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mental-health-advice · 4 years

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Unfortunately her boyfriend backs her up. Short story is that she said she would spill hot water on me. If she didnt say "hot" I woykfnt have reacted panicky... she claims she never said hot and it turned into an argument to the point I locked myself in the bathroom at the time. Thst was right before an appointment at a mental health clinic and she threatened with the whole court thing so I wouldn't tell... still cant say it out loud, I ended up writing the situation as detailed (1|🦚🌺)

as I could at the time. Now it's just a blur. As for work I'm not sure when I can work... last October I got written in sick for school for the rest if the year as I'm mentally too unstable. (Abitur, i guess our equivalent to highschool?) I'm currently waiting for a response to an application to an art college (our college isnt university. Its essentially just high school focussed on a certain career path. In my case art/graphic design ) and then need to figure that out... but yeah (2|🦚🌺)

basically no dorms or anything here I could escape to since it isn't university. I don't even know if I'm mentally stable enough to return to school and I'm still scared to say goodbye to my current school and teachers (been here since 2012. I cried about this mess multiple times). I suppose I could try to look into grounding techniques but I'm just a tad unsure. Tomorrow (as of the time sending this) I have another appointment with my therapist. We wanted to talk about a certain topic (3|🦚🌺

But lots of stuff happened and after the last appointment I impulse sent her screenshots and messages from my mother. So since that has been getting very bad throughout the week I'm not sure if plans have changed ;;" guess I'll see tomorrow. - final|🦚🌺

Trying to process the past hour rn... gosh... shit happened. I dont even know the details but basically my mother and her BF argued, mom ran off, BFs mother came over, I tried to calm down 3 of my 5 siblings while also calling our dad and aunt, mom came back ; more arguing but no yelling. Tried to ask what exactly is going on but apparently I dont have the right to ask because I've called her out on her traumatizing shit behaviour... asked her via text if shes okay and she said : (1|🌺🦚)

"Obviously, I need to function!" The hour just seems like a blur. Trying to put everything together rn but it's hard. I usually am unable to call people, I know I was nervous about the situation since I kept walking in circles and playing with my hands and just zoning out slightly. So I assume it was just kinda my brain going "nervous. Need help. Call family!" without even realizing I usually am unable to do it. Its finally somewhat quiet... I hope the situation gets solved... - 🌺🦚

Hi again!

Oh gosh, this sounds like a lot for you to handle! I'm glad you were able to be there for your siblings when there was this altercation between your mom and her boyfriend, with the boyfriend's mom showing up. It sounds like you're a great sibling for being able to support them when these things happen even though they tend to be triggering for you. I think your siblings are lucky to have you!

Moving out seems like it would be tricky, but it's great that you're exploring your options with sn open mind! It's understandable if you're not mentally able to work or attend school right now, as your health is important. Perhaps this is just something you could work towards with therapy, or maybe even something you could talk to your therapist about. Your therapist may have more suggestions that we haven't thought of here that could help you get out of your mom's house, such as community resources or things along that line. Therapists tend to be pretty knowledgeable about these kinds of things so they might be able to brainstorm some other options.

It's great that you were able to open up with your therapist about what's going on with your mom, though it probably is scary not knowing what will happen or if you'll be able to talk about the topic you guys were originally going to discuss. Hopefully your therapist will let you decide which topic (your mom vs what you were planning to discuss) is more pressing, or maybe there will even be time to discuss both topics. The good news is that therapists usually let the client decide what they want io talk about, unless there's a concern about safety for instance, so hopefully yours will let you take the lead tomorrow. Either way, I think it's good that you sent those screenshots so that will at least start the conversation when you're ready to have it!

Finally, I'm glad you've been putting some thought into grounding techniques. They obviously don't work the same for everyone, but I've found that they can be really helpful when I get overwhelmed, which is why I thought of you when my therapist talked me through one last week. Maybe your therapist could help talk you through a grounding technique or help you find other coping mechanisms you would feel safe using at home. Just something to think about!

I hope that the rest of your day goes better than it has so far and that your appointment tomorrow goes well!

-Samantha

#abuse #family #therapy #🌺🦚#advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mhasamantha #Anonymous

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nxiousxpsistence · 2 years

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16/02/2022 - Am I an asshole to myself?

I woke up at around 6.20 today, for a Zoom meeting starting at 6.30 am. I don’t believe in personal preparation before any meeting. I wake up as early as that about once a week, as I work for an international NGO focusing on civic engagement back in [redacted] and my 6 is their 9. It was a 2-hour meeting that got me tired even before the day began.

