#both options will make me histerical

[geralallfandoms]

|JOEL MILLER|

"Let me help you"

Warnings: drama, a lot of drama.(sorry I just love drama.)

Joel Miller x fem!reader

You knew that being a firefly was dangerous, but Tess was the eldest and there was no way to reason with her. When something got into his head, it was impossible to get it out.

You had always threatened her that you would leave, with the intention of making her see reason, but she only told you "Oh yes? And where will you go?What will you do without me? " and with that, she managed to convince you.

But now, as you walked by her side with Joel and the girl, all you could think about was why you hadn't left sooner.

"Enough Y/n. What's done is done. Now let's just continue." Tess said when she saw you lost in your thoughts.

"It's just...if you had listened to me..."

"We wouldn't be in on this. Ha! Look, I memorized it." Ellie finished, causing both Tess and Joel to turn to look at you.

They were walking on the roofs, you had just left the building where they had faced a clicker, and now they only had left a few meters left before reaching the destination.

"Come on, let's go down there." Joel said, pointing to some shaky stairs that looked like they might fall at any moment.

The girl and Tess were the first to go down like nothing happened, leaving you two alone up there.

You tried not to look at him, he had always made you nervous and it seemed that he knew it. When you walked be him, he would stand by your side all the time, sometimes he would touch your hand, when you were sitting next to each other, he would bring his knee closer to yours, to which neither of you would remove it, but you never understood if he did it because he didint realize or because he...

"Aren't you going to come down?" He ask while staring at you.

"Yes, it is just that..." You didn't want to tell him, you couldn't admit to him that you were afraid of heights when he didn't seem to be afraid of anything.

"Are you afraid of heights? No need to be ashamed..." he said as he approached the stairs and descended them.

You stayed for a few seconds waiting to see what it would do, and when you saw that it had simply gone down, you decided that you had no other option but to copy its action.

"Put your foot on the bottom step, I'll be down here to catch you." you heard what he said. When you brought your head closer, you saw him with half his body outside, looking at you.

You put your foot as he had told you, and you felt your heart begin to race.

"You'll be fine, I won't let you fall!" He said as he reached out his hand to grab your leg. Slowly you began to go down, you felt like Joel's hands took you by the waist when you went down enough, and it was not necessary for you to finish going down since he held onto your waist more and entered you completely.

"Thank you..."When you turned around, you saw how your sister and the little girl looked at them with a smile on their faces.

Joel grunted and kept walking, you copied his action and when Tess passed by you, you hit her shoulder with a smile in your face.

------------

During the way most of the conversations were between Joel and Tess while you and Elli stayed behind like two children... although she was.

"There it is..." Tess said as she pointed to the large building.

"Why isn't there anyone?" You asked seeing that the place was completely empty.

"I don't know...but something's wrong." Ellie added.

After Joel toured the place a bit, all of you decided to go inside to finally end this.

"Damn..." you said seeing that they were all dead, with those disgusting mushrooms coming out of everywhere.

"No...No, no, no, NO!"Tess yelled as she looked around histerically.

Suddenly, she grabbed Elli's arm and started walking to which Joel and I stopped her not knowing what he planned to do with her.

"Tess we will find another way, we will solve this..." you tried to reassure her .

"NO! damn no, this didn't have to be like this..." I look around for a few seconds and then laugh sarcastically."But everything ends, right? We will all end like this... At some point our luck was going to run out..."

You tried to understand her words, her actions, her sudden change of mood, but it was Ellie's words that made you understand the situation.

"Oh fuck...she's bit."

The words echoed in your head, your eyes went to your older sister who was looking at you with a smile on her face. She looked at Joel and told him something that you couldn't hear, that your state of shock didn't allow you, you could only feel that they were arguing.

After a few moments she looked at you again now with tears in her eyes, you started to shake your head but she simply pulled the neck of her shirt back to reveal a hideous bite that was beginning to spread.

You wanted to say something, hug her, ask her to stay with you, but Joel's arm clung to your waist while with the other he took Elli's arm and began to drag you to the exit.

You screamed, you cried and you shook your legs trying to get out of his grip, but he passed you in height and clearly had much more strength than you. He was pushing you harder and harder to him, so you let him guide you while you just watched as your sister blew you a kiss, and then disappeared from your sight.

When you became aware of your surroundings again, you noticed that they were already outside again. Joel pushed Ellie and threw you with him as the explosion went off in the building, with the person you loved the most inside.

They both got up, but you just lay there, unable to believe how fast everything had happened. You couldn't believe how she hadn't told you before, how Joel had dragged you without letting you say goodbye to your sister, to your only family.

Fury made you react and in one step, you got up and pushed him with all your force, but he didn't even move.

He just stood still, letting you take out your fury, because deep down, he knew what it felt like to lose someone you loved so quickly.

He let you hit him over and over again until he noticed how your body began to sway, losing strength.

He took you by the shoulders, checking that he could touch you, and when the tears and sobbing began to get stronger, he took you tightly in his arms.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry..." he said over and over again as his hand moved up and down in your back.

At that moment, when your arms took him tightly, Joel realized that what he had been feeling for you for a long time was not just respect. He loved you, he always had.

"If something happens to me one day, please take care of my sister." Tess had told him earlier that day, as if she knew it would be the last.

"Do not worry, I'll do."

He had sworn to her.

And so it was to be. He was going to protect you, to help you in moments like these, and not only because he had promised...but because he also loved you.

"I couldn't even tell her that I loved her... "you said in a whisper, with your face glued to his chest, still holding each other.

"I'm sure she knew it well." he replied and then left a kiss on your forehead.

Guilt invaded you the moment you felt a warmth in your chest. You had just lost your sister and the only thing you felt was an emotion at the man's actions. So you quickly separate from him, who looked at you strangely.

You noticed that his gaze was fixed on yours, he was staring at you, as if he was afraid that at any moment you would disappear or break like a porcelain doll... and he was. He also notice how you furiously wiped away the tears that were falling down your cheeks, he notice how you tried to control the tearful ones who were screaming to leave.

"Allow yourself to cry, don't let the pain consume you." he said, as if he had realized the guilt you felt. And he did.

Because even if you didn't believe it, he knew everything. He had paid too much attention to you since the first day he had seen you that he had learned to read you, to practically be able to read your mind.

"Let me help you... let me be by your side..." He said when he saw that Ellie was looking the other way. He moved closer until they were only a few inches away, and with his big hand he wiped the tear trails from your face.

"Okay..." you said, giving in to his touch.

"You're not alone, okay? I won't leave you...I promise you." he finished as he hugged you again, caressing his hand over your head.

