im actually about to go fully insane. forgive any murders i may commit in the next 2-3 weeks
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going thru a breakup as an introvert is just a constant back and forth between “im so alone 😓” and “IM SO ALONE!!!! 🥳😍‼️”
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I’m to the point of my breakup where I’ll be old man posting for a bit. Just a heads up
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5.28 - i feel like giving you things / can you hear my heart leave
hearing my voice and not even recognizing it. it sounded too... confident. it wasn't that it was necessarily feminine or masculine sounding, i just didn't recognize the carelessness in it, like it used to sound like. and hearing bri tell everyone in a party of artists and professional musicians that the part i sang had become the hook of the entire song, the heart of everything, the part she sang over and over in her head--the drive. it meant that my vocal recording teacher didn't mean shit, it meant that i wasn't shit, and it meant that two years ago, when i was coked out talking to someone who i thought was the coolest person i'd ever met (bri) at a little show, where TB trucked along to keep me company and drive me home, it means that, back then, when i decided to change my entire plan for what i had in store for my life, and drop everything that no longer served me, long after it seemed everyone else had--it meant that i wasn't wrong. i wasn't delusional. i wasn't misguided. i wasn't irresponsible.
and this breakup isn't bad. i know this. i know that it was the right decision because of how much better we have been able to treat each other since we broke up. and, in some insane way, that i feel like no one believes, i feel like i know this was the right decision because, with the changes in our behaviors even in the last few weeks, i feel like i can see a future with us taht i didn't see a few months ago. it feels wrong in ways to not be with someone when you both want to be together in an ideal world. i know they'd come back if i let them in a heartbeat. just as they say that they know we're going to end up together, that they know it in their bones--this does not help with coping with a breakup, but it does help me cope with my daily existence.
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[experiencing emotional turmoil] wow im gonna be able to write so much cool angsty poetry now. Win
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Points for my 75 year old mom actually not being transphobic instead of just polite
When I told her my girlfriend and I broke up, she looked sad and said "oh no, I liked her." and then she looked guilty and was like, "Oh, I mean maybe she wasn't good for you, it's just that she was smart and read interesting books ."
so that's. you know, I learned something good about my mom.
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You said, "Come here love, let me take your pain away."
I held out my hand but you couldn't see me.
-mimi
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ignore me breakup posting im fine im just sad
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when my ex first started to play overwatch with me they asked if they appeared offline bc they “didnt want other friends to see them online” when i knew they were just going to use the fake offline to hide whenever they wanted to (as is their prerogative) and i said yeah theres no way to tell youre online bc there wasnt but. there IS a way to tell that i found completely on accident one day and i never told them cos i didnt want to make them paranoid and therefore stop playing or whatever so i kept it a secret
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And now starts the crying…
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[please don’t make me beg]
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breakup moodboard!
silver springs - fleetwood mac | holly warburton | cameron mccool | cardigan - taylor swift | mathilde roussel-giraudy | letter to an old poet - boygenius | still from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind | anna-laura sullivan | tears over beers - modern baseball | strangers - ethel cain | still from all too well
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"thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn't though" (he lives thousands of miles away from me)
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I feel bad about blocking my ex but also he is not good for me so it had to be done. Despite everything though and despite me wanting space,,,, I really do hope his life improves someday. I don't really take much joy in his suffering. I don't want him to suffer really, despite how pissed part of me is. I just want him to get better.
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