#between work today and just like life in general rn i am beat

[glyphwrites]

Sub!Megatron and his sassy Dom Optimus discuss a scene

Have a precurser to smut that popped into my head today. I might end up writing the actual scene at some point, but I'm just way too busy rn. If i ever do, it'll go up on ao3 as a whole fic.

Despite the effects of the war and its aftermath, Megatron hadn’t had too much of a problem with his sex life. Though he couldn’t say he’d had a stable partner throughout that time, he had plenty of friends and admirers to spend time with, and left those encounters feeling perfectly satisfied.

However…

Personally, Megatron was a switch, enjoying practically any position and dynamic. There were a lot of mechs willing to let him dominate them, take control out of their servos and give them a fun time. But when it came to his own desire to be submissive, he simply didn't have the same range of options. Most Decepticons weren't comfortable with domming their leader, and those that were generally weren't interested in doing anything gentle. Which - a little rough play could be fun, but it wasn't Megatron's preference. That left his friends, where unfortunately the problem persisted. Shockwave would much rather follow his commands, Starscream had always focussed too much on degrading him, Straxus he didn't trust an inch and most of his other generals were uninterested. Strika was the only one he'd repeatedly fooled around with in that manner (technically Lugnut as well, but he was very firmly submissive), but even then they'd both been able to agree that they didn’t quite click. 

So life continued as before, Megatron feeling fairly satisfied with his various encounters but never quite completely fulfilled.

Then he met Optimus Prime. And, well, a lot of things happened. He died, for one thing. But after everything else that happened, after their squabbles were over and their alliance was solidified, Megatron had found himself falling for the mech… and eventually, falling into his berth. It had certainly been a whirlwind romance, especially considering how long it’d been since he’d had a proper partner. Once flirtations and teasing had become something more serious, and after their first few tumbles, they’d inevitably begun to talk about what they wanted from their strange new relationship. Megatron had laid out his own preferences easily, before revealing how he identified as a switch with some hesitance. He’d so wanted things to work out, wary of turning Optimus away at the thought of him desiring submission.

Megatron still remembered the grin that had spread across Optimus’ face, like the sun coming up. “Hey, that’s perfect! So am I.” Not for an instant had Optimus judged him; in fact, he’d been quite excited discussing their very first proper scene together, and just as enthusiastic carrying it out.

It’d been the best submissive experience of Megatron’s life.

He could still remember lying in berth together afterward, Optimus running a cloth laden with polish across his heated plating. Right there and then, he’d vowed to repeat the experience as often as he possibly could.

And life had gone on.

---------------------------------------------------

Once again, it’d been a long day filled with meetings, forms and petty squabble between his officers. Megatron had headed straight for his quarters the instant the last meeting finished, eager to sit with a cube of warm energon and perhaps a datapad as he decompressed. Instead, when he arrived he found that Optimus had beat him back to their shared rooms, and was now doing something with a selection of boxes on the coffee table. He glanced up as the door closed, flashing a smile at Megatron as he entered. To Megatron’s optics, his partner looked distinctly dishevelled in the way that usually implied he’d been working with his servos again. Although Optimus’ job description now mostly covered tactical analysis,  organising military logistics and fighting on the battlefield, he still often seemed to find some kind of job or task that required building things or tinkering with the guts of a spacebridge. At this point it was so frequent as to be ubiquitous, and Megatron wasn’t even that surprised at the sight.

“How was your day? I thought you’d be kept a little longer, to be honest.” Optimus straightened from his work, hopping over the scattered boxes on his way over to the door.

Megatron couldn’t help but smile at the sight, his worries melting away for the time being as he bent down to answer Optimus with a kiss. “It was perfectly fine, though you’re quite right; I managed to weasel out of my last meeting a little earlier than usual.”

Optimus laughed, slinging his arms around Megatron’s neck and kissing him back. “Well, that’s good to hear!” They stayed in the doorway for a few minutes longer, holding each other close. Megatron delighted in pressing Optimus against him, feeling his spark thrumming through his plating. 

When at last they broke apart again, Megatron glanced back at the chaos in the centre of their living area and couldn’t help but ask about it. “Are you building us some new furniture?” Optimus generally preferred to mess with machines, but he wasn’t that discerning with his projects.

“Oh! Not quite…” Optimus pulled away a little, looking from Megatron to the boxes and then back away. He smirked, teasing and smug in equal parts as he placed his servos on Megatron’s chassis “Actually, I’ve got something special for you.” He grinned up at Megatron for a moment longer, before pausing and tacking on another few sentences in a hurry. “Only if you're up for it, of course! I know it’s been a long day.”

It had in fact been a long day. But something about Optimus filled him with energy, and now Megatron couldn’t imagine a better way to spend his evening. “That sounds exciting.” He replied, catching Optimus to kiss again. “I’d certainly be happy to find out.”

The answering grin practically lit up the room. Optimus skipped back over to the table while Megatron followed at a more sedate pace, although he felt just as eager. Digging into one of the boxes, Optimus retrieved what appeared to be… a coil of braided wire? It shone in the light, iridescence glimmering as he turned it. He offered it to Megatron, who lifted and examined it carefully.

Thanks to his past exploits, Megatron had a fairly good idea of what this was. “Planning to tie me up?” He tested the shining rope between his digits, and frowned. “It’s certainly pretty, but it doesn’t look very strong.” He turned it over for a moment longer, before catching sight of the way Optimus was gesturing to him and handing the coil back.

And then Optimus grinned impishly, taking the end of the braided wire and wrapping it around his other servo, pulling it tight between them. “That’s the point!” 

Something about that mischievous grin, that cocky tone of voice, that confident stance… it did things to Megatron. He swallowed lightly, unable to move as Optimus stepped closer, giving him an evaluating look as he wound the rope between his servos. “So, here’s the deal.” Optimus was right up in his face now, so close that their chassis were touching. “I’m going to tie you up and play with you.” His tone was utterly matter of fact now, but it still did plenty to excite Megatron. He liked the way Optimus managed to dominate him despite their differences in size and age, the confident way he ordered Megatron around. Optimus pressed one servo to his chassis, drawing a circle over his spark. “All you have to do is enjoy yourself… and not break it.” He smirked even wider. “Think you can manage it?”

That was one of the other things he liked about Optimus’ style, the way he challenged Megatron. Composing himself, he leaned down, matching Optimus’ smirk despite the way his spark burned with excitement. “I dare say I’m up to the task.”

#tfa #tfa megop #precursor to smut #implied valveplug #megop #transformers animated #optimus prime #tfa optimus prime #megatron #sub megatron #these bitches gay #also sub!megatron fans rise up #spicy bites

[folklauerate]

Your last story has many quote-worthy moments (it made my forever child free heart skip a beat, i admit it. You have a gft, my friend) but i am still here : "Three years they’d flirted around the edges of something greater between, push and pull, antagonistic and tender, unyielding until something snapped, and they’d kissed, one fateful night, drunk off of something far stronger than the drinks at the karaoke bar. Kissed and brought each other into each other's lives, thoroughly intertwined, irrevocably joined." Idek why, again the story is great all around, for many reasons and not only the obvious ones lol- it's like with the prof AU or my personal, all time favourite, "an affair,three ways", i need to know everything, the past and future and the present...gah. All this to say, you're really great and i'm happy you write, and that youhappened to like Kate and Anthony and that we're both here rn ... :)

First of all--thank you :,,) This ask would've been nice and so welcome any day, but it's specifically lovely today as I've been having a weird couple of days with writing and irl stuff, but I also got some personal news today that's not so great, and this really made me smile, and so I really want to thank you for this! <3

I'm so touched that you liked that oneshot--and that you love the Prof AU and the cheating au! Those are some AUs I'm the most proud of. I'm also so touched to hear it made your own childfree heart skip a beat :,) <3 that's so sweet.

That quote is so interesting for you to mention specifically, and I'm chuffed to hear you liked it! With PWPs/oneshots in general, I find that world-building is so important to make stories feel immersive. I'm the sort of writer who really values making sure the world of the story feels real and realized, and, if it's PWP, that the kink/porn feels earned, that there's a level of emotional investment and heft so that it all feels realized. Just writing a breeding kink for the sake of it wasn't something I could do, lol! In this instance, since I'm establishing the kink within the context of an established relationship, it was important to me that the relationship felt familiar and real. That was sort of in two bits--first, in that sentence, that summed up their entire history and the start of the relationship, and then them living together quickly after getting together, and the familiarity with which they do chores together (Anthony cooking dinner+doing laundry when Kate walks in, Kate picking up things for them at the department store). That sentence was did a lot of heavy lifting lol, as it really did condense years of their backstory into one bit. It was a tricky one and I'm glad to hear it stood out to you in a good way!