Thorn/Bud: Interpreting between an Audience and an Organisation is much different than interpreting between an Organisation and its Advisory Board, where the discussions will be more in-depth and concepts used more abstract & wider in scope.

Then, I had a 3-hour F2F meeting booked in Enfield at 11 am, which meant I left home immediately after the first meeting. I was at the train station when I got a very unexpected bonus from an international (huge) organisation in my bank account. I’ve been working for 18 years and this was my first ever bonus! It’s funny how the amount you get unexpectedly matches exactly how much money you need at a given moment. Note to self: Raise your expectations!

It was going to be my first legal F2F appointment and I was a bit nervous for it. I did some online legal work and even appeared in a UK court before, but being there physically is always a different feel. Still, working as a community interpreter means all you really must do well is your actual job and the legal/medical services are more than happy to help you with administrative details. It then turned out that it was not only my first legal F2F, but also my first sight translation-only job. I was left in a room with my client and I read to them what specific documents in English said. I enjoyed every minute of it and seeing in their face that they did get a good understanding of what was being said meant a lot! It finished early and I was pretty happy about that.

As usual, I formed an immediate bond with the client and emphatised with them, which sometimes does hinder my work. It has something to do with how starved I am for a human connection here. I have never been this lonely in my life. Still, I need to learn how to keep my emotions out of it full stop - I found myself trying to - very slightly - nudge them in a specific direction - never anything major but flies are small, too. That’s not your job, GK, that’s not your job.

I got home at around 1 pm, had a nap, and sat on my usual chair to start working online at 3.30. I have a shift every week day on an international platform of remote interpreting, working for clients in the UK and U.S. It’s mostly medical or immigration-related and I do enjoy it when I have a lot of calls, although it does feel eerily like working at a call centre. I do find waiting in front of a screen with my headphones on a bit challenging - it’s always a dilemma:

I can’t not do anything at any given moment. I need to keep occupied with at least one video playing in the background and a translation/editing job to work on. But my video and my work may be interrupted at any moment by an incoming call, which I never know if on video or just audio. I end up a mess - tired, overworked, and - I don’t know how - but bored. This goes on until 9 pm. I’m now entering the last hour.

It’s an interesting job, though. You never know what will come up. Today it was two old men complaining about their aches and pains and a baby screaming in my ear while I was trying to hear what I was supposed to translate. I sometimes get mental health or immigration appointments. It keeps me going as long as I get a lot of calls.

All in all, today, I have had 4 pieces of work taking about 10 hours of my time and then some. Once I’m done with my shift, I’ll sleep for a bit, wake up early again to work on a translation job and then go for a medical F2F appointment at 10 am. It’s abortion again, yay!

I feel like I am treating myself poorly, like I am my own boss but the boss is pretty mean. But I’ve been like this for the last 18 years, I honestly don’t know any other way to go about it and I have a sneaking suspicion that I can’t shape it any other way unless some god decides to throw me into an entirely different path. I am thankful to my ADHD for the super powers, but I am not sure if I’m laying quite a horrible bed for my future, older self to lie in.

I am going to apply for a very high-level position at an international donor soon, which would mean a 9-5, job security, benefits, and an end to this horribly uncertain immigration scheme. My partner and I may even move out of this 10 square metres of en suite mess. I miss having a spare room in my 100-m2 apartment (oh and my cats!). I have a good feeling about it. Yet I can’t believe I am actually yearning for a routine, 8-hour office day, when the entire world seems to hate it.

Well, we’ll see.

#work #adhd #adultadh #interpreter #communityinterpreter #doireallylikemyjoborisitmyadhd #immigrant #london #remoteinterpreting #f2finterpreting #sighttranslation #lovely #aita

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ethicallysourcedhumanmeat · 3 years

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I think universal healthcare is good and i support it but there has to be better fucking infrastructure bc i shouldn't just be so far into undiagnosed reason for a 2-3cm cyst on my ovary that no one will do anything about without knowing the reason that i am just fully acclimated to labor level pain for 2+ weeks a month just based on the fact that my province can't afford to pay doctors as much as others

like we can rally against the political parties for lack of adressing the medical crisis in our province but unless we have the resources the western provinces have to pay healthcare personnel nothing will change

my best friend who is not from here suggested calling clinics till i get an appointment and changing doctors and i had to send them news articles to explain that im not being defeatist there literally isn't a doctor to change to and my only option is to go to sn ER and hope after a 6+ hr wait someone will believe me when i 'complain' about 'menstrual' pain.

