to the surface if he falls into the water and he’d be laughing as he gets up because it was a pretty amazing wave. And you like that about him; you like that confidence in himself that he’ll be okay whatever happens, that what matters is he even gets to experience something remotely beautiful, and somehow, you get to watch him do that. 

He elicits a certain joy that’s child-like in a way but heartwarming, too. And he has that sense of wonder all the time. Whether he’s talking about some cave he explored during a trip somewhere, or narrating his multiple failed attempts before making the perfect napoleon, or going to a nearby beach to watch the sunrise, he looks at the world like it’s the first time he’s seeing it. And he makes you want to look at the world that way, too.

You can’t help but think that at some point, you took that away from him. Or at least, for the briefest moment when he was trying to get over you, the joy died down a bit. After the argument you had the other week about his neighbors and your own insecurity overwhelming you, you had time to think about all the things he said. 

He talks about losing you like it’s his biggest fear, and for all the times that you’d been the one left behind, to have someone be scared of not having you in their life is different. It’s quite transformative, too. 

“You know that I hurt Jungkook a lot, though,” you break out of your thoughts. “I can’t ever take those back.”

“I know. It’s easy to tell when his heart is breaking, too. Everyone kinda figures it out,” Hobi laughs. “We’ve had to talk a lot about that, what he was feeling and all, what he should and shouldn’t do. But all those times when it was hard, he did something harder - he kept still. He waited for you. This is a guy who rarely stops to think about what he’s doing and why and where he’ll go, but when it came to you, it was all he did.”

“Bet it was a new experience for you, huh?” You chuckle.

“Yeah, it was pretty heartbreaking. But I felt proud, too, in a way. It became clear to him what he wanted, what made him happy. And that was you and Heejin, and trust me, ___, he’s really happy. He’d talk about your weekend trips as if he’d never been to Nami or Seoul Forest before,” Hobi playfully shakes his head. 

“Oh, god. That is so embarrassing. We’ve become that couple,” you cover your face in shame, to your friend’s amusement. 

“Hey, it’s adorable!”

“What’s adorable?” Jungkook says, settling next to you as he places the breakfast croissant in front of you. “Me?”

“You being whipped for me and Heejin, according to Hobi,” you reply.

“Well, Dea tells me to shut up most of the time but at least the boss here thinks it’s cute,” Jungkook shrugs, bending to face Heejin and giving her a spoonful of strawberries. 

“Hmm,” Heejin hums with her eyes closed as if she didn’t have those last night.

“What do you say to Kookoo, bubba?”

“Thank you, Kookoo!” She smiles, giggling when Jungkook kisses her cheek multiple times. 

“You’re welcome, sunshine. Eat up, okay?”

Jungkook turns to you. “And you, too. You have a long day at work, so have this, then I’ll get you something for in-between meetings today.”

“What about my breakfast dessert?” You smile innocently.

“As an employee of this cafe who abides by the rules, I’m afraid I cannot give you free food, sorry,” he says teasingly. “You can suck up to my boss for that one.” 

“Ugh, pine after me again. I miss the days when you’d give me free dessert.” 

“You liar, you hated it!” He laughs, bending again to feed Heejin after she tugs his hand. 

“Maybe just a little,” you admit. “But fine. I’ll just wait for the next time you get inspired and need me to taste test. Now go focus on work. Hobi and I are gossiping about you.”

“Be nice,” he mouths before heading back to the kitchen. 

“I can’t decide if you two are like a married couple or teenage lovers,” Hobi chuckles. 

“We’re both, I guess. Depends on how I’m feeling,” you shrug. 

“It’s nice to see, though, you I mean.”

“It’s nice to experience it, too. After everything that’s happened, he lets me feel like I don’t need to apologize for who I am or what I’m not,” you share. “I don’t feel like I’m too much or not enough. Do you know how refreshing that is, to be exactly like myself and have someone who doesn’t feel threatened, who doesn’t ask for too much, who just… wants to be with me?”

“It is quite special, isn’t it?” Hobi smiles. “You and Heejin deserve all this, keep that in mind always.”

You nod in response, appreciating the friendship you’ve created with the radiant cafe owner that’s brought you here. 

You both proceed to talk about the past weekend you spent at an amusement park because Taehyung and Sun-hee just suddenly felt like it. Jungkook was the excited one, joining your siblings in all the rollercoasters but enjoying the most when he went on the carousel and teacup ride with you and Heejin. He had her on his shoulders as you walked around while she pulled his hair in excitement, and Hobi coos at all the photos and videos you show him.

You’re finishing feeding Heejin when Jungkook approaches you again with a plate of eclair. 

“This was this morning’s sample,” Jungkook says, side-winking at you but Hobi sees it anyway, earning both of you a high-pitched laugh. 

“Thank you, Jungkook,” you chuckle. 

You stop when you see your mother enter the cafe. She makes it to your table and greets each one, kissing Heejin on the cheek and then hugging Jungkook.

“Hi, Auntie. Are we going for pastry or French Toast this morning?” He asks.

“Oh, the French Toast, Jungkook!” Your mom chirps. “Still thinking about that one. Thank you, dear.”

“No worries. I’ll make it for you.”

Your mom settles on the seat next to Heejin. “So, this little one and I will cozy it up at home before we head out to lunch and some shopping. Do I drop her off at your place at night or you’ll pick her up?”

“I can pick her up at your place,” you respond. “I have a hearing in the afternoon and that might take a while.”

“Got it, honey. She and I will bond and have fun, so don’t worry about it, okay?”

You nod and then ready yourself to leave, kissing your mom and Heejin goodbye before walking to the counter with Hobi for your to-go order. Jungkook exits the kitchen with your mom’s order, scurrying to serve it to her then going back to you.

Dea hands you your coffee then Jungkook hands you a small box with some bite-size hazelnut-filled pastry. 

“Thanks for dropping by my office this morning, ___,” he says, putting on his customer service smile. 

“Well, I come for the desserts. And the coffee. They’re amazing,” you say. 

“That all?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“And the staff. Dea over there is a chick,” you say, earning you a wink from her, as you’ve both come to enjoy teasing Jungkook.

He stands there looking absolutely charming with a pout and though you’d give in easily, you’re still gonna keep him sweating. You wave a barely amused Jungkook goodbye and head out. 

[From: ___ 😍😍😍] Always love seeing you in the morning, Jungkook. I’ll call you when we get home, ok? Have fun at work! 😚

**

Jungkook secures Heejin in the car seat of his sedan, leaning by the open door as he watches her play with her deer stuffed toy, her new favorite after that trip to Nami Island you all had the other week.

She squeals as she raises her arms, and he knows she’s a little antsy. She expended so much of her energy running around at daycare, he was told, and she’s still got some left.

“We’ll get home and play all afternoon if you want, alright sunshine? But I made something for Mama over here so let’s ask her first if we can visit.”

It’s been months since the practice of Jungkook having at least one day a week of looking after Heejin. With the babysitter only able to come twice a week, usually anyone from your family or best friends offers but when the schedule is tight, daycare is your last resort. 

Heejin gets moody and demands attention most days, you said, so you prefer to have her there as little or as short a time as possible, and Jungkook always offers his afternoons. He was met with curious eyes the first time you endorsed him as one from a long list of guardians who can pick Heejin up but by now, all the workers know him already, mostly as the guy who spins the little girl around when she runs to him.

It’s a Thursday and Jungkook took the opening shift so he could pick up Heejin in the early afternoon. You’ll be meeting with witnesses in one of the cases you’re handling today, you’d said, and that might take a while. He knows it’s scheduled in two hours, and with how your stress level shot up yesterday after some challenges in the case, he wanted to get you something to hopefully cheer you up.

You’ve been craving cherry desserts recently so he made you some cherry and dark chocolate mini tarts this morning, which he decided to be the featured dessert at the cafe today. It was a hit and was wiped out by lunchtime so he knows you’re going to like it. Initially wanting to surprise you, he decided otherwise, since you might feel uncomfortable with him carrying Heejin and showing up at your office uninvited.

He’d texted to ask if he could call and he’s surprised to see you calling him instead.

“Hey, that was quick. You okay?” He asks, as he settles in the driver seat.

“Yeah,” you huff in what sounds like exhaustion. “Just having lunch while Park and I go over some things. Have you picked Heejin up?”

“Just now,” he responds. “And you’re just having lunch? It’s almost 3PM. Did you have at least something since you dropped by the cafe this morning?”

“Three more cups of coffee, actually. But I’m fine. It’s hard to think about food with all the stuff going on. So are you both okay? Did you need anything?”

“We’re fine. Just thought you’d have a bit of a mid-afternoon break so Jinnie and I can pass by,” he says, suddenly thinking it might not be a good idea. You’re busy, after all, and him passing by might not even help. 

“I made you something to nibble on but maybe we can just wait for you at home?”

“Oh, please pass by,” you almost plead, their presence the only breath of air you’ll have for the day. “I have some time before we leave and I’d love for you to come.”

“Okay, we’ll be there in a few,” Jungkook smiles, somehow excited at the thought that he gets to visit you at your office for something good, unlike the last time, then hangs up after you give him instructions. 

“So, he decided to tell you, after all,” Jimin chuckles from in front of you. “He was gonna surprise you with Heejin and asked me if it was okay but he got worried you might not be too happy about it.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You ask. 

“Maybe because you aren’t officially a couple and he might be imposing if he comes here with your daughter?”

“Is that what he thinks I’d think?” You wonder.

“Uh, yeah? It’s kinda weird. I almost think you’re rubbing off on him with how he’s thinking too much,” Jimin shrugs. “But you guys are… a couple, right?”

“I guess. But we haven’t really talked about it. Do we need a label for these things?” You furrow your brows.

“It’s not a label, ___. It’s just describing how you two are. I’d call you a family but I don’t know if you’re ready for that. I mean, are you?”

“Well,” you start, trying to make sense of all the thoughts in your head. “That’s kind of a loaded question, don’t you think?”

“It is, and an important one, too. Where else do you think this whole thing would lead? You didn’t go through what you did in three years just for you to be unsure of your endgame,” Jimin states. 

“It’s more like, I’m not sure if he’s ready for that,” you mumble. “Watching over Heejin and playing house is one thing. Actually being a father to her and my partner in this life is another. I mean, of course I’ve thought about it but he hasn’t really raised it. I’ve been taking things so incredibly slow but now I don’t know if he’s just matching my pace or if he hasn’t thought about our future, like not just what happens in the next 5 years but the next 10, and 20, and more.”

“You know, I’ve known Jungkook for a good few years. And if there’s anything new I’ve learned about him just in the last three since meeting you, it’s that he would do anything for you to be happy,” Jimin says. “Whether your happiness is with him or not is entirely up to you, but I swear it, ___, he’d give you and Heejin the world if you let him, and that means sharing his life with both of you for the next 5 years, 10, 20, and more.”

It’s easy to imagine that kind of life with Jungkook. The way life works is kind of amusing, you think, as over two years ago, you couldn’t picture him as part of yours then, but now, you can’t picture it without him in it. 

Much as you want to hold onto that thought longer, your phone ringing ruins it, especially once you learn what’s got one of your associates panicking. 

Outside of your room, Jungkook stands by the door with Heejin in his arms, who’s babbling as she hammers her bunny stuffed toy on his eyebrow piercing, something that she likes to do. It’s better than her trying to pull it off like those few times, so he just takes it.

“Hey, Heejin,” a familiar voice says.

Jungkook turns around. “Who’s that, sunshine?”

“Min!” She squeals, catching the attention of all the other employees in that side of the office.

“Hey, kiddo. Nice to see you here again,” Yoongi says, then faces Jungkook. “And you, too. Are you still going to surprise her?”

“Nah, I gave in and told her,” he chuckles. “Didn’t know what she’d think if the local cafe worker just dropped by her office with some desserts and her child.”

“More like, if the guy she’s super into just dropped by with sweets that will definitely make her happy and her daughter whom she trusts to spend the rest of the day with you?” Yoongi corrects. 

Jungkook shyly smiles, not missing the way his heart swells at your friend’s words.

“She’s been having a tough day. I’m sure seeing you and Heejin will make it better, even if just for a while.”

Jungkook nods, and before he can say anything else, he hears Jin call his name.

“Oh, good, you’re both here,” he pats Jungkook’s arm and greets Heejin. “She has a meeting with the witnesses later and she needs to be at her best. She’s been jittery and it’s unlike her. I know how you and this little one calm her down.”

Jungkook decides to bask in the thought of your colleagues knowing how he affects you later on, but right now, what matters is getting to you. He knocks on the door and it’s his friend who meets him.

“Hey, Kook,” Jimin smiles. “And hey little angel,” he caresses Heejin’s cheeks. “___ is just in a call but you can go inside.”

Entering the room, Jungkook takes in the simplicity and organization of it. You’re seated on your chair, phone on your ear while massaging your temples, clearly in a state of mild distress as you nibble your lips and take multiple long breaths. 

He looks around and smiles at the sight of the top of your shelf, with picture frames of you and Heejin, your family, your best friends. All your accolades and certificates are lined up on the second row, representative of what matters to you - even with how hard you work, your loved ones will always come first, but that doesn’t take away your commitment and passion for your job.

Jungkook stands by your table, carrying Heejin in a forward-facing manner now, just waiting for you to finish. He watches you state your case - some approach in speaking with the witnesses and instructing whoever’s on the other line on what to do, and it’s moments like this when he gets to admire you. It’s not you questioning a witness like those times he watched your trials on TV, but it’s the behind-the-scenes work that you’re doing, all the while ensuring that the people are safe.