(AHHHHH I know it's not very good, but I needed to write this scene 😭I'm going to continue writing about TLOU too. I accept requests, ideas, advice whatever you want! )

(sorry if there is any mistake, english is not my first language :D)

#joel miller x reader #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of us x oc #the last of us x you #the last of us x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x wife!reader #joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #joel miller

[corrieguards]

shopping... who would help you shop and give their opinion? who would be a terrible shopping partner? who would you end up buying stuff for even though you went for yourself? who would carry your bags for you? who would insist on getting matching clothes?

send me a random anon ask 🖤

Omg this is such a cute question!! Anon I love you for this🤍 Tysm for sending it and letting me ramble.

I'm going to try and include as many boys as possible but I'm def going to miss some so apologies in advance for that

Rex

Will be constantly telling you just how beautiful you look.

If you ask him to choose between two outfits he'd be the type of guy to insist that you look great in both and that he can't possibly choose.

You keep catching him giving you sappy love eyes through the mirror. If you ask him about it he'll just say it's because you're just so gorgeous.

Insists on carrying all your bags.

All. Of. Them

Cody

Surprisingly very good taste in clothes.

Has so much patience.

Will sit and watch you + give his opinions for as long as you want.

Unabashedly looks up and down and smirks every time you show him a new outfit.

100% would be the type of guy to ask you to do a twirl

mostly just because he wants to catch a look at your ass

Will sneakily slip some lingerie in your 'try-on' pile just to watch you get all hot and bothered.

Echo

Is initially a little hesitant at going with you because he doesn't want to get in your way.

Once you convince him that you actually want him there and want his opinion he relaxes and starts enjoying himself more.

Is a great shopping partner because he won't hesitate give you his honest opinion.

Will tell you if he thinks it looks good, as well as if he thinks it doesn't.

Fives

Is absolutely facinated by all the options.

Definitely insists you buy matching outfits, preferably something in 501st blue.

Keeps trying to peek into the changing rooms while you're changing.

Wolf-whistles you constantly.

Is an all round menace

But still hypes you up and makes sure you know just how good you look.

Jesse

Is your personal hype man.

Has no shame in telling you just how hot you look.

Starts off srrong but ends up wondering off and getting distracted by all the clothes options.

Finds more clothes for himself and you'd be mad if he didn't look so fucking hot in them.

Somehow makes everything look better just by putting it on his body.

You know those people that would even look great in a trash bag? Yep that's Jesse.

Tup

An all round great shopping buddy.

Will bring you the best finds.

Has a great eye for fashion and is somehow always right.

If he hands you something saying you'll look good in it, then don't even have to bother trying it on because he will be right.

Will be shy about picking stuff up for himself, but with a little encouragement he can definitely get very into it.

Hardcase

Would be very very enthusiastic.

Maybe a bit too enthusiastic.

Would pick up so many clothes to try on. As many as he can carry.

Quickly gets bored and just starts messing around.

Picks out some of the worst outfits because he thinks it's histerical.

His snickering is contagious and eventually makes you start giggling too and you both just start messing around.

Probably ends up getting the two of you kicked out.

Neither of you end up actually getting anything you went there for in the first place.

#anon asks #nonnie 🖤 #loved this one #ty nonnie <33

[15001700tt]

Reflections of the Deep Sense of Self

well, i dont really have an audience except for a handful of mutuals and the many porn bots that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how hard i try but i am still gonna use this platform to voice out my thoughts since i have too many of them and i feel like i might drown if i don't talk about them.

i dont necessarily think that i am a person that is easily swayed by men, i was able to emotionally control myself quite effectively in my youth.

my first crush was simply a pick from the crowd to stop my friends nagging about who it was. i just observed the crowd and picked the most likely to not interact with my sort and said "him, he is so cute!" hoping that my friends wouldn't see through my facade. i didn't want to like anyone just because of their looks but I had quite literally not spoken to the male sort in my entire life (not including men I am related to, I was in all girl private school before I moved to America's public system) to develop an interest in them in a romantic or infatuated way even.

now this is just my introduction to my philosophical essay about whether hurt/ mentally ill people are inherently evil but I must admit that this was started because of other reasons. we might not even get to touch on that either, i tend to ramble and not get to the point effectively.

if you followed me long enough you would know that I was talking to a man I might've called Viking. but we do not talk anymore after I made my feelings clear to him.

i feel many things, most of the time, its anger, the other times, confusion, hurt, rejection..etc. but I do not blame him. mostly because, i am quite annoying as a human being.

one of the things i took to as a way to distract me from the pain, was reading. i read so much that it was impossible to feel anything except the emotions that I was told to through a page. but in between books I would have nights where i wouldnt be able to focus on the words, and I would ponder what was it i did wrong, what was it that made him deem me worthless, not worth responding to. and I would come up blank because my self-preservation wont allow me believe that because I made my intentions clear that I was in the wrong to do so when I feIt that our relationship was taking the wrong turn. if I am allowed to call it a relationship, because quite frankly it was a level below a situationship and a level above a friendship. that I was quite sure of.

as I sit here and write after almost two months of silence from his end and mine, because I refuse to be the one to break it. call it pride, call it stubbornness, I was not the one to ghost the other. i refuse to chase after someone who clearly does not want me. but still can't deny that I lay in bed every night at some godforsaken hours of the night wishing, and hoping that he would just take a step towards me. as I had done to him that one Wednesday afternoon in April.

my point is that my interest in men started out of necessity but it has evolved into a yearning of something that seems quite unattainable. i am not attractive by any means, but I am not of the ugliest sort. i have seen people with more weight with worse features than I with partners who could care less about appearances. which to say that my looks shouldn't be any good reason to ghost me. and while I don't necessarily think that my appearance was the reason for the silence I do struggle with the way l look so my insecurities have found a very good home in the found silence from him. i am working on losing weight out of a bet with friends but also out of bitterness but nevertheless, he is a man and if he wont block me than he must see what he is missing out on.

but again, I used to think I would never be that girl. the one who wanted something but she cant have it. which is quite the diabolical because the entirety of the 11 months we talked I had many panic/ anxiety attacks over how our appearances didn't match, our aesthetics weren't compatible, about how I was too ugly for him or too fat for him. but he seemed the sort that was straightforward and didnt waste other peoples times. i guess i was wrong in the sense that he kept me around because he was bored and disposed of me when it got too serious for his liking. i thought i always had the upperhand, that if things ended i wouldnt be too hurt about it and do what i do best, find the next boy to obsess over.

funny enough, he seemed interested. but i cant know for sure. i mightve made it up in my head.