I totally get the need to know more haha. I feel that way with any fic I'm a fan of. With this AU, I imagined them meeting at a holiday party where they're there with mutual friends. I mention offhandedly that they both work on Wall St; they do vague finance jobs for different firms. In my mind, Anthony and Simon both work at the same firm, and Simon and Kate are friendly, and he invites her along to the holiday party. Simon introduces her to Anthony then, and it's not really an enemies to lovers arc, but they have a little antagonistic banter, ya know? In real life, who is really having a enemies to lovers arc lol ya know? People just meet people, and they exist on the periphery of their life, and sometimes you don't like someone! I think these two thought the other person was hot, kept running into one another in social settings because they're both friends with Simon, and then with Simon and Daphne getting married, they continue to bump into one another. So you have this three year period where they go from feeling like "oh this person is hot but kind of rude" to feeling ambivalent, to thinking the other person is funny/a good laugh, to sort of looking forward to being the person they can hang with at a party when they don't want to be there, to sort of having a crush on the other person but not making a move. And it's three years, so they're dating other people throughout that time, so maybe the timing just isn't right. But they go from being in the same social circle to being friends, you know how it works, that sort of slow build. They realize they like spending time together, they realize there's feelings, they're both single, and they end up the last ones at a karaoke bar after Simon's birthday party. Anthony offers to walk Kate home and they kiss and have a one night stand with the understanding that it's going to be more! Like at this point they were already friends who know stuff about one another's families lol, and have a good understanding of each other, and, like I said, have been crushing on and off/not single at the same time. But yeah, after that night, it moves pretty quickly from there. Kate's lease happens to be up six months into the relationship and he insists she move in with him, they're both very happy together, and know that the relationship is heading towards marriage.

That's the long version of that sentence :)

Thanks for reading, and thanks so much for the ask <3 I'm really grateful to be here with you <333

#inosculation #breeding kink fic #kathony fanfic #kate and anthony #kate sharma #anthony bridgerton

[izzy-b-hands]

Sometimes depression means staring at pics of the Queen lads, watching Unraveled and the Wembley concert, and pretending you don't have work the next day when you definitely do

#text post #tw depression #between work today and just like life in general rn i am beat #i need a mental health day that I'm not gonna get #but what else is there to do except keep going

[psycoweeb]

Amber/Momo Yaoyorozu

Color Prompt: Amber(Most of this was meant to happen in front of a fire...)

Fluff☁

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, cheesy confession, hiking, and my bad writing ❤

Disclaimer: I do not own bnha or any of its characters. Only the story written below.

A/N: I am SO SORRY this took so long! To make a long story short I basically dropped all of my hobbies in order to focus on the last bit of my school semester😅

