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malice-ov-mercy · 3 months

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Will Alphabet

18+!

I’ve had the idea to do this since I did my first set of Will headcanons, and the lovely @valiantroeagleangel posting their’s gave me the nudge I needed to finally sit down and do it. Never done one of these before, so I’m just kinda winging it. I tried my best to not treat it headcanons or like a q&a type thing, but that’s kinda what ended up happening. I fussed over this for a long while and I’m still not super happy with it, but oh well. Live and let live. Enjoy!

Some of this will be taken from my previous two headcanon posts (one & two), some of it is inspired by valiantroeagleangel. Check them out if you haven’t already! They produce some Grade A Will Ramos fics (and Bad Omens and MIW)!!!

Will Masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

BIG cuddle bug. He’s wrapping his arms around you, tangling your legs together, holding you so close you can hardly breathe. You have to pry him off of you so you can go to the bathroom.

Need a shower bc you got super sweaty and covered in cum? He offers to help but it quickly turns into another round, but at least your somewhat clean now.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Ass and thighs type of man, appreciates a a good tummy as well (all tummies are good tummies)

Does his hair count? I feel like hair should count.

I also feel like his tattoos should count too

If not, then his stomach

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Cum play for sure.

LOVES cum. Love filling you then finger fucking it back in after it’s started dripping out, loves kissing you after blowjobs, loves going down on you after he’s filled you.

If he cums on your body, he will smear it everywhere.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Takes a pair or two of your panties with him when he tours.

Would love to film a soemthing so he can have something to watch while away on tour, but is very hesitant to bring it up.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Definitely knows what he’s doing. Not afraid to straight up ask you what you like or how he’s doing. His main goal is to make sure you’re enjoying yourself, and he needs to know what makes you tick.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary. Wants to see you and be close as possible and be able to kiss you and put his mouth and tongue all over your neck and chest.

Also loves when your riding him so he can admire your body

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Definitely on the more serious side, but will crack a joke if the situation presents him an opportunity. Hearing you giggle or sigh/groan in playful annoyance melts his heart.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Not bald, but well kept

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Constant eye contact, constant soft, breath stealing kisses. Wants to see every little twitch and subtle movement your face makes, see the change in your eyes the closer you get and during and after your orgasm

More focused on you enjoying yourself than him; it’s all about you giving you what you need.

Also I remember watching an interview with him that was this or that and one of the questions was “making music or making love” and he very enthusiastically said “making love” and said something along the lines of Latino men being passionate, so if there’s anything I’m sure of, it’s that.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Not often, but does whether you’re around or not. Sometimes he doesn’t want a full session and just needs a little alone time.

May ask you to join him once in a blue moon.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise, praise, praise. Loves showering you with praise, loves when you shower him with praise. Loves being called a good boy. Melts and turns into putty.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Home. Bed, living room, shower, kitchen, home studio, whatever. As long as he knows no one is coming over, he’ll take you anywhere in the house he can get.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Simply put: you. Just you existing and being yourself. Cuddled up on the couch with the cats? He’s shooing them away so he can get to you. Doing your make up or hair? Your gonna have to wait to finish now because he’s ruining all your hard work.

Wearing his clothes, specifically band merch

May or may not get a little hot under the collar when you get mad at him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any kind of pain or harm. The most he’ll do is light choking, but even that is rare.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Undoubtedly his favourite; may like it more than actual sex

A MUNCH. He LOVES pussy. Would happily drown in you if he could. Would replace actual food with pussy if it was viable.

Is a messy and audible eater.

We’ve all seen the vocal takes. Dude can move his tongue. He knows what he’s doing. (and if you haven’t please do yourself a favor and watch them if for no other reason than to hear how he sounds without all the vocal layering and all that kinda shit)

Blowjobs, blowjobs, blowjobs. He LOVES them. The messier and sloppier, the better.

Specifically facefucking. Hearing you choke and gag drives him wild which only makes him more ruthless.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Refer back to I

Slow and sensual for sure. He does not fuck, he makes love

Wants to take his time exploring every part you and turn you into putty before he even gets inside you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not his favourite, but with how busy he is, it’s necessary sometimes. You’ve perfected them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Unless it’s something your very adamant about trying, not big into risk or big into experimenting. May try some different positions, but that’s about it. Pretty vanilla but that’s perfectly fine.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

2-3 rounds.

Sessions after tours though vary. Sometimes they’re very long where he takes his sweet time, others it’s quick bc he just needs you right now.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Doesn’t use them on his self, but is down to use them on you.

Was hesitant at first, but after he learned he could tease and edge you even more, he was sold.

Don’t use them a lot, typically used before or after tour.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves teasing. He loves working you up and making you squirm. He’ll hover his mouth over you, barely touch you where you need the most, keep his lips just out of reach. Hell out his mouth everywhere but there until you beg him to do something.

Edging you is one of his favorite things

Will whisper suggestive things solely to see you get worked up then try to act like he didn’t do anything when you get home, only to quickly give in and make good on every little thing he told you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Always making some kind of noise. Moan, groans, a whimper or two. Does not care at all about how loud he’s being. He’s enjoying himself, he’s going to let you know one way or another.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Unbelievably horny when he’s high. Clear your schedule because you are not doing anything else for the rest of the day except be at his mercy.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Not packing, but above average

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very healthy.

Just wants to be close to you all the time and sex is one the closest ways he can have you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Falls alseep almost immediately after, but only if your trapped in his chokehold.

#will ramos fanfiction #will ramos fanfic #will ramos fic #will ramos headcanons

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binniesthighs · 3 years

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♡nsfw alphabet w minho♡

I tried my best to make a list of my own, but I borrowed a few terms from this lovely template!

requested by a cutie anon!

