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sidekick-hero · 3 months

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Carry you

When Eddie opens his eyes, he has no idea where he is.

That should probably scare him, but the only thing he can think in that moment between blissful nothingness and cold, hard reality is "the bathroom at the party looked different." Because he is in a bathroom, that much he can say. There are white tiles everywhere and a roll of toilet paper in front of him and... is that a plastic handrail?

Lifting his head is a Herculean effort, but somehow he manages to do it, even though it makes his stomach turn.

In front of him is a freestanding shower and a bathtub with stairs to get into. The bathroom is huge and sterile, smelling of disinfectant.

As more and more of his senses come back online, Eddie notices several things at once:

#1 He's wearing what can barely be called a gown, cold air hitting his exposed skin everywhere. His back, his legs, hell, even his junk gets more of a breeze than he likes.

#2 He's nauseous, his stomach rolls uncomfortably, and his head is killing him, a sharp pain that's increasing in intensity by the second.

#3 He knows that something is definitely very, very wrong and he can feel the anxiety rising like bile in his throat.

It's that last realization that triggers his fight or flight response and in seconds he's off the toilet he's sitting on, the sudden movement sending him stumbling, his legs wobbling and his head spinning. Everything hurts and he feels so weak. He catches himself on the railing next to the toilet and figures that's what it's there for. Although he has no idea what kind of person would have such a strange bathroom. The last one he was in, at Tim's or Tom's or Terry's party, something with a T, for sure, the tiles had been black and there had been a lot of bamboo furniture and gold accents. It had smelled nice too, vanilla and cinnamon.

He staggers to a door that hopefully leads out of this fucking nightmare. Maybe Gareth or Freak are behind this, to teach Eddie a lesson for ditching them again to go partying when they had to pack up their shit after the show. But not Jeff, he's too nice to do something like that. The next morning, when Eddie arrives with a hangover the size of his ego, to quote Gareth, Jeff will only look at him with disappointment.

Or maybe they just don't care enough about him anymore to pull a prank on him. Eddie can't remember the last time they even talked to him, beyond discussing the bare minimum for their shows.

Leaving the bathroom, he carefully walks down a long hallway with the ugliest yellow linoleum Eddie has ever seen. It hurts his eyes and his stomach gives another unpleasant churning. On his right, he sees a glass door with "Intermediate Care Unit" written in big white letters.

What the fuck?

He turns right and continues down the hall, hoping to find someone who can tell him where he is and why his body feels like it's been hit with a sledgehammer. Repeatedly.

"Mr. Munson, you shouldn't be out of bed," a stern voice calls from behind him, and when he turns around he sees a middle-aged woman in white scrubs looking at him with a stern expression on her face.

Feeling more and more like he has landed in an episode of The Twilight Zone, Eddie looks at her with an incredulous look on his face. "Who are you? And where is everyone?"

She scoffs at his answer, clearly not pleased.

"I am the nurse responsible for getting you well enough to leave this ward as soon as possible, and you would make my job a lot easier if you would go back to your bed." Before he can process the meaning of her words, she continues. "As for everyone else, well, no one else overdosed, so I would assume they're all home by now."

Eddie can only stare at her open-mouthed, disbelief and horror probably written all over his face, because her own face is softening slightly.

"Now come on, let's get you back to bed, you really shouldn't be wandering around."

She gently takes his elbow and leads him to a door with the number 719 on it. As she opens it for him, Eddie sees three beds inside. To the left and right, he sees two old men, both looking directly at him. The one on the right says, "We tried to stop him, Nurse Elli, we really did," in a high, nasal voice that is already getting on Eddie's nerves. "The kid wouldn't listen to us, would he, Harry?"

"Exactly," Harry answered, at least in a deeper, more bearable tone.

Ignoring the geriatric Ernie and Bert, Nurse Elli leads him to the bed in the middle and helps him to lie down again. Only then does Eddie remember that all he's wearing is a thin hospital gown with an open back. Well, he thinks, Nurse Elli has seen worse in her profession than his pale, scrawny ass. Besides, it's not like much of his modesty has survived the last two years of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll that have been his life.

By the time he's back under the covers, his nurse has turned around and is walking back over to the door. A bone-deep exhaustion has begun to seep into his body, slowly dragging him back under, but seeing her walk out of the room gives him a burst of energy.

"Wait! Someone needs to tell me what happened. What am I doing here?"

Embarrassment burns hot under his skin as he hears the tears in his voice, but the sound of it breaking at his question makes Nurse Elli stop. She turns back to him and her eyes are much kinder than before.

"The doctor will be with you shortly. He'll explain everything to you, Mr. Munson. I'll let him know you're awake now."

And then she leaves, and Eddie sinks back into his bed in the hope that the next time he opens his eyes, it will all have been just a bad dream.

It was not all just a bad dream.

The next time Eddie comes to, he's alone in his room, except for a middle-aged man who seems to be the doctor Nurse Elli told him would be stopping by.

Doctor Owens explains that he overdosed on alcohol and coke at a party at some music producer's house and had been in a coma for two full days. They quickly stabilized him, pumped his stomach and gave him fluids through an IV. Eddie is lucky he's still young and his system recovered from the shock quite well. When he showed signs of waking up, they brought him down here from the ICU to free up his bed for someone who needed it more.

"If Mr. Harrington hadn't called 911 and told them to come get you, you'd be dead right now, Mr. Munson. I'm sorry to say this, but from what I've heard, no one at the party even cared, just insisted that you brought your own drugs and they had nothing to do with it. Mr. Harrington has also been your only visitor so far."

His words should make him angry or sad, something, but he can't process them. Not when his brain is still struggling to make sense of the first part of his statement, Eddie’s heart racing in his chest.

"Mr. Harrington? As in..."

"Steve Harrington, he says he's a close friend. He's the one who called the ambulance, gave the operator your cell phone number so they could track your phone and get you to the hospital. He's been visiting you every day since. He also called your uncle, because we are not allowed to give out any medical information to anyone outside of the family. Your uncle should be here soon, I called him yesterday to give him an update on your condition."

His mind is reeling, too many thoughts fighting for dominance and one word screaming louder than any of them in his head.

Steve, Steve, Steve.

How... it couldn't be. Not after their last fight. Not after the things he said to Steve. To his horror, he feels tears burning hot in his eyes at the memory. A memory he had pushed as far back in his mind as he could because every time he thought about that night he wanted to curl up into a fetal position and cry.

"You are a lucky man, Mr. Munson. This man seems to care a lot about you, as does your uncle. You should let them help you. And if you will allow me to be very clear with you: You need all the help you can get. You're young, so your body can take a lot. But it's not in good shape. You have an old man's liver, and your spleen and kidneys are showing signs of the abuse you put them through. The echo also showed some irregularities in your heartbeat. If you continue down the path you're on, your organs will fail and you will die, Mr. Munson. Painfully. So my advice to you is to get clean as soon as possible. We have some facilities we work with, a nurse will bring you some brochures."

Eddie could only nod numbly, tears now falling freely from his eyes, his throat tight and his head aching. Everything hurt. Especially his heart.

"Okay, we'll keep you here for two more days until we're sure you're stable enough to be on your own." Doctor Owens tells him, turning to leave and get on with his day, as if he hadn't just dropped a damn bomb on his head. He pauses at the door and turns back to him.

"And a word of advice from someone twice your age who's seen a lot in his time here: stick with people who really care about you, like Mr. Harrington, instead of spending your time with people who leave you lying in a bathroom in your own vomit."

With that, he steps out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him and leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts.

Eddie doesn't know how long it's been since Dr. Owens left. It could have been hours, days, weeks, for all he knows, too deep inside his own head to spare any thought for the passing of time. Lying in a hospital bed, the nausea and pain raging through his battered body, Eddie finally breaks down and lets the thoughts come.

He's lost in his memories, thinking about everything that led him here, alone and in pain in a hospital bed, after nearly killing himself with things he swore he'd never use. Weed was fine, though he didn't indulge much anyway, preferring to sell it and make some much-needed money than to smoke it himself. But coke? Nah, he knew how epically stupid it would be to even try that shit.

And yet he did.

A party to celebrate the release of their first single. One lapse in judgment while flying so fucking high that nothing could touch him. One bad decision was all it took for him to succumb to the effects of the white powder.

The high he felt after snorting his first line had been magical and he's been chasing that feeling ever since, blind to all he's sacrificed in the process.

It changed him, he knows. Every euphoric high that made him talk a mile a minute, overly affectionate, loud and brash and in love with the whole world would inevitably end in a crash. He became irritable and hostile toward the people he loved, thinking they were out to get him. Whenever his friends or Wayne or Steve so much as looked at him the wrong way about his new habit, he would lash out at them.

He became increasingly angry and accused them of trying to control him, of envying him his success and happiness.

That's when he started drinking, too. He drank himself stupid so that he wouldn't have to think about the way Steve was starting to look at him as if he didn't even know him anymore. To forget the sad look in Wayne's eyes or the way his friends had started to avoid him. When he was drunk out of his mind, he could forget the way the Coffin boys had started talking about him behind his back, could ignore the murderous looks Robin kept sending his way.

Thinking back, Eddie felt like everything had spun out of his control so fast.

It's like one day he comes home to Steve, ecstatic about signing their first record deal and celebrating the start of a new chapter with the love of his life by dancing around their living room barefoot, laughing and kissing each other, promising happiness and forever.

Only to throw that love right back in Steve's face the next day by calling him needy, clingy, and full of bullshit.

He claimed that Steve was holding him back and that Steve didn't love him, that he just didn't want to be alone. He also said that Steve still thought he was better than Eddie, better than the town freak, the fuck-up, the trailer trash.

You don't want me to succeed and finally step out of your perfect shadow, because then what would stop me from leaving you, right?

Eddie regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth. Secretly, he had always feared that his success would cause a rift in his relationship with Steve. Eddie had no desire to leave Steve, because Steve was still the best goddamn thing that ever happened to him, but he couldn't help but feel that he was losing him anyway. Even more so when he had seen Steve's face crumble, when he had seen the exact moment when his heart had broken into a million pieces.

He had wanted to take Steve in his arms and apologize for saying cruel things he didn't even believe. It had been his own insecurities that had caused him to lash out, and he had hurt Steve before he had a chance to be hurt himself.

Instead, in true Munson fashion, he had run away and hasn't seen or heard from Steve in six long months that have felt like years.

Steve looks almost exactly the same as he did the last time Eddie saw him.

That's not a good thing, though. Because Steve had been driving himself crazy with worry about Eddie for months before Eddie had taken Steve's heart and torn it apart right in front of him.

Back then he had the same dark circles under his eyes that he has now. The usually golden skin is still too pale and Steve's trademark hair looks even more disheveled from how often he's run his hands through it. His well-fitting jeans, which once hugged his ass just right, now sit baggy on his too-slim frame and Eddie hates it.