“Make sure they’re okay, you hear me? We need them for this case but we need them safe and alive more than anything,” you say before hanging up. 

You look up at him with tired eyes and a soft smile, as if the world is slowly crashing around you but there’s Jungkook and Heejin who are the only stable things remaining. You get off your seat and walk towards them, wrapping your one arm around him and the other on your daughter, sighing in relief at their presence and warmth. 

“Hey, you,’ he whispers near your ear, the gruff tone sending another type of heat in your body. “You’ve got this, okay? And we’ve got you.”

You nod in response, briefly kissing his cheek then burying yourself in his embrace once more. You stand there with them for a few minutes, giving yourself this time to take the only breather you’ll have for the day. 

You release yourself from their hold; any more time and you wouldn’t want to let them go. 

“You said you got me something?” 

“Cherry tarts,” Jungkook says, as he hands you Heejin whom you hug tightly and who yells your name. 

“Oh, god. I’ve been craving cherry things,” you state, marveling at the pretty desserts in front of you. 

“I know, that’s why they’re the feature at the cafe today. They ran out quickly.”

“And I get to have these?” You pout. “Jungkook, I know Hobi’s my friend, too, but this is still a business. You can’t keep giving me these things that you sell at the cafe all the time.”

“It was the first batch, and Hobi doesn’t really mind. He knows how many of our items are inspired by you and it’s little payment for how much my mind gets going because of it,” Jungkook winks. 

“Fine,” you hum, taking a piece and feeling like crying at how good it is. “Seriously, you both and sweets are all I need. This is so good.” 

He chuckles as he hands you tissue and your glass of water. He cups your cheek as you look back at him, just letting his presence ground you like all the times it has. He kisses your forehead and your eyes close reflexively, as if you’re melting at the feel of him doing something so simple yet intimate like this. 

“Thank you,” you mumble, feeling like you’ve lost your voice at how overwhelmed and grateful you are. “I needed this. Thank you for coming. And, uh, you can come whenever you want to.”

“Okay, good,” he whispers as he kisses your forehead again, this time lingering. “But we don’t want to keep you since you’ve got some badass, queen things to do. So do well today, okay? We’ll be home, waiting.”

You don’t expect those last four words to affect you the way they do, and they’re truly the most comforting thing you’d heard from him. It just sounds certain, so final, and it’s exactly what you need to get through the day.

“I’ll see you at home,” you smile, kissing his cheek this time. “I’ll see you both at home tonight.”

**

The rain is hitting hard against your windshield, and the only consolation is that it poured right when you and your team finished having dinner at a restaurant a few streets down the nearest parking space. It had been a long evening, indeed, primarily because after the big blow to your case, you all had to debrief and then restrategize while the earlier conversations are still fresh in your minds. You called Jungkook then, saying you’ll be late and he said he’d already given Heejin a bath, something he’d recently learned how to do on his own. 

Hitting a stop sign, your phone rings with Jin on the other end.

“You holding up okay?” He asks worriedly, something he tends to do when he knows you’ve got a case that hits close to home. 

“Somewhat. The team’s more level-headed about it than I am.”

“You trained good lawyers, then,” he responds in an effort to encourage you. 

“Yeah, I guess,” you mumble. 

“Let them do the groundwork and give yourself some time. You’re gonna figure it out. Also, I know it’s already been a tough day but don’t forget the conference that my father asked us to attend tomorrow morning,” he says, earning him a groan at the reminder. “Just take the afternoon off and get proper rest this weekend. That’s an order. I shouldn’t be receiving emails or messages from you once you leave the hotel tomorrow.”

“Got it, boss,” you tease, knowing he hates being called as such, then hang up.

You drag yourself to your apartment, your legs shaking from how much you’ve been pacing and walking all day, but knowing that on the other side of the door are the people you need to see and be with the most is what keeps you going.

The living space is dim, with but the accent lights turned on. Jungkook said he’d read Heejin a story and get her to sleep hours ago, and you wonder where he opted to stay. You push the half-open door of Heejin’s bedroom and your heart melts at the sight before you. 

Seated on the single sofa next to the toddler bed is Jungkook, his feet up on the ottoman, with Heejin sleeping soundly on his chest and her favorite blanket over her back. He’s securing her with his firm hold on her thighs while making sure she’s still got room to breathe, and you can’t help but smile at her squished cheek against him, her mouth slightly parted as always, her breathing soft and steady.

Jungkook’s head is lolled back, his mouth slightly parted, too, with his breathing a little harder, and you can’t imagine how tired he’s been. He was up early for the first shift and spent all afternoon watching over Heejin, playing with her, feeding her, giving her a bath, and putting her to sleep. 

He looks peaceful, though, so at-home and natural, like he’s been doing this for years; like he can keep doing this for more. 

You kneel next to him, marveling at his beauty with the light from the lamp illuminating his features. He’s incredibly handsome, something you don’t think you’ve ever told him. There’s a softness in his face that contrasts the toughness of the rest of him, and with him, holding your daughter like this, there’s tenderness that captivates you. 

Heejin is comfortable and that says a lot with how well he’d taken care of her today. And you know she wasn’t anxious being away from you. You know she had fun and felt safe, and that’s all that matters. 

“Hey, you,” you whisper, not wanting to rush Jungkook in waking up. “I’m home now.”

It takes a while and you caress his cheek as you wait for him, enjoying the smoothness of his face and the way you want to smooch every inch of it if possible. 

His eyes flutter open and a satisfied sigh leaves his lips once it’s registered that it’s you.

“Hey,” he hums. “What time is it?”

“11PM,” you say. “I’m a few hours late. It rained so hard, too; it was tough to drive for a while.”

“You okay, though? You ate well?”

“I did.”

“Okay, good,” he replies, shifting to sit up straight without disturbing Heejin then motioning for you to sit on the armrest. “This little one couldn’t sleep without you. I had to massage her, rock her, read to her, sing to her… all the works.”

“It’s because I was out the whole day,” you giggle, softly caressing her cheeks. “But I’m sure she enjoyed being with you today. Thank you for taking care of her.”

“Of course, ___. I loved today with her. She’s doing so well at recognizing more animals. And she’s saying the alphabet with fewer pauses now. And she was singing the tomato nursery rhyme.”

“Less yelling and actual singing?”

“Less yelling and actual singing,” he chuckles, knowing of Heejin’s tendency to yell everything she wants to say. “I took videos. I’ll send everything to you later.”

You smile and nod, taking his free hand in yours in thanks for how good he is to her, and all the while making sure that you’re not missing out on anything at all. 

“We should lay her down. I’m sure you’re tired, too,” you say, standing up and taking Heejin to cradle in your arms.

You lovingly kiss her then gently put her in her bed, letting the mobile play because she likes to have the music on. 

“Goodnight, Jinnie,” Jungkook whispers after you do, smiling softly as he watches her turn to hug the deer stuffed toy next to her.

You take his hand and guide him to the living room, motioning for him to sit on the couch where you snuggle next to him, humming in satisfaction as you wrap your arm around his torso and his wraps around your shoulder. 

He’s gotten used to this, holding you at whatever time of the day while you fall into him, sighing in relief or exhaustion. He likes the gradual escalation, too, as your grips have come to signify something more than warmth. Security, he thinks, and perhaps desire as well.

But it’s comfort for you, first and foremost. You didn’t realize what coming home to this would do for your mind and your heart.

“Two of our witnesses in the sexual harassment case backed out today,” you say after a prolonged silence, which was spent finding the right spot for your head on his chest and taking in his Heejin-tinged scent.

“They’re crucial to the case but they got scared and I can’t blame them,” you continue. “It’s hard out there. Hard for them, whether they speak up or not. They lose either way and I can’t do anything about it.”

Jungkook processes your words. He’ll never fully understand what it’s like as a woman, but still, it only takes human decency to know that what those women went through is terrible, something no one should be experiencing in the first place. 

“It's the culture you’re fighting against, ___,” he says. “But you’re fighting it. Whether they speak up or not, they know you’re fighting for them. That’s a change in itself, regardless if it’s in the system or their lives, it’s still something.”

“Wise words, Mr. Jeon,” you smile. “Just what I needed to hear.”

“They’re your words, Atty. Kim,” he smiles back. 

You look at him questioningly.

“I listen to you talk, you know?” He chuckles. “Everything you need to keep going is right there in that brilliant mind of yours, and in your heart. You just need someone to remind you every once in a while, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess,” you huff, curling your legs on top of his lap.

Enveloped in silence, he places his hand on your leg, caressing it and eliciting a soft moan from you.

“I like this,” you hum, lifting your face to softly kiss his cheek.

“What, a leg massage?”

“Yes, that,” you chuckle. “But also, this. Having you hold me this way, listening to me, telling me things I need to hear. I know I’m a lot to handle most days but this, this is nice. To just have you next to me is so grounding, you know? Like it’s all that I need.”

“It is, huh?” He turns to look at you, his star-filled eyes that you always drown in meeting yours. 

You nod in response and he strokes your cheek before kissing your forehead, then your nose. You feel all the words he doesn’t say in the lips that tingle your skin, and you know where else you want those on. 

Yours.

So you move forward, capturing his lips in a kiss that feels too much and too little at the same time. You hold him there, familiarizing yourself with the sensation, with the emotion, with the tingle of his warm breath against your skin. 

He parts his mouth and then it’s his taste you’re quickly getting addicted to, his tongue you’re entangling yours with in a sensual battle, his silver hoop that’s cold and comforting, his moan that’s bewitching. He inhales you like you’re oxygen, and you hold onto him like you’ll run out of it.

He responds by tightening his grip on your back, his other hand that was glued to your leg, now inching up to trace patterns on your knee, then your outer thigh, keeping it there to hold you both steady, as he feels the burning desire for you slowly take over.

It’s slow and amorous, with a tinge of desperation as you both try to get closer than you are, but it’s still tender and euphoric. He’s like a drug you can get high on, and any amount won’t seem to ever be enough. 

He does the hard task of pulling away, breathing against you as his forehead meets yours, his eyes closed as he tries to wrap his mind around how good you taste, and smell, and feel like. 

“You like that, too?” He smiles.

“Yes, very much,” you whisper back, placing your hands that have found purchase on his neck on his cheeks this time. “It’s been a while.”

“No shit,” he says, eliciting a laugh from you. “Sorry, I had to.”

“I guess I deserve that,” you smile. “But god does it feel so much better this time around.”

“Wasn’t good enough the last time?” He teases. 

“I wasn’t ready the last time,” you correct. 

It was good, definitely. You think about that kiss a lot.

“My bad. I’m sorry,” he says.

“Not in that way. You know what I mean.”

He nods, smiling as he looks at you constantly eyeing his lips. 

He’d want more if this continues, so much more. Much as he’d been dreaming of this, he was caught off-guard, and he’s unsure if you’re ready for what more would mean for him. Though he’s the more generous - and dare he say, desperate - one when it comes to physical affection, he wants everything with you. He wants it to be perfect, with no holding back, no doubts or questions, no fears or apprehensions. Just you and him and all the emotions kept in that can’t wait to finally be completely felt, returned.

“You had a long day,” he mumbles, kissing you deeply again. “And you have another long one tomorrow.”

“I’ve got that conference in the morning with Jin,” you confirm. “But he gave me the afternoon off. I think Heejin would love to spend her Friday with me, don’t you think?”

“Yes, she does. She kept calling for you every time you showed up in the videos,” he chuckles, pulling you closer by your legs and wrapping his arms around you. 

“Hmm. We’re gonna have an afternoon of tickle fights and boyband music. It’s my stress relief.”

“Bet if she could talk back, she’d tell you to choose better music.”

“Don’t be a hater,” you playfully smack his arm. “Plus, she loves it! She jumps up and down when I play the songs, just like how prepubescent me was doing it.”

“She takes after you so much, it’s amazing.”

“Who else would she take anything from?” You chuckle. “There’s just me.”

And me, hopefully. One day, Jungkook thinks, but he keeps the thought to himself for now, not wanting to scare you with the life he’d planned - and hopes to have - with you. 

“Do you feel better?” He asks after a beat of silence.

“I do, thank you,” you face him, letting that sense of calm you get from this intimacy with him overtake you. 

He holds your gaze for a while before he fights off a yawn. 

“You had a long day, Jungkook,” you say, the exhaustion from earlier coming back. “And you have another one tomorrow. And Saturday, right?”

“Dea and I will start with the prep work tomorrow,” he says. 

A celebrity who’s also a regular at the cafe booked them to set up a dessert table for a baby shower on Saturday morning. He’ll be working all Friday for it and he’s anxious and excited at the same time.

“What time does it end?”

“Around 2. But we won’t stay. Only Hobi will,” Jungkook responds. “Dea and I will set up and the boss will do the socializing and promoting.”

“Hmm. Does that mean you’re free in the evening?” 

“By the afternoon, actually. What do you have in mind?”

“A date. Just you and me. There’s this place I want to try,” you tell him, taking his hand in yours. “I feel like this is the longest we got to even talk this whole week and I’m thinking maybe you want to spend Saturday night with me.”

“It’s like I didn’t pine for you for three years, ___,” he laughs. “Of course. Let me know the plans after my event, yeah? I’ll be too excited and I might not be able to focus.”

“Okay,” you smile, knowing you have to let him go now. 