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exoblush-blog · 7 years

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<SBS-in> launching D-6 🌟 For those of you who are waiting for this day, We are bringing you an eye-widening event! We are recruiting supporters(ambassadors) for <SBS-in> ~ 🎈 For our audiences/viewers who wants to join us as <SBS-in> supporters, You just need to follow few simple steps☝🏼️ - 1 Share : /Video message of k-pop stars /Speical Day Trailer /Making Video that are being uploaded on <SBS-in>Instagram/Facebook/Twitter accounts. Anywhere that can spread a word about our <SBS-in> channel will be perfect, whether it be a fan page, SNS accounts, Fan community, etc.👌🏼👌🏼 - 2. Don't forget to take screenshots every time you share our posts! - 3. Send in what you have gathered for 2 weeks to [email protected] (Please send them all at once in one e-mail) Deadline: 3/22 10:00 am Top10 with the most shared screenshots will be appointed as <SBS-in> supporters. For our supporters, remarkable prize awaits! 😊😊 Announcement of <SBS-in> supporters will be made on 3/30 - Don't forget to tag your friends who might be interested in <SBS-in> supporters! ❤️ - Also, leave us lots of comments to celebrate the establishment of <SBS-in>! Posts counts from now on! Let's go! 🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻 - And i hope that i can be one of SBS-In supporters yeay😍 - More info @sbsin.kor #sbs#sbsin#Supporters #Ambassadors #Share#Posts #Launching #Celebration #Events #Start#Participating #Today #Screenshots #Prizes #Excited#Comments #Tag#follow#indonesia

#celebration #tag #events #launching #supporters #prizes #excited #indonesia #posts #comments #sbs #today #follow #sbsin #participating #start #share #ambassadors #screenshots

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ourlittledinosaur · 7 years

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Prayer, Perseverance, and the Path to 100% Breast Milk

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.azurewebsites.net/prayer-perseverance-and-the-path-to-100-breast-milk/

Prayer, Perseverance, and the Path to 100% Breast Milk

Learning to Breastfeed a Newborn Can Be Difficult

Our son wasn’t born sick…

Our son wasn’t born sick, but the path from thriving baby to struggling baby happened very quickly.

He was born with both a lip and a tongue tie but of course, we didn’t know that. I have to say, of all the tests care providers run when a child is born, I wish they had checked the mouth for these defects as well.

The first time I ever put my son to the breast, he didn’t take to it well. We did everything right to give him a good start. I’d had the natural birth – medication free, and pulled my baby onto my bare chest the moment he was born for instant skin to skin contact. We’d waited to cut the umbilical cord until it stopped pulsing so he would get as much blood and nutrients as he could from this life source.

We stayed at the birth center for quite a while so that the midwives could be sure he would nurse before we left. Finally, after help latching each time someone checked on us, a bloody nipple, the use of a nipple shield, and a lot of effort and focus on my part, he ate for a reasonable period of time. I didn’t come to breastfeeding unprepared. I had read every article I came across on the topic. I also read cover to cover The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I was completely sold on the importance of exclusively breastfeeding, to include no introduction of bottles and pacifiers or other artificial nipples of any kind. None whatsoever.

We took my newborn son home about 2 o’clock in the morning. My husband and I were anxious to get home. In hindsight, it might have been good to rest at the birth center a little longer or to have asked for help once we were home, but Mother and Baby were both doing well so we were allowed to leave. That first half night was a blur. My husband and I were both excited, exhausted, and completely taken with this little person God had given us charge over. Our son slept on my husband’s chest for the first several nights of his life. We never wanted to put him down. He was so precious and so cuddly.

I guess the next couple feedings went okay. I don’t remember thinking anything was wrong. When we woke up for the 6am feeding, he wouldn’t take to the breast again. We struggled. Finally at 10 am I called the midwives. I was told to express colostrum onto my finger and let him suck and just keep doing that for a while. Babies don’t eat much at all those first couple days. Their stomachs are very small, so their meals are small, but frequent. The key in the beginning is getting that nutrient-rich colostrum. My son suckled on my finger for a couple feedings and this effort sparked within him a new interest in nursing. He began to love to nurse, even though he wasn’t good at it, and I was thrilled and none the wiser that he was struggling to get anything.

Lip and Tongue Ties

I had never heard of these birth defects before the Lactation Consultant (LC) came out to our home when my son was 3 days old. My milk had come in and I felt like we could be doing better, so my husband and I agreed to use this resource. My left breast was engorged and I just wanted to be sure everything was going as it should.