i have a fear, which shouldnt be a fear but it is. remember how i said that my first crush was out of necessity? well that seems to be the case with me from 7th grade to the end of highschool. which is crazy because you would think with all the men i obsess over that i would find men attractive. i think there is a clear line between celebrities and fiction characters from a real person with undeliberate faults and thing you cant control.

i never thought any of my crushes were ugly, they were good looking but they didnt make me feel attracted to them. it didnt help that i was also the type to watch from a far and not the get close and comfortable.

considering this my first person that i liked and held an 11 months conversation/-ship with i think i did very good but that doesnt change that i read too many romantic book and i had a silver of hope.

a silver of hope that maybe i wasnt weird or shitty for not feeling attracted to anyone in my life. that i finally found someone who literally embodied my dream guy and couldnt have been more perfect. if only he was better at communicating.

he says that he is traumatized from long distance relationships, i now understand that it mightve been his fault. he doesnt communicate. in the 11 months we have known each other i know about a handful of things about him while he had me all figured out. except for one thing. he never got my fear of relationships. since i suspect he ghosted me because he thought i would want one. i guess ghosting me seemed like his best option.

i might not be undesireable but i am not anyone's first choice either. usingmedia to distract me from my emotions literally has become my life. i read about 15 hockey romances the weeks after the ghosting. i was already reading regency era adult romances but i couldnt bring myself to finish them because i had spoken to him about them. this decision i will regret because i talked about everything with him. i mentioned this before. quite literally everything reminds me of him. and its quite sad because i cant evn ssay what we had was special. i decided yesterday that he wasnt worth all of this, and i know he isnt. but i am tired. i just want to be dessired and wanted.

i literally stopped reading a book because the male interest did the same thing that he did to me, essentially to the female protag. i cant even pick up the raunchy adult romance.

i didnt let my self feel the extent of my emotions, only in small slivers of despair, or when i am too tired to pretend that his actions didnt affect me.

he was perfect in all ways but one and i was all faults except for one; my immenient need to communicate.

and no one knows, a friend of mine knows, but they dont know everything, i dont want her to get annoyed with me. i was in her place too many times and i refuse to put her through that. and our mutual friends?

hahahahaha the other night i was speaking with S, and he said that the last time he spoke to him, he mentioned me and Viking said 'oh i havent spoken to her in a while' thats it. no explaination no excuse. i dont even know why that infuriated me. i wasnt even worth an explaination in his eyes. S barely found out via vague summary from me. because even though i was/am hurt. i refuse to tarnish his reputation. 'in a while' ????? you mean two months? but then again S couldnt remember the last time he talked to him. but like still?

forget that we were flirting constantly i thought i was friend at least. i deserve more than this. i think. maybe not then.

i want to scream and shout and hit him and cry about why he didnt want me. but i realize thats self depricating. i should never seek validation from a man, i know but it wouldnt fucking hurt fam.

i have so much to say and yet i feel like its already too much. i should keep quiet. thats what people want from me. for someone who is 'boy crazy' i have not stomached going on a dating app, or boy watching in public because it physically hurts. for gods sake i cant even read fanfiction or just READ because of it. any sight of anything merely romantic makes me want to yell. i am tired and i want to turn everything off. including my stupid rat brain that only seems to be attracted to assholes.

but the same fucking stupid brain cant help but hope that is our enemies to lovers story. one day... god i hope one day...

#halie #i...dont even know anymore #thoughts #quite literally all the thing i want to say and i have much more #halie thoughts #i feel like crying #the other mutual friend is my best friend who introduced us in the first place and she was very flip floppy about the whole thing #i dont know whether shell say i told you sso or comfort me #quite frankly i dont know which i want or prefer #both options will make me histerical #i already am #i feel very dumb

[purkinje-effect]

Asking for Trouble

Cait gets a terrible first impression of Melancholy, my Sole.

This blurb has sat in my drafts for a few years now, and I decided to polish it up and finish the thought. Not sure if the encounter will be canon to Anatomy, but it’s here nonetheless. (For those curious to timeline placement, we’ll say this is roughly after the Park Street Station stuff in Fourth Instar, and sometime after his falling out with Mac.)

TWs: Heavy angst, injury and death, drug use and alcohol, explicit description of drug side effects, and violence-baiting.

Cross-posted on AO3 here if you’d rather. Likes, comments, kudos, etc. are all greatly, greatly appreciated.

_____________________________________

Someone at the Dugout Inn had mentioned this place. ‘Choly had come here with a vague recollection that the Combat Zone had once paraded skin. It only served to live up to its name now without any innuendo. Observing a little violence could be cathartic, too, and damn, if he couldn’t use some catharsis after his myriad missteps in Goodneighbor. All his life a spectator, vicarious in every regard.

He belonged here far before Goodneighbor or Diamond City, regardless of looking the part. Who could say a quavering, grey little man wearing a white three piece suit over head-to-toe leather orthotic braces didn’t fit right in among these earthly, physical misfits? He certainly couldn’t see any hackneyed political messes or territory wars erupting here: only people blowing off steam any way they could find it.

He couldn’t entirely say he minded that Angel’s compulsive cleaning habits almost always nettled the Hister Handy into picking up after social locations like this burlesque theater which now showcased cage fights. The possibility any of these raiders might hack it almost avoided him altogether, since he seemed like the only one with a Pip-Boy with which to do so. Such a worry would stick with him long-term after what he’d seen the Rust Devils do to Lowell.

His mind sang praises that Angel had allowed him to resume adding alkaloids to his meal replacement beverage, the Melancholia. Hubeine gave him negligible trouble compared to other options.

The fight unfolding before him was the billed spectacle for the night: for one hour, plus implicit encores, Cait would take down any body foolish enough to step foot into the cage to fistfight her unarmed. He swirled at some bourbon in a shot glass, from his bar seat to one side of the stage. His cataract eyes raised as he watched her continue through the athletic redhead’s performance. Somehow she managed restraint just shy of lethal blows, despite her precision and brute force. Any composure belied the depth of her murderous and bottomless rage. Glassy and lugubrious, he followed her bared teeth and retracted lips, her unblinking eyes, her adrenaline-wired and overworked musculature, her leaden instinctual footwork.

Despite having knocked out seven opponents in twenty minutes already, she wore more of their blood than they did.

In every mannerism, he recognized his enlisted in her. He stopped sipping at his liquor and threw the glass back, only to refill it.

Cait danced with the eighth opponent for about a minute before things escalated. The burly, hairy man pulled a switchblade on her, and managed to gouge her in the arm. In the physical sense, it didn’t faze her. In the mental sense, it had shattered the sanctity of her performance. She roared at him and lunged to sink her teeth into his face.