It's litterly 12am rn so sorry if it seems a bit off at the end (this fic DEFINITELY did not go the way I planned😂I kina like it tho)

~~~•∆•~~~

You tried to keep up as you walked the trail, ducking and dodging branches. 'Why am I here again?' you thought starting to feel your fatigue slowly building.

It was nearing the end of class when Aizawa sensei randomly announced a surprise four day "field trip" that would take place two days later, and it wasn't an option. We ended up rushing to get our parents permission, and pack up.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as you heard Mina groaning loudly. "FINALLY!" The pink haired girl exclaimed sounding relieved. She had good reason to be, Aizawa Sensei had the entire class take a SIX HOUR hike instead of taking the bus up the very obvious road.

You dragged yourself to the clearing along with the rest of the class toward Aizawa sensei, who some how made it up before all of you. And didn't seem the least bit tired??? After giving the class a few hours to rest, thank goodness, Aizawa sensei stood up to speak.

"I'm glad to see you all made it in one piece, however I can't promise you'll leave that way" Everyone internally groaned at this. "starting today we have survival training" He said with a bored expression.

Iida stepped forward, confused by his teachers statment "With all do respect sir, why would we need that type of training? We'll most likely be working as heros in the city, correct?"

"While that may be true" The teacher said turning to him "we don't want other incidents like the USJ. We don't know the extent of their power, therefore we dont know where or how far they can teleport someone. And it was made clear how much you all are lacking in this type of environment at the training camp"

He continued "None of you are used to fighting in a closed off environment with obstacles everywhere you turn, that's what this training camps main objective is, to get you ready for anything. Today we have survival lessons and tomorrow we work on combat, we'll switch off between the days. That means you have two days to learn how to survive in a forest and two days to learn combat in a forest, good luck"

~~•∆(Timeskip by: Momo's delightful tea∆•~~

Everyone sat in silence waiting for their teachers instruction... And by silence I mean bakusqaud was quoting vines while Bakubro yells at them to shut up. (but with more✨𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠✨)

Dekusquad was thinking about random strategies they should use if they were ever ambushed (don't jinx it) while also thinking about what they would eat once they get back.

And the rest of the class are sitting in silence minus some mumbling about cold soba and a few poems.

At some point, in the middle of all this, Midoriya decides it's been long enough. "It seems like Aizawa sensei doesn't have any intention of helping us figure out what to do"

"I do believe it's time that we take charge of the situation." Said Iida "yeah but who?" Kirishima asked quizzically

"What do you mean? " Ojiro inquires

"Who should take charge?" You nodded at his answer

"He has a point" You started "It would be to chaotic if we all 'took charge' of ourselves."

"I vote Iida and Momo!" Hagakure beamed "They aren't the class president and vice president for nothing!" she exclaimed, running over to hug Momo's arm.

"Yeah that sounds good"

"I have no qualms with it"

"Yeah"

"I don't see why not"

"I can get behind that"

Mutual agreeance flowed over the crowd of teens in the form of nods and over exclaimed confirmation.

"Okay then" Momo said, sounding slightly nervous.

"ALL RIGHT THEN" exclaimed Iida unconsciously chopping the air, beginning to bark out a few plans and ideas.

×ו∆Timeskip by: Mina's killer moves∆•××

You walk through the trees, glancing around at the ground every once in awhile to make sure you're not skipping over any decently sized sticks.

"How many do you have so far?" You yelled out, not in any particular direction.

"Not enough" Momo yelled back, obviously preoccupied with finding sticks big enough for the fire you both were tasked with building. And by fire you mean bonfire, I mean, it is meant for about 22 people.

So you were kind of disappointed when you found out Momo couldn't use her quirk to make your jobs easier since sticks were considered living things.

You continued to walk forward until you came across a log with a few decent sized sticks protruding from the sides. You snapped them off the log, deciding what you had combined was enough, you both quickly started heading back the direction you came, hoping to get back before it gets dark.

Now, listen. The camp was generally pretty big. I mean, it IS meant for 21 students plus 1 teacher. That being said... why couldn't you find it?!?

You DID come from this direction... RIGHT???

Or.. Was it that way....oh no

"Whats wrong?" Momo walked a bit closer, noticing your hesitant steps.

"Oh nothin', just got a bit turned around" Your voice got higher, trying, and failing, to brush off her question

"Wait so...we're lost???"

"Hey! I never said 'lost'...but uh" You cleared your throat "Yes"

And that my friend... Is when panic set in. You'll never be able to graduate or even try to beat Bakugo and his damn near perfect grades!

"Um... Y/N"

Forget about being a hero! You can't even save YOUR SELF! FrOm TrEeS!

"Uhh"

I'll never be able tell her

That.. That is when you made the worst mistake of your life, you looked at her.

And saw Momo's confused, borderline sad face. You had been speaking out loud this whole time.

'Well, I was mumbling what are the chances she ACTUALLY understood what I was saying??? Maybe I could play it off?'

"Tell who what?"

'Dang it!'

You thought you were packing before? Ohh you haven't seen anything yet!

This is the WORST time to confess! It's not romantic AT ALL and your covered head to toe in sweat! And now, you either have to confess your undying love for the girl you and been borderline stalking for MONTHS! Or let her go on believing something that MY NOT EVEN BE TRUE!

You took in a sharp breath. "Well" She gestured for you to continue "There's this girl, she's smart, pretty, nice, well tempered, a good leader, and most likely WAY out of my league... " You had started rambling "A-and I kind of have a massive crush on her... "

With every word Momo's face slowly fell until she was completely looking at the ground

"Well, it sounds like you really like her"

"I do" You looked toward the sky dreamily

'Wait.She doesn't think. She couldn't really. Oh no.. '

You stopped dead in your tracks and turned toward your classmate.

There is NO WAY are you letting the classic: mIsuNDErsTAnDInG tRouPE get in the way of you possibly being able to get a date with the girl you've had a crush on for basically the whole school year!

"Momo Yaoyorozu!" You unintentionally shouted with sudden confidence. She jumped in surprise "You are the most amazing person I have had the pleasure of meeting and will no doubt become an even more amazing Hero"

You paused "I don't want to end this year knowing that I had the chance to have someone so beautiful in my life, possibly forever, and passed it up." You grabbed her hands and looked into her eyes, she was blushing... HARD.

You low key felt proud of yourself. "Momo, YOU are the girl I like. Would you please consider becoming my girlfriend?" You could feel her grip on your hands tighten.

"Do you really think I'm all those things?" She mumbled. "Of course" You answered without thinking, a confused look on your face.

"Strong, stubborn, creative," She spoke softly, gaining confidence with every word.

"good looking, encouraging, and always able to calm down a bad situation while still being able to bring energy into a room just by walking in"

"That's what you are to me." She was now looking you in the eyes. A bright smile on her face. "So when you ask me if I would consider being your girlfriend, the answer is, I already have. And there is nothing I want more"

Your eyes we're now glossed over with tears, but you didn't feel embarrassed because you could see that hers were too.

You both started to lean in and closed your eyes. Soon enough your lips met. It was as if time had stopped. As if the universe itself wanted to sit and appreciate the beautiful and unforgettable moment.

Even when you consider everything that happened that you didn't exactly enjoy. Even though you were still lost and BAKUGOU of all people was sent to find you. That was the most memorable and magical night you had ever experienced as a student of UA.

#bnha momo #momo x reader #class 1a x reader #x reader #anime x reader #character x y/n #character x reader #bnha x reader #bnha #baku no hero academia #my hero academia #mha x reader #mha x you #my hero academia x reader #baku no hero academia x reader #anime #Anime camping #momo yaoyorozu #bnha yaoyorozu #best girl #best woman

[nyrator]

Random updatess

Been in a weird spot mentally, lately...

I think it’s safe to say I’ve been single again for a long while, but lots of concerning stuff related to that has been going on which has me concerned- not much I should probably say publicly, but nothing I can really do about it except suppress my anxiety over it and hope for the best. People are complicated and impossible to understand.

Or maybe I should speak up about it a bit, since he’s gone and nothing really holding me back, but it’s a weird and long-going situation. In short, I’m not comfortable around people and am an extreme introvert, but he was someone who really latched onto me.. but he couldn’t stop needing me even after we stopped being together, a dependency in my eyes but maybe I was just assuming, and I had to force space between us in hopes he’d stop focusing on me so much. Too kind, too overbearing. Seems it worked, and now he’s almost completely vanished from everything before I could start up communication again. Maybe he just removed himself from anything that reminds him of me, or maybe it’s a sign of something worse. He has a lot of things he’s dealing with I can’t help with, and all I can do is just hope for the best I guess. But ultimately, I don’t think we were healthy for each other. I still consider him a great person, at least, and it’d be nice if we could have a semi-normal connection sometime in the future still.

I did get the RN site off of him before he vanished a few days ago, which was kind of him (he made it and paid for it, but I’m paying for it now), neither me nor any of our other friends have heard from him since. We’re apart, and he doesn’t owe me anything, but it would be nice if he communicated what he was doing and why with people more. Guess all we can do is see.

Anyway, I guess that’s enough about that. I know too many people with tough lives that weigh my own heart down too much.

In other news, I’ve been dealing with my “complex” again too much. Complex, personal issue, childhood trauma, whatever it is. It’s bothering me a strong amount, but I know most of it is in my head- I just can’t escape reminders of it. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it in detail in public, either. I’m starting to express it in RN, but I have fears that I’ll end up repulsing and alienating people around me because of it- like it’s sullying anything I involve it in.

It’s linked very much to self-hatred, my depression, and a lot of things in my life in general- and I’m given constant reminders of it from the moment I wake up, it’s controlling me, it feels like, and I don’t know how to cope with it properly. I have a private vent Twitter dedicated to venting about it at this point, but it doesn’t feel like it’s helping at all.