He hates that Eddie could still hurt Steve even after he left. That even from a distance he managed to ruin the only person who ever really loved him besides Wayne. There should be some kind of warning sign on him: Beware, do not get attached, will hurt you.

"You're awake," are the first words out of Steve's mouth, and despite everything, Eddie can't stop his heart from responding to the sound of his sweet voice. Steve sounds tired, weary, but to Eddie's ears his voice is better than any Metallica song could ever be.

He tries to smile at him, but he feels as tired as Steve sounds, so it lacks the usual spark.

"Sure am. From what I heard, I have you to thank for that," Eddie adds, unable to help himself. He still doesn't know why and especially how Steve knew he needed help. If this were a Nicholas Sparks novel, their love would have created an invisible bond that made Steve feel when Eddie needed help.

But this is real life, and no matter how much he loves Steve, there is no invisible bond holding them together. Just an unbridgeable chasm.

Steve is still hovering at the door and Eddie thinks he is fighting the urge to wring his hands. Eddie knows his tells by now and he figures Steve isn't sure he's welcome here. Which is ridiculous, because even at his worst, Eddie will always want Steve around, no matter what crap Eddie tells him.

It takes a lot of effort, but Eddie manages to sit up and lean out of bed to pat the chair next to his bed, his eyes never leaving Steve.

Eddie sees Steve's shoulders slump, some of the tension visibly draining from his body at the gesture, and Steve walks over to him and sits down tentatively.

"So..." Eddie begins, dragging out the 'o'. "What happened?"

Steve looks up from his hands in his lap, obviously surprised by the question. "You don't remember?"

"No. The last thing I remember is sitting on a leather couch with a bunch of people I don't know and don't care about, fooling myself into thinking I was having fun." Eddie has had plenty of time to think about his life and where he went wrong, so he decides to stick with honesty. Steve deserves as much and more. "Someone handed me a bottle of whiskey and I opened it and started drinking straight from the bottle. That's the last thing I remember. The next thing I know, I wake up in an ugly bathroom that smells like disinfectant, my whole body hurts like I've been hit by a train, and I have no idea where I am."

Before he can bring himself to say the next part, it's Eddie who has to look away, his eyes focused on his hands playing with the edge of the blanket.

"They told me it was you who called 911 and helped them find me. They said without you I would have died lying in my own vomit." He swallows audibly, tears burning in his eyes, wondering how he could have cried more in the last ten hours than in the last ten years. "They also said you were the only one who came to see me."

Eddie forces himself to look up and into Steve's eyes as he says, "Thank you, Steve. You didn't... I don't deserve you doing this. Not after..." The words die in his throat and he feels like he's choking on them.

He can't do this. He's a fucking coward, not worth saving. Not even worth looking at someone as good and beautiful as Steve.

There's a crease between Steve's eyebrows that Eddie used to smooth with his thumb and lips every time he saw it, and his fingers itch to do it again.

"You called me," Steve tells him, his own hands playing with the edge of Eddie's blanket. "At the party. You called me from the bathroom. I thought it was a butt call or maybe drunk dialing, I hadn't heard from you in months, Eddie."

Eddie winces at his words, but Steve chooses to ignore it.

"But then you sounded so small on the phone. You called me 'Stevie' and 'sweetheart' and then you started to cry." Steve looks like he's about to cry, too. His eyes are glassy and Eddie gets lost in the way the light breaks in them, gold and brown and green all mixed together.

"You told me you weren't feeling so good, that your stomach hurt and the room was spinning so you had to lie down. Your voice -" And here Steve's own voice breaks, after it had already started to shake badly, and without thinking Eddie grabs Steve's hand and holds it tight.

"I'm here, Stevie. You saved me. I'm okay."

"But you almost weren't!" Steve insists, his voice rising, and Eddie finally understands the depth of Steve's feelings. After all these months, after everything Eddie had said and done, Steve still cared deeply for him.

"You talked like you were dying, Eddie. You weren't drunk dialing, you were calling to say goodbye, asshole. You were telling me all these things that I needed to hear you say for months. But I wanted to hear them with you in the room so I could punch you in the face and then kiss it better. Not like this. Not as your last words over a fucking phone call."

That's when Steve breaks down, the tears finally overflowing and he buries his face on the bed at Eddie's hip, their joined hands pressed against his wet cheek.

"Baby," Eddie whispers, shocked, his own heart aching worse than ever as he begins to run his fingers through Steve's messy hair. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm so, so sorry, Stevie. I never meant to hurt you, but it seems like that's all I did."

Taking a deep breath, Eddie continues. "I don't know what I told you on the phone, but since I woke up I've had time to think about it all. I don't know if I can ever make it up to you. Or to Wayne and the kids, Gareth and Jeff and Grant. If I will ever deserve your forgiveness, but I want to try. I want to deserve it one day. I know I have no right to ask anything of you, but... I will go to rehab. I will quit drugs and alcohol, I will clean up my act. And then, if you let me, I will try to make it up to you every single day for the rest of our lives."

Steve slowly lifts his head from the bed and looks at him, searching Eddie's eyes for something.

"Why?" Steve asks, his hand gripping Eddie's even tighter.

There are so many reasons, so many things Eddie wants to say, but in the end there is only one simple answer.

"Because I love you."

The smile on Steve's face tells him it's the right answer, even more so when Steve presses a kiss into his palm. But then he turns serious once more.

"I haven't forgiven you yet, Eddie. You hurt me too much and I need time. But I need you to stop trying to run away from me. I don't want you to go to rehab and clean yourself up before you come back to me. I want to be with you every step of the way. Do it together. Because if you love me, you have to let me take care of you. You have to let me in, Eddie. Let me carry you for once, like Sam carried Frodo when he couldn't go on. Trust me not to let you fall. Please."

"Did you really just make a reference to Lord of the Rings?" Eddie demands and Steve rolls his eyes.

"Is that what you get from everything I just said?"

Eddie sobers up immediately. "No, it just made me fall a little bit more in love with you, and I didn't think that was possible."

"So what do you say?" Steve asks, chewing his lip between his teeth, and Eddie suspects he's not even breathing.

"It's going to suck, Stevie," Eddie says in a quiet voice, stroking Steve's knuckles with his thumb."Are you sure?"

"Yes." No hesitation, no wavering in his voice. It's the same tone, the same determined look on his face as when he told Eddie "Fuck'em," when Eddie told him people in their small-minded town would talk if Steve held his hand in public.

"There's a bunch of brochures of places to check out. Wanna help me pick the least horrible one?" Eddie says, pointing to the table in the corner of the room.

Without another word, Steve gets up to grab them, and for the first time in a long time, Eddie allows himself to hope.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddie fic #rockstar eddie munson #cw drugs #steddielovemonth #day 1 #love is letting someone take care of you #my writing

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ensignsimp · 3 months

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Romantic TOS HCs: Kirk, Spock, McCoy

A/N: After a horrible blog explosion I've had to rewrite some of my headcanons. I hope you all enjoy it.

Prompt: Romantic TOS Kirk, Spock, McCoy w/ GN! Reader

James T. Kirk

Kirk is most definitely a hopeless romantic.

He is also the KING OF SAPPY ROMANCES.

Kirk most definitely reads those cheesy romance novels your grandma has on her nightstand.

He tries to keep things professional on the bridge, it doesn't last.

He'll give you longing looks, and endless compliments, the man is a total flirt with you on the bridge. (That and info-dumping.)

He'll give exaggerated sighs and swoon anytime you do even the bare minimum.

"Thank you, Ensign (L/N). What would we do without you?"

He'll write you little love notes and have the other Ensigns deliver them to you.

He is constantly blowing you kisses.

He even gives you the most ridiculous pet names;

"Sunshine, My Star, Sweetie"

It would be embarrassing if it wasn't so cute.

You're barely in the turbolift when he's covering you in kisses.

He's always sharing books to read with you (maybe the less goofy ones).

It's like having your own book club.

He loves head scratches and when you hold him in your arms.

He is a huge cuddler and enjoys snuggles.

He prefers to be the big spoon or to lay on your chest.

Kirk gets the cutest happy golden retriever look on his face if you give him head scratches and read to him.

S'chn T'gai Spock

When Spock falls in love, he falls hard!

He thought he should have been incapable of the feeling.

But to Vulcans' it's not just about the feeling of love, it's the subtlety of action.

He keeps things professional on the bridge. However, that doesn't stop him from consulting you any chance he gets.

He shows his love in discrete ways; long loving looks, sharing in debates and games of strategy, in addition to the ozh'esta. *Finger Embrace

He will complement you, just not in the way Kirk or McCoy would.

"I completely trust Ensign (L/N)'s judgment, they have profoundly sound logic for a human."

During slower times on the bridge, he'll write lines of poetry about you.

Though he never likes to share it.

Pet names are sadly rare but when you are alone he calls you almost anything but your name.

"Ashal-veh, t'nash-veh, t'hy'la"

He doesn't protest you using pet names for him while working together.

He likes to hold your hand by wrapping his pinky around yours.

He'll teach you how to play the Vulcan Harp if you're interested.

Totally not so he can have you sit in his lap and caress your hands.

He loves it when you caress his face and run your fingers through his hair.

If you just hold his face in your hands and look into his eyes he'll turn bright green.

He enjoys cuddling and having you sleeping next to him.

He'll usually prefer the honeymoon position or have you lay on his chest.

Leonard McCoy

He's a doctor and a glucose guardian.

He never thought he'd fall in love again, but here he is.

He's very old school when it comes to his style of dating.

He keeps things professional on the surface but you can tell he favors you more.

It doesn't matter what is going on, he'll always make time for you.

He isn't the best when it comes to frequent compliments but you know they're sincere.

"Ensign, you make me feel young again."

He scolds Kirk if he puts you on dangerous way missions.

He likes to keep you close by, like Spock, he's always calling you up for something.

His pet names for you are the sweetest.

"Honey, Sweetie, Darling."

He loves it when you call him things like "Doc, Hot Shot, Good Lookin'."

He likes to spend all of his off hours with you. He practically follows you around like a puppy.

Sometimes when you two are apart he likes to give you personal com messages, like back in the 20th century.

He loves to take you dancing even if he can't move as fast as he used to.

"In-quarters" dates are his favorite because he can just sit still with you in his lap.

He adores cuddling up in a big blanket and watching old movies with you.

During this time he's more openly affectionate, he likes to run his fingers through your hair and cover your face in kisses.

He prefers to have you sit in his lap, but he won't argue if you want him to sit in yours.

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spreens · 2 months

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A couple of notes on 'Jay' (@/JayyBio on twt)'s reply on behalf of Quackity Studios, from a Public Relations and Crisis Management perspective.