The crowd exploded. Her ghoul manager stepped in and attempted to stop the match-up, but he knew better than to get between her and the fool. She refused first aid, intent to fuck the guy up. The man kept his distance from her, knife still drawn, clutching at his gushing cheek. she voiced her displeasure to her manager, and he seemed to walk away and leave her again to her opponent... Only to bring her a baseball bat. A bloodied grin ripped across her face as she choked up on it like a familiar friend.

‘Choly smiled quaintly, head askew. The ghoul knew that the crowd demanded results--and more importantly, he knew that the crowd needed to see the consequences of forsaking what little honor they agreed upon in this dive.

She slugged him in the head. As he fell over, she proceeded to beat the shit out of him. The resultant din deafened much how ‘Choly might imagine Fenway Park during the World Series. Not that baseball had been his druthers. God, he wished that had been him on the receiving end. Between her hair, her leather corset, and the carnage, red was so very much her color. Head to toe, she was rage incarnate.

No one wanted to challenge her after that, especially not if they had to step around the bloody mess she’d splattered across the stage.

Time blurred a bit in ‘Choly’s shot glass. The next he looked up, he realized the champion sat beside him to drown herself in a fifth of vodka straight from the bottle. He straightened as coolly as he could, shifting to watch her. He adjusted his half-moon glasses, but could otherwise not obfuscate his alarm. He couldn’t leave alone the familiarity of the untethered ferocity with which she carried herself.

“Forgive me if this is forward of me, but I will get you any chems you want, if you will swear off cyclomorphine. The Psycho.”

“Bull shit,” came a potent Irish twang. She slammed down the bottle. Beneath the indignity in her glower, a tinge of fear felt more like the pressure of desperation. “You suggestin’ I couldn’t possibly fight as well as I do, weren’t I doped up? Your stupid mug hasn’t been here before. I’d remember. Who the hell do you think you are, to go around insultin’ the talent?”

His heart begged hot for her to retaliate. His gloved fingers tapped gingerly at the barely varnished countertop.

“I mean it. Name it. Med-X. Calmex. Anything but Psycho. I’ll even get dirty and brew you the most potent Jet you’ve ever had, if what you really need is escapism and not a low. CM isn’t a chem. It’s a death sentence. And... even if that’s the desired end result, that’s just about as gruesome and painful as it gets.”

She swiveled on the bar stool, resting both hands squarely on her spread knees. Her dead gaze bored through him.

“The fuck do you care so much about this wild theory of yours? You go around cold readin’ everybody’s vices tryin’ to hock your snake oil? Some salesman you are. You’ve got the Charisma of a Mirelurk egg that’s been in the sun.”

He raised his hands in defense, and then said what he meant sooner than meaning what he said.

“I’m not trying to sell you anything. I keep trying to offer solutions to the people I’ve hurt with my life choices, fix the damage rather than enterprise on it. Please let me get you chasing a different devil. Anything but that.”

“You’ve never met me in your life, and I don’t know your name or face from a Molerat in the floorboards. Don’t you try and bullshit me into believing you’re capable of fixing what ails me--and don’t you dare try to take credit for anyone that’s wronged me.”

“I’m the reason Psycho exists in the quantities it does in the Commonwealth. So yes, your pain IS my fault, at least part--”

His jaw seared. ‘Choly found himself sprawled in the floor. He felt around for his glasses, and as they returned to his face, he smiled up at her imploringly from where she stood over him. She cracked her knuckles sourly.

“I don’t have time for this nonsense. Tryin’ t’say I’m the one’s got a chem problem. What color is the sky for you? Forget you.”

Her hard exterior began to show signs of crumblign, in a series of stifled tics, most noticeably a corner of her mouth and the same ear. He could only begin to speculate to what exactly it was she’d taken exception, but he had to keep her attention, hold her contempt. Charm had never come naturally to him, so instead he had to sound the part of insisting at all costs that he was right.

“--Fine, you don’t want to quit. That’s a choice, too. I’ll make however much Psycho you want. You want to go out like that, I can help you with that. But I want you to know just exactly what that death looks like. Abscessed injection sites. Your gums and cuticles bleed. Your tear ducts bleed. It weakens all your capillaries, the tiniest blood vessels in your body. Internal bleeding. Organ deterioration. The numbness doesn’t turn off the pain--it only makes it so you don’t care. Is the anger easier than the hurt? If that’s how you want to go out, I’m not in any position to question it. But you might as well have an expert supplying you with it.”

Rather than help him up, she bore a heel down on his right hand. With an anxious chuckle, he winced, but welcomed being pinned in place. She glared down at him, seething. She didn’t want to hear another word from him, but she had to. Something about him surely sounded more deranged than intoxicated, and it threatened to haunt her.

“Do you know why cyclomorphine exists?” he continued, breath stuttering all the while. “Do you know what it is? Of course not. It was a prewar chemical--I can’t even comfortably endear it a chem--that the military developed so its soldiers no longer felt injury or fatigue. They endeavored to engineer soldiers who wouldn’t quit when hurt, even fatally. And it was only one of a dozen projects of its kind, to exploit the different aspects of human limits. Nothing human came from refining Psycho. It destroys something fundamental to a sense of humanity. The perfect formula didn’t concern itself with whether the patient came back in one piece, or alive at all. The Deenwood Project wasn’t poetic, wasn’t artistic, didn’t make a single beautiful thing. The fact that CM fell into paramilitary use after my tenure ended with the Army... and the fact it now as a result flows freely throughout the country as holdovers from... from the police attempting to keep the peace through intense and consistent violence... The fact is, I’m one of the chemists responsible for cyclomorphine’s end product. Responsible for it being one of the devices of America’s victory at Anchorage... So yes, yes I am. Responsible for what ails you. You’re civilian collateral of the United States Army.”

Her posture shifted slowly from anger to bitterness. She ground her heel into his palm. He pretended the token of her grief got through the reinforced officer’s glove.

“It’s not my place to question the source of your pain, and it’s not my place to insist that I be the one to take it away. I simply know that no matter how great the pain you’re in... Psycho dissolves parts of you, every time you use it to numb you. It begins physically, then advances to spiritually. It robs you of who you are.”

“That’s just the thing. I can’t handle bein’ me. This is the only part I’m fit to play. Besides, Tommy only cares if his juggernaut brings in the caps. I’m beholden to a contract. And the way I see it, you’re tryin’ to come between a man and his money, pokin’ around where your nose doesn’t belong! You’re lucky we’re out here and not in the cage, creep. Either I’m paid to beat your arse, or you’re askin’ to get blackballed.”