The LC was wonderful, kind, and knowledgeable. She taught me a few tricks and taught me how to use my pump correctly. (I thought, “Like I would ever use that thing.” Boy, did I! Looking back, I was much more prideful about breastfeeding than I had a right to be. I was so determined that “this was how it’s going to be” that I didn’t make allowances for mistakes or things beyond my control. This made dealing with all the issues much more difficult for me emotionally. It hindered by willingness to accept and admit that there were any problems, which made it difficult to ask for help.) The LC said we were doing great. She briefly mentioned he might have a lip tie, but he and I seemed to be doing well as a breastfeeding couple, so she gave us an A+ and went on her way.

When he was 5 days old, I about had a meltdown. Ok ok, I had a meltdown. My mother had just left to go back home. As I finished a much needed shower, and exited the bathroom, my husband thrust our upset son into my arms for me to nurse him. He was screaming and crying! He was too upset to eat and it was clear this was exactly what he needed to do. All the books and articles and care providers said newborns needed to eat every two hours, but he didn’t keep to this at all. He was showing all the signs of hunger but wouldn’t nurse. He was frustrated, as was I because he wouldn’t nurse. To put it bluntly, we were a hot mess!

This hot mess called my cousin who had sent me a text the day before to say, “If you’re having any trouble breastfeeding, give me a call anytime. No matter what time it is.” At this point, I just needed to talk to someone I didn’t have to pay, so I gave her a call.

So there I was, sobbing, face and chest red-streaked, still naked from my shower, holding my screaming newborn. My hair was wet, unbrushed, and tangled, and she said, “Let’s FaceTime.” There’s something about the progression of pregnancy and then the final act of labor that eventually sucks away all your modesty until you just don’t care anymore. Take heart. It does come back….eventually.

To be honest, she didn’t tell me anything I hadn’t either read or been told previously. However her kindness, loving encouragement, and support were exactly what I needed to get through the night.

Let me take this opportunity to say how important having good support is when it comes to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding may seem like the simplest, most intuitive thing in the world, but complications can arise and when they do, it can be one of the most difficult things in the world. Fatigue, fluctuating hormones, and fear of being a good parent can make it difficult to ask for help. So even if your only support is a Facebook group, or a single friend or care provider, reach out to them. It can, and does, get easier – even with complications.

We went in for his one week appointment and he had lost weight. This is expected in all newborns, but typically their birth weight should be regained by two weeks of age. When we went in for his two week appointment, he had lost even more weight. This started the beginning of supplementing. Remember how I was very anti-artificial nipple? Well, I was (and still am) even more anti-baby-choking-coughing-and-aspirating-while-using-a-dropper. He just didn’t know how to take food from it and my husband and I sat there and wept struggling to feed him, while I pumped to keep him supplied with breast milk.

We went in for weight checks every few days. Eventually, we just borrowed a scale to take home. Each time the routine changed because he wasn’t gaining enough. My supply suffered and we went from 100% breast milk, to using a formula (yes, I was anti-formula too) called NeoSure, a Similac formula for premature babies. It has extra calories per ounce and helps babies put on weight faster. I have since learned that there is also the option of using donated milk. Look up an organization near you to learn more about this option.

My son regained his original birth weight by four weeks of age.

Lactation Consultant

We continued to work with the LC. She was a huge reason I continued to breastfeed as she was so very supportive and encouraging. She was constantly brainstorming on how to make breastfeeding easier and more efficient for us. One of the first things she taught us to help with our new supplementing routine was the paced-bottle technique. See technique here. It was also recommended that we use Dr. Brown’s bottles. They are special bottles that have a piece on the inside to help with the aeration and keep the baby from getting gassy.

We broke our rule on “no pacifiers” too. When you’re worried that your baby is crying away all the calories he needs to grow, you get over yourself and your rules pretty quickly.

My husband and I saw my son successfully gain weight on the formula we were given, but we desired for our son to go back to breastfeeding completely, if that was at all possible. We knew of all the benefits to breastfeeding, and we wanted our son to reap them. Our goal was that one day he would be exclusively breastfed.

SNS

We started to decrease his supplements. I can’t remember exactly what that looked like. Our routine seemed to change every week and so sometimes what transpired was a blur. I do remember when he was about 6 weeks old we tried to exclusively breastfeed again. He stopped gaining weight. So we quickly went back to formula again.

