#has recently been hard to process

[toruq]

#sso #star stable online #ssoblr #sso linda #linda chanda #linda's purple glasses #sso anne #anne von blyssen #my art #well i must be honest in that i've been spending a lot of time wishing that i would wake up in the hospital #with no responsibilities besides eat sleep and go potty #like #life is so simple in there #and i feel the same kind of tired that i do when im hooked up to morphine in an iv #but real life exists and i have to worry about relationships uni family work living in new country soon #and on top of it all #just more traumatic stuff #that #has recently been hard to process #and i have to process it for anything to get better #and for this stuff to stop happening #at least stop happening from the handful of people who cause it #but for the rest of the world #it is still fucked #its just been feeling like quite the isolating time as of late #i have me my lindas in life #but fuck i need a concorde right now. #concorde is technically self... though #i need my conscience on my side

[iidsch]

more really good mp100 tweets I want to save

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 spoilers #not as many as i'd like bcs twitter search sucks and i keep getting older tweets #and in the recent tab everything is very mediocre stuff #anyway spoilers?? ahead but i imagine the next two episodes are going to be about mob being helped by the people he's helped #in a way to show how much everyone has grown thanks to him and come in full circle.... man this anime #also ???% mob is actually really unsettling and scary #ive also seen that the reason why ???% appears is bcs he acts like a defense mechanism? #like mob was so confident about confessing to tsubomi but then the accident happened #and i guess his train of thought was 'ive been working so hard to reach this goal and no one is going to ruin this for me' #and that's why ???% appeared - to protect him from being really hurt #although instead this is going to hurt him even more in the long run because now he'll have to deal with the pain of having hurt others #and yes!! im going to fucking say it but this is like omori protecting sunny but hurting him and others in the process #truly great minds (ONE and omocat) think alike

[alangdorf]

& btw I’ve lost about a week of my life to thinking about this egg. Hi

#NOT tagging as art #me #blood #(fake he’s fine) #(​considered drawing egg yolk all over the floor but decided against it) #watched the epilogue last Sunday and then Friday we had a blackout and I’ve literally been talking about Maggie almost constantly since #might throw up some conspiracy theory boards to summarize idk #kirby #magolor #(removing from main tags cause I’m a bit anxious it might be misconstrued as hate!) #(for the actual original context: I said this when talking about how all of my recent discussion has been completely overtaken by Kirby #lore and a friend replied to it with ‘Kit standing over a mangled corpse’ and I was like yeah that’s funny. I should draw that #Two weeks ago I was like ‘yeah Magolor is the type of character I would really like but in practice I’m not like super into him!’ #hard cut to a week later. My dm’s with my fiancé: destroyed. My channel in my friends’ server: annihilated. Mental illness +30% this quarter #I was listening to Oh No! by Marina and the Diamonds and had the though ‘oh hey this would make a good Magolor song!’ #The babygirlification process has started and I fear it may be irreversible. #like I’m enjoying myself but also I pulled three all-nighters in four days and I really need to speed up my wedding prep agh)

[brown-little-robin]

Robin update: I'm struggling again :/

#robin processes emotions on main #bedtime augh augh augh how do people do it consistently #been stressed out recently which does not help #SIGH I'm just a little stressed-out cat that God is trying to coax out from under the couch #I don't have time or energy to go into more specifics tonight #pray for me maybe? my problems are mostly of my own making but gosh would some divine help be welcome 'cause #sigh... obviously I am not capable of totally mastering myself on my own :'( I just go through cycles of healthy-unhealthy forever #in fairness to myself though. this last week has legitimately been really hard #I'm TRYING I'm VERY YOUNG and I'm LEARNING HOW TO LIVE #and God does not give up on me. praise God

[parallaxabomination]

my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now. #i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

[animutate]

i havenot stopped feeling depressed sincei saw my fathers mugshot a couple weeks ago. i hadnt seen it or his face in years up to that point id forgotten what he looked like its been taking a toll on me

#i hadnt really processed it for a while but over the past 2 years the reality of it has really set in. ive been crying a lot recently. #objectively im in a better place than i was last year. i dont feel as isolated as i did before but emotionally i still havent felt great. #and then there was finals and elainas suicide attempt and my breakdown over delusions that i was turning into eric harris. #i know that itll get better i always try to stay positive i try to be a good influence on people as much as i can it just gets hard to do. #i think star just being present in my life has motivated me enough to get out of bed at least. it had been a long time since id been in #a relationship and i really missed that comfort. i never said anything about it though because it makes me feel like... a big loser. #they know that my past relationships were all distant and one sided and theyre so affectionate with me theyre so loving. #even with that though just. the thought of my father has been looming over my mind recently its been tainting everything i do. #the fact im related to him makes me feel sick to my stomach. i know that he wants to contact us he obsessively tries to write letters to us #its horrifying. its making my stomach hurt i dont want to think about it anymore.

