#but im tired of doing that. ive been doing that all my life

[matchakuracat]

chronically ill/physically disabled people, how do you deal with doctors appointments? what do you say/do to advocate for yourself? im autistic and not diagnosed with a chronic illness yet and i really struggle to know what to say to get them to listen to me and understand so that i can get the help and care i need. even if i bring someone with me, they also need to know what to say and i don't know anyone who understands well enough to explain to the doctor for me, which means that i have to tell them what to say before going. but that's the problem since i just don't know.

i have chronic joint pain that ive had for years but has only gotten worse over time. i also have hypermobile knees which are the worse they've ever been right now. i'm chronically fatigued and barely have the energy to eat and do basic hygiene. i have a few friends that i talk to fairly regularly and im very thankful for them but i still struggle so much with maintaining a social life when i cant even maintain my own physical wellbeing. i only go outside when i absolutely have to/when my pain is low enough and i have enough energy. on average i probably leave my house about once or twice a week, usually to go to medical appointments, to an internship i have once a week or to go grocery shopping. i usually try to do both at the same time if i can (like going grocery shopping after my internship) but most of the time i have to ask my parents to get me groceries since i dont have enough energy to. all i want is to be able to go outside just to take short walks and enjoy nature and the fresh air but i can't do so without the right treatment/a mobility aid. everything im doing right now is bordering the line of too much. im constantly tired and overwhelmed and everything feels like a struggle, even the smallest tasks most people do everyday without thinking twice about it.

i have almost only had bad experiences with doctors and other medical professionals like physiotherapists, which has given me a lot of extra anxiety on top of my already pretty bad social anxiety. i really struggle to make appointments and even more so to go to them, and when i bring myself to do so i really struggle to express myself and explain how i feel and how i want them to help me. i almost always get shut down and offered no actual help with any of my problems. i just don't know what to do anymore.

if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it. i know that i can't give up because my life right now without accommodations is too miserable, but i also don't know how to move forward.

sorry if this was hard to understand. i really tried my best to explain but im having a bit of a hard time expressing myself right now due to feeling worse than usual.

#chronically ill #chronic illness #autistic #actually autistic #physical disability #physically disabled #mentally and physically tired #chronic illnesses #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #undiagnosed chronic illness #undiagnosed chronic pain #cripplepunk #crip punk #cripple punk #chronic illness rant #disabled #actually disabled #disabled rant #mobility aid #mobility aids #medical gaslighting #doctors appointment

[lowcursedmg]

trying to remain cognizant of the fact that there is no amount of vetting processes to 100% without fail keep losers from out of your life, but more importantly that it isnt my fault that i do inevitably end up involved with them

i cant know who people are until i know who people are! it just is what it is. just gotta move accordingly once they make themselves known. i guess its tiring getting your hopes up. like..

its not fair to others to try and connect with them without putting your whole heart in it, but when you take it seriously, it only hurts that much more when it inevitably flops, but if you dont try then you only guarantee that youll never have what it is you seek

its so hard to fight off the question of "why bother" while trying to take human interaction in stride. the complete lack of control of how relationships go regardless of which perspective you have is maddening. you can do everything right and still be reacted to as though you did everything wrong. and theres no recourse! it just is what it is. like there's no justice or rectification. like that happens and thats just it; youre just expected to get over it and keep moving forward, regardless of how gutted you are. like nobody cares but you, because you're the only other party thats emotionally invested.

the more you try, the lonelier you get, and the more you inevitably suffer. "when does it end?' i scream into the void for the thousandth time. the void stares back; arms out, silently beckoning me towards its embrace

#im not even like super duper sad? #i just really dont know how to get out of this logic loop im stuck in #why bother being kind??????? the amount of people who actually appreciate it are so few and far between #and more often than not you end up feeling dumb for trying to be kind #like i dont know dude its so hard to not feel dumb #like how else are you supposed to feel when you keep getting your feelings hurt the exact same way #and no im not saying im giving too much kindness at once before i know someone deserves it #im speaking on the normal amount of kindness you just give people #and like yeah i guess i could just gatekeep myself some more #but im tired of doing that. ive been doing that all my life #but these 'people' (cartoon characters) cannot seem to appreciate the rarity of me as a person #its the exact same people who're like 'oh all people do is lie and nobody communicates' etc. etc. #but its like bro! youre describing yourself! #you're the annoying man/ boring texter/ liar/ manchild/ whatever the fuck !!!! #like its you!!!!! how do you not see that! #you piss in the face of the nicest person youll likely ever meet because ........ why?? #im tired of keeping to myself #fuck man idk i just feel so defeated lately #idk. like i dont see why i should have to advertise myself to people #no i literally shouldnt have to. #but like whats not clicking??????? #i dont get it man i dont #Isaiah speaks