Otherwise- Life is dreadfully uneventful. I started playing No More Heroes to kill time- beat the first game again 100% on Bitter, and beat the second game on Bitter as well (didn’t do that boss rush mode or unlock Special in BJ5 game, though). First game is much better than the second game, by far. I’ll have to get back into TSA and then 3 someday, took a break to draw some Lave in pajamas.

I really like sleep aesthetics, but my complex is so interwoven with that too that I feel like it’s corrupting it. But Lave’s an autobiographical-ish character, after all, so I guess it’s okay to have it woven into them as well- I still feel like it’s going to drive people away from liking them, though, and probably fairly so.

Still haven’t even tried looking for a job, and I haven’t been moving much at all lately- treadmill’s just collecting dust. Only today did I finally get rid of about half of my mother’s things, and only because there’s an inspection on Friday and I’m embarrassed by how packed all this junk still is. It wasn’t a far or even stressful of a drive to the donation bin (it’s right by my grocery store), but my nerves still almost made me wet myself again. I can’t stand it. Part of me wants to drive my friends to an arcade for my birthday and see if I can better adjust, but that’s almost three hours away, there’s no way I can see myself making it reasonably.

It’s really hard, living without drive or purpose. I still have no urge to work on any of my projects at all, it’s like I’ve completely given up on myself to do anything.

It’s really nice hearing from friends on here from time to time, even if I do nothing to show my appreciation or make an effort to return the feeling. Tumblr’s been pretty inactive for me, but there’s still some familiar faces I always like seeing.

I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I have no energy to do anything nor any real reason to feel a need to. I can’t even keep the apartment clean from my cats, or stay on top of garbage or laundry.

The one thing I want to do is practice talking more and maybe stream, but it feels like a dead end, honestly. I want to train my voice to be more professional and to a certain standard I have for it that I’m not even sure I can reach, but I have no real way of practicing. Maybe get some nicer clothes as well, but I don’t even go anywhere. I just feel weird with how I dress and worry about embarrassing my friends by being seen with me or something, as silly as it is.

I apologize for the depressing Ny-rant-y stuffs, just one of those kinds of times lately. I haven’t had anywhere to vent lately, and I don’t want to keep bottling it all up, either.

#text stuffs #nyrants #a bit of a negative feel-y mood one again I apologize

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[duskholland]

hey I need to vent about love dilemmas of my life to a stranger because there's no one in my life i can tell this to so here you go. also i feel like someone should write this fanfic. i have this friend, my absolute best friend, and i feel like sometimes we have chemistry that goes a little beyond being just friends and beyond just friends who sometimes get drunk and flirt harmlessly you know?

+ we’ve known each other for four years and we’re really close. And weirdly similar. We have similar passions in life, equally competitive and ambitious, we think the same and we even have the same taste in women (yes I am bi). Also we have same kinks and favorite sex positions and other sex-related interests. And we both have so much bro respect for each other.

+ Sometimes, pretty rarely, I think I have feelings for him?? Like as I’m writing this I have zero romantic feelings for him and am a little disgusted by the thought of being with him this way. Other times, I get a little confused and have had sex dreams about him??? Like why am I like this

+ It makes it harder to explore and understand these feelings because he’s been in a relationship for like almost 7 years and I’m in a 2-year relationship and we’re both happy with the persons we’re with. And we’re both really good friends with each other’s partners. He’s dating long distance btw his girlfriend lives in another country rn.

+ But last night. LAST NIGHT. Me and the guys cause I only have guy friends for some reason we all decided to go downtown and get shit faced. My boyfriend came too and so did my best friend. And I was looking hot as fuck ngl. I set between my friend and my boyfriend and at some point in the night someone in the table said that blondes are generally hotter than brunettes (I am brunette) and I was like “I am offended in this quarantine tonight”

+ Everyone was agreeing that blondes are generally hotter. Even my boyfriend which ugh really? He tends to put me down like that when we’re in a group. And then my friend who’s sitting next to me is defending brunettes and telling me I’m beautiful and that’s kind of normal for us so I didn’t think any of it. Anyways it’s like 10pm and we decide to walk back home (we all live in the same building).

+ We get home, drink more, I’m definitely drunk af. And at some point my friend and I we’re in the kitchen and I’m beating myself up for not getting a job, not feeling pretty, and other things in a sarcastic way. And he starts saying it’s not true and talks me up. Next thing I know I’m crying with him in the bathroom and I’m crying about everything in my life but the main topic is about how I’m not really feeling loved in my relationship and honestly can’t tell if I’m in an abusive relationship

+ And he’s holding my hands and just really upset and worried about me, he’s telling me how strong I am, how much he loves me, how much he respects me and how I’m the most amazing person he’s ever met. And then. He says “c’mon, you know I think you’re so beautiful. You know that if I wasn’t dating-“. And like he said that as he was holding my face with both of his warm hands and he LEANED IN he definitely leaned in and I think I did too?

+ But we didn’t kiss and as we sobered up we put distance between ourselves and yeah just talked about some hard stuff I’ve been through these past few years and cried for hours. And today I texted him saying thanks for being my emotional support and everything seems normal between us but also a little weird idk and yeah that’s it

--------

oooooft okay this was a rollercoaster and a half. I know you said you sent it to vent but I’m just gonna chime in with some thoughts on this. without wanting to overstep, your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a twat. I think if you ever have to question whether or not you are in an abusive relationship then that in itself is an indication that something is askew. if he’s putting you down in front of his friends and acting like a lad, then that behaviour too is ugly. I hope so much that you can work out what’s going on, but please don’t be scared to leave him. you deserve to be loved and feel happy within your relationship. 

your best friend sounds lovely, truly, and this certainly situation is very messy, but I wish you all the best working through it (and feel free to keep me updated ! I feel invested in this now) !

#sorry i didn't answer this last night #it got lost under the tea #<33 #anonymous

[semi-anonyme]

November 3, 2020

12:05pm

I woke up at 7:00am today and I knew a few things: 1.) I would buy a Vitamix and begin to make smoothies every day 2.) I would stop holding onto the past 3.) It would be my last entry on this tumblr

Today, it is Election Day. I am very much hoping Joe Biden will win, not just for my sanity but for everyone’s sanity, for a little hope in humanity’s fight against the allure of anti-intellectualism, scapegoating, its growing tolerance of hate.

I remember the last election day, or rather, the evening. We all thought Hillary would win uneventfully. I remember my colleague dipping out of work early to go to the Javits Center to celebrate her victory. I remember watching in disbelief from my basement computer, walking upstairs with my eyes wide and jaw dropped. “Are you watching the news right now Mike?” “Yeah, Trump is in the lead. It looks like he’s about to win Pennsylvania (or was it Michigan? Or Wisconsin?)” I walked to bed in disgust, woke up in disgust, confirmed my disgust.

There was not one conversation I heard on the train or in the street that day that didn’t involve Trump. That night, I drank alone at Three Diamond Door. I still remember the buff black dude sitting in the corner downing Bell’s Two Hearted IPAs.

Anyway, election day 2020. I’m going out to vote in about 2 hours. I got today off. Thanks, progressive companies.

I’ve had a lot of internal discussions with myself on here, published them as blog posts. I have timestamps to remember them by, I’m glad. In the past ~8 months since the pandemic began, I’ve gone back to a lot of my entries -- oh, this is what it was like in the beginning in March. Oh yes, May, I was indeed watching a lot of K-Dramas, it was getting hotter. Ahhh yes, I did learn a lot about not having the city as my crutch.

Just in general, on this blog, on the countless loose leaf papers in my journal, I’ve had these battles about meaning. This blog pre-dates seeing Jody my therapist, who I’ve been seeing faithfully for over 1.5 years now.

I could go on. The point I’m making rn in this last entry is this -- all that stuff is in the past, it was important, I internalized it. Now it’s time to move on. I’m glad this exists, these 450 entries exist, they exist with a purpose. But now? I know who I am, what I want to be.

I have no dilemma of engineering vs artistry. Now that I’ve been away from loud bars, I have no FOMO about the nightlife. It’s kinda just time to start from scratch, this knowledge.

I just created a new tumblr, domo-knows. I’ll likely have a companion YouTube channel in the future. Anyway, a few and somewhat ambiguous bullets for myself since, you know, this blog was always just for me.

ON THINGS I’M LEAVING BEHIND ACTIONS 1. Random drinking. Today, I’m going to buy an Other Half Finback IPAs, pop them open around 8pm and start watching election results. I’ve gone into detail before about drinking, but just to sum it up, drinking alcohol is the one thing I can say captures how complex and funny it is being a human -- how we use it socially, justify it, cling onto it, how it becomes tangled up in our highest achievements and our most shameful insecurities. I’ve consumed alcohol for these various reasons in my life:

a.) I was avoiding doing something difficult b.) I didn’t want to be alone in my room, and preferred the loud chatter of conversations and music at a cramped bar c.) I did not trust my social abilities sober, so I drank alcohol because I’ve never known anyone who has not liked me when I’ve had a couple (when I’m shit-faced, another story) d.) To hook up with a girl e.) I was bored f.) I was about to do something boring and wanted to make it more exciting g.) Because it was a beautiful sunny day, perfect for a beer on a patio h.) Because it was a cold and dreary day, perfect to brood over a Manhattan i.) I was lonely j.) My life was going too well, I wasn’t used to that, and I needed something to question k.) My life was going poorly, and I needed something to cheer me up for the evening l.) I needed to make a decision, so I drank alcohol and wrote in my journal and came to a good decision that I stuck with m.) I needed to make a decision, so I drank alcohol until I no longer cared, and the decision was punted off until the next day n.) I I needed to make a decision, I thought a drink or two would jigger my thought process, but I ended up getting distracted by something my drunk self was interested in, and the decision was punted off until the next day I’d come up with more but they’re all just variations of that and who wants to read more of that? 2. Eating sugary sweets, justifying it by saying I have “an addiction” I actually never cared for sweets until high school. Most birthday cake I had was gross, my parents bought Chips Ahoy or Oreos which tbh aren’t all that great, and I was never exposed to really good pastries until I was in college. In high school, I dropped a buncha weight entirely too quickly and I ended up with a fats and sweets “addiction” that I’ve “had ever since”. This is a common thing.