[orcelito]

Finally doing some emotional processing ✌

#speculation nation #went thru old pictures with my sister to find things of my uncle #to display during the funeral :p #and i ended up crying. look at me go! actually letting myself feel things for once. #in large part it's the knowledge that such a permanent fixture of my life is now gone #my fun loving and mischievous uncle... #it's hard to say goodbye to someone so soon. he was younger than my dad even. #but cancer doesnt descriminate with people's ages haha #i spent the past week compartmentalizing like crazy & not letting myself process it at all #so it just did not feel real. i was far too removed from it all. #but now im in familiar ground. spaces he's been in. as recently as last christmas. #i've... been dealing with far too much death lately. #it has me going through life in doubt. because you never know when it'll be the last time you see someone. #life can be normal and then theyre gone. and there's no real way to predict it. #i know ive been writing a Grief Fic but like @ life maybe give me a break for a few years lol. just maybe. #i guess it's been almost 4 years since my grandma died. doesnt feel like it's been that long tho #my grandpa died in 2018. my grandma in 2019. my cat sammy in 2021. my cat cassy may 2023. and now my uncle july 3rd 2023 #too much death. too much fucking death. can i Please get a break for at least 5 years? please and thank you? #im just... really tired of loss. #negative/ #death/ #animal death ment/

[your--isgayrights]

It’s orvuto anon again, I stalled on your pinned post again — experimental neuroscience?? :eyes:

Yesss. I'm actually an undergrad neuroscience major... Like writing and art and stuff is just for fun, I wanna be a research neuroscientist one day lol.

#That's why I practically haven't posted the past few weeks cuz I'm back in school #I'm also in a lot of east asian history classes because I'm minoring in east asian language and lit for fun #and I've been running into this barrier recently where I feel like its hard to explain to people the overlap that exists between hard #science and the needs of the individuals that science is supposed to help you know #like for me the reason being a research neuroscientist is so appealing is because if you're going to pick a job where you mostly do busy #work all day then being in a research field just means you know that whatever pointless thing you're doing or failed experiment you perform #everything you do is a piece of data that's going to contribute to this greater process that really has tangible eeffects in helping real #people who suffer from neurological disease. which I think is comforting in a world where doing a little never feels like enough #What I've been thinking about lately though is that I have an inherent belief in that system because I really believe in the ability of #people to do good in it because I'm coming from the same frame of rationalist mindset that a lot of research is based in but that in #clinical applications there are a lot of inherent biases that prevent people from knowing what illnesses they have and how to receive #treatment for them... because in my east asian history classes we've been talking about different belief systems and ways of thought #that sometimes have to do with medicine or psychology. and I always think that it's interesting to analyze practices that are mysticized in #modernity through that lense. but it's become apparent to me that it's hard to express that interest as genuine to religious people without #them feeling as though I'm dismissing their beliefs rather than trying to analyze how they interact with the physical reality that I know. #and it made me realize that the dismissiveness of western science towards religion combined with ableism in society makes it hard for peop #le who have the symptoms of things like psychosis or mood disorders that might have an associated role in a religion to feel like #psychiatric diagnosis or treatment isn't a complete insult to who they are as a person and I think that's the fault of a lack of compassion #and respect for others in clinical practice... its just like a social norm that i really wish would change. because i don't think physical #reality has to be dismissive of spiritual beliefs when acknowledged but because of some of the habits of western scientists and #certain subsects of christianity people don't think about it enough to have that conversation sometimes... #that's just what i've been thinking about lately lol. #personal #ask #anonymous

[wickymicky]

gyuri leaving fromis 9 is sad, but of all the ways for a member to leave a group, this is really the best possible one. she's leaving to follow other passions, after being with fromis for a long time through a lot of hardships. this is better than a scandal in every possible way. like, she's not leaving because she did anything wrong, or because the company did... she's leaving because she feels it's the right thing for her to do.

and the company is supporting that! imagine if you were an idol but you really wanted to quit, for whatever reason, and your company DIDNT let you? that would be awful! so really, this is a very good thing. it's sad, but it's good. you know?