The LC carefully recommended I try to use SNS or Supplemental Nursing System. (I say carefully because she did not want me recommending to others. She said that babies have to have a good ability to suck and swallow correctly or they can aspirate so please consult an LC if you are interested in using SNS.)

If you aren’t familiar with SNS, it is a bottle hooked up to small tubes you tape to your breast near the nipple. It’s very contraption-y. The flow to your baby can be controlled by pulling the tubes through notches. For some, giving supplements through SNS can be a great way to transition a baby back to the breast. For others it can be a nightmare.

Conceptionally, SNS is easy to use. In practice it can be tricky. There is an element of trying to hide it from the baby. These young little tykes are smarter than you might think, even at only weeks old! We didn’t want him to see the bottle hanging from my neck, and thus, a visual cue for him to eat. I personally struggled with getting his supplement the right temperature if it had been in the fridge. Most of the time I didn’t time the preparation correctly to get it warm enough before a feeding was required. So obviously there was a noticeable temperature difference when using cold pumped breast milk as a supplement. When using formula, the challenge wasn’t the temperature but the noticeable taste difference.

One comic relief throughout this whole process, was the look on my son’s face when we gave him formula. It was almost like giving a lemon to a baby, but not perhaps, as intense. I used his noticeable preference for the taste of breast milk to fuel my determination to continue to breastfeed.

Let’s face it, up to this point, breastfeeding had been a challenge – and one I didn’t expect. Feedings took twice as long because not only would I nurse him, then give a bottle (Thank God for my wonderful husband), but then I would pump as well. I also realized that all the switching from side to side frustrated my son. All he wanted was to eat. Although, he preferred the breast, (something I was thankful for because many babies turn to preferring the bottle due to the ease of the flow) this did not fill his tummy, so I’d remove him from the breast and switch to the bottle. SNS did help to streamline the supplementing process.

Another challenge, which is comical to write about in hindsight, was that the tubes can easily be pulled to “open the gate” if you will. So a squirming baby, or a move to switch from one side to another, often resulted in a mess. Once the gate is opened, liquid is coming through it until it’s closed again.

I remember one night I tried to use SNS during a feeding and I was so tired. My son was not hungry – he was hANGRY, which was typical for his mid-night feeding. I couldn’t find the cord that allowed the bottle to hang from my neck. I had taken it off to clean. So I carefully propped the bottle on my chest. The struggle was I couldn’t move fast enough. I would get him latched, then try to release the tube, and since he wasn’t getting anything, he’d unlatch himself. Of course, he did this about the same time I released the tube, which caused milk to go everywhere. As you can imagine this became a crazy cycle – one that resulted in my son screaming in frustration, me in tears, and my husband bottle feeding him.

All things considered for my son and me, the SNS was helpful. The flow was there which kept my son interested since he still wasn’t capable of transferring milk effectively. At the same time, the suckling of my little one helped maintain my supply. He wasn’t frustrated and we were on the right path towards exclusively breastfeeding.

I stopped using SNS once my son realized this whole feeding thing would go a lot faster if he just sucked on the tube and he stopped trying to latch. After this, we were on the right track to more breastfeeding. We were down to half the formula we had started with and supplemented with 4 bottle feedings (8-12 oz) a day, each one after time at the breast, after which, I would pump.

Speech Pathologist

The plain and simple truth was my son wasn’t holding up his end of the deal. Successful breastfeeding takes two and he wasn’t extracting the milk he needed. He fell asleep on the breast after less than five minutes and never initiated a letdown. He lacked vigor and I had no clue how to teach him that.

The LC recommended a speech pathologist, which upon her suggestion I thought sounded absolutely absurd for an infant. Well, eventually I broke down and scheduled our appointment with the SP. We saw the improvement the exercises she gave us made in our son, I felt guilty for not calling her earlier. He had weak cheeks; a quivering, tired jaw; and a thin tongue. Who knew “weak cheeks” were a thing?! Although his tongue had good range of motion after releasing the tie, he wasn’t using it correctly.

The exercises she assigned us were easy, fast, and worth every penny we didn’t have. My son actually enjoyed the exercises and we saw a little improvement by the following week, which continued thereafter.

Increasing Milk Supply

My milk supply was suffering. My LC said she thought it had reached the glass ceiling. I have to admit I was devastated by her saying this. I wasn’t willing to believe all this hard work was for nothing. After some research, I decided I wanted to help my supply with domperidone, a prescription medication that has a side effect of increased lactation, although this is not its original purpose. Before I got the medication, I realized throughout all the changes in routine and special systems we had used, I had forgotten some of the very basic things that aid breastfeeding efforts.