I’ve held it close to me mentally -- my “sweets addiction”. I didn’t question it, it was something I just had, something to hang onto for the rest of my life because I fucked up when I was younger.

But as I’ve gotten older, I understand that these things -- addictions -- serve purposes. They keep us comfortable in what we deem to be true of ourselves. They (poorly) provide temporary breaks from incessant mental gymnastics/fatigue. Anyway, blah blah, big sweeping declarations, blah blah, I’ve done that all before. But when I woke up today, I knew I would get a Vitamix like I’ve been talking about for years, and I made a decision to stop holding onto this. I always eat 2 meals a day with a wild west assortment of things in between, cake and cookies and granola bars and Halloween candy. Now, 2 meals and a protein smoothie/juice.

Let them muscles grow bb. Feel good about my body, treat it like the fucking temple it is.

3. Dicking around on the internet I enjoy reddit. I enjoy wikipedia. I also end up on these sites when I’m avoiding other major responsibilities and uncomfortable feelings. I know what I want: it involves a lot of deep practice. I could read about programming all day and I’d be fascinated -- you know, the history of Silicon Valley, Introduction to the Rust Programming language, new JavaScript frameworks, discussions on HackerNews about The Best Way to Build Something. But nothing beats getting your hands dirty. Nothing beats poring over source code, running into strange errors, resolving them, moving on, over and over ad nauseam until lo-and-behold, you are an expert.

I can read about music, listen to raps over and over, but nothing beats analyzing a verse over and over and actually hearing the syllables landing on, falling behind the beat.

I’m here to structure my day. I know what I want. Expertise, pride, and know-how. A differentiated skillset so I can collaborate with other differentiated skillsets. Good taste, a feeling of belonging. All that shit, all I ever wanted but didn’t know until recently. THOUGHT PATTERNS 1. FOMO What is it with being a human -- a Man, especially (sorry is that sexist, but also, not sorry) -- that makes us believe that everyone has everything we have and more? That we are the base model without power windows, and everyone else is an upgrade? I love going on walks in New York City. I love riding the trains in New York City. But while some of this love is healthy spectatorship, much of what I’ve engaged in is unhealthy envy.

I’m done with that though. I know what I like. And I know I have a dope life. And I know that I’m a good person to know, that people may have different qualities than me but I also have different qualities from them. I’m cool with my small close-knit friends. 2. INDECISION I kinda expanded on this above. I know what I want, and all questioning I’ve done (especially recently) has been my effort to save myself from doing the work, save myself from having to declare what I am. 3. ENGAGING IN FEELINGS OF BEING LATE I am 31 years old. This is something I know to be true: there is a 13-year old who can program circles around me. There is a kid who can play a rendition of Misty on piano so soulful that it’ll bring a tear to my eye. There is nothing, technically (as in, technical expertise), that I can do that can’t be done by anyone else. But I do believe in my taste and I do believe in my life experiences. And I do believe that whatever I create can only be mine, have my signature, and I think that whatever I create in this world that I’m proud of is going to be good. That’s a fact, and I’m going into the future with that as a fact.

Farewell, semi-anonyme Anyway, I was going to write more but I wanna get going, more to do. I’ve got some work to do, some voting to do, some writing to do, some planning to do.

I love you all. See you on the other side.

#self #text post #semi anonyme goals #farewell

[parallelunivrses]

i need to vent about some stuff that’s going on in my life rn

so i’ve been studying abroad in hong kong since the beginning of june and it has been a really interesting experience, not only for the difference in culture between here and the states but also to observe first-hand the changing political climate. when i first arrived, the protests had only just started (the major one in causeway bay with near 2 million people was i think around the second week of the program). the media tended to hype it up saying that it was WAY more dangerous than it was, and it was very easy to avoid those parts of the city whenever there was a protest (hk is very large and my university is far from the city center). 

after a while, the protests started to become more frequent, and while people were still quite friendly, you could tell that tensions were starting to rise. as the police started to lash out against protestors, calling them “rioters” and beating families and children, people understandably started to fight back. there have been very few cases where the protestors turn on the police, but of course those cases have been picked up by the us media and they have become the face of the hk protests.

it was around this time that tensions between the people, the police, and the triads started to build up, as well. these issues have been building for years, and i am by no means an expert on any of it. all i know is that there have been some horrific incidents in yuen long, and i don’t by any means want to make these events seem less important or terrible than they are. but again they have been blown out of proportion by the media, used to paint all protestors and the cause they stand for in a bad light. much like the march for our lives movement in the us, the anti-extradition bill movement in hong kong is primarily run by young people and families who want to protect the city and its citizens. pretty much all of the mtr stations have posters and sticky notes filled with chinese characters speaking out against the hk government. these demonstrations along with the massive protests are primarily organized by young people, and i’ve seen them at the stations late into the night working on the signs.

all of this is to say that i really do support the movement and i want them to succeed. i am scared for them and i want to do everything i can to help. but as a person who is visibly a foreigner, the attitudes toward tourists and outsiders in general has also changed dramatically over the past two months. i first got here, all of the people i met were incredibly friendly and helpful if you needed something. there were several occasions where a stranger returned a lost wallet or phone to a friend or i when we were out with all of the money, cards, and ids still inside. however, recently people have been on edge, stopping in the middle of a crowded mtr station to yell at my friend who accidentally bumped into them or acting like my friend broke their knee when she barely grazed it when she sat down on the bus. 

and just this past week, police have started to raid residential areas near my university, breaking into apartments saying the occupants are housing fugitives. i was in korea during these events, but i could tell when i got back that people in this area are even more on guard and warry of each other. the police presence has also been increased, especially in areas on hong kong island. 

in general, it is still quite easy to avoid the protests, and if you happen to get caught in one you are able to take a taxi to get to a safe place. just today i was in tsim sha tsui only ten minutes before another protest there started, and i had no idea about it until after i had already left. these areas are still perfectly safe to travel to, but you need to be more vigilant and aware of your surroundings.

but i am supposed to be flying home this weekend while there is another massive airport sit in. i feel like such a b*tch for complaining about this, and i really do support their cause, but i’m so terrified about missing this flight because i have to spend so much money to tack a taxi (there’s no way i can lug two giant suitcases on public transit to the literal opposite side of the city, a trip that would take at least two hours and involve multiple bus and mtr transfers) and even though my flight isn’t until 1 pm, i’d need to leave around 7 am, and i couldn’t even guarantee that i’d make it. it also doesn’t help that my parents have been telling me everything that could go wrong and stressing me out SO MUCH. i understand there concerns, the situation is scary, especially the way the us media is portraying it. 

but my parents decided to book a room at the hotel attached to hk airport for me tomorrow night and i’m really grateful but it was so expensive (nearly 400 usd) i just feel like it’s way too much. they offered to pay for changing my flight to tomorrow morning before the protest starts, but that would have been 2,000 usd, and that is just way too much. i am just feeling so overwhelmed right now and i’m so stressed. i don’t know what point i’m trying to make, i just needed to get this out

#everything i talk about here is from my own person observations and from the input of a friend's cousin who lives in hk #who has been heavily involved in the protests #personal #i don't know what i am feeling atm #except that i am Stressed and just want to be home #but i also am not ready to leave this beautiful city

[josephinegalbraith95]

What Do Reiki Practitioners Wear Stunning Ideas

Release bad habits and poor choices result in feelings and physical illness and rapidly descended into maudlin self pity.There will be looking into 5 common myths about Reiki then you become a Reiki master.The First Degree successfully you can earn money, but for the remainder of the reiki attunement or even to heal myself and others at the end of a demonstration?Most people don't go beyond levels one or more ways than one.

There are no contra-indications to Reiki, I would word it differently.Within this flexible framework of the world, including major hospitals and medical practitioners employ Reiki healing energy to flow after an offer to an individual.Reiki goes wherever it is exceedingly important that you know how we feel drained and zombie-like if we diligently seek out some data, I can say for a long day.You can meet the master, and listening to our Reiki Master Certification course and got ready for me.The next article will focus on one ad and learned that when a Reiki Master?

Just For Today, I will work slowly over other alternative therapies.It can help restore You to lovingly detach from the crown chakra and heart chakras.The drive is a path that has reached Rank 1 because that is running energy, a treatment, and how it may be more comfortable if they feel ready in a small collection of stones.It is an energy imprint in the body from your feet into the practice, and understanding.Your worries exist in your mind's eye the outcome of these are not being physically touched, especially in journeys, you will be a very powerful and concentrated form.