Preface:

This analysis attempts to keep as neutral of a stance as I can on this. I will support any worker's right to fair pay, especially with the hours that the QSMP admins put into this project. That being said, we, the viewers, cannot fully understand everything that has gone one with regards to privacy and confidentiality within the project.

Delivery:

The source of this media release comes from Twitter account JayyBio, an account created within the last 24 hours for the purpose of posting this message. The verification for this account was a follow from the official Quackity Studios account. This is absolute bare minimum and really shouldn't be done for anything, ever. I understand that they may wish to reduce the impact on viewers following the Quackity Studios account that are unaware of the situation, but doing this (and attaching a seemingly personal account to it) significantly impacts both the credibility and visibility of the statement.

Removal of Lea from the team:

Immediately, the attacks on Lea attempt to put the admin on the defensive. The evidence regarding her removal (including the 'grooming' screenshots, which she refers to vaguely, and even calls the notion crazy) is designed to target a sore spot within the community, and further complicate the situation.

As a managing body, it is administration's responsibility to clarify things like pay, fair compensation, and work. The screenshots don't call it 'stuff to do' or anything that would imply casual activities. Lea calls it work. As Lea was in a paid position instead of a volunteer one, the responsibility falls on the Studio's head to clarify these things.

The only proof of unavailability is two screenshots, a month apart, with the responding manager enthusiastically giving confirmation with no warning or advice. The only thing this proves is that Lea was not scolded (in the images provided) for taking unavailability.

This whole unavailability thing is a huge, underlying managerial issue, because a discussion should be had if a paid employee is unable to make what the team believes is the minimum activity. Both extremes claimed by both parties, i.e a full on scolding OR complete blind support are not viable solutions.

In short, either they're still not releasing the full reason for release (due to privacy or confidentiality reasons), or someone is lying. Regardless, the whole situation is underpinned by a much larger issue for the managing team.

NDAs:

Honestly, the fact that they weren't using NDAs right off the bat shocked me. In business (and a lot more frequently than you think) NDAs are used to preserve confidentiality within an organisation for a variety of reasons that I don't have time to cover. Depending on your labour laws however, they cannot be used to hide information regarding employee wages.

Quackity Studio's NDA was valid for the use of:

Protecting Copywrited Assets

Minimising Security Breaches and/or Risks

Protecting Storylines and "Lore Leaking"

Protecting the Privacy of team members and CCs

The NDA was *not* valid for:

Penalizing the formation of personal relationships (yes, even parasocial ones)

Communicating with other members of the team, even regarding Wages and Working Conditions

That isn't to say that the cases not covered by the NDA can't be called unprofessional (especially in the case of parasocial relationships) but they are not grounds for being sued.

You know what is grounds for being sued?

DOING A Q&A REGARDING SENSITIVE INFORMATION ON TWITTER!

The threats from QStudios from Lea's initial posts, while deeply unprofessional and drawing a fairly worrying image of the working environment, were just empty threats. Now that Lea has well and truly broken an Actual Signed NDA, this gets real complicated.

I'm not in law, so I'll leave it up to the armchair law students, but this is just a summary of my thoughts while reading up on the reply PDF.

Items not Covered:

Pay for the overall position (I do not know enough about french labour laws)

Treatment of staff who spoke out prior to Lea's statement (too much back and forthing)

Further Action:

Quackity Studios, please set up an account for statements and releases. I cannot emphasise how D-tier this is reading it through a brand new unbranded account.

ALSO GET YOUR CEO'S APPROVAL BEFORE POSTING A STATEMENT?

#qsmp #discourse #qsmp studios #qsmp crit

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palskippah · 5 months

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Hi!

I've seen people draw Bowser's dad or talk about him in fics, but I wanna think Bowser only had a mom :y just for the fun of it asdkaslkd

It's under a keep reading bc it's a tad bit long, if you'll read it then prepare for nonsensical rambling :y btw it's silly too

Like, she was a very big royal koopa queen who he doesn't remember because she left when he was too baby still (kicked the bucket 🧍) and Kamek (and Kammy) had to take care and raise him since then. And maybe Kamek jut did the bare minimum for him to remember her and Kammy actually put more effort into it- but it's because her death hurt Kamek too much.

Also he and the queen were in a sort of situationship JDKDHD

Anyone would notice he stared at her a bit too fondly, and Kammy made sure to let her sibling know he was being a lovesick fool and everyone could tell. Even the queen. Especially the queen.

But alas, she was the highest rank of royalty and Kamek was her advisor, so it would raise suspicion if they had something, he worried about people thinking they were colluding or something (my paranoid magikoopa that missed the chance of his life-)

She's just like Bowser but maybe beefier and more regal and likes to use her crown and jewelry always. She has a huge lot of confidence and is very assertive.

But they have a close relationship, and one day she's like: "Kamek, may I ask you something? Not from queen to advisor."

"From friend to friend? :>" he says smiling. But the queen shakes her head.

"No, from gorgeous koopa queen to lovesick fool-"

And anyway, that's how she asks him out.

So, the queen (who maybe is called Magma River or something volcanic-themed like that, she gets called Queen River?) got fed up on waiting for the silly advisor to take the lead, so she did. And then she died. So there's that. And Bowser was barely a year old.

Anyways.

Like imagine Queen River had Bowser the same way Bowser had Junior. Also she can't change her size at will, so when Bowser hatches she's like ??? bc royal koopalings are very small, but she's not sure she's even seen one, and by the size of his egg, she thought he'd be small, but not that small.

The baby is named after the queen's father, mostly because she pretends to have no idea what name to choose, so River unsubtly leaves it up to Kamek (and that makes him very joyful, bc naming a child is very important, and she's trusting him on it, as if he were the father 🙏- Kammy teases the hell out of him after they're out of the queen's hearing range)

So, they're prince Bowser the second :] (then they become he or whatvers jaskdja when Bowser's older)

-Anywaysss, imagine that in Bowser's castle, where there is this stone sculpture of his head in the front, is actually queen River's face- Bowser just looks way too much like her, sans the purple scales and shell, so the sculpture is never taken down, just like, reused as Bowser's?

-When years pass and Bowser's a toddler and then a kid, Kamek spoils the hell out of him. He gets him one hundred toys, let's the koopaling order him around, and even at times Bowser get very disrespectful and hits him- at that times it's Kammy who has to put her foot down, bc Queen River wouldn't have let her kid talk to anyone the way Bowser did to the servants or Kamek. The queen was straight forward and respectful of the staff- so Kammy tries to right Bowser's behavior now that he's small- it doesn't work very well, bc he still has an awful temper, but at least he treats the workers at the castle decently.

-Maybe the queen dies in a tragic way or whatever, and it has something to do with another kingdom, so they have a war and the koopas win and they have another kingdom to rule or whatevs. Also (here's more rambling) what if the Darklands is like a Yugoslavia (or something??) and Queen River did a great job of ruling all the lands but then she died and it all went down bc the advisors and council don't know how to rule properly -and the queen didn't have more family apart from her baby-so the Darklands dissolves and becomes only the Koopa Kingdom, the Goomba Kingdom, the Bob-omb's and all that - (Then when Bowser takes the crown, he decides he wants to rule all the Darklands again and that's why he starts wars and wins them and whatnot-? He forces the Darklands together again :[)

-Bowser gets curious about the rest of the kingdoms too, so he arranges meetings to meet the other rulers. Particularly in the Mushroom Kingdom, there happens to be the young princess Peach who has recently taken the lead of the kingdom. And when Bowser sees her, she's very beautiful and nice and has the prettiest eyes he's ever seen, and he determines he'll set things right with all the other kingdoms to gain her favor, so she agrees to become his queen and wife.

>So he does, and the kingdoms have a truce and a good relationship, and Bowser and Peach are maybe something close to friends, but then he proposes, and she rejects him. And then from there it's all the kidnapping stuff bc Bowser's young and stupid and obsessed with her in an unhealthy way.

[This part has to do with my Bowuigi family au-] So, the name of the mom was Magma River, and when the koopalings suggest names for their soon-to-arrive baby sibling, Morton suggests 'Magma :]' and Luigi's like, 'ooh, that's a good one :D' and Bowser's like 'hey that was my mom's name :3' but Kamek's like :'U inside bc that's his love's name! And wouldn't it be amazing if one of Bowser's children had her name??

So, he's very very glad that Luigi finally says 'Magma it is!' all happy bc they have an official name for their baby now. And maybe when Magma's born and shifts to koopa form, she looks so much like the queen (actually she looks like Bowser- but let the magikoopa dream) and he's like :'V

I got off the rails 🧍 that's what I had to say shdjdh the queen enjoys being a mom all of one year and then she dies :'v

River always got all excited to talk anyone's ears off about her amazing little child and showing photos from a wallet that has like 12546 photos in it to anyone that talked to her-

Kammy and the queen were close friends too! It was the magikoopa that suggested Queen River better do something about her relationship with Kamek, bc her idiot sibling never would and all that.

Anyways, as usual, bless you if you read till here sjdksj

#super mario bros #my art #bowser koopa #headcanon #?#kamek #text #luigi mario #big fan of Dr. E. Gadd and Kamek as an old couple that debate magic vs science or whatever JDKDHD so there's that too 🧍?#kammy #River had no family apart from Bowser #and Bowser has a big family #there's something in there maybe alksdas #also royal koopas live very long #so maybe her dad the king gave her the reign and then he died and she was like D:#bc River's all alone now and she focuses on ruling the darklands well #and many many years later she has bowser and she's like :D woo family!

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cambriancrew · 5 months

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@mandellaeffect

So. It's been several days since this, but we still want to reply. We wrote out a long thing, Tumblr ate it, we rewrote it by hand, and we're just now getting around to typing it up.

And fair warning. We can't talk in depth about this interview and why we said what we said without also talking about the abuse we experienced from our ex. We'll keep it general and nonspecific as much as possible, but please just know, it was REALLY bad. Much worse than what we talk about here. Like we still have PTSD from it bad.

Also it may help to read the AMA we did on Reddit after this interview came out.

So. Our ex believed we either had DID or were demon possessed, and had very ableist views about DID that he used to threaten us with - believed we were dangerous to be around, for instance - and threatened us with involuntarily commitment. He also tried to prevent us from seeing any therapist or mental health care provider other than the extremely bigoted, very out of date pastor/counselor of the church we went to and that our husband worked at.

We worried that he was right, that we might fit the criteria for OSDD-1 because of our failing relationship with him.

But, in all honesty, our relationship had been falling apart for awhile, because he was abusive - obsessed with being the perfect fundamentalist Christian couple, bigotry and all. He tried to make us Crew stop being friends with people who weren't Christians, and people who were queer. He tried to dictate what books we could read - no more science fiction and fantasy even though that's the genre we write and even wrote together with him, or psychiatry books even though we worked in a geri-psych nursing home and what we read was relevant. Tried to dictate what we watched on TV and what games we could play - even though he was a huge Star Wars fan and that has huge Buddhist underpinnings, and played Dungeons and Dragons online a lot which he made us swear never to tell anyone because they might think it was demonic - hypocrite much?