You stand up and lead him towards the door, the thought of saying goodbye after sharing that heartstopping kiss with him makes you feel all kinds of loss. 

“Just let me know when you get home even if I’ll be asleep by then.”

“I will,” he says, turning to face you after he opens your door. He kisses you again, one, two, three times.

You look at him with a mix of amusement and confusion.

“For every year that I yearned for that,” he says simply, certainly. 

You want to go for another round, maybe do more this time. You definitely want that. But it’s been a long day and the only thing you want more than him is a warm bath followed by your soft sheets.

You merely nod in response, not trusting yourself with words this time. “Good night, Jungkook.”

“Good night, ___. I’ll see you soon.”

**

“Alright, bubba. Be honest. How does Mama look?”

Heejin is propped up in the middle of your bed, playing with her toy bus, which she deems as infinitely more interesting than you.

“Bubba, look at me, please?” You pout, as if your almost-three year old can fully comprehend what you’re asking of her.

She throws her toy on the floor and you pick it up, hiding it behind your back and asking her again.

“Does Mama look pretty, bubba? Do you think Kookoo will think so?”

“Mama! Bus please,” she whines, hands reaching out for you. 

“Does Mama look nice? Yes or no?”

“No,” she shakes her head, and this goes in the list of times you wish it wasn’t her favorite word. 

“Okay, thanks for the encouragement, bubba. Let’s just wait until Kookoo gets here and then we’ll see. Thank you, I still love you,” you say, planting a kiss on her forehead and returning her toy.

“Kookoo! I want Kookoo!”

“I know, bub. But he’s mine tonight, okay? I promise, you’ll be with him tomorrow,” you smile.

It’s another second that you let yourself question if you’re being selfish with this - asking your mom to care for Heejin overnight so you can spend the evening and hopefully until the next day with Jungkook. Ever since that kiss you shared two days ago, it’s all you could think about. 

You won’t lie and say that a part of you expected he’d take it further, perhaps a longer makeout session where he’d lay you down and kiss you all over, maybe have his hands explore your body and ask to stay the night. 

But he didn’t, and much as you'd hoped for that - even if you were the one taking your sweet time in the first place - you slept that evening with a tight knot in your belly, and you’ve just been waiting for it to uncoil. 

You barely spoke to him yesterday and he’s been busy all morning. He took a nap once he got home so he could be fully present for you tonight, he’d said, and the thought itself is making you giddy, excited.

There’s no more hiding or tempering what you feel. And you wanna be able to tell him that, show him that. And you hope he’ll still take what you can give.

You look at yourself one last time in the mirror and manage a smile. You don’t even recall the last time you wore this dress but you’ll definitely remember tonight. 

The doorbell ringing startles you and it’s probably because of how anxious you are. 

You and Jungkook have gone on dates but tonight is different - it’s a lot fancier and well, your mom convinced you to let her take Heejin for the night after you spent the whole afternoon talking about Jungkook and she had to remind you that it’s okay to want this for yourself. That includes spending a night with him. Doing so doesn’t make you any less of a mother. Part of parenthood is choosing things for yourself once in a while. You need to teach your daughter how to choose herself, too, your mom reminded you. 

You place Heejin on her mini couch and you walk towards the door, your breath catching in your throat at the sight before you. 

You’ve seen Jungkook in a variety of outfits of all colors - mostly monotone with pops of color every now and then. He’d sported less casual wardrobes the few times you went on dates and they always left you speechless with how sophisticated they looked, and tonight is no exception. 

He has on a black silk polo with a few buttons undone underneath a burgundy velvet jacket and black slacks, which are deliciously tight enough for you to appreciate his toned thighs. His hair is slicked back with a few strands of it dangling at the side like how those Hollywood leading men would do it. It’s a mix of youthful and mature, but sexy nonetheless, especially with his pierced brow and lips; he definitely upped his game tonight.

He revels in the way your mouth opens and closes, your eyes raking all over him, something he’d caught you sneakily do a few times recently, but it’s the first time you’re openly ogling at him and he’s got to admit, it’s the confidence boost he badly needs.

“Find your voice yet?” He teases, cocked brow and all.

“Now I have,” you get back to your senses. “Just not used to you dressing up all grown up and stuff.”

“Then how have I been dressing up the other times?” He chuckles, finally entering your apartment. 

“Well, the oversized everything screamed too casual and like, uh…”

“Boyfriend?” He smirks. “I mean, that’s what I’ve heard you say a few times to Hobi when you’re at the cafe.”

“Eavesdropping on your customers? That’s not nice.”

“Hey, I just happen to hear you two when I serve people since, you know, I work there? But that’s besides the point,” he says, voice dropping a few octaves. “Is that what I am? A… boyfriend?”

“Is that what you want to be?” You say, matching his tone.

He walks closer to you, his arm snaking around your waist as he pulls you closer. 

“Yeah,” says, his gruff voice in a whisper sending chills down your spine. “That would be fucking amazing, actually.”

“Okay,” you say, meeting his eyes. “Do the boyfriend thing and kiss me, then.”

He glances at Heejin who’s engrossed in watching Pororo run about, and he turns back to you, his smug face the last thing you see before your eyes fall closed at the feel of his lips on yours. 

You didn’t realize how much you’d miss it with just a day being without it, and now all you want is to drown in his kiss that’s gentle and desperate at the same time. His motions are smooth, but the rest of his body is tense; you feel the eagerness and the hesitation. So do you.

Your heads barely move and your mouths part only minimally, but you can taste his strawberry chapstick and the mint he’d just had. His tongue lightly brushes past your lower lip, like a tease of what he wants, of what more he can give, and sometimes you wonder why you ran away from this all those years ago. 

But when you think of how easily you almost fell into this, you’re reminded of why you had to turn your back on him then. If at the end of all of that, you get to have this, then maybe it’s all been worth it.

Jungkook pulls away again this time, smiling giddily at your post-kiss face, and then pecking your lips. “I may have ruined your lipstick a bit.”

You wipe the taint of it on his lips and giggle. “And I’m glad you did.”

You motion towards Heejin, who you say has been looking for him, and you watch him as he kneels in front of her for a hug, asking what she’s watching, and then listening to her talk about the show that’s on. 

“You ready to go to Mom’s, bubba?” You ask, joining them. “She’s taking you to a light show tonight. You’ll be good, alright?” 

“Yes, Mama!” she squeals, hugging you back as you nuzzle her nose. 

“So come, Kookoo and I will take you to her.”

Jungkook carries her as you all make it to his car, the drive to your mom’s apartment, a surprisingly short one on a Saturday evening. Your mom’s ecstatic and smug face reveals too much, even more so as she keeps reminding you and Jungkook to “have fun” and “make the most of your time together.”

“We will, but please call when you’re putting her to bed,” you say. 

“I will. Now you lovebirds, leave our apartment now.”

You and Jungkook eventually do, but not without multiple goodbye hugs and kisses on Heejin. She indulges you only briefly because the newly-assembled dollhouse catches her attention and then it’s like you don’t exist anymore.

Jungkook takes your hand as you both walk to the car, something he does while he drives as well, and throughout dinner. 

You chose a fancy Japanese restaurant as per Jin’s suggestion and you’ve always sworn by his recommendations. Their array of interesting dishes got you and Jungkook feeding each other, then listing the other places you both want to try. It’s a few hours of him making you laugh, gushing over Heejin as you both watch the videos from the other night, him randomly taking your hand to kiss, and looking into your eyes while you speak. 

He goes from the charming Jungkook with the shy, boyish smile and nose scrunch to the confident, lip-licking man with a hypnotizing gaze in seconds - he’s been giving you a whiplash all night. 

You, on the other hand, have been letting yourself drown in all that he’s giving and doing to you. No more walls up or any other apprehensions unlike before. This time - as you’ve been the past several months - you feel safe enough to be yourself, desires and flaws included. 

You both head back to the car for a quick drive to your final destination for tonight. It’s right when you enter that you get a photo of a sleeping Heejin on her belly, cheek to the side with her butt propped up. 

“What was she doing?” You laugh right as you call your mom.

“She didn’t want to sleep yet so we were watching TV,” your mother shares. “The channel stopped at a musical and she wanted to keep it there. She was bobbing her head and clapping and found her position, fighting off her yawns until she gave up. It was so adorable, honey.”

“Okay then, guess it’s musicals for us for the next few weeks. But thanks, Mom. I’m sure she enjoyed her time with you guys.”

“Oh, she did. She wouldn’t play with the dollhouse unless Jung-jae was next to her. She’s really comfortable with him already.”

“That’s great to hear. He’s a constant now, too,” you respond. “But she’s good? Sleeping soundly in bed and all?”

“Yes, honey. Looks like she’ll have a good, long sleep. Jung-jae and I will bring her to you first thing in the morning so she won’t throw a tantrum when she wakes up without you,” your mom offers. “Would 8 be fine? Just let me know if you want us to drop by later, though. Don’t want to ruin any morning shenanigans or something.”

It’s her teasing and sultry tone that makes you gasp, and you hear Jung-jae laughing next to her, telling her to leave you and Jungkook be.

“Alright, I will. You lovebirds enjoy tonight, okay? I mean it.”

She giggles this time, and she hangs up before you even say goodbye.

Jungkook doesn’t say much, having only faintly heard the conversation. He stops the car and wraps his arm around you as you both walk two streets down to an alley. 

It’s one of those hidden cocktail bars in the city, with an unassuming facade hiding an elaborate interior. Taehyung suggested this place when you asked your family for bar options, as he’d done gigs here before for jazz nights. The high ceilings and dim lights, the soft music, and the couches made for two make it a nice place for enjoying each other’s company. 

Jungkook sets his one hand on your waist while the other draws circles on your exposed knee that’s brushing against his, only removing it when he takes a sip from his drink.

“Jinnie doing okay at Auntie’s?” He asks. 

“She is,” you smile, sharing what your mom had said about their day, to Jungkook’s delight. “But I miss her already.”

“I do, too,” he sighs. “But I like this,” he adds, meeting your eyes.

“I like you,” you respond, catching him off guard, his eyes instantly widening at your declaration.

“That’s, uh, that’s nice to finally hear,” he beams before hiding his face in your neck as he tries to get himself together.

You laugh at his response, caressing the back of his head and pecking the side of it.

“Yah! What’s with the reaction? It’s not like it isn’t obvious. We’ve been going on dates,” you say, pushing him up to face you. “And I’ve been kissing you.”

“But it’s different to hear you say it, after all this time.”

“I guess I just got caught up in what we finally are that I didn’t bother to verbalize it,” you narrate, something that’s unlike how you normally are because you tend to lay out in words the things you’re experiencing and thinking to be able to make sense of them. “And I realize now that I don’t think I’ve changed much from the last time. Maybe I haven’t been fair to you.”

“What are you talking about?” He looks at you curiously.

“Back then, my siblings used to give me shit for treating you like that puppy I found adorable and would pet and stuff but wouldn’t actually want to keep,” you admit, recalling how they always found a way to remind you of the analogy they came up with. 

“You just always stood by next to me whatever I was doing and years passed and it was kind of like that again, right? You’ve just been waiting for me to be ready all these months and it took so long before I could even say it, before I even considered giving you anything. And I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you much.”

“Hey. You’ve been giving me a lot,” he comforts, lifting your chin to face him. “I knew what I was getting myself into the first time, and even now. And not once did I feel impatient or that it was all for nothing. You’ve given me your time, Heejin’s time, your trust, your heart… and I’ve been happy, ___. Really happy.”

There’s contentment in his eyes when he says the words, but even then, there’s a tinge of hope, and something else that he holds back. And for all the times that he’d been the transparent one, with you having control of your emotions, it seems that the roles have been reversed, as you feel like baring everything to him while he maintains as much composure as he possibly can.

“I am, too, Jungkook,” you say softly, inching closer to him, taking in his sandalwood scent he’s chosen over his usual sporty one.

You’re internally grateful for the bit of privacy you’re being afforded, although looking around, you don’t seem to be the only couple that finds themselves in an intimate moment. 

“You make me feel things I’ve felt before… but in extremes. Like, there’s this longing when you’re away, and this unabashed joy when I’m with you. I’ve sort of conditioned myself not to feel too much so it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes, but in a good way. Like it’s all these amazing things all at once and I don’t know what to do with them, but at the same time, I can’t be without them, without you.”

Jungkook merely gazes at you as a satisfied smile forms on his face.

“Not used to you being speechless,” you chuckle.

“I’m not yet immune to you, you know? You still surprise me.”

“And what if I don’t anymore, would you still want me then?”

“Always,” he says instantly, certainly. 

The lights are dim and the nearest customers have just left, and the desire that’s been gradually growing since he showed up looking like pure sin in your doorway overtakes you. You lean forward and kiss him deeply, your tongue sliding inside his mouth to let him know what you want from him. It’s like time freezing as the tension melts away; like sucking the air out of him, and when you part, he breathes heavily like it’s exactly what you did.

“My apartment, please?” You pant, your forehead leaned against his, eyes closed just like his.

“Okay,” he huffs, stealing a soft kiss before paying the bill and then heading out.

Jungkook has to choose between walking quickly to get to your destination faster or strolling so he could savor this moment with you - walking underneath dim street lights, your satin midnight blue dress flowing up to your shins. 

He chooses the latter, as you seem to want to savor this, too, much as you seemed to yearn him so much just minutes ago. 

It’s his turn to steal a kiss when you both enter the car, and the ride home is filled with tension that you know how to resolve but need to wait more time to actually address. 