Aftercare: (what they are like after sex) ok, so I see minho as someone who would be super caring after you’ve both properly come down and would want you to feel as comfortable as you can be--he doesn’t want you do have to do much. I am a big believer in minho drawing you a bath to help you relax and get cozy after: he’d hold you in his arms too while giving you a little massage.

Bdsm: (are they into it? how “hard” do they like to go?) yes. the answer to this is yes. I feel like minho is one who really really gets off to the feeling of being the one in control, and knowing that you’re under his control. hearing your little whimpers, or seeing the way that you toss around when he’s using toys or has you bonded turns him on like no other. along this line, I feel like he’d also gladly tease you relentlessly until you’ve got tears in your eyes. he’ll only give you what you want if you ask him nicely

Cum: (anything to do with cum) sooo minho loves cuming on you. he loves it a ton. for him, its the perfect picture when you’re gasping underneath him, just off your own orgasm, hands bound or clawing to the bed when he’ll cum on your chest, or your back, mayyybe even your face if you’re comfortable. oh! if you’ll cum on him...he doesn’t mind that either.

Degredation: (do they like using names on you, or for them?) as we have seen above, I feel like he would be into using degrading names, or having you say them back to him, for example: “you’re such a whore for my dick, tell me that you’re a whore for me.” etc. Of course, he never means what he says, he just knows that it amps things up for the both of you.

Experience: (how experienced are they?) minho is fairly experienced, and also knows well what he likes and knows how to ask you what you like as well. minho isn’t scared to give you instructions or guide you in how you pleasure him as well--he would ask you to do the same!

Favorite (pet names): well, i think that there is a general consensus that minho likes kitten and kitty--it just makes sense lol. Otherwise, the softer ones would be my love, sweetheart, hun, doll, baby girl/boy etc.

Gagging: (size kink perhaps?) I think yes on this one. minho is alll about the power that he has over you, so seeing you gag would boost his confidence. knowing that you have to work a little harder to take him in reassures him that you’re his and that you only bend to him. at the same time, he would never push you to do something that made you uncomfortable and would ask you if you wanted to use safe words/ symbols.

Hair: (how well groomed are they?) this is kind of funny because I think that minho would actually really care about this. mostly from a functionality standpoint, but also when he’s trimmed he feels more confident and like he’s got everything together and organized for when he’s with you.

Intimacy: (the romantic aspect) so minho has 2 modes, and they vary depending on his mood or yours. mode 1 is where he’s doming the hell out of you and he gets to do what ever he likes, making you cum over and over again, teasing you for as long as you can take it and doesn’t show much mercy. on the other hand, when the vibe is different, holy hell he can give you the softest, most intimate sex that you can ever experience. i’m picturing super slow and deep thrusts into you, kissing you just as slowly in between while he tangles up his hands in your hair u g h i love thinking about this

Jack off: (all about masturbation) I see Minho as one who would jack off really lazily, much later at night when there isn’t too much else to do; it isn’t something he prioritizes often unless there’s something that crosses his mind that really turns him on, he’ll even risk doing it somewhere semi-public if it means he gets to roll the image over and over in his mind, especially of you. Oh, and he loves jacking off in the shower when its steamy and warm, I don’t make the rules!!

Kink(s): Minho loves having you all dressed up for him, I’m talking lace, velvet, anything strappy, harnesses, collars, chokers, thigh garters, maybe some kitten ears, mostly he just loves watching you and this is like icing on the cake. I see him having a hand kink as well?? When he’s worshiping your body, he watches his hands trace you all over, he loves it when you suck on his fingers, or when he rubs his thumb over tongue. Also, breath play, edge play and voyeurism!

Location: anywhere. and I mean it. the more risky it is, the more exciting it is for him. bathrooms, locker rooms, dressing rooms, kitchen, living room couch, dining table, shower, bathtub, hotel rooms, the place doesn’t matter, it’s you that does. he would never miss an opportunity to be intimate with you whether its more slow and passionate or sweaty, rushed and needy.

Multiple (partners): i think that this is something that minho would be open to! but not at first. minho is someone who can be very possessive at times, so sharing you with others when the realtionship is new makes him a little nervous--bc he wants you to be all his! after a while though, the idea of sharing you with someone and watching you get wrecked under them...he wouldn’t oppose.

No: (something they won’t do, turn offs) while he won’t say no, daddy kinks aren’t his favorite, it’s simply something that doesn’t turn him on; he prefers to be the one calling you names hehe. he’s mostly an open minded person, just because he gets off on helping you get off.

Oral: loves loves giving oral to his partner, it’s one of his favorite ways to begin foreplay, he’s exceptionally skilled as well, and knows perfectly how to use his mouth to tease. gives one hell of a blowjob, and knows how to make you cum over and over just from his tongue on your clit. he won’t ask you to blow him, but rather tease you until you’re begging to do it for him.

Pace: super slow or super fuckin’ fast. there is no in-between and that’s that on that! if you ask me, as much as he revels in pounding you into the bed, it’s the slower and more sensual moments that linger on his mind longer.

Quickies: i think this goes without saying, but minho never passes up the opportunity to take you right then and now. funnily enough, if you’re at work/school and send him a message about how you might be feeling a little horny, this man will drive all the way to you just to help you out. lil anecdote: his favorite thing to do is fuck you bent over a bathroom sink, battling the time before someone notices you’re away. he loves watching your fucked out face in the tinted green bathroom mirror.

Ropes: (tying you up au) i added this to the list mostly for fun, but also I’ve got this idea of minho loosing his mind over having you tied up or restrained. ropes, ribbons, velvet, bow ties, handcuffs and much more. there’s nothing more that he likes than seeing you all helpless and not able to do anything about it. he thinks you looks so pretty tied up especially if it’s ribbons of pretty colors that look beautiful on your skin.