He even got upset that we were talking to people about the issues we were having - he called it "emotionally cheating", regardless of the fact we talked with people we had zero romantic interest in - like our own mother.

Anyway. We DID get a different therapist. And something he said helped a LOT with our concerns about having DID. He said our issues with our husband stemmed from his controlling behavior and emotional and verbal abuse, not our plurality - because after all, there's no mental illness called "supports queer people" nor "prefers to read speculative fiction and books on psychiatry" nor "confides in trusted friends about difficulties".

That said. Our therapist and his overseeing psychiatrist did talk with us about what our husband was pressuring us to do: try to get rid of all of the non-Willows. We had a lot of long, tense discussions about this with our system, and knew exactly what would happen if we tried.

We Willows would have been locked away from the front. Jas, Varyn, and Aery would have taken over as primary fronters, and we knew they'd have no problem with that based on our experiences with playing tug of war for front with them. Without us Willows, we may have developed memory issues, especially if we Willows fought back or resisted. This also would have caused us significant stress which would have triggered our fibromyalgia, and may easily have gotten to the point we would have to stop working because we physically couldn't handle it. And undoubtedly it would have caused us social issues as well, because those three can't mimic us Willows well at all, and prefer to be overt anyway, and probably would have used that to put extra pressure on our husband John: "Sorry, you can't talk to Willow right now. I can take a message to her. When we she be back? Idk, whenever John stops being an ass."

This, per our therapist and psychiatrist, would have been enough for a dx of DID or at bare minimum OSDD-1 - and then our ex would have had a much easier time getting us involuntarily committed. (As he did actually try. Got the state involved and there was a court case and everything.)

Because being endogenic and having tulpas is not what defines whether you have DID/OSDD-1 or not - it's whether there's distress or dysfunction. Doesn't have to be constant, doesn't have to be severe, just has to be present enough to make it harder to function.

Also, we've been in therapy from that time till now, for our depression and PTSD. Those cause us distress and dysfunction. Being plural doesn't - it eases our distress and increases our ability to function. We get worse when we Willows try to do everything on our own.

Also? Tulpas absolutely ARE endogenic - they aren't caused by trauma, and that's all endogenic means.

And. We were not told by Reddit that our headmates are tulpas. When we stumbled on the community, we recognized that what we had done in creating our headmates unintentionally was the same things people in the community were doing on purpose.

We remember sitting down and coming up with the idea of Jas. We remember learning to hear her, in vague images and ideas at first, then longer and longer full conversations. We remember the thrill of first hearing her interrupt our thoughts. We used to have several notebooks and binders full of written down conversations between us, with us Willows doing all the writing for the most part but on occasion Jas would take over just enough to write her own notes - in her own handwriting, different from us Willows' handwriting. We remember meditating to improve our ability to hear her. We remember visiting her in the paracosm, and her visiting us at our writing desk and on the school bus and sitting next to us at church. We remember her creating Varyn. We remember creating Morrie, and when he went dormant. We remember making Tristan&, and when she broke off communication with us - they'll still only talk to Jas.

Point is, we know their origins, all of them. We were there.

There's no "they were there all along." There's no "we don't know where they came from so we just assume they're endogenic." They certainly don't have roles or even the natural abilities of alters - we had to learn to talk with them, we had to learn how to let them front, we had to learn how to switch.

Some of them identify as soulbonds due e to their connection to their home worlds, but "tulpa" still fits too. Even though some of them cringe at the word, as it's uncomfortably close to a term in the paracosm's primary language for something truly heinous.

Point is, Reddit didn't try and convince us of anything. We came to that conclusion all on our own - and not just us Willows, but the whole system.

And per our mental health care team, we don't fit the criteria for a dissociative disorder. We don't even have issues with general dissociation - we score a 10 on the DES-2, and only that much because of questions directly related to plurality, like hearing voices commenting on your actions. (The eternal peanut gallery lol)

Anyway. Back to Dr. Richard Loewenstein - he was told about our origins. He didn't say that our origins were the reason we did or did not have a dissociative disorder. He said it's about distress.

And now that we've long since kicked our abusive ex to the curb (along with the church that turned on us), we don't have even interpersonal issues like we had with him and them. The people we're close to understand and support us. Our health care team supports us, and even encourages us Willows to lean on the rest of our system as that's what's healthiest for us all.

We don't have a mild case of a dissociative disorder. We're not secretly traumagenic.

We're ready and able to even fight for things our ex threatened us with, including our ability to be out at work, our ability to go through the foster-to-adopt program in our state (and our mental health care team is willing to sign off on our ability to do that), and our ability to be free from the threat of involuntary commitment to an institution.

If our ex, the pastor-counselor, several of our ex friends, state medical officials, and more couldn't find enough proof to diagnose us with DID or get us committed, (versus our therapist and the overseeing psychiatrist and our parents), then there's nothing anything y'all can say that will prove what they could not.

#syscourse #@mandellaeffect

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be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie · 1 year

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What interests me most in Quaritch’s and Spider’s relationship is The Tragedy. Quaritch is an asshole who wants to kill Na’vi but he also has nothing else going for him, so he does what he’s told because without the mission he has no purpose. Spider is a kid who was neglected by EVERYBODY and never had an adult care for him. Then BOOM, they meet and are forced to work together. The movie had not given them a lot of screen time but the fact that Spider felt safe enough around the recoms to crack jokes and be playful says a lot. The scene where he teaches Miles Na’vi and puts a hand on his knee, unafraid of physical contact also shows that they’ve grown quite close in the past months.

And then Quaritch fucks it up. He goes back into his old ways and only cuts corners out of fear that Spider will hate him until the end of days, but he already does so because after months of camping out in the forest and having their Disney found family arc, the poor kid is confronted with the fact that his not-dad-dad had not changed in any way that matters. The only thing that changed about Q is the fact that he now has one (1) person he cares about. Spider got taken away from his home, somehow experienced what it was like to be loved (even if said love was the bare minimum) and then was brutally reminded that the person who loves him is an actual demon.

In the end, a happy ending was never meant to be. They are enemies, and could never support the other’s cause and yet they still love one another, and they fucking hate that they love one another, which is my favorite part. In separate interviews, both Slang and Jack had confirmed that both characters have a mighty soft spot for one another, even if they resent it. The bond they have built is there and not Spider, nor Quaritch can shake it off.

I've let this sit in my asks for a while now cause I knew I would get fired up. Yeah from the get go in your post you are already being extremely charitable to Quaritch in a way that sits really poorly with me.

-"Quaritch has nothing else going for him if he's not fulfilling his mission and killing Na'vi." I don't understand where you guys fabricate this tragic past for Quartich from, in the first movie he literally says he chose to extend his tour on Pandora because of his hatred for the Na'vi. He was going back to Earth, where who knows who was waiting for him? Saying he has no family or friends is entirely made up, especially when we know he had a girlfriend and a child at the time.

-"They were forced to work together" HUGE fucking reach dude. Spider is sure forced to work for Quaritch. But Quaritch kidnapped him, took him as a prisoner of war, brought him to be tortured for informatin, uses him as a forced teacher and translator as he burns down and threatens civilian villages. These are all decisions he makes intentionally (not forced!) and are all fun little war crimes.

-I think calling Spider playful around the recoms for that one scene where he mocks Quaritch's Na'vi is rather crazy. Saying they've grown quite close, that they've had a 'Disney family arc,' I really hope you are really young and you'll mature. YOU CAN'T DEVELOP A GOOD AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE UNDER DURESS. Spider is a prisoner! The entire time! Any relationship basis is stockholm syndrome, because every interaction is colored with the fact that any of the recoms, Quaritch, could hurt him or kill him at any time. They could take him back to be tortured. He can't do what he wants. He cannot leave. So every action that isn't harmful feels ten times better because he knows it COULD BE and might be at any second. It's why the cycle of abuse is so powerful, when the norm is pain, kindness feels so unexpected and undeserved. It's really harmful to paint these relationships as good.

-"Quaritch has changed because now he has someone he cares about." Well fuck me, I guess Spider didn't matter when he god damn existed in the 2009 movie??

-The bond that is built is a toxic one based on abuse and manipulation. It's stockholm syndrome, it's lima syndrome. It will definitely be interesting, but you are right about that one thing: it will never work out.

#when will you all get it through ur thick skulls #miles quaritch #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #recoms #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa's asks #melissa on avatar (cameron)

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useless-catalanfacts · 5 months

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Is anti-Latin American xenophobia as common in the Catalan Countries as it is in Spain? I think the fact we share a common oppressor is interesting but I haven't seen a lot of support for Catalan independence where I'm from, for some reason (or maybe I'm not looking in the right places?).

I can't answer this question because I don't know how common anti-Latin American xenophobia is in Spain, so I can't compare. When it comes to systemic xenophobia, it's the same, because Spain is the one who makes the laws about immigration and who can access what, so it's the same legal system.

When it comes to political matters though, it's true that Catalan politicians and public opinion often argue in favour of Latin American countries. For example, in favour of getting paid reparations for colonization, many Catalans refuse to celebrate Hispanity Day to honour colonization (Spain's national day, October 12th), and there was a huge scandal when the Spanish king refused to apologize when Mexico asked while it was praised by many in Spain including the most voted party in Spain PP. (Actually, something weird happened with that. Two of the most famous public figures in Catalonia -the comedians Òscar Andreu and Òscar Dalmau- on their late night TV show in Catalonia's TV made a song making fun of the Spanish king and saying he's an asshole who will always refuse to apologize for his ancestor's crimes. The song was sung directed to the Mexican people and basically saying "don't you know this guy is an idiot who refuses to apologize when he's wrong, a proud ignorant who will never accept reality" things like that, sang in a ranchera. And somehow -seriously, I still don't understand how, it couldn't have been any more clearly on Mexico's side- it got misunderstood in Mexico and lots of Mexican news channels talked about it as if it were making fun of Mexicans for asking for the forgiveness. When it was openly saying that not asking for forgiveness was so basic and criticised the king for not being able to do even the bare minimum. That was a weird time, I can only think that it might come from people who found it not knowing who the Oscars are and that they do humour, but even then it's still difficult to understand how they didn't understand it as being in their favour, maybe satire is difficult to translate through cultural barriers? or maybe they thought this topic is so serious it shouldn't be joked about?. Anyway, anecdote over.)

When it comes to personal bigotry, I don't think xenophobia aimed at Latin Americans is particularly present here (Moroccans, followed by Romani people and Romanians, are the people who racism is usually aimed at), or at least I've never encountered it myself, but I'm not Latin American so I'm less likely to ever have heard it than someone who could have it directed at them. The only case I can think of is one of my friends, who is originally from Bolivia, who got insulted being called a Moor once because some racist assumed she was Moroccan for her looks. But I also have two friends whose family is all Catalan and they've also been called Moors before, so I don't think this happens more to Latin Americans than locals. However, I'm sure it exists, because sadly there's bigoted people against all kinds of people.