I cannot emphasize the importance of doing your due diligence and researching on your own. Heeding the advice of others is a good practice, however, in those early weeks especially, my husband and I felt lost. Finally, we agreed, it was time to take back our parenting. What this meant for us was taking all advice with a grain of salt, figuring out what options we truly had, looking at our end goal, and weighing that against the progress and health of our son. We still listened to all the advice given to us, but each piece had its proper place and our own critical thinking was crucial to make it work for our family.

In my research, I read an article on increasing supply. See article here. This was what helped me remember the breastfeeding basics.

Two of these things were increased time at the breast and lots of skin to skin. So when my son was 10 weeks old, I took a nursing staycation and did just that. I relaxed and stopped stressing about my supply (stress is a worst enemy when it comes to increasing milk supply). I didn’t worry about if he was getting enough and just kept him on the breast as much as possible. If he needed a supplement to top him off, so be it.

Giving it to God

Throughout this process I began to pray much more specifically. I asked God to please bless our breastfeeding effort. I prayed for my son to get enough from the breast. I pleaded, “Lord, you said just as we desire to give our children good gifts, so you desire to give us good gifts. The best food I can offer my son is what you designed my body to give him. My husband and I have done all we know to do and have been advised to do. We thank you for the knowledgeable people you have surrounded us with. We thank you for the growth we have seen in our son. Thank you for our son. I ask you, Father to please let my son get enough at the breast. Please give me an over abundance so we can be certain he’s getting enough. Our desire is to exclusively breastfeed our son but we can’t do it without you. Please give him this good gift.”

I believe giving it up to God and going back to basics were the most helpful things we did. My son had a growth spurt/frequency feeding during this time of our nursing staycation and my body responded well to it. I was thrilled!

We kept reducing the frequency and volume of the supplements we were giving my son. One day, his dependency on them had decreased to the point where I was pumping enough that we were able to stop giving him formula.

By week 12, my son was getting 100% breast milk, with only a morning and an evening bottle. One day we realized he didn’t need them anymore. My son still took a bottle almost every morning for a couple more weeks. (I have never been a morning person. After getting up all through the night with our little boy, my ability to be more human than zombie hangs by a thread.) My loving husband, whom God blessed with morning humanness, got up with my son about 5 or 6 each morning to give him this feeding while Mommy took a nap. Somewhere between 3 and 4 1/2 months, his feedings timed just right to where he didn’t take a bottle at all.

My husband and I give God the glory for this success story. At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to “let go and let God”, which is what I should have been doing in the first place.

Since 3 months, my son exclusively breastfeeds – very well I might add. With a lot of prayer, a lot support, perseverance, and some more prayer, it can be done!

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

Read more about breastfeeding here:

6 Tips and Tricks for Efficient Pumping

Oops, I just Pumped and My Baby is Hungry

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#Breastfeeding #Fed is Best #formula feeding #pumping

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ourlittledinosaur · 7 years

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Prayer, Perseverance, and the Path to 100% Breast Milk

New Post has been published on http://ourlittledinosaur.com/prayer-perseverance-and-the-path-to-100-breast-milk/

Prayer, Perseverance, and the Path to 100% Breast Milk

Our son wasn’t born sick…

Our son wasn’t born sick, but the path from thriving baby to struggling baby happened very quickly.

The first time I ever put my son to the breast, he didn’t take to it well. We did everything right to give him a good start. I’d had the natural birth – medication free, and pulled my baby onto my bare chest the moment he was born for instant skin to skin contact. We’d waited to cut the umbilical cord until it stopped pulsing, so he would get as much blood and nutrients as he could from this life source.

We stayed at the birth center for quite a while so that the midwives could be sure he would nurse before we left. Finally, after help latching each time someone checked on us, a bloody nipple, and a lot of effort and focus on my part, he ate for a reasonable period of time. I didn’t come to breastfeeding unprepared. I had read every article I came across on the topic. I also read cover to cover The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I was completely sold on the importance of exclusively breastfeeding, to include no introduction of bottles and pacifiers or other artificial nipples of any kind. None whatsoever.

We took my newborn son home about 2 o’clock in the morning. My husband and I were anxious to get home. In hindsight, it might have been good to rest at the birth center a little longer, but Mother and Baby were both doing well so we were allowed to leave. That first half night was a blur. My husband and I were both excited, exhausted, and completely taken with this little person God had given us charge of. Our son slept on my husband’s chest for the first several nights of his life. We never wanted to put him down. He was so precious and so cuddly.