You arrive at your apartment without making any public scene, letting the tension follow you there.

“Kind of unusual coming here without Heejin squealing or laughing or yelling at us,” he chuckles, pulling you from the back for a hug, his head nestling at the crook of your neck - another new intimate act that you already want more of.

“I know,” you say, shivering at the kiss he makes near your ear. “But Mom insisted on having her for the night and bribed her with whatever. They’ll come tomorrow morning. And I agreed because, well, I really wanted to be alone with you tonight,” you add, turning around, your hungry eyes raking all over him.

“You did, huh?” His gaze locks on yours, all the desire he feels reflecting in it.

He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about your lips on his since the other night, and he can’t help it when his mind starts to conjure all the other things he wants to do. He has to control his thoughts so he doesn’t expect too much - of what else you want to do physically, and what that would mean for your relationship. 

He realized that when it comes to you, he regards things much more deeply, meaningfully, and so every act and word holds so much - his fears, his desires, and hope with and for you. 

“Yeah, I—” You whimper at his sudden grip on your waist, glancing at his parted mouth, mirroring the way your tongue licks your lips, aching to feel him there. 

You can feel the heat radiate off his body with how close he’s gotten, as you feel the rush of desire overtake your own. Your heart beats rapidly, anticipating what’s to come next, and for the seconds that feel like more, he rests his forehead against yours, your noses grazing while you breathe each other in.

He gives in first, cupping your cheeks as he angles your mouth to fit his. His tongue slips in, exploring you in this way, and you fall right into it with him, gripping the collars of his polo as you meet his fervent action. It’s messy and raw and unsteadying, and you feel like you’re in a haze of some sort as you try to take all that he gives all at once.

His hands move to your waist as he continues to kiss you, parting only very briefly. He nips and licks and sucks your lips, your joint moans gradually getting louder. He slowly pushes you backward until you hit the armrest of the couch, and you lean on it as you feel like you’re losing balance with how much of yourself you’re giving with this kiss.

“Fuck, I can do this all night,” he groans, his mouth descending to peck on your jaw and your neck.

“Just this?” You moan teasingly.

“What else did you have in mind?” He turns to you, his lustful eyes turning curious.

“Everything,” you heave, taking his hand and guiding it to your breast. “I don’t want us to hold back.”

He strokes it only gently, and much as you know that at some point, it would lead to this, you’re slightly worried why he doesn’t seem as into the idea of doing it right now as you expected. You’re about to ask what’s wrong when he speaks.

“I won’t want to turn back after this,” he says pointedly, eyes locked on yours to make sure you know he means every word. “I’m gonna want more. I’m gonna give you and Heejin the whole world, you have to know that, but I’m gonna need you to want this with me.”

You hear the mix of certainty and desperation in his voice but unlike all the times he’d spoken in this way, you know that you want it, too. Whatever it is, you want it.

“Okay,” you pant. “I want more, and I can give you more. 

“Okay,” he gasps, pecking your forehead, then your nose, then your lips where he lingers. “Good. That’s good.”

You both kiss again like you’d done earlier, but with more need this time. It’s heated, even messier, more intentional, and louder, too. 

You push the jacket off his shoulders and he pulls you much closer, his hands sliding down to your ass, which he squeezes intensely. Pulling up your dress, he does it again, lightly slapping the cheeks as he gets into the moment.

You moan into his mouth, bucking your hips against his to let him know how it affected you.

“Fuck, you like that?” He rasps, nipping at your neck now.

“Yes,” you answer, moaning even louder when he does it again, a little harder this time. 

You’re lost in his scent, in his heat, in the way his mouth explores whatever he can at this position, and the dampness in your underwear only says what more you want from him.

Guiding him towards the couch, you lightly nudge him to sit, gazing at him hungrily before settling on his lap, kissing him again like you’re memorizing every inch of his mouth and his lips that you can’t get enough of. 

While his hands knead your ass and simultaneously push you to grind against his aching cock, yours hurriedly unbutton his polo, wanting a taste of what you’d seen that afternoon at the pool. You’d thought of how he looked underneath all the clothes he wears and you finally get to do more than just imagine all of that.

After undoing the last button, you palm his chest, toned and smooth as you’d expected, his pert nipples exciting you as you flick them to his delight. Your lips detach from his, then you briefly gaze at his bare body, and move towards his chest, your open-mouthed kisses all over it intensifying his desire, and he’s the one who’s now unzipping your dress from behind. 

Pushing you to sit back up, Jungkook meets your glazed eyes, and he slowly pulls down the straps off your shoulders, followed by your bra to reveal half of your breasts, your own pert buds teasing him.

He pants as your fingers trace the dips of his abs, and unable to just sit and marvel at you any longer, he attacks your breasts, taking one in his mouth, ravishing it as he fondles the other. 

The pleasure is immediate, as the way he swirls and strokes your erogenous region makes you feel suspended, especially as he does so in a carnal yet passionate way. You grind against him, feeling his stiff length poking your stomach. Your hands grip on his taut back, feeling its tense muscles as he exerts all his effort on making you feel good, which he knows he’s doing so well at, given your expletives and moans that keep getting louder.

“You sound so good,” he groans in your ear, another sensitive part of you, something he’s figured out, as he nibbles and licks its shell, and he instantly feels the hairs of your arm raise at the action.

You hum, pushing him to lean back again so your eyes could rake all over his body, liking the way the dim light illuminates the beads of sweat on his chest, and with him panting like this and seeing the hunger in his eyes while also knowing he’ll get to do more, he’s absolutely stunning. 

“Done admiring?” He asks cheekily.

“Yes,” you reply after a beat of silence, though you doubt you’d ever get enough of see this. “You?”

“Need to see everything first, babe,” he smirks. 

So you stand up, unhooking your bra then fully unzipping the dress that’s pooled on your waist, doing so in a sensual manner as you slowly reveal more of yourself to him, liking the way his eyes widen in shock and lust at the same time.

You’re left with nothing but your silk thong, a shiver running down your spine when he moves towards the edge of the couch, his hands caressing your outer thighs before groping and slapping your ass cheeks once more. 

“Can’t get enough of these,” he moans, not matching the tender way he kisses your torso.

You cradle his head, and he’s suddenly reminded of all the times he used to see you do this. He looks up at you teasingly.

“Hmm, this is what it’s like.”

You remember it, too, and you laugh at the way he nuzzles your belly then smirks at you, like he’s thoroughly enjoying himself. You’d been in a lustful mood just seconds ago, and he brings you back in it as quickly as he took you out, as he starts sucking on the skin that leads to your cunt. 

He glances at you while he nibbles at the hem of your underwear, his fingers teasing your lips and feeling the dampness that’s pooled in there. Slowly, he removes the last piece of clothing you have on, staring at your hooded eyes while he does. 

Now completely bare in front of him, he brings you with him as he sits back on the couch, having you straddle him again, your mouths touching once more, the fervent actions at pace with your thrusting hips. 

“You’re so wet, I can feel you all over me,” he mumbles in your ear, pushing your core down to grind against his clothed crotch.

“Need your mouth to do something about it,” you groan, as the ache in your cunt starts to get unbearable, needing relief. 

He nudges for you to lay on the couch now, guiding you there as he constantly curses every time his lips meet your flesh. Kissing your lips briefly, he trails down to your breasts, giving both of them ample attention before he sets his eyes on your dripping core. 

He teases by thumbing with your clit first while he nips at your thighs, slowly moving towards your heat, before he licks the whole strip of it, his warm wet muscle stimulating every nerve of your body. You let out a restrained cry, and he lifts one of your legs for better access, allowing him to swallow you whole, as he sucks your cunt hungrily while letting the cold of his lip ring add to the pleasure, uncaring that he’s close to running out of breath.

“Fuck, Jungkook. That’s so good,” you moan, your muscles tensing as you try to hold in even just a bit to aid in the pleasure. “Keep going, fuck yes.”

He does as you ask, watching your fucked out face as he slips two fingers in, the sight of your hooded eyes and parted mouth making his dick throb even more. But he wants this, wants this for you. He wants to make you feel all kinds of pleasure as you’ll let him.

He replaces his digits with his tongue, sliding around and over and inside your hole, eliciting more moans from you as you start to buck your hip against his mouth, letting him fuck you like this. 

Your eyes travel to the back of your head as the pleasure intensifies, and for a brief moment, you look at him - completely lost in ravishing your pussy, his own eyes closed and the veins on his forehead appearing, hands tight around your thighs as he pushes you towards the edge. He’s giving it his all, you know this, as you feel his whole body tense as well. 

You’re close, you tell him, and with his hands finding your breasts, flicking the nipples, you unravel completely, and you feel the slick waterfall down your cunt, straight into his mouth. He moans as he takes you in, licking every drop, wiping his face with his hand, and gently kissing upwards to meet your lips once more. 

“How do you taste like?” He breathes into your mouth, bucking against you, his hard length so appetizing even more as you come down from your high.

“Weird,” you chuckle, but desperate as your hand palms his cock. “But now I need this in my mouth.”

“But I want more of you,” he whines, nipping at your neck.

“I haven’t sucked dick in years, Jungkook,” you groan. “This has been poking me all night.”

“But I’m gonna pop right away,” he pouts, hovering over you, the man who’d just ravaged you now grumbling about not wanting to be sucked off.

“Be good and wait to do that when you’re inside me, okay?”

Your voice is stern and turns him on even more, but it also makes him want to follow and be pleasured by that pretty and dangerous mouth of yours. 

“Fuck,” he says, standing up to unbutton his trousers, which you help him do.

Eyes locked on his, you pull his boxers down after, fingers grazing his muscular thighs as they become undressed, your mouth watering at the hardened cock that’s presented before you. Taking it in your hand, you return the kiss he gives then motion for him to sit on the couch this time.

You kneel comfortably on the floor and smirk at him before licking up the strip of his shaft then the slit, liking the saltiness of his precum and the way his thighs tense at the feel of you. 

Your mouth slowly takes him, sliding down at a pace that’s got his mind going completely hazy because even if he’d imagined this, it’s nothing close to having the real thing. You know what you’re doing, and you make sure he does, by the way that your eyes focus on him, barely looking away and closing them only briefly to savor his taste.

Jungkook’s jaw locks, his fists clench, and gradually, he bucks into your mouth as your motions continue. You see his strained face as his head lolls back, that pretty mole underneath his bitten lip looking even prettier from down here. You’re pleasuring and trapping him at the same time; he’d come right now if you let him, but he also wants you to keep at this for longer.

He’s losing himself in it, especially as you rake his thigh and fondle his balls.

“Fuck, yes, good girl,” he mindlessly moans. 

It’s a pet name he realizes you don’t like, as your movements slow down and he peeks to see displeasure in your eyes, even as you still have his cock in your mouth.

“Bad girl?” He tries again. 

You replace your mouth with your hand, scowling at him now.

“Mommy?”

You completely stop your movements. “I’m going to castrate you.”

You say it so seriously. And even though his near-orgasm falls substantially - which is somewhat fortunate because he was so close and he really wanted to come inside you but you seemed to be enjoying what you were doing before he ruined it - he can’t help but chuckle at your disappointed look. 

“Fine, sweets. Because you taste so fucking amazing,” he says, leaning over to peck your lips. “Please continue.”

You roll your eyes but enjoy it nonetheless. “You’re lucky you’re hot.”

He scrunches his nose the way he does when he annoys you, and it’s cute but sexy at the same time, what with his body looking the way it does right now. 

You get back into it quickly, sucking as you slide back down, his tip hitting you at the hilt. You go back to the pace you were at earlier, and you see him get back to it, too, his head lolling back again and his mouth parting to let out a groan that shoots straight through your core. Your head bobs up and down again, and you meet his desperate and lust-filled eyes before you go for another dive that has him keening and losing his mind.

“Fuck, ___, on your back, now.”

You release him from your mouth with a playful wink, and he pulls you to lay on the couch, the urge to make you feel good with his cock getting stronger by the second. He spreads your legs and his mouth waters at how ready you are to take him.

“Wait, Jungkook,” you say, and for a moment, his heart stops. “Condom. I have a box on my bedside.”

“I have one here,” he replies, searching for his wallet. 

He retrieves the foil pack and apologizes as he puts the latex sheath on, and you respond that it’s okay.

“So you were expecting this, huh?” You tease as he hovers over you, feeling his tip tease your entrance.

“I was hoping for it, actually,” he smiles, kissing you and swallowing your moan as he slides in.

You feel his length drag inside you, your walls that have been deprived for too long, taking him in fully. The pleasure from a good, hard cock from someone who knows what they’re doing is mind blowing, as Jungkook angles you in such a way that lets you feel everything. 

He starts slowly, his mouth trailing down your neck before nibbling the shell of your ear, then swirling his tongue on your pert buds the same time he thrusts harshly inside you.

“Fuck, yeah, like that,” you mewl, liking the way he teased a bit then went right in. 

He maintains that pace as you continue to moan out curses, praising him for how good he’s making you feel, and he responds with his own praises of how good you feel. Your hands hold onto his shoulders, sliding down to feel his biceps in their absolute divine form, all taut and large, like how you like them.

“You’re so fucking sexy, I’m losing my mind,” he drawls, kneeling now as he lifts both your legs to flush against your chest, thrusting incessantly, letting you feel him even deeper. 

“Hmmm, fuck, you’re so good,” you pant, loving his praises.