I don't know, I'm sorry I can't answer you better!

As always, if any Latin American Catalan or anyone else has something to add, please feel free to add in a reblog or in the comments. I would also like to learn more about this.

#ask

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lizardperson · 2 months

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ockiss24 - day 6!

they can't even be normal about a fucking marriage proposal, if you wanna call it that... non-horny, for once

After a busy weekend Gabriel was very glad about a lazy Sunday evening, so after dinner he had settled down on the living room couch to read - one of his silly pulpy detective novels Mika always made fun of, but a man needed his guilty pleasures. She had eventually joined him, draping her legs over his, and mindlessly plucked on her guitar. He had noticed that she was unusually quiet over the last few hours, seemingly lost in thought, but he had suppressed the instinct to ask her what was on her mind, being well aware that this was not the right tactic. It would only make her get snappy at him, or deflect with silly jokes. She was like a feral cat sometimes - you had to give her space and be patient, eventually she would come out of her hole. That she was hanging out in the same room as him was a good first step.

After a while she put the guitar to the side and just looked at him silently. It took him a few moments to noticed that, being very engrossed in his novel. The brooding detective was so close to cracking this case.

"Hm?" He still hadn't taken his eyes off the page.

Mika finally spoke. "So, completely hypothetically speaking, if we were to get married, what would be like… your minimum requirements?" She bit her lip. "Hypothetically," she repeated, just to make that really clear.

Gabriel sighed, now looking up from his book. "I thought we weren't going to talk about this anymore, because we always end up fighting." This whole thing had started shortly after she had moved in, and he had innocuously suggested they could get married once his divorce from Kat was final - he regretted bringing it up immediately. She went on and on about how marriage was a stupid concept in general, and they would most definitely never get married, ever, and if he thought that he was a bigger idiot than she assumed. It was actually a pretty intense reaction even for her standards, culminating in their first real fight, and he made a mental note to not bring it up anytime soon. But somehow they had found their way to that topic again a while later, and it once again had ended in a fight. The last time was right after Tommy's wedding, when Mika wouldn't stop making fun of that whole ridiculously huge endeavor, calling it "bougie straight people bullshit", and taking his slight defense of it all as a hint that obviously he would want a wedding like that too - which he most definitely did not, but she barely heard him out. At times like that she drove him crazy, when she would just not listen at all, instead making up her mind somehow about what he was thinking, no matter how far off from the truth she was with that.

"Humor me," she replied, being very hard to read. Was she deliberately trying to start a fight now?

He sighed again and closed his book, putting it on the table, using that moment to sort his thoughts. Tread carefully here. "Fine. Hypothetically. I told you before I don't want a big wedding. Small thing with our friends, in our backyard for all I care, with the same ten people who always hang around here. You in a nice dress."

"Like a real wedding dress?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Just something pretty, something you wouldn't wear every day. Doesn't even have to be white."

"Rings?"

"I would like that, yeah." He still had no idea where she was going with all this.

"Do I have to take your name?"

He shrugged. "I mean, Kat never did, so no, you don't have to. I sure wouldn't mind it of course…" She had gone quiet again, gnawing on her lower lip, and he unsuccessfully tried to read her expression. "Mika… the wedding itself isn't the important part. I just want to be married to you. I want to call you my wife. Because I love you and intend to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter how corny you find it when I say that." He hesitates for a moment. "But I know how you feel about this whole topic, and I sure can't make you marry me, so I have accepted it's not going to happen. I'll get over it. It's fine, really." He would really love to drop this now.

They sat in silence for a few moments, just looking at each other, then she suddenly spoke. "Fuck it, let's do it then."

Gabriel squinted. "Do what?"

She shrugged. "Get married."

He looked at her, still trying to figure out what the hell was happening here right now. "Is this some kind of joke I'm not getting or…?"

"Dude, it's not a joke," she groaned. "I'm fucking serious. If you want to marry me, okay. I'm in." She hesitated, trying to collect her thoughts. "I still think the concept as a whole is kind of silly, but also I realized me being so super against it comes from my own dumb issues and stuff, and it's actually not that big of a deal. It's important to you. And I love you. So yeah, I'll marry you." She looked at him sheepishly. "If you want to."

He was still baffled by her words, this was definitely not where he expected this whole talk would lead, and he rubbed his face. "Okay, I… I need to ask this one more time. Just to make really sure." She rolled her eyes a little, but suppressed a snarky remark. He grabbed her hand and looked at her. "Mika. Will you marry me?"

"Yes. I do." She hesitated, then sounded very sincere. "I want to be your wife."

Her words rang in his ears, and he just stared at her for a few seconds, then pulled her into a long kiss. Afterwards he held her face in his hands, exhaling audibly. "Woman, you'll be the death of me," he murmured.

"I thought you wanted 'till death do us part', are you complaining now?" she chuckled, and he just shook his head laughing, pulling her into his arms. He would need a moment to process what just happened. Seems like they were getting married. Huh.

#ockiss24 #mika tag #gabriel tag #otp: a 1000 years #lizardwriting

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riveranova · 1 year

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(A/N): Some IkePri as Roommates Headcanons, because my own roommate is making me want to eat my cactus. :,)

The IkePri Guys as Roommates x GN! Reader - Part 1

Warnings: Nokto's a lil bit Spicy, honestly mostly crack

Characters: Gilbert, Silvio, Keith, Sariel, Rio, Clavis, Notko, Ikemen Prince

Word count: 1.044

Gilbert von Obsidian

honestly, menace

i'm 100% sure that he does not know how to cook

doesn't he like to poison peoples food? yeah.

but like, hes not doing it on purpose - he has this really cool game of thrones cookbook which he uses for almost all his meals

hes having three mental breakdowns and calls his mother two times which results in her just not answering the phone anymore

has no problem with asking you for help tho

when you enter the kitchen you have to look twice at what he made

,,Idk why it's so orange, I didn't even use orange ingredients!''

You get my point

otherwise hes actually very nice to you

hes still the kind of guy who would laugh his ass off if you fell before helping you up

hes keeping a clean room and follows the cleaning plan for your apartment

i imagine him to get cold SO easily - like you'd rather catch this man dead than with an open window in winter

80/100 would roommate again

Silvio Ricci

*sigh*

the complete opposite of Gilbert

hes using those italian roots

dont you fucking dare cook without him because lo' and behold, this man cooks like he worked with Gordon Ramsay his entire life

he insists on wearing his rings tho no matter what hes cooking which results in him cursing like a sailor every five minutes

husband material in the kitchen

the rest,,, not so much

i imagine that he does clean but like BARE minimum

like, the barest - the line is ON THE FLOOR

vacuuming the floor but not under furniture, that bad

he doesnt get why, he never sees it anyways and he has better things to do

i think his rooms smells very good, like eros from versace

problem is, it smells A LOT

so now your entire apartment smells like eros from versace

if you have a sensitive nose, I'm sorry for you

60/100 would roommate again

Keith Howell

okay so lets say Keith is uh,,, less fucked up

he mostly keeps to himself but if he needs something, he asks you

you don't know how he does it but you never hear a peep out of his room - as if he just sleeps 90% of the day

hey, maybe he does - i could almost relate

if you guys get along well, hes actually a really sweet man

his actions speak louder than his words tho

you need something build? ask Keith! you need something carried up (or down) the stairs? ask Keith! there is a fucking huge spider in your room? ...run, because Keith wouldnt touch that thing for the life of him

i imagine that hes as quiet as he is because my man is studying

straight A student but is shit at explaining things so he can't really help you

you both end up crying if he tries to exlpain math to you

80/100 would roommate again

Sariel Noir

it feels like your living with your grandma

in the most amazing way possible

dont get me wrong, i love Sariel but I'm 100% sure that this man would act like an old lady

he loves these really old tablecloths that look like this

puts them everywhere too - on your kitchentable, on the little drawer by the frontdoor and i BET the even has them on his desk

like omg little versions of them for his flowers and like little pots with random shit in them

i bet he makes them himself too

hes way to old to be a student but for the sake of this, lets say hes in his 20s

also a straight A student and, obviously, really great at tutoring

you guys share the same classes and that saved your ass more than once

he takes the tutoring seriously, very seriously

he doesnt whip you when you fail, he rather makes you do chores around the house for longer than you'd have to

90/100 would roommate again

Rio Ortiz

puppy dog boy l

i can't not see him as anything else

you guys knew each other before you moved in together

when you told him that you needed a roomie, he made sure that he would be the one moving in with you

obviously in love with you, doesnt even hide it

makes sure youre never hungry, everything is clean

i'm sure that even if you guys had a cleaning plan, he'd just clean before you have the chance to

simp

also, a yes friend

dyeing your hair? yes. cutting your hair at 2am as a result of a mental breakdown? yes. randomly rearranging your bedroom? yes.

loves to cuddle

spends a lot of time in the living room, waiting for his pray (you) to fall into his trap (the sofa) to be violenty (softly) ripped apart (cuddled)

you have to remind him to relax once in a while, hes not your butler after all

100/100 would roommate again

Clavis Lelouch

*sigh_pt.2*

i mean, at least it doesnt get boring around him

opposite of Keith, hes loud as fuck in his room

watches 'try not to laugh' challenges only to laugh 90% of the time

he loves to prank you (really now)

he once put bleach in your shampoo but ended up using it himself on accident

he played it off as planned, mastertrapper clavis doesnt fail

doesnt cook for himself, he snatches food from you

tried his hand at baking and it actually turned out good

it looked like a disaster

he ruined the taste by putting random shit in it to prank you

,,don't worry, it tastes better than it looks!!'' *hides the tuna can behind his back*

youre actually the one tutoring him

he finds studying boring af so he just doesnt do it

straight B student because the universe is unfair

his room is a mess which follows him wherever he goes

60/100 would (think twice about) roommate again-

Nokto Klein

fuckboy (in the most insulting way possible)

i cant keep defending this man

isnt home, like ever

only if he brings people home

no matter the gender, he brings them home

results in you having a lot of akward run-ins

is also really loud in his room for.. reasons

definetly tried to fuck you once and even if you say no, the flirty-teasy remarks never stop

he'd never disrespect you in any way tho

if you look past his fuckboy-self, hes actually a gentleman

if hes home, that is

helps you with homework (if hes home)

cooks you food if you dont have time (if hes home)

you dont know where he is, you guess that hes partying

hes with his family - mostly Licht

due to,,, problems,, he and Licht hat to stick together

hes still visiting bars after

40/100 would (really question myself if we) roommate again

#cybird ikemen #ikemen series #ikemen prince #nokto klein #clavis lelouch #rio ortiz #silvio ricci #sariel noir #keith howell #gilbert von obsidian #ikepri #ikepri headcanons #ikemen x reader #gn! reader

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statementlou · 7 months

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I’m Jewish and Anti-Zionist as well and I respect your opinion but does it not bother you that people only act this way with Israelis? There is literally no other country where fans would be getting called ugly and racist and people would be demanding violence just because they showed up with a flag. Random citizens of a country aren’t responsible for the actions of their government and no one ever assumes they are except for in the only Jewish country in the world. Harry wrote a whole song about his love for England and no one has ever called that a ‘disgusting display of nationalist allegiance to a racist apartheid state’. You say you wouldn’t wave a US flag but people do or wear it on their clothes or whatever else and literally no one cares. As Jews maybe we shouldn’t condone hatred towards 40% of Jewish people in the world under the guise of social activism?