Stamina: bucket loads. I’ve definitely seen something somewhere talking about how minho’s got a dancers stamina and I can’t agree more. minho’s got the stamina to draw out his thrusts for hours or give it to you as quickly and as roughly as he possibly can, granted he’ll be a sweating mess by the time that he’s done, but he sees that as sign that he did his job very well.

Toys: in my oponion, yes and no. lolll I say this for the reason of minho’s ego getting in his own way. he feels fuckin’ amazing knowing that he can make you cum as hard as you do only from his body and would much rather use the tools at his disposal rather than toys...but...seeing what toys can do to you and how he can use them to his advantage is soemthing he won’t pass up. His personal favorites are all kinds of vibrators, cock rings, hmmm and occasionally nipple clamps

Unfair: (tw: dubcon) (how much that they like to tease) oh my, very much so. fuck, it’s probably his favorite thing to do to you! I’ve said before on this account that minho is into teasing even when it isn’t “that time” meaning he’ll brush up against you in public with his hand or grind himself into you when you’re sitting in his lap. his hand will creep up your thighs slightly when the two of you are in the car together to make you squirm a little bit. and of course, he’ll tease you for real when he’s got you all to himself, and would do it for hours if you let him.

Volume: frick i love thinking about this!!!! i see minho as being someone more on the quiet side: shaky exhales, choked little breaths, the occasional soft “mmm” or “ahh.” if he’s really loosing himself in it however, looking down at you with tears in your eyes, or drool slipping down your neck from blowing him, he’ll let out some of the most unapologetically erotic moans on his pink lips

Wild card: (you pick!) i would like to use this place to talk about how much a bratty sub makes him go frickin’ feral. There is something about the way that you bite back at each of his demands, it only makes him want to dig into you even harder. you’d say to him as he’s relentlessly fucking into you “i-is that all that you can do? you’re bo-boring me...” in seconds, he would have you flipped around into a completely different position, something you didn’t even know existed that makes your muscles burn but your heat ravenous. he’d say, “if i��m so boring how is it that I’ve made you a fucking mess for me three times already?”

X-ray: (what’s going on under those pleather pants) thicc thighs I’ll tell you that HA, jk that’s just me having the biggest most embarrassing thigh kink alive lmaooo. buuut it’s true! minho’s got those perfectly toned and thick thighs that he loves having you grind on of course. as for what this letter is really about, I see minho has having just the right proportions. not to be cheesy, but it’s like this boy was practically frickin made for you!! buuuut I think we all know that minho’s packing with something

Yes: (biggest turn ons) on top of the ones mentioned above, I wanna make this one kinda cute and sentimental just bc I can lolll, but a major turn on for minho is a bomb ass personality!! minho really treasures people who are unique, true to themselves and passionate about something! he finds this super super attractive. this man is an absolute SIMP for a personality and that’s the first thing he falls in love with about you! (also shhhh I’m not pushing my pan!minho agenda shhh)

Zzz: (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) kinda like with aftercare, minho can’t rest himself properly until you are fully taken care of! as soon as he knows that he’s covered all the bases: cleaning you off, getting you clothes, water, food, giving you a massage if you need it. as soon as the two of you are all cuddled up in together, then he’ll be able to relax himself, patiently smoothing down your hair as you fall asleep yourself, then, he’ll be out like a light.

#the hard and soft stan in me is thrivingg #stray kids #stray kids smut #skz #skz smut #lee minho #lee minho smut #minho smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids oneshots #stray kids drabbles

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lostpoliticians · 4 years

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oh and when I went to see my doctor the other day thinking he would give me idk gabbapentin or SOMETHING that will actually help my anxiety. Wrote I saw my psychiatrist this coming week this mf doctor prescribed me multiple antidepressants....

Antidepressants I’ve tried to off myself on multiple times, also, mind you, I am not depressed. I am full of so much anxiety and rage that it just makes me have crying spells and manic episodes. I need a fucking IV of Valium or something. Not really bc that’s not going to do me any good but like I miss the old me from like six months ago when I would just work all the time and just be exhausted from work. But I felt so fulfilled. And I feel somewhat better now that I’ve been back to work the last two weeks but also, dear god I’ve never experienced my anxiety so bad that my skin dead ass crawls. And I get to violent. It is so scary and explosive.

My boyfriend and I celebrated our one year anniversary early last week and it was perfect, he is perfect, he fight but it’s bc of my goddamn mood swings and we got in an argument bc he couldn’t understand how empathetic I could be towards strangers (not saying he’s not, he just was raised from a very good up bringing where he didn’t have to think about helping a classmate pay for their lunch or trip to cedar point). But anyways, since we’ve been together for over a year now my open mindedness and loud ass mouth that never stops running have deff converted some of his prejudice or close minded views on things which is AWESOME. We Stan a man that can grow and allow his girl to educate him on real world issues, bc he lives under a rock. He grew up with a lot of money, (ok more than me), and had a great home life. Besides of horrible choices he made on his own but he’s clean now and better.

ANYWAYS!!!! So my sisters best friend just passed and I’ve been distraught bc yes as cliche as it fucking sounds I am very much an empath. So, I feel the loss my sister is carrying in her heart when it comes to dealing with the loss of her soul sister. So anyways In the midst of my boyfriend and I having this conversation about my sister’s friend’s passing and how unfair it is that she was so young and so healthy and so lively and everybody loved her...and now she’s just gone. Alex did understand why I was sobbing for my sisters best friend loss but my sister was stone cold about it. That’s just how she is around people but behind close doors she breaks down. So, when I don’t feel heard or understood properly (ok I’m realizing now I have hella anger issues) I result to violence. And I don’t mean like throwing a remote across the room, I’m talking, I grabbed the bunch of beautifully trimmed sunflowers Alex bought me for our one year anniversary (which no many has ever never bought me my favorite flowers before) and I ripped them in half and started screaming and I threw the vase. And I was just throwing shit and hitting myself all over and in the face and yes I gave myself a black eye.