You go with this position for a while before he places your legs back down to wrap around his waist, and you take the opportunity to push him further inside you with your heels to his delight. 

“Keeping me locked in on you, huh?” He teases, biting your lip then taking both your hands and pinning them above your head. “I’m not going anywhere, sweets.”

“Stick to ‘babe,’ alright? That’s too cliche for a pastry chef to say,” you grumble, earning you a laugh at how it’s something you’d still correct him on in the middle of sex.

The view of him from below, with the veins popping out of his neck and his tattooed arm flexed over you, is making you even wetter. There are beads of sweat on his forehead, his jaw is clenched, and the moans he lets out are sinful. You can’t hold in the obscene sounds that you make, either, with how he’s hitting you in the spots you didn’t think would feel this good. 

But you still know your body more, and you know just how to build on the pleasure that’s overtaking every part of you.

“From behind,” you pant, and he follows immediately, releasing you from his hold and helping you on your knees.

Your elbows support you as your belly hits the couch, your ass angled upward for him to nip and kiss before he slides in easily, hitting another spot that has you keening right away. 

“Shit, you look so fucking good like this,” he groans, slapping a cheek, eliciting another moan from you.

It’s something you didn’t think you’d actually like, but Jungkook has a way of making you be open and actually enjoy things with him. And even he moans when he does it, which he follows with a praise or a kiss on your back, and you’re living for the way he’s making sure you both feel good with everything he’s doing.

He pounds into you in a pace that gradually quickens, his hands holding your waist in place as you wail in pleasure. He lifts you a little, allowing him to lower himself on your back, kissing your shoulders then your neck before tilting your face to ravage your mouth. 

The way he moves is heated and impassioned and everything you’d imagined that sex with him would be like - with him giving his all, making you feel euphoric and satisfied, praising you repeatedly. He cups your breast from below, and with the added stimulation, you feel your belly tighten, and the pending orgasm builds up too quickly for you to warn him.

“I’m—”

You let out a loud moan as your body shakes from the pleasure, your mind hazy now as you feel like you’re suspended from what he’d just made you experience. 

He continues, though, going harder now to reach his high, and you urge him to push into you even more, which he does obediently.

It still feels good even if your body is giving in, finding what little energy you have left to meet his hips, and it’s a final thrust that has him coming, the intensity of it allowing you to feel him spill his seed into the condom inside you. 

“Shit,” he pants, peppering kisses up your spine, unbothered by the sweat lining it.

He breathes into the crook of your neck before meeting your lips again, but this time in a languid movement of tongues entangling, feeling each other’s pleasure and exhaustion.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he moans in your mouth, lazily still rocking into you as he comes down from his high. “And so fucking good.”

“Hmm, you’re welcome,” you hum in his mouth, shivering in over sensitivity as he fondles your pert bud. “Jungkook!” You squeal.

He chuckles and gives you a soft kiss. “I’ll just throw this,” he says, easing out of you and removing the condom. He gives your ass another slap before walking towards your bathroom.

You hum in response and turn on your back, hoping you’ll remember to sanitize this couch and call for the cleaner tomorrow afternoon. 

Jungkook returns with his boxers on and a wet towel then proceeds to clean you up, systematically wiping your breasts, your back, then your cunt that’s still recovering. He places the throw blanket over you before snuggling next to you. 

“Is this okay?” He asks, sliding his arm underneath your head to serve as your pillow. 

“Yeah, I like post-sex cuddles. Especially after that,” you smile at him. “I’m exhausted. I haven’t had dick in years, I’d forgotten how it feels inside me.”

“And how was mine?” He smirks.

“Good?” You turn to him. 

“Just good?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“Great? Do you need me to stroke your ego?”

“Not really,” he chuckles. “I just wanna make sure that I made you feel good and so I can keep doing all that. You deserve to feel good,” he explains, giving you a soft smile.

“Well, it was amazing. I don’t usually come from dick, just to let you know,” you admit.

“You don’t, what?” He exclaims.

“I don’t come from penetration that much. I mean, it’s good, I just don’t always orgasm from it,” you mumble. “And that’s perfectly normal.”

“I know. It’s just… wait, so how were you with, uh…”

“I’d fake it. He’s the type who needs to feel good about himself, remember?”

“Yeah, so a while ago, did you…?”

“I seriously came, Jungkook. You wiped me off! Plus, that kind of moan is hard to fake, mind you,” you clarify, not wanting to make him feel bad, but with what you know of Jungkook, he doesn’t have a razor thin ego for him to feel insecure about it.

“Wow, okay. Good job, little J. You did well,” he says, patting his now-flaccid cock.

“Did you just… compliment your dick…” You look at him incredulously.

“He made you come! He needs affirmation sometimes,” he defends.

“You’re silly,” you playfully roll your eyes.

“I know,” he smirks. “But also, can I just say? You’re so hot when you talk dirty to me.”

“That’s not my dirty talk,” you chuckle. “That’s literally me, telling you exactly what I want. Which I’ll probably do a lot. That turns you on?”

“Duh. I like it when you tell me what to do.”

He looks at you with those now-innocent eyes and boyish smile, the euphoric feel from earlier turning into something light and comfortable, something you rarely feel after sex. 

You’re tired but he makes you laugh. Your body is sore but he caresses your cheek and pecks your lips, telling you that he doesn’t mind how you come, as long as he makes you come, whatever part of his body does it. 

He’s every bit of a dream you never expected would come in the form of a bunny smile and a sinful body, and he wants you, just as much as you want him. 

You yawn, prompting him to sit up to give way for you to clean up and get ready for bed.

“Stay the night,” you say, as you take his discarded polo on the floor and wear it, the hem just barely covering your thighs. “I want to wake up next to you in the morning.”

“Okay,” he smiles, his heart melting at the sight of you in his clothes.

He follows your lead and doesn’t react much when you give him a towel and the oversized shorts you wore when you were pregnant then motion for the guest bathroom.

You take your time in the shower to gather yourself and come down from the high you’re still on. Jungkook crashed into your life years ago and made you feel things, and that rattled you, made you unsteady because you don’t like feeling like both of your hands aren’t on the wheel. 

Being without him and then having him back still makes you feel that sometimes, but you realize that if the other hand on the wheel next to yours is his, it’s not so bad. And if the years apart and the recent months with him have told you anything, it’s that whether you’re driving the car, he is, or both of you are, you want him next to you. That should be enough, you remind yourself in an effort to dispel whatever remaining doubts and fears you have.

He wants more with you, whatever that is. And sharing something so intimate like your bare selves to each other is what you needed tonight to solidify what your heart has known for a while now, even with the tiniest hint of apprehension in there. 

You exit your bathroom to find him sitting at the edge of your bed in all his shirtless glory, and you take your time to appreciate his broad and muscled and incredibly insatiable form before walking towards him.

“Hey,” you finally say, taking the hand he reaches out to you. “Why aren’t you in bed yet?”

“Wanted to make sure I’m on the right side before I get comfortable.”

He pulls you close and wraps his arms around your torso. “And to do this,” he says, as his hands move to cup your ass cheeks. “I don’t know why but it’s so comforting.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” you chuckle, briefly cradling his head before giving him a peck on the lips. “Let’s go to bed, my whole body is sore and my legs are still shaking.”

You walk to your side and he scoots to his, but instead of lying down next to you, he kneels and starts massaging your calves, up to your knees and thighs.

“I might have overbent these,” he teases, kissing your leg when you start to complain, his lips matching the sensual way his hands are stroking your flesh.

Jungkook just watches your satisfied face as he continues, his heart swelling at how you’re looking at him so tenderly. He thinks it’s reflective of what you do to him - one minute it’s racing like hell because you make him nervous, excited, euphoric, confused; another minute you’re calming him down, gazing at him like there’s beauty in his eyes, comforting him without touching him. 

And that’s how you’ve been to him all these months - sometimes you’re a hurricane - fast, dangerous, daunting from afar and overwhelming up close. Sometimes you’re a still day - a grounding presence, comforting, awe-inspiring in its simplicity. 

You’re raw, flawed, imperfect, and absolutely breathtaking. And he can’t get enough of you. 

He returns your smile and crawls under the covers, his arm out to hold you while you rest your head on his chest, your palm on his torso providing warmth and coolness at the same time. 

Kissing your forehead, he whispers. “Good night, ___.” 

“Good night,” you mumble.

Jungkook stares at the ceiling as the minutes tick by, still wrapping his head around tonight, the elation unmatched as he thinks of waking up next to you in the morning. It’s like he wants to fast forward to that but also wants to savor what’s remaining of the evening with you. 

“I thought you were tired. Why are you still up?” He asks, his fingers grazing your bare shoulder.

You turn to him with a questioning look.

“You breathe heavily when you sleep,” he says. “I hear it in the car when I’m driving. What’s on your mind, ___?”

“What did you mean about wanting more?” You wonder out loud, releasing yourself from his hold to sit up, knees folded underneath your chin.

“More,” he responds, as if it’s an all-encompassing answer. “Being able to kiss you, hold you, wake up next to you, make love to you whenever.”

“Is that it?”

His eyes briefly meet yours before they flit elsewhere.

“Spend my life with you, have a family with you,” he says softly.

“You hesitated.”

“Only because I wasn’t sure if you want that, if you’re ready for that,” he responds. 

“Jungkook, of course I want a family.”

“But do you want it with me?”

“I do,” you answer a beat too late.

“You hesitated,” he sighs.

“Only because I…”

“You’re scared I’ll change my mind,” he finishes.

“Partly. I mean, the thought still swims around,” you admit. “Do you blame me though?”

“No, but ___, this is me we’re talking about. And this is you.”

You cock an eyebrow at his words, signaling him to keep going. 

“You’re not some hobby or preference or a college degree that I’d change my mind about,” he explains. “Even when you broke my heart and didn’t want me to be a part of your life, when I was away, I didn’t change my mind.”

“Yeah, but then Yae-won happened. That’s changing your mind, Jungkook.”

“Was it, if it wasn’t even that serious? I told you, we were good friends more than anything. We were great company for each other, in a lot of ways, but I couldn’t fully give in because a part of me knew that when I came back here, when I saw you again, I’d be the same guy who’d want you. And I was right,” he explains. 

“I saw you at the bar, that night in Busan, and I… fuck, everything just came back. And she noticed the change after that. I felt terrible, but somehow she just knew; it wasn’t the same. She didn’t wanna burden me, she said, and I stayed there for months after she and I broke up to just think things through again, knowing you still didn’t have a partner. And I came back here having decided that if I had to wait again, I would,” he continues. “If I had to start over as just a friend, I would, and then figure it out from there like before. Maybe wait for you to push me away and stop. But I’d stay until then and just be there for you. Because that’s how I am. I find something I love and I go all out, I’m patient but I give my everything and—”

“You love me?” You interject.

“Yes,” he says with no hesitation this time. “Does that scare you?”

“No. I just… I feel so much for you, Jungkook. It’s a lot that I’m still trying to unpack and savor and take my time with because I want to do this right, too. That’s why I’m not there yet. And I don’t wanna scare you with that.”

“You won’t. I mean, that’s already more than enough,” he assures, taking your hand. “I’m so fucking weak for you, ___. You could do your worst and I’d still forgive you, I'd still be crazy about you and that’s crazy, isn’t it? Someone like me, who didn’t think his heart would ever stick to one thing, finds a woman at the cafe and just… decides he’s sure about her, about you. So let me love you right, okay? No need to say it back or reciprocate it right away. Just let me love you and Heejin right because I will do that. And then I’ll wait. Again. And I won’t mind for as long as you let me love you this way. Please.”

The tears well up in your eyes as you wrap your arms around his neck, letting his strong arms steady you and let you know that he means everything he said. You feel his words glue together the holes from your past, your fears, your worries, and apprehensions. You know he’s held back a little, not wanting to go too hard and push you away in the process, wanting instead to let his feelings speak through his actions, for you to acknowledge and accept them at your own pace. 

With all that’s happened tonight, there’s no reason for you to doubt anymore, especially as he tightens his hold and places kisses on the side of your head.

“I love you, okay? Please let me say it everyday,” he whispers. “I need you to know it everyday.”

“Okay,” you whisper back, pulling away and kissing him deeply. “I don’t know how good I’ll be with this girlfriend thing this time. I get stubborn and temperamental and irritable. But I’ll do better. Tell me when it gets too much for you, alright? I don’t want to give you a reason to walk away.”

“And I get clingy and childish and hard-headed sometimes,” he chuckles, caressing your tear-stained face. “But I’ll always make you laugh.”

“You can kiss me, too. That’ll work.”

“That’s nice to know,” he smiles, pulling you next to him in an embrace. “Who would’ve thought that you’d be so drawn to my kisses, huh?” He pecks your lips again. “So that’s all you need?”

You nod in response. “Wait for me to calm down and kiss me, hold me. I’ll need that. What about you?”

“I just need you and Heejin, next to me, laughing with me. That’s all.”

“Okay,” you sniff, nuzzling his neck. “I’ll need that, too.”

“It won’t be easy,” he adds, knowing you’re gonna need this assurance, too. “We’re gonna have fights and misunderstandings or days of just wanting to be alone. But ___, you’re my plan, okay? Being a family with you and Heejin is on my vision board, and I’m gonna do everything to make sure that nothing changes that, you hear me? Even if it gets hard, whether things are going fine or a storm clouds over us, we’re going to make it work.”

You savor his words as Jungkook thinks back to when he first saw you, the fierceness in your eyes and the softness of your smile captivating him immediately. 