Lip and Tongue Ties

The LC was wonderful. Kind, knowledgeable. She taught me a few tricks and taught me how to use my pump correctly. (I thought, “Like I would ever use that thing.” Boy, did I! Looking back, I was much more prideful about breastfeeding than I ever had a right to be. I was so determined that “this was how it’s going to be” that I didn’t make allowances for mistakes or things beyond my control. This made dealing with all the issues that came up much more difficult for me emotionally.) The LC said we were doing great. She briefly mentioned he might have a lip tie, but he and I seemed to be doing well as a breastfeeding couple, so she gave us an A+ and went on her way.

When he was 5 days old, I about had a meltdown. Ok ok, I had a meltdown. My mother had just left to go back home. I got out of the much needed shower, and my husband handed my son to me to nurse him. He was screaming and crying but wouldn’t eat and I knew he needed to. All the books and articles and care providers said newborns needed to eat every two hours, but he didn’t keep to this at all. He was showing all the signs of hunger but wouldn’t nurse. He was frustrated. I was upset because he wouldn’t nurse. Needless to say we were a hot mess.

This hot mess called my cousin who I’m certain God told in a dream to tell her to text me the day before and say, “If you’re having any trouble breastfeeding, give me a call anytime. No matter what time it is.” At this point, I just needed to talk to someone I didn’t have to pay, so I gave her a call.

So there I am, sobbing, face and chest red-streaked, still naked from my shower, holding my screaming newborn, my hair wet and tangled, and she says, “Let’s FaceTime.” There’s something about the progression of pregnancy and then the final act of labor that eventually sucks away all your modesty until you just don’t care anymore. Take heart. It does come back….eventually.

Let me take this opportunity to say how important having good support is when it comes to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding may seem like the simplest, most intuitive thing in the world, but complications can arise and when they do, it can be one of the most difficult things in the world. Fatigue and hormones and fear of being a good parent can even make it difficult to ask for help. So even if your only support is a Facebook group, or a single friend or care provider, reach out to them. It can and does get easier, even with complications.

We went in for his one week appointment and he had lost weight. This is expected in all newborns, but typically their birth weight should be regained by two weeks of age. When we went in for his two week appointment, he had lost even more weight. This started the beginning of supplementing. Remember how I was very anti-artificial nipple? Well, I am even more anti- baby-choking-coughing-and-aspirating-while-using-a-dropper. He just didn’t know how to take food from it and my husband and I sat there and wept struggling to feed him, while I pumped to keep him supplied with breast milk.

We went in for weight checks every few days. Each time the routine changed as he wasn’t gaining enough. My supply suffered and went from 100% breast milk, to using a formula (yes, I was anti-formula too) called NeoSure, a Similac formula for premature babies. It has extra calories per ounce and helps babies put on weight faster.

He regained his birth weight by four weeks of age.

Lactation Consultant

We broke our rule on pacifiers too. When you’re worried your baby is crying away all the calories he needs to grow, you get over yourself pretty quickly.

My husband and I saw successful weight gain on the formula, but we desired for our son to go back to breastfeeding as much as it was possible. Our goal was that one day he would, in fact, be exclusively breastfed.

SNS

We started to decrease his supplements. I can’t remember exactly what that looked like. Our routine seemed to change every week and so sometimes what transpired was a blur. I do remember when he was about 6 weeks old we tried to exclusively breastfeed against He stopped gaining weight. So here we were back on formula again.

Conceptionally, SNS is easy to use. In practice it can be tricky. There is an element of trying to hide it from the baby. We didn’t want him to see the bottle hanging from my neck and thus a visual cue for him to eat. I personally struggled with getting his supplement the righ temperature if it had been in the fridge. Most of the time I didn’t time the preparation time before a feeding well enough to get it warm, so obviously there was a noticeable temperature difference when using a cold pumped breast milk supplement. When using formula, the challenge wasn’t the temperature but the noticeable taste difference. One comic relief throughout this whole process, was the look on my son’s face when we gave him formula. It was almost like giving a lemon to a baby, but not, perhaps as intense. I used his noticeable preference for the taste of breastmilk to fuel my determination to continue to breastfeed. Let’s face it, up to this point, breastfeeding had been a challenge – and I didn’t expect. Feedings took twice as long because not only would I nurse him, then give a bottle (Thank God for my wonderful husband), but then I would pump as well. I also realized that all the switching frustrated my son. All he wanted was to eat. Although, he preferred the breast, (something I was thankful for because many babies turn to preferring the bottle due to the ease of the flow) but this did not fill his tummy, so we’d remove him from the breast and switch to the bottle. SNS did help to streamline the supplementing process.