I have never ever ever been through this much fucking stress and sadness before in my entire life. I feel so batshit insane and I know I’m not, I know I’m not alone but the older I get the weak my mental health get and I know a lot more mental illnesses are more prominente once you hit your mid to late 20’s and guess what....I turn 25 next week....and these last two years I have felt so many highs n lows but have just played them off bc typically I can get myself back on track. But these mood swings I’ve been having bc of my anxiety lately. Sorry this is just a manic ass sleepless post...I’m waiting for my Xanax to kick in so I can finally lay my head down and rest. But I don’t even think the amount of green hulks I have currently could knock me out right now.

I can’t wait to see my psych doctor Tuesday. I hope he knows I’m getting more than an hour with him. Idgaf if I have to pay an extra $300 out of pocket for an extra two hours. Like, let’s go babe, let’s figure out wtf we can do to fix my mental

Oh AND I got my obgyn procedure results back and they came back perfect no signs of infection with cancer and stuff then I get a whole call again from their office like not even an hour later telling me m doctor reviewed my file in more detail and that pretty much I should be worried and I need to come back in ASAP to get another procedure done. Like, just take all my lady bits out so I can stop worrying about getting cancer bc it’s genetic. Like, Alex and I will adopt a black baby or soemthing just fucking end my shit so I can finally enjoy sex again and not have to go to the obgyn once a month get my cervix scrapped to test for cancerous cells.

I’m so sorry if any of you read all of this. And if you did, you a real one, and please message me bc I am so lonely and I could use someone that can relate to even a FRACTION of what I’m dealing with. Please.

And how fucked is it that my current regular doctor couldn’t even prescribe me server anxiety meds for the two weeks from then to my actual psych appointment a week away? And I had to go to the streets and buy Xanax just so I could fucking sleep dude like. This is backwards. And I’ve had such an issue with Xanax in the past but it is the only thing that calms me down when I start seeing red bc my anxiety makes me turn emotions into rage. It’s so exhausting.

#personal #me

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mamasit-a · 5 years

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don’t even know where to start.

i guess i’ll start when it all started.

I was staying in Washington for a month for work and while i was there me and ray were discussing a possible time where he would have sex with a girl while i was away. I was totally fine with this, surprisingly. i didn’t feel pressured by him or the thought of it. it was all my choice and i was excited to see where this would go. time goes on and ray’s found someone who was interested, it all happened so fast, and i liked it. So he tells me their plans and they eventually meet up. it went really well despite some points where i felt kinda insecure, but it was mainly because our schedules were completely opposite so communication wasn’t the best. The next day we talk about it and it was really great. just a little jealousy but in a good way. i just wish i was there to experience it with them as well.

I get back home 3 weeks later and we made plans for me to meet this girl, H, and we would have a threesome with ray. I was super excited because we haven’t had a three some in a minute. It’s always that we meet up with a girl who agrees to be with me and ray, we do it, eat out, and then it’s over. we even stay friends afterward. it’s really beautiful to have certain connections with people..but this time was different..

We drive an hour away to Petaluma to go see her at this house that she’s watching for a friend. it was beautiful, my mind still calm at this point. I was about to meet this girl for the first time, I didn’t really know what she really looked like. I’ve seen her in pictures, but i didn’t know how tall she was or how her voice would sound. i was kinda nervous but i kept telling myself be yourself. I walked up the steps and i had seen her there, I smiled cuz she was really pretty and i hugged her and her shoulders were so soft. she was my height and she had a really distinctive laugh. it was cute, didn’t expect it. we walked in and put our stuff away because we were staying the night. soon after, we left to get food and go grocery shopping for dinner. i’m feeling fine cause i’m being myself and she seems compatible with our sense of humor so it was really easy to talk to her. just overall good feels when with her.. this is when i started to get really thrown offf. the more time that went on, i observed how gentle and kind and loving she was and it made my mind and heart feel weird. i couldn’t put my finger on it. but, now that i’ve had some time to reflect on that day, it was like when you see someone for the first time and you..figure out that you like them. i liked her as a person and i knew i wanted to be friends with her, but..this was the first time i’ve ever felt something more for a woman. I knew i had a sexual attraction to women, but i’ve never experienced any deeper feeling. this was like never before and it freaked me the fuck out. it still scares me. my thoughts were paralyzing, i felt like my whole world got thrown upside down. like i forgot everything i knew. later that day..everything went down. i won’t talk to much into detail. i just remember vividly thinking that i want to get to know her more and listen to her talk and laugh. i wanted to be close to her in some way. i was feeling a type of way that i didn’t know i was capable of. i didn’t know a woman could make my heart race the same way it does for ray if that makes sense. as the days went by, i tried to bury these feelings so deep down and not have them see the light because i’m married..i can’t like another person in that way. what am i to do?? do i tell ray?? how will he take it?? will he think i’ll leave him?? i can’t tell him!!! but i have to because i cant do this alone. I soon told him because I could feel myself distancing myself and not giving him my full attention. it was going to affect us and i couldn’t have that. I told him. He laughed and told me it was okay and that he was happy that i told him..and i did too. my chest felt so much lighter i feel like i could breathe again. It was crazy to see how much it had an affect over me. He told me to explore this feeling as long as i know i have my wife everyday for the rest of my life. i told him yes. because this was true. there was nothing that was gonna come in between me and ray. and i knew all my heart was with him. the days go on..i played with possibilities.

I like her, what now?