Every moment he’d spent with you is something etched in his brain which he holds onto whenever he needs to feel that sense of purpose in his life, when he wants to remember that happiness. Whether it’s your grit and passion for your job, the selfless way you love those around you, and the strength that you exemplify, you’re everything he’s ever wanted and more.

**

Your phone’s incessant ringing feels like a hole is being drilled into your head, disturbing your peaceful slumber against the warm body cuddling you from behind. Jungkook’s breath tickles your ear, his gruff moans remind you of last night, and the way he fondles your breast tells you that he likes anything that’s soft, and that, well, a pastry chef’s hand is very skilled; you’re tempted to just go for morning sex if it wasn’t for your mother calling.

“Honey, we’re near,” your mom chirps when you finally pick up. “Make sure to, uh, put some clothes on.”

You groan in response to her giggling then proceed to the bathroom to freshen up. It only takes five minutes for the doorbell to ring and upon opening the door, you find that your earlier barely-awake state is matched by your half-asleep daughter clinging to an amused Jung-jae.

“I tried hard not to wake her up but failed,” he says. “She was kind of cranky but I gave her the alpaca stuffed toy like you said and she went back to sleep.”

“Aww, bubba’s not in the mood,” you chuckle, taking her from him, her arms immediately wrapping around your neck. “Thank you both for keeping her company last night,” you say, inviting them inside.

“Oh, honey. We loved having her. We don’t mind having her on some nights,” your mother says. “You and Jungkook need time for—”

She’s cut off by a shirtless Jungkook walking towards the kitchen mindlessly, eyes widening once you whisper-shout his name. 

Your mother clears her throat and continues. “Uh, time for that.”

It’s then you notice the marks you’d left on Jungkook’s neck after you went another round last night after he bore his heart to you. You were so taken by him that your kiss turned heated until you found yourself on top of him, your tiredness compounded but definitely worth it once you finally fell asleep.

“Put a shirt on, you dummy!” You scowl, covering Heejin’s ears. 

“You didn’t give me one!” He counters, cheekily waving at your mom and Jung-jae. 

“Find one in my closet, now!”

He scurries to your room and you’re left looking and feeling embarrassed.

“Well, I didn’t expect any less from him,” your mother laughs. “But I hope this means that you two aren’t skirting around what you both feel anymore, yeah? And that maybe, one day, Heejin will know of a father who’ll love her unconditionally, though I think Jungkook does that already.”

Jungkook returns with a zipped-up jacket now on before you can say anything, though you’re unsure how to answer that. One at a time, you think, as you watch him make coffee like this is his home. 

Not wanting to let Heejin go just yet, you hold onto her while your mom and Jung-jae talk about a spa resort they want to go to as a family, and you get excited at the thought of what that would now mean to you and Jungkook. He seems like he’s looking forward to it, too, as he tries to hide his smile from you.

You eventually bid your mom and Jung-jae goodbye and head back to your room.

“She’s still sleepy, and so am I. Can we sleep in?” 

“Of course,” Jungkook smiles. 

You place Heejin in between both of you, and a sudden movement causes her to briefly wake up.

“Mama,” she calls out, arms up for you to take.

You kiss her nose and tell her that Kookoo is next to her, too, and she turns to hug him and peck his cheek before turning back to you, squeezing her legs underneath your body. 

“Oh, my bubba,” you chuckle, wrapping your arms around her. “I love you so much.”

Jungkook watches you tenderly as you cradle your world in your hands, and he wants nothing more than to be able to do that with both of you, too. 

You meet his eyes and there’s a glimmer in his, and if there’s a way to capture this so you could look into them during the toughest days, you would. 

He leans in to kiss you - one, two, three times.

“I love you, ___.”

They’re words he’d say every day in some way - a note on your to-go coffee, as a cheeky apology after annoying you again, over the phone before he hangs up, and on weekend evenings when he’d stay the night and he’d whisper it to you as you’re just about to fall asleep.

It takes you a month to finally say it back. 

You’re at home and Jungkook had just calmed Heejin down from a tantrum by fake-crying along with her, causing her to be upset that he’s crying, so she stops and comforts him instead. 

“Stop crying, Kookoo,” she pouts, hugging him.

“I’m okay now. I love you, sunshine,” he chirps, kissing her nose before placing her on the chair then moving to the oven to take out the freshly-baked bread that he’s now an expert at doing. 

It’s his patience, his kindness, his child-like nature and thoughtfulness that makes him the person you want, the person you love. The person you want to love you and Heejin for a long time.

“I love you, Jungkook,” you say, each word carrying memories and experiences and emotions in them. “I love you so much.”

He’s caught off guard. He almost drops the pan and burns his finger but he doesn’t mind. Your words are all that matter, so do Heejin’s, as he glances at her smiling face as she calls out his name. 

Walking over to you, he kisses you one, two, three times, his own words carrying a little bit more now. 

“I love you,” he promises. “I love you with my whole heart.”

##

Series Masterlist

Permanent Taglist: @sherlynxx @di0rgguk @thequeen-kat @mwitsmejk @fan-ati--c @cravingforhotchocolate @adoraminie @helenazbmrskai @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @preciouschimine @gukssunshine @nch327 @petalsofink @shatzkrinslinzki @kookxin @petuliii @yoursthv @libra04 @jvngkooker @aman211 @fancycollectormoon @yoonqki @twixxxpie @ignoretheskies @0ndaroxs

SeriesTaglist: @seagulljk @yawnzzznini @starbtslove @jungoomoles @codeinebelle @jktones @bids97 @main-bangtansmauyeondan @ohmydarlin-g @jkkkkkay @inthemikrokosmos @investedreader @jalexad @lcksndkys @heyjiminnie @roguesthetic @pinkseokchim

#jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfiction #bts jungkook #jungkook series #single mom oc #pastry chef jk #series #asdoah

[aballadofmisery]

Hello…

My name is Theatrum but I am often called Atty by mortals.

Before my father found me…I was nothing more than a scientific discovery by Professor Hidgens…

I’ve been kept in that fish tank for so long. I was completely isolated from the world.

I was robbed of my true potential.

I can steal someone’s mind with nothing more than my voice. I can control mortals with a song.

If you see me in Hatchetfield, I’m either putting on my human form or my..”mermaid” form.

🎶🎶🎶Send me asks or interact with me🎶🎶🎶

(OOC stuff under the cut)

Hello my name is Rags/Twyla and my main blog is @iheartfinalgirls

this is my Hatchetfield oc rp/ask blog. She is Pokey’s spawn/offspring/child thing.

#ooc tags: #hatchetfield oc #hatchetfield roleplay #hatchetfield rp #intro post 🎶🌊

[mtnkat3]

Jeans.

Gotta get my Levi's on & get a few things for me to eat tomorrow.

I've been putting together one of my 5 wire shelves I bought & getting stuff up on it.

But wh came back & gotta get my stuff since I don't wanna be in an even worse mad house than already will be.

Then talking to my mom reminds me how scrapped over the coals wh & my atty did me. Just.. pissed off.

Sigh.

So trying to think of this screw up as God has things He wants me doing & to treat it as a lesson, & a Blessing. Just having a hard time of that.

I just miss you .

I wanna be in your arms & all this shit sammich done & over with. No more wh, drama,.. no of it.

I want my Bears Angels!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh. Bowing my head.

Yes Father. Patience. Listen. Learn. Grow.

Yeah.. maybe I sound a bit.. "but daaaddddyyy!"

But if I actually wrote just .. sigh. I'm not gonna. My mates know. Will know all. If don't already. Only God & you my loves .. Go back to being the exceedingly private woman I am by nature. All this writing has been solely to you . And pray that God's reasons for my exposure is to help others see that mountains do move.🎶

I'd rather be the enigma than feeling so exposed & vulnerable to strangers. But I guess it's part of my growth. As His warrior queen. I needed this. Grimace. Just freaking. Ugh.

I love you .

Time to stuff my butt in my skinny jeans. Lmao!

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

Your perplexed, confounded, vulnerable, exposed, sad but working & striving. Listening closely carefully & quietly daughter .

Your complex quirky warrior queen daughter!

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. ✝️🌺🐾🐯

⌚⚡🌠💡🚀🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾🎯🧭🕯

W.11.23.2022 3.23pm est.

[kneedeepincynade]

Many talk about renewable energy, but only some are truly committed to it

The post is machine translated

Translation is at the bottom

The collective is on telegram

⚠️ NUOVO PRIMATO INGEGNERISTICO CINESE NELLA PRODUZIONE DI ENERGIA PULITA: LA CENTRALE EOLICA DI ZHEGU E LA TURBINA EOLICA CON LA PIÙ GRANDE SINGLE-UNIT CAPACITY AL MONDO ⚠️

🏆 Dopo aver ottenuto un nuovo primato ingegneristico nell'energia pulita, tramite la prima turbina eolica offshore da 16MW al Mondo, la Cina - che è leader mondiale nella produzione di Energia Eolica, Solare e Idroelettrica - raggiunge un ulteriore successo 🎉

🇨🇳 Ieri, 03/08, la 中国长江三峡集团公司 - Azienda Statale facente parte del SASAC che ha progettato e costruito la Diga delle Tre Gole, l'impianto energetico più potente al Mondo, ha annunciato che la Centrale Eolica di Zhegu, nello Xizang, è stata collegata con successo alla rete della Regione 🎉

🎶 Si tratta di un ulteriore primato ingegneristico della Cina nel settore dell'energia pulita, nonché il più ambizioso progetto Cinese nel settore: una turbina eolica da 3,6MW, con la più grande single-unit capacity al Mondo, installata ad altissima quota (5050 metri) nella Regione Autonoma dello Xizang ❤️

🇨🇳 Costruita secondo i più elevati standard ingegneristici, la turbina si adatta a qualsiasi intemperia: fulmini, gelo, raggi UV. Con una capacità installato di 72,6 MW, il Parco Eolico, che conta 15 turbine, fornirà oltre 150.000.000 di KWh di elettricità pulita all'anno, che equivalgono ad un risparmio di oltre 45.000 tonnellate di carbone standard e a una riduzione di quasi 130.000 tonnellate delle emissioni di anidride carbonica 😍 | Tutto ciò è vincente: più energia per le persone e per le imprese, con un minor impatto❤️❤️

🇪🇺 Nel mentre l'Occidente, ipocritamente, parla di ecologismo, ma non investe realmente in produzione di energia idroelettrica, solare ed eolica, la Cina continua a promuovere la Modernizzazione caratterizzata dall'Armonia tra l'uomo e la Natura, mantiene i suoi primati nel settore e ne raggiunge di nuovi 😍

🇪🇺 L'UE, considerando tutti i 27 Paesi membri, non raggiunge minimamente la capacità eolica della Cina ♨️

🍀 能源危机扒开欧洲环保主义的虚伪外衣 | "La crisi energetica strappa via il mantello ipocrita dell'ambientalismo europeo" 🤧

🍀 促进人与自然和谐共生 | "Promuovere la convivenza armoniosa tra uomo e Natura" 👂🙂🦻

🤔 Anche perché, dove sono i grandi successi dell'Occidente in questo settore? Invece di focalizzarsi su valori assoluti, atti ad attaccare Cina e India, i due Paesi più popolosi sul Pianeta, bisognerebbe ragionare osservando i valori delle emissioni PRO CAPITE 😡

🇺🇸 L'americano medio, negli USA, è responsabile per la produzione di 14.4 tonnellate di CO2 a PERSONA (❗️), mentre il cittadino Cinese medio ne produce 7.1, meno della metà! Questo cosa significa? Che il cittadino USA inquina molto più del singolo cittadino Cinese, e la popolazione USA è costituita da 334,233,854 persone, mentre quella Cinese da 1,425,671,352 ❗️

🤔 Peggio degli USA? Un altro Paese Occidentale, il Canada (15.2) - persino il Tedesco medio produce più emissioni del cittadino Cinese medio. Basta ipocrisia! 😡

👋 Tuttavia, non è finita qui: una volta che il progetto entrerà a pieno regime, la produzione annua di energia elettrica pulita supererà i 200.000.000 di KWh ❤️

🌸 Iscriviti 👉 @collettivoshaoshan 😉

⚠️ NEW CHINESE ENGINEERING FIRST IN CLEAN ENERGY PRODUCTION: ZHEGU WIND FARM AND WORLD'S LARGEST SINGLE-UNIT CAPACITY WIND TURBINE ⚠️

🏆 After achieving a new engineering record in clean energy, with the world's first 16MW offshore wind turbine, China - which is the world leader in the production of Wind, Solar and Hydroelectric Energy - achieves further success 🎉

🇨🇳 Yesterday, 03/08, the 中国长江三峡集团公司 - State-owned company belonging to SASAC which designed and built the Three Gorges Dam, the most powerful energy plant in the world, announced that the Zhegu Wind Farm, in Xizang, it was successfully connected to the Region network 🎉

🎶 This is a further Chinese engineering record in the clean energy sector, as well as the most ambitious Chinese project in the sector: a 3.6MW wind turbine, with the largest single-unit capacity in the world, installed at a very high altitude ( 5050 meters) in the Xizang Autonomous Region ❤️

🇨🇳 Built according to the highest engineering standards, the turbine adapts to any weather: lightning, frost, UV rays. With an installed capacity of 72.6 MW, the Wind Farm, which has 15 turbines, will supply over 150,000,000 KWh of clean electricity per year, which is equivalent to a saving of over 45,000 tons of standard coal and a reduction of almost 130,000 tons of carbon dioxide emissions 😍 | All of this is successful: more energy for people and businesses, with less impact ❤️❤️