[spearxwind]

I have to figure out a way of getting more interest in my oc stuff without needing to draw as much because I dont have the time or energy to draw as much as I would like, which includes a lot of concepts and/or scenes that are in my head only but can't commit to drawing, but it feels like most people are only interested in visual stuff as opposed to just written stuff (and for good reason, visuals are flashy and all!) It just makes me a little sad that I cant draw and share everything Id like to show, and what I can do most is talk about it, but that barely ever gets responses unfortunately

#in general though its hard to keep an online presence recently im so tired from everything all i wanna do is play videogame or watch youtube #and I dont have that much time to even think abt ocs cause of irl stuff ^^; case in point- ive been struggling with CD a LOT #for many reasons. so i have been focusing on HR instead bc oughgh i love it sm. but even so I have trouble finding time to just #THINK about it?? its so wack. like just thinking abt it takes time!! #thunderclap #idk man kjdffdk this is so weird i dont like being in this weird transitory period of my life i want this to be done #a lot of the ppl i spent time with online are also incredibly offline lately as well so i dont have as much of a reason to be online myself #everyones busy everything changes. very strange feeling

[toruq]

#sso #star stable online #ssoblr #sso linda #linda chanda #linda's purple glasses #sso anne #anne von blyssen #my art #well i must be honest in that i've been spending a lot of time wishing that i would wake up in the hospital #with no responsibilities besides eat sleep and go potty #like #life is so simple in there #and i feel the same kind of tired that i do when im hooked up to morphine in an iv #but real life exists and i have to worry about relationships uni family work living in new country soon #and on top of it all #just more traumatic stuff #that #has recently been hard to process #and i have to process it for anything to get better #and for this stuff to stop happening #at least stop happening from the handful of people who cause it #but for the rest of the world #it is still fucked #its just been feeling like quite the isolating time as of late #i have me my lindas in life #but fuck i need a concorde right now. #concorde is technically self... though #i need my conscience on my side

[spaciebabie]

does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.

#spacie spoinks #bruh #like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt 😭 #i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is??? #cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk #''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing #like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it. #it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why??? #strange as hell. #i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like #a week and that was like the worst week of my life #i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like. #the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy'' #I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP #HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS???? #me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!! #im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche #the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god) #its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful. #so horrid #also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr #idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it) #sometjing 2 think abt i guess? #anybeans. i tire. #hope i never experience that again #ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again'' #NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[warpolomewdarkmatter]

cumbersome and heavy body

#warp darkmatter #buzz lightyear of star command #hi everyone can we talk about warp ive been dying to talk about warp #like... thinking about how hes canonically disabled. he is missing a hand!!! that is so important to me and i think about it a lot #yes hes all that primadonna girl bubblegum bitch electra heart etc . but also he is an amputee! and that makes him so interesting to me.. #i love to think about how a guy like warp deals with the missing of a hand both in the lost-it-during-tab and lost-it-in-the-past scenarios #like how much time it took him to adjust or how he went through physiotherapy with gritted teeth. THINK ABOUT IT! #he loves to put up fronts and be that suave arrogant kinda guy but also has chronic pain and takes off his stupid hand first chance he gets #so its interesting to consider eg how much itd take him to admit that his bitchin hand is also stupid and heavy and he gets tired... #not to romanticise disability btw it just gives him delicious dimension and . you know!!!! #i wish it was explored more in the fandom lol i know it gets swept under the rug bc of scifi perfect bionic cyborg limbs fantasy #but i want more content of warp sans his hand... just doing mundane shit... living his life... representation..! #and not like 'warp lives and sleeps with his prostetic and it feels natural to him ^_^' dont erase his disability!!!!!!! #drawpost #origpost #also his suit is fucked in this art LOL my pipeline for this piece was horrid. dont ask me about my layers im deeply ashamed.