I was overwhelmed by her kindness, i’m not as gay as i thought i was.

and many other thoughts. but i’ve been playing with “i like her”so i’m gonna act like i like her. and it’s made me a mess. i thought about her and when i was gonna see her next so that i could play with this thought and really just find out what my true feelings are.

i just saw her last night and i was fine surprisingly, i was a mess the whole day. nauseous, sick, overthinking. ugh just terrible.

then i saw her and i was myself again. but i saw her differently. i wanted to talk and talk forever with her, unfortunately i was so tired that i could barely comprehend anything. i hope i get another chance to talk with her. she cried about soemthing yesterday and so i hugged her to comfort her. i wanted to grab her face and tell her she was beautiful and that everything was gonna be okay and kiss her so softly. but my body wouldn’t let me. it was the most frustrating thing. later on, we were on the couch and i slowly got closer to her and she seemed to be really interested in that. i got closer to her, i laid my head on her chest and she held my hand, i could hear her heart beating really fast. this made me really nervous. i wanted to show her so much affection, but i was too fucking nervous, no other girl has made me feel this way. i started to grab and caress her leg and she let me. i started getting tired so i told her and ray i was gonna go to bed. they followed me and i was expecting to lay with H, but that didn’t happen. i thought ray knew tahts what i wanted and i was too scared to ask for that. i probably could’ve but i wanted him to help me out since i was such a wreck about this whole thing. i slept the whole night on the edge of the bed while ray and H cuddled. it should’ve been me. i wanted to hold her..i wanted to kiss her. and i hate that i didn’t have that opportunity. so here i am still questioning what it is i’m feeling..i feel like last night should’ve went so differently. certain things i should’ve done to help me figure this out. ray didn’t help and so i’m a little upset but that’s not his fault. it’s whatever. i got like 3 hours of sleep fuck me.

#bisexual #what are these feelings?#i need to know #personal #very very personal

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surveystodestressme · 7 years

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43.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 4 301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die. traveling the world, getting an amazing house with my favorite person, owning a hairless cat 302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year? i doubt any of them will get accomplished so soon 303. What do you feel controlled by? the world around me 304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him? i wouldn’t believe it bc i don’t believe in jesus 305. What is one thing you are sure of? i am happy with my life

306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert? usually at night right before bed lol 307. Have you ever played in a band? i wanted to start one when i was younger but my friends nor i knew how to play any sort of instrument 308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking ‘early creatures crawled outta that’? no lol 309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean? i think of how beautiful it is and how maybe someday i will get to explore it further 310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games? i’ve never played chess but sure 311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you? not really. 312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you? ^ 313. If you didn’t know that people couldn’t fly do you think that you could? i guess so 314. Are you someone that others call when they’re having a problem and want to talk about it? actually yes, my friends have always been able to come to me for advice 315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author? no lol i just want to read the damn book not try to interprete it 316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts? idk maybe 317. What are your feelings about the death penalty? you know, i feel like if it is a bad enough crime or that this person has committed multiple horrible crimes then why should they get to continue living and wasting space in prison/jail when that spot could go to someone who didn’t do something as bad/maybe will learn their lesson from a crime they’ve committed. i feel like if you have committed the same crime time and time again, you won’t learn your lesson and you don’t deserve to be here. 318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be? there isn’t a god.. sooo 319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets? absolutely. i feel like there’s no way that all of the planets in our solar system are completely empty 320. What is something worth suffering for? anything for the people you love. 321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it? on the back of my head 322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature? i wish i was moreso 323. Would you rather live simply or extravagently? simply 324. Have you ever been camping? yep 325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new? no 326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are? absolutely. not everyone i am friends with is a carbon copy of myself. it’d be boring to be friends with someone so similar. i like someone who has different interests and opinions, makes the friendship that much better 327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you? more frightening only bc i’m a little afraid of meeting new people 328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do? usually me 329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all? goody-two-shoes, boring, patient 330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Jaynes)? well.. probably shouldn’t spam people with junk mail 331. Do you know who the current premier of China is? no idea 332. Are you very active? not nearly as active as i should be 333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain? not that i can think of at the moment 334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back? best