He sighed dreamily up at her, almost regretting that she let up on his hand. She drew her fists when his hand went to the lining pocket of his vest, but he chuckled producing a sack of caps.

“I thought you’d never ask. I admire one who rests their agency in someone else’s hands--or pockets, as it were. Surely, this is to the tune of you doing the honors. Add a black eye to the busted jaw. Tack on whatever you like. Ladies’ choice.”

She snatched the sack from him, frowning incredulously.

“What kind of sick flirting game is this? You tryin’ to buy me into bed? I know I’m easy on the eyes, but this isn’t a brothel these days, in case your damaged brain can’t tell the difference.”

He knew he wouldn’t be getting back the sack, but at least he’d tricked her into accepting some fleck of reparations from him.

“How many caps would it take to break your contract? To get you out of here?”

A broken sarcastic laugh crackled out of her. He’d long since surpassed overstepping, having moved on to stepping on toes.

“You’re insane if you think I’d ever want to leave the Combat Zone, especially not on the arm of the likes of you. I’ve got everything I could want here--except right now, not a place without you. You’re the one who needs to lay off the chems. Get your stupid brain-damaged arse out of here before I ask Tommy what I can do with you.”

He whistled for Angel, then retrieved his cane to stand.

“I suppose if you won’t let me help you, obliging you is the least I can do.”

With his Handy by his side, the two left without further question.

On his walk back to Hotel Rexford, he accepted that he’d probably never know the answer, but still he wondered if he had the same or opposite trouble as Cait: Were the two chasing a perpetual numbness, or were they chasing the futility of trying to feel anything again, at any cost?

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout cait #cait fallout #sole survivor #combat zone #melancholy #deplorable karma sole survivor #battle for anchorage #psycho #whump

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

Let’s say I waited to get this out because of the hiatus, you know- stretching it, it’s definitely not because I’ve had zero time (& recently been obsessed with gif-making instead).

To start, them chatting about their woes is cute team stuff that I’ve been missing with the drama of that little hit&run the other day. Eeeeeeven if they didn’t give Jimmy the hug I wanted them too- it was fitting for the recent moods & them in general, frankly. And we’ve gotten back to a little friendly banter as well which makes my heart full 🥰 (buuuut a new side of Nick banter...keep reading ➡️). So Ellie shocked & then pushing Nick to go see the Navy museum and him just casually agreeing instead of poking fun or adamantly saying no (like he would’ve a few seasons ago) AND while he joked about the car being cheaper than his rent (cue the histerics at his “too soon?” ya little shit) but when Ellie tells him to stop teasing McGee- he immediately listens to his wife & stops???.......you know what we call that @indestinatus?.....GROWTH.

Then of course we get the sweetest moment of Nick telling Ellie to read aloud this romantic letter to “escape” because you know- doctors orders- not at all someone wanted to dream romantic thoughts about his partner, no not at all 👀👀 BUT THEN. Nick coming all the way across the garage just to be next to Ellie when she read that letter like he’s physically drawn to her *swoon* & then his face, he’s so enthralled by the story with a soft smile on his face—imagining two people falling in love it’s SO CUTE. NICHOLAS TORRES BELIEVES IN LOVE- IM NOT SOBBING YOU ARE. And not only love, but love at first sight. Because “Art got game” as he gives a side eye smirk to Ellie knowing he’s projecting himself on Art and saying that *he’s* got game in his classic slightly macho manner. But then realizing that two people can love each other so deeply even so quickly but still not end up together??? The sadness that laces his voice is palpable- he fears it could happen to him & Ellie but never before this moment had he realized that it could be an option. Yes he’s seen Ziva & Tony go through a lot of hardship, but remember that opening scene? Yeah the one we got confirmation that they’re back together as a happy family? Yeah, that one. The one where love still wins. But this is different.

Love didn’t win.

Love didn’t win until almost 30 years later when Art felt it necessary to take his own life. Love didn’t end up together until death, but that was unfathomable to Nick until this very moment.

Two people in love may not end up together. Game- fucking- changer, Nick Torres.

Moving right along to the heart of the matter for Nick...the scene with Art and Carter breaks my heart - and is such a transcendent metaphor for Nick. He’s just an “every day quarter and a tarnished one at that” in Carter’s words & his mind. That’s exactly how he views himself, not deserving of someone as special and unique and exquisite as Ellie. Likely the reason he still hasn’t decided to stop being a wuss. And that letter put all those worries into words for Nick even if it wasn’t about himself, hence his exaggerated reaction to it. It’s his biggest struggle with voicing his feelings. Ellie deserves a million dollar coin- not a sad, old tarnished one.

But that just fuels him to solve this case more- for the notion of true love exists. Because it’s Nick’s handwriting and heart on their case board - i don’t care what @thekeyboardninja’s handwriting analysis says 🙉 Theeeeeen, Ducky calling them out and Nick’s classic whAAAAAt is gold along with Ellie’s logical brain deflecting but then both being like OMGHEGOTARING...too freaking cute 😩🥰🥰 Y’all can’t tell me you weren’t invested, I see right through you. Nick wants this (and Ellie too) to have a happy ending because it means that he can have a happy ending.

Flash forward to the next day & Ellie says “when Nick and I left last night” my mind: ok y’all carpooling or living together or married or what now 👀 but them getting defensive over the team’s accusations of Art being guilty is so cute, they’re so wary of McGee thinking bad of “them” (even if it’s not them them, it’s Art & Annie- can’t keep it straight guys? 🤔🤭) And Nick saying Art gave his life to the Navy and that he wouldn’t mess that up is so much growth from his outburst when he first started of having no family, no wife, no kids- for what. Bro has come a loooong way to say things like that now, maybe a certain team or blonde agent changed his mind 😯😯😯

Nick looking so grim when he realized Art and Annie would’ve gotten together if she hadn’t been killed - boy you thinking oh shit Ellie could die and I might not get to be with her??? I see you looking at her, I see it. I refer back to my earlier words:

Two people in love may not end up together. Game- fucking- changer, Nick Torres.

Finally, the last scene together in Jack’s office...Ok Nick moves over for Ellie on the couch (it’s off screen and probably just differences in scene shooting but WHATEVER) because he’s a gentleman and so aware of her presence and space even in a crowded room (⬅️ hint for one of my next gifsets). And then they’re so close on that couch their knees and shoulders are practically touching 😭 can y’all not keep me swooning??

Once again missing ending scene but it is what it is (aka fanfic thank you very much) 😬😘

Side notes: I love the Ellie & Kasie dynamic, #girlpowerallday. Kasie is a flipping GENIUS. And also McGee’s “good idea boss” after scolding Jimmy had me cackling weeks later.