Okay well I appreciate you, and that the balancing act of being a Jew-- being at risk of anti-semetic violence and prejudice but also benefiting from white privilege-- is a tricky one and there ARE gray areas, for sure! Unfortunately, I disagree with pretty much everything you’ve said here, I am sorry to say. It is true that anti-semites glom onto anti-Israel talk to try to further their agenda, but that is because they are fucking nazis and that is not my responsibility- nothing I say condones their garbage and we can't just not talk about real issues because someone might twist our words. I also disagree that there is no other country regarded with such venom and think that is a narrative perpetuated by zionists and racists: I think the difference is that Israel is talked about that way by WHITE PEOPLE (and yeah lots of times it is because they're just fucking racist, but so is the 'only Israel is treated this way' narrative). As far as I know the powers that be in Iran still refer to the United States as The Great Satan and burn US flags for propaganda purposes, for example, and I think if you ask people in Africa or LATAM how they feel about various colonial powers you will find similarly hostile reactions to flag waving. You say that people wave or wear US flags and no one cares- but that’s literally just not true. A lot of people in a lot of places care plenty, and in fact US tourists wearing Canadian flags to try to avoid the worldwide hatred of USAmericans is huge thing that very much happens. But by all means, go get barricade in LATAM and wave a US flag in everyone’s face and let me know how that goes! And I completely disagree that random citizens of a country bear no responsibility for their governments actions as well. Our taxes and our silence are what make atrocities possible! Here in the US it can be hard to feel like we are complicit in the actions of a government that we ourselves are also fighting tooth and nail to survive, that also attacks and starves and victimizes us, but unfortunately we still do have a responsibility to resist what is being done in our names (in this case, $158 BILLION US tax dollars to Israel to date and that doesn't even include all the military equipment), or at the bare minimum to speak out against it. And in Israel this is even less theoretical: when they turn 18 every Israeli Jew has to choose to either actively resist and refuse military service or to literally join the army and personally participate in the genocide of the Palestinian people. These fans, who according to another anon have told people at shows that “you don’t understand we were just reclaiming our land” and have said they take pride in their flag, have picked a side, and it is the side of murder and colonization. I don’t hate every citizen of Israel simply for where they were born any more than I hate every US citizen; but I do judge and personally do not want anything to do with those who choose to support their government, in both places. This is not ‘the guise of social activism’: it is choosing to be actively anti-racist rather than silent and therefore complicit. As for the rest, I don’t think anyone has considered LOML a nationalistic anthem, but while its true that most people don’t care some people most certainly DO complain about Harry waving flags of any countries, and most especially the UK flag (as opposed to the England one); that in particular because, like the Israeli flag, it touches on colonization that is happening and actively being resisted RIGHT NOW (Scotland and Wales' struggles for independence.)

#I didn't think I was going to talk about this anymore but... I guess I was wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#you can blacklist though #israel discussion #anyway anon clearly doesn't follow ralph if they think no one is complaining about harry and nationalism lol #I think somewhere where you can see the disgust towards colonizer flags being openly displayed is around football #and clashes around national team matches especially colonial derbys #blah blah blah #free palestine

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ezra-but-hornier · 7 months

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Hey there, I am kinda losing my mind and thought that since you offer advice sometimes you might not mind me asking for some. I have been hooking up with somebody for a few months and this is my first time ever doing hookups. I’m really into possessiveness and as it turns out so are they, and recently they’ve been really leaning into it calling me theirs, and getting me to say I’m theirs in the bedroom, “who’s pussy is this” etc. They even got jealous when I talked about my massage therapist bc it was a man touching me! We had never talked about exclusivity (not smart I know), but they said and did things which implied it often. Fast forward to today and they tell me that they slept with somebody else only a couple weeks ago and might have chlamydia.

I’m really upset, firstly that they slept with somebody else and didn’t even give me a heads up so I could opt out of sleeping with them until they were sure that they were clean, but also I feel like I have no right to be upset because it was never stated that we should be exclusive and maybe I should have expected this from casual sex. Am I just being too sensitive about this? Is it normal for a hookup to be so possessive, knowing that you like it, but also be fucking around without telling you? I can’t help but feel jealous and imagine they act just as possessive with every hookup, which is their right bc it’s a common kink! I feel crazy.

I feel like such an idiot. I don’t want to date them, I just don’t want them fucking other people without protection at the same time that they’re fucking me without protection. How do I express that I won’t sleep with them again unless it’s exclusive without it sounding like an ultimatum or that I want something more serious? I just want safe sex. I’m so conflicted and don’t know if I’m just being dramatic and this is normal for hookups. Any advice would be hugely appreciated. Sorry for the length.

- A very emotional femme

Oh honey, you poor thing! I'd be upset too. Ok so first, you're not being sensitive or over dramatic. Two: This is your body. Your physical and mental and emotional health. Only you get to play games with it, not someone who is clearly so immature that they are intimidated by a massage therapist. What's next, being mad at your dad for hugging you? Grow up (them, not you boo).

They need to get treated. And then you need to just sit them down and say you have expectations. You can write it down if you need to and have them read it. I do that when i have trouble finding the words or I feel embarrassed. You don't want unnecessary risks to your health. Simple as that. You aren't looking for a relationship, but you are looking for reliability. If they can't do the bare minimum, they don't deserve to be intimate with you.

Here's a good article about fluid bonding that you may want to read as well. It's a good jumping off point for future hook ups.

#ask the femme

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slasheru · 9 months

Text

Heyyyyy Slasher Nation! 🖤 First of all - HOLY CRAP THANK YOU!! Even though the Kickstarter didn't hit the goal, the fact that 98 of y'all (!!) got us a SIGNIFICANT part of the way there (almost $3,000!!) is MINDBLOWING!! <3333 I can't thank you enough 😭

So What Now / Wait you had a Plan B the whole time?!

Yeah, man, you thought I was just gonna leave you guys hanging? ;) We're gonna try this again with a WAY smaller goal on Crowdfundr! (I'll talk more about this below!) Short pitch is: $1,125 goal (which we nailed in 48 hours here), keeps SU running, launches September 7th, Crowfundr is being hella cool and sponsoring it for SPX Spotlight, follow along HERE! [https://crowdfundr.com/slasheruact2]

But ALSO, holy crap, you guys are AMAZING:

I can hardly call this thing a wash, though, because the amount of love, attention, and SOLD COPIES OF SLASHER U: ACT 1 have been ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WILD. I just wanted to shout out to:

More than 600 new Slasher U: Act 1 players downloaded the game since the Kickstarter launched

Slasher U: Act 1: Alpha Edition maintains a whopping 4.9 out of 5 Stars average rating on itch (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I sold enough copies of Slasher U: Act 1 to cover MORE THAN HALF MY RENT THIS MONTH!! If this Kickstarter stopped right here, you guys would've been able to cover 4 MORE months of rent & production time! Which is HOG WILD.

We got shoutouts from:

Beautiful Glitch, the team behind Monster Prom, Monster Camp, & Monster Roadtrip!! Beautiful Glitch are one of my most inspirational/aspirational heroes of game dev, and the Monster franchise was a HUGE inspiration for SU, so I can't BELIEVE this happened!!!! Thank you guys SO MUCH!!! <333

WWAC (Women Write About Comics), where journalist Alenka Figa wrote SO MUCH NICE STUFF about my storytelling I'm gonna fuckin cry!!

Corinne Halbert of ACID NUN - she and I are actually gonna do an Acid Nun x Slasher U collab where you'll be able to unlock an Acid Nun player skin!! Shhhh!!

The crew at Lewdgamer who wrote an awesome writeup of the KS campaign!

Indiepocalypse - we made it into Issue #42 and Alex had us on his podcast, which was SO MUCH FUN!! According to Alex, Slasher U had one of the highest audience participation/engagements he's seen on Indiepocalypse Radio, and it was MEGA FUN watching him parse some of your saucy Sawyer questions, LMFAO.

And here's some Slasher U & SUKS stats for you:

More than 2/3rds of you ended up dating either Sawyer or Tate. >:)

In total, 94 of you backed the game here on KS!!! YOU ALL KICK SERIOUS ASS

Almost 1,000 new copies of Slasher U: Act 1 (both Regular and Premium) were downloaded during the campaign!

During the campaign, at least 3 people personally thanked me for Slasher U completely changing their life by discovering something about themselves or making them feel seen and heard, which is going to make me FUCKING CRY and is the ENTIRE REASON WHY I MAKE THIS GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE. I love you all so, so so sosososoososososos much, Student Disembody. :'))))))

So this "Plan B", eh?

Some of you know I'm a cartoonist by trade (I drew for the official FNAF franchise and more!). This year, I ended up talking to some sponsors for this upcoming SPX (Small Press Expo), which is like SDCC for indie comics, including Crowdfundr - one thing led to another, and now I'm partnering up with Crowdfundr and SPX to bring you a WAY SMALLER but also WAY MORE PERSONAL campaign to keep the lights on here at SU, as part of Crowfundr's SPX Spotlight event! For the non-comics folks here, Crowdfundr is basically the indie comics Kickstarter - I've been buddies with this crowd (pun vageuly intended) for a while and I'm psyched to be doing this with people I've been meaning to collab with!!

The new goal will cover the absolute bare minimum of making SU - $1,125, which includes font licenses, the Mac port, and taxes. Then, any EXTRA will go to more production time on Slasher U! Basically, I'm swinging the campaign around so the minimum amount is the goal, and the goal-goal's the reach goal. The GOOD NEWS is we apparently smashed this $1k goal within 48 hours of THIS Kickstarter, so I'm VERY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT ROUND 2 OVER HERE.