feeling ever, yeah 335. Is it really being 'in love with’ someone if the other person doesn’t love you? i mean, you can be in love with them without them reciprocating the feelings 336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? i feel like there is someone for everyone 337. Do you know secret things? idk, do i? 338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have? oh yes 339. How do you overcome your fears? facing them???? 340. What can you do better than anyone you know? idk man 341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence? sure 342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger? smaller 343. Have you ever fired a gun? yep! 344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other? yeah, i think so 345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)? idk i feel like there’s less safety 346. Does safety stifle you? nah 347. Who or what needs to be stopped? a lot of things need to be stopped man 348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated? kind of 349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family? no 350. How did the death of Pope John Paul II (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_John_Paul_II) affect you? it didn’t affect me at all 351. Have you ever lost something and never found it? a magnifying glass that i still think about sometimes that i got when i was like 5 or so 352. Do you listen to any talk radio shows? nope 353. Who do you trust more, your friends or your parents? my parents probably 354. Would you ever date someone outside of your race or religion? yeah 355. Which of the 7 deadly sins in the worst (gluttony, greed, pride, lust, envy, wrath, sloth)? greed 356. Which one are you most guilty of? sloth probably lol 357. Are you afraid to be alone with yourself? Do you try to avoid thinking? nope i don’t mind being alone 358. Would you venture to tell someone you loved him or her if they didn’t say it first? i did it with jack and he didn’t say it back for a month or so.. lol it was agonizing 359. What are you the most sensitive about? animals 360. What can you talk about for hours? animals... lol 361. Do you talk about yourself, other people, or ideas the most? probably ideas 362. Do you believe that spell casting can work? if it was real 363. Are you a fan of The Legend of Zelda games? never played them 364. What old movie would you go see if it were re-released in the movie theaters? the breakfast club 365. Is there a celebrity that you would be too starstruck to talk to if you met them? morgan freeman but i would will myself to talk to him even if i just started talking gibberish 366. Have you ever left a mean unsigned note? not that i recall 367. Do you think it’s cheesy to paste things you didn’t write into your diary? nah 368. What are three things that you try not to think about? death, whatever i’m currently worrying about, anything happening to my loved ones 369. Is casual sex acceptable for you? sure. i mean, i just do it with the person i’m with 370. What form of sexual protection do you use? birth control & condoms 371. What is expected of you that you feel is unnatural or not right? that i should have my entire life together. 372. Do you sometimes place your own expectations on other people? sometimes 373. Do you sometimes act overeager to make friends when you are around strangers? it’s usually the complete opposite 374. Do you take everything that is said literally? sometimes...i try not to though 375. Do you take most things others say seriously? also yes... something i need to work on 376. Do you have a quick wit? not as much as i’d like to 377. Do you believe in the need for political correctness? eh 378. Do you have strong opinions and beliefs? on some subjects yes 379. If yes, can you still hang out with and be friends with people who disagree with you? yes. i like to know that people have an opposite opinion of me and aren’t afraid to say it. i enjoy having little debates with my friends about things we disagree on. i do it with my brother a lot. 380. Are you uptight? i kind of am, sometimes. 381. Do you sometimes do risky things? eh 382. Could just about anyone hold your interest in a conversation for at least ten minutes? maybe 383. Are you self-conscious? i have no reason to be 384. What would be your ideal destination for a Saturday afternoon? a park, if it’s nice out 385. Does anyone have a video tape of you doing soemthing embaressing? oh god yes. back from when i partied every weekend 386. What is Kevin Smith’s(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Smith) best movie? no idea who that is off the top of my head 387. Where do you like to go on Friday or Saturday nights? i like to stay in sometimes and go out and do something with friends other times. it just depends on my mood 388. Do you like your friends to act the same way all the time or do you accept their moods and changes? i accept their moods and their changes. that’s life, man 389. Do you often feel like other people are judging you? eh sometimes but i don’t let it get to me 390. What do you think other people judge you to be like? idk better than what i am maybe? 391. Are you quick to judge others? it’s something i’ve been working on not to do, i used to do it allll the time 392. When you have a fight with someone do you want to talk about it right away or calm down first and then talk? i prefer to clear the air as soon as possible 393. Some say love is a river (according to the old song). What do you say love is? idk. love???? lol 394. What is the worst fault a person can have? being a piece of shit and not caring about it 395. Do you have it? nope 396. Which do you think has more impact on a person’s character, genetics or environment? environment probably 397. Who was your first best friend? kristen 398. If you are not best friends anymore, what came between you? i moved away and went to a different school. plus we were in kindergarten so it’s not like we could call or fb each other lol. but we have each other on social media now and maaan has she changed a lot 399. Who have you read a biography about? tons of people 400. What would your own autobiography be called? Cierra: the life of short jokes, cats, and cozy blanket cuddling