so seriously, i wish her the best. she’s been with fromis from the beginning, to when they had a year-and-a-half long hiatus, to when they finally were successful and now regularly achieve at least a few music show wins during every promotion. the only time she was absent from fromis before now was when she was competing on produce 48, and like i’m not totally sure exactly why she did that, but the reason she stated on the show was that she felt like she needed to improve faster in order to keep up with her members (im sure part of the reason was her company wanting to promote fromis via her appearance on the show, too. which is kinda iffy, but gyuri suffered through that like a champ. she did so much for fromis). i think she’s earned this departure. she didnt leave when things got tough, she’s leaving when things finally seem stable, and she feels like it’s the right time to pursue this other passion of hers (i’m assuming she’s gonna be focusing on acting). 

and so... yeah. i guess my point is just that like... as far as departures go... this is like the ideal way to do it. a few groups i really like have lost members recently, and each situation is very very very different from the others, but this one is the only one where i’m like “dang... but good for her though <3″

#with garam it was like ''wow none of this shit should have happened. why wasnt this dealt with BEFORE she debuted #how did soumu fuck up this hard????'' #and with jiyoon it was like ''wow... i feel so incredibly bad for her... i hope she'll be okay... take care jiyoon ily'' #two very different situations of course #and im not comparing them! i'm contrasting them #and gyuri's departure is especially different because there's nothing directly negative (afaik) #there's no scandal and it's not a mental health thing (again... as far as we know) #so it's easier for me to process this one #then again im not a gyuri bias and it would probably be harder if i was. i was/am a jiyoon bias so that made that even harder #did other groups lose people recently? uhhhhh a few i think.... someone left ichillin but i dont know any of the members #i just heard about that. jiho left oh my girl as well but i dont really stan them and also theyre a veteran girl group #so its not that big of a deal all things considered. like same with apink #when members start leaving groups 7+ years into their career... that means that the group has made it and been super successful #so i think thats fine. gyuri's situation is similar though obviously fromis isnt quite at that veteran status yet #im a little worried that chuu is going to leave loona. it is seeming like that might happen. it'll be a bit similar to gyuri #because she will probably focus on her content that is already very popular but... it'll be very different from gyuri too #because if it happens... it will 100000% be bbc's fault. no question. unambiguously. i hope that doesnt happen #thoughts tag #long post

[tesco-finest-aromantics]

no but why are we so tired? it’s scary how tired we are

#blurry/unknown #we’ve almost fallen asleep twice since waking up two and a half hours ago #walking is really hard and uses so much energy #engaging with other people uses so much energy too #eating is kinda hard #the brain has given up keeping us separate and has blurred us all together to conserve processing power #we’re maybe at a 7.5 on the fatigue scale? #and today is chores day so we have to do more chores than we have spoons for (: #vent #ish #sorry for all the recent negativity it’s just that things haven’t been going brilliantly /lh

[sheepwasfound]

I am glad you’re discussing things, because it’s sadly been on my mind all day too. 😕 I was so excited for all the upcoming IRL content, but after Dream admitted to conversations with two fans at least…it soured so bad. While I thought he was looking forward to his friend, he called a fan „gorgeous as fuck“ or such, and that’s the very best version there is. Him inviting them to a personal snapchat that deletes all evidence…😮‍💨. I would not have gone as far as call him what the UA on twitter did, but I wonder who and how Dream really is.

i never knew or ever will know who dream is, but i didn't expect this from him just based on things he's said in the past. that doesn't say anything though, because we only see what he shows us, not the full reality, that's how it is with any cc (and sometimes even with your own friends). personally i guess i'm holding out some semblance of hope that the snapchat part and all those flirty messages are completely fake (because dream did not say anything about them yet), but if they're proven to not be, then yeahhh i can't support that at all, especially with how freaking recent it all is. he should absolutely know better now. but if it somehow turns out this is a faked mess, which i believe there is also some possibility of because things just keep getting weirder and weirder, i am over here waiting to find out more

#one thing i find super weird is the accuser gloating about having been called gorgeous and talking as if they're taking pride in it #they've sent multiple messages to ppl with that kind of a view #but i also understand that all this would have happened very recently so they might not have fully processed it yet y'know? #and everyone has different coping mechanisms #but at the same time it's such a troll way to act some of the things they're doing rather than taking this seriously #BUT. i can't freaking know. and the person would still be young and everything and this is a hard situation #but i see both sides of this thing right now there's arguments for each side #so i will wait for the freaking Law or some solid proof #to the anon talking about the law btw: even with money the chats are either there or they're not there that's not bendable information #sheepy ask #Anonymous #cw discourse

[thebluestbluewords]

back on my un-postable postcanon descendants bullshit!! This time with more unbearably honest discussions about the trauma of pregnancy and the crushing weight of a kingdom's worth of expectations.