[ra-vio]

semester is almost over. im dying

#my oc #rune #mori #i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing #even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED #i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately #trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day #and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt. #and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom #a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere #and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man #i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH #but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week #this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail #and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont #i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i #how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project #my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that #so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work #because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it #but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO #anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again

[shadyhouse]

i keep getting rejected from job applications and i have no idea what im doing wrong. i wish they would just tell you WHY you're getting rejected and ways to improve. its a guessing game that ends up making me feel even more worthless than i felt before

#like i have been nonstop applying for jobs for the past YEAR and ive gotten TWO INTERVIEWS #one of them i got kicked out of near immediately bc you werent allowed to be late to the job and i mentioned i take the bus (mistake i know) #and the other one i had to turn down bc they wanted to pay me $11/hr despite me already having the experience they needed #and i just reapplied to an old job i had a couple years ago that pays well but i got an instant rejection #not to mention all the other jobs ive been applying to that dont even TRY to contact me before rejecting me #and then my current job where ive been pretty much explicitly told i'm never ever going to get promoted and i keep getting my hours cut #for reasons beyond my comprehension like i dont know what im even doing wrong bc no one will TELL ME #JUST TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG #WHY AM I BEING BAD AT LIFE. CAN YOU THROW ME A BONE PLEASE. #IM TIRED OF SURVIVING I WANT TO THRIVE #IVE BEEN SURVIVING MY WHOLE LIFE IM JUST EXHAUSTED I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID FOR ONCE PLEASE #Sorry for venting im trying to hold back a breakdown and i have to leave for work in an hour and i just need to shout into the void about it #even applying for like medical based jobs hasnt worked out. you wont even let me be a RECEPTIONIST? #i feel trapped at my current job. even my coworkers have been telling me that ive had my position for wayyyy too long and im gonna be stuck #like tell me something i dont know!!!!!!!!!! tell me how to get a better job!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im struggling in every aspect of my life!!!!!! #whoever cursed me its working i hope youre happy. the haters love to see it

[radmista]

Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things. #i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i called my dad and he's gonna fly out tomorrow #i feel so bad dragging him out here just bc im having some sort of breakdown #he's already been thru so much in the last 2 months. i hate that ive added to his stress #i dont kno how im gonna get things done this week. or how im gonna get thru the rest of the semester. or what im gonna do this summer #my life just feels like an absolute disaster. it's all been leading up to this: a catastrophic meltdown #but im stuck not being able to meet with my counselor until may 6th. not that it was very helpful last time. nor was my emergency session on #Thursday. i just dont kno what to do. so that makes it hard for ppl to help. i just feel like im a child throwing a tantrum #i just want to burn it all down. im so tired. i dont kno y i picked a career that makes me feel so stupid #maybe i should just stop. defer a semester or stop altogether and do something else #i dont have the self discipline to do something so far above my head. i dont care enough. i dont care about anything #ugh. but my dad is coming tomorrow so i should clean my room and try to get my assignments done before he gets here #ugh. this just sucks. its so stupid and frustrating #unrelated

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

#it was so good tho #like so cool i was internally freaking out about how cool things looked #the fight scenes🤌 #the environments/settings🤌 #all of the fuckin machinery🤌 #the acting🤌 #the everything🤌 #yum #also i dont find austin butler attractive but funnily enough feyd was the only time ive found him hot😭 yes i have issues. but like. okayyy.. #i watched it alone and i wish doing things alone wasnt seen as such a weird or sad thing like. theres nothing wrong with it #sorta vent-> #but basically ive been feeling like an annoying piece of shit so ive been staying off of here for the most part #because ive been convincing myself no one likes me and everyone in my life would be better off without me😝😝 #just tee bee ehch #and idk i was just feeling like ass and was doing nothing and when i finally would go to use tumblr i was already too tired to do shit #so i just went to sleep #and i was busy today #yesterday* #and ill probably be a bit busy today too but idk maybe hopefully ill catch up a bit #idk ya boys just been hating himself like usual but not as usual bc it was worse but it is what it is #i felt a bit better yesterday though #and also my new antidepressants ive been on havent been doing shit for me so im going back to a previous one i used to be on so yea #hopefully that helps soonish idk #i never vent on here so i feel kinda bad for doing so but i just wanted to puke my thoughts here #also since im already here complaining ive just like. not written at allllllll basically like i got into my head and made myself discouraged #so. that sucks. but also nothing out of the ordinary there #why does Everything i say sound so embarrassingly depressing and pathetic hhhhhhhgggggggggggggghhhghghg #anyways yea i was doing bad im still not doing good but hopefully will be a bit better so ill be back and caught up later today or tomorrow #idk if anyone gave a fuck or noticed but i just like complaining into the void so yea #talkin shit