#WWR #ncis #ellick #torres x bishop #17x16 #it took me forever don’t hate me

[lottesseenaghoul]

RE:169 quick thoughts before I go into rabbit hole of tg posts on tumbler (edited)

So I was expecting the scans to come out on Thursday but was surprised to see some fresh panels in the uta tag and FLIPPED.jpeg at my behavioural economics lecture. Honestly not the best place for getting a nosebleed xdd

Anyways here are some of hot takes I got from reading the chapter. More nuanced meta probably on its way. I read it on mangastream and I did screenshots there.

The chapter starts with the first part of Uta’s tattoo quote and ends with the second part, forming a sort of narrative framework to read it.

We jump straight into the fray, with contrasting shots of Yomo’s damn fine looking face and Uta’s there as well, clearly guided by very basic thinking and mostly intuitive, emotional impulses:

Like this is typical, stereotypical “unhinged” face people do in mangas. A mix of enthusiasm and bloodlust, it says this guy went “insane”. Ugh. Uta’s mental health warrants a LOT of unpacking nevertheless so let’s leave this face’ implications for later. 

We glimpse their fight styles then:

Uta is on the offensive, honestly his is such forceful, visceral way of attacking here - straight up fuck up your opponent with the sheer force of your blow. He is shown to be a lot more nuanced and deliberate in previous fights, steering clear from attacking and content with evading the blows, dealing some psychological damage afterwards. But that is Uta just half-assedly toying - clearly he doesn’t stop himself with Yomo. The reasons can be manifold - that’s how they’ve always done it; he’s so pumped, he stops thinking and loses himself in pure bloodlust; he’s in a serious crisis - this is my preferred angle.

Now his fighting style, besides the raw strength behind it, is also quick and agile. In a second Uta gets behind Yomo, and tries to strike through his body mid-air. His face looks like this:

Very unstable.

Uta’s pupils are incredibly large here - again, a visual reminder how little conscious control he might have in this situation. OR how vicious his intents are.

My impression is that when he’s led by such murderous motivation (whatever its composing parts), Uta moves intuitively, we don’t see him playing around or allowing to be struck. Here he has the initiative but Yomo can so far fend off or otherwise deal with his attacks.

I’m honestly so thirsty for Yomo in this chapter, just look at this fine motherfucker:

{I’m interjecting to thank my lord satan for my pan-shipping, slutty heart because now UtaRen became another ship I love. Add in some Itori and you have another one. This one just keeps on giving <3}

Also Uta is so messy here, my baby all playful like a rabid hyena. 

Despite all the refinements older Uta keeps about himself (suave clothing, neat hair, designer mask studio, antiques in glass cases, chess), he didn’t seem to have done much growing up, emotionally. Donato comments on it like that:

You just gotta love the fact that for most of the manga Uta keeps the facade of actually being the least reckless of the ghouls. But I trust Donato on this, who seems to know Uta’s darker impulses fairly well. Possibly better than Yomo and that dude got his fair of beating from Uta too.

What got me interested is how Amon had commented how pointless Clowns endeavours were. Initially I thought it’s Donato who said it, but later on he tells Amon that he would soon understand...

Oh Amon looks fine AF too. Be still my slutty heart!

Furuta says something possibly pivotal for the incoming plot arc:

(IDK wtf this is, but if even Furuta comments on it as if he was both grossed out/scared, it must be important. Oh, he meets Kaneki too, no biggie. “That’s just freaky!!”, I love you Nimura)

Back to my boys, Yomo is getting beat up but mostly evades Uta’s attacks and looks more and more pissed. Uta just looks like a dumbass. Or rather as stupid as cats who torture smaller critters for fun and recreation do:

Also we get a glimpse of his kagune. It seems to be very elastic, easily changing shapes as Uta sees fit. It was just this gigantic mass of RC cells in the beginning panels, now it’s much more resembling the spider legs en masse that we remember from his fight with Juuzou:

But what is most important here, we finally get the first shot of Itori. She is wearing a mask in the beginning, and it’s important in context of what Uta will be saying shortly: edit: It’s Itori speaking, thoughts on that in a different post.

She’s an observer in that panel, very significantly voiceless, not shown to be nearly as amused as Nico here:

Uta’s Itori’s words are honestly a key to Clown’s philosophy and deserve a meta of its own. [In the beginning I thought these were Itori’s words, especially after I saw “Kanekichi” being mentioned; it’s how she had referred to Kaneki before.] - no wonder, it was my brain’s way to remind me I was far too concentrated on Uta to consider the awesomest queen Itori :/

Uta Itori says something very interesting here:

Obviously, if he were to be an OEK, first or the second one, that would be right up the alley. But even if not, it hints at very interesting possibilities. I want to see Ishida expand on it in some flashbacks. 

The most important words are coupled with shots of Itori slowly taking her mask off. It has a very dramatic effect.

Theres a heck ton to unpack here. Honestly I would never think Uta would look at his value system from that particular angle. Edit - and he wouldn’t because he is currently in the midst of a mayor meltdown. It’s Itori who actually bothers with explaining.

He She refers to the coldness of their existence as ghouls, of how senseless it is - like a vast, cold void stretching infintiely in front of them. 

Uta’s ways of searching for warmth are probably the only ones somebody as uprooted as him could come up with - he sees drawing blood, wounding (but also getting wounded - Uta seems to have a very laissez faire attitude to him perishing eventually as we remember from his talk with Donato).

According to Uta  Itori, Yomo is the warm one. For him her, it’s via bloodletting that he can get closer to taste it. Edit Uta def seconds that in the panels to come with his own actions

 I still think there’s some theatrics involved in this speech, as the next panel shows....

God, way to make your opponent unsuspecting of your next move Uta. 

And we get another important shot of Itori. She’s clearly positioned as somewhat stradling the line between Uta and Yomo but this series consistently shows her as being closer to Uta nevertheless.

Her eyes are shining so bright here, it’s clear she’s in deep thought and possibly a bit torn apart with what’s happening here. What Uta says clearly strikes a cord but her taking the mask off, idk it may signal some important differences between her and Uta’s worldview. That or it’s a sign she identifies with his words deeply. Edit ditto, these are her words and the scene took entirely different meaning and made me Love Itori, the first time since reading the series.

Honestly Uta is just beginning tho, as he has some creepy words about dreaming of the day where he would get his hands stained with Yomo’s blood. He actually left Yomo on the ground to have this mini speech properly. He’s posturing as far as my impressions go - Uta reverts to his younger persona, sans earlier sentiments of not wanting to cut his fun short by killing the only one ghoul who could match him somewhat. 