#bored #quiz #questions #survey

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surveysonfleek · 7 years

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352.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 4 301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die. fly first class, travel to japan, do a social painting class, ride in a hot air balloon, eat something super expensive. 302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year? yeah, the social painting one probably. 303. What do you feel controlled by? nothing really. 304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him? i’d have to make sure i wasn’t dreaming first. 305. What is one thing you are sure of? i hate my job lol.

306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert? early evening i think. 307. Have you ever played in a band? nope. 308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking 'early creatures crawled outta that'? nope. 309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean? i wonder what’s at the very bottom. 310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games? i don’t like chess but i love other board games. 311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you? not really. 312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you? nope. 313. If you didn't know that people couldn't fly do you think that you could? i guess it would’ve been a possibility. 314. Are you someone that others call when they're having a problem and want to talk about it? yes, i’m the listener of the group. but most of my friends don’t follow my damn advice!!! 315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author? haha no, that’s what english class was for. 316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts? probably not unless it was made up of like ten parts and under lol. 317. What are your feelings about the death penalty? i don’t really know. like i’m usually one to say let them rot in jail, but that’s space, time and money from taxpayers of society. idk tbh. 318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be? what is the meaning of life? 319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets? maybe not the planets in our galaxy, but probably other ones. 320. What is something worth suffering for? anything for the people you love. 321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it? behind my head lol. 322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature? not really. 323. Would you rather live simply or extravagently? simply. extravagently would be draining. 324. Have you ever been camping? yes. 325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new? no, because i have a boyfriend. 326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are? hmm i can definitely have conversations with them, idk about being friends. i’m assuming if i spend a lot of time with them we’d become friends eventually. 327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you? err neither. i look at people sometimes and wonder if they’re a genuinely good person lol. 328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do? myself. 329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all? patient, stupid, enthusiastic. 330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Jaynes)? idk them. 331. Do you know who the current premier of China is? nope. 332. Are you very active? nope. 333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain? not really lol. 334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back? yes. 335. Is it really being 'in love with' someone if the other person doesn't love you? nope. 336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? idk tbh. it honestly depends on the person. 337. Do you know secret things? not really. 338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have? nope. 339. How do you overcome your fears? facing them. 340. What can you do better than anyone you know? surveys. hahaha. 341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence? idk. 342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger? smaller tbh. 343. Have you ever fired a gun? yes. 344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other? yes. 345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)? ugh, idk. 346. Does safety stifle you? not really? 347. Who or what needs to be stopped? obviously the group that’s been spreading all sorts of terrorist attacks in the world lately. 348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated? i guess. 349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family? not really. i know the main ones i guess. 350. How did the death of Pope John Paul II (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_John_Paul_II) affect you? i was sad but a little too young to understand. 351. Have you ever lost something and never found it? of course. 352. Do you listen to any talk radio shows? not religiously. 353. Who do you trust more, your friends or your parents? parents. 354. Would you ever date someone outside of your race or religion? yes. 355. Which of the 7 deadly sins in the worst (gluttony, greed, pride, lust, envy, wrath, sloth)? wrath. 356. Which one are you most guilty of? sloth. 357. Are you afraid to be alone with yourself? Do you try to avoid thinking? nope. i like being alone sometimes. 358. Would you venture to tell someone you loved him or her if they didn't say it first? i’ve done it before. 359. What are you the most sensitive about? myself. 360. What can you talk about for hours? with the right person, absolutely anything. 361. Do you talk about yourself, other people, or ideas the most? it depends on who i’m talking to. 362. Do you believe that spell casting can work? idk. 363. Are you a fan of The Legend of Zelda games? i never played them tbh. 364. What old movie would you go see if it were re-released in the movie theaters? none haha. i hate going to the movies. 365. Is there a celebrity that you would be too starstruck to talk to if you met them? yeah, probably. 366. Have you ever left a mean unsigned note? nope. 367. Do you think it's cheesy to paste things you didn't write into your diary? i don’t have a diary. 368. What are three things that you try not to think about? well if i don’t want to think about them it’s better to not answer this question right? 369. Is casual sex acceptable for you? to each their own, as long as everyone is being safe. 370. What form of sexual protection do you use? birth control. 371. What is expected of you that you feel is unnatural or not right? that i should have my entire life together. 372. Do you sometimes place your own expectations on other people? yeah but it’s whatever. 373. Do you sometimes act overeager to make friends when you are around strangers? not really. i used to be like that when i was younger, i slowly got more anti social lol. 374. Do you take everything that is said literally? no. 375. Do you take most things others say seriously? no. 376. Do you have a quick wit? i wish i did! 377. Do you believe in the need for political correctness? not all the time. 378. Do you have strong opinions and beliefs? to some they’d be strong. 379. If yes, can you still hang out with and be friends with people who disagree with you? errr... i pick and choose my battles. i would think differently of someone i’m friends with that had entirely different views to me and who are pushy about it. 380. Are you uptight? i don’t think so. 381. Do you sometimes do risky things? kinda. 382. Could just about anyone hold your interest in a conversation for at least ten minutes? haha it depends. some people are just shy. 383. Are you self-conscious? yes. 384. What would be your ideal destination for a Saturday afternoon? anywhere tbh. 385. Does anyone have a video tape of you doing soemthing embaressing? yeah, probably. 386. What is Kevin Smith’s(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Smith) best movie? idk. 387. Where do you like to go on Friday or Saturday nights? one night for staying in, one night for going out. 388. Do you like your friends to act the same way all the time or do you accept their moods and changes? i accept their moods and changes, we’re all human. 389. Do you often feel like other people are judging you? not often because i don’t care most of the time. 390. What do you think other people judge you to be like? idk. 391. Are you quick to judge others? not really, i usually give everyone a chance. 392. When you have a fight with someone do you want to talk about it right away or calm down first and then talk? it depends who. i usually talk about it right away. 393. Some say love is a river (according to the old song). What do you say love is? love. 394. What is the worst fault a person can have? not being able to change for the better. 395. Do you have it? no. 396. Which do you think has more impact on a person’s character, genetics or environment? environment. 397. Who was your first best friend? pj. 398. If you are not best friends anymore, what came between you? well we were like 5 and eventually i moved like 40 minutes away so we didn’t see each other anymore. 399. Who have you read a biography about? mindy kaling. 400. What would your own autobiography be called? nooooo idea.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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youarenotdamaged · 7 years

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So to start, my dad is emotionally/psychologically/& sometimes physically abusive. Even though I’m 20, I still live with him bc he controls the money and he helps pay for my college edu. He is very strict on who I see so I’ve only had one boyfriend and we only kissed so I feel like I’m behind all my peers in that area.

I like reading because I feel like I’m experiencing different situations and I’ll know how to handle myself in real life if soemthing happens. I like reading daddy/daughter ships and I don’t feel guilty about that. What I do feel horrible about is some of the stories I’ve read had underaged characters which I’ve identified with. I feel like such a disgusting human being because of what I’ve read. I wish I could take it back; I don’t feel as “pure” as I felt before-like I’m dirty. I feel like a gross person and that I don’t deserve a future or any happiness bc of the fiction I’ve read.

I know fiction doesn’t equal reality and I don’t condone any of what I read to happen in real life. I never thought my life was going to turn out this way; like I made a huge mistake that can’t be undone and therefore my life is over. I don’t read those stories anymore bc they leave a bad feeling in my stomach; I’m also super duper paranoid that what I read was illegal and I’m going to be punished even though I live in the U.S. and from what I researched what I did was not illegal. I guess I feel immoral and I should be punished? The only thing that is giving me sanity is this blog and that fact that published authors have written about underaged characters (Anne Rice’s Beauty series). Please respond if you could. I need advice or just your thoughts.

I’m very sorry about your living situation, that is an incredibly difficult place to be. I understand why you can’t leave right now and I want you to know that you don’t deserve to be treated the way you are at home. No matter when you find escape, please try to keep in mind that you absolutely deserve better. I hope that you can reach out to trusted friends irl or online for support while you’re surviving that abuse.