#please ignore this fic as it truly is just me processing some recent events in my own life #it's the same political marriage one where Evie needs to work through some feelings she has about marriage for power #she does KNOW that she's not doing it because of her mother #but also it feels like what she would have had to do for her mother and it's hard to seperate the feelings about what is #and what might have been #and regardless of her actual husband's expectations about babies there is still very much a kingdom watching them #a fairy-tale kingdom that is all about happily ever after #which in this case seems to mean riding off into the sunset with a husband and not returning until you have a happy perfect baby #regardless of your actual feelings about children #and any additional feelings about what the process of that happily ever after might do to a princesse's body #is it different if the body belongs to a queen? #does a queen belong to her own body? #does she belong to the people that she serves? #please ignore these tags if they are upsetting I know that this is very much not everyone's jam and is also not related to canon anymore #pregnancy tw

[shakestheclown]

guys i think it's over.

#broken brain broken body!! #work has been extra hard and money is tight and im processing some stuff i realized recently abt my brain #and no matter how tired i am it takes forever for me to turn my brain off put my phone down or whatever. not usually a problem for me so #it just sucks working all day till late at night so by the time i get home i get 2-4 hours of total free time. im just so sick of it lately #but what can i do i have to live like this for the rest of my life and i just have to deal with it #im just burnt out bro fucking mentally exhausted i dont really know how to fix it #i wish i had anybody to talk to about dumb trivial day to day bullshit even superficial pseudo-concern would suffice at this point! #i might even have covid LOL i ordered some at home tests but what is the point i will have to go to work regardless because i need money to #live. #whatever hope i die have a good one

[cerbreus]

i don't know how to explain to my doctor that the fact that it is so goddamn hard and annoying to get my prescriptions refilled is part of the issue for managing my adhd. it's never easy! it can never be easy!

#istg i had no issues til i moved to MN but i also know its bc of recent regulatory stuff that it's been getting tougher #and also the pharmacy strikes/general worker treatment for pharmacy employees and pharmaceutical companies pulling so much bullshit #bc they can #but also it's making it sooooooooo hard to force myself to deal with the process. i have to. i need to. but i dread it so much. #and that's just the one medication my T has been a hell of a lot harder to deal with recently #so one medication is on order and we'll see if they can even fill it #and next week i have to get the other filled and we'll see if they have it (they won't) and if they can order it (might not b able to) #and we'll have to see if i'm going to spend the entire 2 weeks prior to a trip trying to scramble to every pharmacy n ask if they can fill #lmfao i have a JOB i have a LIFE #who the hell wants to be spending every morning of every day trying to figure out how to get this shit come ONNNNN #personal stuff #sorry im cranky

[koushirouizumi]

ME, rubbing my hands ALL over my Adv+02 Chosen head-canons BECAUSE I CAN: Wow I can't believe people like me with my specific background existed in the early 2000's and in the year '02 THIS ENTIRE TIME!!!

#koushirouizumi chatter #koushirouizumi txt #koushirouizumi advs #koushirouizumi adv #koushirouizumi 02 #donorchildren have always existed #yes even since the year '02 #fuck you #im gonna say it forever #you cannot erase my history #no matter how hard you keep trying #good luck trying to erase donorchildren from existence its never gonna work!!!! #this has been a vent #(I have half a mind to drop the resources ive been saving for years to prove my point on this) #(but weve literally been around since like even before the '70s) #(You dont GET to tell me I cant include donor children head canons in post02 AUs '''because you dont exist in that future''' or WHATEVER) #({Literal Actual Sentiments Ive Seen Being Expressed If Indirectly Recently}) #(Makin this post to rb to main later because im Tired) #(THE ONLY REASON I havent dropped those resources yet is because theyre things MY OWN BIO PARENT WAS Researching) #({BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN LOOKING INTO THE PROCESS EVEN BEFORE THE 90s}) #(and its actually really interesting and cool sh*t that Id love to share with people BUT haha . Real Names In) #(Im still trying to look for alternative sources from the same time period but mAN Id love it if ppl here could just LEAVE US THE EFF ALONE