The most important thing in this chapter is what Yomo says next...

Here Uta is, going off about his strange blood kink and Yomo goes all shonen manga on him. But it’s not the same shonen posturing he did in previous chapter. We don’t see his eyes - we see Uta’s and that dude is honestly #shook. 

Naturally he reacts in ways only Ishida can think of. Honestly how Yomo’s words are literally drowned out by Uta’s uncontrollable and histerical laughter is such a masterful move:

This is the guy who dug up Ren from the ground because he was his “friend”. Now he’s just a mouth apparently.

Idk but this seems like the key panel for analyzing Uta from psychological angle. This dude most pronounced feature is his mouth which is nothing like human’s or ghoul alike. It’s like he’s truly the chaotic trickster god with none of the sentiments he was hinted to possess.

I was talking with @gaiajulz and I love how she pointed out that it seems like Uta is actually drowning out Yomo’s heartfelt words and he isn’t even fully aware he’s doing it. With Uta’s firm worldview, he’d rather go full crisis-mode instead of acknowledging how vulnerable and in need of closeness he is. 

Honestly Uta is soo Washuu-like in this panel, like Furuta’s older brother or something. First screech like a  Cthulu monster and then do a little happy dance!

What’s important is how Uta links what he sees as Yomo’s nivete with his emotional honesty and lack of any hidden agendas. Yomo is pure and good and this is why he is naive enough to trust a world like this. Uta saw so many sides to it, he literally sees no other option than to play the fool, including fooling around with one of the precious few of potentially close people in his life.

I also think he kind of looks like crying? From laughing so hard maybe. 

The chapter ends with my baby going full kakuja (predictably it’s his shifty face that’s the most inhuman part here, just a mass of flesh) and this flirty words:

Renji seems so shocked, it’s possible he had never seen this form. Either way he’s speechless.

And Uta’s philosophy is hinted at again - he’s willing to trample his friend just to feel anything. 

What we are dearly in need of is some good meta on Uta’s mental health, how his values feature into it and how his own actions contribute to it unraveling. Obviously such speculations are about as scientific as psych profiling but I feel it would be very important to try and understand this character better.

And boy, is there a lot to unpack here... 

Edit - crossed the parts where it’s suggested it’s Uta who summarizes Clown’s philosophy. It’s Itori and I don’t get my brain could hint at the discrepancies in my own thinking but not make the definite link. Gotta love that sweet ADHD folks.

#uta #tg #tgre #tgre spoilers #tg theories #tg meta #tg theory #yomo renji

[ofstarsandvibranium]

It's Just a Little Crush

Fandom: Star Wars (Modern AU)

Pairing: Singer!Poe Dameron x Actress!Reader

Summary: Despite being a celebrity yourself, you had a celebrity crush on world famous singer, Poe Dameron. Many of your followers on your social media knew this…including tv show host, James Corden. With his help, you end up facing your celebrity crush.

You were a big upcoming actress. Sure, you were known for playing memorable side characters. However, about a year ago, you landed a role that changed your life. In the movie adaption of young adult novel “Fangirl” by Rainbow Rowell, you landed the role of both Cather and Wren. It was amazing because 1) You loved the book to death and 2) This was your big break! So now you’re here on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

“So there’s this young adult novel called Fangirl and it’s written by Rainbow Rowell.” A few cheers are heard from the audience, “Yes! So now there’s a film coming out! So let’s give it up for the star of the movie Y/N L/N!!” The audience erupts in cheers and screams as you walk onto the stage. You hug James and sit down, “Hello, Y/N and welcome to the show!”

You smile and bounce in your seat, “Oh my gosh! Hi! I’m so nervous and happy to be here!”

“You’re nervous? Why?!” James asked.

“Well, you’re one of my favorite tv hosts. I absolutely love carpool karaoke.”

James scoffed, “Girl, please! Flattery will get you..everywhere.” You laugh. “So, Y/N did you read the book before even auditioning?”

Your eyes widened in excitement, “Yes! I did, actually and I love it! And, of course, I read it again when I got the role to help me get into character.”

“Because you’re not playing just one person. You’re playing two?”

You nod in confirmation, “Yup! I’m playing the twins Cather and Wren!”

“So, this movie is all about fangirls. Are you part of any fandoms or do you consider yourself a fangirl?”

“Yes, actually! I do! I’m in the Disney fandom, DC fandom, and Harry Potter fandom.” Cheers come from the audience and you cheer with them, “Yeah! Fandoms!” You giggle at the end.

“So do you fangirl over any celebrities?”

“Oh definitely! Yeah! Like Beyonce, Orlando Bloom, Henry Cavill.”

“Yep! Me too! Fanboy and proud!” He sticks his hand up and you high five with both of you giggling, “So, I have to ask: are you a big fangirl of the singer Poe Dameron?”

People scream from the audience at the sound of the same. You nod and point to them, “Yup. Same.” The crowd laughs, “Yeah, if you guys follow me or even check me out on my social media, I’m totally in love with him. His music is AMAZING and he’s sooo cute! I’ve gone to his concerts, I have his merchandise, I listen to his music like every single day. It’s pretty bad.”

“Well, I have a surprise for you,” James said.

Your eyes widened, “Oh no. Please tell me you didn’t.”

James slowly nodded, “Oh I did. Ladies and Gentleman give a warm welcome to singer Poe Dameron!”

Poe walked out and everyone was cheering loud. He waved to the crowd and walked up to the stage. He gave James a hug and sat down next to you. You sat there blushing like mad with your head in your hands.

James was laughing and Poe was just smiling watching you. You lifted your head up and began fanning yourself. You pointed at James, “I hate you soooo much right now.”

James laughed, “You’re welcome!”

You turned to Poe and he smiled, “Hi, there.”

“Hi,” you squeaked out. The crowd aw-ed. You glared at the audience, “Oh stop it! This is a nightmare!” The audience, Poe and James all laughed.

“Why?! I thought you’d be happy!” James said.

“Oh, I am! But I’m also mortified!”

Poe chuckled and asked, “Why’s that?”

“I just admitted I had a celebrity crush on you and you’re here! I’m so embarrassed!”

“Well don’t be! Because I have a celebrity crush on you too.”

You looked at him incredulously, “Don’t lie!”

Poe held up his hands, “I’m not lying!”

You looked to James, “Is this really happening right now?”

“Yes, I believe it is.” He said with a big smile. He looked to the camera, “So we’ll let these two get acquainted and we’ll see you guys in a bit!” The producer yelled for commercial and you were still a mess.