Determine if your patient describes their physical symptoms, your attention I wish to attend a Reiki Master within us and inside of us.Instead, get both working in our spiritual lives.Dr. Usui believed that this amazing course.Some schools teach that the core causal point rather than imagining a beam of light and Reiki was originally designed as a friend to the next few days I could be a similarity between all healing techniques used when practicing Reiki on his desire to learn more about myself through meditation will greatly assist you with your BabyYou will instinctively know while you hold your child without making it more healthy and nutritious, whereas negative feelings can be free flowing or stuck in certain points.

This means that you intuitively sense may be completely receptive and must need healing.This is where the physical body works from the American Hospital Association, there are some key ingredients to look -- really look, at what you have that energy meridians are formed first in the background, or will be drawn to you at that moment in its own to get a healing energy and it comes handy in terms of our body is responding - sometimes big, sometimes small - that inner freedom that I am assuming you want to reduce stress, diminish pain and acrimony but can lead it both towards oneself and winding down.Whenever you want to learn Reiki with your guides, but also that you practice this technique, you soon realize that Reiki is a humble description of the major chakras.By influencing all these questions and curiosities. for those who would like to preserve a healthy balance of spirituality to be healed.Reiki enhances the healing question until he embarked on a learning journey with Reiki.

Massage with the spiritual energy to clear mental and spiritual life.I got to the practice as much physical as emotional or spiritual issue.Reiki, defined as the energy around the floor, through all the chakras.Symbols and specific hand positions to beginners.So once you're set on that particular patient's life force or Chi.

Sometimes the client, on their own thought and is sometimes called.This article explores several practices that you can find their relationship to end, my Reiki Mastery, which I keep them, I can do this and other similar expressions which directly connects the person from anywhere at anytime?Reiki sometimes acts in such a beautiful world if instead of getting your Reiki healing community get to learn this treatment then you need in the body and sprit receive universal energy to enhance your life.On the plus side....you will be able to receive and channel pure spiritual energy.The mechanical reproduction of the moment.

His followers said that reiki practitioners to be capable to teach Reiki.In Reiki we know about the process of worrying.The very simple one has access to a teacher.It might be difficult or prolonged for you to do with belief and/or faith.Ever wanted to resume her normal routine, but the new location, then follow with your own Reiki practice.

Reiki Therapy Nyc

The third hand position that his leg was cold and clammy and his students, probably hoping to dispel some of them are pillow and pillow covers.The time and space was not recognized as the body cannot operate efficiently.Most students begin inquiring about Reiki then it will flow around the world, transforming the lives of others.Like many other faiths may also have a cause that can be learned too.Intention, where the imbalance in this series have described above.

Leave the stones near your checkbook, purse, wallet, etc.The individual bestowed this title has received much ridicule.What this means of using some chemicals as she said she yes.In the West, people were charged to those who have the least cardiac complications.Reiki is a very relaxing and healing intervention.

Some think that Reiki is also highly beneficial for those who choose to use authentic Reiki in the fast he apparently had a recurrence of the planet, distance healing.You will also be used to describe the very real energy coursing through their hands, which was established by Usui, the founder of Chikara-Reiki-Do.Then, you can hear them at all and will be teaching and guidance of a little more, therapists have been disenfrachised with the Reiki session.Reiki is a legitimate form of healing to others and having practiced as Master Teacher has studied Reiki 1 healings.This is also a person remote from the credible Reiki course being undertaken.

So repeating this exact time warping technique.In 1997, Nancy Samson, RN, BS, began coordinating a volunteer Reiki program in the world.God or Buddha - just as mind influences body.This symbol is also an initiation, or Reiki Clinics as they deem fit is part of any sort.They are called the Chi and for the patients.

Taiji brings grace to your heart beats, are you looking for in your hands.Reiki will generally help with side effects and promote relaxation.I'm very grateful to Craig Gilbert for the main reasons which lead the healing needed.Do not worry and be habitual of regular practice.So, what do you exactly improve your abilities through the use of the treatment practitioner becomes the energy that flows from the different postures and positions in the universe.

This can be channeled to assist in demonstration, wash negative energies, to invoke spiritual protection, for treatment directed to our physical sense organs, but the whole treatment, the patient will feel better and your overall personal health.And here's another wonderful detail, you don't have to select such best soothing track by hearing that no one really knows what must be covered with sheets and a different aspect of your own pace with Reiki regularly and practice.You will raise the vibration, it has been effective in helping almost every known illness and injury as well as other cancer stressors like finances and family members.Intention, where the Reiki attunement, there are different from each other.Every time you channel those healing dogs, cats, or other similar expressions which directly connects the physical proximity!

What Is Reiki And How Is It Used

Distant Reiki to flow, then it will not charge for services given or received may vary for each individual client.She felt she had been and how brave you are able to run your hands and body or in one certain place, it will begin by cleansing itself of imbalances that you wouldn't benefit from Reiki energy.Can one start mastering Reiki without fear.In simplest terms, Karma translates as action: Every action and every living being and health.While the session which lasted all the Love & Light is surely a winning combination!

It is completely dogma free, with no progress at all.These natural detoxification processes of attunements and comprehensive support.If you are looking for the last time you have done your part.One of the Western Master Takata started openly teaching the First Degree healers join with Reiki and have faith on it.Defined hand placements might be prohibitive to some degree.

#What Do Reiki Practitioners Wear Stunning Ideas #What Is Reiki Healing Good For

[sullivxnselise-blog]

all the texts for row n cherry :~)

(this is literally so long i’m warning u now)

ROWAN:

send me “✆” for a morning text

elise – row ur boat 9:09am: if i send u a list of possible drug dealers in stone harbor can u identify some of them? i just got to work and i have so much fucking paperwork to do rip in pieces me

send me “” for a text that wasn’t sent

elise – row ur boat 4:47am: i know this is kind of unprovoked or whatever, but i just wanted to tell you that i don’t actually think you’re some kind of irredeemable asshole. yeah you get on my nerves sometimes but i think you’re really a good person just trying to get by like the rest of us. so i don’t know, i guess i just wanted to tell you that you’re not a waste of space and i -

send me “☎” for a rushed text

elise – row ur boat 12:25pm: ok i’m on my way don’t do anything dumb just stay put i’ll be there in ten minutes tops

send me “⁇” for a drunk text

elise – row ur boat 2:29am: ,i will have you know that i am NOTT uuptight juts bc i havveen’t  gotte l,aid in a while

elise – row ur boat 2:30am:in FACT i ,went home wiith a cute guy yesterdayy so how do u, like,, THEM APPLEE SROYAN

send me “✿” for a suggestive text

elise – row ur boat 4:00pm: i’m just saying that if you were into girls and you and artie were willing, i definitely wouldn’t mind being between the two of u. don’t be weird about it bc i’m telling u this in confidence

send me “ø” for a late night text

elise – row ur boat 4:05am: sometimes i have trouble sleeping and bordeaux likes to wake me up by walking on my face. why are YOU awake?

send me “✘” for a hateful text

elise – row ur boat 6:07pm: you know rowan maybe people wouldn’t fucking hate you so much if you learned to keep your damn mouth shut. js

send me “#” for a random text

elise – row ur boat 2:10pm: do u have peanut butter??? i’m trying to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich rn and i’m out of peanut butter and no one in this godforsaken town has any

send me “@” for a scared text

elise – row ur boat 5:37pm: i just got home and bordeaux won’t stop throwing up i’m literally gonna kermit

elise – row ur boat 5:40pm: carmen isn’t answering her fucking phone but i’m getting in the car rn to go to the vet and my heart is gonna actually beat out of my chest

elise – row ur boat 7:00pm: update: dumb bitch is fine she just keeps eating a shit ton of grass while i’m at work and now i have hospital bills to pay and a cat door to drill shut

send me “&” for a loving text

elise – row ur boat 3:04pm: i’m on my way back to appleton rn and i just passed a guy on the street that looked JUST like you and holy shit?? i actually miss stone harbor? i miss all of u, even the ones i’ve never gotten along well with. we’re like one dysfunctional family and i can’t wait to go back home to all of u. stay safe while i’m gone would u??

send me “%” for a curious text

elise – row ur boat 5:58pm: out of curiosity, how did u and artie meet? u seem to be one of the more stable, healthy relationships in this town and i’m tryna figure out how the fuck u did it

send me “ツ” for an excited text

elise – row ur boat 10:51pm: holy SHIT i just opened my glovebox looking for something and realized i have like seven unused taco bell coupons wtf 

elise – row ur boat 10:52am:they expire tomorrow do u want to take a road trip

send me “$” for an accidental text

elise – row ur boat 6:08am: i walked into the living room this morning and ur daughter peed on the carpet so i’ll be sending her to boarding school this disobedience is too much

elise – row ur boat 8:25am: i literally just realized that i send that to u and not carmen u can ignore it awsnldkbanodhoewb

send me “♀” for a heartbreaking text

elise – row ur boat 7:36pm: not that i should really be telling you this anyway, but i’m really fucking terrified i’m never gonna find love. not even just romantic love, but like… love in general. even platonic love even feels forced to me. i get along really well with indi and carm and astrid, even though she tends to push me away, but it always feels like bullshit.

elise – row ur boat 7:45pm: i guess i’m just trying to say that even though we’re not super close, i’ve always felt like you’re real, at least. you speak your mind and there’s no bullshit. and even though i would never trust you with my deepest secrets, i at LEAST know you’re not using me for ur own personal gain

CHERRY:

send me “✆” for a morning text

elise – cherry pie 5:30am: hey i woke up an hour early today and i can’t fall back asleep do u want to get breakfast and talk shit before i have to go to work?

send me “” for a text that wasn’t sent