🇪🇺 While the West, hypocritically, talks about ecologism, but does not really invest in the production of hydroelectric, solar and wind energy, China continues to promote Modernization characterized by Harmony between man and Nature, maintains its records in the sector and reaches new ones 😍

🇪🇺 The EU, considering all 27 member countries, does not reach China's wind capacity in the slightest ♨️

🍀 能源危机扒开欧洲环保主义的虚伪外衣 | "The energy crisis strips away the hypocritical cloak of European environmentalism" 🤧

🍀 促进人与自然和谐共生 | "Promoting harmonious coexistence between man and Nature"

🤔 Also because, where are the great successes of the West in this area? Instead of focusing on absolute values, capable of attacking China and India, the two most populous countries on the planet, we should reason by observing the values ​​of PER CAPITA emissions 😡

🇺🇸 The average American in the USA is responsible for producing 14.4 tons of CO2 per PERSON (❗️), while the average Chinese citizen produces 7.1, less than half! What does this mean? That the US citizen pollutes much more than the single Chinese citizen, and the US population is made up of 334,233,854 people, while the Chinese one is 1,425,671,352 ❗️

🤔 Worse than USA? Another Western country, Canada (15.2) - even the average German produces more emissions than the average Chinese citizen. Enough hypocrisy! 😡

👋 However, that's not all: once the project becomes fully operational, the annual production of clean electricity will exceed 200,000,000 KWh ❤️

🌸 Subscribe 👉 @collettivoshaoshan 😉

#socialism #china #italian #communism #translated #china news #collettivoshaoshan #marxism leninism #marxist leninist #xi jinping #marxismo #marxist #marxism #multipolar world #multipolarity #geopolitica #geopolitics #ecology #renewableenergy #solar energy #wind energy #hydroelectricity #chinese communist party #asia news #news #socialismo #socialist

[andreamassarisindaco]

A FIDENZA I BOTTI VIETATI SEMPRE, NON SOLO A CAPODANNO Con l’avvicinarsi dei festeggiamenti del Capodanno, si ricorda che a Fidenza i botti – così come ogni altra azione che possa arrecare danno agli animali – sono vietati. Tutto e l’anno San Silvestro incluso. E’ molto positiva l’attenzione dei cittadini verso questo tema che a tutti gli effetti è una battaglia di civiltà e di buona educazione. Per questo anche quest’anno ci appelliamo al senso civico dei fidentini, sempre in prima linea per difendere una buona causa. Molto meglio non sprecare soldi in botti pericolosi e fastidiosi e, invece, comprare cibo e materiali per il canile comunale “Borgo Bau”. ALCUNI CONSIGLI UTILI PER CHI HA UN CANE 🎶 confondi i rumori dei fuochi d’artificio accendendo la radio o la tv 👌 Prepara una tana accogliente se il tuo cane è ansioso 🚰 Riempi la ciotola dell’acqua. I cani ansiosi ansimano di più e possono avere sete 😇 Usa premietti, giochi e interagisci col cane per distrarlo 🚪 Tieni il cane in casa e non lasciarlo solo. Chiudi porte e finestre per ridurre il più possibile il rumore esterno ℹ️ Assicurati che il cane abbia il collare con la targhetta e i dati aggiornati. In caso di fuga lo potrai riavere al più presto. 🙅‍♂️Se puoi evita la passeggiata all’aperto proprio nel momento in cui potrebbero esserci fuochi d’artificio ❤️Non arrabbiarti col cane o non punirlo se mostra comportamenti ansiosi. Sono dettati dalla paura! LE NORME CHE VIETANO I BOTTI Ci sono due disposizioni integrate, contenute in altrettanti regolamenti: quello di Polizia Urbana e quello relativo al Benessere Animale. E’ utile richiamare quanto sancito, ad esempio, dall’articolo 6 del Regolamento di Polizia Urbana: “E’ vietato eseguire giochi che possano creare (...) danno o molestia alle persone o animali. Rientrano fra questi lo scoppio di petardi”. I trasgressori saranno colpiti da una sanzione amministrativa da 25 euro a 150 euro. Questo perché il Comune di Fidenza – come sancisce il Regolamento per il Benessere animale – “promuove la tutela degli animali e persegue gli atti di crudeltà” e “qualsiasi maltrattamento o comportamento lesivo nei confronti degli animali”. (presso Fidenza, Italy) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmvipGWNpW5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[imslowlydisintegrating]

UNHEARD UNHEARD UNHEARD UNHEARD

PLS I HAVENT GOTTEN TI LISTEN TO IT YET IS IT EVERYTHING 🙏🙏🙏

#evvy speaks #attie 🎶

[imslowlydisintegrating]

SAVE ME SZA😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

SAVE ME R&B ARTISTS

R&B ARTISTS

R&B ARTISTS SAVE ME

#evvy speaks #attie 🎶

[imslowlydisintegrating]

YOU A MOM AND POP IM A CORPORATION IM THE PRESS CONFERENCE YOU A CONVERSATION

(this song has taken over my brain help)

MARIAH CAREY DOMINATION

#evvy speaks #attie 🎶

[imslowlydisintegrating]

take a step into the diner...

welcome to evvy’s diner! here you will find tasty morsels and sweet tea ᵔᴗᵔ

my name is evvy (full name evangeline) but i love nicknames of all variety, and do be aware i am a minor! i'm sapphic, asexual, genderfluid and use they/he/she pronouns.

^ pronouns page linked above

the owner is...

scatterbrained & forgetful - he might forget to answer when you ask something

open to being tapped on the shoulder for a little game

searching for the artists & writers & musicians of the world

get to know the owner!

favorite shows/movies: adventure time, arcane, scott pilgrim takes off, spider-verse(s), bullet train, jurassic park/world franchise, blue eye samurai - she's generally a big film enjoyer ❤

now playing on our screens: static.

favorite books: ace of spades (faridah àbíké-íyímídé; stand alone), sakamoto days (yuto suzuki; manga series), the watchmaker of filigree street/the lost future of pepperharrow (natasha pulley; novel duology) - they don't have a lot of favorites, but they do love books ❤

now reading: the raven cycle - maggie stiefvater

favorite music artists: javi vera, caleb von, the oral cigarettes, nova twins, sarah and the safe word, jhariah, rina sawayama, dominic fike, kali uchis, sir chloe, pinkshift, sate, rabbitology, sofia isella, hozier, paramore, marina, janelle monáe, towa bird, declan mckenna, skindred, turant fu, memi, allison russell, solene, justin nech, mitski, ginger root- can you tell how gay he is yet? ❤

evvy’s radio stations: tyme & taji ishida, save me soft late night showers, the eridani nebula series (nephn, xicen, rari & neno)

hobbies: painting/drawing, writing, reading, learning geography, listening to music, playing drums, watching movies - she's quite the homebody, eh? ❤

assholes and bigots have no place in this diner! we're here for a nice meal and live music, not a debate ✧

the owner stands with Palestine and believes in a peaceful solution and end to the genocide of Palestinians. the owner also believes in the safety of Jewish, Muslim, and Arab people worldwide who are suffering from the actions of Israel and Hamas.

it can be hard to find your way around the diner! follow these signs and soon you'll be navigating like a pro ❤

#evvy is typing - sometimes they like to share their writing; here's where you can find it

#evvy speaks - if he does answer your ask or join your game, you can find it here!

#evvy still uses wired headphones - she likes to talk about music, just follow the sign and you'll be there soon

#evvy talks to the void - they talk about everything and nothing sometimes, things that don't fit in the other tags, to themself or the void - or maybe you, if you're lucky

#evvy engages in media consumption - he doesn't only ever talk about music or writing - you can find whatever else he talks about here!

#rene arcenoux - a lovely person that comes through here every once in the while - they shares a striking resemblance to the evvy you know; it is strange they can shoot webs from her wrist, though... (my spidersona)

#innocent sin - he has an unoffical band with their dear friends @bassguitarinablackt-shirt @literatureisdying + @gently-decaying-flowers; sometimes you can hear them playing if you find your way over here

the frequenters

below are some lovely people who often frequent the diner, or you can find evvy in spaces of their own!

@literatureisdying(#attie 🎶), @gently-decaying-flowers (#prince 👑), @littlebookworm69 (#cami 🐛), @gregbradmanliestman (#wren 🪶), @luvrli (#sun-li ☀️), @shadow-of-tea-and-tea (#teamaker 🫖), @lordcatwich (#finn 🐈), @bassguitarinablackt-shirt (#asher 🎸), @holdmyteaplease (#tea ☕️), @mint-mayonnaise (#anvi 🌝), @xoxolvve (#x 📸), @buffporcupine (#helena 🦔), @finleyforevermore (#finley 🥝), @iwouldkickahorse (#innocent sin’s no. 1 fan), @rapidlydecayingcorpse (#decay 🪦), @beomgyutruther (#taro ☂️), @annotated-catastrophe (#ann ⭐️), @catinasink (#cat 🌸), @hyperfixatingdumdum (#queenie 🐝), @talesfromtheunknowable (#anuli 🌿), @thetruearchmagos (archie 🗺️), @edenexxe (#ed 🧿)

some of the finest patrons you could ever find ❤

the WIPS

evvy doesn't have many projects, but when she does have one, she's very passionate about it

made of our own storms (#mooos)

the premise: so the world kinda ends in 2023 and takes everyone by surprise because i don't think it was supposed to do that. but basically like a bunch of absolutely horrible natural disasters happen globally and the population is obliterated and the story takes place 100 years later and follows a group of mentally ill, sad, gay teens over the course of like two decades but i'm obsessed with it and i love my blorbos so freakin much content warnings: gore, death, violence, self-harm, sui ideation, swearing, depictions of panic attacks, descriptions of dissociation related tags: mooos, art o'cahan, arun nidhi, cy segal, daya da silva, azi tyali, domi larieux morais, naia zorita

way down on the river (#wdotr)

the premise: in a steam-punky world very similar to ours, a group of serial killers cross paths on the traveling steamboats of the new orlean’s bayous, used as an efficient form of transportation. on the week long trip to the port of cairo, illinois these killers all decide to attempt the murder of each other. some fail, and some succeed. all they know is it’s easier to kill someone when there isn’t a detective on board (cough cough HERCULE FUCKIN POIROT) content warnings: gore, graphic depictions of violence, depictions of panic attacks, blood, death related tags: wdotr, anastasia marie, cheli malviya, sam malviya, zexi malviya, malviya triplets, akachi moriai, moriai toyoko, the brides, ruhi arana, don nekvasilová, ash vanich

thank you for reading this far, customer! hope your belly is full and your tea is cold, and you enjoy your visit to evvy’s diner

#intro post #pinned post #evvy is typing #evvy talks to the void #evvy speaks #evvy still uses wired headphones #innocent sin #evvy engages in media consumption

[mtnkat3]

8.47pm

Sigh.. what a day.. all I can think about.. all that has given me any peace & smiles today.. an old truck bench seat & slidin into my loves .. sides.. just listening to music together & enjoying us. Also was thinking about my writings. It helped.

Basically.. I was on the phone, not able to get all my morning meds. Again. Wh not leaving me alone. Kept harassing me with msgnr. Food. Over & over. So missed getting to endo bloodwork before satellite lab closed. So I have to drive twice the distance, into busier area because his stomach was more important. I've been pretty mad today. I was able to sit for a bit at 5pm & just rock & do my senses. I think got ½~1hr rest of my eyes. But my dang neck. Don't think I'd call these power naps. Sigh. My guts have been rumbling because of that, & the issues with ins/cobra. So.. I have been barely holding on today. Begging God to end my soul's torture. All I know.. I'm tired. Of fighting against my health to get away from a monster that just sees me as a housekeeper. [Use a nicer word there.🤨] But I won't give up getting away from him. Ever. He can fight to keep his version of free labor. But he has until 11.15.22. Or go to jail. Knowing him, he'll try & wait to 5pm that day. But I will have my freedom from his tyranny. And pray to get my life back on track by doing so. And getting my health back. I am so tired of not being able to enjoy fresh food that I nurtured & helped grow. I so enjoy watching the tomatoes budding still! Oh! & my mandevilla still has buds coming in! I've got them all on a cart & roll them into the garage. Sigh. More tasks. Get my outdoor cats beds fixed to keep them snug & warm in the garage at night.

Anyways.. that's today.. Gonna try & get to bed earlier tonight. Hope that means before midnight! Lol! But thinking about my soul's mates .. & writings.. & whatever the truths of the whys actually are. .. just.. love me... for me.. please...??? As I love you.. no expectations. Just.. I wanna build .. with my soul's mates.. whatever makes us happy. Whatever God wants us to do. Yes, I have goals, aspirations, dreams. But without my soul's mates .. they are not the same. Just as going to the movies or travelling alone.. not having .. you .. to share it with.. just isn't the same. Yes, I can build my cabins & businesses & dreams alone. But .. just.. sad. I can fulfill some of the goals God has given me. But without my helpmate.. loses its meaning.. Life's rather gray without my soul's loves .. oh how I miss you.. it rips at me daily.