And you DO deserve happiness, safety, and to feel good about yourself no matter what words you have ever read in your lifetime. It’s completely understandable that you are depressed right now for a wide variety of reasons, and feelings of shame and guilt due to depression and trauma could attach themselves to literally anything in your life. Many people attach those feelings to loss of virginity, for example, and we know that there is nothing inherently impure about having had sex. There is nothing evilbadwrong (or illegal and punishable) about reading pretend people having pretend experiences either, though the feelings that those stories bring up are real feelings.

If reading stories with fictional underage characters leaves you feeling sick or uncomfortable or any sort of negative emotions that you don’t want, you don’t have to read them! Not everything works for everyone, and you’re allowed to have negative feelings about the fiction you read. However, it’s not healthy to take those feelings out on yourself or on others. A lot of the problems that arise with harassment and content policing come from people feeling disgust, fear, horror, etc. and feeling like they have to take that out on people, often including themselves. You taking it out on yourself is only hurting you, it doesn’t seem like you’re externalizing it and hurting others, but you’re also a person worthy of safety and respect. I’d like to encourage you to work toward treating yourself better. Just because something makes you feel a feeling, doesn’t mean that you should take that feeling out on someone OR internalize that feeling to yourself.

A really important step in that might be seeing a therapist and getting whatever therapy and possible medications you need to help your brain get it’s act together. No one deserves to be abused the way your brain is abusing you. Since you are an adult and at university you almost definitely have access to some manner of mental health care through your school that your dad would not have access to. If it’s safe, I’d encourage you to talk to them about what’s going on at home, and letting them help you through some of the self loathing you’ve built up.

You mentioned not imagining your life would turn out like it has, but these feelings are temporary. You won’t have to feel this way forever, you’re not impure or bad, and you deserve happiness.

#child abuse #coping #shame #self depreciation #answer #mod makizushi #submission

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metalteamtruck-blog · 7 years

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@dareandtheworldyields continued from [x]

There’s an undeniable shift in the Captain’s nature that’s almost comforting. Ash pauses a beat, watching as he leans back in his chair, more at peace now then she’s ever seen at least. It’s not exactly an unpleasant sight either and she watches him carefully as he speaks, appreciating the way his t shirt rests on the still very much defined chest underneath. Price might be older than a lot of the other guys on the base, but it’s not hard to notice that he’s still in shape. Hell, Ash has seen him practically run circles around some members of the 141 in training, soemthing she suspects he takes great pride in.

She’s not exactly complaining either. Nothing about Price is really for show, his body honed into its current state through dedication, determination and necessity. He’s all scars and lean muscle, weathered skin from a life mostly lived outside. The definition of an elite soldier who has experienced more than most soldiers could ever dream to.

How the hell could she stop herself from finding that attractive? It’s not lost on her that her thoughts are unprofessional, that a traditional man such as Price might even think less of her for thinking them. But damn, with the whisky in her system and the other pretty boys the 141 seems to enjoy recruiting, Ash isn’t sure she really cares anymore. She’s not felt a flicker of excitement and intrigue like this in years.

“MacMillan?” She quirks an eyebrow, registering the name. She doesn’t know the man on a personal level, but as another SAS legend turned public figure she’s heard about him plenty. A soft laugh slips from her lips. Of course Price knows him. “Now you’re just name dropping, John. I mean politician or not, that’s one hell of a powerful friend you’ve got there.”

In truth she shares his cynicism. Ash has never really been a career soldier; she’s always had a desire to lead but from the front-line rather than the safety of desk hundreds of miles from the action. She joined the military at the start looking for adventure that a pure engineering job could never provide, then stayed because the Marines became her world. She’d planned to leave before Mark started school, wanted to have a bigger family and a civilian life when her taste for adventure was well sated, but after the crash... that life had felt pointless. She’d returned to the Marines because she didn’t know where else to turn, had forced herself into Delta’s ranks because she needed that challenge to keep going. Now, she’s seen too much that she can’t help feeling cynical. She knows that she could schmooze her way into a higher position of authority, knows exactly whose ass she’d need to kiss in order to do it, but it simply doesn’t interest her. She wants to keep fighting, keep struggling until the last breath that leaves her body or until her body is too broken to keep on trying. She doesn’t truly know what comes after that, but it sure as hell won’t involve a desk.

There’s a part of her that wants to open up to Price about all that, but their conversation is light and friendly and she’s enjoying it too much to mention it. Instead she drains the last of her whisky from the glass and nods in approval to Price’s assessment.

“Keep on keeping on, right?” She smiles. “To be honest, I’ve known for a while that advancing any further isn’t my style. I’m no good with people, can’t read ‘em, can’t always even understand ‘em. Machines make sense at least. 141 and Delta aren’t getting rid of me in a hurry, no matter how much unreliable next generation tech they throw my way.”

He’s staring at her head on, the intensity in his eyes feeling like a playful challenge. In return, Ash holds his gaze, although she does allow a smile to spread across her lips, her eyebrows raising at his suggestion. Normally she hates the thought of anyone watching her work in the hangar, but somehow the thought of showing Price exactly what she’s capable of is an intriguing one.

“For you, I guess I can make an exception, since you share my love of old, unloved machinery at least.” She grins. “But only if you can handle getting your hands all kind of dirty. I’d hate to have Shepherd coming down on me for tarnishing one of the 141′s shining stars after all.”

Her glass is still empty and Ash decides she’s in no hurry to get herself to bed, even if in reality she really should. Instead she unscrews the cap of the whisky bottle and pours herself another measure, before holding it out to Price in silent invitation to join her.

“Fortunately for you, I’m a big fan of stone age seduction. Some might even call me a connoisseur.” A mischievous smirk accompanies the statement. “That being said, I think I need to hear a few more lines from your repertoire, just to be sure, y’know. That last one could have just been a lucky break.”

#dareandtheworldyields #ash and price #v: main #long post

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