[pastadoughie]

many people were confused about some of my previous posts, so for the sake of clarity i am condensing everything! tumblr has extremely transphobic moderation practices, often flagging completely innocent posts as explicit, solely for containing trans women in them or mentioning transgenderism. while letting untagged porn in sfw tags (ive literally seen porn tagged as "sfw agere") and blatent hatespeech, especially twards trans people (just look at the "gender critical" tag) go completely unchecked recently the CEO of tumblr had a big public hissyfit about people (rightfully) calling him transmysogenistic, going into random trans womens dms to harrass them, and saying that predstrogen saying she "hopes he explodes with hammers and then explodes again and hammers fly everywhere" is a death threat and saying he is calling the FBI on her (repeatedly misgendering her and calling her "it") and many bloggers, apon speaking out about it or even making harmless jokes (one trans woman posted a picture of a car and a hammer with the caption "reblog to scare matt" and got nuked for it) and many are very very angry (rightfully) about this whole affair and tumblr in general. if you would like to look into it i reccomend scrolling the "predstrogen" tag as she is the case most people are talking about at the moment. So, what can we do? this is clearly an ongoing issue, and, dispite having lost a lawsuit about their transphobic moderation in the past (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement) its clearly not gonna stop with just user complaints, as staff members are perfectly content to just go scorched earth on users who even so much as lightly poke fun at them well if you want to help you should contact the human rights commision (i will give clear details further down) ! you dont have to be in the US, nor be an adult to file, and it only takes a few minutes. this is the best and most effective method to fix this, because it hits tumblr where it hurts. human rights acencies have a lot of legal and financial power and tumblr CAN NOT just ignore them, and given that this will be the seccond time this is happening, the commisions shouldnt be playing nice anymore eaither. its really important that AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE FILE, and with different examples! while maybe your case might not be enough to prop up a lawsuit on its own, we need to prove a general trend. so every little bit counts! to respond to another question abt this ive gotten, as for what exactly to report, you should a) write about an act of discrimination youve recieved on tumblr that was eaither administered by a staff member OR that staff refused to give adequate moderation action in for example : a terf posted some blatent hatespeech targeted twards you, and you reported them, and staff looked at the issue and refused to persecute it. example 2 : you were unfairly flagged, deleted, or otherwise punished by a staff member and you are queer ( AND the post they banned you for has some kind of tie to your gender, ex : a sfw transition progress photo ) OR b) if you have not personally recieved something like that, please look for other peoples stories (THEY SHOULDNT BE HARD TO FIND, within the last couple of hours trans people have been being banned LEFT AND RIGHT for trying to speak on this. i would reccomend checking some of the tags related to what happened with predstrogen) and you should describe that incident as best as possible (be sure to disclose that you are speaking for someone else, ideally you should tell the story of someone you know, if possible.) you can also mention any reports you have made twards people posting blatent hatespeech that, opon reveiwing tumblr refused to prosecute dispite it being very obviously against terms of service. just so nobody gets confused about the filing process, im laying it out in more plain languadge!!

first you should email the SF HRC (san francisco human rights commision), at [email protected] and say something along these lines :

Hello, I am [full name] from [country or state] and I am filing a complaint against Tumblr, witch is owned by the parent company Automattic Inc. located at 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110.

Tumblr has had previous issues with the NYC DHR for their moderation being unfairly biased against trans women (see : https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21274288-tumblr-nycchr-settlement).

Despite a legally binding agreement with the NYC DHR, staff members still regularly harrass users based on their gender or sexual orientations. For example : on [date of most recent infraction] [describe incident] (if you are describing an incident that did not happen to you specifically, say something like) This incident involves the user [username] who I am not affiliated with (or/) who I am filing on behalf of.

I can be reached for further inquiries about this incident at [email you want to talk over] or [phone number you want to talk over]. (if you would like to be anonymous) However, In the event of legal prosecution against Automattic I would refer to be kept anonymous, where possible, in court proceedings. alternatively, you can also call the SF HRC at : 415-252-2500, you can use the above text as a starting point for this as well, next you want to fill out the form for the NYC DHR (new york city department of human rights) here : https://www.nyc.gov/site/cchr/about/report-discrimination.page for company you wanna put : Automattic and/or Tumblr for address you wanna put : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003 for phone number you wanna put : [phone] and for category of discrimination you can put : Discriminatory harassment and basis of discrimination you can put : Gender; Gender identity you can then use a similar script on the written section of the form. when describing a specific incident, you should attach as many screenshots and links as possible! (for links, include both a live link and an archival link, so take a capture with the internet archive and have that as an alternative, incase a staff member gets petty.) this should only take a few minutes at most, and it helps alot! you can fill this out if you are a minor, and you dont have to be a us resident, please please take the time!!! and, just to clarify because there are many posts going around that are confused about this tumblr moved offices to san francisco recently, so their main HQ is at : 60 29th St, San Francisco, CA 94110 they DO still have an office in new york city, and thats where their PREVIOUS HQ was, the address is : 770 Broadway, New York, NY 10003

#art #my art #mspaint #rowens liddol guys #mspaint animations #the beast speaks #important shit #transgender #trans #predstrogen