I'm so angry with myself for not forcing this hell ended in 2013. I keep reminding myself.. God has His Reasons, & lessons I needed to learn. And yeah, I've grown a lot since then. Heck, I started this last successful 🙏atty 10/19. He fought & has delayed since agreement 4.14.22. Anyways.. I refuse to die here! Or listen to a tone deaf jerk mutilate magic man/heart🎶 while I drive back here tonight! Thought my ears were gonna start bleeding!🙄🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Deep breath. Time to find new laptop & trailers need. Gotta spend money I shouldn't have to. Gr. But watching mysteries of the abandoned reminds me.. can't take it with me. And this will help me get away from someone that need tie a honey around its neck & see if bears will eat it! Or would bears cringe at swipe those claws across & leave it for only jackals & carrion birds.. 🤔 naughty cheeky wicked kat grin. Ok.. research time. As I think about the future.. As I think about.. everything. As I miss.. you. Whoever the heck you are! Wherever the flippin .. gr! You are! Sigh. I love you. God.. help me.. please...???

I will never give up. I stand on my cliffside as I work. As I await. Even if its Forever.

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

Your humbled bowed warrior queen daughter.

Patience daughter. Yes Father.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺

👩🤓⚓🙏🙇‍♀️☔💡🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙⚒🛠⚔⚖🗽🦅🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵 🥧🍁🧣🥾🥤🍋🥮🍯🍼☕🍫🍎🍑🍒 ⌚🚀⚡🌠🗝🔱⚜🐻🦌💝🧩♠️♾🎯🧭🕯🎶💋

Th.10.20.2022 9.58pm est. Ibs sucks.😳🙈

[mtnkat3]

10.26am.

My soul's precious beloved Bears . Angels . . . . .

I'm just.. confused.

I tossed & turned with weird dreams last night, which isn't all that unusual but still. My soul feels ...tossed about.. melancholy.. kinda despondent. I don't know if you . . . . . even want me to be talking to you.....any.. like this.. it's like I feel like you.....do. But. I also think you . . . . . want me to focus & get everything done. To be ready for you . . . . . [& no, I will not say that phrase. It breaks me. Spiral. Because I screwed up & it worked out like this... no. It still triggers me.] Sometimes...I just feel like you've . . . . . had enough & given up on me. On us. Like I'm stressing you.....out. That. Sob. That.. hurts. But the only thing I can do is to prove myself to me, you . . . . .& to God. By getting out. So many pieces of that side puzzle. From container/ trailer chassis, storage,[ now being told I have to alert attys on move day & the thoughts put in my head] , to the packing. The apt, suv. To finding a job so I can afford to live. Why? Because. You know..... wherever you . . . . .are... are you . . . . .gonna show up... do you . . . . . ? Do you..... want to... ? Chewing my lips. If so... should be when so... but it is entirely up to you . . . . . 2bed/2ba? Multi row suv? New/used? Or should I just do what I want & pray you'll show up & we'll deal after.. bowed. I don't know... now do I. Because I want in the loop so badly I'm twisted into a pretzel.. so many layers to me.. huh. Baklava. Croissant. Cinnabon. Yeah. I am. Heck, even a scone. But only sweet & sassy. I like buttermilk cornbread & sweet. But nothing in it. And yes I grew up crumbling fresh cornbread & pouring buttermilk over it. One thing I share with my mom. All rest thought was gross. It's just tangy. Nothing nasty like caviar. Yuck. I've got a think about slime. Zip it. Tmi. So. I will get what I want then to feel comfortable & safe. And we shall deal with it then. I'd rather plan, but that option isn't available to me. So I guess it frees me to be prepared. Whatever you . . . . .decide. what do you . . . . .want... crave... need... do you . . . . . Wanna hold me like that... learn all the issues of me... from my neck xrays, & how to handle it ... arthritis & other issues in it. To all the craziness of my spine.. heck, of my skeleton period. I swear. Let babies crawl! For a year or more! I don't care. Just let them be. So when walking starts there's less falling, less falling & cracking coccyx. Less time spent feeling like an old woman in my 40s. Being 48yo & not wanting to sit up to stand because it hurts so bad... just ain't right. But I am also determined to get rid of the fatsuit & detox my body & get back to being a more physical woman. Instead of watching life from my window...

[Well. That gif search went sideways. Random & confused. Dang 10 limit for app rule.]

So yes, should be a window. Sigh.

Anyways.

I have work to do to make this happen.

I will be free. 🎶

So... would you . . . . .? ? ? ? ?

Want to?????

Come to me..... ?

Bowed. Chewing lips.

Keys. Owned. By you. . . . .

I am.

Yours . . . . .

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix.✝️☸ ⚓🙇‍♀️🙏🤲👣🌂🔗⛓🧰🤓👩‍🏫👷‍♀️🕵️‍♀️🏋️‍♀️🧣🥾🧤🏔📋📆💸🗒📑⚒🛠⚙⚖🐯🐾🦉🐐🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🌲🧶🧵🥮🥧🍯🍼☕🍫🍭🌰🍎🍑🍒🔐🗽🏗🧱🏰🛡⚔🧘‍♀️👩‍🎓👩‍🚀👩‍🌾🤰🦅🕊⌚⚡🌟🌠🚀🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾🎯💫❄🕯🧭🎶⛅

Sa.1.7.2023 11.23am.est.

[mtnkat3]

Eyes On You by Chase Rice. https://www.shazam.com/track/377622154/eyes-on-you

Only eyes I ever want on my bare soul..

My soul's mates .

Why I never do selfies. The personal stuff I've done this year has been me pushing myself, exposing & making myself vulnerable.

But if he's not wanting me to ... well.. my posts are gonna be .. quieter.

It's caused my soul incredible pain to be .. wrong.

I have to heal my wounds.

The damage done.. I pray for .. those.

But all I can do is to work on me.

Keep reading my books, getting my belongings packed up, finding my place & waiting for attys to do their damn jobs.

I am valuable. I am worthy of life & love. I am deserving of life & love.

God Created me. To be .. me.

Whether any person likes me or not.

And really. I believe true love makes people a bit crazy for each other. If there's no sleepless nights, no feeling obsessed, no working for that love... then you ain't in love.

I'm gonna make my mates crazy. & he will me.

God's Plans, Love, Will & Timeframe

I am more than fucking worth it!

He made me a warrior queen for a reason. He forged me in the fires of my life of abuse.

I refuse to be a doormat to anyone ever again.

Enough of that shit.

Don't mistake my kind, good woman, marshmallow soul for a weak willed person.

You would be very mistaken.

Girl like you.🎶 J.A.

Not sure why this post went this direction..

but God You wanted my steeled spine to snap back straight.

It has.

.

My soul's mates will alone know me.

Know my naked soul, body, heart, & mind.

Now is my time to heal me & prove myself to myself. God. & He will show my Bears my Angels the truth of me. Course I think he already knows.. just my soul & instincts. But we shall see what God Teaches me. Guides me with.

God.. mold me, Guide me, Teach me.

Please steel me with Your Love, Strength & give me Your Perseverance to Endure patiently for Your Plans & Will to take shape within my life's path.

In Your Name Jesus I pray this. Amen.

Your humbled bowed listening carefully & closely..

Your complex quirky warrior queen daughter.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix.

~True love never dies & true love always waits!.~

For eternity.

✝️🌺🐾🐯🔱⚜⌚🗝⚡🌠💝🧩♠️🎯🧭🕯

W.11.16.2022 3.39pm est. Low bs! Food!

[mtnkat3]

Well.. it's being stormy here my loves .. & not the weather! As cute as pusheen is for Halloween!

No, wh is throwing a tantrum. And then I got email from QDRO atty which explains why! He has to sign & pay now! Lmao! Such a douchebaggery evil twat waffle of a toddler acting male!

I heard this! Roflmao!

So. Gotta get back to work now!

I love you .

And miss you.

Wherever the heck you are .. & bez!

I hope & pray you're safe, & have a smile as you go about your day..

But definitely when you think..

I am here. I will be until I am in your arms & this place isn't a bridge anymore. Or a obstacle. Just know.. I will follow you anywhere.. as long as you want me to be.. I pray that's for eternity in all this vast universe.

I love you .

I believe.

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

Your complex quirky warrior queen daughter.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺

👩🤓⚓🙏🙇‍♀️💡🌝🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙⚒🛠⚔⚖🗽🦅🥧🍁🧣🥾🍋🥤🍯🥮🥛☕🍫🍎🍑🍒 🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵 ⌚⚡🌠🚀🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾🎯🧭🕯🎶💋

Fr.10.28.2022 12.04pm est.

#Spotify

[mtnkat3]

The wind thru the treetops this morning...

Th.9.29.2022 9.51am est.

Good morning to all!

I hope everyone's safe & having a good morning/day!

I won't be posting much during the day anymore, I have too much work to get done to rebuild my life!

But I wanted to say hello, & let my friends & people I follow know I'm thinking about them!

& praying for all those in Florida to be safe!

I've spoken to some as got work started this morning, praying for their safety!

Still trying to get my meds! Ah!

Hey, I actually slept last night! I got 6 hours sleep! Woohoo! Lmao! That is once I finished writing, since I kept dozing off. [2am] Oh boy. Gotta work on that. But I feel better about myself that once I sit down, I am rightfully tired!

Anyways, supposed to get my truck back today so I should be able to get last bank stuff taken care of. Then gotta contact my atty & send appraisal. Pulled blood outta the turnip yesterday, or is that I plucked $ from one..?🤔🤷‍♀️ anyways, getting cobra at least until employed. Sucks, but with all my health issues I cannot be changing doctors because of insurance problems. [I so want this crap over & done with so I can detox & get back to exercising & cooking real food again! Heck, finding real food! I so wanna build my greenhouse/garden!

Anyways! It's autumn people! 🍁🧣🥧😍🤩

And I was standing outside, taking care of my cat's litterbox [one of first purchases, Cat Genie! Been around 15 years but I wasn't allowed to have one! Gr.]

Anyways! It's nice & breezy outside, the storm system affects, I know. But looking at my trees, towering over me & just wanting to stand there & enjoy the sounds & watching the sun peaking over them!

[I only get about 2~3 hours of sunlight into this house a day. Is very dark. Why I know when my anxiety is kicking me, I turn on lights! As much as I love this forest & all the animals.. I've even had 3 large gray barn? owls perched right off my back 10x10 deck whoot at me. And a huge buck right in front of my centerpiece pine behemoth just stare. I love having creeks & animals roaming around! Even the naughty raccoons & opossum eating my outdoor cats food!

But I don't want my huge [~13#] bi color/Maine coon like cat nor my itsy bitsy black kitty to tangle with them! I mean that big bully cat is turning into a love bug with me! Lmao! He was why I found him & litter mates! But. Ran them off!

As many animals as I've nursed to health, or death, sigh, I love them all!

Yes, I am the woman sitting on the garage floor at midnight as a sick cat dies. And I gathered her up as I bawled & tucked her into my guest bathroom tub in towels & cat bed & told her it was ok! Sobbing.

I know God appreciates my care of His animals but dang even thinking about that one has me crying. I have taken care of so many.

And when I get to have dogs too... I want a menagerie! And none of that chain it in the yard & forget about it bs either! Hate that crap!

Gotta work on my tangents.🙄🥴🤪🤭🙊🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I really was just thinking about my friends & wanted to say hello.

And thank you all for inspiring me!

I am feeling better, both allergies & anxiety.

Just... I don't know... & sigh. I pray wherever .. whomever.. my soul's Mate.../s.. sigh. God. Please????? Damn whys. Gr. I just am thinking about him.🎶

so wanna be riding thru the mountains in a ragtop, or learn to ride a motorcycle. And enjoying the wind thru my hair.. grimace. Headscarf. Gotta tie one on!

Cause God, You Bless me! & if You deem it.. get my hair from 22" at crown to the 42" below my hips then gotta keep those tangles out! Lol! Braid it & enjoy! The wind pulling wisps out... always got me into trouble in rotc.

But now.. I so wanna enjoy the hell outta riding free! Heart like a truck?🎶 kinda Lord?

But time to get meds done & back to work!

I love that soul...wherever you may be.. please, be safe. And know.. I will work as I wait. And be ready to run to the end of that dock.. bridge.. mountain cliff.. always.. because I believe.

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

God, please protect my soul's Mate.../s grimace, sigh. Argh! God Please??? I'm giving it all to You Lord, including the torture of the whys. You know, heck, he... knows. I believe does. Sigh. And I am doing the work so that I can be shown the truth!

I love You Lord! I wait for Your Love!

Thank You Jesus for the sunshine & making me feel better today! I feel Your hugs Lord! And the soul Created with mine too..

What a Blessed & glorious day to feel God's Love surrounding me! I know Your Plan will be manifest in my life as I work & do right Lord!

Please protect all I know, & those I don't,

& Guide me to Your Path of the righteous woman. The Lord's Prayer [Ps.23] & so many more... strengthens me as mantras. Just as

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

does. Because Yours Lord is the truest. And I slide to my knees because You do!

Thank You Lord!

Have a beautiful Thursday everyone!

Please be safe in your daily walk!

Happy & know... you are all thought of & cared about!

Thank You Jesus!

Your faithful, carefully listening, humbled daughter,

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺

👩🤓☔🌝💡⚓🙏🙇‍♀️🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙🛠⚒⚔⚖🗽🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵 ⌚⚡🌠🌟💫🗝🔱⚜💝♠️🧩♾🌎🎯🧭 🕯🎶 🍁🧣🥧

Th.9.29.2022 10.57am est. Diary. Lots of interruptions as write & work. 11.22a sigh.