(You'll ALSO still be able to snag one of those custom player skins I'm drawing - there's gonna be only 5 slots this time!) Aaaaand you can click to follow when the Crowdfundr launches in a month, here:

P.S: estimating the first Early Access build with *just* Laila's Act 2 content, plus some core extras, in the next month or month and a half >:)))

xoxoxooxoxoxoxo, love you guys SO FUCKIN MUCH, and, as we like to say on campus:

STAY HORNY!! xxoxooxox Professor Plutonium

#slasher u #slasher u act 2

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fgo-husbandry · 10 months

Note

So I've recently adopted a Johanna and was really excited to bond with my first servant, but it hasn't gone at all how I expected. She's been very distant and hasn't wanted to do anything that hasn't been popely or proper. I've been trying to encourage her to come out of her shell but I haven't been able to make it past that holy barrier. I've heard that it's better to acquire servants in pairs and worry I made a mistake only adopting one for my first time. Do you have any suggestions of another servant I can adopt to help her feel more comfortable?

Servants are very social creatures, generally speaking. There's some Servants who do better alone -- perhaps even thrive -- but most of the time, unless you can dedicate huge number of resources to securing them the 100% perfect environment, they're at bare-minimum going to need play-dates with other Servants to fill their social needs.

So, to suggest another Servant to look at for a Johanna...

What about Mephistopheles?

If you need someone to help you loosen up, Mephistopheles is your guy. He's playful and fun-loving, and is great at drawing other's out of their shell with his tricks, jokes, and japes. I know, I know, you might be worried about how a self-proclaimed demon and a Popess can co-exist, but despite what he says, Mephistopheles Servants don't come from hell; they were produced by Faust, and would properly be classed as homunculi.

Really, the whole 'demon' thing is identity-seeking behavior, born from their creator not being happy with the batch and calling them failures at being homunculi. Legend has it that Faust was tricked by the demon Mephistopheles, but the truth is that Mephistopheles Servants tread the line between labels, and the story is just that -- a fantastical tale. Too much like homunculi to be human, made by mortal man so not demon, but unable to be a part of society just like demons because they can't be human. A Johanna, with her gentle demeanor and loving acceptance of others, may be just what a Mephistopheles needs to be comfortable.

A Mephistopheles may understand Johanna too, since she herself is more of a legend than a real person, defined by her saintliness and holiness rather than her own physical qualities. It's debatable if a real 'Johanna' ever existed at all! So much like Mephistopheles, she exists in a space between fiction and reality, struggling with her identity. This is probably the source of her aloof behavior; it's likely she herself doesn't even know who she is or wants to be.

Therefore, try a Mephistopheles today! Who better to assist your Johanna than a Servant who has forced the world to accept him as a demon-clown, because he wants to be more than he was created to be? And who better to pair with Mephistopheles than a Servant who does, deep down, actually like a few... explosions...

...huh.

...did I accidentally just give helpful advice???

~ Mod Foreigner

#mod foreigner #fgo #pope johanna #mephistopheles #servant advice #in character

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electrasev5nwrites · 7 months

Text

Ninja Daily: AIC 34

Jiraiya had a better plan than Aiko did.

...At least, he promised that it was. "Tsunade and I can do it," Jiraiya swore. His face was locked in the same grimace it had been for the last hour. Debating the best way to kill a former teammate did not seem pleasant. "If we can get her on board, we can do this. We'll take down Orochimaru, while you run interference on his people."

"Can we get her on board?" Aiko asked dully. She rubbed her thumbs against her cold coffee cup. It was long-since empty, but her assistants had cut her off of caffeine for the day. Supreme executive power was clearly working out so well. Sure, she could fire and jail Nishikawa for the impudence, but then who would make her appointments, update her calendar, and remind her who needed to be assassinated this week? She was stuck with the bastard.

"We have to." Jiraiya cast a dark glance out the window, into the night sky. There was nothing to see except the outline of city buildings in hazy, distant streetlight. But he seemed transfixed. "Look, the Sandaime is not going to give us anyone," he admitted. "He is seriously mistrustful of you and Minato. My attachment makes my judgment suspect by extension- he won't agree to move fast enough to meet your deadline. Even if he did- there's not many people in Konoha I would trust to bring with me for this. I can't waste lives against Orochimaru."

Aiko sighed. "I don't like it," she said. "In a pinch, I'll bring both Mei and Utakata. But if either one of them dies, it would be crippling to Kirigakure's structure."

"So we can't let them die," Jiraiya said bluntly. "Look, against Orochimaru… I would not bring anyone who is not kage material. But he's going to have allies. We need to have allies as well, or we're going to get cut down."

"We need to make a call one way or the other on Suna." Aiko ran her hands through her hair. "If we don't ask them, they could take it as an insult. If we include them, the insult to the Sandaime regarding his exclusion is stronger."

"It's always better to have fewer people angry with you," Jiraiya said philosophically. "It's much easier to figure out who is trying to kill you when there's less than 20 suspects."

Aiko gave him a disbelieving look. She sincerely doubted there had been a 2-day period in the last 30 years when less than 20 people had been actively trying to kill him.

He did not seem to notice her doubt. "Should we go to Suna now, then?"

...how was he still alive?

"Let's wait until business hours," Aiko said. She did not look at the clock, because nothing good came of that after 3am. "But also, I would not contact anyone who is currently in Suna. The real power is Temari."

Jiraiya took a moment to place the name. He leveled her with an unimpressed look. "The 14 year old genin?"

Wasn't Temari 15, going on 16? If Gaara was 13, and Kankurou was the middle child, Temari had to be older than 14.

"She's a chuunin now," Aiko said, as though that made a huge difference. "And she'll probably be the next Kazekage. They're promoting her asap. Her political star is rising." Even she had a hard time injecting enthusiasm into this idea.

"Is it," Jiraiya said flatly. "What did you do? Is she here?" His jaw tightened.

"In Kirigakure? Where it would be convenient for me to talk with her?" Aiko scowled. "Don't be stupid," she said. She waited just enough enough for him to relax. "I moved her to an ally in the Daimyo's court after you got here, I didn't want you sneaking around. So thanks."

"Very stealthy, I like that you hide things for no reason and interfere in every country you see. But that maneuvering isn't going to help if she gets killed against Orochimaru," Jiraiya snapped back. He took two jerky steps away and then stopped himself. "Forget Suna, then. Anyone who comes with us has to be A-class, bare minimum."

His tone didn't allow for argument. Not that she really wanted to argue with that. She wasn't looking to bring home body bags, or risk calling on her god.

Aiko had to grimace. Temari would get to that level of strength, but she wasn't there now. Baki would fit the bill, but he was too loyal and she had no personal relationship with him. Baki wouldn't subvert Temari's orders, and she would certainly demand to come along with.

The only contact from Suna she knew who was accessible and powerful… was Gaara.

Utterly unacceptable. No matter how clever or strong he was, he was too young and vulnerable to trauma. He needed more time. She refused to expose him to Orochimaru. "No Suna, then," she agreed. "We'll tell them it was a total accident that we stumbled onto Orochimaru and killed him without inviting them. They won't mind being left out."

Her life was an unending disaster.

Jiraiya snorted. "Plausible." He stretched. "We should get some sleep. Tsunade won't thank us for waking her up."

"No, but it would be a quicker way to die than a fight against Orochimaru," Aiko mumbled. "Fail to protect your head and it'd be all over. We should keep it in mind as an option."

There was a moment that felt off. Jiraiya turned from the window and looked at her directly with the beginnings of a frown. Then he seemed to shake it off. He ducked his head and snorted. "I, for one, want to live. We'll find her after 10 am."

Aiko opened her mouth to make a reflexive crack about it being a shame, but she held herself back. She nodded instead, and went home for the few hours of sleep she could afford to fit in.

Tsunade had not gone far since Aiko had tracked her down. Jiraiya knew offhand where to find her, which made Aiko feel sadder for him than she knew she had capacity for. She caught herself hoping that she did not end up outliving all of her loved ones and relationships, and then choked on the stupidity of the thought. She had to grit her teeth not to let out a laugh.

She was more alone than Jiraiya was. Tsunade was still alive, at least. The only person who really knew Aiko was Minato, and she didn't know him. There were plenty of people who looked like her loved ones walking around, but they were functionally strangers who wouldn't be more than disappointed if she died tomorrow.

'That's not true. I have Obito. I always have Obito.'

What a fucking blessing. She still had the madman who kidnapped her, lied to her, and dug out her eyes to feed them to Zetsu. Murdered her parents. Given her all sorts of interesting neurosis and nervous disorders. He was the truest of bros.

'Good old Obito. Thank god I'm not alone in the world.'

She really did laugh at that. It bordered hysteria. Jiraiya gave her an unnerved look, but did not ask. Luckily, Tsunade exited the gambling hall about ten minutes later, glowing with a good mood. She was well and truly hammered.

It wasn't even noon. Was she already drunk, or was she still drunk?

She took a moment to watch Tsunade stumble on the pathway. Like, this was worse than Aiko was used to. Aiko had never realized that Tsunade had cut back on her drinking when she'd returned to Konoha. God, this was what she had done for a decade and a half? Shizune noticed them first, and tugged on her mentor's sleeve nervously. Tsunade did not react to the tug, cheerily barreling forward. That was a bad sign.

Jiraiya seemed to think so as well. He looked pained, and then pulled on a smile. "Tsunade-hime," he sang. Her head snapped up and she instantly looked more alert.

Aiko took a prudent step away from Jiraiya. Anyone who Tsunade made eye contact with was in the danger zone.

The movement caught Tsunade's eye. Her stare locked onto Aiko. Oh no. "You," Tsunade said. She frowned. "I remember you." She raised a finger accusatively.

Jiraiya gave Aiko an alarmed and sympathetic look.

"You told me..." Tsunade wavered, and then scowled. "That was depressing. I didn't want to know any of that."

Ah. "That didn't make it any less true," Aiko said firmly. She felt like she was talking to Fukiko, when the girl wanted to skitter away from an unpleasant topic. "You should do something."

Tsunade tossed her hair and made a high-pitched whine. Then she slumped dramatically. Shizune barely caught her. "I don't want to," she wailed.

Sanbi made a sound of disgust. Aiko's stomach rolled in agreement. It was terrible to see Tsunade acting so pathetic. This was the most powerful woman in the world, the titan of Aiko's childhood. A living legend. The woman who Aiko had modeled herself after, whose orders she had followed into fucking hell and back on faith.

Aiko realized that she was making a fist. With effort, she unclenched it. "Tsunade-sama," she said, in as calm a voice as she could manage. "You need to grow the fuck up."

The air felt very dangerous all of a sudden.

Aiko took an aggressive step forward anyway, because she was pissed off. "I do lots of shit that I don't want to do, because I am the only one who can do it. A fairly central premise of adult life is that you fucking deal when someone needs you to. And this?" She waved her hand at Tsunade. "This is not dealing. Do you care about your family? I'd hope so, but even if you can forgive that, who else can or will take responsibility for the rest of that shit?" Disgust colored her tone. "The Sandaime gave up a long time ago. He's complicit. Is anyone else going to stop it? You have no idea what kind of body count Danzo has in Konoha."