Another challenge, which is comical to write about in hindsight, was that the tubes can easily be pulled to “open the gate” if you will. So a squirming baby, or a move to switch from one side to another, often resulted in a mess. Once the gate is opened, stuff is coming through it until it’s closed again.

I remember one night I tried to use SNS during a feeding and I was so tired, and my son was very hungry as he always is for his mid-night feeding. I couldn’t find the cord that allowed the bottle to hang from my neck. I had taken it off to clean. So I carefully propped the bottle on my chest. The struggle was I couldn’t move fast enough. I would get him latched, then try to release the tube, and since he wasn’t getting anything, he’d unlatch himself. Of course, he did this about the same time I released the tube, which caused milk to go everywhere. As you can imagine this became a vicious circle. One that resulted in my son screaming in frustration, me in tears, and my husband bottle feeding him.

All things considered, for my son and me, it was a help. The flow was there which kept my son interested since he still wasn’t capable of transferring milk effectively. At the same time, the suckling of my little one helped maintain my supply. He wasn’t frustrated and we were on the right path towards exclusively breastfeeding.

I stopped using SNS once my son realized this whole feeding thing would go a lot fasted if he just sucked on the tube and his latch went to pot.

After this, we were on the right track to more breastfeeding. We were down to half the formula we had started with and supplemented with 4 bottle feedings (8-12 oz) a day, each one after time at the breast. Then I would pump.

Speech Pathologist

The LC recommended a speech pathologist, which upon her suggestion I though sounded absolutely absurd for an infant.

Well after I broke down and scheduled our appointment with the SP, and seen the improvement the exercises she gave us made in our son. I felt guilty for not calling her earlier. He had weak cheeks, a quivering, tired jaw, and a thin tongue. And although his tongue had good range of motion after releasing the tie, he wasn’t using it correctly.

The exercises she assigned us were easy, fast, and worth every penny we didn’t have. My son actually enjoyed the exercises and we saw a little improvement by the following week.

Increasing Milk Supply

My milk supply was suffering. My LC said she thought it had reached the glass ceiling. I have to admit I was devastated by her saying this. I wasn’t willing to believe all this hard work was for nothing. After some research, I decided I wanted to help my supply with domperidone, a prescription medication that has a side effect of increased lacatation, although this is not its original purpose. Before I got the medication, I realized throughout all the changes in routine and special systems we had used, I had forgotten some of the very basic things that aid breastfeeding efforts.

I cannot emphasize the importance of doing due diligence and researching on your own. Heeding the advice of others is a good practice, however, in those early weeks especially, my husband and I felt lost. Finally, we agreed, it was time to take back our parenting. What this meant for us was taking all advice with a grain of salt, figuring out what options we truly had, looking at our end goal, and weighing that against the progress and health of our son. We still took all the advice given to us, but we put our own thought into it and made it work for us.

In my research, I read an article on Kelly Mom about increasing supply. See article here. http://kellymom.com/hot-topics/low-supply/ This was what helped me remember the breastfeeding basics.

Two of these things were increased time at the breast and lots of skin to skin. So when my son was 10 weeks old, I took a nursing Staycation and did just that. I relaxed and stopped stressing about my supply (stress is a worst enemy when it comes to increasing milk supply) and I relaxed. I didn’t worry about if he was getting enough and just kept him on the breast as much as possible and if he needed a supplement to top him off, so be it.

I believe giving it up to God and going back to basics was the most helpful thing we did. My son had a growth spurt/frequency feeding during this time of our nursing Staycation and my body responded well to it. I was thrilled!

By week 12, my son was getting 100% breast milk, with only a morning and an evening bottle. One day we realized he didn’t need them anymore.

My son does still take a bottle almost every morning. I have never been a morning person. After getting up all through the night with our little boy, my ability to be more human than zombie hangs by a thread. My loving husband, whom God blessed with morning humanness, gets up with my son about 5 or 6 each morning and gives him thus feeding while Mommy takes a nap.

My husband and I give God the glory for this success story. At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to “let go and let God”, which is what I should have been doing in the first place.

At 3 months, my son is still exclusively breastfed. With a lot of prayer, a lot support, perseverance, and some more prayer, it can be done!

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

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#bottle feeding #breastfeeding basics #difficulties with breastfeeding #exclusive breastfeeding #exclusive formula feeding #partial breastfeeding

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