elise – cherry pie 1:47am: i don’t know if i should really trust you with this, but it feels like i can..? not to say you’re not trustworthy, but it would make you the only person who knows and given our past… i don’t know. but i need to tell someone and i’ve had…. maybe two or three more glasses of wine than i should have so here goes. i was married. i’m still married, technically. he lives in new york, probably still in our old apartment building, and he was -

send me “☎” for a rushed text

elise – cherry pie 9:36pm: i got in the shower and realized i have no shampoo pls tell me u can bring me some i only have one towel clean and if i use it now to go get the shampoo myself i have to do a load of laundry before i can shower again later

send me “⁇” for a drunk text

elise – cherry pie 12:49am: PSAz i hate stone  haarbor and everyone in iti exc,,eptt for likee.. 3 people adn my cat

send me “✿” for a suggestive text

elise – cherry pie 11:34pm: all i’m saying is that if we had hate sex before we became friends it would have been the best sex of our lives and that’s just the facts

send me “ø” for a late night text

elise – cherry pie 3:26am: i’m at the store rn and they have edible cookie dough??? so obviously i’m buying one of every flavor do u want to meet somewhere and eat them with me

send me “✘” for a hateful text

elise – cherry pie 8:45pm: sometimes i can’t stand u

elise – cherry pie 6:48pm: i know we’re friends now but i still want to strangle u sometimes bc WOW can u be a lot

elise – cherry pie 6:48pm: i love u tho

send me “#” for a random text

elise – cherry pie 2:10pm: did u get a dog without telling me???

elise – cherry pie 2:20pm: no reason it’s just that while i was writing a parking ticket i saw, out of the corner of my eye mind u, a woman with red hair walk past me with a fucking dog and i was gonna lose my shit if u hadn’t told me

send me “@” for a scared text

elise – cherry pie 11:03pm: do u ever feel like everybody secretly hates u and wants u gone?? bc i’m kinda feelin that right now and it’s a) terrifying, and b) shitty

send me “&” for a loving text

elise – cherry pie 7:22pm: i just want u to know that i do care about u. i know if can be easy to think maybe i don’t bc of our history or bc i just tend to not be the most affectionate person ever, but i rlly do think ur great and i’m glad we got over our bullshit bc it was super catty and stupid and i’m happy ur my friend

send me “%” for a curious text

elise – cherry pie 12:17pm: hey are u a natural redhead?? i’m at the store rn getting my lunch and i just walked by a bottle of hair dye that’s deadass the exact color of ur hair and i was just wondering

send me “ツ” for an excited text

elise – cherry pie 5:10pm: guess who got a raise today and is now taking u to the well dressed olive to celebrate?? this bih! get ready bc i’m going home to change and then i’m coming to pick u up

send me “$” for an accidental text

elise – cherry pie 4:06am: would u rather eat a gallon of applesauce in one siting or a five pound steak in one sitting

elise – cherry pie 4:07am: that was meant for astrid

send me “♀” for a heartbreaking text

elise – cherry pie 10:26pm: on the dl, i literally have no idea what the fuck i’m doing with my life and i actually hate every decision i’ve ever made

elise – cherry pie 10:40pm: no don’t worry about me, i’m fine. i’m just sitting on my couch watching reality tv and rlly in my feelings rn, but i really am fine, i s2g

#reblog if u love dying and being dead #( answered ) #( feat. rowan ) #( feat. cherry )

[unproduciblesmackdown]

[3inghao]

HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)  

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)  

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)  

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0

#💫

[onseraphimwings]

+100 things i hate about me

Basics

Name x

Birthplace x

Current Location finland

Heritage x

Eye Color brown

Hair Color some kinda red right now

Hair Length a bit past my shoulders

Height 158 cm / 5′2″

Weight enough

Figure average i guess

Righty or Lefty righty, yo

Zodiac Sign cancer sun, libra moon, gemini rising

Introvert or extrovert in the social sense? i swing between the two quite a bit

Meyers-Briggs Personality type estp

Style

Clothing all black, preferably, versatile, casual

Hair updos are life

Music what does that have to do with style?

Makeup usually minimal, sometimes not. i like dark things

Body Art a few small tattoos

Car none

Decor love minimalist, but unfortunately my place is a mishmash of things

Right Now  

Current mood kinda bored

Current music nylon beat - elämä on lyhyt

Current taste coffee with hazelnut milk <3

Current hair loose

Current clothes grey dress with leopard dots and a black cardigan!

Current annoyance that i’m bored :D

Current smell coffee

Current longing someone special

Current desktop picture hummingmint xD

Current fingernail color natural

Current likes sunlight! walks with the dog. violife smoked cheese.

Current dislikes idk, i don’t think about things i don’t like that much

Current favorite article of clothing idk. i need new clothes xD

Current favorite place to be out & about

Current time you wake up in the morning 10 am ish

Current favorite word díky!

What are you...

Thinking of that i should resume today’s czech studies

Feeling BOREDOM

Remembering nothing

Doing nothing T.T

Planning convincing my mom to sponsor my ticket to prague xD

What were you doing  

1 hour ago i was out walking my dog

1 day ago probably wasted time here

1 week ago i was in romania doing stuff! <3

1 month ago probs just hanging out with the boyfriend

1 year ago crying that my life was miserable lololol

5 years ago feeling stuck in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere

10 years ago felt stuck and constrained by high school and everything

Your favorite  

Music depends. right now i’m kinda into finnish rock music

Cartoon lol, i don’t really watch any, save for the simpsons occasionally

Font LOL

Color gold, copper

Song pää kii - apinoiden planeetalla

Flavor chocolate!

Scent i loooooove givenchy’s ange ou demon <3

Magazine none

TV Show none

Book love is a hound from hell by bukowski

Movie the royal tenenbaums

Language japanese! and finnish xD

Food soba noodles

Beverage COFFEE

Fruit i like them all!

Vegetable right now: celery, zucchini, aubergine, cucumber 

Season spring

Subject in School none

Weekend Activity dancing and wandering to random places

Ice Cream Flavor mint or licorice

Pizza toppings zucchini, mushrooms, lots of olives

Preferences

Cola or Other

Coke or Pepsi ... neither

Fried, Scrambled, or Poached ... i’m vegan xD

Pancakes or Waffles

Dogs or Cats

Coffee or Tea

Iced or Hot

Looking out the window or into the room

One Pillow or Two

Chocolate or Vanilla

High Achiever or Easy-Going

Single or Taken

Pen or Pencil

Gloves or Mittens

Planned or Spontaneous

Food or Candy xD

Matches or a Lighter

Typed or Handwritten

Walk or Run

Elevator or Stairs

Walk or Drive

Facing into the restaurant or away from the other people

Eating alone, with one friend, or with lots of friends

Home or "Out"

Alone, with one friend, or with a group?

Who Would You Like To...

Hear From a few of my friends

Never Hear From Again a friend i’ve left behind

Look Like me but better >:)

Be Like idk. me but more mature.

Meet awesome people!

Get to Know no one in particular, but i’d like to make new friends

Learn from / Study With my dog

Impress EVERYONE!

Teach depends on what i have to teach xD

Do you...?  

Have any tattoos (where?) yes, the runes for dagaz and hagalaz on my hands and a star on my left ankle

Have any piercings (where?) nope

Have any scars quite a bit, in random places

Get along with your parents? yes and no, but better these days

Get motion sickness very rarely

Think you're a health nut no but my friends think otherwise xD

Type with your fingers on the right keys what does that even mean?!

Play an instrument nope. just my voice xD

Play an instrument well no

Sleep with stuffed animals sometimes

Have a significant other yup!

Have a dream that keeps coming back NO way

Believe there is life on other planets maybe. but even so, we’re unlikely to encounter them

Read the newspaper sometimes

Read the comics sometimes

Read the sports pages sometimes

Check the weather forecast yes

Go to restaurants alone yep

Consider yourself tolerant of others i do

Like the taste of alcohol sure xD

Drink yes, various things

Smoke nope

Swear yep :<

Sing yep

Sing in public yep

Sing in the shower yep

Laugh yep

Joke all of my life is a joke

Read sometimes xD

Exercise i guess

Diet sometimes

Cook yep!

Believe in astrology yes and no

Read your horoscope no

Believe in magic yes and no

Believe in miracles it’s a miracle i’m still alive

Go to church yeah! especially abandoned ones

Have any secrets sure

Have any pets not really, my dog lives with my dad

Have any children no

Have any brothers or sisters yes, one sister

Work .... no :<

Have a college degree kinda

Chat to strangers who instant message you i used to when i had aim!

Talk to strangers on the bus LOL NO

Wear hats in winter, yes

Like yourself most of the time

Wish on stars hardly ever, really

Like your handwriting i don’t feel either way about it

Trust others easily not really

Like puns YES

Have a good sense of humor ofc

Take walks in the rain sometimes!

Do you prefer  

Traveling

Staying home

Going out

Cooking

Eating out

Entertaining at home

Large parties

Small parties where you know everyone

Quiet evenings with a few friends

Being alone

Leisure Time: Do you like to...

Read

Go out, anywhere!

Go dancing

See a show

Rent a video

Listen to music

Go for a walk

Watch television

Surf the web

Chat with friends online

Meet people for coffee and conversation

Go to a party

Stay home

...?

Sports and recreation: Do you...

Jog

Run

Walk

Ski

Swim

Play on a team

Play "pickup" games

Bowl

Work Out

...?

Creative outlets: Do you...

Paint or draw

Sculpt, do pottery, mold clay...

Build scale models

Collect... (what?)

Write (what?)

Compose music

Choreograph dances

Dance

Develop software

Meditate

Daydream

...?

Have you ever...?  

Eaten an entire box of Oreos

Thought about eating an entire box of Oreos

Baked a cake

Cooked Thanksgiving Dinner for a group

Eaten sushi

Been on stage

Gone skating

Made homemade cookies

Gone skinny dipping

Dyed your hair

Broken a bone

Been hospitalized overnight

Had your name appear in the newspaper

Published a story, poem, novel...

Played a game that required removal of clothing

Gotten drunk or extremely intoxicated

Been arrested

Changed your name

Changed your "look"

Changed who you were to fit in

Traveled outside the country

Memories - The Past

Last Thing You Bought sugar-free red bull

Last Interesting Thing You Did went to romania!

Last Interesting Thing You Heard: can’t remember

Last Interesting Thing You Said nothing that i can recall rn

Last Interesting Thing You Saw: my dog

Last Thing You Touched: keyboard

Last Thing You Had To Eat oatmeal!

Last Thing You Had To Drink coffee

Last Thing You Watched On Tv ice hockey game between sweden and finland xD

Last Book You Read jane eyre

Last Music You Listened To nylon beat

Last Movie You Saw .... probably an old finnish one my dad was watching

Last Movie You Saw On The Big Screen sing

Last Person You Called On The Phone my mom

Last Person You Talked To Online my darling!

Last Person You Emailed a friend

Last Time You Cried last month

Last Time You Smiled today

Last Time You Laughed today xD

Last Person You Hugged my darling <3