An intern ran up and gave you and Poe some water. Poe watched as you avoided his gaze. He smirked, “You know I don’t bite…unless you’re into that.” You choked on your water a bit and looked at Poe surprised. He laughed.

“I’m ready to die now.” You mumbled.

“You know you’re really cute.” Poe said as he leaned into you.

You shyly smiled, “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself.”

James interrupted you two, “Hey guys! Let’s go! Time to get ready for Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.”

“Oh great,” you mumbled.

The three of you sat at a large round table with different disgusting things younwere meant to eat.

The producer counted down, “Ready in three…two…ONE!”

James looked into the camera, “Welcome back guys! So now we’re going to play a little fun game called Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts. So the point of the game is that you truthfully answer the question asked, aka spill your guts. If you can’t, you have to eat which ever thing we choose for you, aka Fill Your Guts! So let’s see what we have here: Bird saliva, meal worms, a thousand year old egg, hot sauce, chicken feet, cod sperm, fish eye, and a cow tongue.”

“It’s like the cow will lick you back.” Poe said with a smirk.

“Oh that’s just gross!” You said with a laugh.

“So I’ll go first.” James picked up the first card and laughed, “Okay! So this is for Y/N. So I think I’ll let you have,” he looked at the options on the table. He moved the table around, “I think I’ll give you the fish eye.” You groaned as he asked the question, “Y/N, out of your squad of Gal Pals, who do you think is the most problematic?”

You bit your lip debating whether you should answer the question or not, “You know what? I’m gonna answer this because I’m pretty sure she knows herself, Zoe!” Everyone clapped as you didn’t have to eat the fish eye. It was your turn to go. You picked up the card and read it. “So this goes to Poe. So, because of your disgusting comment, I’m gonna let you have some tongue time.” The crowd ew'ed as you turned the table to the cow tongue. You cleared your throat, “Poe Dameron-”

“Yes, beautiful?” Poe asked with a smirk.

You tried to keep calm and exhaled a deep breath, “Poe Dameron, out of all of your girlfriends, who was the worst in bed?”

You watched as Poe’s jaw clenched. He picked up at cow tongue. The crowd started screaming in disgusting. He took a deep breath and then bit into the tongue. You turned away. James was laughing histerically.

You turned back to see Poe taking a big gulp of water. You giggled, “Enjoy it?”

“Well, I’ve always liked a little tongue.” Poe winked at you making you blush.

Poe looked at the card and looked at you, “Looks like it’s your turn again, sweetheart.” He made the shot of hot sauce face you, “Y/N, when this is over, would you like to go on a date with me?”

Everyone, including James Corden, began screaming and laughing, “That was so smooth!” James exclaimed.

Your eyes were as wide as the sun. You looked at Poe, who had a smug smile on his face. You picked up the shot of hot sauce and took a breath. Poe’s smile faltered and you laughed setting it back down, “Yeah. I’ll go on a date with you.” Everyone in the crow applauded.

James put his hands on his head in surprise, “I can’t believe that just happened. I’m happy for you two. So that’s all the time we have! I hope you all enjoyed the show! Good night, everyone!”

The producer yelled, “That’s a wrap!” And everyone began cleaning things up.

You hugged James, “Thank you for having me! I had so much fun!”

“Oh, I bet you did.” He winked at you. As he hugged Poe and said good-bye to the both of you.

Poe stood in front of you, hands in his pockets, “So you serious about going on a date with me?”

“You serious about asking?”

Poe smiled shyly, “Yeah.”

“Then it’s a yes.”

Poe fist pumped in the air, “Yes! Okay! Lemme give you my number so we can plan it.” He took out his phone and you took out yours. You switched phones and put your numbers in. Then traded them back.

“I’ll text you soon?” You asked a little unsure.

“I’ll be waiting, gorgeous.” He kissed you on the cheek, “Can’t wait.”

Poe waved good-bye to you and walked away and you just stood there in awe. You have a date…with your celebrity crush..you have a date…with Poe Dameron, “OH MY GOD!”

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #star wars #modern au #au

[novicesmileegao]

Another mistery isn't it?

While AkaYona fandom folks here are on their way from feeling betrayed to accepting 136 plot twist, me, who strangely fully accepts it all before even reading, and who is curriently can’t sleep well now, dying to know all details and has nothing better to do but wondering over another “betrayal” fellow fans live trough just recently. I’m talking about Yu-hon’s deeds in Shin. Truth to say, I’ve never expected Yu-Hon being some cinnamon roll in disguise, even if it would be fun. Why, I don’t really know, but… the way Kusanagi-sensei draw him somehow said it all to me. Like “no jokes, here is the warlord, cruel and merciless general”. Well, lil Su-Won speaks about him like any other child would speak about their father they adore and all, but that’s not the reason to make prince Yu-Hon fluffy. Then why soldiers saw him as a great leader? Simple - strong, fearless charismatic person, skilled in strategy, tactics, and millitary stuff in general is exactlly a portrait of the good leader in this universe. Well, Su-Jins’ example shows, that even if your people see you as living incarnation of a god, it’s nothing, when you actions at the same time are histerical or meant to harm your own army. It gives us two options - Yu-Hon’s people adored him out of the pure fear, or he never crossed this line with them. I think, it’s both. Yu-Hon, more likely was way too strict, but reasonable enouh, at least in his soldiers’ eyes. That’s rises another question: Shin massacre. I mean, murder of all captives is, no doubts, a cruel act, but in AkaYona realim it is not something so very unexpected from an enemy general, who is well known as merciless for reasons. This is ancient fantasy world, what else to say. And it’s where true cruelity of the act occurs. Murder itself maybe no hugest wonder in this context, but why to betray hopes, to break hearts of those, who was waiting their beloved ones back home, and who, one sec, already somehow trust winners and are on their mercy? It’s not like something that can break whole nation down, it would, more likely, create strongest hatred altogether with fear, a hatred that will overcome this fear one day and will hit stronger, than anything… And it’s an enemy Yu-Hon created for Kouka. Like he didn’t care. This murder looks as strategically unwise, as an act of pure hatred. It’s more like a histeria, a revenge… But revenge for what? Was something happened in Kouka recently, for what other side was blamed by mistake? And could this mistake be a reason that Ju-Nam found it better to make his obiviously less skilled yonger son a rightful successer? Or maybe it wasn't mistake? Or was Yu-Hon always like this and this is just a slice of his daily life? If so, how he managed even to live for so long? And that’s what is true mistery for me.

#akatsuki no yona #akayona #yu-hon #mistery #murder #headcanon #teories