[soldier-poet-king]

Thank u bullshit double standards for reminding me why I absolutely need to move out no matter how much I fear the urban isolation or the cost of rent

#franposting #ughhhh #thE SHEER SEXISM OF IT ALL #ik ik eldest daughter parentified child js maybe exaggerated on this site #but in MY case? every single stereotype is true and im so fuckin angry #im tired. #i cant live even a little #and my brothers continue to pull such shit and get away with it. and even be CODDLED #and all i ever got was harsh criticism and higher expectations #ive never been coddled in my entire goddam life #im the only one of the adult children who even REMOTELY has my life together #and yet. they can do whatever they want. bc my parents feel bad and like them better #and im being compared to the teen who is being a dramatic butthead. bc yknow. a teen #as if me being explicitly suicidal for my entire teen years is comparable to my brother throwing a hissy fit over an iPhone #thanks. glad to see im being taken seriously. that all the work i put into myself and my recovery and my academics are being appreciated #thanks ://// #i am going. to meal prep. shower. scream a lil. watch arcane. read. ignore these mfs

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this? #so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

[cosmic-kaden]

My f/o making a soft comfy spot for me on the floor in the living room for me to pass out onto is self care.

Imagining my f/o coming with me to the bathroom so I can squeeze their hand when I'm in pain and then reassuring me and not being grossed out is self care.

My f/o reminding me to drink a lot of water so it flushes out those nasty little bacterias is self care.

My f/o helping and reminding me to take my antibiotics in the morning and before bed is self care.

My f/o comforting and reassuring me when I'm having a break down because I'm so sick of this constant state of my body shutting down or having something wrong with it is self care...

I just want to be better.. :c

#I didn't sleep well last night. the urgency to pee thanks to this stupid UTI kept me up almost all night. #I am t i r e d and I don't own a bed so the next best thing is to sprawl out on the floor with my squishmallows and blankets/pillows #💤 very tired 😴 #I just want to sleeeeeeep but its hard to do rn :c #Want my f/o to tell me its just another bump in the road and I'll be okay soon... This has been the sickest ive ever been in my entire life #in terms of things ohysically going wrong with my body. cold/extreme salmonella poisoning/covid/and now this damn UTI. #im frustrated. im trying whatever i can to be healthier... i cut back drinking a lot and ive quit smoking #I make sure to shower when i can even tho its hard. I try to do exercises in the mornins now..... #im just so tired of my body not being well #vent.tw

[heirofnepeta]

i hate when i get incredibly fixated on something in the middle of the night because i CAN research it and i CAN talk to my friends about it but IM SO FUCKING SLEEPU GODDAMN THE PERSON WHO DECIDED TO KEEP ME U-oh. wait.

#there isnt a point to this post im just tired and my brains fixating on thoughts of like #what if half life homestuck #what is gordon freeman's fuckin.. uhhhhhhhhhhhhh classpect #how would a half life mspfa go #all things running thru my head at a millio n miles an hour but im so eepy because i got caffeine high from chugging cherry water flavourin #i was chugging it because it makes a good snack while drawing (ive been drawing my other fixation [pokemon]) #actually wait. i still have like half the thing of it #welp time to get ont he second caff high #so i can hopefully stay awake from now to at least 8 pm tomorrow and head to sleep #anyways if uhhhhhhhhhh #if you wanna tell me about your thoughts on a half life homestuck thing or if it already exists please do tell me #i NEED to know