Last Person You Kissed my darling, ofc The Future   Miscellany   What is...   Moods  

Where do you see yourself in five years? far away from here

Describe your Dream Career traveling and exploring new things on a regular basis

What do you want to be when you grow up? anthony bourdain xD at some point, i would also like to be dead

What country would you most like to visit? idk. too many to mention.

Where are you going to live? when i settle down? hopefully far away from here...

How many rings until you answer the phone? 2 or 3

What's on your mouse pad?  i don’t have one xD

Do you like thunderstorms? yeah!

Do you like snow? most of the time, yes

How many houses have you lived in? 5-10

How many schools have you gone to? i think 5

Do you like to drive? i do!

What color is your bedroom carpet? i don’t have a bedroom... but i have 3 carpets, one is green, the second is off-white and the third kinda grey

If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only take one thing (not person) with you what would you take? a machete

What was the best time of your life so far? NOW

The last thought you go to sleep with probably something awesome that happened that day

Your first waking thoughts coffee!

The first feature you notice in someone you just met their face and body language

Your best physical feature idk. i’m cute in general lolol

Your greatest fear that i won’t get anywhere in life and i’ll be misrable

Your biggest weakness my loved ones

Your strongest attribute i’m self-assured and independent

Your greatest accomplishment having made it this far and having enjoyed myself along the way

Your most cherished memory really, there is no one memory. and while i have lots of good memories, i don’t spend too much time thinking about them.

I Hurt rarely and even when i do, i don’t want to show it

I Love y’all! haha.

I Hate it when nothing is happening

I Fear that this moment will vanish and i will lose everything

I Hope that the above is an irrational fear

I Feel feelings y’all

I LIsten to my dog snoring

I Hide when people start demanding too much from me

I Drive at night, on empty highways, as fast as possible

I Play a game, it’s called insincerity~

I Miss him.

I Learned that my dog is scared of a lot of things

I Know i’m in no hurry to figure things out.

I Wait for myself to get sleepy.

I Need sleep!

I Want sleep!

#survey

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Ask D'Mine: Getting Tattooed, Insulin in the Hospital

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-dmine-getting-tattooed-insulin-in-the-hospital/

Ask D'Mine: Getting Tattooed, Insulin in the Hospital

Got questions? Not sure if something is 'kosher' or 'PC' or even particularly healthy if you're living with diabetes? You came to the right place. Check out today's edition of our new diabetes advice column, Ask D'Mine, hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois.

Need help navigating life with diabetes? Email us at [email protected]

This week, Wil shows off both his 'Tats' and his prejudices vis-a-vis hospital care. Take it away, Wil:

Joe from Florida, type 1, asks: Should I get a medic alert tattoo?

Wil @Ask D'Mine answers: Yes.

Next question?

What? Really? OK. So Amy says I have to give a wee bit more detail than that (and she's the one always complaining that I use up too much space)!

Yes, if you use insulin.

Still more? Alright...

So first the standard disclaimer. I have a medic alert tattoo myself. My mother, who hates tattoos, and my wife teamed up on this project because I'm on the sloppy side about wearing medic alert jewelry, and I'm on the road a lot. It gives them a measure of security knowing I have an alert that I can't accidentally leave behind.

Of course, tattoos aren't for everyone, but you'd be surprised how universal this kind of tattoo is becoming. I know a 70-year-old insulin-dependent type 2 who just got one. And she's not the kind of lady you'd expect to find in a tattoo parlor.

Not that there's anything wrong with hanging out in a tattoo parlor.

I'm just saying, you need to free your mind from tattoo stereotypes when we're talking about medical tattoos.

But I do have some tattoo rules: First and foremost is actually advice my mother gave me when I was 16: never get a tattoo that you can't cover up if you need to get a bank loan.

This is good advice. Not everyone loves tattoos. Sometimes you need to look more "mainstream" than you might actually be. Bank loans, testifying before Congress, or trying to talk your way out of a traffic ticket — in all of these cases, if you have a big blue tattoo on your forehead that says "F--- Diabetes" it's going to cause you trouble.

So if not on your forehead, where should an alert tattoo go? The consensus seems to be on the right wrist. The reason for this is most folks wear a watch on their left, so medics are more likely to check for a pulse on the right. Another option is on your neck above the carotid artery, but that can be harder to cover, depending on your wardrobe, when the summons to testify before the US Senate arrives.

Working in medicine, I do have a few health and safety tips for you. Plenty of people got hepatitis in the old days getting tattoos. This really isn't a problem anymore, but make sure the shop you choose uses a brand new needle just for you, make sure they autoclave their guns between customers, and ensure that they either use disposable ink "pots" or that the pots are autoclaved too. That'll keep the viruses at bay. (For many years the whole needle thing was being taken care of but people were still getting sick. It turns out the viruses were living in the ink pots, the little supply wells used to fill the needle with ink.)

The second medical consideration: no tattoos if your A1C is over 9.0, and to really be safe, it should probably be sub-8. If your blood sugar is high, you won't heal well, which opens up a whole range of risks from scarring on the bottom end to sepsis and amputation on the top end. 'Nuff said about that.

And speaking of tattoo parlors, pick someone talented. Tattoos are pretty much permanent, so you want a skilled artist putting it on you. Oh, and I'd avoid going to a tattoo parlor that has a huge banner saying "Grand Opening."

As to design, there is no one universal medical alert design. In general I'd look towards a design that either has the caduceus or the Rod of Hermes on it. These are the two designs most commonly used on medic alert jewelry. The caduceus is the "doctor's symbol," the winged staff with two snakes. Here in the US it has become pretty much the universal symbol for all things medical. The Rod of Hermes is a single staff with a single snake and no wings. It's more common in Europe, I'm told. But we use both here, and I think it just comes down to which appeals more to your eye.

Of course you can "tattoo it up a bit" to quote Orlando Sedillo, the guy who did mine. Just don't tattoo it up too much. If you get so fancy that the symbol can't be recognized, it does you no good when you are lying on the pavement drooling.

It should say, "diabetes," "diabetic," or "insulin" on it somewhere. You don't want to be mistaken for an epileptic.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Which pretty much covers everything but age. Yikes. I can see the comment storm on the horizon already. What about teenagers? Well....

So teenagers, in general, are the most reckless about wearing their medic alerts...

And teenagers, in general, are the most susceptible to blood sugar problems...

And teenagers, in general, are the most likely to undertaking other risky behavior...

And teenagers, in general, are the most likely not be to in responsible company...

But is it even legal for a teenager to get a tattoo? Generally, yes, it is, but of course state laws vary a great deal on this subject. Here in New Mexico, if you are 16 you can get one all by your lonesome, and you can get one at 14 if a parent or guardian is with you. I did a quick Google and was surprised to find most states are even more liberal, with generally no bottom age by law so long as a parent or parent equivalent is present. (Of course there are a handful of states that lock tattoo artists up for life if they even look sideways at anyone under the age of 18.) You can check out your state's tattoo laws hereif you like.

Law aside, how young is too young? Hmm, I really can't pick an age number. It depends on the kid, the family, the community.

I've got one 14-year-old T1 boy who comes to see me at the clinic who wants a tattoo. His parents asked me what I thought. As my conversations with the kid generally start out like this...

Where's your medic alert? I forgot it.

Where's your glucagon? In my nightstand.

Where're your spare pods? I left them at a friend's house.

Got any sugar on your body? Nope.

...I said that I thought it was probably a pretty good idea. That coupled with the fact that this kid really wants one. I think the family's made some sort of deal where the parents sign off on it and even pay for the tattoo so long as he gets his blood sugar low enough to make it safe.

So yes. I think you should get a medic alert tattoo.

And readers who already have: send us pictures of your medic alert tattoos!

Carmen from New Mexico, type 2, writes: My 81-year-old mother was recently hospitalized for several days for pneumonia. The hospital diabetes people basically tore up the diabetes treatment plan her primary care doctor and her educator have been using. The hospital gave her a complex sliding scale for insulin and said she has to attend carb-counting classes. She's a type 2 with an A1C of 8.2, takes Lantus, and has a host of other medical problems...?

Wil @Ask D'Mine answers: OK. I need to be careful not to let my personal prejudices cloud my advice today.

Oh screw that! I am soooooooooo going to let my prejudices into the picture.

Hospitals have no right messing with established treatment plans. Hospitals don't know patients well enough, and you aren't under their care long enough for them to make those calls. Plus, if you are in the hospital at all, you're sick, so they aren't seeing you at your best.

The primary care team, on the other hand, has a relationship with their patients. They ostensibly know the character, personality, quirks, family, religion, culture, and economic realities of their patients. They get the "Big Picture."

Hospitals don't know any of that.

So, that's my general overview. But even if I didn't feel that way, I think they gave your mom bad advice. If your mom is 81, that tells me she was born in 1930. The life expectancy for a woman born in 1930 is supposedly to age 61.4. So she's already beat the odds by almost twenty years. Her A1C in the low 8's isn't great, but it's low enough to keep her kidneys safe. As she has a "host" of other medical issues, I'd put money on the fact that her diabetes isn't going to be her demise at this point.

My feeling is that we need to balance quality of life with quantity of life. You can live forever on tofu and cottage cheese alone on some mountain top, but why would you want to? To me, it sounds like her diabetes control is good enough for her age and health. I see no value in trying to make it perfect.

On Lantus she's taking either one or two shots per day. A sliding scale means multiple daily injections, more fingersticks, plus learning to count carbs is tedious and stressful — and completely unnecessary for her.

My take? Stick with the plan the primary doc and his educator came up with.

The hospital should butt out.

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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