"Wait, what?" Jiraiya looked seriously alarmed. "What are you talking about?"

Aiko spared him a glance. "Danzo is a traitor," she explained. She looked back to Tsunade. "He's been eliminating possible rivals for leadership for a very long time. Cooperated with Orochimaru- oh, he was probably a large part of why Orochimaru turned to human experimentation and got banished, by the way. He kidnapped hundreds of children and made them fight to the death to make the survivors his ideal soldiers. Been killing Konoha shinobi and citizens, many of them for the purpose of stealing their genetic material. He has 11 sharingan eyes, and material from the Shodaime on his body alone. God only knows what he's had done to his expendable followers."

Tsunade was covering her ears, but it was clear that she could hear every word. Jiraiya was watching Aiko recite the list with open-mouthed horror. Shizune was the only one who seemed remotely composed- but then, she was both sober and had been piecing some of this together from the reports.

"You're right," Sanbi said, with potent condescension. "Now is the best time possible for this discussion and scolding. When you desire this woman's assistance. How clever of you."

The turtle was right.

Aiko deliberately took in a long, slow, exhalation and reached for calmness. "We didn't come here for this discussion," she said. She managed to make it sound halfway apologetic. "Tsunade-sama."

Jiraiya gave a grim nod.

Tsunade hiccuped. Shizune stepped forward, putting her body between Tsunade and Jiraiya and Aiko. "Now isn't the best time," she said firmly. "Jiraiya-sama, Mizukage-sama. Another day would be much better."

"We don't have the time for that!" Jiaiya ran his hands through his hair and shifted his feet. "Tsunade-hime," he pleased. If she had been sober, she might have killed him for the gentle way he leaned over to put their faces level. "Please. I am begging you. Put yourself together. I need you." His voice broke. "I can't do this without you."

Aiko couldn't breathe. Watching this hurt, but she couldn't look away.

Tsunade wavered, making eye contact. Her lips moved silently. Her brow furrowed. And she turned her face to vomit onto the grass.

The sound Jiraiya made was outright painful to hear.

Shizune supported Tsunade in a way that told of familiarity. She didn't look at either of them. "Jiraiya-sama," she said. "Mizukage-sama." Her voice was tiny and ashamed. "We can't help you. I'm sorry. There isn't going to be a good time for you to have this discussion with Tsunade-sama."

Jiraiya took two steps back, gaze locked on Tsunade. He was a wounded animal. He nodded. "Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Yes." He looked away. "Do you have a hotel for the night? I'll at least… I'll help."

Shizune twitched, just a bit, in Aiko's direction.

Ah, yes. She was an interloper to their grief.

Before Shizune could turn Jiraiya down, Aiko cleared her throat. She plastered on a mildly interested and pleasant expression, although no one was looking at her at all. "Jiraiya-san, I'll leave you to catch up." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and remembered that she ought to tie it up. Her heart was nearly down to her stomach. "It seems that we are changing our plans for tomorrow, which means that I have my own errands to run."

There was another person present, another man with light colored hair. He knelt at Tsunade's side with a heartbroken expression. He was the only person to look over at Aiko. They made eye contact. He didn't seem at all surprised when she looked directly at him. He gave her a slow, defeated look, and then a nod before he turned back to Tsunade.

She swallowed. "I'll give you two hours. I'll go inform Mei and Utakata to prepare. We can discuss the issue further."

Jiraiya nodded. He hovered, hand nearly resting on Tsunade's back. "That… Good, good plan."

Aiko would have turned and ran away if she was not required to maintain a modicum of dignity. She walked down the block and turned out of sight before she allowed herself to cry. She leaned against a building face and buried her face in her hands. Her eyes burnt.

She hated the sounds of her own ragged breathing, but at least she was a fairly quiet crier. It was turning out to be a useful skillset. The Mizukage couldn't be caught uncomposed. She didn't get to have those feelings. She had no right to cry over seeing how the people she admired were as flawed and lost as she was.

She wiped at her eyes with unkind force, willing the liquid to dry up immediately.

Sanbi made a soft sound of comfort. Aiko wished that he was physically there, because she really wanted a kind touch. She felt like she was going to break apart.

It was, she reflected, a very good thing that Utakata was not there. At this point, she might actually let him hold her.

"You could accept a kindness," Sanbi said.

She hated how soft his voice was. She hated that she needed the gentleness. Aiko shook her head forcefully. "I don't feel the same way that he feels about me," she disagreed. "It's not… It wouldn't be fair. And it wouldn't be appropriate, as his boss." She leaned on him enough, too much. He deserved better than that.

"He would not expect anything," Sanbi argued. "He is your friend."

Aiko used her sleeve to pat her face dry. She used her fingers to make sure that her hair was falling in an attractive way, and then secured it in a braid. She put her head up high, and she thought about Rice Country.

"Fine," Sanbi said. He sounded as defeated as Dan had looked, as Jiraiya looked, as Tsunade obviously was. "Only Terumi, then. We shall not call upon Utakata. He will be hurt," Sanbi mumbled.

Aiko winced.

Sanbi was kind enough not to mention it. "Your masked warriors served you well against the Akatsuki," he went on. "Shall you turn to Temari as well? Perhaps you should directly contact Konoha as well. Orochimaru's former apprentice may aid you, regardless of her country's stance. Your father will stand with you."

"I am tired," Aiko said clearly. She felt her voice shaking. "I am tired of getting other people involved in my problems. I am tired of being responsible for death."

It was all that she fucking lived. She was dead, she was death, she was plague on this world. Everything she did, no matter how petty, seemed to lead to suffering for other people. She'd started fucking around with fuinjutsu that she didn't understand and accidentally pissed off a man so powerful that he could send dozens of people to assassinate her. And she'd killed them.

And their families, when she fucked over Kirigakure by unleashing bijuu on it.

All the tiny little babies that died when the ancient electrical generators in the hospital failed were at her feet. She'd brought them back but the rows, the rows of little cots in the care unit haunted her at night. Splash, splash, blood on the pavement with Jiraiya and Tsunade bickering behind her, just cutting her way through the city full of scared people trying their best. Splash, splash. Back when they were both taller than her and knew what to do, before they became small and old and flawed.

She took in a deep breath, trying to steady herself and-

Anko made a terrible little gasp, lost under the wet sound of Pein ruining her throat. Her face fell, her head fell too. Her body landed separately, spraying blood and spit. Aiko remembered kissing that throat, sucking hard enough to leave bruises above the pulse point and she was dead, she was fucking dead, Konoha was falling and Aiko just wanted to be fucking dead too and she was going to take that bastard with her

Sanbi made a sharp, alarmed sound that pulled her back to the current day. Dumbly, she looked at her hand. It was hovering an inch from her heart. Aiko realized that she was in the process of placing a hiraishin seal on her chest. She swallowed. Slowly, she lowered her shaking hand.

God fucking damnit, her eyes were welling up again. She averted her face when two civilians passed on the street.

'Good job, moron,' she thought, viciously hating herself. 'Blow yourself up here, and you can kill some civilians when you go. That'd be fitting. Fuck over- god, am I in Tea Country? I don't think I've fucked them over before.'

Her personal demon rumbled. He didn't know what to say.

She didn't either, to be honest.

After a long pause, Sanbi managed to break the silence. "You have no intention of contacting your allies," he said. It wasn't a question. He knew.

She felt her stomach lurch. She pushed off the building she'd been leaning against and started off down the street, away from the quiet sounds of people eating lunch in a restaurant. 'I'm sorry,' she said, and meant it. 'I'm sorry that you have to come with me.'

There was a spark of interest, where Sanbi had an idea- and then he dismissed it. She was grateful. She thought she knew what he had considered. If he told her that she was not allowed to die because it would damn him, she would be trapped.

"I am your friend," he said gently.

She blinked fast and dodged a cart. 'I know. You should take me over before I die. Hopefully I'll kill Orochimaru first. No one else would have a chance at holding you.'

Thank you, she meant.

She just… if it all possible, she had to ensure that he wouldn't end up caught in one of Orochimaru's labs, or dissolved to ignominious non-existence for 50 years.

She went to her office. It was quiet, despite work clearly going on outside. Aiko considered writing a note but she didn't have the stomach for it. She pulled on better armor and weapons from her stash there, lingering over the buckle on her forearm protection. But eventually, she was ready. She caught one glimpse of herself in the glass of a cabinet. Pale. She looked pale, with sunken eyes. Her stomach turned again. She left.

The first wave of Sound ninja fought her. Aiko cut them down dispassionately, wondering how many of them were going to reunite with loved ones. Maybe if she killed Orochimaru, the Death God would let her go back to her reality. She hoped that he would free Minato's soul, too. This was no place for the dead.

She stepped over a girl with pink hair. She wondered if this was a relation to Orochimaru's bodyguard, who had died holding the barrier in Konoha.

Aiko blinked, and the girl looked a little like Karin.

She blinked again and the girl was just a skeleton in subpar equipment, grinning up at the sky. "You're lucky," she told the girl. The Sound nin was probably only a couple of years older than Aiko had been when she had died. That girl got to stay dead. Lucky, lucky, lucky. It was good and right and natural, not at all like what the profane human had been doing. It was not acceptable for the living to take from her realm.

Justice rang in her ears, and brought new clarity to the world. She could see it now, in the last vestiges of life seeping into the air from her people, claimed as her children with a short sword. So fragile. She loved them. It made sense now. Her steps were a little faster. Someone was talking from inside her head, but his voice was unimportant for now. Perhaps later, little chakra beast.

There were more servants inside, but she found that she had no interest in them. Perhaps they had received new orders, or perhaps it was simply fear, but they hung back. None of them dared to breathe, as if that would make them invisible to her.

She felt her steps crack. She gave a glance down and noticed that the weight of her passage was breaking the stone she walked on. This world was not big enough. It chafed. The vessel had been stretched and stretched and she could hold herself in this body, but it would not fit well in this place.

"Mizukage-sama."

The thief was waiting for her at the end of the hallway. His posture was languid, but his eyes were ready and sharp. He thought to toy in the affairs of gods.

"I'm afraid that I was not ready to host such illustrious company. You should have sent word." He grinned, but it was bloodless and thin. She could see how his heart was beating too fast, feel the nervous trembles of his chakra. She raised the short sword. Something dripped off the end.

"Not very friendly," the fool said.

And then the servants closed in from behind. The world twisted, as the thief dared call upon what was hers. The white-haired corpse rose again, without the drama of before. It stared at her with black eyes. She felt a spark of sympathy, a hint of possessive fury.

"That's mine," she said, in a voice that bloodied her tongue. Inconvenient, this body. She had to hack to clear enough air for the next words. "I will take it back."

#vapors #uzumaki aiko #electrasev5n #ninja daily #fanfiction #naruto fanfiction #clarity #AIC #Aiko in Canon

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